It’s been about two decades since I last dated and everything has changed so much. I’m dipping my toe in OLD but I don’t understand the amount of men who seem to just want to be pen pals! I’m currently on Bumble and getting a good amount of matches but they all seem to want to chat endlessly and not ask me out on dates. Is this because I’m on Bumble? Is it expected I asked them out? It feels like I’m having to make the majority of the moves. I’m really wanting to get out, go on dates, and have some fun. Also, hopefully develop a connection that leads to a healthy sexual relationship since I have a high libido. I know I can easily find hookups but I’m not just looking for casual sex. There have to be men out there the still know how to woo a woman. These zero effort guys are such a turn off and I’m left wondering am I doing something wrong? Would I have better luck on a different dating app or are they all about the same?

Hello! Been lurking this sub for a while but now I’m coming here for some discussion and maybe advice.

I (41m) have pretty much only ever dated women within five or so years of my age, so currently I mostly date women in the 36-46 age range. I suppose this has likely been due to a combination of my peers mostly consisting of people in this age group, and just a personal preference for women closer to my age.

However, I’ve recently been getting to know a lot of younger people in the 25-35 age range through work and have found that they have lots of perspectives and outlooks on life that I find incredibly refreshing and align a lot with how I see the world myself. They’re less attached to the “American dream” and seem so much more open to living live according to their own standards and not expectation. And that’s really in line with how I’ve been feeling about my own life lately, but have been struggling to find in a partner with that same view.

I want to be clear that I don’t have any plans to date my coworkers, work is just where I’ve happened to meet people within this age range (the women I work with are great, I just know that things can get messy when dating coworkers and don’t want to deal with that).

It’s gotten me thinking that maybe it could be good to try dating outside my preferred age range but I do have some reservations still. I know that a 30 year old woman is perfectly capable of making her own decision when it comes to who she is and is not attracted to, but I can’t help but stilly feel…icky even when I am attracted to such women. Has anyone else felt this way before?

Sorry if any of this is confusing/rambling. I’m just kind of lost honestly. I’m so exhausted with dating and wading into unknown territory like this only makes me feel more overwhelmed.

So, at the gym, me and this guy have been making a lot of eye contact and I’m thinking of approaching him and saying - hey what’s up, you wanna hang? The only thing is we go to the same gym and what if it doesn’t work out then we have to deal with each other’s presence. More than that I was wondering ( way ahead of myself) what if it doesn’t work out with him and I want to approach someone else at the gym- I don’t want things to be awkward- any thoughts/ suggestions?

I (43F) was packing my groceries into my bags at Aldi and felt this odd urge to turn around and there were two firemen (I think) in line behind me. One of them was possibly looking at me, he was about my age and I offhandedly thought he looks like a younger thinner Dr. Phil and went back to packing my bags. Well when I finished, and turned to walk toward the door, he had stepped deliberately several steps away from his friend to be right in my line of sight. He smiled at me. I thought he was attractive. I automatically smiled back but continued walking out the door.

I was feeling confident enough to do or say something but I didn’t bc there wasn’t enough time or a real reason to. But now I regret not saying something to start a conversation. This kind of random obvious mutual attraction does not happen often for me. And I’m not the type to have a clever thing to say right when I need to. Maybe I should have had a business card or something and run back to give it to him.

I hope I run into him at Aldi again, but I need to be more prepared! But just sharing because I feel hope again.

My first marriage was terrible almost the entire time. Although I had a bad marriage, ultimately I truly believe in the institution of marriage.

There are a lot of people at this stage who are just over marriage. They are looking to date but never remarry.

I’ve been seeing my BF for several months. In the beginning I shared that ideally I’d like to remarry. he shared that he is gun shy but that remarrying isn’t out of the question.

We now have very strong feelings for one another and he seems very happy. Worry he is happy to keep things just as they are indefinitely. I absolutely want to live together and remarry however. How do I bring this up in a way that doesn’t sound needy or pushy?

I know this is a broad question, but I'm just looking for ideas on possible areas of improvement. I'm getting nowhere in dating and I want to understand why. 48M

So previously, I (46f) was the put all my eggs in one basket type woman and I got hurt over and over. After a year off the apps and failing into a terrible relationship, I decided to get back on the apps, just date without putting too much expectations into one guy and see how it goes.

I have been dating two guys and it's been going well with both (no sex). So I preplanned on going out to my local spots with one of the guys tonight. The other guy just happened to have today off work, so we last minute planned lunch, as i told him I had plans this evening. At lunch he told me he was going to be at the same place this evening with his mates and he will see me (thinking I'll be with my mates too).

I'm not sure how to navigate this. My friend thinks I should be honest with him and let him know ill be on a date, but every single time I've told someone I'm dating that they are not the only person I'm dating, they have got all weird about it and stopped seeing me.

I'm not sure whether changing the location at last minute is a good idea either, as I the guy I'm going out with this evening loves my local spots, it's super fun and the locals are great (hes from out of town).

Just incase it matters, the guys I'm dating are much younger than me, evening guy is 31, lunch guy is 27. I don't see anything worthwhile happening with either of them due to the age difference but enjoy both of them. Plus the younger one has actually told his mum about me and talks about us in a future tense, so he may be more serious than I am expecting purely because of his age.

How do you ladies navigate these types of situations with multidating in the same town?

I’ll preface this by saying that I know that the only person who can tell me if he wants me to stay is him. Just talk to him is the best answer, got it!

Just curious what you all do. When you are in the early stages of a committed relationship, do you assume you’ll sleepover after sex unless there are hints, a request, or reason to leave? Do you automatically start to leave unless specifically invited to stay? Do you ask beforehand?

Somehow because of custody schedules, we haven’t had many opportunities for actual sleepovers until tonight. I’d take kind of a play it by ear, ask about it when the time feels most natural approach, if it weren’t for my need to bring stuff for the morning. I could take a bag just in case but it feels embarrassing to be prepared, like I’m assuming.

I have been separated since 2019 and are in the process of finalising my divorce. I feel very lonely and sad. He was horrible to me and the children and continues to do so. He has hired lawyers and is trying his very best not to give me anything. I honestly do not want anything from him but to finalise the divorce. When l left l took the children and I was homeless for a few minutes until l found us a place to stay. He was very bad throughout the marriage but l always hoped things would get better. I come from a culture where women are encouraged to stay for the sake of the children. I think i have done well since l left. I have been studying and changed jobs a few times. Today was another bad day, l needed someone to talk to but there was nobody. I have tried dating twice, l don’t think l was ready the first time. Its difficult to explain loneliness to others. I get told to focus on the children and my work. I love my job and my children but I still feel lonely sometimes. Tonight I felt so sad. I have three close friends who keep telling me l am strong and always remind me how far l have come but that doesn’t change how I feel so l just end up not telling them when l am sad and feeling very lonely. I have tried online dating with no luck. I am 42 and almost convinced there’s nobody for me.

I (44f) miss him (41m). It’s too much to get into. We didn’t ever have an established relationship nor an established breakup, which in a nutshell is probably why I’m having difficulty moving on. He says he feels “stuck” and I also feel that way. No clear direction to go. Anyone else feel this way right now? So weird to be 44 and not know what I want from someone else. Except I do know I miss him.

How is this my life?

So I had one last date, hoping it would better than the last one (see my post history...but, tl;dr the last one was the "I'm not fat, I have diarhhea" lady).

Oh boy...

Met this one at at sports bar. Talked for a bit, then she wanted to go play video poker. She ended up winning $460 so she paid for my drinks and food. She then put in about 40 more and won 160, I tried to tell her to cash out then but she spent it back down to zero. I wanted to talk some more, but she said she'd rather sit in her car and talk (a Subaru). We did that. It was cold out, so we talked for a while with the car running.

Then she said she needed to go to her house for something and then she'd text me we'd meet back up at another place. I go hangout and luckily one of my friends is at my hangout bar & we end up talking for an hour. She calls about 30 minutes later asking me to pick her up from a friend's house and take her back to hers, which I did. She's still talking about needing to find some documentation in her room and seemed really concerned about it. She said once she finds it she'll text me.

She did randomly text me some stuff. After a few of those I texted back, "Look, I thought you were cool and pretty, but I'm wanting to date. If you want to have dates let's have them. I don't have time for b.s."

She texted back early next morning saying she's sorry, she was busy and stressed earlier that day and also nervous because I was so handsome.

At least we kissed and she said I smelled good. Was nice to hear that affirmation, felt good. Hearing that I smelled nice felt better than handsome to be honest.

Thinking about asking her out again. I texted back "Thank you! 😘 I hope we get to hang out again!" But she seemed so flaky I give it 50% at best she successfully plans another date. I'll give her a chance if she can prove not to be flaky, but I think she is a stoner. I suspect she went to get high at her friends house. That would explain the obsession when she got home. I'm not against stoners but not a huge fan either. She was 31, almost 32 by the way. Odd to be behaving like that at that age.

This has exhausted my Bumble matches. I now have zero. In the words of Theoden, "Is this it?"

Seriously folks, what am I doing wrong? Should I post a profile review? Does my profile scream "send me the crazies?" Because all I get from Bumble and the world are crazy, flaky, and/or screwed up people. And not very many matches either.

I told my friends at work about these and some of my other experiences, and they looked at me with shock and awe. They didn't understand why my luck is so bad. Of course, they are all coupled. None of them have dated for the last 10-20 years. I showed them my Bumble app and they marveled at the swiping the way George Bush marveled at checkout scanners.

ETA: Guys, I am not mad about how these dates went. I rolled with them both best I could and actually had a decent time at them all even though my patience was tested a bit. The 2nd was actually kinda awesome because it cost me nothing.

My question is - how are these my ONLY Bumble matches? I only had 3 active marches, and 1 of them stopped responding before I could ask for a date. These were the 2 still engaging, so I gave both a shot. There are no more.

What must I be doing that these were my only choices? NOBODY more appropriate is matching with me.

Hence: "Is this it?"

I've got 6 more weeks to try and make Bumble work. What should I do?

For the most part, I'm a really optimistic and genuinely happy person. I'm 43M (Korean American) & I've been seeing my therapist since I separated/divorced a couple years back. It's worked wonders on helping me understand my thoughts as well as working on myself (being happy, working on my traumas, being fine with being alone, etc). When it came time that I felt like I was ready to date, I jumped into the dating scene (OLD/Organic). It was a rude awakening when I realized dating is and was not what it was when I met my ex-wife back in 2007. I've learned a lot since I started dating.

In the beginning, I used to love dating. I don't get a lot of matches but I do OK for myself and I enjoy meeting new people. My goal is to be in an LTR but for some reason unbeknownst to me, I seem to attract very bad situations or unstable women. I've been asked by my female friend if I filter for a certain type, which I do not because I refuse to pay for any OLD (I have my theories and read theories). The only thing I filter on is age & distance. I honestly believe I have encountered every bad dating scenario with the exception of an alcoholic or drug addict. Someone did ask if I encountered a prostitute, so make that 3 scenarios I've not encountered. It's these bad scenarios that have made me very apprehensive to dating at all. I took a long 7 month hiatus because of these bad scenarios and decided to pursue my goals.

I've accomplished those said goals and decided it was time to give dating another whirl. I receive a like from a woman (40, white, never married, no kids) that matched with me previously last fall before my hiatus. She practically ghosted me/breadcrumbed me the first time and my thoughts were "maybe she was busy, so I'll match with her again". We have a conversation of having matched before, but she seems the same. 2-4 day responses, never giving a time or day to go on a date, etc. I finally gave her the ultimatum that I wasn't going to go through this again. The differences in my stance on dating now vs before is I've learned to become very honest & upfront while communicating my feelings, no matter how uncomfortable. She finally agreed and we went on a coffee date. It went really well surprisingly in terms of conversation and she said she wanted to see me again. The second date, same thing but for dinner and I observed that despite the good conversation, it seemed very platonic. I would compliment her, praise her, be inquisitive about her life. She asked for a 3rd date and so we did. By this time around, I thought it would be a good time to try and kiss her. I know, it's a "right moment" kind of thing but after the date ended, she didn't give me that opportunity and said she wanted to see me again for date #4.

On the drive home, I thought it was really odd that she continued to want to see me, but doesn't show or do any kind of romantic/flirty gesture. It's a complete lack of chemistry despite me trying to court her (being chivalrous, paying for dinner/drinks, opening doors, etc.) I decide to text her and mention I did want to kiss her. I also brought up that our dates seem very platonic and I'm not looking for a friend, but someone to date and be in a relationship with eventually. The response I got was a bit surprising... When I showed my friends (2 male, 2 female), all 4 said she's racist. I wouldn't necessarily call her that, but I don't know what to label what I received.

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Sorry, I was asleep 😴 and just seeing this message.

I will say last night I was not at that point of wanting to kiss. I don't want that to offend you but just being direct and honest. I have never dated an Asian. Only had as friends in past so there's that too. I am hopeful it will grow? But, I can't be sure. I am certainly 💯 drawn to your personality/ character. I really enjoy time with you!
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So at that point, I didn't feel like it was racist per se, but rather I felt like I was some kind of experiment. She did tell me over our date that she strictly only dated never-married men but came to the realization she's limiting her dating pool to a small sample. She only recently opened it up to dating divorced men. I get it, I'm not everyone's cup of tea being an Asian guy. What really bugged me is that she was trying to force herself to like someone that she's not normally physically attracted to and string me along in hopes that she could eventually be attracted to me. If there's anything I've learned in life, trying to commit to something you're on the fence about never bodes well.

Everyone I've mentioned this to said I dodged a bullet. I feel a little conflicted because 1) therapy has taught me to see things from different angles and not to point fingers and 2) I feel friends are biased and they will always side with you, no matter the situation. I know dating is a numbers game, but damn I feel like I should just be single for the rest of my life and do the things I love. It's things like this that push me further and further from wanting to even try.

Thoughts/comments?

I’ve been taking to this guy for a month. We went on two incredible dates. The chemistry and attraction were special. Hours-long make out sessions, no sex yet. I was open telling him that I really liked him. Perhaps that was too much. The third week of us talking and planning our third date, I had a death in my family. He sent a couple of supportive texts but pulled back on the communication. Things have calmed down and it’s been a couple of weeks since I saw him. I want to hang out with him again and asked him to come see me this weekend at my house about an hour away. He’s getting a new business going and I know that’s hectic, but not hearing from him makes me feel really sad and rejected. He sent me this after not hearing from him for a couple of days:

“I’m still trying to see what my weekend is going to look like. Right now it’s crazy busy. At work and we are the only ones working this event. Getting slammed. Good money though.”

For the last couple of weeks he’s been slow to respond or sometimes not texting at all. I was telling myself to get over him for the last couple of days, because of him being unresponsive. I guess I was too interested too soon. Now I don’t know if I want to see him again because his pulling back seems like a red flag. I don’t want to get with someone avoidant or emotionally unavailable, especially right now when I’m already grieving. This is what I’m thinking of sending him:

“That’s okay, don’t worry about it. You seem to have a lot going on right now. I’m looking for someone that has time for me and is consistent. Take care.”

What do you think? Too much too soon? Is pulling back a 🚩 ? Thanks for your thoughts.

I’m just curious, when you see a someone in OLD or real life who is single with a dog, does that make them more or less appealing to you? Or does it not impact your swiping choice at all?

Edit: No one is looking for scientific data here. You are not required to answer my silly question if you have something so much better to be doing with your afternoon (you obviously don’t).

(Background: Divorced Dad, 40M, with a demanding long-hours job, and three kids to coparent on 50/50 basis.)

I met a rather nice and interesting woman recently. Post-divorce, after many first, second, and third dates, as well as multiple rejections, there's someone that I had a rather good first date and I think I have a connection with. The problem with this is every time I met someone that I am interested in I screw it up. Meaning, I likely invest too much/get too excited at the onset, likely display too much affection too and I think turns off women. I think I have become self-aware of such behavior, but I still fall into it whenever I meet someone that I am really interested in. On the opposite side, when I don’t display this behavior – that is when I met someone that I am not at all interested – it works the other way around, the women keep coming back to me. As in the less interest I show, the more women want me. This dynamic is problematic – I am interested in someone but if I demonstrate that too much, I think I will repel that person. Do other men or women here experience this from the receiving or giving end of it? How have you controlled/changed these behaviors? Any thoughts/suggestions to not screw up the upcoming dates?

I [48m] got divorced several years ago. Since then, I’ve been trying to meet and date women around the same age. I’m wondering if I should lower the age threshold into the thirties. Here’s what’s at issue. All the women, or at least the majority of women I meet in their forties are now emptynesters or are about to be. Some are even grandmothers! Meaning, they started having kids at 18 to 20 years of age. I did not have my first child until I was 30. My last came at 38. So my oldest is 18 and graduating HS this year and my youngest is 10. I waited until I was 29 to get married and we were married for 14 years.

So basically many of the woman that I meet today have entered a different life stage and have expressed no desire to date when they find out I have young children. The people I meet with children my age seem to be in their early 30s. It just feels weird to me to try and date someone that young. Should I give it a shot?

I'm (41M) new to all this, after having recently separated from my high school sweetheart after a 25 year relationship and 10 years of marriage.

I need to work on myself, and I know how to do that in some areas, such as fitness and clothing, but the thing I don't know how to address is personality.

Long story short, I'm boring, I don't have a funny bone in my body, and live a fairly normal life. I run a small business on the side which is about my only hobby. Over the years I've lost touch with most of my friends as they moved away or focused on family life, and being introverted have found it difficult to make new friends.

There's a few hobbies I'd like to try, and I'll work on getting increasing my circle of friends, but I just don't really know what to do about personality.

I'm sure there's ways to improve it, but I also know that personalities tend to be pretty stable and hard to change. Moreover, I think that I'll likely fall back into my old ways. I know how to be a caring and supportive partner, I know how to find activities to do with a partner on an evening or weekend, but I'm never going to be the guy who enjoys spends a lot of time hanging out at a bar, dancing or hosting parties.

I can fake it for a while, but I don't think that's sustainable long term. Part of me thinks that the better approach is, rather than trying to fake it, I should be trying to find someone similar to me personality wise, but I'm not sure where to find someone like that.

Am I looking at this the wrong way? Any ideas?

I was just thinking, “where am I going this weekend?” Then thoughts led to, “what’s the point?” Does anybody feel like time is running out on finding someone special? If I let these thoughts in it just consumes me. I go out in IRL and there are more younger women than women my age. I’m not thinking that I look 10 years younger. OLD is really terrible for the average dude. Done therapy! I will probably still go out and do something but with zero expectation that anyone catches my eye and vice-versa. It’s just a sour day.

WTF does that even mean? I did ask him and he kinda avoided the question by switching to a different topic.

I am 44 male and have been divorced for 4 years. I am trying to find the best dating site that will actually work. There are so many out there, but they all charge an arm and leg to use. Anyone have suggestions on ones that work that are free or any that work you have to pay for? I just don’t want to spend the Money on the wrong one. I want to find friends and see where things go.

Hi, is it even possible to get a match on the free version of plenty of fish dating app? I have over a 100 likes over last couple months, i swipe and I swipe and I never match with anyone on there. Just seems a complete waste of time 😀

Maybe a bit of a hot take, but if you're not interested in anything physical with your partner. You're really just looking for a friend, and friends don't need to be exclusive. I get it, anti-hookup culture, and teenage hormones are long gone, but what's the point of a platonic relationship? If you're just looking for a lifelong platonic friendship, wouldn't it be better to just look for bro/gal pals? Not gonna hook up anyway, right? At that point looks shouldn't matter either, honestly, or body type or anything beyond personality.

I’m introverted to the point I decided not to get promoted to the next level because it’s very difficult to meet new people and network/build relationship.

Online dating has been the only source I meet a new guy.

Deleting the app sort of means I’ll have zero date.

Any introverts out there tell me what you guys do?

Been happily single (44) for many years (10). After my last long term relationship ended i learned I wasn't ready for another one and decided to travel, grow in my career, start a business, and work on myself.

I am loyal to my friends and family. I am surrounded by many people who genuinely love me so during my time being single... I truly was never alone.

I decided that I'm ready to put myself back out there. I made my approach very wrong as I thought dating at this age, most people would have been tired of games and try to be genuine. I am learning that the games are ever present and it's a little disappointing.

Last girl I met had a Jekyll and Hyde personality. She also had a hard time believing that I was nice and considerate. I have been told this by other women. Do I really have to be someone I'm not?

I'm a genuinely nice person it's who I am. The behavior isn't limited to when I'm meeting a woman. Does anyone else experience this and find this annoying?

I’ve always dated the nice guy which is nice! But around the 5 month mark I get panicky because I don’t feel like I’m in love.

I’m upset for wasting the person’s time and energy and just disappointed in myself. Am I just not capable of feeling love?

Has anyone broken this cycle?

Edit: when I say “nice guys” I do mean NICE! They’re lovely and sweet, but they tend to be simple. A drink, a good show, and they’re happy. Not a whole lot else they want to talk about and joking oftentimes goes over their head.

It feels like everyone is so stuck in their ways. I feel it in myself too, but it seems like it is worse in women than men. Do women feel like it is worse in men that it is in women? Is it all perspective?

I have seriously dated 2 women since my divorce and both times it ended because it seemed like almost everything had to be their way. The second one just ended recently because we decided to move in together and it had to be to her house. Then there was almost no compromise on anything because it was her house.

Have other people seen this where people are too set in their ways and routines to be able to compromise on thing? Is it just my luck? Is it just an issue with me?

*Edit - Yes I know it is only my experience with 2 women. I literally said that in the post. That is why I said it was a feeling and ask about other peoples opinion and experience. I have no intention to date enough women to get a "good sample size."

EDIT for update: We spoke and the issue is resolved. I told her basically what I laid out here. She immediately agreed to be done talking to him. She said in her initial email to him she expressly said "she was in no way looking to reconnect." That she wanted to make sure I understood it was about three separate conversations over the three month period, not a daily interaction. I asked if she knew how she would handle ending contact; she said she would just ghost him, set him up on a filter so anything further he sends her will be removed from her inbox. Thank you all for offering your opinions.

I posted a few months ago about my girlfriend reaching out to an ex after having a dream about them. Last night she brought it up again to tell me something he said to her; that he and his wife were going on a cruise together, and they had found another couple on Reddit to wife swap with. I hadn't thought about it once since the initial encounter and was surprised to learn they were still in touch every few weeks.

I trust her and she's been open about the whole thing, I have no doubts about how strong our relationship is. After sleeping on it, however, I've realized this isn't sitting well with me. I rarely experience jealousy, and I actually enjoy hearing about her past relationships. But I assumed it would be a one time thing, not a back and forth conversation for several months. And it's pretty clear to me the only reason he brought up the wife swapping cruise was to inform her he had an open relationship.

She asked me last night if I was bothered by them still emailing, but I didn't have enough time to process so I just said, "I'm not going to tell you who you can and can't talk to." I stand by that, but I'm going to tell her tonight that I've realized it does in fact bother me. I don't see what one could possibly gain from sustained contact with an ex. Well, let me clarify that. If they had remained friends I wouldn't think twice about them catching up occasionally, but they hadn't spoken in over 15 years. Am I being unreasonable that this has gone on for too long? Especially since he's apparently trying to turn the conversation sexual?

What I don't know is exactly how to approach this. I do believe she can talk to whoever she likes, and I don't feel comfortable telling her she needs to stop contacting him. Do I just tell her it does in fact bother me, and she can decide on her own how she proceeds with that information?

Since my divorce I have been challenging myself to chat with people IRL - man, women, child, doesn't matter who, I just know apps are not something I'm ready to experience at this point, so I'm focusing 100% on IRL situations.

I walk on this trail after work most days. You see some of the same faces and I normally smile and say hi as I'm passing and continue on. During the winter, it was really cold and I forgot my winter hat and my head and ears were cold (I'm bald). A lady and and I passed each other a few times previously and I decided to break the ice. Here is the exchange:

Me: (Pointing to the winter hat on her head) "Excuse me, sorry to bother you, but my ears are cold can I borrow your hat"?

Her: Laughing & taking a second to register, but it looked like she was going to offer me her hat!

Me: "No, I was only kidding - my ears are cold but that's my fault. Have a nice night and see you next time."

Her: "Have a nice night and see you next time"

Next time...

Me: (pointing to her gloves on hands) "Hi again! My hands are cold can I borrow you gloves"

Her: "Laughing, at least you remembered your hat this time!"

Me: "Chuckling, I know, but didn't you mention bringing the gloves for me last time?"

Her: "Must have forgot - I'll try to remember next time!"

Me: "I'll look forward to it. But if I get frostbite, I'm blaming you." - This is where I messed up! I didn't properly introduce myself and at least get her name.

Her: "See you next time, unless the frostbite gets you." (Chuckling)

So again, I'm just trying to meet people IRL right now and working on striking up conversations regardless of the outcome. I figured keeping it light and not being called a creep by the opposite sex I just met on a secluded trail is a win for me! I know nothing about her other than we are similar age 40's, and if I see her again I will try to pick up the fumble I dropped.

So any advice from men or women? Decent for one of the first times? Horrible tactic? Thanks!

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I’m (F48) in a relationship with (M56). We met almost 4 years ago on Tinder. On our first date he was immediately upfront about having chronic pain from being crushed in a car accident and surviving. Because of this, he also suffers from depression. He’s an accountant and makes good money but they work him to the bone. He also has a money grubbing ex-wife and kids that are mostly grown up but expect him to buy them cars when they wreck them and pay off their school loans.

In the time we’ve been together, about every 6 months he stops taking his medication because he feels like he’s being judged. I indulge in the green stuff so there’s no judgement from me. I think it’s all in his head from past relationships. When he does this, it impacts our relationship negatively. If he stops the pain medication then he is (obviously) in pain and very grumpy towards me. If he stops the depression medication, he pulls away and wants to be alone which makes the depression worse. When he’s not playing Dr, he’s complaining about his job, ex, kids. Because of this, I feel like it’s hard to move our relationship forward. We don’t spend time talking about each other and our relationship. He told me he can’t go on vacation with me because he has to buy his 26 year old daughter a car. I offered to pay for the trip and he can’t get the time off of work. Last night he couldn’t finish in the bedroom because he had a lot on his mind.

I love this man and I know he loves me. I think he’s just stuck in his issues and doesn’t know how to move forward. I’ve asked him to go see a therapist again but the last two haven’t been helpful (according to him). I’ve recommended that we go to couples counseling but he gets defensive.

I want to help him help himself but I know it has to be his decision. I plan to stick by his side and love him unconditionally. I keep thinking these are just ‘phases’ but after 4 years, this is a vicious cycle.

Any advice or thoughts? I guess I’m mostly looking for people with a similar situation and what they’ve done?

As the tile says the divorce was finalized earlier this month, after a year of separation leading up to it. I have been in a DB/abusive situation for 7 of the last 15 years of the marriage/relationship.

I ask this because I honestly don't know where to begin, OLD seems like a younger person's game at this point and approaching a woman in the wild is even more terrifying at this age. Where does someone even go to put themselves out there? I don't want to be the creepy old guy in the club, and I don't have an affinity for bars.

Does anybody really go out on dates anymore?