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Question above: can Reciprosexual be considered under the grey umbrella since it is conditional? (No sexual attraction until someone is attracted to you first?)

The only person I was sure I'd want to have sex with (no explicit romantic or sexual attraction) was someone I thought was attracted to me not just my body So I would imagine him overlooking my not-sexiness and just wanting to be intimate with me

So it's like reciprosexual except if they're emotionally maybe romanically into me? I dont know if I'd call what I felt attraction either but rather desire and i would chose them over anyone else (bc i knew him, kinda demi but not quite)?

Can anyone relate? Are there any terms to help describe this?

I mean to those of them who i like ..it does not mean that if someone who is not in my taste chase me i am gonna feel attraction for him.

But i only have sexual attraction for men that chase me and try to win my heart, not only for men that want sex. Or at least if i BELIEVE that they are in love with me and this is why they try hard to win me. It does not mean that they are in love but this is what I BELIEVE and makes me attracted to them. No matter how good looking is someone if he is not flirting me and try to approach me i would NEVER care or feel attraction for him.

I am not demi-sexual cause i don't need a lot of time to feel a connection with someone in order to feel attracted to him. But if i like someone i might have attraction ( i guess) even if they are not in mood at this specific time. I am not sure about it though. But even if i am not isn't this normal? Who can feel horny if she is next to a cold stone?

But mainly i want to make clear i am attracted only to men who are attracted to me sexually CAUSE i believe they are in love with me. So its not only about sexual attraction but romantic attraction too. Maybe their attraction might be sexual only though from their side but I BELIEVE they want me so much cause they are in love with me. So i am talking for strong sexual attraction always ! If someone has a not so strong attraction for me i might not care at all again.

Do you think i am reciprosexual?

So I'm demisexual and very into my fiance. I notice, though I can only get into the idea of having sex with him if he's teeming with that kimd of energy. Is this reciprosexuality? Or rather, a component of it? I'm not even sure if I feel sexual at all until he does in fact.

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Hey peeps! I’ll keep it brief, and I really appreciate any opinions I can get! So I’m demisexual/demiromantic, meaning I’m only attracted to people I have a close emotional bond with. Something I’ve noticed is that out of all the people I’ve been attracted to, I’ve never discounted the chance that they could be attracted to me too. But when it turned out they weren’t, my attraction to them died within the next day or so.

I’m curious because the moment they say they aren’t attracted to me, I lose attraction to them. It isn’t the standard definition of reciprosexuality, I don’t think, but I can definitely justify it based on how my demisexuality works for me. What do you guys think?

I’ve been considering reciprosexuality a lot more seriously for myself recently and because of that I’ve been looking for people talking about how it works for them. However, so far the internet has seemed pretty barren of actual recipros talking about how it works. Does anyone have any anecdotes about how they figured out they were reciprosexual or just any general reciprosexual experiences?

Since nobody has posted anything, I'll get brave and tell my personal experience of being reciprosexual (a very specific subset of asexuality), and how that combines with my wife being asexual.

What is "reciprosexual"? "Someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction for a person until they know that person is sexually attracted to them first."

It is typically genetic, and it is never a "choice".

Basically, if somebody isn't showing obvious sexual attraction towards me first (or faking it super well), I literally am asexual at that moment. I enjoy sex, but if my partner isn't in the mood, then I'm "faking it" too. It doesn't work, and nothing can change it.

Context, from before I knew I am reciprosexual:

• I grew up in a very traditional global religion. In fact, a relative of mine was the head of the religion for many years. When I got married in my mid-20s, I followed the rules, and I had never "gone all the way" before my honeymoon.
• My wife, besides also being a convert to my religion, grew up in a country that is extremely conservative, as well as growing up in a problematic household (a sibling who is a narcissist, a sociopathic parent, and the parents had a terrible relationship and broke up). I found out much later that she was also a victim of several sexual assault attempts. So, unsurprisingly, on the honeymoon and later, intimacy was problematic.
• In our intimate relationship, something often felt "off", but it's taken until now, decades later, to finally understand it. I assumed it was her background. While that's a factor, that's not it. It turns out that I am reciprosexual, and my wife is asexual (or traumatized in her youth to the point that she has the same result). Note that she occasionally has a little bit of libido, but that doesn't change the fact that she is literally incapable of feeling sexual attraction to anybody, not for me, not for a supermodel, nobody.

We recently figured out our situation, now that we are in our early 50s.

The effects:

• Early in the marriage, she allowed intimate activities frequently, without ever admitting that most of the time she was "going through the motions". I feel bad now knowing that it's terrible for her when she isn't in the mood. No amount of foreplay or anything else can change that. Over time, she cut me off more and more, and now that we're on her schedule, intimacy is extremely infrequent, and nothing can improve that. It's better for her. At least now that I understand it, I stress less, but it is still frustrating.
• Whenever it is obvious she is "faking it" for me, my being reciprosexual leaves me asexual at that moment. It's not enjoyable for me either! I always thought I was doing something wrong, or worried that she didn't really love me, but it turns out both of us are a bit "broken" (not our fault!!!). Not really broken, but before knowing what we have, I didn't understand our situation. "Different".
  • I hate to turn her down for sex, but if she isn't feeling it, it doesn't work for me at all. She also finds that frustrating, since she knows I want intimacy more often, but she can't make herself feel something that isn't real.
  • In practice, it turns out that often what I really need is actually more non-sexual physical relations (cuddling, kissing, etc.), which we both are always ready for. Some asexuals don't handle that either, but we don't have that issue. Our blocker in that has been her breathing issues, exacerbated by her weight (which she is working on).
• Since she is incapable of feeling sexual attraction, and I'm only capable of feeling sexual attraction when my partner is feeling sexual attraction towards me first, it's in theory a "dead end". This is what has saved the situation to some degree:
  • She is always capable of having a climax. At that point, I'm triggered the same as if she were feeling sexual attraction.
  • That means we're in a weird situation where the only way I can feel sexual attraction is by pleasing her first, but 99% of the time she has no libido, so we're just in a holding pattern.
• That also means that, while it's complicated, at the same time we avoid the dangers and consequences most relationships face with sexuality:
  • My wife is literally incapable of feeling even momentary sexual attraction for another person. She could never cheat. In our intimate activities, she's incapable of fantasizing she's with another. She just wants to be with me.
  • Note that, besides being reciprosexual, I also have "aphantasia".
    • I literally can't visualize in my mind (fantasies, nor recall what I've seen, heard, etc.). I remember what happened, but can't see it in my head.
    • So, I can't fantasize when I see somebody, and I can't fantasize about another woman while I'm with my wife. I'm a "safe bet". I "live in the moment". I could never cheat, and even the thought of it is craziness to me.
  • Yet another related condition*:* I also have SDAM (Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory). It is "a lifelong inability to vividly recollect or re-experience personal past events from a first-person perspective". I mainly remember details of events that have strong good or bad emotions. So, I remember things mainly when they have excellent results or terrible consequences. Anything boring is mostly forgotten, I just remember the good and the bad. The downside is that when something goes wrong, I mostly remember the consequences, not the cause, since initially I didn't know it was a problem, so I have trouble avoiding making the same mistakes, even though I stress over the results.
  • My huge pluses of having aphantasia and SDAM:
    • I'm basically immune to PTSD.
    • I have a huge advantage in becoming an engineer and/or scientist. We are wired differently, and are extremely good for those fields (and enjoy our jobs too!).

My conditions are all genetic. They run in my family. Note that it is extremely common for the same person to have many or all of these conditions at once, because they are related.

It's important to understand that people with these conditions aren't "broken", they are just "different". You would be shocked to know how many key people have these conditions. Inventors, leaders, celebrities, singers, painters, dancers, writers, engineers, teachers, doctors, psychologists, etc. In many cases, the conditions actually provide advantages, and are the reason they got so far.

The conditions that run in my family, which I believe are all related:

• Asexuality (many variations in my family). It's a part of LGBTQIA, of which there are several other variations in my family.
• Aphantasia (many of us have it)
• SDAM (many of us have it)
• Autism or ADHD (many of us have one or the other, but we are all "high functioning")
• Body overreacts. In our case, many of us have Raynaud's Disease, meaning we are effectively allergic to hot or cold weather. It sucks. I have to be overly bundled up much of the year, avoid heat stroke in summer, and I always get sick whenever there's a heavy change in the weather.

While "reciprosexual" is largely unknown, I suspect it's more common than people realize. There are some who are considered "greysexual", where it isn't always a thing. That's what I thought I had. After digging deeper, I figured out that I am reciprosexual, and my guess is that there are many who likewise have this same situation without figuring it out.

Asexual Minority Stress Scale (AMSS): Part 3

Participants who complete the survey IN FULL will be entered in a drawing for a $25 Amazon gift card!

Please consider participating in the final part of a research study to create the Asexual Minority Stress Scale, a novel measure that measures minority stress factors in the asexual community.

In Study 1, we interviewed members of the asexual community to listen to the lived experiences of asexual individuals and their experiences with discrimination. We created a survey based on the content of those interviews, and in Study 2, we gathered data to refine the scale. We need your responses for Study 3 to assess the validity of the finalized scale.

You do NOT have to identify as asexual to participate—people of all sexual orientations are welcome!

You can access the survey here: https://fullerton.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_0HxZ7bQ5dgce08C

If you have any questions/comments, please contact the principal investigator for more information at rouvere@csu.fullerton.edu. Your participation would be greatly appreciated and will contribute to creating a stronger, more accurate understanding of asexual experiences!

(This study has been approved by the University of California, Fullerton Institutional Review Board.)

For those who are uneducated, a Reciprosexual is a person who normally doesn't experience sexual attraction, unless somebody shows sexual interest for them first. It has been around since 2005 and is recognized by Glaad and aromantism.org, a.k.a AUREA.

If you perhaps mistook this sub for the romantic attraction, Recipromantic, please visit the /r/Recipromantic subreddit instead. If not, welcome!

Welcome! I am still kinda new to managing subreddits but the rules should be getting posted soon!