It’s a large group between 30-50 people. At first I thought it was normal when I heard that a few of them had hooked up with each other, but now I’m finding out most of them have. What makes things awkward is when people start gossiping about it.

a close friend bartends in a dive bar (not gay bar) in my home town and told me about this because when he started his shift, a new "prospect" of mine who was there for thanksgiving was having a drink sitting at the bar and talking with someone sitting next to him, and then some other guy came along and sat on the other side, and soon the original conversation partner left, and then this prospect and the other guy got into a very enthusiastic conversation over a few more drinks for almost two hours, capped with this prospect of mine initiating kissing this other guy. meanwhile my friend the bartended was friendly and communicative. this prospect of mine left alone shortly thereafter. bartender friend told me that the other guy was similarly in town for thanksgiving.

bartender friend let me know, and i'm not jealous or anything, but i do like to be up-front and i mentioned the above, to this prospect and he was surprised and disturbed, he said he got sick and blacked out and doesn't remember kissing anyone and wasn't looking for that. i am seriously bothered at how surprised and disturbed he is.

i mentioned it to my bartender friend and he assures me he was there all the time and notices what goes on and said it was of course unusual that he kissed someone else, but no judgments, and no roofies happened while he was working. he said no one appeared to be overly intoxicated or other substances, though he has no way to know other than behavior. he can't know what happened before he started his shift with the other person but he said that's probably not how roofies work considering they were talking for well over an hour and it was my prospect who initiated it before walking home, and if something was untoward he would have called it out.

i guess my question i guess is could the first person have given him anything even though it was so long before? does the fact that he initiated their kissing suggest that he was not drugged? might people blacking-out from drinking manifest in this manner? i said i'm not jealous, which is true, i also don't care if i i'm interested in a drunk, i just want to have a sense of what i the situation.

please answer kindly, i've changed two or three circumstances, but the concern is sincere.

Hello everyone! I’m 30, and have been in a relationship for the last 6 years. We get along great, and outside of the bedroom we are best friends. Unfortunately, our sexual interests differ. I am more interested in various kinks, such as fursuiting, group play, fisting, roleplay, and wearable kinks such as spandex, etc. Him, on the other hand is only interested in very monogamous and “vanilla” sex in a sense. We have tried incorporating kinks but he is very much not into it (looking away during sex, obviously not stoked when I ask in the heat of the moment, etc.) This makes our sexual life feel very one sided, either in his favor or mine. I try to not bring them up anymore because it causes insecurity with him, and honestly the kinks have very little appeal with someone so disinterested in them. So unfortunately it feels like I am carrying around secrets, as these kinks didn’t just go away. While I don’t want to carry around secrets and shame, I feel like throwing away our relationship for kink is very immature and hedonistic? I am not getting any younger either, perhaps these are just the compromises one makes with a life partner?

Something maybe worth a note: I have been in the gay community since I was 14 until we met at age 23/24. Meanwhile I am the first man he has been with. He is very uncomfortable with my past in hookup/ FWB culture, as sex is a deeply emotional thing for him that could never be shared with a stranger.

I am sure this question has been asked a million times but I would love to hear personal expirience and advice from gay men who have been in a similar circumstance to either me or my partner. Did you try to make it work, or separate? How do you feel about that decision? Even if you haven’t been in this situation and could offer advice I would love to hear it. Thanks.

Just wondering if anyone can relate or offer any advice.

My sex activities are low risk for HIV - I don't have anal sex that often (haven't for years) and when I do, I have always used condoms.

The problem is that my anxiety is such that no matter what I do, I worry about HIV. Oral sex (uh oh, there's a small risk) and recently even kissing has had me anxious (since I worry about cuts in my mouth.)

I've talked with doctors about my concerns and they remind me that though there is always some risk in anything, my risk is really low. That being said, they gave me prep and said that might be a way to help remove some anxiety and recommend the 2-1-1 on demand option so as to minimize possible side effects or damage to bone density / kidneys etc. this makes sense to me because I also don't want to start worrying about these side effects either.

Yes I'm talking to my therapist about this, and maybe even considering an SSRI to help as well.

It's hard for me to talk to my gay friends on prep because they all are having sex without condoms and from their perspective prep is definitely necessary for their risk profile. But for me, my concern is that this might actually feed my anxiety. Am I going to start taking 2-1-1 in anticipation of a kiss? If I forget to take it am I gonna be afraid of making out with a boyfriend?

From what I know about OCD I think it might be better for me to "face my fear" and just continue dating without the medicine. Or else maybe face my fear of side effects and just take it daily indefinitely. To me it just seems like for my activities I really shouldn't be on it, but maybe with my anxiety I'm the perfect candidate.

Thanks for any help,

At the barber today, he said my skin was getting a bit loose (while shaving me). I'm not offended or anything (he's too cute to be offensive) but what can I do to tighten and plump up ?
I think I might just be a bit dehydrated plus the suddenly freezing weather ? Told my boyfriend and he fell about laughing and is now calling me "chicken wing".

A light-heartened thread - what is the sexiest uniform a guy can wear?

For me it’s a paramedics uniform 🚑

As what the title is. Im sorry ask this stupid question but im genuinely curious.

For those of you who came out later in life (30 or older) and found love- how did it happen? What was dating like? How long were you dating before it happened? How/when did you and your partner/spouse meet? I'm feeling sad and lonely and like love is just not meant for me. Like I wasted my life away by not coming out until my 30s. I need some success stories to cheer me up.

Hey everyone,

I’m looking for advice on bottoming as I’ve been a top and would like to open things up to explore my sexuality more. I’m still figuring things out and want to make sure I feel confident, comfortable, and prepared in these situations.

Here are some things I could really use help with:

1. What’s your go-to prep routine for casual encounters? I want to feel clean and ready without overthinking it. Any tips for staying stress-free about this?

2. How do you feel good about yourself when it’s with someone new? I sometimes get stuck in my head, worrying about how I look or if I’m doing things right. How do you stay in the moment and feel sexy?

3. Comfort with a New Person: How do you make yourself comfortable with someone you don’t know super well? Are there ways to quickly establish trust and a good vibe without it feeling awkward or forced?

4. Any tips for relaxing physically and mentally, especially when it’s not with someone you’ve been with before? I want to enjoy the experience and not feel tense.

I’d love to hear any advice, personal experiences, or even things you wish you’d known when you were starting out. Thanks so much for helping me navigate this 🙂

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

I'm a solo traveler in Prague, came on vacation but I only speak English. Anywhere that's recommended to meet some local friendly ppl? Preferably gay and or geeks

Hi everyone, I'm in my early 30s and in a loving relationship with my partner, who is in his 50s. The age gap has never been an issue for me—I believe in valuing a person for their qualities and personality rather than their age. However, as this is my first time dating someone in their 50s, I want to educate myself and better understand how to support him.

My partner has been struggling to accept his age. He often makes self-critical remarks, calling himself a "loser" or saying he's "too old" (a word I try to avoid). These thoughts have left him feeling sad and negatively impacted his self-esteem. In the past, uplifting verbal support worked well—I could cheer him up with a positive pep talk—but now, he just responds with a detached "OK, thanks." It’s clear that this approach no longer helps, and I feel stuck.

I’ve noticed that he seems to compare his current self with his younger years/prime time, especially since he used to be the life of the party or the popular person, I believe he’s struggling with a sense of loss, feeling as though he’s no longer desirable or admired in the way he once was. This pressure, whether real or assumed, seems to have contributed to his internal crisis.

I’d really appreciate any suggestions on how I can help him feel more secure and positive about aging. What can I do to make him feel better about himself and support him in embracing this stage of life? Thank you in advance for your insights!

Hello, fellow gay bros over 30!

I’ve been lurking here for years, but this is my first post, and I’d love your feedback on something personal.

A few months ago, I found out my partner had been cheating on me, and it completely shattered my world. The betrayal left me feeling unwanted, unattractive, and questioning everything about myself. After some time, I decided to get back on the apps—not necessarily to date but to see if I was even “valid” anymore. At first, I tried casual hookups, but they were a disaster (including one situation where a wife found my number and called me a homewrecker—yikes).

Then, I got a message from someone who stood out immediately because of how sweet and genuine he seemed. We started texting, and for two months, we only exchanged messages—no pictures. I was already falling for him before I even knew what he looked like. His texts were thoughtful, like reading chapters of a book.

One night, when I was in a really dark place emotionally, he reached out. He could tell something was wrong, so he asked if he could call me. I don’t like talking on the phone, but I said yes. That call changed everything—he insisted on coming over to make sure I was okay. I hadn’t even seen a picture of him yet, but when he arrived, I was stunned. He was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen, inside and out.

That night, we talked for hours, and something just clicked. Over the next few weeks, he helped me in ways I didn’t expect. My ex had left my home in shambles, and I hadn’t been staying there because it felt suffocating. This guy took it upon himself to clean and organize everything, just to give me a fresh start. He didn’t ask for anything in return—he just wanted to help me heal.

Since then, we’ve been spending more and more time together. He’s brought out a side of me I didn’t know existed, and I feel like I’m becoming my best self with him. We’ve both admitted we have feelings for each other but agreed to take things slow. He just got out of a long-term relationship with an abusive ex, so I respect his need to go at his own pace.

Here’s the thing: I’m 41, and he’s 30. The age gap doesn’t feel like an issue between us—he’s mature for his age, and I’m young at heart. He fits seamlessly into my friend group, and none of them have a problem with it. But I’m worried about how my family might react.

I haven’t told my family his age yet, and I’m nervous they’ll see the gap as a problem. To me, it’s not a big deal—I missed out on a lot in my 30s, and in some ways, I feel like this is a second chance. He’s also at a similar stage in life, so it doesn’t feel unbalanced.

He’s the most kind, compassionate, and giving person I’ve ever met. He appreciates everything I do for him, even the smallest gestures, and reminds me often how much he values me. I want to give him the love and support he deserves, and I genuinely believe we have a future together.

So, my questions are: • Is it common for gay men to date with this kind of age gap? • Am I doing him a disservice by pursuing this relationship? • How can I handle any potential judgment from my family about the age difference?

I’m so proud of this guy and want to introduce him to my family soon, but I’d love some advice or insight before taking that step.

Thanks for reading—I know this was long, but I really value your input!

Thanks in advance!

I hooked up for the first time, and I used sniffies. The hookup went well but now I'm starting to have feeling for this dude. He made me feel special and he is so hot and sweet. I know better and know this is just a one time thing, but now my brain craves him and his attention. Has anybody dealt with this? I feel so vulnerable.

My partner and I went out to dinner with my parents. It was at a fairly nice steakhouse especially to my families standard. My dad was treating us because we went to visit them, which I thought was really sweet. My dad is the kind of person who prides himself on being generous given his background, he is an immigrant. When the bill came, my partner insisted on paying when my dad already said he's treating us.

I get that that's normal to at least offer but my partner wouldn't let it go and took out his metal credit card. My dad ended up paying and he left a reasonable tip, around 20% which is typical where we live. My partner, however, decided to add a massive tip on top of it, without discussing it with anyone. The service wasn't exceptional or anything either. When my dad saw, he looked visibly uncomfortable and even a bit humiliated but neither of us said anything.

The way he did it felt patronizing, like he was undermining my dad’s judgment or implying that my dad was being cheap. Later on my mom mentioned feeling embarrassed because it seemed like my partner was showing him up in front of his own family, she said it wasn’t a great look. I also felt frustrated because my partner didn’t think about how this might come across to my dad or even discuss it with me beforehand.

When I brought this up to my partner he said he didn't think of it that way and he was trying to be nice because my family hosted us but he doesn't understand that he humiliated my dad. Am I overreacting?

Do you think if you haven't met anyone off the above apps within a year it is worth continuing to use them?

I can remember it used to be easier to meet men off them but these days it's really hard. I don't know whether the apps themselves withhold messages but its seems to take ages to meet someone even for a hookup.

I am only into monogamy when it comes to relationships but tbh i don't really want to invest my time in looking for someone on an app anymore. Life is short and i don't think the sort of man that is for me is on an app.

Is it too late for someone over 40 to find a monogamous relationship?

The trouble with the dating apps is they are slow to get men to meet in person and then there is the distance issue. I for one couldn't sustain a long distance relationship and i am someone who needs to see someone in person to build a connection.

I can't be the only one who thinks this but where do i meet single gay men in the UK?

What hookup or dating apps do you use? Have you found your person there? If so, how did it go/progress? If not, do you believe you can or will?

Sorry to be a little late on this - but what is doublelist? Is it like craigslist men seeking men from back in the day?

I've obviously googled it but I guess what I'm asking - is it sketchy? Is web based / geo location like scruff and sniffies?

My boyfriend and I are going to our first sex party together later this weekend. It’s my first sex party ever. We have discussed basic ground rules, expectations, and boundaries, and we have a planned system in place for checking in on each other and how we’re doing. However, I know there’s a lot that could happen that I can’t foresee.

So really I have two questions. First, from those who are versed in these events as couples, what should I emotionally expect that I maybe have not anticipated? We are somewhat open, but we have not (and currently don’t want to) played separately.

And then more generally, what basic etiquette exists for these events that I might not be aware of? Obviously consent is king, but maybe there are more minor rules I’m not aware of. I’m excited but also nervous. Any thoughts or linked resources would be appreciated.

I’m 59 and need advice on Bareback sex.

I’ve finally accepted myself and that I am 100% gay. I’m also a bottom. When I was 18 years old a 36 years old married man from church bred me and filled me numerous times. It went on secretly for a year and a half. I loved being filled with his cum and having him climax in me. I want that again but it has been a long time. How do I prepare or better yet, where should I start? I know I need to get on prep, but need advice on how to proceed with becoming the bottom I want to be. I feel foolish for asking but I want it so bad. Thank you for your advice and help.

I’ve Just turned 30 last month and I have never went out on a date. I’ve always known I was gay but unlike most people I never had the luxury of experiencing teenage love because in my country people (including myself) are very religious and aren’t accepting of Queer people. After I graduated high school I moved in with my mom to the US to start college and this is where I discovered dating apps. My first ever experience meeting someone there(Grindr) was for a hook up and it was when I first lost my virginity. During my early 20s I started to become more accepting of who I am as person though not enough yet to go out dating because within me there was still some internalized homophobia that I needed to work on. while living in the US I’ve met great people and made incredible friends but at home my mom while I love her she was very emotionally and sometimes even physically abusive. I hated it so much so by age 25 I wanted to move out and start living the way I wanted to live, go out find love and meet people but then the Covid pandemic happened and I got laid off from my job. I decided to stay with my mom for some time then dropped out of college since it was all too much for me mentally at that time. All I really wanted was to do was gain independence and move out so finding a job and a place was top priority.

almost 2 years past and with in those 2 years I managed to get a new job. I was helping out with bills and rent because at the time I was the only one bringing income in house so couldn’t save money at all and me and my mom had lots of arguments about it. However luckily the owner decided to sells the apartment where we lived in and the buyers buy my mom out of the apartment she then gives me a portion of it and with that by age 27 I finally moved out. It was the best feeling ever! Living by myself while it brought its challenges was great and helped me learn to deconstruct the chains religion had on me and discover things about myself that probably I never would have. However I’ve still not been able to successfully start dating. I’ve tried dating apps but only really been successful when it comes to hook ups and while I love sex I’m craving something deeper. my friends have taken me to clubs and bars but I’ve learned over time that those aren’t really my thing. Nothing wrong with it but I’m just not into it, nor am I into drinking or smoking.

While overtime Ive grown and matured, I sometimes do feel sad and maybe even lonely. I’ve never had someone to hold and only ever experience limerence and not love. I feel like religion and society robbed me of a life I could have had for so many years. Now while I still think I’m young and I don’t consider myself to be unattractive. Not being able to at least successfully score a date has been taking a toll on my self esteem and mental health in general. And now that I am 30 is where I’m finally starting to feel hopeless. But perhaps I shouldn’t feel this way, that should feel proud I even made it this far. but I’m tired of being strong and I’m tired of hiding how I feel. sometimes I just want to cry because I’ve been through a lot and I feel tired.

Friends with men later in life. Joined the military at 30 and suddenly friends/acquaintances with a lot of men at an older age.

I was always friends with women but now my peer group is mostly male—a lot of gay-ish interactions (playful). But not pressed and stressed because my hormones have calmed down I suppose and I know the spaces I can go to to get sex.

I am curious about the concept of masturbating with friends though. Is that a real thing? It’s something that’s joked about a lot and I’m curious about those of you who have had more experience than I.

TLDR: is jerking off with friends a real thing or a porn fantasy?

What we have now:

1. Trump and project 2025
2. Bunch of crazy religious nuts who want to repeal gay marriage and return the human rights before Obama’s term

We also have:

1. A majority opinion in US that supports gay marriage
2. Tons of gays among the conservatives.
3. The Respect for Marriage Act signed by Joe Biden. This basically codified gay marriage into federal law. Even if one state does not issue marriage license anymore, it still has to honor any marriage license issued by any other states. This makes repealing obergefell useless.

What is the chance now? Are we doomed?

I see this a lot nowadays and I don’t know what it means

Hey everyone, I could use some advice. I’ve been in a 6-year relationship, but things have always been a bit rocky. My boyfriend and I have very different love languages—I’m more physical and love cuddling, while he doesn’t. Even with house chores, we’re opposites: I’m more laid-back, whereas he likes things done his way.

When I’m not overthinking, I feel happy in the relationship. But when we argue, I can’t help but feel sad and wonder why I keep finding myself in situations that make me unhappy.

We’re also not intimate anymore because he feels I’m too “vanilla” in bed. He wants more excitement and asks me to share what I like, but I honestly don’t have much I want to try. I have some kinks I’m comfortable with watching in porn, but when he caught me watching once and suggested we explore them together, I said no—and things got awkward.

Recently, we had a big fight, and I suggested taking a break. He agreed but reminded me how long we’ve been together, the mutual friends we share, and how his family sees me as a lifelong partner. That made me scrap the idea because I do love him. Still, every time we argue, I feel unhappy—but I’m also aware of how much we’ve built together, and I’m not getting any younger.

On top of that, I struggle with compulsive lying—not about anything major, like cheating, but small things to keep him happy. For instance, I’ve hidden gadgets I’ve bought because he doesn’t like me spending or lied about how long the bathroom light was left on because he hates that. He caught me lying before and told me how much he dislikes it. I’ve tried to change, but I slip up sometimes.

I feel like I’m part of the problem. Does anyone have advice on how I can navigate this situation? Thank you.

Hey everyone, I could use some advice. I’ve been in a 6-year relationship, but things have always been a bit rocky. My boyfriend and I have very different love languages—I’m more physical and love cuddling, while he doesn’t. Even with house chores, we’re opposites: I’m more laid-back, whereas he likes things done his way.

When I’m not overthinking, I feel happy in the relationship. But when we argue, I can’t help but feel sad and wonder why I keep finding myself in situations that make me unhappy.

We’re also not intimate anymore because he feels I’m too “vanilla” in bed. He wants more excitement and asks me to share what I like, but I honestly don’t have much I want to try. I have some kinks I’m comfortable with watching in porn, but when he caught me watching once and suggested we explore them together, I said no—and things got awkward.

Recently, we had a big fight, and I suggested taking a break. He agreed but reminded me how long we’ve been together, the mutual friends we share, and how his family sees me as a lifelong partner. That made me scrap the idea because I do love him. Still, every time we argue, I feel unhappy—but I’m also aware of how much we’ve built together, and I’m not getting any younger.

On top of that, I struggle with compulsive lying—not about anything major, like cheating, but small things to keep him happy. For instance, I’ve hidden gadgets I’ve bought because he doesn’t like me spending or lied about how long the bathroom light was left on because he hates that. He caught me lying before and told me how much he dislikes it. I’ve tried to change, but I slip up sometimes.

I feel like I’m part of the problem. Does anyone have advice on how I can navigate this situation? Thank you.

I’m curious…my man and I primarily have sex in the morning. (We are mostly oral/frot/masturbation, so prep isn’t a requirement.) Is this common? Are we the only guys who are just too tired at night?

This question goes out to single gay guys over 40s and on PREP — how do you make it hard rock on demand? Any thing you do or take before the action?

What do you guys think? Is it healthier or even necessary? Real stories also welcomed.

It’s tired. It’s overdone. It’s not funny.

What other gay sayings/tropes should we add to this petition?

Edit: Lol bros you don’t need to clarify why the saying exists (“I’m so full on Thanksgiving!”) That’s why I posted this. It’s a trite joke and literally goes -without- saying.

I'm an overthinker. And I'm not very happy about it. There are many many times it gets in the way of building a romantic relationship with someone. There are also many times I feel that it's burdening and unfair to my partner (or ex-partners). A lot of random unnecessary thoughts that mostly amplify insecurities about myself, the relationship, and my partner. My overthinking also does not just stop at relationships only obviously. And I hate that I cant switch it off either.

My current partner has been handling it well, keeping me assured. But I'm starting to feel and have the idea that he will get super sick of my overthinking and assuring me of my nonsense that he will eventually leave. My previous 3 relationships - 2 of which I got cheated on and the previous one ended terribly with me having severe anxiety attacks because I was in a relationship with a narcissist ended up making my overthinking worse. Indeed, overthinking might also be the reason why they cheated or did something bad to me I believe, and the effects just snowball from one person to another.

The last relationship with my narcissistic ex was the worst. There was a lot of passive-aggressive, gaslighting, and a bunch of traumatic experiences with him which left me completely broken. He would always drive me to feel like I was being appreciated and loved and then suddenly everything would be my fault and I wasn't good enough. It made the overthinking even worse - the self-critical worsened.

After one year, I have another partner now. I have been trying to keep my overthinking in check because I know it's unhealthy. He has been very kind, thoughtful, and tolerating. He knows I'm an overthinker. He always assures me that everything is fine but does say that I should not overthink things too much. I guess the LDR relationship is also a contributor to the anxiety I'm having thus overthinking. But I have been teaching myself to trust him more.

I had a breakdown again recently when he said he would go out to a party with his friends to celebrate something (a gay club). I know I can trust him, and I know he loves me, but I succumbed to the overthinking again and though I did not say I wasn't happy or forced him not to go, I said I didn't know why I was concerned or just worried about him going there. He did ask me why but I couldn't give him the answer. But he still assured me everything would be okay.

Maybe I'm afraid, maybe I have a trust issue, maybe I'm insecure. This overthinking is just too much for me and I hate myself for that. I can't stop thinking that he will hate me and feel that this overthinking is just too much to bear eventually he will leave me and that terrifies me because I love him a lot. This also makes the overthinking flare up more and forces me to do so many things (to the extent that I sometimes feel that I'm too clingy and overprotective maniac) to make sure that he's okay with me and still feels interested in me. It's a recipe for disaster.