(36m 36f)Wife and I have good sex, but we are tired, she's busy, and we just had a weird conversation. What should I do next?

My wife and I have a great relationship. I genuinely think after 10 years, with two small kids, financial trouble, etc we will probably be together forever. We are in sync, and very clear with each other on most things. We have really good sex and are sexually compatible as well. I am a guy who truly believes that pleasuring your partner is just as important as your own experience.

I have always felt stifled sexually though and am always trying to reach a point of sexual confidence and liberation. I was raised very conservatively and Christian, sex was bad unless procreating, I am still fighting that. My wife however did not grow up like that, she has all the confidence in the world in all matters. She has never felt that sexual guilt that I felt. Because of this I am always trying to talk about sex, improve it, and have more. Last night I got triggered when she told me she was tired and we need to go to bed so we can have sex quick. I should have just had sex, but I got mad, it just seemed so dispassionate, like it was being given to me as pity, were I had been waiting all week to fuck because we hadn't had time and I am full of sexual energy. I also have felt she hasn't been horny enough for me, or as interested in pleasing me as I am her, all these feelings came through at the same time. I decided we should talk about it, and basically she gets pissed. She says she is stressed out, tired, trying to manage and improve everything that she doesn't want to think about our sex life too. I didn't know what to do with this, sex is part of our relationship and our relationship comes first for me. She was exhausted after talking so we just went to sleep, she hasn't brought it up since. I've been in my head about it so I haven't brought it up. I've also been second guessing myself, am I too insecure? Am I just bringing this up too much? Am I too horny? We have some good things going, she's pretty much down for anything. Once we get started she gets very energetic and having a great time. She will let me wake her up, she will wake me up etc. She doesn't initiate much though, and never really seems horny for me or lusting after me.

Anyway, I guess I'm hoping I can find someone with similar thoughts to help me work this through.

I know it sounds like a first world problem to be complaining about but it’s started to make my wife feel bad about herself.

Lots of foreplay and talking/teasing, leading to a hot session, but for the life of me I am been struggling to finish. After a while of penetration, I know it’s not going to happen and she of course blames herself. She will try to finish me off in other ways, sometimes it works but others she is spending way too much time trying.

Is this something that others have come across? I guess it’s better than busting 30 seconds in but it’s not fun for either of us

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I (29f) consider myself to be a progressive woman, and I’m proud of how far women have come in recent years in protecting and advancing our rights to live the lives we want to live. It’s especially powerful to see our advancement against objectification and sl*t-shaming.

However - my dirty secret is that in spite of myself, I find myself enjoying being occasionally objectified, and feel kind of excited from time to time when I am treated that way. If I’m catcalled in public, my initial response isn’t disgust or being offended (although I may pretend to be) - its appreciation and excitement at getting that kind of attention. I wear revealing clothing on occasion, knowing I will get looks and stares, and I like that feeling, even though I know I “shouldn’t.” If I hear an inappropriate or objectifying comment of any kind, my initial sensation is pride and excitement.

My husband doesn’t even know the extent that I have these thoughts, because I feel shame around them.

I’d love to hear others’ perspectives on this.

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I'm his sub, but I'm delighted with pegging. Can it be reconciled?

Fetish

That's basically it from the title, guys,

My relationship was naturally organized into this sub and dom dynamic. I LOVE being submissive to him, both in sex and in life in general.

I love that he treats me like his little girl, I love how careful and affectionate he is with me since we met and this progressed towards soft domination during sex, until we discovered the concept of gentle domination which is so perfect that it seems like it was created for us lol

Anyway, a few weeks ago I saw the first pegging video of my life. Like, I already knew it existed and so on, but I was never curious, until I accidentally saw this medium. And since then I can't stop fantasizing about it.

I'm addicted to the idea. I send him videos all day long.

I presented it to him, and he said he never felt like it, but that he would try it without any problems.

But I'm a little afraid that this will change our relationship, the way we see each other.

Tell me your experiences, please

So, my wife & I have been married over a decade, & orgasms became the focus of our intimacy a few years ago. Now that she’s cumming consistently(& in multiples), her complaint is that she’s driving force behind her O’s.(Her riding)

She’s been distant lately & expressed today that she wants her orgasms to come FROM me, not just WITH me. I provide them orally, from the side, & many times in doggy. She’s tired from work a lot & is stressing wanting me to “tighten up my stroke”, & provide them in missionary, so that she doesn’t have to ride/do the work. Part of the reason that I don’t “love missionary” is because I don’t last as long, & I’d be the only one to finish if I led with it. Lol

I understand her perspective, but it sucks because everything else in our marriage is on the uptick, & now the focus is back on “orgasms yet again”. Feels like taking another step back because of this. Her whole demeanor changes when she’s not getting what she wants how she wants sexually. Just feels like a lot of pressure to provide that. Am I putting too much pressure on myself? Is this an easier fix than I think? Has anyone else when from the presumed lazy one to the one doing the work?

My wife and I are on a journey of sexual discovery, re-writing what we knew about each other. We’ve been together for 10 years now, working on our sex lives for 4 years.

I’m wondering if any other couples have been through the same? If so, any stories and advice would be amazing.

In 2019, my wife stopped orgasming during sex. Things ground to a halt. It took 4 years of reading, experimenting, and heartache, for her to admit that she’s never been able to orgasm (although maybe a mini-orgasm? She doesn’t know). Now that’s off her chest, she’s much more willing to help re-build our sexual relationship.

Since this revelation, we’ve been in couples therapy and things are a lot better. There’s more levity in the air. She listens to audio erotica and is slowly building her own sense of sexuality – rather than following what she thought I would like. She doesn't like masturbating, but things are trending upwards. We're both better for each other.

I’ll admit that I find it hard to trust her sometimes. Is she into this sex, or trying to hold our marriage together? She already hid her lack of orgasm from me, who’s to say she’s faking enthusiasm now? Sometimes she'll flirt like she used to, and it can be jarring. Therapy has greatly helped this. I actively try to avoid those thoughts day-to-day.

As much as I abstain from worrying about the future, I’m wondering if any other couples have run into something similar? To re-build a sexual relationship. When did it feel like enough? Trusting that your partner is as engaged as you are?

We’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts. Perhaps some medical advice and AASECT therapy would help. It’s hard on her trying to discover herself and be in a committed relationship, and I'm trying to meet her in the middle as best I can.

Edit: These replies are a great perspective, thanks for this community and input.

I wanted to clarify that we're not necessarily "chasing" her orgasm — Instead we're trying to renavigate our sex lives. She leans into self discovery a lot more now, but her orgasm may just be tiny, and we'll work with whatever we've got. As long as she's able to enjoy sex, and we don't put pressure on it. Not always easy!

So my husband (31) is an actual maintenance man. And we always do the same “work order” stuff. I want to surprise him with something different then the same “I need work done and I’m all alone” he comes during lunch and we play..

Last night we were doing it and I started talking about how he’s such a great worker and knows how to handle and throughly do his job and he absolutely loved it. And I love pleasing him, making him turned on gets me turned on even more. So any ideas I can add to really get him going?

I hope this is the right sub for this! Lol.

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Well, I've recently opened my ten year long relationship with my sex repulsed partner.... We both have very different needs in terms of physicality (I am a very sexual person, they are not) and this is the only serious relationship I've ever had so needless to say, despite not being very young, I really don't have a lot of experience! With dating, sex, and absolutely not with anything kinky.

Here's the thing. At heart, I want kinky experiences. I have been pining for them for AGES. and now that I have the opportunity to look for those experiences, I find myself shaking with anxiety because I think most people would expect people my age (in my 30s) to have at least SOME sort of sexual experience, especially if they wanna dive into the kinky stuff. I already struggle a lot with social anxiety so even talking with people in general is difficult for me. I need to start somewhere but I hate the idea that I will be disappointing someone looking for something more from me, or that they have to hold my hand and babysit me. I feel so self conscious and out of my depth but I want to finally take hold of my sex life and make it how I've always dreamed.

My pie-in-the-sky (at least, that's how it feels to me right now, lol) goal is to go to a bdsm club someday but I definitely lack the courage for that right now. How do I find people? How do I find people specifically who will not judge me as I find my footing? I don't even know where to begin.

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

In a long term relationship 10yrs not married and we live seperately... Would it be considered cheating if I were to visit my local strip club?? Also considering that I am nota a drinker or smoker and that May only reason for going out would be to see some T&A ... That said I'm not looking to hook up or cheat.. This would be just a trip out for eyecandy. Could this be viewed as cheating? If so is watching porn or subing to an onlyfans cheating?

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Post topics that typically are removed from the main feed – polling-style questions, common topics questions, etc. – are generally allowed in here. Story posts however do not belong here.

The thread stays pinned throughout the week for people’s convenience. Ask away!

Wife and I haven't watched porn together in many years, back in the day we had a bunch of free porn channels on our hacked Direct TV box and we would watch porn a few times a month. (god damn I miss all that free porn at the push of a button, so much easier and more organic to watch that way)

Recently she has been dropping some strong hints that she would like to watch some again. I don't really watch porn other than occasionally flipping through pornhub for a few minutes. But I don't think pornhub and it's quick scenes is what she would want to watch, I think she would be wanting to watch full movies with different scenes start to finish etc. It would kind of take away from the sexiness of it if we were scrolling through scenes to pick a new video every 5 minutes

So I'm here to ask what the good porn options are.

Free full length movies if possible.

A small monthly fee (especially with a cheap trial) would be ok too. But still want full movies.

Not looking for anything too wild, just good ol' couples fucking. Not really interested in amateur channels. More something like Vivid or Brazzer type videos.

I would be down to pay for a monthly or annual subscription, but that's probably putting the cart before the horse at this point.

So help me out here, where should we go for this?

Something that can be loaded up on the Firestick so that we can watch on the big TV would be nice, but just on a computer would work as well.

Help a brother out here, I miss watching porn with the wife, it makes her fuck harder😀

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

Hello I'm new here and I am looking forward to learning and reading about sexover30.

My question is I am relatively a little above average in size as I sit 5 and half almost 6 inches. My fiance recently has been been having issues on satisfying herself and me as she is bigger than me and has trouble holding her weight up when on top

and I was curious what positions or items you use to help maneuver and achieve orgasm for bigger women? Is there a device or machine that can assist her and help her bounce on my penis and not have her have to hold herself as much? She is 280lbs I'm 180lbs. I genuinely appreciate your insight in advance.

Kind Regards

Hi, like in the title. We are bored of our sex live or maybe I’m tired of coming up with new things all the time. We are straight couple, we like playing and use sex toys. Most of the time I am looking for ideas for evening, sex. Most of the time we do oral on both of us, some PIV, dildos and orgasms. Sometimes massage. 90% of the evenings are the same. Could you give me some ideas where to look for ideas?

I talked with wife that I would be happy if she initiated sex with her ideas more often. I am thinking about starting private chat on WhatsApp with wife and send her some links with sex scenarios/ideas to read to light up, but don’t know how to start it. I’m afraid I will scare her

Husband and I, both late 30s, have 4 kids ranging from 8 to 2. We had a great sex life before and during the child bearing years but ever since we decided to end that part of our life (ie no more kids), my sex drive has gone to zero. I'm in yasmin have been my entire life since my first period till we started trying for kids without any side effects.

Next to that I also notice I have just a lot of irritability build up and maybe leading towards depression (I have had trouble with that after I had several miscarriages). Or just overall lack of confidence /moodiness around having to go look for a job (I had a high level career but took a break for the family which I wanted to not miss out on)

I wonder if others have experienced something similar, is going back in anticonception in your later years have had negative effects yiu didn't have before? Does everyone talk to a psychiatrist (my hubby says I should find someone to deal with I feel it's not a real problem but am I denial),

Looking for advise, or experiences how people got out of this cycle and got back in the driver's seat.

Hello,

I (m30) gets some kind of yeast always after my gf (30) gives me oral sex.

I went to several doctors and they always told me is a very an infection (nothing to bad according to them) that will disappear fast (which happens)

Nonethelles this drives me crazy thinking that every oral sex of my life would trigger this kind of problem.

Has anyoane else experienced something similar?

Thx Bob

Wife (F33) and I (M32) have been discussing going to Berlin for a short sexcation (Friday - Sunday). We visited the city as “ordinary tourists” B.C. (before children) and have fond memories.

We both enjoy our sex life and have been dipping our toes into more kinky stuff such as light bondage, spanking, and femdom in the bedroom, but the kink community is rather small where we live and both our jobs are semi-public profile, so we have been hesitant to take the leap into something more.

Hence, the idea going to Berlin for the Venus convention came up as a joke, but neither of us have been able to let go of it. If we were to go, does anyone here have great ideas for kinky, sexual, and/or sensual stuff to do in Berlin, or simply ways to ensure we have a nice and steamy sexcation? We are particularly interested if folks know of exciting sex or latex shops in/around Berlin, or sex clubs where we might safely explore having sex together without opening up.

Thanks in advance for all your input 🙏

My wife and I have always had the fantasy of being watched by someone while having sex but never really acted on it. We aren't interested in swinging or meeting up with random people at a hotel, we just want someone we know to come into our room and watch us.

A few weeks back, a new couple joined our friend group and they are very open about their sex lives which is basically unlike anyone else in the group. The wife is telling my wife all about their sex lives and what kinds of things they are into and what type of lingerie and toys she buys. This couple is really banging hard. Then she is helping my wife pick out lingerie. Now they are planning on doing pole dancing classes together.

This is all pretty funny because the rest of the couples in this group are pretty square about sex in general. To my knowledge, she is really only sharing this stuff with my wife. We have never really had the opportunity to talk about our sex life with other people but it actually feels pretty liberating. So anyways, I don't get the impression they are swingers but they clearly like having a lot of wild sex.

Is it crazy for us to consider asking if she (not including her husband) wants to watch us have sex? With the things she is telling my wife, I couldn't imagine her being offended about this request. Worst case scenario she says no. Thoughts on all of this?

I don't even quite know how to put this. I'm 46, wife 48. We have good sex life and its been on a great trajectory in last couple of years. Many new aspects brought to the table....but...and this is where I'm confused...she does not mentally turn me on much. I love dirty talk, texts, telling me how it's going to be etc. But it's very rare that she initiates that aspects. If I do ill get something back but often perfunctory. We have a dedicated what's app chat foe filth talk and ita obviosuly been driven by me. She still physically initiates as do I but I like to play with the mind too and I'm feeling a little.....I don't know....lonely?

Stupid but wondering if anyone can relate....

still physically active but I'm losing interest 😬

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

Is it just me, or does the act of sex and even desire for it seems so weird when you have had a long time away from doing it?

For the first time in my formerly highly sexual life, I find the whole process just so baffling and odd. Due to inadvertently developing a sex aversion due to anxiety of hurting my wife while she was pregnant, and still have it even 6 months after birth and given the all clear, I find it difficult to conjure up and focus on the desire within myself to enjoy doing it. (My wife on the other hand is game for it and is otherwise good to go.)

After a recent first attempt, the physical side of things feels alien and I wonder if I'll ever enjoy it again. I feel the idea of being able to derive mutual sexual pleasure seems like a fallacy. The heights of having a mind blowing sex life that people talk/sing about and thoroughly enjoy seems a far far Everest type summit to me.

Has anyone else felt like this? Does it come back? Does it forever feel... Weird? Is full satisfaction a long gone possibility?

Like literally... If I come describe it as an emoji it's this 😕 Lol

Mid 30s M, normal-above average testosterone, regularly working out etc.

Every week, we offer this thread as a way for people to ask simple/basic questions from the sub’s readership.

Post topics that typically are removed from the main feed – polling-style questions, common topics questions, etc. – are generally allowed in here. Story posts however do not belong here.

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We've been together five years and it's something we've discussed from the beginning. I expressed to her again the other evening that sometimes I feel lost during sex, and asked if there were certain ways she liked to be touched, or areas that really turned her on when kissed. I get the same two responses, "I'll tell you when I don't like something" or "I'll keep you posted."

I feel like these aren't satisfactory answers. Is this something I should just accept and carry on business as usual? Or is there another way I should be approaching this to get her to open up more? Most of the time I feel confident, but every so often I feel like there's something more I could be doing. Apparently there isn't.

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

All right, sexy people, what have you been up to? Let’s hear all about the good, bad, funny, weird, fun, and amazing things that have happened!

I just got a surge of hormones a few months ago and have been hyper sexual since. All of a sudden I want sex 24/7. I can’t stop imagine getting railed by my husband or on my knees sucking him off. I want to act on my kinks, developing new kinks. I’ve been more vocal about these feelings to my husband and he’s basically just not reacting the way I want him to. “Ok sounds good” or “do whatever makes you happy”. He’ll still have sex with me and be rough and stuff, but outside of that he’s just not as horny as I am, and that makes me feel.. inadequate? For example today I wanted to wear my plug while doing errands. I asked him what he thought about it and he basically just shrugged it off. Told me it wasn’t hot for him but he supports me if that’s what I want. I ended up going out with it in anyway but I think it’s be hotter if he was into it?

We have 2 kids and do mostly 50/50 share of childcare and household chores. We both work full time jobs. I don’t know what else I can do to get him into the mood as much as I am. Perhaps this is just the eb and flow of a long term relationship?