SURVEY LINK: https://ccsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9t1xrNsEdcAi97w

Qualifications for participation:

• Identify as a sexual minority
• 18+ years old

We invite you to participate in a study examining adverse childhood experiences and the factors that might improve responses to those experiences. Specifically, we are interested in learning about your sexual minority experiences and how these experiences impact your health and overall well-being. We hope to explore how your levels of openness about identity, social support, and coping strategies affect your health and overall well-being. The study will involve completing an online survey, and your participation is entirely voluntary.

If you participate in this study, you will be asked to complete the survey that follows which includes about 180 questions. The survey should take you about 10-25 minutes to complete.

If you have any questions or would like to reach out, you can contact me by email. Thank you!!!

• Principal Investigator: Ashley Carter
• Email: ashleycarter@my.ccsu.edu

This study has been reviewed and approved by the CCSU IRB (Protocol #10722).

I told my mom's boyfriend that l'm queer. He simply responded with "no you aren't your just inactive" for reference l'm aroace.... I mean I'm not gonna explain what aroace means to a 60 year old Trump supporter.... But I'm still wondering why he responded like that

I came out as ase back in highschool but I've always enjoyed reading or in some cases listening to smut in audiobook form. it usually doesn't matter the pairing but I do tend to lean towards BL. Currently listening to the audiobook for leather and lark (please please look at the TW for the book before you read it) Does anyone else enjoy smut even though the act itself may not be enjoyable for you as person?

so i, 21F, started dating my bf, 21M, about 6 months ago. the first part of our relationship was ldr but now we're in person. he is super allo but knew i was ace before we started dating.

since we got back in person, we've done some physical things that i have consented, albeit maybe not super enthusiastically, to: kissing, petting, i've given oral. since starting these things i have kind of started to realize that i hate it. so much. not that i hate him for it, but that i hate the way it makes me dissociate and feel nauseous after. he keeps telling me that it's fine, that i don't have to, that he won't leave me if i say no... i just really care about him too much to risk it.

before we did any of this, i had no problem reading explicit materials or thinking about sex and would consider myself pretty neutral, but now i don't. i can't read anything i used to or think about the things i've done without dissociating a little and feeling a little sick.

what should i even try to do? at the bare minimum, i really don't want to feel so gross when memories hit.

I want to desire sex however I feel like my body naturally doesn’t. I sometimes have sexual fantasies but I don’t go anywhere with it. I don’t masturbate or hook up with ppl. I’m unsure if this is because of a low sex drive or I’m asexual. I really want to want to have sex and it distresses me that I don’t. I would want to try having sex again (I’ve had sex before and i felt nothing) but it feels like it’s from more of a curiosity standpoint rather than an actual desire. I want to know what ppl mean when they say that sex is so good and be able to understand and relate. I lately feel like I want be in a romantic relationship with an asexual but not sexually repulsed person (what I presume I am) so I can explore my sexuality with them but feel like sex isn’t as much of a pressure or obligation in the relationship and we can choose to never have sex again if we don’t want to, but still have a loving romantic relationship. Does anyone share similar feelings? Does this mean I’m asexual, graysexual, or just have a low sex drive?

hi im making a gay ace comic (as a gay ace) about a vampire and wolf boy falling in love HEAR ME OUT!!!!!!- 💀💀💀 I know it sounds cliche but I think it could be really cute, like the boy turning into a big fluffy wolf and cuddling with his bf :))

but I need IDEAS for PLOT!

Just to clarify if the title set off any red alerts in people's brains, this isn't meant to be a judgmental thing. This is coming from someone who wears an ace ring and has thought a lot about my microlabels, I just wanted to start a discussion.

While lots of people on here talk about people mistaking sexual attraction for horniness or not believing that asexuality is a thing, my main reason I haven't publicly come out yet is because I have reason to suspect at least a couple members of my family are a-spec. Over Thanksgiving, I tried to come out to my sister, who is in a very lovey dovey relationship right now, but who has never once expressed finding sexual desire anything but weird and gross (and it is something we've talked about).

I tried to avoid labeling her, because that's her place if she wants it and I don't know enough about sexual attraction to tell the difference between attraction and desire, but I tried to explain that there are people who experience primary sexual attraction and that supposedly they are the majority, and I told her that calling myself aroace does not mean I'll reject any future crushes because I'm "supposed" to not have them, so then she asked why I need to label myself at all.

I eventually said it's a way to make myself feel more comfortable with not making relationships a priority and a way to express that for me "more than friends" doesn't exist because friends are top tier, but I do feel like it was a fair question. I could be asexual and not wear an ace ring and have no sexual attraction and never come out to anyone and that wouldn't make a big difference.

So now I'm curious why the rest of you who have made being ace a strong(ish) part of your identity have done so.

I’ll start by saying I’m not ace, but this seemed like the right place to post with some of the terms under acexuality (Demi to be specific) But there’s a person I am 100% in love with, I’d be happy if they were the only other person I could interact with for my whole life. But there isn’t any sexual attraction to them in the slightest How do I deal with this?

Edit: I do feel sexual attraction, just not to them

Since the end of season 2 of Arcane, I've seen a lot of JayVik representation as you all have, which is INCREDIBLE and very cute! I'm not here to debate whether announcing an ace character as canon outside of their material source is a good thing or not - that's clearly a good question too - but as Arcane's creators have always carefully represented their queer characters as well as their relationships, I don't think this was intended as a threat. But then again, that's not my main issue here.

I was actually wondering what you guys thought about shipping ace characters, not that they can't date! That's where Christian Linke is clearly wrong! But like the sexualisation of an ace character through shipping. For example, Alastor in Hazbin Hotel. I mean, shippers generally make a point of "respecting" queer relationships and defending their ship tooth and nail, but when it comes to ace characters and their romantic relationships, I guess it's not the same thing, is it?

Do you think it's disrespectful towards an already under-represented community ? Or do you think that's not that deep and shipping is just an harmless silly little thing ?

How do I deal with this? When I was younger I didn't even know what asexuality was and also lacked self esteem and boundaries for myself. I felt pressured to be sexually active at a young age and mostly forced myself into it because i felt like an outcast for not caring about it. I learned that sex was an expected part of being in a relationship and the guys I dated would start getting irritated around month 1 or 2 if we hadn't been intimate yet. I have a body count of 7 and I regret it all because I only slept with these people because I was lonely and wanted to be liked. I didn't understand myself very well or the possibility that there was anyone who didn't make sex the focal point of every relationship. And I still don't, it's hard to meet people who don't immediately bring up sex, so the loneliness and feeling like nobody will love me for who I am is still there. The pressure is still there. But I'm older now and I've realized that loneliness is probably better than forcing myself into sexual situations I don't want. but I feel worried about trying to pursue relationships with my sexual history - especially since I picked up hpv at some point. I worry about being rejected by the types who want an emotional connection (demisexual) before intimacy, or just generally don't find intimacy important. I know I haven't been with a lot of people but I feel like my past low self esteem and lack of boundaries will make it impossible to attract the right people, since they probably be turned off by my history.

hiya:)

so like the title says, i consider myself demisexual, it's been pretty clear to me for a good while now that there are some emotions i simply do not feel until i develop a strong connection with somebody. in fact, i was pretty much 100% asexual (we're talking never understood the visual appeal of anything below the face and completely failing to see why sex would be enjoyable at all) until i got into my first relationship at 16 and starte having sex, where i then sort of 'learned through experience' how to feel sexual attraction? lmao? (i'm also autistic which may explain that part a lot lol)

since then ive pretty much thought i understood textbook sexual attraction, like, i find myself wanting sex, wanting to touch my partner, feeling attracted by the look of their body, like, it all sounds right. right?

demisexual has always felt like it fit me pretty well, but the more i think about it, and the more demisexuals i talk to, the more it feels like there might be more to it. i don't relate to a lot of my demisexual peers as much as i otherwise feel like i should? like, ive never enjoyed porn. i feel no connection to it. which always made sense to me as a demi thing, but most of my demi friends all enjoy porn in one way or another, so that's kind of. my first suspicious sign.

the next is that a lot of what i enjoy about sex comes down to some very specific desires, none of which really have that. inexplicable nature i've always felt like sexual attraction has had? like firstly, a lot of my sexual pleasure derives from pleasing my partner. i think because i grew up with sex/sexual attraction feeling so completely foreign to me, it makes it weirdly alluring, and its almost like the idea that i can induce those feelings in somebody else is what actually turns me on.

i also don't have any kinks, never developed any growing up since i was. sex repulsed most of my life. therefore once again, i'm kinda just into whatever my partner is into by default, because i like seeing them pleasured and i like being the source of that pleasure.

the other stuff i enjoy about sex is also just, the emotional/physical intimacy, which i hear a lot of asexuals who have sex also say is what they get out of it. like, 90% of the time when i'm fantasizing about stuff, firstly i can only fantasize about my real life experiences with partners i've had, and secondly it's almost always fixated on the romantic aspect, the warmth of it all. the stuff that genuinely gets me going more than anything is remembering a sweet thing a partner said to me during sex, or a time where they went out of their way to make me feel good, or something silly that made us both giggle in the morning. sappy shit lmao, love that stuff

it just gets confusing because like, at the end of the day, i still feel sexually attracted to those people, in the way i think you're supposed to, but at the same time my way of experiencing those feelings just seems so inherently different than the average person

so basically. asexuals please rise and help out a fellow aspec. i must know. does this sound similar to anything yall have experienced. give me your wisdom. literally anything tbh even if you just wanna discuss, im here to learn and talk and hopefully make some self discoveries:) lets go asexuals lets go

(to clarify, i obviously feel sexual attraction to a certain degree, theres no way im 100% asexual anymore, but like, maybe some other percentage...)

I keep finding myself seeing women or men and being like, "Wow they look pleasant, I should want to have sex with them" and then I pause, conceptually think about having sex with them, and go "Oh yeah, that actually doesn't sound good. I dont like that.".

I spent most of my life believing that finding someone pretty or pleasant to look at meant that I want to have sex with them, when in reality I just... don't. My attraction towards others is void of sexuality.

im gonna scream aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

It feels like everywhere I go, I feel the constant urge to keep my guard up, because everywhere I go, there is a constant reminder in the back of my head that, most people will have trouble understanding Asexuality. I also always feel lonely and friendless, isolated from others, even queer friendly spaces.

How can I feel pride about being sex repulsed or the fact that being Demiromantic makes me undesirable to most people. I feel like I will be seen as a prude in lots of people's eyes, because I can't help but only consider the existence of people who won't accept my Asexuality, given that I always encountered people who never respected my Asexuality or my comfort (I had been kicked off 2 different Discord servers for being Asexual). Not to mention that in all the discord groups I am in, I am the only Asexual person. My own mom doesn't believe in Asexuality, much less that I am Asexual.

Thus I have the possibility of "You won't be accepted or validated" constantly playing in my head. I can't find a way to make Asexuality sound interesting enough for people to be interested in the topic. Without any Asexual individuals to talk to, it feels like I can never find a way to feel anything but insecurity about my orientation.

I would identify as bisexual. Whether the “sexual” part is 100% objectively true, the biromantic label I’ve seen absolutely would be. I’ve had crushes on both guys and girls since I’ve had memory.

For a while, because I wasn’t nearly as physically attracted to girls, I thought I was gay. But…the problems I would have with girls extend to guys. Even with guys, who for a while were the more physical side of the bi thing… I can almost never get hard.

I’ve always assumed the problem was some sort of emotional blockage. After accepting I was bi, and not gay, I started having thoughts for girls I’ve never had before. So maybe that is true. Or that I needed some emotional connection. That also seems to help, even if it’s just making me more comfortable.

Actually quite a few gay guys I’ve confided in about this have suggested maybe I’m demisexual. But…I don’t know. The emotional connection doesn’t change how I feel about sex. It doesn’t make me want it. It doesn’t help me stay hard.

I do wonder if maybe it IS just a problem with my body. My sex drive is nonexistent. I am convinced guys must be faking it moaning from being touched, because I don’t feel pleasure nor pain anywhere on my body, just a faint numbness. My nipples never “grew,” so maybe it is a lack of sexual maturity or something. Maybe it's just ED. The pill helps there, but it doesn't me me suddenly want it. If the solution really would be changing the composition of my body, I don’t want to do that. I like the way I think. I like that sex is in the bottom of my priorities. I don’t want my thoughts to be affected.

Even after accepting I was bi and began thinking incredibly physically about both, more than I ever had before, the thoughts still never go beyond appreciation. They’re like…fascination. I want to know what sex with them would be like for the mere experiment process behind it. Like seeing if this time, maybe I’ll actually be able to have it.

I’m learning that what I WANT to do and what I think I should do, whether by society or for the sake of my partner, are different. I would rather simply lie there and sleep with someone by my side. But that’s not what they want.

I’ve looked at the handbook in the FAQ, and I agree with 95% of the sentiments listed. I would rather spend a night writing than have sex. It actually feels more satisfying mentally for me to have been productive writing than to have had sex. I also looked at the different kinds of asexuality, and if I was being as specific as possible, I’d probably be aegeosexual. But would I identify as biromantic/ace? I don’t know.

I’ve related a lot to asexuality since a decade ago when I was 14, and even with maturing over 10 years my thoughts that made me relate at that time haven’t changed. But it’s always been hard for me to identify as it.

First, because being bi has yet to even be accepted by the vast majority of society. So not only being bi, but bi AND ace? I don’t think the average person could even comprehend. If bisexuals are hypersexual and promiscuous and asexuals are completely devoid of any feeling whatsoever, then my body must be a walking sea of chaos. There’s just no place to discuss this in real life.

And second, it’s hard for even me to shrug off the idea asexual is just a complete void. Because I DO have at least physical thoughts. But they are still thoughts, never something I actually want to do. And I just accepted I was bi, so adding something even on top of that is…a lot as well. It’s a lot to think about.

Sorry for the long essay. Just wanted to get this all of my chest somewhere I could actually share it

Vent warning

I'm 19F and I have a very complicated relationship with religion. I was rasied in a muslim family from Pakistani culture and it was a lot to endure tbh. Long story short the way i was raised with religion was that it was forced on me and my parents threatened and forced their beliefs and didnt let me have my own beliefs

My family deeply traumatised me and this made me not want to be religious. However, as I look at society, ive been looking at religion differently. I feel religion can have the potential to be good and it can lead to a productive and nice society to be in but people often ruin religion by using it to justify their abuse and harassment of those and I find it disgusting how something which is supposed to give you hope and a lecce of mind, you're using it to justify you being a horrible person and using it for your own needs.

However, people often force this idea that I have to get married and have sex if im religious but I dont want to. Even if I was religious, I feel like I still dont want to have sex with a man or anyone

Also im sorry this turned into a vent

Ok… so I (25 m) am really confused about my sexuality. I’m attracted to women but the thought of having sex with them disgusts me. However, I was never always like this. When I was around 13 I was like any other teenage boy fantasizing about girls and what not. It wasn’t until I was 15 when I lost interest in sex. Unfortunately, this was about the same time I was sexually assaulted by my neighbor who was a 40 year old woman. I don’t really remember if I lost interest in sex right away or gradually after this, but now any thought of it makes gives me anxiety and fills me with disgust. I’ve had relationships end because I can’t bring myself to have sex with my partner. I have no interest and practically zero libido as well. Anyways, I guess I’m having trouble understanding myself. I am attracted to women and even want to be in a relationship. I just don’t know if I’m asexual or not.

How do people meet QPR partners? I don't want a romantic relationship, and QPRs seem to be what I'm looking for. But I've not had success meeting people who are interested in one, even in ace spaces. And a few of the allos I've encountered who were open to one didn't accept that I am ace and don't want to have sex. So, how do you all recommend I meet fellow aces who would be okay with a QPR?

I'm ace but not aro. I want a relationship, I want physical closeness, but not sexual contact. I feel like this is a pipe dream though. I feel like i just have to accept solitude and this makes me sad. Anyone else feel this way?

Also freaky UNO??? I thought we were better than this

For me it can be stressful. I find that I can get really obsessed over someone, wanting to talk to them all the time, asking a lot of questions, and thinking about them constantly. Because my feelings are never reciprocated, I always have to hide them and make sure I'm not too bubbly around someone. That can be very debilitating.

Currently I'm squishing on someone who I found out was aroace like me. I hope we can maintain our friendship and become better friends in the future :)

I'm curious to hear about your experience with squishes, how you go about it, and anything else you'd like to share. My dms are open if you're in my age range (20M) and you want to talk more about this!

Idk why people would hate on people for feeling no sxual attraction. I'm a sx-repulsed asxual and people including my mom think I'm not ace, too young, and will eventually like others in "that way" and have sx. My mom even suggested I might be demisxual because of some article that popped up (which ig is a step in the right direction? ig?)

Edit: slight aphobia warning

I don't know if y'all have seen the trend that reframes microagressions to be directed toward the typical aggressors and then ends with "#[minority group]in[majority group]fields" but I saw one recently that was 'telling him he's too handsome to be straight #gaysinstraightfields' and thought that would also work as an ace thing as well, then remembered we are the targets of a lot of microagressions, so I wanted to see what other people could come up with. Anyone else got witty things to share?

I have always felt some connection to aceness but have not been able to figure out precisely what it is. Ace people fascinate me and I feel something pulling me toward it, but there are a few things that are tripping me up:

• I like making dirty jokes and playfully flirting with my friends
• I have had crushes but not many since high school
• I have had sex once and enjoyed it; I did not feel horny during the act but I enjoyed making my partners feel good
• I have a fairly high libido, masturbate frequently, and enjoy my sexual fantasies/fetishes
• I get aroused when I see someone I find attractive, though recently I have discovered that I do not necessarily want to have sex with them

However, there is some affirmative evidence as well:

• My last two attempted relationships ended badly because I kept trying to ignore my feelings and force myself to feel how they felt too quickly
• My primary kinks are exhibitionism and voyeurism, neither of which involve physical contact with a partner (I think I might find the idea of partnered sex somewhat stressful)
• I love being a "floater" among my friend groups and flirting with everyone equally (maybe more of a poly thing)
• I recently discovered sexual attraction and arousal are not the same thing

There might be more points and I'll add them if I think of them, but I think this is enough. If anyone is so inclined, I would love some insight. Thank you.

Sometimes I wish to masturbate but it doesn't align with me mentally , I don't even know what to focus on , even if there's something stimulating it's not enough , I force myself to dissociate hard enough to masturbate and it's ending up either I'm on a chain reaction of multiple urges to masturbate until overexertion or nothing

Hi,

If you‘re on the ace spectrum, what are your experiences with long-distance friendships?

For context: I think I realised I am ace around two years ago. While I am also close with my family, friendships are really valuable to me. Having good friends around that don‘t judge me and with whom I can spend time together, even if it‘s just sitting silently next to each other, makes me feel appreciated and part of a community. I had this in the last years when I studied at university. My close friends and me all came from different to that city and somehow found eachother and became a friend goup. After graduation, we are now all spread in 4 countries again, across three time zones. With one of them I am in closer contact still, but one is literally on the other side of the world so finding time to call when both of us are busy with our lives is really hard. The last one, which I have been especially close with, as just completely turned silent since summer, which isn‘t unlike her (she generally struggles with texting or calling back and has been silent over summer break before) but I feel worried, sad and honestly also a bit angry that the fact that we‘re so close isn‘t reason enough for her to make an effort to get back to me. I just feel like I‘m always doing the effort of reaching out and also had previous long-distance friendships where my friends hardly initated texts and calls to catch up but it was always just from my side. I just feel a bit „discarded“ and question whether our friendship was as strong as I thought. Here at home I hardly have friends besides work colleagues since I live in a rural area where there‘s not much young people.

What do you do in such situations? Do you think you aceness can make you more attached to long-distance friendships than they might be to you? How do build a community as an aceperson? I would love to hear your experiences with this.

I feel like it's a million times harder to be asexual and queer, i will vent a little here. I am sure i am aromantic and miransexual but i have only visual attraction for male presenting people, but i don't know if i want to call myself gay or anything of sort because i just seem to never relate to the feelings of the other gay people around me. Like i swear it's not hate but why does every gay couples have to have sex? Even in fictional media, like heartstopper which has a main gay couple people don't consider it "gay enough" because the couple didn't have sex. Not to mention i think people just don't really know how to treat asexual people or any people of sort like their humans. Like what the hell is wrong with your brain chemistry that you cannot think of anything other than sexual stuff. I don't think using the label "gay" would fit me because of that i am not actually actracted to people like that. I don't even know what i feel because i just masterbate to some pictures and that's it, like i feel more comfortable with male porn because i know the feeling of cumming, however i am uncomfortable about jerking off to female porn because it's clearly oversexualized and i don't feel comfortable with it, because i am a male even tho i don't identify as a male because i am agender i will just jerk off to the porn i like but i don't think i am very valid for using the gay label or whatever because of my limited attraction.

I don't really know where else to go too for advice. I, (25f), broke up my ex, (26m) of almost 9 years, because of my asexuality & now I want to pursue something with someone else.

For context, there was a lot of red flags I ignored in my previous relationship- I have faced a lot of abuse & trauma in my lifetime, so it's really hard for me to connect with people. I had a really hard time learning I was ace, because I needed to learn where my adversion towards sex was coming from.

It unfortunately, took me 6 years into that relationship to fully come out & start setting boundaries for myself. At that point it was already too late, for I felt like I was feeding my trauma for years since I engaged in intimacy when I didn't want too. I would fake it a lot & there was a lot of pressure for me to enjoy it. He did try doing everything he could to make sex more enjoyable for me & got better with not pressuring me as much to be intimate so often.

Issues started arising however,when I was having panic attacks & sometimes random flash backs of things I didn't remember. Are relationship started falling apart even more after that, because he began resenting me for how much I started pushing off sex. I did the unsmart thing of opening up the relationship, thinking it was a solution & than we never communicated any rules or boundaries whatsoever. I knew he talked to other girls & apart of me thought if we never had the talk about intimacy with other people, it would somehow prevent it. I didn't want him looking for other people to meet his needs, I wanted to still have a partner & to stop feeling as if sex was some kind of chore or obligation I had to fulfill.

All of this is relevant, because recently he finally decided to use the 'open relationship' card & without discussing anything with me, slept with an 18 yr old he met off Tinder in OUR bed while I was at work. Claiming it wasn't cheating & that it wasn't wrong to do it in our bed, because I never said he couldn't. The worst part was he only told the girl about the open relationship part & made it seem as if I just 'didn't like sex', he never even mentioned to her about me being asexual. It made me realize how little he respected me & my body. (Safe to say I kicked him out).

This is where, I'll call him Sam, comes in. Sam got broken up with, with his girlfriend, pretty much around the same time I did. Sam was a really close friend of my exes & my Ex is the reason why we met. I don't have any family, or very many friends, so turning to Sam seemed like a good idea. Getting high, talking shit about our exes, messaging eachother a lot more because we both were feeling a little lonely, it all seemed like harmless fun. Sam even told me, that my ex breaking up with me because 'I wouldn't get intimate' was a really low bar, he made the point that after 9 years you think you're love for that other person would outweigh something like that.

Sam's been really gentle with me & really kind, I started noticing that he was getting really flirting & we got a little cuddly sitting down, while we watched TV. Sam knows about everything & so much more & actually gets it. I'm also autistic & he has family & exes that are going through similar things. He knows I'm not comfortable with people, so he kept checking in making sure I was OK & wanted nothing more than me to be comfortable when I'm with him.

Obviously, with everything in my past relationship & my asexuality, I know I can't pursue anything more intimate with Sam. I have been really open to him about it & he says it's okay, yet I feel like I'm leading him on in some hope he has a chance with me. He knows too, that I wanted to expolre same sex relationships after my ex, so I'm a little all over the place. I don't want to attach to the first person that is nice to me after getting out of something so serious & I want to explore my sexuality a bit more.

I don't have the heart to break it off completely with Sam, because I know he would actually treat me right & our friendship is something I've really cherished over the past couple of weeks. Instead of crying over being on my own, he's brought a lot of light & life back into my life. It's not fair though to him if he wants more intimacy & I won't he able to give that to him. I don't want a repeat of my ex.

Someone please give me advice, what do I do?

do you prefer experiencing little/no sexual attraction yet being perceived as sexually attractive?