My daughter is 12 years old, going into 7th grade. She has never given us any indication that she wasn’t straight. Last summer she started “going out with” a boy in her theater company. It ended kind of badly, as many young relationships do. She said she wasn’t ready for a boyfriend and he was coming on too strong. They are no longer friends and there is definitely bad blood. Shortly after that, which also coincided with the beginning of 6th grade? she began to change her clothing style away from feminine to more baggy, loose, browns/neutrals. This was a shock because she has always been very flashy and bold with her clothing choices. She began saying that she was pan or omnisexual and in January, cut very short her long hair that she had spent years growing. She immersed herself in books and television shows with LGBTQ+ protagonists and has fully embraced an identity as a gender fluid individual, more often leaning masculine than feminine.

We are doing our best to go with the flow and have supported her in these changes. My instinct says this isn’t who she really is but 1) saying that to her would be hurtful and damaging and 2) I was raised very conservative/evangelical so I never fully trust my gut reaction on stuff like this. Having said that, I am used to hearing stories about kids whose parents “just knew”. For us, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Our entire family is puzzled and I’ve been wondering if anyone else feels the same way. It’s a hard line to walk and I feel like anytime it try to talk to her about it, it comes out wrong and she receives it as me not being supportive or that I’m being homophobic.

Curious if anyone else has been through this and has any suggestions on ways to talk about it. We will love and support her no matter what but it also sort of feels like she jumped on a bandwagon rather than discovered this truth about herself.

Thanks -

Today is the first Father's Day since the rift between my dad and I over my child's gender fluidity. We're "talking" but I'm nervous about seeing him later this summer.

Hugs and support for anyone else who's feeling the strain of their paternal relationship today.

My kiddo "graduated" from Elementary School last night. We're all a little disappointed that their certificate has their legal name rather than their chosen one, but have taken it in stride. They did get announced by their preferred name.

My child was the first one to be out at their school with gender differences. Everyone has been SO KIND. We were really nervous, but the year has gone splendidly. Granted a lot of the kids never got the hang of using they/them pronouns and some kids outside of their class who knew them before still use their old name. But considering how things could have gone, we're thrilled.

Apparently, they've been a bit of an inspiration as well. Yesterday, a girl who only knows my child in passing, handmade a Pride gift for them! And, I've noticed a good handful of other kids at the school dressing in more gender fluid ways after my child started doing so.

Every year we kind of hold our breath and wonder whether this is the year when the kids get mean and the bullying starts. Middle School was a horrible time for me (and most of us) so that's scary. But, I'm actually daring to feel optimistic about the future thanks to these kids!

I've been wanting to get some self-defense classes for my child for a long time and it seems even more important now that they're out as LGBTQ. But, I just can't seem to find anything that appeals. Most of what I can find are martial arts classes that put emphasis on discipline and respect. That just makes me feel icky. I hate authoritarianism and I do not see my kid responding well to it either.

My child is terrified to even speak aloud to most adults. I don't want them in a class with yelling and forced respect. I'm pretty much at the point of giving up on getting them taught anything and hoping for the best.

Unless, anyone here has something worthwhile to suggest?

Kiddo (age 11) and I are hoping to attend Pride for the first time this year. Any advice?

I'm hoping to attend with folks from church who know the ropes, but I'm not sure yet. I've got plenty of time to figure it out since the local even isn't until late July for some reason.

Hey. I have a 13 year old lesbian daughter. I am trying to help her navigate into the dating world. We regularly discuss her crushes. But I don’t know how to give advise on her crushes. I will ask her if she knows if they are into guys or girls and she usually doesn’t know. Then she will say- I won’t tell them till I know what their sexuality is.

Is she supposed to assume that most girls her age are into guys unless they tell her otherwise? All I’ve said is, I really don’t know how to help with this. If I knew the girl you were crushing on was also into girls, I could help. But I don’t know how to make that initial move.

She will be going into high school next year and she says she plans on joining their pride group. I have said that would be a good place to meet others. I don’t want to mess this up for her. Any help Would be greatly appreciated. Or stories of how you got into the dating world.

Thanks!

https://uoflcik.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eXmNOKUbQPAQDMq

To be eligible, you must

• Identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or queer
• Be 18 years or older
• Have not been vaccinated for COVID-19
• Have internet access and a computer or table with a microphone and camera
• Complete a questionnaire and participate in a 1 hour online interview

$40 Amazon gift card for your time!

Extra special hugs to all the moms who are putting their all into supporting their kiddos -- whether it came completely naturally or if you had to struggle to readdress some personal beliefs.

Also shout out to all of us extending that matenal support to the community at large and those of us who might be struggling with our own parents and extended family over LGBTQ+ and other issues.

Just joined this Reddit community. (Just found out yesterday). Still processing. Would love to ask a question but just curious to know if there are any Christian parents here. While I appreciate and respect any and all opinions/feedback I get, a Christian point of view is where I come from, and so am particularly interested in hearing from others as well. (FYI, I am not from the "pray the gay away" camp, and I don't identify with conservative Christian politics or rhetoric).

If you read this far, thanks for listening...

My 13 yr old beautiful boy has been getting sexually harassed by a group of boys in his PE class. I’ve reported it to the school and they aren’t doing everything they can to make school a safe environment for him if he identifies who these boys are. I feel helpless and don’t know what to do. To see my son go through what he is going thru breaks my heart and I feel like I’ve failed him. He’s been able to sit in the counselors office this week for his 2nd period PE class until the principal can get guidance from the district. I was told today that he will have to go back to attending PE again next week. When I told my son, he broke down in tears. I don’t know what to do. Why does he have to suffer for wanting to be himself??

Not a big story, but did cause smiles. My 15 y/o is FTM and started T a short while ago. He was getting a hair cut the other day and the guy cutting his hair, automatically shaved the few side burn hairs that are coming in. My son said if felt good.

Hi All, just wanted to introduce myself. I'm a single mom and have two sons. The youngest came out as pansexual at 14 and he's been very open with me about it so far. We haven't had any issues, from my perspective, but I am sure that day will come. I am glad to see this group is here to ask questions if needed.

Does anyone know whether any of the laws criminalizing gender affirming care for minors are applicable to out of state residents visiting those states?

Thank you for the support- so glad I found this

Hi everyone Just looking for some support and guidance, my adult child (23) told us they are transitioning and I’m struggling with it. Since they’ve grown up we are like best friends and it’s hard to get the new pronouns and name right. And I’m just sad about not having a daughter. I’m so happy that they have always felt comfortable telling me anything- came out as gay to me at 12. I’m happy they are living authentically. I’m just sad for me

Keystone Conference in Harrisburg, PA: Overall a very lovely experience. I def gained a few nuggets of wisdom for future use and learned of individuals who I'll be following on social media for more of said wisdom. Found a couple of their books, too. I met and spoke to lots of very lovely people and gained a huge comfort level in being around the trans community.

Would I recommend it to other parents -- probably only if you have a mtf trans kid or a amab enby kid. Young trans folks and trans masc folks were a minority and not many sessions/workshops pertained to them. The changing demographics and nature of the trans community in younger people and kids was mentioned in passing only. Interestingly I got a hint that some older members of the community might feel like they will be erased by these upcoming changes.

I would highly recommend this conference to spouses and adult children of trans individuals -- especially trans femme family members. There were lots of spouses there and they were all highly respected.

There are also these other possible options: https://www.keystone-conference.org/M1.cfm?page=about-otherconferences.cfm

I'm attending a transgender issues conference tomorrow and Saturday. I'm mostly eager and hopefully my social anxiety won't kick in at any point. I've picked out the lectures I want to attend and have been prepping by listening to lots of podcasts all week. I'm optimistic that this will be valuable both as parent of a gender fluid kid and as the chair of my church "religious education" committee. Wish me luck.

hi, i'm with PFLAG Denver, and i'm wondering if this reddit is affiliated with a particular chapter, or with National, or.....? glad to see it's here!

Just so we're not just focused on the bad news, I was pleasantly surprised when I just saw my kiddo's school announce that this year they're having a "VIP Dance" instead of a "Daddy-Daughter Dance." Also "Activity Night" is no longer promoted and "Mothers and Sons Activity Night."

I also have to give them credit for presumably making these changes on their own. As far as I know, my kiddo is the only out gender fluid child and we did not say anything about these events because my kiddo doesn't mind being called "daughter." But, I do think it's unfair of the school to decide for the kids that "girls" get a dance and "boys" get an activity night. the kids should get to chose whether to go to either or both of their own choosing and bring whichever adult they want. And, now it looks like that's how it's being done.

I was so self-absorbed earlier this week that I didn't really realize until yesterday what had passed in Texas (I was more aware with Florida). My husband and I lived in Texas for about a dozen years before we adopted our kiddo. I know my husband wants to move back but I've been more reluctant for reasons made obvious this week. As he said in response to the news of Gov. Abbot's directive: Sometimes the decisions are made for you. I've been mildly stressed because the legal guardians we have in our will for our kiddo live in Texas. I joked to my husband that we'll need to start travelling like Air Force One. But that's just gallows humor. I can only imagine how stressed families living in ruby red states are feelings right now. You have my heart.

Thank you to everybody who responded yesterday with your words of wisdom and/or support. I genuinely just needed to vent some built-up fears and negativity.

I am taking to heart the advice to always have two genders of outfits planned for special occassions.

As I fully expected, when my kiddo got home from school they were in a perfectly good mood and didn't even seem to remember that we had upset each other. At some point later in the evening I asked whether anyone in their class had worn ties and they looked a bit abashed and said yes. But, they didn't seem too disappointed that they had not participated.

Anyhow, they ended up helping me put away laundry later last night and grabbed their dad's tie rack and wondered aloud whether their dad would let them have some of his ties! I casually said that I didn't think they were that interested in ties anymore. They indicated that they still liked ties, but also commented that some of the ones bought just for them were too long.

That is true. I've been having a really hard time finding clothes that work well with their body and that may be part of the problem.

So, this is the sort of behavior that makes parents confused and assume gender fluidity is just phase or an affectation.

When my AFAB kiddo came out to me as gender fluid just under a year ago, the first thing they asked for (besides the flags with the pretty colors) was a suit and a tie. Never could find a suit to fit them properly but they did end up with a jacket (two now) and three ties. Today at school they are having a spirit day where kids can where tutu, ties, and/or both. We talked about them wearing the tie -- which they've worn to school before. And kiddo comes down in a pastel colored hoodie -- they don't want to wear the tie -- this after we talked about it and I went out of my way to iron their button down shirts for it.

It really gives the impression that this while gender identity issue isn't really something essential to their identity, but just a way for them to be rebellious and do the opposite of what's expected of them. "I want to dress the opposite of what you expect. Oh, you give me a day where that's being embraced -- well, I reject that." I don't know what the heck is going on in their head, but this has not been a good mother-child morning as they also had us scrambling to help them get school work printed and were being messy/unhelpful. Plus, my prescription company screwed me out of my anti-anxiety meds so my clear thinking and mood is absolutely in the toilet right now resulting in kiddo and I both being in tears.

I know I'm being the villain here. I did not say outloud to my kiddo that I think they're gender ID is BS. Though I admit that I did make a snide comment that I guess they don't like ties anymore, which I know was wrong of me, but I'm hurting right now, too.

I've said all along that even if they change their minds about their gender indentity that was fine and that even if it was a "phase" it's valid right now. But, considering that I permanently damaged my relationship with my own parents and extended family over kiddo's coming out, it really hurts and I can't help but feel like a huge idiot for emotionally investing so much into any of this.

I (F46) am married with 2 kids (F15 & M17). My son came out to me and my daughter as pansexual this past fall and has been in a relationship since November. He has not yet come out to his father (M46) as he’s afraid of how his father will react. I have always been a supporter of the LGBTQ2SIA+ community. My husband does not speak out against the community or use discriminatory language or anything like that but isn’t exactly a proud supporter either. He’s more of a not say anything kind if a guy. Anyways, we had an awkward situation recently where he caught my son and his boyfriend cuddling. He didn’t say anything to them at the time. My son now feels like he should come out to his Dad. My husband does have a temper and gets upset easily, especially when he feels like he’s being left out. I will support my son whenever he decides to come out to his Dad, no question there. My question is, and I know this might come off as selfish, do I tell his Dad that I knew this whole time or do I pretend that I’m hearing it for the first time too? I don’t have a horrible marriage but it’s not the greatest of marriages either. I’m not sure how to handle this but I know I only get one chance. Any advice?

When my child came out to me as bisexual (about nine months ago) I told them that I don't consider myself completely straight either, but I've never made a big deal about it because I have never dated or had a romantic relationship with a woman (though to be fair I have never dated or had a real romantic relationship with anyone besides my husband).

My kid has been hinting that they wish I would be more out. I realize that from their point of view we are equally bisexual because they don't have any experience beyond attraction either. But, I kind of feel like by the time you're my age claiming a sexuality is more "put up or shut up." I don't want to step on the toes of people who have actually proactively lived their sexuality. At the same time, I don't want to invalidate my child.

Does anyone here have any input? I'm tempted to ask some of my gay friends. If one of them considered me bi then I would be okay with calling myself that, but I don't think I meet the criteria.

I’ve always had a sneaking suspicion that my daughter did not identify as heterosexual since she was about 5-6. She would be more nervous around girls than she was boys. But I also did not want to assume.

Last Saturday, she had this figure of a hand that she can put rings on and she was telling her younger brother “this is my girlfriends hand!” and then she turned to me and said “mommy, I want a girlfriend.” I said that’s wonderful baby! She responded, very matter of fact with “do you know what gay is mommy?” I said I do, why do you ask babe? She said “because I’m gay!” And I just hugged her and said that’s awesome my love and just made her feel normal because it is normal.

I did not want to make it a big deal because she is pretty private and she doesn’t like to talk about things unless she brings it up.

I am nervous about how mean people can be and I guess I don’t know what I’m asking other than ways to continue to support her, make her feel safe, and make her feel like there is absolutely nothing wrong with her (because there isn’t!) as she grows up in the way the world is?

Thanks in advance!