Before you read this please know that I am not personally lithromantic, But I figured that this would be the best place to ask questions. I was talking to a boy for a few days. He confessed and I told him I would love to be in a relationship he said he wasn’t ready but we still continued contact (“flirting” if you will) and I noticed he was becoming very distant. I asked and he said he thinks he’s lithromantic. I don’t quite understand. He means a lot to me and it feels like he lead me on I feel hurt. I was just hoping someone here could help explain it to me better then what google can provide. Thanks

Ruining my relationships

Im lithromantic… obviously, and I have a bf (more like queer platonic partner but we’re monogamous) and I find myself feeling like such a bad person because I keep sabotaging my life by searching for a relationship without wanting one.

I’m happy with my bf but I freak out a little when things feel a little too romantic because the sparks in my brain don’t go off like I’m told their supposed to when you’re “in love” and I even feel a little repulsed. I feel so bad, like I’m broken even though I know it’s completely normal. I find myself not appreciating people for what they are and treating dating like a harmless pastime and I find it really jarring to discover other people are dating to stay together forever and I just don’t feel that way. I’m also hyper sexual while being asexual so I get myself into situations when I want validation but then I get super uncomfortable. I downloaded a dating app out of curiosity while still being in a relationship and I just thought it would be fun to meet friends but when the person I was talking to asked my out on a date I realised they were actually serious about it all and weren’t just having fun flirting (my bf and I have agreed flirting is not cheating).

I don’t want to feel like there’s something wrong with me but sometimes it feels like I’m missing something that everyone else gets to enjoy and it must be so great cuz it seems to be all anyone can talk about!! I’m so exhausted!!! Pls tell me someone understands!!

As a lithromantic person I want to know what kind of people would even be open to dating me and my expectations of not wanting them to fall in love with me and never calling me their girlfriend and calling them my boyfriend. And that would make me happy but I know it wouldn't make a lot of others happy. I just came to the realization I'm litromantic and am trying to figure out how to date again and what I should set as boundaries.

Hello! I joined this subreddit last night and just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Amara and I am a minor. (I will never disclose my age on the internet) I am bisexual and lithromantic which I found out by a hoard of youtube videos about being lithromantic. It’s something i’m still slowly coming to terms with because I literally found out 2 weeks ago. I’ve dealt with losing feelings for people when reciprocated my entire life although I was in a relationship with certain people, I always told myself that the feelings were still there when they weren’t. Anyway, I hope everyone who read this has a great day/night! Bye!!!

So I’ve had crushes on many people throughout my middle school years (not in middle school anymore.) and whenever they were reciprocated I always almost instantly stopped liking them. And when I got in a relationship with someone it lasted about 2 weeks (yikes I know) since I stopped liking them. But I met someone ever the summer who I’ve been dating for like about 4 months now, and literally have no signs of not liking them anymore since I really, REALLY like them a lot and I haven’t had this happen since like 2022(?). Anyway, I’m really happy I’ve finally found someone cause they really make me super duper happy and I don’t wanna lose them!!!! Just thought I’d share this :3

So I am head over heels for a coworker I literally have only spoken to twice, briefly. I know I'm lithromantic bc I have all these intense feelings but with no desire to act on them, I'm repulsed by the thought of romantic contact with him. I just wanna look at him and be around him.

But I still have the desire to make him happy. His email is on our scheduling app and I briefly considered sending him a secret admirer email but I'm sure that would just creep him (and anyone) out. I wish I could leave a box of chocolates or something on his car but our workplace surveillance would catch that. This sucks bc I have all these feelings and no where to put them. ;_;

I feel like I can relate to the lithromantic label a bit. I feel romantic attraction but the idea of being in a relationship, or even being told that those feelings are reciprocated, feels unappealing.

However, it seems that the primary definition for lithromantic is not wanting feelings to be reciprocated, which I don't think is true for me. I want to be important to the other person, I'm fine with kissing and other romance stuff, I just don't want verbal confirmation of those feelings.

I don't know whether I have commitment issues or what. What I'm experiencing seems a bit similar to lithro but I don't know if this is that or something else entirely.

I know that there's probably no concrete definition or anything, but does anyone have any advice?

sorry if any of this is worded weird im kinda just ranting cus idk what to do.

so, around 6-7 months ago i made a post in the aromantic subreddit talking about how i was questioning being lithro or js on the arospec and at the time i had js gotten into a relationship when my feelings for that person just randomly disappeared. at the time i just passed it off as being commitment issues or just overthinking but now that feeling has come back.

i am still currently with that person and im kinda lost at what to do. ive talked about it with her and right now im really just trying to figure out what it is. also since the inital losing of feelings ive felt kinda weird towards her like i was just pretending and i think that migjt because i dont want to hurt her.

ive always kinda thought i might be lithromantic or some other aromantic but i always jusr shrugged it off and figured i just hadn’t met the right person. ive been reading through a lot of posts on here and i can say i do relate to a lot of things that other people have said and i really do think i might be lithro. i rarely have crushes but when i do i dont really want it to turn into anything serious and in my current relationship any mention of anything serious kinda makes me uncomfortable or have this like deep sense of dread. i really only like the idea of being in a relationship not really actually being in one. idk i dont want to be lithromantic or on the arospec but i do really that i probably am.

so idk do you think im lithromantic or on the arospec?

Hi, So I’ve been looking into what I’ve been feeling and it seems it kind of falls under Lithromantic but I’m just not sure if it’s that or just something else.

I’ve gone out with 3 different guys over the past 3 months. For all of them I’ve had fun for maybe an hour and even though I’m not tired and stay out normally later with my friends I just need to go home and I want to leave.

I was at the park with one of the guys and after like 15 minutes I started making excuses as why I had to go. Theres nothing wrong with any of these guys, maybe it’s a lack of attraction?

They’ve all been so nice and when I’m out I tell them I’ll go out with them again but when I get home I feel sick and disgusting. I feel like I can smell them on me no matter how many times I shower and wash my hands. I feel disgusted which is horrible because all of them were so nice and not disgusting at all.

For 2/3 (3rd one I went out with yesterday) within the week after I’ve felt so sick to my stomach and anxious about having to go out with them that I end up breaking it off and telling them I’d rather just be friends.

This guy I just went out with we’ve been friends for a while and he’s so nice and generous and theres no reason for me not to continue dating him but I just feel so sick to my stomach and I’m trying to force myself to feel something towards him. I did like him but as soon as I got home or things got more serious everything went away and I’ve been thinking about it and I do like him or did (?) but today I’ve felt so sick and anxious and I’m so stressed out and I’ve been avoiding all his calls and I want a boyfriend but theres something wrong with me.

It’s not like I don’t have romantic feelings or want a relationship, I can imagine having one in my mind and its wonderful and I want to be in one but I can’t get rid of this sick anxious scared feeling. Like its so bad I haven’t eaten all day I’m freaking out because I feel like I can smell him on my hands and I’ve washed them a hundred times.

I don’t know whats wrong with me, my friends go out with guys they don’t really like but have no issue continuing dating them and have eventually formed real feelings but I physically can’t I feel so sick.

Is there something wrong with me? Not sure if this falls under Lithromantic or something else. If anyone has advice it would be appreciated.

Right now I think I’m going to break it off with him tomorrow, I just really don’t want to ruin anything as we work together and were friends before this and I think he’s already upset about me dodging his calls. I’m just so confused and I feel sick. I’ve come to the conclusion I’m just not going to date anyone ever, despite the fact I want too it just won’t work out and I don’t want to be stressed for the rest of my life.

I've (20) actually been exploring the lithro label this past year. I think I'm finally letting myself accept it, but I just wanted to share my own experiences so someone else can see this and feel less alone in their aro/lithro experience/journey.

To start, I have had fantasies about being in romantic relationships all my life. I still do. But they never turned out right. There have been crushes, situationships, and relationships, and I've sort of figured out a bit of a trend in my experiences.

• If they liked me, and I didn't like them back, I could tolerate their affections to a certain point, then break it off after they reach a limit or cross a boundary I set.
• If they didn't like me, and I liked them, I'm completely happy to just admire them from a distance. Never had a desire to pursue them in any way except maybe look out for them more.
• If I liked them, and they started showing reciprocal actions/signs, I'd immediately feel repulsed and disgusted.
• Relationships ending were a relief to me.
• I've enjoyed making out and groping. Never had the desire to go further with a partner even though I've fantasized about it on numerous occasions.
• Apart from repulsion at the reciprocation and acknowledging I'm the jerk in these situations, I don't feel a thing except for relief when I break it off with someone, no matter how much I liked them prior to the relationship.

The only actual relationship I had lasted 3 months. He was a close friend before we got together. I did have feelings for him, but then I called him dude, bro, treated him like my other male friends except I held his hand and kissed him a few times. Any feelings I had faded after 2 months, because I got bored and wanted him to stop being so clingy. I had to come up with an excuse to break up.

Honestly, I think the most confusing part for me while I was figuring myself out was the whole "I like them a lot, but I for some reason don't want to be with them" part. I truly did like the other person, but I felt like a jerk for feeling repulsed after I noticed the reciprocation. Like... I had the longest 2-year "thing" with a boy when I was a kid--had the fantasies, had the giddy feeling, wanted to be with him and got flustered by him, but then it all disappeared in under 30 minutes when we finally "got together" at the end of primary, and all I could do was block his socials and phone number after that last, disgusting "goodnight <3" text.

I was mildly frustrated with my romantic tendencies up until last year, because all I knew was "aromantic", and they either never or rarely ever felt attraction, and tended to be fine when they did, but I wasn't. I either feel nothing emotional even when I do anything more than hand-holding, or I fall for someone, but then I feel repulsed when it's reciprocated.

Do you know what my ideal relationship looks like now? I'm part of a throuple, and my partners will go on dates and romance each other while I sit on the sideline, cheer them on, occasionally do romantic things for them while expecting nothing but buddy-buddy friendship in return, watch them love on each other in bed, and spare me a cuddle sesh and a smooch or two. Like having a married couple adopt me into their relationship, like a queerplatonic sidepiece belonging to both of them, who's very happy to be there. That's my ideal relationship.

And I treasure my friends more than I want a romantic partner. Like, I find myself wanting to go above and beyond for them very often. I want to kiss them on the cheek, I want to cuddle them, I want to hold hands with them, be there for them, all in a platonic way, and I don't mind at all that they'll do those things for me too.

I'm glad I found out about the lithro community. I mean, I had to grapple a bit and take some time to internalise the label (how can I be bi, NB, and also be part of this obscure little community that lies on the aromantic spectrum? In SE Asia?) but I'm here now. I hope someone finds this and can relate to it. Thanks for reading!

I've had relationships and with all of them I was uncomfortable right after my feelings were reciprocated since day 1 of that relationship. I've forced myself to love them and pretend that I cared romantically and it was awfully painful because I was uncomfortable but I don't want my partner to get hurt. One time when I had a relationship I kept gaining feelings, breaking up because I lost them, gained feelings, broke up because of my feelings and repeat. It was kind of a problem back then and I thought I was a red flag because I didn't know what Lithromantic was back then. Now that I found out, I'm not proud of myself being one because I envy couples like wdym you can love your partner who reciprocated your feelings back? Like how are you not uncomfortable?? Why is it so easy for you but so hard for me??? I hate it and I genuinely want to try a relationship with real romantic attraction and not just me forcing myself to for the sake of my partner's feelings. But I guess I could call myself Lith if I wanted to :^

Ok so this is what happened. I'm not straight or cisgender. And I've never really told anyone. Its been almost a year and a half since I've been trying to figure myself out and I'm still slightly confused. One person knows but thats because they guessed and i didn't lie. This is the problem: i always tell my mother everything. We used to be sooo close and know i feel like because of me we aren't as close? Its like we don't tell each other everything anymore. But its because so much is queer related in my quote on quote hidden life. Anyways my mental heath has not been great (pretty sure I'm like depressed and have anxiety). She noticed I'm not 100% so she keeps asking me to tell her what's wrong but idk how to do that. I'm not sure what i am and i want to feel like when i tell her i know for sure. But here's the biggest problem. About a month ago she asked me to tell her again and was telling me how its been hard for her as well and i felt horrible. I never thought of how it might be affecting her that we're not the same as we used to be? I just feel like I'm ruining everything. So i told her i wasn't ready and i would tell her soon but she kept asking when is soon? And i said.... i said October 11th for obvious reasons. But not thats coming up and idk what to do. So now she's expecting me to tell her on the 11th and idk how I'm going to do it. I feel like I'm going to ruin everything and I'm stressing because i feel like I'm not ready. I just- I'm sorry for the rant i just really needed somewhere to say this. I really really really need help so please please comment any suggestion or advice! Thanks

Do lithromantics feel regret after pushing him away due too disgust? if my affection or love for him after cutting him away rekindles does that disqualify me from being a lithromantic?

Maybe the reason we are all Lithro is because something knew our lives would be significantly worse is we weren't or we wouldn't be truly happy if we were like someone was watching out for us and knows this is what is truly best for all us in the long run? Maybe this is the best thing we could ever wish for??

I just found out that being lithro was a thing, and I feel like it almost perfectly matches to my situation. I've researched aromanticism, but it just doesn't quite fit. I've "dated" three people and had a few more situations of reciprocated feelings that just ended there.

Whenever I get a crush, it's really intense and I keep obsessing that person for a long, long time. It could take months or even a year to get over them. However, whenever they reciprocate, I immediately start losing feelings within the week. It's not voluntary, and I really do want to be in a relationship and feel love, but it just disappears and is replaced with disgust. It's gotten to the point where I have to meticulously plot out my escape to avoid them throughout the day to avoid physical touch with them, even something as simple as a head pat. I just find myself unable to be around them or even to make eye contact from a combination of disgust and guilt. I've ruined multiple friendships with this, but I kept trying again and again and convincing myself that this time would be different.

Now, I have a new crush, and it's been 8 months. I really don't want the same thing from before to happen, because they're a really sweet friend and I don't want to ruin that, but at the same time, I really like them and just want to feel loved and cared for. I see people around me dating and think that that could be me, but it's never worked out for me. I don't know what to do, and I don't want to end up in the same situation again, but I just really want to feel romantic affection from someone without feeling disgusted. What do I do? Am I lithro?

I’ve been in this subreddit for a while now since I found out about what lithromantic was. I felt seen and understood for the first time ever. However, I have realized after more introspection that I’m perfectly fine with people reciprocating or liking me back and I don’t usually lose feelings when I realize (which is pretty early on in the relationship with this person because I’m very perceptive).

In some cases I start to like them because they like me and I feel appreciated. However, the moment the prospect of a relationship come up or they actually confess to me that they have feelings and want to try dating, I lose all of my feelings. Before this I would be basically planning an entire future with them and think that they are the best person in the world and that I’ve never felt this strongly before and maybe this is the one that will get me out of my shell and have me try relationships but they all kind of end the same with me losing my feelings like a a switch was just flipped.

I also recently tried kissing and sort of dating a best friend that I didn’t have feelings for romantically just to try and I felt absolutely nothing. I was basically dead inside the entire make out session and it’s not really something I want to try again. I did communicate this with him right after, and at least I got my first kiss out of the way. However, this was a guy and I’m pretty sure I’m a lesbian but I’m scared it will feel the same with a girl I actually have feelings for and that coupled with possibly being lithromantic makes me not want to ever try because I don’t want to hurt them.

I just want to know if in your experience this is something that sounds lithromantic or possibly just someone with a lot of anxiety and commitment issues because of that.

On pintrest I see these "I assign all insert lgbtq+ identity this song" and I was wondering that if there were any songs that were about lithromantics, if not that perfectly okay.

I have identified as aroace for a long time, but I can't tell if I get crushes or if they are my favorite characters. For example, I like their design, they make me happy, I love seeing the character and their actions, but I don't really care about their interests, and fantasizing about them doesn't make me feel anything

Squish? Favorite character? Crush?

What year did you find out you were lithro? I think this sub was only created in Dec 2019 too

I think I’m also wondering if more people are figuring out they are lithro every year? 👀. Please only vote if you are lithro ❣️

View Poll

I don't really know if I'm a lithromantic, to tell the truth I've just discovered this orientation. I've always had a lot of crushes whether in elementary, middle or even high school, but never wanted a relationship. So when one of my crushes confessed that he loved me (a crush that had developed because we were friends) I was excited at the idea of having a boyfriend, even if I wasn't interested in a relationship. We got together but I quickly got bored, not wanting to leave him so as not to break our relationship. So I stayed with him for at least 5 months, while in the last few weeks I was avoiding him more and more and I was putting monumental pressure on myself because I still didn't know how I felt. Finally I had a realization and left him. I've been much better since then and I'm making the most of my singleness.

Also, I don't want to be in a relationship because I don't like to owe someone something or to be owed something. I don't know if I'm understandable but I just don't want to care about anyone romantically. Maybe one day I'll find someone I'll be comfortable with, but until then, I'd rather spend time with my family and friends.

I can also say that I was comforted when I knew that my crushes had a girlfriend or were moving because that way I was sure that they would never have feelings for me. Sometimes I also hated myself for having a crush on certain people because it complicated my life for nothing.

I have in my teens had this huge crush on this guy for 5 years and then one day we started dating and then ,I didn't feel anything. I tried to act like good girlfriend but I just didn't feel anything towards him anymore.But I got really sad when we broke up though.Then the same thing happened a couple more times. I like them they like me back then nothing. I does make me feel bad like I am playing with someones feelings even though I didn't mean to.

Now I have this crush on this guy , but I don't want to date them I just like having a crush on them . I don't want it to be reciprocated .Well more like I like the idea of dating them but don't want to do it.

When I found out about Lithromantic It sorta clicked with me.

Yup,I read the post I definitely feel uncomfortable when others have romantic feelings for me, but I do enjoy flirting.

There's this guy I dated, first time I ever dated anyone & I was sure I liked him. He confessed one night, apologized and told me he will distance himself from me so his feelings won't get stronger. I'm not sure if I said I liked him back bc I had the fear of losing him as a friend, or bc I genuinely fell for him. Anyway, within a month during the relationship I slowly started questioning if I really liked him.

Because when I thought about how I crushed on the person I liked before him, it felt very different. We were quite close even if we only knew eachother for an entire school year, so I told him about my worries even though I knew my doubts would definitely hurt him. Letting him know about the truth & getting hurt by it is better than lying just to keep him happy right?

Well I was right. It did hurt him. A lot. The doubts kept on coming & I also continued to share it with him. He was just as open as I was, also sharing his thoughts about how much it hurt him.

Fast forward to when we broke up; cleared up some misunderstandings (I kinda broke up with him out of the blue), became friends again. A very weird pair of friends atp. Few weeks after we broke up I started doing & thinking about things I never really thought about when I was with him (well I did, but not as often). Such as wearing his hoodie every now & then as it oddly comforted me, or thinking about how adorable would it be if we got married did the cutest things (mad corny mb gang)

I found it really weird. I thought the main reason for me being lithro is because I'm not a fan of the idea of commitment (could be bc of the fact its my first relationship or bc I'm still a teen) but yeah

While I was walking around the mall we had our first date at, I started remembering what we did, & continued to think more and more about him then felt very ticklish & giggly. Like how I would with a crush.

Then it really hit me: "... woah, am I really lithromantic?"

After that realisation I felt really guilty. It felt like as if I broke up with him because of my selfish needs as a lithro.

Been a month or 2 since then.. and just a few days ago we broke up again, but this time as friends. With how weird our friendship was at that point, and how 90% of our conversations turned from genuinely fun ones to pure venting & misery. It was unhealthy & quite toxic as much as I didn't want to admit that. But it was also bc we had disagreements here and there. I believe its unhealthy for him bc a lot of his complaints or vents were either caused by me or are about me. Unhealthy for me bc the venting was too much & took a toll on me. My fault for not knowing how to set boundaries.

Because of how recent the friendship breakup was, I still think about him often. Sometimes I wish that he wouldn't come to like someone else after he moves.

It's hard to describe how I feel right now. I feel like I love him but it's hard to tell if its strong love for him as a friend, or romantically.

Can anyone help me figure this out? 🙏

I need you so much Like a moth to a flame You're like a fever dream But I hope it's all fake

I want your love But don't say you love me Let me cry over you So I don't cry from losing you

Nobody gets it Not even me I don't want this hurt So let me fall asleep sobbing

I want your love But don't say you love me Let me cry over you So I don't cry from losing you

Coming to terms I'm Lithromantic

As time goes on I'm slowly accepting that I'm indeed Lithro, I would love to be in a relationship and love somebody as an alloromantic person but I cannot, all I can do is dream of it and sometimes cry that I'll never have a wife/girlfriend. But it's okay as long as I focus on myself I know I'll be fine. instead of crying I'm learning new hobbies, hanging out with friends, and learning new skills, I know I can be happy without love in my life.

//My English isn't the best 👍 I know some Lithro people can have relationships but this is just my experience!

Previously, r/lithromantic's rule 10, No personal ads, used to say this:

No personal ads Do not give out your personal information publicly in the hopes of connecting with people locally, or create a post requesting people DM/chat with you with the intention of forming a connection. This is not an r4r subreddit. Some arospec friendly r4r subreddits you can go to are: r/aroallomeeting, r/qprapplications, and r/cuddlebuddies.

The recently renovated rule says:

Personal ads You may create one SFW, platonic personal ad total. Repeat posts that aim to form personal connections, or request people DM/chat with you are not allowed. Some arospec friendly r4r subreddits you can go to are: r/aroallomeeting, r/qprapplications, r/cuddlebuddies, and r/platonicdating.

Posts seeking arospec support groups/ arospec events near one's location are ok.

In other words, everyone can now have one "free pass" to create one personal ad here. Personal ads aren't exactly relevant here, since this is a discussion subreddit, but they are welcome in subreddits designed for personal ads, including r/aroallomeeting, r/qprapplications, r/cuddlebuddies, and r/platonicdating. Lithros that want something romantic should probably go to r/qprapplications, r/asexualdating, and/or r/dateademi. Lithros that want something sexual should probably go to r/qprapplications and/or r/aroallomeeting. Lithros looking for something sensual should go to r/cuddlebuddies.

If you do decide to take advantage of this [likely temporary] opportunity, you can always pin the post on your reddit profile. Everything on reddit is public, so sometimes people may randomly check out your profile. Having a post like this pinned on your profile would probably increase the chance of you making lithro friends.

If our sub grows, becomes more active, or gets flooded with personal ads, this rule may have to be reverted back to what it was. We'll see.

I’ve dated (to which I courted myself) a handful of people, yet every time they started showing interest, I get an overwhelming amount of anxiety which confuses the hell out of me. I still went through with the dates but I felt like I was acting sometimes. I wanted this right? So why am I suddenly repulsed to it more than excited about it? I also seem to like crushing on more unattainable people (like a bigger age gap or they’ve clearly set boundaries, etc) yet people I’ve met that I could logically pursue makes me feel weird. I can’t tell if this is just anxiety or not. Anyone else relate or at least know something I don’t?

Hey, I just joined this subreddit and was inspired by y’all just being yourselves. I have some big hang-ups about sharing personal information online, but I wanted to be able to hold up a mirror to other lithros who might be questioning. I’m in my late 20s and I don’t have time to be embarrassed any more. I’ll give you a quick rundown of my identities and then a more in-depth tale of my experience being lithromantic.

Short bio: I’m an aspiring artist that refuses to pick a medium (currently writing novels, mostly gay romance and sometimes scifi). I’m autistic, which I discovered about 5 years ago. I love my cats more than anything in the world. My second favorite thing is animated music videos. I realized after rewriting this post a million times that I never gave a name, so you can call me Tilo for now.

My queer identity:
Agender- Gender is a social construct. I identify as a person, so treat me like one. Pronouns? Heck if I know. I do identify with transmasc experiences and I’m not entirely detached from my afab childhood. But being treated as any gender stereotype makes me mad.

Apothisexual/Aegosexual- I use the term “sex repulsed.” I fit the definition of aegosexual, but my sex repulsion (not entirely separate from my OCD) is more important to me. My sexuality is the thing I’m the most ashamed of and also the least willing to compromise on because I respect myself and my needs.

Lithromantic (the part you’re here for)- I describe myself as “in love with love.” I have had crushes for as long as I can remember and I thought I was alloromantic for a long time. I identified as 90% into guys, 10% into girls for most of my teenage years. Growing up, I was truly infatuated with the amatonormative dream. I fantasized about having romantic relationships with the people I had crushes on, where we would hold hands, eventually kiss, and someday get married. I was not assertive in real life by any means, but I was definitely obvious about my crushes. I would follow them around “like a duckling that imprinted on them.” I just wanted to be around them all the time. I don’t know to what degree my feelings were actually romantic vs queerplatonic vs sensory (I had a dream about a hug once). Some crushes were entirely aesthetic, others were an intense attachment to particular friends that never went away. I wanted more from my friendships than was typical, but I didn’t know there was a word for that feeling (queerplatonic, squish) and that my attraction didn’t have to lead to romance. The people around me “didn’t know what to do with [me].”

I only dated in person twice and both relationships ended quickly because we were “too awkward.” We barely even held hands. Turns out they were both also queer and I’m grateful in retrospect. I realized something was up as an adult after too many reciprocations made me uncomfortable. Either I was super nervous or I felt sick, and my attraction to them always vanished. When a relationship ended, I felt relieved. We went back to being friends and I went back to being obsessed with them. I eventually realized that being around my “crushes” made me extremely anxious and self critical. I was constantly thinking about how I came across and wanted to look good to the other person. I think having a crush is like being nervous, but it also feels good. For me, the “feels good” part was starting to get completely overwritten by the anxiety and I wanted no part in that. It was like I had eaten my favorite food to the point where it made me sick and I wanted to never look at it again. I declared (to myself and nobody else) that I would never have a crush again. That didn’t last, but I felt more emotionally prepared the next time around.

I found lithromanticism a couple of years ago, just browsing the wiki. I was looking for myself in all these detailed labels after having tried a few. I felt like the definition of lithromantic fit me best. All the bullet points matched my experiences. Like many people new to an identity, I’m not fully confident in my choice of label. But I haven’t found a better one. Do I fall in love? Yes, and hard. Do I want to do anything about it? No. Maybe I’ll want a QPR some day, but not right now.

So, here I am. Thanks for having me and listening to my story. I love you, in a platonic, familial sort of way :D

So I just figured out that I'm lithro. I want a romantic relationship, but I know I'll probably never have one. I also feel like I need one, hence the flair. I know that this is pretty irrational, but if you're lithromantic and have gotten over this, how did you do it?