I consider myself more Asexual because Grays are Aces, so it just seems redundant to me, and I've always identified more on the Asexual side. But does it annoy you when Grays are referred to as Allosexual?

I have absolutely zero in common with Alloseuxals and don't view myself as one.

To me an Allosexual person is someone who feels sexual attraction in a normative way and regularly. I wish that was brought up more.

i believe i’m greysexual, so i experience sexual attraction and all that but not enough to actually want it to happen to me. i still have sexual fantasies, blablabla but it’s just not extremely strong like an allos

anyway, i went down the rabbithole of why we find people attractive and why we want to have sex. i read a lot about how the only reason we experience sexual attraction to certain features ( hips, facial features, breasts, etc.. ) is because we want to procreate. apparently the reason why find it all attractive is because of how “ fertile “ or whatever it is. now, whenever i experience sexual attraction i feel disgusted to know that the only reason i find someone attractive is because my body wants to reproduce. to know that all of my sexual preferences have only been because of this makes me feel ill. all my physical preferences in someone ( like a type ) is for that reason. disgusting bro

so, i want to get rid of this. how can i get rid of it so i’m not a prisoner to my bodies true desire? i cannot enjoy anything sexual now, it’s all ruined. sexual songs, sexual anything honestly is ruined for me. i don’t really want anything to do with it now that i know it all boils down to us wanting to make kids, something that i don’t want. i think the fact that sex and sexual attraction only exists for reproduction is soul-crushing

sexuality is a big part of me despite not actually wanting sex or desiring it, but i don’t mind giving up anything sexual aslong as i don’t go through this. i’ll miss all my fictional characters and stuff but it’s fine since sex to me isn’t the most important part of living, i can live without it

Nice to meet you guys!

I recently found out about greysexuality and I found out that it actually fit me better than just being "straight" like everyone thinks. My family is a firm believer in what I like to call "you're either straight or it's out the gate for you." (No hating on my family, I love them to death anyway) I thought it might be nice to join this community (if you guys don't mind that is)

P.S. I've actually never had social media, so this is a first for me. I hope you don't mind if I join, and once again, nice to meet you guys!

P.S.S.(is that a thing??) I hope you don't mind me asking, but I'd like to get to know more about you guys and only if you feel comfortable, mind introducing yourself? Use a pen name or no name, but I just like the idea (or don't, that perfectly fine too; I'm literally trying to use icebreakers to semi-hide that I'm maybe more than a bit nervous heheheh '^w^)

So I'm aroace, and I may be greysexual? But that's not really what I'm here for. I'm making this post to see if anyone relates because I don't really see this brought up.

I have found people (mostly fictional characters) attractive, but not to the point where I want to act on it. Some mix of their personality and looks makes them stand out and I enjoy seeing them. I feel differently towards them, it's not the same as having a favorite character or person. It's hard to describe but I'm pretty sure it's some form of attraction.

The thing is, I don't want to date or have sex with them or do anything similar, in fact it grosses me out to imagine. I don't even desire an ounce of interaction with them, I'm perfectly content with just being their presence. But again, I feel differently and "stronger" than I would normally. If I felt this way for a friend it wouldn't feel right to say that I see them like every other friend I have.

Has anyone else ever felt this way?

Title sums it up.

I think I feel attraction- I find guys hot-rarely, but I don't desire to do anything sexual and don't have urges to.

Hello, I think I might fit in here. I have attraction to other people for all genders I just don’t feel sexual attraction to them. I love being social and making new friends, hopefully I can meet more people.

I would appreciate any advice you have for me. Also is there any good representation/ characters like us. I would like to explore and understand myself better and see myself represented.

🩶

i don’t know what being “horny” feels like? i kinda used to just decide to masterbate because i was bored but i also used to do it as a method to fall asleep faster or get rid of period cramps. i’ve never seen something or just gotten in that kinda mood it’s kinda like the same as smoking a cig for me and i don’t love cigarettes. (seratonin lol)

I have 7 freinds who identify as grey sexual and 5 perfer to not be lumped into the LGBQ community, one hates it when I say they're apart of lgbq community, and the other one doesn't care if they are or not. But if I go online everyone says associates it with the lgbq so why the stark difference? While personally as someone who also identifies as grey sexual I don't really care if I am or not.

Especially weakly. I’ve felt something rarely when I see someone attractive. Not what Allos describe-that sounds horrible and scary. But I’ve never felt the draw to act sexually with another person, including when I had a boyfriend and find the thought disgusting.

Some greys seem open to the idea of acting on it and having sex eventually when they meet someone they find attractive. That idea makes me sick.

The most I’ve ever wanted to do was get to know someone in a romantic relationship.

So I don’t know if I’d even consider what I’ve felt sexual attraction.

so, whenever i find someone attractive ( not sure if it’s aesthetic or not tbh ) i often get this hot feeling, a flushed feeling almost.. but that’s like it. i don’t ever really fantasize about these people, that’s kind of odd imo? in fact when i try to test how i feel about it with fantasizing, it feels off to me. ofc no hate to anyone who does that, but for me personally fantasizing about others is a bit weird to me. i also don’t really have the desire to have sex with them? it’s just like a “ wow they’re really hot “ or something and i start feeling flushed/hot. i do this fairly often i think as well, but there’s still no real desire to act out on anything. i rarely ever feel groinal responses either ( i say rarely because i can’t remember if i have had any or not ) i also experience this feeling towards specific types of people like dark hair or dark clothing, ig it would count as a type?

is it aesthetic or sexual attraction? there’s a chance i have ocd so maybe it’s just that since i kind of go into a doubting questioning spiral whenever i’m confused about this thing..

Would it make sense to identify as grey-allo, if I feel weak sexual attraction and am at times, potentially sex favorable? (I may be incorrectly mistaking my libido, tertiary attraction, emotional desire, and fantasy as sexual attraction for some reason.) In that it's not an automatic, or screaming urge to have sex but seeing it as a potentially fun activity. Still preferring fantasy, or entertaining the libido without a specific roadmap. I understand some greys are closer to being asexual, while others closer to allosexual. And / or it fluctuates perhaps.

I've always not been into traditional sex. 4 years ago with my first partner I found this out when trying traditional sex it felt very agonizing like that I was putting myself through a nightmare situation and i can't explain it but it was extremely scary and I did not enjoy it one bit.

I've also never looked at someone and said "wow I want to fuck this person" but I have considered a person doing kink with me before.

I'm not like 100% adamant on having my partner fullfill the urges I have, but this would be a part of my dream relationship. I like body parts like feet (and to be humiliated because of trauma). I will always find smut online for this very niche thing or talk to chatbots.

Have any gray aces found their partner that does not lean for traditional sex but can enjoy kink? I

If i had my way i would get rid of it all altogether but I will get aroused out of nowhere and seek the urge to scratch the itch. I used to think it was a 🌽 addiction as a young teenager but I went cold turkey for like a year as a teenager and found myself never ridding myself of my erotic fantasies in my head.

I still struggle to understand asexuality and if I am valid. I like to believe I am but I feel bad for people that are sex averse and that I'm doing a disservice to calling myself ace.

alr, so get this. im a straight cis male however i’ve been through the woods a couple of times iykwim, just small little things that i’ve repressed and shrugged off due to insecurities within myself. recently ive been nudging my perception of myself into the grey sexuality side of things.

however this is where things take a turn, because im not too into sex, pda, and all that stuff. i’ve always liked being desired/wanted or smth along those lines. ive always been poor at showing affection but i love when it is shown to me. and more so, ive always been the type of guy who never made a move on anyone and instead waited for someone to make a move on me. now my first conclusion is that im just a needy, insecure, narcissist. however maybe someone here knows more than me and could slap a label on me. feel free to ask more questions cuz im like totally anonymous and idgaf

If I were to tell someone that I'm ace, would that still be correct in the sense that gray ace is just a bit more specific? OR would it be incorrect since grey ace is something different altogether? I mean, to any other person it would make no difference, would it? I'm not going to bed with anyone regardless of what you'd call it.

To preface: I have never had sex before. Everything I'm about to say is purely based on my interpretations and expectations.

I don't like the idea of having sex. It makes me very uncomfortable and I have no desire for it. I do feel attraction but never to the extent where I want to act on it with others, just myself. These feelings thoughts have been going through my head since a girl recently asked me out, and I don't know what it means...

Do straight people also feel this way before their first time, or does it definitely mean I'm grey ace?

I experience sexual attraction is a combination of emotional and aesthetic or physical attraction. If even one of these lost, the sense of sexual attraction disappears. It does not always lead to sexual desire.

Sexual desire; the result of emotional, sensual and aesthetic attraction. Motivation of sexual feelings into action. General libido. 'Needing someone'

Emotional attraction; feeling emotionally, romantically close to someone. if I feel this towards someone for whom I feel sexual attraction, it is love; if I feel it towards someone for whom I do not feel sexual attraction, it is friendship.

Sensual attraction; Finding someone attractive through the senses. A general desire for physical interaction.

Aesthetic attraction; appreciating the appearance of someone or something. It does not have to be sexual.

The main difference between desire and attraction is that desire is action orientated, whereas attraction is just a 'feeling'. Could also say that attraction is a potential desire.

(I used chat gpt)

Hi guys, Im 30(f) and having bit of a hard time of it. Im thinkingni may be ace or greyace(?) But i need a little help. So ive had significant sexual trauma in my past, coupled with lots of having intimacy when its deemed the 'right thing' to do, to keep my partners from feeling rejected or unloved but after the inital attraction wears off, i find myself completely disinterested in sex. Ive had alot of sex where im not really 'there'and either the other person hasnt really cared or noticed. I dont really enjoy it at all, i watch porn and masturbate but more because im bored or want to sleep rather than an urgee of desire. Ive mainly been in straight relationships, and there have been points where I think im gay but Ive also never really experienced sexual attraction or a crush on a real life gal i know. But i also think i could be having some sort of internalised homophobia. I dont get crushes really, i desire validation and adoration when im single but i dont really register that i am infact not into that person and just want to feel wanted. Sex just doesnt interest me, i dont think about it and when it does happen i mostly feel completely disconnected from the person. After its over, i want to get cleaned up and outta there asap. My relationship also isnt great right now and im not finding any desire for my partner. Theres essentially alot to unpick here but i was wondering if any of you have any advice? How did you know you were ace? Sorry if this is alot of dumping , im kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place and not sure which way is up.

Thanks for any advice 🙏

I'm interest boys. And I think Im attracted to them. But I have a strong kink/fetish. So That's why I'm not as interested in sexuality as ordinary people. Or my sexual desires work differently.

I can define sexual attraction in the simplest way: you may not like all food, but when you Just look at it, some of makes you hungry even if you are not hungry. You feel a desire to eat it. I feel that feeling for boys.

Then Some food, even if they look aesthetically pleasing, you don't want to eat them. You may want to taste it, but that's not matter. If you are really hungry, maybe you can just fill your stomach with this. But that will not pleasured you emotionally. I feel like this for girls.

When I see someone (boys) , I can immediately tell if they are attractive or not and I can see them as a potential partner.

I'm a little confused.

(Btw English is not my native language, I use translater.)

okay hello, i’m going to tag this as NSFW just in case haha, so i’m in a wlw relationship, i’m (f) 20 and my girlfriend is f (21), we have been together almost two years now. i don’t really know what i’m asking or writing so i’m just going to go with what my mind is spilling.

Me and my girlfriend used to have sex somewhat frequently within the first months of our relationship, she would even sometimes initiate it, but as the months went on she became very disinterested in sex and she would never initiate, at the time this bothered me as i presumed that maybe she just wasn’t as attracted to me anymore or saw me as just a friend, i went into a very deep pit of insecurity- however instead of letting that stew i communicated with her and we spoke about, the first few times we spoke about it she explained how she presumed it was her medication (she is on anti depressants) and having been on them myself i could understand that, but even when she went off them it just seemed that nothing was improving, after a few more times of talking she explained to me how she just felt that she didn’t really feel sexual very often at all, i decided to ask her questions as it seemed the best way to understand so i asked her: “do you like having sex, when we do it?” to which she said yes, i then asked her “are you comfortable with us having sex?” to which she explained that she is, she said sometimes she feels a bit awkward but she’s always been a bit of an awkward person so that isn’t weird to her- i then asked if she wanted to continue having sex and she said yes. We spoke briefly about asexuality but she decided that didn’t fit her as she does from time to time (not very often, atm it’s been almost 4 months) want to have sex and she enjoys it when it happens. So i did some research and ‘greysexual’ was a term that popped up a lot, i spoke to her about this and she seemed to think it was something that was very accurate to her, i’m very happy that we found this.

However i have some questions, and before i ask them i want to make it very clear that i love and support my girlfriend 100% and have no intent on breaking up with her over something as small as sex, but being someone who has the i suppose ‘average’ desire for sex i think some questions are important to ask, not only for the purpose of understanding her better but also for reassurance on my end.

• Will my relationship be functional if i have the average desire for sex and she wants it extremely infrequently? (i feel as though it can be as i’m happy to leave sex till it happens, i can look after myself haha)

• Is there any advice i could be spoken to about in order to better understand her?

• What are these feelings like for those of you on the ace spectrum who are having similar experiences to her?

Marking this as NSFW and I guess with spoilers to be respectful of anyone sex repulsed. There’s not any talk of sex acts or anything but there’s talk of sex in general?

My husband (cis-M) and I (cis-F) have been married more than 20 years.

About a year ago he came out as grey, and then demi. Since then we’ve had a few conversations but I guess in my effort to understand, I made him uncomfortable and now I feel like he mostly just changes the subject or stonewalls me if I try to talk about it.

Overall we have a really good relationship, and I can tell on a certain level that I think he’s trying to improve the sex aspect. Right now it’s been about 6 weeks since we were last sexually intimate, and I admit, I’m climbing the walls! I don’t want to come across as pressuring him though, so I’m trying to let him come to me.

Here is where my confusion enters in: he tells me he thinks he’s probably demi in that there has to be a connection for him to feel attraction, but also he has very little drive.

The thing is though he’s ALWAYS making comments! Like he’s always teasing me that he’s going to get rid of all my clothes so that I have to go naked, he wolf whistles at me whenever I’m just coming out of the shower or changing outfits, he TELLS me I’m sexy or beautiful, and he regularly gropes my butt or pinches it playfully. (I used to do a lot of these things too but I’ve mostly stopped because I’m just trying to dampen down my desire/response. He doesn’t seem to have noticed.)

To me these are very sexual or sexually charged things. To me these things indicate desire or attraction. But he routinely turns me down or puts me off if I suggest sex.

I’m super confused!! I love him more than anything, and part of me also loves his playfulness, but I’m also very confused! I feel like there’s this strange juxtaposition between a lot of what he does, and what he says that I can’t decipher.

I tried asking him about it once and all he would say is “It’s just different.” I feel like I tried to express how confusing this is, but it seemed that he simply got sulky and said “Fine then! I won’t tell you you’re sexy!”

Obviously every woman wants to know their husband finds them sexy or attractive, but I have to admit that his behavior hurts a little and leaves me feeling even more rejected.

Can anyone explain to me the difference, in I guess finding your spouse incredibly sexy, insanely attractive, and supposedly wanting to see them naked a lot, but then shutting them down when it comes to that translating into sexy times?

Does anyone have any resources for being Gray Ace and dating. I’m a kinky gay cis male in my 50’s and I’m into a wide variety of kinks. But the hookup sites are mostly about just sex, I’ve had no luck on Recon, and Fetlife is mostly straight. If anyone has any resources or recommendations I’d love to hear them. Thanks.

I try to stay away from microlabels because I don’t think they’re practical, but sometimes it’s interesting/fun to explore whether people have had similar experiences to yours (and they have, of course they always have). In this vein, I was wondering if anyone here was familiar with the term aceflux. It’s a term I’ve been thinking a lot lately because I feel it accurately describes my relationship with sexual attraction. Right now I’m really experiencing, well, a flux in my aceness, lol. It’s so intense and prolonged it’s made me question my asexuality entirely.

Has anyone experienced this? A sudden prolonged experience of sexual attraction after years of an asexual experience? Or is this just libido and i’m overthinking it?

Hi, being recently diagnosed as audhd, I figured out my attraction to people was different :demi/grey.

For most of my teens and early adult years I was able to feed my(quite high) libido by using, limerence, contexts and triggers my grey side was sensible to, leading to a satisfactory sexual and social life. But by being burnt out often and my disorders becoming more apparent, I became more isolated each day until I met someone. I've been with this person on and off for the last three years and was only atracted to her and my demi side became obvious at this point, not feeling any attraction outside of the relationship.

This romantic and sexual relationship is now over and we'd like to stay friends, but I don't know how to dissociate that from my romantic and sexual attraction to her.

Any idea how to find people, places, or fiction that could help me, catering to those rare triggers of mine?

I am scared to loose my sexual life which has been quite diminished already being in a long distance relationship, and I feel like I can't get back to the grey side of my attraction while feeling this close to this person. Any advice?

Already asked the demisexual sub and I'm curious about your opinion.

(Not reall

So, I've been thinking about whether or not I was ace for a good... maybe 5 or so years now? I'm still relatively young and a while ago I decided I was probably grey-ace but that I didn't think I'd be sure until I actually had sex.

I fit with a decent amount of the general stuff people list, I never had much interest in sex as a concept (although it might just me filing it away in my mind as a "private" topic and being embarrassed about making my personal thoughts on the matter "public"), I considered that I'd be perfectly fine if I had an ace girlfriend or never actually had sex. I just didn't particularly care whether or not it actually happened.

However, I recently got a girlfriend and that has allowed me to discover a bit more about my thoughts on how I experience attraction, but I can't really find anything on my specific experience. I've noticed that when things tend to lean more intimate physically, while I do feel attraction, there's a disconnect between that attraction and desiring my own physical satisfaction. My mind focuses on my partner's satisfaction, and by the end of the exchange, whether or not anything happened to me doesn't matter. I essentially become a non-factor in my own mind.

I've asked a few friends about this and a few of them said they related. Two of those people also identify as Grey-Ace but it wasn't really their main reasoning. One straight friend didn't relate at all and one allo friend also said she related but when I asked for details later said that her view on her sexuality is kind of complicated.

Overall, what do you guys think? I think that this counts but not being able to find anything on this kind of experience makes me think that maybe I'm making it into something it's not. I get that it's okay to be unsure and labels aren't technically necessary, but I'd like to have one if I can.

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So i’m graysexual and my partner is hypersexual, we haven’t had sex in like a week because i haven’t been sexual at all and i’m scared that gonna ruin our relationship and i really don’t know what to do.

We talked about it (our sexual differences) but today they seemed down and when i asked them what’s wrong she said she’s horny, i don’t want in the future for her not being able to enjoy time with me because she’s horny and frustrated and m i’m not feeling sexual. For example we’re going on a short vacation, we’re staying in a bnb and she’s excited for the sex (she told me that’s not the only thing she’s excited about) but what if then i’m still not sexual and i can’t please them? (also my partner use both she and they pronouns) I’m scared that we won’t have a good time because of that. What if her energy is off because of that?

Apparently around 8% of all dreams involve some type of sexual activity and 20% contain something erotic. Here is a similar poll from r/asexuality: https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/comments/qpvuwz/do_you_have_sexual_dreams

This topic helped me personally to confirm that I am on the asexual spectrum.

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