So I know everyone questioning on this sub wants to know exactly what romantic feelings feel like and I wanted to give my take on it. I did not experience a single romantic feeling until I was 22 when I had an intense experience, and because of that it was incredibly jarring to go from wholly aromantic to desperately in love relatively quickly. It's been about 9 months since then so I want to try and shed some light on how experiencing romanticism differs from platonic feelings and such since so many aros are curious what it feels like (as I once did).

I've always been someone who experiences very strong platonic love. I love my friends dearly and I would sacrifice so much for them, and I even sometimes experience jealousy surrounding them (regrettably). Because of this, before I properly experienced romantic love I would find myself confused about if my platonic feelings might've been romantic because they were so much farther than what society/media portrays friendships to be. In my experience now though, you will KNOW when you are in romantic love. The feelings are unmistakably different and you will just know, I can almost promise you that. When I first started getting romantic feelings I was iffy about it and still questioning it but as I sat with it for a month or so it only bloomed and expanded until I was entirely unable to deny it. I am someone who is very in tune with their feelings so ymmv, but I once read someone else's words that went something like this 'When you hate someone you just know it. You don't go around questioning whether or not you're feeling hate. Romantic love is the same way. If you're feeling it you just know it.' BUT I know that's not exactly what you're probably wanting to hear so I will try to break it down how I experienced it.

Romantic love is irrational in nature. It will make YOU feel irrational and crazy. I am honestly quite irrational in general, and my emotions take the wheel when they're on high, but the irrational nature of romantic feelings is so intense and unmistakable. When I love my friends, I love them because they are good people who treat me well. They fit into my life nicely and the logic lines up with why they are where they are in my life and my heart. When I fell in love, it felt outside of that. My person of interest was, luckily, a good person whom I had reason to love, but the way that I loved him was without reason. There was no good reason why this guy became a romantic interest in my heart instead of remaining platonic, and my desire for a romantic relationship was completely irrational. I had spelled out in plain words time and time again to myself why I thought a romantic relationship would never be a good fit for me, and yet I irrationally yearned with every fiber of my being to be in one with him. Every step I took out of platonic territory and into romantic with this guy was accompanied by me fighting with my logic the entire time on why this was a bad idea, and then doing it anyway.

Romantic love is all consuming. When you hear that media stereotype of falling in love and always day dreaming about your object of affection and thinking of them first thing in the morning and before you go to sleep, it’s absolutely true (at least in my case). This is especially apparent in the initial romantic infatuation stage, but it persists into long term real romantic love. I was always on edge thinking about this person, butterflies in my stomach every morning hoping he texted me before I woke up, thinking about what the future could be like if we got together (this could be especially true for me because I was also wondering if what I was feeling was romantic or not). In later stages this presents itself as always wanting that person with you. Almost everywhere I go I would prefer if my partner was there. From mundane things like a trip to Walmart to fun outings like parties, I’m always missing his presence if he’s not there.

Romantic love is not self-serving. If you’re like me you might’ve fallen into the pitfall of being in an unwanted romantic relationship due to amatonormativity and societal pressures. As a cis woman I found myself drawn to the gratification of male validation. Often in these past relationships I would mistake my desire for male validation through a specific person for romantic interest in that person. Eventually this would lead to me feeling empty later in the relationship though. In my experience with real romantic feelings, sure it felt nice getting a compliment from my partner, but I almost got more gratification from giving the compliments out myself and seeing him happy. Rather than chasing the feeling of being desired like the past, I was instead chasing my own desires for a specific person.

Romantic love makes the little things inconsequential. Before I felt romantic love, I was very anti-romantic relationship for a lot of reasons. Some of the reasons were big, but some were very small. Things like ‘I wouldn’t want to have to watch the tv shows they want to watch half the time’ or ‘I don’t want to share my bed and be disturbed by someone in my sleep’ and ‘if I share a living space with someone, I can’t make all the decor decisions myself’ and all that. When you’re in love none of those little things matter anymore. Sure couples may squabble over whether the curtains should be red or blue, and it’s annoying having to shake my partner’s shoulder until he stops snoring sometimes, but I would take a few little snores and curtains of a different color any day just to have this person by my side. I don’t even think about it anymore.

Romantic love is physically comforting. I am NOT a touchy person. In fact I spent the first 22 years of my life making sure everyone knew I was not a hugger and to just fist bump me. Some people I just had to roll my eyes and tolerate the hug, but the only time it was ever actually wanted was when I was extremely sad. The difference when I first caught romantic feelings was my biggest sign I might be falling in love. When I first held hands as a joke with my person of interest, I was hooked. I figured out early on he was a hugger and I remember telling him if he ever wanted a hug he could ask me and then feeling absolutely baffled that I just offered that to a person. One of the most intense romantic experiences in my opinion is simply cuddling. I had cuddled in past relationships and always found it to be incredibly meh, but with my partner, oh my god. Pure fucking bliss. It is like a blanket fresh out of the dryer, like a hot shower on a cold winter day, like a warm bowl of soup when you’re sick. I could be bent in the most janky pretzel position ever and still be in heaven because my partner is just so damn comfortable. Outside of cuddling too I always want to be touching whether it be holding hands, or sitting close so our legs touch, or leaning my head on his shoulder. His physical presence and contact are so intensely comforting and pleasurable (in an entirely non sexual way).

There are a few things I can’t fit in bullet points either though. Like how for the first time I saw a person’s smile and felt absolutely captivated by it. I found people attractive before my partner, but particularly the face was a big thing for me with romantic attraction. I found bodies appealing and facial features hot, sure, but with romantic interest I found his face so cute. Specifically cute. Like his smile made me feel the way I feel when I see my dog happily running in circles and being a goof. Just this pure adoration. Additionally, I find myself to be exceptionally emotionally sensitive around this person. We started off our friendship trying to playfully insult each other as we do with other friends, but we found ourselves both getting hurt so easily and then feeling terrible about hurting each other so we stopped. I also find my empathy to be on an extreme high with him. I’m always empathetic to those I care about, but the intensity to which I share his emotions (positive and negative) transcends what I have felt for anyone else.

This is all just my personal experiences though. Different people may experience romantic love differently. This is coming from the perspective of a naturally monogamous person too, so some things may not apply to polyamorous people. For clarity, I did not have an instantaneous crush on this person. I developed feelings after a few weeks of knowing each other and having some deep conversations. Overall I would consider the experience to be very positive, although I’m lucky because the relationship has worked out for me so far and the person I happened to fall for turned out to be a good person. Having such intense feelings towards one person can be rough and difficult to manage. If I don’t work out with this person I probably would not seek out another relationship. Both because I don’t think I have the capacity to feel this way again and because I do genuinely believe that people can be happy solo. Anyway I hope this shed some light on how romantic attraction/love feels to those who have not experienced it and are questioning. Sorry this post was so damn long. I was trying to be thorough. Might’ve gone a bit too far.

I've known my whole life that I'm a lesbian, so I've always only liked or dated girls.

But I've only just realized at the beginning of this year that I'm aromantic. I love crushes, I love the nervous feelings I get when I'm with a crush of mine, but only recently have I noticed that when I actually start dating them is when it all just seems to fall apart.

But when I actually start dating my crushes is when it goes downhill. Within a week of dating I get bored, no matter who it is, no matter how badly I wanted them before. I feel like I'm just fundamentally broken as a person, because even aro people don't get strong crushes then immediately lose all feelings once the chase is over, right? I'm pretty much just leading people on until I get bored and drop them. It makes me feel awful.

It's only recently that I had a romantic encounter with a guy friend of mine, which made me start to question if I was actually a lesbian or not. I've been spending time with him, going on dates, and more than a few times when things have started to escalate I've shut down any possibility of a sexual interaction. I don't even know if this is because I'm a lesbian or if I'm somehow also asexual but only partially sex repulsed??? I feel like a mess of sexualities that I can't seem to figure out, I'm considering just saying I'm aromantic and nothing else because I'm so confused and frustrated by myself.

So, I am aroace and have been in a relationship with my current partner for about 4 or 5 years now. They are romantically in love with me, and while I cant fully reciprocate those feelings, I do love spending time with them and enjoy being in this relationship.

However, I’ve noticed an on and off squish thats been happening for nearly as long with a mutual friend of ours.

Recently, that squish has gone off the rails, completely down the ‘obsession’ pipe line. This technically wouldn’t be a problem, as it is purely platonic, but not only is this squish leading me to not spend as much time with my partner as usual which has made them feel very left out and jealous, our friend also has the same problem towards me, which has made their boyfriend also upset.

I genuinely dont know what to do. The faded obsession that had got me with my partner has found a new target, and im afraid it will tear our friend group apart. I want to talk with our friend so much, but I dont want it all to come crumbling down, especially since we had plans to live together for college for economic reasons, making my future basically dependent on us sticking this out to the end.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Can QPR relationships be also polyamorous qnd not just monogamy? If so, then what are your guys experience. I want to know and I'm not sure which one suits me the best and that I'm in the grey area for aro and ace

I was reading a thread on some aromantic forum recently where they discussed what the aromantic ring should be. I've heard of the white ring on the left middle finger, but i also saw people saying they feel that represents the exact opposite of aromanticism. What should I look for?

For me it can be stressful. I find that I can get really obsessed over someone, wanting to talk to them all the time, asking a lot of questions, and thinking about them constantly. Because my feelings are never reciprocated, I always have to hide them and make sure I'm not too bubbly around someone. That can be very debilitating.

Currently I'm squishing on someone who I found out was aroace like me. I hope we can maintain our friendship and become better friends in the future :)

I'm curious to hear about your experience with squishes, how you go about it, and anything else you'd like to share. My dms are open if you're in my age range (20M) and you want to talk more about this!

So basically, I was speaking with some friends awhile ago and i mentioned how I have absolutely no interest in a relationship but i do find people attractive. However, I would never want to pursue a relationship with any of these people. (Just to clarify said “people” I am attracted to are all fictional/ actors). My friends then went on to tell me that they think that I’m not aro and that I would want to be in a relationship when I’m older. I said I really don’t see this as I have never felt the desire to be in one and the whole idea of it grosses me out. But they kept saying I will “find the one”. And that if I find these people attractive then I must someday also gain the desire to want to be in a relationship. Can I call myself aro if I find fictional people attractive sometimes? Because in all honesty if these people came to life I still wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with them.

i recently realized that i’m bisexual, not asexual. i’ve identified as aroace for about two years now and it was a pretty important part of my identity because i was pretty isolated and it gave me a sense of community. i was always kind of defensive about being ace though because i had hella imposter syndrome (trying to justify watching thirst traps on repeat because ‘it’s just aesthetic attraction right?’ for example, lmfao).

a few months ago i started college and finally met a few people that i had to openly admit i was sexually attracted to. i had my first kiss and i just couldn’t deny it anymore. it feels really freeing to identify as bisexual again because i used to for a really long time but i was so insecure about myself + gender i figured i must be ace.

questions to people who have identified as aroallo for longer than i have:

1. do you openly tell people that you’re aromantic, or do you tend to just tell people your sexual orientation? when i told my mom that i think i was wrong about being asexual, i think she assumed i meant about being aro as well. i would like to correct her (and other people should i face the same issues of re-coming out) but it feels embarrassing to be so insistent about it, i guess??

2. do you have/want to have a committed relationship, romantic or otherwise? if you do, does it matter to you if you experience (romantic) attraction to your partner(s)? does it matter to you if they experience that attraction to you?

3. have you ever experienced limerance? when i began questioning being allosexual i also questioned being aro bc of the guy i kissed. it was textbook limerance and not a crush, but where do you draw the line between this and romantic attraction? does it even matter to you?

4. have you faced any kind of discrimination you think is unique to being aroallo? like, if i want to start experimenting with sexual partners, are there any concerns i need to keep in mind about navigating purely-sexual relationships without involving romance?

i appreciate you all so much and thank you to anyone who answers any of my questions. it’s so lovely and freeing to be able to admit this part of myself, and no matter where my journey takes me next i will always appreciate finding community with other aromantic people. 💚💚💚

I recently started a relationship with a guy after getting to know him for a while. The novelty of it is wonderful, and all in all I like what we have so far. But he is... intensely in love, to be blunt. And I can't wrap my head around it.

Love to me is a conscious choice. I decide to carve out a spot in my life for the people I love, and I do it because we get along and they're important to me, and because I fully feel like myself around them. I can say I love my friends, family, and even my boyfriend now, but that love feels the same for each of them... the love I have for my best friend, for example, or my mother for another example, feels the same as what I have for my boyfriend. The main difference is the stuff I'm willing to do with each of them and the boundaries we've set.

For him though, and many of my friends, it almost seems instinctive? Like there's some sort of emotion, compulsion, that he is following to be with me. I've visibly seen my friends fall in love. And we really haven't known eachother that long, maybe a month and a half or so, but he's in love and makes it known. I've already discussed with him that he's coming on way too strong, and that I've long thought I'm on the aromantic spectrum... so he's been patient, at least. But it does make me feel like there's something I'm not getting.

Maybe I'm just overthinking it. But I feel like the difference between the love I feel and the love he feels is important to me, even if functionally the relationship wouldn't change much. And I plan to bring it up to him, as he deserves to know this. Does anyone else, especially aromantics who date, feel this way?

im not american and dont celebrate thanksgiving hence why this post is on the 2nd but we can pretend its a thanksgiving thing because i wanna say just for a little positivity i'm very happy to be Aro and to have this small slice of community.

i feel like this subreddit can be a little negative sometimes but i actually enjoy seeing people figure themselves out and connect and have a space where they can talk about this stuff and get it peer reviewed yk

this subreddit helped me figure out i was aro and gave me a lot of terms and space for my feelings that i had never felt before and its been nice to get that understanding

TL:DR thankful for yall and this community and share a thing or two that you are thankful or greatful about :)

My mom's been watching a bunch of Hallmark Christmas movies for the last week now! It's just so painful to watch because it's so generic and cliché. A girl has a problem; she's a bad person; she falls in love with a boy; they have a situationship where they are dating but also not really; the girl's problem gets really, really bad; there's a Christmas miracle; the girl ends up dating/marrying the boy, the end. And it's so painful for me to watch because of the romance. I just became physically repulsed by it. And mom's sitting on the couch going, "oOoOo~h!" every time they kiss to be funny and make me laugh. But it only makes me uncomfortable because there is kissing and romance involved, and I don't like that. I wish romance wasn't so normalized. Why can't people just be friends? What's wrong with living a lifestyle like that? It seems perfect and actually desirable to me; just being friends with people!

Hi! Sorry I have been reading up on all the posts within the community and I have learned plenty about aromanticism and couldn’t commend anyone enough for sharing their emotions and experiences. I feel bad posting in here as I am allo however I want to get advice from people who identify as aro/aroace on my situation. Let's get into it! I {NB 18} had downloaded some dating apps awhile ago because after a break-up I took a 2 year break from relationships to focus on me. However as of this year I wanted to put myself back out there. I downloaded an app called Boo and just yk gave it a shot. Three- Four months ago I matched with someone who was an AroAce lesbian and I got excited to learn more about the community and stuff. We clicked immediately and were both like "if this goes somewhere we're ok with that" so whatever. We talked regularly for a month before they hinted at wanting something more with me than a friendship. So they popped the question and asked if I had feelings for them and at the time I had said I was starting to amongst other things. They said they liked me in the sense that they want to be partners and stuff. We decided to wait until we met up though to make it official. I'd ask questions about how things would be between us as they're aro and I'm allo and in other aspects we are almost completely different but so alike as well. They're no good with words but they'd try to explain to the best of their abilities as they were (and are) still trying to understand their aromanticism. We met up early last month and really had a nice time with eachother though we were both terribly awkward. I decided to ask if they wanted to still make things official as everything seemed to go so well before leaving. They said they did and I could tell in their body language they really did. So we did. We've been together for almost a month and I realized that they aren't all that affectionate and stuff. That did make me a little sad in the sense that it began to feel more like a friendship to me than something more (I didn't ask for like the romantic gushy stuff just like little affection like a single pet name they call me that's unique in it's own way and stuff) I tried to express it to the best of my abilities and they understood and daid they can provide some affection. Now my problem is I find myself being sad in a sense sometimes on how our partnership is. I know they don't feel romantic feelings, but I sometimes want that affection and to strengthen our connection (which is why they.wanted to be together), without 100% associating it with romance and I feel a lack thereof at times. I try my best to understand everything however sometimes when they say things (like the other day they said they don't feel the difference between platonic and romantic but knowing I feel something more is enough) there's that lingering voice in the back of my head that says unhelpful things. I worry they'll never feel affectionately towards me, I have random questions like "is what they feel for me strictly platonic in the sense that it isn't even slightly more than usual platonic but not romantic if that makes sense? Will they ever love me in a not romantic nor fully platonic way if THAT makes sense? Can this even work? Am I wrong for being sad sometimes? Am I an expirament? Do they really want something with me, an allo person, or did they mistaken our connection for wanting something more" I don't want to be sad with them and I don't want it to seem as though I disregard their aromanticism as I do accept it I just still have a lot to learn but I'm also scared if I'm ignoring my own emotions. I just want to know from other aro people in a QPR what you may feel for your QPP and does anyone have advice on how I can navigate this in a aro/allo qpr and if so how did y'all make it work? Thank you if you read this sorry it's so long and there aren't many details I didn't want to make it too long but if you have questions lmk and if you need to be real with me, also lmk thank you again♡♡♡

I told my mom's boyfriend that l'm queer. He simply responded with "no you aren't your just inactive" for reference l'm aroace.... I mean I'm not gonna explain what aroace means to a 60 year old Trump supporter.... But I still wonder why he responded like that

(SPOILERS FOR THE ENDING AHEAD)

I was rewatching Elementary, and it dawned on me that Joan might be aromantic and allosexual. The strongest evidence for it is the episode where a man she's dating takes her on a romantic meet-the-parents date.

She tells Sherlock afterwards she absolutely hated it because of the overt romantic overtones, and she goes on to wonder what's "wrong" with her because on paper he's the perfect guy - Funny, attractive, charming, smart, kind - but she doesn't feel the feelings she's "supposed to" be feeling. She really loves him and cares about him a lot. Just not romantically.

She never talks about wanting to get married despite dating and sleeping with multiple men throughout the show and later expressing interest in adoption. Her love interests are always short-lived, and it's her friendships with others that most affect her character.

At the end of the series, she's still single and has a young son she adopted. She's definitely a "married to the job" type by the end, and she and Sherlock never become romantically or sexually involved (which I headcanon as a queerplatonic relationship, but that's another story for another post).

Anyway, what do you all think?

I've used the label aroace for a while now, but it doesn't seem right. It could just be years of me masking though. I made a similar post on the r/aromanticasexual subreddit, but I might as well just put the aromantic part in here.

What does love feel like? I guess what I’m trying to say is what does romance feel like. I know what it looks like but what does it feel like? It’s one of the most talked about things but I just don’t understand.

Am I the only one who thinks this song is such a vibe? I know it's technically about Gaga's fear of men, but as a romance repulsed person I personally relate to it because of the lyrics. I just love the "don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch," part and have to stand up and dance every time I listen to this song xD Anyone else?

It might sound like bragging but it really is a problem to me that people fall in love with me, i have no freaking idea why and its awkward. I dont know what to do especially not knowing what is so attractive about me, even when i ask, the replies are smth like "youre just you". Of course its flattering yes thank you but if im gonna have to reject one more person im gonna burst into tears, i dont wanna hurt anyone else.

Hi so I’ve recently figured out I’m aro. The thing is I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for almost a year now and I just can’t take it anymore. I feel bad about it but I almost feel repulsed by the idea of spending time with her romantically. She’s a sweetheart and we’ve been friends since forever before we started dating, so I don’t want to break her heart, but I just wish we could be very close friends without romance. How do I do this?

I don’t know if this is the right subreddit to post this in, but I recently was told 2 of my friends are in a queerplatonic relationship, and learned what that was.

For context, me and my girlfriend have been going out for over a year, and we’ve always wanted to go out on a double date of sorts. Is it ok to invite 2 people in a queerplatonic relationship on something like that?

These are two of my close friends who I love dearly, but I don’t want to offend them. Sorry if this post offends anyone, I only learned of what a queerplatonic relationship is today and was curious.

Picture this: you've gotten over your queerplatonic ex [that you broke up with because of identity differences]. You decide its time to start finding your own friends, as before you only ever talked to your partner and your partner's friends. You find a really cool discord server where you feel accepted and make a friend, on your own. Youre great friends, life is good, you feel good about yourself for being able to make a friend who isnt tied to your ex. But then.... She asks if she can call you and then tearfully confesses to being romantically attracted to you, knowing full well that you arent even capable of being into her in that way. And they feel pain when theyre around you, because of this fact. The only solution is for you to distance yourself from the one friend you made, and now its back to square one. Life is really stupid and ironic sometimes...like, the universe chose to give this thing that many allos would probably want [someone being romantically attracted to them] to me. And now me and my friend both have to be sad but for different reasons. Life sucks :/

TLDR: I, a lesbian formed a crush on my aromantic lesbian friend from lots of quality with them. Feeling upset that I formed a crush on them despite knowing their sexuality. What is our friendship if I'm not in love with them?

Okay so a summary of our friendship

- We met earlier this year on the first day of 2nd semester and got closer as time went on. Spending time together in and outside of class, hanging out all the time at lunch, meeting up in the mornings before school and texting lots outside and inside of school lol

- I think I formed feelings for them overtime as I really enjoyed talking to them, spending time with them and connecting with them because they're a lesbian like me (I am a lesbian and they're an aromantic lesbian)

- I displayed my affection for them through petnames, hugging and gifts. Closer to summer I cut them off out of fear of how they would react if they caught on or I told them I liked them.

- We weren't friends since late June and we became friends again this week. It was great to reconnect with them again. We told each other our feelings and how we view each other. I had an epiphany last night which really upset me by the fact I formed a crush on them despite the fact they're aromantic (I have friends on the ace spectrum and have no romantic attraction for them despite us being affectionate)

- We have constant communication of how we feel (they said they're not bothered by my feelings for them) but I really want to get over them but also don't want to destroy our connection. I'm not sure what my love for them is, if it isn't romantic.

I was wondering if anyone that is cupioromantic is in a relationship? If so how do you make it work?

Misoromantic means the dislike or hatred or repulsion to romance or romantic feelings. I think this is a better term than romance repulsed.

Hi, I (23NB) have been in a monogamous committed relationship for going into three years. My partner (21AROACE) came out as asexual about a half of a year to a year into our relationship. About a year later they had then came out as aromantic. We never really talked about boundaries though but I just didn't push. As time went on this began to eat at me until we had a talk about limits.

See the first half of the year they were asexual they had began out okay with sex, something I could handle, I touch you but no touch me. Then they became sex-repulsed, which is something I thought I was okay with but I don't know fully if I am. (More on that maybe?) Either way I agreed to respect it and continue our relationship. Then they came out as aromantic. At the beginning I had already knew they weren't as touchy of a person. I was okay with it because they were more touchy then. We kissed more, they spoke outwardly about loving me more, they where more affectionate. As time went on it dwindled, and I began feeling like my needs weren't being met. So I brought it up, and we both had a talk and we both cried. They had felt like they were a bad partner, but I had disagreed. I do feel love from them, they make my lunch, give me my meds, fill my water, buy me anything I want, cook food for me etc etc. They even want to marry me, and I want to marry them. But I also want the physically and affectionate part of a relationship.

With this mix of feelings I have been having I began to search for people who have posted about the same stuff. Their partners coming out during a relationship and it led me to finding out about Queer Platonic Relationships. I want to bring this up to them, but I don't know how as I know when we first began dating they had said they couldn't be poly, but I feel as though QPR's aren't poly. (If im gathering what I'm gathering on the research I am doing correctly plz correct me if im wrong.) I am extremely emotionally attached to my partner, and I know they are to me as well. I want to spend the rest of my life with them in some form, but I also want to explore my sexuality. Any help? How do I bring this up to them without ruining our relationship?

Idk if this is a weird thing to ask but for a while now I've been thinking I could be aromantic. I don't think I've ever had a crush on anyone and I've never known what love, infatuation or romantic feelings actually feel like. The other night though, I had a dream that I was hanging out with someone and I could feel how strong my crush was for this person and how warm and fuzzy and happy they made me feel and it was like all the feelings you read about but never experience as an aromantic person. It's probably worth noting that this person was a celebrity (lmao) and so they are completely unattainable and so maybe that has something to do with why I was able to feel this way?? idk. Basically what the title says though - if I can feel this way in dreams and the feelings feel 100% real and tangible, can I actually feel those things for someone in real life? could I still be aromantic? or does this show that I do actually have the capacity to feel romantic attraction towards people?

My mum doesn't understand when I tell her I'm aromantic and she keeps asking about who I would date 😭 I can't find any simple videos about what it means to be aromantic so if anyone has any I'll be very appreciative 🙏🙏

I need to get this all off my chest and I can't tell anybody I know in real life, this feels like too much to share. (I'm 17 can you blame me.) I might delete this in two days.

I feel I should note I use Aroace as a label but I understand it might be a label I use forever. And if I do, Yaya for me I guess. And if you just want to read the dream after the -

When I dream of being in a relationship I am never me, I’m always someone else with someone who is fake. Every in these romance dreams are fake, and then I wake up. Shrug off the dream, sometimes I write it down and go on with my day. This one was completely different it felt like I was working up to a relationship with them(my friend) or was in a relationship with my friend in this dream, and I think was caused this dream were my thoughts last night.

I have recently seen a friend (of 5 years) after 5 months on Thanksgiving after moving. And I was very excited to see them, but I kept it all internal. I was worried my family would think we were dating. But I missed them so much that I wanted to hug them when I saw them and be with them the entire time.

I even hugged them twice before they left, and I felt a bit ashamed. I didn’t want to make them uncomfortable but I’ve been so lonely after moving and I wanted to hug them one last time because it would Be a while until I saw them again. They didn’t seem to mind, they didn’t say anything after and they’ve said they don’t mind me hugging them.

But Adding all of these emotions together towards this person and you get me questioning. Do I like my best friend of 5 years??? I was so confused and worried that I did, I pushed it aside. But it would creep up every once in a while. Such as last night, after falling asleep I had a dream.

I don’t know what to make of it, and they were a tiny bit different in my dream than they are in real life. Maybe because of the context of the dream but they were a tiny more upbeat than usual. Anyway, I woke up confused, embarrassed, and a bit uncomfortable (dreams don’t really affect me emotionally I’m too tired to actually feel anything in the morning) and worried.

I know dreams don’t mean anything or don’t have to. But it felt too real, something I’ve wanted to do with them without the dating or romantic feelings aspect of this all.

—— In my dream They were coming over to visit me, and we were walking to my room. It’s a dream so my house did look the exact same, but we flipped through a couple of rooms, sat in one, and moved. Past some of my family that I don’t live with but saw recently, then ended up in my room. I think or hope we will have some privacy, for whatever reason I’m not sure. And I’m ashamed of the thought, because why would I need it, it’s not like I can or want to “spend” the night with them.

At this point we were talking about our day and as I opened the door to my room. They hug me from behind, I'm a bit shocked and confused but start laughing. Their face is shoved in my back, and we end up on the floor. I have a couple of pillows on my floor in real life so he ends up lying on them and I go to lay on top of him.

I hesitate at first, it feels wrong, so much yet here it is right in front of me. Something I’ve always wanted, and I take the opportunity to just hug them. Letting myself hold them close, and I’m happy. I can still remember what they smelt like and the feel of the chest on my face. We talk and this is where I start to remember our conversation.

I stay on the floor and he gets up, I ask them how long they can stay. They says until 5 am, I ask if they want a ride home but inside of the expected agreement to it. They shake their head saying they will spend the night. I get up to Lay on my bed, and either I took their hand or they came to the bed themselves. But at this point, I can’t and don’t want to, haven't looked at their face for the entire duration of this dream. I know it's them, I know it's their presence, I want privacy, I want more.

Then I woke up. 6 hours of sleep, and I had two dreams of them. This one was just more shocking. I’m worried this means I like them more than a friend. Anyways just wanted to off my chest. Might delete this in two days.

so I have this pattern of meeting guys, as friends, and they fall for me. I have this real problem that I'm icked out by someone liking me and showing vulnerability (I know it's weird and some attachment issues shit and I'm working on it!!). anyways we usually take some sort of break and in that time, my brain concucts a perfect image of them in my head and I can't stop myself from dreaming of them. I hype myself up and thank god that I do actually experience romantic attraction. and when we see each other again these feelings immediately disappear. it's so frustrating and saddening. I wonder if it's attachment issues, being icked out by vulnerability because I was bullied for it, always picking guys that are similar to me (usually autistic) and then being disgusted by them showing traits I was bullied for. somehow I can't stomach romantically being on an equal level than them - they're far away and I idolise them or I dislike them and nearly feel better than them. idk. any ideas?