This is such a big step for aromantic awareness! I’m so happy to see the r/aromantic subreddit prominently linked in r/lgbt’s community sidebar ☺️

I also feel this short list of communities may have had a direct influence on Reddit’s decision for which queer avatar hearts to create for one’s Reddit avatar. Now that r/aromantic is up there, I feel like there is a chance Reddit might start Paying Attention to us/ create an aromantic heart for one’s Reddit avatar 🐸🥝🤍🩶🖤

I've always known I was aromantic, but after delving into the world of fandom, I realised there's alot more to being aromantic than I originally thought. Even after a buttload of research, I still am kinda confused as to what is most applicable to me. Originally my idea was something between lithromantic and quoiromantic, but I genuinely can't say. So I would really appreciate it if your reddit hive-minds could deduce a sexuality for me so that my friends stop making assumptions that I'm a closet homosexual.

Anyways a few experiecenes i would like to share:

Had a friend who I really vibed with, they confessed, I dated them for a week but then broke up. The entire time I felt uncomfortable being around them, straight up miserable. I thought that that shouldn't happen so I ended the thing (but then I used to like hanging out with them before they confessed.)

After i broke off, I kinda stopped talking to them. Felt like a piece of shit for a while, but then it felt awkward to even think about them.

Besides that, there was is this other person whom I still have a crush on, but tbh it seems like it's only an intimate(looks bases) thing, cuz I remember talking to them alot one day and it left a really bad taste in my mouth. I couldn't talk to them for a week because I couldn't stop fixating on their flaws. Idw do that, especially not in a relationship so I didn't ever bother confessing.

Anyways, hope you guys can help!

Me and my friend(s) are one of those friends who make romantic and/or sexual jokes to eachother. I see this all as funny. Like one of my friends offered to "kiss me"(cheek) and I was down for it, but of course not in a romantic way. I've always felt disgusted about the topic of marriage, and a bit uncomfortable about just relationships which is why I think I'm aromantic.

So… I’m not 100% I’m aromantic because I still care for romance, I just don’t want to date, and I’ve never been genuinely attracted to someone before. But most aro people I’ve seen are averse or repulsed. So I just kinda feel out of place here…

back when i was figuring myself out i didn't pay much attention to the aroace part of sexual identity. i thought it didn't deserve any thinking through because "you just don't date lol"
now that i've tried dating and realised i might be aromantic... it makes me so anxious. i can't always be sure that i'm actually aromantic. everyone around me keeps saying that i just haven't found the right person yet. what if it's true? what if i have to keep looking?
then i get into another relationship, the feeling of novelty makes me feel like i actually love them and can spend my life with them, it lasts for a few happy days or weeks, and then i have to touch them and be touched, always write to them and be obsessed with them as much as they are obsessed with me, and it's so hard, because i can't find enough strength to even care. i have to break up and i break their heart and they cry and i hate to do it because i don't want to cause pain to others. but i'm a jerk and i keep making people believe they've found the right person.
is there any way to finally figure that out?

My friend recently got into a relationship, which I don't think is necessarily romantic but, they are very close and know each other deeply, my friend is happy and I am happy for them. But I guess I am a little jealous and a little disappointed? I mean, my friend said she likes intimacy and partnership and things like that and they have never had anything as deep as they are having with him, and I kind of want something like that, you know? But at the same time I feel betrayed, they are the person I open up to the most but I am not the person they open up to the most, and there is nothing wrong with that, I just feel kind of stupid about it.

All of this makes me want that too, that intimacy and things like that, I am not sure if I am aro or not, but I kind of don't care if I date one day and there are many things I don't like about the idea of ​​being a "boyfriend" and having a "partner" and have someone liking me, but I think I would be up for dating someone to have what others say they have. Sometimes I wish I could feel those butterflies in my stomach for someone, it seems so cool, you know? Being sure that I'm with someone who is committed seems so good. This second part can be done with friends but it's harder.

I'm jealous and I didn't want my position as "the person with more intimacy" taken away from me, but I think it's okay, life is just like that.

This has happened before, my childhood friend started dating and I felt a little like that too, nothing changed in our dynamic but I thought that "this is what happens when you date, one day I will have someone too so there is no reason for me to be sad about it."But I don't think I'll ever be able to date someone, not in a conventional way at least.

I don't know what to do about it, should I look for someone who wants a queerplatonic relationship? Should I try to date even though I'm not interested in anyone (or in the concept of dating)? Should I accept that I'll open up more to my friends than they'll open up to me, that I'll rely on them more than they rely on me, that I'll want their attention more than they want from me? I'm a little confused.

Hi there, i wanted to ask is there something like opposite of aegoromantic? (aka: dont like/being repulsed etc by romantic toughts/fantasies etc, but when would you actually experience/would do something romantic, you would like it?)

I've always known I was aromantic, but after delving into the world of fandom, I realised there's alot more to being aromantic than I originally thought. Even after a buttload of research, I still am kinda confused as to what is most applicable to me. Originally my idea was something between lithromantic and quoiromantic, but I genuinely can't say. So I would really appreciate it if your reddit hive-minds could deduce a sexuality for me so that my friends stop making assumptions that I'm a closet homosexual.

Anyways a few experiecenes i would like to share:

Had a friend who I really vibed with, they confessed, I dated them for a week but then broke up. The entire time I felt uncomfortable being around them, straight up miserable. I thought that that shouldn't happen so I ended the thing (but then I used to like hanging out with them before they confessed.)

After i broke off, I kinda stopped talking to them. Felt like a piece of shit for a while, but then it felt awkward to even think about them.

Besides that, there was is this other person whom I still have a crush on, but tbh it seems like it's only an intimate(looks bases) thing, cuz I remember talking to them alot one day and it left a really bad taste in my mouth. I couldn't talk to them for a week because I couldn't stop fixating on their flaws. Idw do that, especially not in a relationship so I didn't ever bother confessing.

Anyways, hope you guys can help!

Hello! I'm looking for participants po for my thesis entitled "A World Apart: An Exploration of Experiences of a Person within the A-Spec Community in an Amatonormative Society Through Comic Illustration". This study aims to have a visual representation of people in the A-Spec Community.

I am particularly looking for participants who are:

💜 Filipinos with interests with media, animation or comics 💚 Currently residing in Luzon, Philippines 🤍 Ages 18-45 years old

Here is the google form survey link: https://bit.ly/40pULQ3

omg the thought of being in a romantic relationship makes me fucking sick, but. i dont know maybe im just so deprived, i just want someone to care about me the way they do in the songs UGH! bro its so corny! im screaming at the void i just need to vent, i just want a friend whos close to me, accepts me, maybe flirts with me? AHHH i hate being masc cause ill prob never find a relationship like that. i'll prob always be that filler character for the besties, always the rusty vehicle never loved or appreciated or acknowledged. just there. i say the funny jokes but i can never be authentic cause then i disturb the balance. idk man im just whining.

That's it. I just think it's cute and fluffy and I like seeing my favorite characters be happy ^_^

hi, so i wanted to ask if i understand the diferences right: so platonic relationship is something like more than friend but not partner, but queer platonc is more than friend but somehow a bit "partner"? (idk how to explain it)

and also can these types of relationship (or atleast one of them) be romantic or sexual or both too?

I have no close friends at the moment or any close relationships for that matter. Recently started college. Trying to make friends there.

It's difficult. I've realised I seem only capable of developing genuine emotional attachments to others if I am attracted to them in some kind of way. This narrows my pool down a lot. If I'm not attracted to them, it doesn't matter how much I talk to them; I am not bonding.

There's a couple people I feel like I can bond with. But, here's the issue. I am very attracted. Not necessarily romantically, I want to clarify. I don't see things as romantic or platonic. I just feel the need for closeness of any/all kinds, whether it's emotional or physical. I crave closeness extremely.

I'm starting to suspect I am aromantic and aplatonic and that I maybe experience alterous attraction in their places. Alterous attraction is the desire for something not wholly or not specifically platonic or romantic.

In my case, I either am attracted to you or not. If I'm not, I cannot form any emotional bond with you no matter how much I want to. If I am attracted, I am all in and want something almost resembling a romantic relationship with the amount of closeness, commitment, openness, affection, etc but without the labels and the exclusivity (I would happily help them get a partner if they wanted but I would still need that same closeness). I want it to be lifelong too. Like, just lifelong "partners" to grow as a person with.

It hurts when my friends talk about how all their friends are below their romantic partner or don't appear to reciprocate the feelings I have. I cannot comprehend caring about someone but not experiencing what I feel alongside it. For me, it's just all or nothing. So when they don't appear to feel the same way, I feel as though they feel nothing towards me at all.

I don't know what to do. I have no fulfilling relationships at all. I'm emotionally neglected by my family and I have zero close friends. I was also educationally and socially neglected for the majority of my life, so I have absolutely no idea how to even deepen things. I try to by asking how they are, trying to show I am interested in how they feel and what they think of things, etc but I don't know. Everything feels so shallow and superficial and it hurts so much and I just want to isolate and never see anyone ever again.

is it just me or you guys also feel DEEPLY free when you remember that you'll never want to commit to anyone? i know people feel very good about it but for me it always felt like a chore, so when i finally understood why it always felt like a chore it all made sense and now I'm the happiest i could ever be, the more i see people complaining about dating and how hard it is the more i feel free from that trouble, i don't mind people loving eachother romantically it's quite adorable but the responsibility, the commitment, the effort, it's just not for me because I don't have any love to motivate me to do so, and I'm happy that way, very happy

I find this a flaw in romance stories. It takes me so long to realized this because I don't hate people falling in love, I just find it unrealistic that any other relationship doesn't serve anything to the main characters. Unsupportive/conveniently always busy besties, the other person/love triangle, nonexistent/lack of chemistry between families, etc

It's so unrealistic and giving... amatonormativity. How is your love interest not only pays for your dinner, pays all your tuition, drives you home, pays nameless mobs to clean or do other things if they're not available for you AND teaches you so many things about life lessons?

Obviously there are degrees to it and I can relate with loner neurodivergent characters who struggle with their social life but usually if even the supposed best friend/close friend or trusted family member don't have any substantial interaction, I'm just not interested anymore

Even toxic family and friends can make the story more interesting like for example if they're neglected by their parents, I like the trope where MC seek friendship or mentorship with another parental figure. They don't have to mimic an ideal parent/child relationship but at least let me know who this person is and how this person affects MC, etc, not just as a plot device to get MC together with LI

As sucky as life is, we don't live in a vacuum chamber and being aro has helped me understand and appreciate the different layers of relationships between people

I know the answer is to heal your trauma but you can't cure trauma, not in a way you cure a cold.

You can get over the trauma responses, the maladaptive behaviors, and the cognitive dissonance but it's permanently going to alter the way you view and understands romance as a whole so how do I become more romance indifferent as a caed?

So I've been in a qpr for 3-4 months with this person (person A) and our relationship is about to "grow" as person A has this crush on person B, and they (hopefully, but there shouldn't be any problems) will have a romantic relationship in the upcoming weeks.

To make everything clear: I've already talked about it with person A, and what we're aiming for is some kind of polyamorous relationship, with a qpr and a romantic relationship. At first it made me feel bad, but after some time, and after speaking about it, everything's fine.

But, out of curiosity, I'd like to ask if you (or if someone you know) has been in such a situation, and wants to talk about their experience ? It can be an experience of a "simple" qpr, I'd love to hear about that !

I stopped caring about fitting in and wearing trendy clothes during the pandemic, and I've been mostly wearing stuff that makes me happy, like Victorian/Edwardian-inspired, dark academia, and cottage-core, with frills and lace. I don't wear it for other people's enjoyment, but because it makes me more confident and happy.

Only issue is, is that I've had more male friends express their romantic attraction to me afterward, which makes me super annoyed and even disgusted. I don't want to be mean so I usually lightly reject them and that I'm not looking for anyone, but I can't stop the negative feelings.

I know part of it is definitely my hyper religious catholic school making me a certified man-hater, but I want to know if other people experience this too.

This is going to sound terrible. I'm so sorry, but I'm just being honest. I never considered I was aromantic until a few months ago when I was at a house party with some frat guys I know and we were talking about dating and one of them asked if I was aromantic simply based on what I was saying. I brushed it off and was more baffled by why this straight frat guy knew what aromanticism was however lately I've been more and more concerned. Someone accused me recently of being a slut and a player and I started reflecting on all my previous relationships or hookups. What always felt to me like something casual was probably in hindsight much more serious for others. I felt no guilt ghosting or ignoring people at all, because nothing was ever that serious right? Now, I'm not so sure. I've never wanted to date anyone or felt any romantic desire whatsoever, even though I love romance and think its so beautiful to write and read about and crave the type of intimacy where you know someone completely. That sounds beautiful to experience, but in actuality, there is never anyone I want to experience that romantically with. The self reflection has been overwhelming and my friend was probably right. I'm probably aromantic. When I first learned I was gay feeling connected to the gay community is what helped me come out and be okay with being gay, but I've been reading through aromantic communities online and... I just don't connect at all. Everyone feels, and I don't mean to be rude, very online. Outside of a lack of romantic attraction I feel like I have nothing in common with the community? I just feel really broken and inhuman and it's made even worse by the fact that I feel like I'm too "normal" to connect with this community. Has anyone else felt like this?

I recently discovered that I'm asexual and I've been questioning if I'm aromantic!

To preface, I have been in one long distance relationship (we never actually met up with each other, weird I know). This one relationship was quite odd and I really just wanted to become really good friends with this guy. I always felt weird saying I love you because I didn't really feel a deep love. I eventually broke things off because our core values and life paths didn't align anymore.

Since then, I've had one other person interested in me though I think it's been mainly a friends with benefits thing I never really pursued/flaked out on (haha now I know it's because I'm asexual).

I've always thought that having a relationship could be interesting but I've not really pursued anything since. I've been content being alone and it's confused a variety of people in my life. I don't mind the idea of being alone forever like a lot of other people.

Growing up I never understood crushes, I remember pretending to have one in like 5th grade to fit in. Otherwise all of my "crushes" have been fleeting when I meet people. I don't really want to pursue anything, just make friends really or I think they're a really cool person and want to get to know them.

Flirting has never made sense to me, I've always thought that flirting is just nice compliments. Every time someone flirts with me, it goes right over my head. I've also been on dates with people and I totally don't realize it! I was on this date with the guy I mentioned earlier and we went to a really nice restaurant. We both wore super nice clothes as well. When we went to leave the waitress said, "Have a nice rest of your date night!" I wanted to question that but then I realized we probably were on a date, I was just confused.

Romance in media has always confused me or bored me. I don't really like romance stories much and I've tried reading things like ACOTAR which I found odd. Movies portray kissing scenes at the end like it's this amazing thing and I'm just awkwardly sitting there waiting for it to be over. There are instances I enjoy romance things like when I played Baldur's Gate 3. I thought the romance between my character and Astarion was super cute but I don't know if I'm confusing platonic attraction with actual romantic attraction.

I do see people aesthetically and enjoy others personalities. I used to identify as pansexual because I thought it was all about liking personality over anything else.

I don't really like the traditional idea of getting married and having to do literally almost everything with another person. I really like my personal space. Though I really think it would be fun to run around town with someone, go out to eat, go to the zoo, hang out at home and more. It just sounds fun! But I'm not sure that's really romance.

Romance is confusing as all hell to me anymore. I like the idea of having a person who loves you deeply and I the same. But I more just want a really good best friend to do fun things with. The idea of meeting this other person's family and having to deal with problems or whatever sounds like a chore. Maybe I'm just not ready for a relationship or maybe I'm aromantic? I'm not opposed to the idea of being in another relationship if we are super compatible. I also think that I'm extremely picky as well anymore, "needing to find a soulmate kind of match".

I don't know if I've actually felt romantic attraction and maybe I have? Maybe I'm gray-romantic or straight up aromantic. Maybe I'm neither! I've questioned if I'm pan-romantic as well. I don't know! Any help is greatly appreciated.

So I've both attachment issues and abandonment issues lol. I'm also a bit self sacrificial.

About two maybe three years by now, unsure. I made a friend, I was really happy to finnsly have a new friend. And at the time I was definitely wondering if it was like the aro ace translation of a crush for me lol. Becysse I kept feeling so giddy.

Anyways I happened too have told them about some trauma/abuse my "ex" would put me through. And eventually they ended up telling me issues they were having with their partner. Word for word Goin through the same exact type of abuse id gone through.

I ended up getting more attached, I'm not really sure how to describe it. But the emotions got to much, I wanted to help. After many months of trying to help them through that. Getting far to invested.

I Said "I like you" I immediately felt sick, and immediately realized it was untrue. Lol. I'd gotten it confused, and for the most part I just wanted them to leave that situation. Which they did, same day. They had an old crush cheat on their partner for them.

Stopped talking to me too. I was a bit relieved, which, I sort of feel bad for lol.

Honestly, I was trying to go to therapy for my attachment issues. I don't think it was really going anywhere. Though I last went in June, for financial reasons I had to pause lol

Anyways I always felt bad for two reasons I know from experience how extra stressful that'd have been

And I also felt bad that someone out there probably thinks I had a crush on them becuase I couldn't differentiate over attachment with crush lol

Like I never wanted to do anything romantic

I mostly wanted to do things like museum adventures

Honestly it was for the best I tend to try holding up others people's baggage and make things worse, while honestly basically torturing myself.

I've always struggled with dating, not the act of dating, but rather having desire and motivation to date. Sex is easy to find outside of relationships when needed so that was never a motivating factor. I also experience a lovely amount of emotional intimacy with friends and family, so I also felt no need to go in search of that. I found dating exhausting and struggled so much to feel excited about it. That fun rush of adrenaline you get from a new crush? I've experienced it less than 10 times in my 36 years of life.

I'd always struggled with defining my orientation flipping back and forth between pansexual, asexual or straight. I couldn't figure it out.

I finally had an epiphany this last summer after seeing a graphic of the ace-spectrum. I think the reason I had so much trouble pinning down my sexual orientation is because it was so over shadowed by my romantic orientation, something I had never considered or explored before. I came out of my internet rabbit whole with a very specific and obscure label for myself that might make some people roll their eyes but for me I felt like I had gained an understanding that made up for decades of confusion. GREYPANROMANTIC.

With this new understanding I decided to search out a therapist who could help me explore a deeper understanding of this and go on a fun queer journey with me. Now my therapist is queer themselves, I know they're a trans woman but I know nothing of their queerness beyond that. But they're young, only 25, and I've started to doubt their understanding of broader queer identities. I kinda think the clinic might have just placed me with her because of her personal queerness rather than her actually having much experience with queer studies. Recently she seems to be confusing my aromantic characteristics with having an avoidant attachment style. But that just feels so wrong. When you look at my relationships with family and friends it's very evident I have a secure attachment style. I'm frustrated that my romantic struggles seem to cause her to misclassify and misunderstand me.

I don't want to come off as defensive with her, but I really feel like she's missing the mark. Therapist often give homework after each session, am I allowed to give her homework and encourage (maybe gently force) her to deepen her understanding of what it means to be aromantic? How do I request that without coming off as an AH?

First of all sorry for my english, this is not my first language. I have always been aromantic, but recently I met someone who makes me doubt my aromantism. I don't understand, he is the only person with whom I feel this, before I didn't have feelings for anyone... What could it be? Am I alloromantic or something like that even if it's only for one person? Also is it wrong? I don't want to be in love but it's stronger than me, I don't want to ruin my friendship... Help me please ;(

Recently I started a new job with new people, which means I once again have new coworkers who are gonna ask about my life and stuff. Always leads to them asking about my relationship status, it's not weird to me, just comes off as wanting to get to know me, and I always hit them with the ol' "I'm not interested in relationships". And then I always get hit with the "you'll change your mind once you meet the right person" which used to annoy me, but nowadays I'm used to it, in fact I find it kinda funny that they think that.

I just wanted to post about something my coworker said in response, just to get across my perspective to their perspective. One of my coworker's counter-arguments to my point of view was something like "So you just wanna be alone forever? You don't want to get married?" I mean, I'm not lonely, I've got plenty of friends, not sure what they mean. And apparently the marriage thing is important because of the whole "Till death do us part" thing. And my thoughts on that is just... I have to be married to dedicate my life to someone?

I've already sworn a personal dedication that I'll stand by my friends and support them forever, I have no romantic feelings towards any of them, I just... really really really care about them. A lot of them I think of as weird extended family members, heck I genuinely forgot I wasn't related to one of them at one point.

I'm mostly just posting this because I wanted to get these thoughts out, but what do you think? Is my perspective a good one?

this feels specially worse as an aro

I (20NB) currently identify as aroace.

Back in high school, I used to think I have crushes on guys. It always begin with me admiring them for a certain trait/skill (i.e. plays volleyball, plays the guitar, is good at dancing) but know close to nothing about them so then I will start getting interested in them. The moment I get to interact or be close to them however, the "crush" disappears and I just start treating them as a friend. Although there were cases when people have accused me of flirting with these guys but I personally believe I never did because I treated them the same way I treat all of my friends (im still confused as to how to differentiate romantic affection with platonic affection).

Back then, I would tell my friends that I have crush on these guys. But looking back now, it feels like I just like the "ideal" them I have in mind before I get to know the real them. I wonder if this is a case of "squish"(?)/platonic crush, or is it another thing?

This is my first time posting anything of this sort, but I'm really curious if anyone else ever started having romantic feelings for others once they started taking antidepressants. I used to have crushes throughout elementary and middle school, but once I got to high school that desire almost completely fizzled out. I've been in many relationships, but the only time I have had romantic feelings as an adult is when I started on an antidepressant a few years ago. The experience of falling head over heels in love for the first time and then quickly falling completely out of it as soon as I stopped my medication is what convinced me that I was aromantic. I had suspected it since I was 15 or so, but it feels more relevant now that I'm an adult exploring serious relationships. I don't crave romantic partnership at all, even though I currently have a partner of 11 months, but I am concerned that my aromanticism may be due to something other than pure preference. Any thoughts?

Alright, crux of the question I’m gonna be bringing up is: “Is the fact that I can’t understand jealousy tied into me being aromantic, or is it something else entirely?” For clarity: I strictly mean jealous of a partner, not jealous (envious) of what other people have and I don’t.

So, basically, I have personally never been involved in any sort of relationship with anyone (outside of friendships), so the thing never really came up before. Lately, however, I have been talking to a friend of mine and her husband who are having relationship issues, mainly letting them vent with me, and I’ve noticed that while I can empathise when someone tells me they’re jealous, I can feel their pain and so on, but... I don’t get it.

I don’t understand the need of exclusivity in a relationship and I don’t see how love could be lessened by being shared. I’m thinking that maybe it’s because the only relationships that I’ve ever been interested in are generally very non-exclusive. The closest I can get is feeling a little bummed out if I want to hang out with a friend and they already made plans with someone else, but... I don’t feel that really compares.

A couple of things I’m really curious about are...

1. if any of you has been involved in a QPR as aros, have you ever been jealous of your partner?
2. have any greyromantics/demiromantics felt a change in their attitude to or understanding of jealousy after feeling romantic attraction towards someone?