/r/ShittyFanTheories

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3

[Calvin and Hobbes] Calvin = Freddy Krueger

Proof:

  1. They dress identically

  2. Freddy is probably short for Calvin in some languages

  3. They both have active imaginations and mild mischievous streaks

  4. You never hear anything about Calvin after his childhood, so we are free to make up whatever we want

  5. Calvin's constant tormenting of his peers/elders was bound to lead to him being burned alive

  6. Freddy's face looks a lot like Calvin's, before the burning alive thing (prove me wrong)

  7. After returning from death to seek his gruesome revenge, Calvin/Freddy chose the tiger CLAW, the symbol of his childhood madness, to dispatch his tormentors

0 Comments
2024/04/05
13:41 UTC

6

[Star Trek] V'ger created the Borg. The Borg evolved into Q

Refuses to elaborate Leaves

0 Comments
2024/04/04
22:09 UTC

5

Debunking the "Dead the Whole Time" Sixth Sense Theory

1 Comment
2024/04/02
23:31 UTC

8

[Star Wars] The Republic is run by a secret cabal of child-sacrificing Jedi!

Welcome, folks, to the A'Lyk Jounos Show.

I'm back. The Republic couldn't shut me down, and they tried. Well, we all know what's going on. We all know who's running the show, who's running the Clone Wars.

The Jedi. What is it you folks think "Master" Yoda does with them younglings behind closed doors? You ever think about it?

Oh, the ends justify the means. "We've got to take down the CIS.".

Ladies and Gentlemen, the CIS are just businessmen. Let's not forget that it was the overreach of the Republic that led to this war.

Now, I've heard rumors going around that these shadowy sons of bitches are planning on assassinating the Chancellor. You folks know I'm a good friend of the Chancellor, I've had him on the show before, and he knows the score.

Hell, just the other day, he was telling me about how the Jedi absolutely wrecked the ecosystem of Naboo. They put chemicals in the water to sterilize the Gungans.

More on that later from my Correspondent, Jar-Jar.

3 Comments
2024/04/02
17:47 UTC

7

[Arthur] Emily's spiel about being 5 was a payback in disguise

So in the Arthur episode DW's Perfect Wish, she is excited about her birthday until her friend Emily warns her that being 5 is a big year of her life, this makes her stop looking forward to her birthday because she "wasted her childhood" until Arthur helps her by telling her all the fun stuff he did,

Here is the thing, Emily is usually a friend of Emily and tries to make her happy so this is uncharacteristic of her. But then that is when I thought, This might be a hidden payback. Think about it, the last birthday shown in the Series was Lisa's which, as you know, DW tried to ruin by using Arthur and Francine to upstage her and then when Francine tried to have her tag along with Arthur. DW went to Lisa and the girls to rub it in their faces that she went to a "big kid" Birthday, because of this, what I think happened Lisa and the girls know how much Emily looked up to DW and thought since she tried to ruin their party have Emily go up and tell DW something that would ruin her's.

1 Comment
2024/04/01
23:35 UTC

10

Why Pac-Man dies the way he does.

When Pac Man dies, his mouth folds out on himself, reducing him to nothingness. I have a shitty theory that explains why this happens. The enemies are ghosts, creatures known to haunt buildings and posses things. I have a theory that when a ghost touches Pac-Man, the ghost possesses his mouth and proceeds to use it to "Eat" Pac-Man. As for Ms. Pac-Man, the ghosts still posses her, but spin her around until she gets so dizzy she dies. I cannot explain Jr Pac-Man, though.

0 Comments
2024/04/01
23:09 UTC

25

Isabel/Isabelle from LOST & Animal Crossing

Isabel from S3 of LOST didn’t die; she actually flashed sideways/forwards and ended up as Isabelle in Animal Crossing: New Leaf. She was unhappy as a human in the leadership role of sheriff of the Others (in part because surroundings were so dark and dreary), but as a shihtzu secretary in AC: New Leaf, she loved the brighter, pastel colors.

1 Comment
2024/04/01
10:28 UTC

1

Garp let Ace die to help luffy become pirate king.

Whenever we see Garp hear luffy’s antics he always laughs and even let him go after enies lobby, but he doesn’t do the same thing for ace. Garp let Ace die because he knows Ace is strong competition for his real grandson.

5 Comments
2024/04/01
00:07 UTC

3

There is no Jim Carrey. Only Ace Ventura.

That is all.

0 Comments
2024/03/30
00:07 UTC

20

Anakin actually had heard the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise before and was just being polite to a dottering old man's story

4 Comments
2024/03/28
22:36 UTC

16

[My Cousin Vinny 2: Vinny At The Nuremberg Trials] The reason Vinny couldn't escape the time loop is because it's a nearly impossible task to defend Hermann Goering.

So we all know the historic classic, "My Cousin Vinny 2". It's a follow up to the beloved "My Cousin Vinny", a fantastic fish out of water story starring Joe Pesci, an actor usually associated with more traditionally villainous roles.

Well, here in "My Cousin Vinny 2", we see a return to form, as Vinny Gambini represents one of the worst Nazi war criminals at the Nuremberg trials.

Some may see this as a tactless affair, and I do as well. I thought the timeloop aspect, the montage of Goering being hanged, shot, electrocuted, was a straight scene for scene rip-off of the same montage from "Groundhog Day", a movie from four years earlier, which was one of my favorite films of the last decade.

Personally, I think this film is horrifically tasteless, and the final victory by Vinny, the final slam-dunk in the basket, he delivers the line, "My client couldn't have committed the genocide, he was in Brooklyn." is entirely without any sort of respect or dignity to the people that this movie targets.

3 Comments
2024/03/28
20:08 UTC

12

Blade is able to be a daywalker because of his melanin

The melanin in his skin protects him from the sun during the day allowing him to be a daywalker

4 Comments
2024/03/27
00:26 UTC

24

The Matrix is actually a cautionary tale about poor software engineering practices because how did the machines not program a way to instantly kill specific users?

1 Comment
2024/03/23
19:14 UTC

7

The Queen’s Gambit and Furiosa are set in the same universe

What if Beth Harmon from "the Queen's Gambit," a chess prodigy, evolves into Furiosa in "Mad Max" as the cold war between the US and the Soviet Union turns apocalyptic. her world of chess strategies morphs into a survival battleground. adopting the name furiosa, she uses her analytical prowess for tactical raids in the wasteland, her war rig becoming her queen piece in a real-life chess game. her journey from chessboard to wasteland is marked by calculated moves, now aimed at survival rather than checkmate, and the new movie will show her ceiling hallucinations tell her how to win irl battles. the transformation into furiosa, with scars and a mechanical arm, symbolizes her adaptation to this harsh new reality. Beth's strategic mind, once confined to chess, becomes her greatest asset in a world where every day is a battle. from prodigy to warrior, starring Anya Taylor Joy

1 Comment
2024/03/20
13:12 UTC

8

In mamma mia, Sophie doesnt have a dad. Instead, shes the chosen one from star wars and anakin isnt the chosen one

She was conceived by the force to bring balance by inviting her mom's exes to her wedding and making her mom not hate them

1 Comment
2024/03/20
06:34 UTC

2

[The Master of Disguise] Marshall Applewhite would have been turtle-y enough for the turtle club if he hadn't gone up to the mothership.

0 Comments
2024/03/19
17:54 UTC

4

Shōgun is a spinoff from Westworld, and John Blackthorne is a tourist in Samuraiworld

1 Comment
2024/03/19
00:40 UTC

1

[The Walking Dead] Danai Guerrera actually has feelings for Rick's actor in real life.

I mean, look at how she looks at him.

1 Comment
2024/03/18
20:10 UTC

21

Disney came up with the concept of "Kyber Crystals" in Star Wars as a consequence of them being unable to get the rights to the beer "Cerveza Cristal"

Lightsabres. The death star's tractor beam. They all used to be powered by the beer known as "Cerveza Cristal". But when Disney took over Star Wars they didn't gain the rights to the beer. So all references to the beer were removed in the films, or replaced with "Kyber Crystals" (as can be heard in Rogue 1), which sounds legally distinct enough compared to Cerveza Cristal.

for reference. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSgMWAi9YPA

0 Comments
2024/03/17
15:16 UTC

6

Paul in Dune can’t actually see the future. He is just some dude tripping balls spouting gibberish about a terrible purpose he causes

0 Comments
2024/03/17
03:27 UTC

3

[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles] The Ninja Turtles were born because a man fucked a turtle. Which is of course, morally wrong, but atleast they fight crime now.

0 Comments
2024/03/16
00:37 UTC

0

[Star Wars] Darth Vader changed his name briefly to Anakin Skywalker while married to Padme, which is why from a certain point of view, Vader murdered Look's father.

2 Comments
2024/03/15
02:56 UTC

35

[Forrest Gump] Lieutenant Dan wouldn't have survived 'Nam if it was his top half that got blown off and not his legs.

9 Comments
2024/03/14
23:17 UTC

23

LOTR and Dune exist in the same universe.

LOTR takes place in earths distant past and dune takes place in the distant future, why are they in the same universe? Well, i like both quite a bit and i think it'd be neat! (Even though Tolkien hated dune, oh well)

11 Comments
2024/03/12
14:37 UTC

15

The Hokey Pokey Is A Never Ending Cycle

I mean think about it. What are the steps to doing The Hokey Pokey?

  1. You put your right hand in
  2. You put your right hand out
  3. You put your right hand in and you shake it all about
  4. You do The Hokey Pokey-
  5. You put your right hand in
  6. You put your right hand out
  7. You put your right hand in and you shake it all about
  8. You do The Hokey Pokey-
  9. You put your right hand in
  10. You put your right hand out
  11. You put your right hand in and you shake it all about
  12. You do The Hokey Pokey-
  13. You put your right hand in
  14. You put your right hand out
  15. You put your right hand in and you shake it all about
  16. You do The Hokey Pokey-

The cycle will never stop! Idk why nobody acknowledges this.

7 Comments
2024/03/09
18:48 UTC

2

[Teletubies] The Teletubbies are actually Hellraisers.

1 Comment
2024/03/09
18:36 UTC

10

[Avatar] The humans were actually the good guys

Specifically Aang, Katara, Toph, and Sokka. Iroh too I guess.

1 Comment
2024/03/09
12:38 UTC

11

What if my dog was Batman?

We wouldn’t know because of the mask

5 Comments
2024/03/06
07:28 UTC

11

Radiohead's Karma Police is about the Reddit Automod

He talks in Maths (implying he is a calculator)

He buzzes like a fridge (clearly a robot of some sort)

He's like a detuned radio (again some sort of machine)

Karma Police are the users downvoting the automod

0 Comments
2024/03/03
04:19 UTC

191

Bruce Wayne is Batman

32 Comments
2024/03/02
18:57 UTC

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