I'm tired of being a single person who's fully aware that I'm Lith in a world full of reciprocating. This time I might make a change

I've been romanticizing my life, listening to love songs and just being desperate for romance. I know that I'm Lith but I'm looking for someone to love, and to test out if I can still have a chance for a relationship even if I'm a part of the aromantic spectrum. As I'm writing this, can this really work out despite my sexuality? Why can't I just accept and be proud that I'm Lith? I genuinely want to try out love again and to be honest, in some times I hate being Lith and in some times I'm fine. I can't think of love without reminding myself that I'll just lose interest when it comes to reciprocation. But I also tell myself, "just because I'm Lith I can't be in a relationship!!". Gosh I am really desperate to escape the fact that I'm being Lith😭😭

Pls hear me out, pls help me out and give me advice🙏🙏🙏

first off incase anyone didnt know quoiromantic describes someone who doesnt know if they experience romantic attraction, and finds it difficult to distinguish between romantic and platonic feelings. im almost positive im quoiromantic, i really dont know if i like someone romantically or platonically, but when i do think i like someone romantically, the second they confess i panic and just feel repulsed and stop liking them. i just want to know if its possible to be both at the same time

Obviously, I feel like everyone here knows how there’s no selectable aro reddit heart option for one’s reddit avatars. This is something I kind of…really wanted to make happen. I felt like it would be a major change in aromantic awareness to have a large and active social platform (reddit) formally acknowledging the aro community by having an aro heart option. The aro sub is in the top 2% of largest subreddits. It’s not huge, it’s pretty big for the pitiful awareness on aromanticism, and steadily growing.

However, now I’m thinking, what’s the point. I feel like I’m working so hard for people who don’t see my identity/ struggle to humanize me. I feel so forgotten sometimes when aros forget alloros aren’t the only ones capable of experiencing primary romantic attraction. A post recently gained some traction, and it was depressing to see no one mention how lithros/frayros experience this too. It was also depressing to see people deny that people experience romantic attraction/ “>!it’s just limerence!<“. If that were true, how would you explain arospec identities that experience just primary romantic attraction? Are they/we actually aromantic >!and just experience limerence!<, not romantic attraction? It’s just hard to have this thought process without the self awareness that this mindset invalidates lithros’ and frayros’ entire identity as people who experience just primary romantic attraction.

Even if reddit does release an aro heart, it’s not like they would ever even consider a heart for the lithro community/us. Idfk. It kind of feels like I’m fighting someone else’s battle/ for a community that struggles to see my identity as a lithro. I don’t think I’m selfless enough to keep fighting as much as I have/this hard. without support.

Obviously most of us are lithro, but it just occurred to me that there are potentially people in this subreddit who aren't lithro and are just here chilling

If you aren't lithro, you don't have to justify staying here, but I'm curious why you're here in the first place

I’ve identified as asexual panromantic for the past couple years. I’ve never really been in a relationship but I’ve had feelings for people on quite a few occasions, and whenever anyone asks me out or starts getting too romantic with me I usually get grossed out and lose feelings. The main reason I’m unsure about being Lithro is because I want them to like me back until they actually do. And that’s around where I start feeling grossed out and lose feelings. I’m not sure if I’m just scared of commitment or lithro.

So basicly i been having a identity crisis,i cant decide if im lithsexual so basicly when i daydream about romance i only dream about some anime characters for example,or also i find relationships dumb and a waste of time,its like maybe i would like someone romanticly (not sure) but i definetly would not want a relationship,im also not sure if my love would fade away,maybe im a orianted lithromantic?

Hello, so like lots of people who post here, I need help.

I am someone who got crushes on friends or people I just met pretty easily and I'm like obsessed with them for a while. I like flirting, I like kissing, I like the idea of having sex with my crush but I'm akward when it happens. I kinda love loving people, but when it comes to a relationship and loving someone lots of time I'm not sure.

For example, I had a crush on a guy, everything was super easy with him. Turned out the feeling was mutual and I was so happy. I agreed to be a couple with him because like i said, i was obsessed with him at that time. It was like 6 months ago. Everything was perfect first, but i started losing feelings and interest in him like 2-3 months ago. It was not instant after we agreed to be in a relationship, but it happend anyway. One month ago we had a different where he was angry (he never was angry towards me before) and wanted to leave my house to leave me time alone. And i suddenly became really in love again for like 2-3 days.

And it happened with every other relationship that i had before.

First i'm in love, everythings fine for like a few months, and then i become anxious towards them, distant, angry when he wants attention or to give me affection, and i don't know why. Nothing happend, i know he's such a cutie with me, i think he's a super person and if i can't be with a nice person like that i can't be with anyone else. But here are the facts, i'm losing feelings in every relationship that i can have without reasons.

I don't want to hurt them, I told them that i think that i'm on aro spectrum. But I'm really anxious being in this situation, and i want to love him again, have my big crush like before, but idk how.

Am i lithromantic ? Is there any solution to avoid losing feelings ?

Sorry if it's messy and ty reading

Hello, I want to talk about my experience because I can’t figure out if I am lithromantic or not. Basically I don’t feel attracted to people when they reciprocate romance to me but when they don’t feel attracted to me I want them to reciprocate my feelings but whenever they reciprocate my feelings my attraction fades or goes away completely. I don’t know if I am still lithromantic because it says that lithromantic people don’t what to be reciprocated. I want to be reciprocated but when it happens I lose attraction but it doesn’t bother me when it gets reciprocated because I feel better when I get over the attraction. I definitely don’t feel comfortable being this way because I currently really love a person that doesn’t feeling the same way about me and I wish I could get over the feelings. So basically I wish they would be into me so I won’t be into them anymore.

would I still be considered lithromantic if not what would I be considered? Thank you

im starting to think if im lithromantic or i just have fear of commitment. i miss my ex it hurts. but i cant get back with him because im not rlly interested in relationship. i feel trapped in relationship. i prefer to be alone bc i love spending time w myself. but guys i miss him

(sorry if the flair doesn't match with my post)

I wanted to know what some signs indicate lithromanthism, whether they are your personal experience or a general sign. Thx!

Hey!! Ive been noticing some patterns on how i behave and i decided to take this quiz (https://www.quotev.com/quiz/13350306/Are-you-on-the-Aromantic-Spectrum/result) and apparently im lithromantic. I think it does make sense, since i always get uncomfortable when someone expresses romantic interest in me. Ive never had many crushes, but when i do its more of just me being physically attracted to someone. I dont even like kissing much… i feel strong physical attraction but actually acting on it its not as good as i expect? I dont feel “sparks” or anything, maybe just validated? Because of course it feels good to be wanted. Also, i only fantasize about romantic relationships with celebrities/ fictional characters.

All the times i got asked out on dates i FREAKED OUT? this is where i think i might just be socially anxious because the thought of me being alone with someone im not close to makes me really nervous. What would we even talk about??? Just the thought of how awkward a date can be makes me want to explode. But the worst thing is i do want to be in a romantic relationship. I think about being with someone that understands me deeply, soulmates and shit (kinda corny) but whenever people try to get to know me i make excuses and try to break contact. So im not sure if i just didn’t find someone that has much to do with me (or i did but wouldnt know, since im afraid of most social interactions) or if im lithromantic.

So… finding out im on the aromantic spectrum wasn’t on my 2024 bingo… But yeah if anyone feels similar to this or have any thoughts please share!!

Hey people. I just talked with snapchat Al cause I'm really desperate. I know I'm on aro spectrum, but I'm not sure where. Snapchat Al told me this should be my label and I want to make sure it's the right one. I can pretty much fall in love and I think I want to have a relationship, but when somebody shows me love in a romantic way, I feel uncomfortable. If I ever have a relationship I want us to act like really good friends, even tho I love that person. Does it sound like lithromantic or should I use a different label? Thanks for answers, Matty<3

So I think I may be frayromantic because I've had a couple relationships where I lost attraction after a few months as I get to know the person.

However I do not really care if a person likes me back, I kinda like having a crush and it being my own thing so maybe I am lithro too ? Or do you have to lose attraction as soon as the person likes you back in order to qualify as lithromantic ?

Throughout my whole life, I did have crushes, 3rd grade I had crushes on two boys in my class, I told my parents about them. I ofc never dated them, I knew they liked me and they knew I liked them. During 5th grade one of the guys I liked in 3rd was in a class next to mine, I still sorta had feelings for him but again I never dated him. That was all in elementary.

Now middle school, I never dated still, I never fully confessed my dying love for anyone. In 6th grade I fell in love with one of my math teachers sons, he also felt the same and we “dated” now imma say that in quotation marks cuz yes. Reason why is because I didn’t want my family to find out, I didn’t want my older brother to find out. I also was so shy that I couldn’t talk to him at all, I felt scared and uncomfortable. I also fell in love with ANOTHER boy in 6th grade but I couldn’t have the courage to I guess fully date him. He was popular in a way and already people were saying “oh look there’s blanks girlfriend”, that made me feel scared and even more uncomfortable I didn’t even date him for a day 🤦‍♀️. 8th grade I crushed in a guy, but I never spoke to him, but I still liked him, we didn’t know each other or interacted, but even with that info I still never dated.

Highschool, during my moments in Highschool I never dated but 10th I did crush on a guy(again Ik sorry 😔) still didn’t want to confess and he knew people so again fear. NOW in 2023 I don’t remember what grade I was in 😭 but during the month of august on my bday 😼, I FINALY figured that I was lithromantic, ofc it still took me like maybe weeks or so to fully understand if I was or was not. I think what in my opinion made me realize who I am was because the same boy, I really liked him a lot but just the thought of him feeling the same made me wanna lose feelings for him. I didn’t like the thought of him having the same feelings as me, in my heart it didn’t feel good, it again felt scary. He still made my heart beat a lot of people did not just guys but anyone, but again every time I thought of him or anyone wanting the same, I just couldn’t feel the same anymore.

Now since I haven’t came out yet to my family and I still won’t, it sucks having to hear my mom and anyone in my family talks about love. What guy imma date or marry. In all honesty I know I won’t date anyone I know my feeling for someone will go away if they show me the same feelings I get for them.

Maybe my love life was telling me I was lithromantic from how either scared or uncomfy I got when a person felt the same way. But I was too young to even realize it HELL I found out I was pan in 2022😭.

It’s kinda rough for us lithros sometimes in my opinion, and in All I sometimes do feel bad, feel bad if someone likes me but knowing that I just can’t,I know my feelings will fade and I won’t have the same love feeling.

But I do know that for now I’m happy with being who I am, being lithromantic and being in this community. I’m glad I know that I’m not alone, I’m thankful for you all!😼

Sorry if I misspelled words if I did lol.

A few months ago, I made a couple of posts here and received some really helpful responses and I do genuinely believe I might be lithromantic. Since then, I've been through a few "talking stages." I've felt attraction during those times, but it tends to dissipate and fizzle out. Around the same time I made my initial posts, I started getting closer to a boy who goes to some of the same clubs as I do. We both attend different colleges, so our main form of communication has been through text messages and at our clubs. About a month ago, I started to develop romantic feelings for him, but I chose not to pursue them because I was still figuring out my feelings regarding being lithromantic. As it turns out, he felt the same way. way when he asked some of our friends for advice. Earlier today he told me how he felt and asked me out. He is lovely and as I said earlier I did feel romantic attraction so I said yes, however, now that I'm home and thought about it I don't know if it was the right thing to do. I've seen some people say they can be happy in a relationship, but I don't think it's fair to test it out with this boy. What if it doesn't work out for me? I don't want to break up with him, especially because we have clubs together and we are good friends and I don’t want to ruin our friendship in anyway. On the other hand, I do want to see where this leads. I'm feeling confused because I don’t want to unintentionally hurt him in the process. I apologize for the length of this message, and I appreciate you taking the time to read it!

I live with my best friend and I love them to death like a sibling. Recently I came out as Lithro as it really fit how I felt about relationships after one of my other friends told me about it. As soon as I came out however, my roommate immediately came out as one too. At first I thought it was cool since I could talk to someone about this, have someone that I love also see my point of view. I just wanted to preface this before I got into what I am about to say. I don't think they are, the way they talk when we talk about relationships and the fact they're dating someone has rubbed me wrong. Don't get me wrong I'm supportive of their relationships and everything they do since the people supporting them are too far and few between. (I'm probably not making sense, its midnight and I just finished writing a paper for my english class). I approached them about it saying, hey one of the things about being Lithro is that you don't want romantic feelings reciprocated or that you don't want to act on romantic feelings. They assured me that their relationship wasn't romantic in anyway, but they way they act in it contradicts it. They're constantly doing romantic gestures, going on dates and other relationship stuff (I dont really know how to phrase it). Its kind of, grating on me since it took me ages to piece together I was on the aro spectrum after being bullied and ostracized whenever I tried exploring it, but as soon as I said I was aro they immediately said they were aro and when I did more questioning I came out as Lithro and they immediately came out as Lithro. I'm just, trying to make sense I guess, since they've never behaved or acted in a way that would suggest they fall on the Aro spectrum at all. Am I just overthinking things like usual or is there genuinely something going on? I'm trying to piece it in my brain and I seek out you strangers on the internet since I don't know what I'm doing and some advice would be really helpful.

Anyway sorry for the rant, its 12:15am, Im on three baja blasts after writing a 1500 word english essay. Also Im sorry if this breaks any rules, I dont know where else to go for advice/answers on this.

Before you read this please know that I am not personally lithromantic, But I figured that this would be the best place to ask questions. I was talking to a boy for a few days. He confessed and I told him I would love to be in a relationship he said he wasn’t ready but we still continued contact (“flirting” if you will) and I noticed he was becoming very distant. I asked and he said he thinks he’s lithromantic. I don’t quite understand. He means a lot to me and it feels like he lead me on I feel hurt. I was just hoping someone here could help explain it to me better then what google can provide. Thanks

Update: he just got a boyfriend? Was he lying?

Ruining my relationships

Im lithromantic… obviously, and I have a bf (more like queer platonic partner but we’re monogamous) and I find myself feeling like such a bad person because I keep sabotaging my life by searching for a relationship without wanting one.

I’m happy with my bf but I freak out a little when things feel a little too romantic because the sparks in my brain don’t go off like I’m told their supposed to when you’re “in love” and I even feel a little repulsed. I feel so bad, like I’m broken even though I know it’s completely normal. I find myself not appreciating people for what they are and treating dating like a harmless pastime and I find it really jarring to discover other people are dating to stay together forever and I just don’t feel that way. I’m also hyper sexual while being asexual so I get myself into situations when I want validation but then I get super uncomfortable. I downloaded a dating app out of curiosity while still being in a relationship and I just thought it would be fun to meet friends but when the person I was talking to asked my out on a date I realised they were actually serious about it all and weren’t just having fun flirting (my bf and I have agreed flirting is not cheating).

I don’t want to feel like there’s something wrong with me but sometimes it feels like I’m missing something that everyone else gets to enjoy and it must be so great cuz it seems to be all anyone can talk about!! I’m so exhausted!!! Pls tell me someone understands!!

As a lithromantic person I want to know what kind of people would even be open to dating me and my expectations of not wanting them to fall in love with me and never calling me their girlfriend and calling them my boyfriend. And that would make me happy but I know it wouldn't make a lot of others happy. I just came to the realization I'm litromantic and am trying to figure out how to date again and what I should set as boundaries.

Hello! I joined this subreddit last night and just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Amara and I am a minor. (I will never disclose my age on the internet) I am bisexual and lithromantic which I found out by a hoard of youtube videos about being lithromantic. It’s something i’m still slowly coming to terms with because I literally found out 2 weeks ago. I’ve dealt with losing feelings for people when reciprocated my entire life although I was in a relationship with certain people, I always told myself that the feelings were still there when they weren’t. Anyway, I hope everyone who read this has a great day/night! Bye!!!

So I’ve had crushes on many people throughout my middle school years (not in middle school anymore.) and whenever they were reciprocated I always almost instantly stopped liking them. And when I got in a relationship with someone it lasted about 2 weeks (yikes I know) since I stopped liking them. But I met someone ever the summer who I’ve been dating for like about 4 months now, and literally have no signs of not liking them anymore since I really, REALLY like them a lot and I haven’t had this happen since like 2022(?). Anyway, I’m really happy I’ve finally found someone cause they really make me super duper happy and I don’t wanna lose them!!!! Just thought I’d share this :3

So I am head over heels for a coworker I literally have only spoken to twice, briefly. I know I'm lithromantic bc I have all these intense feelings but with no desire to act on them, I'm repulsed by the thought of romantic contact with him. I just wanna look at him and be around him.

But I still have the desire to make him happy. His email is on our scheduling app and I briefly considered sending him a secret admirer email but I'm sure that would just creep him (and anyone) out. I wish I could leave a box of chocolates or something on his car but our workplace surveillance would catch that. This sucks bc I have all these feelings and no where to put them. ;_;

I feel like I can relate to the lithromantic label a bit. I feel romantic attraction but the idea of being in a relationship, or even being told that those feelings are reciprocated, feels unappealing.

However, it seems that the primary definition for lithromantic is not wanting feelings to be reciprocated, which I don't think is true for me. I want to be important to the other person, I'm fine with kissing and other romance stuff, I just don't want verbal confirmation of those feelings.

I don't know whether I have commitment issues or what. What I'm experiencing seems a bit similar to lithro but I don't know if this is that or something else entirely.

I know that there's probably no concrete definition or anything, but does anyone have any advice?

sorry if any of this is worded weird im kinda just ranting cus idk what to do.

so, around 6-7 months ago i made a post in the aromantic subreddit talking about how i was questioning being lithro or js on the arospec and at the time i had js gotten into a relationship when my feelings for that person just randomly disappeared. at the time i just passed it off as being commitment issues or just overthinking but now that feeling has come back.

i am still currently with that person and im kinda lost at what to do. ive talked about it with her and right now im really just trying to figure out what it is. also since the inital losing of feelings ive felt kinda weird towards her like i was just pretending and i think that migjt because i dont want to hurt her.

ive always kinda thought i might be lithromantic or some other aromantic but i always jusr shrugged it off and figured i just hadn’t met the right person. ive been reading through a lot of posts on here and i can say i do relate to a lot of things that other people have said and i really do think i might be lithro. i rarely have crushes but when i do i dont really want it to turn into anything serious and in my current relationship any mention of anything serious kinda makes me uncomfortable or have this like deep sense of dread. i really only like the idea of being in a relationship not really actually being in one. idk i dont want to be lithromantic or on the arospec but i do really that i probably am.

so idk do you think im lithromantic or on the arospec?

I've (20) actually been exploring the lithro label this past year. I think I'm finally letting myself accept it, but I just wanted to share my own experiences so someone else can see this and feel less alone in their aro/lithro experience/journey.

To start, I have had fantasies about being in romantic relationships all my life. I still do. But they never turned out right. There have been crushes, situationships, and relationships, and I've sort of figured out a bit of a trend in my experiences.

• If they liked me, and I didn't like them back, I could tolerate their affections to a certain point, then break it off after they reach a limit or cross a boundary I set.
• If they didn't like me, and I liked them, I'm completely happy to just admire them from a distance. Never had a desire to pursue them in any way except maybe look out for them more.
• If I liked them, and they started showing reciprocal actions/signs, I'd immediately feel repulsed and disgusted.
• Relationships ending were a relief to me.
• I've enjoyed making out and groping. Never had the desire to go further with a partner even though I've fantasized about it on numerous occasions.
• Apart from repulsion at the reciprocation and acknowledging I'm the jerk in these situations, I don't feel a thing except for relief when I break it off with someone, no matter how much I liked them prior to the relationship.

The only actual relationship I had lasted 3 months. He was a close friend before we got together. I did have feelings for him, but then I called him dude, bro, treated him like my other male friends except I held his hand and kissed him a few times. Any feelings I had faded after 2 months, because I got bored and wanted him to stop being so clingy. I had to come up with an excuse to break up.

Honestly, I think the most confusing part for me while I was figuring myself out was the whole "I like them a lot, but I for some reason don't want to be with them" part. I truly did like the other person, but I felt like a jerk for feeling repulsed after I noticed the reciprocation. Like... I had the longest 2-year "thing" with a boy when I was a kid--had the fantasies, had the giddy feeling, wanted to be with him and got flustered by him, but then it all disappeared in under 30 minutes when we finally "got together" at the end of primary, and all I could do was block his socials and phone number after that last, disgusting "goodnight <3" text.

I was mildly frustrated with my romantic tendencies up until last year, because all I knew was "aromantic", and they either never or rarely ever felt attraction, and tended to be fine when they did, but I wasn't. I either feel nothing emotional even when I do anything more than hand-holding, or I fall for someone, but then I feel repulsed when it's reciprocated.

Do you know what my ideal relationship looks like now? I'm part of a throuple, and my partners will go on dates and romance each other while I sit on the sideline, cheer them on, occasionally do romantic things for them while expecting nothing but buddy-buddy friendship in return, watch them love on each other in bed, and spare me a cuddle sesh and a smooch or two. Like having a married couple adopt me into their relationship, like a queerplatonic sidepiece belonging to both of them, who's very happy to be there. That's my ideal relationship.

And I treasure my friends more than I want a romantic partner. Like, I find myself wanting to go above and beyond for them very often. I want to kiss them on the cheek, I want to cuddle them, I want to hold hands with them, be there for them, all in a platonic way, and I don't mind at all that they'll do those things for me too.

I'm glad I found out about the lithro community. I mean, I had to grapple a bit and take some time to internalise the label (how can I be bi, NB, and also be part of this obscure little community that lies on the aromantic spectrum? In SE Asia?) but I'm here now. I hope someone finds this and can relate to it. Thanks for reading!

I've had relationships and with all of them I was uncomfortable right after my feelings were reciprocated since day 1 of that relationship. I've forced myself to love them and pretend that I cared romantically and it was awfully painful because I was uncomfortable but I don't want my partner to get hurt. One time when I had a relationship I kept gaining feelings, breaking up because I lost them, gained feelings, broke up because of my feelings and repeat. It was kind of a problem back then and I thought I was a red flag because I didn't know what Lithromantic was back then. Now that I found out, I'm not proud of myself being one because I envy couples like wdym you can love your partner who reciprocated your feelings back? Like how are you not uncomfortable?? Why is it so easy for you but so hard for me??? I hate it and I genuinely want to try a relationship with real romantic attraction and not just me forcing myself to for the sake of my partner's feelings. But I guess I could call myself Lith if I wanted to :^

Ok so this is what happened. I'm not straight or cisgender. And I've never really told anyone. Its been almost a year and a half since I've been trying to figure myself out and I'm still slightly confused. One person knows but thats because they guessed and i didn't lie. This is the problem: i always tell my mother everything. We used to be sooo close and know i feel like because of me we aren't as close? Its like we don't tell each other everything anymore. But its because so much is queer related in my quote on quote hidden life. Anyways my mental heath has not been great (pretty sure I'm like depressed and have anxiety). She noticed I'm not 100% so she keeps asking me to tell her what's wrong but idk how to do that. I'm not sure what i am and i want to feel like when i tell her i know for sure. But here's the biggest problem. About a month ago she asked me to tell her again and was telling me how its been hard for her as well and i felt horrible. I never thought of how it might be affecting her that we're not the same as we used to be? I just feel like I'm ruining everything. So i told her i wasn't ready and i would tell her soon but she kept asking when is soon? And i said.... i said October 11th for obvious reasons. But not thats coming up and idk what to do. So now she's expecting me to tell her on the 11th and idk how I'm going to do it. I feel like I'm going to ruin everything and I'm stressing because i feel like I'm not ready. I just- I'm sorry for the rant i just really needed somewhere to say this. I really really really need help so please please comment any suggestion or advice! Thanks

Do lithromantics feel regret after pushing him away due too disgust? if my affection or love for him after cutting him away rekindles does that disqualify me from being a lithromantic?