I’m not interested in any religious organizations but feel as though I need a community to get through the next few years. I am an introvert by nature but following some advice from my therapist, I’m starting to think about where I can find a community of likeminded, kind people. What’s your community? Tell me about it. How’s you get involved?

I often consider volunteering but I am easily overwhelmed and will end up crying. Animal shelter, tears. Senior citizens, tears. Visually impaired, tears. Not sure what that’s called but it’s how I am.

Matched with a guy on an app. I swore them off since, but we’ve been texting for about 2 weeks because he said he wasn’t in town. He got back and asked when we can plan a date. I told him when I am free and we landed on this Sunday. Issue is he was very communicative leading up to it. Like texting even a bit too much. I didn’t suggest a call which was my bad. Well today he just abruptly stopped messaging. We have a brunch date planned and it’s night time here now. I’m not sure if I should still show up in case he doesn’t reply. All I wrote was hey we are still on tmmrw at so and so place? He also said a few leading up that made me think he remembers but also.. “I’ll get us brunch you get us coffee” but he’s also forgot some things he said to me which is understandable bc he may talk to others

As the flip side of this thread - https://www.reddit.com/r/RedditForGrownups/s/omeSfDIWRh

Even in the digital age, it's impossible to find anywhere.

Haha, just an 18 year old here who's been putting a lot of effort into an extracurricular activity he deeply cares about getting really good at. And sucking ass compared to others putting similar time and effort. (I don't mean compared to the naturally talented ones, I mean compared to the average person who's put in my level of effort). Also considering giving up/doing said activity for its own sake and resign myself to the fact that I'll not win at it competitively. Especially with kind well-wishers telling me that it isn't in fact my core competency and I should give up and try for success in other endeavours.

Yes I absolutely do enjoy the activity for its own sake, but I also deeply care about winning at it. And constant failure over and over and over hurts deeply. And resignation to the idea that I'll never be winning at it is kind of going to crush me.

So grownups on redditforgrownups, please try and convince me to keep fighting to get better at something I'm obviously less talented in than the average person, and keep my hopes of success in it alive

Because you don't think it's fair that they inherit a multi-generational condition that has plagued your family tree with tragic outcomes.

Especially the ones related to mental illness/sociocognitve disorders.

Being in my early 20's and a black woman now that Trump has been elected are there things I should worry/be careful about?

Edit: For the people saying I’ve been in the US my entire life and have never been scared: I was obviously a child then and politics didn’t affect me.

I’ve had this for years. I can go months without one but then have months that every night they happen. Just woke from one where my dogs were missing and I went to lol for them. There was also a pot bellied pig. I turned down a dirt road and drove through a bunch of panthers. Got to a dead end turned around started back and an overweight man in overalls came up to my car. Rolled down the window to tell him why I was on his property. He leans in the car with a chain saw I try to speed off he covers my eyes and I wake screaming as the car begins rolling. My dogs were whining pushing at me to wake up.
This has been happening to me for years but before they were nightmares about things happening to my kids. I started anxiety medicine years ago and sleep medicine because of those dreams-and it worked. If I’m having those I don’t remember them. I don’t remember any dreams and haven’t for years but for the last month they are back but now it’s me in some horrifying situation.
I’ve had some trauma, my grandson was murdered at 9 months old, mom died of cancer had a car wreck that almost killed me, was in counseling for PTSD for over a year learned ways to cope (tapping method etc), why are these nightmares suddenly back and with a vengeance?

I'd like to tell you about the weird part of my day.

My friend is now the caretaker at a duck club out in Suisun marsh. Really beautiful place I was fishing there with him today.

When it was just the two of us everything was fine. We're friends. One of the other club members showed up and he joined us fishing.

I noticed that suddenly neither of these guys could get through a sentence without using the F word.

Admittedly, I like that word and probably use it too much but I was wondering what is it about guys that when they get together they feel they have to be profane?

The other weird thing that guys do when they get together, or at least some guys do, as they fart and belch loudly.

I’m a guy and I don’t really like either of these. What do you think?

I'd like to tell you about the weird part of my day.

My friend is now the caretaker at a duck club out in Suisun marsh. Really beautiful place I was fishing there with him today.

When it was just the two of us everything was fine. We're friends. One of the other club members showed up and he joined us fishing.

I noticed that suddenly neither of these guys could get through a sentence without using the F word.

Admittedly, I like that word and probably use it too much but I was wondering what is it about guys that when they get together they feel they have to be profane?

The other weird thing that guys do when they get together, or at least some guys do, as they fart and belch loudly.

I’m a guy and I don’t really like either of these. What do you think?

I got canned yesterday, first time. Still reeling from it.

What helped you get over it?

Non-American Redditor here that follows American politics for proximity reasons.

From what I'm seeing in my own traffic, there's a disturbing trend that a great many posts across various subreddits are trying to manufacture normalization of acceptance of the recent election results. A lot of what I consider to be socially irresponsible opinion, far more than normal, is appearing in my feed. It may or may not be due to my own bias and concern, or it might be a legitimate threat to human-sourced discourse in this age of AI, as someone elsewhere pointed out.

I'm curious if anyone else is seeing this.

EDIT AT THE 1 HOUR MARK: As a data point, it's interesting to look at the age, traffic patterns, and frequency of "removed" comments, of some commenting accounts that are posting messages that don't align with or address the theme.

EDIT ABOUT HALF A DAY LATER: I've just blocked r/self. That place has become a festering ground for upvoted gleeful front-page posts that are fervently anti-Democrat in nature.

Suing a employer for wrongful termination/discrimination.

Lobbying against a gentrification of a historic building.

Pushing back on a predatory landlord.

Forcing a remedy from an corporation that ripped you off.

Filing a complaint against a government agency (police force, by-law enforcement).

Seriously, I’m not sure. When was a kid it was justice, equality and opportunity. I can’t say I believe that now. What are your thoughts?

Hi. Any thoughts on steps to think about for the next 4 years? I’m not asking about moving out of the US, but financial primarily. Unless y’all think of other serious things one should plan for…. I’m 10 years from retirement age, not poor but not wealthy. Right now retirement looks doable on our (wife and my) savings, but we won’t be living high on the hog. Heck, maybe in the US that puts me in the upper class.

I have ligners on my bottom teeth. my dentist recommend that I do whitening strips before I get composite bonding and I have about 4 months away until my next checkup. I was wondering how often do I use them? weekly? biweekly? Is it actually good for my teeth and gums? Which particular crest whitening strips would you recommend? I'm more lean towards sensitive teeth. Thanks!

Or it could be another brand I can look into as well

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedditForGrownups/s/XA52sUXouw

I am now certain that we will never see an elected female US president in my lifetime after last night. The bar they have to clear is impossibly high for the electorate to feel comfortable voting for them vs any male that isn't in an advanced stage of dementia.

38 year old guy, living a fairly uneventful suburban life at the moment in the U.S. Midwest, a region where I grew up.

for me, the period that I think about the most in my life was the year and a half that I lived in Mexico City while doing a master's degree.

on a day to day basis, things were fairly boring and lonely. my classes were at night, so I was generally lonely by myself all day. Also, it was an executive education program, so most of my classmates were working full-time, and I wasn't particularly close to most of them, unlike many grad school cohorts.

but the great moments of that time were more memorable than any others in my life:

• in general, the community of young Americans that were also there. all of us had zero responsibilities, and loved to have fun. late night mariachi serenades, getting more attention at bars from women than we were used to, rooftop parties in trendy neighborhoods that our 23yo selves couldn't afford in the US.

• joining a gorgeous tennis club in the heart of the city

• lots of random dates; got way more phone numbers while there than I ever did in any US city

• was cast in a major TV commercial because they needed a foreigner

• celebrated the nation's 200th birthday with a very memorable night

• became friends with an extremely cool local woman who took me to lots of awesome places

• went to some great concerts, a US-Mexico World Cup qualifying game, etc. became friends with one of the biggest names in the Latin America music industry, and he introduced me to some big stars (again, something that has never remotely happened since in my life)

• lived in a penthouse apartment in a really cool neighborhood (something that I'll never be able to afford in the US)

• this one wealthy family I knew took me golfing at their very luxurious country club a few times, something that never happened to me in the US despite growing up upper middle class

• experienced some of the most interesting food on the planet

• eventually growing close to some of my classmates and having some fun times together

• weekend trips to Acapulco in the middle of winter

• the experience of never knowing what house party I'll stumble into or where the night will take me; for better or worse, that phase of my life is completely over

so, for anyone reading, what period of your life do you think about the most and recount stories of the most? what made it so memorable?

With the vote count coming up, I’m after some light-hearted film or TV recommendations to keep my mind at ease. I’d love something with that same sort of spirit—uplifting, perhaps a bit whimsical, a touch of magical realism and ideally not too heavy on the drama.

For example I recently rewatched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty and really enjoyed its optimistic vibe and dreamy escapism.

So, what’s on your feel-good list for stressful times? I’d appreciate any suggestions. Cheers in advance!

Thank you! Some amazing suggestions!

That isn't not watching or passively having the tv on in the background.

Host a party like Superbowl

Go to a viewing party

Join an online party

I’m in that position right now where I’m going to take flak/heat from one of our largest customers because certain leadership and colleagues didn’t want to handle this themselves and dumped it on my plate.

I’m about ready to chew some people out and lodge formal HR complaints against several people. I don’t care if that burns bridges. This was handled poorly and mis-resourced from the beginning and now I’m setup to fail and take the fall because of it.

I’m going to ramp up my job hunt game after this.

After graduating college, I (22f) moved back to my hometown and had been living at home for around 6 months. I decided that I wanted to stay in my hometown for a bit since my job is remote and I have family / friends here. I signed the lease on a nice place a couple of minutes away from my parent’s house because I wanted my own place and to be “independent” (and my dad drives me crazy) but after visiting my house last night I haven’t been able to stop crying. I realized how much I would miss being able to just hang out with my mom, running errands together, and our days of just laying around watching tv. I have never felt homesickness like this before, not even in college. Will this pass? Right now I just want to break my lease and go back home. (Edit: I won’t actually break my lease haha)

I feel so tired of existing within my family.

It feels like there’s so much resentment, insecurity, and passive aggressiveness. Like any interaction with my family is negative.

My parents are emotionally immature, rigid, and combative, and it’s getting much worse with age. The typical stories you hear of on Reddit.

It’s frustrating when you’re caught in it. But with self-respect and boundaries, it’s possible to enjoy your time with them.

With my siblings and I, it’s like the main thing we connect with is how frustrating our parents are. And I appreciate that we can all talk, and support one another, but it gets to a point where it’s exhausting tallying every word and every nuance.

A great overarching example is everyone’s living situation. My siblings both live in big cities. I live near my hometown in which my parents still live.

And there’s this subtle war, where my parents still don’t accept that my siblings having moved away, it’s been a decade. They are very vocal about it.

My siblings, hurt by this, have both written off our hometown, as sort of a counterattack. They never come back to this area, and they both will shit on it any chance they get.

It just feels so fragmented, yet extreme. No nuance. And worst of all, I’m here, getting so sick of everyone.

Ik I have my weaknesses and flaws within the situation, but it’s almost like, I’ve spent all this time trying to understand and accept these people who, I believe, will never accept each other and I feel like I want to say fuck it, you’re on your own.

Ik it’s not the answer, just a reaction to being overwhelmed.

But my point is, things never let up. We all grow. Lives become more complex and involved. And that only seems to fuel more anger, fear, and reactivity within my family.

How does one make the best of a situation like this? I may have 30 something more years with these people, and I want to have good memories.

Since 2020 I guess many of us have remained in work / family / other sm groups, mainly as it would be awkward to leave. Well, it's more awkward to express one's thoughts about the main a-....annoying person in the group, as one must act polite. So let's vent here! I'm in a work group, and a person I haven't met posts 20% of the group posts (around 100+ members) humble bragging about their publications and invited speaking events. Omg, nobody cares!!!!!! And everyone is too polite to tell you!!!

Even if you're in a one sided state, there is a lot at stake in the House & Senate. Voter turnout is more important than ever, and for the rest of the ballot matters too. Hopefully it's pretty easy for you to get to your polling site.

You can look up info here:

• www.vote.org/

And I'm not going to tell you who to vote for, but I think if everyone in this sub gets out there and brings a few friends that we can make a big impact and keep our country moving forward in a positive direction.

All the commercials will finally be done. Tomorrow, Americans will still be Americans together. All that's left today is to get out and try to make our voices matter.

And if you're not American, happy to say that no matter who wins the USA political posts may finally slow down soon, so we can complain about boring, unimportant things again!

I submit to you my fellow citizens, these considerations, in full confidence that the good sense which has so often marked your decisions, will allow them their due weight and effect; and that you will never suffer difficulties, however formidable in appearance or however fashionable the error on which they may be founded, to drive you into the gloomy and perilous scenes into which the advocates for disunion would conduct you. Hearken not to the unnatural voice which tells you that the people of America, knit together as they are by so many cords of affection, can no longer live together as members of the same family; can no longer continue the mutual guardians of their mutual happiness; can no longer be fellow citizens of one great respectable and flourishing empire. No my countrymen, shut your ears against this unhallowed language. Shut your hearts against the poison which it conveys; the kindred blood which flows in the veins of American citizens, the mingled blood which they have shed in defence of their sacred rights, consecrate their union, and excite horror at the idea of their becoming aliens, rivals, enemies. And if novelties are to be shunned, believe me the most alarming of all novelties, the most wild of all projects, the most rash of all attempts, is that of rending us in pieces.

--James Madison, Federalist Paper #14

I am looking for advice on where to move my small family. We plan to do a deep dive on research on a few places and plan some longer visits before jumping in and moving. Husband works in the automotive industry, and I have a basic office job, so on that front, we are pretty flexible on location. My husband and I take care of my elderly father, and we have lots of rescued dogs (5+) as well. We are generally homebodies except when it comes to exploring nature.

Health related Considerations: • Local deaf community/access to interpreters for doctor appointments. • Asthma (poor air quality/extreme elevation/high pollen/etc). • Allergies (high concentration of pollen).

Other Considerations: • Affordable cost of living. • 4 seasons, or at least not an extreme heat level. • We would like to have some livestock on a small scale. • We would like to be able to have a small garden. • Access to a vet clinic/emergency room within a reasonable distance.
• Decent grocery store, within a reasonable distance.

Trade off Considerations: • Husband enjoys off-roading and driving trails, but with enough property, he would build a playground at home.  • We like the outdoors and nature, but with health issues, they are limited to driving trails or limited walking trails.

Fun Upsides but not required: • Near a helicopter airfield. • Not near any large weed growing operations. (the scent gives massive headaches)

We have previously been able to rule out California, New York, New Mexico, Texas, and New Jersey. 

We have previously lived in Utah, Oregon, Idaho, Virginia, South Carolina, and Colorado. We have not eliminated these states as potential options, though.

Thanks!

Cross-posted for best results.

Edit 1: To answer some questions.

We have previously been approved for 250k within the past year. We are open to building as we go as well, depending on the property and how quickly we can get utilities in place. We do have some cash on hand if we go this route.

I would say a reasonable distance would be an hour, even to an hour and a half for something specialized. We have previously had chickens, turkeys, pigeons, quail, barn cats, pigs, goats, and rabbits. We also have some experience with cattle, sheep, and horses.

My boyfriend and I will be spending Christmas together in a small cabin in a rural area. I enjoy cooking, and I’d love to make something special for dinner Christmas day, but we’ll be staying in a small Airbnb. I won’t have all of my own equipment or utensils, and we’re trying to pack fairly light so I’d like to make something sort of easy.

This is the first time that I’ll be spending Christmas with just one other person, rather than with a larger family, so I’d love to hear what other couples make or eat during the holidays! Please recommend any ideas!

My aunt tells me I’m getting up there In age. I never dated, I’m quite nervous of a person and now it translates to my friendships. Too scared to make plans and I struggle inside a lot with this. I went through undergrad and grad school and was around a predominantly female student body, and I never dated as I didn’t actively try. No opportunities were really there, and I didn’t make my own. I didn’t care to.

My interests maybe juvenile and I feel like a hopeless romantic in my head or over books, shows, etc. but not in real life. My aunt told me I’ll end up alone and I’m stubborn. I have to make effort to smile at men. When I was a teen I remember I was somewhere with her and this man who looked significantly older was starring at me and she said to smile back because I need practice. I got upset and stood my ground and she got very angry. She said she has the best intention for me. But my family tells me who I should vote for this election, who I should hang out with, and what I shouldn’t do. I went to a Halloween party with my friend and my aunt. Was analyzing why so late, why my friend invited me last minute. She watches tv a lot, like icant talk to her without the tv running and she said by my age she had a ton of guys and I don’t.

My aunt is on my dads side. She dislikes my mother. When I was a bit younger my dad picked at my appearance, my aunt said “tell him if he had kids with someone pretty he wouldn’t have to pick at you”. Then said I needed braces bc my mom, had acne because my mom.. all these negatives. Am short because of my mom. And I feel like she projects dislike of my mom onto me. I distanced myself and she passive aggressively told my dad. Idk what to do or if she really wants the best. I want to date but. I need to sort my anxieties first…

Where will you be getting your updates tomorrow night?