God sorry, I bet there are like a billion of these posts here but I could really use some help. And this is super fricking long and embarassing, so sorry for anyone brave enough to read this.

It's not like I never questioned my sexuality before but it would come and go and I would decide it was just a non-starter. I was usually consuming some kind of wlw media at the time, I strongly relate to characters and stories, but I am wondering if it is more than that now.

Growing up I didn't have a strong attraction to girls or boys. I had like one notable crush on a guy once and never did anything to pursue it because I never felt that strongly about it. I felt I had to have a crush on someone. I hung out with the queer kids, people sometimes seem to think I was gay but I wasn't bullied or anything. My mom was in a long term relationship with a woman for a number of years, so it was not like I grew up in a homophobic household. I never worried about my parents being disappointed in my sexuality.

Guy friends would have crushes on me but it never felt genuine, since these guys loved any girl who showed them an ounce of attention or kindness. I graduated highschool feeling pretty undesirable by men, which hurt myself esteem. I had one girl show drunken interest in me, she was beautiful and openly bi. I felt overwhelmed at the time she tried to kiss me, she was drunk and with her boyfriend. It felt like she wanted me to put on a show with her. I swerved to kiss her on a cheek. She apologized the next day. It became a running joke in my circle of friends. I we actually had a convo a couple years later and wondered if I should make a move but didn't becuase she said something I found stupid. In college I would get enamored from afar by girls I found pretty, but it was hard to tell. The classic, do I want to be her or do I want her? They were always girls who had something that I lacked. Tall, good skin, confidence or who presented masc. My feelings towards them were very confused.

At the same time I started receiving male attention. Horny college boys and men way too old for me. I lost my virginity to a man. It felt good to be wanted, but the sex did not feel great. I was told that was pretty normal and it would get better but it never really did.

I am going to talk about sex explicitly here becuase I think it is important context. I did flag this NSFW but here is your second warning, if anyone indeed is reading this.

I started watching porn when I was around 11, I looked up stuff about women's bodies first, seeing them naked and later I began also looking up porn focused on men but just really their genitals, I wasn't that interested in the rest of them. For the longest time I could only watch blowjob scenes. I was never comfortable watching a girl get eaten out or fingered, or even just masterbating alone. But I would primarily watch porn with just woman teasing, being finished on, etc.

Today my porn habits are pretty much the same. I prefer just short form porn staring women being hot and getting naked though I still watch stuff with men, I find myself way more grossed out by it after I'm done. I have tried watching lesbian porn, but it just doesn't feel right. Two women with long nails and perfectly done hair and makeup, they don't look or act like any lesbains I know, and that just makes it more obvious that it is a man's fantasy. Which all the porn I consume is, but it just feels more icky to me. I also do not like looking at or touching my own pussy and I don't like my partner to either. Vibrators all day, everyday. I can feel myself getting aroused when seeing a woman's pussy but I also have pit in my stomach, I don't get the pit when looking at a penis.

I have had good and bad male sex partners, mostly bad. lazy and only cared about their pleasure though they would never say it. Or on occasion the guy that "cared" to much about my pleasure. In quotes becuase it never felt genuine, it was about performance. One guy wanted to finger me until I squirted, it happened but I don't like getting fingered, and it honestly didn't feel good. He still patted himself on the back. I tend to have mini-organisms rather than one big one. Even for the best partners I have had it has always been a goal for them to try to make me cum like 3 or 5 times even though I tell them that after the first 2 it actually doesn't feel very good, and the pain of trying to get there is not worth it. But they like the performance, and I like being wanted, so I play into it. I do also lie about finishing, I use dirty talk to make it go faster.

After I graduated college I kind of went through a glow up, ugh I hate that term. I was at my thinnest due to a bad breakup and and orthorexia, my hair was super long, which men like. I was flirted with and asked out, it felt good, it made me feel pretty but I did not persue anything for the year after I graduated college and then there was the pandemic. I was horny as hell through the pandemic but not enough to go out and get a guy. I thought the horniness confirmed I was straight.

I met my current partner two years ago, and he is the best partner I have ever had. We have disagreements and problems, but it is the longest and healthiest relationship I have ever been in. However, lately I can't help but feel like something is wrong. It started with sex, sorry back to that again, in every relationship with a man I start out very passionate. I am sexually open, and then as it goes on I start feeling like it is a chore. But I have heard that is how most relationships are. I still make sure we have sex once a week, but I honestly dread it. I want it over with as soon as possible. I make it more bearable by dressing in sexy outfits, making it a show. If it is a performance, it feels less boring to me. But I start thinking during it...if I were with a woman right now would I feel the same way? I start fantasizing what it will be like if I were with a woman instead and well it makes the sex easier. And lately I find myself fantasizing about eating out a girl while giving a blowjob to my guy.

I thought I was just getting bored in bed as it has been for most of my relationships. But then I have been thinking about it more and more outside of just sex. He wants to get married, he wants the house, the fence, two kids and a dog. I have never really desired to be a wife and mother like that. I want a life partner, but do I want to be his wife? He has started making plans on moving in together, about when he wants to propose. And it breaks my heart becuase so many girls would want a man like that...but I don't know if I do. I know he loves me, and I love him. But will that ever be enough?

Recently I had a cute guy ask me out, I am not sure if I would have said yes if I weren't in a relationship. I felt good to be thought of as attractive by an attractive person. Like a little reward. I then had a punk looking queer girl, sorry I have to assume, say she likes my outfit and be really invested when we were having a conversation and I felt like I was buzzing, and then I felt so sad.

I find myself randomly on the verge of tears with the thoughts that I will never be with a woman.

I have a couple of fears though:

-I am not actually gay or bi and have tricked myself into thinking I am becuase of the media I consume. (Chappel Roan, But I'm a Cheerleader, all the lesbian horror books I read, Contrapoints, Florence and the Machine, The Last Dinner Party, all the cute lesbain couples on my Instagram feed. Etc.) So I am a total phony ans going to embarrass myself as a fake if I ever even try to get near a woman.

• I am really a commitmentphobe and using questioning my sexuality an excuse not to commit to my current partner. I will throw away the only decent relationship with a man I have ever had just to fall flat on my face and have to wade though a sea of shitty men later when it turns out I am not into women.

• I only think I want a woman becuase the traditional life seems too sniffling for me and I am afraid of growing old with a man because I have seen so many of them leaving sick partners, cheating with younger woman, not taking on a fair share of domestic tasks (my real life experience), becoming cruel and more conservative with age and I naively think that a woman would never do the same thing though that is obviously not true.

And my biggest fear: I am suffering from CompHet. I do want a woman to love me, I want to love a woman and I am going to commit to my boyfriend and either be internally unsatisfied for the rest of my life or break both our hearts down the road when the truth comes out.

This was a really long fucking post and mostly for me to get my feelings out and try to understand myself. But if any kind soul out there is reading this, I could really use some help.

Recently I’ve been questioning my gender its not the first time I did around late 2021 to early 2022 for a few months but nothing came of it and I figured I was just cis but even then I don’t really feel that much connection to masculinity but recently the question of I was trans popped up again in my head

But I don’t think I am because I don’t have dysphoria I don’t mind being male it doesn’t bother me but I also like the idea of being perceived as feminine and I like being referred to by feminine pronouns and I think presenting femininely would make me happy but at the same time I’m not sure if I fully feel feminine I’m not sure if I even feel a sense of gender

I’m also worried It could just be that I don’t really have much social interaction so I’ve lost a sense of the rest of society is like and maybe everyone else feels this way.

I'm a girl, I guess? But what if I'm a boy? I feel like a boy that wants to be a girl. But also no because I like wearing men's clothes (formal wear, sometimes t-shirts which are pretty neutral anyways). But I don't want to cut my hair, I like it long and pretty. But I also want a messy boy cut! I also use a sports bra in a sad attempt at binding. I'd like to be a femboy, they're so cute and I want to be cute...but boy-ish too (Note: girl and boy, not man and woman. I don't feel like man or woman)? How would I even though???

(born female if this helps) so, I'm fairly young, and at a point where I've been.. questioning everything. I know this might just be a phase, or something, but I've been masculine representing ever since I was little. I have always wanted to be a boy, to look like a boy, and to be treated like one, but I'm scared I'm just wrong and confused. I present masculine almost everywhere I go, but also sometimes feminine. And I don't think I'm nonbinary, and just might be genderfluid.. but I don't know.

Now, I've always claimed I was hetro (besides that time when I was 16 when I thought I was bi) but I thought I grew out of that

These days it's just confusing. I was playing video games recently when I saw this guy. He straight up got my heart beating all funny. Of course I was like "it's only a video game I ain't bi or anything"

Then sometime when I'm out and about I see men and it also gets my heart actin up.

I'm pretty sure I like women, so why are men also hot recently

Hi, I just need to be raw and vulnerable for a moment…

I feel so lost and confused. Ever since I was 12 years old, I’ve been questioning my sexuality. I had my first (and last) girlfriend at that age, but growing up in a very conservative, homophobic family made me suppress those feelings. I convinced myself I was straight, nothing else.

As the years went by, I had several boyfriends. I’m now 25 and still questioning. I came out as pansexual a few years ago, but even now, it feels like it doesn’t fully align with who I am.

Here’s where things get complicated: I’ve never been sexually attracted to men, only emotionally. I realized that during sex, I have to focus on women in my fantasies to feel any arousal, sometimes I fantasise about a man and a woman together—but even then, the woman is always the focus. The act itself has always been painful for me, both physically and emotionally, to the point where I feel like I’m just “enduring” it instead of genuinely enjoying it…

I’m in a relationship right now with a wonderful man. He’s kind, respectful, sweet, and supportive—everything I wish for in a partner. But I can’t bring myself to have sex with him anymore. It hurts so much, and he always stops when I ask him to, but it’s become clear to me that something deeper is going on. But I’m so confused…

It’s also worth mentioning that most of my countless fictional crushes have been on male characters, though a handful have been on female characters. This has only added to my confusion.

I’ve started to wonder if I’m struggling with comphet. Maybe I’ve been forcing myself into relationships with men because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do? But even then—I don’t know exactly what I am.

I’m so confused and feel so alone in these feelings. I’ve been feeling like this since I was 12 years old. Has anyone else been through something similar? How do you begin to make sense of feelings like this?

ive had some thoughts in the back of my mind over wether im a woman or not but this has just turned things into overdrive mode, id always thought girls had way better clothing choices and this really just hammered it home. everyone already jokes about me being their favorite white girl so do they maybe see something i dont? i really dont know anymore.

hey, 28m here. thought i was bi for years; dated a girl in high school and exclusively dated men pretty much after that. started dating this girl about 6 months ago and we're ldr. since july, i've been questioning whether or not i'm experiencing comphet or if i'm actually bi like i thought. i'm having weekly crisis and it's really making me want to leave but also i care so much for her i don't want to hurt her and when we're together it's... mostly fine.

i'm transmasc (dont id as ftm and id as a nby man hence just the M) which can be compounding this but i'm just trying to figure out if how you figure out if you're bi with a preference or just gay. please help its making me miserable. there's other issues with the relationship which is being worked on by both of us but this is the one issue i'm really personally struggling with.

Hi so uh, basically my experience is I dated like, 4 people before, and to none of them that I have experienced any romantic attraction. A lot of them already went like, full on lovestruck to me whereas I was still like, observing their character, thinking what kinda activities they'll try to do with me next.

Thing is that, I imagine that my romantic attraction might only appear if like, someone whom I date found out who I actually am, including my sensitive/weak points (kinda like Achilles heel?, since I tried to appear as someone who's capable of everything), and willing to cover up said spot. I think I'll only give my heart to someone like that (which requires them being able to read my character, as I won't normally show it easily), and hope that I can be useful to them with what I have (mainly knowledge, which has always been my forte among most of my circles)

Thing is, out of 4 of my dates well, they typically only talk about well...things I consider to be superficial (daily chores, "how's work?", etcetc) instead of trying to dig deep down into the iceberg that is my character. Which is why I said above, I felt zero romantic attraction to them. Some said that they already felt the relationship to be intense, but for me it's anything but intense. It's as if uh, let's say that if most people think 1 tablespoon of sugar for a glass of water is already "concentrated", I need at least 10.

Which label fits me the best?

Not sure where to ask this, as I need different perspectives. But is it not I suppose straight to watch female masturbation vids as a female. I always considered myself straight as I don’t want to have sex or be with another woman. But sometimes I get off to solo female masturbation porn. Not because of the woman in the vid, I’m not sure why I do, most of the time I think it’s cause i can relate with the woman in the video and how she’s feeling and that turns me on. Is this something I should look more into ? Or question myself on?

Throughout my life so far, I’ve mostly been with men. I don’t mind pleasing them and I enjoy romantic relationships with them. Most of my friends are men. But I’ve known I liked girls since I was 13 and the feeling was always so much stronger. I was in a 5 year relationship with a woman and I had intense feelings then compared to the men I was with and the man I’m with now, sexually. A part of it is a fear of pregnancy but in regards to general pleasure it’s not as satisfying even if they do similar things. Most just say to teach him but the same actions don’t cause the same reaction.

I feel like I’m confusing myself for no reason by asking why don’t I feel as much from men compared to woman. I wonder if I’m just a lesbian. But that would disqualify all my past encounters and relationships with men when I truly did have a deep connection with. But the full body feeling is not the same with them compared to even the idea of a woman.

Could I be just biromantic and homosexual? But I’m also on the ace spectrum because I don’t feel sexual feelings overall all except occasionally but not generally which doesn’t help my confusion on what I may like. It could just perhaps be that though when I was with a woman, I could enjoy myself overall better by simply being with her.

This is so confusing

I’m 20F, and my whole life, I’ve thought that I was straight—until now. I’ve never been in a relationship or done anything romantically with anyone, so I’m extremely inexperienced. The last time I actually liked a guy was in high school, and it always felt kind of weird to me when I did. When it came to liking guys, I would always self-sabotage because the thought of being with one scares me and makes me uncomfortable. I’ve only ever had “talking stages” with guys, and they never went far because:

1. I would never want to see them outside of texting.
2. The thought of being with one physically frightens me.
3. I just felt like I enjoyed the thought of them, instead of actually being with them—if that makes sense.

Now, ever since I graduated high school, I haven’t had a crush on a guy once. I may see an attractive guy and think, “Oh, he’s cute,” but I know I would never actually pursue him. I still find fictional men and celebrities attractive as well, but when it comes to real-life men, it’s like… hmm. One day, while walking on campus in college, I saw the most attractive woman I’ve ever seen. I literally started imagining a life with her in my head, and I’ve never done anything like that before. What I was imagining with her, I’ve never imagined with a man. Since then, I’ve been having so many thoughts and dreams about being with a woman. When it comes to guys, I actually get sick thinking about being with one—physically or emotionally. But with women, I can imagine those things and I want to experience those things.

I’ve started indulging more in WLW media, and I see women in relationships and think about how I, too, want to experience that. Literally, I’m in my room kicking my feet and saying to myself, “I want a girlfriend so bad!” I told my ex-friend once that I was questioning whether I liked girls, and they said I was just deluding myself. They claimed that I hadn’t found the right guy yet, so I think I like women and that I’m doing it because it’s a “trend.” This made me question whether or not I am really deluding myself about liking women, especially since I don’t have any experience with guys. But I just don’t know… these thoughts I’ve been having about women are so strong, and incomparable to anything I’ve ever thought about a guy.

Honestly, I’m just super confused. There’s a part of me that’s like, “You’re inexperienced, you don’t know anything yet,” but there’s another part that’s like, “There’s no way I’m straight when I’m constantly thinking about being with a woman, and I don’t do this with men at all.” What makes things worse is that I have no one to talk about this with. I fear the rest of my friends would react like my ex-friend. I highly doubt my parents would react well. I just feel so alone and confused in this, it’s actually stressing me out. So, if anyone has any advice, I would love to take it!

I am (17F) and at school I met this guy from Vietnam who is the sweetest guy I've ever met. We have been friends for 4 months and we spend a lot of time joking in class. Last Friday he confessed that he likes me. At the beginning I wasn't attracted to him but still gave him a chance and we started talking. He invited me to an Asiantown but my latina mom does not let me go out with ANYONE and was not willing to meet him. My mom has always been extremely strict and never lets me do anything. HE IS A GOOD GUY AND I REALLY WANTED HER TO MEET HIM, but she doesn't want. Yesterday however, I decided to sneak out with him and go to the places he so much wanted to take me to. I HAD AN AMAZING TIME WITH HIM. He was so respectful and sweet and I felt a strong connection with him, but the whole time I felt nervous and guilty for sneaking out with him. My mom didn't find out, but I want to spend more time with him and sneaking out is too stressful and risky. I am a good student and a good child, I never disrespect or sneak out, it was my first time. I feel so guilty and don't know what to do, I don't want to lead him on because I truly have feelings for him but I don't know how to convince my mom to allow me to be with him.

I'm a straight male, or at least that's what I always thought I was, and what I say to people IRL. Recently, I've been going down the goth path(Listening to all of System of a Down, Bauhaus, Siouxsie and The Banshees), but I've also started embracing it on the way I dress. I've been trying a lot of styles from spikes to pentagram necklaces to fishnets. As I've been trying more things that I would normally never wear, some of the stereotypical male and female clothes and fashions are kinda bleeding together. The strangest thing is that this is the most comfortable I've ever felt. Now things that I normally wouldn't wear(skirts, makeup, nailpolish), seem far closer to reality(I've been practicing putting on eyeliner in secret). I have pretty bad social anxiety, and get messed with already, so I'm afraid to try too much at school, but I'm trying to lean into the apathy. I know I have very supportive parents, so if I came out as _____, they'd be cool with it, and I'd own it in all aspects of my life. However, I'm not really sure what that ____ is, and this would be a big change for me, so I'd like to be really sure about what I really am. I feel like I'm still a guy, but sometimes, well, I'm not really sure how to describe it. Am I he/they, genderfluid, or simply like crossdressing? Some strangers I've talked to online have said not to put labels on it, but the way my mind works is that once there's a definitive name for something I have, I'm completely comfortable with it. I also could just be having an identity crisis, but I figured I'd ask to see if anyone has good advice, or like some magic spell that leads me to self-discovery.

Hi folks, I wouldn’t mind a bit of honest advice here if anybody had a moment - it would be appreciated.

So for 8 years now I’ve developed an attraction to trans women due to pornography. Although I have always considered myself straight, the idea of a woman having a penis always turned me on - to the point where straight porn barely interests me anymore. I was watching porn twice everyday for 10+ years.

I just feel very confused at the minute. Why am I attracted to the idea of a woman having a penis, but not a man? The idea of being in bed with another man honestly makes me uncomfortable so I definitely don’t think I’m gay. I just feel more attracted to the penis as opposed to the male body attached to it, if that makes sense?

I’ve also been struggling to stay hard in bed with different girls these past few years, so part of me thinks this is due to porn escalation? Has ANYBODY encountered anything similar to this? Part of me wants to try experiment sex with a trans woman just to see if I genuinely like it or not, but not sure if this is a good idea?

Any advice or similar stories would be appreciated. I’m dating a new girl at the moment and I haven’t watched porn in roughly 2 weeks so hopefully I can achieve successful sex soon

Ok so I (14F) usually watch 🌽 (don't judge me please) and it kinda made me feel weird about my sexuality. So I used to go by many different labels and now I'm settled on questioning HOWEVER, when I watch lesbian 🌽 I don't feel as interested as I do with straight 🌽?? If that makes sense. Sometimes when I'm watching lesbian 🌽 I feel like i wanna be in the places of the bottom female. However with straight 🌽 I just feel disgusted by the mention of dicks. Now don't get me wrong but I still like men, I have a crush on a boy in my class but sometimes I've had small, quick crushes on the same 2 girls like flickering between. But I genuinely don't know because I'm a fan of romantic affection between any gender, but not a fan of sexual affection besides for girls. Please help me I'm so confusedddddd.

I'm 16M and I'm confused as to whether to call myself straight or bisexual. Now, I am attracted to men and women (and other genders, in theory) but when I fantasise about a future life I can only see it with a woman.

I know I have attraction (romantic and sexual) to both men and women but this is just confusing me.

Am I bi with a preference?? Just straight?? Who knows.

Not sure if this is an appropiate sub, so I apologize in advanced if it isn't. The problem I have is that I have very little experience dealing with men or women, platonically or romantically (I'm a schizoid). I feel like maybe that sort of clouds my perception. Like maybe I think I feel a certain way, but that would change if I actually started talking and having sex with people.

The only thing I have to go off of are the feelings I observe from a distance. And while I don't feel attracted to the same sex most of the time, it's happened enough times to make me question it. But they're usually not very gender-conforming, sometimes I have to do a double take just to see. And I find my feelings usually aren't as strong as they are for the opposite sex.

For awhile I thought I didn't have a genital preference. I don't really feel attraction to genitalia. I thought I'd have happily dated someone regardless of their genitalia, as long as they were still passing as the opposite sex. But now I feel unsure about that too. Again, it's the distance that's the problem. I have no practical experience to compare it to. Even sex with someone of the opposite sex seems terrifying in some ways.

And I also have OCD which doesn't help with trusting my own judgment.

I don't understand clearly what's inside me and don't know where to start. But I still want to post here to get advices : I am male or at least biologically male. When I was young, around 11-12 years old, I don't know how it started, but I liked women's underwear and secretly wore my mother's. She found out after I wore it and forgot to put it back. I am asian and LGBT was not popular at that time so my mother was very angry and scolded me, I also promised not to do it again. However after that I continued, this time not only underwear but also bras and all kinds of skirts, dresses, ... It was around puberty so I not only wore them but also masturbated and imagined myself as a girl. This lasted for more than 10 years (still going on now). Even though I was discovered once more (around 14 years old) and beaten, my parents didn't remember it anymore. The reason is probably because, except for that, I'm very straight, I'm good at sports and a bit of a troublemaker like my peers. Besides, I only dated girls and was also complained about because I often flirted with girls during class.

Recently, I started to worry and think more about myself. The internet gave me the opportunity to access information about trap/femboy/trans... and that's also thing that I watch a lot. It made me curious and tried masturbating with my anus. I also achieved orgasm with it (sometimes my ass hurt a bit after finishing). Sometimes I even imagined myself being fucked by a men, but after finishing I felt disgusted with myself (but still do it again).

The most important thing is that I still have a girlfriend, I love her but have never talked about it. Sometimes I can't get hard when I'm about to have sex with her, (but when I put on female clothes, it always gets hard immediately) and she's sad but not angry. The relationship between us is very good but I don't have the courage to tell her and can't hide this forever. I'm really confused about what to do because besides being interested in wearing female clothes when masturbating, I've never thought about dating a men. It feels wrong.

Has anyone ever encountered a similar problem or is there a place to get psychological counseling or something similar for this case? Thanks

P/s: I think being beaten and scolded by my parents doesn't have much of an impact because I was also beaten for many other reasons. And wanting to be a girl was in my mind since I was young, before I was beaten. I also imagined all kinds of ways to wake up as a girl. However, the older I get, the more that thought fades. But my family, current social relationships and friends are also the reasons why I don't want to accept that I like to wear women's clothes.

P/s: Sometimes I want to have a slimmer, more feminine body and bigger breasts, but I don't want to lose my penis. That's at least what I think until now

P/s: I know I'm terrible so I want to find out if there's a way to "fix" this problem. I also think about either stopping wearing women's clothes or stopping this relationship. That will be when there's no other way.

So I 17f am heavily sexually attracted to women and did identify as bisexual because I was also sexually attracted to male celebrities/characters did have a crush on a guy. However I thought we’ll most guys have treated me like shit so I’m just gonna be a lesbian but I also was thinking if a nice guy who was my type asked me out would I say no? I probably would see where it would lead to. However I kinda already told my friends I think I’m a lesbian but now it’s just confusing. I don’t know I need help/advice please!

I’ve been straight my whole life but for the past few months I’ve been having intrusive thoughts of being romantic with men. I don’t really mind it but at the same time it makes me really uncomfortable and the uncomfortableness gets so intense sometimes that it hurts to think about.

I think it's because heterosexuality is the label I feel most comfortable with. Being bi doesn’t feel right to me even though when I picture it, I don’t mind it being with a guy. I hope that makes sense and I just want this uncomfortable feeling to go away. It's been going on for months now and I don’t know what to do.

I'm really confused right now.

Some info: I'm AFAB 16, never had any medical transition whatsoever.

I'll give some backstory to this: Somewhere around 2022 I started going by any pronouns. I was presenting feminine though. In that time I was also seeing a psychologist for some gender unrelated problems.

Time skip to early 2023 and I lie myself out of therapy since it wasn't helping. My feelings about gender start to change, Around 2023 june I go by he/him but I'm fine with presenting as feminine. Throughout 2023 I start to feel worse because of how feminine I look, I cut my hair shorter and dress more masculine. I was feeling terrible and I put all my problems on the fact I'm trans. Then 2024 summer comes and I cut my hair even shorter, I felt happy that I can finally pass as a guy. Though I was scared almost always, I constantly thought about other people judging me, how hard transitioning is, that I might never get a normal job because of being trans since I live in a pretty conservative country (Latvia).

Now it's 2024 November. I don't know what I am anymore, I've decided to grow out my hair and aim for a more feminine look. My reasons are mostly that being trans caused me so much problems. I started wondering if I'm just a masculine woman and not a trans man. I don't know anymore and it's eating me from the inside. I just wish I could be nothing, that I wouldn't have to put labels on myself. I dont know what I want to look like and what I want to be called.

I don't want to talk to my friends about this because I might be becoming transphobic, and my friend is trans.

I don't know where else to ask this because I don't want someone to convince me I'm this or that.

So im currently questioning if I may be bi, but im worried because im not sure if that wont change. I went to the doctor a while back and found out I have way less hormones than i should (im 18 M btw) and im unsure if after my hormones are put back to normal if i wont go back to being straight. Anyone had this kind of experience before?

Hello all. 19AMAB college student, thinking about transition/ being a girl has been a constant since 14. I’ve restrained myself from journaling or talking to others regarding gender for a long time and sometimes I feel I let my life become a blur of repressing I guess. Maybe that’s too harsh of a take on it, but again I don’t give myself much of an outlet so this being my first posted thought on it means I have to try hard not to dump a lot all at once. I consider myself happy in life but I delude myself a bit and pretend I have what I want(?) already, that I am seen in a certain way (femininely), etc. meaning it hurts when I’m reminded that's not reality. Sometimes I think my greatest mistake is having nobody to talk to about it. I have friends from highschool, but I can only name one that is trans and we aren’t really close so I think it would be inappropriate to put it on them. Mentally I feel locked out of a lot of spaces and I couldn’t name a single interest group (hobby or fandom or anything) I think I’d fit in with even though I do know my own interests.

In college I applied to live in a lgbtq friendly dorm to feel some sense of community and see where that brings me in terms of expressing myself more honestly. I also assumed I'd fit in better with similar people. I hated the pronoun circles which made me feel attacked and on the spot, not just in the dorm but in a few classes with well-meaning teachers. It never helps me even when there are transgender/nonbinary people present, the whole thing still feels like a self-congratulatory ritual for people who haven’t had to struggle with identity (No hate to people that appreciate them of course- I understand this is a cynical view) and I just say what they want to hear rather than have any nuance about it being uncomfortable. I got nowhere with others in the dorm as they all knew each other already since they were upperclassmen, and whether it was all in my head or not I felt judged for taking up “their” space and I think there was a lot of elitism and unapproachable behavior (felt by other people outside their main group, not just me being paranoid). I never tried to share my feelings about identity with these people because I felt unwelcome in general.

I managed to tell my girlfriend I was “confused about gender” after months of trying to get over my aversion of putting it into words but I didn’t even really come out as anything. She’s 100% supportive and asked if I wanted her to refer to me in any different ways and I said no. At the time I thought it would feel patronizing to hear that effort put in to speaking to me and that it would make me feel fake and embarrassed. It’s not something I want to bother her with and maybe there is some fear to that of being viewed differently and changing the way our relationship works. I know imposter syndrome is stupid but I don’t know where to begin getting over that sense.

That’s all from a year ago and I’ve gotten nowhere closer to a solution for myself and my identity, and I've met no people who alleviate that sense of being alone with these feelings. I feel like I’ve moved backwards, as just 2-3 years ago I was getting “misgendered” as a girl pretty often and rolling with it, but now even with a wardrobe of a lot of women’s clothing (but pretty androgynous, no explicitly feminine stuff like dresses or skirts), when I put it on I feel like I still just look like some guy. I think this is just a natural effect of looking older and having masc features but it scares me to think about a future where I fall in line with a masculine appearance. I do get a lot more compliments on my clothing though. But the shaving/hair plucking is unending as it feels like testosterone is kind of picking up and making me feel gross. I see a lot of people find community online, but how?? Even if I did find someplace it’s not like I can just put all this on others. I don’t know if online friendships are what I really want anyway. Maybe I'm not as friendly as I thought and that's how I'm in this position? Sorry for rambling but posting this in and of itself is a little bit of a challenge/step forward. I’ll read any thoughts on this and try to be less antisocial and repressed hopefully.

I (F 20) have for the most part always considered myself straight up until recently. within the past couple of years, I have wrestled with the idea of liking girls. I honestly have found some girls fairly attractive, but I have not been able to fully explore this because I have been with my boyfriend for about as long as I have been questioning my sexuality, and trying to explore my attraction with girls feels inappropriate whilst dating him. I also consider myself to be on the ace spetrum, so the idea of sex with a girl rarely crosses my mind. I hate to say this, but the only "woman" I have found myself genuinely crushing over is vi from arcane (its bad too). Just typing this out feels wrong, but it is the unfortunate truth. maybe because i dont feel any guilt abt it bcuz its physically impossible for me to act on it? I cant determine if this means i actually like girls irl or not. some other perhaps important things to note: in 7th grade i do remember desperately wanting to befriend this one girl in my class, she prob barely even knew i existed but i would regularly look over at her and (if i remember correctly) get nervous being around her and sad when she didnt go to class. only thinking back did i realize this couldve been a crush. also a few months before i started dating my bf there was a chance i liked this other girl which led me to begin questioning, but it was so short lived since it was the summer right before going to different colleges that i couldnt tell. any insight would be appreciated.

For the past year, I have been pretty much constantly confused in terms of gender and sexuality. I am very unattractive and hate pretty much everything about myself so in a way I guess it doesn't matter what I really want. I am a virgin obviously, but I want to stop feeling miserable all the time. For most of my life, I had considered myself a straight guy without any doubt whatsoever. I never dated any women due to being very unattractive and would often feel sad that I would probably never date a woman and I was fine with this for years until recently.

I think my inability to date any women has made want to be a woman. I think this is partially escapism because I hate the way I look so much and I've always had a lot of escapist fantasies. I don't think I'm trans partially because I am not particularly attracted to men(more on that later) and I never had any of these thoughts until recently. I didn't put on dresses when I was 6 nor do I hate my penis. I used to make sexist jokes. I objectify women in a very male way. All of my attraction to women is very predatory and perverted. I look at them with lust and envy and it's so overwhelming. I never felt the envy part until recently. This isn't gender dysphoria since I don't always hate my male features.

This fetish of me being a woman has expanded beyond the time when I am masturbating. I sometimes cry thinking about how I will never be a woman even though I never thought about my gender until recently. I want to be a woman, but I know I wouldn't pass(too late to transition) and would be incredibly ugly and that I would certainly never date women if I struggled as a guy. People, including my family, would see me as a freak especially if I tried to date women after transitioning. Being a trans woman and a lesbian is just asking for trouble and would make me stick out. It wouldn't be enough unless I was quite literally a cis attractive woman and anything short of that would just be a waste of time so I can't be trans and would never transition in any way for this reason as I hopelessly emulate something I am not. I would be stuck dating men and that prospect makes me incredibly sad. I have heard that HRT can make people more attracted to men so maybe I would be happier dating men if I was a woman, but I would only date men if it prevented me from wanting to transition so that is a mute point. The first thing that came up when looking stuff like this up was autogynephillia and I think this is what I am suffering from.

For starters, I do watch a fair bit of porn which has probably warped quite a few things. I like to imagine myself in a different body that is usually more feminine and I mostly watch furry porn(I know it's very cringe). Most of the content I look at is either m/f or m/m. I will fantasize about having sex with a man as a woman or a feminine man and enjoy it in the moment because it makes me feel feminine in contrast(yeah this sounds misogynistic), but I have never found any men sexually attractive in real life and thinking about dating men long-term makes me feel incredibly sad with this sense of dread. I have been watching porn almost daily since I was 16 and had heterosexual fantasies where I was a male for most of my life even when not watching porn. Beating my porn addiction may also make me free of gender questioning thoughts. I've never gone more than 3 weeks without masturbating in my life which is also an indication I don't really have gender dysphoria.

Part of me believes internalized homophobia makes me want to be a woman. I keep fantasizing about men having sex with me which is certainly indicative of being gay as a male and imagining myself as a woman bypasses that. I do feel weird imagining myself dating and having sex with men and it feels somewhat empty, but I'm not immediately disgusted by the idea like a straight guy. If I can learn to accept the fact that I am gay/bisexual and make myself more comfortable with the idea of dating a man, I think the fantasies of wanting to be a woman will go away.

I'm attracted to women so I want to be more like them, if I become attracted to men I should be more comfortable being male. I think my brain has a hard time processing the fact men can be attractive since I have never felt that towards a man like I have a woman and my brain sees women as the only way one can be attractive and I have a deep desire to feel more attractive. Being a gay/bisexual man has much better outcomes than non-passing trans women of any sexuality and I would still be genuinely accepted in most of my circles which would not be the case if I were to transition . Being around woman induces envy in me and I would hate to date a woman when I have these thoughts. I feel so much guilt for my feelings towards women and sadly I think dating them would make it worse. Alas, I don't really have a chance with women anyway so I guess I should try looking elsewhere anyway.

I know this is a bizarre post and I'm probably just overthinking things due to heavy porn usage. I'm pretty confident I'm not a trans woman and barely fit the criteria for gender dysphoria. I think that coming to terms with being gay or bisexual is the way to move past that and I happened to discover that part of my sexuality through porn. I would be curious if any gay/bisexual men have similar experiences thinking they were trans women at one point. I do want to reiterate I am very unattractive so I can't "experiment" and that also I'm not really deserving of the things I want. The more I contemplate the more I realize I will die alone as I'm not really capable of loving anyone and I just want validation from others since I hate myself so much. So even with this being said, I might decide to live the rest of my life alone regardless of my orientation. Let me know if I should see a therapist.

So I am 31, cisgender, male, and I’ve been having some sexual fantasies about men lately. Like they just started happening. That’s the BLUF.

When I say recently I mean the last couple weeks actually. Very recent developments here. I would consider myself straight for my entire life basically. I don’t find men attractive in any way, physically or romantically. I mean I can identify a good looking man, but I don’t look at them the way I’d look at a beautiful woman. It doesn’t trigger the same feeling for me or arouse me at all.

Yet a couple weeks ago I started fantasizing about sex with men and masturbating to them. I’ll spare you the actual details, unless you think that would be helpful of course. For a long time I’ve always had fleeting thoughts of what life would be like as a woman, or what sex would be like, but I just wrote it off as benign curiosity. So maybe that’s related in some way?

I tried watching a bit of gay porn, but it doesn’t really do anything for me. Like I wasn’t really aroused by it like straight porn does. Yet the thought of having sex with a man seems very arousing to me.

This isn’t something I’m ashamed about or anything, mostly just curious really. And a touch excited as learning things about yourself is usually fun. I know that sexuality is rather more fluid than we’d normally think and I also have read that changes in sexuality can be common in your thirties. It’s just odd the fantasies just seemingly popped out of nowhere.

So I’m here, asking some of y’all for advice and so forth.

I tried breast forms a couple of days ago and I absolutely hated it. It made me feel uncomfortable and it just felt wrong to me. As a response I tried to not identify as a woman and went on a whole mental spiral and it consumed me for a bit. I even tried to “cancel out the feelings” by posing on the detrans subreddit and trying out another pronouns and seeing myself as a gay or bi man. I had a busy 10 hour shift at work today and now with a clear mind I still feel I am a woman as I am now and am happy. I don’t want to go on hrt and get huge breasts as I don’t want that on my chest. I just feel bad that I posted on the detrans subreddit and now people are confused at me. I’m scared people will get angry at me for being indecisive about this. I love playing as Thomas the girl on video games.

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let me start with saying I’m in every way attracted to girls. Like absolutely no doubt about it, and I’ve known since 4th grade. But for a while now, I’ve been wondering if I’m trans.

cw: mentions of internalized homophobia, mentions of bad mental health.

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TLDR: I feel like I’ve been “living someone else’s life” through this body. It doesn’t feel like mine. But since it doesn’t feel like mine, I wouldn’t say I’m too dysphoric about it. Only issue is, I notice I feel super uncomfortable and gross once I do think about this body being ‘me’, when I pay attention to how I really feel wearing feminine clothing, or having people assume or mention girl-related things about me.

I can’t tell if this is a gender issue, or a self identity issue. I feel as if ive been split in half, half of me wanting to be a boy, half of me wishing I was a cute girl. But it’s not that it fluctuates, it’s that whenever i stare in the mirror too long when I’m dressed feminine, I hear an odd voice telling me this isn’t me. I really like girls, femininity, but it seems like I really don’t like it for myself, I like it on other people. And I kind of wish I did (like it on myself), since from what feels like an ‘outsiders perspective’, I find myself quite attractive (as a girl). And I say outsiders perspective, because as I mentioned before, this doesn’t feel like my body. It’s more like I can recognize my body is conventionally attractive, or cute, and I feel weird for not really ‘feeling’ like I am, internally. Or not feeling like I am my body, I’m something inside of it.

I’ve wished for a while that I was more androgynous looking, or more masculine, but I’m tied because while I think I’d be more comfortable being masculine, I really think the body I am in is really cute. But I wonder if I feel that way because I already like girls? And I would be attracted to a girl that looks like myself? Does this sound like a mental illness, rather than being trans? Do other trans people feel like this? I do have diagnosed OCD, but I’ve never heard that it can influence people to feel like this.

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how did I come up with “could I be trans?” I can give a summary regarding LGBTQ things in my life in case it can help anyone figure me out a little bit more. I’ve researched LOTS about being transgender, but I’m still not too sure if that’s me, only because I’ve lived my life this way thus far, and it only bothers me when I think about myself more seriously. I wouldn’t mind having a deep voice, in fact, I really want it. I wish I had a more masculine face shape, and more masculine body overall, but Idk if finding myself attractive as a girl is what’s stopping me. it feels like I’m not even really that dysphoric, only when I really pay attention to myself, but I wonder if that’s just because I’ve repressed these emotions, since I do remember going through something really bad mentally when I was hitting puberty because I didn’t want to be a girl.

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in elementary school, just like how everyone else realizes they’re gay, I felt like I was really different than my feminine peers. besides getting quite upset over being attracted to the same sex, (internalized homophobia, upset with myself for being different, etc.) I began to notice I really, really hated being seen as girly, or cute, and having all those girl stereotypes applied to me. I hated boys liking me, and I would cry every single time I had to dress ‘nice’ for events, and get angry when my family would say ‘do this, girls do it like that.‘ ‘I never paid too much attention to that though. I just thought I was just different (because I liked girls) and there was nothing I could do about it.

In middle school, i was in an all girls friend group, and they had begun talking about puberty and the likes. Bragging to each other about their incoming breasts and romantic attraction to boys. And then it really hit me, ‘oh, I’m going to hit puberty. I’m going to turn into “a woman” Very soon, and there’s nothing I can do about it.“ It was honestly really traumatic. I felt so disgusting to myself, I hated who I was becoming, I hated that boys began giving me attention, and developed a really unhealthy mindset regarding myself. I wished like crazy that I could just be like my friends, comfortable in my own skin and feel pretty by being myself.

‘After really coming to terms that I’ll forever just be ‘different’, I decided to drop them. They made me feel bad about myself, but they weren’t ever mean to me. They were such stereotypical girls, it reminded me too much of my biological sex, and I always felt uncomfortable.

halfway through middle school and the end of it, I felt comfortable with myself being attracted to girls, but I always still wondered if maybe I was transgender because I’m just so damn uncomfortable with my body and femininity? I have so many memories of crying in bathrooms at parties where I had to dress nice, and crying while doing my makeup, just because I felt so gross. I think I look great in dresses and skirts though, I just hate the way I feel in them. I really do think I’d be happier being more masculine and androgynous, I just don’t know if I’d be okay with ‘giving up‘ my feminine body, since it’s what I’ve lived my life with, and the me inside my head finds my body and face attractive. (but I do not when others perceive me as such.)

can someone help me point myself in the right direction? Can someone just provide their own opinions on the matter?