(This is a bit vent-ish and quite personal but I really need advice so I figured I can post this here?)

So basically when I was ~12 years old I found out what lgbtq+ was and quickly adopted the label of 'bisexual' because I didnt really care about who I'd end up dating. Fast forward to me being 15 and the thought of dating men becomes more and more uncomfortable so I switch to the lesbian label instead and end up in a relationship with a girl. It lasts for around 2 months before we both decide to end things because we didnt have the mental capacity for a romantic relationship and instead stay friends. During this relationship we would cuddle and hold hands but it never went further than that. I remember that whenever we would meet I would feel really nervous or even anxious but I brushed it off as just "being in love" and that those were the butterflies everyone was talking about. (I am not so sure now, maybe I was just scared and uncomfortable actually?)

I am 19 now and everywhere I look I see romance. My younger cousins are actively dating, my best friend is dating and my family keeps asking when I am finally going to get into a relationship. At first I thought I might just be jealous or that I even have a crush on my friends because it hurt when they mentioned their partners or hung around with them so much more than with me, but I think in reality I am just scared that my friends will abandon me and only hang around their significant others in the future.
The thought that romantic relationships will always be valued more than platonic ones hurts me a lot and I am scared that I am doing something wrong in life if I never get to experience romantic love.

I don't know how I am supposed to figure out if I am aromantic or if I just have major anxiety over my friends abandoning me lol

I honestly just like don’t really want or think about romantic relationships unless they’re presented to me on a silver platter.

I’ve been in 3 relationships before. Each time it was because they asked me out and I thought to myself “fuck it, I have some free time” and rolled with it. I obviously cared about them while I was in them, so I’m not fully aromantic, but the moment they were over I wasn’t really sitting around thinking “oh man I can’t wait to have a partner again.”

I’ve just never really felt a sense of agency in my love life nor do I have a desire to take agency over it. I have a crush right now which is kinda fun, but I also don’t really want to take any effort to turn it into a relationship and I will also be 100% content if it never turns into anything and we just stay friends.

I’m thinking I might be demi but idk?? I was really good friends with 2/3 before we started dating, but these were both really emotionally abusive relationships. I’m also thinking that maybe I just don’t really care for relationships because the ones I’ve been in have been honestly really traumatic for me?? I just don’t know.

It’s also weird for me because all of my friends constantly talk about wanting to go out on dates and stuff but never actually do it, meanwhile I don’t really do anything to try to date and I’m the one that ends up in relationships. When I talk to them, they talk about wanting to go on a hypothetical date, which is something I’ve never really felt. I just like hanging out with people I know; call it a date, sure, kiss me, why not, I don’t really care? I don’t sit here thinking to myself “gee golly wizz if only I could spend my time right now hanging out with someone but making it more anxiety-inducing because I have to be the embodiment of romance” like ???

I’ll also never really think about dating someone unless I am told to think about them in that specific manner. As I mentioned, all of my relationships occurred because they asked me out (and I’ve honestly never asked someone out on a date first, they all have kinda just happened to me). Like, with the 1 relationship where I didn’t know him beforehand, my friends were really pushing me to be in a relationship with him so I interpreted every single hang out as a date and developed feelings that way. But like honestly, if he never directly told me that our hanging out was through a romantic lens, I don’t think it ever would have occurred to me to view him that way.

What do y’all make of this? I don’t really know what to make of it. Maybe the answer is I am arospec; maybe the answer is that I am not. Just wanted to put my thoughts out there and hear what arospec people have to say about this. Thank you for reading!

A couple of months ago I believe, I made a post here questioning if I was arospec. As of now I identify as demiromantic and nebularomantic, but I can't help but feel like the demiromantic part isn't exactly true. Recently I got a reply from someone who called attention to a couple of terms that exist that I'm starting to dwell on:

-Roseromantic(wants/enjoys the idea or experience of romantic attraction, but they become romance-repulsed after a short period of time)

-Aegoromantic(those who enjoy the concept of romance but have a disconnection between themself and the subject of romantic fantasies)

I'm leaning more towards aegoromantic but I'm gonna explain my current stance on them and why I resonate with them.

Roseromantic: I have a weird relationship with romance. I love the idea of romance and dating and all the romantic ideas that come with it, but sometimes I reach a point where I'm absolutely opposed and even disgusted by the idea of it.

Aegoromantic: This is going to be a more elaborate explanation since I feel like I resonate with this one more. As explained in the roseromantic part, I love the idea of romance and roomantic things and often wish I was in a relationship, but when it comes to actually dwelling on them and thinking about having an actual irl partner, I kinda wince at the idea and think it simply isn't for me. I find irl romance a snoozefest and even weird and gross at times.

The problem to why I question whether this is valid enough is because I do believe that I have experienced romantic attraction to an extent, but because I was desperate for affection and all that stuff, I blew it out of proportion and turned it into a full time obsession, so differentiating obsession from attraction is hard for me.

Also the idea of someone reciprocating my feelings is kinda.. idk it makes me feel a little icky and weird so take that what you will.

Anywho thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts.

It's hard to explain but I'll try.

Let's just say I've never been (I think) in many relationships. Most of them were because I had trouble saying no. But they didn't last long. I've recently been questioning my sexual orientation/gender. It's very frustrating. I can say that I feel a lot of aesthetic attraction, I think, because I really like the physical appearance of people (especially women).And I had doubts whether it was Romantic or Aesthetic attraction. Because it's like if I look at them I would like to start talking to them and get to know them better, and I also had some thoughts where we could go out (most women). but I never spoke to them and I don't regret it that much..when I think about it it's like "oh well. I didn't care that much, I'm fine like this." I have a partner. I have a little difficulty saying if it is platonic or aesthetic attraction, romantic or I am simply emotionally attached (it's been 5 years). They came out and I accepted (probably because I didn't want them to be sad). So initially it was all fake. We met, talked and saw each other face to face (via photos, lol, it's an online relationship), and I think I find it aesthetically pleasing (this is also confusing, I don't know if I find it aesthetically pleasing or if I'm forcing the situation). I've always played the lover game and replied to their messages. They're nice, They love me, so much, I think I'm the only person who cares about them ig. I remember they played a prank on me saying they were leaving me, at first I was upset and cried... but I remember thinking "at least now you don't have to lie anymore"..I don't know what to think now.. it's weird. I have to tell the truth, Ig that I don't mind affection, and love in general either?? (I swear, I'm too confused, my vision is blurry. As if I wanted but at the same time its a no.) I'm happy that they care about me, they treat me well, they're silly. (LOL THEY SENT ME NOW A MESSAGE) And After that message i kinda felt Happy (?). SO I DONT UNDERSTAAANDCAJEOSH (i hate questioning my sexuality). They have been with me for a long time, they have consoled me, helped me and I have done the same. We would like to meet and be engaged.. really. But. I dont know how do I feel..am I happy? Excited? I can't explain it.. it's a mix. Like a no? Yes? Uh.And I just can't figure out if I'm alloromantic or aromantic or arospec. I cant tell if I like romance or not. Its a maybe. I think the most correct definition for what I feel is: I want a relationship? Yeah..ig. but it seems wrong and weird from a certain point of view..I'm not sure I've ever felt romantic attraction and the quizzes I take to test it are... strange, they don't seem to represent me.

Pls if you can help me thanks !! <333

(PS: if you want to know more, tell me!)

So I just wanted to share with you a song I wrote about being aromantic.

Summer Sleep

[Chorus]

I fell asleep while sunlight was pouring on my face

I hid in the depths of cold and dark caves

Ivy grows in through my thighs

Worms fall out from my lips

[Verse 1]

He filled me and I still feel so empty

I'm down on my knees

But I have nothing to pray for

Nothing that God could ever know

[Chorus]

I was sleeping like the dead in the warm embrace of summer days

Wading through the sleeping town

Ivy creeps upon my bones

Worms eat me alive

[Verse 2]

He filled me and he left a hole out of me

I'm down on my tired knees

While crying to the sky

But God will never hear

God will never hear

God will never know

God will never know

[Outro]

They left my barren body to rot

Hidden underneath the grass

Everyone I love, they let it decompose

So I'm aroace, at least I thought I was for years. I'm still 100% sure about he ace part, but in the past few months I've met 2 people, who I might be attracted to?

I'm not very big about labels, especially when I'm not fully sure that I identify with that, it's more about the experience and whether anyone has had something similar.

So for my 18 years living on this Earth I have never felt romantic attraction, but a few months ago I met someone who I thought I maybe liked somewhat romantically, but I don't think so anymore. But a few weeks ago I met another person, and last night we hung out at a party, and throughout the night I just wanted to like get closer to them and interact with them, and by the end of the night it really became flirting, but nothing more, and I don't know what I feel.

So far I've always liked the idea of romance and dating, but could never imagine a concrete person who I would like to date. But when I think of romatic gestured and stuff I feel like I maybe could do that with them?

I'm not sure about anything, I have never really experienced this with anyone, no matter if the feeling is actually romantic or not.

So overall my question is, what do you think it means and if anyone has had a similar experience please share how you dealt with it cuz I'm very confused.

Edit: sorry, this is a bit of a rant, I'm sorry if somethings are not understandable, I just need advice

im spiraling bc of this one girl i barely know, i cant tell if im into her or just TEALLY wanna be her friend, then i thought about my sexuality too much and charted this up. Is this something like aego? Am i just crazy???

*random disclaimerrr i don't like capital letters that much so this is in almost all lowercase srry if that's confusing or anything. im also typing like this is a rant text to a hypothetical friend so if i use any confusing abbreviations feel free to ask abt them lol.

with every aspect of me, the moment i found out X was an option i was "like yeah sure that works". i figured out i was bi when i was like 8 and found out i was ace when i was 11, and found out agender was an option at like 12 and was like "yeah that works better than enby" but for the LIFE of me i cant figure out whats going on in the romance department. i'm not crazy abt the concept of dating but i'm not completely opposed to the idea. the main issue with that though is that i don't think i've ever had a genuine crush one someone that i know. i joke that its bcs evry1 at my school is ugly or lame but thats not' rlly true.

i have little hallway chrushs along with an UNGODLY amount of celeb crushes and a ton of character crushes so its not that i DON'T feel attraction but i'm fully aware that the concept of dating dean winchester or something is unfeasible so i don't rlly think abt it ya know? as hot as he is visually and as much as i love/relate to his personality that's never happening no matter how much i hyperfixate on him and his stupid tv show(sadly✊😔).

annyyy whoo back to rl ; i really like the weight from blankets but they never seem heavy enough. i think i would like the weight of a person there but idrk? i HATE hugs (except for in certain situations and certain ppl) bcs autisim i guess, but liking cuddling just seems counterproductive. i'm not opposed to the idea of kissing someone but like i still look away when it happens on tv like i'm gonna get blutooth cooties or summ😭. ive looked at a couple of diff labels but i find myself relating to bits and pieces of diff ones but i cant latch onto one.

*additional notes- 1. srry this is so long 2. ik i dont NEED to be labeled or nething but it would just make me feel better ya know 3. thx 4 reading my yap sesh

So here to discover if I'm on arospec. I'm only sure that I'm allosexual.

So I've always been interested in more friendship based romantic relationships. I daydreamed about romantic relationships when I was little but it never was like on the spot, that me and that person were getting into romance on the spot. It always required a lot of time to get to know each other, become friends and then we were slowly realising we were attracted romantically to each other. You could say it was friends to lovers. Then I started being romance repulsed around the age of 12, when I realised that the reality is that the foundation of romantic attraction are physical aspects, matter of whether you like somebody's physical appearance or not. Of course, besides physical aspects, people also do look on more spiritual ones, such as personality, inteligence etc but it's still just like someone could like everything about you but if they're not physically attracted to you, they won't be romantically attracted, therefore they don't want romantic relationship with you. Sometimes romantic relationships are based more on spiritual aspects, sometimes less but still the foundation of it are physical aspects and you can't tell me otherwise - there's a science behind this. That's what makes me romance repulsed. I really know the science behind this and therefore I know that this is completely normal and natural, yet I still feel that it's just so shallow and empty. I just want to be loved for who I am, not for what I am, you know. You could argue with me that romantic relationships are also loving someone for who they are, and yes, that's true, but without liking someone for what they are, it would be called "just" friends. And in regard to my experience with feeling romantic attraction - yeah, I do, I do feel romantic attraction but to the point where I like someone romantically and want to do romantic stuff with them such as cuddling, kissing etc but I don't think it does go any further than being charmed by that person, I don't think I could love somebody romantically, since I don't treat romantic attraction that seriously due to what I said before and therefore I don''t wanna be in a romantic relationship. It's also like if I like you physically but you don't like me back, I'm TOTTALY fine with that. It doesn't affect me like it does to others. We can stay friends, it's even better actually. You know such things as friendzone doesn't concern me at all. I have a very close friend, which I like physically and I feel romantic attraction to them and he has a gf and he definetly doesn't want anything else but friendship with me and I'm okay with that. It doesn't hurt me at all. I'm glad we're friends. The only thing that hurts me in this situation is the fact that his gf is more important to him than I am and I would love to be in a qpr with him but it's most probably never going to happen...Though I've noticed that I tend to get more attachted to people which I like physically and I freaking hate that...

So I was thinking, maybe I'm desinoromantic? Because I feel romantic attraction, want to do romantic stuff but even more I want to do sexual stuff and I can be attracted to someone romantically as liking them but it doesn't go any further, it doesn't go to the point where I can fall in love, since I don't treat it that seriously and I don't want a relationship, I'm only interested in friends with benefits.

i've been contemplating that i might be aromantic for a few months now. i'm still not really sure. i don't really get it when my friends talk about their crushes or their relationships. i always tell myself that i'm fine being aro, it's fine if i never get a romantic partner, and that it's okay if i don't experience what other people experience when they're in a relationship. there are some times, though, where i just feel really lonely. i'll wish that i liked someone or i was in a relationship with someone. i'll imagine going on dates, hugging, kissing, doing stuff people with relationships do. however, i can only imagine doing those with people that are unreachable? like fictional characters or famous people. when i try to imagine it with people i know in real life, i just feel really weird. if i think about having a crush on someone i know in real life, even if they're really attractive, i still feel like that. there's also been times where people have confessed to me and started to be more flirty, but i just felt weird and wanted to distance myself from them. however, i still wish that someone loved me in a romantic way? am i just feeling really lonely? have i just not found the right person for me yet?

How common would you say your crushes are? For me, I had two crushes in a row - im not sure it ond of them was a crush or just a heteronormative understanding of just wanting to be friends with someone of the opposite gender - and then I've only felt physically attracted to people ever since (3 - 4 years ago was my last crush)

So how many have you had in past and currently? (if any)

So I've had crushes before (I think), but I feel like I would be happy dating anyone I find attractive, and I like being around. no matter if I get that tingly butterfly feeling. I've been using the term idemromantic, but I sometimes feel like I can tell the difference between platonic and romantic feelings, but the lines are kinda blurred. Is there a name for not having to have romantic feelings for a person but still happily being in a romantic relationship with them?

i've only ever felt romantic attraction once when I was like 5 or 6 and ever since then I haven't felt it at all towards anyone. I am a minor though so I'm not sure if I just have to wait longer or something?? I've heard that aromanticism is when you've never felt it ever before, but then again it was only like a few months when I was super young and I barely remember it.

I’m aroflux and just wanted to check if I wanted to refer to being any orientation not allo I would call it arospec?

Basically the title, Ive only had one real crush, it was three months long and i was head over heels. Thing is, I’ve always really wanted to love how other people do. Like growing up I would just pick random male classmates to be my crush so I wouldn’t be the weirdo for not romantically loving people. Am I arospec?

Okey so, this post is long as hell and it's a kind of a rant aswell as a need for answers I can't find right now.

I have never been in a relationship, never had a crush, and honestly don't even know what romantic attraction is. I came to terms that I'm arospec, but I don't really know where exactly.

But these days I'm kinda starting to question myself even more. Like, I recently had a talk with a person I love very much(platonic way), and I asked this person if they thought there were people who didn't feel romantic love. They answered that for them, everyone feels romantic love, or they will one day. And if they don't, then there is something wrong(fucking amanotormativity). Then they talked about how people fall in love, and that if I remain in my 'cage' and don't go for it, no one will come to date me willingly (no shit sherlock that's the point). And well, I kinda had the time to think about it, and.. they are kind of right( about me, I mean). Let me explain; I know I have to 'go for it' with relationship in general, even with platonic ones(I'm sort of an introvert), so I kinda want to do that. But then I reflected on that, and I kinda thought about suddendly having crushes,and it honestly felt good to think about that. So I was wondering, do I want a relationship or not? Because after that talk, I kinda wanted to go out there and find someone. But I can't help but thinking if I want a romantic relationship because I really want to, or because I want to 'fit in'? Because I want to be considered 'normal'? I don't know, because over this weeks I got fond of my arospec self, and I really don't want to let go of it. I know I can be arospec even if I have crushes, but I worry that if I get one, I'll finish to doubt myself even more. And it's driving me crazy.

I really hope this long ass text makes sense, I wrote it literally in the heat of the moment (telling me what my heart meant).

i thought i was just fully aro till now but when my friend said they had a crush on me and i wanted to try a relationship with them and now im kinda feeling romantic shit for the first time ever lol

am i just like some fucked up kind of demiromantic or something?

I recently found the term aromantic and the arospec and I’m 99% sure I’m on the spectrum but I don’t know where.

I’ve never had a crush before and I haven’t experienced romantic feelings before. (I think) so I’d say that I’m aromantic. BUT I kinda wanna kiss someone. I haven’t ever kissed someone before or been in any sort of romantic relationship so I don’t know if I’m just curious or I actually want to kiss someone.

I don’t really mind who. There’s nobody that comes to mind when I think about who. I also don’t want any strings attached to the kiss like a relationship or something. It sound kinda weird when I think about it in real life and realistically it wont happen.

So now I am confused. Pls send help. Thank you.

This is mostly to do with how I feel towards unattainable crushes... but anyway.

I don't think I've always been romance repulsed, I would say looking back on my life I could have been seen as 'cupioromantic' without fully realizing that I couldn't fall in love (mostly because I never received romantic attention in my teens, so I never really had to deal with how I felt towards it, rather just liking the idea of it. I idolized romantic relationships.)

But now, as I am a young adult, I've had let's say, maybe one or two 'romantic' experiences really. And... it makes me REALLY uncomfortable?I've come to terms that I don't feel that sort of romantic attraction. I've always liked the idea of a relationship, I'm always consuming romantic media, I always crush on fictional characters and celebrities like it's my job at this point. But now I feel like if I were to ever actually have those experiences for myself I'd absolutely hate it. If I am correct this label is aego-romantic.

am i both? did my sexuality change? Idk I am confused.

I'll try to be short and brief. I am turning twenty-two this year, and I have never been in a relationship. I have had a few crushes over the years, most of them I can chalk up to other circumstances but one definitive one in 10th grade that lasted for a half semester. I've always said that "the whole dating scene thingy hasn't kicked on yet" as my reasoning as to why I feel like this. It's also that I was (and still am) focused on school, and most of the potential people I could date don't really seem to catch my eye- so to speak. Also the whole "how am I supposed to know what this feels like if I've never felt it" situation, paired with me feeling like I can't label myself because it feels too definitive. I've had crushes on celebrities and fictional characters because there's no risk of like, messing up or stressing about it.

I can also picture myself with women more than men, (I'm a girl) but I don't want to affix a label to myself because it feels like I would be either invalidating other people or misusing the label for myself, which I know is a wild thing to think. Everyone says that labels are just things to make you feel comfortable but for me labels like these feel more definitive than the label of me being Autistic. That also might have something to do with how I feel but I would like people's opinions please?

i’m 19 and i’ve never been in a relationship. i say i never want one but it’s just cuz deep down i thought i’d never find a romantic partner. i used to think it was bc i thought that i was unlovable in a romantic way or bc my standards are too high but idk anymore. last year i got extremely close to a friend of mine and everyone thought we would get together. i would tell my family that i didn’t like him like that but they all said i was “in denial”. i’m still confused whether i had a crush on him or not bc he was my favorite person to hang out with. i was always trying to sit next to him and he’d be the first person i would look for when i entered a room. but the thought of kissing him or being physically affectionate with him made me feel uncomfortable. whenever he did something “gentlemany” i felt uncomfortable but told myself it was bc i wasn’t used to being treated like that. i thought i did have a crush on him bc we were always talking on the phone and i would get excited whenever he texted me back. i ended up leading him on and he made a big gesture which really scared me bc that’s when it hit me that i didn’t want to date him. it ended badly and we sadly don’t talk anymore. i cried when we had our fallout and i miss him a lot which also had me wondering if i had a crush on him after all. i saw him again recently and started thinking about the whole situation again. it finally hit me that i might be aro but i’m just not sure. i get crushes on fictional characters and will imagine romantic relationships with them all the time. i’ll get “butterflies” thinking about them. i imagine that my fictional crush is my partner irl everyday so i’m really confused.

thinking back on the crushes ive had, many if not most of them were forced by me because it felt like it was what i was meant to do. i cant think of a single person ive ever been genuinely 'in love' with. is that normal? is it normal to just not get proper crushes on people? i am only seventeen so maybe i just havent had one yet? but at the same time i dont even know what a romantic relationship would mean for me. god help me. am i normal? or am i something else?

Hiya :) I've suspected that I may be arospec before but never to this extent. I know I experience physical attraction, but Im really not sure if ive ever experienced romantic attraction? (Or what that actually means exactly?) Just stumbled upon this subreddit and thought it would be a useful community to ask.

For reference here's a past and present example of my experience with attraction. Couple years ago I was in a relationship. They expressed physical and romantic attraction to me, which I eventually reciprocated (?) to some extent. feels worth mentioning that things officially started after I (very very) drunkenly texted them told them that I liked them for the first time. It felt good knowing that they wanted me, I was rlly insecure and lonely, and at the time I thought I did like them romantically, but looking back? I did love them, I told them so (Which i now do feel bad about but i really thought i meant it at the time). I definitely know what love feels like, I feel it for my close friends . What makes me think i may be arospec is that in hindsight it seems like I havent actually experienced romantic attraction.I loved that person in the same way I love my friends. The physical side of stuff made it a closer relationship but from nothing else seemed different from my experience of platonic love. I haven't been in a relationship since then. The attraction I'm experiencing rn is for a close friend. I havent known them for as long as others, but we're definitely close. I very much enjoy their company, and Im pretty attracted to them physically. I feel drawn to them but I still don't think it's a romantic thing? Does anyone else experience stuff like this?

Recently I realised i actually have no understanding of what romantic love is, or how it can be different to platonic. Like I just don't understand how they can be distinguished from each other and I've asked my IRL friends but none of them have given me satisfactory awnsers. Thinking about it, I just don't know what romantic love feels like, but I'm not sure if it's because I don't, or if I haven't yet. I feel like there have been times in my life where it probably could've happened? I can't stop thinking about this but I'm not reaching any real conclusions. If any of u guys recognise or relate to my experience any advice or suggestions would be great

Am i still aro?

So I've question my sexuality a lot and i think i might be on the aromantic spectrum but i dont know where First i thought i was aromantic because i have only had 2 crushes, and they were when i was little so now i wasnt even sure if i like them or not. And i thought i might be demiromantic because those crushes were after i had known well the person, but because i wasnt sure i thought i might just be quoiromantic and didn't know the diference between romantic and platonic feelings. I also want to be in a relationship so i thought that cupioromantic might be what fitted me best

Also i recently dated someone and before we dated i wasnt sure about what my feelings for her where. And while we were dating i really liked her and i felt they were romantic feelings. But after we broke i started to question my feelings because now i dont know if i felt something for her or it was actually platonic feelings that i wanted to convinced myself were romantic to match hers.

How do i find wich label fits me more? Could i have more than one? And can i still be aro having dated someone?

Sorry that this is sort of uneloquent, I'm not the best writer.

I'm having trouble figuring out if I've ever had a crush or not. There's one girl who I think I might have a crush on, but that feels super forced, like I'm putting on a performance for myself. I've had fleeting feelings, but I'm not sure if I've ever had a consistent crush. I want to say I'm content without a relationship, but I don't know if I am. I'm fairly young, so it might just be too soon to decide, but everyone else seems so sure of who they have crushes on and it's so freaking confusing!! Whenever I think about getting physical - even just kissing - I feel like throwing up, but maybe that's just because I haven't done it yet.

I guess I like the thought of a relationship more than being in an actual relationship. But maybe I WOULD like being in a relationship? I like being close with people...

I know this sounds ridiculous, but I need to get an outside opinion.

This is something that I asked on another site I was using, but I figured I’d ask it here since I may be more likely to get a response. Currently I identify as aromantic, but I feel like that specific label doesn’t really fit and now I’m stuck in this cycle of feeling like there might be one that suits me but then I end up not vibing with it that much. So yeah. Feel free to read this long ass post if you’d like to.

I once identified as nebularomantic(meaning I can't tell the difference between romantic and platonic love), and it’s an identity more oriented towards neurodivergent people, which I am(tho some of you probably know that already). I have and still struggle when it comes to all sorts of relationships, platonic or romantic, so it’s no surprise the line between them blurs for me. The thing is, I think the moments I experienced legitimate romantic attraction and interest is so little that now I question whether I actually had it in the first place…

Now I do not feel sexual attraction, at least not to the extent allosexual people do. I very rarely find people “hot”, though I do tend to find people cute, and when I do, I get the strong sense of wanting to get to know them more and (usually) be their friend(I now realize this probably a squish but I digress). However, if I feel close enough with them, I would begin to develop some feelings for them and want to pursue a romantic relationship.

Also, there were some(very rare) times where this wasn’t the case and I wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with someone who I didn’t feel close with mainly because I thought they were cute and interesting. This has only happened once so far so I’m not sure if it would count for or against it.

I’m thinking I may be demiromantic, cupioromantic, bellusromantic, or something along those lines, but I’m not sure whether I should confirm the idea.

Another problem that usually plays into my confusion is my desperation for companionship. I admit it, I’m a very lonely person. I don’t have many (if any at all) friends I talk to on a daily or even weekly basis sometimes. Most of my irl friends have lives of their own and I simply am just a very closed off person. For being so talkative all the time, I’m very reserved, and I don’t like it. I can make friends but I’m terrible at keeping them. I’m pretty sure that because of this, I have a terrible loneliness problem, and subsequently I became a hopeless romantic to try and fill in that void, because in my head, if I get a romantic partner, I’ll never be lonely again. In reality, I just want to not feel excluded or outcasted or left out or any other similar adjective.

Being a queer neurodivergent person is hard enough. I don’t need feelings like I’m alone constantly to make it worse.

So where I was going with this is that I can’t tell whether the romantic attraction I felt in the past was actually romantic attraction or if I was so desperate for companionship that I made myself believe that I was falling for someone… or maybe that I did experience it but I was so desperate that I turned it into my next obsession, or in other words, it was limerence, which isn’t love in the slightest(I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the latter because it’s not the first time this has happened).

What do y’all think?

Does this point to anything?

So I've been wondering if I am caedoromantic, the meaning doesn't exactly fit, I'm grayromantic. But no desire for romantic relationships anymore. But I'm not actually sure it's trauma?

Recently I've been questioning if I'm on the Aromantic spectrum.

I realise some of my feelings and opinions reflect on how Aromantic people feel. I always felt your partner was just your very very best friend, I don't think I thought there was much of a difference. I never really understood why couldn't exes just remain friends after a relationship breakup. A 'friends with benefits' relationship seems pretty stellar to me (without going personal, yes I do experience sexual attraction). I never got the 'butterflies in stomach' feeling, I never felt like I ever felt "in love". I've had crushes before a few times but looking back I never committed or felt a really big attraction. By appearance wise they were attractive and they have a nice personality. I confessed to a girl I like in High School, she rejected me and I was sad for the day but I got over it quickly, I dunno if that's normal. She actually said she liked me back later and we were kinda together, all we did was hold hands, that was it. I never kissed her or anything, I mostly hung out with another friend. Our "relationship" just fizzled out.

I never felt the need to have a crush or be in a relationship because no one around me were in it in either primary or high school so why would I? There was actually a boy who I think liked me in primary school but I always shrugged him off like 'oh okay', my friend also said she liked me around year 6, just randomly confessed after I tried to guess her '"girl" crush, I shrugged that off as well like 'oh okay'. I never considered crushes and stuff as big major stuff.

I'm questioning now because since I broke up a toxic relationship with my ex I've been analysing my past "romances". When I broke up with her I said "I think I'm confusing my attachment for you as attraction". She was actually my best friend, I regret getting into a relationship with her. I didn't understand how her romantic feelings to me felt, I didn't get how intense romance was!

I never suspected I was on the Aromantic spectrum until now, it's all making sense to me but there still things I don't relate to with some of the people on there. I can understand intense emotion, I am a very empathetic person.

I want to hear your all's opinions on this, you'd be more informed on this than I.