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I took notice of a boy in my class, somebody I determined to be “not my type” on the first few months of school, and it’s been 2 months and he’s still on my mind. At first, it was warm and sweet. He made my cheeks hurt (first time I’ve ever felt that way) and my body light. I was thrilled to see him and was giddy when in conversation. Those feelings were undiscovered territories for an arospec like me. It was mutual, too. It could’ve been something. But I was unsure of my feelings. No matter how strong they were around him, I felt like I didn’t like him or that they were actually really weak. So, I put a bounary, and he respected that boundary, and now, we’re back to just being classmates. It’s just sad to think about what we could’ve been. It could’ve been a lot of fun. But I am on the aromantic spectrum and have clinical fucking depression and a tendency to think shit of others. I wish I liked a little stronger. I wish my feelings weren’t so weird. I swear I don’t feel like I like him but I look for him everywhere and I’d buy a bag of chips just so he can ask for some. I still get weirdly weak and giddy when I’m teaching him calculus and he’s oh so close to me. Deep down, I know I don’t like him and I know I’ll be unhappy if I try to pursue something. I don’t know what this is and it fucking sucks.

Rules are simple, tell two truths and a lie and we try to guess whats what.

I'll go.

F(31)

1. I punched a politician.
2. My brother cut off my thumb.
3. I have imaginary friends.

A year ago the aromantic label fitted me, but 2-3 months ago i developed certain feelings towards my best friend. I became qenuinely confused about my romantic orientation and tried to bottle up my feelings.
But they just kept showing up and it started being frustrating.
so i just finally confessed my feelings yesterday, and it went well, he thought about it and said that he likes me too.
so yeah idk what i am now

I am aromantic(but not asexual) with no real life support. I am surround by friends and people who do feel romantic attraction. usually I'm okay dealing with the lack of intimate understanding when it comes to my identity, but it's been getting harder and harder to be the way I am without having someone to talk to. what I mean by this is:

I have already all but come to terms with the fact that I'll never find a partner who is also aromantic and understands that part of me. But a big part of the way I feel towards friends of mine includes sexual attraction, and I have been wishing for sexual intimacy with someone for some time.

the problem is, I have some trauma surrounding sex which makes this very difficult. I can only basically initiate intimacy with close friends I really trust, and even then I panic and it ends up feeling bad rather than good. it's the most frustrating part of being aromantic but not ace. the one type of intimacy that I am okay and want to participate in, I still can't. I have been okay with that for years but am now finding it harder and harder to bear.

I finally found a friend who I can trust to treat me well during sex and who I am interested in, but now that we've talked I am second guessing myself as always and in a panic. I feel foolish talking about these things with my partners because it feels very contradictory; I'm fairly experienced and had a lot of all kinds of different encounters before the trauma but now just can't find a way to calm myself down, and I can't name the reason why to them. it fees embarrassing, but I feel like the only way for me to learn to enjoy sex calmly again is by simply stepping back into it.

I feel like the only person I really won't feel bad burdening with the process of setting me back on my feet again is someone I'm just paying for sex, but I have only ever been capable of enjoying it at all with close friends.

I'm not sure I'm looking for any specific advise, as you can see this is very rambly and barely understandable. I'm just wondering if anyone else has felt alienated and conflicted when it came to being an aromantic person who is also into sex. it feels like most people who are romantic and sexual just find both in their partner, but for aromantic and sexual people there's no similar equivalent if I want the sex to be meaningful and intimate. I guess I am just looking for someone to hear me out and maybe even resonate. If there is advice you can give I would appreciate that a lot too

This is not really a rant but it kind of is? I also want to preface this by saying that I don’t want to come off as mean spirited. This is just my objective observation.

A lot (not all, but a lot) of young people online who identify as aromantic or asexual all seem to have similar interests and experiences. They seem to be neurodivergent, interested in cartoons, animation, fantasy, musicals, drawing, a show called Hazbin Hotel and probably ran/runs a tumblr account about Superwholock like the navy. They also seem to cling on to microlabels and identities. Not to mention, they are also overwhelmingly white.

Of course, none of the aforementioned is a problem at all. I’m sincerely glad they have found one another. It makes sense since a lot of subsections of queer communities to have common interests/culture. However, I do not fall under that category of person whatsoever and it is what kept me from thinking i was aromantic/asexual for a very long time.

I do want a companionship (whatever that would look like) with someone who is also aro/ace but I’m worried it would never happen because the overwhelming majority and I have nothing in common!

Am I the only person who feels this way?

(Also I’m (F22) gonna use this to shoot my shot with anyone who wants a committed but non romantic companionship! If you’re in the Nyc/Nj/Ct area hit me up on here <3)

I'm 18 AMAB Enby but male presenting, and I have a huge number of female friends who I enjoy going to the park with, doing waterfights and stuff like that. The issue is, people always assume I'm dating one of them. Like, take last night as an example, I was playing at park with a few of my guy friends and a few of my girl friends, having a waterfight as we wanted to take ourinds pff the lounds of revisoon we had been doing. I offered to walk one of my female friends home as she lives in a sketchy part of town.

When I got home, my mum asked if she was my girlfriend and everyone now is making accusations. Like I get that I don't tell people I'm aromantic because it's a faff to explain it every time, but can people just not assume.

So about a month ago I realized that I was aromantic but only about a week ago I actually accepted it but since I accepted it my body just thinks other wise when I'm a place with lots of people [like school] but whenever I'm at home or with very few people it just doesn't happen and I love being aro as I don't have to deal with drama of me loving someone but they not loving me back so I just don't know why does my body think otherwise when with other people. But sometimes my mind has a internal mental breakdown about it I don't know why. I was at school just an hour ago and my body just couldn't accept the fact I'm aro and right now I'm at home and I just don't feel the same way.

I think that it is due to having minor social anxiety and introverted. I'm also still in the closet about this so no one but reddit and me know that I'm aro. I had to make an alt account just so if my main reddit account is ever found by my friends they won't know it's me. I don't know what to expect when I come out so for now I'm still in the closet. I think that this will change in the future as my body also starts accepting it. Has anybody else experienced this?

how do i ask someone to be in a qrp with me???

so,this person is my best friend,and i've been friends with her since we were nine(for context,we're both 13 now,so we've been friends for 4 years)

i started wanting a qrp with her 2 years ago,i have a squish on her,but i have NO idea how to tell her that

any help/advice????

I remember one time when I was younger my grandma asked me if I had a crush on one of my guy friends, and after that I sorta told myself I did. I happened quite a bit actually when I was younger and then if the person would ever figure it out all feelings would just magically dissapear.

I just came to the revelation that a lot of my self esteem issues are probably impacted by my experience of being an aroace teenager and am interested in hearing other people's experiences. I feel like more than 80% of conversations teenagers have somehow circle back round to romantic and/or sexual feelings, a lot of 'who do you have a crush on' and 'look at this picture of this hot person'. I think this really impacted me feeling like I dont have anything to contribute to a friendship. I am interested to see what other people's experiences were and how its impacted you.

Second post in a very short time cause after my first post stating I've never been able to understand if I am aromantic or not I started going down the rabbithole of reading up on definitions of "romantic attraction" and "romantic love".

What I've found has my head spinning.

I've been with one of my partners for 5 years, with another for 14 years and I feel "sensual attraction" to one of them (wanting to kiss, cuddle. touch, be physically close) but not to the other. All of the descriptions I've read for "romantic attraction" sound like social anxiety symptoms to me and everything that supposedly distinguishes "romantic love" after the initial attraction / honeymoon phase is just what I call "love" and which I feel towards all my partners regardless of the stereotype aesthetics of "romance".

I love beautiful things and I love obsessing over feelings and thoughts I have for the people I love.
I think everything I experience would be better with those I love by my side no matter if its a shit experience or the most beautiful sunset.

I feel less afraid of the terrifying uncertainty of EVERYTHING when I imagine myself surrounded by the people I love and I hope we stay together.

I think the feelings I have for them and that they have for me (which aren't the same and thats okay) are something beautiful and I make art and I write to express and preserve the impermanent state of that.

But I feel this way towards multiple people who I have drastically different dynamics and interactions with, one of them is someone that usually gets stereotyped by wider society as my "best friend" while the other is someone that gets stereotyped as my "romantic partner" but I don't really... see a fundamental difference?
My feelings for every single person I've ever loved have felt different, they were never the same or even similar and the same way the ways I've expressed love and affection to these people has been variable.

I find myself in a position which I jokingly refer to as aromantic quantum superposition or Schrödinger's Aromanticism meaning I feel both aromantic and not-aromantic at once and ultimately the answer IF does not matter to me anymore.
My partner of many years however recently came out to me as aromantic which to be honest changes very little about our actual interactions but changes a fair bit about the way we publicly describe our relationship.

Regardless of that whole shebang I am here today to ask if any of you have ideas for how I can show support to my partner in this time and help them move past the guilt they feel at being unable to fulfill a choice few of my needs.

We are in a process of redefining and relabeling things in our relationship to allow them to be more comfortable and authentic and I have made it clear that I love them irregardless of any romantic attraction I may hypothetically be able to experience as well as that I do not NEED them to fulfill all my needs and desires.

We have been together for a very long time and I know that they spent years feeling guilty for not being able to give me all the things I desire and need but even before their realization that they are aromantic I have never even once considered them to be lacking in the way they enrich my life and help me meet my needs.
Most of the things they cannot give me I can get elsewhere (we have always been polyamorous) and even the things I have wished for from them that I do not want from anybody else that I now know they cannot comfortably fulfill I feel like I can make peace with given time.

So ultimately I am wondering how you have deconstructed and moved past the guilt of amatonormativity and the idea of "I love them, I should feel comfortable XYZ but I don't" and if there is any way a sympathetic partner that is also Schrödinger's Aromantic could act in a supportive manner in that process.

If you read all of that thank you.

TLDR: I may be aro or I may not be regardless my partner came out as aro recently and spent years feeling guilty for not being able to provide everything I desire and need. How can I support them in their process of moving past that guilt?

So about a month ago I realized that I was aromantic but only about a week ago I actually accepted it but since I accepted it my body just thinks other wise when I'm a place with lots of people [like school] but whenever I'm at home or with very few people it just doesn't happen and I love being aro as I don't have to deal with drama of me loving someone but they not loving me back so I just don't know why does my body think otherwise when with other people. But sometimes my mind has a internal mental breakdown about it I don't know why. I was at school just an hour ago and my body just couldn't accept the fact I'm aro and right now I'm at home and I just don't feel the same way.

I think that it is due to having minor social anxiety and introverted. I'm also still in the closet about this so no one but reddit and me know that I'm aro. I had to use an alt account just so if my main reddit account is ever found by my friends they won't know it's me. I don't know what to expect when I come out so for now I'm still in the closet. I think that this will change in the future as my body also starts accepting it. Has anybody else experienced this?
Also I really didn't know what to flair this

Hey there, I'm making a Summer playlists but a lot of the songs I've come across are either romantic or don't really have a good Summer vibes.

Truth is, I don't mind the occasional Summer romance song as long as it's still giving me Summer vibes. But as of late, those Summer vibes I'm getting recommended are less then Summery & more romantic.

Thank you all so much in advance!

right so I stumbled across the term aroflexible and I think it could potentially describe me but I want to make sure I am understanding it correctly before using the term.

is aroflexible more like homoflexible and heteroflexible? or is aroflexible more like grayromantic?

cause if its like the first, that means you hold on to that attraction. if like the second, it comes and goes whenever.

both the LGBTQIA Wiki and the original coinage post was a little confusing so thats why Im asking 😅

I'm questioning whether or not I feel platonic attraction to people, especially those who I don't know well or aren't that close with. So, what does it feel like to have a squish, or to feel platonic attraction at all? Or to not feel it?

I think I have a hard time grasping the concept of platonic love and attraction due to my autism. I struggle with other feelings too, but I know for a fact I don't feel romantic attraction. I would really appreciate it if someone has any advice/whatever on this :)

Hi! I've been meeting a guy for months who I like and well, i've confess to him that i liked him in a romantic way and he told me that he's never been in love with someone and that doesn't know what that feeling is and i think he may be aro but he doesn't really know if he is, this is quite confusiong and i'm not sure how to handle it, i like him and really don't want to hurt or put preassure on him. Someone has some advice?

I just unlocked a vivid memory of me and my friend having a conversation in year 8 (7th grade for all you freedom lovers) about gender and sexual identities we thought were stupid and he brought up demiromantics where we agreed that the idea of having a whole separate sexuality for being only attracted to people you had a deep relationship with was stupid. years later I'm only now releasing that I'm demiromantic after thinking I was bisexual since my early teens lmao.

I either have fomo and this is what causes it or I'm just extremely weird. I've always wanted to be in relationships but giving them a label makes me feel weird. Like I literally cannot explain the emotions that I feel. I finally put a label on my qpr and now it makes me feel like I want to push myself away. I don't know what it is but it makes my life hard. I want to be in a relationship with this person but once I realize that I have to put that label on it, that want kinda goes away. I've tried telling the people that I date that it's okay for them to call me their gf l,their bf partner,etc. but for me it's weird. Like yeah I'm happy that I have a partner but saying it out loud kinda makes me dissociate. Am I just full on aro or am I just weird?

So I've been depressed on and off for the past 6 years; I have really bad seasonal depression, and because my brain loves me so much I'm often 'normal' depressed in the months I should be fine too. I say this because I'm 17 and I don't know if the reason I've never experienced romantic attraction is because I'm aro or because I'm usually depressed.

Almost everything that people talk about on this sub are things that I feel I can relate to. I think I'm romance-repulsed, and I'm definitely uncomfortable/anxious with romantic touching(like handholding and all the random touching that comes along with relationships)/kissing/etc. I started to think it was "weird" that I didn't like anyone in middle school (I've never had a crush, although I think I put that amount of energy/emphasis on my friendships), which is when I started to learn about aromanticism and asexuality. I went through phases of deeply trying to figure out my sexuality, where I would hyperfocus on it for a month or so, and then avoid thinking about it altogether for like 6 months. I've really been trying to figure out my sexuality for the last couple of years. This past year, I finally said "I'm aromantic" aloud to myself and it felt right. I came out to a couple of my friends (one went badly "you're not actually aro" "why would you choose to be like that" "you're too young / you'll meet someone" blah blah blah, and the other two people I came out to were really supportive and understanding, which was nice). However, I'm coming out of being depressed, and the feelings of 'what if I'm wrong about my sexuality/attraction and i'm actually a liar' are coming back in full force. I still have never liked anyone, and I still feel romance-repulsed and everything, but I'm so scared that I'll end up not actually being aro, and the reason why I felt this way is because I'm just too young to know and my mental health was really impacting me.

Sorry if this didn't make 100% sense, I kinda just needed to get my words out. if you have any advice or thoughts I would really appreciate hearing them :)

basically, on some days i feel romantic attraction and on others i don't really feel it at all. kinda like gender fluid but for the aro-spectrum. it's made it hard to get a romantic partner because i can go from being very cold to being very loving very quickly.

can someone help me? maybe someone who feels the same way?

(Gray aro, pan allo) I’ve convinced myself I’ve fallen in love before. I go between confident that it was love to denial, that it was just infatuation. I’ve been missing being intimate with someone but I’ve gotten sick of how it feels to hookup with a stranger and my last fwb was so disappointing I don’t want to try again. It felt good to be touched by someone who loves me but I hate the feeling of someone falling in love with me. There’s no guarantee I’ll fall for them too and I hate lying about my emotions. Yet I still want to try, but I hate ‘leading someone on’. I just run at any indication of “love”. It’s such a stupid dilemma. The desire for something but hating everything it comes with.

I got bored in my math class and I've been watching the Clone Wars show so while in math I made an aro clone. I made this in OneNote on my school computer so it may be a little bit off in some places.

(I didn’t really know what to tag this as btw) This sounds weird because it’s literally the r/aromantic but it’s as the title says. I see people on here all the time wishing that they could feel “normal” or asking for relationship advice, and that’s super valid, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t get it. I just found out that my only other aro friend is in a relationship, and I’m happy for her, but it just adds to my confusion because I’ve had conversations with her where we felt the same way on this. When I found the arospec community, it felt like I wasn’t crazy for not feeling and desiring romance, but I’m almost starting to feel crazy again. So, anyone else?

Also, sorry if this is hard to read or overdramatic, it’s 1:12 am where I am and I’m really tired. Thanks for reading!

We have always been told that in order to live a complete and good life, you need to find a partner and have a child. I'm a young aro ace person and I'm trying to unlearn this. I don't have many older people in my life (especially not women) who are single or childfree, so it's hard to imagine what I'll do when I'm 40 without kids or a partner

If you are an aro ace person who's older, what's your life like? Are you happy? What do you do for fun? How's your social life?

hi! so, I learned I was cupioromantic only about a month ago, with little to no romantic attraction. I’ve been trying really hard to come to terms with it, but it’s so difficult. obviously since I’m cupio, I have the desire for a romantic relationship and I want to take part in romantic activities, but I will never experience romantic attraction (to my knowledge). I’ve only been in one relationship, but it was so uncomfortable doing romantic things. it really sucks because seeing other couples (real ones + ones in TV shows) makes me so happy and gives me what I describe “butterflies,” but then I remember that I will never get to have that. it’s so painful.

I’ve also been learning about QPRs a little bit. is it really a pick and choose sort of thing for whatever you and the other person are comfortable with? is it a good solution for someone who’s cupio? like, can you do romantic things without all the pressure (like call eachother pet names, hold hands, even kiss), if it even works like that? I really don’t know. some help would be nice from other cupioromantics or people who have knowledge on QPRs and stuff like that. thank you :)

(P.S. if for some reason this changes anything, I consider myself a lesbian in all other forms of attraction. for example: aesthetic, platonic, you know the rest.)

Someone I’ve never really been close to (who, therefore, doesn’t know of my aromanticism) just asked me out and I don’t know what to do. I’m thinking of saying yes to a date, but while we’re there, explaining that I’m aromantic and that there won’t be romantic feelings, at least not on my part.

I like her (in an aro way) and wouldn’t be apposed to dating her as long as she was aware of who I was and what being in a relationship with me entails.

is this a good plan?

kind of a weird question but i was thinking about multiple times with the people I've come out to and calling them "aromaphobic" as a joke for whatever reason and i mainly thought about how much people don't like aromantic people because they're just that kind of person, and that I've never heard a phobic term for it.