My sexuality has always been something I’ve struggled with. I still don’t understand my sexuality now. I would consider myself as unlabeled. I’m a girl in my 20s and I’ve never been in a relationship, never even held hands romantically. Ever since I was young, I knew I liked boys. I found girls attractive when I got older. Deep down inside me, I don’t know if I can ever be with a girl because I grew up in a household with conservative views. I’m someone who can’t disappoint her family bc they’re all I have. There’s also a part that’s deeply engrained in me to only be with men because it’s the “norm.” My feelings for men comes more from validation. I went to an all girls school for most of my life. I’ve never got any attention from boys so as I got older, I wanted to feel validated by them. I will confuse myself to having crushes on some boys just bc they show me some attention. I also feel like I’m lying to myself about liking girls. I don’t really know how to explain it. I do find women attractive and there are times I think about them romantically, but that scares me. I think I’m just scared to date in general and I don’t understand where my attraction lies. I wish I could talk to my friends about this but I can’t open up and I feel like they just wouldn’t understand. Does anyone get where I’m coming from?

I have a question that may be the core to every problem in my relationship. If i have doubts or insecurities and feel the need to set boundaries with my partner, but my partner feels the need to do the thing, like literally suffering about it. Who gets to settle? Like clearly in some situations someone has to let go.... Example: what if i need my partner to not hold hands with her friends but she feels the need ti do it and doesn't wanna feel restricted. Same for talking with an ex. Damn how do you guys do it

I'm freshly out of the closet, White afab lesbian nb, and currently on a dildo hunt. I love the aesthetics of black dildos (not as in skin tone Black, but as in the actual colour black, bc them attached to leather harnesses turn me on big time)

Now my question: I'm White af. Is the colour black already associated with eg the racist "big Black cock" stigma ? Or would me wearing one work, eg under the kink umbrella, without reproducing racist perspectives?

Opinions of bipoc preffered, but anyways, thanks for your opinions

hi all, to get to the point, me (15f) am a trans girl who came out to all my friends like 6 months ago and dress "as a girl" here and there but am planning on socially transitioning fully next year, and my best friend (15f) is a cis bisexual woman and she has a boyfriend but she always talks about how she'd be happier with me and how we should make out ect, before i transitioned i've always called myself a gay man but ever since becoming more "feminine" i've found myself more attracted to women and honestly the only thing that keeps me attracted to men is sex lmao, idk how to do in this situation

QUEER WOMEN/NON-MEN PLEASE HELP

So, I'm (18f) very confused! I always thought I was bisexual; I'm attracted to men and women, but as of late women have been the only thing on my mind. I'm talking to a guy right now, he's very sweet, we have classes together, he's attractive, and we've hung out a few times, but I just feel conflicted. I keep wishing he were a girl.

I feel like I've had some sort of revelation, like I've realized that maybe I'd never be able to be truly happy with a man because they just don't GET it. Because they're a man. I feel like I have such a deeper connection with women, I always have, but I've also always felt like I'm SUPPOSED to be dating guys, but when a guy is clearly interested in me, I just feel weird. I want to be friends with him; we have so much in common, but every time we talk or go out I just wish I was with a girl.

I guess I'm asking for advice. How did you realize you were a lesbian? (Especially those of you who have dated men before.)

I'm perfectly fine with the bisexual label, I've always felt like my sexuality was pretty fluid and never wanted to confine myself to something more strict, but I'm curious as to other people's stories and perspectives.

I've been searching the internet for so long, but I keep getting to a dead end.

CONTEXT NOTE: The way that I describe experiencing something "hetero" in this post has very little in common with how "straight" conservatives commonly describe the definition of what the word "heterosexual" means.

I identify as a non-binary person, but all of my connections feel somewhat "hetero" somehow, even if I am definitely not "straight" and even if I were dating another non-binary person that identified as the exact same gendered identity as me.

I mean that I experience something "hetero" in the sense that I am not my type, because is more likely for me to be attracted to people the less likely they are similar to me in regards to personality and appearance, including weight, height, gendered expression and racialized expression.

I have a very low reasonable standards bar for personal boundary limits because I am open to a large diversity of adult body, personality and connection types, but even I still do have personal preferences that add up in how I avail before deciding about whether or not there is compatibility to a certain degree enough for me to promise to commit to intimate connections, including more closed life partnerships especially.

I still do have personal preferences because my interest is usually caught by more optimistic and less hairy adult people endowed with more boobies and booties compared in contrast to someone who is an almost "flat as a board" melancholic and hairy person as I am, even if none of this is a necessary must have personal preference that is an unegotiable hard boundary limit that delineates who I am since I do not care much about superficial things.

I shared at the following link one colored illustration of my "hetero" taste for intimate connections that orientates me to places like the subreddit communities named r/GatekeepingYuri and r/GatekeepingYaoi that make me feel the most "hetero yet gay or gay yet hetero vibes": https://www.reddit.com/r/DollsAndPals/s/OLelNnlSEi

I could not figure out any useful word other than "heterosexuality" or "heteroamory" to describe desiring intimate connections with who is different from you, useful as in to use to describe where do I fit in a broader attraction spectrum of desires that is a scale of similarity and dissimilarity in general that includes much more than only whether or not someone identifies as the same gendered identity as me.

I am describing a hetero attraction that is not only a desire for heterogender intimate connections, but including heteroracial intimate connections alongside other diverse types of intimate connections.

That is basically in which sense that I am explaining the reason why that I sense "hetero" attraction vibes from intimate connections between different individuals, like fat people with fit people, dark skin people with light skin people, neurotypical people with aneurotypical people, introverted people with extroverted people, submissive people with dominant people, bottom people with top people, even if they are homogender because they do share the same gender in common.

If the word "heterosexual" broke down is a combination of the word "hetero", as in meaning different, plus the word "sexual", as in meaning intimate connections, being interpreted in the broadest possible sense as in meaning desiring intimate connections with who is different from you, then I am surprinsingly very "heterosexual".

Does anyone else think that way too much unnecessary attention is focused on whether or not someone is committed to one person of a different gendered identity while the world would be a better place if more individuals cared more about diverse individuals of diverse gendered identities even if we were not panamorous?

SIDENOTE: I hate the identity label "straight" because this word implies that everyone that does not desire only heteronormative monogamy leans "wrong" instead of "right".

I don’t really care about labels. I do but i don’t. I say I’m transgender/queer but I feel like no real connection to it. I just feel like me. But if I said I was a girl I feel like idk maybe that doesn’t make sense. Labels change the way people perceive you, but I’m not entirely sure how I perceive myself yet.

Anywho, afab, not thinking about getting any surgeries or being on T or anything like that. I don’t think there’s anything about my body I’d want to change other than being more fit and looking more pretty. I just want to look in the mirror and feel good about myself.

But I look at other transgender people around me who go for HRT and wear binders and look to get surgeries and I feel out of the loop. It feels like since I don’t have the experience of being transgender like they do, then my identity is invalid. Does that make sense?

TLDR: When people think transgender they think HRT, surgeries, yadda yadda and I, afab, have no intention of changing my body because I like it as is. This makes me feel alienated from others sometimes. What’s wrong with me?

Is that a thing? If it is, where can I [m28] do more research on this? My partner[F24] and I just had a big talk and she does not think she is romantically in love with me but she loves me and cares deeply and still want to have sex with each other and want to be in each other's life forever. But she might not be in love love.

And I think I can work with that. But I don't know how. I think I am in love love. But I also think I can do this kind of relationship. Because the only thing really changing is the label. And my perspective has to shift a little. I want to understand how can a relationship work and have sex without it feeling like romantic love.

Because it might come later that her or I might have sex with someone else and I want to be able to view it as okay. And not a sign that something is wrong with our dynamic.

And I don't know where else to really ask this than the queer community because I am not sure if any other community might understand or have information on this.

Thank you for reading.

Idk if this is the place to post this or not please redirect me somewhere else if it’s not right. So I’m a 16 year old cis lesbian - ive known I’m not straight for a while and went down the I’m just asexual to I’m just not into men hole- and I only have ever had crushes on my friends. Idk why. I tried to google some terms for it and got to demiromantic, and I just wanted to know if that’s correct or not cause I then googled the term and I’m not sure whether the label of it is right for meditation. I honestly just want a label for it cause even accepting myself as a lesbian took a lot to come to terms with but the label helped my understand myself more and gave me something to describe it as and it helped me a lot. I feel lost almost cause I don’t get how people can have crushes on people the don’t know or don’t even talk to.
If anyone has any advice or knows of any other terms or labels please share

Hi everyone,

We’re in the process of creating a women’s/lesbian bar that’s intentionally inclusive of the FLINTA community (Female, Lesbian, Intersex, Non-Binary, Trans, Agender).

We’re committed to making this space welcoming and affirming for anyone who doesn’t identify as a man. However, we know that the term FLINTA can sometimes feel problematic—it’s been criticized for reinforcing binaries or favoring AFAB (assigned female at birth) people. We want to be clear that we’re committed to not being that kind of space and are working hard to frame this in a way that genuinely includes everyone we’re hoping to welcome.

Is there a term or phrase you feel best represents people who don’t identify as men? Or perhaps a way to frame this idea that feels right to you? Do you think it’s even possible to do this in a way that feels truly inclusive?

We’d love to hear your thoughts, experiences, or suggestions. Thanks so much in advance for helping us get this right.

It really hit me like a truck and i need to get this out of my system. I'm agender(/trans? ig it is under the trans umbrella) and i've been out as non cis gender since 5/6 years now (first as a trans masc, then as agender (but only to my mom)).

I was listening to stories and one was about a father standing up to his trans kid getting deadnamed. And then i realized my other trans friends or trans people i knew were being gendered by their new gender, not deadnamed, that their parents weren't telling them it was a phase or that they were the other gender.

It crushed me, because just the day before when I jokingly said my friend called my little run "very manly" he said that I was a girl anyway and ought to realize it. If my mom call me by a genderless nickname and uses gender neutral term or masc one sometimes, he just always pick the feminine one and always reprimand me when i used masc one for myself.

Idk why I'm posting about this, but it hurts me so much that I can't keep it for myself...

Hey there, im an arab queer who happes to live in Middle East, so obviously I can’t come out to anyone easily, i have to be careful having love interest from ppl around, so there’s this girl super femme that i kinda like and i’ve knew her before but this the first time we hang out together often in uni, she’ve been inviting me to come hang out more, and I can’t tell if she’s queer or straight / friendly or flirty, obviously im not putting expectations and i just wanna know what to do in these kinda of situations, so here’s what happened today, we had an active class ( were we work in groups ) and this time we didn’t have big tasks so I finished early and sat down, she invited me to hang out in the gym, we started to talk and we just clicked immediately and there were no awkwardness ( i know this could happen in any kind of friendship ) she was touchy, and offered me coffee, there was this energy that its mutual? Idk I don’t want to put any expectations cause im always the initiator when i like someone and it’s draining, don’t want to put my hopes up, ( i know this not relatable at all but im plus size girl so dating for me is hard, and idk if girls find me attractive thats why im hesitant) anyway any tips or thoughts?

I don't think I've ever been vulnerable with anyone one in my life. I have a many close friends and some family, but I never open up to anyone. I like to think it's just because I'm doing okay and don't want to burden anyone with my overthinking worries. But maybe I'm just scared of what I might find out about myself if I did.

I came out at 15, I'm 23 now. But ever since their my understanding of myself has changed, slowly. I'm so afraid that my trueswlf is not someone that peop around me can accept. So much so that I don't know who that is, I just know it's not fully who I am today.

I have this feeling, like who I am is almost close enough to grasp, but I can't quite reach. It's like feeling around in the dark trying to find myself while I'm also pretending to not be doing anything, to be secure in my self.

I've pushed it down so much I don't even have a clue what it could be. I have a few suspension, but two stronger ones are wildly different.

I grew up with a mother with a religious up bringing and a family that is aggressively Christian. And my dad comes from a place that's history means religion is generally looked down on, especially organised religion. When I came up as bi I'm highschool I thought I had to be on my dad's side and distance myself from faith, I also knew he would look down on me a little if I attended church. My mother was ultimately tolerant, but I never thought I could be fully myself especially not in our church even though it was relatively accepting. I didn't matter much since at this point we barely ever went.

I also started questioning my gender, but I went to an all girls school, grew up in sports and had friendships for who being a women was such an important part of our identity. I could never tell if I had disphoria because I was trans or because I just didn't look like a pretty girl should. I worked so hard to learn to love myself that I don't know if I just learned to ignore who I am, or if I succeeded at erasing the negative images were feed as young girls.

Ultimately I think I'm pretty lucky, especially compared to what some friends of my had to live through. I feel like I was walking the same treacherous path as them, worrying that I might get hurt but I came out without a scratch. But I still carry that fear that I would get hurt, even if I never did. Maybe if I had, I would know myself better today.

I might be the only one with such a dilemma, but I want to be myself fully. I just don't know if what I am missing is exploring my faith as a queer person or if it's exploring my gender more seriously. I am afraid that I just need to try one to see if it's the right one but I feel like they are mutually exclusive. At least in the ways I could deal with in today.

I have queer friends rhat have found community in open churches, but I don't think these friends would be quick to accept me if I were trans. I have friends that would be all on board to help me transition, but would be taken a back if it turns out that I need to explore my faith.

I'm afraid and wondering if anyone willing to read through this novel of a post has a similar experience.

How can I (a trans/genderfluid ace guy) let others know I like dudes? Any signs like for sapphic people who have carabiners, scissors, vampire nails or like how bi people have cuffed jeans and sweater weather?

Hi, so for context, I've (16F) identified as a lesbian for like two years now but before that I was openly out as bi.

Recently, I started liking a super sweet guy who is super kind and sweet and thoughtful. My friend group of four consists of only queers (a lesbian, a pansexual, a bisexual, and me) and my bi friend also identified as lesbian for a while before coming out as bi. She was, like, really accepted because we were all happy for her cause her bf took her out of her depressive slump and she's been a lot happier. Now the thing is, it took me FOREVER to come to terms w the fact I like this guy. I found out near the beginning of this school year he liked me and at the time i did not care about it at all but as we got closer and I got to know him more, he was super duper sweet. The only people I came out to as pan are my friends and my best friend (who goes to another school)

The problem started when me and him went on a spontaneous date and took some cute pics at a photobooth. I got to keep the actual photostrip and he took a picture of it. I guess one of his friends spread the picture and now some of my old classmates (who are also queer) found out. I have never experienced this level of aggressiveness?? meanness?? about my sexuality. The amount of times I've been called "straight", a "fake gay", "an ex-fslur" and told "You cant say the L and D slur anymore" have been weirding me out ESPECIALLY since i openly came out as pan once that pic spread. It's really frustrating because it feels like nobody can see past my sexuality and every time someone says something, I end up changing the subject and can't set any boundaries. I'm going on another date with him on Wednesday, and I'm scared I'll get made fun of again.

Good evening, I need your help. My girlfriend (23F) and I (23F) have been living together for two years, we've been together for two and a half years and we have a dog. I say this because it helps you understand the story. We love each other deeply and we make plans for the future. A couple of months ago at university we met a friend (21F) who is also queer. We formed a group (with 2 other people) but from the beginning my girlfriend seemed focused on her because they are very connected, they laugh CONSTANTLY at each other's jokes, they plan a new hangout every time and have the same sense of humor, same opinions etc... basically they seem like soulmates! I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and am terrified of abandonment (and yes I am extremely jealous) while my other half has had toxic relationships where she was forbidden from going out with friends or even socialise!!! so she tends to be very defensive when it comes to boundaries, which I need to silence the voices in my head that tell me I am worthless and she will replace me with the next person. With these assumptions it has not been easy to settle our relationship since I feel trapped in a cycle of paranoia on my part, withdrawal and escape on her part, demotion on my part to avoid her feeling suffocated and then paranoia again. I don't feel I have the right to put boundaries on the things they do together even though just thinking about it makes my skin burn and makes me want to cry. Some that come to mind are that they are always close, my girlfriend often insists on doing her hair, lends her things, always takes pictures of her, always picks her up and drives her back, at a sleepover ONLY THEY stayed awake for 3 hours talking and playing. Maybe I sound crazy and I'm sorry if that's the case because I assure you that I'm trying my best to have a healthy relationship and be a better person than the toxic mechanisms that my head creates. I trust her and I need to know that even from an outside eye this relationship has hope...

I’m a little bi curious and yesterday my friends went through my twitter following and found finnster and other accounts and they asked me about it this morning, what do I do? I don’t know whether or not I’ll be accepted and worried they’ll spread it around my school

I (F) have been bi-curious for a few months now, and I've also been recently thinking I may be asexual. Elaborating:

Bi-curiousity: A few months ago I started feeling attracted to some female characters and celebs. Such as Kuvira from TLOK, Hange and Ymir from AOT, Pakunoda from HXH, Vi and young Ambessa from Arcane, Mitsuki Koga from TGSWIIWAGAA, Corky from Bound 1996, Rhea Ripely, and Sophia Lillis. I can't imagine having sex with women, at least desirably, while I can with men all the time.

Asexuality: I've researched on asexuality, but I'm genuinely curious, do most people actually think/want someone sexually just by looking at them if they think they look good? Like in REAL LIFE. I can understand for fictional characters, but for people in real life? I have celebrity crushes, but I don't really go far in imagination with any of them because I mean- they're real. And the more research I did got me thinking I may be: demisexual, graysexual, or aegosexual - or all the above. Because I'm hypersexual, but that's disturbing thoughts and whatnot that I don't DESIRE or want, and I can be aroused from imaginary stories in my head with fictional characters, but when I think of sex with guys I like in real life (bi-curious but I've never had a crush on a woman I've met), it just feels wrong or weird. Maybe because I'm a virgin, but is that an asexual thing or no? And another genuine question, how is everyone not graysexual? I ask because, we all feel attracted to some people, not everybody. Some people are attracted to less people, while others more, yea, but the unevenness of gray sexuality- doesn't that apply to everyone? Unless entirely sex repulsed people. I also have demisexuality in my questioning because I don't really want sex with any guy that I'm not close with on an emotional level deeply. But at the same time I wonder if I may be too young or inexperienced to know if I'm asexual, so yeah.

All genuine questions, respectfully, thanks 👍

Hi so I usually call everyone girl or bro regardless of gender is more about the vibe but I get that non binary ppl don’t enjoy this so I was wondering if you guys had cool’s names for those friends , Yk to call them ect . (Btw I’m French so if any French speaker here has any exemples in our language that could be cool too)

As every wlw person knows, liking the same gender as a girl is a personal hell because everything feels like it's flirting and sometimes they turn out straight. But I feel like it's different this time. Let me give some context.

I'm 17 and I recently joined a rock band as a lead vocalist which is where I met her. She's a guitarist and she's genuinely so talented. Beautiful but in a soft way, insanely funny and sweet and so smart. Anyways, over the course of the last month or so I decided to ask her to dinner because sometimes I can be forward. At this point in life, I was pretty sure she was bi because just like...look at her. At first she mentioned she couldn't go so I assumed it was her way of like rejecting me. But then I asked my friend to help me out and she was like 'Oh she's definitely bi. Like she's told me before.' So I had forgotten about my previous failed attempt and assumed I had just been like...rejected? But then I suggest to the band that we get dinner after the gig and they don't hear it for some reason so she goes 'we should go. like just us two.' And of course, I WAS OVER THE MOON. So we hang out for like 3 hours straight before going for dinner. Everything seems a bit flirty, like we're randomly touching, she's leaning in to speak to me because like we can't hear shit. We're having great conversation and dude the chemistry was unreal. BUT THEN I ASK HER ABOUT HER DATING LIFE. And it all goes wrong there because she says 'oh I haven't crushed on anyone for years. Like I want someone sometimes but it's not like I'm actively looking for a partner. And I don't even know if I could commit or have the time.' And my stomach DROPS. Because like...did she not notice that I asked her to go out with me? Did she not realize this was a date?? Was it a date??

TLDR; Girl might like me, I don't know if she does and I don't know how to make it clear. Please gimme advice 🙏

Hi, first time poster, long time lurker, early 30s male. I'm confused about what I am, I usually just go with "queer" because I have no idea what is appropriate or if there is even a term/label for me.

I'm a cisM, since a teen I had only been with or attracted to cishetwomen. I was married for many years. During my marriage I began questioning if I was fully het. After my divorce I hit the dating scene, while I dated a few cisF partners my most successful relationships and the ones I connected with my partner most were with were non-binary, androgynous and intersex partners, my current partner being NB post top-surgery.

I am attracted to genderfluid, NB, cisF, transwomen, and transmen with a more feminine features. I have absolutely no attraction to masculine people but I am attracted to very feminine

I'll admit that I do like crossdressing in private and exploring a more feminine side of myself even though I am a male.

Second question what is it called when a guy is with an afab enby? (E.g. bi, pan, something else?).

One other piece of context, a partner being attractive isn't enough for me to want to be with them, I have to actually like them and their personality, I don't find looks to be my primary driver for attractiveness, Instead, I prioritize connection.

Generally I don't care about labels and think they're BS, but I'm confused about what to identify as or call myself. Any guidance or input would be super appreciated. Thank you!

Please don't be mean.

I'm new at this subreddit, so I don't know if the flair I had choose is the correct one. I also not a native English speaker so my English could be incorrect sometimes. I just wanted to show you guys the last queer show I had watched. It's a mexican show called "Tengo que morir todas las noches" (I think in English is called I have to die every night). It's about the queer scene of the Mexico in the 80s. I think it's fabulous and very touching. Blas was my favorite character. Recently I also watched Matthias & Maxime and Tom at the farm, both queer too. What queer shows or movie you are watching?

I'm struggling with this as a transchick.

On one hand I'm sure there is a normal desire to try new things, D. Yet I've never dated men. I've never felt the need to, I wonder if this is internalized from childhood and my mother ridiculing me as gay constantly and growing up in male culture.

However given the depth of my childhood abuse, I naturally gravitated toward traumabonds and misunderstood love.

I'm actually really confused now, I want to be an emotional Lil spoon, and recognize that... yet i always fantasize about dick now, and I'm really confused if it's just a desire to feel validated, or what i want, or an aversion to women given I've not had a relationship that did not involve physical violence or threats of it.

I don't even know where to start looking to try to understand this.

Hey everyone! As the year is winding down, I’ve been reflecting on the little and big wins we’ve all had in our lives—and I thought, why not share them here?

Whether it’s finally coming out to someone, moving to a new city and finding your queer fam, crushing it at work or just living your most authentic life, I want to hear about it.

For me, my gay win this year was getting back into sea swimming and meeting amazing people in the LGBTQ+ sports community.

So, what’s yours? Share your highlights, funny stories, or even those quiet, personal victories that meant a lot to you. Let’s celebrate each other and spread some positive vibes!

Looking forward to hearing from you all. 🖤🤍💜💙💚💛🧡❤️

Okay, so i've (15f) knew i liked girls since near 1st grade? I just know i knew since like forever. I also like guys. I just feel like it's so much easier to date guys because that's what's been normalized, and recently whenever I talk(like talking stage) to a guy I just get uninterested /bored. When i kissed a guy it was weird and I didn't really like it but the times I have kissed girls it was absolutely everything to me, same thing with like holding hands and hugging and romantic gestures. I know this description isn't much help but it's something :')