I told my mom's boyfriend that l'm queer. He simply responded with "no you aren't your just inactive" for reference l'm aroace.... I mean I'm not gonna explain what aroace means to a 60 year old Trump supporter.... But I still wonder why he responded like that

(SPOILERS FOR THE ENDING AHEAD)

I was rewatching Elementary, and it dawned on me that Joan might be aromantic and allosexual. The strongest evidence for it is the episode where a man she's dating takes her on a romantic meet-the-parents date.

She tells Sherlock afterwards she absolutely hated it because of the overt romantic overtones, and she goes on to wonder what's "wrong" with her because on paper he's the perfect guy - Funny, attractive, charming, smart, kind - but she doesn't feel the feelings she's "supposed to" be feeling. She really loves him and cares about him a lot. Just not romantically.

She never talks about wanting to get married despite dating and sleeping with multiple men throughout the show and later expressing interest in adoption. Her love interests are always short-lived, and it's her friendships with others that most affect her character.

At the end of the series, she's still single and has a young son she adopted. She's definitely a "married to the job" type by the end, and she and Sherlock never become romantically or sexually involved (which I headcanon as a queerplatonic relationship, but that's another story for another post).

Anyway, what do you all think?

I've used the label aroace for a while now, but it doesn't seem right. It could just be years of me masking though. I made a similar post on the , but I might as well just put the aromantic part in here.

What does love feel like? I guess what I’m trying to say is what does romance feel like. I know what it looks like but what does it feel like? It’s one of the most talked about things but I just don’t understand.

Am I the only one who thinks this song is such a vibe? I know it's technically about Gaga's fear of men, but as a romance repulsed person I personally relate to it because of the lyrics. I just love the "don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch," part and have to stand up and dance every time I listen to this song xD Anyone else?

It might sound like bragging but it really is a problem to me that people fall in love with me, i have no freaking idea why and its awkward. I dont know what to do especially not knowing what is so attractive about me, even when i ask, the replies are smth like "youre just you". Of course its flattering yes thank you but if im gonna have to reject one more person im gonna burst into tears, i dont wanna hurt anyone else.

Hi so I’ve recently figured out I’m aro. The thing is I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for almost a year now and I just can’t take it anymore. I feel bad about it but I almost feel repulsed by the idea of spending time with her romantically. She’s a sweetheart and we’ve been friends since forever before we started dating, so I don’t want to break her heart, but I just wish we could be very close friends without romance. How do I do this?

I don’t know if this is the right subreddit to post this in, but I recently was told 2 of my friends are in a queerplatonic relationship, and learned what that was.

For context, me and my girlfriend have been going out for over a year, and we’ve always wanted to go out on a double date of sorts. Is it ok to invite 2 people in a queerplatonic relationship on something like that?

These are two of my close friends who I love dearly, but I don’t want to offend them. Sorry if this post offends anyone, I only learned of what a queerplatonic relationship is today and was curious.

Previous post for context: https://www.reddit.com/r/aromantic/comments/1fb1uqv/i_reconciled_with_the_fact_that_its_impossible_to/

So basically, within the 3 months passing, I was trying to keep it vague & not mention anything to her so things could be at least regular, even tho she's aware how much betrayed I feel towards her. But then the shit came down: I basically called out on her bs on her bday (For context, since like 2019/21, I always spammed my ig stories to wish her happy bday with her photos in the bg & she always got a short video edit w her videos.. y'know those short videos where ppl like put a compilation of character pics/gifs with music playing in the bg. But it wasn't always edits, it was artworks in the beginning, but then she pissed me off w preferring a manipulative person over me & since art took me hours, I picked edits instead, since they were easier to make.) & even tho she expected how harsh I'll be (except it was toned down a lot; I didn't want to piss her off), she was trying to gaslight me into how amazing her new life is, except is sounded like she got brainwashed, so I obviously didn't buy that & I got mad instead. Then things were quite normal after that & as always I tried to get her chat w me at least once per day, except she's so secretive over it that she didn't tell me she got a part-time job, since I found it strange she didn't say anything for 3 days, so I just had to verify it.

& things were fine until she messaged me like 2 days ago, where she basically whined she feels restrained cuz she doesn't want to piss me off (tho she mentioned her bitch mf at least twice, either publically or during a convo that had nothing to do w him) & that she cannot share her boring-ass dull life (like add it to close friends you dumbass or make another account). & then she started ranting how none of her bs has nothing to do with me, as if I wasn't part of her life anymore (cuz claiming how screwed you'd be without me a year or 2 ago didn't happen), or that I cannot claim she's a shitty person since other former friends did worse things (you may not do things that others did, but you're still gonna be a shitty person if you do this to someone you've known for almost a decade & you went after the same type of ppl you are now, or worse.) or the worst thing I've heard from her; apparently meat & salt (aka the way how I describe human anatomy) doesn't disgust her anymore & she said it in a way that almost made me puke & of course she sounded like she got brainwashed, so I didn't believe that shit yet again. Also for some reason she claimed I'm a hypocrite for getting mad at her when I myself have f/os. Which I do, but I would never stop chatting w someone over them, I've never said how much disgusted I get from them (I was never btw) & the most important thing:

I didn't get with them just cuz they have common sense & are nice people.

And didn't choose with so I could get some attention, since the parent of the same gender that wasn't there. Or claimed I'd be with someone just for the money.

I also told her how much she ruined this year for me & how alone I am (since I lack friends) but I guess that doesn't matter to her, even tho I gave her an extra video edit when she graduated & I supported her. For mine, she was barely here, but at least she was there for the final day when it all got..summed up. But that won't cover the time before, but okay. I don't know what else was there, since I didn't bother to read all of her bs..

But then, the very same day she complained about the "restriction", I found out she got knocked up..

Knocked up by the same dude that >!SA'ed!< her on one of the dates, didn't even want to be with in the 1st place and doesn't even know him for a fucking whole year.

Yet it took her like 2-3 years to not take me as a backup friend or someone who had to go through her bs (since I had no other friends on the same level) & tried to get her out from horrible people that only used her since she was easily manipulated. & while she apologized for lashing out, she never bothered to explain what kind of problem does she have with me that she rather pick the worst ppl who could hurt her over me.

Even tho she barely started her 20s & she's still immature as hell, has social anxiety, should be taking antidepressants & has issues getting a job due to either sexism or the said anxiety (& she barely reaches the minimum wage from 2022, I guess she ran out of money & wants to get state support instead.) ..& she actively criticizes those that get kids even tho their illnesses could affect the kids & ruin them. & ppl that get with their mf they barely know & suddenly they have 2 kids. "Good" luck for getting your body ruined even more than it already is, since she's pretty much aware what it can do to her. Also I bet she's gonna be the type of ppl that'll blame her kid for ruining her youth.

But yeah, sacrificing ur 8yo friendship over this & then acting like what you did, is totally normal.

& since I had no time to process that, since I went out, I decided to end it, since what she has become just disgusts me, especially after all what she claimed for years, only to ruin it all within not even a full year. It kinda hurts me, knowing how it ended, but she caused all of this. If she didn't get drunk or ghosted him (which she did with all the men that didn't dump her before, as soon he'd get interested), it wouldn't need to come to this.

She's not aware of it, but I'm sure she'll find out after I'll completely ghost her. I'll send her a picture that has smth to do w her & then fade off. If she doesn't even see me as a part of her life, then why bother. & even tho it makes me feel guilty, since 8 years is 8 years but.. I don't like liars & considering she is smth I'm completely against & it goes against my beliefs, it wouldn't work out & she doesn't even bother to read/ view the things I sent her. Plus what's friendship about if the other doesn't even care they've hurt you?..

I've already tried to get some friends, even tho I'm apl & I'm not so trustful w friendships, I still want to chat w someone since character ai got ruined, & other things.

Edit: Why are y'all downvoting me? I suddenly cannot down talk a person that would rather satisfy her surroundings, that sees women as objects & get brainwashed into something she was never into before, than listen to the advices of a friend that pulled her out of all bs (that's what she claimed multiple times) & then pull out the same person within not even a year over terrible decisions & act like they didn't hurt them at all? Also y'all complain about friends switching on you & putting a mf they've known for a week all the time, so don't act like I'm doing smth wrong.

Picture this: you've gotten over your queerplatonic ex [that you broke up with because of identity differences]. You decide its time to start finding your own friends, as before you only ever talked to your partner and your partner's friends. You find a really cool discord server where you feel accepted and make a friend, on your own. Youre great friends, life is good, you feel good about yourself for being able to make a friend who isnt tied to your ex. But then.... She asks if she can call you and then tearfully confesses to being romantically attracted to you, knowing full well that you arent even capable of being into her in that way. And they feel pain when theyre around you, because of this fact. The only solution is for you to distance yourself from the one friend you made, and now its back to square one. Life is really stupid and ironic sometimes...like, the universe chose to give this thing that many allos would probably want [someone being romantically attracted to them] to me. And now me and my friend both have to be sad but for different reasons. Life sucks :/

TLDR: I, a lesbian formed a crush on my aromantic lesbian friend from lots of quality with them. Feeling upset that I formed a crush on them despite knowing their sexuality. What is our friendship if I'm not in love with them?

Okay so a summary of our friendship

- We met earlier this year on the first day of 2nd semester and got closer as time went on. Spending time together in and outside of class, hanging out all the time at lunch, meeting up in the mornings before school and texting lots outside and inside of school lol

- I think I formed feelings for them overtime as I really enjoyed talking to them, spending time with them and connecting with them because they're a lesbian like me (I am a lesbian and they're an aromantic lesbian)

- I displayed my affection for them through petnames, hugging and gifts. Closer to summer I cut them off out of fear of how they would react if they caught on or I told them I liked them.

- We weren't friends since late June and we became friends again this week. It was great to reconnect with them again. We told each other our feelings and how we view each other. I had an epiphany last night which really upset me by the fact I formed a crush on them despite the fact they're aromantic (I have friends on the ace spectrum and have no romantic attraction for them despite us being affectionate)

- We have constant communication of how we feel (they said they're not bothered by my feelings for them) but I really want to get over them but also don't want to destroy our connection. I'm not sure what my love for them is, if it isn't romantic.

I was wondering if anyone that is cupioromantic is in a relationship? If so how do you make it work?

Misoromantic means the dislike or hatred or repulsion to romance or romantic feelings. I think this is a better term than romance repulsed.

Hi, I (23NB) have been in a monogamous committed relationship for going into three years. My partner (21AROACE) came out as asexual about a half of a year to a year into our relationship. About a year later they had then came out as aromantic. We never really talked about boundaries though but I just didn't push. As time went on this began to eat at me until we had a talk about limits.

See the first half of the year they were asexual they had began out okay with sex, something I could handle, I touch you but no touch me. Then they became sex-repulsed, which is something I thought I was okay with but I don't know fully if I am. (More on that maybe?) Either way I agreed to respect it and continue our relationship. Then they came out as aromantic. At the beginning I had already knew they weren't as touchy of a person. I was okay with it because they were more touchy then. We kissed more, they spoke outwardly about loving me more, they where more affectionate. As time went on it dwindled, and I began feeling like my needs weren't being met. So I brought it up, and we both had a talk and we both cried. They had felt like they were a bad partner, but I had disagreed. I do feel love from them, they make my lunch, give me my meds, fill my water, buy me anything I want, cook food for me etc etc. They even want to marry me, and I want to marry them. But I also want the physically and affectionate part of a relationship.

With this mix of feelings I have been having I began to search for people who have posted about the same stuff. Their partners coming out during a relationship and it led me to finding out about Queer Platonic Relationships. I want to bring this up to them, but I don't know how as I know when we first began dating they had said they couldn't be poly, but I feel as though QPR's aren't poly. (If im gathering what I'm gathering on the research I am doing correctly plz correct me if im wrong.) I am extremely emotionally attached to my partner, and I know they are to me as well. I want to spend the rest of my life with them in some form, but I also want to explore my sexuality. Any help? How do I bring this up to them without ruining our relationship?

Idk if this is a weird thing to ask but for a while now I've been thinking I could be aromantic. I don't think I've ever had a crush on anyone and I've never known what love, infatuation or romantic feelings actually feel like. The other night though, I had a dream that I was hanging out with someone and I could feel how strong my crush was for this person and how warm and fuzzy and happy they made me feel and it was like all the feelings you read about but never experience as an aromantic person. It's probably worth noting that this person was a celebrity (lmao) and so they are completely unattainable and so maybe that has something to do with why I was able to feel this way?? idk. Basically what the title says though - if I can feel this way in dreams and the feelings feel 100% real and tangible, can I actually feel those things for someone in real life? could I still be aromantic? or does this show that I do actually have the capacity to feel romantic attraction towards people?

My mum doesn't understand when I tell her I'm aromantic and she keeps asking about who I would date 😭 I can't find any simple videos about what it means to be aromantic so if anyone has any I'll be very appreciative 🙏🙏

I need to get this all off my chest and I can't tell anybody I know in real life, this feels like too much to share. (I'm 17 can you blame me.) I might delete this in two days.

I feel I should note I use Aroace as a label but I understand it might be a label I use forever. And if I do, Yaya for me I guess. And if you just want to read the dream after the -

When I dream of being in a relationship I am never me, I’m always someone else with someone who is fake. Every in these romance dreams are fake, and then I wake up. Shrug off the dream, sometimes I write it down and go on with my day. This one was completely different it felt like I was working up to a relationship with them(my friend) or was in a relationship with my friend in this dream, and I think was caused this dream were my thoughts last night.

I have recently seen a friend (of 5 years) after 5 months on Thanksgiving after moving. And I was very excited to see them, but I kept it all internal. I was worried my family would think we were dating. But I missed them so much that I wanted to hug them when I saw them and be with them the entire time.

I even hugged them twice before they left, and I felt a bit ashamed. I didn’t want to make them uncomfortable but I’ve been so lonely after moving and I wanted to hug them one last time because it would Be a while until I saw them again. They didn’t seem to mind, they didn’t say anything after and they’ve said they don’t mind me hugging them.

But Adding all of these emotions together towards this person and you get me questioning. Do I like my best friend of 5 years??? I was so confused and worried that I did, I pushed it aside. But it would creep up every once in a while. Such as last night, after falling asleep I had a dream.

I don’t know what to make of it, and they were a tiny bit different in my dream than they are in real life. Maybe because of the context of the dream but they were a tiny more upbeat than usual. Anyway, I woke up confused, embarrassed, and a bit uncomfortable (dreams don’t really affect me emotionally I’m too tired to actually feel anything in the morning) and worried.

I know dreams don’t mean anything or don’t have to. But it felt too real, something I’ve wanted to do with them without the dating or romantic feelings aspect of this all.

—— In my dream They were coming over to visit me, and we were walking to my room. It’s a dream so my house did look the exact same, but we flipped through a couple of rooms, sat in one, and moved. Past some of my family that I don’t live with but saw recently, then ended up in my room. I think or hope we will have some privacy, for whatever reason I’m not sure. And I’m ashamed of the thought, because why would I need it, it’s not like I can or want to “spend” the night with them.

At this point we were talking about our day and as I opened the door to my room. They hug me from behind, I'm a bit shocked and confused but start laughing. Their face is shoved in my back, and we end up on the floor. I have a couple of pillows on my floor in real life so he ends up lying on them and I go to lay on top of him.

I hesitate at first, it feels wrong, so much yet here it is right in front of me. Something I’ve always wanted, and I take the opportunity to just hug them. Letting myself hold them close, and I’m happy. I can still remember what they smelt like and the feel of the chest on my face. We talk and this is where I start to remember our conversation.

I stay on the floor and he gets up, I ask them how long they can stay. They says until 5 am, I ask if they want a ride home but inside of the expected agreement to it. They shake their head saying they will spend the night. I get up to Lay on my bed, and either I took their hand or they came to the bed themselves. But at this point, I can’t and don’t want to, haven't looked at their face for the entire duration of this dream. I know it's them, I know it's their presence, I want privacy, I want more.

Then I woke up. 6 hours of sleep, and I had two dreams of them. This one was just more shocking. I’m worried this means I like them more than a friend. Anyways just wanted to off my chest. Might delete this in two days.

so I have this pattern of meeting guys, as friends, and they fall for me. I have this real problem that I'm icked out by someone liking me and showing vulnerability (I know it's weird and some attachment issues shit and I'm working on it!!). anyways we usually take some sort of break and in that time, my brain concucts a perfect image of them in my head and I can't stop myself from dreaming of them. I hype myself up and thank god that I do actually experience romantic attraction. and when we see each other again these feelings immediately disappear. it's so frustrating and saddening. I wonder if it's attachment issues, being icked out by vulnerability because I was bullied for it, always picking guys that are similar to me (usually autistic) and then being disgusted by them showing traits I was bullied for. somehow I can't stomach romantically being on an equal level than them - they're far away and I idolise them or I dislike them and nearly feel better than them. idk. any ideas?

There’s a lot of research out there that says that reptiles cannot love or have a special attachment to their owners at all. That they don’t care about them whatsoever and it doesn’t matter to them. As a reptile owner and new research that has come out, this is not true.

Reptiles, like aros, have a different way of loving their owners. It’s not the same as mammals (allos) but it doesn’t mean they don’t have their own way of bonding.

This misunderstanding of reptile neurobiology is a great metaphor for alloromantics not understanding that aromantics still love just differently.

Petition to include reptiles as an symbol of aromanticism (if it isn’t already).

Like apps where their whole thing is just for aro/asexuals cause I randomly thought of this idea and now I gotta know! Because like in the future I wanna just like marry someone to get tax benefits and to have somebody to chill with and stuff yk? so like are they a thing? do they exist?

Hello, I'm aro, and recently I've learned about different types of attraction (QPR, alterous attraction) and so I was wondering if what I've felt has a name or is an attraction at all, and if you ever felt the same way?

Well, first things first, I always was more invested in friendship relations in fiction and media then romantic, it's giving me more emotions, more worry for the caharacters, and more of that warmness and sweetnees when the characters spend time together, and help each other

The second thing; when i'm around my friends, and we talk about something, or do any kind of fun (a sort of bounding) activity together, (it happes rarely, but when it does-) I feel so pleasant being around them, I feel insanely found by them, like everything about them, I'd say it just feels warm in my soul and at the moment I'm really glad that they are my friends, that they are around me right now, I want to say that I love them and appreciate our time together, and made this moment as longer as possible.

I felt this a very few times, and i'm not sure what could that be, it's 100% isn't romantic attraction, I didn't want to kiss them, go out with them, or even hug, I didn't want to get closer physically, but certanly wanted to get closer emotionally, to get to know each other more. Do you know what can that be? Have you ever felt that?

thank you!

What do you do when you have a strong romance aversion and a customer starts hitting on you at work? What do you say to get them to stop?

I feel like this has happened before, and I've tested out many different scripts and none of them were effective.

"I'm not interested" "I'm married" "I'm gay/ lesbian" Etc etc

This was just a funny little story time that I think I will laugh about for the rest of my life. This is all meant to be taken light hearted.

Important information about our relationship between my sister (24F), sister in law (22F), and I (18F): they are almost like parents to me because I lived with my sister throughout high school and then my sister and law moved in later.

I was recently with my sister and sister in law on the way to thanksgiving dinner with my family because my vehicle (they own it) was being used by my parents and my sister and law said she was weirded out that her youngest brother had a girlfriend.

She then went on to bring up how weird it would be if I got a boyfriend. I don’t think she has to be worried lol. They don’t know I am aromantic nor do I plan on telling them anytime soon, not that I don’t trust them but I don’t really think it matters too much (I might tell them in the future if I start to think they think that I am a hopeless romantic). But low key I think it’s important to let them think that I am having “normal human emotions” so that don’t really have to worry about me (is that arophobic of me? I don’t think I would ever think that to anyone other than myself).

All this time, I have been aromantic and not asexual! I have thought all my life that my lack of romantic attraction has been heavily link into asexuality, but it turns out it wasn't the case.

I'm so glad I finally found myself, who I truely was! Goodbye asexual, hello aromantic.

Ps: I'm also bi, which means I'm Bi-Aro. So... A win win, I guess

I might be arospec and it might be ruining my relationship?

I (18FtM) think I might be arospec. I’ve been in a serious romantic relationship for a little under three years, the longest I’ve had, and my partner (18FtM?) is noticing things about our relationship that upsets them.

I don’t personally feel the need to be lovey and overly sentimental toward them, since we both know they mean a lot to me. They tell me I don’t tell them I love them enough, and I argue that I don’t have to say it fifteen times a day (hyperbole), and to do so would undermine what they mean to me.

We are long distance for the time being, and I was supposed to visit them for Christmas, but upon seeing the flight prices and among other factors (school, securing a vehicle after totaling mine months ago), I told them I wasn’t able to make it and we should reschedule for later, possibly in the summer for a vacation to ourselves instead of having to account for their family when we plan activities.

They were hurt when I explained this, and said it felt insulting to them to say that the plane ticket was too expensive to visit them for Christmas after almost three years of planning to see each other. They were hurt that I had “gotten their hopes up” and they were preparing to feel romantic touch from me for the first time, and though I didn’t say it and feel this perspective is a bit harsh, I thought that was a bit trivial to be upset about, since we have the rest of our lives to see each other.

But I’m starting to believe I’m the problem since I’ve encountered this issue or something similar to it in past relationships where my partners say I feel too distant or like I don’t love them how they love me.

Has anyone here who identifies with the aromantic label experienced this? And does anyone have any advice on how to keep this from happening? I still want these relationships, but I always feel like they expect something from me that I can’t give them.a

(Repost from r/lgbt because it was gently pointed to me that this would be the better spot)

I'm wondering if anyone has experience with queerplatonic marriages. I can't find much about this topic but I'd love to be able to look into it as a potential future path (aroace)

So, I’m aro and pansexual. I’m a little (a lot) romance repulsed but only when the romance relates to me directly.

I don’t usually tell people my sexuality or or romantic orientation unless I’m interested in a more intimate relationship with them, but every now and then I’ll be with people who know I’m aro and don’t understand how I am pan or people who know that I’m pan and don’t understand how I’m aro. It gets extra difficult when I tell someone I’m aro, have “intimate relations”, and then discover that they don’t actually know the meaning of the word, or I’m flirting with someone who knows and understands that I’m aro only to be told that I’m ‘leading them on’?

How do you explain that to someone? Am I just an asshole? Do I just suck at explanations? I always feel so shitty about encounters like these. Any tips would be helpful.

I’m confused

I am a 19 year old boy growing up in a weird world. I’m not sexually active and don’t care to be and this is why I’m confused. For my whole life, I’ve been assumed gay and have been told I’m gay, just straight up told that. I’m not, I’m sexually attracted to woman but I don’t see the value in a relationship in my life or in the future. I been mostly picked on from this because I’ve been asked and just said “I don’t feel like it” just to be told, “oh so you’re gay”.

I’m confused because I am not into relationships for two reasons. I have been raised around many woman my whole life and the consistent factor I’ve been told is guys suck, they just suck. Social media tells me that, my mom and aunt tell me that and I also understand there are bad people out there but it kinda hurt to hear because, shocker, I’m a guy. Another thing is the man vs the bear argument, I never understood it because it made no sense from any standpoint. If it’s from hookup culture to just dating, woman go into the man’s domain on their free will everyday. I was just odd? My mother had to tell me that it’s just an emotional plea and argument than a genuine one, so I understood that.

So my main takeaway is that it’s just best to ignore all of it and just focus on myself. Women seem to harbor a genuinely emotional anger towards men, I see no reason to indulge in it in any form but it’s the woman who call me gay? I’m a man, so I understand the emotional differences between the sexes but it’s just so confusing. Everything from sexuality, to gender and sex being different, different movements that are more or less for show. I just, don’t understand it.

The other reason is anxiety, I have crippling anxiety. I remember having so much anxiety that I bumped into a woman once and thought she was going to tell the principal I hit her. That kinda anxiety. One of my biggest takeaways with anxiety is my ability to control myself, from sexual attraction to my own feelings. I refuse to allow someone to have that much power over me. A woman could drag me along for 7 months on a false crusade and shove a knife in my heart at the end of it, so what then. That I would rather not experience so, I don’t trust people, never have and never will.

As you may tell, I am mentally ill beyond just anxiety. I don’t know exactly what but I’m troubled. I’m missing a connection that this world has, an emotional undertaking that I’m willing to indulge in. I understand attraction and romance but I have grown to hate it. I’ve grown to hate it so much. I have learned my emotions are secondary and my feelings are fraudulent. For not once is anything real besides a fake ass trap to give me hope. So, I’m confused, I’m eerily confused. Am I in some sort of bubble? Looking into an odd hodge of emotions or am I just troubled. I don’t know and so I’m confused.

i don't know quite how to put it into words. basically i've (20F) got a friend (22M) who has become like family to me in a pretty short amount of time (roughly 2.5 years we've known each other, been friends for maybe 2 of them). said friend has told me i'm like a cousin/sibling to them and i feel the same way about them. we don't live in the same state anymore, but we text almost every day and call about once per week. this is more often than i keep in touch with my sister, who i will always consider to be my best friend. also, my friend makes it known to everyone they're not an affectionate person, but when we first became friends they were always giving me hugs or laying their head on my shoulder. even now, they'll sometimes rub my back to comfort me or fix my hair, or we'll have staring contests where our faces are really close, foreheads almost touching. and it's about as far away as romantic as you could get.

never has the relationship been romantic, nor will it ever be. but when we used to go to school together, people would comment on how much time we spend with each other or how much we talked about each other. and i don't think they were all implying suspected romance, but i feel like some people definitely were. so even with acquaintances/friends, i feel obligated to state right out the gate that we are truly Just Friends. there is a 2 year age gap between us along with an evident maturity gap once you get to know us, so when i say this person is like an older sibling, our close friends don't raise any eyebrows. but to an outsider we're probably close enough in age that there's room for reasonable doubt (also the heteronormativity doesn't help).

basically, i am terrified of ever entering a romantic relationship with a person without them understanding the terms and conditions of my existing non-romantic relationships (such as the one described above). and i know the immediate answer is to communicate with said potential partner, but people will probably agree to the relationship in the beginning and then insecurities arise. and romance simply does not mean enough to me to adjust my other relationships to accommodate. i never want a romantic relationship to hurt a friendship, yet that's what ends up happening in like 90% of relationships (both successful and failed) i've heard of: a friend gets lost or becomes not-as-close due to someone's partner getting uncomfortable. and of all the friends i have, the one i described earlier is the one who i anticipate partners taking issue with the quickest.

tl;dr - how to communicate relationships to a partner? am i the callous one? do i just have trust issues?