I just turned 33 a few days ago. I'm thinking about so many things and I guess Im hoping for some encouragement, wise words and positivity.

I've been a musician my entire adulthood and being a music artist has been my dream since I could sing at 3 years old. I always knew I wanted to be an artist. I went to school for music and have had a very successful career touring and recording music. I'm committed to my career but the priorities of securing my future and working toward some milestones like home ownership, starting a family and moving to a bigger city are banging at my door. I feel that if I don't do "it" now, it will be too late for me. I am feeling immense pressure to have a musical career that can not only support me financially but be a means to do a lot of firsts like purchase a home, start a family and maintain a comfortable lifestyle that includes traveling and experiencing "luxury" but honestly nothing too big... just being able to have the things that I want within reason. To thrive and not just survive.

I am trying to find the balance of a fulfilling career outside of music that will not only help me fund my career in music but have the lifestyle I desire. I've seen this work for many of my peers but I'm afraid of losing my desire and passion to practicality. Pursuing a new skill set with schooling to achieve a license in a profession in order to fund and support my music career and lifestyle is ideal. However, I am having the hardest time deciding what else it is that I would like to do.

Would like to hear some encouraging words but I am also open to some wise truths. Be gentle with me please!

To preface, I recently landed a Japanese release for my debut album, am playing and have played some notable shows locally and nationally. I'm completely indie but I wouldn't mind signing if the right deal came along. I'm just struggling to see the light in it all and am feeling the pressures of my age.

I recently had a conversation with a friend who is entering his 40s and in so few words, he basically told me it's time to prioritize and think about what I want my 40s to look like because the next 30 years will go just as quick as the first 30. This is haunting me but I appreciate hearing it. It's true that I should be asking myself these things.

I don't own a home but I am in a long term relationship with an amazing partner (34M) who has been very supportive through it all. We even make music together. We are both pretty much feeling like the next year will require us to take many leaps of faith. But boy are we feeling the blues right now.

Any advice on balancing lucrative careers with your dreams?

To be fair the pandemic made it worse as I started working from home, ended up moving further from downtown, and bought a car where I used to walk a lot and take transit.

I started getting wrist pain at 19 and it's only gotten worse. Always had flat feet (and always wore orthotics), but now my ankles, knees, and hips hurt regularly. APT developed over the years of desk job and I have lower back pain. Something's fucky in my shoulders and elbows because I get ulnar tunnel numbness if I sleep with my elbows bent or shoulders in the wrong position.

Recently I've been getting pain in my hands as well. I'm basically constantly in a low level pain and the slightest wrong movement sends a pang of sharp pain through me.

My feel hurt when I stand for the first time in the morning or fet out of my car after a long drive (likepytting pressure on them after not putting pressure on them for a while is stretching them out after they got stiff).

It hurts to stand up from sitting on a soft surface.

Sometimes if I carry something heavy I get weird twinges through my forearm and elbow.

I've started taking all the joint supplements on the market and it's only helped my hand pain (not my wrist pain), so I'm optimistic it's not arthritis (at least mostly).

It's to the point where it is impacting my life detrimentally because I can't do certain things with my arms. I have trouble like scooting down to the foot of the bed because it'll hurt my wrists to put pressure on them on a soft surface. I do anything like that on my fists/knuckles because any pressure with a flat hand is impossible.

I don't think my peers feel like this. Help?

ETA: To be absolutely fair to myself, I've also been under a LOT of stress for the last year. Abusive relationship of 6 years finally ended, now my ex is stalling a separation agreement I need so I can stop paying the mortgage for a house I don't live in, moving, having to urgently move my mom to an assisted living facility and the fact that she still needs a lot of help from me on a regular basis as her memory and physical ability deteriorates, renovating my childhood home for sale to better fund my mother's new needs, my dogs have an undiagnosed allergy or mites or something I haven't been able to get to the bottom of yet that makes them scratch & injure their eyeballs regularly, etc. I'm pretty sure I rarely get enough sleep and I'm constantly stressed. that can't be good for my body. but I don't have time for self care because of all the above. :C

Only for it to be another notice from Reddit

Hi!

I see that both the linked discords on this page are dead. I have a +30 global discord - everyone welcome as long as you are 30+ now!

Welcome to NoButthurt30+!

https://discord.gg/uZheCUUZ2M

A little free tonight, not sure if this is the place to post random thoughts.. I am looking for both supportive / constructive criticism with my random thoughts..

I saw a few unrelated posts earlier that prompted some thinking.. one, about being single and dealing with loneliness.. ive been on my own for most of my adult life.. 15 years maybe! the number of times i felt lonely in 15 years is probably less than a week in total.. i dont feel it.. i wonder if im living in my fantasy.. ie. i do have crushes that keep me entertained/motivated to do certain activities that i look forward to every week. workout/music/sports/work.. and i do all 4 quite consistently my whole life almost! 😅 is this healthy or is this something one should look to break?

digital detox after 10pm.. i tried it, and i have a few books to read, music to play.. but theres only so many nights you can do the two until you cant anymore.. what do people do that doesnt involve phone/tv/ppl?

Another random thought, im also looking for inspiration to travel/ do something different. can you share your most meaningful/ memorable experience? Thanks!

Like... How many times a week/month for general aches and pains as a way of getting through life more comfortably and being more functional

What is a favorite bad movie from the 80s or 90s that you absolutely adore but most people don’t?

30F. So I have been with my bf for 1.5 years. Everything is great, he is kind and genuinely one of the nicest people I have been with. He checks off a lot of boxes that I had for a partner. We have obviously had our ups and downs. But certain things are taking some time for me to get over with:

• His rant on reddit which I happened to come across where he called me a bitch. When confronted, he mentioned he was just salty (read insecure) that day and was extremely embarrassed and ashamed for what he did. He meant to get it off his chest and delete the post. He has never really disrespected me before, but just thinking about that makes me nauseous.
• That very same day, I found some other comments (on other women’s pictures/ porn) that I was really disappointed about. He said he just treated it as porn so it wasn’t like he was trying to reach out etc.

He says he has never done these things since. He is a man of his words, so I believe him.

• He is an avoidant, so he shuts down during arguments or discussions. He hates confrontations, being questioned, fighting etc. So when I confronted about him about his habit of deleting texts. He says he doesn’t want any arguments due to misunderstandings. I know everyone that he is in contact with knows and is fully aware of my existence. But this doesn’t sit well somehow. If there is nothing to hide, why delete..

Now on the other hand, my mom has some hesitations about him due to him being from a completely different culture. We argue about this almost every day and I feel so guilty. Sometimes I wonder what am I doing with my life.. I wanted to be settled, married and happy at this age.. but.. everything seems so uncertain and I feel so torn..

Any thoughts, suggestions would be appreciated..

Situation:

I’ve spent the last couple of years at my job with early 20 something year olds or people 40 and above.

Outside of the workplace it’s basically families. People in their 40’s and 50’s with their school-aged children.

There’s a city 3 hours away from me where I used to live (I don’t want to say where for privacy reasons); and everyone there just feels so young to me now.

I hate getting older. I do think location has played a role because I just have a really hard time relating to a lot of people.

When I hang out with coworkers I feel like the weird creepy friend that hangs out with younger people.

It’s really starting to depress me because I haven’t met anyone romantically here.

And now I’m in a situation where my job contract is ending and I have complete freedom to move and start over from scratch.

Does anyone know a good place to live that’s essentially a utopia for people in their late 20’s - late 30’s so I can meet friends and dates who are closer to me in age?

It seems like there really isn’t a place in the US that’s the 30-something demographic.

It’s either young people in a big city or families in the suburban areas.

Where are you all hiding?

A lot of what I used to enjoy in my 20s and early 30s just doesn't appeal to me now, in the same way that childrens television stops being enjoyable in adolescence.

Mostly I find myself binge watching history and conflict deep dives or travel vlogs on YouTube.
However I loved The Crown, Dune 2 and Clarkson's Farm.

So what are you watching?

Pretty much what the title says. I don’t know what the point is. I’m 36, unmarried, I have so much love from my parents and one close friend. I’ve been a pretty avoidant person my entire life and I really don’t see that ending. Lately, I’ve been self-harming a lot and genuinely don’t know when my emotional pain will end. It’s always been there. 32 years is a long time to be walking around with the heaviest of heavy feelings in your chest.

Why do you keep going?

I’m 35.

I’ve had a really bad past decade. I got sick. Turned out to be autoimmune that’s now being treated and I’m mostly fine.

Then pandemic hit and I almost died from Covid + my hair thinned + the isolation well into thirties because of it.

Now here I am. 35. Starting over pretty much. Never been married. No kids. Last relationship was at 20 and I had years of just being happy single, getting a bachelor’s degree, and doing whatever. Focusing on myself. Then 26 to 31 was extremely ill. 31 to 33ish, pandemic isolation. I’m still living with my parent. We’re both not financially sound. I actually don’t know what to do about her and her financial instability, but I am finally working again and getting my financial life back on track + working to up my career after seven years of not being able to work.

Now I just feel desperate. I’m still not out dating because I am working on losing a lot of weight. Already lost a bunch. I feel like 50 more lbs and I’ll be more comfortable putting myself out there.

I want to get married. I want a kid. I just feel so sad. It feels stupid because I don’t feel old. I feel young and stupid and lost, so it feels like I have time. But I can see it’s drifting away. I’m having to use Rogaine to keep my hair between the Covid and genetic hair thinning in family. Wrinkles are forming a bit.

I just feel really hopeless that I’ll ever have the life I want now.

What shoes are we wearing???? I love vans for everyday shit kickin’ but what about something a click nicer to go with, say, a sun dress? Still need comfort because duh. I’m a mid 30s mom and walk a lot but still want something to fit my elder emo aesthetic.

I've split with my (34f) partner (34m) about 6 weeks ago, it was long overdue as I'd finally (and stupidly late) realised he didn't love me anymore. Online dating has been so shitty, all I want at this stage is to get laid and feel the rush of desire and butterflies because I have not had that in a very long time. I message first, initiate meeting ups if the vibe is good and even blatantly tell men that I match with that I am interested in sex (when appropriate) and I have only been on one date where we got close to having sex (he couldn't get it up). I am attractive, slim and have an interesting personality, however if I am not randomly ghosted, the men work FIFO and never get back to me! I am so sexually frustrated and basically at the point now where I am wondering if male escorts are a thing here, if all Perth men are lazy AF or if i should try for a transgender man (uneducated here, but am thinking a woman's brain in a mans body). Anyone else struggling? Do I need to add bikini photos to my profile photos? What is going on!?

Hi all.

I turned 33 last month and I feel like I’ve had an extended birthday blues. For context, about a year ago I decided to quit my job, sell my house, and move across the country to finish my PhD in person. I had been working full-time and completing the degree in a hybrid format for 3 years and I just couldn’t do both anymore.

I have about one more year left in my program and I guess I am starting to “feel” my age. I fully acknowledge this is not the time to start a relationship as I’m working on my dissertation and planning on moving back near family after I graduate in May. I just worry that I’ve missed my time to meet someone and potentially start a family. I was in a very long relationship in my 20’s (22-29) and have only had a couple relationships since then. The last one ended mainly due to circumstance (long distance and time management).

Does anyone else feel this way? I don’t think there is anything wrong with being unmarried and childfree at 33, I just pictured life much differently. Any advice and encouragement is welcome.

30F who is perpetually single. I had a lot of self esteem issues in my 20s stemming from my weight I fluctuated between 140-225 lbs and ethnicity. I am black. So i typically dived into the first relationship with the first guy any guy who took interest in me. Well I’m just starting to really get my self together in terms of fitness. I’ve always wanted to be married, have children but doesn’t look like that’ll happen. Every relationship I’ve had has ended miserably. I’m hoping for some encouragement, has anyone turned their luck around in their 30s? I feel like I’m too old now, used up my good years on trying too hard with the wrong people. I’m sorry I guess I’m just having a hard time tonight.

BUT DAMN… I’m struggling just trying to understand the dialect that everyone is using. It’s literally like I skipped a century of how words work. I am only taking two classes at a time but why is it soo hard. It may be just me. Does anyone else have this problem? And the worst part is it’s only History and biology 💔😂. Soo sad. Lol.

As above. Im turning 30 this yr (no longer a spring chicken without a care), single (& not sure if I’ll ever find someone), & an only child. I have some really great friends but dont see them all the time (they’re busy with their lives or interstate or whatever) & I don’t think I could compare them to a sibling bond. I am lucky to have a really great relationship with my parents though. However, late twenties I realised when they go, I’m going to be truly alone. Sometimes when I’m not distracted by life & I’m by myself, I feel this intolerable void & almost get a panic attack thinking about when they die. So my question stands, have you ever felt that horrible feeling of being all alone? And if so what were the circumstances - if any.

I grew up washing dishes by hand in the sink, and using liquid detergent with a washing machine to wash clothes. Can anyone help me understand the appeal of pods? Is it literally just extra packaging and money so that the consumer doesn't have to pour their own liquid? Like an individually packaged product?

In regards to dating and life. Cause everything seems crap to me now.

I going to sound concieted but guess its jut what was reality and im nothing special many guys like me but just stating my story to set scene and help my case now.

When i was young i was atheletic, musical, top grades and good looking. I didnt care for dating or sex much at all despite this but was popular and out a lot having fun. To sound even more concieted not that it matters as has caused pain to some girls but im well equipped to (so something offer some girls lol).

Due to my situation i wasnt going about cocky or anything but I had high standards as i held myself in certain view. But also at same time wasnt really dating as more studying and hanging with friends etc. And funnily not ever really into dating or thought about it as I think im somewhat autsitic anyway and being to close to people or with them long time annoys me.

Fast forward to now, my looks and college lifestyle got me by. lots of social opportunities, lots of friends etc.

Now im some place else completely im starting to look old, thinning hair, balding. I cant just go out and be my dumb funny happy 19 year old self as it just not really realistic. I barely have friends and if I do at my age they are different to many have families, or issues etc. They are not fun young party people anymore.

I still wouldnt say I was interested in dating either I moreso just miss being young and not need to worry about dating because my social life was great.

SO end of day life sucks now, I look like crap and social life sucks. Even if I go out I still got high standards and se myslef as this attractive young college guy but reality is there 100s out there like I was and I am not one of them now. Its just confusing. I dont even know what im asking and its not even dating advice I guess. But people asking why im single etc and the social life at my age prevents the kind of life you have when younger partying and meeting lots of people.

IF i meet someone my age they probably have a 10 year old child lol

Random chat but just kinda lost and any thoughts or advice. Just losing my looks and youth is hitting me hard as mentally im still in the same place. I guess If i were like others my ager looking to settle or have or had children it would not matter so much but im getting older and uglier every year but still thinking im a college boy lol

I go to 24 hour fitness gym, went in to the men's locker room yesterday in the morning to change for my workout and there is a lady wiping down lockers, sweeping/mopping the floor in the middle of the locker room. No signs, nothing to indicate that she is there. Guys coming out of shower naked, others are changing while she is cleaning around them. Has this become a normal thing and I am officially old?

I am a 90s kid so ive seen the rise of software from almost the beginning. I played atari (for a few minutes because that was all it was good for) i bought cassettes and loved CDs. Played age of empires. Bought a ps2 that I adored. Got an 125mb mp3 and later an Ipod. Had a nokia amd dropped it. Drove manual. Used Photoshop cs4 and kept living through the evolution of all these essential things that became the norm in the lives of most people I know. My job. My social circle and my interests.

Tech always had hoops to go through but problems used to be able to be solved by reaching out to others. First friends, then forums. Then it became clear that you had to buy new models. But now. New models come with usability problems right out the box. Reaching for help is a maze that rarely gives you an answer. My music app is less dependable than ever before as it crashes every 2 minutes and finding help seems impossible. My new PC wont turn on its screen after it sleeps because of some appready crap. Everything comes with a subscription but the assistance path is so difficult to navigate through that it becomes a lost day trying to fix something. Cars suck now. Google has become worse than ever to find what youre looking for. All software is hostile and trying to scam you out of more money and forcing you to keep trashing phones and buying new ones. I honestly feel software was easier on the user in 2010.

I just needed to vent. I hope my post is not removed due to some archaic rule I didnt read in a separate discord server post (see what I mean???)

I herniated a disc 2 years ago while doing CrossFit (first mistake) and it was AWFUL. I thought I just pulled a muscle and kept on working out (second mistake) wasn’t too long until I got to a point where I couldn’t sit, couldn’t lay down, couldn’t exercise… only thing that I could do was walk. This lasted about 5-6 solid months of extreme uncomfortableness. I did some PT and exercises to help and eventually it got to a place where it didn’t really bother me. That being said, it’s not fully gone. I was rowing today and had the pain shooting down one of my legs. It’s just so defeating….. I’m young (30 lol), healthy, active. I’m so afraid this is gonna be something I deal with for the rest of my life. Especially once I get older. Has anyone had any luck or advice?

Yes, I am posting this in more than one place since I have more than one "issue" going on, but honestly the fact that the only place where it seems possible to even attempt to discuss anything is Reddit pretty much just adds to the discouragement.

Can't tell you how many times I've started typing something only to just never finish it since I say to myself "there is no point". And honestly, that's so true as I've typed out aspects of my "life story" on other accounts and posted in multiple subs before and it has just been a waste of time.

I understand regular posters on Reddit may be of a particular type, but I am tired of seeing every post I look at devolve into "take pills and get therapy" and for people to suggest "divorce" without context all of the time. I mean, fuck, I may as well blow everything up if this is how married normies on Reddit think since why am I exposing myself to such a depressing hive mind both offline and off?

I don't want suggestions of touching grass, finding a hobby, volunteering, or whatever nonsense I see all the time on Reddit. If you are in a place mentally where just getting some sun, fly fishing, and volunteering at a soup kitchen is all you need to do to be "happy", then more power to you, but this isn't me.

I am genuinely unhappy as a married guy with kids in his 30s and I would like to talk to people, especially other men, who are in a similar mindset or were in a similar mindset and made a dramatic change that worked for them. And trying to pre-empt comments - no - this isn't just about sex or lack thereof, but if I'm going to blow everything up, you can be damn sure I'm going to be degenerate for a bit afterwards since I am not just going to swap out partners for some "new relationship energy" but stay in the same 3rd tier town I've been in for the past decade. And this last point, where I live, could be and to me is a major issue, but like I should still be able to get a semi-decent conversation online here and there, right? But I can't.

I mean do people even chat anywhere online anymore? I'm not even talking about voice chats, which I understand take more time and scheduling, but I can't tell you have many Discords/Telegrams/Reddits and so on I've looked at and like there is barely anyone online it seems. And I've even tried "hobby" topics that interest me, before anyone wants to jump down my throat on that. Like seriously, I have essentially the same conversations over and over with "parent aquaintances" IRL and then go online and have the same damn useless small talk sessions, that is, if I can even find them to begin with.

I'm dying inside and have been for a long time. I understand a lot of people have it far worse, but it doesn't change the way I feel. But like seriously I don't know how much longer I can handle doing this. I may have to take up smoking to just go get a pack of cigarettes one night and never come back.

And bringing it back to my original topic, since I know I've added a lot of extra stuff without enough context for anyone to really understand my mentality fully: where the fuck are the people online? Like I've been trying for years at this point. I was trying before covid and during covid and so on. The fact it seemed like there were even fewer people online during covid really blew my mind. I mean weren't people at home more since things shut down?

One thing I've started asking other parents in real life is what they do online. I can't remember the last person I've talked to who said they actually try to communicate online. They just watch some things, play a game maybe, and that's it. This is terrifying to me. I've ended up in a role - a father - and I am surrounded by people who are perfectly fine with a hamster wheel lifestyle and actually get off on having as little free time as possible and playing mule for their family doing shit like driving them around all day. Like seriously, what is everyone doing on their goddamn phones as we sit at this or that stupid extracurricular waiting for our kids knowing full well they more than likely are just going to be doing the exact same goddamn thing as us when they grow up, but hopefully they actually enjoy not being connected in any way to those around them, unless they want to compare who has it worst or how little sleep they get or whatever?

And that last bit was really extra, but I'm going to leave it in there for some flavor. But seriously, where are the people online? And why am I even doing this since I have the money to be able to divorce and get out of this situation, at least for my own sake. But then I don't even know what I will do cause I'm terrified at how "empty" the stage online seems to be from age 30 to like 50. So we all just vanish raising kids, not enjoying most of it legitimately since it is all "logistics" for the most part, and then regroup and...are just as lonely since everyone else spent their time doing the same things and oh, maybe we can all start volunteering or do whatever now since there's nothing else to do? Fuck this shit.

I turn 35 soon. Here's what I have to look forward to:

• Homelessness

• Continued unemployment

• Broken and unsalvageable relationships

I was doing amazing this time last year. Had a job, friends, and was looking at homeownership. After getting laid off, my life fell to pieces that seem to keep breaking into smaller and smaller shards. Now, I feel nothing but despair and depression for the future. As Bojack Horseman once said "Life is series of closing doors, isn't it?"

Just as stated. I’m doing great in life, have a great career, wonderful husband, have an 8 month old whom I absolutely adore, own a home, pets, ect. I’m very proud of all I accomplished. I have a good relationship with my parents and feel like I had a pretty decent childhood. Maybe between continuing to age into my 30’s and having a child now, I am getting into my feels about my parents aging along with myself. I also think about everyone’s mortality, like my parents, in-laws, ect. I try to truly care for my parents and spend time with them, but can’t help feeling sentimental and sad. Yesterday (bday) I took a hike by myself. I don’t really want to celebrate birthdays, I just sorta want them to be another day. I know I’m rambling a bit, but I guess I’m looking for others who can relate to these feelings. I understand the answer is to live in the moment. I’m just processing my feelings a bit I suppose. TYIA