Hi all , I hope this post is in the right category I (40f) have been single now for over 3 years , 4 years separated from husband and 3 years from a 2 month relationship I would love to start looking again for a partner but feel absolutely terrified because I don’t think I’ve recovered from my previous relationships . Husband was a stalker and overly jealous and relationship was a love bomber and serial bed hopper/ hobosexual How can I work on trusting again and not let past relationships affect any future ones , I’ve tried going to therapy and didn’t find it worked , I’ve lost weight for more confidence ( when from a size 22 to a size 16 )and I don’t have any girlfriends for going out socialising , I’m not very good at making friends , that’s also something I’d like to work on as well I just want to get over this anxiety of putting myself out there and hopefully I’ll find my someone right

A few days ago, I (M48) had my 4th date with a woman (F43). We had a great time grabbing dinner, then took an Uber back to her place where we had sex for the first time. She’s very sexually confident and seems to love it fast and intense, which I enjoyed. That said, I also really love slow and sensual sex—maybe even more—though I’m definitely into both.

How can I bring this up in a way that feels natural and cool? I’d like to keep it flirty and fun, not like I’m reciting advice from a health article. Any suggestions?

For those of you who know How this feels, or on either end, would love to hear any advice. This usually happens to me during the holidays when I'm starting to feel nostalgic... I've been to enough therapy and done enough work on myself to know that I have to go no contact when I end it with someone. There's one guy in particular that I wish would've worked out because there was so much great chemistry, but logistics made it too difficult for me to get what I really want in a fulfilling relationship. Limerence causes me to have hope that he will contact me and tell me that everything will work out.... but we all know that's usually not the case. It just turns into another few months of a Situationship until we realize the truth again.

My question is when you have that hope in your heart, but the logic in your brain knows the truth How do you keep yourself from contacting or dreaming about the past.

Of course, this usually happens when something is missing in my life. What exacerbate the situation is when I go on other dates that lead to nowhere. It makes me start to think maybe the other person wasn't so bad after all. But I know it's not my best either. But at my age, I guess the thought of being alone also is something I've been coming to grips with but in my weakest point I want to settle.

How do you reset and recalibrate to get rid of that yearning or hope? Limerence really hits me harder during the holidays. I have done a lot of work on Yes myself and also in therapy, but I always like to hear from redditors who are practicing and walking the walk, talking the talk.

One thing that has always helped me is when I start to think of the other person, I asked myself, if I had xyz, would I still even consider this person? The answer is always no. On the same token I don't have those things, I just have hope for the future and sometimes that dwindles and i have this irresistiable urge to contact him.. I know it's so cringe.

F, I don’t drink anymore for various reasons. No issues. Is this a hindrance to my matches?

I don’t mind if others do it. I’m more apt to swipe on people with a “sometimes” for drinking than a yes.

I'll first admit that this was initially very much a whirlwind relationship. We fell for each other hard in a way that I've never had before. Cheesy gag worthy nights of looking into each others' eyes saying how amazing the other person is (still love that- don't judge).

(Maybe I'll list my concerns as bullet points.I'm aware some are worse than others, some aren't red flags, some are neutral and some might be my fault)

• I later find out that this is a common thing for her in a relationship whereas it's the first time I've fallen for someone in this fashion.

• it turns out she has night terrors and screams and shouts help me etc before walking around the house saying something is wrong and occasionally leaving the house. This is a BIG issue. I'm not blaming her at all but I didn't sleep for 2 weeks straight and she's saying I'm partly to blame because I'm a light sleeper and that it must mean she's not fully comfortable with me.

• the only way to slightly mitigate this is for her to cuddle all night long which means I can comfort her before it escalates into a more serious panic attack. But I can't sleep at all when in contact with someone.

• she invited me on holiday with her as she was working abroad. I thought it was a great idea and agreed but it was very far and very expensive so I said I'd stay on longer to make the trip worthwhile. We were together for 2 weeks and I said I'd maybe stay another 2 weeks and travel (I can work remotely). She started having panic attacks and saying that it wasn't fair and that I needed to book a flight back immediately. I said I'd rather wait as I can be flexible and can book whilst away when I know my plan. She started having panic attacks saying that I was going to move to Mexico and that I didn't actually want to see her etc. I assured her that wasn't the case but that made it worse. She then moved her birthday celebrations to a week earlier and said that I needed to be back for them. I agreed but told her still that she was unreasonable to not trust me to return. She got very angry and said that she has abandonment issues and that I should respect that.

• there have been some weird out of the blue flip out moments. Walking around on holiday when she was hungry but I wasn't. I suggested a place to eat but she was really cold and snapped at me. Then continued to ignore me despite me suggesting places to eat. She was saying things like "well if you're not hungry we can't eat can we" and that I should consider her needs too. It really upset me and I then got in a sulk myself. She later said that I had to force her to eat of she gets like that.

• this was probably pre-panic attack but I hate being hot and folded the blanket back a little further away from my side (it was already folded but a little too far) and she lost it. She started shouting at me "well do whatever the f*** you want then" and this then led into many hours of an argument that i can't remember.

• she then makes it all 'better' by saying that it's because she wants to be with me forever and cares too much and that she has issues from childhood that come to light now.

• she lost it with me the other day because I have chronic health issues and I explained that I have chronic fatigue and brain fog that will probably be with me forever. She got really upset and said that there's no way to know if I really like her if I'm not clear headed at any time. This stang as I was confiding about some really difficult things from my life.

There are more but I won't continue.

The thing is that 95% she's perfect and we're perfect together. These 'flags' were a real blow as I honestly thought I'd never found someone like this and that it was true love and meant to be.

But I'm now finding myself slipping back into anxiety and depression and when I try to explain it to her I get the blame for it (to a degree).

I understand this is my side of things and maybe she has different ideas. I also understand that most people will probably just say 'leave' but I really care about her and want her to sort out her major life issues so we can be together and comfortable and trust each other fully (which I thought we initially did).

• but I spent time researching night terrors and panic attacks and said she really needs to start therapy and that I'd go with her both to help her and to help my light sleeping. She lost it again and said that she's had that conversation over and over with exes and it really seemed like she didn't consider that a reasonable suggestion. She even said I was out of line for suggesting it.

Again, 95% of the time she's amazing and I feel we're perfect together. Then something will happen to make me doubt it all.

Rant over but I'd love some advice, thoughts and suggestions. Thank you in advance!

Im single, 47f I remember being in my early 20s and flirting like it was nothing (& vice versa). I find myself now shy around someone I find attractive. Most men my type (or preferable age range) dont approach or flirt with me either (except the committed ones 🙄). Is this a thing? Or just me?

I (m44) was seeing someone (f44) for around 3 months. We met online, hit it off, exchanged numbers, and met for a coffee date days later. It was easily the best first date I’ve ever had, and she agreed it ranked in the top for her. We were in agreement to take things slow and casual, i was newly single after 15 years, and she had some bad relationships. I however caught feelings. She is as close to perfect in what I’m looking for in a partner that I’ve ever found. I respected taking it slow, she’s a very busy person, and i didn’t want to become one of her dating horror stories. Things were going well, we were having a great time when we were together, texted as much as our schedules allowed. But at around 2 months i felt a shift of her backing off a little and maybe not feeling it as much as i was. We continued seeing each other and we enjoyed our time together, but it was becoming less. At the beginning of this month she told me that due to stress and the amount she is working(50+ hrs/wk), her kids schedules, and just taking care of herself, that she doesn’t have time to focus on dating. I believe that is true, but i also believe she just wasn’t feeling it, and was trying to spare my feelings. I told her i understand, i told her how i felt about her, and that if she ever wanted to give dating a try with me again to let me know. She replied with some nice words, but i felt like this was going to be the last text she’d be sending. Not going to lie, it hurt a bit. She wasn’t the first woman I dated since becoming single, but the only one I really saw something in. I have stopped myself from texting her several times, not about giving me another chance, just about things she would like, or laugh at. I was/am still thinking about her every day, but each day was easier to tell myself I wouldn’t hear from her again, to the point i was sure.

Thursday she texted to say Happy Thanksgiving. Part of me didn’t want to reply, but I did, since there are still feelings. We shared a few texts, and i didn’t take it as she was interested in starting anything again. Unfortunately these texts have her back in my head, and I’m sad again. I was fine with never hearing from her again.

My question. Should i tell her that i still have feelings, and that she shouldn’t text me again unless she is interested in trying to date again? Or should i just leave it as it is and hope that if she ever texts me again that I’m over these feelings?

Updated post.

I always ask about STI testing before anything physical happens, and I am amazed by the amount of people who haven't gotten tested within the last year, who've had a couple partners but haven't been tested recently, etc. Oftentimes, a person will start debating with me about the importance of testing. One person ghosted me after I insisted on it before we got physical, another person kindly told me he understood if I didn't want to proceed (though they could have just gotten tested for their own sake). I was talking to my ex today and asked them whether they got tested after us. They are dating someone new. They said no, which also blew my mind. I've gotten tested three times in the last year, including a throat swab (some STIs can live in your mouth). I also got tested after my LTR in case they cheated and gave me something before our dead bedroom situation.

From what I've observed, some people just don't think it's that big a deal, and site STIs being less common than in the past as a primary excuse. Sure, but you can still give me an incurable STI and no person is worth that risk if we aren't getting married or otherwise more serious.

We are grown adults. I'm dumbfounded by this common scenario. There are clinics everywhere to get tested if you don't want to go to your doctor. One person I went out with (only one date) told me beforehand that they just got tested and gets tested every three months. They also have three kids.

I'm 41 F recently divorced and I wasn't planning on sex but one thing led to another and he was all about giving oral both front and back. Like a lot of it. It was the classic back massage move but he started kissing and biting my butt and next thing you know his tongue was all in my crack... I'm there pantless and multiple orgasms in before we had actual sex. He went down on me over and over again throughout the night and he spent more time down there than actually having sex. He's younger so I'm just wondering if this is how it goes now a days. Like he was all about pleasuring me more than me to him. And when I did get to return the favor he just wanted to go back to me. It was all good too, like he knows how to read what is enjoyable and stuff. Just wondering if he's an anomaly or if this is how it goes.

I (42F) saw a post here recently that got me thinking. Does unconditional romantic love exist? Should it exist? I'm talking, "for better or for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health" level love. Not saying that abuse should be tolerated (because abuse is not love).

My ex and I settled in mediation 6 months after we separated, though the divorce agreement was finalized by a judge 3 months after that. He didn't get everything he wanted, neither did I, but that's divorce. The month after mediation, I rapidly started losing my ability to stand and walk due to an undiagnosed health concern that had ben increasingly impacting my abilities for several years. I found rather suddenly that I couldn't care for our 6 year old child, so I explained as best I could and left her with her dad. I bought a cane. One day, I was in my backyard when I felt like I needed to sit down. I sat down on a step and then found, to my surprise, I couldn't stand back up. I had my phone in my pocket, but my family lives out of state. I called my ex, because I truly didn't know who else to call, and I was concerned about the cost of an ambulance ride (money was tight). He came by, helped me stand, I gathered my purse, and met him in the driveway where he gave me a ride to the hospital. He dropped me off in front of the hospital, I walked in (with my cane). Hospital didn't find anything, so I took an uber home, drove my car to get a prescription filled, and went on about my day to the best of my ability. I felt quite alone.

Less than a week later, I had emergency surgery to remove a neuro tumor. My mom left a family event she was hosting and flew in to be with me, then stayed for a few months to help me through my recovery. My recovery was successful, but there were a lot of unknowns for a time. That was 2.5 years ago. My mom recently told me that if my recovery had not been successful to the point that I could live alone, they had discussed moving to my state to help me while allowing me to live near my child. I was blown away by this love. My mom just casually said "we love you both (me and my daughter)."

It got me thinking about the time around my surgery. My ex and I had been separated for 7 months, legally married, so the separation was still new. If my ex had been affected physically in a serious manner during the separation, I would've been there to support him, unless he requested I stay away. I would have seen it as a possibility that things might improve and the new information should be considered for the future, but I also just would have felt tied to him still. It is a blessing that he didn't come visit since he wished for our marriage to end, of course. He was in a ltr a couple months later, so he likely was already dating. However, the comparison of my parent's love and my ex's ability to turn off the marriage so quickly is striking to me. I'm realizing I don't want to be loved the way my ex loved me in the future. There had also been a time during our marriage that I had a minor surgery and he showed only the minimal amount of responsibility, saying "it wasn't a real surgery".

Should spouses love each other like parents love adult children? I'm trying to understand what my expectations should be for the future, and overall, my takeaway is that a fragile, conditional love is what I can expect in the future, I prefer being single.

Further to my question the other day about where you meet people socially these days - today I was at a school event for my kid, and I got chatting to lots of different people. And while this was not a dating event, and most people there were in couples, I couldn’t help but think ‘this is what it will be like’.

And everyone was lovely and it all felt very natural talking to people as we wandered about admiring the artwork and the playground and so on… and suddenly meeting people didn’t seem as scary as I’d been thinking.

Covid+work+kid have made the last few years quite insular if not downright isolated, and I think I had just forgotten what it’s like to interact with people socially! My resolution is to get out more, join some groups, go to open days and receptions and all those things where interactions happen. Anyone else feel the same?

I am a younger looking man 63, I haven’t dated for 26 years because so many ladies want sex and marriage and kids and pets and perfume and makeup and tattoos I am single, vegan, Buddhist, health conscious I am looking for a likeminded companion I don’t go out at night I don’t use dating websites or Apps, I have tried lots I go shopping, and walks by the sea How do I chat up a lady that I meet briefly in passing in shops or on trains and buses or on walks The lady or myself might be getting off at the next station or bus top, or passing by on a walk or rushing around a supermarket And we will probably never ever meet again ! There isn’t much time ! What should I say and do ? It appears that men still have to make the first move - here in England Should I get her phone number, or, email

• Or give her mine ?

I could get some business cards or write my number on pieces of paper ? All dating advice greatly appreciated 🙏

I have a question. Between 1. music taste, 2. film taste and 3. sense of humor do any of these translate to relationship dynamics. Specially people who have dated a lot before settling in a healthy relationship do any of these could show or reflect your connection / compatibility in relationship?

I 40f and my 48m boyfriend had sex for the first time. Apparently my cycle started and I had NO IDEA. I couldn't be more horrified. Of course this happened on a white bed with white sheets. He couldn't of been kinder to me about it. He even washed out the sheets! This was my first post divorce experience and I feel so embarrassed 😳 Is this a total deal breaker? Edit: typos and details

I (50M, divorcing) know the title probably sounds goofy and/or ridiculous, but this is the first time in 27 years that I have directly approached a real, live lady for a number.

I feel like I'm 23 again.

And for all you guys who are like me and a bit lost, I'm detailing how it went down so you have something to go off of.

We shall see if the woman's Mafia here approves of my method or if I will be scorned for any number of missteps, faux pax or just for general creepiness.

So, this could also be a how-not-to-do-it......

I'm staying with my parents for Thanksgiving and the weekend, they're snowbirding and I came to visit them at their fall stop.

We went to a dinner at a local restaurant and our waitress was very attractive.

At this point, the advice of the Grand Council of Reddit came into play, so thank you (I hope) to all of you.

1. Mongo see lady and like lady
2. Mongo make general conversation with lady
3. Mongo make know that maybe lady like Mongo
4. Mongo give number to lady

As she was stopping at the table to take our orders, drop stuff off, etc., she got talking to all of us but also started engaging in some conversation with me specifically.

At one point she mentioned that she is almost 50, so that told me she was in my age range.

Then, she was talking to me, she turned to leave the table and she reached out and touched my forearm as she was walking away.

A bit later, she was talking to me again, turned to leave and double tapped (palm, not fist) me on the shoulder as she was walking away.

I took these unsolicited touches as my cue that she was in fact interested.

So, before leaving, and - upon the advice of the ladies here - I wrote my name and number on a piece of paper.

As I stood up to leave, she stopped to ask if I needed something and I offered her the paper.

She took it, immediately offered her hand to shake, asked my name and then gave me her name.

It was getting busy at that point so I left her alone to do her job.

No text back as of tonight, but I don't know what turnaround time is realistic, so I wait.

Whatever happens, I got off my ass, nutted up and did it and, as a bonus, I didn't get publicly rejected or humiliated. YAY!

Set your bar low and you'll never be disappointed :)

Texted the guy I no longer go out with goodnight. He replied right away “you missed me”, I didn’t reply back and neither did he. Does he miss me or am I reading too much into it?

I'm trying to meet nice guys through personal connections, and one thing that's weirding me out is allowing them time with my dog.

I was with my ex when I got him, and they had a strong bond (from puppy to 7 years old) he probably loved my ex more than me, and I paid for mostly everything, lol. My ex and I are no contact, so no visits with him, but the idea of just thinking of him frolicking in the backyard or going for walks with another man is creeping me out.

Am I alone in this, and if not, does this irritaional thought go away?

I (40F) recently began seeing someone (43M) and it’s going swimmingly. We have a great connection, I genuinely enjoy and look forward to our dates. He’s intelligent, funny, all the things. I feel like next week it might happen that we “go all the way.”

And I’m so nervous. I haven’t been naked with a new man in many, many years. Almost 10 years of a dead bedroom in my marriage. This is the first guy I’ve dated.

Adding to my anxiety, he’s fit. We’ve made out a couple times and I can feel his abs. I don’t feel good enough. I’m active now but only after major weight loss through a life overhaul a couple years ago. My body has extra skin from kids and weight loss.

I’m so nervous about being naked in front of this guy who is not only my first in forever but also in shape. Appreciate any advice because I’m having major imposter syndrome.

I'm on Tinder and Hinge. In the last 10 days I've lined up 5 dates with 5 different women, and only one (a hookup) hasn't cancelled within 24 hours of the date.

I've had (female) friends look over the conversations and I'm not throwing any red flags. I've had (female) friends check the "are we dating the same guy" groups on FB and I'm not in any of them.

I just don't get it.

It's especially frustrating because I have my kids 50/50, so I have a finite number of free nights per week, so I give up on other plans to make dates with people who then cancel.

Honestly at the point where I feel like giving up on dating for the rest of the year and starting over in January. I would like to have a person in my life, and I'm not getting super depressed over the cancellations, but it's just annoying that I'm trying to juggle my free time around people who cancel for no apparent reason.

Since the previous relationship ended, I feel lonely than ever. It only lasted a couple of months. I don’t know why it had such impact on me. I was single for 6 years and never felt this way. I didn’t feel lonely this way. During our relationship, he texted me everyday no matter how late it was, he told me what he did, checking on me. We made out when he intimated first time. Then he came to visit me and we had sex. The thing is what I missed most was the kissing and touching and smelling. He smelled good. When I kissed him, he tasted good and smelled good. He told me I was cute when I kissed him.

I felt the impact he had on me was I feel I crave this kind of physical affection/sensation. This craving is powerful. It drove me to get on a dating app. Is this craving a trap for us to eagerly have a relationship?

Anyway, three decent guys hit on me and they all commented on my appearance- pretty. I was nervous and meanwhile worried. Two of them wanted to meet today. I told them my schedule was full. So this weekend to meet. I am anxious about the meeting. I rarely wear makeup and don’t like wearing them either because to me it’s a waste of time. I don’t know if they will be disappointed when they see me. My photos were not photoshopped or anything. Just the lighting and angle made it look nice. I don’t want to dress up either because here is very cold. I only want to wear warm.

Interesting enough, one of the guys initiated a game of asking questions. Because I asked the previous guy questions, he freaked out and ended the relationship. This time, it seemed the new guy was similar minded to me. He also told me his financial condition. I didn’t pay much attention. I really don’t care how well they do, what I care is good looking, caring and good hearted, tall and strong.

I am nervous and worried and also anxious. What can I do to make me look nice without too much work? How not to make them disappointed?

Please help. Please be gentle. Thanks!

I was still thinking of the reasons why an old friend initiated and his first visit we had sex (great sex). Not long after, I visited him and asked him many questions (That’s my bad). after my visit, he told me that he can’t enter a relationship. I don’t understand why he initiated it then. I rub my head and just couldn’t understand it so it’s hard for me to get over it.

I don’t want to ask him because I already sent him goodbye message after he told him that. He hasn’t responded. I don’t know if he would ever respond. Previously when we were in friends zone, he always responded my text.

He was planning to retire very soon and he didn’t want to have any strings attached. He wanted to retire to another country. He thinks if he’s in a relationship then he will have a string attached. He doesn’t want that. I understand that no problem. But if he was fully aware of it, why he still initiated it. I told him that I just wanted to enjoy while it lasts. Doesn’t matter to me if he retires tomorrow.

Anyway I just wanted to know why? Any guesses? Please be gentle. Thanks!

Now that im older it's kind of annoying when people ask me what my favorite color is. I have never received anything that even has my favorite color in it. Nor does my favorite color express my personality according to websites. I kind of wish I knew a person intention to asking this question. I understand it's a way of getting to know someone but when it comes to meeting people online and NEVER in person what's the point of getting to that level? Any opinions or am I just about to go through a menstrual cycle. Someone had just asked me this but I'm beyond annoyed since I've reached out to a dating website and it's literally been a year with no success

Half the time, I’m really eager and excited at the prospect of starting a new relationship and not being alone anymore, and the rest of the time I don’t want to invite anyone into my life and basically be alone for the rest of my life.

Ok so… first dates as coffee dates have usually gone pretty badly in my experience. They’re awkward when you order, awkward when you sit down, just awkward all the way around. I like coffee and I like inexpensive first dates. 45f over here so I’m not trying to like dig on the coffee dates… what I’d like to know is, how do I make them go better?? I haven’t been on a first date in a couple months, so I’m rusty. Any tips for this ol lady that would like to have more than a first date??

I am a 42M and have recently started seeing a 36F. I have four children ranging from 10 to 15 that I have primary custody of. Their mother has visitation every other weekend but almost never exercises it. As you can imagine, this is made dating almost impossible.

So imagine my surprise when I hit it off with this woman who does not have any children. She is truly independent and self-sufficient, completely takes care of all of her own needs and is looking for someone to enhance her life through a relationship. Believe it or not, that's me as well. I take care of my children and have no desire to introduce them to anyone and I'm certainly not looking for a stepmom.

Here's the rub, this woman has two dogs that she doesn't like to ever leave alone. One is a large dog and the other is smaller, both used the dog door to go into the fenced in backyard to do their business. She does work and they're home alone during that time. However, she said tonight that there is no option in the future of her being away from them overnight.

The larger dog is about 6 to 9 months old, still acts a lot like a puppy. It's constantly jumping on me and trying to lick me and all that kind of stuff. I'm not a big fan of dogs but have actually warmed up to this one but I still don't like it licking me.

I'll try not to let the dogs be a problem, but finding out today that she's never going to sleep anywhere else without them has me more worried than I have been in the past about compatibility issues. She's made comments about bringing them to my house, like that's normal. She even said once she thought about bringing them when she came over for a couple hours. I didn't love that since we never talked about it and probably would have been a little irritated if she had just brought them over.

So, to get to my point, to those who have dated people with dogs is it normal for the owner of the dogs to never leave them alone overnight? Is this something I should just accept if I'm going to continue this relationship?

TLDR: woman I am dating has two dogs that she refuses to leave alone at night even though they are left alone during the day while she's at work. It means I will always have to visit her if there's going to be overnight visits. I don't know that I can do this. Am I expecting too much?

Why do I keep thinking about an ex even though I know they treated me so poorly? 😡

I keep putting it off because it feels so “ugh” so much effort. pointless conversations. feelings of potential, then having it not work, love bombing, ghosting. talking to multiple people at the same time.. it’s a lot.

But I’m not going to find my person just sitting here wanting to fast forward through it and get to the part where we can cuddle on the couch, watch movies, make dinner together, go on adventures, vacations, all the good stuff.

So anyone have suggestions on how to keep the stress down, maybe even find a way to enjoy the journey?

I’m going to do an exercise writing down all the qualities I like in parters, then kind of sort them as must/Very Want/Want/Great but not required. Hopefully to get some clarity when i look at potential dates.

I’d love for more suggestions though!

So I need you guys to help me understand what’s going on- I am 48F dating 40M and we r both in great physical shape - strong , athletic, eat well, don’t drink. So we had sex for the first time and we were both emotionally in tune and falling in love with each other. He was hard for almost the entire time but could not cum. He said it is very mental and I and more than willing to help him get comfortable and be patient with him ( and him with me). So guys ( and gals) - what is happening here ? And how can I make him feel at ease ?

I'm newly single at 40 years old and have been dating for about six months now. I married my college sweetheart (who then cheated on me...) and I'm near the end of the divorce process.

Maybe I just don't know how to date or how to be charming to new women. I've only been square in the friend zone for women for two decades. But I feel like the vast majority of my first dates are *fine* and fun but I don't feel attracted or get any sense of a romantic spark.

What's normal? Do you give it a few dates to see if something develops? Do you give up and cut bait as soon as you don't feel initial attraction?

I have just learned that female condoms are a thing, and I’m intrigued. I like the idea of a barrier method that, as a woman, I have total control over. Anyone used them? What was the experience like?

Edit: for those who reply, please indicate if you are a man or a woman, as I’m sure the experience varies based on that fact.