Why am I like this

Hey guys. So I came out as Aego to my parents a while back and they’ve been pretty accepting for the most part but I’m having difficulty explaining it to my mom. It’s just not really clicking for her. she knows I find men attractive (usually fictional men) but I am sex repulsed and She always says “how can you know you don’t like it if you don’t try it”. If anybody has any resources that could me explain it to her I’d appreciate it. cause I’m apparently not doing a very good job of it.

Tldr- rant about me finding people hot when im ovulating and it makes me sad lmao

The majority of the time, my interests lay soley in the lives of fictional characters, I have nothing to do with them and thats perfectly fine for me. But once ovulation starts, I just start to get so lonely.

I'll see a character or something that I like, and its not that I want to be with them, but there's some sort of yearning. Yearning for the fact that I will never myself feel these types of emotions for someone. That I'll never be able to have that connection (Ofc i can find it platonically but WHERE IS IT I WANT IT NOW)

And then the rest of the month I'm back to being my badass self. So its like a 3:1 ratio of weeks in a month, 3 where I love to be my own independent self, and 1 where i think everyone is super hot and im so sad.

I'm not quite sure if I can be both, but I feel like both cause I definitely see myself being in a sexual relationship sometimes but most of the time imagining me in a relationship like that grosses me out or just makes me extremely uncomfortable

Hello! So I’m fairly certain I’m Ace/Aego, as I don’t experience sexual attraction when it involves me. I do not view myself as a sexual entity/being. I only ever feel sexual attraction( if that’s what it actually is) when it’s through the lens of one of my OCs. The disconnect from myself is very important, because if I take the exact situation, but put myself there instead of an OC, I can’t do it. I simply can’t imagine myself having sex.

I have many OCs that I ship with some of my favorite fictional characters. Some of them have sexual relationships because it makes sense for them, or because the OC feels sexual attraction to the fictional character in some way. I’ve been making OCs and shipping them with characters I like since middle/high school. I’ve always enjoyed reading smut/erotica of said characters, but not so much for myself and more so to imagine my OCs in that situation.

My body still reacts and everything, but I don’t feel some big desire to seek out my husband to have sex. Maybe a little flushed, and I may masturbate, but it’s a very quick affair and I don’t like, get that much out of it. It’s more like a way to flush out any lingering sensations from the fantasy with OCs/Fictional Characters.

Now, my husband is Allo and he wants to have sex with me. We’ve tried before but I’m never super aroused (and it could possibly be a number of reasons why, I’ll explain later). I don’t have a very high libido. I don’t read smut to get off. It’s just fun to read. It’s entertaining. However, I’m wondering if I can find a way to use it make sex easier with my husband. I do want to have sex with him, even if I get no pleasure out of it. I want to make him happy.

Important Notes:

• I’m autistic and have some self-image issues. I don’t feel human sometimes (not like in a bad way, I just feel other). This also leads to sensory issues and overstimulation.
• I was on medication for depression/anxiety for several years and quit suddenly (suffered very bad withdrawals for a few months) leading me to believe I have some kind of hormonal imbalance as a result. I was fine with sex before and during the medication. As soon as I stopped, I suddenly couldn’t handle even the idea of physical intimacy.
• I know it would kill my husband emotionally if he knew that reading smut of my favorite fictional characters resulted in me being aroused (though indirectly).

I just want to figure out what I need to do get back to being okay with sex. It was fun though not very exciting or anything, but it made my husband happy.

I will answer any questions, any at all. Thank you for taking the time to read my post!

First I have to apologize because I don't really post on reddit much but I have sort of come to an impasse with my partner and I am being prodded to finally name my experience, in a sense. So far, the closest thing I have found is aegosexual based on one or two of the many definitions that it seems to have. I am 33 years old, AFAB, queer, and have experienced a sort of "disconnect" my entire life.

I don't have a problem with sexual content. I enjoy writing/reading erotica. I love roleplaying. But when people switch the subject to me rather than my character and try to sext me, I get extraordinarily uncomfortable. But if they assume the role of a fictional character, it's fine. I looked at fictosexual and that doesn't seem to fit. If I assume a role or character, I can also enjoy it with someone else. Just as long as I disconnect myself. I have never experienced sexual attraction like my peers. I can experience aesthetic attraction. I can absolutely experience romantic attraction too. I am attracted to my partner romantically.

But sexually, it must be roleplay of some sort. I enjoy safe casual encounters too because it also emulates roleplay in a sense. I can self insert myself into the situation as long as it isn't directly with someone else. Either I play a role or they play a role, but if it's anything other than that, I have to force myself to reframe it that way in my mind to get through the experience. Having said that, I can insert myself into erotic content because the other side of it just isn't real?

Throughout my life, I have just sort of had sex because I felt like I needed to for my partner. It has always felt disconnected or even painful because I just wasn't aroused. For most of my life I just thought that my anatomy would never allow me to have sex that was actually pleasurable. But a couple of years ago, I discovered that this wasn't the case as long as a real person isn't involved or if they are, it's roleplay. I had been trying to have sex for over a decade when I wasn't at all aroused or turned on. It was always painful and uncomfortable and I just thought that's how it was.

However, most of the definitions I read of aegosexual are very adamant that self insert is a big no-no but for me, there are exceptions which are actually a lot of mental gymnastics I guess. I also thought that maybe I was just kinky because I don't mind some D/s play... but again, it's roleplay. They're scenes and it allows me to remove direct involvement with another person in some capacity.

Sometimes I can get by with thinking of sex as entirely a sensual experience and removing the focus off of "me" or "them." The idea of racing to orgasm doesn't appeal to me at all. And some activities are so overstimulating that the experience is excruciating. But with those things aside, if the self/other distinction can be dissolved, then it can be really enjoyable. If it is totally dissolved, then I can enjoy some of those other things that I ordinarily can't even stand the thought of. Masks and blindfolds also appeal to me too for similar reasons.

I have shuffled through identifying as demisexual in the past but found it didn't fit because even with someone I have that connection to, it still has to be some kind of roleplay or anonymous situation where I can sort of super impose the roles in my head. If my partner can't roleplay in any capacity or refuses to for whatever reason, things fall apart in regard to intimacy. And I can't get pleasurable stimuli without the mental aspect. I just feel disconnected.

And yeah, it's been my entire life. I joked about only being attracted to fictional characters or fantasy things like vampires or spirits or other characters in games or RP campaigns in middle and high school. I had enjoyable sexual encounters, but they were also roleplay oriented. And I am just at a loss. I feel so broken and I don't know how to express to my partner(s) that it isn't that they aren't attractive. It's me. And I just don't have the language to articulate my experience in a way that doesn't sound like I am just making the whole thing up.

I hope someone here can point me in the right direction because I am really tired of just not knowing why I am like this.

Edit: Thank you so much to everyone who has given me validation for this. I have been in tears over this and for the first time I realize there are so many other people just like me. I thought that it was only me for my entire life and that something was terribly, terribly wrong. Also forgive me for not posting this in the Master post. I am super unfamiliar with Reddit but I didn't know where else to really go. Everyone's kindness means a lot to me.

So, I don’t feel real life sexual attraction without an emotional connection, however, I have a very high libido and love to relieve that through masturbation. When I masturbate, I will use images of celebrities I find aesthetically attractive. I know that masturbating to someone does not equal sexual attraction. The reason I’m convinced I may also be Aego is the fact that I know, no matter who I masturbate to, I most likely wouldn’t have sex with them if they were there with me. Am I Aego or just a confused weirdo? Thanks you guys 💜🖤

Hello lovely people, I want to find someone to chat with about kinks and fetishes. I am a somewhat kinky ace but I always kept that to myself because i find it a bit embarassing and it's not something that's easy to talk about, even with my friends. As such, I would love to chat about this subject but i don't have anyone to talk with. So I figured it would be best to ask other aces: being with other similar people should make it easier to find someone. If you want to chat about this topic, or if you are just curious and you want to ask me some questions, my DMs are open so feel free to drop by. Looking forward to meeting you 😊

I feel like this might fit here... for some of course, not all 😉

I've identified as aegosexual for a long time now, but after putting some thought into it today, I realized I wouldn't be opposed to being a voyeur if a couple asked me to.

I have no desire to have sex with anyone, my interest in being a voyeur is not because I'm wishing I was in their place, I just enjoy the idea of watching people having fun and experiencing pleasure. As long as I'm not expected to do anything besides watch I'm totally okay with it. I would probably ask them to pretend I'm not even there.

I'm not sure if this is still aegosexuality because when I searched this up in this sub I just saw people say that being a voyeur is too personally involved for aegosexuality and they're two completely different things 🤷‍♂️ but I still fit all other aspects of the aegosexual label: I don't experience sexual attraction and I don't fantasize about myself having sex. The idea of having direct sex with anyone repulses me

I guess I want to hear if I’m alone in this or if others also feel this way, and if is part of aegosexuality.

I’m m23 and generally more attracted to women, but I have noticed that I’m more attracted to pretty much anything else than genitalia and the asshole (like the hole specifically). I started thinking about mannequins, hopefully I’m not going to seem like a Dahmer here, but that mannequins can be really beautiful, and maybe that’s because of the lack of genitalia. Like I find genitalia kind gross and/or off-putting, it’s hard to explain.

I also don’t like the idea of POV, or being present in a sexual moment, but I have also never had sex or really been drawn to the idea. I like porn, but I generally avoid POV porn, and I’m often looking for stuff that involves the rest of the body. I do like roleplaying, but for me it is more about creating an organic fantasy, and I still imagine it for a third person perspective, rather than me being a part of it.

Hope it makes sense, you’re welcome to ask questions. I’m also AuDD if anyone finds that important for context.

I used to wonder why I was so attracted to robots and living clothes and things that I never even pictured as capable of having sex. Like I would feel very excited but wondered if it was even hornyness, and if so then how. And how was I often horny but irl things are just uncomfortable to me, I think kissing is gross and I skip past all that and ofc sex scenes in movies. I thought I was demi but that didn't fit, I kept feeling like an unvalid ace. As luck would have it I stumble across the term somehow and find this sub where I relate to every single meme. Brother I got 6 bingoes on the aego bingo leaving only two boxes unmarked. I have found my people.

Quick question (18+ info)

I'll keep this relatively vague but this does mention an XXX incident that I had recently and some of my past.

-xxx moment in this paragraph - So I had my first "penetrative" sex incident with another woman (I'm afab). Involved a strap on. Now I'm 30, other woman is 2 years older than me, we are close emotionally and we've had hot and heavy incidents before this was the first time a strap on was involved with her on top. Now from a physical perspective it felt nice, but from it was like I was watching myself from the back of a movie theater almost. I was happy she was clearly having a great time but beyond in the moment, my brain basically never goes to sex beyond "oh my body must be horny now, let's go relieve the pressure on my own" and then I'm back to whatever I was doing before, again, almost never thinking about sex. Almost every sex incident I have (man or woman), I focus on the feel good biochemistry cocktail going on in my body and head (feels good in the moment) but beyond that, my brain isn't really thinking about sex at all. -last of this xxx detail-.

When it comes to fantasies, 99% of the time it's with other women but again, in the moment, it's like "yeah this feels good because of what's going on with my body, but it's just another activity to me, like going to a party or having a fun time in the pool, but beyond the moment, I'm thinking about everything else in my life and almost never thinking about people in the allosexual way."

Would this qualify as aegosexual?

I've read mixed things that some aegosexuals are basically COMPLETELY icked out by the idea of sex acts in person, it's all in their head while on the other side, it's more "meh, take it or leave it. Fun in the moment, but overall neutral on stuff that's in person, physical.

I do believe im somewhere in the ace community because of what's described above. I don't get antsy at the idea of upcoming sex and I don't really get stressed out if I havent had sex in awhile. Sex is just another activity to me. I've used the label asexual lesbian solely because if I do have fantasies, 99% of the time, it's with another woman (typically with me being dominant one).

26M (virgin/single)

I'm a religious man so i consider sex before marriage a sin and.... yup I fell into a hole of porn and hentai so much it's on a daily basis. tho I have desires and fantasies about sex but only in imagination, but Physical.... NAH!

I've been a virgin all my life now I even consider sex after marriage a sin...... but I fantasize having sex and it's feels good (selfpleasure) but don't want to do it, yet I have a strong desire for women like kiss and stuff having married and having a loving wife and kids(my own) but in a sexless marriage (I can do it a couple of times just to complete the marriage of course) but I feel like masturbation exceeds sex in every way, I'M A VIRGIN BTW and i find anime hentai more sexually desirable than real pornd

o I identify as heterosexual aegosexual

Ok so, im 15, and I have a boyfriend, I mean, we talk about doing.... Things. And I mean, I like the idea of Sex/sexual things, but u dont actually wanna do them. I know it has to do with more than just my age, I wanna tell him but idk how to/im scared of his reaction. And before you all come yell at me and tell me not to do anything, I know I know. But thats not what I need right now. I need views/perspectives about this, please. Dont let me age define what yall say to me 😭🙏

Hi all! So after reading from a demi-sexual perspective, I felt some type of way & started looking into it more.

I thought it made sense bc I get crushes on people when (I THOUGHT- this is important here) I gain an emotional connection. And I have enjoyed SOME sex at times although I really don’t know that recipe.

Then I learned about aegosexuality and thought Demi-aego was it.

But after reading through the posts of this channel I’m starting to think I’ve never actually felt sexual attraction to a real person.

When I’m having sex with my partner it is only once there is the right physical stimulation that I can feel something pleasurable and can orgasm. I mean this is like 10-30 seconds. It’s 95% work for a 5% reward. And the reward sometimes is not even that rewarding.

But it’s never about the person I’m with. I’ve never been like hell yeah bc of the person, if my mind slips away and thinks of a scenario then I might get turned on.

I do feel attraction in fantasy and fictional situations. I am never involved in this. But if I had a kink I would say it’s like “people who complete each other” or something like that. I love slow slow burns bc the more buildup it is the more it actually makes sense.

But again everytime it’s been a real scenario as soon as it got real I had no interest. And now have trauma bc I was too scared to say no and would just go through it. I think that’s why I’m a little sex repulsed now too.

Okay that was rambly and I hope it made enough sense. I just have to ask at this point to get some of this rumination out of my head

EDIT TO CLARIFY: I thought I was Demi then Demi-Aego, but now I’m thinking I’m just Aego, but not sure.

Good morning ! I think I'm egosexual but I can't really understand when people explain the "disconnect" we can feel.

Is it just the fact of not being there who is doing the deed?

I would like more details please. With your experiences, so that I can better understand and know if I am truly aegosexual.

(Also, if I didn't spell any words or terms correctly, you can tell!)

And I write in French, sorry if you don't understand everything😅

I am 31 and male.

When I masturbate I don't feel anything.

My body does react to the physical stimuli of masturbation but my mind is the same.

I can have clear thoughts, e,g, I am able to think about regular things like what I am going to have for dinner tomorrow.

I don't think I've ever had an orgasm. when I ejaculate I feel the semen exit my urethra but I don't feel anything, I don't feel any different, when it happens all I think is "That's it?"

Am I supposed to feel anything?

I looked up an orgasm intensity scale which rates an orgasm from 1-10.

Here's the rating

1. Subtle – Barely noticeable, localized sensations, more of a release than pleasure.
2. Faint – Gentle tingling, light muscle (bulbospongiosal) contractions, low emotional impact.
3. Mild – Noticeable pleasure, but brief and shallow; muscle contractions are light.
4. Moderate – Clear pleasure with steady but moderate muscle contractions and relaxation.
5. Good – Solid, pleasurable feeling; consistent muscle contractions, emotional satisfaction.
6. Strong – Intense pleasure with deeper muscle contractions and heightened emotional response.
7. Powerful – Full-body pleasure, strong muscle contractions, and waves of intense sensation.
8. Intense – Overwhelming pleasure, sustained muscle contractions, heightened sensitivity, and a sense of complete release.
9. Profound – Nearly full-body involvement, deep emotional and physical response, extended afterglow.
10. Ecstatic – Full-body, mind-blowing sensation with peak contractions, extreme emotional release, and euphoric bliss.

I feel like I am a 1 or 2, to be honest maybe 1.5?

I feel like I like the stories I make up more than the act of masturbation itself.

Does anyone else feel the same?

How the hell am I supposed to date. I want to not have sex, and want some things that aren’t sex, and have a relationship. If I meet a regular ol’ asexual, I get the feeling it’ll be weird, considering I don’t want sex, but also I like some stuff. But if someone was straight, I’d be cut off for the same idea no sex, but with the opposite reason. I’m 20, so I have time, but I also worry. Is it even possible for me? Anyone with any advice/success stories?

I feel like it isn’t too NSFW but this mentions brief (and somewhat vague because I don’t like gross words) descriptions of a sexual encounter if that’s not to your comfort.

I’ve posted a few times and this community has been incredibly liberating as I’ve finally found validation for my experience. I’m a two headed monster of being attracted solely (ಠ ͜ ಠ) to feet but also only theoretically. I fit perfectly into the description and experiences of the community.

I always knew that sex was probably out of the question anyway but it was validated when I physically couldn’t get it to work with my GF. We decided to accommodate intimacy in other ways and it has been great for around 8 months.

I am 21M btw so it’s a M + F exchange

I really want to preface that I have no attraction to any part of any person irl. I usually have to lock in really hard to dissociate into the brain world when my GF and I are intimate and even then, it’s not a physical two-person act.

But we were doing standard Allosexual foreplay the other day which isn’t really for me but it’s important to make sure that my GF and I add it to get her in a good headspace so it’s not unfulfilling and one sided with me not personally needing it for myself.

Usually there’s no activity from my body because it’s not my thing but all systems were firing and I was surprised so I was like eh wtf let’s see if I un-lgbt’d or something so we just had the most vanilla sex ever conducted and I finished fairly quickly and now my mind is swirling. This is the only time I have ever stayed stiff? (I hate sex terms) during physical contact.

It’s incredibly confusing because I had no interest in the activity, I wasn’t particularly engaged, but I also didn’t have the focus to form any sort of narrative in my head, and I was mostly focused on how the hell people do it so long without getting sore.

So it didn’t feel Allo like I was into the act, but it didn’t feel Aego because I couldn’t properly dissociate and still finished. Maybe it was pure sensory overload but I dont feel much in general down there so I dont feel like it’s that.

I would love to hear any insight that you might have or if you have known of similar experiences. It’s kind of upsetting because it’s annoying to feel confused again so any thoughts are appreciated!

I’m looking for a good AI/chatbot to talk to, and that is capable of sexual roleplaying, I’d prefer for free, but I’d also just like to know what options there are. I find most AIs to be quite forgetful and overly agreeable. Does anyone know some good apps, websites etc.?

I just wanted to share my good mood with people who might be able to relate. Lord knows I couldn’t say such a thing to my work mates!

PAID WORK: Following our previous anthologies "Transphoria", "Bi Visibility", "Rainbow Canvas", and "Hairology", Lifeline Comics returns to open submissions for a new Asexual Comic Book Anthology with Jeremy Whitley ("Unstoppable Wasp", "Love Unlimited: Gwenpool") joining the editorial team.

We are now opening submissions for creators to share stories that fall under the Ace Spectrum (asexual, aromantic, demisexual, aceflux, gray ace etc.) across all genres. It is Lifeline Comics' mission statement to tell unique and diverse stories and to provide a vehicle for creators of all experience levels (from first-time creators to seasoned veterans) to tell their stories through our anthologies. We couldn't be more excited to take this journey with you!

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScTtQJCwFJTsxZ7_dLCxNb_c_6CdnRck_wh55_eXqv3OFGJfQ/viewform

I found a really neat site called Acespace that was made for asexual/aromantic dating/friendship finding/QPR search! It's super neat and I've already met a bunch of people on there. There's a sliding scale for your preference on potential partner's desire/repulsion for sex/romance and whether or not you want a QPR.

Overall, it's super neat and there are definitely more things like it, but the other ones I've seen are all apps and my phone is out of storage :/

If you find any other resources, maybe put them in the replies!!

Anyone identify with the title? I've been divorced for a couple of years now and have been trying to find love again. But I only learned I was aego after my divorce. Since then, it's been an uphill battle finding the kind of person who is a fit for me. I've talked to both allo and ace women, but have found that I don't fall enough into either category to be able to be happy.

For allos, my sex revulsion is usually a dealbreaker. For aces, my desire for touch, intimacy, and the ability to express sexuality without actually having sex is usually more than they are comfortable with. In either case, I end up feeling inadequate or that I'm simply fishing in the wrong lake. It's become very frustrating. I feel like I'm the worst of both worlds, liking the idea of sex and sexuality and having a sex drive, but not actually wanting to engage in sex myself. It feels like torture sometimes.

Can anyone else relate to this? Has anyone been able to thread this needle in their own lives?

TLDR: I used to be obsessed with sex as a teenager in order to feel validated and since then I've grown distant to the idea of sex, thinking something was wrong with me, and now I'm happy and content with life.

The biggest shock in realizing I'm aego is how far it is from my teenage/young adult years, and how I've gone through a couple of years of 'unlearning' that sex is something I must want to partake in to feel like my normal self.

From at the time those ~15 years ago thinking I was just a hot mess that loved sex and had zero care for myself to several years later realizing I used sex as comfort for not feeling loved/appreciated and not for pleasure, to slowly growing more distant to the physical act, I've gone through a part where I mourned the lack of sex drive to slowly come to terms with the fact that I no longer want anything to do with it myself -- but I keep enjoying different forms of media as a solo adventurer.

And that's perfectly okay.

At the time, I was one in the group everyone knew would sleep around with anything that moved, never declined, I'd stay at people's places hours away from home just to enjoy that sweet moment of feeling wanted (shocker that it was a result of emotional neglect, right) only to go back to hating myself once I came back home. Moving away from that and over to an abusive relationship, that didn't help heal anything, so now that I'm finally at a place where I'm safe, stable, and loved, it's like that desperation and craving for validation has peeled off. It's gotten me thinking if I even did enjoy sex back then, or if I disassociated those parts too of my younger years and it was all for trying to fill a void.

I scrolled passed another post on here discussing how some people become aego over time or shift from enjoying sexual activities with others due to trauma or upbringing, and it's a concept that's made me feel fake at times, like unless I was born with certain preferences I'm only pretending now, several years later. But, when I think about all the traumas done to me since being a chaotic 15y/o using sex for validation, it makes sense that today I don't want to insert myself in a similar situation with anyone but myself. Today, the idea of getting into bed with someone makes my nose wrinkle, and the whole ordeal just feels uncomfortable and boring.

Finding "aegosexual" amongst the asexual terms on a wiki sort of slapped me across the head and made me tear up, because it felt right, and it's helped me accept that no, I don't need to want sex with someone to feel like myself and heal a part of me that thinks it's the only way to feel validated and loved.

So, yeah, a long journey spanning most of my life, but this is the first time I feel comfortable in my own skin on that regard, simply enjoying the idea of sex without wanting to partake in it, without having to want it to be "normal", and I finally get to feel complete.

I have always found an attraction to people, sexual and physical.. more physical than anything .. I'm not sure what is exactly wrong with me, but when in a relationship sex never mattered to me and mostly cuz I have no will,ig, to do it.. it seems more like work than anything. when single its like I'm horny all the time, but once in a relationship I seem to enjoy the companionship more and sex less.. and I just weird or do I have something mentally wrong or what..

What are your thoughts? Because idk what's wrong with me..

O and when I do have sex with someone, there are no feelings as well as not much pleasure in it either.. idk I'm at wits end trying to figure it out..