/r/AroAllo
A community for the allosexual aromantics who feel like they’re the only one’s who are allosexual and aromantic. Hi. We exist. Hope this helps someone.
Thank you u/kittenflavored for finding the credit for the “No Romo” art! It’s by pimptier on tumblr.
A community for the allosexual aromantics who feel like they’re the only one’s who are allosexual and aromantic. Hi. We exist. Hope this helps someone.
/r/AroAllo
so before i realized i'm aro i was OBSESSED with romance, it was my favorite genre, it was the only thing i drew, and i would obsess over "crushes" i had on people. i tried dating and was like "wow this sucks!" and so now whenever i see romance stuff i'm usually grossed out. i still read romance comics and watch those really sappy animes but once i hear my friend talking about how he wants to get married and be with his wife for the rest of his life i just gag. but on the other hand i like seeing the build up of romance, when they're all shy and flirting and stuff but once they start dating my interest drops. i'm just not sure if i'm completely romance repulsed bc its still my favorite genre and i love the idea of it but once i think about what it actually means to people i just get grossed out. like you're telling me you're kissing them bc you want to be with them for the rest of your life and not cause it's just fun or hot????
i forgot where i was going with this but anyways i think overall i would say im romance repulsed but also that's the only genre i really enjoy so idk im just very confused 😭
Vent bc I'm sad and don't really know who to go to about this
Basically I'm aro and demisexual, and I consider myself allo to some degree.
I know exactly what I want in terms of intimacy, but I'm too afraid to seek it out.
I really just want a close friend to hang out with and have sex with periodically. That's it. I don't want to move in or anything, and I'd like to actually know the person deeply. The problem is that FWB has a connotation that doesn't align with what I'm after. I want there to be an emphasis on the “friends” part, and I want sex to be as normal in the relationship as going out to eat.
The only problem is that I can only see myself having sex with my friends. It just feels wrong to hookup, and I get the feeling I'd regret it. Sex to me requires a connection first; I'd feel really gross and scared to show my body someone I barely know.
The thing is I am not brave enough to ask any of my friends for sex. I fear it would ruin our friendship. We are very open and sex positive, but that doesn't mean it would work out for us to do it with each other.
My other concern is that I'm an introvert and I find myself to be socially inept. It is a feat of nature that I have friends, and I'd like to not lose them. I also have no idea how to go about making friends for the pupose of having sex with them, bc not everybody responds well to that.
Starting to think I'm cooked, and it's been really discouraging to me the past few weeks. I just keep thinking to myself that I'm gonna be a virgin indefinitely. Not that virginity is even important, I just wish I could actually experience it. It's kind of stressing me out not knowing what genuine, intimate sex is like.
It's good to be different and unique, but sometimes I feel like I'm too different.
I'm in college and watching my peers get on with their lives and experience intimacy, and I'm just lost. Almost seems like it's not gonna happen for me.
This is a link to a story called “Greta” by Miciah Bay Gault. It really resonated with me as someone who feels they might be AroAllo. I’d say more, but I don’t want to spoil any details of the story. I would love to hear anyone else’s thoughts on it.
Hi, I'm 21 and gay, overtime I realize that I neither feel any romantic feelings towards anyone and I also don't want to be in any relationship with anyone while still wanting to have good sex from times to times.
At first I was scared to miss out because I like to experience everything life has to offer so I tried dating for a while both to see for myself and confirm my identity and indeed dating is just so unsatisfying to me, I don't want to be romantic and I don't think anyone gonna change that ever.
But its lowkey iconic, I feel free, unique and strong being probably AroAllo.
I still have some work to do because I just have doubts because of the saying like you have not met the right person or someone gonna change you and stuff but I doubt that even more.
Is it possible for a closeted gay, bisexual, omni, or pan man to have a queerplatonic relationship with a another man and keep his identity private by calling his QPR "best friend" or "close friend"?
Or would they have to come out at that point?
I lost my virginity last weekend and I'm super happy about it, but it's hard because I don't have a lot of friends I feel comfortable talking about it with, and for those I do have, we seem to have run out of stuff to say about it. I don't really know what to do with myself now. I waited 25 years for this. It's hard not being able to talk about it now.
P.S. I tried posting this on r/sex but my post got removed by the mods for not fitting the post criteria. Apparently I'm only supposed to ask actionable questions.
idk how to explain why. i suppose it could be just because there’re fewer “expectations”. idk i just thought i’d share
We dated in high-school and broke up in college. Years passed I graduated they are still in college. We recently reconnected and had a nice night out together. We spoke about our relationship and talked about feelings. It was nice we were very transparent and open and we talked about how we grown as people since we were teens, We were also kind of drunk so the conversation got wild at some points. I told them how our relationship helped me realized I was on the aro spectrum. When they asked me to be their SO all those years ago I liked them as a friend and didn’t really see them like that. But I was flattered they asked me out and I obviously accepted and took our relationship seriously I was happy to do all of the cute relationships things and do romantic gestures somtimes it felt akward or kind of annoying but I didn’t mind it. Eventually what I imagine as the puppy stage came over and I felt I could genuinely and confidently say I was in love. It felt like a mild obsession. The feelings waxed and waned but I still loved them it just Didn’t always feel like that puppy love which I imagine allo romantics feel. when I told my ex about how I felt then and now about my aromantic identity and they seemed to understand and they mentioned they would’ve never noticed that I didn’t have a crush on them back then. They also mentioned that they kept certain gifts I gave them During our relationship. ( I didn’t )
The conversation over all made me feel very guilty Because I fear that they cared more about the relationships than I did. When we broke up it felt more like I fell out with a good friend then it did breaking up with my first love. I don’t even remember crying about it but they mentioned they did and they regretted how things ended. I know that I cared and that my feelings were and still are valid and I know that my way of loving someone is valid. I know that we did our best with what we each had at the time: I just feel guilty and heartless.
Again my guilt is probably misplaced because They didn’t express any hurt. But I explained How I view love and relationships and that I really did give my all even if the feelings weren’t always there. I almost wish I never told them about my aromantic feelings and I wish I kept the mementos from our relationship.
When I was younger / durring that relationshop I never questioned my feelings didn’t even know what aromantic was. But now i feel like I’m questioning everything all over again. Am I aro or am I just awful ?
Does anyone else / did anyone else struggle with this ? Is I don’t have much experience in relationships I’m glad I spoke with my ex and I’m definitely willing to be friends again idk
Am I being melodramatic
Come join us to discuss the second half of Hopeless Aromantic by Samantha Rendle. We'd love to see you whether you have time to do the reading or not. Your lived expired is plenty!
Checkout this Meetup with Bay Area Aromantics: https://meetu.ps/e/NPR0Q/zvx5g/i
Hey! An AroAce here with a bit of an odd question; what does sex mean to you? For me it's difficult to understand when people around me explain it, so I figured I'd ask here! Only answer as much as you feel comfortable
Why is it that if two hetero men got into a queerplatonic relationship, they're still considered straight,
Yet if two men got together in a romantic relationship, it's always considered gay, bi, pan, or omni unless one of them is a woman?
I’m gonna preface this by saying some of this stuff MORTIFIES me to put into writing, so if it doesn’t make a lot of sense… I’m trying my best just to get it out there lol.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I feel about relationships, especially as a lot of my peers are starting to get serious about the dating game around me (I’m 20ish). Personally a standard romantic relationship doesn’t really appeal to me, but…
For some reason, something like being a sugar parent does?
I don’t like the idea of being romantic with someone—feels yucky—yet the concept of having someone who is close to me, yet who I can also take care of and spoil sounds satisfying. I’m not talking just intimacy (although there’s that too) but the entire concept of having a sugar baby in some weird kind of QPR (I hope I used that term right) is very appealing to me.
I don’t really know how to feel about that though. Especially because, what if my partner’s not aromantic? I could see it being very easy to read into something being there when there isn’t. And simultaneously, I’m questioning myself on if there isn’t anything there. Is what I’m feeling just a very niche form of romantic attraction? I don’t think so, but it doesn’t sound like what I’ve heard from a lot of other aromantic people/forums so I don’t know how to feel about it.
I haven’t tried looking for a partner of any sort yet because of this, but I just don’t know how to feel about it. Any thoughts? I hope that all makes sense.
I am completely fine with physical touch if I trust someone. I'd also enjoy kissing some of my friends and I would in general like to be a more affectionate person. Last year I actually came out of my shell a little and met a lot of new people and acted more affectionate with these new friends than I would've in the past because I used to overthink too much.
But exactly the thing that I was always worried about has happened. Multiple people started to confess to me or ask me out on dates
One friend was super understanding and they actually fully understood the concept of being aroallo but I somehow still feel bad when I cuddle with them because I know that they have feelings for me and it makes me feel like I'm taking advantage of them.
If I look at it from other people's perspective I actually can't blame them for telling me I'm sending wrong signals. Imagine being in love with someone, you two go on a cute picnic, have a lot of deep talks, they give you compliments, you two cuddle sometimes and then they tell you that it's all actually just platonic. To me that sounds pretty terrible. Even when someone reassures me that it's fine they seem sad and I don't want to make people sad
One friend asked if they can kiss me a while ago and even though I really wanted to I said no because I know that it wouldn't mean the same to me as to them. Why can't people just like me sexually or platonically? I'm so god damn touch depraved but I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings
So I'm a freshman in college and I just started semester in a WGS/Queer Studies course and there's this person in my class who I'm pretty sure is into me romantically and it's honestly fuckin weird.
Like after class I just barely had met them and they texted me "you looked gorgeous today." and usually I like those kind of compliments but it's definitely feeling more than a bit forward for it being the second period of the class. I honestly just replied "Thx."
Then the next day they offered to drive me to school even though I told them I love And today they live much farther from the school than I do. Today they texted "I really like you. You're really awesome."
I've had maybe 3 class periods with this person and they are acting really simpy towards me, it's weird.
It seems relevant to mention that they're autistic so as someone who is also autistic I realize that social signals can be off and they haven't been creepy nessecearily. But I was wondering if anyone has experienced this from alloromantic people in their lives? The strange level of affinity and attachment they show when barely knowing you.
I'm questioning about my sexuality and I would appreciate if you tell me your experiences and/or point of view to help me clarify my thoughts about myself.
I think I might me aegosexual but I'm not sure if I'm feeling sexual atraction or I'm insecure about having sex. I can get aroused, I feel sensual atraction and I feel atraction by women, but irl I feel awkward. I'm virgin and I had the opportunity to lose it with a super kind and beautiful person, but I didn't feel nothing and we didn't have sex.
I still think she's pretty, but irl I just turned into a stone. I can get aroused watching specific things (I can't get horny watching porn) but I feel nothing seeing genitals in specific.
Is this ace or a silly allo?
obs.: I'm not 100% fluent in english, so any mistake just ignore it (and correct me).
Hi First,
I would like to clarify that identifying myself as an aro is quite recent for me. So, forgive me if I tell something awkward, it's not with disrespectful intentions (+ english is not my native tong)
I got a girlfriend when I was teen, but realize I did'nt realy love her. Since this moment, few years later, I never got a girlfriend because I never fall in love with anyone. So, I start to think I am, probably, aromantic
I don't have any problems with that, it's ok for me. But I'm not assexual. I am virgin, but I liked stuffs we did, me and my girlfriend and I would like have more sex
But I havn't girlfriend, obviously and I don't think I will ever have one. Plus, I don't have any close enough friend I could talk about it.
I though about dating site but I'm realy ugly and I don't have much self-confidence, so I don't know what to do
Is it normal to get incredibly excited whenever there is the slightest aro representation? Like I was watching the latest episode of Dr. Stone earlier and when Senku's drink had the aromantic colors I was immediately really excited even though it's probably just ment to be his color scheme. That's about the point I started wondering if it's normal to get this excited over the tiniest if even a crumb of representation
A question for people who are aromantic and allosexual. How do you feel about being hugged/touched/kissed ?
(Same question was posted yesterday in r/aromantic.
Love me some cuddles and physical touch, with or without sex. Just no romantic relationships lol