Heya, im trying my best to support a newish friend who is a trans man - hes struggling with dysphoria atm. I have always been an Ally, but im illequiped when it comes to directly supporting someone with this. Id really like to educate myself as i dont want to burden my friend with teaching me whilst he is struggling and i also dont want to fuck up and say somethibg, meaning well, but it turning out to be a taboo thing to say. Just wondering if there are any reconmended resources out there that can help me with this? Im also looking at books online, however, im chronically ill and neruodivervent and feeling overhwelmed by the options and not knowing if they will be linked to this specific part of allyship. Im in the UK if that is helpful for regional based resources and i am an AFAB woman. TIA as im crap at replying 🩷

I'm 18, AFAB, living in the US. I fantasize constantly about transitioning to male and it feels like the thing that has been missing from my life. I hate my boobs, my hips, my waist, my soft features, I hate everything feminine about me, I have always had problems with dissociation & worn overly baggy clothes, anxiety, depression, everything. I am certain I am struggling with gender dysphoria at this time but its hard to determine whether or not this is just a phase or if dysphoria has always been with me. The reason why I worry this is a phase is because I only really started connecting myself to the idea of being male around a year ago; and even when I did make that connection, I would usually refute it within a few days. That is to say, trans was an identification that I didn't really start connecting to until I turned 17, and even when I did, it was on and off. Now, I'm 18, and I started earnestly thinking of myself as trans about a month ago. I feel dysphoria, but I feel euphoria much more strongly when I imagine myself with a male body and features and social role. I am worried that this is just a phase because these feelings seem to have crept up on me, I guess? But also not really... I don't know. I know I am not fully female but I question whether I would really want to live as a man, or if this is just a phase.

Anyway, my plan for the moment is to tell my dad (who I live with part-time) that I am trans very soon, and whether or not he approves I am going to quickly undergo the process of getting testosterone therapy and changing my name. I want to do these things quickly, before Trump is elected, because I fear he will make these things more difficult for us. However, I do also wish I had a little more time just because I feel fear that I am acting impulsively. This feels like the answer, it really does, but also sometimes it doesn't; but usually in those moments when it doesn't feel right, I peel back the layers and realize its just my fear of social alienation that causes me to doubt myself.

I need some guidance here. Would it be wise for me to give this more time, even if I risk not being able to change my name & gender under Trump and possibly not having access to T for longer than I feel like I can bear? Or does my genuine gender dysphoria & euphoria indicate that I should feel confident moving forward, even if it has not always been strong/consistent?

Substance Outcomes and Social Support in Victims of Violence: 

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I won't lie and I don't mean disrespect. But I know very little about the LGBTQ community. Which is why I'm here. My husband came out as transmasc and despite the changes in our life. I'm here for him all the way. He does want to possibly pursue surgery. I was wondering if anyone could share reliable resources, their experiences, and helpful advice for us as we start his new adventure.

Thank you in advance.

Hi there,

So I'm a cisgender dad, to a 14 year old girl. She is currently going through some stuff and is struggling with her gender identity - speaking with myself + her mother, other people and now the schools counselor about the issue.

I've told her my position is: "I just want you to be happy" - as in, and I have directly said, she can be male/female/whatever - I only want her to be who she is and that I'm supportive.

That being said, obviously I don't understand everything about this 'area' as it were, and I'm totally understanding that of course I'll never really 'know' as I'm not trans. We have family members who are trans, and she has spoken with them about her current feelings as well.

So in short, I'm just asking for information/help on what I do to help here. It's not 100% that she is or isn't trans, but I'm just trying to learn and see what I can do to guide her in this process [thats even if she ends up coming to conclusion she is indeed trans].

I've already spoken to her about the "mechanics" of what I understand trans to be, including the general medical process as I understand it in my country of the UK, and that it's not a easy thing to come to a decision on. Also that at her age it could be a lot of other teenager related things that are making her anxious about everything etc, so attempting a "middle ground" approach.

So far, she's booked in to see the counselor and I've asked her to take some "personal time" and just really try and process what's going on/how she feels, [which is easier said than done I appreciate], and obviously if she needs to speak that I'm here.

That's about where I'm up to - any advice or anything would be great at this point, as I'm flying blind as they say.

Thanks!

I'm 60 years old now. Is it too late. I have felt like a woman my whole life

To be completely transparent, I am a cishet, white guy and very left leaning. The obviously doesn’t preclude me from being transphobic, but I wanted to include that context to try and get more good faith replies. More context, my sport background was in Football, American Folkstyle Wrestling, and the 400m dash, all at the high school level, and being a dedicated, state ranked wrestler. Not attempting to brag there, more attempting to describe my level of knowledge and immersion in the sports community, as well as the specific sports I am applying my analysis and questions to. Obviously this entire debate is a wedge issue/dog whistle for transphobes to signal to each other and move the Overton Window on trans issues to the right, but I also think that there are good faith concerns from committed athletes and those deeply invested in sports that can be assuaged through good info and debate, so I think this conversation is worth having if only to develop counterpoints to transphobes. Finally, I am aware of the studies and statistics asserting the following claims, so I won’t be covering them as they provide easy refutation of the arguments to which they pertain: There is no disparity in outcome between transwomen and ciswomen in elite sports. Muscle mass in transwomen decreases to at or below ciswoman average levels after several years on HRT (Though this doesn’t extend to upper body muscular output which remains higher than average ciswoman levels in transwomen even after significant time on HRT) The relatively rare participation of transwomen in women’s sports. The relatively faster reflex times in the femoral nerve for women over men, indicating that at least for upper thigh reflex time there is no advantage for transwomen (This can be speculatively extended to general reflexes, but I wouldn’t really want to bring that up in a debate). The fact that bone density is on average higher in ciswomen than cismen and that bone density does increase when on HRT, which implies no advantage for transwomen in terms of injury prevention and maximum muscle output based on bone integrity and no advantage in weight disparity based on bone density. Statistical variance in testosterone levels in ciswomen. The presence of intersex individuals in women’s sports which makes certain requirements nonsensical. The effect of prepubescent HRT on physical development negating the benefits of being cismale. Similar levels of aerobic capacity between ciswomen and transwomen.

I am in no way in favor of governmental bans on transwomen participating in women’s sports. I think any regulation should be done at the sport organization level, if any regulations are even legitimate.

Here are the issues I have not seen covered or refuted from a trans woman’s perspective. Some of these I have also never seen transphobes bring up, but I would guess this is an effect of their stupidity in not fully considering their own argument, and the facts that most people who are even arguing about this have never participated in sports at a high level.

Football doesn’t really have a women’s division that I am aware of so will consider this from a wrestling and sprinting perspective. Also, there are sports where ciswomen have an advantage over cismen in the first place so this argument is essentially moot for those sports, and no one on the right cares at all about trans men in men’s sports. For both wrestling and sprinting, these sports are effectively dominated by people with higher percentages of fast twitch muscles vs slow twitch muscles, and there are legitimate advantages conferred by height and skeletal structure. These physiological characteristics aren’t modified by HRT, so they do lead to differences in ability between transwomen and ciswomen, due to average increased height between cismen and ciswomen, and cismen having a significantly higher percentage of fast twitch to slow twitch muscles compared to ciswomen. In both wrestling and sprinting, higher fast twitch muscle mass allows for both greater overall and explosive force to be generated, which hasn’t been directly studied. Previous studies regarding muscular output measured aerobic capacity, and the number of push ups and sit ups able to be completed in a given time. These studies don’t provide evidence indicating similar levels of max strength output in short durations of exertion, which is vitally important to the sports I am currently considering. Additionally, in both wrestling and sprinting, height allows an increase in ability to apply leverage. In wrestling, height allows you to engage at a longer distance, and to use moves that wouldn’t be possible for those with shorter limbs. Additionally, in wrestling the specific skeletal difference of hand size directly affects the ability to grip and control your opponent in certain grappling situations and positions. The counter argument I can think of here is that these are not big enough advantages statistically to necessitate restrictions on transwomen participating, but this is a point that won’t be enough to sway those who are looking at this anecdotally. All around, I think significantly more research needs to be done on the atheletic differences between ciswomen and transwomen to draw any meaningful conclusions about actual ability, but unfortunately we are having this debate now and transphobes aren’t going to wait until there is more evidence. I also don’t think some of the traditional arguments in favor of trans women’s participation in women’s sports are persuasive to people on the fence. The fact that there is significant variation between ciswomen’s natural athletic ability doesn’t preclude statistical variation between ciswomen and trans women’s athletic ability at similar percentiles of ability internal to their own group. While this statistical variation is refuted at causing outcome differences at elite levels, there aren’t studies I am aware of that show this at amateur levels. If there are please show them as that would be a pretty definitive refutation of this entire narrative, as I think publically recognized outrage is generally directed toward youth sports rather than elite levels of competition. Also, the argument about sports being inherently unfair doesn’t really make sense either as performance enhancing drugs are also illegal in the vast majority of sport organizations. I don’t believe at all that there are people transitioning to achieve success in sports, but this is a common talking point that is used as a gotcha against trans activists that I think is better to be not walked into. I also think that the claim that sports don’t matter enough to consider this at all seriously turns off people deeply invested in sports, of which there are many. A lot of people are passionately invested in sports, even going so far as to base their world view around them, so denigrating their hobbies as unimportant is only going to push them to the other side.

None of this matters to TERFs or other transphobes, but there are definitely a significant amount of otherwise nontransphobic people that are being swayed by this argument. Harm reduction and resistance to moving the Overton window is incredibly vital to protecting and increasing rights for all minorities, so I think it is always good to thoroughly analyze the situation from as many perspectives as possible, and to anticipate future talking points so as to be able to refute them as they come up. Please give your thoughts and feedback, and if there are any studies or statistics I haven’t considered please link.

Been fairly upset lately, wondering what I am, and the more I think about it, the more confused I am. I never had any typical flags of feeling like I wasn't male growing up except for having fantasies for a brief period of time about being changed into a girl, I was maybe 9-11 years old. I enjoyed spending time with both boys and girls but had more boy friends growing up. I enjoy dressing up quite a lot and feeling like I look or present feminine but grew up feeling like as a I boy I had to be that so I feel shame and fear now as an adult for dressing feminine outside my home. I also started watching porn sexualising trans women and forcing transition in my early teen years, which has me nearly convinced its porn addiction. No one knows I do since I am very private. Half of me thinks I just like to dress up, but part of me also wonders if I want to explore and enjoy more aspects of being a woman. Presenting feminine both excites me sexually but also just makes me happy when I'm alone in my room doing my hobbies or whatever. I never questioned my gender or anything since deep down I felt it ingrained the idea of I was a boy and should act like one and so never questioned it. But now that I am questioning it, I feel confused and upset the more thought I put into it.

This post will be about my transsex struggles, distrust of medical professionals and the health consequences of not receiving care for when I was younger.

Do not try to use my story to push non-transmed narratives, ideals or agenda. I am a Transmedicalist.

I am open to questions, though keep in mind if something is identifying or narrative-seeking I will decline.

ABOUT ME

I want to start this off by saying I'm a 15 year old FTM who lives in California. I was professionally diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria at 12 and have been experiencing symptoms of gender incongruence since I was 8yrs.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 14 years old. I think my Autism is the reason why I have Gender Dysphoria and cannot relate to women in barely any capacity, of course outside of common human adversity. I have various male typical interests and only had male friends growing up, and I still do as of now. I can only hold close relationships to women who are my teachers or family due to my lack of capable connection

WHAT LED ME TO DIY

After I was diagnosed with GD I never received any medical care, no puberty blockers, no hormone-treatment, no form of medical treatment that could've prevented me taking this DIY path. I believe my therapist did not give me treatment due to the high influx of kids de-transitioning. As I personally witnessed this, since I was the only trans kid that did not de-transition and had genuine gender dysphoria. I also think I'm the only trans person in my high school who is stealth and passes.

Due to the lack of treatment, I developed several medical conditions like panic attacks, depression, body dysphormia, daily-activity inhibiting anxiety and many insecurities. This could've been prevented if I was put on puberty blockers.

My therapist kept dragging me on for years claiming I had other mental health conditions that needed fixing first, whilst not acknowledging those were due to my gender dysphoria.

With no options but to either wait and watch my body slowly become more feminine or do it myself, and take the initiative my doctors weren't willing to do. Obviously, I chose the latter.

DIY CURRENTLY

I've been on HRT for 5 months and I previously attempted to when I was 14, but I got the wrong ester and that put me in a further mental turmoil. Though now, I am happier than ever and the things tied to my gender dysphoria like anxiety, depression and more have disappeared. Whereas my former doctors refused to believe these things were connected to my gender dysphoria...

Recently my depression and anxiety heightened when I realized my body has feminized too much. Even though I fully pass, my voice is deep, stronger than most boys and I am slightly past average male height. It still distraughts me that I couldn't have gotten the care necessary when I was younger to prevent me from having to go through this path to be happy and free from the things that made me cry myself to sleep night to night.

Every second to hour counts, and California trans healthcare has been ruined by the people who stripped the medical identity aspect of being a Transsexual.

DOCTOR DISTRUST

As of now, my case has been brought up to a doctoral board after I came clean to a doctor about my DIY usage when I had my first panic attack, since I thought I would be safe because of HIPAA. I was wrong, as he destroyed the confidentiality of the situation and reported my case to various Board Doctors and Lawyers and afterwards said he would notify my parents.

Thankfully he didn't notify them, as I knew my rights and informed him of the federal laws he would be breaking if he ruined the confidentiality of the situation. Especially if he knew my parents have a history of child abuse.

There is more information regarding this legal situation in the future but as of now, I decided to redact to protect privacy.

I am the product, the example, the consequence of doctors not treating gender-dysphoria seriously. I want to be a warning, I want non-transmeds to know this is what happens when you remove the med from trans.

I'm not sure if i use this term correctly, but i think i feel such a huge gender envy towards men. when i look at a cool guy, i wonder how it feels to wake up and see that face when i stare at the mirror. i wonder how it feels to look down and have his body. i also think about what i would do if i were him, how i would act, how i would treat people around me especially women. how easier it is to live with all the privileges. I'd be so kind and sweet. i usually feel this way for men who have long hair or feminine, or non-binary and androgynous people. currently I don't hate myself, i love being a feminine woman but also i can't stop feeling envious of men?

i felt this ever since i was young. i kept thinking about a boy because i really wanted to be him. so naturally, I tried to be close to him. but often, they seemed to be interested in me romantically. i responded to their flirtation because how could i reject them? this is the closest point I'll ever get to what i actually want. if i cannot be him, I'll settle with being with him. i tried this in the past but having a romantic situation with them doesn't make me happy, it always made me feel suffocated. i feel like when people see us together, I'm only an extension of him. being known as "that guy's girlfriend" sounds like a nightmare. in a very extreme case, i got so sick of envy that i wanted him dead. i want him gone so i could replace him instead, because i know that i can be him better than he is. because he's not fulfilling his potential, but i can, and i know what to do with what he has. so the closest thing i got was projecting and made him to do what i would do if i were him. it felt good but also prickles at my skin like a double sided blade.

i think that's also why i can't be in a relationship with men because i could never be happy because i know if i do, i am settling. settling is not a good base for a relationship. when i think that a guy is cute, i don't want to kiss, touch, or have sex with him and i also can't imagine us going on dates or marry or living together. so that's why i currently identify as a lesbian. although i am quite curious about what i actually feel about my gender, so i would really appreciate any answers for this, thank you!

So I've (31M) been questioning my gender most of my life, but I don't know if I'm trans it's because I'm neurodivergent, or my (potential) OCD. I've been a depressed, stress-bag seemingly forever. TOCD would match my symptoms but I'm not sure since this has been present for such a long time.

The seed was planted when my sister got me into crossdressing as a child but I was forbidden by my parents because "only girls can wear those clothes", so I decided I "wanted to become a girl". This thought has been on the back of my mind all my life. My questioning now gives me daily anxiety after stumbling onto an egg post last year about how feminization/forced feminization is a likely indicator of being trans.

I've experienced INTENSE euphoria twice as my assigned gender during this questioning period, one at being referred to with he/him pronouns and the other because I was looking very good after losing weight (masc-presenting). I shaved my legs but I didn't seem to like it very much? It felt weird. I've never had an interest in "bulking up" and being macho. I would prefer to be more petite wild mild curves to pull off feminine styles (something some guys already have).

I've never experienced this when wearing women's clothing, and I usually don't want to see myself in the mirror because I'm embarrassed when wearing them. But I REALLY like how women look, and I like their clothing a lot. I'm mad jealous they can wear what they like and look cute. Guy clothes are boring.

HRT sounds scary, depressing, and gives me intense anxiety, and I have no desire for boobs. Idk what it's going to do for me at my age anyway. Even if the physical aspects seem unappealing, should I "force" myself to try it to see if my brain chemistry prefers E and that's why I've been so depressed? I've noticed that my anxiety and intrusive thoughts seems to have triggers based on certain stimuli. Certain attractive women and femboys. Something about wide hips and small waist gets me confused if I'm envious or lustful. Can TOCD suddenly make you self-conscious of certain aspects of your body that you didn't think about before?

Ultimately if I'm cis, I'm still back to square one of being envious of how women can wear such cute things and how I will never be "allowed" to wear them. I want to wear what I like and feel cute in them, but I certainly don't have the body for it. I have a lot of other examples but this is already pretty long.

RAHHHH I don't know anymore *cries*

I'm a cis woman who firmly believes in the importance of trans rights, but I have certain family members who still have very outdated attitudes - not that trans people shouldn't exist, but more along the lines of 'we all have the same rights, they're not discriminated against' and 'the young generation are just obsessed with being "special"'...

This line of thinking is obviously flawed and harmful but I know from experience that just spouting statistics won't work. Does anyone have any educational or helpful resources they can share to help educate my family? I've tried googling but I've mostly only been able to find resources for parents of trans kids (these are somewhat helpful but not really what I'm looking for).

I’m a cis girl but recently i’ve noticed that a lot of guys(mostly celebrities/famous people) that i’ve had ‘crushes on’, i actually just want to be them?? Like, I thought I had a crush on Cillian Murphy but I actually just want to be a guy and look like him. But at the same time, I also enjoy being a girl and want to be a girl?? I wish I had like a separate male body that I could use so I could be a guy and also a girl at the same time. Does anyone else have experiences like this and know what it is?

I'm not talking about letting kids know about the existence of gay people/ letting kids know about the existence of transgender individuals and how we are all friends (or atleast should try to be, we are adults after all 🩷🏳️‍⚧️🤝🏳️‍🌈🤝🇺🇲🩷).

I am talking about the tough, uncomfortable, and simply not easy to talk about things such as gender affirming care that pertain to sex.

I'll be honest and blunt, I am butthurt about immature moderators and their lackeys, basically trying to bully me out of the site on this issue as of recently. I do not have children, though I plan on having ivf when i am much older and more financially stable, god wiling and I honestly am jealous of you trans parents, you guys are awesome :) >! TW SA I was also taken advantage of by someone on the internet when I was younger so this kind of thing is honestly making me lose sleep at this point. My parents did not accept me for being trans at the time either :(!<

I don't understand why r/asktransgender allow minors bellow 18 to be on a subreddit that allows NSFW posts to be posted (read their rules this is concerning!).

It frustrates me especially when they assume I have not been though trauma or assume I'm a transphobe, or that I am "gatekeeper of the youth"(wtf does that even mean?) or just straight up call me a pedo for asking these things -_-

So I figure you guys have the actual answer to this question. Sorry if I trauma dumped/brigadeered :/