Hello! This is my first post here, I just wanted to share how cool it is to have found this label.

I've identified as aroace for a couple years now, but more recently I have been feeling more interested in romance and stuff. I used to be 'meh' about romantic relationships between fictional characters, but more recently I love them! At one point, I even got a small "crush" on a fictional character.

I started questioning myself again, that maybe I was no longer aromantic, or maybe I've just been repressing my feelings or something. But after thinking and researching and looking for people with similar experiences, I've realized that pretty much all of my experiences regarding this fit the label of aegoromantic perfectly!

I never really imagine "me" in romantic scenarios. It always ends up third person, or the people in the situation kinda become faceless, not really specific people. In my head, it's all cute. But in real life, I get repulsed and uncomfortable when someone confesses to me, no matter who it is.

So yeah, just wanted to share that I've found a more specific and fitting label, glad to have found this subreddit!

It's a bit.

Let's say that sometimes I imagine myself in relationships with other people who I find aesthetically pleasing, then after a while I forget about it. Let's say it's cute? I think I want it but at the same time I'm not so sure.

I do not love love

I love love as a tale

I love love as something for other people

But I do not love love.

Love feels wrong

Love feels like water to a fire

Love feels like a wonderful story

Love feels like something I don't want to have

Love feels like something I can't have.

But love feels good

Love between friends

Love between family

Love for a hobby

Love for a job

Love for myself.

I do love love

I love the people I meet

I love those I don't

I love not the love between partners

But love between humans.

Most people have no clue what this is and I’m tired of coming up with excuses for why I’m still single. On the other hand, if I just try to generically say I’m aro/ace but then start gushing about fictional character romances, they’ll think I’m lying. What do I do 😂?

Edit: forgot to mention that I already came out to them as bisexual because I figured since I like mlm and wlw I must be bisexual. I didn’t know what aegoromantic/aegosexual was at the time. So how do I explain that?

Explanation: I’m Aegoromantic and I know that, I’m sure of that. But, I have a girlfriend, in the start, I didn’t wanted to ruin our friendship by not liking her back so I said yes when she asked me out, even if didn’t really “loved” her in that way. And then, time passes and I keep dating her, we’re close, we still act like besties even if sometimes, she talks about sex and that make me feel uncomfortable since I’m Aegosexual too. It’s been almost a year since we’ve been dating and I feel like I “love” her in a stronger way now, I still don’t know if it’s the “love” she’s seeking for but when I talk with her, I have this warm feeling that I didn’t have before. That brought us back to the point, is it possible to be Demi-Aegoromantic?

Please help me I’m lost! 🥲

Fanfictions have always been my life source. I loveee reading hours of fanfics about my fav ships and they make me feel so happy and giddy!

This week, I have been pretty much addicted to a new ship and have been reading like 40k words worth of fanfiction daily. I remember going to myself, Ugh, I wish I was married to one of them just to see every moment of them loving each other.

I was on the r/aaaaaaacccccccce sub yesterday, looking up allll those tags in the user flairs, and discovered that there's a romantic counterpart for aegosexuals - aegoromantics.

I've labelled myself as aegosexual for quite a while, but I really am mostly indifferent to sex in general. I thought I was just panromantic, but now I am starting to realise maybe I don't care about being in a romantic relationship myself. The thought of being involved in romance makes me cringe, and it feels like I'm putting myself in a box. But seeing and reading about other people in love? I love it soo much. Humans can be so cute!

I mean, there's def a chance I will discover more about myself and move to a different tag, but for now I def feel like I'm aegoromantic :)

Hi! So I've landed on this page because every once and a while I've been questioning on if I'm aro or on the aro spectrum.

For the past 3 years I've identified as lesbian, and originally identified as bi. I dated one girl in high school (I'm in my 3rd year of college now) but we broke up because she fell in love way faster and harder than I did, and at this point I have no idea if I was actually ever in love with her - although, I really wanted to be; she was my best friend.

I don't know if any of my crushes have ever been real crushes, or just infatuations? I thought I had a crush on this guy in high school (pior to dating my bff) but when he asked me out on a date, all feelings I had disappeared. I then had a crush on another girl in my grade at the same time I had a crush on the guy, but nothing ever happened with that (she's straight and I didn't tell her).

I tried going on dates my freshman and sophomore year of college (using dating apps), but none of them really worked out because I never developed true feelings (but neither did my dates) so I have since kind of given up the whole dating app idea and have adopted the mindset of "it'll happen when it happens"; although I want it to happen so bad.

I love love songs and movies with love stories and books about love. I want to one day be able to say "my wife" or "my husband" or "my spouse" because I think I'd really enjoy being married - as long as I find someone I'd actually want to be married to. I'm jealous of my serial-dating friends who can so easily develop feelings for someone because I've never been able to do that.

I am asexual, so that might play a role in that. However, the one thing that is confusing me is that sex is something that I may have thoughts about every once in a while, but it's not actually something I'd want to have. It's not important to me at all. However, I want to feel what it's like to be in love.

I know being single and being on the aromantic spectrum is ok and many people identify with labels somewhere on it - but it's all I've ever been thinking about recently (falling in love, that is). And maybe that's because I'm constantly surrounded by love - my best friends are all in relationships, most of my coworkers, all of the adults in my life that I look up to. I want to be in love so bad. I know it doesn't mean that I am, but it makes me feel broken somehow if I can't fall in love.

Anyways, I don't know if this makes any sense.

I listened to a song earlier today and I had fantasy of myself and another woman. Not sexually, but romantically, therefore I may not be aegoromantic but also not oriented aroace as well. It’s been great being in this subreddit. I may as well be asexual sapphic, as I’m also gendervoid/agender.

Hi there - posting this on a throwaway to protect my identity.

At this point, I don't know if it's even an aegoromantic thing or not. If my experiences fit under a different label or would be considered alloromantic, let me know. (They probably cross over into cupioromanticism a bit.) But yeah... I'm scared and frustrated.

I like this girl - or at least, I think I do. I can imagine basically spending the rest of our lives together, having deep conversations, having very close contact, kissing, hugging, etc. Thoughts of me and her basically what I indulge myself in when going to bed every night at this point. However, whenever I do see her in real life, it's not only clear from her body language and her emotions that the feeling isn't mutual but... my body doesn't feel much either (and if I did have sexual or romantic attraction, AFAIK I should be feeling something). I'm fine with talking with her and keeping my boundaries with her in a friendship sort of manner.

The thought has crossed my mind multiple times to maybe at least let her know about this - however, she knows I'm aromantic already (I previously expressed that I don't experience romantic attraction at all, which turns out is not fully the case), and I present myself as deeply set into my identity, so I'm not sure she'd even take it well even if it is just a label. I would be so happy if I could be with her, she has the perfect personality and the maturity to back it up - but my instincts don't seem to care. And I hate it. It's like I'm experiencing perpetual heartbreak, knowing that I'll always have feelings for her but never the ability to express them or turn those feelings into a functional relationship.

Idk, am I the only person who has felt this way? I have also just never been in any sort of relationship before, so what I'm feeling may be totally normal. And yes, I do know that QPRs exist - I just have no idea if she'd be open to one at all and at this point I don't feel like I'm ready to ask.

For the people who are aroace are you both aegoromantic and aegosexual? I’m just interested if you’re more likely to have the same micro labels with your romantic and sexual orientation. (I’m aegosexual but not sure if aegoromantic too)

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I have started to try being exclusive sexually with an alloromantic guy and he started becoming a bit more emotionally invested in me. He's a nice guy, really finds me attractive. I wasn't specifically looking for anything more than regular FB/fwb but was open to the opportunity. My last "QPR" that ended last September went haywire in many places which I won't go into. As far as I understand he's not had a relationship since breaking up with his ex girlfriend.

I only really enjoy romance when it's fictional, such as shipping but also books about romance. For example, I've been reading Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin and I'd say that's pretty romantic (about an American guy who meets an Italian guy in Paris and they fall in love, both of them are gay). I also loved Song of Achilles and others. I do get repulsed by fiction as well, especially if it's not well written.

In real life I just feel repulsed by any romance bar some romantic coded things such as cuddling, kissing and hanging out with someone like eating dinner. It usually puts me off or disinterests me. My response to "Oh I'll do anything for you" would be "...we just met." I just find it pointless when there's Fwb/FB, swinging, qprs, friends, etc.

I just found out that ever since I was a child, I have liked romantic content but have not pursued it. I like to show romance in a non-romantic way to my friends and family. I feel comforted by romantic sitcoms and songs. Sometimes when I hear romantic songs, I imagine myself being romantic with my close friends or with certain favorite artists, and I feel comforted by certain artists while they are singing songs.

Warning : very long; adult talk including porn; masturbation and kinks

Hi guys! I just joined and for first 24 hours about figuring out my sexuality felt great and now I have idk imposter syndrome about whether I’m Aegoromantic or not.

I’m 22 I don’t have any dating experience. Part of it is because I was an ugly fat teen. But am in college now and just can’t bring myself to date.

Originally I thought I’m a people pleaser and I just don’t have the sorta energy I would need in a romantic relationship.

Had a lot of deep long crushes till I was 16- but I didn’t like the boys as it is but more of the idea of them I wanted to play out like the ones we see in books and movies. After I turned 16, I couldn’t feel myself to like any boy at all. Partly it was their personalities (or someone would call them my standards) but also I just didn’t want anything to do with them? I still had crushes on book characters, anime, and so on.. but never on a real man after that.

All the while in my teens I was obsessed with porn, hentai and everything that it ensues but I never felt like I needed another person to keep enjoying it.

Still am - also realised when I was 18 I’m okay with getting off to any gender as long as we share same kinks and all. Thought I was pansexual for a while.

But I have queer friends and they seem to be dating so much as we are in college while I don’t really feel like it at all? At first I said and thought I wanted to get over my family trauma and reduce my avoidant attachment before i get in a relationship but now I think apart from sometimes imagining wanting to have a partner for doing the nasty I don’t really want anything. And I’m happy that way. It’s not that I’m closed off to romance, it’s just the whole business of romance doesn’t seem to be for me? It’s so much work and I don’t really need what people get out of it?? Idk man

I loved reading romance and still enjoy watching lots of romance and stuff like that, and I feel attraction too, still have body issues but I think even I’m a ideally perfect body - I don’t feel ready for copulation with another person. Don’t want dates or marry someone (my parents love each other but I don’t like the idea of marriage and having to deal with one person and their family, especially in a country like mine which can sometimes treat women very traditionally patriarchal settings).

I guess mostly I’m worried whether this is my sexuality or is this me having unresolved trauma or something from seeing relationships and realising how much they take from u. Seems draining to me.

I would love to hear your thoughts on my sexuality based on my life, if you have any pointers I can check off to see if I belong 😭

P.s. love garlic bread

I’ve been thinking about relationships lately because my friends seem to all want one. But I don’t. I like the thought of it, but actually being in one doesn’t sound like it’s right for me. I love reading fanfics like (fav character x reader) fanfics a lot and get giddy when I watch romance anime’s. But again, I’m not interested in dating or being in a relationship myself. I prioritize my platonic relationships more than anything.

The last time I dated someone was in 7th grade. I didn’t even like the boy. My thought process was “everyone is in a relationship, I need to be in a relationship.” After that relationship ended, I never dated anyone again. And I’ve never had the urge to date anyone again. Reflecting on everything I know now, I think it was due to social pressure.

And now thinking back on my crushes, I don’t think I actually liked them. I had my heart race and stuff but I think it’s was just because I found them attractive physically. I honestly didn’t know a thing about them, we didn’t have the same classes, the same friend groups, etc. I just think I liked an idea of them I made in my head.

I love thinking about fictional scenarios with my fav characters most of the time but I think in the past, I made fictional scenarios with those “crushes” at the time. But still, I never really thought of dating them. Dating them seemed to put me off and I preferred my fantasies.

A part of me also wonders if I’m not feeling romantic/sextual attraction because I have low self esteem. The thought of someone kissing me or touching me sexually is repulsive and I genuinely can’t see myself doing anything like that with anyone in real life. But in my head I can make all sorts of fantasies with fictional characters I like.

Also in my faction scenarios, it’s not really me, if that makes sense. It’s like a self-insert kinda thing…

I’m not sure. Let me know what you guys think :D

Hi. Ig the title says it already, but here is my question. It's known that aromatic people don't get the butterflies in the stomach feeling for anyone (at least, that's what I read multiple times, but aegoromantic is a little different sooo....) .I feel like I get it sometimes, but only when a fictional couple is kissing( not every time but sometimes). My question is, do yall experience that too, or is that just me?

Sorry for any weird use of words or something, my english is not the best. I hope u get what I mean and thanks for anyone who answers.

Hm. I've been thinking lately about myself being with someone I don't really know. (but tbh it also happens with people that I know sometimes) Like, I think I fantasize about romantic scenarios between me and that person, but tbh? I don't think I would desire for that to happen. I think I might be romance ambivalent, because sometimes I'm like "ew romance" and sometimes I just imagine it and well, yeah.

(Btw if I made grammar or any other mistakes, then sorry, I'm not native haha)

Hey y’all. I genuinely can’t tell what I am like if I’m Aegoromantic or Cupioromantic. I identify as aromantic but not asexual but i really like romantic stories and tv shows and whenever i imagine myself doing anything it doesn’t even have to to necessarily be romantic I see myself looking down at my body. So third person perspective. I’m romance ambelivnant (meaning I can be romance positive sometimes as I’ve had one short relationship in the past) and sometimes averse.

I think what’s confusing me is if Cupioromantic can just desire queer platonic relationships or if it’s only romantic relationships because if it’s only romantic relationships then no that’s not for me.

But do I sound Aegoromantic or possibly something else?

Gonna be long, tried to post it in r/amromantic but the bot auto removed and while digging around i found this sub! Full disclosure i know very little about aromanticism and never considered the possibility, so i figured maybe making a post would provide insight from knowledgable folks, so thanks if you comment!

So the backstory: I (29M) am not, and havent been, the most mentally healthy individual for a while. Bog standard stuff, depression and alcoholism. Ive got some childhood trauma of the molest-y vibe that was repressed until my late teens, like literally sometime around like 10yo i just stopped thinking about it and forgot it until i was 17 and on MDMA and boom! I remembered it, really a surreal experience tbh, anyway, in the 12ish years since then ive spent a lot of time numbing and avoiding all that. Thankfully im off the harder drugs i did in my early 20s, lots of fun nights i barely remember from those days i was a little rave kid in the EDM scene, i still drink, want to fix that but life is a process, anywayyyyy...

I was overweight and insecure as a teen, had a few sexual partners in my late teens while figuring out my sexuality, but my first serious relationship was at 19, we'll call her D. D and i were young, and after a short relationship we moved in together as young people do and dated for 2 years. I think part of that was just me diving into my first reciprocated romantic setting (remember that experimentation mentioned earlier? Not fun to be doing homosexual stuff with a closeted gay person in texas in 2010) i really do think so much of that first serious girlfriend was just the fact that this was someone that wanted to date me in return. Over time it started to feel like i was much more important to her than she was to me. She had friends sure, and i did too, but she never wanted to do anything. It felt like i was the center of her world and she was a part of mine, and so eventually i ended things. It was hard but it was for the best.

Now at 21ish i entered into the aforementioned regrettable party phase of my life. I started going to the gym a lot, made new friends, and had a great time, and met B. B was a girl i met at a club, she was 18, i was 23 (i know, i know, not the best look) and B rocked my world in the worst possible way. Its a stretch to call our time together a relationship. It lasted for a bit over a year and we got to 3rd base at the height of it. She was fresh out of a relationship with another girl, didnt really want to date, but did definitely enjoy my attentions. I dont think she's really FULLY to blame, i absolutely led myself on as much as she led me on, but suffice to say for a year i wore this girls leash by my own choice and doted on her financially and emotionally, and she let it happen while maintaining a strict stance of "i didnt ask for any of this, i did nothing wrong". i got swept up in the almost fairy tale romance of it all. We met at a club 3 weeks before i was set to go to las vegas for a music festival with friends, got her number at the club and we started texting, turns out shes also going to vegas for the festival! And our hotels were around the corner from each other! We met up in vegas before the festival, hung out and i walked her back to her hotel, then we met up each night in the festival, i was sold, loved this girl, and disregarded all the times she stomped on my heart with her half-interest. Well it got messy, her ex moved back into town, we all hung out, she decided to get back with her ex, i cut her out of my life and was big sad. Ex and her broke up again, i found out she was thinking about reaching out to me, reached out to her, and we went back to business as usual. (eg: i bought her tickets to the las vegas music festival, invited her to share our hotel room with my friend, and told myself i was fine with our not-dating dating) anyway, she started hanging out with this girl that wanted to fuck her and i eventually just had enough, told her i was done, and blocked her on everything.

Enter R. R was a bartender i worked with, i was doing kitchen work at the time. This girl was BEAUTIFUL like at the time i was fresh out of my gym-rat rave-kid lifestyle, so i was in the best shape of my life for sure, and i dont think im ugly or anything, but im not some golden god insta model or anything, R was someone i just sumarilly put out of my league. Started making friends at the restaurant, going out to the bar after work with them, and got closer to R. She was dating another one of our coworkers at the time but it quickly became clear to both of us that we wanted to hang out with the other mostly, we started meeting up after the group split at the bar and eventually kissed, she broke up with her bf that night and we started dating.

We dated for 3 years, and at this point we're on the cusp of covid. Similar to D, we moved in pretty quick, and were dating for about 6 months when lock down was initiated in the US, we did our year of pandemic lockdown together and slipped deeply into the alcoholism that still grips me to this day. R is not necessarily the person i'd be with on paper, shes super into astrology and im very science minded, but we found ways to bond over things, like we went on a trip to arkansas to go crystal hunting, she because crystal power and me because even to this day im still the kid on the beach vacation hunting for sea shells. It was a nice trip we could both enjoy for different reasons but share nonetheless. This was a perfect relationship, the sex was amazing, she was so beautiful, so loving affectionate and attentive. I know in hindsight that the relationship was in no small part a rebound from my hellish last one, and i probably shouldve taken some real time off the dating scene instead of the few months between cutting off B and our not-dating relationship, but it really was just 'perfect'. We were both pretty open about our conflicting views on the sort of things she enjoyed (like the pseudoscience-y stuff, astrology, crystal, tarot etc) and i suppose in the early early days i may have been a bit to generous with it, like conceding to things i dont necessarily believe in to humor her, but i was never outright untrue about my beliefs. Im starting to digress, none of this is relevant, anyway:

She went to rehab bc she was muuuuch more affected by our drinking, throwing up every morning, tremors and couldnt sleep without drinking, etc. She was gone for a little over a week, and then went to her brothers house for about a month after that, cue financial troubles. Throughout all of that, and for the months after when she came back home, i was paying 2/3s of all the bills with our roommate because she wasnt working. She fixed herself, and i quit drinking too because when it comes to that level recovery you cant be with someone still drinking. That was a net positive of course, but with the absence of any numbing agent my mental health started to tank. Add in a brand new car she got with my and her brother's help, so she could start working again doing delivery driving like i was at the time, and then her totalling that car in a wreck 1 month later, sprinkle in her grandmother dying, and layer all of that over the fact that our sex life had shivelled up for like a year because of my declining mental and physical health, and eventually i called it quits because i was actively aware of the fact that i was not being a good boyfriend. Addiction, depression, and money had devistated me to the point where i was just not willing to try to be better for her and i didnt think we were compatible anymore.

That was about 2 years ago now, and after a pretty rocky period due to her own mental health issues, we're both in a good place, we're friendly and will chat from time to time or hangout out occaision, we're friends. In the way that in your late 20s you have friends you dont see/talk to constantly but thats okay. Now im at a stage in my life, in this post-covid world, where i dont have a lot of romantic prospects. I work mostly from home, never had much luck with dating sites and dont use any now, and i just see a future stretching before me as i rapidly approach 30 where i could easily slip into routines and patterns that dont really open me up to finding love, and im not too bothered by it. I wouldnt say i embrace it, more im resigned to it and it doesnt cause much woe to be resigned to it. Heres the thing that kinda confuses me though:

I was a child of fanfiction, grew up reading and writing it, was in the peak demographic for the Harry Potter and Twilight frenzies that gripped the world in the 2000s. I write as a hobby and would love to one day be a published author, and in all my reading and writing the romance is what i live for. I dont read romance novels mind, fantasy/scifi, but the romantic subplots are my focus and joy in media. Im in this weird state where i feel like most of my relationships have ended bc i just sort of ... lose interest, and call it off. And im almost 30 and asking myself "are you just going to stay single forever and be fine with that?" But romance in media dominates so much of my headspace, im constantly coming up with story ideas centered around a romantic plot, looking for and enjoying romance in media, and yet also subconciously writting that off for myself. Im not really all that bitter about it, not overly sad or paniced, but also sorta bummed lol. I guess my point in writing all this out is to see if anything ive said resonates with people that are aro, or if actual aro people reading this will chuckle and say "nah dude you depressy, go get some therapy and find a girl to settle down with" lol, either way, as someone who scrolls reddit to read other peoples drama all the time, hope you enjoyed this journey whether you comment or not!

I've been holding off touching on this for a while because I was in denial for so long. Ironic, I know, but I still wish I'd be like other people and feel romantic feelings like they do. Ever since I realized I was asexual (aegosexual to be exact), it didn't take too long for me to realize that I was probably somewhere on the aromantic spectrum too. Although it just wasn't too clear to me because I figured I didn't have much experience yet. After the pandemic, I've gone back to school again, and there were some people who were ballsy enough to be open about how they liked me and stuff. I liked the attention, sure. But at the same time, it felt gross. There was this automatic ick or repulsion that came up whenever the topic was brought up. There's also this constant pressure, because I know that the person they like is an idealized version that I'll never actually live up to.

I figured that it was just because my standards were just far too high, but then a friend who was not too bad looking started showing interest in me as well. I didn't mind him one bit when I thought that everything was completely platonic between us, but the moment I figured out that he liked me, everything he said, or every action he made towards me felt gross. Being touched even in the most normal of places (like my shoulder or just tapping my arm or wtvr), knowing that he had romantic feelings for me felt really gross. There were times when I did think I had feelings or at least crushes for other people too, though. Although I can't really elaborate on them that specifically because I was really, really young back then and I don't remember much anymore.

There was this case back then when this guy used to have a crush on me (it was more of an on-and-off thing). It was sort of popular to have crushes back then in my class, and so I felt pressured to pick someone. He was charming in his own way too. I'm not entirely sure if I really did develop feelings for him. I was mostly only in it for the thrill. Although whenever I ask my other alloromantic friends, their experiences were vastly different from mine. My past experience with the guy never really got too far like how theirs did. And the moment he admitted having feelings for me too, instead of being happy, I just felt empty. Not sad or anything, honestly. Just meh, nothing. I already knew by then that something was different with me.

I still do enjoy romance. It's one of my favorite genres whether it be movies, books, or mangas. And fictional characters often times do the trick for me. There were times where I'd fantasize about being in a relationship with them. But it only hit me just now, that just like my aegosexuality, it's never actually me in those fantasies. My face is never shown nor is my name being used. It feels weird to actually tie in the real me with those characters.

At times I feel lucky not having to go through heart break like others, but there are days when I feel jealous about not being able to know what it's like being in love at all. The way they describe it seems so nice and all. But then I get my fill from my romance mangas and it's practically the same gushy feeling they get and I'm all good.

Does this count as aegoromantic?