My mind is focused on finding a solution and there isn’t one in life, so there is only death. However, I can’t comprehend death and don’t want to die.

I don’t want to live in this timeline either. I can’t go back and fix what went wrong. It was out of my control.

I cannot fathom resolution through non-existence as I currently cannot believe in an afterlife. I also am not content with the life I have lived to die. However, I am no longer myself and cannot express myself, and the only way I could do so would be through death (suicide).

Posting here because r/suicidewatch gets no exposure and also because it’s more nuanced than posts that just rant about wanting to die etc, this is a legitimate crisis for me as every second I am in so much grief and pain and dysphoria that it is intolerable, there is nothing I can enjoy or that is a distraction, I feel the urgent need to end the pain immediately (cannot achieve any peace or resolution in life whatsoever, but so far cannot commit to death), and have been in an existential crisis for 3 years.

To add: I have tried almost every psych intervention and treatment currently available in the world.

Got out of a 3 and a half year relationship, and im just in this weird place of pain. I already morned the relationship but now after over coming that ive realized how much of the relationship i have been manipulated and lied to. I have BPD - so did he hes also be diagnosed with ASPD and so on. I feel this weird pain ive never felt before. Ive never been so open and vulnerable with someone in my life. At times i felt so loved and others i felt as if i had to beg for his love and approval. It’s almost as if i was some pet or little toy he got bored of and knowing this knowing all of this realizing how many things i knew were wrong yet i let go because i loved him so much i thought he was perfect the best a god at times .. i wonder. I wonder how i can ever trust another human in my life. He used me emotionally, financially, he sucked me dry. I wanted to believe he was a good person but now .. im the idiot. He told me he wasnt a good person - i should have believed that.

I dont know what to do anymore. It felt like he was an extension of myself i lived and breathed hum everything i did was for him for our future but now im back. Back to an empty shell of a human being who has no sense of self or personality and is only a reflection of others around her. I am nothing. I dont know how to go on from this point. How do i live? I dont even feel like i can, i just mindlessly do what im suppose to without a true want in the world.

I just want to die at this point.

I just want to share my current feeling about this and want to know if any of you are familiar with this.

I've suffered from psychosis and it was a part of my life or more like my reality. Everything I've seen and thought was real and "psychosis" was nonexistent for me. When the doctors in my ward brought up that it is a psychotic episode, I started to get aggressive and felt like they were not taking me seriously. Family members also brought it up and it just frustrated me even more.

I was suffering and no one believed me that the things I've seen were real and the commands I became were in fact legit. It's like every perception of your reality may be not real and I just couldn't believe. I've had multiple ECTs and time to time, the episodes began to "vanish". I thought that things may get better from now on, but in reality I've got massive doubts of everything I witness. This whole thing I've experienced were not real and just imagination. It was just all hallucinations and mania. I still have fear in the dark and I can't trust my perception anymore. What is real now ? What is just imagination ? It feels like my mind just played with me and feel betrayed. I'm starting to kind of sort of my life now and move on, but this whole thing is still there.

Does anyone understand me ?

this is a discord server for anyone dealing with mental health or anything really and want to vent and get it out and to talk about it with other peers like yourselves https://discord.gg/Er4F9UGq join today

Hey Redditors 😊 I know I can’t possibly jump on Reddit and get a mental health diagnosis for my daughter but hear me out please. I just want to get an opinion of people who are real and human and not some list of symptoms and “illnesses” that never quite fit. She is 21 and for maybe the last 6 years she has uncontrollable anger that starts from something really minor and then is off the charts - screaming, throwing things, punching things, but really really full on. It will go on often for a few hours. She can’t let anything go. Everything has to be gone through and gone over point by point. Sometimes the reasons don’t make sense. They often start when she’s either just not in a great mood or she’ll be running around extra busying herself and something out of place will start her off. She feels intensely bad about it later and even still harbours guilt about how she treated me and her Dad when she was about 12/14 - same thing only she was awful to us all the times in between. She honestly is like she is going to physically explode sometimes. All this and she’s actually such an empath, cares deeply and worries about people. Another thing she does (I questioned if this is hupomania?) is she will talk wildly fast and literally give you a blow by blow about her day - in minute detail - sometimes she’s even made notes on her phone - you can’t really interrupt, we say it’s not a conversation it’s a monologue. We know this mood, when interrupted, can be the catalyst for the uncontrollable rage I mentioned. I can’t express how bad it is btw. I’m suprised our neighbours have never called the police. I’ve left the house at night loads and walked about in the rain and dark because I have to get away from it. Sorry I’ve just gone on and on. Just wondered if this correlates to anyone at all. Thanks if you’ve read!

I think I have a fear of religion and it's really weird

For example, I am Catholic and if I don't pray to God every night then I feel guilty and I have to pray double the next day. It is a specific prayer every night. And if someone says a word tha that to do with religion, I have to do the sign of the cross. For example, Satanism, ritual, Serpent, what the hell, oh my God, etc. It's not just the sign of the cross. It's me doing it and then whispering, "I love you so much God you're the best i will never distrust in you, amen." and doing the sign of the cross again. I also just do it when I feel the urge to, and I also have to whisper it out loud and people hear me. And if I do it wrong, I have to restart. I think this is a problem and I've had it for maybe 3 years now. I promise you this is a real thing I'm experiencing😭 what should I do

I got a last minute invite from a friend and idk if we’re actually friends. They just told me now that they were having a party and I can come if I want. They only said that cuz I asked.

I feel unimportant. I have no friends. No one wants me here. I should kill myself.

No one wants me around. I’ve often been excluded by peers since childhood and I want to know what’s wrong with me.

I feel like it wouldn’t matter if I’m gone.

Hello, for the past year or so I have been having extreme anxiety to change myself entirely, believing that once I achieve greatness then I will be happy. I always feel dissatisfied even though I actually have it pretty good. The weirdest thing is I KNOW that the thing I need to do is just realize that being productive every second of the day is not feasible, that I'm not perfect but no one else is either, and that my life is not coming dangerously close to being irrereversibly miserable. I hope I have explained this well, I'm just in a bit of a bad spot and could use a bit of guidance.

Hi. I'm 15M (AFAB), I have ASD (prolly also ADHD) and I feel like something might just not be right with me. Or I might be exaggerating.

First of all, I tend to forget most of my problems. There is only one traumatic (I think) situation that happened to me that I remember to the last detail. I'm not going to speak of this because even thinking about it makes my heart explode out of my chest and make me feel awful. But every other thing that happens to me? Forgotten. I might get an idea of a situation, but if I want to try to remember it: I can't. That's why I wonder if I even have any problems because If I don't remember them, then maybe it means they never existed? I needed to try REALLY hard to remember any of the stuff listed off here. Some of the stuff here was pre-written and now looking at it I just feel so disconnected from it. It feels so cringe writing about this as I just feel like an attention seeker.

I experience derealization often. Everything is just so quiet and everything feels like some kind of game or a video. One time, I even thought about closing the window, like I genuinely thought I was watching something on my computer and not just existing.

Almost everything irritates me. My emotions are changing every minute. One time I could be happy and stuff and a minute after I'm dissociating again or am fighting with my brother. My headaches don't help with this. They are not that bad, and most of the time I don't even notice them, but they are just annoying me.

I also had a time when I heard knocking to my front door when noone was there? It happened many times. It was a long time ago so I don't know if it matters anymore. But the memory of 12 year old me screaming in the kitchen because I started to hear knocking from every single wall still lingers in my mind.

I also just started to not go to school. Like, I'm missing school and ignoring new friends I make. If I ever make them. I would much rather just to spend time alone. The missing school thing became a real problem. Idk why I'm doing this since I don't get bullied or anything. I just don't go to school all the time. Like something is blocking me from doing so.

I also have tics. Like rn my head jerks and I blink. Had them for almost 2,5 years. They toned down so I don't complain much. But they just appeared out of nowhere.

That's most of it. I don't know if that's all, and I don't know if I'm exaggerating stuff or not. I just feel like I know shit about myself. I do a lot of research on mental health in my free time but whenever I try to put my "symptoms" in place and find at least SOMETHING that contains all of them, I'm met with disappointment. Maybe I'm just lying to myself and going through something normal. Or maybe not. Idk. I just want to know ANYTHING or I'm going to go insane.

So, please. Tell me if I should be worried or If I'm exaggerating.

People who often go outside, they have friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, children or big family to interact with. How do they even find the time to get depressed? They literally have won in life,in my opinion they are kinda ungrateful

Like past 2 or 3 years I have to be ocd but i never took any medicine I let it go on it my own like due to various habits but like last 6 months I can't get in any thing I also have sometimes intrusive thought trigger but they quickly go but rather I have squeezing like feeling in whole area to sometimes back should I go to psychiatric because this happens only intrusive thought quick on is it serious

Does anyone else have ocd about butterfly affect?

Like for months revolving around one event and how you found out it may have led to something else and how that thing may have impacted your entire life?

I am literally going insane over the concept of this. I can’t live. And drinking or taking medicine is ALLOWING IT to now affect me even more.

I’d rather die than keep this one imperfection in my life to keep affecting me over and over I can’t accept that this had such an effect on my life nothing I do can escape it. That’s my biggest fear and ocd or whatever has been thoughts pushing that it’s affected me more and more and now it has.

I wish like, the world or my world goes into something that no matter what it would have happened so I can escape this butterfly affect. Well I sort of tried something to do that but that was before I went insane over it. How do I escape or accept like holy shit

hi i’m almost done with my postgrad and i have to write my dissertation and look for jobs. i’m studying abroad so the pressure to get a job is more than it would have been in my home country plus the job market is very competitive. i should use this time to work hard and be consistent but i have a huge fear of failure and i haven’t been able to get out of bed and start working. it’s been a week now of doing absolutely nothing plus a huge nicotine addiction. the more i don’t work the bigger my fear gets it’s a contradiction. i don’t know what to do. are their any methods that work for people with depression and adhd when they are low functioning to help them get out of this phase. im not going in depth about the magnitude of my problem but i hope u understand. let me know if there is anything i can do by myself, id really appreciate it. thanks in advance!

I'm 19, 5'3 female, and I weigh 90kgs as of 11th May 2024. I've been going through this for over 4 years now. I've lost my life and all my friends to this disorder. I've lost the ability to love more than I hate myself.

I've tried everything, tried every fucking remedy out there. But I just can't. Tried every weight loss pill I could afford. I'm afraid I might fuck college up because of what this disorder has done to me. I can't sleep at night, can't shake off the horrible thoughts in my head. Every single friend I had, left. My family isn't worth talking to.

I try, I really do. I just can't keep up when it's night and I'm fucking alone. And ordering tons of food and putting on a reality show helps. It's the only form of comfort I have left. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I've never been religious, but this fucking disorder made me pray to God. I prayed, hoping if there was a higher power out there, they'd forgive me for my sins and fucking listen. But nobody listens, nobody ever fucking does.

I believe that I was born to die. And I can almost bet that my death won't be out of natural causes, at this point, if you know what I mean. If you were like me, and managed to fix yourself, please tell me how. And if even a single person understands what I'm trying to say, I hope you know I really tried. I just want someone to know that I tried till whenever my last breath was.

At this point I don't even pay much attention to it, but it still happens. If I say something, my brain will repeat it over and over again until it doesn't even have the same words as it used to; like, "Oh, hi!" "(Oh hi) (Ohhi) (Ohi (Hi) (Hoi) (Hey do you want to play hoi4?)" I don't even know if what I am saying makes sense, but it distracts me alot so I was wondering if something in specific causes it.

My mom dad keep fighting every other day. Its just too much to handle. The toxicity has reached my head. I have anxiety and because of them my anxiousness gets aggravated like anything. They fight, and in return take out their anger, irritation and toxic attitude on me, even when I dont say anything or do anything. This is done especially by my mom.

One day when they both had a fight, for some reason i dont know what, my mom came and told me ‘i dont care whether you live or die’ and I was so heartbroken in that moment. The other time she had a fight, dad was in the office and me and mom were at home, she started banging the room doors, washing machine handle, cabinets, utensils etc while working, and banging them so freaking hard. It scared the shit out of me!

NOW LET’S JUMP TO TODAY: Tomorrow is mothers day, mom dad had a fight in the morning, even then i thought I will buy gifts for mom and bring in the evening. When I came back I knew from the vibe of the house that they are still fighting. I gave her the gifts. She was least interested, didnt even open it for like half an hour and when she opened it she was just making faces and did not even react. After that it was dinner time and her tone was so bad towards me, how it usually is when she is irritated and had a fight with dad.

They both makes me feel like shit. I feel so unloved by my parents. I feel being an orphan is much much better than having such parents. My heart is broken and shattered. I dont know what did I do to deserve such unloving and ungrateful parents who dont know how to love, care and handle their own kid!!

This is a throwaway account. This is a very unusual situation so please read before any judgments or shaming. Let me start by saying that I have had a best friend for quite a few decades (the dynamic has change due to recent events) and I have been close to her husband whom I have known just slightly longer. I even dated her husband in high school before she did. Another side note for reasons that will be explained later in the post, I have bipolar 1 disorder, severe anxiety and PTSD.

While we were dating (I was 15 and he was 16) he told me he loved me and wanted to marry me. It really freaked me out, because I WAS 15! I told him to go away to which I now know was a stupid kid mistake. He and my best friend married soon after we all graduated from high school, and I ended up marrying someone else. I was in love with him but at the time we were both married to different people. He and my ex both went into the military and moved away. We did not see each other for a long time.

Fast forward to 2019. I fell on some hard times and they allowed my son and I to move in with them for what was supposed to be very temporary, but ended up being almost 5 years. When I moved in he barely spoke to me so I figured he pretty much hated me and I kept my distance. That went on for about 2 years.

By this time, my friend and her adult daughter went on many trips for weeks and sometimes months at a time, leaving my son, my friend's husband and myself alone all of those times. Naturally we got close again. We ended up sleeping together. We talked a lot and found out that we both were still in love with each other, thus progressing into a full blown affair. I have been single for many years. He and my friend have been married for decades.

He and I talked at length about what this meant for us. No matter when I move out, we would continue to see each other as often as possible. This is where part of the dynamic changes. We are all moving out of the house we are renting, and they are going to live in my friend's father's home as her dad recently passed. I am not moving into the house with them.

The other part of the dynamic is that this move was very sudden and put me into a bind with nothing saved up for deposits, etc. My friend, to which we are no longer friends. She and I have been fighting about money due to my limited funds, I am unable to save anything if I am paying her the full rent which was a ridiculous amount to pay in the first place. I am having to get a second job to help with my costs.

This extra job and the fact that this man works remote from home, makes is impossible to see each other at all. Anyone who has or knows someone who has Bipolar understands that emotions are extreme and there is no gray area.

I had asked him if he would divorce his wife to be with me, and he has said no but also says he isn't sure why. He has said he would fight for me and yet he won't divorce. He says he just wants to make the best of the time we have left. I am already breaking down, and I seriously don't know how I am going to get past this.

He has a hard time showing emotion, and I am aware of this. But sometimes it feels like he doesn't care and can easily go back to the way life was before we started our affair, almost like it never happened. I am really losing it and my heart is shattered. Does this situation sound like it's my fault for getting involved even though I didn't know it was going to end?

I’ve struggled with mental health for a few years and I’ve found things that help me through every day. Most days I’m calm and relaxed however some days I just overflow with anger. I know to not take it out on other people so I always just end up crying hysterically alone until I’m finally calm. I’m not comfortable enough yet to go see someone so I was wondering if anyone had any appropriate and maybe a little relaxed methods of getting your anger out.

I really need to vent about this. I’m feeling distraught because after weeks of not doing this I gave into a sexual urge last night and it made me kind of lose a spark and I’m feeling less motivated. It seems like what I’m experiencing goes beyond SO-OCD and I might actually not be straight, which isn’t a comfortable idea for me but idk if I need to accept at this point. This link has two more links detailing my issues and it’s all pretty nsfw so this is a graphic warning:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/s/RRRqLT8KRa

Tl;dr How do I get my brother to talk to somebody about his mental health?

My brother stayed with me these past two days and was acting very strange to me and my girlfriend along with my friends. Because of my girlfriends history of diagnosed bipolar and schizophrenia in her imitate family we have a strong suspension that he might have undiagnosed bipolar disorder or the like since the comments he made which seemed almost like the comments my girlfriend mom makes when she is manic. I will not go into detail and certainly not ask for a diagnosis here, but I am curious how to engage him in to talking about his mental health. He had a depression last year and has been talking to a psychologist before, so he might be open to talk to somebody. Maybe he has been diagnosed but without my parents or me knowing? He is very closed minded in some regards and has a hard time admitting to him self and others when he is not feeling well.

Hello, recently a family friend came to visit my city and spent time with us. The fact is that I have been diagnosed for a long time with OCD, depression, generalized anxiety and until recently BPD. My mother has a very bad time since lately I have been frequently relapsing into self-destructive behaviors...

This friend already knew about this and told me the following phrases: "You are hurting your mother a lot, don't you realize?" "You're going to destroy a family," and more like that. Then she told me that it was necessary to give me that "hit" of reality so that I would open my eyes and so that she could help me change for the better.

I appreciate that you want and are going to help me little by little, but was it really necessary to be so cruel? I don't know if I have the right to feel bad about it or I'm just exaggerating... What do you think?

i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder years ago when i was a lot younger. sometimes i just find that i hate myself or just wish my brain could work normally. i self sabotage every relationship i have. i was with this guy for a really long time and he just didn’t understand and he thought that because i have it, i couldn’t empathize or learn which just wasn’t true. i learn from my mistakes just as easily i just need them explained differently, i spent 1.5 years with him and i opened up to him which i haven’t done to anyone else before about it outside of my family. it just sucked that i worked so hard to try and act normal but it seemed to not work out anyway because he just thought i couldn’t learn. i hate being alone and i hate people thinking im different and not okay just because of it. i’m a kind and loving person once someone gets past my hard and angry shell i put up. but i don’t know maybe i just am not lovable? i’ve always felt this way i just don’t know how to respond. i’m still young and have a lot to learn but it’s just really getting to me lately.

(18m) I fucking hate my body, it’s disgusting, disfigured, and undesirable. I know you’re supposed to “love yourself” but I see absolutely no point. No one will ever see me and see me as desirable. I just relapsed again on my sh last night because I’m such a little bitch who can’t deal with the cards I’ve been dealt. Most of this self hatred is stemming from my dick, it’s small (4.5-5 inches in length, 4 inches girth) and when it’s soft idk it’s just really fucking small. I hate waking up everyday in my body, the first thing I think about when I wake up is how disappointing and gross I am and it’s the last thing I think about at night. I want to hurt myself all the time because of it, I want death, it feels like I would rather die than live like this anymore, I just want to be normal and seen as a decent partner but even if I was perfect in every other way possible I’m still just the guy who has a small dick everyone point and laugh he’s fucking disgusting. I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore I see no way of accepting this, it feels like the only way I’ll ever be happy is if I wasn’t in this body I want out so fucking bad, when I look at it I feel anger and hatred that I had to be born this way. There is nothing I can do to change it and that’s what fucks me up the most, no matter what I do I’ll be just bottom tier. I just want love man is that just too much to fucking ask for? Me personally, I’ve never cared about size in partners, but on my body it just feels absolutely disgusting, it ruins my body all the hard work I’ve put in to lose weight and overall just improve my body and it dosent even fucking matter because my dick is small. I’ll get compliments but in my head I’m just saying “it dosent matter anyways because ur small” or I’ll constantly think about how im probably the smallest in any given room im in and wonder if anyone would pick me out of all the other men there. I hate living this way im sick and need help but even if I get it i dont think it will do much because its not fixing the route issue that im small.

I have mental illness to the point I can’t sleep at night, where I lose half of my memories that day. Nothing works They put me on medication to help me sleep nothing works. I take sleep aids I buy from family dollar just to get an hour of sleep. My family don’t understand and tell me I am addicted to sleep aids ( I am not ) I prove to them nothing helps and I haven’t been sleep since and I’ve been up since 9am yesterday morning. The medication the doctors gave me don’t help I still feel like I am in the wrong body, this isn’t my mind but who am I right? i am just the human who’s addicted to sleep aid because that’s what my family see . They don’t see the fact I don’t eat and I block out the pain they only see me taking sleep aids to get an hour of sleep

guys i’m actually so miserable, this is my last option, fuck it hurts

I have some mental illnesses and experience hallucinations. I hear and feel things, but nothing that has ever scared me. Usually I hear phone going off when I am alone (phone “dings” that my phone does not make, vibrating phones, feeling like a phone is vibrating my my hand when I am not holding anything, etc). I used to have the sensation of bugs crawling all over me, but that was during an episode with psychotic features. I also have “loud” thoughts when I am trying to sleep - usually like a voice that is saying something that trumps all other thoughts and I can almost physically hear it (sorry, very hard to explain).

Anyway, I experience hypnopompic/hypnagogic hallucinations (when you are trying to fall asleep or waking up from being asleep) sometimes. I had one the other night when I woke up in the middle of the night and I could hear a man and woman whispering overtop of each other, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying (I was not asleep, maybe half asleep, but my eyes were open because I was looking at the part of the room that I thought it was coming from). I wasn’t scared or anything, but I went back to sleep.

I know these hallucinations are more common than not, but I was just wondering what experiences other people have with hallucinations? Or do you not have any when you try to fall asleep/just wake up?

If someone just sits absolutely still and stares for hours and can't move despite discomfort even though they want to, but can come back to normal if someone interacts with them, is this executive dysfunction, psychomotor retardation, or catatonia? (or something else?)

I don’t want to watch knuckles on tv

Idk how can fill the gab between me and other. I'm feel so terrible alone. I can't connect to others and when I try to talk about it I feel like I just get more distance. I kind of know that this awful feeling can go away and everything will feel alright but ATM it's just not going away. For too long now I feel despair. We truly are alone and I can't deal with that. I'm missing out on everything. The ppl around me do like me but they definitely get quickly too much of me. I'm not mad for that I can understand. But I feel so alone I really don't know where to go anymore. Yesterday I talked to one of my friends and idk It just made everything worse. I'm lying in bed crying since then. I feel so misunderstood and non of my problems are seen. I feel like that's what I deserve. I'm a horrible person. I need to tell how I am really but no one wants to know that. I can't bear with the fact that maybe everyone has such a ugly side they all just hide their life's long.