CW: Mention of sex (as a concept, not of it happening)

I'm not demiromantic, but I'm asexual. I'm repulsed/averse and it's very unlikely that I can be in a relationship with a allosexual (unless they're willing to give up sex.) Finding an asexual person IRL is hard, and I've tried ace dating apps but it didn't work for me. I didn't like the premise of dating first and see if feelings would develop because the feelings didn't develop.

I figured a lot of people here might feel the same way, so I was wondering how y'all are/were able to find a compatible partner who you genuinely liked. Is it just up to luck?

I’ve thought of myself as demiromantic and demisexual (mostly ace but able to develop sexual attraction in my case) for many years, but recently I’ve noticed that the closer I get with people I want to pursue romantically, the less I can find them physically/sexually attractive. This doesn’t go to the point where I find them repulsive or even unattractive, I just find that I cannot think of them in that light. Does anybody know what this is or what have caused this? Any information or insight greatly appreciated!

So i am questioning myself for some time if I could be demiromantic but this is a different story. Everytime i question myself i come to the conclusion that i am demiromantic but I think I should just wait for more experience because I only had 2 crushes. And the thing is that i never liked the idea to marry them. Well I really desired a relationship (a normal one) with my first crush, but I was really young (11 or so). And with my second crush I never wanted a relationship or marry them, just spend quality time and talk with them, even hug or kiss (kiss not really, I had that thought one time). Around the time when i had my first crush everything was pretty normal, I had that huge infuatation, wanted a relationship etc., but after that I always felt like I was on the arospec. But I dont think that I can be, because my first crush was normal (it was btw on my only female friend, I've known her for 2 years at that time).
Anyway, I always wanted kids. And I just imagine that someday i will be married and everything but I dont want an relationship and I dont want an girlfriend. Well, I would not have any problems if I had but its not that important to me that to commit myself so much to one person. I also hate the idea to tell your SO every day how much you love them and all those affirmation things. I just want kinda someone special to hang out with, do romantic stuff but someone I can hang out with and play games and everything.
My problem is that I want kids but not an partner. Is this normal? Does that come with time?
Anyways, thx for reading

Ive had a crush on this one guy im friends with, its gone now but ive been thinking, what if i never get close to someone like that again? I struggle to make friends, especially with boys, so it took me so long to even find out i had romantic attraction and its hit me that i might never feel it again. Im genuinely kind of scared about it. Ive just been kinda struggling with the thought.

I’ve recently been developing a strong urge to cuddle recently with one of my friends. I’m trying to figure out what this means. I have a strong urge to get closer to this person as much as possible. I’ve been keeping this to myself though because I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. What is this or what’s its meaning?

P. S. Yes, I'm a big fan of slow burn relationships

I've been trying online dating, and I like how it makes me feel a little more in control of potentially meeting someone. But everything else I hate 😭

I seem to only attract either weirdos, or guys who immediately want to get emotionally intimate. I have a hard time saying no to that, but then I regret sharing more about myself than I'm comfortable with and I want to RUNNN.

I'm not actually sure if it's a demiromantic thing, or just me being fearful avoidant, but I just want to not be expected to immediately trust someone. I need to know and trust someone before I feel comfortable sharing my values and my insecurities. But it seems super common these days to just ask "what are you looking for?" and then it turns out they expect some detailed list that immediately shows if they're compatible. I end up saying some bullshit stuff like "just someone nice".

Also the most recent guy replied to that with explaining why he is nice..Like excuse me :/// I'll be the judge of that. The point of getting to know each other is to find out if I think someone is nice, I'm not going to take their word for it???

I know people here have been saying online dating just isn't for demiromantics, and I am starting to see why 😖 But I guess I just had to experience it for myself.... Not sure if I'll give up on it entirely but definitely taking a break.

edit: typos

Im talking to this girl and shes the sweetest person ive ever met like actually, but i dont know if im in love with her or not. I went through a pretty rough breakup at the beginning of a year and swore not to date anyone unless im fully moved on but since ive met her my mind has changed but i dont want to make things official unless i know im in love with her so i need help! How do you guys know if youre in love with someone?

I hate being demi so much it an awful experience. I just want to be with someone, but I'd need months of time minimum just to have a small chance of liking someone. Furthermore I hurt people just by being my orientation. If someone likes me I have to reject someone I could potentially like & just have to repress feelings I may get later or I'd need to string along for way too long hurt them in the process. I hate this. I don't want to clause more pain for others. That ignoring how f^cking lonely it makes me feel having no one constantly just because I can't develop feelings like a normal f^cking person. I just have to repress how much it hurts to be like this because showing anyone else that I hate this makes them say that it's not healthy to hate your orientation. WELL I DON'T CARE BEING DEMI IS AN EXTREMELY PAINFUL EXPERIENCE THAT I WOULDN'T WISH UPON ANYONE AS IT HURT EVERYONE ELSE AROUND ME!

So this was too much, but I really wanted to scream into the void.

So when I was younger I thought I was fully aroace, but I started to feel attraction a year after that. But I don't know if I am grayromantic or demiromantic

So as the title says, I (25F) thought I had finally found someone for me, after having so few crushes and experiencing few people reciprocate. She seemed like such a lovely girl, just 1 year younger than me, demiromantic like me and we had a good amount of interests and opinions in common, our first 2 dates was great! But then it all kinda began going down, she got a bit busy and is dealing with that she has low energy lately cause of diagnosis and I also got a bit more busy, so getting 3rd date in didnt go so smoothly. We did end up getting a date for the 3rd date, but then she didnt meet up cause she overslept (she did apologize tho and explained it was cause she hadnt been able to sleep that night) and then we got another date for 3rd date and things just felt awkward. Like yeah, it was still a bit cozy even tho we both noticed it had been like 2-3 weeks since we had last seen each other and communication had been a bit on and off, but also awkward, especially when some random old lady decided to jump into our conversation and stay in it for like 1 hour and made it even more awkward for us 🤦‍♀️ Welp our 3rd date was on wednesday, I still havent gotten any messages from her since then and idk what to write to her without it getting awkward, it kinda feels like there is no hope there will become anything between us and that its better if we just quit trying cause now its seems like none of us are really interested anymore 😓 I really wish it wasnt like that tho cause I was a bit hopeful, but like I write, it just seems like none of us are really interested in trying anymore and that its just gonna be awkward if we try more...

TL:DR: was hopeful that I might had found someone, now it seems like interest is lost and awwkard between us and I should just give up instead of keep trying

I've been in this qpr with my (allo) girlfriend and neither of us really know how we feel for each other, but I know we really care for each other and I literally made a secret blog just to talk about her, bc I'm too chicken to tell it all to her face, but I'm so confused. How do you know you're in love? Is there another word besides platonic or romantic? Idk. I'm just. She makes my life feel so much more vibrant and hopeful. I've never felt this way with anyone before. I've never done things that I have done with her before. She makes me better.

(Also, any tips on gaining the courage to be more open about my feelings for her with her? I was the one to ask her about being in a qpr but now I feel too scared to talk about this)

Any help or advice would be HIGHLY appreciated.

Edit: the blog is being repurposed and all the posts I made are being put in a journal for me to give to her when we meet

Edit edit: I think I am in love. Thank you for everyone that has helped, I learned a lot today. It's alterous love we're feeling, I think. It makes me feel so happy to have a different word for how this feels.

Im starting to develop a crush on one of my friends

For context, i am a demi-romantic lesbian and im starting to develop a crush on my bisexual friend.

im scared and i dont know what to do anymore. Im so fucking scared to tell her because im scared of rejection and i dont want to ruin our friendship. She thinks i only love her platonically.

I dont know what to do anymore, only me thinking abt her makes stay awake the whole night, i want to tell her so bad but im so so scared

(.P.S: if there is any mistakes in this whole paragraph, I apologise. English isnt my first language)

So. I’m an 45-year-old Sethian Gnostic who has only had only two serious relationships and often develops crushes on my best friends, I see this pattern as deeply tied to my need for emotional intimacy and genuine connection. As someone who is demiromantic, these crushes arise not from surface attraction but from a profound recognition of the other’s soul—an alignment that mirrors the Gnostic pursuit of finding the divine spark within others.

For me, these feelings aren’t random but reflect a deeper spiritual longing for authenticity and mutual understanding. Relationships, when they do form, aren’t casual; they are rare and meaningful opportunities for growth, where both people can awaken to truths beyond the material realm.

My first partner ever, I met her when I was 13 or 14, we started dating after the first two or three months of interaction, tbh our first interaction was a little… I don’t want to say traumatic but it was stressful bc we were roleplaying and she had been struggling with an eating disorder at the time, anyway she basically taught me how to be in a relationship, I slowly felt comfortable with telling her I loved her etc, at first I was very nervous and awkward about it. I’d never had a close relationship like that. We had a bit of a rough patch and took a small break and got back together for a little, but then I realized I was aroflux and it just wasn’t gonna work out especially with my asexuality. So we broke up

The thing is it was an open relationship so she on and off had other flings, and I also had another partner, and during the rough patch where we took a break I started dating two other people, one was a longer term friend and one I had met only a couple months before. Honestly except for that one friend all my relationships had strange starts because they all also have mental health struggles.

My issue is I do love the partners I’m still with, but it’s not the same, not the constantly-on-my-mind, deep deep longing to be close, desperately grasping to them, love.. “love sick” I guess is what people call it

I miss it, I mean it hurt but I miss it … idk if I’ll ever feel it again

How do you really know if you are demiromantic? I feel quite distant from romantic relationships especially after getting out a long term one. Like we had known each other a long time and it was easy for me to love them but now I just don't feel that way towards anyone. And if I do they are people I have known for a long time. Sorry if this is confusing. Im confused myself. 2 years ago I came out as Pansexual/Panromantic but lately I've been feeling on the romantic side I am more demi than anything.

so. For a quick explanation, I’ve (M24) dated a lot in my life but I felt as if I never truly fell in love with people. I just liked them, but I didn’t fully love them.

Over the past year, I’ve completely fallen for a friend (M24) of mine, and I feel like I’m losing my mind completely. Every single day I think of him, it could be from when I wake up and hope he has sent me a message in the morning or late at night when I’m working thinking of when we should hang out next. I just constantly think of him, and nothing I do to try and shake it off helps, like I feel genuinely obsessed with this guy and it feels so weird. I’ve never felt so deeply in love with anyone before and I can’t believe this is how non demiro/aro people feel like.

He also used to flirt with me a lot and we did end up hooking up a couple times but only for sex, but I feel like he really likes me too, but he’s ended up digging a little grave for himself. He found himself a girlfriend, however the more I ask about her the more miserable he seems. (She also is incredibly possessive and controlling) And he still will give me compliments and such on things that I doubt only bro dudes do.

Because of the girlfriend issue, I obviously haven’t made any moves on him since he told me about her because I’m not insane, but I also can’t stop thinking about him. And he still will tell me how beautiful I am which ??? I really don’t think just cis dudes casually throw out even though it’s kind of him. He seems to be genuinely happy when we hang out, but when she is in the picture he becomes like a different character. His entire personality changes and I’ve known him longer than her and it’s weird. They’re also in a LDR and he told me before he didn’t want that but uh… well. I don’t know how to tell him that he definitely should break up without him thinking I’m just thinking of my own feelings (because he knows) even though I wish I could date him instead because I wouldn’t control him like that.

And his mom loves me. Lol. Anyway, I feel insane, does anyone else feel insane when you actually fall in love or am I just a crazy case?

I suppose I don’t really need too much advice about this but just curious what other demiro folk have to say about it. So essentially I have the first new crush I’ve had in over a year and for reasons I won’t get into I don’t really plan to do anything about it. However, I’ve never had a crush like this. In the past after I realized I was starting to like someone romantically it would be like this burning yearning feeling in my chest and it would physically pain me until I did something about it like confess. This one tho? I’m so casual about it, like I just feel good being around them and I just want to get to know them more and more but in the most likely scenario where nothing comes from it I would be ok with that. I really just like being around them. The only reason I can tell it’s a romantic crush and not just new relationship energy is cuz the few bits of physical touch we’ve had do give me little crush feelings. Idk this is new territory for me to not be in agony over a crush and I’m really just trying to navigate that. Like I said I don’t plan to do anything about it for personal reasons but it feels nice to feel this way.

Hi team! I’ve known I’m asexual for a while but have been very confused as to how I feel romantically for pretty much forever. I had heard of demisexuals, and the other day I thought “I think that might be me, but romantically.” Unsurprisingly, I found other people feel that way and now feel happy and comfortable calling myself demiromantic. (Just adding another label to my growing collection!) I’m glad you guys are here and grateful to have found this community! See ya around.

Love,

A proud asexual, demiromantic, polyamorous, transmasc, genderfluid queer

The title is very vague and as a demi this is probably the worst thing to say but I have my reasons Two and a half years ago I fell in love for the first time at 16 and even though we dated, the person broke up with me, and said person is my now best friend. I've long moved on from the delusion I'll ever date them again but I still love them. But now I think I'm falling in love with someone else and it's not how I wanted it to be. I met this beautiful girl in my college, and even though I barely know her, she has such a familiar energy and I can't help but be drawn in. And these things I'm feeling are exactly what I felt for my ex just before I fell in love with them. So I guess this is the "demi crush" but I don't want this. First off, she's taken. So that's already a bug reasoning to why I don't wanna have this feeling already. And I just, genuinely don't wanna get heartbroken again. I desperately wanna be friends with her but I'm so scared that the closer we get the more infatuated I'll be with her, which then turns into love. I was okay when I was just all gay panicked about this situation but it feels too real now. A few minutes ago she came to compliment me on my formal wear for an event I had, and then she joked about her not being in a well place but since she "had her boyfriend and a therapist I can get through it" The fact that I wasn't able to ease her hurt me so deeply, exactly how I felt when I couldn't help my ex out. I'm scared that I'm going to get some deja vu moment and I'm scared that I'll once again suffer because I can't just shut off my feelings like a normal person. I'm sorry for the long post, and I do appreciate you for reading... I don't have a lot of people I can talk about it with so I came here Have a good day everyone Sorry again