I’m (22F) autistic and struggle with everyday things but my sexual life is starting to get worse and worse and idk what to do

TW SA Like a lot of other autistic women unfortunately, i was SA multiple times in my life. I will not go into details but this is important for later. I was not diagnosed but im pretty sure i got OCD too, everything has to be done a certain way in a specific order (could also be linked to autism), but the most striking thing is the intrusive thoughts i get during sex.

I have a boyfriend, its been 5 years, we started going out when i was 16 so he literally met another me. I was hypersexual due to trauma at that time. I didnt even liked doing it but i did. Now onto the current me, it’s been 3 years since i felt better, now sex is still not enjoyable and also feels gross, but i don’t force myself to do it anymore. My boyfriend knows and understands. But human still have needs and sometimes it happens but i can’t stop thinking "do you really want that" "you seem bored that should stop" "wtf is he doing thats not it" "you’re letting him rape you" … this part he doesn’t know.

These thoughts are starting to get me thinking i might be asexual due to trauma, but i still like to do it on my own so idk. On ur own you have complete control so i guess that’s different from doing it with someone else. I also watched a lot of disgusting porn back then and still do sometimes, and its the only thing i get off to, and as a victim this makes me want to kill myself honestly the guilt and shame are too much

I know a lot of victims do that and feel the same way, but i can’t get over the fact that I’m disgusting for watching that and the thoughts during sex are not helping either. I am not able to cum during sex (whatever we do) and it’s starting to take a toll on our relationship.

Autism makes it difficult to communicate what i want, these thoughts make it difficult to act, idk what to do anymore

I tried thinking of something else during sex but i get lost in thought and it ends up not being pleasant I tried talking with my partner on the sex not being enjoyable but i can’t talk about the thoughts it feels too much It may be extreme anxiety but im terrified of him leaving me or cheating on me and i really love him, i would like to try and fix myself so we can continue going forward together.

If anyone is/was in this situation pls share, i’d like some advice

Can past define me

I used to sometimes look up drawn nsfw contents involving shota and stuff and masturbaited to it I was around 14 to 15 and it continued since 17 or 18? I'm currently 18 now I don't want to do this anymore and I'm genuinely worried if past mistake can define me. My ocd is usually worrying about past and it's just hard to move on I clearly have ocd I assume but I'm worried if I also am a p*do It feels like I can't admit being one. And somehow I feel like I'm not attracted to children anymore. Even when I used to look up drawn nsfw I don't think I thought real kids in that way I don't know it feels like one immature past mistake can define me

I've dealing with people who assume that I have urges towards children and I feel like I should mention about it I don't, and my worry doesn't start from having urges towards children. It starts from worrying if I am attracted to them. I know I'm not but my past sounds like I should just accept it as a label no matter if I'm attracted or not

My mind and inner dialogue keeps repeating the same thoughts and lines, too many random memories keep popping up, songs keep playing in my head, weird images and imaginations, I'm having ADHD like symptoms, too aware of every thought, every head and body movement and when I'm speaking, a lot of existential thoughts, even when I'm sleeping I can tell my mind is racing thinking of so much things.

There's probably more just none I can think of right now, but can anyone relate? Has medication helped anyone with this?

20(m)So ever since I was little now that I think about it I might have had ocd I would had what some would call rocd and have intrusive thoughts like I hate god or I sold my soul obviously being a kid I didn't know what ocd was cause I always thought it was about organization and etc but everytime I would have to do mental compulsion like everytime I got a thought like that I had to ask for forgiveness I eventually stopped as I got older and now I would call myself an agnostic but at the start of this year I started having intrusive thoughts about harming myself and others after I was having bad panic attack every day due to stress I obviously could tell I was not doing okay so started researching and found out about schizophrenia(worst thing I have ever done)my brain automatically went hyperaware of everything,every sound,vision etc also scared that I would go insane and hurt someone so anytime I would hear something or see anything I would get terrified thinking I could be hallucinating I remember even getting my mom to take me to the hospital it was so bad even tried to go to the 7th floor which is the floor for mentally ill patients but they just brushed it off and said it was probably due to anxiety so fast forward I start seeing a doctor he also said he didn't think I was schizophrenic after telling him a he prescribed me medication ssri 100mg He started actually doing better got another job and started doing well I still had the thoughts and fear of schizophrenia but didn't bother me that's when I had the thought what if my brother is trying to kill me that's when it spiraled with these thoughts having paranoid thoughts about what if people are plotting against me and not what ifs but they are but I 1000000000% don't believe them and know that's crazy no one is plotting or trying to hurt me but I became obsessed with this new thought and the new theme switched,I mean technically the same theme cause it is the fear of schizophrenia but the thoughts changed I guess probably because I researched so much about schizophrenia now I'm even more scared I'm becoming schizophrenic cause these paranoid thoughts worry me because I start to think what if I believe them like I know I don't but what if I do,I always see that schizophrenic are paranoid about this and I know I don't believe them but it's like my mind is always thinking about it I mean I could literally be walking outside,shopping,doing whatever I'm doing see someone and have the thought there plotting against me or trying to kill me and I'm like what noooooo what the hell who thinks that,a schizophrenic of course and I have to constantly research everyday my symptoms of paranoid thinking and it's hard because I hear everybody else relate to being scared of developing it but mine really does like I'm having actual paranoid thoughts that again I know is insane and not true I even got a therapist she also said she doesn't believe I have it but trauma she didn't say anything about ocd though so it's like what is it then schizophrenia these thoughts just distress me so much cause what if I start believing them and they feel so real cause most people have what ifs mine are they are but I still 1000000% don't believe them

I just randomly didn't do compulsions for a day?

I can't find genuine joy in activites like reading a book, playing instruments, listening to music, writing or going outside, I kind of have to make myself believe that I enjoy those things when I really don't and can't, even though I want to. Because of this I've developed a dependance on things that deliver a quick rush of dopamine such as eating junk food and smoking/vaping nicotine, I've become obsessed with food and eat like a starving wild animal, being defensive with my food and sometimes get aggressive. Whenever I try to do minimally stimulating things, I can't help but get distracted by my own thoughts, and they aren't good thoughts, all I have are negative thoughts surrounding my self image and how others view me, I try to ignore them and try to focus on doing things that would help me improve my mental health, but its hard when there's a lining of negativity surrounding every action that I do. I've started to fear doing anything other than watching tv and eating junk food and I just can't figure out why I can't get rid of these negative thoughts so that I stop being a lowlife pig and do things that I actually find interest in.

So for quite literally months, I’ve basically felt very depressed. I felt very sad like in a emotionally painful way if that makes any sense, lots of dissociation/derealization, tired all the time, no energy, no motivation, isolation, no appetite, emotional numbness, a lot of self harm, I wouldn’t shower for 2 weeks, basically didn’t maintain hygiene, suicidal ideation and thought, guilt, shame. Suddenly about id say 2 weeks ago randomly it kind of just stopped and I was out of the dissociative state and didn’t feel sad anymore. I was eating again I had so many ideas for some reason, i literally wanted to buy everything (I’ve already spent like $50 and I’m unemployed), I’ve not been getting the best sleep, I only got 4 hours the other night, 5 2 nights ago, because I was not tired at all and was busy searching the web for things to buy lol. Eating snacks in bed at 230am when I have to get up at 7. Suddenly really into pop musics from the 2010s for some reason spent an hour vibinf to it while dancing in the mirror at midnight. (My pupils also seemed to appear bigger and shinier but this might be irrelevant) I basically thought I was the best looking person ever lol starting at my self . In the morning not tired surprisingly besides when I was doing math lol. My slow sad playlist is too calm for me now whilst before it was all I could handle. I’ve been more social than usual and c talking more to my family than usual (it’s weird because I tell myself I don’t want to talk to them too much to not seem annoying yet I end up doing it anyway) Yet despite me not exactly feeling depressed in this moment, I wouldn’t say it feels like happiness per se. It more feels like I’m on my toes doing all these things but at the same time exhausted if that makes any sense? I’m confused I thought I was depressed considering that’s how I felt for months but now suddenly this is happening but it’s not necessarily happiness so I wouldn’t say I’m mentally ok I’m so lost and honestly feel terrible knowing that I really don’t have control of these moods I feel like I’m on a ride that never stops. I really struggle with self harm when I feel that depressive state (my arm is covered in scars) a month ago when I was feeling this way I was literally using a box cutter in inanimate objects just to cope and stay clean (although I relapsed many many times during this time) I was having a very very hard time not relapsing. I spent many nights conversing with 988 and other hotlines. And now, boom. I don’t even think about any of that stuff. Seeing sharp objects has no appeal to me whilst before I was going crazy over it. And these states, have absolutely no reason. Nothing is happening in my life at all to cause these feelings. These mood switches has happened before. It’s been happening for about a year actually but the depressive states happened for 2 years and progressed. I’ll be depressed for many months and then get a few weeks a month tops of feeling this elevated state then spiraling right back into depressive state coming back worse each time. The depressive states get so bad to the point I’m actually scared for my safety. The voices in my head tell me to basically hurt and kill myself. But now I’m elevated again. I’m actually so confused and I don’t know my self anymore. I can’t control my mood states and I feel so helpless.

I have no idea what i have but i think its anxiety related since anxiety runs in my family. This has been happening every other day since april. So whenever I think in my head alot(or when im stressed/mad) i get this thing where its like i cant stop thinking and its like panicking/arguing voices in my head nonstop. Whenever i try talking while its happening my voice sounds funny and i might accidentally talk too loud. When I listen to music while its happening it sounds like the voice has a weird mocking tone. I dont understand what im saying in my head its just nonsense but it sounds panicky and it usually makes me kinda anxious. And i have zero control of it I cannot stop it when its happening even if im speaking outloud or in my head. It does not stop until i forget about it happening.
I know I should go to the doctors and get diagnosed but i dont know if they'll send me somewhere.
I am posting this to see if anybody has had the same problem just so I can figure out what is wrong with me.

I also want to note that I had abused the over the counter drug Dextromethorphan from December to maybe april-may im not sure.

Has anyone felt this way?? I feel like all my life but more specifically when I was around 17- now ( I’m 21). I’ve felt like something was very very off in my brain. I’ve always been extremely hesitant to get tested for anything larger than the ptsd and anxiety diagnosis I already have, but deep down I know something is much more wrong. Ive always been way more irritable, emotional, and angry than anyone I’ve ever met. Like genuinely the emotions I experience come in EXTREME waves. Theres a lot more, but mostly feeling every emotion as hard as I do has become debilitating. Like it is not a normal person amount of anything. Could be happiness, anger, sadness, etc. Whenever I’ve spoken to my friends about things like this almost nobody has felt the same way.

I hate food, so much. Not like, I'm doing it to try to lose weight or anything. I just always either forget to eat or nothing is good.

Like everything sounds good until I'm eating it, and my brain will try to tell me its something else. Dor example, I was eating rice I made earlier and It reminded me of the texture of magots and I physically couldn't eat it anymore, and it happens almost every time I try to eat.

Like I'm just so tired of being hungry all the time, or only being able to stomach certain foods, and everyone i've told about this says they've never delt with the same so I just feel so alone in it and like I shouldn't feel this way.

Hello, I am a Highschool sophomore. I am diagnosed with depression, anxiety, dpdr, ocd, adhd, bpd, panic disorder, schizoaffective and cptsd. I have a 504 and am in the process of getting an IEP. What accommodations helped people with similar issues to me? I am in honors classes. Thanks

I recently got into an argument with my partner over the phone. Things escalated to the point of them yelling, which was a first, and has been discussed and apologized for. I was also somewhat at fault in this scenario; I am not looking for advice in that sense.

The problem is; upon this happening I completely broke down and ended up going to my most recent inpatient centre. I went there because I was mid travel, and it was the closest resource to me at the moment. They also have all my most recent psychiatric notes etc. so I just panicked and started heading in that direction. Upon realizing how angry my partner was, I immediately started openly sobbing and shaking at the train station, and on the bus toward the hospital. I spoke with a psych nurse who helped me get toward my travel goal safely as I didn’t have my emergency sedatives on me in that moment. My CPTSD has been showing up more as an effect of recent onset grief, and this instance really showed me just how easy it is for me to spiral. I spent the past 3 days in distress, continued crying for two in a row and only today is my nervous system STARTING to calm down. No matter how many grounding exercises I do, or how many times I put myself to sleep early. My anxiety / depressive state are still consistent. I am on mood stabilizers, anti anxiety pills, anti psychotics, everything you can think of. Does anyone else react in this way?? What do you do to cope during multiple day long episodes??
I don’t want my partner to feel scared to make mistakes, like everyone else, because of my triggers

I keep having impulsive thoughts. I don't want them but I also like them. But I know that acting on them will make me sad. I almost convinced my cousin to take me to Los Angeles and then 3 hrs north cause I was obsessed . I even made online friends so I could have friends there.

I always want to do weird things. I get so much energy randomly in the day every day. I'll do things that cause accidental injury. I'll jump off things and run around becaus I can't stay still. I once did day drinking when home alone when I was 15 or 16. I got caught. I couldn't lie. That was on the 3rd day of doing it. I sometimes have too much energy and nobody can ever be on my level. Its predictable. I go from anxious to happy to sad to happy.

the only way i’ve ever been able to get diagnosed with anything is by either paying through the nose for it to a private healthcare company or because my symptoms have put my life at risk and have made me inconvenient to other people (not to mention expensive).

i KNOW i have certain conditions beyond the ones that i was grudgingly diagnosed with (anorexia on account of starving myself and almost dying - bit of a giveaway, autism because i didn’t shut up about it for multiple years, and ADHD because i paid money for a private diagnosis) and yet NO ONE WILL LISTEN TO ME??? i have no idea what to do atp.

i have BPD, i absolutely KNOW i do, ( ffs i was given a working emerging BPD diagnosis aged 16) and yet no one will hear me out or pursue it any further. i can’t even get in front of a psychologist, let alone a psychiatrist. i think i also have covert narcissistic traits, possible c-ptsd and (very blatant) severe OCD, and because none of these are killing me, starving me, or causing me to debilitate the lives of those around me, no one gives a fuck enough to actually help me or find out whether or not i’m correct.

i can only conclude that the only way you get given help or the clarity/relief of a diagnosis is if your symptoms and conditions manifest in a way that makes life difficult for other people. if my bpd made me run into a motorway, or if my ocd landed me back in an nhs hospital bed (costing the hospital money) then you bet your ass i’d have the luxury of a diagnosis by now. and ok, maybe that does mean my conditions/symptoms are less extreme and therefore less serious, but that doesn’t mean i’m not struggling like hell. that doesn’t mean i don’t need some fucking help

i’m just sick of it. this country is fucked, this system is fucked, and everyone living in it is fucked too

TLDR no one helps you unless you’re literally dying or your mental illness is getting in the way of someone else’s life or bank account

I feel like I need gloves my hands kind of feel like they are rotting my most trustworthy friend avoids me most of the time unless the popular people arent around then he's brilliant he is the only one who doesn't think I've lost it. I wore gloves once before and they had to be practically torn off me before I stopped wearing them. I have OCD which I assume is the main cause of this

So i have had depression since i was about 12-13 years old. (atm im 15). All of those years a have been going to therapy almost non stop and i dont really know if it helped me that much. about a year ago i started to think about suicide whenever i was having a huge breakdown, but those were only momentarily thoughts that went away after i calmed down. Toghether with those thoughts i started to self harm by cutting/burning myself. Recently i have been having thoughts about suicide randomly, not while having a breakdown. i have considered many ways to do it and made a few plans in detail. the past week i have been thinking about it non-stop. literally. but at the same time i dont know if i want to do it. im scared to. my therapist recommended going to a psychiatric hospital but idk if im not just being dramatic. maybie its all just the winter depression and it will go away soon.

24M Tldr: Major fatigue from serotonin syndrome. Can't even drink coffee to help as it messes with my serotonin and makes me more tired and foggy. Ready to go to the doctor and seek medical help. Any advice or similar stories are welcome. Peace and love.

A few years ago, I experienced major serotonin syndrome from too much MDMA.

It turned into years of psychosis and tons of physical symptoms like extreme fatigue, uncontrollable thoughts, paranoia, mania, heavy brain fog etc etc. I had seen a few doctors but was too paranoid to go to any of them as my delusions told me they were against me. I have always been hyperindependent and against medication so I never willingly took any. I was prescribed antipsychotics which made it impossible for me to live/think/breathe even So I stopped them promptly.

Going on 4 years since this happened and I've been able to "ignore" the psychosis and trudge through my day like a zombie due to the fatigue. Sometimes my mania will engulf me but it's not as chronic as it used to be and is no not harmful as I'm aware when this happens.

I've tried all the holistic things like supplements, meditation, change of scenery, and even got sober. I am still left with debilitating fatigue. I say I'm tired and people say yeah it's normal to be tired all the time. But they don't understand that I'm barely hanging on (in terms of remaining awake and cognizant) and have just come to get used to the heavy symptoms. Including psychosis. It's just there, I recognize it and live with it.

*(Caffeine just exasterbates my symptoms probably due to serotonin depletion.)

Recently I got a new job that I love so much, but I can't remain clear and awake for more than an hour after waking no matter how much i sleep. When im this tired, my psychosis comes out. My psychosis is starting to get annoying, as it's getting in the way of genuinely beautiful interactions that I get to have on the daily. No it's not dangerous, it just sucks and morphs reality into a deep dark place.

I have concluded that I need to seek help if I want a shot at an even somewhat normal life. I'm tired of ignoring the hellish headscape I walk In every day. Just because im used to it doesnt mean i can't/shouldn't try and fix it. I can not keep thinking this will just go away on its own, I've obviously tried everything I can alone and I want to give myself this chance.

My worries are:

• A doctor is going to try and put me on something like an antipsychotic or benzo again if I mention psychosis. They seem to think that anyone with psychosis doesn't know their ass from a hole in the ground. And the psychosis is obviously just a symptom of the issues with my serotonin depletion. I've dealt with it for almost 4 years, I can recognize psychosis when it's happening.

• A doctor will think I'm drug seeking the minute I tell them this happened from misuse of street drugs. (This has happened before)

• A doctor will give me something that makes my serotonin syndrome worse. (This has not happened. Just a concern from hearing horror stories.)

My question to you dear friends is if there are any of you with similar stories that have found success with certain prescriptions especially regarding these symptoms and this ailment Specifically major fatigue being the main focus. And I'll take all the support I can get. I am at a loss my friends. Thank you, love you

-K

I’m currently unemployed, broke, and stuck at home everyday suffering from CPTSD. I want to get back out there but I just need a bit of help, also the boredom and feelings of deprivation in every sense of my basic needs as a human being are nearly excruciating. I’m looking for something that can give me some relief in my anxiety, self criticism and overall mood. Are those online same day prescription psychiatry services any good? Do I need to go through the couple weeks long process of working with an established company? Can I get a medication prescribed within 48 hours? I’ve taken pretty much every SSRI on the market with little to no effect, so I don’t want to try another one but I know that typically this is what psychs tend to go for. Are there limitations to what a licensed psych can prescribe through telehealth? I do have UnitedHealthcare.

Hey, Reddit! I just wanna put this out here because I need some input.

So at school, I have a 504 which lets me have accommodations for certain classes, like a watered down IEP. As of recently, I’ve had this issue where I get really overstimulated in the morning by fluorescent lights, so I politely asked one of my teachers, whether or not they could turn off the light, not all the lights obviously, but just the ones nearby my side of the room because it was really bothering me and making it hard for me to focus.

Nobody else had an issue with it, so it’s not like I was asking her to do this while everybody else wanted the lights on. Also, we have a whole wall, which is basically a window, so even if she did turn the lights off, they would still be lights from outside coming in. Just not as bright.

Every time I ask her though, she would tell me that she doesn’t want me to fall asleep in class, which is something I’ve never done. She would give me a big attitude about it. And it was really hard for me to focus during class, so I ended up not getting much work done, because my head was hurting, and I was extremely overstimulated.

I just want to know, did I do anything wrong for asking, or like- was I inconveniencing anyone?

What do you call that feeling of heaviness that follows you throughout your day and you are used to it so you don't really talk about it but it's an annoyance like a physical pain is. I've felt this for so long but I can't afford to see a professional to assess what it means. And at night it morphs into a literal feeling of suffocation that gives me insomnia. I've dealt with that in a practical way by taking sleep supplements and using an eye mask and ear plugs but it still gets to me sometimes. I'm just tired of dealing with this and since I'm sure I'm not alone, I want some validation. Do you feel this way? What do you call it?

I’ve been showing symptoms of ocd and was prescribed meds for it which made me sick and I got off of them but I feel like I have to physically sacrifice a body part like removing my nail or blowing my arm off with a shotgun or something so I’d be clean and fully healed from my traumas and thoughts. I don’t think I’ll ever do anything to physically harm myself since there are people who care about me and I wouldn’t do it for them but is there like a name or a phenomenon for what I’m experiencing or has anyone felt anything similar to it? (I don’t mean to ask for a diagnosis or anything like that just if it’s something that other people experienced or thought about before)

Hi all.

I’ve made a few posts on other Subs about the struggles my wife and I have had with my brother. I won’t go into the details on here but long story short is we believe he has some undiagnosed condition that has led him to constantly lash out at us, send extremely mean and hurtful messages, harass us on multiple platforms (we had to block him) and show up to our house uninvited. My pregnant wife had a panic attack bad enough that we had to take her to emerge triage. I’ve also had panic attacks from the incident.

He refuses to admit that he said or did anything wrong and only backed down when I went a No Trespassing order and threatened to involve law enforcement.

We don’t know for sure that he has a condition because he refuses to seek out treatment. But his behavior tracks with symptoms we’ve researched for both BPD and Bipolar disorder. Very impulsive behavior, he gets set off at the drop of a hat, doubles down and freaks out on people when we tell him we’re hurt by things he tells us, etc. and this is a pattern of behavior affecting multiple family members, not just us.

Here’s the tricky thing, our baby is due near the end of the year and my brother currently lives with my parents, who obviously hope to be active grandparents. With that said, even if I were to reconcile with my brother for what he has said and done to us, I don’t feel comfortable having somebody with an untreated condition that makes them extremely emotionally volatile around a newborn.

We’re setting up ground rules with my parents: until he agrees to treatment and sees sustained improvement; they have to come to us to see the baby, my brother isn’t allowed to see the baby under any circumstance. We also won’t be attending any family events (Thanksgivings, Passovers, etc) if my brother is attending.

I’m just wondering how to navigate this minefield. I don’t want my family to intentionally exclude him from things because that’s not my place, but I also don’t want to fully withdraw from our family. Have any of you been in this situation before?

Hey, 23(M/AMAB) here.

I’ve always suffered from ADD symptoms, but I was just managing by and thought that I could just do that forever. And I’ve also had depression since I’ve been in middle school. And earlier this year I’ve had a really traumatic experience which I had started therapy after, because I knew that it had caused me PTSD and I needed a way to help with managing that.

I’m in my last year of university and I just started my fall semester along with an internship, and I’m also working on the proposal for my graduation project with a couple of partners, along with a couple of university courses.

I had to stop therapy in late July because my therapist took a maternity leave, which is why I didn’t have anyone to talk to, professionally, about what was going on. But since the start of this semester, I have felt that my ADD symptoms were becoming more prominent and I can’t focus on anything. I can’t work on any assignments or tasks, and I can’t even do chores around my apartment anymore. Although these symptoms have existed in a form or another before, these two months have been really really hard.

So I started to save up money and decided to go see a psychiatrist. I went to see him two days ago. I explained everything that was going on, but the conversation was really really quick, and I felt that I didn’t tell him everything that I wanted to say, and that I was answering his questions purely based on the scenarios or events that had happened in the past month, and not generally how I have been most of my life. So that day he ended up diagnosing me with depression and PTSD, and I told him that I thought he would diagnose me with ADD.

And after I left the clinic that day, I had been thinking nonstop about the conversation and what my answers were, and how he could have got to his diagnosis from the way that I worded things, etc.

And so I decided to go back today to talk to him more and have a lengthier conversation. He said that I did show a lot of ADD indications, but he thought that the symptoms were becoming prominent because my PTSD and depression were intensifying those symptoms. So he wanted to try to treat that first, but he said that it would take three months to be reassessed with ADD.

So I expressed that I needed a quicker solution, so he said that if i wanted to, we can flip the elimination process of which diagnosis is causing these symptoms by testing out ADD meds and see how that goes for two weeks.

Now tomorrow will be my first day taking ADD meds (Concerta). But these past two days I took half a pill each of the depression meds, and one pill of Xanax. And he told me to keep those stored until I needed to use Xanax (for panic attacks/breakdowns), or until we decide to go back to them.

So what I’m asking for is advice about my situation and what I should do or follow because I was really scared about using Xanax. I don’t really wanna get into that whole loop. I will be using Concerta daily, like he prescribed, but I’m just new to this whole process and I’m kinda worried about how it’ll go.

Today is one of those days where poop is hitting the fan at random. I’m recovering from a bad infection, my fibromyalgia is flared, I’ve been out of my bipolar meds for a few days. Now, a really epic fuck up of mine from last year is causing my family to go into MORE debt.

I’m not in crisis at all, but I’m struggling to hold it together..

Before I give an example, I want to say I have been diagnosed with all of these things by multiple professionals so please don't think any of this comes from self diagnosing and choose to dismiss it. It honestly took me a long time to even claim anything other than depression.

So, I don't know how common this is or how many of these really run in a vein diagram, but I have Clinical Depresion, Bipolar Disorder (that im pretty certain plays a big hand in the depression) generalized anxiety, AuDHD, and insomnia. By wires crossing I mean, bc of my autism, I took anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, and insomnia too literally and decided that I couldn't have any of those as I don't show the exact traits everyone talks about or are portrayed in media. I don't think I'm invincible, I dont have these big overblown panic attacks/anxiety attacks, and I could go to sleep if I want to, I just don't want to. It took a very long time for me to come to the conclusion that I was majorly over simplifying these things.

On a cooler note, my autism makes me very rational, so I can understand that the reason behind me feeling horrible is bc I'm either incredibly sleep deprived or behind on my anti psychotics. It's kind of soothing having like a straight man so to speak to deal with all my other mental illness. What about you? Any overlap?

Redditors are known for being viciously honest so be real with me. If I’m not capable of holding a job, doing laundry, washing dishes, brushing my hair and teeth, having a productive conversation. If I can’t understand why people are so frequently upset with me when everyone clearly has a common valid reason, should I just stop existing? I feel like I shouldn’t be a person because I physically can’t be. I feel like me living is only irritating for others and miserable for me. Feels pointless.

every holiday/event where people get together and celebrate triggers me because I'm always home alone not getting invited anywhere and it just makes me feel very lonely and sad. I feel depressed weeks before the actual event which is why october-january is the worst time of the year for me because I've been sad for 3 weeks now because of halloween and after that I will be sad about christmas, then new years eve, etc. and then I need january & february to process these events and eventually in march I will feel okay again, I just wanna hibernate

Please not that I am NOT suicidal, but I suffer from severe and debilitating OCD, and I just want a break from my mind, I just want to be knocked out for 24-48 hours straight. I don’t care about the long term-effects and I’m not here to be talked out of it. Please can someone tell me how many mg of quietiapine could do this to me, or I also have diphenhydramine hydrochloride if that’s better, and I also have access to alcohol. Thank you.

I have started taking 2 Aleves in my morning pill regimen, it seems to have helped relieve my general depression.

The inflammation of the brain is causing problems.

This is just my experience, not medical advice. look up Correlation and causation, but doing something is better than nothing

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10208654/

Try it and let me know your experience. in this non scientific , reddit post

As I said this may not be the correct place, but I wonder. All my life I've felt a lack of emotions, sympathy, empathy and remorse. I don't particularly "not trust" my therapist, I just do extensive research on things before I tell him anything, and I found out if I am COMPLETELY honest with him, good things are not bound to happen to me, because of the country I live in.

I also lie a lot, I mostly lie for my own benefit, but I sometimes lie for no reason at all. If I know I am going to have a specific conversation I will plan out what I'll say, and how I'll say it, so that it affects me in a better way. I would actually call myself an expert at lying, I lie almost all day everyday, by faking my emotions, I am so good at this in fact that my parents describe me as a loving/caring individual, every time they call me that I chuckle on the inside. I actually don't care about anyone or anything but me and my own success. I don't know if manipulating is the correct word, but if it is, I love it, its my favorite activity.

I may sound narcissistic when I say this, but its only what I am told, my therapist including other people tell me/told me, that I am extremely smart/mature for my age. I don't know if i am insanely smart, I do sometimes feel superior but I can recognize when someone is smarter than me. There are reasons I came to this specific sub-reddit, reasons I am to scared to even mention on here, for the same reason as me not telling my therapist, I am very cautious person, but I can say I often find myself fantasizing about hurting people, not out of a desire for control or power. It doesn’t involve any specific person and I don't know why I do want that. To clarify, i am

NOT asking for a diagnosis, only your thoughts on the matter. (Sorry if my English is bad, it is not my first or second language.)