I have no desire to have sex with another person, but I can't help but feel SO left out and isolated whenever someone talks about a positive sexual experience they have. I wish I could ever be in that position where I want to be there willingly and I'm enjoying myself. One part of me wants to embrace my asexuality and the fact that there's an entire community of people just like me, but there's another part of me that can't help but want anything more to be different than what I am. I wish I could enjoy myself in that position. I wish I could experience everything everyone else does. I wish I wasn't myself.

GUYS GUESS WHAT I WAS CALLED TODAY AT SCHOOL!

So I think I'd "label" myself as demisexual, and therefore I don't feel any sexual attraction for people I don't have a previous romantic connection with, this on too of being a major introvert had caused to be mostly sex/people repulsed and keep going back to the same people again and again because I simply cant feel anything other wise

There's this particular guy I was involved with and I was so in love and felt so attracted to him, I keep trying to imagine myself being intimate with other people, conventionally attractive people, and it just grosses me out to the oint of feeling physically I'll, it makes me feel like a frigid loser and I hate it. I miss being able to talk dirty with him, I miss being able to send him spicy pics of myself, he just made me feel like a proper human being in that sense and with how little I fall in love and how little people fall in love with me I'm afraid I'll never feel that for someone again.

So I’m going to start by saying I really don’t want to come off as biphobic here that’s not my intention at all, hell yeah to all the bi peeps out there! But in my particular friend group I haven’t come out to them as ace because frankly I don’t know how to even begin to explain it. But because of this everyone else assumes I’m just gay and in the closet about it and people will make little backhanded comments about it here or there that I basically ignore, but it ticks me off so much that two of my friends are both very performative about being bi, but have both only ever been in relationships with men and are currently so. Also I live in a superliberal area and in the first 10 minutes of meeting these friends they had to tell me multiple times that they were bi and I kind of resent that just a bit because they are doing it from a place of heteronormative, socially accepted relationships. Like it’s a badge they have collected to prove they are like unique and cool or whatnot. I dunno it irritates me that they don’t have to deal with the shitty social side of being/presumed to be gay because in practice for them it’s hypothetical and cutesy vs having to feel alienated or self conscious or sad about it. Has anyone else experienced this? Am I just being too sensitive and touchy here?

I also fully support people being gay and obviously any social stigma or weirdness I face is nothing compared to what I’m sure it’s like to walk down the street holding hands with your partner and get spit on or sneered at or disowned. I can barely imagine the stigma of what that’s like.

I just got back from my second date with a guy. This is the first guy I’ve dated as I’ve only ever dated woman in the past. Something doesn’t feel right again but I’m having trouble disconcerting what it is that feels wrong.

The guy is great, conversation is good and he seems interested. When he held my hand I felt a mixture of discomfort and nothing, if that makes sense. The discomfort might be because it’s the first guys hand I’ve held in public, but I didn’t feel any of the warm emotions that I’ve heard most people feel.

Do most people feel something good when holding hands? I just feel slightly sweaty palms.

Same deal with kissing, while I’m not actively opposed to it I don’t think I feel anything other than slimy lips. Do most people feel something else?

Cuddling is a bit different, I’ve always gotten a warm feeling that’s good and I’m unsure if I would take it further, I wouldn’t be opposed but I also wouldn’t initiate.

I’ve been struggling with dating for years because I end up accidentally friend zoning partners. I’ve been told I don’t give many physical compliments and don’t initiate physical touch which is true.

Have any of you had similar experiences or am I something else than asexual. I’m at the point in my life it’s getting tolling losing people I care about.

Would like to meet like minded people who would be willing to be in a romantic monogamous relationship. I tried some dating apps but no luck with asexuals.

Besides dating apps, how can I display my asexuality without necessarily having to be vocal about? Or should I be vocal about this with some people? Thoughts?

I'm 29f and I believe I am a part of the asexual community in some way. I used to have the desire of wanting a relationship and sex and I used to dream of being married and having kids, but now I don't feel this way. I'm stuck with my own thoughts concerning my sexuality....or lack of and it's killing me inside. I want to know whats going on without me questioning myself so much. I'm still learning and researching about asexuality for myself because I feel this is where I belong. The only thing is my mother.

I know my mother wants grandkids and yes, I have 2 other sisters who could give her that and yes, I could even do IVF on my own, but .....I'm not into needles lol....Anyways, I'm afraid she's going to be upset with me if I tell her I'm asexual because she knows for me, that would mean no sex. I also feel as if she's not going to take me seriously because of how much I used to talk about sex, and the only reason I did that was because I thought I needed to and....I wanted to fit in I guess. But now, I want to be true to myself and I want to stop acting like I think everyone is cute lol 🤣🤣

I have 2 friend groups, I came out to one of them a while ago, and the 2nd today.

They fucking flamed me, they said I was just an incel pretending to be ace, their favorite one was “I would call you as sexual tree but clearly you never get wood” which doesn’t even make sense, because if I “liked wood” that would make me gay, and they are probably homophobia too. I’m so fucking sick of the shit, I would stop talking to them but I’m in a bunch of classes with them. I’m so done with these fuckers.

Sorry for going off the rails there, I’m just feeling it rn

Alright, so, I really just need a vent right now. I'm a 16 year old girl, and I currently live in a very religious conservative house. And I absolutely hate the way they talk about sex.

The other day, my mom sat me down and gave me a long lecture about waiting for marriage, and other abstinence stuff... I decided to risk asking her what she thought if I just never did any of that, even if I did get married, and she lost it.

She went on a very, very long talk about how 'god' created marriage for sex, and how as a woman my 'natural use' is to marry and have kids, and how as a woman, once we're 'given to a man' it's not our right to deny him, and other stuff along those lines.

I personally don't believe in god nor anything that the Bible says, but it just feels so horrible to constantly be around people telling me this stuff, where I'm constantly questioning what's true and what's not.

I feel so frustrated right now. It feels like as I get older, everything feels so centered around sex and my body, and I hate it!

Ugh I'm so happy! I just got home from a date with another ace girl, my first ever. I've had some rough dates before so I'm really happy with how this one went! And it's great because she actually knows what I'm talking about with ace things! That's it, that's the story.

Title pretty much says it all. I (24F) want to marry one day I don't want to be single all my life. But l've avoided dating because of being asexual and worried someone won't understand. How do I tell a partner that I probably won't ever feel sexually attracted to them? I've broken up with people because of this though I never told them the specific reason (I was young like 15-18 years old and immature I know) just that I wanted to break up. But now that l'm older and want to date more seriously how do I tell someone I'm asexual and how soon is too soon?

Im not even fully “out” my family doesn’t even know so there’s that too. I don’t have a safe space to tell them.

Hi bestie aces!

The more and that I learn about aceness, the more I realize that I just have more and more questions. I might just suck at finding these types of experiences, but one thing that I feel very guilty about is my pipeline from:

Not wanting sex/feeling disgusted towards it -> to kinda wanting to satisfy the urge of having the pleasure of it and actually acting on it with my partner -> to "waking up" in the "aftermath" of it and just feel extreme disgust and regret.

These are a really awfully summerized mix of my thoughts and feelings. My questions being:

• What are your thoughts before, during and after?
• What do you feel before, during and after?
• Am I the only one who feels that my thoughts and feelings get overwhelmingly loud during these moments?

If this question is stupid because there's already a bunch of resources, I apologise, please do delete the post. I just don't think I've really read anything that helps me understand my own stuff and after months and months I finally decided to reach out.

Thank you so much, love you all

Have you been told that you are just an attention seeker, or a liar, or that you're just confused and someday you'll meet someone who will change your mind?

Has your identity been written off by others as a physical, mental, or moral deficit?

Have you been made to feel unwelcome in spaces that are meant to be inviting?

Have you been coerced into entering relationships that did not align with your identity and were not what you wanted?

Have you been forced to hide your identity from others to keep yourself safe?

Have you experienced medical trauma from unnecessary or harmful treatments proposed by doctors trying to "fix" you?

Have you lost faith in therapy after having your identity pathologized by a therapist?

Are individuals in your community regularly subjected to hatred, discrimination, and "corrective" rape?

Does society disregard the legitimacy of your thoughts, your feelings, and how you live your life?

Do you lie awake wondering if you should come out to a loved one, or if they'll just burn you like the last loved one who found out?

It's demoralizing, isn't it? It's frightening. It's frustrating. It's isolating. It's heartbreaking. But I don't need to tell you that. You already understand how it feels.

So do we.

• Signed, a member of the a-spec community

hi everyone,

I’d really appreciate some advice on this one. I’m in my mid-twenties and I’ve identified as ace for a long time. As such, I haven’t had any experience with dating or relationships. I’ve had crushes on people and have been in a few will-they-won’t-they situations, but nothing concrete. I’ve never felt the desire/need to explore it seriously. However, I’ve recently started seeing someone and while things are very new and casual, I am terrified. I know that’s a strong word and it’s nothing about them- I feel very comfortable when I’m hanging out with them, and have had a crush on them for a while. I’m also not sure what is causing these feelings, but I think that part of it is overthinking it all and not being able to relax and enjoy it in the moment.

So far, I’ve chalked my feelings up to my anxiety and the fact that my nervous system goes into overdrive in new situations. As things progress however, I am starting to feel genuinely… upset? I’ve always had very conflicted feelings surrounding being ace, and I wonder if a lot of those negative feelings are popping up due to the newness of the situation. Now that I’ve actually begun seeing someone (even though it’s incredibly early days), I feel anxious and off-balance. I just hate that something that should feel lovely has instead warped into something I am distressed by. it also feels far too soon to bring this up with the person, and possibly too private as well. has anyone experienced these feelings? Am I self-sabotaging/not ready to take this step, or is this my overreactive brain blowing everything out of proportion??

I hope this makes some sort of sense- I don’t know any other ace people (that I’m aware of) and I feel very isolated in all of this. thank you in advance!

40F and have in recent years really began identifying as ace or grace. Thought I’d finally figured it out. Well now all of a sudden I can think of nothing but sex. Want it all the time. I feel possessed, like… this must be what the average person experiences? I don’t understand what’s happening. I feel like I’m going through puberty. Literally the first time in my life I’ve ever experienced spontaneous arousal. Maybe it’s perimenopause???WTH

I'm fictosexual + aroace if this helps further context.

For asexuals / aromantics who experience attraction: How would y'all describe it? How do you know you're experiencing attraction? I mainly experience sexual attraction and it makes me feel hyper/excited whenever I see x fictional character. It's a rush to me and makes me excited but I wouldn't want anything deeper with x character (if they were real).

I sometimes experience romantic attraction but very rarely so I don't have much experience. Most I notice is that I want to connect to the character more emotionally if they were real. I feel the stereotypical crush feelings in media. I'll also feel nervous whenever I think about them whereas I'm more confident in regards to sexual attraction.

I’ve taken all the tests, looked through my past at the early signs and literal phobia of sex, done all the searching I can but I just can’t figure myself out.

Anytime I hear people describe asexuality I feel alienated and different and I feel the same way when allosexual people describe their experiences. Especially Demisexuality, I identified with it for a while but anytime someone mentions it they stress just how long you have to know someone and how deep the connection needs to be.

I just need something, a charming personality, way of holding themselves, a common interest. The interest in them is always muted and fragile, any small thing breaking it, and I’ll have no desire for actual sex, nor any arousal.

I’m sex favorable in theory, I can talk about it, I no longer feel sex repulsed in most situations. I’m even curious to try it, but anytime I’m in position to I have no desire to, only discomfort and mild alarm.

I’ve only actually truly wanted sex with one or two people after developing a strong emotional connection, but I can feel some sort of attraction towards people with just a hint of romantic attraction, I just don’t actually want to have sex them? I know I’m likely somewhere on the asexual spectrum but it’s all so confusing for me, I don’t know how I would explain this to other people.

I identify as a trans woman and I always say that I'm bisexual. I never had a good relationship with my penis. The thing is that I was in a relationship with a girl that lasted 3 years and we never we never had sex. I actually did thing to her like fingering or oral because I wanted her to feel satisfied.

Thing were like this for years and I was okay with it, I started dating her because we were best friends and I was in love. Eventually she convinced me to try new things, basically she doing oral to me, I was not able to enjoy it at all. Eventually she started looking for it elsewhere and we broke up, I don't really blame her, everyone I told this about finds ridiculous that we never had sex.

For years I thought "I'm obviously a sexual person" only because I masturbated. I knew I hated it, I only did it for stress and easy dopamine. Now, I decided to manage my stress in other forms, I haven't masturbated in months, and I feel better with myself.

So yeah, I still want a romantic partner but I think I may be asexual.

hey everyone! For context im 20f, I'm feeling confused about my identity. I’m barely attracted to boys (like, only one time I felt jealous, maybe because I had no close friends and wanted a friend.)

I have had a few girl crushes, mainly on professors and celebrities. I have felt some sexual attraction to them, like I felt drawn in a sexual way toward them, but I'm not entirely sure if it’s actually sexual attraction, just admiration or my libido.

okay so the strange thing is there was one image of a celebrity that made me attracted romantically. It just reminded me of a fashion icon. It was something about the way they looked that kind of made me fall in love. The strange thing is that the other pictures of the celebrity did not have the same effect.

The crushes on my professor faded over time, they are gone now. I used to get spikes of attraction thinking about them. I’m wondering if this still makes me ace, or if it’s something else. Has anyone experienced something like this? I’m just trying to figure this out, so any thoughts or personal experiences would be really helpful!

So I saw someone else with the same thing and they explained it well. I like the idea of relationships and romance and all that, live the idea. But when it comes to actually being in a relationship I feel trapped or like I need to run.

The thing is I also don't like being single but being in a relationship drains me and is currently sucking my energy. And now I'm scared because I really like the guy I'm dating but (TMI) after our date today he kissed me in the car (which I don't mind) but wanted to french and I just couldn't, it freaked me out.

I don't mean that the feeling of it did but I just don't understand the appeal and I pulled away. I think I hurt him and I don't want that to be the whole relationship. Am I asexual or something like I've been questioning things alot since I finished high-school and all throughout college. I need advice and help.

So this post might be long, because stuff involving me, sex and attraction is kind of all over the place for me.

Ok so for context, I hardly ever look at just people based off of their looks and think “wow I really want to sleep with this person.” I do however get thoughts of like “oh they’re cute”, (not to have sex with), or I can appreciate their looks and find them conventionally attractive/know they are to the masses. However I do have a high libido and sex drive. So this is where my confusion comes and it gets tricky. I have participated in hookups/one night stands before mostly for the feeling of having sex/I enjoy having sex/or to build an emotional connection with someone I wanted to pursue more. Majority of the time unless I was already dating this person, I would engage in hookups while I was drunk, as my inhibitions seem to lower and I’m more likely to consider attraction. But while I am in the act of hooking up with them I don’t think “omg they’re so hot,” I mostly think “I enjoy the feelings I get from doing this with someone.” When I had decided to engage in hooking up with someone in the past I do usually only pick people who are conventionally attractive, but when I seek these people out it’s mostly because I was seeking something emotional first, and not really because I saw them and was like “omg I need to have sex with them.” Sex just kind of happened as I was trying to form an attachment and like the feeling of sex.

Now with masturbation. I am utterly disgusted by porn, (I do have some SA trauma with that though) and think it’s gross that people watch it. When I have seen it I never get turned on by it, unless it had involved a scenario with a romantic partner in some way. Here is another part I’m confused on.

So my partner and I have kind of explored our sexual kinks over the past two years. Anyways I found out that the idea of threesomes sounds appealing with someone else and my partner but I think it’s more for the fetish of it. Because when I do masturbate/or I talk about threesomes with my partner or doing things with another person, I don’t really get off on the idea of me doing stuff without them being in the room in these fantasies or at least in the picture in some way. The idea of just having sex with a random person without my partner being there doesn’t do anything for me.

Now another thing with masturbation, since I’m porn repulsed for the most part, I only really get off/find my partners nudes attractive. Now I have looked at and masturbated to pictures of a specific guy or girl that we do not know (as me and my partner are both bi), but when I masturbate to this third party person I only really get turned on by the fact that my partner would be involved. And I usually only masturbate to these specific people if I’m with my partner as a connection thing. But to clarify I don’t really seek out to have sex others/find it appealing without my partner who I am emotionally attached with being there, and even the people we have picked for these imaginary scenarios are only attractive to me now because it involves my partner. It’s almost as if my sexual attraction/kink only revolve around the person I have an emotional attachment with (that being my current partner, and partners I have had in the past).

When I have had periods where I wasn’t emotionally connected to anyone, and I masturbated I usually would never look at anything and go off of the feeling. With the exception of reading Fanfictions/AO3 of some of my favorite ships from tv shows or animated series I like. Otherwise I would not have a desire to look at anyone and picture myself having sex with a specific person, just thinking about the act itself. But when it comes to tv show characters/animated characters I have developed sexual attraction towards these characters mostly based upon their personalities in the show. I however am not really attracted to the actors in real life and don’t imagine myself with these real life people, once they’re out of character. Those are only the really big exceptions of people I have imagined other than my romantic partners of me having sex with. And they’re usually anime characters, maybe because they’re not a real person.

Now with sexual attraction towards my romantic partners. When I had first got with my current boyfriend, he was a coworker, that I on a drunk work social had initiated the conversation of sex with. Not really for his looks but just because I knew him well, and was horny to actually do the act. Anyways it wasn’t until we had been intimate a few more times and got to know eachother that I found him like super sexy to the point where I just wanted to have sex with him right now. Like it was not “oh he’s cute” anymore it was like “omg he’s so hot.” And now I literally think my partner is the sexiest person ever and don’t think anyone else can get me aroused like that, unless they were in a threesome with my partner in some way.

And the weird thing is, I do identify with being bi now, but my whole life I never knew I was. I literally never had sexual attraction towards girls and it wasn’t until my partner brought up a threesome with a girl as a fantasy did I realize I do in fact find girls attractive, but I realize I have a very picky specific type. Like there are only two celebrity girls I found attractive enough to want to insert them into this threesome scenario, and prior to me and my partner meeting when I saw these women before I only thought “oh they’re pretty” but I didn’t real any sexual attraction towards them until my partner was involved. Now I know I’m bi because me and my partner had a threesome with a women and I enjoyed it, and enjoy masturbating with my partner to those two specific celebrities. I do find them sexually attractive now, but they both play movie characters I really like, so that could be partly it too.

I’m sorry this is so long but I’m so confused if I’m Demi or not, because I have heard so much that people who are demisexual don’t engage in hookups or threesomes. That’s why I’m not sure if I’m Demi or just picky. If you read this far thank you, and I hope you can help me get some insight.

Overall Context: Basically in summary I experience physical attraction to people based off their looks, but am not like dying to have sex with them or really think about wanting that unless it’s my partner or fictional character. But I will still engage in the act of sex with physically attractive people just, because I like the feeling and would rather do it with them than someone who I would think is physically ugly. But I’m not like dying to do it beforehand, it’s more just to fulfill a horny urge, or to potentially elevate the relationship/connection/add emotional bonding to a connection that is budding. Then once I know someone well then I think they’re the hottest person in the word and only fixate on them, and sexual acts involving them.

Thanks!

I think I’m suffering from heterocompulsivity. I’ve known I was ace since I was around 16 or 17, and that was over a decade ago, but I still find myself trying to convince myself that it’s not true. Some days, I'm loud and proud and some days, I’m just waiting for something to change and I wake up heterosexual.

I've tried to "debunk" myself, questioning what could be behind my lack of physical attraction to people. I remember thinking, "I don’t feel comfortable with the thought of being physically involved with someone, how can I change this?" and I would rationalize it: "Maybe it's the bodily fluids that put me off, if we somehow remove them, it could be okay" or "Maybe it's because I don’t like being objectified" but now I understand that, for people who feel attraction, while those things can play a role, they rarely prevent them from wanting to be intimate. I believe that for them, it’s something natural and not forced.

Being asexual was never taken lightly but it was easier when I was younger. Now, it feels isolating. I live in a country with no queer spaces. When I go out, most people talk about heteronormative relationships, and if I mention asexuality, I become an alien. I want to feel included and not get negative attention or bombastic side eyes because of my orientation.

I also open this app and every day, I see some variant of a "Can a relationship exist without sex?" post with many answers telling that sex is the most important part of a relationship. I didn't mind reading them before but it's taking a toll on me now, cause it feels like the price I have to pay for a relationship or emotional connection is something I can't give and it pushes me to want to become someone that I'm not.

Hi, so... I (he/they) have a best friend (any pronouns) that have been in my life since primary school and we never got apart from each other after that. Our friendship deepened after my first breakup with our other mutual friend during high school and now we are writing a book together. We meet up pretty regularly (even though I am studying at different city), share everything with each other and my life is so much better with them in it. They matter to me very much. We also don't mind being touchy. She often hugs me tighter which feels safe or we walk under the same umbrella and I even hang to their hand.

The reason why I am writing this post is because I am maybe starting to see them as something more than friends. We are both ace, he is (not one hundred percent sure on that) sex repulsed and aromantic and I wouldn't mind having intimate moment occasionally, I am more on demisexual spectrum and bi/panromantic.

I have mixed feelings about this for many reasons. I am scared to say something cuz I don't know how she will react, although he actually confessed one time that they may have feelings towards me but we started laughing and couldn't catch our breaths. (That day is my favourite day in my entire life xd.) Funny thing I should mention I had crush on their twin sister. This was long time ago and happened on the same day as his confession but still I feel guilty that the current feelings are not...enough?

At the same time I am realizing more and more that I made up the feelings for her twin sister because at that time it was easier to have a crush on someone that is straight and cis and I felt I had to. I tried to write a list of reasons of why I can't have romantic feeling for him but I unintentionally wrote the longest list of signs of attraction I have ever written and attempts of me trying to dismiss myself.

I feel safe with him, don't experience 'the butterflies' in intimate way, sometimes imagine giving him a kiss and I am overall confused as unga bunga. Should I try to have some conversation with her about this or is it better to wait longer?

Thank you for any input and I wish you the best day :D

Like, I dunno, I just really like being ace. I dont have to worry about looking "sexy" for anyone, I dont have to worry about me just liking somebody for their body, the vives of just not giving a fuck about sex is awesome, and I can dedicate my full brainpower to world domination! Its all really nice :3

I’ve noticed that with both guys and girls, nothing just feels like anything. Any proximity or intimate touching just doesn’t give me any romantic/intimate vibes, it just feels like nothing. For this reason, I feel strangely comfortable with proximity with complete strangers. For an example, situations where there isn’t much place and I’m forced to be very close with strangers, these strangers apologizing for having to be in such a weird situation, while I feel absolutely nothing about it.

For most of my life, I have never been bothered by the fact that I didn’t want anything sexual - not even a kiss, if I’m not into the person.

I think I fall into the demi side of the spectrum, but even then I must be so deeply in love to feel anything near ‘true’ desire. For me, sex is less about how pleasurable it feels and more about how it’s the closest you can get to another person, physically. And also an extra way to get know your partner, and to see their reactions, likes and dislikes.

And, you know, up until now I’ve always been pretty comfortable with that. I makes me feel warm in a very peculiar way. But then some weeks ago I suddenly had a thought like - I wish I could feel it. Desire, I mean.

It feels like I’ve missed out. I mean, I did miss out. I never cared before, but now that I’m in my mid-twenties I wish I had the whole confusing sexual/self-discovery experience: having multiple crushes, having your heart broken and learning how to persevere, breaking hearts and learning how to be sensitive, trusting someone else with your firsts and discovering things together, exchanging stories and bonding over these things with friends, feeling awkward and shy regarding sex….

It sounds as if it could be so much fun. And also a way to know more about yourself and interpersonal relationships, and insight on life and how we deal with things. Of course, it also sounds like it could invite a lot of hurt, but I think it might just be worth it. I wish I had a typical libido, if only for a day (or a week).

And I know it’s normal, and that it’s also normal to feel this way I guess (or any way - there’s really no manual), but it just makes me long for something I never had.

this is just me rambling haha

is it just me or all the posts lately have been either:

1. my bf/gf is asexual and i want sex

OR 2. im asexual and my partner wants sex

its driving me craaaazy

I'm F 19, I identify as nonbinary and i've been confused about my sexuality ever since I learned what the word means, my teenage years consisted of constant questioning and confusion, however lately it seems like everything points to me being asexual. I have been in a few relationships and I've had multiple sexual encounters. I have no sexual traumas that I know of.

To start off, sex always seemed kinda gross and dehumanizing to me. To be clear I am NOT saying that sex is bad, I don't believe that, but personally, I just didn't want anything to do with it. I masturbated but it began with imagining stuff that had nothing to do with sex and only gradually crossed into more sexual subjects when I hit puberty. However it was still mostly kinky stuff and observing/imagining other people, I never included myself in these fantasies, and I usually imagined faceless bodies. Another thing is that some acts seemed nice in my head, but once I was in an actual sexual situation I became disinterested immidietaly, it's like my soul left my body every time I did it and I just did everything the other person wanted, and acted like I was enjoying it (I also used to fake orgasms which I'm not proud of) I mostly find genitals gross or funny looking (The penis is a little less scary, since it's not as slimy and it just feels like a meat stick when it's hard) I especially hate the smell and taste of bodily fluids.The physical sensations don't do anything for me, it just feels like rubbing an elbow.

I tried everything; girl, guy, trans, cis, fwb, one night stand, ltr, gentle, rough, kinky, vanilla, you name it. It never ignited any actual feelings within me. I only felt something when I was with a person I loved, and it just felt like closeness and trust, something I can get in plenty ways other than sex.

What confused me for a long time was my need to masturbate and feel desired. However, the former could be explained by puberty hormones and force of habit, since I starter using masturbation as a coping mechanism when I was very young. And the latter might just be a case of low self-esteem. Another thing is that I feel like a lot of my value comes from my sexual desirability and I enjoy a little flirting and sexual tension, but when I engage in it, it just seems like I'm leading people on.

All of this makes me suspect that I'm on the asexual spectrum, and it's causing some turmoil within me.

One of my biggest issues right now is that I'm with a boy who has quite a high libido, and I truly don't know what my discovery means to our relationship. I'm wondering if it's even a good idea to tell him. I know he enjoys sex with me and I'm afraid he'll be hurt by it. I already told him about my inability to orgasm and he seemed a little sad about it, even though I assured him it was not his fault, he said he just wanted to make me feel good. He knows sex for me is more of an emotianally filfilling experience than it is a physically pleasurable one, however I'm not sure he knows the extent of it, which is basically that I don't feel any physical pleasure from sex, it's not painful, I just dont feel anything, and I have to exaggerate certain reactions in fear of making the situation awkward.

Anyway I'm not even 100% sure if this is asexuality or something else, but I'm feeling helpless, so it would mean a lot if someone shared their advice or maybe similar experiences. Thanks in advance and sorry for any errors!

I'm (24F) a romantic asexual, but I've never dated. I just have this desire to explore being in a relationship with someone. The issue is that I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable kissing or engaging in physical intimacy with someone else and it's hard to find someone else when that seems like something everyone wants. For those that have successfully gotten into relationships with others, as asexual people. How did you do it?

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