I’m 34, 5’11, and about 230, I’m pretty hairy and am usually seen as a bear or cub (depending on the other persons age)

I’ve had 4 long term relationships, I’m someone who is strictly monogamous and committed when with someone and all my serious partners have all been likeminded in that regard.

Something I have struggled with in each relationship, as well as in occasional random nsa encounters (tho it doesn’t really matter with these) is feeling insecure that the only guys that are into me end up being into me because of my appearance and not my personality, I’ve been told by partners that if I shaved my beard or lost x amount of weight they wouldn’t want to be with me. My weight is something I’ve worked hard on and slipped up on also, I tend to sit around 225 but have gone as high as 270 and as low as 190 within the past 3 years.

The guy I’m seeing right now (past 6weeks) is a jock who clearly chases bigger guys, he recent told me that he is into gainer/feeder stuff. I usually avoid that kind of stuff because as someone who wants to lose weight, I don’t want to be fed a bunch of junk food and called a pig, even tho I typically am into be submissive. This is not something that has come up or factored into our sex at all, and we’ve been very compatible so far, I could tell he had a type, but I didn’t realize the extent or maybe it just struck a nerve with how I’ve felt with past relationships. He does make me feel good about myself, beautiful, and he’s super affectionate and I really genuinely adore him as a person as well as physically.

I feel like if I try to better myself physically then I risk losing him, obviously this is a new relationship but I’ve definitely felt this way in the past.

Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t turn away from love that is being offered to me right now, but also alternatively that I should wait and only seek a relationship when I’m happy with myself physically (tho this could also be a fools errand, not sure id ever feel like it was the right time)

Does anyone else deal with these insecurities? If so, how do you manage it. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated 🙏

I'll try to make a long story short here... i was seeing someone last summer (2023) and it was magical for about three months. We met thru mutual friends at pride and hit it off... Amazing sex, we were genuinely best friends quickly, we shared values and goals in life, we cared deeply for each other, etc. He was affectionate, caring and sweet in a way I had never experienced with a partner before. I live in New York and dating is hard here so i felt like I had finally found a real connection since my last break up about 5-6 years ago after really putting myself out there. Almost all of our friends got along and we built community around us with weekend beach trips, our first ever trip to fire island and shared hangs going out. I was so guarded when i met him but as he revealed his true character to me I opened up and really trusted this person... I was hopeful we were building a foundation for something more serious.

Three months in he cut things off with me and when i pressed him as to why, a few weeks later he said it was because I grew up wealthy and he didn't. This is true, I am frankly in the 1% and he grew up a child of immigrants living paycheck to paycheck or broke. I thought it was ridiculous at the time as this seems like the kind of thing you bring up in serious conversation in terms of navigating this difference, but not a reason to end a relationship. We took space for many months and recently rekindled a friendship. He has a new boyfriend who doesn't have shared values or goals with him (not to mention all of our friends dislike this person and have described him as immature and whiny). When i asked him tonight what he saw in this person he didn't' see in me, the same point came up as to socio-economic class difference. I've navigated this class difference before and while it's hard, it's not impossible!

SO!... what do you think about this? Have you ever been dumped for having more money than someone? have you been on the other side of that? do you think he was warreaed

So. I have the most awesome sweet dog who turns into a barking machine when I have buddies over for naked fun time. I don’t know if she’s being protective or just needs attention. I’m single, so live alone and I’m pretty much the only human she interacts with regularly. Anyone have this happen or can offer some helpful advice? Thank you!

Hey guys, just to give some context before my question. About a year ago or so I started experiencing a complete loss of libido. At that time I was going through a tough relationship and other problems in life so I didn't care much about it since sex wasn't really my top priority in that moment. I've always been a very sexual person before that and after I came out at 18 I'd have sex probably around 3 days a week when single and everyday multiple times when on a relationship, so having no libido is something recent. After I broke up with my ex, I've been generally happy in life, a lot changed in my life, I'm meeting new ppl, traveling, etc, but I have basically zero interest in sex, I frequently find myself bailing at guys who most gays would give an arm just to have sex with them, to the point my friends act shocked when I tell them I didn't go home with that or that guy who was all over me. I make out a lot when I go out to clubs, but because it's fun and I like feeling attractive, but when it comes to going home with them and having sex I tend to escape and give some random excuse not to go. The times when I had sex this year were good, I got compliments every time and most of them wanted to repeat (which rarely happened), but for me in that moment it felt like I was forcing myself to have sex just because I "had" to. Even watching porn has become kinda meh to me. Anyway, my question to you guys is, have you ever experienced a libido loss like that? Did you ever get it back somehow? If so, how did you do it? My friend told me he thinks I'm depressed and that he also felt like that before he was put on meds, but I don't think I feel depressed. I scheduled a psychiatrist just in case but I will only see him in 3 months. My friend told me that after taking Wellbutrin his libido went up a lot, has anyone experienced this effect with an antidepressant or any other drugs? I just want to feel like I want to have sex again lol

What's everyone going as this year? Or what are mayhaps some past costumes that y'all really had fun with?

We're thinking about grown up Hank and Dean Venture from the Venture Brothers. So, basically just what husband and I normally wear! 😸

This year Husband and I don't really have any plans to go out, we'll most likely make meat pies or Cornish Pasties and watch Sweeney Todd while we give out candy to the trick or treaters.

Question: I’ve been single for a considerable amount of time to the point where I know the issue has to be me. I think the issue I have based on feedback from the past is that I don’t seem interested or maybe just feel like a good friend, even when in my mind I’m very interested and can feel like I’m vibing so well with someone. The reason why is because when I like a guy, I’m usually not very sexual in the beginning because I wanna get to know them. But my question is could that be coming off the wrong way? In the gay dating world, is it better to start off sexually rather than try to get to know the person and establish a friendship first?

Hear me out here , I know everyone self sabotages sometime and in certain situations.

But are we all a product of a series of self inflicted even sub conscious occurrences of self sabotage(s) ?

Can we think of what caused this to occur ? Am I overthinking this?

Long time I’ve been gone from the gay scene but coming back … baby! I live closer to Cleveland but could do Columbus.

Love music ( favor alt, punk, EDM ) but want opportunities to meet people. Got a kick ass costume that got attention even in a couple of straight bars this weekend.

I’ll be going alone but I’m not shy and make friends wherever I go.

Any suggestions on bars or events would be appreciated!

Hey friends, I’m just curious, for those of us who take a ED pill, do you take Viagra or Cialis? Meaning, which do you prefer? I prefer Cialis for the active time (24hrs). You?

For those of you have sung with a gay men's chorus, what is your fondest memory? Your worst?

What kind of skills does a person need to have what it takes to make these things a reality in your local area?

Alternatively, does anyone have a cautionary tale after trying this?

I dunno what's wrong with me but I love circuit remixes of most songs more than straight up circuit music or even the songs themselves. Maybe it's something in the interplay of warmth and humanity of piano notes or lyrics against a cold menacing beat. I don't even care if it's the exact same /..//././..//././ beat in almost all cases, it somehow just works for me. I'm listening to A Star Full of Stars by Coldplay and could totally imagine it "circuited" up. Likewise, Children by Robert Miles. Would love a way to find the circuity version of any song but Spotify or YouTube only ever gives me edm style remixes. I have half a mind to just find a section of neutral-sounding circuity track and superimpose it on loop over my favorite songs on a mp3 editor. Any suggestions or pointers? Lol

Hi, this is going to be a long post. Thanks in advance for reading.

So I am still in the early talking/dating phase with this guy. We're heading in of knowing each other for 6 weeks now. He's 50 and I'm 32. He first approached me on Facebook messenger - he called it like a "curious calling" cause my face kept on popping up as his suggested friend but he couldn't find any mutual connection and said to me it feels like a sign. That was on the 19th Sept which I first replied him back. We've chatted, bantered, I am cheeky and flirty. All is well. He gave me his phone number, we moved to different chatting platforms from Telegram to Text to Whatsapp. Aside from the age gap that has been his concern which I assured him all the time that it's alright, we are also living in different states - 2.5 hour drive/4 hour on train. So theres also those restrictions. He has said when we first met that he's very keen to be with me (relationship wise) - at one point he said he wants me.

We have chatted for a bit about our past relationships as well. He has been in a few long monogamous relationships throughout his life - which is a plus for me. He has travelled around as well due to his relationship, work etc. I've told him I'm only after monogamous exclusive relationship and if he's not that then I'm not into him. I've said this couples of times in our early days which he assured me that he's more than capable and looking for the same. Fair.

In terms of relationship, he has said his last relationship which was a year or so ago was intense. His ex partner was a narcissist and has caused a lot of pain in him and he has said he has gone over it. But where he at now is the consequence of that - like he is now moved to a different state from previously with the ex partner, and moved to this new state because of work opportunity.

Throughout, I have said I am genuinely interested in heading towards the direction of building a relationship with him. Recently, he has been having a lot of things in his mind. For example, he has said the work - social worker dealing with people with issues has caused him a lot of burn out, the nature of the work is not fulfilling and has made him frustrated. Couple with his insecurity with how he looks like and the age - he felt that he's no longer attractive, overweight and old. And all this, I have been supportive, accepting and assuring to make sure that he's alright. I've always encouraged him to talk to me should he has something troubling in his mind. He joined a gym recently after years of not doing it.

Past few weeks I have been hinting of wanting to meet him. He has said it's financially challenging, also with him living cheque by cheque, the distance, and him just settling down at this new state for 3-4 months. I wanted it because I felt like having spend time together would lift up all the issues in his mind, or just make him feel safe and happy. Cause he has said he's been feeling lonely too. I have said im more than happy to have a fair share of expense with him too. But I also agreed that the distance causes financial restriction for the both of us to meet. I asked him if he could host me but he hasnt been keen - said the housemates might not feel comfortable. Odd cause in our early days he has said he wouldnt mind me staying with him. I also live in a sharehouse but my house condition isnt favorable for him to feel comfortable but I'm still happy to host him. But he has said he just doesnt feel it.

We finally met two weeks ago, I travelled to his state. Met, spent time, did some stuff - we're both not a party people so our days spent might sound boring to most gays - we just went to the museum, parks etc. Days were ok. But here's the things:

1. One the first day, as he picked me up, a text got through on the car system and read the text out loud where some guy said "Hey daddy, how's it going" on his Whatsapp. It was so awkward and he was scattering to explain it to me cause my face completely changed cause i felt like a bimbo, but he brushed it off and said "Dont think a lot about it, everyone calls me Daddy".

2. Throughout, he was always on his phone cause there were a lot of texts coming. I do know he is talking to bunch of guys at the moment. I have not confronted that yet cause he has at one point asked "You're not those gays who are obsessive and possesive are you?" - Something that I dont understand is, if you want to be with someone you wouldnt be talking to bunch of guys while saying that you want something from me cause that's disrespectful and rude. Not because I'm obsessive.

3. I have asked him what he thought about "us" and he said well a lot is going on in his life, and he pinned it on the distance again like well you live there I live here, and he said I'm just at that point where I dont want to rush into things (literally he was the one who gave the idea of wanting to have something with me and now he's doubting it) and told me that we're heading towards having a relationship but just want it to grow organically. Fair. But he has said he's the type that like to rush into things and then regretting it - in any aspects of his life.

4. I have said to him that I dont want him to think that I'm just a willing booty call for him like a bimbo. He assured me that was not the case cause he wants something genuine with me. Okay. But during the days spent he said to me, "I dont want you to feel restricted with me, meaning I dont want us to have laws - if you want to sleep around, f*ck around with with other men go ahead". To which I replied why do you think I said I want it monogamous and exclusive, and why do you think I literally here, travelled for 4 hours just to meet you if I want to f*ck around with other men?". He didnt say anything. But something odd also is, at some point throughout our chat he has said this same exact thing, and has said just make sure to record it which was so weird for me. I dont know if he's serious or joking. He brushed it off as a joke. He has also said to me that "I noticed you are so confused with me whether I'm serious of joking" and yeah I am.

Right now what really make me feel uncomfortable and anxious is that he is still talking to bunch of guys. I know we havent established anything but I dont want to end up being played and apparently only just a booty call because I genuinely want a relationship. I havent confront him about this because of the fact that i respect it has only been 6 weeks and we havent at that phase where we are official so yeah. But I dont know if this concern is valid or not. I'm receiving a lot of mixed signals from him and I am hella confused. Honestly, he told me he is not in any app but I had a glimpse of his phone and saw Grindr, Scruff and so many other apps are installed and there are also bunch of notifications in there as well. I uninstalled everything when I knew him.

What do you prefer? Going in for a hug? A handshake?

I have to say that it is getting pretty boring and repetitive. Any suggestions to where to find porn with a good storyline, romance AND sex?

Need some insight please! Me and my husband are looking to make a move, and Nashville is a big contender. He’s in music and I’m a writer. He’s white and I’m Latino. We’re not necessarily into the whole gay scene but definitely curious to know the more ‘inclusive neighborhoods’ or areas in general (no kids, just a pup). We’re making a trip this weekend to explore housing options and get a feel for the city. Any experience/advice on living in Nashville welcome, from both a professional POV or gay POV obviously.

Listen, I also know coming from NY is a huge change in every aspect, but we are actually excited to slow down a bit. Thank you!

I've always been kinky, but the only kinky guys I know are generally only looking for fun, or already in an open relationship because their partner isn't kinky. Maybe my desire for monogamy is insecurity as I've been unable to get in a LTR like, ever. Sex is easy, but I want someone who wants to have kinky sex with me and actually care about me and me them. :/

Shawn Mendes is a singer who a lot of people suspect is gay, to the point it turned into a joke and at times it looked like he was playing into the joke. He fits the gay twink/twunk stereotype but that’s besides the point. The comments and speculations were mean because he’s only ever openly dated women.

He addressed it in a concert for the first time:

Since I was really young, there’s just been this thing about my sexuality, and it always felt like such an intrusion on something very personal to me.

Something that I was figuring out in myself, something that I had yet to discover and still have yet to discover.

The real truth about my life and my sexuality is that, man, I’m just— I’m just figuring it out like everyone.

I don’t really know sometimes, and I know other times.

And I’m trying to be really brave and just allow myself to be a human and feel things.

And that’s all I really want to say about that for now.

I don’t listen to his music I didn’t even realise he still made music but it resonated with me and it reaffirmed to me how cruel those jokes were even though they were made by gay and straight people alike, the majority of the jokes were made by straight people.

In school people tried speculating and assuming what my sexuality was before I had figured it out. I knew deep down but it was a part of me I hadn’t confronted yet and the speculation took that autonomy away. I wouldn’t be surprised if many gay men had this happen to them but it’s unfair.

Hey so I tried Grindr for the first time about two weeks ago. So far I had lots of pushy dudes who seem pretty sketch. There are also some nice dudes who respect the whole going slow part because I have literally no experience. That being said, I'm starting to chicken out when it's time to actually plan a date and hookup. I think a lot of it is insecurities, penis size,looks, hairy,low self esteem, scared that the dude might not be who he says he is. I just want to hookup and maybe try oral or making out. I don't want to try any bottom until I'm on PrEP, I got an appointment in two days for PrEP. Anybody else dealt with anxiety or insecurities before a hookup? I'm also not out, but at this point if anybody recognizes me or says anything, I don't really care at this point in my life, I won't deny it.

Disclaimer: This post is not to discuss whether or not an open relationship works for you and/or your partner. Rather, it’s intended for those in specific open arrangements.

We often see the posts that talk about libido differences and/or different desires. We all see the feedback for open relationships. But I often see the guys who say their partner is comfortable with them seeking most/all sex outside the relationship, mostly due to libido or kink differences.

I guess my question is: For those who get specific sexual needs (anal, oral, etc., all of the above), what made you stay in the relationship?

My partner and I have been together 10+ years and opened up midway through. Our sex life, like most others, ebbs and flows. But I’m not sure how I’d feel if he said anal is off the table with him, for example. I guess I’m just trying to understand what works for those who seek all/most sex outside of the relationship.

Finally, this post is not to judge/criticize. I love seeing the input guys here have, as it always broadens my perspective.

Hey Y'all

With the new year coming in a couple months I've been contemplating which versions of me i want to bring into the new year.

One of the things I want to improve(amognst other things) is creating lasting friendships.

I've had friends in the past for many years even decades but they have all recently dissolved within the last decade for various reasons.

So I am curious about some of the things that others have experienced and practiced to keep friendships alive besides checking in, scheduling hang out dates, etc.

Any advice or insight is greatly appreciated!

Please, don't judge me.

I'm pretty used to the whole mechanized script on Grindr, including the sex where the guys often don't even touch you and just want to cum and that's it. To cut a long story short, I met a guy on Grindr and the conversation was great, he was super careful, he even wanted to share a joint with me, and I was like "what's up with this guy?"... ok, until we had sex and it was simply different from everything else so far.

In all the time I've been there, this guy was one of the only ones who immediately said that our sex was great and that he wanted to be with me again (and I felt the same way about him), but even though it was just a fuck and I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment, you know when you have that strange and confusing feeling that you're just another contact of his and that he might be telling everyone this? Even more so when you're both also online on Grindr, and one forgot to reply to the other on WhatsApp.

I’d love to find two or three gay BIPOC men in our 30s or 40s interested in meeting monthly in Minneapolis-Saint Paul for coffee and a lake walk to discuss ways we’re caring for our mental, physical, emotional, financial, sexual, relational, and spiritual health.

My husband's 40th Birthday is coming up in a few weeks. I've been thinking for sometime about getting him a really nice watch for his birthday. It's not something he'd buy himself. And he always wears his Apple Watch, even when working (sometimes he's with some high profile people and politicians).

I'd like to get him a watch, and my first thought, is a Rolex. But after looking at the cost of Rolex, that's somewhat over my budget, as I'm already throwing him a pretty pricey birthday party at a restaurant.

So my question - what's a good brand watch, maybe one or two levels below rolex?

Curious about this after recently talking to another POC who seems to have it all- very attractive, in amazing shape, hung, Ivy League educated, great career, lots of emotional intelligence and self awareness- but struggles to get second dates or even have guys approach him for more than a one time hookup. The problem is even more noticeable with guys who are similar to him in appearance and socioeconomic status.

On the other hand, and this is NOT a humble brag, I feel I’m average at best on a full moon during a leap year, am middle-ish class, substantially less secondary education, struggle with personal interactions due to autism, and have a body that’s best described as a “work in progress” but I don’t feel like I have to put much effort into dating and hookups, even with guys who others would consider “out of my league”, and have had guys chase after me for YEARS at a time, which is strange because I rarely feel like I have enough to offer in comparison to them. My experience is vastly different to my new acquaintance even though, on paper, our positions should be reversed.

So for the guys who were blessed in the genetic and life lottery, what stops you from approaching someone who is similar?

EDIT: PLEASE ONLY COMMENT IF YOU HAVE PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH VIAGARA OR THE LIKE. I HAVE ALREADY SPOKEN WITH MY DOCTOR AND AM SEEKING REAL USER EXPERIENCES NOT SCATTERSHOT MEDICAL OR HEALTH ADVICE.

I am a 55 year old top and I’ve begun to notice that during longer sessions my erection comes and goes. It will get rock solid and then fade for a bit before coming back again. This is new and only happens when I’m with someone longer than 30 minutes. I started taking a statin for cholesterol but Dr. Google says it’s unlikely to be causing this (and I don’t think the timing of me noticing this matches).

So my question is for those who are over 50 and have experienced a similar intermittent soft and hard erections: did you take viagara or similar and how did it go?

I like not having to take another daily pill like Cialis but I have read other people say the timing with viagara can be tricky.

Edit: I see already that no one is actually being helpful. If you want to make jokes or whatever please take it elsewhere. I’m actually looking for some advice.

Wondering if anyone knows of a lube injector that is longer than 4-5 inches (10-13cm)? I tried searching but could not turn up any good results. Want to explore depth play and getting more lube in deeper past the first sphincter seems like it would be a good way to make it as comfortable as possible.

This might be reaching for the stars, but my absolute ideal would be something 8-10 inches long in order to reach the rectosigmoid junction ("second hole"), either rigid or firm-but-flexible with a rounded/dull head, and a slight curve to match the rectum.

Anatomy chart for reference, and reminder to keep up with your recommended colonoscopies!

I’ve read variations of this story many times before. I never expected it to happen in my own home.

We first got together during the pandemic. He was fairly self-sufficient and doing quite well for himself. But circumstances haven’t been so favorable to him over the last couple of years. He’s been making a series of poor, short-sighted decisions that have now left him in a career and financial slump that will likely persist for the foreseeable future.

This slump of his was entirely avoidable, in my opinion. And it’s culminated in him placing the blame not on himself but instead on the Biden-Harris administration.

The thing is, he’s not a political person. And he never, ever would say the words Biden-Harris administration in a naturally formed sentence. He’s clearly repeating this from the internet, and whatever algorithm involved has been successfully exploiting his fears and vulnerabilities (white fright, as I call it).

His bad decisions challenged my opinion of him. But he had other redeemable qualities that allowed me to look past that. But to vote against his core interests that would directly impact him AND me? I don’t know what’s left after that.

I can’t respect someone that prefers to be an exploited, broke racist rather than a person that can take responsibility for his own actions. Par for the course, I suppose. Perhaps I should have seen this coming.

Thanks for letting me rant here.

Hey everyone! I am a hard ass stoner and whenever I hook up my throat is always dry making it harder for my to suck a dick cause it’s dry. Is there any tips or I just have to live with this dry ass throat? 😓

Does anyone else struggle with figuring out people's actual intent when someone says this to you? I live in the South and people say things they don't mean just to be nice and pleasant. What's the best way to handle this situation? If I say yes, and then they never reach out, does that mean they are not interested? How do y'all handle this?