I went to a Halloween party hosted by one of my coworkers and it was a lot of fun, the one person I was most excited to see kinda just never really interacted with me, and every time they did their ex would call them back like a dog. I hate it. The only time they initiated conversation with me was to ask what was wrong when I started getting really upset and needed to take a minute to be alone after I saw them grabbing all over and feeling up on their ex which made me feel so uncomfortable and insecure. TLDR they broke up with their ex bc they realized they’re a lesbian and he’s a man, and idk. I just. Idk. I thought maybe bc we were texting each other good morning every day and checking up on each other and making sure the other ate and sharing vapes and playing games together and making inside jokes together and making sure to be there for the others panic attacks and buying each other drinks and junk meant you’d at least try to talk to me at a party. Or try to ever make plans with me. Or work with me when I try to make plans but you’re busy the day suggested, idk. I guess now that I put it all out like that I should’ve realized earlier, I guess this is kinda my fault. I’m sorry.

I’m lost and want to die. Not trying to feel sorry for myself haha but my life sucks. Only have a month or two of rent saved up and I’m not making any real money from my job. Don’t have a girl or kids and I don’t live with anyone. And I don’t know about hearing how much people would miss me because they weren’t around when I was here and needed them. Should I shoot myself in the head or take pills? Would I be able to have an open casket with a headshot? Will they just dress up the hole in my head or cover my head in the casket?

I'm sorry for being weak, I really did try my best to push past it.

No matter what I do, the results stay the same, and my life keeps worsening and I don't know what to do anymore. I wish I didn't have BPD so it wouldn't hurt so much every time someone who I thought cared about me leaves, I don't know what god up there I pissed off to deserve this.

I'm sorry for rambling, I'm sure no one will see this and if someone does they won't really care because they have their own problems to sort out.

Just. To whoever is reading this, I hope your life gets better. If I could take away all the hurt everyone who visits this subreddit has, I'd do so immediately.

It's hypocritical for me to even be saying this, but, I hope you push past this, I know you can.

I think something is wrong with me I really like seeing my self hurt. It’s the only thing that makes me feel good. I know that I deserve to be punished as I’m a horrible waste of a human. I’m so confused with what to do in life. I can’t even help my family when they need me ( due to a few medical conditions I’ve been put on not fit for work ) I’m also paying for my younger self’s mistake ( scammers have put me in a lot of debt that I can’t afford) I wish I could just run away and never looks back.

sh

I been fighting. WAs unmedicated for a while and finally got back on a few days ago, but now I don’t think I can do it anymore. I’m too overwhelmed with everything going on in my life I don’t think I can handle it anymore. I plan on it tonight. I think it’s for the best. I’m not telling anyone expect Reddit I guess. Thanks for reasons goodbye and good luck with life.

it’s not worth it, I can’t do it. I’ve tried so hard and now i’m going to od on my meds. Ik they’re strong enough bc they’re for chronic health issues and not just tylenol or anything. I don’t have help or people that care about me and it’s so lonely

I have a terminal illness that should give me 10 years, maybe more or less. I'm 28 now. I have had a very horrible life and been suicidal since childhood, so this should be good news, except for the extreme pain common in this kind of illness death which is very terrifying for me (I am trying to be brave enough for assisted suicide). But other than that it should be good news. Still, I'm upset because this means I was born a small baby girl with hope for some sort of future worth living. But instead, no one liked her, no one loved her. She was easy to bully. She tried so hard to make some sort of life for herself that is bearable at least, she was always very kind, she tried so hard to do what's right and good. But none of it ever helped. I only lived through decades of pain and confusion, and then just fucking died. I'm almost 30 and don't want to live to 50 anyway but I know at my funeral people will say "she was so loved" which is not true. I don't want to care about that, but I do. She was not loved, she was ignored hated and misunderstood when all she wanted was a little love. Not even much. Despite more effort than most people have had to ever use, I don't have any friends..I don't have people I can trust to talk to and multiple therapists have failed me so I'm posting here instead.

I was diagnosed with stage 3 brain cancer at 18, about 3 months after graduating from high school, anaplastic astrocytoma, if you're curious, I got the tumor removed, I underwent chemo, I attended physical therapy, the whole 9 yards, I really wanted to live at the time, the world seemed so bright. I'm 24 now, lately, I regret getting in the ring for that fight, half of my body doesn't work right, I'm not disabled enough to be on disability, but I'm too disabled to work a job above the service industry, every day I fight the same mental battles, I know I'm really lucky, but the future seems miserable to me, as a teenager I remember I couldn't conceive of living to 27, and as much as I'd like to prove to myself I can, I just feel like I'm getting to the end of my rope.

I see the image of my death replaying over in my head. I see my fate . I see myself finally being strong enough to cut deeper. I don’t even feel sad about it. When I think about it I feel at peace.

I can’t do it anymore , my mom died of cancer last year , I’m an only child , I’m drowning in my mothers debts , I lost my job 4 months ago , I have £0 in my bank account , I haven’t eaten for 2 days , my cat is on her last food packet AND she’s pregnant , my dog is on his last box of food , I can’t even buy food for myself , bad things keep happening every week to me , my hamster had a stroke and I posted about it on Reddit and told people I’d take him to the vets fully knowing I wouldn’t because I can’t afford it (he’s still alive but in bad shape, I’m 3 months behind on gas , electricity, internet, phone , water , I have over 3 grand of council tax , my bills are being cut off one by one, someone I thought was close to me left me in a bad situation that left me owing someone £500, I owe my nan £400 , i owe a plumber £190 , I owe my auntie £500 I can’t go to them for help anymore I shouldn’t be there burden to bear, I can’t give my pets to anyone they want care for them the way I do , I’m so depressed and have no emotion to anything , I’m supposed to be getting paid by universal credit on the 10th ( for the Americans universal credit is basically claiming benefits) I only get given £250 a month , I have to give £75 back to someone I owe , partially pay the plumber and then buy my cat and dog food for the month and then I line on noodles once a day , I can’t go through this anymore my life has hit rick bottom ever since my mom died , all I wanna do is EAT my body is shaking and there’s nothing I can even do

It took me forever to figure out how to post…. Not a complaint, But I’m intentionally drinking, not happy. Hate life. Fuck it all. Don’t know who to talk to. The last thing I want is to figure out how r3dit works. Shit sucks ! How do people make it,

My life has been going downhill for as long as I can remember. My mental health isn’t improving no matter what I do. I bought an knife since I’m too scared to survive hanging myself or jumping. But slitting my wrist feels painful as hell. I’ve been writing letters procrastinating my death. I just want to stop. I want to feel the way I do when i sleep, peaceful. I just need the courage to actually do it and hope I don’t survive.

I am Nathaniel Simmons I am a male 19, who has considered suicide for around 6 months now, this is what I have learned in the process.

Consciousness and Heart must work as one in order to relieve your suffering. One part of you, your humanity suffers because there is war and hunger, and just so much hate and disdain between men, but another part of you understands that it's all perfect, that everything in life is happening to you as it should and your highs your lows everything can be used and a door to God. This is Ram Dass' notion of keeping your heart open in Hell. And don't ruminate to long and try to push through those negativities. Those bastards can't hold you.

Letting go is an art form, and the best way to do it is to simply let yourself be, and let the self, universe, or god, whatever you want to call it work it out for you You are loved by the universe and there is no way to improve yourself.

Depression is usually a result of poor living, how you feel in this moment will change by awakening to who you are on a soul level.

Community is very important to this journey

Look inward and die over and over, eventually your inner Phoenix will arise and transcend itself.

As for my advice for people in this subreddit try to see the beloved in everyone.

You've got this keep going.

Jai Ram.

Is it so hard

Nothing is going to help. I’ve tried therapy and lots of meds, but it turns out I’m autistic and highly intelligent—and yet I can’t do anything with that. I’ve lost all my friends because I come across as an asshole. I’m isolated and feel like a loser. I’ve been bullied, abused, hated, and I’m tired of it all. I’ve drunk a lot of alcohol, and I’m ashamed of my behavior. I can’t stop these thoughts. There are only two reasons I’m still here: I’m afraid that if I try something, someone might find me and I’ll end up in a coma or worse, and I love my nephew so much. But I think that once he’s grown, he’ll see how much my life sucks and cut me out. I’m just tired. Everyone’s laughing at me, and maybe they’re right. I hate being me.

I know this is weird for someone my age (13m) But I feel like I'm a waste of space and that I should kill myself. I feel that I'm a burden to my family and that I'm not loved. I was molested for 3 years from when I was 5 to when I was 8 and it has severely messed with me to the point I tried killing myself one time but I got convinced by a friend not to. I feel that my family would be better off and more happy without me as I cause trouble and annoy everyone frequently. I think I'd be better dead but my friends and girlfriend disagree. I also started cutting myself.

considering ending it all lowkey. Friends all are going without me to party in a couple days and i know they are so glad im not going too because im probably weird and have bad social skills or whatever and ive been snapping at them and i hurt the person ive been really attatched to and they keep leaving me on read forever

and its fucking halloween and nothing cool happened because noone can plan anything and my birthday is in a week and every year i get really suicidal on my bday cause im tired of livibg another year i really really truly am genuinely just tired of everything im tired im so tired

the only thing keeping me from doing it now is i have some packages i ordered coming on monday, along with halloween horror nights on saturday so ill have a good time and then i guess open the packages(piercing supplies) and pierce myself and then i guess kms i dont really know i dont have a plan im just so so tired of having a pit grow in my stomach. halloweens my fav holiday and its never fun, i always want and want and want and nothing happens and i end up sad and lonely. its fine im just so tired.

Hello everyone my name is sage, and I think I've decided I'm done personally with life. All my life I've been trying to be the best I possibly can but I think I finally realized that I can't be better no matter how hard I try, I don't want to end up broke and homeless on the street if im gonna die by weakness and starvation I want to be in my nice house. So I ate today (or yesterday) and that will be my final meal for the foreseeable future, I'm to much of a coward to shoot myself or hang myself so my hope is one day I'll go to sleep and not wake up. My only concern is who gets my stuff after I die,ima start working on that tomorrow. I really wish I had been born better, I want to be better but I got the shit end of the genetic dice roll sucks but it is what it is. If anyone who's suffering sees this I suggest one real true put it all on the line, push to make your life better you can give up after. Well thanks for reading everyone feel free to comment it apparently takes three weeks to starve to death.

To never wake up again

I hate all of being a woman, I hate the fact that I am in fact ugly, I hate seeing pretty girls or women online or in person.

I am ugly, I turned 16 last week, I’m overweight, I’m short, my face is round, I have hooded eyes, I don’t like makeup, I don’t know how to dress that well, I don’t like girly things.

I feel like I’m only defined based off my looks, have been witnessing pretty privilege my whole life and recently it’s been far worse when I see 12 year old girls online who are everything I’m not.

I hate myself, I’m stupid as well due to learning disorders riddled with adhd and depression as well.

There’s a lot of other things I dislike, the casual misogyny and sexism and objectification, it’s so normal in society and when I bring it up I’m apparently a “femcel”, most laws being made only benifit men, being told I’ll want kids and I’ll have them one day, I don’t like kids I don’t want them.

The whole abortion topic and the fact it’s majority men. The fact that I’m afraid walking at night, I don’t like it, I feel so much better when I dress like a boy.

That’s really the basics, I could say a lot of other stuff, patriarchy, assault yadayada, but anyway I want to be a man.

I watch movies often with main male characters, the clothes guys wear is better, no shaming for having sex :/ it all seems better.

i don’t wanna be here anymore. i am spiraling, i think of killing myself everyday, i don’t know how to escape the hell in my mind other then offing myself. please help idk what else to do

I honestly don’t know I’m writing this. Maybe there’s a part of me that is so desperate to have my pain be seen and validated before I go. Maybe it’s my brains last ditch effort to hold onto what’s left of my useless life. I’m going to end my life in a few days. I’m a 23F full time student/part time worker. I have lost all ambition, ability to feel joy, and self-esteem. I struggle with a plethora of mental health issues along with vaginismus and vulvodynia, as a result of csa leaving me feeling completely broken, empty and completely unlovable. I have felt disconnected from those close to me for quite some time, and could not fathom allowing them to know the depth of my suffering out of fear they may attempt to hospitalize me (I was abused in the psych ward after my last suicide attempt). I have no where left to turn. While I feel so guilty leaving my loved ones to pick up the pieces of what’s left behind of my worthless life, I cannot bear the pain of this life anymore. I want to ensure that none of my loved ones will have to bear the burden of finding my body, so I will go to a remote location and overdose on benzonatate. Oh how I wish things could’ve been different.

My girlfriend of five years broke up with me almost a month ago. We were on good terms, she told me she just has too much on her plate at the moment and can’t be in a relationship. We’ve been struggling the month prior with communication and spending time together. I wasn’t too upset because when we said goodbye I knew we loved each other and that we want to be together but we can’t. Then a couple weeks go by and another guy is posting photos with her. I’m utterly destroyed. I’ve spent 5 years with this girl growing up with her practically living with her and now I’m just a stranger. I went through so much therapy but I still suffer with suicidal thoughts. The only thing that makes me feel at peace is imagining myself dead. Everyday I’m in immense pain. For hours I will walk around in my room crying wishing the pain would stop. I wish I could end my own suffering, I’ve become a burden on everyone I know, I feel like a failure. I haven’t been able to go through with it but I don’t know how much longer I can take this pain. Everyday feels like an eternity. Seeing her post looking so happy while everyday I decay. I wish dying was easier. The main reason I haven’t attempted is fear of failing and living with the consequences.

Truth be told, I don't feel like a girl let alone do I feel like a woman. If only feeling less than resilient was the only trouble in my world. I don't feel human or maybe this is the intrinsic principle of being human, the pardox if you will. Something has eaten my emotions, in its place theres a howling pit. loneliness dictates my mind and thoughts. I alternate between hate and misery, let it be known that some of it is based solely upon circumstance. The other part is a more primal disdain for all the things out of my control. Hurting for no discernable reason. "Escaping" the needless arguments, yelling matches, and chaos, would be the beginning of peace of mind but I crave something even more unrealistic, a thriving future. All this turbulence is to much for me, I can't go a night without contemplating suicide. After all, the needle is right there.

We all have sad stories, hence my ambiguous wording. But, right now, I can't stomach spending yet another monotonous day alone.

I’m a little drunk right now. I think I’ve done relatively well on paper. I came from community college and managed to get into a top 20 school in the country. I only have to pay for housing while expensive is only the cost of a typical school tuition. And passing all my classes in engineering made a good couple friends and I’ve been consistent with going to the gym and trying to lose weight.

Despite these things myself, it still be so easy. it takes one or two beers. and I am drunk to pull the trigger on a gun without any hesitation. I can’t get help from counselors on campus because I have apparently seen another therapist before. I called the hotline. They told me nothing but bullshit. I used to think I was just lonely, but I just learned my ex was for years was cheating on me for at least one year . I guess I never even had love to begin with .

I know I’m too mentally ill for a relationship that just makes it more final. Spite being 57 and pretty fluffy able to get matches on dating apps go on dates I go nowhere and people even seem to like me until I open up about how I really feel.

I feel like life beyond my best shot. I’ve gone from being place. Wanted to kill myself in high school with no aspirations to getting into a top school in the country for electric engineering and passing and doing well.

I realize now I get achieve every goal I want I would still want to kill myself . People around me are just so mean girls talk about cheating like it’s nothing guys ever hate all woman or genuinely mean and spiteful and still have relationships due to their money.

Life is shallow and people seem horrible and I am horrible . I think if I genuinely tried, I could go on to do great things for the world. I don’t care. I really worked a family that loved me and I could love myself. But it feels too late there no reason for me to keep living, living other than fear.

The day I turned 21 the day I have a handgun and the day I get drunk will be the day I die. That idea is the only idea that keeps me living.

Good night

I’ve always been suicidal in some way shape or form I think, but it’s been especially bad recently. I have had ZERO reason to off myself but it’s all I can think about, it’s like I’m obsessed with it or have some addiction to suicidal ideation. I’m trying to seek help but it’s just so hard when I have a wonderful day and in the back of my mind all I can think about is killing myself. I feel like a shitty friend because all I talk about is suicide jokes and shit like that, like it’s as casual as asking someone about the weather. I’ve normalized it so much that it’s almost second nature. How do I get out of this loop? I feel like such a faker, bc this doesn’t compare to any of the peoples issues under this subreddits :(

It feels like with every step I take into making my life "better", I get pushed back 5 steps. I always try to push a little at a time to keep living. But honestly things are getting harder and harder everyday. I have been using this strategy, "Just another month and we can rethink it" but I am having more and more frequent thoughts to be able to control that. I afraid to even tell anyone about my thoughts.i don't know what to do. I really don't know how long I can keep going.

I keep on thinking about the people whose lives I have ruined by letting them in especially my bf. He deserves someone who isnt consumed by all these. My brother who has his whole life ahead of him.

I don't get anything done, if I do them I don't do them correctly. I feel like a failure... Useless... The worst sister, daughter, girlfriend, student, friend. I can't even keep my room clean or focus on something

Truly the worst at everything.

I had a awful junior year of highschool with an incredibly toxic relationship. I was 16 or 17 then, and to be honest, though it was previously the darkest time of my life and brought about my depression, it's still nothing compared to this.

For starters, I am male, 19. In February of this year, February 28th, to be specific, I contracted sciatica. For those who are unaware of what sciatica is, it is what happens when one of the disks in your back (the things in between your vertebrae) gets squished and presses on your nerves. It is. EXTREMELY PAINFUL. In a way that is entirely unlike the type of pain that cutting yourself, scraping your elbow, or even breaking a bone is like, in a much worse way. And it's not something that is supposed to happen to someone of my fucking age. Ever since then I have not had a single fucking waking hour without being in excruciating pain. Plus there's the added perk of being totally incapable of sitting down for any extended amount of time, as that is the most painful position I can put myself in.

I haven't been able to work ever since, either. I started college this fall, and I got desperate for money at the end of the summer and fell into a gambling addiction. Fuck me for that. I've lost everything, and now I am completely broke. Today I had to scrape together spare fucking change to pay for a little bit of candy to make myself feel a tad fucking better about my situation. To be honest it made me feel worse. To date I've lost $3,000 gambling.

On Monday of last week, I had an injection done. The injection was supposed to fix everything, but to be honest, that was the start of my financial downfall. I was inebriated from the numbing that they injected into my back, and lost $2,000 that day. Normally I'd know when to stop, but since then I've been chasing my losses and now I have fucking nothing.To top it off, the injection didn't even fucking work. It made things abysmal for 2 days, 50% better for 2 days, and then returned to absolutely fucking normal.

All that being said, I just really don't see the point in fighting on any more. I have held out for 6 months, being told again and again that it'd only be a little longer until I could go back to a normal life, but I'm still stuck here. I'm still in constant FUCKING pain, and I want to go to sleep forever. I don't know what an overdose on oxycodone is, but I'm sure I have enough to do it since I didn't take any from the prescription I was given for wisdom tooth surgery.

I'd say please convince me not to kill myself, but I am not even sure I want to be convinced. Though I'm probably still too much of a pussy to actually do it anyway, just like I was 2 years ago too.

Whatever. I don't really expect anyone to see this anyways.

I cant do with it anymore… i always feel like i dont belong here, love was always a hassle for me, i want love but its complicated.. i.. envy people alot and i think its why that im so sad..