I have been identifying as ace for like 4 years now, but have become more sex-favorable as compared to before where I was more sex-repulsed then became sex-neutral. Because of this, I have trouble understanding sexual attraction now because… what is it? Is it not just aesthetic/physical attraction that makes you want to engage in sexual acts?

Thanks in advanced for any insights :)

Hi, I've never posted on Reddit before so this is new for me. I was looking for help and thought this might be the best place to find it. I am 22M and I identify as bisexual. I know that I am capable of being sexually and romantically attracted to both genders. The confusing part is I don't want to act on it. I don't want to date and I don't want to have sex. I used to tell myself it was just because I wasn't ready or was waiting for the right time, but now I've been thinking about it more. Honestly, I find the idea of having sex or being physically intimate beyond just a hug uncomfortable and a little gross. What is odd about this is I like romance books, even the ones that have a lot of smut in them. So while I'm grossed out by the idea of actually having sex, I like the fantasy. I can even enjoy porn (sorry if that's tmi) so it confuses me that I don't want that irl. Does it sound like I fall somewhere on the asexual/aromantic spectrums? I appreciate any support or information y'all can give me. Sorry if this was a little long

I (16) was chatting with a friend when we came to the subject of what celebrity would we have sex with, and when I said that I didn't know and said no to all of her suggestions she said I might be ace. Personally I'm not repulsed by the idea and maybe will try it some day, I wanna know what it really feels like, but when I stop to really think about it I just lose the desire. I tried to imagine things but everytime it just doesn't feel good, and in the end I just try not to think about it, but I wanna know myself better. Is this asexuality or am I just too young??

Around the time of my periods, I get these random ass spikes of libido but IDK what to do with it!!! Don't like p0rn, don't really like to m-bate, no sex obviously, like how tf do I 'get a release' or get rid of this feeling?? 😭 It's soooo annoying! Anyone else struggle with this? Any tried-&-tested methods?

I guess I can try to ignore the feeling (like I do with every other emotion I feel lol... but the only problem with this I guess is that it feels a bit too physical, like an annoying itch that won't go away)

Its like when in with a real girl my body shuts down, where can i find a girl whos willing to take her time with me in this situation so my buddy can work properly lol without making me embarrassed 😅😂

(34/f/sex-repulsed ace here) I avoided going to the gynecologist all my life although I was aware that it's not the smartest thing to do (cancer-risk-wise)... reading related posts here over the years helped me gather some courage, so I eventually managed to book an appointment and went for my first visit today. The doctor was pretty friendly and understanding. As most comments under similar posts here suggested, I initially didn't tell them that I'm asexual but just that I've never been sexually active. They could tell I was nervous and asked me questions like whether I have a trauma, and if I masturbate, my answer to both was no, and they were still not judgemental, so I eventually also told them that I identify myself as asexual and I also find the concept of sex repulsive (to which they also responded very positively). The examination itself was unbearable regardless, pap smear took longer than it should (I think) as they couldn't continue after I said I was in too much pain/discomfort and gave me more time to try again...we eventually skipped the pelvic ultrasound and the doctor suggested leaving it to my next appointment a year later.

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this, especially if you're sex-repulsed? I was so relieved to come across such a nice gynecologist, especially after reading about all the horrible experiences here, but it still sucked! 😭 Is there any way I can prepare myself to go through this next time? I know it's in one year but I'm already starting to panic so any tips would be appreciated.

I (M16) realize this is a really extreme topic, so let me just be clear, I'm not suggesting anything, just bringing up the prospect.

People who undergo castration according to some studies live 14 years longer. That is a ridiculous amount of time! Females live five years longer than men, so castration would set off this difference by a large number.

I don't think it makes sense to think that it could hurt you because testosterones gives you strength. Clearly estrogen doesn't give as much strength and females live longer. If anything it seems like female hormones means there's less time lost from hormones, not more time gained.

So, is there one good reason why I shouldn't get castrated? I'm like 90% asexual and the rest 10% is pretty annoying so it would be pretty nice. And I'd probably get smarter because hormones have been proven to intervene with rational decision making.

And I get to live THAT MUCH LONGER.

Probably wouldn't do this for the next few years, (still a minor and all) although based on what I've read it seems really convincing. So I'm confused why since we all lack a sex drive don't just get castrated and take the life expectancy boost lol. (and any counterclaims to why I shouldn't be castrated)

So… I’m not 100% I’m asexual because I still care for sex, I just don’t want to date, and I’ve never been genuinely sexually attracted to someone before, but I can’t still find people sexually appealing. But most ace people I’ve seen are averse or repulsed. So I just kinda feel out of place here…

I never feel attracted to real women. I know a few women in our diverse social circle and I never get the urge to even kiss them. However, I do feel attracted to 2d women. I love watching hentai without even wanking. Should I label myself as asexual?

Hey ace community!! I have a few things I need help with, so I’d be really REALLY happy if you guys gave me some advice/support!

I’ve been thinking that I might be ace for about two years, because I’ve never in my life been sexually attracted to someone. To be honest, I don’t think I even know what sexual attraction is or how it feels, I don’t really understand the concept. I might even be aroace - I have no idea, and googling only seems to make me more confused. If someone could explain why you want to have sex with people, please explain. I don’t say this to be rude, I’m genuinely curious! Like what happens in your brain, what do you think of?

Two years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy. I was only 15 then. We kissed but I always felt kinda gross about it - at least after. It wasn’t even that serious, we never did more than that. He asked me if I wanted to sleep over, and me thinking that meant sex panicked and went “noo, I don’t think I want to”. Yeah. Anyway, after that I’m always so grossed out thinking about me kissing someone (I’ve always thought sex was disgusting since I knew that isn’t “perfect”, it’s sweaty and smells and other stuff I don’t want to think about. I’ve never experienced but it sounds so gross because it’s not perfect, you know?). Our relationship wasn’t the best, I kinda felt horrible throughout it all. Maybe I associate kissing with dark thoughts because of it and that’s why I don’t want to kiss people like that?

But now I have a big problem. I have this guy best friend who likes me and I don’t know if I like him or not. I don’t know if my feelings for him are romantic or platonic. I’m kinda disgusted thinking about kissing him, and I can’t even imagine doing more. But I met him at night a couple of days ago, and we were kinda close to kissing and right then and there I felt okay with it. I knew I was gonna regret it if I did, so I kinda stopped myself (our relationship is a bit complicated). We only hugged for a while. But when I woke up in the morning I felt disgusted that I even hugged him. That was literally it. Why did I feel so disgusted?

I cant really stop thinking about him though. I want to talk with him all the time and text him. Yet I don’t want to be intimate with him at all because I feel so disgusted. It’s like it’s between platonic and romantic (idk, queerplatonic maybe?), because he means more/different to me then my other close (girl)friends do, who I love, but I don’t see myself doing something romantic with him, even just hugging feels disgusting with him but I can kiss my (girl)friends on the cheek without flinching. With him, I never know what the hug means but my friends it’s always just friendship. I have never experienced any sort of sexual trauma,I never have touched myself, I feel completely disgusted by sex and similar stuff! And kissing when it comes to guys! I don’t know why I feel terrified at the thought of sex and kissing either.

So; what does this mean? Do you think I’m aroace, aro, or just young? It feels weird labeling myself as asexual but I don’t want to have sex and I don’t see myself wanting it in the future. I’m only 17, maybe it will change with age. But I don’t want it to either because I’m so repulsed by it…

Anyway if you made it this far thank you! I hope I made at least a little bit of sense and I’m very grateful for your help!

Content warning-sexual references

Basically the title. I have identified as asexual since I was about 17, and I am now 28 (female). I was previously much more sex averse, but now the aversion kind of depends. I think it’s still ingrained in me subconsciously.

I had a very gradual introduction to sex on my terms with my husband (married 7 years, together 10 years). I started showing interest in physical contact and cuddling first (which I didn’t think I’d enjoy either), and it gradually developed into a more sexual interest.

However, even now if I think too much about the act itself, arousal stops immediately. If my partner says something too explicit, if I look at my body, I I’m required to be the actor, if my partner asks me to describe what I’m feeling, if my partner asks what I want, if I just am thinking about the act instead of just feeling, etc, my body just stops being aroused. But if I’m just feeling and enjoying closeness with my partner, then I like it and enjoy it.

This can be problematic, because most of those things are hard to avoid if I actually want to have sex. I was wondering if any of you have had similar problems and if you have any suggestions on how to work on it, or if it’s just the way it is

a little while ago i made this post about an ace woman that I had met, and caught feelings for. 

over time they became stronger, and last week i finally confessed to her, and asked her out on a date. i had 0% expectation that she was going to say yes, and to my incredibly pleasant surprise, she told me that she liked me too, and said yes to going out.

sadly, there were other circumstances that really complicated things, stuff that was my fault. we didnt talk over the weekend, until she messaged me ultimately to say that she didnt feel the same way (???) and that she needed space. i cant blame her, and i hate myself for how things went down. i dont know that we’ll ever talk again.

i want to thank everyone who turned out to share thoughts, both encouraging and bad. perspective was good to have either way. i really wish it could have worked out, she’s an incredible and special person. 

writing this is mostly just for catharsis, it’s going to be rough healing from this.

I know some of you are gonna be like WTF IN THE ASEXUALITY SUB??!! But hear me out…

I am asexual and I’ve identified with asexuality for a few months now, I told my partner when I came to the realization and he’s been very understanding! (We haven’t had sex since)

However when I told him I let him know that I’m not completely sex repulsed, that I can still have sex sometimes, I’m just never actively thinking about it and could actually just never have it again lol

My boyfriend isn’t asexual

So a few days ago he approached me and asked me if I would be comfortable having sex soon and if so, what would be the best way for him to ask for it without me feeling pressured and making it as enjoyable for me as possible (he’s super sweet and super understanding 🥺)

I let him know that it’d be nice if he asked me the morning of and that I’d prefer it to be earlier during the evening because I get uncomfortable staying up very late for it - he agreed

So it was all fun and games until he asked me yesterday if I wanted to have sex today and I said ok! He is being so lovely to me and so gentle, I wanted to say yes!

Anyway, with all this backstory… do any of you have some tips for me to get myself in the mood for it and have a bit more fun instead of just existing in my head and doing it for my boyfriend? What do you guys do when your non-asexual partner wants to have intimacy?

I would really appreciate any kind of help coming my way 🥺

Hey friends! I’m very new to this group, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I was asexual years ago.

I’ve tried to convince myself for years that I’m broken and my past with sexual abuse is the reason I am the way I am. I didn’t have my first orgasm until I was 24 and I cried like a blubbering baby because I finally thought I was normal. I’ve never managed to have an orgasm with a partner, but I’ve spent years experimenting with men to see if this is something I truly enjoyed or not. I always think about sex and sexual experiences, but my reality has never met my internal expectations.

My boyfriend, who I truly care for with all of my heart, is the most patient and considerate human being I’ve ever met. We’ve been together for two years and we’ve never had an argument that turned nasty or toxic. We’ve always been good about sitting down and talking to each other and the topic of sex was not off the table. Early in our relationship, we had sex fairly often. I never enjoyed it, but I REALLY wanted to. He didn’t hurt me and it didn’t feel gross or disgusting, but it certainly started feeling more like a chore as months went by. I was, once again, trying to “fix” something that I couldn’t and my mental health could not take it anymore.

My boyfriend often initiated sex and he never complained when I said no. As time goes by, he’s asked me about ways and options we had regarding sex and how we can find a good and healthy common ground. I’ve made excuses over the last year and I admit, I led him on and gave him false hope because I was convinced that I can change.

I don’t want to leave him, but it’s something I’m seriously considering. He has a hard time coping with my sexuality especially because we managed to have sex so much more early on. It doesn’t help that he has trauma associated with sex when his long-term girlfriend came out as gay. It ruined his confidence.

I love him. I don’t even want to get married, but I’d consider it for him. I’d give an organ for him if needed. But he doesn’t think I do because I don’t desire him the same way he does.

I’ve considered opening the relationship, but sex is an intimate thing and I know it would hurt me, especially if he managed to find someone he truly finds a bond with.

I wish I could take a pill and fix all of this, but I know I can’t. It’s not fair to him and he deserves the best.. truly.

I’m not sure what other options there are. I’ve tried initiating sex more to make him feel loved but I chicken out 9/10 times and I’m tired of making excuses to him and lying. I can’t change. He shouldn’t have to sacrifice either.

Basically what the title says. I think I may be greysexual because I’m only ever sexually attracted rarely to certain people. When I have sex with those people it’s great! And when I have sex with someone I’m not attracted to it’s less than enjoyable. Am I actually greysexual or am I overthinking things. Would love to hear what greysexual means to you?

Hello all! I've posted comments on a few of your guys posts about Asexual representation in media about a book I have coming out.

Well, I'm happy to say it's available for purchase on Amazon right now! The physical copies will be available by midnight of November 1st GMT (that's 5pm PST and 8pm EST).

Now, a question for all of you: what are you looking for when it comes to Ace Representation? I'm honestly curious on what you guys have to say.

i can't seem to find it
also english isn't my first language so forgive me if i make any mistakes

Hi all, I would like to ask if other asexual people have a hard time distinguishing feelings? I'm in a relationship for 4 years now. I still can't really tell if I'm with the right person. Yes everything works out fine, we don't fight, we live together and work on tasks together well like doing chores and whatever. Basically everything a good, healthy relationship would be like.

However I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to feel? I'm really not attracted to him. Sometimes I'm even repulsed. But thats because of the asexuality, right? How do I know if I want to spend the rest of my life with someone if I don't find them attractive?

Everything just kinda feels status quo. My sister says this is good and realistic. And that having really high, highs will cause low, lows and that sappy love songs are a lie and I should be happy that everything is working out well rather than expecting to be drooling over someone since that feeling isn't very healthy.

But I'm just curious. Do you guys feel like you can find the "love of your life" even being asexual and not being physically attracted to your partner? I almost feel like this is it, I should just settle since I'll never feel this fairytale love that I hear of in sappy love songs and chick flicks.

I'm in my 30s now and honestly the only time I've felt head over heels for someone was in H.S and it was unrequited love. Since then I haven't really found anyone attractive, I've been in two long term relationships where I wasn't sure if I love my partner or not. I just feel kind of at a loss. Should I settle with my partner who I have a healthy relationship with? Or should I go back to dating although it might not be possible to ever find someone who is "the one"

Calling out to unrepulsed physically disabled a-specs here.

He is a legs disabled beautiful prince with however a crippling body dysmorphia about his body due to his disability. To me, he is beautiful and I want to show him that I mean what I say.

I am an able-bodied girlie with awful anxiety.

We are both a-specs with him being unspecified and me being likely a demi.

We have been friends for a long time (several years) and we both caught feelings.. and the chemistry caught the strongest after he left for uni.. several states away..

Now I want to make his winter holiday as memorable as possible and show him just how much he means to me..

I just have no idea how to initiate.. even like.. a kiss.

None of us was ever in a relationship.. we just had several fails which usually ended at the first or second date stage (i wonder why 😅)

I will take any tips, he is staying for about 2 weeks and im hoping to have at least one day with him (his family is very.. clingy which is understandable, hes their only son.. and his mom has not been taking this distance well)

Sooo.. any tips on how to make our one special day special? Seeing how typical activities like going to movies or the park for example are a bit difficult to make them happen and I honestly dont know what else people do 😅

Hi everyone, I'll start with some back story:

Me (30F) and my partner (29M) have been together since we were 16. I love him more than I thought I could love another person. He is so sweet and kind but he wants sex and I am never in the mood (I don't know what "the mood" feels like).

We used to have house parties where our friend group would all get drunk and start doing sexual things, which I would be a part of. I have never felt sexual attraction but I thought that the more I did it/the more I experienced different types of stuff then I would.. get it. I have never liked french kissing either (someone's tongue in my mouth is like having a writhing slug in there, how can anyone like that), me and my partner will only ever peck or a long kiss (this should've been #1 clue, but hindsight is 20/20).

I have done sexting, I've bought toys to try and get more into it but nothing has "worked", I even went to the doctor and they said it was because I was anxious/stressed (see next paragraph).

We went through a rough patch where my partner would take drugs all day/every day for 3 years, this is when we stopped having sex. This was great for me as I didn't have to put myself through it. I know it hurt him though, he has a normal sex drive (maybe high, who knows because I don't feel sex drive) and I think he thought I didn't love him.

We have been in an open relationship and I have had 2 or 3 other sexual partners (he has had none, not by choice but it's typically easier for a woman to go out and find someone than for a man to do the same) but it's only been because I was drunk and just went along with the situation (I can be quite compliant when drunk). I was never forced into anything and I consented to it but it always felt like something I was expected to do and never enjoyed it - tolerated is a more apt word.

My partner and I have been together for 13 years, I have never really enjoyed sex (althought I do orgasm) but I do enjoy how close we feel to eachother after it so I tell him I do because I did like part of it. For me, love and sex and 2 different things. People in love have sex but you don't have to have sex for love to be there... Is that naive of me?

He says stuff like "You're so sexy" and I either laugh or tell him "you too!" But I honestly don't understand what sexy is. I have never had a crush on anyone, I find people attractive but that's where it ends. When I join him in saying "ooh, they're sexy", what I really mean is that they look pretty/handsom. He is also quite touchy feely which I don't mind but I don't want to give him the wrong idea by reciprocating or saying he looks good. I don't want to "wind him up" or unintentionally get him going because I don't want to follow through to sex. The same for massages which for him is code word/foreplay for sex so I don't want to do them anymore because it leads to sex and can't just be a nice thing we enjoy.

It has taken a while to come to this conclusion and I have read from other stories that its quite common to find out this way. I've felt like my whole life everyone has been obsessed with sex and that I am broken or weird for not being aroused/wanting sex.

I don't know how to tell my partner this without him thinking I don't love him. I love him with every ounce of my being but I would be thrilled to never have sex again. I honestly get more satisfaction from eating brownies than I do sex.

We have 3 dogs and we are also running a business together (year 1 out of 5 year lease) so I am very anxious about bringing it up as if it does go tits up, for the next 4 years we are stuck living and working together.

I would love to hear responses from the other side, allosexuals with asexual partners and how you were told and what things were said so you knew you were loved but I also just need advice on how best to broach it with him.

Thank you!

I've been thinking about what it mean to have a "crush", or how it applies for people who are ace, having a crush usually involves both romantic and sexual feelings. If an asexual person likes someone without experiencing sexual attraction, can it still be considered a crush?

What libido for you as asexual person (for whom who don't feel sexual attraction at all), as for formal description it is urge to get off /have sex. But what is person sex repulsed and sex not important for a person.

I recently learned that some asexual people have sex and I want to know how? Is it something you can overcome? I’m not*** trying to ‘fix’ myself or anything. I know asexuality is nothing to be ashamed of, but it’s incredibly difficult to deal with and if there’s a way to manage it I’d like that. I just got married and my husband would never ask me for sex, but I know he’d be very happy if we could have it. I have one ace friend but she’s Aromantic and Asexual so she can’t help me.

Edit: So it turns out I’m Sex Repulsed and it seems there’s no way to change that, and no healthy way to just do it and get over it, instead I just gotta accept it. Thanks

Ok so I know asexuality is a spectrum and it's not about not having sex it's about not feeling sexual attraction, I know that, trust me I've identified as ace since I was 15 and still identify now at 20 almost 21, I know this is just me getting in my head about it because I'm riddled with anxiety and I always think I'm just lying to myself and others for attention (thank you childhood trauma), I know all this, but sometimes I don't feel like I'm ace enough to call myself ace? And I know that makes no sense because there is no one specific way to be ace but I still get in my head about it, and I think it's because I have had sex with people in the past, during a time I wasn't feeling great about myself so I sought attention from others to feel better about myself (that didn't work), so sometimes I think back on that time and get in my head about not being ace enough which I know is ridiculous because I know I can be ace and still have sex, anyway vent over thanks for reading my rambling if you did.

Hello there, I hope you're well . For the people (that must exist) who are not against having a romantic relationship, but have no interest in a sexual relationship, how do you date? Are you feeling forced to have sex with people to appease them despite your interest? Or are you limiting yourself from relationships or being limited from relationships because it seems that so many people have this driving sexual force? Where do you find people who can relate to deeper love that can be found without and/or beyond sex? Do you consider yourself to be asexual? Why does it seem that being asexual Makes it harder to find romance Or even safe, platonic relationships, where people do not fall into/act on sexual feelings? Do you enjoy sex? Have you ever had sex? I understand that a lot of this is invasive so there's no pressure. Thank you for reading.

sometimes this subreddit CAN ➡️CAN⬅️ come off as SOME people just really wanting to be prejudiced against (yes i do like this subreddit and i am also a part of the community don’t kill me pls) i am going to use a lot of “i” statements because it is MY point of view and i am open to an educated debate if you disagree or would like to add something to the discussion🖤🩶🤍💜

SOMETIMES i will just see the title of a post or a screenshot of some other post that seem to really be rage bait and attention seeking and the reactions of the people on this sub may seem like people just really want to be prejudiced against/be a victim

hypothetical example: someone doesn’t understand asexuality (which we can agree is a topic that has recently been brought into more discussion) and stupidly posts about it on any social media and then someone posts it here like its the worst thing ever (not saying acephobia is okay), in my POV people give too much mind to others stupifity (which may cause people to notice the traction that it gets and will cause ragebaiting accounts to talk shit on asexuality and people will post it here and, to me it can easily have that snowball effect, yk?), but again it’s really about how people interpret things and i get that this sub is an open space to talk about life as an asexual person and i’m all for that.

i am just thinking in the POV of an outsider checking this sub for WHATEVER reason and seeing a lot of people ““playing victim”” and appearing to get VERY DEEPLY HURT by things that (again I - ik we’re all different and interpret things differently) I wouldn’t even bat an eye

maybe it’s how and where i was raised or i may just be hard to offend or whatever

hope i can make myself clear (i do not mean to offend anyone i SWEAR i just want to start a conversation about how this sub can come off to both insiders and outsiders)

pls don’t hate me it’s just an observation 🖤🩶🤍💜🖤🩶🤍💜🖤🩶🤍💜

Hello! I'm looking for participants po for my thesis entitled "A World Apart: An Exploration of Experiences of a Person within the A-Spec Community in an Amatonormative Society Through Comic Illustration". This study aims to have a visual representation of people in the A-Spec Community.

I am particularly looking for participants who are:

💜 Filipinos with interests with media, animation or comics 💚 Currently residing in Luzon, Philippines 🤍 Ages 18-45 years old

Here is the google form survey link: https://bit.ly/40pULQ3