Sorry if this post is written poorly but I'm kinda emotional about it but:

I just come by this term the last few days and really thought my desires were something that was wrong in my head.

Now I learned this term its a bit more clear. I'm still not sure if it is the right term cause there are times I want to get intimate with my partner, but its not that common.

So what I want is to just talk to her about it cause we always talk about everything, but with this I feel like I am hurting her. She already knows I have sexual fantasy about other people and is fine with that. But im just scared how she is gonna react to the "term".

Also, are there any good ways to deal with dealing with the fantasies i have?

F 32 So I have always known that I have been a little different to everyone else. When I was growing up in was sexually attracted to women and men from about the age of 8-10 (for context I began puberty at 8). I remember my best friend finding a porn Chanel on tv at her dad’s house and I was mesmerised by the women. My friend thought it was weird and gross seeing women do that. But I was very into it. I kept my thoughts and feelings secret until my teenage years when I started experimenting. I have mainly had relationships with men but a few with women. But they all seem to agree that I lose sexual interest in them after a while. I have had multiple arguments and breakups because of this. They think that it’s them and that I don’t love them anymore. But it’s not that, I just literally don’t even think about sex when I’m in a relationship. It doesn’t take long at all either. Maybe the second or third sexual encounter with a person. I still care so deeply and I think they are attractive. I just don’t have any desire to have sex at all. I have been to doctors thinking I’m faulty, thinking I have something seriously wrong with me. For years I blamed it on my antidepressants, but I know that I was like this before taking the meds. I have been to councillors and been on medications taken women’s mood enhancers. But nothing seems to work. I am currently in a relationship been with my partner for 3 years now. We don’t live together and he’s starting to question why I don’t want to be intimate when we see each other. I have had a suspicion that I’m fray, but just wanting to see if anyone has had the same problems. Also if there is anyone dealing with multiple sexual orientations as well. Trying to work out life is kinda hard and generally just wanting to feel so alone.

I found out about fraysexuality when I was trying to figure out what was going on with my sexuality. I looked up "opposite of demisexuality" and found about fray; I was shocked at how closely other people's experiences matched up with mine. In particular, the weird pseudo-incestuous feelings that come with being intimate with a partner you're close to! I told my partner of five years that it's the highest form of compliment I could give her that I don't want to have sex with her, because I feel like she's my soulmate.

Not gonna lie, though, I wish I wasn't fraysexual because I'm not one for polyamory (I tried it, but it does not vibe with my personality or ideal relationship pattern at all) or casual sex, but I still want to be sexually and romantically fulfilled. It's causing a lot of stress on my relationship with my partner, who leans more demisexual.

I'm trying my best to become okay with sexual activity with my partner because I desperately want to make things work with her. She's the love of my life. We are incredibly compatible in literally every other facet of our relationship. If anyone has any tips on getting more comfortable with sex with a longterm partner, please let me know. I don't need the sex to be amazing or even fulfilling, I just need to get to the point of sex neutrality/acceptance.

Ok so . I have always been romantic. I love the idea of falling in love with someone and getting close gradually. I love all the trappings of romantic love. I am a trans woman and I didn’t really get to experience the rituals of courtship i think most teenagers got to participate in up until i was 19 or so. The thing is , i always felt sexual attraction and wanted to have sex but i wanted to wait til i was in love. By the time i was 19 i had never kissed anyone or had sex and felt very much like a freak. I met some random old man offline and he took my virginity. I did not enjoy it but it became a pattern of behavior where i would meet men offline and have sex and go home and feel guiltyeven if i enjoyed the sex . My first boyfriend was long distance ( in another state ) and i loved him and loved having a boyfriend but we never really had penetrative sex . He then cheated on me and that was that. Ive only ever been in a relationship with one person that i loved having sex with and we were only together for a month. I got married a couple yearsback and at first we had sex all the time because i wanted to please him. I found him attractive and he was romantic and sweet . But overtime i couldnt keep having sex with him and not getting off …..that’s the other thing- no one ive had sex with has ever made me orgasm…..like ever ( this is not an invitation to message me and volunteer to try) . I don’t know what i am . I love love , and romance and sweet nothings. I love the idea of making love or enjoying sex with someone i love , but it’s never happened to me in person. Sometimes i wonder what it would be like. Sometimes i think maybe im just better on my own. Either way i am NOT ready to date or fool around or anything. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.

Essentially the question. When, if, do you disclose? Whatever the type of relation

After decades suffering from severe sexual dysfunctions which always cropped up during the second or third sexual encounter with a new partner, I found a discussion group that confirms my symptoms and gives a definition of the problem that put to rest my own belief that I was simply easily bored sexually. This was embarrassing and hard to deal with when I was single but it made my 30 year marriage an unconsummated nightmare. Thank you to the new Moderator who will hopefully attract more Frays out there.

Exploring personal relationships dynamics as well as self reflection and the universe brought me here. Love learning new things. I knew about Asexuality and Demisexuality and yet it is a spectrum, but I'm 🤯 because this is mind blowing. Reddit is unmatched as a useful resource.

This has been really hurting and I hope sharing with people who could empathize will help.

I’ve always known that the more friendly and platonic I become with someone, the less I’m likely to get and maintain an erection. And that I don’t have that problem with random, anonymous hookups. It’s bothered me for a while and it just ended my past relationship.

I knew a polyamorous, “sex positive” guy long distance. We started traveling and hooking up regularly, and at first it was some incredible sex. Things were really good. After a while, things started to get more intimate, and he said that he was developing feelings for me. I was uncomfortable with the idea of dating him, but I decided to give it a shot, and I really liked it. It was tough being long distance but I really enjoyed his company and being connected to him and calling him my boyfriend. We were open so I still had casual anonymous sex when separate, and I know he did too. As expected, the more I became emotionally vulnerable and intimate with him, the harder it was to be… Well, hard. At first it seemed like that wasn’t a problem, and I didn’t worry because he did claim to be sex positive and I thought he understood.

But after only two visit where I couldn’t get it up, he told me it was bothering him. So, I committed to doing work to find solutions. I started a monthly withdrawal from my retirement account to pay for a sex therapist who I see every week now. Not only was it a problem that I wanted to address, I wanted to show him that I was dedicating time to find ways to deal with this.

Last week on a video call, we were planning another trip to see each other. He told me that he felt like the lack of physical intimacy meant our relationship had changed. I asked him if physical intimacy meant all sex, or just anal sex, because I had told him I was very willing to explore other forms of physical intimacy. I was still very attracted to him and wanted to give him pleasure. He admitted that really, he was just after anal sex. So I asked him if we were no longer boyfriends because I couldn’t get an erection, and he said yes.

I’m still hurting and grieving and processing everything. I am not just hurt that I got dumped, but also really feeling betrayed that he claimed to be sex positive, but wasn’t interested in working around ED issues. I guess since he was already married, all he needed me for was a penis. So, I’m still seeing a therapist, and I’m still working through things. And I’m going to find some kind of solution. I don’t know if it’s some kind of cure or workaround, but I refuse to believe that I’m going to remain single just because I can’t stay hard for people that I like.

We had great sex starting out that has fallen off hard. We took a break after months without any sex, and decided to get back together because I thought we could make it work and I wanted to support her growth. She has vocalized 'wanting to want to' and feeling frustrated with herself.

Since the break, the sex has grown reasonably more common, but I can tell she is not into it like I am. After nearly every time, she feels these OCD compulsions to 'confess' to me that she wasn't aroused while it was happening, but still wanted to do it.

I love her so much and want to support her as she wrestles with herself. She's floated fraysexuality a few times, and has asked me if I would be OK with staying with her if she were. On the one hand, I'm elated that she's better understanding herself and I always want to support her in any independent journey she may make. Never would I want to force her into anything, and if this turns out to be her truth, I would never fault her or resent her for it.

On the other hand, I don't see how I could commit to her for the rest of my life if this is the case. After hearing this term a few times, I've started anxiously scrolling this sub and other resources. It now feels in my head only a matter of time before she tries to broach opening the relationship or something else. I wonder if she is thinking about other people when we do have sex. I feel like I'm taking sexual advantage of her when she's receptive to my initiations but then confesses afterwards that she felt no lust or attraction during the act.

I, obviously from making this post, don't want to do that. I find her radiant and want her every day. I can cope with being rejected sexually by her most times because she's simply not horny, but the idea that she's A) so unenthused with me, and B) presumably so gratified by the idea of attention from other people, that she is considering taking on an entire label feels like a knife twist in my gut. I know that I am unfairly injecting my ego into something that doesn't have to do with me. She has voiced similar feelings in a previous relationship, so I know it's not just me.

We're mid 20s and I'm confident that I'm a good partner, I devote myself to her every day and try to always do so much for her. I shower her in gifts, think of the little things, and try to make her feel beautiful. Outside of sex, our relationship is pretty great, and I don't want to give up on her. But I can' t help but wonder if we're not the right matches for a life partner, if she would be happier with someone who is also fray / ace.

I'm looking for advice from other monogamous het people who are with someone who is / is experimenting with the idea of fraysexuality on what has and hasn't worked in their relationship. She's brought up that experimentation, novelty and variety, can rekindle her desire. Sometimes it works, but it doesn't feel sustainable for my whole life. I don't want to feel like a clown putting on new masks for her, I just want to feel wanted like I want her.

I think my fraysexuality may be in part to generally getting bored of sex due to adhd

Poll to gague how common this is, reply if fray :3

View Poll

So to start, I'm in a poly/open relationship with someone who may or may not be fraysexual. (Together a year)

At first I thought this was the answer as to why our sex life is close to non-existent and why they are constantly looking for hookups with strangers from Reddit. I thought that might be why they have a sexual interest in almost all of my friends. The lack of connection is something I struggle with so much that I am now even struggling to be able to find new playmates because it suddenly feels wrong and all I can think of is my partner.

I've recently learned of their porn consumption habits. I knew they consumed a lot of porn before, but now I'm aware of the fact that it's while I'm sleeping in the other room, and it's happening every time I'm out of the house for an hour or more. I even found out that they did it on the weekend they sent me away after my cat passed away, but then lied about it and said they weren't doing 'that'. They swear up and down they have it under control and they never let themselves get too caught up in it since "they are too firmly rooted in reality". But.... It's all the time. Even at work they watch it and are constantly in porn and hookup subs.

I'm starting to feel weird paranoia of like, oh they're just gonna be home looking for hookups and watching porn while I'm out and about and I'll get nothing sexual when I'm back, and they want anything/anyone but me.

And I'm so frustrated with my mental block of not feeling like I can have sex with other dates I go on. Like we'll get to the point of it and then I freeze up and say I have to leave or something. And I KNOW my self worth is not tied to my partner. But it really starts to sting when I'm getting rejected so much that I don't even bother initiating anymore. I don't know what to do at this point because I want them to be free to be happy and do as they please, but it's stirring up emotions and things I thought I'd long since overcome. I guess I'm hoping there might be someone who might have experienced something like this and whether it's actually fraysexuality or if it's just a sex/porn addiction.

And yes, we've had several conversations about our sex life, or lack thereof.

Hey Y’all,

I just discovered this term TODAY. How have y’all approached and successfully navigated long term relationships?

Context: I have always been like this, and assumed it was because the relationship had gone bad and my body was just reacting to that. It wasn’t until a couple years ago that I started to figure out that didnt seem to be the case.

From that point I assumed I had something wrong with me like Hypoactive sexual desire disorder, so coming into my current relationship (now 2 years in) I explained to my partner what would happen and we decided to try to tackle it with a doctor when the time came.

Well the time came and it just really doesn’t feel like a thing that needs to be fixed. I just have no sexual desire at all but am perfectly content and happy as I am. I don’t mind not having desire whatsoever, but my partner does mind. So we are stuck.

The definition of fraysexuality is feeling sexual attraction to people you do not have a connection with and losing sexual attraction to them after forming a connection. How much of a connection is necessary for this sexual attraction to go away? Does it go away right when you start meeting the person? Or is it if you know the person to the point of them being very close to you, like a close friend or a romantic partner you have known for years? Does the amount of connection needed vary between fraysexuals?

Hi, I don’t know if I belong here, It’s just I’ve always believed I was a “regular homosexual person”, I used to have s3x with huys without problem but latetly I started to hang out with someone and I fell in love with him, That started to make me feel “less sexual”, I mean before the love, we had s3x without problem but now I dont feel anything in a sexual way for him but I still loving him. This is not the fisrt time that I feel something like this actually but I don't think I had realized this before because I was younger. Recently I searched some information about this and I found the word “fraysexual” i don’t know if am i?

I try to keep up-to-date on LGBTQIA+ terminology since it's ever evolving and went on a glossary binge a few months ago while browsing HER. I stumbled upon their post on the Aromantic Spectrum and had an "oh shit" moment while reading through each line in the Asexual Spectrum Identities info-graph. Fraysexuality sounds a lot like me. But! It's only two lines, so I need more information, to sit with this for a bit longer, and to have more conversations about it. So here I am! I've been reading this subreddit for a couple months and decided to finally open up and ask some questions.

Snip from Asexual Spectrum Identities

For context, my monogamous relationships typically last no more than 6 months, with two exceptions lasting more than 1 yr. I'm always the one who ends things, and usually chalk up how I'm feeling and the reason for ending things to a few different reasons:

1. NRE is over and I don't want sex because they're not that exciting to me anymore. And if I'm in an LTR, media told me it's normal for couples to not have much sex later in the relationship.
2. I was dating people in my casual friends circle and shouldn't have crossed the friendship line because we were better off as friends. Trying to revert back to emotional intimacy without sex doesn't quite work for most folks.
3. I have a dismissive-avoidant attachment style and when I see them falling hard and fast, I shut down, lose interest in sex and creating a deeper connection.
4. They don't meet my needs, so I detach emotionally and sexually (I didn't know much about polyamory in my 20s).

I've been single for the majority of my 30s, and have been debating what to do about dating as a Dismissive Avoidant person who doesn't believe in monogamy anymore. I can't be someone's everything and don't want them to be my everything. Polyamory makes sense, and so does Relationship Anarchy (what little I know about it - still learning). With Fraysexuality coming into the mix, I'm starting to feel like they're all a part of the same family. Am I really Fray or is my attachment style taking over? Am I losing interest in sex with a partner because I need that NRE or more partners to keep things exciting? Or will that even work? Guess I won't know til I try. But have you tried? Did it change anything for you?

To be honest, owning the Fray identity feels like a walking red flag for folks looking for a LTR. I'm a little nervous about adding this to my already complicated identity.

I (Demi) want to know more about what my partner (Fray) might be feeling.

They’re not attracted to me- they’ve told me that. Their explanation is that “sex just isn’t in them in any way” right now.

But I saw texts of them telling some friend of their that they regretted not hooking up whilst she was in town.

So…. Besides the fact that bae is an asshole, is it normal for frays to still have sexual desire for someone outside of their LTR?

Do frays become repulsed by the mere thought of physical intimacy with their long term partner?

Note: They’re only an asshole for having inappropriate convos with “friends” behind my back. They are not an asshole for being Fray.

I'm trying to figure this out.. I really identify with the concept of fraysexuality, but i'm struggling to understand how is it different (or is it??) from the typical decreasing sexual desire in a long term relationship..? My biggest motive for trying to understand this is should i feel i need to work on it if i'm in that situation again in the future. That's happened in every relationship before. I guess a fray could still do some things to try and enliven their sex life with a long term partner 🤷‍♀️ I dunno. I probably just feel like i need a justification for something that's been used a lot to make me feel bad about myself.

As a fray, on the long run I can't feel both sexual and romantic attraction for a person. Either we are romantic or platonic best friends, either we are sex partners. I would like to share my life with my best buddy, that I could love as a romantic partner or a sibling. In the meantime, I'd like to have hookups or even a fwb, but with no deep feelings. My lifemate would be "the one". Sex could happen between us but must stay accidental (or can never happen). I need my sex life to be deprived of all romantic connexions - just people doing thelselves good to each other, as scratching their back. Anyone feeling the same?

View Poll

I will use a story to illustrate my point.

I met a girl on an app and after exchanging a few messages she agreed to come over to my apartment for a drink (ie a hookup). She showed up and was even more beautiful than her pictures. Anyway, we chatted for only a few minutes before we started making out and having sex.

Sorry if this part is too much information, but as we were having sex I noticed she had really nice, pedicured feet and a really nice ass. I planned on playing with/sucking on her feet and giving her anilingus. Based on the vibe she would’ve been totally comfortable with this. Anyway, I finished before I had a chance to do those things—no big deal, I usually have the stamina to go for more than one round, so I’ll just do them in the next round.

However, after l finished, we started cuddling and talking and getting to know each other. Turns out we even went to the same college, etc. We probably talked for 20 minutes. We started making out again and getting ready to have more sex. But suddenly, I felt self-conscious doing the more kinky things like playing with her feet or eating her ass. I think it was all just from the 20 minute conversation we had getting to know each other. Suddenly I felt more vulnerable and open to judgement. What if she wasn’t into those things? Would she think I’m weird for even bringing it up? Etc.

The more I get to know someone, the less comfortable I am being kinky with them. This seems to be the opposite of the pattern that most people experience.

Can anyone else relate?

Bear with me (F22) on this story, because it's a roller-coaster. I'd like to offer a perspective some aego people might be able to identify with, but most will not be able to discover or live out themselves. As for me, I realised I'm aspec when I was 19 and have always been somewhere between sex repulsed and sex indifferent when it comes to actually having sex myself. I've always exclusively felt attraction to people who were emotionally far away from me, and always only one at any given time. This usually meant celebrities, since you can get to know them (through interviews, for example) in a context outside of yourself.

Enter who I'll call "Chris", a musician in a band that I like. I first saw his band live back in 2022, and I wasn't really that into their music before the show. I knew a couple of songs and it was the first concert after covid at my favourite venue, but I loved them live and have been listening to them religiously ever since lol.

After the opener, I managed to walk up quite far to the front. When the main act started, for the first time in my life, I had an actual, physical reaction to seeing someone. This someone was Chris. I remember thinking "so this is what allo people mean when they say someone is hot. This has got to be the hottest guy I've ever seen."

Fast-forward almost a year. I was travelling and they happened to be playing in a city I was passing by, so I got a ticket to the show.

This is where it'll start to sound like a Wattpad book and I apologise in advance. I have a friend who has known Chris for a while now, and when she found out I was seeing them live again, she put in a good word for me.

Long story short, I ended up meeting Chris through this friend and we actually hit it off. What was supposed to be a short hello ended in 3 hours of drinking cocktails at a bar. He put me on the guest list for the show and I ended up having drinks with the whole band that evening. It was an extremely surreal experience, especially since I'd been attracted to this guy for a year, and I can count the times I've experienced sexual attraction on one hand.

From experience though, usually the attraction fades for me as soon as I'm no longer removed from the context. I was very much present in this context.

So, the band ends up going to the hotel, and offer me their free spot on the shuttle, saying we could have some more drinks at the hotel bar. I accept. We get there and the bar is closed, so Chris says he's got some drinks left in his mini fridge in his hotel room, and since there's quite a few people, I offer to help him get it.

I think most people can guess where this lead. When we got to his hotel room, he kissed me, and we ended up hooking up. I was expecting it to be a "one-and-done" experience, and was fully expecting myself to be over it and my attraction to him right then and there. I wasn't. He asked me to stay the night and join them for the next show the day after, which I did. I was still perplexed.

This was 2 weeks ago. Just this weekend, Chris messaged me saying he had a layover close to where I live, and whether I'd want to come see him. I did. By now, the attraction had faded slightly, but it was still present, which is extremely confusing to me.

He's making an effort to come see me again in a couple of weeks, and while the attraction is slowly fading, it's still there to some degree. When it comes to the intimacy itself, I don't mind it. If anything it's more on the positive side of indifferent, which I have never experienced before.

I'm just so extremely confused by all this and wanted to get it off my chest in a community that understands me and might have the same questions I'm having. I'm sure I can't be the only person here who has been attracted exclusively to celebrities or people who have felt unattainable.

This thing launched me into a full on sexual identity crisis. I was fully prepared to have a one night stand I didn't like just to get that confirmation, but the outcome was entirely different. I know this story sounds crazy and unbelievable, and I've had friends tell me they wouldn't have believed it had it happened to anyone else, so if you feel like this is a creative writing exercise, fair enough lol. Just wanted to get it off my chest.

Also, if anyone has any thoughts on this or their own experiences, I'd love to hear them. I'm still trying to make sense of this myself. If you made it all the way here, cheers!

So this is my first post here, apologies if it's worded weird. Ever since I started having relationships back in high school, I would almost immediately lose interest after sharing intimacy with a person. I could be absolutely head over heels for this person, really enjoying spending time with them, everything, but the second intimacy happed that attraction disappeared fast as lightning. This same thing happened with 25+ different people. Then, I met my current partner, and we hit it off very well! we had intimacy fairly soon into the relationship, because i knew my own pattern at this point, and I absolutely hated hurting people by losing feelings out of nowhere, so I tried not to let a relationship get too far before having intimacy with a partner to avoid wasting their time and letting them get truly emotionally involved with me. But, to my surprise, it didn't happen with my current partner! We've now been together for over a year and recently got engaged. Then, me and my fiancé decide to open up our relationship, as I've always known i was poly, and they're interested in exploring. A few weeks ago, we met someone that we were both incredibly interested in, and have had quite a few dates and were considering being exclusive with them. However, last night we had intimacy with them for the first time, absolutely nothing went wrong, all around great time. Unfortunately, all the romantic feelings i had for them are now completely gone. I was super distraught over this because we were both so genuinely interested in them and we know they're interested in us. So I talk to my fiancé about this, and he tells me it sounds like i'm the opposite of demisexual. Then I get to researching and i find the definition for fraysexual! it sounds very close to my experience but it just doesn't quite fit, seeing as i'm still both very romantically and physically attracted to my fiancé. So I guess i'm just asking if anyone has any ideas on if i would still fit into fraysexuality or if there's something out there that fits me better? bc i haven't found anything else.

TLDR I lose interest romantically and physically after intimacy with just about everyone, except for my fiancé. I originally thought it was just a high school experience but after opening up my relationship i found out i still experience this. am i fraysexual or does something else fit me better?

Hello. I apologize if this seems like a whole lot of thoughts that get jumbled but just super confused. I am a (37/f) and a mom of 2 toddlers. I am finding myself at this stage of my life of change and really refiguring out me after having kids. I am married to a man with a very high sex drive and I just cannot and don't care to keep up. Really I just give it to him once a week to keep him happy. My sexual desire (libido and attraction) has dwindled way down after having my first son almost 4 years ago and hasn't returned. My husband and I also had him 2 years after meeting each other. I would say there was more sex drive in the first year and a half together on my end. Now when I think back on prior long term relationships....this has also been the same way where the sex drive died down after some time together. However I don't know if I always used sex because I thought that was just how to get a man because that is what they want. But in general I have moments where that drive is there but not often at all and prefer to do it myself and it seems to happen more later on down the road in a long term relationship.

Now...as far as women, I have known I like women as well since I was 15 and have been with women and had girlfriends before (but a very long time ago) and it was great. So it has me wondering if maybe the lack of sex drive with my partner is because I have more of one with women, so maybe I am more into women? Again it has been a long time though and haven't really ventured down that road yet (we are recently exploring polyamory as well). I am also extremely picky as far as attraction to women as well.

So finally with all this and looking things up...I don't know if I would be considered fraysexual, greysexual, homoflexible (more into women) or if it is possible to be a mix of all of it. Or if you can be more greysexual/fraysexual towards one sex than another. Just trying to wrap my head to have that discussion with my husband because he knows less of this than I do.

So I really need some help understanding this, or it's going to continue to eat me alive forever...

Ok, so I am fairly certain I understand my sexual attraction to women, it's mostly visual. However, it is not romantic, at least it doesn't seem that way. With men it's very obsorbing, all encompassing, obsessive even... I don't find them visually attractive though, and it's only 1 guy, every blue moon... It's always a guy that I don't know very much about, who has shown me kindness in some way, or shown interest in me first. I think if I pursue the attraction though, I'll find myself with him, but secretly wishing I was with a woman... Or worse, bored with him and thus disappointed... I haven't had a wlw relationship yet, but I would like to give it a try. I'm just worried that I won't be romantically attracted to her, and thus be in it for the wrong reasons...

It makes me want to cry, because I have such huge feelings for this 1 guy right now, but I don't want to feel it die again if I go for this... I'm scared and I don't know how to decipher these feelings.

Aside: I am in an open relationship, yes I have someone. Thing is, this relationship came right out of highschool, and it's been a long time, with no time for self exploration. It is important for me to figure this out, and my partner understands that deeply, and is perfectly happy with all of it.

This got me thinking, have I lost sexual attraction to my partner when we've gained an emotional connection? Or have I lost sexual attraction because we've LOST the emotional connection as a therapist told me was most likely the case.

I can't maintain my desire for someone sexually or romantically really and don't know if this means I don't love them or just don't sexually desire them.I can't imagine being inlove with someone I don't desire sexually but I can be sexually attracted to someone I don't have an emotional connection with ( Not Demi? )

Feels like I can't maintain my romantic feelings or my sexual attraction for someone? Is this how other people experience Fray or is there still a real strong love connection but not sexual attraction? Thanks

FACTS:

• 2.5 year relationship with love of my life presently
• I lost my sexual attraction since about the 6-month mark, once the New Relationship Energy (NRE / limerence) wore off.
• we have have a deep emotional attraction for one another; deeper than ever before
• partner’s zest for sexual physicality is as strong as ever before
• I just LOVE doing any and every activity with her; and is my favorite conversationalist in the world; one who makes me feel extremely emotionally intimate

QUESTION:

• has anyone else equated or observed this progression of NRE and sexual attraction on and connected it to fraysexuality?

FEELINGS:

• I’ve felt so guilty for this feeling inside. Like I simply was sexually excitable for the mere validation and excitement. To find a term for my sexuality would be such a relief. But I want to make sure I truly belong before I crow about it to anyone. (And surely will be a difficult conversation to have with my partner; tho, I feel so fortunate that we’re polyamorous and that she’s recently found a new sexual partner recently).

Hi everyone. I’m curious if any of you have had the same, or similar, experience that I’ve had with my fraysexuality.

I used to think that I was just ace, but I’m generally not sex repulsed and I’ve had sex with quite a few people. Mostly people I hardly knew or just met. Which is why, when I discovered the term, fraysexuality, I finally felt I belonged to a community.

Anyway, I’m married. My husband and I had a very active sex life for the first year or so that we were dating…which is a massive record for me. Usually the disinterest starts within a month or two. So when I stopped wanting to have sex, he was confused and I was annoyed. This was before I knew much about my orientation.

The thing that always drives me nuts though, and this is the part that I’m hoping I can discuss with some of you, is when I randomly get so horny for anyone within a few feet from me. I swear I can’t function when this happens. 95% of the time I don’t think about sex at all and I have no desire for it. This is why I thought I was simply ace for a while. But the other thing about it is that my husband, sexually, could be a chair and I would have the same amount of attraction to him. When I get these intense, horny feelings and I give in to finally having sex with him (meaning I finally decide to offer sex to him, not give in to him pressuring me or anything. I wanted to clarify that part. He’s respectful about my sexuality now that he understands it more), I feel like I’m having sex with my step brother. Like, it’s fine because I know it’s not actually incest, but I have to do some mental gymnastics to get to the point where I don’t feel the ick when I want to try and have sex with him. If he were someone I was just associated with from work or a friend of a friend that I hardly see, I wouldn’t think twice.

I feel like I should also clarify that we are in an open marriage. Since my husband is hyper sexual and polyamorous it works out great. He can go meet and hook up with who he wants and it’s a relief to me because I want him to be satisfied. I rarely have the urge to have sex with anyone, but when I do, it’s literally anyone but him. I’m emotionally and mentally in love with him and he is with me as well. Our marriage is just very out of the ordinary it seems.

This was a lot, and there isn’t much structure to it, so sorry about that. I’m just so curious about everyone else’s experiences are like.

Hi all, hope you’ve been well. I’ve got another question for you, a poll rather.

When does your interest wane?

View Poll

I identified as graysexual for years because I experience sexual attraction sometimes, but I was thinking about it and I realized I'm only sexually attracted to male celebrities. I have never been in a relationship. I have had crushes on men, but I was never sexually attracted to them. Don't get me wrong. I've been physically attracted to men I knew, just never sexually. I was never sexually attracted to men that I went to school with or worked with, even if I barely or never talked to them. I really want to meet one of the men I'm sexually attracted to and see if my feeling change toward them.