Hey people,

I wanted to share three books that have been particularly helpful for me while navigating the storm of my midlife crisis.

The first is "Happier" by Tal Ben-Shahar. It's a self-help book that blends scientific research with practical exercises to guide readers toward greater happiness and fulfillment. Drawing from his popular Harvard course on positive psychology, Ben-Shahar introduces concepts like the "hamburger model" of happiness and different "happiness archetypes" to illustrate how people pursue joy. He emphasizes balancing present enjoyment with future goals and encourages finding meaning through personal growth and relationships. The book offers actionable steps and reflections, helping individuals cultivate lasting happiness by aligning their daily activities with their deepest values and aspirations. This book was key in understanding that I needed to focus on myself and the people who are important to me.

The second is "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. Most of you probably know this one, but I will give a brief intro for whoever doesn't. It is also a self-help book that explores how small, consistent actions can lead to significant personal transformation over time. Clear delves into the science of habit formation, introducing the "Four Laws of Behavior Change" to help readers build good habits and break bad ones. He emphasizes that tiny changes, or "atomic habits," compound over time to produce remarkable results. The book provides practical strategies for making habits obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. Through engaging anecdotes and evidence-based advice, Clear empowers readers to design an environment and mindset conducive to lasting positive change. This book taught me not to focus on grandiose changes or accomplishments; that only leads to procrastination and/or frustration. It is much better to start with little changes, being realistic and consistent. The objectives become bigger and bigger naturally over time, but first you need to show yourself that you can actually change and accomplish things. That builds and rewires your mindset; it makes you stronger.

The third is "Start with Why" by Simon Sinek. This is a leadership and motivational book that delves into the importance of identifying and communicating the underlying purpose behind actions. Sinek introduces the concept of the "Golden Circle," which comprises three layers: Why, How, and What. He argues that successful leaders and organizations begin by defining their "Why"—their core mission and beliefs—before addressing the "How" and "What." By focusing on the reason behind their endeavors, they inspire trust, loyalty, and long-term success. The book includes real-world examples of influential leaders and companies, encouraging readers to discover and articulate their own "Why" to achieve greater impact. Often, I will read a book and transfer the underlying concepts to other areas of my life. This book focuses mostly on leaders and organizations, but it is also helpful, at least it was to me, to think of purpose on a more personal, intimate level. Having purpose in life is a powerful, maybe indispensable, engine for change and growth.

Are there any books that you would recommend for this phase of life?

Thanks for reading my long post.

40M. Got married when I was 25 to my first love. Have a 6 yr old. She's always been with me thick and thin during my struggle. Over the years i built a good business and sucessful by any standard.

But since 2 years I have a feeling that I have missed so many things and being regretful about it. I missed on dating and partying, which most of my peers have been doing. Somehow I feel I was in a rush in life. If I meet a woman now and she's being nice to me, I think of how I missed meeting many woman in life. Then I am stuck with should I talk to her again or I'm doing the right thing etc. I have infact avoid social gatherings for this reasons. is this normal? This feeling at times gets overwhelming.

So. Is this some sort of nostalgic depression or something else? How do I stop? This started right at the end of my 39th year and has been a bit of hell on my 40th.

The past year I have been ate with the thought of that I DONT want to grow up..I dont want my family to grow up.

Why? --- I Dont want my kids to grow up and leave one day. I dont want my parents to get older. I Dont want anything to happen to my wife or I.

Why? --- I dont feel like i would ever get to experience these things or moments ever again, be it this time again one day in this life or the after.

But how do I know that we wont get these experiences again? --- I dont know that I wont. I mean I love the little voices of my children now, the sweet little silly things they do and say, my parents (their grandparents) enjoying these these things, and I really miss the smaller stages. I feel like I missed it by how quick it flew by.

Its like I feel like we are just bits of sand in a hourglass, and the time is just running out non stop. Every day that passes, its like the sand drops faster and faster.

Am I taking everything in with my all? Did I take in everything in the past with my all? If not, I cant go back to be able to. My memory doesnt let me recall what I feel is enough to confirm that I did indeed live in the present through the stages to where we are now.

I cant go back and recreate those exact times \ feelings \ memories. I cant go back and right my wrongs. The bits and peices I have are my faint memory and captured videos and pictures. I have a problem with letting things go. I hold on to inanimate objects that have any sort of relation to those special times or memories or baby and toddler stages.(toys, books, clothes, anything...It could be junk). It pains me to think about letting these things go, never to be seen again. It feels like a part of me and these special times, leaves as well.

Why cant I look at these past experiences with 100% happiness? They were happy moments not meant to be seen as sad because they are gone.

I should feel lucky that I get to experience anything. Many husbands / wives / parents never make it to get to experience the things I have. To my knowledge everyone around me is happy and healthy. Tons of people cant say that. Everyone is meant to grow. Us. Our children. Our parents. Everything. Many dont get to see this growth. Be happy. Why cant I now?

I am a Christian. Not a great one, but I am. Is this happening because Its like I am not sure if this is all we get? Why do I have any sort of doubt that we wont live forever and Ill be able to be with my loved ones eternal? I doubt and question everything I cant see or do not understand. How do people have that 100% faith? Would I be and feel better if I did?

Its a little more calming to think that there is the 50% chance that we do indeed all get the chance to be together eternally.

I have been blessed beyond belief with a beautiful and loving wife, amazing children, great family, and all my needs always met. It urks me to think that I wouldnt have all of this forever. But I may?

The unknown. Is that what this all boils down to? Is this what causes the constant battle in my mind and body?

What is this depression? It really all hit hard and started after this past Christmas when my first baby finally stopped believing in Santa and I realized life is moving forward. Help! i cry often when no one is around, just because of the way i feel and how it doesnt leave me alone. I wish these feelings on no one.

Hey friends, this is my first post on Reddit, so please be gentle.

I feel like I'm finally coming out of a midlife crisis and wanted to share some experiences that helped me cope with the situation and ask how other people dealt with it.

I found that exercise was extremely helpful as a starting point. I wasn't doing much at the time, so I started swimming in a group with a coach every day, mostly for consistency and accountability, but I also made new friends along the way. That step changed my mood, my mindset, my routine, my muscle tone, my posture, and my energy levels. I can't stress how important that was for me.

I started reading a book per week (mostly Audible audiobooks). I chose them randomly on purpose, with no particular agenda. I just wanted to open my mind to new ideas and perspectives in order to refresh myself and tickle my brain. I'm finding patterns and associating ideas from fields that in theory are unrelated. It feels like I'm rewiring my brain in a way.

I'm spending much more time on relationships. I'm carefully curating who I spend time with and the quality of our time together, in particular with my loved ones. Revisiting these relationships with more intention and seeking a deeper connection has been very revealing and heartwarming.

I feel so much better now and am looking forward to the future. I was wondering what other people have experienced and what tools or resources they've found useful in this stage of life.

Any thoughts?

...lay there for at least an hour paralyzed half sleepy with a horror slideshow playing mercilessly of every single event you regret?

And you just cringe at yourself doing embarrassing things and lament all the missed opportunities and dumb choices in a hell spiral of negative thoughts?

Afraid to wake fully up to distract yourself because you might lose even more sleep if you do?

45M married, kids, great home life, satisfied with work, just starting some new hobbies after kids have grown up a bit. General midlife mindset.

After a couple years of Midlife pondering (not so much crisis) ive come to the conclusion that the following would solve most guys midlife issues:

Every 6 months or so a random woman comes up and says to him ‘if you weren’t married i would fuck your brains out’. And walks away.

I’m a late 40’s female, a few kids, dog, cat, home and cabin owner, happily married, financially stable. By external measures, I’ve been very successful - promotions, money, reputation, friends, massive network. I recently took an intentional year off work to focus on the kids and to escape a very toxic boss. I’m trying to get back in the game, but I’m really lacking the desire, motivation and a lot of the traits that made people perceive me as successful.

Here is the dilemma: I feel like such a fraud. I semi stumbled into this career out of sheer fortune and luck… and feel like I managed to keep up the facade for so very long, but I just can’t anymore. I worked in a team environment, so I credit so much of my success to other people.

I feel like I want to reinvent myself, but into what? I spent so very long chasing down jobs that paid well and had the stress that came with it, that I don’t have hobbies or interests. I also used to be fun, but the social events drowning in alcohol have really gotten to me and I just don’t want to jump back into that. But I need to do something and my husband wants me to go back, for financial reasons and because I’m not contributing much to the intellectual engagement right now, but I don’t want to be HER anymore.

Does anyone else feel like this? It’s almost like I don’t know the person I used to be or that she was a total imposter and I don’t know how to re-enter that life again.

*edit to fix typo

Early 40’s, together for 20 yrs, married 14 yrs, DB for 11 of those. Seriously considering leaving. Already had one conversation about either opening the marriage or separating. He doesn’t want to do either of those and instead asked for another chance.

Here’s the thing… I love him, he’s my best friend, my partner, but obviously not my lover. Things have become so platonic that I’m not even sure we could get back to that romantic place.

I love the life we’ve built together, I love our pets, I love doing things with him and traveling with him. He’s kind and supportive and considerate and thoughtful. He is a tremendous help around the house cooking and cleaning when I work late. There’s just no intimacy. No hugging, no kissing, no cuddling, no snuggling, no sex.

Am I wrong to let the intimacy issue be a deal breaker? Does that really out way all the positives? Am I just pining for lost youth and experiences that I’ll never have?

I (44m) have been increasingly depressed and anxious over the last 2 years. I quit drinking and started working out. Changed jobs to get out of a toxic workplace, but none of it has been beneficial in getting me in a better place.

I live in a rural area and commute 1 - 1.5 hrs each way for work. It's a good job, great pay, and the company is pretty easy going on a lot of things. But the commute is brutal and Houston drivers are terrible and it's usually an hour of white knuckle driving or getting stuck and taking longer.

I've only got a few friends and they all live out of the area so we don't get to see them very often. We've tried making friends in the area but don't culturally fit in with our neighbors. We could look at more clubs and social groups, but by the time I get home or on the weekend I am wiped and really don't want to do much. I built a workshop to work on my car and do some woodworking, but since changing jobs I don't really get out there much. I have also stopped working out because my schedule leaves me with little time during the week.

Lastly the heat and climateis not something I enjoy. We lived in Seattle for 7-8 years and I became very accustom to the climate and overall environment, just couldn't afford to live there then.

All of that said, I want to move to New England and I'm being told it's just a midlife crisis and it'll pass. Am I the only one who has been here. What were things that have helped y'all.

The difference between dating in your twenties and dating in your fixities. No time to waste or to pretend when you're 50+.

https://reddit.com/link/1g7mt2p/video/rr02al0k3tvd1/player

At least from what I can observe based on my personal experience and everyone else I know is that ok average in our teenage years and our 20s we're surrounded of friends and opportunities for social interaction quite more often than after our 30s.

Life gets busy, some are raising kids, some taking care of sick parents, some focusing on career. We are tired, we stop making the effort to go out and meet people (new or old friends) in our free time. We share less, we listen less, we lock ourselves in small isolated bubbles, etc...

Yes there's everything else. But, I do feel this decrease in social activity and interaction with friends is a huge contributor to this feeling of disatisfaction that acompanies midlife. Anyone else agrees?

If not, why? Can you share some challenging points?

If yes, why are we so bad at changing this pattern?

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As big tech/AI continues to eat away at the low-tier admin jobs and AI marketing / early adoption hype/paranoia continues to eat away at our minds, it seems ever shorter sloggany solutions are in order. If you are male and lost, you'll inevitable get told some version of "get a trade" advice or that someone's husband's cousin's loser brother is now a plummer and making bucks. This is all great (for the loser borther), but the focus is usually on making a ton of money, at the expense of the second and third order consequences for physical health. The more truthful ones will say it, that it may be a bit sexist, but they think "men will be happier" if they do physical labor. The truth is if you look at the lives of those who work those jobs and listen to their health complains or the kind of work environment they have to deal with or impact on their social/dating life, it gives a much better picture. This is all common sense enough...I guess but the meme eats away at a psyche in existential tumult. Not expecting much understanding but just curious for those who made the switch with college degrees prior if they've been able to make it work for them?

Late 30s M. Have a few credits short of Chem degree and a useless social science degree as well and worked in lower level data-analysis/admin but hated it. At my wit's end and with little support and not sure I have it in me to try at therapy one more time with the therapist I can currently afford. Surely there should be better option than this or military for someone dead inside and with something to prove.

Could really use some advice. The best I could think of was being a chef or maybe work in nature and put chem degree to use. Thanks.

I recently attended my 20th class reunion and it felt like a lifetime had passed since we were all so young and eager to explore the world. There came a moment when I saw my old professor who believed so deeply in me as a student and told me I would go far in life. As she asked me about the last 20 years, I had to try really hard not to cry because I had accomplished so little.

Despite being at the top of my class and commanding a lot of respect from my faculty and peers, the truth was that I had a mental breakdown shortly after graduation due to my relationship with my mentally ill mother and miserable alcoholic father. College had minimized my contact with them, but post-college life re-established these painful connections, both of whom I decided to abandon. Following a few very lost years that included a stint with the military where every second person I met was a complete loser, I have held low level corporate jobs but have accomplished nothing of substance.

Although I can pay my bills and have enough saved for retirement, I live a very empty and solitary life. No friends, no relationships… nothing and no one except my dog. How do I accomplish anything at this point? I’m eager to make up for lost time, but don’t know how.

I'm a 39F who is having a midlife crisis. Backstory- I moved out of my parents at 38 for the first time. At 18 I had so much drive and zest for life. I went off to college, but was forced back home in 2008 due to the financial crisis and it has taken me 16 years to relaunch. I'm a teacher now with my masters making 100K now, but I'm single (never dated) with no kids going through perimenopause, hence the midlife crisis. I have so many regrets and resentments I don't know how to move on. When I went off to college the first time I had savings, but still had to rely on parents which proves to be a diaster. My mother used my student loan money to payoff debts, or borrowed money, or never came through when I needed them. I learned I couldn't rely on anyone but myself which made me so fearful. Unless I had savings I did't take any risks. I moved home, tried to save money to move out again, but so many obstacles kept getting in my way, multiple car accidents, medical issues, depression. It didn't matter what I did I couldn't get out. I became a substitute teacher for really low pay because there were only 3 industries in my remote town. Before I knew it I substitute taught for 11 years and finally gave in and got my credential. I didn't date because I lived at home. Now I've moved out I realized what I missed out on that I can't get back. My credential is in history and for those that don't know, its literally almost impossible to get a high school history position, to the point my credential advisor said do NOT do a history credential as I would never get a job. I lucked out. I moved to an area for a good paying job but in an area I hate. I'm recently perimenopausal at 39 so I might not be able to have kids. ( I don't know if I wanted them or not, but I'm now afraid of living and dying alone). I've never dated due to self esteem issues, horrible family neglect, and I'm incredentiably lonely now. I don't know how to move on from this. Please help. I have no support system because I had to cut off my family. Any women that have any success stories? I need hope.

Life has just hit me like a freakin wrecking ball lately. I’m 39m, I’ve had mild depression and anxiety over the past year, I’m ADHD, my therapist thinks there’s a little bit of the PTSD sprinkled in there somewhere. I’ve always been good at setting aside my emotions and feelings and it’s like a flood gate opened and I just can’t anymore. I’m just coming out of a 5+ year relationship as of last week.

I don’t know that relationship was a big blow to me. I just had all my future plans with her and it just all kind of blew up in my face. Destroyed my self confidence and self image. Between the relationship and Covid and such I became much more of an introvert. I guess I just don’t know who I am anymore, it got lost somewhere along the way. Like I’m not the person I used to be and I have all this time to myself now and I don’t know what to do with it.

Just kind of in a weird place in my life, not really sure what to do. I have a weird pent up energy but no outlet and I feel like I’m meant to do something more but I don’t know.

Hi, what would you do if you were me?

I'm in my mid forties and consider myself a pretty average guy.

I work in advertising and have worked hard my entire life. I'm not particularly ambitious but I am a perfectionist, problem solver and hate the status quo. If I'm not moving forward I'm restless.

As a result I've found success because more senior people than me generally want me on their team and as a result I've been fortunate to move up the corporate ladder to a c-suite position. I earn good money, have job security and work with good people.

To many, (myself included), I'd be considered someone that's 'made it'.

The problem is I feel completely unfulfilled. I fell into advertising straight out of uni and have worked in the industry for over 24 years.

The company I work for has ambition but little motivation to make it happen. The work I do is starting to feel more monotonous and repetitive. Weeks and months feel like they are full of the same problems just on different clients.

I know my corporate life is no different to many others. My situation isn't special, the company I work for probably isn't unlike many others around the world.

Recently though I've lost friends to cancer, tragic accidents and suicide and it's made be reflect on my life.

I've started to question whether I'm really living the life I want to be living. Whether I'm living a meaningful life.

Is a high paying but stressful job with long hours what 'making it' really means?

There's something deep inside me that is telling me that what I want and what I have don't align.

That I should be living in the country, doing something entirely different to what I am right now. Still working hard but taking full responsibility for my own life.

Growing vegetables and raising animals vs picking stuff up at the supermarket.

Cooking every meal vs getting takeout because I've worked late again.

Living with the land instead of living surrounded by concrete.

But there's also part of me telling me that I must be crazy to give up what I have. Millions if not billions of people would kill to be in my position.

I don't know what to do and how to reconcile these conflicting feelings.

I feel like I'm having a mid life crisis!

Can anyone relate?

Has anyone been in the same position I have?

If so what did you do and was it the right decision?

I used to be pretty good at inline skating… 25 years ago. I thought it would be a fun activity to get back into to try and loose weight and get back into shape. I had this idea it would be like riding a bike, it is not. Has anyone else retaught themselves with success?

I had been in a relationship with my soulmate for 4 years before he broke up with me. For reference I am a 35 year old woman and he is currently 51 years old. Our age didn’t define us tho, he was charming, funny, silly, very intelligent, and runs a successful business. I almost felt like our ages were reversed and I was older than him at times as well because of how gregarious and personable he is. He was in an extremely toxic relationship since he was 18, having come from a very unstable childhood and early adulthood and got married to the first women he claimed to love in his youth. This did not work out well for him, although they had 3 wonderful children out of it. Fast forward to when he finally had to courage to separate from her and met me shortly after. It was love at first sight for both of us, and we definitely embarked on a whirlwind romance that continued to last for 4 years. I thought I had met my forever partner and I couldn’t have been happier. That’s why it came as such a shock to me last year when he broke up with me. We had been having done arguments, but nothing that I would have ever let come between us. I was even suggesting therapy for us or individually because I knew I was feeling a certain way that I wanted to change, and after the breakup I did reevaluate myself with a therapist and now I am doing much better. Except for the fact that I now believe I am going through a midlife crisis because of how freely and easily my ex and I just became ingrained in each others lives, became not just lovers but also best friends, had mainly the same interests, similar groups of friends, ambitions, etc. I guess I just felt so blindsided with him going from being in love with me to acting weird for a month and then breaking up with me. I don’t get it and I don’t think I ever will. When the breakup was fresh and I was hurt and confused and trying to figure out what happened, he told me not to try to figure it out because he doesn’t even understand what is going on with himself. I have since lost interest as he began seeing other women (while I remained single to work on myself and my emotions and to avoid a rebound) and seemed to enjoy being the life of the party and hanging out with his friends very frequently. While he wanted to get married to me when we were first dating, I put the brakes on that because I wanted to enjoy the love we shared and I don’t like to rush into things like marriage. A few years later he decided that he didn’t want to get married again, that every woman who wouldn’t do a prenup was just out for money (as he is paying a pretty hefty dub to his ex wife for alimony and child support per month) and that he just wanted to be free. My question is, I don’t know why this relationship had such an impact on me and I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to make new friends compared to me ex, or even feel good about my life. I admit I am not as vivacious as he is, and I do like to do my own thing a lot. I would consider myself a partial loner as I’m working to build a couple of different types of businesses. I also find myself unfulfilled in life, having a degree in a field I have no interest in and working 10x harder at 35 building these businesses than I did when I worked for employers when I was younger. Since I have moved out of his place, I feel like I have so much stuff to go through and either sell or donate, but I get so overwhelmed and I feel fixated on time and the prospect of aging and wanting to get every second in to enjoy and not do the nitty gritty like I used to do. I also feel like I snap more and my emotions see more volatile than they were when I was happy and in a relationship. I feel like time is passing me by and each second that goes by is a moment wasted where I could be having fun instead of working on something serious that could help my future. I have been feeling lonely inside even tho I feel more calm with having gone through therapy to address my emotional issues regarding my breakup. I read online a forums regarding midlife crises and I was so surprised to find out that they can occur even earlier than 35 years old, as I identify with everything listed under what it feels like to experience one. I’m trying to find peace in my life but I feel like the pain of feeling like I have lost my soulmate and best friend is hindering me from finding happiness. I don’t know what to do. Life feels so lonely and accelerated now to where I feel like I have to go a million miles an hour to keep up to feel happy and on top of things.

I’ve been considering trying to go back to school to do a masters. Logistically it’s easier than ever. You can even do them online in a couple of years part time. The cost now is depressing and I have no idea how I’d finance it. I’m also at the age when I now have children in college which makes it so much more complicated. Anyone else been down this road?

Do you ever feel that you’re being left behind in midlife? I have achieved more than enough academic credentials in my younger years to “supposedly” make a dent in my career. But I did not. With midlife— the self-doubt, the rat race others are engaged in, I became just a spectator wishing that people would actually see my worth. I felt like I should have “marketed” myself more in the past. But I was then obsessing about settling down with someone instead of actually using my leverage in academic credentials to advance my career. Now, in my 40’s, it’s too late. 😔🥺

I am 35F. I always thought I'd have a kid or a partner at some point in life but it seems like neither are happening.

Is there really any hope left for me? Can I still find someone? Did anyone find someone later in life? Am I fucking doomed? Is there something fundamentally broken inside me?

I'm in therapy. I have two therapists actually (one is a clinical psychologist). I'm bipolar so I am on medicines and stable (and I'm the boring kind of bipolar, I am high functioning and not "crazy"). I make 200K+ a year. I'm allegedly very hot. Highly educated. My resume is impressive. I have hobbies and lots of friends. People tend to like me and everyone says I am charming. I'm kind, funny, a good friend, full of love and very warm and kind and not a dick to anyone ever. I don't let men pay on dates and always split. I don't put out instantly but also don't wait an inordinate amount of time. I took years and years and years off dating to focus on myself and my growth and recently emerged into the scene., so it's not like I'm desparate. I get attention from guys very easily. But then it goes away as soon as I show interest back.. instantly, every time.

Yes, I usually didn't like (feel attracted to) the men who liked me in the past. I was not attracted to them and I can't force that.

This year I met a bunch of guys and I clicked with a lot of them. But none worked out.

Here's how the last several guys ended up :
-Matt: Didn't want to be exclusive after being at surface level and sex only for months
-Mark: Only wanted to talk about pickleball. had to end it becuase zero connection.
-Tom: Appeared interested and attracted, kissed me, ghosted.
-John: Lives in Paris, weekend fling, never talked to me after.
-Joe: Got mad at me for a joke and blocked me after ghosting me and not telling me that something bothered him.
-Ben: Ex came back, he also ghosted me after sex
-Sam: Wanted to be exclusive but stopped talking to me so I had to end it.
-Jeff: Doesn't date older women so I had no chance
etc. etc. etc.

it's rare I meet people i connect with (minus that one guy) so often while dating yet none of them worked out.

There are other dates too with less impactful people, I could go on and on.

At this point I am starting to be scared about my age and that I won't be hot shortly. Then no one will want me anymore. I already feel like old, used goods. Guys want to have sex with me, nothing else. No one wants to date me. No one wants to keep me around. They talk to me and have this crazy connection at first, then we have sex or get intimate and they all run. Even if I try to hold off sex for a while. Even if I pick people who are different than my type. Even if I am more careful about vetting for their intentions. Even after applying all the skills and knowledge I have from 35 years of life and half that in dating. I know a thing or two.

I'm also embarassed that I've only had 2 boyfriends and neither lasted more than a year. One was when I was 21 and one was when I was 31. Everything in between was just me not getting chosen by anyone.

At my previous job a guy lied to me about being engaged and used me after manipulating me. I let it happen at the time because i was so fucked in the head.

My exes never really loved me.

It's like everyone says "oh youre such a wonderful person" and how much they like me, but apparently never enough to be my partner.

Now I'm like obviously no one will want to be my partner with my lack of dating history in LTRs. And I'm going to be old and unattractive soon no matter what I do unless I'm really lucky. And even then it looks weird to be in your 40s and always single and not even divorced.

I am exhausted and don't want to stop looking beacuse when I stop it's just years of celibacy. Nothing happens. I waste a lot of time and youth. I finally got ready for dating this year and I don't want to cut it out and be celibate and waste away again.

Why is it that weirdos or people who are not these things find someone and I don't? What was wrong with me?

Son asking for his father, he was recently diagnosed with lung cancer and has been recovering huge! hes actually in the top 1% for recovery and continues to smoke which i shit on him all the time(cuz thats how we talk) He is very old school and set in his ways but since his treatment he has rebounded very well but i can see it while working.. He just stands there even his comment of how hes like cousin Tony now USELESS and im like wow first time my father called himself useless. HE needs a lift ive been thinking of my ADDERALL to get him a boost or energy. He get up and does she fine but hes like overwelmed.. anyone deal with this before?

Hey. Didn’t know where else to take this. Have a good life, beautiful wife, 3 healthy kids and nice home. I started working for myself doing gardening work about 3 years ago. Been feeling unsatisfied and unmotivated with work lately. Just sudden desire to do almost anything but what I do for work. Just curious if this is something anyone else experienced? I don’t wanna give up my business for what may simply be a grass is greener situation. Did anyone that changed jobs feel better once they did?

I'm just writing this as a way to clear my mind a bit. I'm not expecting encouragement, sympathy, a kick-in-the-butt, or anything else; but I suspect there are others like me so if you have something meaningful to share please do. Long story made short: I have a frustrating sense of being stuck and that I should make some changes. More details follow.

I am in my late 40's. I would say I'm pretty well peaked in my career. I hold a mid management position in a technical field (cybersecurity) that I still enjoy, but have lost most of my passion for. I have a good team around me, respect from coworkers, and the privilege of helping those I supervise advance their careers. The job is surprisingly pretty low stress job (for my field), gives me an excellent work life balance, and pays well which gives us good savings and a retirement plan. It's reasonable that I could continue in my current role for another 10-15 years and retire comfortably. I could likely make a job move to another company and get a 30%+ pay bump, but I don't really feel like more money is primarily what I'm seeking.

I have a good long committed marriage, we are close friends, have great sex, do a lot of activities together. I have children I'm proud of who are all moving into adulthood on a good path. I have a good spiritual life. I'm mostly healthy (could lose a few pounds, but I eat pretty good and work out a bit). I own a home and some land. I have a variety of hobbies. Over the years I've had a lot of great experiences and tried my hand at many interests because I love learning and experiencing things.

Basically, I'm living the American dream and have lived a full life I am thankful for.

Yet... I have had this constant nagging feeling that I am missing out on something "bigger" for my life and should be looking to make a change. This has been growing for a few years and is only getting stronger with time. I frequently think about and sketch out mini plans of what it might be like to quit my job and doing something wildly different. I mostly think about this change in terms of starting a business. I've done some planning to build a consulting business, or some software offerings related to my current expertise, and while these seem have the potential to make us decent money and even more freedom, but the more I dig into planning these, my enthusiasm to do them fades. I have also considered doing a side business around some long term hobby interests and while it's fun to focus on a passion I know that financially its a horrible move and would almost certainly just lose a bunch of money (and maybe ruin the hobby as well).

My wife strongly supports starting a business and would be supportive of almost anything that I think would be worth trying, but I want to do something we can be excited about and really believe in.

Part of me just thinks I'm hitting a midlife wall and want some chaos, part of me really believes this is a way to break out into a new chapter and build something big, part of me feels like I'm just being ungrateful for all the amazing things I've got going on already. I'm not sure, but I do know it's consuming a lot of my thoughts and its frustrating to not have a goal/target in mind.

I’m 42 unemployed, frustrated and deeply panic stricken.I did a course in digital marketing but don’t have any jobs. Due to my age no company would hire and without a prior experience. I’m doing a course on Instagram marketing gaining to hope something to get from it. Apart from this , I’m gay and can’t be open to all except a few who are near and dear. My relationship with my family isn’t that great! Thinking about suicide scares me and idea of being unemployed is even much worse. What should I do? I’m stuck in this mess. I’m penniless at the moment. I’m slipping into depression slowly. I need genuine help and suggestions.

So I recently turned 43/ and having crisis issues- was also diagnosed with adhd. I lost my job 8 yrs ago- and decided to go back to school during covid to be an illustrator. What I have always wished to be- graduate and still can’t find a job or finish projects without school. It’s been a year now and I have only a part time job.

I also am in good place financially- I am partnered with someone who is financially well off.

Except the problem is now I have to passion for art or being creative- I just scribble and do the minimum to get through my day project.

I spent- 40 years of my life wanting to be a self made artist and sadly my benchmark was getting a job at a studio- and that hasn’t happened. So i feel like a failure. I feel like I can’t even support myself with what I earn.

In my 20s I was a technical artist- I was good enough art wise but I made enough money for an apt a life and etc. I am now 40s/ not marrried- supported by my partner and no creative fire inside me.

I struggle with who I am and I feel that as a dependent I am worthless as a person- I feel this everyday and it’s hard to shake. I used to value my stubborness and making my own choices- now I doubt myself every single day. I was happy in my 30s cause I always felt I was improving- at least if working a job I didn’t like- I was able to pay my own way.

Now I’m trying to build up my illustration career from scratch but I have this looming fear that my partner will leave me- because I’m a failure. Which is not true but I feel like I am stuck in limbo- and fear of having no ability to work terrifies me.

I have lost my sense of self and who I am. I feel trapped in my life and in my financial dependency situation. I feel that I have more self esteem and could support myself in my 20s! Now I’m just a weak shell of a person who is not financially stable. This is what keeps creeping into my thoughts and sabotaging my ability to stay on task, finish projects and just work and improve myself.

I have had to start my career all over again- from scratch at age 40. Except now I have crippling anxiety and all these voices in my head that keep criticizing me. Because I only have 10 yrs to build it up. I also don’t have any artist friends to ask for help really.

I am perpetually depressed. However this is all in my head- I just want to take pills and make it all go away. I wish i could just shove my head back in the sand- and not think about comparing my 40s to my 30s etc.

I am happy in relationship and financial but my job and sense of purpose and identity are basically dissolved. I get depressed every time I think about who I was and used to be and how I don’t even recognize who I am becoming.

I feel like the pandemic started in my early 30's and I blinked and here I am. I'm happily married with 2 kids. I'm able to be the single income, I'm traveling for work a bit more, my house is great.

Why the hell do I think I'm in a midlife crisis?

Well, my career feels stalled. I am at the age where I'm not one of the young guys anymore. I went to Ireland with my old college roommates and I just felt... old... at the pubs at night. I didn't feel like I actually belonged with anyone there. Maybe it was the friends I went with, but I just don't feel like I fit.

My wife and I still make quick friends when the 2 of us go out but we barely ever get the chance to with just us.

I'm pushing 40 and I am fine with that. I've lived a very fortunate life so far - but I am struggling to reconcile my identity as I transition into what feels like a new paradigm. I don't WANT to be 25 anymore, but I want to feel like I still have a long road ahead of me. Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. I can't seem to escape the echoes of my outsized ambition from when I was younger. My wife encourages my ambitions, but I can't help but feel like I've gone my whole career without reaching this summit - knowing the summit isn't even real... I can't even describe it... but I still have to keep climbing towards it.

This all feels like a word salad. I had a bad quarter-life crisis, too. Maybe this isn't a midlife crisis and just my anxiety manifesting. I don't know.

First, I want to take a moment to acknowledge my blessings. Two years ago, I had to give up my apartment because I could no longer afford it, I was earning $2K a month after taxes, but my rent and utilities for a one-bedroom in LA cost the same. I relied on my credit card to cover food and daily essentials. Since then, I’ve been living a nomadic life, struggling financially, sometimes sleeping in my car or on a relative’s couch.

After leaving my apartment in LA, I relocated to a rural area in California. After eight months of job searching, I landed a government job as a custodian. The job market here is primarily blue-collar, with very few tech opportunities. I still do web design on the side which used to be my full-time career for 20 years. However, after a surgery and a long recovery, I began getting sick frequently, which made it difficult to maintain a job, especially in the fast-paced tech industry. Despite being skilled at my work, my health issues caused me to miss too many days, leading to both my health and income declining.

I appreciate the job stability in my current government position, but every time I haul the large trash bin to the compactor, I question if I made the right choice. I take pride in working hard—it's part of my self-discipline—and I'm thorough in cleaning and organizing. Yet, by the end of my shift, there's a voice in my head reminding me that I’m capable of more. I sometimes feel like I settled for less and am not living up to my full potential. At the same time, the thought of returning to a high-paying but stressful and demanding tech job scares me.

My coworkers seem content with our roles as custodians. When I asked two of them, they both said they value the job's stability because it was difficult for them to find steady work before, and they don't want to go back to that uncertainty. I used to travel a lot, which fueled my passion and excitement for life, but I no longer do so due to financial limitations. Many of my close friends from my teenage years have moved away for work or because they got married.

Over the past year, I tried to make new friends, but I haven’t found anyone with whom I truly connect mentally or spiritually. These days, it seems people are focused on material things, which I no longer value. I've come to realize that simply having a roof over my head and food on the table is enough. I read Albert Camus Philosophy of Absurdism, Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, Carl Jung's Psychology and Alchemy, Nietzsche's Will to Power, I read many books in psychology and philosophy because I don't want to give up on life and to help me understand myself.

Am I lost, am I lonely, am I depressed? Maybe all of them.

Hello everyone. I’m a 43yr female. Not married. No kids. No real family. Just my dog and me. For the past 10 years, it’s been one traumatic event after the other. Last year, I suffered an injury and can no longer stay on the same career path. I identified myself by my position. I’ve been unlucky in love. Unlucky to the point I was almost killed by the man I thought I loved. I’ve not been able to regain confidence in men (or women). I’ve been celibate (except for the one time I briefly lost my mind) for 6 years. I literally have no clue who I am any more. I’m merely existing in this world. All my self confidence flew out the window years ago. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m only floating through the motions of living. Please don’t throw meanness my way. I just need an outlet (and maybe a date haha).