like, they go up to me and scream "DoTtY bAe" I DON'T WANT YOU GIRL

I feel a platonic attraction towards my friend, let's call them M, and it took a while for me to really get attached. It hasn't happened to any other person someone could consider friend material.

I created a new sub r/afamilial

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My friend keep saying I should get a pet since I love alone. I said, nah I'm a-cat-onic 😜

I like animals, think they're cute etc but I don't feel I need any companionship and if I'm honest would find the obligations of care too stressful and dare I say boring.

I'm gay, greyromantic, greysexual, demi/grayplatonic genderfluid (Aka a living 5G tower). I strongly feel that my gayness, genderfluidity, and greyromanticism are heavily queer,. I also strongly see my greysexuality as queer too, but I relate less with the community due to having a decently active libido, and being sexually attracted to my partner, so, I'm not as vocal about it in pride spaces, but I still believe it's very important to be included in LGBT spaces.

Then we get to my greyplatonicism... And I just... Idk where I stand with it.

On the one hand, yes, I fully believe that we experience a lot of stigma (although, none of it is systematic to my knowledge) and we deserve to have pride of our own, but, idk if I'd really consider my aplatonicism to be queer. For me, if just affects my ability to make and maintain close friendships. Considering I only ever really feel lonely as a form of FOMO, my aplatonicism doesn't really affect me, or hinder me the same way other aspects of my identity do.

However, I also believe that someone's personal experience with discrimination doesn't make them more/less queer so... But, I also know that if it weren't for discrimination, the LGBT+ community wouldn't exactly exist. So, I'm really confused on how to feel about aplatonicism being queer/belonging to the LGBTQ community.

I'd love to hear other apls thoughts on it

[about being afamilial - still living at home] lack of respect for my boundaries makes my brain melt. doesn't make me angry because i don't have space to be angry. no i don't want to be your kid, but i shouldn't be allowed to feel that way according to you, to get along with you, i need to act like your kid right now. so how much of my space and body is mine. how much of it has to be yours. how many words do i have to hear. i don't like it. i'm not even mad. running away isn't a good idea but sometimes i think about it, given that the way i feel is apparently so unacceptable. i want all of me to be my own.

[about being like aplatonic - but some ?? very general, vague, form of allosocial ? probably] i don't like the way other people care to interact. i'm lonely as hell but , no i don't want to be your friend, i don't want to chat about random shit, - i feel like i just want to fall through the floor.

So... I'm pretty sure I'm reciplatonic. I could be cupioplatonic. I know I have a desire/need for friendships, but I'm thinking it might be just to feel safe. I get a lot of bullying + hate, even closeted as apl-spec. I sometimes fantasize about friendships, and sometimes something so transactional I can't call it a friendship anymore. I am pretty systematic about finding new friends, but it does work. I rarely ever keep a friendship for longer than a year. Social situations are tiring to me very quickly.

Usually, I can't ever feel platonic attraction. I hang out with my friends if it makes me feel good. I am able to look for other friends if I must

However, recently, I think I felt it. It was for this girl. She's a classmate in college. She's really pretty, and I've really wanted to be her friend. Best friend, even. I'm a dude. I usually hang out with other dudes (I wish to be friends with more girls tho). I haven't felt platonic attraction for them.

With this girl, it's different... I feel attracted to her, I want her attention, I love texting her..

Does that make me not aplatonic tho? Or, heteroplatonic?

Edit: yep that was platonic attraction. I can feel it, just not for large groups of people. It's more like an individual type of love

how do you differentiate between platonic (or lack thereof) and romantic attraction? im aware that romantic attraction varies from person to person, but i always end up confusing the two.

thank you!

I am struggling so much. I can't enjoy hanging out with someone if I am not interested in them. I am not interested in them if I am not attracted to them. If I am attracted to them, it is intense.

I feel so, so lonely. It hurts when I am not attracted to someone and cannot talk to someone I am attracted to. I rarely find myself attracted to people, which really doesn't help. I feel so crushingly lonely all of the time. Spending time with others doesn't help -- usually it's too superficial or boring for me -- and spending time alone is painful because then my depression starts hitting hard.

I don't know what to do. I can't access therapy any time soon. I'm already on a ton of medication. Still just feeling so lonely though.

I don’t think I’m fully aplatonic because I see people sometimes and want to be friends. I also care a lot about the close friends I have individually. The issue is maintaining the friendship, I often don’t want/struggle to actively maintain a relationship unless I’m really close with that person, and even so they are a slightly lower priority than my QPR. I’m an extrovert and like the vibes of being with people it’s just being one on one makes me anxious because it feels performative. I still care about my less close friends but the attraction feels dimmer I guess. If I’m really close to someone which can take a while I genuinely want to hang out, but with most people it usually makes me feel like I’m doing it to maintain the relationship and not actually out of want. What confuses me is I do genuinely care a lot about my super best friends and would go out of my way to talk, but that’s for only two people. I literally love them so much. I also have one person whose in the mid phase where it’s half half, I would go out of my way to talk I just still get that feeling of anxiety. My QPP is different because they are always on my mind and I always have the energy for them, whereas my close friends only sometimes. I love her too ofc. I think most of this could be just me taking long to form close relationships, thus me being demi. Keep in mind I’m also demi everything l except ace which I am fully and it feels similar. I have trust issues with abandonment/social anxiety and am just worried maybe it’s that instead and I’m not apl. Anyways I just wanna see if anyone feels the same, thanks y’all! :)

Am I grayplatonic?

I don’t often see people and think ”I must be their friend IMMEDIATELY”, or” I want to be their friend”, or “I should go talk to them to become friends” which apparently is what platonic attraction is? it has happened, maybe like, a handful of times tho. Now that I think of it, it’s incredibly rare that I’ve had that feeling.

Majority of my friends that I’ve had just kinda fell into my life, whether they were friends of other friends, or we had the same class and just kinda forced into(an incredibly shallow) friendship.

Ive also find it really hard to make friends, and I’ve very rarely in my life had deep connections with friends. Not even sure if I’ve even ever met that level before.

But the thing that’s confusing me is that not having friends or deep connections makes me sad. I also have pretty bad social anxiety, which could be all this is. Does this mean I’m not aplatonic? Or does this mean that I’m also friendship-positive and cupioplatonic?

What do y’all think, does this sound like gray platonic?

(Might add more in comments if I think of it later)

so i’ve been watching heartstopper season 3, and i love it, but i’ve been feeling awful about something. so you know how in their friendships they tell each other they love each other and they mean it, and they genuinely enjoy being around each other and care about each other so much. i’ve identified as aplatonic for while, but watching this just hit me because i realised i really never have felt anything like this before and never will and just feel bad about it. i still have no desire to have friends but i just feel really alien and broken again and somehow guilty? this feeling will pass but i’m just really struggling with this rn, i never really think about being aplatonic because it’s just always been apart of me so sometimes their are just phases were i realise how abnormal i am and what i ‘should’ be feeling

So I was on here not too long ago and a few people helped me find out I was demiplatonic

Now this on top of my aroace and agender identities has just made me feel extremely... not human and its kinda hard to accept right now and even though I am demiplatonic It's hard for me to tell my friends incase they think I don't actually like them or smthing (when I very much do)

I'm just wondering if anyone knows any aplatonic creators/influencers I can watch n such, on tiktok, YouTube or something even tumblr or twt so I can come to terms with this part of me and accept it ^^"

Sorry and thank you :)

I think I may be Demi platonic because I never really wanted to be around anyone all the time except for one time after they helped me when I was having a breakdown in school and whenever they weren’t there I was sad and that has never happened to me before and I like being around ppl that have the same Interests as me but I don’t want to be around them all the time and I found out about Demi platonic I have been wondering if I am Demi platonic
But I can’t find any good resources

Thank you for reading this it helps me a lot

So I know I'm aroace, but I really struggle with friendships like i either forget people exist and don't care whether I hangout with them or not or I develop a queerplatonic crush on them, there's no middle ground like you are either one of the most important people to me or I've once again forgotten you exist, I know I feel aesthic, sensual and queerplatonic attraction but I can't quite figure out what platonic attraction is supposed to be?

currently they’re dating someone and they only talk about their partner we didn’t have any convo about other topics for two months now, if their partner is with us they only talk with them and ignore me and their other friends even if they agreed to meet us or invited us first, if their partner is not with them they only talk about their partner or on their phone messaging them

okay this became too long sorry for short i got mad at them for being on message app for hours even though they invited me to join an event with them.. (im not exaggerating we talked for like 20mins at most even though we were there for 6 hours and they were on a message app) 

nothing happened but they started posting stuff about being a aplatonic person (i didn’t know they were) and how hard is being one, how holding friendships is difficult, how they care about romantic relationships and don’t feel anything with platonic ones

im fine with this i have heterosexual friends and once they’re married they start focusing on starting a family, their husband, their kids so they can’t rlly focus on friendships since they’re busy, but i am atleast be able to talk to them when i meet up with them once a yr/month.. they’re not messaging their husbands for hours while sitting in a cafe with me

what i wanted to ask is, is it like torture to aplatonic people if i keep insisting on inviting them to places and wanting to meetup? if my friendship with them causes this much pain should i end it? they don’t say anything to my face but talks about how hard it is and they feel bad about it towards their friends on other social media

i hope im not rude with my wording sorry

Oh my gosh!!!! Finding out about the concept of being aplatonic was like a massive click in my mind because my lack of desire and capability to reciprocate feelings of closeness between friends was something that confused me a bit, especially since I've been this way since I was a child and all through my teens... and now I found a word for it in my 20s that makes much more sense than just calling myself an unfeeling asshole and moving on xD.

I DO HAVE FEELINGS!!! But it seems like they are only romantic and familial for other people... Much to think about!

Anyone able to help a guy out with figuring out if and where it fits on the aplatonic spectrum?

Basically I have a couple of close friends, like two at most irl that I feel super connected to and adore, and maybe 4 or 5 online but that's about it, in college I had friends who I just hung out with and interacted with to get through the years, and now in uni I guess I had a friend but not one I really bothered with just talked with every now and then and other then that I haven't exactly made nor feel the need to make friends plus like I just feel like I can't

So rather I'm a massive loner, someone with far too much anxiety or am on the aplatonic spectrum but I have no clue which label fits me ?

I have a feeling maybe demi? Like I need that connection but it could also be cupioplatonic cause I want friends but I just can't or however you explain it?

Without the ability to properly love or feel emotionally close to a character, how does this affect your experience with media? Are characters engaging enough for you even without that bond or attraction?

I struggle a lot with being entertained and engaged by movies, shows, games, etc. Sometimes I enjoy myself because of the characters, but I feel like I struggle a lot being engaged without platonic attraction. Or maybe it’s a depression thing that gets in the way a lot of the time, that could also be a factor. Regardless, what are your experiences?

Kind like how we did with Jessica Rabbit in the ace community to solidify the idea that How I dress = Desire to seduce. Except this time we do it with characters who undeniable love earth and it's people (Albeit in a more esoteric way) to demonstrate being a good person doesn't equal affection...

It turns out I've been greyplatonic and demiplatonic all along (since I was a kid). I thought I was aplatonic, but at least I'm on the aplatonic spectrum.

I’ve realized that I’ve never really loved people throughout my life. I feel romantic attraction, and that might turn into love or alterous love, but platonically no.

I remember one day when I was really young that I asked myself if I would feel sad or grieve if one of my siblings died, and realized that I wouldn’t have. Another time I asked myself if I would’ve felt sad or grieved if my best friend died, and realized that I wouldn’t have. But for some reason, I didn’t feel that way about my mom.

I remember getting teary eyed at the thought of her dying, and saying in my mind that she was the person I loved the most in the whole world. I wonder if I actually felt love, or it was just because she was my mom and so was someone that I felt really safe around and relied on and imprinted on.

I don’t feel that way about her anymore and I’m wondering if it’s because I’m older and so I no longer feel the desire for a maternal figure. Do you guys have any similar experiences?

To give some context, I am a very social person. I enjoy crowded places, parties, large social gatherings in general. My boyfriend is also extremely social, and is nowhere near aplatonic. He has a ton of very close friends with whom he spends time with regularly. This brings a lot of people into my life and kinda forces me to have a “close circle” of people I see often in social settings with my boyfriend. The extent of my feelings of “wanting to hang out” does not go beyond just feeling happy to run into them at a bar or something. I have never met someone and thought “I would love to hang out with this person one-on-one”, unless I feel a romantic/sexual attraction to them. I very often find myself in a predicament of people wanting a friendship and a bond with me in some way. It feels kinda cringe for me to say this myself, but I have always been a popular and sought-out person since kindergarten. I’ve noticed for my whole life that people are often interested in some sort of relationship with me, and I, for the very most part, have never been interested in that. I never quite found a way to do this responsibly and mindfully. I’ve always just sort of ghosted people or hid from my texts to avoid having to explain myself. Is there a very gentle and kind, yet clear and concise way to tell someone “I’m not interested in investing in any sort of bond or time commitment, but I’d love to say hey and chat if I see you out and about”, without hurting their feelings and making them take it personally? I fear that even explaining my identity, boundaries, and needs as an aplatonic person will not help most people understand, because aplatonicism has proven to be an exceptionally misunderstood identity (even my therapist doesn’t seem to respect it). I would love to hear about y’all’s experiences with this type of thing, or what y’all might do in my situation. Thanks for reading!

(for reference I'm grey/cupioplatonic)(and greyace/greyro)

I remember being a kid and being pretty social, actually. I was always aplatonic even then, but, I was blind to the fatigue I experience around people because i always managed to "befriend" people that were always interested in the same things as me. The second a "friend" started liking things I wasn't interested in, I ditched them and found someone else to play with.

Things were were just so much simpler as a kid. Kids don't really have hobbies, they don't have jobs, they don't care about small talk or deep conversations, they just do the things they like to do. It was so easy for me to tailor my friends based on my interests. I wanted to play house? I'll find someone that wants to play house. I want to play on the swings and make up silly stories? I'll sit on the swings and talk to whoever sits next to me. There was never pressure for us to become friends, exchange numbers, etc. we'd hang out then go our separate ways. It was great!

Honestly, I want to have friends. Not a lot or anything, just a group of 2-3 I can hang out with and play with without worrying about small talk, politics, relationship drama, etc. but, now that I'm an adult,,, that's not really realistic. People want deeper connections than I'm comfortable with. I always feel guilty making friends or trying to maintain friendships because I can't give them what they want from me.

Like, sure, I'm not saying I don't like deep conversations at all, because I really do enjoy them! Infact, I only care to dedicate my time to someone if we can trauma dump within the first 30 minutes of meeting or else I feel fake around them. I just don't want to have to constantly maintain small talk, hearing about new jobs, relationships, petty drama, etc, if that's ALL we're doing. Im more than happy to talk deeply if we're like.. playing Mario kart, or building a fort, or getting high and playing a board game at the same time. I just don't want most/all of our time dedicated to deeper conversations.