Will I die if I take 20 000mg of Paracetamol?

I feel like absolute shit everyday, I'm in therapy and its not helping, I'm so over putting on a fake face for everyone. I see no other way out. I think my time on earth has come to an end, and i am grateful for what I've learned but its just too much.

I reached out, I posted here. I wanted to get better and it got fucking deleted and then undelete 2 hours later. It's a sign, a sign that things aren't going to get better, because they never have in my life. I can talk about All my fucking problems because no one will see this, it'll get deleted again because in life, some are just destined to be the freaks that die alone.

My mother constantly makes me feel like shit by putting me into her boxes, making everything I do seem wrong, and telling me so too. I can't even be myself in my own house because I know she's judging me, she's been for my whole life, I'll think things are OK and then I'll be reminded again to "not act like a wierdo" like thanks mom for trusting me my whole life and making me feel comfortable with who I am

I've been feeling more and more suicidal everyday, I know death isn't the way but omg it is so appealing just so I don't have to wake up another day and know that my friends, family, society look down on me and would rather I just be normal like them when I just wanna be myself for once

Fuck it all, I might even try blades why not because who's seriously gonna stop me? Anyone in my life? Gahahahh no none of them even want to think I could be sad or miserable or wierd because that's not normal so let's all pretend to be normal why not

And are you gonna stop me you can't I tried before and I got nothing at all. None of this works none of this fucking works look

IM SCREAMING INTO THE FUCKING INTERNET AND GETTING NOTHING BACK

Maybe I should die, maybe I'll delete this, I'll find out later on.

and i feel ecstatic about it, my sister recently started renting me my current apartment (i'm currently not working due to a lot of factors), there's nobody who could possibly stop me from this as i live alone, i've already got rid off all of my friends, i'm partially hoping it'll just fly under the radar and nobody will notice, im making sure to barricade my apartment door so nobody can enter, im hoping to just rot away in there, hell i've even blocked my sister on everything so that there'll be no way for her to contact me either, i think i just wanted at least one place where i can document this i did have a job at one point, i tried going back to education (i'm M18 for context), nothing's working out, i feel fucking aimless. i lost 7 years of my life being assaulted by my grandad between the age of 10 - 17, ended up in psych wards repeatedly for a really long time after previous attempts, i feel lost trying to catch up with everyone else my age & i don't see myself making any sort of remarkable difference in the world, i honestly don't have the energy to continue with life, it just drains the spirit out of me. i should probably at least leave a note just incase im found, i don't know, my head is reeling, i just need to go, goodbye & thank you to the people on reddit who have reached out to me before and have kept me company through my suffering, i can't do this anymore

I can’t even put into words how hard this is. However I’ve been homeless for a while and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. It’s cold, I’m constantly hungry and it’s proving extremely difficult to find a job. Things won’t get better so I am going to take my life tonight by strapping a plastic bag to my head. I am not scared nor am I anxious. In fact, I feel a sense of relief and peace because i know my suffering will be over.

⚠️TW: abuse, r@pe

I've made my decision and my consciousness is clear. I tried my very best since the age of 7 and I did everything to make something good out of my life, and most importantly, to recieve love.

Didn't happen. Not even my family could love me, never had the luck of having friends or the blessing of a partner.

As a newborn already my father wanted me dad because I was born half-paralyzed. My mother never loved me or stood out for me when my father abused me over the years. She almost drowned me as well on purpose. I hid in our garden and ran away several times, I asked other family members to please help. They silenced me.

People I thought are friends betrayed me, humiliated me and left me in the worst times of my life.

Guys and men... Other than being called ugly and Gollum by them, and being r@ped, nothing. Romantic love was the last hope of my life after all the trauma that happened and life refused to give me this one thing as well.

I accomplished things, I tried to find a safe haven in education, hobbies and sports, and successfully won competitions, wrote five books and several short stories. Some got published and won a university competition too, when I wasn't even 16 yet. But no matter these 'materialistic' accomplishments or successes, I always, whole my life never felt happy. Not once. No matter the "kindhearted spirit" (as someone said) of mine, no matter the socialization. There was no one to smile at me or hug me. There was no one to care about me. People used me to help them then threw me away when they got well.

I'm utterly defeated. I can find nothing anymore to hold onto and all my hope died.

My birthday is coming in 7 days and I can't force myself anymore to live and face the shame of another year passing with pure abuse and humiliation and s3xual abuse.

I can't force myself to live anymore and no one f*cking cares that I will die.

Goodbye to everyone who never even knew I was in trouble, and goodbye to those who very well knew and did not help.

And please, if you read it this far, check on your friends and loved ones. You never know what they might be going through. You might save someone with your kindness.

Goodbye.

Cw:CSA, r*pe, SH,

Don't know what else to do

Feel like I can barely move, been a few hours, stuck re-experiencing horrible things I can physically feel it, it makes me want to die, Cutting makes it stop sometimes, Don't know what else to do

Right now I can feel him dragging me by my ankles, Feel him on top of me, I keep hearing and feeling and seeing little moments of the abuse, so many different times, just popping up, I can feel them happening again I can't do this

I can't feel my legs or my hands like they're not attached, been stuck for hours, can't get off the floor

Keep feeling myself being raped how do people live with this I can't do this I want to scream I can't do this

Maybe with a box of advil, idk what I can put my hands on. I know 40 pills of 200mg of advil probably won't kill me but I have to try. I'm so tired of this. I can't handle feeling like no one cares if I'm alive or not. Worse that can happen is nothing going to happen. I have no reason to stay here anymore.

I feel like I've lost all the autonomy in my life. The deeper I've fallen into my depression the more I get a fog in my brain that puts any stop at a coherent thought. My anxiety has locked me indoors and I'm losing any grip I had on anything meaningful in my life.

I used to talk often with people about my suicidal ideation and how I'm ready to bounce back. But now I feel like that isn't true and I'm ready to go. I know later on down the line I'm going to be a coward and not follow through but I just hope the easily available poisons I have in my room will be enough to help me follow through on an impulse someday.

I'm healthy and weight 50 kg

But then they would just stop me. I think about this every day.

I’m 26m a military veteran fighting PTSD along side major depressive disorder with psychosis. I was good until this year. I find myself constantly looking for a way out. I watched my brother I served with take his life. I now replay that over and over in my head. I can hear him panicking not making sense but it’s like he’s still here in my room I keep seeing shadows moving in the corners. I’m losing my mind. The worst part is I feel my wife is becoming afraid of me. I don’t want to be like this anymore I don’t know how much longer I can fight.

I feel like every problem I have every single thought I have would be validated if I could just go through with it. Every single day I just think about how much better my parents, friends, everybody would be without me here. I’ve cried myself to sleep almost everyday this year and I keep telling myself I can’t do this anymore and then keep waking up. I feel like I have to be faking it I can’t truly be this sad if I’ve never even made an attempt that I don’t have it that bad. Why am I so broken I can’t stand this anymore I’m so fucking sad all the time and I break down at work constantly it’s so weird and offputting. everybody leaves me I’m so lonely I’m a grown ass man and I’m emotional and I’m so tired of it all I just want it to be over.

Like the title says, I want to kill myself just so my parents can feel the pain they put me through. For various reasons besides the abuse they dealt me, but primarily them ignoring my adolescent estrogen dominance that stunted my growth and gave me female traits such as wide hips.

For this, I have massive insecurities as I'm only 5'8-5'9 meanwhile the males in my family are 6'2+

They also emotionally and physically abused me throughout my childhood, they only stopped once I stopped talking to my dad when I was 13yrs and I was diagnosed with autism. Then my mother started to feel pity for me because only suddenly, me having autism now just made almost paralyzing a 9yr child fucked up.

Anyways, I'm less stuck on the abuse part and more about how I'll never be seen as masculine as my family members. People say I'm built like a brick wall, which is a massive compliment to me but imagine if I gotten the care I wanted AND had these sort of genetics. I would've been massive.

My mother doesn't understand the pain and insecurity she dealt me, even my dad was confused why she was holding me back. Now I want her to understand how I feel for the first time, and unfortunately I know the only way to do that is to kill myself.

I am planning on either running away or committing suicide, whichever will cause the most mental pain for her.
Thanks for anyone who read the entire rant.

Other than my dog when it gets to dinner time.

I've been trying for 4 years now. I haven't received any accepts email. I'm 21, passed with a bachelor in high school, and still haven't gotten anything from any universities. I've been rejected for 4 years, and I've given up now.

I'm tired of not being good enough. I'm too old to be home and not studying for my future. Everyone my age is doing something with themselves, and here I am at home wondering why I'm still alive. I've cut myself before, I always cut my palms because they don't scar. I feel like a disappointment to my mother, my sister, and everyone around me.

I'm just so done with everything. I don't need people to tell me everything's gonna be okay because I've heard that too many times, and it's not gonna be okay. So shut up with that shit. I just want to die in my sleep now because I don't want my family to be depressed after finding out that I committed suicide.

I'm a disappointing 21 year old virgin who's depressed. Fuck my life.

Can't edit the title. Sorry

Can anyone help me with money i need 6 k euros by today.If i find money today i can repay u in 2 months

I’m writing here to I guess tell my story, summarized. I’m a veteran of 2 different branches, I served 6.5 years and I did my best but got out with medical issues and got no help, I got out and had disability payments and job hopped for a bit. Now my boss pulled a knife on me and I lost my job, and the VA is stopping my disability payments for recoupment of separation pay from the military. Next month I won’t be homeless but i will miss every single bill. I believe that next month or the end of this month I will end it all. I have tried my best and with my medical issues, my diagnosed depression and anxiety it’s hard for me to even leave my house without freaking out and/or shaking and having a mental crisis. Living has become a burden for me, I hate eating, the thought of doing it alone makes me physically sick, I’m no longer happy doing anything that I used to and everything new or old feels like a chore. I’ve tried therapy, I’ve tried drugs, I’ve tried medications (still doing 50mg sertraline it doesn’t help anymore) I’ve found my root problem of being a useless unprogrammed robot now and I have no purpose. And with no purpose I have to be deconstructed. I’m sorry that I’m lost I really truly don’t want to be.

What can I do to not regret it when I jump off a tall building to kill myself.

I’m sorry to bug u late but I’m im getting so suicidal like i want to run nd tbh im getting scared i try talking but it doesn’t go away every one says im selfish or it’ll go away but i wouldn’t be bring it up if that was the case I haven’t been sleeping i have no motivation im isolating myself I miss my kids but don’t want to be around them cause i feel like they feel it … im trying not to be a burden at this point i feel like im crying wolf nd i need to just end it cause I keep feeling this way like I can’t go a life time like this nd im reading about it it’ll never go away fully it’ll pop up throughout my life no matter how far i grow i want to be normal i have no reason to feel this way nd it consumes me im getting to that giving up point nd I’ve never been this far my other suicidal attempts were cause i couldn’t handle my sadness this ones different cause it’s a give up feeling like I said im sorry I just need to tell somebody

I have this pent up rage and genuine hatred towards a lot of people (important and worthless) in my life, for a lot of reasons, but these reasons have meant so much to me, what they did to me has shaped me the way I am; a way I hate to admit, I know I have to let go of this to become a better me, but I just can't, I can't let go, I want retribution, I wanna let it all out.

This has been a problem for me since very, very long ago, and all I've been doing about it is overthink and feel more miserable, which has only led me to the point of very seriously considering suicide, because the burden of trying to get over this hate is just so big, and I am so afraid of what's next, that I don't even want to bother trying, and instead I just want to end it all.

I have gone through the absolute hell of a major depression alone, I have gone through the hell of abandonment, I have gone through the hell of loneliness, I have gone through so much, and yet there's this thing inside me that just WON'T let me do it, it won't let me end it all, and it just keeps me suffering, it keeps me ALIVE just to keep SUFFERING, because ALL I've ever known is lies, betrayal, grudges and genuinely fake people and absolute assholes.

I just haven't been able to take it anymore for so long, but I can't end it, I simply won't allow myself to do it, but I want to do it so bad.

To this day, I'm still in a shit hole, no hope for the future, I have no one who I really trust or have a real connection, I've tried therapy, SSRIs, antipsychotics and nothing has worked, and now, I don't know anymore, I yearn for genuine human connection and love so much, I want peace so bad but I just can't have it; I want that little piece of happiness I see most people have, I want that little satisfaction in the day to day life, I want those little details in my life that will make it worth living.

I can’t even begin to describe what happened. All I know is I’m sitting I’m alone in bed wishing I hadn’t made those idiotic mistakes and there was some way to reverse them, but there isn’t

Now I’m awake in the middle of the night having a panic attack. And I have no one to talk to—so I’m here.

This will never end. Help me

I just created this account a few minutes ago. I will end my life soon. I don't really know what to say, so I will just say what I am thinking. I don't want to be in a place where everyone doesn't want me here. I think it is better if I go so no one else is angry at me existing. No one wants to be my friend, even if they say they do. I'm alone and there is no hope for me because I am the problem, and I can't figure out what is wrong even after changing my personality many times. Even when I do nothing. Everyone doesn't want me here except people that are too good for their own good, and I am a liability for them so what's the point, especially for my sister. I can't take college anymore. No one wants me there and I don't know why. I am isolated from everyone. I can't make friends, and I struggled to make any since I was born at all. Why was I even born? I am so afraid of everyone now. I can't talk to anyone about what I am dealing with because they won't help me, not even my therapist. Even she hates me now. My other sister hates me. My Dad is the scariest person in my life. He yells at me until I am broken down. My mom is miserable, and makes me miserable too, but I still love her, even if I have to be miserable. I still love everyone. But I can't take life anymore. It is too cold. I need to die. It is better for me to die. I miss my dog. He was my friend. But he died a long time ago. I need to die too. I wrote a note and set everything up with my helium tank and bag. I can die soon. Bye everyone. I love you all, even if you all hate me.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I'm 25F and struggle with BPD. I dont remember the last time I've felt so unstable, devastated, unhappy, empty and it isn't ending. I need it to stop. It's unbearable.

I would do anything to avoid going to a hospital again, including getting help. I don't know what to do anymore. I have nobody. Nothing. No friends or family. I pray to God I don't wake up tomorrow.

I dont know what to do.
i started college recently.
im in marching band and i dont care how cringe it is i love marching band so so so much. but im also on drumline and im not gonna lie i feel like the biggest loser out of all of them. it is genuinely crazy how much of a loser i can be. up until i met alot of these people i hated myself but god i hate myself so fucking much around them.
at first it was genuinely a fear, i feared they thought i was ugly, i feared they thought i wasnt funny but then i realized they actually do think that and now i cant even tell myself its just me thinking thst because ive been genuinely told by one of them im ugly. by another that im unfunny. and that im stupid. and it sucks because i know these things. i KNOW. i know i know I KNOW. i know im ugly i know im fat i know im not funny im so aware.
its not just them though. its so many people at school who think this. i get made fun of at least once a week about my looks, which doesnt sound like alot but when you hate yourself so much and people validate that hatred for yourself it hurts so bad. because you know they are right. i hate waking up to go to class because i hate the idea of people seeing how ugly i am. every morning i wake up and freak out over my looks. i end up redoing my hair at least 3 times, redoing my makeup a bunch of times, ive cried some mornings from how frustrated i was because its hard to make something so ugly actually look good.
to make things so much worse one of the drummers who was actually nice to me, decided to grope me multiple times. hes like a year older than me. he freaks me out now. i hatr seeing him i hate being around him. the day it got the worst, because it had been happening but i convinced myself it couldnt because im ugly and i dont even look like a girl, the day the other drummers found out and said something, this guy also tried getting me to go to his apartment alone to 'practice'. i keep thinking about that moment and realizing had i been stupid enough to go i probably would have been assaulted.
im really not that old. i just turned 18 a couple months ago. i feel like a kid completely thrown into this world in a way. this whole thing caused me to relapse pretty bad.
i havent taken my meds in weeks. i know i should but i cant see a point anymore. with or without them i feel useless, ugly, overall just shameful. the only reason i took them was because they made it easier to stand back and process these thoughts and rationalize them and make them normal but i cant do that anymore with or without them. im supposed to take them for either anxiety or ocd or bipolar i dont even know because the doctor never actually gave me a note saying why i was put on them i just was given them by her and my mom got it filled and now i take it.
it feels like there is genuinely never a moment where my brain shuts up.
back to the drumline one of them told me when he first met me he was gonna bully me because he thought i was 'the biggest weirdo' but now he feels bad for it.
also im a cis girl. but my entire life ive been told i look like a man. an ugly man. i have this square face shape and my facial features are terrible and my hair is curly but it doesnt help that it always wants to sit in a square shape on my head and flat against the back and i genuienly cannot keep living like this.
i cannot keep living like this where i am so aware of how ugly i am all the time of how everyone thinks im weird and how i just genuinely will never find a group i fit in with. i am so tired. im tired of constantly working towards an end goal i wont be alive for. im tired of trying to make friends when people only see my ugly face first. im tired of trying to be pretty and feminine when people have GENUINELY told me to stop trying because im so ugly. a kid in my class the other day genuinely looked at me during our conversation and out of complete nowhere said "wow your eyes are so detailed they scare me" and i felt so bad about it because you cant even talk to me without being distracted by my awful features. i cant keep doing this. ive had episodes lately where i just sit and cry and it happens so much now that i genuinely am scared one of these next times i wont come back from it. the worst one was a week ago where i just sat on the front lawn of my college crying and willingly myself dead. if i had access to something that could have killed me in that moment i would be dead right now.
it sucks so bad because i want to live.
i want to live to play music. i want to live to play drums. i want to live to be a music teacher or an art teacher and i want to raise children and i want to love and be loved.
it sucks so much that i cant have that because everyone including myself thinks im so so ugly that its all they can think about most the time.
i dont think i was cut out for this. i dont think anyone expects me to make it. i dont think i was cut out for living past 19. i dont think i was meant to even live past 8. at least if i had died back then people would have been too nice to admit that i was ugly.
im genuinely starting to feel like i have nowhere else to turn besides ridding the world of the extra waste.

im 17 and nothing feels real and i get very suicidal, at times i can be okay then the next i cannot stand living and my mind is completely in misery im not sure what to do but i need help badly i am scared of living and myself, i miss being myself. any advice helps thank you

I want to kill myself.

I stopped ‘caring’ about what I look like in public a long time ago, as in I stopped shying away

That never stopped me from wanting to kill myself though. I always fantasize about burning my face or tearing it apart. I hate it so much. I can’t put it into words, and i’m too exhausted to. Knowing how unlovable it is makes me miserable

I see people with normal or average faces and I feel so worthless and pathetic

No, it’s nothing I can control. My face looks like this from years of physical abuse, traumatic brain injuries, and several surgeries and medical procedures done on me when I was young

I have dents and deep scars all over my head with several stitches. My eye is all kinds of messed up. My lips are permanently twisted and bent out of shape, lopsided. The left and right sides of my face are two different shapes, one side is defined and the other is just round like it’s swollen all the time. One side looks dead, like it’s not functioning.

I’m also very tall which makes me stick out. I scare people away. Even my baby cousins. They’re okay with any other stranger picking them up and playing with them, but as soon as they see me even from a distance, they’ll start crying or clinging to their parents.

I’ve never had a friend in all my 20 years. And maybe rightfully so

I get closer and closer to killing or mutilating myself. I would never cause harm to anyone, not even an insect, but I would to myself. I don’t feel worthy of love or kindness

I'm planing on hanging myself on a local bridge.

I dont know, I just can't find a thing I could realistically get that would make life worth living. I dont want to "gaslight myself" saying "it will get better", because I'm not sure it will.

I just want my parents to accept it so they can have a final talk in the knowing, but if I tell them, I think they would freak out or call police or something.

I don't know if I should tell my parents and friends or I should just do it and leave them with questions or things they wish they had told me.

Any advice?

I want to smash glass and use it to slit my throat. That's my plan. When my family is at work and I'm at home I'm going to slit my wrists and then my throat to make sure the job is done. I'll make sure to stand over the kitchen sink until I pass out so as to avoid any unnecessary mess.

Except I won't do any of this. I plan and plan but then never go through with it. I'm such a coward. I want to die so bad. I can't do this anymore. There isn't an hour that goes by where I don't think about how nice it would be if everything just stopped for me.

I'm so exhausted.