Hi everyone!

I’m a teen who identifies as lesbian. My parents are pretty bad (homophobic but also like, other stuff) but I’m grateful to have a roof over my head and food to eat. Count your blessings, lol

I’d say you could ask me about anything and everything and I’d know what you’re talking about, but I’m really into learning languages, writing stories and poetry, and reading literature! Unrelated side note- I’m pretty big on football, strategy wise. I work as a statistician and offensive scout for my school’s team.

Oh, and by the way, you can call me Amara. Not my real name ofc (safety and all that), but it’s usable.

Thanks for letting me be here! :D

Hello, to all that might see this. I just thought that a mod should check in at least once every couple of years. 😂

So, here are some major updates with me. I finally retired officially after wandering around trying to decide what to do with myself. I went from wanting to learn to drive a Semi and go on the road (serious escape fantasies right there) to going back into the corporate construction world. Luckily, I came to my senses about the truck driver thing pretty fast, but I chased corporate gigs for about a year before it took a tole, and I gave up. Apparently, I’m too old, or overqualified, or too independent, whatever it was that nobody wanted. Also, I was drinking bad through that, never before interviews or anything like that but moments after.

As of today, I’m 500 days sober from alcohol! I’ve lost 130 pounds, gained a ton of self-respect, and feel better than I have in years.

I’m staying busy buying things from auctions and flipping them to make some extra money and keep me entertained. Up until October I had been doing a load of work on the property, Using the tractor to move earth around (makes me feel so macho 😊) and carve out a firepit, retaining walls, and gravel paths. That came to a sudden halt on October 14^(th) when I fell off a ladder while helping my neighbor and severely broke my right leg. Six days in three different hospitals, surgery, and physical therapy but, I should be walking and driving by February.

I’s been a struggle psychologically as much as physically. Being independent made having to rely on others for so many things tough, and then age hit, I haven’t been injured like this for twenty-five years or so and it isn’t the same. For about six months prior to the fall, I’d been getting out hiking, traveling or something a couple times a month if I could, to get away from the family. Well, to get away from people in general, I did learn that if my book is good enough, I can get pretty alone even on an airplane. I haven’t been alone for a couple months and no book is good enough right now, but it’s okay, it will pass, it will get better.

I’m healing and keep going, breathing deep, cleansing breaths and trying to remember to live with kindness.

The world of politics is another whole can of shit right now that is more than I can start getting into here and now. Just know that You are Loved, and people are organizing and readying to fight whatever might come. Stay safe, if you can’t be out where you are (that may soon be the entire US) now might be the time to get to a state or city that can offer some security, barring that maybe keep your head down. It’s not cowardice to stay safe, we need you here and healthy to fight when you can. Much love, my friends ♥

Hi! My name is Ash Moomaw (pronouns: they/them), and I am a first-year doctoral student in the counseling psychology program at Ball State University. As a member of the queer community, my general research has focused a lot on similar populations, which is a major reason for why I am helping to collect data for the study listed below. If you have a chance, I would really appreciate it if you gave it a look! You can be directed to the study via the recruitment letter below or through the following link: https://bsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3k3QXZnrXX3rCCy

Experiences of People in Polyamorous Relationships

IRBNet #1915558-1

Hello,

The Sexual Health, Identity, and Network Empowerment (SHINE) Lab at Ball State University (BSU) is currently recruiting participants for a study examining the experiences of individuals who have been in at least one polyamorous relationship. We would like to extend an invitation to anyone who meets the required criteria. We are looking for participants who:

1. Are age 18 or older

2. Currently identify as polyamorous

3. Are currently a part of at least one consensually polyamorous relationship

If you agree to participate, you will be asked questions about your romantic relationships with partners, and your beliefs about the function of those relationships. You may choose not to answer some questions, and you may also choose to stop participating at any time once you have begun. Your responses will not be linked to identifying information such as your IP address.

Completing this study should take no longer than 45 minutes. You will have an equal opportunity to receive one of forty (40) $25 Tango gift cards for your voluntary participation.

If you meet the criteria above and are interested in participating in this study, the survey may be accessed at https://bsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3k3QXZnrXX3rCCy.

Please do not hesitate to send an email with any questions you may have. I can be reached at atatum@bsu.edu. This study has been approved by the BSU IRB. [IRB Number 1915558-1]

Warmly,

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Alex Tatum, PhD

Assistant Professor, Department of Counseling Psychology, Social Psychology, and Counseling

Ball State University

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Ash Moomaw, MA

Doctoral Student

Ball State University

Basically 20M guy not out yada yada. It's kinda not fun anymore. At all. I hate it.

I feel like I can't really be myself around people. I am Bisexual 25 year old. I'm not out except to a few people. It makes me even more scared because I have had a few bad experiences telling people about my sexuality. I'm TERRIFIED to tell my family... I have one sister I am really close to but she has some very bad opinions about LGBTQ+ I don't know whats going to happen if I do come out. I have already lost one sister due to a massive family fight... I just feel alone.. I can't be my true self with people because I'm terrified the repercussions of being myself... do others feel this way? Am I just being over dramatic?

Apologies for cross-posting. Please see bottom of post for added links that may help to demonstrate this project's credibility!

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TL;DR: Participate in an online guided writing study to advance free and evidence-based therapeutic tools for trans communities & earn $20 for yourself or a trans/nb NGO.

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Hi there! My name is Lindsey White (they/them) and I am a nonbinary therapist, long time reddit lurker, and 6th year PhD student in Counseling Psychology at UMass Boston. With my colleague Dr. Heidi Levitt we have developed the Transphobia Healing Project! Our team targets translating evidence-based therapy tactics into at-home exercises in order to reach low-resourced communities, or folks who don’t readily have access to affirming therapists.

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We are seeking participants to engage in three 15-minute-long online expressive writing exercises that contain prompts to help guide them as they reflect on a distressing experience related to their gender. Pre and post surveys are used to measure changes in mental health, and a follow-up survey to see if changes sustain after a month.

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Financial Compensation: We are committed to providing direct financial support to trans/nb communities through our research. Participants have 2 payment options: 1) Choose an org that serves trans communities and WE will make a $20 to that org on your behalf (see list of orgs below), or 2) Receive a $20 Amazon gift card via email.

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Here's a snapshot of how the THP will work:

1. 2-minute screening call – verify you meet study criteria & we can answer any of your questions (Criteria: over 18, live in US, gender identity, not currently in crisis)
2. Pre-study survey
3. Writing exercise 1
4. Writing exercise 2
5. Writing exercise 3 + post-study survey
6. 1-month follow-up survey + $20 pay-out in your preferred method

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*Click the link here to get started on the project or to learn more about THP*

https://umassboston.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_0v0DbXaVyhSRQjk

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Organizations on our Donation List:

• Trans Lifeline
• Black Trans Femmes in the Arts
• Trans Women of Color Collective
• Transgender Law Center – Black LGBTQIA+ Migrant Project (BLMP)
• Transgender Legal, Defense & Education Fund
• Queer Detainee Empowerment Project

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Research Team

• Project Manager: Lindsey White, EdM, MA (they/them) (me!)
• Principal Investigator: Heidi Levitt, PhD (UMB faculty page; Google Scholar profile)
• Research team's webpage - learn more about our team, and view a bibliography of completed projects and recent publications
• UMass Boston IRB: irb@umb.edu (Approval Number: 2013091)
• Project Email: UMBStudySchedule@gmail.com

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__________________________________________________________________________________________

A note to our trans & nonbinary community members:

In my experience working with LGBTQIA+ folks in research, I know that many of our community members are understandably on guard against malicious people who harm us and our loved ones This is especially strong in our trans, nonbinary, and gender diverse communities (and, of course, in online spaces). To folks who feel concerned about a post like this, I wanted to say thank you for looking out and wanting to protect our communities. To help put folks at ease, I wanted to provide a few more links that may help to demonstrate a credible online professional presence, and a history of engagement in research in service of LGBTQIA+ communities.

1. This is a study that Dr. Levitt, myself and colleagues have published on challenges some LGBTQIA+ folks have encountered while trying to become parents. It was cited in an amicus brief submitted to the U.S. Supreme Court to defend foster care non-discrimination.
2. This is THP's "sister study" from our research team, which was developed for people with minority sexual identities.
3. You can see some of our faces in our webpage bios.
4. Finally, if you are more comfortable reaching out to an official "umb.edu" email address, you are welcome to email myself (Lindsey.White001@umb.edu), Dr. Levitt (Heidi.Levit@umb.edu), or the UMass Boston IRB (irb@umb.edu) directly with any questions or concerns.

Confidentiality, Data, & Ethics: The questionnaires you complete and the writing exercises you complete are the data that will be collected for analysis in this study. This data will help us to learn how these exercises function and how helpful they are for experiences of transphobia. Any confidential information you share will be kept confidential within the research team. That is, the information gathered for this project will not be published, shared, or presented in a way that would allow anyone else to identify you. The data collected in this study will be kept in confidence within the limits allowed by law. Psychologists have an obligation to report active threats of harming oneself or others (so please do not participate if you are actively in crisis, but instead we encourage you to call Trans Lifeline 877-565-8860) . No identifying information (e.g., names, addresses) will be recorded on your writing exercises or surveys and if you include identifying information in your writing exercises it will be deleted from our records. Your email address will be known only by the lead investigator of this project and graduate students trained in research ethics and confidentiality who are helping to schedule screening and send email reminders. All identifying records of your identification (e.g., email address) will be destroyed within one year of your completing your participation in this project.

hey guys! idk if anyone will see this, but i really wanted to ask for some advice on coming out to my parents.

my parents are relatively accepting, perhaps a bit awkward/uncomfortable talking about the LGBTQ+ community, but overall they’re pretty good.

i know that i’d be safe coming out to them, so i’m not concerned with being kicked out/disowned (thankfully), but i just don’t know how to organically bring it up without it being painfully awkward. i’m also worried that i’d tell them and they’d never discuss it with me, or pretend that i’m not gay.

i don’t know if many others can relate, but my parents are quite awkward/uncomfortable around the subject of dating/relationships/sex as a whole, so a big part of why i’m nervous to come out to them is having to discuss my sexuality and have them think of me differently if that makes sense.

my parents never even bring up things like ‘anY bOyS aT sChoOL?’ where i could use that as a segue

another thing is that i’m sure my parents have SOME idea that i’m not straight, for example the other day my dad referred to villanelle from killing eve as my ‘girlfriend’ before i sensed an uncomfy glance at my mum and he corrected himself to ‘bestie’ LMAO

if anyone has any tips on the following i would be SOOOO grateful to hear them:

1. what to say to actually come out (i’m a lesbian btw)
2. how to have as little awkwardness as possible
3. how to make them feel comfortable enough to discuss it with me/be more open about it as a family

Just a month ago I met a girl for the first time and I have always been with men I am 23. I really fell for this girl but she's playing me and I need to move on but it's hard. I feel lonely and now I don't even kn my sexuality anymore. I don't kn if I'm straight bi lesbian or if I want be non binary. It's really confusing and I feel like I've lost people I can talk to about it now. I can't ever tell my parents. I'm just looking for good advice. I don't even know if I like girls or boys or both or neither anymore.

Does anyone know of some good websites I can find or people I can talk to online to help with these questions?

I always think I'm going to die alone but... I don't want to die alone... I don't want to die without first feeling the embrace of someone who really loves me romantically...

PS: June 20th is my 18th birthday, and I think I'm going to wish to meet the people of my dreams, my prince charming, again (the same wish from my last birthday)... Do you guys think it's such a waste of a birthday wish?

Covid lockdown has been a wild ride. I’m 27M (assigned male at birth), married to a wonderful (cis) woman who I’ve been with since high school. I have always self-identified and presented as a man my entire life. From the outside, things probably look about as “ideal” and “normal” as they can be, as far as societal norms go. We both have solid careers going, we have a house, we have a baby on the way, we’re about as fortunate and privileged as you can be at our age and I feel so lucky to be where I am in life with her by my side. I wanted to lay out this background because my story deals with societal norms and expectations, and I think this background context is an important part of where I’m coming from. Now, I want to write out a sort of journey I’ve recently undergone on a much more internal level, so here goes:

Starting a few years ago, I started to develop certain kinks that maybe hinted at some suppressed urges I had, but they were overall relatively tame and I didn’t really think too much about them when I wasn’t actively engaging in these kinks. (Really this was just limited to some light cross-dressing, wearing panties, and experimenting with penetration). I would always do these things in private, not involving my wife, because I felt ashamed and embarrassed. I had to literally force myself to admit to my wife that I ordered myself a toy because I figured she’d likely see the credit card bill or find it eventually. It was so hard to admit it to her but I eventually did, and she was very neutral about it. Very much a “do what you want, I don’t care” kind of vibe.

My wife and I have an incredible sex life, but as I’m sure is true of most relationships, there are some challenges that we’re working through together. She has a good deal of anxiety when it comes to initiating sex, and puts pressure on herself to perform, no matter how much I tell her I just want her to feel comfortable and that I crave intimacy, not sexual gratification. When we do break through that initial barrier, our sex is passionate and incredible. I would definitely call it somewhat “vanilla” in the grand scheme of things, but it feels really good, and we connect with each other emotionally in a way that I know I absolutely crave. Like, in the heat of the moment, I almost start to disassociate from myself, and instead start feeling like she and I are merging into one. It’s really hard to describe, but I absolutely love it, and I’m mentioning it here because I want to refer back to it a little later on.

Now, let me change gears to my more private, personal sexuality. My wife works long night shifts, which means that for a couple days of the week, she’s at work when I’m at home alone for a good 6-8 hours before I go to sleep. On some occasions, I take advantage of this alone time to really engage in what I’d call an “altered sexuality”. I feel differently about myself when I put on my wife’s lingerie than when I do when she is around. I still identify as the same person, with the same personality, but there’s a freedom to do what I want with no judgement that is thrilling. This thrill is very tightly coupled with arousal, which is why I’m describing this as an “altered sexuality” specifically. When I “finish up”, without getting too graphic, I put the lingerie away, I put on my normal clothes, I go back to my usual activities and way of thinking and feeling. I liked that it could be discrete, that I could hide all of the evidence before my wife got home, and nobody had to know about this embarrassing part of my sexuality.

So this pattern continued over the course of several years. With covid, the frequency increased, since I’m all locked down and working from home, but my wife is an essential worker who is still going out for her night shift job several times a week. Over the last week or so, the intensity of this sexuality felt like it increased, or maybe I was paying more attention to it, or letting it be more free or something. One evening about a week ago, while my wife was at work, I had a sudden, crazy idea - “what if I just shaved my legs?”. After all, it’s covid, nobody is going to see my uncovered legs for weeks, it sounds really exciting, why shouldn’t I? I knew I obviously couldn’t hide such a thing from my wife, so I texted her and said something along the lines of “for some reason, I want to try shaving my legs, I don’t know why but I think I’m gonna do it”.

Her response was basically what I expected - similar to when I told her about ordering myself that toy, she basically said “ok, do whatever you want, doesn’t bother me”. So, I did it. As soon as I started, I felt the same kind of thrill that I felt the very first time I ever put on panties. It was this incredible sexual excitement and arousal. This felt like the next level of this ‘altered sexuality’ pattern that I’ve been engaging in. The only difference was that this time, I couldn’t hide all of the evidence when I was done. I couldn’t just put everything away and go back to my “normal self”, because my legs were still shaved! I had to live with them, and the crazy thing was, I liked that idea.

I started to look at and appreciate my legs in a non-sexual context. I liked how they looked and felt, not because it made me feel naughty and sexual, but because it made me feel like me, and I could actually look at part of my body and be proud of how it looked. This definitely felt like a revelation of sorts, but it was also scary too. I didn’t know what this was. Could I still call myself and think of myself as a man if I preferred my legs to be smooth and silky? What would my friends and family think of me if they found out I did this and liked it? I decided I had to do some research on reddit, since that’s what I’m often inclined to do when I want to know more about something new.

Now, I’m still not really sure if going to reddit right away was a good idea. I stumbled across subreddits like this one and was seeing an entire world of people, terms, and ideas that I didn’t understand. I’ve always identified as an “ally”, I’ve always tried very hard to stay educated and accepting of all types of people, but I admit I wasn’t aware that there was so much variety and terminology. I really wanted to find a ‘diagnosis’ for what I was going through. I came across some post or description of the term “genderfluid” and thought that maybe that’s what I was dealing with. After all, the word itself sounded like it could fit since I was sort of sliding into femininity with shaving my legs. But, after deciding that maybe I was genderfluid, I read another post that described genderfluid people as non-cis, and that if you aren’t cis, then you’re trans, by definition.

To be fully honest, this kinda terrified me. I don’t want to be trans, it doesn’t feel right to think of myself in that way. I think trans people are incredible, I think they’re some of the bravest, most courageous people on this planet, but I can’t think of myself in that group, or with that label. I know about other trans people who have described the trans experience, and I just don’t connect with what they’ve described at all. I don’t suffer from dysphoria, I’ve never wanted different pronouns or a different name than the masculine ones I use today, I don’t want to be a wife instead of a husband -- I am excited to be a father and a dad. But, I’m such a sucker for definitions and diagnosis that I thought “well shit, if liking my shaved legs makes me genderfluid, and being genderfluid makes me trans, then I guess that’s what I am even if it feels wrong to think of myself in that way”.

Another day or two went by and I was still grappling with this stuff in my mind. My wife, meanwhile, knew about the shaven legs, seemed totally fine with it, if not super excited by it. I started to work on a letter, in the mornings when she was still sleeping, because I knew that no matter what I was going through, I wanted to find a way to tell her. I wanted her help in figuring out what this was. So I worked on this letter over two different mornings, basically going over everything in this post so far, including my self-diagnosis of being genderfluid and the fact that this might mean I’m trans, even if I didn’t want to be.

My wife went to work another night shift. I distracted myself from the internal gender identity crisis I was going through by letting myself fall into that ‘altered sexuality’ mindset again. Instead of worrying about labels and diagnosis, I was once again focused on loving my body and the thrill of my new legs. I reshaved them to get rid of the stubble, and felt a sudden urge to paint my toenails. I decided to just do it, throwing caution to the wind. When I was finished, I of course loved how my feet looked, they looked pretty and sexy to me, and since I’m so unaccustomed to thinking of myself as being ‘attractive’ at all, this felt like even more evidence that yep, I guess I really am genderfluid. So, while my wife was at work, I sent her the letter, telling her that if she had some downtime, I wanted her to read it and let me know what she thought.

I think the letter kind of scared her. My usage of the label ‘trans’ in the letter definitely made her uncomfortable, and I think she interpreted the letter as evidence that I might want to become a woman at some point in the future. She said that she was confused and couldn’t really tell what I wanted. She told me she was really worried that I would someday want to change myself with hormones, or change my body with implants, or change my voice, and that idea made her afraid, I think because doing those things would change who I am to her and of course that’s a scary idea. She wants to be in love with me for the rest of my life, she knows that she is in love with who I am right now, but what if she fell out of love if I completely changed as a person? I totally get it, and I know I’d grapple with the same type of struggle if the roles were reversed and she decided she wanted to transition to being a man.

Anyways, her overall reaction to the letter definitely gave me a confusing mixture of feelings. On one hand, she seemed totally fine with me having a “feminine side”. She was excited to help me paint my nails, or try different hairstyles, or eventually do some ‘girly things’ together after covid like a spa day. That part of her reaction is awesome, and validating, and great.

But on the other hand, she was definitely hung up about my self-diagnosis of genderfluid. I don’t know if she fully believes me when I say that I don’t want to become a woman, possibly because I was “okay” with using the term “trans” in my letter even if I didn’t feel that I can identify with it.

I think the part that makes me feel a little bit bad about her reaction to my “coming out” letter is that now I have this lingering feeling, like, ok she might accept me for who I am today, but what if she ends up being right? What if 10 years from now I decide that I do need to transition or something? And what if I were to do that and she wasn’t able to completely accept me? I think she would try her absolute hardest but at the end of the day, it would be such a massive change in both of our lives that I wouldn’t blame her for not being able to do it. I try to tell myself that this is a silly line of thought though, that I shouldn’t worry about a version of myself that doesn’t currently exist. But it’s hard to completely ignore that tiny bit of worry.

I think this is maybe a problem with trying to grab labels, terms, and definitions as diagnoses, especially so early into the process of questioning who or what you are. I’m not as educated as I can be on these issues, and neither is my wife. I feel like I had enough knowledge and awareness of gender issues to support that community as a cis straight man, but now that I’m questioning my cis-ness (and to be honest, also my straightness), it feels pretty overwhelming to try to find a label that matches my mindset, especially when that mindset is evolving and changing day by day.

So anyways, back to the story: The next day, while my wife was asleep, I did a bit more reading, and came across a term I hadn’t seen before. This term was “gender non-conforming”, and it immediately resonated with me, I think because it seemed to describe actions instead of identity. Me shaving my legs is 100% a non-conforming action to take as a cis-man, and I know that I liked taking that action. I knew that I wanted to do more things that are non-conforming in the future, with my wife, and it felt right to want those things. I feel like identifying with this label gave me the freedom to want these new things without changing who I am fundamentally. I think this is what I thought gender fluidity was, but now that I have some understanding of both labels, I like ‘gender non-conforming’ a lot more.

It also gives me a feeling of empowerment: gender roles suck, I’ve always thought so (and so does my wife). By refusing to conform with some traditional aspects of masculinity, I’m demonstrating my displeasure with these societal roles, and I like how that feels.

When my wife woke up, we talked a lot more, and I think this conversation made us both feel better. I showed her what I read about “gender non-conforming”, and she agreed that that term made her feel more comfortable too. At the very least, it gives me something to think about myself that doesn’t scare me or my wife at all, which creates the freedom I need to explore this more.

We had sex that night, and it was incredible to get to feel open about myself. I took on a more submissive role than I ever have before, I unashamedly rubbed my smooth legs against hers, and kept thinking about how sexy my feet looked. It was incredible, and I also realized that the entire time, I wasn’t worried about whether I was having sex as a ‘man’ or as a ‘woman’. I was having sex as myself, fully and without any filter. If my body wanted to assume a submissive, feminine pose, I let it. If my body wanted to moan or make noises, I let it. If I wanted to grab her and switch to a more masculine position, I did so. It was a freedom I had only ever felt in my private, ‘altered sexuality’ sessions, but this time it was with the person I love and I wasn’t ashamed at all.

Remember way earlier when I mentioned feeling like my wife and I were almost merging into one entity when our sex was really good? In a way, I almost feel like this is happening on a broader, more permanent level. By freeing myself of all worry about my role and expectation based on my gender, it feels like I’m closer to her now than I ever have been, both sexually and non-sexually.

For example, since shaving my legs, I’ve started to dislike a lot of my super masculine boxer-style underwear, and I asked my wife to help me shop for some new ones. I found a website that sells underwear purely by style and not by men/women categories, and it was such a great feeling to shop with my wife in a completely genderless mindset. We ended up each getting something with the same style (just different sizes), and it was somehow such a good feeling that she and I weren’t categorizing ourselves differently. I also picked out a thong for myself and just the fact that she was sitting there with me, helping me pick it out was so reassuring and affirming.

I’ve learned so much about myself over the last week, and I know that I still have more self-discovery ahead of me. I wanted to share this because writing it all out helps me reflect on it, but also because I think there’s something to be said for the danger of reaching for labels and diagnosis, especially so early into a ‘questioning’ phase. When I finally let go of finding the perfect label or perfect term, and just focused on doing what I want to do, regardless of what that might define me as, I started finally feeling happy and able to share my full self with my wife.

Some day, I think it’d be awesome if I could build up the courage to show off this feminine side of me more publicly. But for now, especially when this is so new and different, I’m perfectly content to just be myself around my wife. I love her so much and I’m so glad I opened up to her. If you made it all the way through this, wow, thank you so much for taking the time to read about my experience.

And while letting go of labels and terms was helpful for me to keep exploring myself, if I said anything that is incorrect, or problematic in any way, especially about the terms and labels I described, please let me know! (Especially if I accidentally said anything that could be transphobic). I’m always looking to broaden my understanding of myself and other people. If anyone reads this story and feels like there actually is a term that fits very close to what I’ve described, I definitely would love to hear it. If anything, knowing which topics and labels I should read more about will only improve my understanding, as long as I’m not so eager to immediately apply them to myself. In general, I still feel like I’m actively “questioning” who I am, so if you feel like you have some insight after reading this, please do share it. Thank you so much!

Hello from Indiana. New here..hope all had a great Thanksgiving

Hey all I’m Adrian. I’m 23 and FTM transgender. Im from Ohio I’m 420 friendly I’m also the the nicest dudes haha I actually am too nice n it kicks my ass sometimes. I love gaming music anything outdoors. Anyone need friends? I do lol.

I am a researcher at Western Carolina University studying the impact of coming out experiences in the lives of LGBTQ+ individuals, and how it relates to their wellbeing, thoughts, and attitudes. I am interested in both positive and negative experiences. If you would like to answer questions about your own coming out, please follow the link below for more information and the survey questions. Some experiences may be difficult to discuss. The survey takes about 45 minutes. If you have any questions about this study, please contract Dr. David Solomon at dsolomon@wcu.edu

https://wcu.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6R21JLuBK8FJdel

Link's only active for a week because I'm cheap and MegaUpload went under, so get 'er while she's hot: https://we.tl/t-KvS9nPL4ib

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I'll be totally honest, this track doesn't really display my bottom end super well. It also doesn't have any post on it besides a little reverb; it's a work song/shanty so in its finished form it'll have some dragging chains for percussion, but that's about all she'll get besides this. Over Xmas I want to do something that takes better advantage of my bass range; I'm thinking the Song of the Volga Boatmen, or perhaps a standard that's been dropped a few semitones. Fuck, maybe O Holy Night, since I properly learned the lyrics last year.

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Anyways, long and short of it, here's where my voice has settled out for a comfortable range. Enjoy.

SO. A lot has happened over the last couple years, and I feel like y'all should know.

The biggest change is not transition related at all. My family got a puppy. Her name is Beverly; she's half Border Collie, half German Shepherd, but you wouldn't know it besides her ears. Her size, coloration, and mannerisms are 100% collie, the only place the Shep shows up is in her ears. She's an absolute demon dressed as a dog, but God I love her.

My beard is slowly but surely coming in, much to Beverly's delight—she loves licking beards, the little pervert. My sideburns and neck beard are fairly full; everything that grows there is dark and long (mostly long). The only holdout is my 'stache, which grows short and blonde with a couple aberrant hairs that grow to a proper mustachely length. My cheeks show signs of coming around to my way of thinking, but they're taking their sweet time.

The biggest improvement is in my voice. Before I started on T, I was technically a countertenor because I could fry the low notes and I didn't have the upper end for a contralto. I know I said I'd post voice progress, but I have a track in production right now that I will actually post when it's done, and y'all can hold me to that. I'm taking voice lessons this summer, and it turns out I'm not a baritone at all, like I thought I was when my voice first settled out—I'm actually a basso profondo, the literal lowest voice type that anybody cares to classify. Don't mistake me, I'm not a Russian bass like Kharitonov or Chaliapin, but I can hit a B1 which is already outrageous. Only 10% of male voices hit bass range at all, and profondos by most estimates make up 2 or 3 percent of vocalists (so yes, trans fellas, you absolutely can get this low! I'm one of you!). I only found out I could get this low a couple weeks into lessons, and I found out I had almost a whole octave I didn't think I had, so work your voices fellas, it might surprise you.

Other than those admittedly wonderful developments, it's been fairly normal—I'm studying brewing at uni now, so I've put on some weight (surprise! Beer is really calorie dense!), and I've built some muscle through my summer job and also, paradoxically, being in a brewery (surprise! 50 litre kegs weigh almost 18 kg empty, so full they're nearly 70 kg!). I also bought a really beautiful guitar recently; if you want details I can send them to you, but suffice it to say for now that I paid 220 for a guitar that'd be nearly 2400 to build today.

So that's where I am, in a long nutshell.

What has everyone been up to? I think the last time I posted, I had just gotten my dream job. Well, it turned into a nightmare pretty quickly and ended with me learning about whistleblower stress first hand. That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through.

Last July I closed down my private practice. My boys are grown now and doing their own. I’m proud of both of them.

I think of you guys often. Things are starting to settle into a groove again. So, let’s catch up.

Hey there writers and poets of /r/outhere,

I'm from a writers' resource website called Winning Writers. Part of our mission is to find and promote voices and themes underrepresented in publishing, including (but of course not limited to) racial, cultural, national, religious, gender/sexual identity, body positive, neurodiverse, and [dis]abled. We are interested primarily in the representation of the voices/themes in the poetry, rather than the identity of the writer. At this time of year we're offering two contests:

The Tom Howard/John H. Reid Fiction and Essay Contest, with two first prizes of $2000 each, ten honorable mentions receiving $100 each, and the top twelve entries published online. The contest is international. The deadline is April 30.

The Wergle Flomp Humor Poetry Contest, with a first prize of $1000, a second prize of $250, and ten honorable mentions of $100 each. The top twelve entries will be published online. The contest is international and the deadline is April 1.

Since I started doing outreach on Reddit last year we've received hundreds more entries featuring diverse characters and voices. We're working hard to increase the diversity of our entry pool and give good writers the exposure they deserve. I know /r/outhere isn't technically a "writers' subreddit," but in the past some of our strongest entries have come from subs like this one, which ostensibly have nothing to do with writing. So, if you are a writer, please consider entering our contests. And if you know any writers, please consider passing this information on to them. Thanks for reading, and all the best.

I feel really sure for the first time that I’m a lesbian, and now I feel stupid for not realizing sooner.

I thought that I was maybe bi, and that I could ignore my same-sex attraction and play straight forever. Or sometimes I convinced myself that the whole concept of sexual orientation was a modern invention and not real.

I honestly thought that all straight women just put up with sex and faked attraction to men, in order to seem cool and sexually empowered.

I thought all straight women must be at least a little attracted to other women. How could they not be, right?

In retrospect, my habit of fantasizing exclusively about women should have been a tip-off. Also my complete immunity to the powers of Channing Tatum and the like. Also the fact that as soon as I get in a relationship with a man, I start dreaming about how I can get out of it and be with a woman.

So I just want to tell you all, since I can’t IRL...

I’m gay.

So so gay.

GAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY GAY GAY GAY

That felt good. Thanks for reading.

Hi guys, I haven't been here in a very long time, and for years I wasn't even on reddit. I had this great girlfriend who took a lot of my time. Now, we have had to break up. Today, I had an awful day because I heard people who don't know anything about my hard past and my constant exhausting difficult present bitching because I got too excited about a possible success. I shouldn't have run my mouth. I know they're struggling with their college transitions. But they're young, and struggling with their clear trajectory in school, on their way up and I share everything I can. I am 37, and I have lost my home, pets, and job to my disability twice. And my girlfriend would have been there to understand, but she's gone now. Because I couldn't stay in our long distance relationship and try to pursue my goals. It's very frustrating because I have an invisible illness (bipolar with pronounced psychotic features). And the meds and the constant filtering of the nightmare reality I live in (is there a camera in my wall? Is that a serial killer in the corner? Are the people at Target actually bears?) is incredibly tiring. I hear them saying I do nothing, I pay for nothing (hilarious, I have only happened to be okay on money since they this August, after I had just gotten out of the hospital)... I am convinced they're reading this now as I type. And I filter that and remind myself I am not that interesting even if people indulge in a little kitchen smack talk. But you know, I really need a hug. I feel alone and like a jerk and a lunatic. And all because I had good news.... Ugh. I wouldn't be able to expend the energy to succeed if I hadn't broken up with my girlfriend, and we both knew it was the way it had to go because of our distance. But am I just going to be completely alone and misunderstood always now?

Well that's a mess of self pity. I will get it together. I am really sorry to come and do this out of nowhere.

tl/dr: Honestly I just need a hug.

May this year bring you supportive people, and all the good changes that you need. I know 2018 was really hard on a lot of folks, so if you're one of them, thank you for seeing it through.

I won't try to convince you that it will all get better immediately. But we survived the past year, and we can survive another. I'm going to continue to try posting regularly, to maybe revive this sub, and I'd love it if you could tell me what you look for so we can offer more of it.

Do you have new year's resolutions? I don't make them, but I will wish this for all of us- may it, and we, be lighter and happier and more ourselves than ever.

Meant to post this yesterday, but I'm here now. For all of you, whether you have family whom you can be your genuine self with or not, I want you to know that you're valued, treasured, and important. You matter. I hope you can find welcoming, accepting people to spend the holidays with, and if not, you're always welcome here. Feel free to talk about your hopes and dreams and needs and life.

And just as a reminder, the days WILL get longer and brighter. It does get better. We can make it, together.

There are a lot of places in the country where there are ballot questions affecting us. I know in MA they're voting on whether to repeal transgender protections. I just want to let you know that you've got someone on your side, and that whatever/whoever you vote for, you matter!

Thank you for taking part in the democratic process!

Hello, my name is Lauren and I am a bisexual woman, studying Psychology at the University of the West of England (UWE) in Bristol (UK). I am posting this to invite you to take part in my undergraduate research project. For my dissertation I am looking at LGBTQ+ young adult’s experiences of Sex and Relationship Education in the UK. You are eligible to take part in this survey if you are between 18 and 25, identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or any other non-heterosexual/ non-binary identity, and have had Sex and Relationship Education in the UK. There is more information on the link below. I would be grateful if some of you are happy to take part 😊 Link to survey: https://uwe.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_egnfWMuOJjSBX2B

I grew up in a traditional Catholic family. As a teen, I was always attracted to women but would shy away from it and deny it. I was a serial dater, "falling" for men constantly but there was always something missing. Everytime I would go into a women's locker room or around women I knew were gay, I would either get super horny and try not checking every woman out in the locker room or would act like a bumbling idiot trying not to make a fool of myself. My husband came out to me 3 years ago that he was bi. I did not know how to take it other than being shocked. I love my husband so much, he is my best friend and the most amazing father I could have asked for our children. This feeling, this desire, the need I have to be with a woman, I can no longer surpress. I do not want to divorce him, I do not want to break up our family but I do not know what else to do. When we talk about fantasies, I become so embarassed and try to change the subject. He no longer talks about his bisexuality with me and I know that is my fault. I need to open that line of communication with him, I know. I felt ashamed for years but after last night, it hit me like a brick wall that I am not living my truth. We get one life, why not be happy and experience things you never experienced? How the hell do I do this? How the hell do I tell my husband? My family? My in-laws? I don't know how to come out, I don't know what even to say to him. Help!