So for the last year or so I(24 M?) have had this weird gnawing feeling in the back of my mind of not feeling entirely human. Obviously I understand physically that I am but it almost feels like I’m missing something or that I’m so sheltered that I’m missing some kind of experience thar everyone else has that makes it nigh impossible to relate to or connect with other people. It’s like there’s something everyone else just naturally understands that I don’t. It’s to the point where I can’t draw or even be bothered to listen to music because it feels fake on my end and as if I’d be appropriating and invading on someone else’s actual lived experience. Even things that I arguably should have the right to feel one way or the other about like my mom going in for surgery for cancer just felt so distant.

On to the moments leading up to the realization I might be trans though, one night after work I was scrolling through YouTube looking for a video that might explain what I was feeling I actually happened upon ceicocat’s Inside Mari video. While I certainly couldn’t relate to all the awful things the narrator herself had been through I was left with a longing to experience the things that the various trans girls at the beginning had mentioned when they first started HRT. It legitimately sounded beautiful. Fast forward to the end of July just little less than a year into having my license I got into a major accident on my way to work. I had actually come out fine and so did the other lady but with my already intense hatred and fear of driving dealing with test driving a new car and talking with the insurance had left me kind of a wreck, pathetic as it may seem. By the time I had made it home with my new car I was so shaken up I couldn’t even close my eyes without reliving it all.

Not long after that though I ended up having an extremely vivid nightmare where I was outed as a trans women and in a twisted form of conversion therapy was forced to play the traditional male role in an arranged marriage, it was the most revolting thing ever. Now I usually put little stock in dreams, but this left me incredibly shaken. After I built up the energy to properly get out of bed, delusional as it may have been I spent the day watching trans content on YouTube, listening to peoples stories and experiences, the possible effects of transition, even that one fairyprincesslucy turn you into a girl video and just one topic meme videos and it all just felt right, like I had potentially found missing piece that explained some of my past experiences. I obviously couldn’t relate to all of it, which in retrospect should’ve been a sign, but things just made sense after that for lack of another way to put it.

Sorry if this even more rambling but I felt I should maybe explain some of my past experiences with gender questioning even if they are much smaller than other peoples experiences. Some of my earliest proper memories at roughly 3 were of taking a weird sense of joy in the little old ladies at church mistaking me for a girl because of my name even though I knew I should’ve been upset by it. Dumb as it is but around that same age I have this memory of sitting in my living room looking through the little Valentine’s Day cards I had gotten from my preschool classmates and having this weird hope that the overtly girl ones would somehow turn me into a girl, dumb I know but i was very bizarre sheltered child. I hadn’t really given it much thought after that fact for awhile at most I’d get flak for my hatred of sports and most traditionally masculine hobbies. Once I hit ten though the feeling started to bubble to the surface more properly. I vividly remember staying at my grams apartment and once midnight hit and everyone was asleep and I was alone with a computer for the first time I spent the whole night searching for videos on how to become a girl as tears streamed down my face. Oddly enough this was around the time I was becoming very serious about Boy Scouts. For the next year or two I’d spend my days fully devoted to becoming an Eagle Scout one day and doing everything I could and I’d spend my nights reading girl tween mags and researching female puberty online while I stuffed my shirt with whatever I hand on hand wishing for the breasts I’d never get to have. Even just going to the store with my mom I’d find myself weirdly drawn to the girls clothes especially the cute sort of off the shoulder outfits I knew I’d never get to wear. The thought would eventually fade mostly with time but in its place came the throes of puberty and my greatest point of shame and disgusting to this day my facial and body hair. I should’ve been proud I was one of the first guys in my grade to actually grow any noticeable hair but instead it just made me sick, but with the shame came a fear of ever asking how to tackle it and learn to shave. Eventually I would but not before nearly catching my microwave on fire trying to do at home waxes. Shaving would never be enough though and to this day I contemplate getting laser eventually. By 7th grade it got to the point that while I had no words to describe it I felt so disgustingly and ugly that I cried myself to sleep almost every night. Eventually it got to the point where I was threatening suicide. With time and greater commitment to scouting that too though would fade and I hadn’t really given it much thought again until recently that being said I would have my odd moments through high school I’d constantly pester my friends who knew how to teach me make up so I’d be less ugly, I’d regularly complain about being too tall to ever be cute. The two most prominent memories from high school though were the sheer rush of euphoria from my best friend telling me he thought I’d make a perfect housewife one day, and the time I got to try on a skirt for a skit in Spanish. To the day as sexist as it may seem I almost feel most complete and at home when on the rare occasion I get to cook for him or help him around the house, not to play into stereotypes but it’s hard to not wish there were a more perfect world out there where I was actually his wife. This was also around the time I started developing a weird disliking to being called sir, but had always just attributed it to not wanting to be viewed as old. Then college hit and even though I never built up the courage to act on it I had a huge Femboy phase. I was constantly watching makeup and voice tutorials and researching how to dress properly while I contemplated buying my first skirt online.

Sorry again for the tangent, but back to the present. Probably a week or two passed as I discovered more creators like YukkoEx, Alice Lunazera, Avathroughfire, and Brooke Valley. Eventually I decided to hell with it, I’m going to at least make a small step towards experimenting and ended up spending a couple hours shaving my whole body for the first time in likely a couple years. There was no other word for the experience but liberating. I had done it before from time to time but this time was different being able to feel my clothes to feel the world around me more clearly, to be able to touch my arms and have them be completely smooth it was indescribable even if I knew it would only last a couple hours. From then I would continue doing it almost daily, made all the better when I actually started bothering to moisturize. This would continue for probably another month or so in private but I’d eventually end up beginning to post and comment in egg_irl and even started trying out she/her pronouns and the name Anna even if just online. Everything finally felt right and even if in a small way I felt like I finally found a sense of community and who I might be. I was even thinking of possibly taking the risk of coming out to my best friend. I even made a vrchat avatar that was meant to be how I’d want to look as a girl.

This is when the trouble starts though. I fully take responsibility for this but I’d eventually make an in retrospect offensive comment that made it clear that there’s a major disconnect between the stupid menial things I’m thinking and what actual trans people actually experience and go through. So I tried putting it all behind me, I deleted all the accounts, blocked the subs wiped my search history on everything, but the feelings inevitably always creep back and I don’t know how to feel anymore. I clearly don’t actually understand what it’s like to be trans, I don’t feel dysphoric, and I don’t feel like I understand how women socialize, but at the same time transfem hrt sounds amazing, I’d much rather be a girl, and not understanding how to socialize could easily just be a matter of just generally being socially anxious and inept. So why can’t I stop seeing women at work and feeling envious and wanting to rip my skin off when I see my five o clock shadow.

That being said sorry this is essentially just a rant. I just don’t know where to turn now. I know I’m in the wrong here I know I’m a freak latching on to anything to be something, so please set me straight here.

Hello beautiful people

I’m 30M, been questioning my gender for about 2.5 years now. I’ve been considering if I may be a trans gal. Again. ( The first time I considered my gender was all the way back when I was 11 when I secretly wanted to have been born a girl, which then quieted down around the time I was in high school 🤷)

As a part of my current gender questioning ‘journey’, I’ve noticed that I tend to go through a cycle of daydreaming about myself as a woman, interacting with my friends and family as a woman, being able to live my life as my own independent woman. This part of the cycle makes me happy, joyful, almost determined, like I have a course of action to be who I really want to be in this life.

Then I’ll suddenly have this thought where I remind myself that I am, you know, a male, than think to myself ‘what am I doing? This isn’t right, I’m a guy, I shouldn’t be doing this, etc’. I can feel like I’m trivialising womens’ experiences by being AMAB and wanting to relate to what women experience and go through.

Anyone else by chance relate to this feeling? Better yet, anyone want to offer some insight on what it could be?

For context, im a cis "straight" guy. Im very masculine presenting, got a buzzcut, i workout, i got dark and quite scary tattoos so ive been told.

That alone im very confused about my sexuality. Ive always been into butt stuff, and got abit of toys. I definately prefer being abit more submissive in bed. Despite that im pretty adamant on wearing mens jocks, thongs or briefs more catored towards gay men. They're comfy and sexy in my opinion, and I like the feeling in them. I also have this strange facination for colorful knee high/thigh high socks that ive collected throughout the years. Again, mad comfy and kinda cute.

Long story short, ive recently been watching more gay porn. I don't feel guilty, it just arouses me more due to a guys butt being more engaged. I've also done a 2 same sex hookups that just left me super guilty or uncomfortable. Nevertheless it was pleasurable.

From the inside and what I do privately, i feel like i definately dont belong in the straight crowd, but then again I've tried it with men and it left me feeling empty and kind of dirty, which could be internalized homophobia. On the other hand, I love the idea of pegging and or possibly enjoying butt stuff with a woman, but no luck yet. I doubt im not alone like this, has anyone been in a similar situation?

M24 married to F20, recently she’s been playing video games online and made new friends. I’m in a maintenance field in the military and work sometimes 12hrs and have TDY’d for about a month on 2 separate occasions. But recently I’ve noticed she’s always jumping on the game to play with this guy even after playing with her friends and one night when we were cuddling I saw her get a notification from the guy on Snapchat.

Long story short after a couple months and even confronting her on what she’s said over the game mic I ended up going through her phone when she was asleep one night (which I already know was probably wrong) and I saw that he would send pics of himself shirtless, and even pics of himself only in underwear grabbing his junk (but never fully exposed) and half the time with flirtatious comments. She’s it didn’t look like there were any snaps with full nudes from him and it looks like she’s only sent pics fully clothed but she’s still sent flirtatious comments.

I don’t know if any pics and bees deleted or not saved and I’m not sure if they’ve done any video calls. I also know they talk on discord a lot too but didn’t look through that because I already know going through her phone while she was asleep was already wrong.

Is it cheating if he send practically nude pics and flirtatious texts and she doesn’t tell him to stop or block him? He’s said things like how he wants her to lay on the edge of the bed while he feasts on her and she can wrap her legs around his head and she said something along the lines of leaving bite marks on her thighs. Does texting count as cheating or when does it become cheating?

I dont know how to describe it but I feel like I would love my romantic partners more if I was a guy. Like I imagine myself currently dating someone I know I love but I feel little to nothing, but if I imagine myself as a guy I feel all giddy? And I imagine myself doing anything including really depressing or harmful things and it feels like I would never get help but if I was guy I could get better eventually and everything would matter more to me, I would be happier than I am now. I'm more so worried about the loving my partner part because it's going to effect my relationship badly. Help?

I (19M) have been attracted to trans women for the last few years. I only have ever liked girls and the thought of doing it with a man disgusts me. However if presented the opportunity I would probably let a trans woman stick it in. This has left me very confused about my sexuality, I don’t think I’m gay, but if I’m not gay then why would I be ok being fucked? Does anyone have any experience with this?

I'm 16F, maybe I'm too young to be discussing this, but Im really confused. Every school year I've got a crush and I really want them to look at me, talk to me and that stuff. But I never approach them cause I don't want anything with them, just their attention and when I get their attention I feel like its too much, so I feel scared and intimidated. I have even been in a relationship but I always felt forced to interact with them. About this relationship, I actually liked them A LOT, but the moment I've got into the relationship I felt bored and like "I had achieved their love" and thats it, it felt like a goal and nothing more. Im a hopeless romantic. I love romance books and movies, but its only fun when they are in the "talking stage" when they get together it always becomes boring. Like I love flirting, but the idea about being with someone for the rest of my life scares the hell out of me. I've always wanted to marry someone and have kids, and still do, but now it feels impossible due to this. I'm pretty sure i have avoidant attachment and maybe commitment issues, but is it just that or I am also aromantic? Please somebody help me. English is not my first language sorry if there is some mistake.

I'm very confused about my relationship with physical contact and sex. I'm not sure if what I feel is part of sexual orientation or if it might be something else.

I know I can find people sexually attractive and I think I might be pansexual.

The part where I'm confused is that I actually don't enjoy physical sex. I can fantasize about it and that can be very enjoyable, but I dread physical contact. And even when I'm playing solo, I get pleasure from very few things, even if fantasizing about it does a lot more than the actual touches.

Even non-sexual contact I don't like. Kissing feels awful, holding hands I can tolerate for a couple minutes at most, and cuddling is horrible.

I've heard some people on the ace spectrum might relate to some of this things but I'm not sure if I'm looking at it from the right angle. Maybe it has nothing to do with sexual orientation? I haven't had any traumatic experiences that I'm aware of so I don't think it's related to that.

I dunno.

I already made a post here, but I deleted it out of fear and embarrassment (decided to try to ignore it again). I understand no one here can tell me what I am other than myself, but sometimes it’s nice to see outside my own head. It’ll probably be a shortened version of the last one + new stuff so I apologize if this sounds familiar.

I feel myself constantly wishing I was a guy. I wish I had a guy’s body, I wish I had a guy’s face, I wish I sounded like one, I wish I was referred to as ‘boy’ and ‘handsome’ and I want to be called terms like ‘boyfriend.’ However, when I think of myself as a boy it’s usually idealized. I want to look like my favorite male celebrities or the male characters I create in video games or OCs I draw and create to represent me. The boy I want to look like and be can’t realistically exist in real life, so I wonder if I’m just romanticizing/attracted to the concept of masculinity rather than identifying as such. I find myself only relating to male characters in media, and wanting to be like them, and I usually self-project onto them instead of woman characters.

I’m okay with being seen as a woman. When people refer to me as such I don’t feel upset or wronged. I know what I am, and it feels right most of the time. I don’t want to lose connection to womanhood, but I sometimes feel like I’m behind held back by it. I am a pretty masculine woman, with short hair and I dress androgynously, mostly grunge. I know this has nothing to do with my gender, but I find myself purposefully hoping others in public will perceive me as boyish.

This is where my issue lies. I wonder if I’m just a masculine woman, and I’m simply connected to masculinity. I feel satisfied with this conclusion, but then I think if I put a masculine woman and a boy next to each other who looked exactly the same and I had to pick one to be I’d still pick the boy.

When I think about HRT I don’t think I’d ever want to start because it would never actually make me look like the kind of boy I want to look like. With the genetics in my family, it’d actually bring me further. The men in my family are not great people, and their appearances reflect that. I wish there was a way to just pick what you get from HRT because I do like most of the effects. Then there's the fear that if I look too masc, I might start feeling bad the opposite way and that I might start to miss being feminine appearing again. It's a lot of 'Would I have felt this way if I was born a cis guy' to 'No, wait, I'm cool with being a chick too, remember?' The envy I feel for cis guys who look androgynous is insane because even if I'm androgynous looking I'm not boy androgynous.

Sometimes I think I experience bottom dysphoria?? (TMI, but sometimes I get phantom sensations and it makes me feel like I should’ve been born with one). Some days I feel like if I don’t start HRT and get top surgery then I'm going to die unhappy with my appearance. Then the next day I feel fine, I feel cool as a girl again and my body is chill again and it just makes me spiral because of how hot and cold these feelings are.

Maaaybe I’m just a cis woman who’s simply gender nonconforming or something??? Is this a gender thing or just a matter of unique gender expression?

I really don’t know if I’m trans. My biggest reason for thinking I’m trans is when I was younger like 13,14 I would take my sisters clothes and dresses and wear then when no one was around sometimes even going out in them but wearing a mask to hide my face (I have long hair so it was easier for me to hide myself) and I loved it and I’ve always loved feminine clothing and fashion and I get jealous of my female friends when they wear skirts and dresses and I cant. Also, I am constantly thinking about being a woman and what it would be like if I was born one. But at the same time I don’t know if it’s what I want to be cause I am scared that if i go ahead with it i wont be seen as myself anymore and also I am a quite manly looking person like i have broad shoulders, a sharp jawline, Im 6 foot 1 and I’m worried that I i transition I’m not going to look like how I want to. And to me thinking these things makes me doubt if I’m actually trans cause would someone who is really trans be thinking this and am i just looking to be different. Its really messing with my head and I don’t want to approach family (they are kinda homophobic/transphobic) or my friends because i don’t want to tell them then take back my choice.

My girlfriend uses it I can't stand it I use mine at nightnmy schedule is set from sunset to sunrise it burns my eyes during the day I can barely see my screen I have a Motorola. It's why I hate dark mode on Samsung it makes it look dim even though it's all the way up it's a lot lighter on Apple on my iPod. Why do people mainly teens use dark mode ? How do you get used to it during the day ?

I am 100% into a woman’s face and body. But recently I been watching a lot of dick/cumshot videos (mainly bbc) and been attracted to that. Started researching the bbc trans community seeing if that might attract me. And it’s got me in a chokehold. I love women but a thought of a huge “woman’s” bbc in my mouth or nutting gets me on edge. Where do I stand????

Okay so I’ve only ever had experience and crushes on cis girls in the past. I’ve met someone recently who’s AMAB and have a huge crush on her. And there’s a little part in the back of my brain that’s kinda freaking out bc I’ve never been attracted to someone who’s amab before and idk I’m just kinda freaking out right now cuz I guess that just feels like uncharted territory. if anyone has any advice to help me not freak tf out i’d appreciate it!
Also I hope none of this is coming off as offensive because that is not my intention at all!!

Me and my daughter were watching Caillou on YouTube it was the new wild brain series they had a LESBIAN BLACK WEDDING that's right people you're favorite childhood homie Clementines mom is a LESBIAN. If you don't believe me go watch Caillou's wedding 2021 it's true everyone I tell you me and my wife are both shocked and disgusted. We both respect the LGBTQ community and black people but still this shit should not be exposed to young children especially not toddlers or preschoolers. I'm surprised there's no reddit message boards about it yet people aren't complaining remember when Arthur destroyed us by making the teacher gay it was everywhere now with Caillou it's 2024 people just don't do that shit anymore it makes me mad because I love seeing people rant about this stuff in cartoons I don't know why I always found it funny. My daughter is 7 she said daddy why are there two ladies kissing I honestly didn't know what to say or how to react even my wife gave the TV a disgusted look complaining her favorite childhood show was ruined she's literally going on a bitch parade right now honestly I'm about to join her. Let's not forget Caillou and Rosie are 4 and 2 toddlers shouldn't be exposed to this shit this is basically lesbian porn they're showing kids lesbian porn WTF. It was kinda cute when my daughter said that but still it makes me wanna write a letter to the government it pisses me off no one on the Internet is complaining about this they're showing LESBIAN BLACK PORN TO YOUR KIDS YouTube should banned this episode so children aren't exposed I know it's just a wedding still it's women kissing we all know what happens after weddings. Makes you wonder what happened to Clementines dad did he die are they divorced he's never been mentioned or even asked about in the past 20 years of this shows popularlatity like WTF is happening with this family where did Clementine and her brother come from were they adopted is her mom a whore WTF IS HAPPENING WITH THIS FAMILY. I'm honestly starting to think these kids were adopted. My theory is clementines mom cheated on her dad with her lesbian girlfriend or came out as gay to him he got pissed and either killed himself or divorced her. Bro I'm literally questioning all of this episode this has to be illegal. Why is nobody bitching and complaining about this episode ? Why would they introduce lesbians to children ?

I'm a FtM 18 year old who's just trying to figure what what exactly I am.

From 1st-8th grade, I had crushes on people and I could tell I had crushes on them. But soon in 9th, I couldn't tell if I did or didn't have feelings for someone.

Fast forward to 11th grade, I thought a friend and I were in a queer platonic relationship.(I asked her every month of we were in a qpr or just flirting, and she'd always say qpr). But when I asked her the next day after prom, she said flirting and it really hurt.

Now, in 12th, I didn't know if I had feelings for another one of my friends and for the longest time just kinda left it alone. But today they told me they have a boyfriend and it kinda hurts. Like, I'm upset but still don't know if I like them.

I'm so confused How come I can't tell if I have feelings for someone?

My father passed away when I was very young and it makes me question who I would have walk me down the aisle. I have a brother close in age to me and my mother. I also have my uncle, my father’s brother who I am very close to as well. They are all great candidates! What would you do?

Hi, okay so basically this whole thing is really taking a toll on me. im 24f and ive had a very strange and complicated relationship with my sexuality ever since i was very young. when i was 14 i came out as bisexual and i had my first girlfriend and it was very easy from there. every relationship ive ever had up untill i was 23 was with women and i have, for that reason, identified as a lesbian on and off because my attraction to men wasnt clear to me either. ive never had the "urge" to be with a guy outside of just pure curiosity of how it would be (mostly sexually)

i love women and i am very much attracted to them. ive had a few dates with men in the past but i couldn't go past a couple of dates with each man, up untill i met my now boyfriend (26M), i got a crush on him and i later fell in love with him too. hes my everything right now i love him to death and im attracted to him. i always tell him jokingly that if we ever broke up he will ever be my only relationship with a man because ill go straight back to women

As i said i had a very contorted relationship w my sexuality that made me identify as different labels (mostly lesbian) on and off since i kept having times in my life where i read the comphet doc religiously.

now im having doubts again, riight now this feeling of missing women keeps sneaking up on me, constantly. i miss being with a woman, i miss kissing a woman, i miss the feeling of having a whole relationship with a woman.i also miss the community i so dearly love because in some ways i feel like im slowing leaving the community behind.

logically i sometimes think its just because relationships with women its all ive ever known since i was a kid so now this new dynamic just feels weird and i just need time to get accustomed but i hate this feeling because i love my boyfriend so much i DONT wanna break up with him, i want a future with him but im afraid this feeling will continue to grow more and more each day and ill end up having some sort of meltdown over this and ruin everything.

(also fun fact: i keep having romantic dreams at night with ex girlfriends and just women in general.is my brain trying to tell me smth)

i get that i might be bisexual with a very strong preference for women, and fhats how i identify right now.

i would love to talk about this with my boyfriend because i think he would be understanding because hes amazing but i just dont feel ready yet, i dont know what to do and im afraid i ruin everything with him (today i had a breakdown over it in silence and he was so worried about me but i just couldn't deal with it)

edit: clarification in the comments

I’m 30, have thought I was bi since my teens, always had very “picky” attractions with all genders. I’ve had serious relationships with men and one person identifying as a man who realised while we were involved that they were a trans woman. Every male ex I have has invariably given me the ick once the relationship is over, some fleeting occasions even during. Now that I have met and been involved with a woman, I am Questioning Things.

Any interaction with guys that isn’t purely platonic - not necessarily sexual undertones but that context too - I’m always thinking to some extent about what I am ‘meant’ to do when, how I look/will be perceived, transactionally getting physical needs met, slightly dissociating from any of my own internal reactions, quite a calculated/mechanical thought process, which means that most of it I don’t even enjoy in itself, it’s just part of the buildup/process of getting needs met and evoking a certain reaction from the other person.

With this woman I have the spontaneous urge to do things to/with her, I wasn’t really being in my own head, it wasn’t really occurring to me what I looked like or how I might be perceived. I was just focussed on what was going on and enjoying it for its own sake, wanting to do something also simply just to do it rather than just for the reaction/response I get. When I did want to elicit a reaction from her, it felt different - more connected and not calculated - than when I have been with men. I enjoyed making her feel good in itself, whereas with men it’s like I get off on being attractive or good at getting someone else off.

With men, any non-platonic interaction I have with them feels like a game or transaction. When I do enjoy the non-physical sensations, it’s sort of like I’m enjoying/relishing that I’ve evoked a reaction, and I crave physical sensations rather than to actually do anything to/with them for its own sake like I did with this woman. I have never enjoyed kissing men, and on several previous occasions I have almost reflexively turned my head away from first kisses despite thinking I wanted them to kiss me. I thought maybe this was just me not enjoying kissing at all and doing it just as a means to an end (e.g. leading to sex, or to make the other person feel loved), but now I’ve kissed a woman I realise that that wasn’t the case with her at least.

I knew all the stuff above about men before now but I didn’t have having done anything with a woman to compare it with so I was just like “that’s just me I guess lol”. I think partly this has been because I could count on one hand the number of women I’ve ever met who I’m attracted to, whereas I seem to be less picky with men (although that in itself makes me wonder if it’s just chasing the physical sensations they could give me, a sort of novelty in difference to myself, and or/some element of comp het, because I do feel attracted to several ‘unattainable’ men more often).

When I think of some abstract future, being with a man seems easy and convenient and I like the idea of the societal ease of it all, and the idea of being able to have biological kids is nice. But it seems… boring. If I could somehow find a woman “my type”, being with one seems so much… nicer, equal, comfortable, safe, warm, genuine? Just a totally different thing. Idk. Like I can connect on a more meaningful/understanding level than I ever could with a man. It’s like men have a novelty of difference to me but I feel like I could never truly be “known” by one in the same way. Women, and being with a woman, just seems… better to me. I don’t feel wistful watching women with male partners, but I often feel it when I’m around women who are with women. I’m acutely aware of the potential for a novelty factor, but what’s really giving me massive pause for thought is the internal differences in the experiences of being physical with men vs with this woman.

I feel like if a friend had told me all this I’d be like “honey, I’m gonna hold your hand when I say this…”, but. Yeah.

The kicker in all this is I’ve been with a man for 6 years now, and while I always felt regret that I never got to be with a woman, because I’m attracted to so few people relatively speaking I’ve kind of been able to just… not have to really confront this before meeting this woman now. Before I met this man, I had all but decided that I wanted to focus on dating women, and then he appeared and was the person I’d been most attracted to yet, out of people I’d actually met, gotten on well enough with to consider dating, and gotten the nerve to do more than kiss with. Suffice to say, I’m completely torn up about the meaning of all I know now and whether maybe I’m actually just a lesbian.

Hello. I lost sleep yesterday overanalyzing my life so I really need someone to talk to about this.

I have always known that I liked boys and found them attractive. I also have been curious about women since I was a kid. But during middle school was when I really realized that I was seriously interested and attracted to women and was open to dating them. This made me wonder if I was bisexual.

At the same time though, I was SEVERELY sex-repulsed at that time of my life. I had to excuse myself during the middle of our first sex-ed talk we got at school, I was so nauseous. I hated thinking about sex in relation to myself. I found the label asexual and it strongly resonated with me.

Things have gotten better as I have gotten older. My attitude towards sex has changed quite a bit. I have gotten a bit more in touch with myself and enjoy sexual fantasies that I'm the center of.

But. I'm 23 and I'm a virgin. In fact I have never been in a relationship. I have done nothing romantic or intimate with anyone else. I don’t even masturbate much, I don’t find it that pleasing. I have a low libido. I don’t think about sex much at all. I don’t think I even get sexually attracted to people. I have gotten sexually attracted 2, maybe 3 times, ever in my life and both of those were instances of guys who I know very well and who were flirting with me at the time (but I got rejected both of those times LMAO).

My brain cycles from sex sounds pleasant to sex is scary to I don’t want sex. It doesn't help.

And another thing is, as pleasant as fantasizing is, I know my reaction to intimate stuff IRL will be VERY different from that.

So. I'm stuck between calling myself bi or ace. Maybe I'm demisexual or gray-ace even. I haven't experienced sexual attraction enough to know. It's confusing.

The other thing troubling me is, that even though I find women incredibly attractive, I have never had proper feelings for one. I did have a crush on a straight girl during high-school but it was a pretty shallow crush. When I got to know her better, I got immediately turned off (she was very mean and judgmental lol).

This might sound silly but I don't even enjoy fictional women a lot of the time (personality wise). I don't know. It makes me feel a bit of a faker. How can I be interested in women but never had feelings for one?

This could also be because I haven't been interested in many people. Like after my crush on that girl, I had serious crushes on 2 guys (the 2 that rejected me that i mentioned) and one brief interest on an enby (i rejected them).

(My gender is another whole can of worms but this post has gone on for long enough LMAO, maybe another time.)

If anyone has any insights or advice, feel free to comment. ^^ I feel like I need some outside input here.

(18f) i found out i could like girls when i was 11 and i’ve been confident in that ever since..the issue revolves around whether or not i like men romantically/sexually. i kissed a boy (my friend) for the first time a few weeks ago while i was high and my other friends said after the kiss i “shut down.” and i remember thinking things like “what the fuck.” “i kissed a boy what.” “i don’t know what to feel” after kissing him . before kissing him i was confident in being a lesbian and came to terms with that fact earlier this year after trying to be bisexual/unlabeled/queer/whatever for the past seven years. labeling myself as “possibly liking men” made me feel off, it never felt right. it always made me feel uncomfortable having people assume i liked men. however i always felt uncomfortable/embarrassed labeling myself as a lesbian because of the “what if i’m wrong” and “just in case if i do like a man i shouldn’t say i’m a lesbian.” which me liking a man…has never happened by the way. and to add i always felt like an outsider in bisexual communities and i feel more comfortable and “at home” in lesbian communities. anyways in regards to that kiss with my friend…i don’t know how i feel about it? i didn’t hate it. but i didn’t really like it either? it was okay? and we did kiss and make out multiple times the next time we got high as well. i don’t feel any attraction towards him (i think) but i do want to experiment with him i guess? just for fun? and even when we do kiss or make out i giggle out of embarrassment and i am always hesitant and always the one to pull away first. and i feel bad for saying i’m a lesbian when i want to do things like that so i stopped calling myself a lesbian because i don’t think it’s fair to say i’m one when i’m not sure about it. and i have thought about wanting to kiss him again but not in the “attraction” way just in the “for fun” way if that makes sense. is it just me being bi-curious or am i bisexual in denial? and to add onto that i have sexted men in the past and even right now i still am. i don’t even enjoy it that much, i just do it because i like the attention? and the fantasy of men is exciting but i’d probably lose my mind and freak out if i was ever put in a situation where i fucked a man, i’d genuinely have to be high or drunk to fuck a man. i sexted a girl not that long ago too and i’m head over heels for that woman lol, i enjoyed it 10x more than the times i have sexted men and i love her attention it doesn’t make me feel awkward or gross it gives me the good butterflies compared to me sexting men in which i get bored easily and i don’t feel that satisfied with the attention they give me. i just feel immense guilt for saying i’m a lesbian when my actions say otherwise… and even the things i do with men i don’t enjoy it all that much but when i do the same things with women i enjoy it so what the fuck am i??? this is all so confusing i thought i was done questioning my sexuality but i guess not.

I have a really bad issue for when i wanna not cry so i can talk. this has happened more than once. i will say this one time. with a cop i was saying "THAT SHOULDNT MATER THATS ABUSE" my 18 year old " sister" and her 20something year old girlfriend harassed me on my walk with my dog. it got so bad that my sisters girlfriend grabbed my phone and head phones and threw them in the street. and chased me.. i was horrified...after a while saw a cop got a ride the interrogated me..i started crying man i never hated cops more in my life. i started crying so i would like to know how to keep calm..and not cry when im trying to talk and frustrated/upset/overwhelmed?

I think I’m bi. However, sometimes when I think about it I get terrible impostor syndrome.

I guess part of it is not knowing what exactly I want from both sexes, but just knowing that both can be really attractive to me.

I’m just generally confused. Like, I’m a fan of Heartstopper, it has helped me to work to accept this. But when I see the bi characters in the show I feel bad, like they are so much more bi than me and like I’m a bad person for considering myself to be bi.

I just wish I could be comfortable with this, and not have this feeling like you need to be this exact way to be bi.

I guess in order to do that I also need to accept myself being bi (among some other things) but I don’t know how.

Hi! So since childhood, ( f13) I've been questioning whether I'm bi or lesbian as the title says. I've fantasized about being romantic with women and sometimes with men but then feel gross about it. but recently, I've had an obsession with dicks for some reason. When I think about being sexually with men, it's ok but also I don't want to. When I think about being sexually with women, I feel comfortable but shame and desire. Please help and if you could, ask some questions in the comment section.

18M and to start off I want to say I don't care about titles. I'm just mostly here for insight of others; see if others think this is bisexuality in some way.

For the most part I am heterosexual; I'm only interested in woman for relationships, all relations and crushes have been woman, and I want to marry a woman monoamorously. But, while sexualy I am mostly interested in woman I have a part of me that is interested in gay acts. I barely feel lust about men, just the idea of gay sex entices me. I figured that it might have just been I like anal play, but the times I have have these thoughts they are fully based on wanting a gay sexual encounter. I have had these thoughts since I was 14, I first starting having them after watching a bisexual porn piece; since then I have mostly avoided porn yet I still have these feelings. I also have been accused of being gay both seriously and unseriously mutiple times in my life.

I mostly am not into lustful actions and am mostly indifferent of things like hookups, polyamory, etc and I mostly don't want that since I am more interested in sex that is based with deep love and connection. But, gay thoughts make me desire what I mostly oppose; when I have gay thoughts I imagine hookups and maybe even threesomes, only happening beacause all parties just want pleasure, just overall lust. If me only being attracted to woman but desiring a encounter with a guy wasn't a paradox about duality than surely the idea that I am mostly disdisinterested in lust until I have these thoughts is! And that's something I don't understand about myself lol.

Honestly I can go life without trying gay sex, I just want to spend my life with a woman who loves me. But, if I'm single and get the opportunity along with guaranteed safety, I won't decline it.

So what do you think about my sexuality?

For context l'm a 24 year old gay guy and i live in a place where it's not really accepted to be gay or anything else besides straight. I was 15 when i finally told myself that yes, i'm probably gay, i was in denial before then and always tried to convince myself i'm straight, i even forced myself to pretend i have crushes on girls when some of my classmates asked if i like someone, but obviously those crushes were fake. When i went to high school at 15, i had a best friend, a girl, and she was the first one i told that i like guys instead of girls, she was really supportive she helped me a lot to accept myself and the fact that i'm gay. After that i dated guys in secret, i never officially came out, only just to my closest friends and to one of my aunts over the last decade. But for the last few years i think i've accepted that i'm gay, I didn't really "live" like a gay guy, i've been single for a few years now, even if i had a boyfriend i always kept our relationship a secret, most people don't know that i ever had relationships with guys, and honestly i never really go out to anywhere anymore because i dont have many friends left. This started a few months ago, it was like a hard reset for me, or I don't know how else to describe it, suddenly i started feeling like the 15 year old me again, now i'm trying to convince myself that i like girls, even though i know i dont, or i'm trying to convince myself that i can be bi, even though i know i can't, and dont get me wrong, i wouldnt have a problem with being bi, but i know im not, i never felt any sexual attraction to any woman, i never fantasized about being with a woman, i never had crushes on women, it's always been guys. And it still is, if i ever fantasize or think about a romantic relationship, or being with someone, it's always a man. So my question is, why out of the sudden i started forcing to convince myself that i can be straight or i can like girls, even though i know for sure now that i am gay? I proved this to myself over the years, because there was a time that i tried dating girls, but it never felt right, it always ended up like me going to somewhere with one of my friends.😂 Has anyone else experienced something similar to this before? Please help me, because l've been driving myself crazy for the last few months. And also English is not my first language, so if i made any mistakes i'm sorry.😅

Context: am AMAB

I first suspected I was trans a couple of years ago but finally settled on me probably just being gay few years ago, but ever since I've experienced a lot of weird gender feelings intertwined with that decision on sexuality.

First it was that 'gay' didn't really seem to suit me. I know I might be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum so being asexual would be disheartening but not too surprising, but even then I realised it wasn't that I didn't experience sexual attraction, it was more that I didn't experience sexual attraction when I imagined myself in a given scenario. Dudes were hot but the idea of me being in a gay relationship with anyone wasn't as attractive as it should be, even if it turns out I'm at least somewhere on the asexual spectrum if I'm not full-blown ace.

That lead me to re-evaluating my gender which caused me to toy with some different concepts. The first was being non binary which didn't fit at all. Not sure what it was but I was repulsed by the idea that that was my identity for some reason, so I knew it didn't fit whatsoever. Then I fiddled with the idea that I was genderfluid since being both masculine and feminine seemed appealing but it was more about the body aesthetic than it was about the actual gender roles so I quickly dropped that (plus it seemed like my masculine ideal was literally just having muscle and being physically fit, which doesn't really make sense, so...)

That's sort of led me back to the idea that I'm trans and, while the idea made me far more uncomfortable around 2 or 3 years ago, I feel so much more open to it. I tried experimenting with names and avatars online and I kind of fucked with it a lot back then but, as I said, I dropped it, but now I find myself looking at drawings or pictures of women and aspiring to have traits that they have - maybe they have a pretty face, a particular body type, etc., that I want, but are strictly female. That just sounds like being trans outright.

That being said, while I find myself drawn towards femininity and being a girl, there are certain parts about it that have me doubting. I don't really find myself pushed away from being a guy - I only really find overwhelming masculinity and body hair to be the two gripes I have with being a boy. I don't have much of the former and the latter isn't exactly hard to deal with. So while I'm not dysphoric about being a guy, I'm also not insanely euphoric over being a girl still, which is what I think shook me out of the idea last time. The idea of being a girl is nice, but if I didn't get it, it's just a "whatever" for me. I don't necessarily find it too exciting or affirming when people mistake me online for a girl or when I do anything that affirms that gender. I'm just not too strongly swayed.

Has anyone else experienced this? Does it sound like I'm trans or not? It has me very confused and streased because I'm not quite sure what to do and am afraid that, if I take the plunge and decide to be trans, I'll end up feeling dysphoric over being a girl after a long while and then detransition or continue being confused over my gender.

I just feel like I'm hurting a lil kid that never needed to be defined by gender in the first place

like that kid doesn't need that and she never will

but I do and that child will always be a part of me

Hi there, I'm a 25M, so this is my first time posting and I really need advice. I don't have anyone to really go to. I have tried recently but have been failing at no fap. The longest streak I have had was 20 days. I am worried that my porn addicition has escalated. It started with me recently looking at gay porn after futas and femboys. I also had a traumatic experience on reddit while trying to figure out my sexuality. The guy love bombed me a lot and I recently went through a break up which lead me to question my sexuality. After every "session" we had, I felt physically sick and even had a headache.

I have a tough case of hocd regarding my sexuality and was told to just accept not knoeing if I am gay, straight or bi which sucks because I have always been so sure, want to get married, have a wife and kids. but the issue is I fear that my porn addiction escalated me to gay porn and now when I go out irl, I get nervous around men, not sexual attraction nervous just nervous about if I like their appearance and I don't have any sexual attraction to women although I have been straight and have had multiple ex gfs in the past. I haven't had sex with them before but that's a different story because of me wanting to wait and do it with someone special who I see long term.

I guess I am just so confused how my sexuality changed so quickly to affect my real life. Will no fap help me gain an attraction to women again, am I just traumatized from previous relationships. I just want to go back to being comfortable and straight. I still have mental urges like "This girl is cute, I should ask her out" but I think that due to excessive masturbation, I eon't get a bodily urge anymore. I just feel so lost and confused. Has anyone else gone through this? Any help or advice would be appreciated. Thank you :)

To start, I don't know if I'm using the right flair, sorry! I also deleted this post from like 5 minutes ago because I forgot some info.

I [F28] have been questioning my sexuality for pretty much the last 8 years. I've noticed I get so much more intimidated around women, I've said to people I understand the trope of the teenage boy being too scared/intimidated by his crush to ask her out, type of thing. Does that make sense?

It doesn't happen with every woman, obviously, but when it does, it really confuses me. What's brought it up this time is someone at my university, who's around my age, but immediately it was like I was... obsessed is not the right word, but mesmerised? I don't know. I don't know anything about her but how she looks and what she wears and I immediately just thought, she's so cool, I really like her. Like, really like her. But then it triggers all my "you're not good enough" insecurities which makes me think I'm just jealous but it really doesn't feel like that. I get obsessed or mesmerised like that with men as well that I say I have a crush on, which is what's confusing me.

I don't think I'm sexually attracted to women because I don't really like the idea of sex with a woman, but I also don't particularly like the idea of sex with a man (for different reasons, I think). But maybe romantically? I have been in a threesome, twice, with the same couple and I wasn't into it. But it was pressured by the guy and the woman is, now, one of my best friends and I've just never felt that way about her.

I got dx with ADHD last year and highly suspect I am Autistic (can't get an assessment right now), so I don't know if I'm just trying to figure out who I am in any way possible, grasping at anything to make sense of myself, or if I do actually like women. I also don't understand gender very well, like I can never really embody femininity - at best, I feel like a blob, hardly human. So, that adds to the identity crisis.

I don't know, I guess I was just wondering if this seems like a normal thing or if people who have gone through the questioning phase went through something similar? Do you think this is just something unrelated to sexuality?

I feel I'm a bit late to the party, age-wise, for trying to figure this stuff out haha.

I’ve questioned my sexual identity for most of my life. From adolescence through my mid-late 20s I was always trying to tell myself I was straight but was afraid I Was gay. Dated women just a little and not until my mid 20s. Always had a sexual attraction (fetish?) to a “type” of man, though.

In my late 20s I “came out” (kind of) and started to try to date men. It has been hit or miss (mostly miss). I have been seeing someone (guy) regularly for about a year and half. We tried something “new” in the bedroom and I did not enjoy it at all. I’m realizing that my sexual attraction to men is pretty specific/ situational. When I dream about the white picket fence life, I don’t necessarily imagine myself with a man.

Am I bisexual? Asexual? Heteroromantic and homosexual?

I feel so exhausted.