Last year someone wanted to date me but I didn't know how to say no and I felt uncomfortable the whole 3 months the relationship was going on. Before that I always wanted a romantic relationship but now I'm disgusting by the whole idea of romance. I don't know if this i cupiromantic or something else (also sorry for my typing I'm exhausted)

so i’ve been in relationships and when im in them i enjoy telling people their my bf/gf and i enjoy the sexual aspects of the relationship but i don’t enjoy the idea that im in relationship with them itself. And also when i get crushes its not in a “i wanna date them” crush its a “i wanna kiss them” or sumthin crush..? it’s entirely possible there is another identity that fits this perfectly but i surprisingly don’t know it…

So, I can have like… “crushes” on people (though I’m not so sure if they’re actual crushes or if I’m just fantasizing about the idea of liking someone), but I can never actually imagine myself in a relationship with my “crushes”. If I even think of the actual thing, I get super uncomfortable and kind of disgusted (but I’m also not sure if it’s just cause of my problems with commitment). I’ve been considering the cupio label for a few months, but I’m not sure

I've been thinking I may be cupioromantic lately but I'm seriously not sure. I can fall in love with strangers or become attracted to them even if I know only a little about them, and I am able to fall in love with people I have a deep relationship with. But, I rarely truly fall in love with people, maybe only three times in my entire life. I really do want to be in a relationship though, and I love everything about love and romance.

I've identified as Cupioromantic for a couple months now and this keeps making me feel like I'm not good enough. I've always enjoyed the idea of a romantic relationship, but I've never liked a single person in particular. I have an idea in my mind of my perfect partner, but I feel like no person fits that mold I've created and anytime I've tried being with a regular human, I feel like a fraud, and I hate myself for not being able to love them back. Does anyone have any advice on keeping a relationship without feeling inferior or gaslighting myself out of a healthy relationship as I have done in the past?

I'm female and always had the idea that I would date a guy but recently im learning I'm just more comfortable with girls. All my friends are women or gay. I also just like femininity. So I'm curious having little to no attraction do y'all care about gender?

Hi! So im still a teenager (16yo) nd have been questioning whether im aromantic a lot recently, since ive known that being aromantic and wanting/craving romance is quite possible. I think that might be me, but i dont feel i should identify with the label yet since im still a teenager and it's quite possible i just haven't had a crush or anything yet and will develop romantic feelings in the future. is there like any way to test/know it for sure or will i just have to wait and see?

For my whole life I was sure that I am alloromantic. Till some days ago I came across a video that I really related to and thanks to a person in the comments found out about cupioromantisim. I really hope for some outside perspective here and maybe writing this out will help me understand myself better.

It never even crossed my thoughts that I was not alloromantic, because I always wanted a relationship and I thought aromantic people didn’t want relationships at all. Al this cuddling and kissing seems nice to me, but I guess the most important part of a relationship for me was the trust, enjoying the time together and being able to support each other.

I don't think I've ever had crushes, there were some people that I found pretty, but was I thinking about them outside of the time I saw them? If I remember correctly, never. Celebrity crushes? Don't think so, I may find some cool and I guess attractive but never thought about actually dating them, outside of a joke.

When I was around 8 I met this one boy we became good friends with really fast.(We both moved to a new country and went to a special class for kids that moved and we spoke the same language). First I was sure I liked him, but I guess that was just the consequences of adults making relationships look like something everyone needs to have. We've been bestfriends-couple(never officially started dating or called each other bf/gf but told each other that we loved the other person) for around 5-6 years (only had two cheek kisses and hugging). Some years ago he did something that kinda grossed me out(not physical) so I wrote him a whole paragraph out and we stopped talking. Yea, thats the closest thing to a relationship that I had.

Did I just not meet the right person yet or am I actually cupioromantic? I am only 15, and all of this finding out about my sexuality was confusing enough(first I thought I was bi but for the last years I consider myself a lesbian, maybe that also had to do with me not feeling rom. attraction so i thought since I don't like boys I am lesbian...) and now I have to question my romantic attraction as well...

I probably shouldn’t even question all of this, considering that I while I was talking to my bsf some time ago I told her "all this romantic love is overrated"...but I would like some outside perspective.

Also, if I am cupioromantic, can I just tell some people that I'm aromantic irl? For some understanding that term is going to be hard, and cupioromantic is sadly a really little known term.

I think I'm aromantic or arospec anyway. because I'm not sure I've ever had a crush..- most of my relationships have been online.

I also think that in elementary/middle school I was never interested in anyone.. I probably thought they were aesthetically cute, but I got over it and probably now I don't care. But I often find myself thinking "it would be nice to have a relationship with them" (for their appearance). Then it just goes away and I don't think about the relationship anymore ig.

The problem is that I have been in an online relationship for almost 5 years with this guy. Lately I am not sure if it is platonic, romantic or emotional attraction. I'm usually also the type who doesn't care much and usually despises-..

he never treated me badly and I'm happy about it, we shared chats that were really important to me. Both in moments of happiness and sadness. He consoled me, understood me, but above all he loved me..I know it's bad that he loves me so much and wants to see me and all. But I don't know if I feel the same.

I mean..i guess hes cute and also nice..but i cant say if i want to kiss him and all. In my head its cute the scenario (?), but if we were to meet and do that I'm not sure. It's like it's always swinging.

some time ago I also took a test and it turned out that I was greyaro (like 2-3 years ago). I'm not sure.. I think he deserves affection because he never betrayed me or abandoned me (unlike others)

but I can't say if a relationship with him, romantic, would be nice -.. (I can't say if I'm forcing myself to feel romantic attraction to him..but I think I'd like to be able to love him like he loves me).

he even played a "joke" on me once (not funny, honestly). Where he said he cheated on me. At that point I burst into tears, but at the same time I was thinking "ok, you don't have to pretend anymore."

... :P

I don't know what else to say, I'm just afraid that if I were really aro I don't want to hurt him or give him false hope.

advice? :(

Hi, so I've always been curious about what I am, and I think I am cupioromantic, but i just thought i would see what others think So l'm 14, and l've never had a crush or a relationship. But i will see people with a partner or read a romantic book and be like, "i want that. I want to cuddle someone and love someone and just have a relationship. "' But I just don't feel that way about anyone I see. But I do think i could. So I just thought I'd see if you guys think i am cupioromantic or if I just haven't found the right person yet...?

I am aromantic who wants to be in a relationship and do cute things that people in relationships do. I'm hoping that I can be demiromantic so one day I can feel romantic attraction and fall in love but until then I'll stick with aromantic (I'm not using cupioromantic because people outside the community and from community are confused and offended by the term). If I never felt romantic attraction and fell in love in my life, it would be the biggest regret of my life. This is my experience. So what is other cupioromantic's experience with cupioromanticism? Let me know.

Do you tell people you're cupioromantic? Specifically romantic partners? And at what point, before starting the relationship? After you're in it, when it happens to come up? This may be me wondering if I can deny the fact I'm aromantic permanently but I'm wondering if I can just not tell people I'm cupio or if that's bad on my part. If I had a partner and we're both happy, why should I bring it up? Especially if there's a risk of them not understanding?

Hello, I discovered this label today and I'm wondering if it could apply to me, but I'm still trying to understand myself, so I'm not sure.

Extremely, and I mean EXTREMELY confused rant ahead, thank you to whoever will read this mess :) [English isn't even my first language so some wording might sound weird]

Little premise:

Lately I've been trying to understand my feelings better and I've been searching among different labels to try and see which ones could apply to me. I don't care about labels and such, it's just something I'd like to do to understand myself better. I basically did them all trying to understand what's going on in my brain. I'm pretty much sure I'm ace, but I'm not sure about the romantic side. Just a couple of days ago I started to think I might be on the aromantic spectrum, because I've seen videos and read posts about people that made me question if I really felt romantic attraction or "love" and "liking" in the alloromantic way.

Now, I'm 24 y.o but I've never been in a relationship before, but almost two years ago I met a girl on a twitter group chat (yes, it sounds crazy) and we clicked almost instantly, we started to talk and after a while decided to get to know each other better and ended up trying a relationship. Now this relationship is extremely long distance, we have a whole continent separating us, so we haven't been able to see each other yet because of economic and accomodation problems. But all this time we have been doing really well even through all the difficulties that the distance gives us. We text often and video call a lot too.

Now my questions come from the fact that at first I thought my lack of "feeling" derived from the lack of irl contact, as much as a video call is nice, it's never the same as being in person with someone. But my girlfriend often expresses her feelings and always says that she misses me when I don't text or call often, she's often the one that calls me (I do too, just less often). Just the other day she was telling me that she'd like it if I told her I missed her too, and a couple of weeks ago I did tell her that, while I was on vacation, but I explained to her that I meant that I wanted her to be there with me sharing those moments cause she was the person I'd like to spend that time with the most. So it wasn't really missing, more like "you should be here", longing maybe? I'm was longing the idea of being on vacation with my partner, which made me realise I do like the idea of a romantic relationship.

So what confuses me is that I enjoy our relationship and would love to finally meet and be together in person, and I know that I do like her, in a way that to me makes sense. But when comparing my feelings to what she shares with me and to what people say about relationships, I feel like I'm too... Detatched? Or rather I don't really like her as much as she likes me or as I feel I should? Now I'm a very independent and laid back person who doesn't feel strongly about anyone in particular in my life (except my cats probably, lol), I always thought that the way I feel things is just different compared to other people around me. Like, the way I feel "love" or "liking" or even affection is much more laid back and relaxed compared to other people, but at the same time... Wouldn't this make me aromantic? I'm really confused by what's the difference in my brain between just liking someone in my own way and being aromantic. Maybe I'm asking silly questions because of course you can't know what's in my brain but maybe someone had my same experience... Like that maybe liking people in my own way IS liking in an aromantic/cupioromantic way?

I do think the distance makes everything more confusing, but I feel like I can't like someone more than this, like I will never feel the love that people describe, like putting someone else before yourself without a second thought, putting your own needs away for your partner. At first I thought I was just selfish, but then my girlfriend explained to me that I was really good and caring to her, even if I didn't feel like it, but I still feel like I will never do what she does and put someone's feelings, wellbeing and needs before myself if it means I have to sacrifice something. Like I don't really do it now either, sometimes I have to force myself to do things for her, and I don't do them if they don't align with what I feel or want to do in that moment. So I feel extremely selfish when these things happen, because this isn't how you should feel with a partner... But I do like her, I do want us to be together, am I too lazy? Am I too selfish? I think I'm not a good partner, surely I'm not the bestest girlfriend as she thinks I am, I'm pretty sure she says that because she can't read my mind. She doesn't have low standards, I assure you, but at the same time I feel like I'm not as good as she makes me look like. So I kept wondering if it was just part of my personality or if I am cupioromantic or aromantic in some way? But at the same time, this is just how I am, romantic or platonic relationship, actually my girlfriend does get a special treatment compared to friends, so I'm really confused because I'm pretty sure this it the most I can give.

I imagine this was extremely confusing to read because I'm extremely confused myself. But I think my girlfriend deserved to know and understand my feelings, I don't think it would be right to be with her without telling her I might never like or love her back the way she does me.

I'm not even sure this is the label I'm searching for, but it's the closest I've found to what I'm feeling. Because I enjoy our relationship but I don't think I like her or I'll love her in a conventional way?

Thanks for reading this word chaos.

Help :)

i (m16) am cupio but i stil really want a relationship i can enjoy doing romatic stuff its just that i cant fall in love and flirting can get confusing at times i just really want somebody i can do all the things with you would normaly do in a relationship i am just scared i wil have a bad relation how do i keep a relationship healthy and how do i even start a relatonship when i am aro i cant just lie that i am in love can somebody give me advice

Trigger Warning, I guess, for an uncomfortably sexual kiss?

Hi all!!

Sorry if this is the wrong place for this, but I think that I might be Cupioromantic. I need some help because the definitions I've found online are all pretty muddled, and I think hearing from folks who are actually in the community could shed some light on this for me.

I currently identify as queer (I have for a while) and I have been in a relationship before. Granted, I was in my early teens at the time, and everything was extremely mild (lots of awkward closed mouth kissing). I am unsure if I ever felt anything for this person. I found them cute, and I still do, but I don't know if I ever really had a crush on them. They told me that they liked me first, and I muddled over it for a long time. I had thoughts about kissing them, but they never had a super strong emotion attached. At last, I convinced myself that what I was feeling was romantic, and I told them I wanted to go out. I still don't know how to feel about this, because it feels like I was leading them on. I don't fully understand how attraction feels, or what it is. My heart has never raced when thinking about someone, I've never blushed at the idea of someone, and I have ways that all of my crushes could be "explained" as another emotion that is not romantic (for example, I had a 'crush' on my best friend, or maybe was just jealous of how much they cared about their partner, and I felt like I was losing them to their romance).

I am partial to the idea of kissing, but not for the attraction of it. I care about people, and I would kiss them, but I don't know if I feel the passion others have described. In other words, I've never felt a "spark." I have avoided people who have shown an interest in me in the past because, "we weren't close enough that I would trust them with contact, like a kiss." I don't have any trauma surrounding contact, except for an uncomfortably sexually-charged relationship, culminating in a kiss that was way outside of my comfort zone. Looking back on it, it was a normal, open-mouthed kiss, but maybe has something to do with this, because it was past the threshold of what I'd do with someone I cared about platonically. I love romance books, and I really, really want to feel and understand romance.

I want to feel a spark, to go on a date, and have a romantic relationship with someone I care about. I haven't found that someone yet, though, and I'm in my (late) teens, which is prime-time for romance, or so I've been told. My friends are into new people frequently, and I don't get it. I want some advice on this because I have diagnosed depression and anxiety disorders, as well as being neurodivergent, all of which may be inhibiting me from feeling romantic attraction and overthinking this whole thing, because I sometimes have a hard time understanding others. Anyways, some advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

I believe I may be Cupioromantic as I have never had a crush or feel any romantic love towards anyone, I've heard about this a while ago but it was never relevant to me until now as I didn't talk to people much back then.

The thing is, I can't exactly go "Hey, I don't have feelings for you, want to be in a relationship with me anyways?" Because like duhh and of course I won't lie about feelings because I have some basic empathy left in me,

And how am I supposed to choose who to ask out anyways? Like would I keep a list of stats like "Ooh they're high on the Cheerfulness! . . But low on the probability of accepting my request for a relationship"

Like I just don't understand how I am supposed to start a relationship when I don't feel anything towards peopme and probably won't until I'm already in a relationship, I also fear that I may completely incapable of romantic love which sucks as I really do want a romantic partner eventually.

I fell in love with my best friend and was so privileged to have gotten the chance to be with them romantically!

I found out I was Aromantic/Cupioromantic in the relationship but it had no affect towards my attraction to them. It's already heart breaking loosing the connection you souly incredibly craved to have with your best friend, and it being a breakup in general. Now I'm left craving that romance with them, or just romance in general, I want a child, I want intimancy! And I'll never be able to have it unless it was with them, plus I only do want that with them. I lost it, I'll never have it, it's incredibly hard for me to even form connections with people, to make friends I enjoy talking to, so let alone even form a romantic attraction... I've been consumed by depression, severe hopelessness, and as well... (TW: Suicide) suicidal thoughts, urges, and a near close plan

I need someone who can relate; this community is already so niche as is

Guys. It. Is. Possible. I met a guy that’s aroace whose supper sweat. I like him a lot. He’s accepting of all my boundaries and the fact I’m cupioromantic!

I (22M) met a girl (22F) a couple of months ago on a dating app. We connected instantly, and our first date was amazing; she even wanted to go on another date right away. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. We often tell each other that we are the same person, as we share so many similar stories and characteristics. I truly feel she’s the female version of me.

For the first month of knowing each other, we didn’t do anything physical—no kisses, no sex, not even holding hands or cuddling. I was too scared to make a move because I didn’t want to risk losing her.

For context, she has had a challenging past. Before me, she was engaged to a woman. I’m the first man she has spent significant time with outside of brief high school relationships. Her previous relationship was marked by domestic violence and abuse, which led to her being hospitalized. She told me she was bisexual on our first date, which was never an issue for me. Additionally, she grew up with an alcoholic father and had a very difficult childhood.

Over the past two months, we’ve had a great time together, and I was planning to ask her to be my girlfriend. However, things didn’t go as planned on the day I intended to ask, so I decided to reschedule. The next day, during a deep conversation, she revealed that she wasn’t ready for a relationship yet, not knowing I was going to propose the idea. She said she wants to take things slow and build a friendship first.

We’ve continued to hang out, but things have felt off between us. She often tells me how great I am and that she sees a future with me, yet she hasn’t felt a spark. She’s expressed uncertainty about whether she is fully lesbian or even asexual. She has mentioned that if she ends up with a man in the future, she wants it to be me. I am the only man who has captured her attention and made her feel this way for this long.

Recently, she mentioned that she might be asexual and that she’s frustrated every day because she’s unsure about her future. I wasn’t familiar with the term, so I researched it. Although she is usually the one initiating sex and enjoys it, I’ve learned about aromanticism through my research. She might fit this description as well. For context, she rarely compliments me, stays very busy with school and work, and often forgets to text me. We sometimes go four hours without communication, though when we’re together, she is never on her phone and always says she wants a flip phone. She doesn’t tell me she misses me, but she always comes through when I ask and says she enjoys my presence, even if we’re just doing nothing. She says I make her feel better just by being there. However, she is not very touchy and seems to want to co-exist rather than being the center of each other’s worlds. I know she is interested in me, because she's told me. She also remembers the most insanely minor details about me, and we always have really deep convos getting to know each other.

I’m confused because we have such great times together, but she’s unsure about her feelings. What advice can I give her? She wants to take things slow and continue exploring her feelings, and I’ve told her I’m willing to wait. I believe she’s special and I want to see where things go. Do you think she might still be identifying as lesbian and trying to convince herself she can be with a man? Do you think her past might be making her fearful of vulnerability? Or do you think she could be aromantic? I’m lost and just want some answers. The mods of the aro sub told me to post this here. Please help me :(

First of all how can you tell? I’m having trouble determining if I’m actually cupiromantic or something else. I have a strong want for a romantic relationship but I don’t really feel romantic feelings that offen, and if I do they are minimal or don’t last that long. Also can you still feel romantic or be in a romantic mood? Can you want romantic touch? I’m a little confused so if you guys could help I’d appreciate it a lot. If I have any other questions I think of I’ll come back and add them later.

i just want to go out on cute dates and cuddle and hold hands but i struggle to even make friends with people, so how will i ever find someone like that?? and even if i do find someone i like enough, they probably won’t like me back… and then they probably won’t even want to be with someone who doesn’t feel attracted to them like that.

how do you guys deal with these feelings? it just feels like everything is so hopeless.

I’m pretty sure I don’t feel romantic attraction as strongly as everyone else. It took me a while to realize that people were legit not exaggerating the intensity of “desire” and “wonder” (getting this from google, lol) they feel towards others they’re in love with. I really want to feel that way though. I know it’s not all sunshine and roses, but to feel so much towards another person just seems so cool. It also just feels worse cause I’m in a long term relationship, and they’re absolutely nowhere on the aromantic spectrum, so it feels like a huge shortcoming on my part.

The experiences of “cupioromantic” people are very relatable, but I feel that attraction somewhat. I enjoy cuddling, kissing, using romantic language, all the usual stuff, it’s just that the actual FEELING of it is pretty blunted. I don’t know how to describe it, I’m not even sure what I DO feel. I just know what I think, and I think “this person is someone I like, and I want to live with them forever, and have children.” Truth be told I can’t really easily decipher what is a feeling and what is a thought, I usually just “think” a lot of my emotions instead of feeling them in my body.

So… is there a label for this? I’d like to find one 😅

I’ve known myself as Omnisexual for a few years, but I never considered myself anything else. I’ve kinda just come to the conclusion I may be Cupioromantic too?

I really want to fall in love, and I’ve fallen in love with tons of fictional characters. The idea of romance means a lot to me but I can’t seem to find the right person. I want someone to give me butterflies but I don’t know who.

It’s actually funny I say that because I’m actually kinda scared to fall in love. It could just be my social anxiety and the fact I’m an introvert. I don’t know, am I Cupio?

Edit: I forgot to mention. I have really high standards. I don’t know if that plays a role in Cupioromantic or not.. either way I’m curious.

I've never had a crush/ been in a relationship. I badly want one. I'm deeply in love with a ton of fictional characters I want to love someone like I do these characters in my head I'm dieing here plz help I told my friend and they were like "dude are you aro?" And I was like "no???" And now I'm here freaking out.

To start this off I only found out about being cupioromantic by doom scrolling on TikTok around 3am yesterday, so not a very good place to start. But after doing some research and reading other people's experiences I was thinking that they sound very similar to my own.

Every since I could remember I have never really been in love with someone. Yes I've had one or two crushes but I don't think I've ever been in 'love ' love before. No butterflies in my stomach or getting nervous when the other person is around, things usually associated with being in love.

But at the same time I've always been jealous of people who were in relationships. I wanted to go on dates, kiss someone and just be close to them like that. But how could I do that when I didn't 'love' anybody like that? I eventually chalked myself up to being aroace and left it at that for while.

Fast forward to now where I find myself in a relationship. And to be honest in the beginning I only thought of them as a friend, closer than my other friends but a friend nonetheless. But then they confessed to me and seeing this as a once in a lifetime opportunity I accepted their confession and we've been dating ever since.

The issue now is that I'm struggling to tell them how I really feel about them and our relationship. I realized a few months ago that I'm not actually romantically attracted to them. Not to say that I don't love them, I do, just not romantically or platonically, just something different.

I do still want to be in a relationship with them because I love the connection we have with each other. But at the same time I don't want to rob them of someone loving them the same way they love me.

So now I'm not to sure of what to do and/or if being cupioromantic is just a label I'm trying to latch onto.

I've understood myself as asexual for a long time, but I find it difficult to identify myself romantically.

my experience: i'm an 18 year old man and i'm only interested in women with no desire to have relationships, i dated once for about a year, the relationship started with her falling in love with me but i didn't care until she declared herself to me, from then on i loved the experience, after the break up i feel the same as before, i can't find anyone attractive and when i make out with girls at parties (just kissing for the sake of kissing) i have a certain fear that they will fall in love with me. Do you know if I could be considered an arromantic? some people I've spoken to have said that cupioromantic suits me so I decided to ask here because maybe there are more people like me

"A hopeless romantic all my life" very cupio coded already.
"Surrounded by couples all the time" wants to feel love but can't
"I guess I should take it as a sign" (yes you should.)
(Oh why, oh why? Oh why, oh why?)

"I'm feelin' lonely (Lonely)" i wonder why.
"Oh, I wish I'd find a lover that could hold me (Hold me)" again, wants to feel love but can't
"Now I'm crying in my room" sad that she can't feel the said to be wonderful feeling of love
"So skeptical of love (Say what you say, but I want it more)" AGAIN, wants to feel love but cant
"But still, I want it more, more, more" ^

"I gave a second chance to Cupid" implies that she has been searching for love
"But now I'm left here feelin' stupid" found out she was cupio
"Oh, the way he makes me feel that love isn't real" ^
"Cupid is so dumb" (agreed)

"I look for his aros every day" continues searching for love
"I guess he got lost or flew away" cant feel love
"Waiting around is a waste (Waste)" (yes it is)
"Been counting the days since November"
"Is loving as good as they say?" Still wants to feel love
"Now I'm so lonely (Lonely)"
"Oh, I wish I'd find a lover that could hold me (Hold me)"
"Now I'm crying in my room
"So skeptical of love (Say what you say, but I want it more)"
"But still, I want it more, more, more"

I gave a second chance to Cupid
But now I'm left here feelin' stupid
Oh, the way he makes me feel that love isn't real
Cupid is so dumb

(Cupid is so dumb)

"Hopeless girl is seeking" searching for someone even though she knows she cant feel love
"Someone who will share this feeling" ^
"I'm a fool"
"A fool for love, a fool for love"

see what i mean?

have a great day! :D

Like what about a romantic relation ship do you like/want? For me it has to be just have ing some one to spend all your time with and being able to cuddle:3