Been fairly upset lately, wondering what I am, and the more I think about it, the more confused I am. I never had any typical flags of feeling like I wasn't male growing up except for having fantasies for a brief period of time about being changed into a girl, I was maybe 9-11 years old. I enjoyed spending time with both boys and girls but had more boy friends growing up. I enjoy dressing up quite a lot and feeling like I look or present feminine but grew up feeling like as a I boy I had to be that so I feel shame and fear now as an adult for dressing feminine outside my home. I also started watching porn sexualising trans women and forcing transition in my early teen years, which has me nearly convinced its porn addiction. No one knows I do since I am very private. Half of me thinks I just like to dress up, but part of me also wonders if I want to explore and enjoy more aspects of being a woman. Presenting feminine both excites me sexually but also just makes me happy when I'm alone in my room doing my hobbies or whatever. I never questioned my gender or anything since deep down I felt it ingrained the idea of I was a boy and should act like one and so never questioned it. But now that I am questioning it, I feel confused and upset the more thought I put into it.

This post will be about my transsex struggles, distrust of medical professionals and the health consequences of not receiving care for when I was younger.

Do not try to use my story to push non-transmed narratives, ideals or agenda. I am a Transmedicalist.

I am open to questions, though keep in mind if something is identifying or narrative-seeking I will decline.

ABOUT ME

I want to start this off by saying I'm a 15 year old FTM who lives in California. I was professionally diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria at 12 and have been experiencing symptoms of gender incongruence since I was 8yrs.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 14 years old. I think my Autism is the reason why I have Gender Dysphoria and cannot relate to women in barely any capacity, of course outside of common human adversity. I have various male typical interests and only had male friends growing up, and I still do as of now. I can only hold close relationships to women who are my teachers or family due to my lack of capable connection

WHAT LED ME TO DIY

After I was diagnosed with GD I never received any medical care, no puberty blockers, no hormone-treatment, no form of medical treatment that could've prevented me taking this DIY path. I believe my therapist did not give me treatment due to the high influx of kids de-transitioning. As I personally witnessed this, since I was the only trans kid that did not de-transition and had genuine gender dysphoria. I also think I'm the only trans person in my high school who is stealth and passes.

Due to the lack of treatment, I developed several medical conditions like panic attacks, depression, body dysphormia, daily-activity inhibiting anxiety and many insecurities. This could've been prevented if I was put on puberty blockers.

My therapist kept dragging me on for years claiming I had other mental health conditions that needed fixing first, whilst not acknowledging those were due to my gender dysphoria.

With no options but to either wait and watch my body slowly become more feminine or do it myself, and take the initiative my doctors weren't willing to do. Obviously, I chose the latter.

DIY CURRENTLY

I've been on HRT for 5 months and I previously attempted to when I was 14, but I got the wrong ester and that put me in a further mental turmoil. Though now, I am happier than ever and the things tied to my gender dysphoria like anxiety, depression and more have disappeared. Whereas my former doctors refused to believe these things were connected to my gender dysphoria...

Recently my depression and anxiety heightened when I realized my body has feminized too much. Even though I fully pass, my voice is deep, stronger than most boys and I am slightly past average male height. It still distraughts me that I couldn't have gotten the care necessary when I was younger to prevent me from having to go through this path to be happy and free from the things that made me cry myself to sleep night to night.

Every second to hour counts, and California trans healthcare has been ruined by the people who stripped the medical identity aspect of being a Transsexual.

DOCTOR DISTRUST

As of now, my case has been brought up to a doctoral board after I came clean to a doctor about my DIY usage when I had my first panic attack, since I thought I would be safe because of HIPAA. I was wrong, as he destroyed the confidentiality of the situation and reported my case to various Board Doctors and Lawyers and afterwards said he would notify my parents.

Thankfully he didn't notify them, as I knew my rights and informed him of the federal laws he would be breaking if he ruined the confidentiality of the situation. Especially if he knew my parents have a history of child abuse.

There is more information regarding this legal situation in the future but as of now, I decided to redact to protect privacy.

I am the product, the example, the consequence of doctors not treating gender-dysphoria seriously. I want to be a warning, I want non-transmeds to know this is what happens when you remove the med from trans.

I'm not sure if i use this term correctly, but i think i feel such a huge gender envy towards men. when i look at a cool guy, i wonder how it feels to wake up and see that face when i stare at the mirror. i wonder how it feels to look down and have his body. i also think about what i would do if i were him, how i would act, how i would treat people around me especially women. how easier it is to live with all the privileges. I'd be so kind and sweet. i usually feel this way for men who have long hair or feminine, or non-binary and androgynous people. currently I don't hate myself, i love being a feminine woman but also i can't stop feeling envious of men?

i felt this ever since i was young. i kept thinking about a boy because i really wanted to be him. so naturally, I tried to be close to him. but often, they seemed to be interested in me romantically. i responded to their flirtation because how could i reject them? this is the closest point I'll ever get to what i actually want. if i cannot be him, I'll settle with being with him. i tried this in the past but having a romantic situation with them doesn't make me happy, it always made me feel suffocated. i feel like when people see us together, I'm only an extension of him. being known as "that guy's girlfriend" sounds like a nightmare. in a very extreme case, i got so sick of envy that i wanted him dead. i want him gone so i could replace him instead, because i know that i can be him better than he is. because he's not fulfilling his potential, but i can, and i know what to do with what he has. so the closest thing i got was projecting and made him to do what i would do if i were him. it felt good but also prickles at my skin like a double sided blade.

i think that's also why i can't be in a relationship with men because i could never be happy because i know if i do, i am settling. settling is not a good base for a relationship. when i think that a guy is cute, i don't want to kiss, touch, or have sex with him and i also can't imagine us going on dates or marry or living together. so that's why i currently identify as a lesbian. although i am quite curious about what i actually feel about my gender, so i would really appreciate any answers for this, thank you!

So I've (31M) been questioning my gender most of my life, but I don't know if I'm trans it's because I'm neurodivergent, or my (potential) OCD. I've been a depressed, stress-bag seemingly forever. TOCD would match my symptoms but I'm not sure since this has been present for such a long time.

The seed was planted when my sister got me into crossdressing as a child but I was forbidden by my parents because "only girls can wear those clothes", so I decided I "wanted to become a girl". This thought has been on the back of my mind all my life. My questioning now gives me daily anxiety after stumbling onto an egg post last year about how feminization/forced feminization is a likely indicator of being trans.

I've experienced INTENSE euphoria twice as my assigned gender during this questioning period, one at being referred to with he/him pronouns and the other because I was looking very good after losing weight (masc-presenting). I shaved my legs but I didn't seem to like it very much? It felt weird. I've never had an interest in "bulking up" and being macho. I would prefer to be more petite wild mild curves to pull off feminine styles (something some guys already have).

I've never experienced this when wearing women's clothing, and I usually don't want to see myself in the mirror because I'm embarrassed when wearing them. But I REALLY like how women look, and I like their clothing a lot. I'm mad jealous they can wear what they like and look cute. Guy clothes are boring.

HRT sounds scary, depressing, and gives me intense anxiety, and I have no desire for boobs. Idk what it's going to do for me at my age anyway. Even if the physical aspects seem unappealing, should I "force" myself to try it to see if my brain chemistry prefers E and that's why I've been so depressed? I've noticed that my anxiety and intrusive thoughts seems to have triggers based on certain stimuli. Certain attractive women and femboys. Something about wide hips and small waist gets me confused if I'm envious or lustful. Can TOCD suddenly make you self-conscious of certain aspects of your body that you didn't think about before?

Ultimately if I'm cis, I'm still back to square one of being envious of how women can wear such cute things and how I will never be "allowed" to wear them. I want to wear what I like and feel cute in them, but I certainly don't have the body for it. I have a lot of other examples but this is already pretty long.

RAHHHH I don't know anymore *cries*

I'm a cis woman who firmly believes in the importance of trans rights, but I have certain family members who still have very outdated attitudes - not that trans people shouldn't exist, but more along the lines of 'we all have the same rights, they're not discriminated against' and 'the young generation are just obsessed with being "special"'...

This line of thinking is obviously flawed and harmful but I know from experience that just spouting statistics won't work. Does anyone have any educational or helpful resources they can share to help educate my family? I've tried googling but I've mostly only been able to find resources for parents of trans kids (these are somewhat helpful but not really what I'm looking for).

I’m a cis girl but recently i’ve noticed that a lot of guys(mostly celebrities/famous people) that i’ve had ‘crushes on’, i actually just want to be them?? Like, I thought I had a crush on Cillian Murphy but I actually just want to be a guy and look like him. But at the same time, I also enjoy being a girl and want to be a girl?? I wish I had like a separate male body that I could use so I could be a guy and also a girl at the same time. Does anyone else have experiences like this and know what it is?

I'm not talking about letting kids know about the existence of gay people/ letting kids know about the existence of transgender individuals and how we are all friends (or atleast should try to be, we are adults after all 🩷🏳️‍⚧️🤝🏳️‍🌈🤝🇺🇲🩷).

I am talking about the tough, uncomfortable, and simply not easy to talk about things such as gender affirming care that pertain to sex.

I'll be honest and blunt, I am butthurt about immature moderators and their lackeys, basically trying to bully me out of the site on this issue as of recently. I do not have children, though I plan on having ivf when i am much older and more financially stable, god wiling and I honestly am jealous of you trans parents, you guys are awesome :) >! TW SA I was also taken advantage of by someone on the internet when I was younger so this kind of thing is honestly making me lose sleep at this point. My parents did not accept me for being trans at the time either :(!<

I don't understand why r/asktransgender allow minors bellow 18 to be on a subreddit that allows NSFW posts to be posted (read their rules this is concerning!).

It frustrates me especially when they assume I have not been though trauma or assume I'm a transphobe, or that I am "gatekeeper of the youth"(wtf does that even mean?) or just straight up call me a pedo for asking these things -_-

So I figure you guys have the actual answer to this question. Sorry if I trauma dumped/brigadeered :/

Hello everyone, we are in dire need of willing participants to be interviewed sa thesis namin huhu. Kulang pa po kami around 10-15 participants for our research regarding the factors that influence the acceptability and barriers regarding the uptake of Pre-exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) for HIV prevention among Filipino men who have sex with men (MSM). These are the criterias:

• at least 18 to 59 years of age
• residing in Manila or Quezon City
• a man with sexual experience with the same gender
• have tried or not tried PrEP

1 participant = 1 incentive so if ever marami po kayong kilala mas malaki po incentives niyo (only works if pumayag po for an interview yung nirecommend). The person na ininterview will also be given an incentives for the time na nilaan niya for us. Please help your girl out, we've tried many ways to gather participants pero kulang pa rin talaga huhu. The interview naman po can be online or onsite and if online, di naman po need mag open cam. Badly need the participants before June 5, 2024 (if possible). Thank you so much!

https://preview.redd.it/ps9tfer26r3d1.png?width=4419&format=png&auto=webp&s=f770f1c16906486e3247f99f3cf406f2d7c50f8f

We want to hear from the next generation of trans and non-binary Canadians. You’re the experts of your experiences, and we’re here to listen.

[A masc presenting person draped in a pride flag smiles gently at the camera alongside the study details for CTYHS 2024 (as appear in post text)]

The Canadian Trans Youth Health Survey is a national survey of trans, non-binary, and gender diverse Canadian youth ages 14-25 that runs every five years. The study is managed by the Stigma and Resilience Among Vulnerable Youth Centre with co-investigators across the country. Results help researchers identify health disparities, theorize helpful interventions, and describe trends in gender diverse health, values, identity, and experience. This research is core to developing successful advocacy and change in our social and health care systems.

To participate in the study, you must be between 14 and 25, live in Canada, and be non-binary, trans, and/or gender diverse. Visit saravyc.ubc.ca/CTYHS2024 for more information and for a direct link to the anonymous survey. To protect participants, all data is anonymous, encrypted, and only used for academic research purposes.

Répondez à l’enquête anonyme en français: saravyc.ubc.ca/ctyhs2024-fr

Questions? Email saravyc@nursing.ubc.ca or reach out to the Principal Investigator for this study, Dr. Elizabeth Saewyc (Professor at the UBC School of Nursing) at elizabeth.saewyc@ubc.ca.

​

I want to be cautious not to come across as a trans medicalist as I understand the harm that comes from that ideology. I am just looking to better understand trans experiences. I am curious why some trans people are not interested in medical transitioning. I hear stories of people who are trans men AFAB but aren't interested in pursuing any physical changes. I have trouble understanding this experience. I understand if you would like to begin hrt but can't due to your situation but to just have no interest in changing your body to align with your identity just doesn't make a ton of sense to me. That isn't to say they aren't valid, and some of my confusion may be internalized transphobia which as a nonbinary person I am working through. Just wanted to know if anyone here could share their feelings about this!

Are you interested in sharing your thoughts on sex and relationships? We are a team of researchers from Stony Brook University’s Relationship Development Center who are seeking young adults to participate in an online study about sex and relationships among ethically non-monogamous and poly individuals. We are getting close to our recruitment goal for our study, but still need more participants!

We are looking for people between the ages of 18 and 35 who are in relationship(s) and would be comfortable answering questions about their relationship(s) and sex life. We want to hear from people of all relationship types and sexual identities! If you sign up, you have a chance to receive one of 20 $50 Amazon gift cards for this survey and up to $80 in follow up studies.

If you are interested, click on this link to participate: https://stonybrookuniversity.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_4GkhOnQA2BwkF9k?Source=90

Questions? Feel free to message us!

(approved by mods)

Hii! I'm a grad student looking to develop a free mindfulness-based intervention to help trans and gnc people struggling with mental health and/or substance use issues. In order to do this, I need to collect some data for this study I'm conducting for my Master's thesis. It's a 40-min survey and asks demographic questions, and questions about substance use, mindfulness, distress tolerance, and minority stress. You need to be 18+, understand English, and living in Canada/US to participate. You'll have a 1/10 chance to win 50CAD. Here's the link to participate, thank you!

https://mcgillecp.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_bJBgvHWimHaxrtI?fbclid=IwAR0ujKqajVuZmAy_JdwzKjrWaitdS5NQeSzwcIkv1uNoPtS6Wr8WKNm6nMY