This may be slightly nsfw so sorry in advance

I’m 27m and I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt sexual attraction. I don’t look at people and get the urge to have intercourse with them. However, certain visual stimuli arouses me. I can enjoy boobs or butts if they aren’t attached to a person, in a disconnected sense. If I look up and see a persons face I’m immediately turned off.

I’m a virgin but I have had sexual encounters online with nudes, sexting, voice and camera stuff. Even with the people online I’ve been emotionally connected to, I’ve never looked at them and thought “I want them.” I just chose to go along with what they want because they seemed really into it and I like making people happy. In maybe one of several encounters I’ve felt aroused, but in a “I’m going to masturbate” way and I could hardly ever finish.

I feel really alone in this. No micro labels explain my experience and I don’t feel like what I’m experiencing is enough to identify with asexual. If I told my closest friends I’m asexual or even greysexual they would have a hard time believing me because I like to make sex jokes and I do enjoy a good set of pillows.

I also fantasize about sex, but I never imagine the persons face. I just imagine the chest down and a very specific act. I might’ve felt slight attraction to a celebrity or fictional character because once or twice they have popped up in my fantasies but I usually need to really like them emotionally.

Does anyone know if I sound more asexual or greysexual? I’m really confused on what sexual attraction even feels like. I feel hungry but not for other people.

So for pretty much all of my teenage years, I wouldn't have dreamed of this being a possibility. The hormones were going wild as they do in many during that timeframe, and I had a very unabashed sex drive/sexual attraction. And I guess I'm still kind of hesitant to reach any sort of firm conclusion here because I don't want to just give myself labels for clout or any such thing, of course. Moreover, I'm not actually confident that my specific circumstance fits under the greysexual umbrella/if there's a specific term for it or anything.

A couple years back, I got in a messy breakup. I needn't cover the details here, but I feel it definitely shifted my view of sexual intimacy for the duller. I definitely experience attraction and I still, y'know, "play the solo" as it were, albeit with much more difficulty and a bit less frequently. But when it comes to considering actual sexual prospects with other people, I kind of just freeze. I generally figure if it were to happen I'd rather it be with people I like (preferably romantically, although maybe that's not an absolute requirement). But I have been romantically attracted since then and even in those moments I feel like sexuality has not been on my mind. I would much sooner take someone out for lunch and hold their hand than have sex with them. Truly insane, I know (sarcasm). In summary, I definitely experience sexual attraction but very, very seldom would I consider acting on it (probably not never, though).

I'm open to the possibility that I've just developed a fear of intimacy. That's a completely viable outlook. But even so, I do think environment plays some sort of a factor and that one's sexuality can change over time. As much as I understand that that call is mine to make and not any of yours', I'd appreciate any sort of insight as to whether I'd even hypothetically fit under the umbrella and really just anything you think might make sense here.

Cheers, thank you for your time.

I really don't like it when anime does romance. Specifically if I'm choosing to watch something not romantic at all. I say that cause it feels like it's being forced onto me when I didn't ask for it. Specifically when I watch an action or comedy anime, and im looking at the genre making sure its no romance. And everytime there's a scene that's romantic, I feel annoyed. Like "why are you doing this." I start to feel like "why isn't there an anime character that shut romance down completely, no romance at all. But then that character is just seen as the cold rude person. And most people love romance and I don't. Or maybe romance is media is just too extreme and I don't like the forceful aspect.

I'm just curious that does my dislike for romance in shows or movies relate to parts of my being. I don't like it being forced onto me. But I would like the possibility of a partnership and connection. I don't know if I'm making any sense. But I was just curious, cause I was watching an anime that looked interesting made sure it had no romance, then an episode of romantic tense happened and I just got repulsed, annoyed, weird upset feeling in my body thinking "please stop, can't you see the character is annoyed, stop forcing yourself on them when their not interested" and just quit the anime. Does having that feeling related to how I feel about relationships

This is kind of a difficult topic for me to talk about but I'd like to share and see if anyone has any useful experience or advice for me.

So I'm bipolar and pretty sure I'm grey ace. The thing is when I get manic I get an overwhelming urge to have sex. Everytime I do it though I feel horrible and it's a traumatic experience for me. I'm wondering if I'm really ace or just so traumatized and desensitized that I'm incapable of enjoying it.

Hello everyone,

maybe you can give me some advice! :)

My partner and I face currently some sexual struggles.

I learned a few weeks ago that my partner (F31) is greysexual. I (F35) would describe myself as allosexual, with a slight lower sexual desire. I have no interest in sex with anyone without having a strong emotional bond, so polyamory is not an option for us (yet I cannot describe myself as demi).

It took me years to feel the sexual attraction and arousal that I feel today. Like, I was for 7 years in a marriage with another woman. She had a high sex drive, and needed it weekly or more often. I did it with the thought, If I don’t do it, she will cheat on me. The first months were really exciting, it was my first sexual contact, I even engaged the sex, but then, I had no interest anymore. I never experienced an orgasm without a sex toy in the relationship. I hardly felt sexual arousal in general until in the last years I never felt it. At the same time, I felt such a huge pressure to be someone that I am not, and I really tried to be that person, but I failed. Happily, she cheated on me and we broke our marriage.

Today, everything changed. I got into a relationship with a partner, that never ever strongly engaged sex. I felt no pressure anymore, to do it for my partner. And then I started to feel things I never felt in my life. Like actual sexual arousal with another person. Sometimes it is so high, that I come undone. That is so crazy. Often, foreplay is more fun for me than the act itself. But sometimes during foreplay my body craves for the act itself.

The thing is, my partner does that all “for me”, because she is greysexual. Generally, to feel sexually happy I need it 1-2 per month. She says that she could have less often sex, but does not want to eliminate it completely from her life.

My partner and I comprised to 1 x sex per month. She says, that she enjoys it to “pleasure” me and to have control over me, but often feels no sexual arousal (sometimes she feels it, but then it diminishes fastly).

Often for her, sex is coupled with inner stress she has. The more stress or anxiety she has, the less she can think about it. Which is completely understandable for me. .

So, my question is, do you have any tips for an allosexual (with slightly “lower” sex drive) and greysexual, to make the sensation more enjoyable for both?

What we want to do: we want to be sexual intimate, and couple it with very sensual foreplay which she can sensually enjoy for herself. Which she loves. We want to schedule our sex. We try to communicate honest to each other. About dos and don'ts. Maybe you have experience with safe words? Hope to hear more of your advice 😊!

P.S.: Please do not understand me wrong, I do not want to change her. I just want to change our sexual life to make it the best way possible for us, because we love each other and want to stay in a relationship with each other.

I can get aroused by things, namely body parts and voice, but never sexual attraction in the real world. (And I'm not sure if I have ever during self time) Thing is, I don't think I'm aego or demi. As I don't like reading fantasy.. edit: found out I'm miriansexual

I figured out my Asexuality January last year and separated from a allo partner eventually late that year after we both figured it just wasn't going to work anymore. At that point I thought I'd be happy never to have sex again. I thought I was sex adverse because I never initiated it and didn't really enjoy it much.

However I met a Grey Ace online recently who's sexual desires comes and go and we've really hit it off sexually. They are way more experienced than my ex which for me seems to be a turn on. We've sexted quite a bit and I am very interested in having sex with them. I've never felt like this, I know I'll never initiate sex and could go long periods without being bothered by it and have done but I feel like if a partner I liked initiated sex I can be into that.

Does this make me Grey Ace?

I'm super confused because I've spent the last 16 months thinking one thing for it suddenly to change.

Hi, I am new to this community and thought I would share my story a bit.

I have more recently discovered that I likely am grey ace (and grey aro for that matter) but because I didn't know better until I learned more, I have always found myself in between a rock and a hard place. In my younger years (teens and early 20s) I would often engage in sexual activity if I had a partner, but it wasn't because I had the drive, I did it because I always thought that was the expectation. Mind you, nobody pressured me into it, I just felt that was normal for a functioning relationship, is to engage in having sex often.

Did I always enjoy it? No. But it wasn't painful by any means. I just wasn't into it. Sometimes I was, but not often.

I've been married for 14 years now and when I started dating my husband, same thing, a lot of the sex at the beginning was because I felt like that was what I SHOULD be doing, instead of what I want to do. The upside is, it's a lot more enjoyable with him than any other, even when I'm not really in the mood.

A couple years into our relationship though, I started getting sick with Crohn's and needed surgery. After that I rarely had sex with him and always used my post surgery anxiety as an excuse except that wasn't it. Especially since a few years would pass and I still wasn't feeling it. It took my desire to have a child to have more regular sex with him again but once pregnant, and especially after child birth, our bedroom was pretty dead again.

I do have the occasional desire, yes, but it either comes in waves and I want some fore several days and then stops for months, or it just comes to me one random day (and usually during poor timing heh).

Either way, I never knew what I did to myself by believing that having regular sex was needed for a functioning relationship. I never knew that there can be other ways of being, and sex doesn't need to define a healthy relationship. Yes, it frustrates my husband but we found acceptance in each other and figured out how to work with my sexuality in a healthy way, instead of against it, without judgement or laying blame. We might be a rare example of a functioning relationship where one's libido is quite high and the other is quite the opposite. I am grateful for him and his patience with me though. And I am grateful about the things I've learned over the recent months/years as it did help figuring myself out better and knowing what to do.

I hope I continue to learn more as I browse through this community.

Thank you all for being here ♥

I'm grey ace and want to date, but obviously don't want sex to be a priority. I'm a bisexual girl. Anyone have any tips or websites for how to find other people who are gray ace or asexual to date?

So I fantasize about girls sexually. I want to say frequently not every day but I say frequently I’m not going months in between these experiences. when watching porn I also go “man I’d cum from that” or “fuck she has perfect tits” I want to have sex. what am I lol?

Hi! I (24F) have been with my partner (25M)for 2 years, he’s recently come out as greysexual to me. I’m so proud of him, but am finding it a bit difficult due to my own insecurities.

What’s something you wish your partner knew, or does that makes things easier for you? Any advice is welcome

Hey guys, so I've been a bit confused recently because over the last few months (like 5-6 months) I've become really sex-repulsed, even anything to do with sex and sexual intimacy, ESPECIALLY with other people. However, I still find that I have crushes almost like how I did when I was younger, where it would just be romantic attraction with no sexual attraction. For example, I figured out I liked one of my friends about 2 months ago and just seeing him smile would make me blush and smile, but the idea of doing anything more than cuddling or hand-holding I found icky and just off-putting. I will say that I did have an unfortunate experience with my most recent partner (this is absolutely in no way saying that one can't be greysexual without trauma, literally everyone is completely valid I'm just explaining my experience), but I don't know where I'm at now and I was just wondering if anyone had any advice? Thanks!

I am working with the Gender and Sexualities Research Group at American University on three IRB-approved studies: Anchors of Our Quality of Life, Asexuality its Complicated and The Role of Expectations in Gender Affirmation. We’re looking for more demi/gray sexual participants! The surveys are short (take about 10 minutes to complete). More information about the studies is available at https://identityresearch.info/.

I had finally started to feel an actual strong emotion. Stronger than I ever felt before and I was so confused. Normally I feel nothing but for the first time, instead of "that person looks nice" Or "they seem cool I want to hangout with them" this time ever I felt a pull. Idk what it was, it was strange but new and I really enjoyed spending time with this person. But it ended cause I wasn't as intimate as much. The person was demi and I'm grey. And I tried to explain how I felt differently to relationship. For me, I like companionship, and intimacy sometimes. But for this person that's demi they wanted more intimacy, touching, holding, full allo relationship. I did do all that in the beginning and more but when I just wanted cuddle and talk and not led to anything physical, id notice this person would get sad. But say "we don't need to be physical its completely fine." But when I looked into their eyes i could see they were sad. So I tried to be more physical and they tried to be open to my needs, but then I started going through a difficult situation and I was just so overwhelmed and frustrated. And I'd just shutdown cause of everything. It's a long story short but can a demi and grey even work? I know relationship take a lot of work and it makes it harder when I don't understand things normally. I'm in the autistic spectrum and grey. I'm terrible at communication but I want it. I even suggested non-verbal so at least they know I've shutdown and I'm trying to come back. And just need to step away for a bit. But it just didn't work. And what makes its sad is that I fell for this person cause of their eyes. When I looked into their eyes it felt like it hit me to my core. And for me, if I was into a type, it was eyes. That old saying "eyes are the window to the soul" and I had never ever felt it nor ever seen it on anyone. But this one single person made me feel something. And I'm mad, sad, confused, surprised, and "hey I can felt strongly about someone". But what makes it worrying is that I don't know if I'll feel that strongly about someone again. Yes, I know everyone moves on, etc etc you'll find someone. But being on the autistic spectrum and grey. It feels like "well you blew it. That was your one." And sometimes I'm like "why am I difficult. Why am I this extra step most people can't do? Everything I've tried it's never worked out. Cause everyone leaves once they see the real me...." Potential Friends, coworkers distance myself, and family. So I try hard not to be me. And it doesn't work out, cause they still leave. Sorry, it was a question but it was just me rambling.

Hello, I need some advice. 

For context I, 28m and my wife, 28f have been having a rough time being intimate with each other. We've been together for 8 years and in the beginning our sex life was beautiful. But as of two years ago, my wife has discovered she's Grey/asexual. She can go days even months without having one sexual thought. She doesn't find anyone, including me, sexually attractive. This doesn't stop her from flirting and teasing me. But as soon as sex is presented she shuts down. No amount of kissing, massages, or toys seem to do anything. I've been open about talking it through, but her answer is the same each time, "sex just isn't appealing to me.". I can't comprehend what it's like not to be sexual, let Alone not being sexual/sexually attracted towards your partner. I'm used to that push and pull dynamic but just not what she's describing. We've been going to couples therapy but it seems the route of our issues are solely in our intimate life. Ive stopped initiating sex, and been hands off about it to see how she'd handled it, but in all honesty I think I'll be the one to break first. I'm an extremely sexual person, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about sex. Any advice?

I, 35m, have been married for 15 years. My wife, 35f, recently discovered she was grey sexual. I won't drag on with the journey so this is the gist.

We have had some major issues regarding intimacy. It was a relief to hear her say this because it confirmed the issue is not me.

We are trying and open relationship but I am nervous to hurt her. She is certainly monogamous. I am too but I don't feel like I have options.

She has always been aloof to our struggles until I bring them up. I read that Grey feels less loneliness and that clicked for me as to why she does not see them. At times, I feel like she is in her own world regarding our relationship.

Basically, is there hope? Everything seems so negative online. We have talked about divorce and the discussion has come up because of the issues. We are in sex counseling and we have yet to tell the counselor this update.

Since this is reddit, despite all our struggles and pain, my wife said she always felt loved from me. I think I want this to work, but I don't know anymore. She is sex neutral so that is kind of hopeful. We tried scheduled intimacy, never works. We have tried alot.

Sharing a bed is hard because the lack of touching. I am considering moving to the guest bedroom.

What are the odds of this working?

So I'm demisexual and grayace and I'm just sharing so I don't feel like I'm weird. Or maybe you will affirm that I am indeed weird.

I don't like kissing that much. I conceptually find it strange. Maybe I am thinking too much about it. But essentially I find it strange to be like "wow I like you so much, here's my saliva". A small peck cool cool we're fine.

Making out? I just conceptual see that as an act of foreplay only. That's the only time it makes sense to me as to why you'd passionately kiss someone

Is this even remotely the same for anyone else? Or is it really the case that I've just been kissing the wrong people, people I don't find attractive?

If it helps with context: I'm aromantic, so I have no romantic attraction to confuse other things with.

I'm recently questioning if I'm gray-asexual as well, but that's a bit muddier for me.

Some of my experiences in question:

• I've been sexually attracted to around 2-3 specific people in my life, with maybe one instance a year at most
  • It tends to last up to a year or more, if it does happen
• If I'm not attracted to someone specific at the moment, dealing with my sex drive by my own hand is enough. No craving and burning for anyone, I just like the physical pleasure
• I can be aesthetically attracted to people outside of those rare instances, but there's none of the burning desire characteristic of my sexual attraction (or at least what I've recognized as such)
• Sexual attraction to specific people is rare for me and thus, so are sexual fantasies about those specific people
• Outside of that, I think a lot about having sex with others and enjoy the idea... but it's either with fictional characters, or vague outlines of people with no distinguishing features
• I find myself wishing I was sexually attracted to someone specific, solely for the sake of experiencing desire. Sometimes I think I have the hots for someone, but later realize I'm simply wishing that I did

Generally I have issues about feeling important and needed by others, and I suspect that sometimes factors into why I might want sexual relationships.

I'm also autistic and sex is a major special interest of mine, in a scientific/artistic/etc. sense. This makes up a good part of my preoccupation with sexual topics.

Anyone else share any of these experiences, or otherwise feel like this rings a bell?

TL;DR: Rarely experience sexual attraction to anyone in particular. Most of the time, I think about sex in any way but "I want to fuck these actual people." Could I be grey-ace?

Hello! First off I hope I follow the rules with this post but I found it difficult to set the right tag to the post, if I didn't chose the right one please let me know and I will change it!

Okay so starting off I wanna be clear that I don't know a lot of the asexual bubble so I might be in the complete wrong but out of the ones I've read I just felt really connected to greysexuality. The whole thing about being greysexual seems scary to me because it seems so difficult to perhaps describe and understand.

I don't know who to turn to or who to ask because nobody in my life really knows or understand more than me and I'm worried about the obvious of being judged for questioning myself yet again.

I'm a girl who's bi, I've been in relationships before and when I look back I just thought of the fact that I never had a very consistent sexual attraction or to say need to go all the way with any of my ex-partners.. It was very up and down and I could have this time where I was very interested only to just a day after simply go months of no sexual activity nor need for it at all..

Sexual activity have never been the number one priority for me, I mean sure it could be fun and nice to be close to my partner but I never feel it strongly enough to say that I "need" it. My old girlfriend at the time got very frustrated with me, questioning if I even found her attractive in a sexual way and so on which I told her that I did but I just didn't feel the need to do it (whenever I don't feel like I need it, I have a tendency to just simply not wanting it)

Not to go into too much detail but when I actually was intimate with someone the majority of the reason and time was simply to please them and I found it fine to do so and yes I still enjoyed it but idk maybe not in a sexual way but more of a loving and connecting way.

I also looked into the fact that I may be demisexual but I don't find it to be as close to me as greysexuality just one of the factors being that I don't REALLY need a strong connection to feel sexual attraction. I feel so confused with everything.

Reason why I'm saying all of this and that I'm making a post here about it is because I'm hoping to get some answers on maybe how I could proceed so I could know a little more on what I am.. How did you guys figure it out? What can I do to get more sure? Am I completely barking up the wrong tree here or is there a possibility that my thoughts are right and might I in fact be greysexual?

Any advise for me would be greatly appreciated, I hope my text doesn't make anyone uncomfortable or trigger anyone but I figured out if anyone should know then it's people who know it within themselves..

Thank you :)

I swear about half the month I’m very comfortable with my attraction to women, (though I’m not sexually attracted to all women just certain ones.) I also just have periods where I can’t seem to feel secure in my sexuality. I have moments where I feel uncomfortable with anything sexual even towards the gender I am attracted to? It’s weird and I don’t know if this is part of being grey or what? It’s really confusing. Does anyone here have periods where they feel uncomfortable with attraction even to people they are attracted to at other points? I feel like at certain points I feel more attracted to people in general but otherwise I’m only attracted to certain individuals or no one.

Aestheticly attractive person exists, yay!

Smutty fantasy of aestheticly attractive person in my head, yay!

See aestheticly attractive person IRL...

...yeah, no thanks...

Want to bang my head into a wall and make it make sense 😭

Is this normal? I feel like this is more than just having a “type” in that it’s not really that I only like one type of woman (I’m lesbian so I only want to be with women) but there are only a few types of women that I experience sexual attraction to and for most others I don’t really experience any and I don’t know why. I can think they’re nice and want them as friends but sexually I’ve only truly without any reservation been immediately attracted to one woman that I met a few years ago who was a friend of mine. I absolutely would have dated her and wanted a full relationship complete with sex. I don’t experience this hardly ever though and it makes me feel like something is wrong with me. I’m not really sure what the label for how I feel would be so I’m posting here to see what others think. I’ve had people say I’m too picky and that I need to be less particular but I can’t help the fact that very few people turn me on and the idea of being with someone I don’t feel anything for is really off putting to me.

I'm [23F] learning that I sit somewhere on the Grey spectrum and I'm seeking some advice for navigating friendships with the opposite sex. I haven't told anyone because I don't think that's anyone's business (I'm not sure on how to put it into words to be quite honest).

Anyway, I went out with a group of friends at work earlier this year and it was very fun. We were supposed to go out again as a group, but our schedules made it difficult to do.

In the meantime, one of my coworkers [24M] who went out with us has been asking me to go out with him on a few occasions (he only asks me, so it might be one on one??). I agreed to go but he never followed through with setting it up. I want to follow up and actually go, but I don't want to seem like I'm into him by taking the lead. I just want to hang out as friends because I really like him as a person.

How do you all navigate situations like these? Especially when the person is in a serious relationship (engaged) and doesn't know you're grey/ace? I'm not 100% that he strictly sees me as a friend, I'm just assuming that he does given he's engaged and mentions his fiance to me.

Any help is greatly appreciated! I would be very sad if I had to lose another friendship over this.

I’m 32F and I have identified as straight my whole life. But since I turned 30 I have been questioning my orientation and relationship with both sexual and romantic attraction pretty hard. So I thought I’d write my experience here and maybe someone on the grey aroace spectrum could tell me if they can relate or if there’s a name for this?

• I have never been in a relationship. I have had a few crushes but even those I can count on one hand, and out of them I’d say only two or three have been significant to me - one when I was 17/18, and other two in my late 20s to two male colleagues when we used to live in each other’s pockets during job gigs. I always developed intense feelings only after getting to know the guy really well and lost it soon after, with one exception with an older man who I kept thinking about for years.

• I can’t see myself in a relationship - I don’t know what that would look like. I don’t want to share a bed or even a room. I might want a child one day but the thought of bringing one up in a monogamous heterosexual relationship makes my skin crawl a bit, I would feel unnaturally trapped. This I’d rather do in a community of women or enbies, “it takes a village”

• I don’t like kissing or PDAs. Romantic gestures annoy me. When other people talk about their romantic lives or heartbreak my thoughts are always something like “why bother, why force yourself to go through all that?”

• I have always found the thought of me personally loving/liking someone and the same person reciprocating it utterly incomprehensible

• I have had sex 6 times in my life with 5 people, all men, all one night stands, all when I was drunk. Every time I felt either anxious or disinterested about it but it was what people did so I went no through with it too. Never sober though. Now that I’ve stopped clubbing and drinking I don’t want to have sex with anyone.

• I have no desire TO TOUCH people, but I’m not averse to BEING touched. Here gender doesn’t matter, I would not mind a female touching me. The thought of touching a naked body or genitalia of any kind repulses me but just lying there and being the receiving participant would be fine.

• I definitely don’t feel any sexual attraction towards women, but to be fair I’m not keen on being perceived by men. I may find men good looking or maybe a single body part “hot” but I never think “oh I’d like to shag this person”

• My libido awakens in waves. I do masturbate and have sexual fantasies but here comes the hook - they’re all either experienced through fictional characters (often men!) or very fictionalised version of myself, and they are always dubious or non-con fantasies. I only feel arousal by looking or touching myself and through these elaborate scenarios, never by looking or thinking about other people regardless of their gender. The act of solo-sex is what arouses me.

• Recently I have been intrigued with the concept of a queer platonic relationship - not sharing a bed or a room but basically having a designated trusted friend and partner to go through life with.

I think that’s everything I feel is relevant to the question. If anyone has any thoughts or ideas I’d love to hear them. Am I aroace? Grey aroace? Allosexual aromantic? Something else entirely?

I was originally going to post this in an even more niche subreddit, but the MOD has been MIA for like a month. So! I will try to keep this away from tmi, but please note the nsfw tag.

I am 28F, fully asexual as far as I know (nada on the sexual attraction scale), but have always been very interested in sex as a concept, in fiction, on my own time, etc. I only figured out I was ace in my 20s after realizing that "hey, I don't like making out. This does not seem to be the norm... I wonder if there's something wrong with me?" (there isn't) and spiraling for a bit. Anyway, I have fully accepted my sexuality by now, and while there are a million things I don't know yet, I am at peace with figuring them out as they come.

Back to my main point! I sorta, kinda, not all the way, but definitely dipped my toes into the world of sex a couple of weeks ago. And lo and behold, sex can be FUN. Who knew? (I mean, aside from like a considerably large percentage of the planet). Ok, but, for real. I did not know before actually trying it if I would be ok with it. I have struggled for a long time over the possibility that I may be repulsed by sexual acts with another person (the way I kinda am sometimes by making out). So I went into this almost entirely blind and as a full leap of faith.

I guess I wanted to share in case someone else feels similarly to the way I do. I still don't know where my limits are, if any, nor if I will go all the way, ever. But! I had a really positive experience, so I feel encouraged to try again and likely more things. If there is anyone out there who is in a similar boat and thinking of trying things out, my unsolicited advice would be:

1. Don't force yourself; like, not even a little bit. I didn't plan this. I was on a trip with some friends, and the stars aligned or some shit, and I just kinda felt like it while a very willing participant was available.
2. If you are going to experiment, do it with someone you trust. I've known this person for over 6 years and was certain that they wouldn't cross any lines I drew (I had a couple of very clear limits that were fully respected, no matter how unconventional).

And I guess that's it. Just, yeah. Even if you have 0% sexual attraction to other people, you may still have fun doing sexy shit. Or not. Sometimes, we can only figure things out as we try them. If you have any similar experiences (or completely different) or fears or questions, whatever, please share.

Maybe its just me,but whenever I meet other queers (I'm Cis Grey- bisexual btw) they will be all open-minded and accepting outward which later turns into flirting or direct the conversation into sexual experiences or outright invitation for sexual activities and this eventually leads me into me leaving right away or turning them down. Is this a general thing that happens a lot to any of you?

So I've been on a journey of healing lately. Started therapy about 5 weeks ago and it's going great, and now at the point where I'm starting to explore my sexuality again and I've realised that my sexual attraction falls in between ace and allo, can I be Graysexual and gay at the same time as I am sexually attracted to men, it all really depends on the mood, the situation, there are some days I feel more towards asexual with my sexual attraction and there's days I feel more towards allo and some days are somewhere in-between, any advice for a new potentially ace spec folk thank you.

So for the last 4 or so years, I (she/her) have been softly out as identifying as asexual/somewhere on the greysexual spectrum amongst my close smaller circle of friends (mostly amongst my few girlfriends and my partner of 10yrs, never really go out of my way to make my sexuality known to many people unless it feels relevant or welcoming to discuss I suppose lol) Anyway, identifying myself as being on the greysexual scale has been an extremely liberating experience in terms of my own sexuality and experience with it. I have felt more open and comfortable discussing sexual topics and experiences with my friends, and exploring general sexuality without intense pressure, which was never the case beforehand, and that has been really positive for me overall. I can say that I'm confident in my sexual identity and immensely proud of my personal growth since being able to establish my boundaries pertaining to it. I'm making this post because recently I experienced one of my closest friends making what felt like an invalidating/humiliating joke to me in front of some of our other friends (of whom I haven't directly disclosed my asexuality to) The instance has been replaying in my head and bothering me, I'm not sure whether I should be this bothered about it, or if I have a right to be upset with her over it. Basically all that happened was some mild sex references/jokes were being made about attending some male stripper event and she said, referring to me, "not in front of the virgin" while scoffing. it was kind of jarring to hear that, so much that in the moment I brushed it off because I didn't understand why it was said in the first place. it's even more jarring the more I dwell on it, knowing that I myself, albeit on the ace spectrum, still have occasional sexual experiences and thoughts/feelings, and the fact that she knows that about me. given all of the knowledge of that I can't seem to perceive that comment as anything but humiliating/belittling and imvalidating of my asexual identity? (please let me make it clear that I do not believe being a "virgin" is in anyway shameful or anything of the sort. I'm just taking this objectively considering the lens of how society mocks and narrates the concept of so-called "virginity" as being something to feel ashamed of) Now I understand that many don't understand asexuality and I'm comfortable and proud of myself despite that, but it just feels especially upsetting to recieve that kind of comment from one of my best friends who I've put a lot of trust in sharing this with, and I'm unsure how to move on and forward. any advice, discussions, etc. are highly appreciated :)

As a kid and teenager I would always be physically attracted to someone, especially a teenager, but sometime after I became an adult and as all finally fully grown I haven't been attracted to anyone at all. At least not for somewhere around 10 years or so. I had and have zero interest in ever dating, knowing what sex is like or any of that. I just want to be left alone and the idea of dying surrounded by kitties that love me instead of some grandchildren and kids fills me with happiness lol.

Sometimes I see a woman I think is sort of pretty but the desire to go talk to them is less than zero much less persue them in any way and even this is becoming increasingly less frequent to where maybe out of several hundred I see someone I will think to myself, mm....she's pretty....anyway.

I think I just became greysexual after the hormones went away. What do you guys think?