with the current content moderation changes on metas platforms that allow hate speech against LGBTQIA+ and in order to keep this sub safe and also following the example of the trans sub, we will from now on remove any links to or posts that contain links to facebook, instagram and threads. links to or posts that contain links to X/twitter will also be removed.

the Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week 2025 is coming up. from february 16th to 22nd we will celebrate aromantic spectrum experiences and identities. valentine has a day, we have a week :). https://www.arospecweek.org/

i just don't understand. why can't i just go do something romantic with someone without needing to take on a relationship and all aspects of romance? it seems like such a simple request and yet literally nobody seems to want something like that. i wish i could just have someone to do romantic stuff with every once in a while, i don't get how that's so inconceivable to like everyone. because i so desperately want the intimacy and closeness of romance without dedicating myself to maintaining a relationship with them constantly, does everyone else just never get bored of being with the same person all the time? sorry it's just really frustrating and i felt like i needed to put that out there, idk how many of you guys feel the same

also unrelated but machine in the walls is such a banger

We have the flags but greyromantics colors are really simalar to Aro and it causes some confusion. Does the Grey community have a mark to identify us to others. Like Aro and Ace have the white or black ring on their middle finger. Or the aces and their ace of spades. Do we have something like that?

And if not might I suggest a red ring, like the red string of fate. Because I've always thought of greyromantic being kinda of like being in a soul mate au type thing lol.

Or just a grey ring because GREY romantic. Ooh or even better a grey ring with red in it! like those figet rings where the base is grey but the spinny bit is red!

I FORGOT Y'ALL HELP ME (I'm not even sure if I even had real crush’s so maybe you guys can help me figure it out) ♡

I think I might be aromantic, specifically greyromantic, but I’m not sure. Theres someone that I love, but I don’t want to be in a relationship with. I want to do things with them that I don’t think friends do like cuddling and holding hands, but I don’t want to date them. I want to cuddle on cold nights, watch movies together, talk with each other for hours, spend time together the way couples would, but I don’t want to be in a relationship. I want to tell them I love them because my heart flutters whenever I think of them, but I just don’t understand why I don’t want to be in a relationship with them despite feeling this way.

Although I feel romantic attraction it's in low intensity and I can differentiate between a full overwhelming attraction and a low intensity attraction . I still can feel attraction , thing is - most of them are "low priority" unless I'm desperate or really moved by someone in my own terms but I have a lot of moments when I like being on my own

I really want a crush because my life at school is so boring and all I hear is "_ and _ are dating blablabla" it would seem nice to look forward to something going to school. BUT I don't want a relationship with anyone at all because... Just no. I know I'm still pretty young but I feel like I should be getting crushes. (I haven't had a crush in 3 years) I forgot what romantic attraction feels like and I want to feel it again but I don't at the same time it's so confusing😭

So I have some wondering if I’m on it, the only issue is I’ve only ever had 2 crushes, both of them in 2024, the first one was long, had no sexual attraction to them, before it I was never interested in romance, and I had little desire with them as well, I don’t remember much of it other than how than the later part, but I have some issue telling attractions apart, and I can’t tell if I’m on the spectrum or it’s my neurodivergence, I won’t go into too much detail about both, but I will if questions are asked. This also isn’t my first time (it’s like my 4th or 5th) wondering if I’m on it, regularly I feel a disconnect from romance and am never interested or feel the desire.

So in early 2024, I came to the realization that I'm ace... Well, it wasn't that simple cuz I had a moment of bi-panic there so I thought I was bi but something about "bisexual" didn't feel right & that when I came across asexuality & realized I'm ace & biromantic... Over the last few months or so, after introspecting a lot, I realized I've not had as many crushes compared to how my friends talk about them.. not even celebrities! Maybe 2-3 IRL serious crushes with romantic attraction & 1-2 celeb crushes that felt more than aesthetic attraction. When I saw how my friends or some people in fandoms I'm in actually full on drool over new people every week & it's not exaggeration, I started questioning myself (I'm not judging anyone, just observations I made). When a friend was describing how many crushes they've had & all of their love crisis’, the realization hit me that people have had more than 2-3 crushes & that too very frequently. I last had a crush on someone last year & that was after manyyy years of nothing. People actually don't go years w/o feeling butterflies for someone.

I am romance neutral/positive (huge romcom & romance novel lover) & would pursue that IRL too if things work out but I never saw that as a necessity. I'm fine being single forever or in a qpr or in a marriage of convenience as long as we're are good friends have a good bond, platonically. I've always prioritized my platonic relationships over everything & I hate how society views friendships as mere accessories. I love the idea of romantic love but I'm completely fine w/o it.

So, yeah. I think- no... I know I'm not alloromantic or aromantic (as in no attraction at all)... probably somewhere in between on the spectrum, hence greyromantic. :P

(PS. I know I'm not demi-romantic either cuz 1-2 of the crushes were on people I barely knew & only one was on a close friend so that is out of the picture.. I'm not too hellbent on finding the perfect micro label or anything.. gray-ro is fine & it works for now.. if that is what I am)

Been thinking about it for some time and I realized that I'm greyrose (greysexual and greyromantic). Like I do feel attraction, but it’s very rare and at a very low intensity. Before I used to identify as bisexual and aromantic, but I feel that greyrose describes me better

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So I guess to start, for a while I've been comfortable being aroace (AFAB) But the aromantic part... I don't know... I know I'm not allo, so naturally I think I may be greyromantic. I hate Valentine's Day, kissing, that kinda stuff, and do not desire marriage. I'm very comfortable on my own.

However, I do feel smth, sorta like crushes but not. I label it as aesthetic or platonic attraction but it may not be that either. It actually varies on gender too. I often find women attractive when I know them in real life. Especially when I get close. I sometimes imagine myself with a female platonic partner, though I don't actually think I'd want one in real life if it's reciprocated. You know, hanging out, living in the same house and cuddling is kinda cute...

Then with guys... I honestly hate it. I get aesthetically attached all the time, especially with guys in bands. It's not at all romantic, never have I imagined dating a guy or being platonically close. I just think they're funny or pretty, the same way you think a painting is pretty. Unlike with a girl, the attraction is uncomfortable. It takes longer to fade though bc I don't know the person at all. This started more recently too.

So yeah sorry for the rant. I'm just lost. And the ppl I like aren't similar at all so like it's not type based or whatever

Hello, I’ve been having a hard time figuring out that I’m probably aroace or like greyromantic and demisexual (probably…. Still figuring it out….)

I’ve been feeling so much internalized phobia, that I’ve been outing as frustration over my friends because they’ve all recently started to see people either sexually or romantically, and I can’t relate to them anymore.

I’m neurodivergent and I am especially sensitive to my few close people, if we’re on the same wavelength, If we relate, how close I feel to them emotionally etc. And since I can’t relate on such an important part of allo folks, I’m feeling rejected and isolated and it’s been triggering me so much, feeling like nobody will ever care for me and they will all eventually leave me. I don’t know how to deal with that, with accepting how I am, and accepting that I’m different from my friends, once again.

It shouldn’t be so groundbreaking but it is to me.

so im pretty confused about where I stand on the whole romantic/sexual spectrum thingy. ive never really classified myself as aro or greyromantic or quoiromantic or anything lgbtq+ (i consider myself straight in the sense i feel something towards girls that i don't towards guys) and i haven't given it much thought until very recently. id say examples 3, 4 and 5 from the "greyromantic experiences" subsection under the sub description very accurately describe me but i don't know how or if that translates to any particular label or orientation. i also don't really know if im ace or not because im pretty sure? that i feel sexual attraction to some degree but i also don't have much of a desire to engage in sexual activity. so yeah i don't really know whereabouts i stand on all this, so id really appreciate any pointers. thanks!

I’ve known I’ve been graysexual for the longest time over two years, but it was only this year that I finally came to terms with it, and I thought that it was all good and I was happy, but I noticed that there was something else off about me something different but I couldn’t pinpoint Little did. I know it was grayromanticism I didn’t want to accept it because of multiple reasons cause I knew that it was gonna be incredibly difficult moving forward with my life because gray Romantics usually stay single, but they still feel romantic attraction. So I internalized it bottled it up. I didn’t want to accept it. I bottled it up for over two years until a few months ago when I finally just decided to accept it, and I was super happy with myself for a long time and I met some people and I got into romantic relationships, and I thought that they accepted me too, but something I hate about my orientation is that I rarely feel romantic attraction to anybody so when I do, it is intense and it doesn’t go away for a while. So at the beginning, I throw all of my repressed romantic attraction onto that person, and it makes them feel smothered like I’m obsessed with them. I try to stop it, but I just can’t and then the attraction slowly goes away I still find them attractive, but not in a romantic sense and it’s still there just slightly muted. I thought it was all good until the most recent romantic interaction that I had where I was with this trans man for a little bit and he left me because he couldn’t deal with how obsessive I was. I just hate my orientation. I wouldn’t wish being grayromantic on my worst enemy I just wanna be normal…

Sometimes I wonder if the things about me indicating arospec tendencies are a real pattern or if I have only convinced myself I am greyro. Am I really greyromantic or is it exposure to so many stories of so many arospec people and so few allo stories that what might be within the regular allo range of experiences starts looking arospec? I certainly have some motive to believe I am greyro as I exit an emotionally difficult and somewhat emotionally abusive relationship that never quite caught after early glimmerings of these feelings.

Having been deeply in love a few times I suppose I can never be sure if I am greyromantic or if I just have long dry spells (is there a difference?)

Do any of you have these same self doubts? If so, is this more common for greyromantics because we have some inkling of what romantic love feels like?

Usually I don't get that sustained intensity of romantic feelings unless I hug the person I like . I can like the person romantically , but physical affection takes a major part of it to stay sustained

Hi everyone, I have doubts about whether I am grey-romantic or whether my feelings are influenced by traumatic relationships from the past.

Sometimes, I feel romantic attraction for a person, but it disappears soon after for no apparent reason. For example, I may have feelings for a friend for a while, but then that interest disappears. It's not that I stop loving her as a person, but I just don't feel romantic attraction anymore.

I've read a bit about the term grey-romantic, and some of it makes sense to me.

However, I also think this might be related to my past. I've been in relationships that were pretty traumatic, and maybe that has led me to disconnect or emotionally protect myself when I feel like someone might interest me.

So, I'm in this dilemma: Is it possible that I'm a grey-romantic, or could it be that these experiences are influencing how I live out my romantic feelings. I have BPD, and possible autism as well...

The way my platonic feelings have always felt stronger than my romantic feelings will always confuse me.. the amount of people I know that ditch hanging out with their friends to hang with their gf or bf is insane.. like I know the giddy feeling the butterflies and stuff feel nice but what about people that have been there for you for ages, people you laugh with and joke with? 😭

So my crushes have a pretty low frequency. I have the desire to date a specific person (like have picnics, later live together and going to the cinema together) but I don't feel like being in love with them at all. But there is aesthetic attrection at play here and I can get over these "crushes" quite easily

Hey all!

I was wondering if you could give me some advice on coming out as greyromantic? All of my friends are generally supportive but I’m not sure how to bring it up in conversation. What do I do if they don’t know what greyromantic means?

Any and all advice is welcome!

Edit:

I came out to one friend as a test run, and she was super supportive! I guess she kind of suspected? Anyway, I’m gonna try talking to the rest of the group later. Wish me luck!

Second Edit:

I came out to the group, and they’re also supportive! I’m literally crying rn I’m so happy.

I love watching stuff with romance in it sometimes but also I just get tired of seeing it so much, like there can't be a Kdrama with out romance Drama I like stuff with fight scenes with martial arts and stuff with supernatural powers and fantasy or mystery solving, like detective ones.. Anyone have any good suggestions/recommendations?

I’m almost 24 and I genuinely crave a relationship now which is something I never really did beforehand.. never wanted to date or anything as a teenager but since my 20s I have been desiring one.. is it normal for greyromantics/greysexuals to want to date much later than others?..

How do I even get into dating, so inexperienced 💀

Hello! I kind of need help identifying what I'm feeling right now and I thought this sub-Reddit would be the best for this situation.

Around a month ago, I was on this trip and I had a deep conversation with a friend that I didn't talk to much at the time. Ever since that conversation, I can't tell if it's a crush or not? They aren't my usual type at all but as it turned out, I really ended up liking their personality, way of thinking and opinions. All over the internet it is said that you need to feel giddy heart fluttering excitement whenever your crush is around. You blush, have butterflies in your stomach, you want to catch their attention, etc. For me, the feelings are almost dimmed down, making it really confusing to tell if it's me just wanting a friend or not.

When I'm around them, I don't have butterflies nor does my heart skip a beat. I don't blush either unless they are looking at me for too long or teasing me but I really enjoy their company. They make me feel safe when they hug me as well as understood when we talk. When they aren't around, I can't help but miss their presence. I don't overly like their looks, either. I just like their looks for what they are. I don't think they look amazingly pretty or beautiful, which is what other people say when they have a crush on someone. Sometimes I glance over at them from time to time when I don't even mean to but I don't get why. I even catch myself getting slightly jealous when they're with close friends for some reason. It's at a point where I wouldn't mind at all if we ended up dating, just to see what they are like and how the experience would go. I don't constantly think about them, but I think about them more than other family members or friends if that makes sense. I like their style and how they don't seem to care what people think. I also like their confidence. Just general stuff like that.

Overall to put my feelings in a few sentences if I could it would be that when they walk into a room I don't get overly excited, nervous, giddy or over the moon for them. I just acknowledge their presence and that makes my day just that little bit happier and more interesting. The reason I want people's opinion on this is that I think they could have a crush on me or feel like I am feeling at the moment and I don't want to accidentally lead them on and make them feel sad or have any negative emotions. In other words I don't want to break their heart. I know how that feels and it sucks.

I know this post probably doesn't make any sense but any thoughts on this is appreciated! :)

I’ve been like this my whole life but want to find love 😭 i feel weak romantic and sexual attraction to people and always have.

TLDR: not sure if I'm greyro or aro, confused about orientation based on recent experience.

Hi, new here new account since I'm talking about an established relationship. I (43f) have been married for almost 10 years to my husband (44m) and we have a great relationship, are each other's best friend, do basically everything together. No kids. We have great compatibility and he's very attracted to me romantically and physically/sexually. I never really experienced the "romance" feelings I know he gets and I haven't had them before in any relationship. I've always experienced sexual attraction and a sense of emotional security with longterm partners, but not been interested in romantic love, so always assumed I was aro and communicated the same to him.

I just spent about a week in close proximity to someone I work with remotely and hadn't met in person until now. We are great work friends. We live far apart and we're both in serious relationships (that's another issue for another sub, and please don't judge). We brought each other gifts from our hometowns and sent pics to our partners, and my husband was actually there for a few social events with him.

From the MOMENT we met in person there was this immediate glow in my chest. We were physically comfortable with each other without trying. An unspoken acknowledgement that we had pretty deep feelings for each other. Over that week we just gravitated to each other, walked around arm in arm, and were super happy to be near each other. When we accidentally touched hands or at one point intentionally held hands it was warm and sweet.

That was the extent of it and we're both back home now, with our partners, but the feeling I'm left with is that I might have just experienced a sense of "romantic love" and now I'm really confused. I love my husband but I always thought of the love as more of a BFF commitment with forever benefits. I wouldn't risk our relationship any further than this already did, but I have to ask if what I'm feeling means I'm greyro or maybe not arospec at all. Was that "romance" or deep platonic love?

Reminder that I'm not asking for relationship advice here because I have a lot to process on that topic, but help discussing what this new feeling means in terms of how I identify would be really appreciated.

Hello everyone! I hope you are all well and I wanted to ask you a question.

Have you ever felt "butterflies" for someone? If you so, would you say these "butterflies" lean towards the romantic or platonic side? (your thoughts and intentions are romantic when feeling butterflies or whether they are platonic.)

So I, 28, have had one 3-year relationship that ended because I had lost sexual and romantic attraction to my ex-boyfriend after a few months into the relationship. Now the same thing happened after a 6-month relationship with a girl I dated, at first I thought it would be different with her because I felt attracted to her. But I am not wanting s*x with her anymore, feeling disgusted when she kisses me with tongue, not wanting her hugs when I used to want them so bad.

I told her, she took it well and wants to be in a QPR with me. I also told her she could think about it and change her mind but she said yes right away.

I've also had other relationships that last no longer than 3 months but they were too superficial and the person always abandoned me so I feel I didn't have the time to lose attraction to them.

Has anyone here experienced this kind of losing attraction so quickly into a relationship ? It happens to me everytile and I'm feeling so lonely rn.

I feel I might be frayromantic, what do you guys think ?