I have turned 38 and the day has been horrible.

I remembered I wanted to write something here. I assume it was something that I really wanted to say.

But I forgot what it was. As I'm tying now, trying to stir up the memory, my mind still runs blank.

Is this age? Years of brain damage via alcohol, depression, anxiety, medication?

Or perhaps there are so many crappy things going on that it only tires me to type it out.

Anyway.

Like the post suggests I'm looking for help to cultivate a positive mindset and overall out look on life.

Im almost 40yrs Old and forthe longest time I've been ao sad, depressed such that It's become a part of me without realising. It was either brought on by loss, betrayal and other trauma all of which I never addressed and went on unresolved.

Now I feel that I literally drain the life out of any room/environment/relationship I walk into. It's honestly something I wouldn't have imagined for my life and I don't want it!!!

How do I cultivate a more positive outlook and leave bitterest, resentment, distrust and moody behaviour behind? addressing the route causes might be a challenge considering its been so long. Therapy isn't available I'm my country.

Disclaimer: don't stop any antidepressant or medication cold-turkey, and don't do it without medical advice and supervision.

Age: 35

Location: Australia

Age first prescribed medication: 16

Other medications over the years: Lexapro (escitalopram), Setraline, Pristiq (desvenlafaxine), Valdoxan (agomelatine), Mirtazapine, Paxam (clonazepam), Valium (diazepam)

Consecutive time on Efexor XR 75mg: 9 years

Highest dose: 150mg (4.5 years, not consecutive)

Dose at start of taper: 75mg

Time to taper off: 7 weeks

Strategy: I've seen other brands of venlafaxine that have hundreds of tiny balls in them, but the brand I used only had six balls. The strategy was simply to reduce the dose one ball at a time. I would take the dose for a minimum of one week/ seven days, and stay on that dose until I had been withdrawal symptom free for seven days. That is to say- if no withdrawal occured, the next dose on the taper could proceed on day seven, however if on day four I was experiencing nausea, headache, dizziness, brain zaps- the counter starts again until seven days pass feeling ok and the next decrease starts on day eleven.

Weeks 1-2: These proceeded completely fine and normally, I noticed no change in mood and no physical symptoms.

Day 1-7: 5/6 balls

Day 8-14: 4/6 balls

Week 3: Starting on day 15 the dose was down 50% to 3/6 balls. I continued fine for the first three days, and then starting feeling withdrawal. It was not as bad as I'd experienced before when I forgot a dose- by mid afternoon I'd feel sick, dizzy, tired, mild brain zaps and a sensation I can only describe as brain nausea, which would increasingly worsen until I took my next dose. Withdrawal at 50% taper was noticeable but not as severe as missing a full dose. I stayed at 3/6 for two and a half weeks before I felt ok again.

Week 5: Started on 2/6 on Day 32. Again, felt fine for a couple of days before mild withdrawal kicked in again, a little less than the 3/6. Stayed here for 11 days. Notice at this point more fatigue than usual, disrupted sleep and vivid dreams on top of the more obvious physiological symptoms. Some anxiety and overthinking especially at night. At this stage the excess sweating kicked in and is only just calming down now (4 days on zero dose)

Week 7: Started final dose of 1/6 on day 43. Surprisingly there were no new side effects. This stage lasted only 7 days, and it was with some trepidation that I took my last done last Friday (At time of writing it is Tuesday the following week.)

Week 8/Week 1 post Efexor: Some mild brain zaps, brain nausea and fatigue which kicked in on Sunday afternoon. Appetite is a bit on and off. Mentally doing ok during the day but sleep is so disrupted that night time while lying awake can be a bit of a spiral of hopelessness if I don't catch it and nip it. Very vivid dreams and periods of wakefulness and for some reason it is impossibe to get comfy in my very comfortable bed. I keep waking up with dead arm or pins and needles but I'm unsure if this is a side effect or becaue Im tossing and turning so much I'm falling asleep in weird positions.

Verdict: Doctor support essential. I wish I had used the brand with more balls to go even more gradually on the taper. I want a good nights rest and hope it settles soon.

Much worse than going off any other medication but not as bad as I feared, especially given I'd stayed on for so long because stopping seemed like too big a task.

I think I'm gonna be ok.

So, I have been doing some very weird things lately. My major mental illnesses have been in remission for a while, but I recently went through a med change. (Every 6-8 years I switch back and forth between two MAOIs when one stops working and the other starts working again). I have no idea if the weird things are related to the med change (I think I always did them, just very infrequently).

So, I often get a snack in the middle of the night. That's not new. But, I have been so out of it/almost still asleep that I have been having problems making my snack, and I have been doing strange things.

I got my clean sheets out of the dryer, and thought I should make the bed. But, I couldn't figure out how to put the sheets on the bed because the bed was already made. I couldn't figure out how to strip the bed to put the sheets on it, so I just gave up. I only remembered this because when I woke up in the morning the clean sheets were in the bed with me.(and a random table cloth).

I woke up one morning and I had a different pajama top on. The matching pants were in the bed, and I was wearing the pants I originally wore to bed. I had no memory of changing pajamas. I couldn't find my original pajama shirt. I was still wearing it under the new shirt!

I was cooking a bagel. I needed butter, but it was all hard in the fridge. I usually soften it in the microwave for several seconds on a low power. I couldn't figure out how to work the microwave. I think I mostly melted the butter. The bagel got buttered, but there was none left. I had to find a zip loc for the bagel that I didn't eat. (There were two, I only ate one). Instead of putting the bagel in the bag, I opened a new bottle of mirilax powder and dumped some of it into the bag. I didn't notice that until the next morning!

Sometimes I have done weird things with my meds. Once, I took my morning meds in the middle of the night. Once, when I was getting ready to go on a trip, I took my night meds twice. My meds come in little packets in a large roll for the month. Each packet is for a specific day and time. I took my nightly meds, then I tore off my morning and noon meds for the next day (because I would need them for traveling), and I was going to pack the rest of my meds. I saw that my night meds hadn't been taken (forgetting that they were tomorrow's night meds), and I took them before packing my meds. Whoops!

I plan to talk to my staff about some of the weird things I am doing. (I have staff that come to my house a couple of times a week to help me with the tasks of daily living). But, I can't tell them about the meds because technically I should have followed the med error policy each time and I didn't because before those I have never had a med error.

I was hoping the weird behavior would stop, or become less frequent, but instead it's happening more often.

Just ranting.

I rushed home from work because my mother said she’s unwell. We r now waiting at the clinic.

She has been unwell with this and that, now and then, for some time now.

I am afraid. Terribly afraid. She has no one else but me. I have no one else.

I pray that it’s just stomach flu (she does display flu symptoms but the main complaint is stomach pain).

I can’t cope and I just want to die.

Help. I’m 38 (f) and apparently I’m becoming a grandma in 2025. My son is only 19. I had him when I was 19 as well…. I have two younger sons 11 and 9. I’ve been diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety since I was 18. I’m so not ready for this. It’s been very triggering. I was counting on being child free in the next 5-8 years. This is not what I want for his life (I know it’s not my choice and totally out of my control). It’s impossible for me to be “happy” or “excited” about this. I feel like my life is being blown up and the next 10-20 years has suddenly become uncertain. It doesn’t help that I’m in a crappy relationship (but that’s a story for another time). I literally had my tubes tied 6 months ago to avoid my own chance of unwanted pregnancy (my partner, 33m, thinks he wanted a baby). Advice or consoling words please. Cat pics welcome.

It’s been awhile. I hope that everyone here is doing ok.

I’m struggling, as usual, to stay somewhat afloat. Most of the time I am drowning.

I tried cutting down alcohol for awhile. But I didn’t see any real benefit. I will still try.

I am in constant anxiety over my mother’s health. This has overtaken my mind.

Please don't delete this post. I am kinda far from being 30, but I am over 18. I just need some advice and I feel like this subreddit is the place. I had a painful childhood and rough teens and I feel like it gets only worse. My friends and people around me talk like adults and act like it, and I am here with the mindset of a kid trying to act like an adult that I have been doing my entire life. I also never thought I would make it past 16, 18, 20, 21 and 22. I have no plans for what I will do after uni, but my friends do. I feel like I am just going to fall apart like I always do, because I cannot handle change. I still feel miserable that I am not 16 any more, because I feel like I am mentally stuck there. It is also the moment my mental health got extremely worse. Again, sorry for posting it here. but I do think this subreddit, is the correct place.