/r/ShittyLifeProTips
A place for the shittiest, most mocking "pro-tips" you can think of. Whether you want to let us know how glue can help out your hair or the quickest way to clog a public toilet, we're the place to post.
- Academics/Science
- Shitty Ask Science
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- Life, Culture & The Arts
- Shitty Life Pro Tips
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- Shitty Photoshop
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- Shitty FifthWorldPics
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- Help/Advice
- Shitty Advice
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- Safe For Work Porn
- Shitty Earth Porn
- Shitty Food Porn
- Shitty Quotes Porn
- Shitty Building Porn
A place for the shittiest, most mocking "pro-tips" you can think of. Whether you want to let us know how glue can help out your hair or the quickest way to clog a public toilet, we're the place to post.
If your post does not appear in the new tab after several minutes, it may have been caught by our spam filter. If this happens, send a message to the mods and we'll get it fixed up for you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHAT IS A LIFE PRO TIP? A Life Pro Tip (or LPT) is a tip that improves life for you and those around you in a specific and significant way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rules:
1. LPTs must be shitty. The post must contain a life pro tip that is shitty. This isn't a dumping ground for shitty statements. Any tips that are actual good advice will be removed at the discretion of the mod team. What constitutes shitty is hard to explain, but much like porn, we know it when we see it.
2. No KYS posts. We will remove all posts with the tip "Kill Yourself" or any variation thereof.
3. No reposts. Reposts are lame. If you repost something within our top 25 of all time, you may be banned.
4. No circlejerking. Circlejerking is lame too. Simply copying a popular post from here, or LPT and putting a minor twist so it's "shitty" is also unoriginal, and we will probably remove those too.
5. NSFW discretion. Being gross for the sake of being gross will get your post removed at the mod's discretion. Most of these include bodily functions and fluids, or rape, etc. Pretty much anything posted simply for shock value.
6. Remain civil. If you act like a racist, pammer, or are being a general douchenozzle, the mods reserve the right to ban you without warning.
Note: For God's sake this subreddit is meant to be taken in a joking, satirical manner. Please don't actually follow any of this advice, and don't report posts as inciting violence. You should know this already, but some of you forget which sub you are in when you report.
A proud member of The Shitty Network.
/r/ShittyLifeProTips
1,666,613 Subscribers
SLPT: If you’re ever pulled over by a cop after smoking some of the devil’s lettuce, if the cop asks why your eyes are red, tell them you’ve been crying and then just start trauma dumping all over them. If successful, the officer will become incredibly uncomfortable and leave
18:56 UTC
SLPT: Bamboozle your friends by offering them an aerated thumbs up! They'll never know what's going on.
18:21 UTC
SLPT: Get caught masturbating to turn your friends gay.
16:34 UTC
SLPT: The Unexpected Dating Hotspot
10:52 UTC
SLPT: Want to remove rust? Wire some high voltage from the outlet directly to this wrench. Don't think about the circuit breaker... Or your safety
03:16 UTC
SLPT: How to get off the plane faster when you land
pretend you’re a terrorist and security will give you a personal escort out of the terminal
18:20 UTC
SLPT: Aldi Shopping Carts = Instant Cash
17:57 UTC
SLPT: Put extra drinks into the hotel mini fridge before you leave
Legally they have to pay you per drink added.
08:40 UTC
SLPT- Make sure you dig a hole in the ground before pouring your used engine oil in it
22:21 UTC
SLPT: This one simple trick women don't want you to know.
21:41 UTC
SLPT: if you want to admire your poops in public toilets just put some toilie paper over the auto flush lazer
17:07 UTC
SLPT: Make making pasta more convenient
16:32 UTC
SLPT: One way to win a street race
15:26 UTC
SLPT: Unhappy with your Invisalign treatment? Wear your aligners in reverse order to put your teeth back to where they were.
12:53 UTC
LPT: Best way to lose 2lbs per week! Fly from Nunavut to Brazil once per week 💪💪💪
08:00 UTC
SLPT: Take your car through the car wash with all the windows down and sunroof open. That way you get the inside cleaned for free.
05:01 UTC
SLPT : don't lose sleep over insomnia.
19:13 UTC
SLPT: Don’t believe in traffic, it’s all bullshit
11:00 UTC
SLPT: hide gps tracker on bicycle, leave it out unlocked, track whoever steals it and rob the robbers. What they gonna do call the cops?
02:48 UTC
SLPT: If you wanna make lots of money, market & sell cocaine-scented cologne and/or perfume. (Apparently cocaine smells really, really, REALLY good.)
20:11 UTC
SLPT: looking for ways to meet new people and/or make money?
13:50 UTC
SLPT: save money on gas in Inflation
07:54 UTC
SLPT: Koalas have identical finger prints to humans. When committing crimes, bring a koala, then they'll never be able to identify you.
07:39 UTC
SLPT if you feel guilty about over eating at an all you can eat kbbq
Or any place where you grill your own meat. Under cook some meat pieces and eat them you’ll get some food poisoning and poop all the food out. Might actually burn some calories while doing so as well.
03:01 UTC
SLPT: 8 Buns but 6 Hot Dogs? Cut each Dog into 3/4 to fill each Bun AND leave space for extra condiments/chili!
01:04 UTC
SLPT: Broken hard drive?
Need data recovery? Just report yourself to the authorities for possession of indecent material, the police will search all media and when they (hopefully) dont find anything just kindly ask for your data back. Boom! Free data recovery!
19:00 UTC
SLPT: Be as depressed, lazy and unhealthy as possible during your teens and twenties. Then get all your shit together at 30.
That way you'll never feel old, miss the "glory days", or get a midlife crisis. Because you're feeling better at this age than you ever did during your younger years 😎
15:53 UTC
SLPT: Women REALLY don't like it when you refer to their vaginas as "moist" -- so stop being disrespectful! (Instead, refer to it as "clammy.")
15:22 UTC
SLPT: If you drive quickly enough speed cameras can't detect you, so you won't be caught speeding. The magic number is around 170 mph.
08:01 UTC
SLPT: Stock up on greeting cards from the Sympathy section. "I'm sorry for your terrible tragedy" "My condolences" and similar cards work just as well for birthdays, weddings, and baby showers.
01:21 UTC