I am at my wit’s end, and I have no one I can talk to about any of this.

Two years ago, I (F49) met and fell in love with a truly wonderful man (M52). We got engaged last Feb, and moved in together last summer. He has 50/50 custody (1w/1w) of 2 kids (F7 and M10). I have one (18F).

It has been a period of adjustment for sure. I think we are over the hump of that, it’s mainly been based around his kids, who are… challenging. This is a separate issue.

What I am at the end of my rope about is something different: It’s our non-existent sex life.

Two years ago when we first started dating, we were at the mercy of his custody schedule. Intimacy happened on our child-free weekends together, when we could spend the nights together. As the relationship progressed, I would stay over an additional weeknight at his place, as my daughter is an adult. Sometimes on this extra evening, we’d make love, sometimes he was too tired. While we were never swinging from the chandeliers, the quality sort of evened out for the lack of quantity. So we would have sex one time on the weekend, plus once (sometimes) on that extra weeknight. It is safe to say I have a higher sex drive and am more adventurous. If it was up to me, I’d love it if we could find time realistically 3 or 4 times a week, but as it is today, I’d be happy with twice. This is my absolute minimum. Without it, I feel increasingly disconnected from each other, especially with the rest of our busy lives going on. Sex and having this connection together is like the elastic stretching away and then springing back. It is the one thing that we have that is just ours, and I treasure it. I need it.

When we moved in together, I just imagined that as we were finally in the same bed every night, things would pick up a bit. At the very least, once a week like always. Instead, it’s gotten worse. Once a week turned into 10 days, then 2 weeks, then once a month.

I have really tried everything, in the most loving and sensitive way possible. I get that it’s a difficult subject, it’s deeply personal, and a tightrope to walk. I’m in an almost impossible situation- say something, and I risk hurting his pride. Say nothing, and I turn all of this inward and it hurts me. We have had at least 5 meaningful conversations about this in the last year or so, and each time I am reassured that I am the best lover he has ever experienced, he loves making love together, and he hears what I am saying. And he wants to make me happy.

We have finally come to the point where he has recognised there’s a hormonal aspect to this that he needs to address- this took MONTHS of effort for him to accept, and it finally happened last October when I essentially said, “I love you deeply, and I will support you however I can, but I cannot continue on like this. I cannot imagine the rest of my life living like friends or a brother/sister. I am terrified of what could happen in the future, a marriage where we never have sex. Sex and the deep connection it brings is too incredibly important, and I don’t want to miss that together. I want something better for us, bc we deserve this happiness.”

He made a lot of excuses to see a doctor even after that last conversation, but he scheduled an appt for a blood test for weeks later. He got the result, he has the testosterone level of a 90 year old man. He brought his concerns to his doctor, who didn’t listen even with the blood test results. He fully planned to let it all go, and I burst into tears, we had ANOTHER conversation about how important this is, and then he made an appt at a private clinic for weeks later for another blood test. Yes, he has very low testosterone. The next step now for this is with a private urologist, so today he made the appointment…. and it’s for a month later because he says he just can’t fit it into his schedule which is an absolute lie. He could take an earlier appt if he really wanted to. God knows if it was something for his kids, he’d make an appt for the next day and nothing would get in the way.

I’ve hit a wall. Any time we make progress, it feels like one step forward and three steps back. I have heard all of the excuses: work is busy, then when work slows down there is a new problem- he has headaches. When the headaches go away, now he’s too tired from recovering from the headaches. Then it’s the kids, he’s got to get up too early. Then it’s night and he’s too tired from the day. Then it’s the weekend when we can sleep in, and suddenly he’s got to do an errand or decides to bring the kids out somewhere. I am always the one who initiates. I was told to stop, trust him to do it. So I stopped, respected his need to feel free to take initiation, and we ended up at over 3 weeks of nothing at all before I said hey, I don’t think this is working better, now what? He’s said we should be spontaneous, then the opposite how about we do a date night, and nothing ever changes, it’s just words and more excuses and procrastination.

Now that he’s had the blood tests after literally months of delays, it feels like he’s kicking the can down the road AGAIN for a follow up where he will actually get a prescription for a testosterone supplement. None of this feels like a priority with any sense of urgency for him. I think this is what hurts the most right now. And in the meantime I am emotionally drained and totally at my breaking point. I feel unwanted, unlovable, invisible as a woman. I take good care of myself, I am never short of strangers flirting with me, but the only man I love and want in my life is him. The thought of being unfaithful disgusts me, and at the same time I feel so empty and alone: the man that I love just doesn’t seem to care that we don’t have a fulfilling sex life.

It’s soul destroying.

I don’t know what to do next, and I am tired of waiting. Another month for this follow up, and then how many months for the prescription to work and for changes to be meaningful? Or will he say he can’t take the prescription for X, Y, Z reason? Already I am anticipating another batch of excuses, and I’m already so drained and hopeless. I’ve cried so much and so hard, I’m hollow.

He says I am being unreasonable and he’s addressing the issue. I say “For you, this feels like it’s been a month of finally taking action, but for me, we’ve been talking about this and trying to work it out for a year! You are seeing the tip of the iceberg, but you are minimising the entire thing underneath- which has been brought to your attention in the most loving way possible over the course of a year, and you are purposely choosing another month of waiting for the prescription appointment and I can’t continue living this way. None of this seems to be a priority to you, I don’t understand why, and I can’t go on like this.”

Is this really it? The end of an otherwise great relationship because sex isn’t a priority? It feels like the most cruel, horrible joke. Perhaps the worst part about it was he himself said he was in a 5 year relationship where they had a dead bedroom, and it broke his heart to the point where he left her- so he knows how it feels to be pushed away. Yet here we are. Nothing makes any sense. Ku?

Porn addiction is not involved. Infidelity is not involved. I am 1000% certain of both of those things. He’s a honest man with a testosterone imbalance who says he wants to address it, but there is zero sense of urgency on his part, and this has added to the hurt and bewilderment I already feel.

My husband and I have been married for 10+ years and have two children together. Currently, I am carrying our family financially, and have been for about 90% of our relationship. He refuses to get a job, and I am feeling drained and tired of carrying the weight and work load. It would be great to have 2 incomes, so we can be more comfortable and save for our future. He does help take care of our home, cleans, does laundry, gets the kids ready for school, and takes them, and I pick up a lot of the slack when I get home from a long days work, as well as on the weekends (so he gets a break.) One income just isn’t enough anymore and I feel like I’m drowning. It’s effecting my happiness, it’s effecting our marriage, and I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking this is okay to not do anything with your self. Not to mention, that it’s okay to not support your partner. On top of it all- he is also probably miserable because he resents the fact he’s so dependent on me and he doesn’t have his own THING. I want to make it work, but it’s obvious he doesn’t so I contemplate leaving. My biggest issue is- the dating pool is a SCARY, TERRIFYING place. Sometimes I wonder, do I just stay because it isn’t “bad enough” yet. Is it really hard to find honest, loyal, genuine people out there? One thing my husband is, is a good dad, okay husband, honest guy.

Its long but gotta vent.

Ended my (M39) year relationship with now ex (F38) long time ago, she went full ghost. I have come to the realisation that I was her emotional support crutch( even though she swears up and down, I wasn't). She showed me a lot of love support. We had long intense conversations, we had alot in common and we have long intense sessions in the breakroom. Anyway, I thought we were good. She was breaking away from a marriage. Swore to me it was over, etc. Basically, she was afraid of her husband, and it was apparent when we eventually stopped doing the little things, calling, meeting for lunch, etc.

She broke away from me, and without saying it was over, she just ghosted. I gave her space but have had the strongest gut feelings like i wanted closer. So basically, i was mentally messed up because i thought this person cared. She was the one who initiated the relationship. Anyway, a year goes by I thought she left the building and went about her life. Coming it to work, she hugged me from being. She told me she was getting a divorce. I said "cool" and left it like that. This person i barely recognized, so i thought it would make it easier.

The latest discovery is that I HATE , I still feel something. At office events or in general she would pass by tell me, "hey" but it feels a bit condensending..maybe its just me.

I just wanted to vent because I passed her by in the hall, and my job won't let me transfer. I know she don't give a care..but I wish I never known her at all

My partner [M37] and I [F38] have been together for about 15 years. During this time he's had several mental breakdowns following similar patterns, i.e. mental health issues, suicide talk, attention seeking, anger, crying etc. (yes he is seeing a therapist).

Following the most recent one I think he's realized i'm nearing the end of my rope (i am)... and has suddenly started showering me with i love yous, so much, you're my everything etc. I find it uncomfortable, the dramatic switch from one to the other. He's done this in the past too, and I think to be 'supportive' I should say it all back, but in the context I feel very uncomfortable doing so.... partially because those breakdowns really impact me and how I feel about our relationship. I know he's looking for the security, he wants me to say I will never leave him, and maybe i should to be supportive, I just don't feel that way. It makes me feel like I should put up with anything if it means supporting his mental health, then at the same time, if I don't, I feel like the asshole.

Would you say it back to be supportive following a mental health crisis? Or would you hold back?

A guy ive been dating for a little over a year now has said this phrase me to me on several occasions during or after a disagreement or in response to something I did that he didn't like. Last night, we got into an argument after I told him how I went up to a guy laid out on the sidewalk who appeared unconscious and leaned down to ask if he was ok. I honestly wasn't sure if he was dead or asleep or what. Luckily he eventually woke up after I yelled a few times but when I told my guy about this he got upset and started saying how he could've hurt me, which I thought was a strange response given the guy appeared to be unconscious...

Anyway, next thing I know I'm crying (ive been sick and miserable from having bronchitis) and telling him that he has "no fucking compassion," and his response was "what the fuck is wrong with you?"

He immediately directed the argument to the fact that I swore at him and why I can't do that. I admitted I shouldn't swear and told him I didn't intend to disrespect him, but he still holds that he thinks it's warranted to respond the way he did. He said that when I swear at him I "open doors," which in my opinion is pretty much admitting to the opposite of maturity and accountability.

I feel that when he says im "Opening Doors" he's low-key threatening me because he's ultimately saying, "if you do this again, I'm going to throw it right back at you," which I feel is super unhealthy/toxic and manipulative. Its like hes projecting the fact that hes going to react immaturely in the future if i do it again. Does anyone agree?

My (37F) STB ex-husband (40M) and I were together for 10 years. He was my first, and had I had more experience I would never have married him just based on our preferences alone. I've always had a high sex drive and I'm into some things he isn't (although the latter was more of a recent realization over the past few years). Our sex life went to basically nothing before we had kids but for conceiving (I got pregnant on the first try with both kids) and the last time we had sex was to conceive, and was 45min and entirely "scientific" if you will. He consistently told me his low libido was due to the medications he was on and that he did find me attractive but he just never told me anything or made me feel attractive ever. It messed with me for a long time until I realized it was never about me.

We separated nearly a year ago and I've since reconnected with an old friend (38M) and we started dating. It's been long distance for quite a chunk of our relationship but we matched sexually, emotionally, morally, etc. Also a caveat to add that he's in recovery and had a relapse and is now back in recovery etc. But he has, in the past month, also been less interested in sex. I told him upfront that I'm very much a high sex drive person and wanted to be clear that it is something that's important to me for my relationships. I assumed this was related to his relapse but now he told me he's getting bloodwork done because he can't understand why he doesn't want to have sex with me all the time ("because look at you, I wanted to show the doctor a picture of you and say "how do I not have a boner 24/7 just watching her walk").

I'm trying to be supportive but.....I can't believe this is my life again. I feel like I'm developing a complex. I'm the common denominator here.

I don't know what to think. I'm just sad.

Hi Ladies, does it bother you when your partners/husbands checks out other women very obviously in front of you? If I see an attractive man, I hardly look at him o might just give him a friendly smile and that’s all or ignore him out of respect. Thoughts?

So our relationship has been basically on again, off again, our entire time we've been together. But no matter how much time has passed we always found each other again. Reason being is because of living in different states, different relationships. I'm (F35), he's (M38), and I miss him so much, we recently found each other again in May and this time we were dead set on making it work, talking about having a family together, living together, we were even looking at flights for him to come see me. And then as fast as we find each other, he stops talking again, all because the hell his ex-gf has put him through. I still remember conversations we've had, remember his touch, his smell. We were together for 1 day 4 years ago when I flew out to MN for a job interview and everything about that night was so full of love and passion, being wrapped in his warms felt so right. For the last month every night I've been dreaming of him, and they are so real, I wake up looking for him, I even hear his voice in my dreams. He could always make me laugh and smile, I never felt happier, never felt that way with my ex-husband. He even asked me if my baby was his because to him the last time we were together was 2 years ago, and when I told him it was 4 years, he got upset and he told me for the last 2 years, I'm all he's been thinking about. No matter how much time we've been apart it's like we never missed a step, the passion, love and pure joy is still there. Our when we found each other in May our conversations were so intimate just right off the bat, our feelings for each other haven't changed.

He's my cowboy/soldier and I love him so much, I wish he would talk to me instead of cutting me off again. I would do anything to be with him. When he first asked me out he was stationed in Fort Campbell with the 101st Airborne Division and his words were "If anything should happen to me the rain will be my tears because I am not with you, the warmth of the sun will be me kissing your lips, the wind will be me holding you close to me. I will love you forever." I still remember the day that he said we were going to get married on, his words "pick any month you want, but the day is going to be 21st, as that's the day I asked you out." And these 2 songs he dedicated to me. Every time I hear them I cry.

Back at One by Mark Wills

It's undeniable that we should be together
It's unbelievable how I used to say that I'd fall never
The basis you need to know if you don't know just how I feel
Then let me show you now that I'm for real
If all things in time, time will reveal

(One)you're like a dream come true
(Two) just wanna be with you
(Three) girl, it's plain to see that you're the only one for me and
(Four) repeat steps one through three
(Five) make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done then I start back at one It's so Incredible the way things work themselves out
And all emotional, once you know what it's all about babe
And undesirable for us to be apart
I never would have made it very far
'Cause you know you hold the keys to my heart
'Cause you're like a dream come true
(Two) just wanna be with you
(Three) girl, it's plain to see that you're the only one for me and
(Four) repeat steps one through three
(Five) make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done then I start back at one Say farewell to the dark night, I see the coming of the sun

I feel like a little child whose life has just begun
You came and breathed new life
Into this lonely heart of mine
You threw out the lifeline just in the nick of time

(One)you're like a dream come true
(Two) just wanna be with you
(Three) girl, it's plain to see that you're the only one for me and
(Four) repeat steps one through three
(Five) make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done then I start back at you're like a dream come true
(Two) just wanna be with you
(Three) girl, it's plain to see that you're the only one for me and
(Four) repeat steps one through three
(Five) make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done then I start back at you're like a dream come true
(Two) just wanna be with you
(Three) girl, it's plain to see that you're the only one for me and

I Do Cherish You-Mark Wills

All I am, all I'll be
Everything in this world
All that I'll ever need
Is in your eyes, shining at me
When you smile
I can feel all my passion unfolding
Your hand brushes mine
And a thousand sensations seduce me 'cause II do, cherish you for the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will, love you still
From the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking do I love you this much
I do In my world, before you
I lived outside my emotions
Didn't know where I was going
Until that day, I found you
How you opened my life to a new paradise
In a world torn by change
Still with all of my heart until my dying dayI do, cherish you for the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will, love you still
From the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking do I love you this much
Yes, I do
If you're asking do I love you this much
I do, oh, I do

TL;DR I so badly want him to find me and one day I'll open my door and he's standing there and he just takes me in his arms and tells me everything is going to be okay, and we'll never be apart again. To hear him say again, he loves me.

EDIT: Okay so I'm adding this to everyone saying I'm getting played I'm not because he even had a hotel reservation to see me and he never cancelled it, as he sent me a screenshot of it. But then this happened But here's the thing I don't know what happened, he told me one day he was riding his motorcycle he was at a red light and someone actual tried to pull him off and pulled a knife on him. He managed to get away. But I was away on vacation and my flight was delayed for several hours and loathe and behold whats the flight at the gate next us, one to MN, and I'm calling him ,texting saying there's a flight right here I can see if I can get my ticket switched to come to you. No answer, thinking that's odd. But I know he was in the process of moving out of the apt he shared with his ex gf. But then not hearing for 2-3 weeks thinking something is wrong. And his dad posted on fb "please pray for our family, as we deal with a very traumatic incident going on with our family, we don't know if or when this is going to end." And him not answering me, thinking he was in a car accident, he was sick and didn't tell me bc my mom just passed away last month from terminal cancer and he didn't want to tell me. So when I say I don't know what happened I mean it and I've been worried about him for months.

So my now ex fiancé 38 M told his ex/baby momma he still lovers her. He couldn’t be a man and tell me straight forward. He distanced himself so I would be the one to break up and he wouldn’t feel “bad” about hurting me. We’ve been together a year and half and he was in another relationship for twos before we got together. So they haven’t been together for all this time and he still loves her. The woman who literally looked you in the eyes and told you one of you kids may not be yours because she Because she cheated on you so much. So what you didn’t love me? I was just a victim to take up time. How do you move on from this? I can’t even right now. This man lied to me. I hope she makes him fall straight on his face. I hope she hurts him. Destroys him. Makes him hurt like he did me. Literally a love Bomber too.

My bf (47/M) and I (36/F) have been together for about 4 years. He and I have never had a productive conversation about our feelings the whole time. He’s very closed off or emotionally unavailable and often feels like my feelings are a fight rather than a conversation. We aren’t intimate anymore in any way. We’ve fought about cuddling. We haven’t had sex in 2 years. I find myself feeling very alone in the relationship. I’ve tried talking about the lack of intimacy which was never a problem before, we were pretty hot and heavy the first year or so. Then came the fights and things just changed. I choose to stick it out because when we’re good, we’re great. But when we’re bad, it’s painful. He doesn’t understand why I want to talk things through. I want us to be okay. His response is initially anger when I try to talk to him. He feels like I’m complaining. He told me last night that I can never just be happy. He bought me flowers last week and bought dinner, he doesn’t understand why the lack of intimacy, connection, and lack of communication bother me so much. I feel like his roommate and I’m not happy anymore. I also feel like maybe I’m the problem. Am I nagging? Am I just complaining?

Will keep it as short as I can.

Ended my (F36) 18 month relationship with now ex (M29) a week ago, I went full no contact. Basically I have come to the realisation that he is a very very intense covert narcissist and the amount of gaslighting, emotional manipulation, lack of accountability, many phrases such as "you've created a false narrative of me in your mind", etc, have been an unbelievable journey, one I have never experienced before.

I have had the strongest gut feelings about this person that came in waves throughout our time together, a feeling of doom. Each gut feeling has been right and confirmed with pretty heavy stuff - a cocaine addiction being one of them.

The latest discovery is one that I HATE being a part of at 36, I feel too fucking grown for this shit. During our last break up he screenshotted selfies of a girl that HE KNOWS, they are Instagram friends and have mutual friends in real life. And then.....EMAILED THEM TO HIMSELF. At 3am. I know we weren't together at the time but it was 3 days after we broke up - whilst I was waiting for an abortion. And it's just particularly gross and creepy as an act, the screenshotting and emailing to himself. It's horrendous and a real violation of that woman. Also, this just feeds in to every insecurity I have ever had about myself, ones that I have spent years working on. YEARS.

I knew he had a secretive side to him surrounding this topic, I had no logical reason to know - I just knew. It's killing me.

I just wanted to vent this out, and ladies - never ever ignore that magical intuition.

My (F30) boyfriend (M33) of 7 months had a dream where he was marrying his ex - not his last ex, or even the one before, but the one before that - and in his dream he felt horrible like he was making a big mistake and he didn't want to go ahead with marrying her. He said that in his dream, which he called a nightmare, he was looking for me and all he wanted was me.

Later on, he felt like he needed to explain the dream further because he thought I'd be upset that he dreamed about his ex. I wasn't upset, the dream sounded positive to me. In his explanation, he said that the way he feels with me reminds him of the way he felt with her, and their relationship was his best relationship and he never felt that way again until now. Then he started listing things that are similar between me and his ex, he said we're both sensitive and playful.

Before he went any further I told him I didn't really want to hear the comparison, even if it was somewhat positive. He reassured me that our relationship is nothing like theirs was and that he loves me for who I am, not because I remind him of her.

Still, I'm not sure how to feel about it. Like I said, it all sounds positive but now I'm feeling a bit weird almost like I'm a replacement. Any insights are appreciated.

Imagine you (45M) are dating someone (39F) you see long-term potential with. Here’s the context: she’s divorced, no kids, and also wants a serious relationship. She has a tight-knit friend group that doubles as her extended family—her sister, cousins, their partners, and even their kids are part of it. They do everything together: BBQs, holiday parties, UFC nights, kids’ birthdays, you name it.

Here’s the kicker: there’s a guy in this group she had a drunken one-night stand with when she was 20 (almost two decades ago). She says it was awkward, terrible, and never repeated. According to her, everyone in the group barely remembers it ever happened, including the two of them. Now, this guy is married with kids, and his kids are close with her nieces and nephews, so he’s always at family events. She says their relationship is “like cousins” now—they don’t text or hang out one-on-one, just interact in group settings. However, she did attend his birthday party (that his wife threw for him), and I was upset at that. I think it’s weird to still be friends with a guy you hooked up with, and tbh I feel it’s disrespectful to me.

She’s been upfront, hasn’t given me a single reason to doubt her, and insists there’s nothing left between them. But knowing they were at one time strongly attracted to each other, and that they’ve been physically intimate before, keeps gnawing at me.

I’m also worried about how I fit into her life long-term. If I want to avoid this guy entirely, how do I integrate with her family and friends who are already so close with him? I don’t want to be that guy who isolates himself at events or avoids conversations because I can’t stand being in the same vicinity as him. I’m dreading being put in that environment, because I already know what everyone will be thinking: “our friend slept with your girlfriend”- especially all the straight males.

If we were to only see him once or twice a year, maybe I can tolerate it. But it seems that he’s around often.

She told me there’s really nothing she can do to change the situation, especially because she can’t control if family members and other friends invite him to the gatherings. She said I should get over it, otherwise “I’m not the right one for you”. I feel guilty wanting to ask her to compromise her life, and I don’t want to make her walk on eggshells or be that controlling and manipulative guy that changes her friends’ dynamic for me. So I decided to break up with her.

Am I overreacting here, or is my discomfort valid? How would you handle this situation? Is there a fair way to ask her to compromise her interaction with him somehow?

TLDR: Would you date a woman who is good friends w/ someone she hooked up with once, 20 years ago?

I’ve already gotten the female perspective on this from friends, but I want to get the male 35+ perspective on this please.

Update: OMG, I cannot thank you enough for all of your input. I am going to have the compatibility conversation with him tonight. I’m dreading it. I need to be firm but I also don’t want to shame him. I know what will happen — he’s going to tell me to fuck off and never contact him again. And I guess that’s ok. If you have any advice how to word this conversation I’m all ears. Truth is there are a lot of compatibility issues (for example he never asks me about my job and I always listen to his) but I think the best idea is to just focus on the sex. I’m open to ideas. But I just gotta be firm and get this over with. Thanks again for the incredible support. This could have gone on for months if it wasn’t for you all.

56f with a 61m. We have been in a long distance relationship off and on for 8 years (more often not). We are giving this one my try and my major issue just keeps coming back. I do not enjoy the sex and I kinda dread it. I love this guy and at my age this may be my last thing and I don’t want to walk away from love lightly. But he’s a little odd I. Bed. The first time we had sex he’d say things like ‘you fuckin bitch. I’m gonna fuck you in every hole and even spit on me’. You think that might have been the end of it :). He’s gotten better over time (he will never spit on me again) but despite having really honest conversations about what turns me on (sensual approaches rather than fucking hard) it’s better but not that much better. If we never had sex again I would be fine. For him sex is more important than anything. Today he sent me a tripod so I cohoe videotape myself masturbating and I was gonna totally go along with it because I love him but I just was dreading even putting the damn thing together. We exchanged some not so warm and fuzzy texts and I know he is a little upset with me not just because I am probably not going to videotape myself but he said I make him feel like a creep for asking. I assured him I don’t see him that way (I really don’t) but that sexually we are still Speaking a different language and that I’m just not very into sex at this stage in my life. I don’t know what to do. I only see him every two months and we have a ton of fun but sex is his ‘favorite’ thing to me and I just want it over with. Whatcha think? Time to reevaluate or would you just force yours or to go along with it? Thanks in advance!

Please share your opinion gently - Breakup I am M35, and she is F44.

My partner won an award abroad as a result of her artistic work. During a dinner with her family, when she announced it, they immediately said, “How wonderful, this will be an incredible moment for you both to experience together, to celebrate this victory; this trip will stay in your memories forever.” Well, a few weeks passed, and I wasn’t invited by her to attend the award ceremony.

From the beginning, I missed this invitation but kept quiet. After her family said those things, I became even more excited about the idea of being by her side to celebrate this great victory.

Between the announcement of the award and the trip to receive it, we went through a difficult process. We tried artificial insemination, which didn’t work out. The result of seeing that dream die — you see the little being growing, you dream more, and then you lose the possibility — is identical to experiencing a miscarriage, and it becomes a very significant grief. Those who have gone through a miscarriage (natural or not) know what it feels like.

While we were dealing with this moment, I felt we should withdraw and comfort each other as a couple to overcome this dream together (and later move on to adoption, which would also be wonderful). At the same time, I built up the expectation of being invited to this event because I felt it would be natural. We were trying to build a family, we had been living together for months, and everything pointed to a strong partnership.

When I asked her about the importance of me being with her in this moment of victory as her partner, she said no. She explained it was her moment, her work’s moment, and she wanted to go alone. After I voiced my concerns and feelings about this, she ultimately decided not to travel with the producer. However, she still did not invite me to the ceremony, and instead, her friend who lived in the neighboring country accompanied her.

I’ve always seen couples together at such award ceremonies, and it wasn’t just my perception. Her own family suggested the idea without me saying anything.

Moreover, she mentioned wanting to go on a 10-day meditation trip because she had just lost her job. She planned to stay six days in our city and then go on the award trip, which would last 21 days: 14 days with a friend living in a city near the ceremony and then a week traveling with her producer to another city.

At this point, I felt deeply sad. I believed we should spend time together, focus inward to overcome this grief, and rebuild our path toward adoption with care and in our own time. I even thought we should take a short trip together for that.

I also brought up the fact that this producer had already confessed her feelings to my partner a year and a half or two years earlier. According to my partner, she told the producer harshly that she does not get romantically involved with colleagues and that there was no chance of anything happening, threatening to end their professional relationship if it continued. She shared this with me in April of this year and even said she didn’t fully trust this producer because of several odd behaviors.

In response to my argument, she justified her stance by saying it was about respecting her “individuality.” I said it wasn’t about individuality but individualism. I pointed out that we were going through a difficult moment as a couple and that overcoming it naturally required us to turn inward and strengthen our bond. Her choices seemed inconsistent with the decisions we had made together about our lives, especially building a family. I explained that I had built my expectations based on the coherence of our actions.

However, after this disagreement, I no longer wanted to attend the award ceremony or go on the trip because I didn’t feel comfortable anymore. Only after everything had unfolded did she make a vague suggestion about me joining, but it didn’t seem genuine or aligned with her initial feelings and needs.

From there, things went downhill. We couldn’t communicate affectionately anymore, and I kept thinking about this producer.

Later, at my partner’s art exhibition in Brazil, the producer acted as the center of attention and told me several stories about her profession. I immediately recognized her as a compulsive liar, based on my life experience. I also felt a heavy, negative energy when I met her. This led to more arguments, and I warned my partner that this person wasn’t trustworthy.

At Christmas, she asked me to leave home because she wanted to try to save our relationship by living in different houses, saying she needed space. I said I would leave but didn’t know if I would agree to the relationship that way.

That morning, while we were in bed, each on our phones, I saw a notification on hers from the producer saying, “Be brave to talk to him.” After my partner said she wanted to live separately, I connected the dots and realized our life was being shared with someone who had previously confessed feelings for her — someone I already mistrusted. This deeply saddened me.

I decided to investigate and discovered that this producer is involved in around 40 lawsuits, some of them criminal. The criminal cases involve classic fraud: posing as a professional in a certain field, promising benefits, collecting large sums of money (over 100,000 BRL in some cases), and disappearing. Victims explicitly mentioned her name. I read a few cases but couldn’t stomach reading more. The civil cases involved people trying to recover money, unpaid promissory notes, etc. In short, she spent years scamming people and taking loans with no intention of repaying them.

When I showed this to my partner, she was shocked but said people can change and that this person had never done anything to her. I warned that it hadn’t happened yet. I emphasized how serious this was and how it confirmed my intuition about her. I felt powerless when she said I was trying to control her friendships. I explained that she was free to choose her friends, but I didn’t want this person in our home. I also pointed out that she was poisoning our relationship by confiding in this person instead of her close friends.

The tension and lack of empathetic communication persisted for three months.

Finally, we planned a trip to reconnect and heal, including proposals for mediated dialogue with professionals.

However, the trip was to a tourist city in Brazil where this producer lives. My partner insisted she couldn’t go there without having lunch with the producer. I was furious, arguing that this was supposed to be our couple’s trip and reiterating my concerns about the producer’s background.

A few days later, our relationship ended. She said she no longer saw us traveling together and that our situation was too far gone. I went on the trip alone and am living through thisp experience now.

Please, if you can, share your thoughts gently. I’ve been reflecting on whether I was inflexible, but I feel I was coherent while she was not, especially considering what we were building. It seems we have different perspectives on marriage and the meaning of family.

This is something that's been bothering me for a while. I'm 31 and he's 35. I understood it when I was between jobs a few years ago during the pandemic, surviving on savings, freelancing, no health insurance, and just barely making ends meet. I'm talking like overdrawn accounts and 5k in credit card debt (which I should have fully paid off soon, thankfully). He really picked up the slack and supported me during the times I could literally only afford a roof over our head and keeping the lights on. I'm really grateful for that, it was a tough time in my life and I was going through a lot.

But ever since I landed a good, stable WFH job three years ago (I'm still making around 20k less than he does) it's like nothing has changed. He's broke or tells me he's low on money constantly. I've asked him what's going on, trying to figure out what the money sink is, because it's not like he drives or has a gambling addiction or something. I made budget tracking sheets for us to try and figure out where the hell all the money is going but he doesn't really fill them out unless I nag.

I should have prefaced that despite our income difference, we split household bills 50/50. This includes rent, internet, electricity and groceries. Keep in mind that all the bills are in my name and I'm responsible for paying them each month. He is also often late paying me rent, leaving me to cover the full amount up front. We are paid on the same pay schedule.

One of the biggest points of contention is with the groceries. It's definitely the biggest bill outside rent. Because he works right next to a grocery store, he often picks up groceries for us on his way home from work because it's convenient. (I also handle the majority of the household chores since I WFH). This means that typically he's paying 80-90% of our grocery bill up front. When we have done our budget sheets, it comes out to between 400-650 a month on average. I don't know if it's relevant, but I do 90% of the cooking.

He insists that this is a big issue. I've said that unless he starts bringing home receipts or filling out the tracking sheets I made, I can't split the payment correctly. I also haven't been asking him to split the internet or electricity with me for the same amount of time because I just don't want to hear it anymore about how he has no money - while making 20k more than me!

He has no student loan debt, no credit card debt (because he lost his credit card, paid it off, then never bothered to replace it) no big debts whatsoever. Oh, except for a $2000 car insurance debt from back when he did drive that he's had since before we started dating which I guess he has no interest in paying off ever. Where the fuck is his money going??? I have all of those debts, minus anything car related since I don't drive, and I also have a savings account with around 10k in it. I literally just do not understand, and I've tried to, desperately.

I grew up dirt poor, slept on the floor for half my life and literally lived in my mom's car and a tent for a bit as a kid. I also have ADHD. Living frugally is my default setting and I still struggle to make big purchases at all because of how much anxiety I have spending money. My partner has a somewhat similar background, so I don't get it.

He recently asked me to just use my credit card to use to pay for all the groceries so that it'd be easier to track at the end of the month because he wouldn't have to fill out the budget sheet for it and I refused. I actually got angry and found the request kind of insane. One, why would I trust my credit card with someone who already lost his once and never replaced it, and two, why does keeping track of this payment have to be my sole responsibility now, too?

Recently, his cat got very sick. I love that cat with all my heart as if he were my own, so I paid for all the vet care and medication, etc for him because my partner couldn't. It was about $2500. My partner basically told me, once again, he has no money. We were last paid January 10. He says he spent it all on rent and bills and taking us out for dinner (we went out once this past month, on xmas eve, it wasn't a fancy place). He was late on his cell phone bill because he couldn't pay it. He told me he used all his savings before new years, but we didn't go out on new years. The gifts he got me weren't very expensive (not that it matters to me at all, just context). He told me "I expected to work out what you owed me before Achilles (the cat) needed it all" and I just found that ridiculous?

To be totally honest, I can't imagine saving for a wedding with someone this bad at managing money. And I refuse to pay for it all myself.

It's like he only knows how to live by spending everything he has or something. I thought things would be different when I had a good job, that we could actually start saving big to build a life but we aren't.

Anyways, thanks for reading. I guess I'm just looking to vent and for perspective and advice, because I'm completely out of ideas.

I had a close friend in my 30s whom I haven't spoken to in almost 20 years. We met at AA meetings, and while he was somewhat reclusive, we connected over our shared experiences and even became roommates. For about seven years, we were really tight, even vacationing together with our girlfriends.

About 20 years ago, he suddenly ghosted me after a relapse into drinking, although he did get sober again later. Despite my attempts to reach out over the years, he remained distant, only occasionally being polite during brief phone calls. I shared updates about my life, including the birth of my son, and he mentioned he had a toddler too. He even texted me a "Happy Father's Day" once, but since then, we've had no contact.

Lately, I've been wondering what happened between us. We never had a major falling out, and the only thing that comes to mind is that he hosted us for dinner a couple of times, but I never reciprocated as neither my wife nor I are great cooks. But that seems like a stretch. I'm considering reaching out via email to check in with him and share what's been happening in my life. Given my current family responsibilities and limited social opportunities, I’d like to reconnect if he’s interested. I also suspect he might be in a similar situation, but I don’t want to impose if he’s not open to it. Would this be worth a try or should I just leave it be and take hint?

My wife and I have gone through innumerable issues in our 14 year relationship. We have a 9 old boy together. Problems started early on after her father’s passing(destroyed her) he was an alcoholic. After son’s birth, she developed post partum, which spiraled into bipolar disorder. We have since been living together and separately several times over the years. Currently I have my own apartment where I’m the full time parent. She let her last place go, not paying her basic bills and faltering living on her own. I will always feel the biggest desire to make sure she’s ok because I know she’s sick. It’s hard, I have to just let her go off when it happens. She currently stays with me, we sleep in same bed when she’s here then we fight she goes to the couch and when bad she up and leaves. This has happened approximately 5 times in the last few months where she’s gone for days at a time. She just left again today after a breakdown in front of our son. She’s unmedicated. She comes to me then goes. She says she gone for good, heard this many times. She’s a nurse with her own money but has zero possessions and always threatens us she will move out on her own again. I really am unsure how to handle her. I provide my son a safe place where he’s comfortable and doesn’t have to worry that I’ll leave him… Honestly any input, advice, thoughts, etc. would be appreciated. I do love her. She’s the mother of my only child. I know she’s not well.

Wife 50f and I 51M have been married for 18 years and together for 20 years. We have 4 children together. For the past 5 years, and alarming pattern has emerged. Sex has decreased, she does not like to receive or give oral (never has given much), no toys, no anal, no masterbation, no spontaneity, just vanilla in everything... and not really interested in trying anything else. Has admitted that she does not get stimulated by anything visual... not porn, not me, etc. When we were younger and trying to get pregnant, sex was more regular, but still not spicy. She has always sought to be a mother of a big family and I am starting to believe that that has always been her sole focus in the relationship. She says that she is most attracted to me when I’m doing dad type things with the kids. I'm attracted to my wife, will do anything for her, but I don't think she is attracted to me much. What clues should I be looking for to help make that determination?

I’m (37f) confused about this behavior from my most recent long-term partner (40m). I’ll preface by saying he’s generally nice to me, soft-spoken, does his share of household chores, etc - has some great qualities overall. However, in the past year, whenever I express any negative emotions (I feel sad when xyz happens / when you do xyz ), he becomes either super defensive, says that I’m attacking his character, or gets angry at me and start yelling. I find myself having to frame and reframe and soften the way I say things so that we can avoid this interaction, but sometimes even my reframes make him angry. An example of a reframe would be “I like it when you do x, could you do more of that?” And his response would be “I already do a lot of it, are you saying I don’t do it at all?” The conflicts have become more frequent and more intense and I feel exhausted. But anyway, I’m less looking for advice for this situation and more interested in hearing others’ experiences.

I often hear about people’s partners apologizing and doing gestures to “make up” for causing hurt to their partner, but this has never happened with my partner. I’m now convinced this only happens on social media or in relationships where both partners are younger, like in their 20s.

I’m wondering what others are like with long term partners in their late 30s early 40s when it comes to expressing your feelings to them. In your experience, what’s the typical response you get from your partner when you express negative emotion? How do you usually express these emotions?

Edit: I REPEATEDLY asked them what to get their dad (I would pay for it obviously), even group messaging them to see if they could go with me to pick something up. They were completely disinterested. All I got back was "Well I don't know what he wants" "I don't know what to get him". That's why I just went and picked out a pair of nice slacks literally 3 days before Christmas and slapped their names on it. I also tried doing this for his bday coming up soon. 16 told me she is concentrating on her moms' bdays (a few days before his) and can't think for his gift "right now".

Basically the kids, 17 and 16, borrowed money and used up allowance to get their mom 3 Christmas presents (boots, hand drawn card from 16, and gourmet coffee).

We have kids Christmas morning. They open their gifts, which were generous because for the first time, he has $ to get them wish list items.

He. Got. Nothing. Not even a card (16 drew all family members at her mom's house a card for Christmas).

I told my therapist that I was pretty upset about it, because he's a really good dad. Therapist explained that mom is materialistic and cold/stuffy so they probably felt like they had to buy her love, whereas they KNOW their father worships the ground they walk on.

I told him I was upset about it and told my therapist. That was a week ago. Ever since, things have seemed weird between us.

He did admit it hurt his feelings that he didn't get anything and that he's been in a funk since. And I sympathized, without bad mouthing anyone. I thought it would help him to get it off his chest, but it has had the opposite effect.

My girlfriend traveled to her hometown over the holidays. During her visit, she posted a close-up photo of her holding hands with her best friend, whom she has known for a very long time. I know they had a romantic history in the past, but now he is her best male friend. Every time she visits, they meet up for drinks or other casual outings.

There were a couple of pictures she posted with him, but that one in particular made me feel uncomfortable. Naturally, my mind started imagining different scenarios, and it’s been difficult to shake those thoughts.

I trust her deeply, and we love each other. Until now, I’ve felt secure in our relationship. But for some reason, seeing her post that photo stirred a small sense of insecurity in me.

I’m planning to talk to her about it as soon as we meet, but I wanted to gather some thoughts beforehand and decompress a bit. What do you guys think about it?

TL;DR: What do you think about it? she posted a closed up photo of them holding hands with her best friend, His hand on top of her over her leg.

I am thinking now to comment something on that post! although does not sound healthy. what do you guys and gals think?

Edit #2: We talked last night, and agreed that stepping back, and her getting into therapy is needed. I will be there for her, as much as I can, but will not be with her, or a romantic partner. She is scared that she is more broken than she realizes, and that therapy will be hard and opening it all up will be overwhelming. I told her that it will be hard, but you can't keep slicing open the same wound, and expect it to heal. She told me she had spent the each night the last 7-10 nights crying her eyes out over the few things she had told me she knew she needed to work on, as she knew it wasn't healthy, and wasn't good for either of us. She said she wants to be healthy, and find herself, for her. When I mentioned to her that being self sacrificing isn't healthy in this relationship, she responded with "But love is sacrificing..." and I had to stop her, and explain that yes, to a degree, but not to self harm. She actually scheduled her first therapy appt last night, and I'm beyond happy that she took me seriously and is seeking the help she needs to heal, and find herself, her voice, and her place in the world, again.

Edit: Thank you all for commenting and providing insight. I am going to be talking to my therapist today about the best way to approach a breakup and moving forward. We had a very brief discussion last night where she said she realizes she has a lot of work to do, and I agree. I have a few things to work on as well. I am open to reconnecting in the future, but this just isn't what I want or need at the moment. Thank you.

My(42M) girlfriend (33F) is super submissive in most aspects of life, including our relationship, sex life, at work, and just in general. This has been almost from day 1 of our 6 month relationship. I am at a breaking point, and not sure I can continue this. Does anyone have experience in this, or have brought a relationship back from this type of behavior? Some of the things that are really bothering me are below.

For some background, she spent 8 years in a relationship with a guy who would get upset, go no contact for days on end, etc, whenever they did something he did not want to do. If she wanted to go to her parents cabin for the weekend, he wouldn’t go, and told her not to bother contacting him while she was there. He also was manipulative and cheated on her multiple times. I don’t doubt that spending 8 years of this destroyed her in some way, but I have been encouraging her to talk to me, to voice her opinions, etc, and even to try therapy. But we’re still at the same talking points and issues, again and again.

• Completely submissive, as in has literally told me she wont, and can’t, tell me no, on anything. This is repeated more than once a week, when appropriate. If I ask if she wants to do something, or hey, we should X, its “ I can’t tell you no”
• Whenever I tell her it's OK for her to do something, or it's not an issue for me to drive separate to a family event, or for her to spend the weekend at her parents instead of with me, she gets super apologetic, overly anxious, and starts over apologizing, and asking if I'm sure its ok. I've had to stop her multiple times and tell her that it is ok, and I'd tell her otherwise if it wasn't. But that she has to live her life too.
• Seems to want to be a passenger in life. She won’t make decisions, won’t tell me what she wants, and gets upset if I ask her what she wants to do. She has told me that me asking her what she wants makes her frustrated and anxious.
• This applies to our sex life as well. She wont tell me what she wants, other than that I can do whatever I want to her. Even if it hurts her, or she doesn’t want it. She will do it for me because its want I want, or it makes me happy. For instance, if we are having sex, and I initiate anal, and she winces, or covers her face, I’ll ask her if I should stop, and she tells me no, to keep going, etc etc. Afterwords, trying to talk to her, she just says, “I know you like anal, so I’ll deal with it”. In that vein, she has told me multiple times I do NOT have to ask for consent and to just do whatever I want, whenever I want. I should add that when I do stop she get defensive and wants to know why I stopped, she didn't tell me to, that I should have just kept going.
• She gets defensive easily, even when I’m trying to tell her how I feel, or how something makes me feel, it gets turned around, only for her to apologize later that night.
• She is already mentioning that she will be homeless in a year or so when her sister moves out so what are WE going to do about it. Early in the relationship she was also talking about how she would make me breakfast and make sure I was out of bed when I went from remote to in office. That was like 1-2 months in to the relationship.
• During sex, when she gets super submissive, I tend to overcompensate and become overly dominant, and afterwords, I don’t like the way I feel. I tend to be a bit more dominant in the bedroom, but still like a woman who knows what she wants, and isn't afraid to ask for it, or tell me. I am starting to get to a point where I am recognizing I am overly aggressive, and hate it. I am working with my therapist on this.
• This sounds bad, but the other day when she was over I just wanted her to stop talking and leave. There have been several times where something happens and I think “I’m not doing this, I won’t accept this in my life” but then I can’t ever seem to pull the trigger on the breakup.

I’m not looking for her to necessarily be an equal force of nature, but to have boundaries, to have some sense of self, and speak up for herself. To be able to tell me no. To tell me what SHE wants to do, and not resort to “whatever you want” on everything.

And yes, I have talked to her about these things several times. I don’t know if I need to take another approach, or to just end things now, so she can work on herself, find her own voice, and so forth. Because I don’t want someone who isn’t capable or comfortable to be my equal. To voice their opinions, who can take a little control in the bedroom, tell me what they want or need. Not just be submissive on it all.

Is there any hope?

AITA (am I the as-shole for not feel bad about this grown man choice he choose for himself? Sorry, an adult is responsible for their own choice, that they choose, and responsible for the consequences of the choice they choose.

This is a 6'3" tall man, whom own 8 guns and hunt (tactical shotgun and riffles), He hunts deer, elk, pronghorn, bighorn sheep, bear even. btw, it legal to hunt in my state. He doesn't eat red meat, so he donates the gaming meat he hunts to Hunters for Hungry programs so the venison meat can distribute to poor people have venison meat to eat.

My point is, a man who 6'3" tall has 8 guns and hunt, and even killed a beer. No one and nothing can force him to stay with a 4'11" petite height mental illness wife. The door is open, he freely to walk out the door anytime he wants. But he choose to stay.

He choose to stay with a wife who 14 inches shorter than him, and his wife abuse him. She has mental illness. When asked, he said he loves his wife and will not leave her. He said he is an adult and he knows how to protect himself, if it get out of hand (danger of his life) he knows how to leave the scene (walk out the door).

btw, his wife has IED IED Intermittent Explosive Anger Disorder, it a mental illness. When her episodes flare up, she slap him (he gives his face for her to slap), throw things in his face, even told him to lay on the floor so she can kick his thighs and knees, etc.. He comply it all out of love her.

When asked, he said he can take it, it not to the point danger of his life yet. And he will not leave her, because it his wife, he loves her. Well, he is as "love-idiot".

I'm suppose to feel bad for him, but I actually don't, because he is an adult, he choose his choice to stay with her. If he can hunt killed deers and even a bear, he is more than capable of leave the house, including divorce her. He won't though, and who can make the grow adult him leave or divorce when he refused to.

I guess I'm the as-shole for not feel bad for him then.

He could have call the police on her when she beaten him, but he didn't, he said he will never call the police, because call the police means they will take her away from him, so he rather get abuse by her than loose her. At least with her abuse him, he still has her with him.

He a "love-idiot" really. I stop talking sense into him because I know I can't get through him.

my (40f) bf (37m) teases everyone around him. he grew up in a household / community where this is a way of showing love and care.

i did not. i grew up in a fairly volatile emotional environment where teasing someone would get me screamed at or ignored for days. if i tease someone now it has to be someone i love with whom i have a well-established history of care, probably an explicit serious convo around the particular issue i'm teasing about, and still with a heavy amount of winking and nudging.

i feel he teases me relentlessly. he doesn't at all understand what i mean. he says he only teases me about things which are obviously not true and is just goofing around. this seems clear and true to me after the fact, but in the moment i react/ am angry or hurt before that logic can kick in to calm me down.

he is a great person and a great partner otherwise but we keep getting stuck here. anyone have experience with or thoughts about this?

tl;dr my bf teases me good-naturedly but it still hurts my feelings

So me (60f) and my partner (64m) commenced a de facto relationship 9 years ago. It was the third major marriage/relationship for each of us. Unfortunately my second marriage ended badly and took 7 years of legal proceedings because we didn’t have a prenup and I lost a lot of money I had accumulated over a lifetime of hard work. Understandably when I got serious with my current partner and we decided to buy a house for us to move in together I wanted a prenup and he agreed. I have substantially more assets than him (me 66% share he 34% share in house we live in. We did this so that we would have the same size mortgage each). I earn a significant amount more money than him but he is still on six figure salary plus side business. I also have two investment properties which I asked if he wa Ted to invest with me but he did t want to preferring to keep his money in the bank. From time to time he gets angry about the differences in our financial status and worries about his future if I die (a topic he sometimes gets obsessed over). When we did our mirror wills I suggested a clause that if one of us dies when we are still living curre t house (value $1.4 million) the survivor gets their share plus $100k for deceased’s share. If he died I could still be mortgage free on a downsize property but I was worried that he would not be able to. I have also told him that when we eventually downsize to a retirement village we should update the wills so if one of us dies the survivor has a lifetime interest in that property and when the survivor then dies property will then be split going to our respective beneficiaries. On New Year’s Day he started getting all wound up about the what if I die scenario and want me to change the will so that he gets a lifetime interest in the $1.4 million property or if after I die and he downsizes then he gets a lifetime interest in the approximate$940k cash amount which he essentially really can use however he wants. I said absolutely not he threatened to leave if I didn’t and we didn’t talk to each other for two days. I started looking at suitable properties just for me in case we’re heading to Splitsville and when he found out he has been much nicer since then and asked me to run it past others to see what others think. I am always generous for example recent trip to Europe I paid all international flight there and back but we split everything else equally. I have worked so damn hard all my life three degrees and three different careers whereas he is quite a cruiser. Am I wrong to say I am not going to leave my $950k share of the house to him to do what he wants with it?

TL:DR later in life relationship with a prenup which he now wants to essentially change to his significant benefit and I don’t want to.

UPDATE: my gut was right. He broke things off. He said that despite our strong chemistry and compatibility, for some reason, he can’t figure out why he’s not beginning to fall in love with me and explained by this point, he should begin to have some type of feelings for me like that. He acknowledge that he could see I was hurting the more time was passing. I am devastated. Just that morning he expressed that he saw a future with us… then in the evening, broke up. It’s so odd that chemistry and attraction was magnetic… goals, hobbies, politics, faith… how much fun we had and enjoyed with one another but you’re unable to fall in love??? I’ve never heard of this happening. So I’m have trouble conceptualizing this.

I'm in such new territory right now. My past relationships were marked by love bombing and rushing into things, so being in a healthy, steady relationship feels like a major shift. I’ve done a lot of healing to get to this point, but here’s the thing—I’m not sure if I’m comparing this to past experiences or if this is how healthy relationships can navigate. Is it normal for one person to be more invested while the other takes things slower? In the past, I thought if you were really into someone, you'd be all in, but maybe it’s more like slowly easing into cool water—starting with a toe dip and gradually getting more comfortable.

In the seven months we've been together (we’re exclusive), everything has been wonderful. No fights, just working through tough conversations, and we align in both chemistry and compatibility. Still, I can’t help but worry—what if I remain more invested? I’d hate to look back a year from now and realize we’re on different paths when it comes to how deeply we feel for each other. I know he has past trauma from relationships and a guard up but this makes it challenging for me to not put a wall up in return.

I had been married for over 20yrs but cheated on my wife in the final few years of the marriage. Since then, I’ve had just one relationship with a woman who lived in the US. Even though she was 6000 miles away I NEVER cheated on her!

That relationship finally fizzled out, but I was not particularly interested in dating again and so never joined any dating sites or asked any women out.

Then one day about 6 months ago a woman walked into my life!!!!

I would only ever see her when I had a genuine reason to go to where she worked, and her face always lit up when she saw me in the queue.

I called in there a few weeks ago and grabbed the opportunity to ask her out. We messaged, and she told me she’d always liked me and wanted to ask me out.

We met up the following week, but I made a fatal mistake!

Because I felt very strongly about her, I wanted to be entirely honest and so told her that I’d cheated on my wife all those years ago. I did this because I didn’t want her to find out from some idle gossip later in a developing relationship… that would be far worse in my estimation!

The next day in replying to my message she said she had reacquainted with someone! I said I thought she’d probably been hurt in similar circumstance by her ex-husband and I just set off her alarm bells!

She never replied nor to a New Years message and feel now that I’ve lost her… what do women on here think and what should I do to try and convince her I’m not the man she might think I am… because I’m really, really NOT!

I've had a tough time with relationships. I've been burned, cheated on and led on by every single man I have encountered. One man courted me for 3 years and then suddenly left me, married another woman within 4 months of 'us' ending. My most recent ex and I were talking about marriage until I found out he was having sex with my 'best friend'. My first boyfriend broke up with me the day of our engagement party and married the girl he was cheating on me with.

The most recent incident has left me spiraling. How did this happen to me, again? How did I let it happen to me?

He was heavily flirting with me for months and I was the one keeping a fortress up around my already wounded heart. Until I finally relented to his advances and agreed to date him. Our connection was beautiful, perhaps the best chemistry I've ever enjoyed with a man. Talking to him was like talking to a male version me. Time flew whenever were together. He kept saying how perfect we were together, we were always looking forward to seeing each other again. He was always a complete green flag, so perfect that I could find no flaws in him. We dated for 10 months and it felt like we knew each other forever. It felt like an ideal relationship, so real that I forgot all my wounds and scars. He made me feel like it was all real.

Our last communication: Him, at 2 am: what are you up to Me, 7.30 am: I was sleeping, slept really well! Just woke up, what's your plan for today? And... no response. He didn't answer any of my calls. No reply to any of my following messages. He was active and online, posting on social media etc but just left me without a word, as if I didn't exist. That's where it ended. He was just gone without a trace. Vanished. As if everything that happened between us just never happened.

It has been three months since then, no contact, and I'm still hurting. He knew that I can't take anymore heartache and yet he chose to do this to me. What did I do to deserve this? My heart hurts, physically. Why did he just vanish without a word? Do I not deserve the dignity and respect of a breakup conversation after 10 months together? Are there no honest and sincere men left in this world? Is every man I meet going to keep their options open and cheat on me or leave the second he finds an alternative? Why did he spend so much time and effort on convincing me to date him only to leave me in such a cruel and heartless manner? Did our time together not mean ANYTHING to him?

I don't want closure I just want him back. I want to feel loved again. With honesty and sincerity. No cheating. No vanishing. I can't deal with heartbreak anymore.