I normally only do when I'm alone but i been under some pressure for a while, so i accidentally did it at work the other day in front of a coworker. I don't think they where listening but still. I'm not talking to someone imaginary, just that my internal dialogue slips out.

Hey everyone, I could really use some support right now. I recently made the difficult decision to quit my job and return to my home country. Since moving to the UK, I’ve felt miserable, like I’ve been slowly fading into the background. I work remotely from Wales, while my colleagues work hybrid across various offices in England. There’s no set expectation to go into the office, but my manager insisted I attend a team meeting recently, which meant a 10-hour journey.

To make sure I went, my manager put me in charge of a team bonding activity. I was sent the agenda, which included survey results from a questionnaire shared weeks ago. One section was about recognizing our coworkers, and it hurt deeply to see that no one had mentioned me. I’ve always been the go-to person for technical support and help even when I’m already at capacity, and I’ve set up upskilling sessions for juniors entirely on my own, since our company doesn’t offer any formal training. Despite this, not a single person recognized my efforts—not even the juniors I helped.

I didn’t want to attend the meeting but forced myself to go for the activity I was supposed to lead. Afterward, we had a dinner for a retiring colleague—the only reason I stayed. Some former coworkers and my previous manager came, and they hugged everyone around me except me. It felt like a punch to the gut. Then, I got a “goodbye” card, but the messages were short, like “good luck” or oddly even “congrats,” but no one said they’d miss me or that they were sad I was leaving. I felt completely invisible, and it just confirmed that leaving was the right choice.

One of the hardest parts is that I reached out to the department lead who hired me, who is coming back from maternity leave soon, to thank her for the opportunity. She read my message but never replied. It feels like a last straw—like I really meant nothing to anyone there.

I’ve struggled all my life to make friends and feel accepted, and I can’t stop feeling like maybe it’s all my fault. I even reached out to another subreddit for advice, but some responses suggested I might be the problem, that maybe my sessions were boring or I’m not as approachable as I think.

I feel heartbroken and invisible, and I just want to know if anyone here has ever felt this way at work or has any advice. Thanks for reading.

Hi! I am an autistic mom of an autistic 11 year old. Lately I’ve noticed a lot of hand-flapping behaviors from her that were not really present when she was younger. It’s pretty much when she’s talking, she’ll flap her hands as she talks as if it’s like… helping her get the words out or something. I don’t think she realizes she’s doing it.

My question is— should I draw her attention to it? So far I haven’t mentioned it to her at all. We live in a country in which autism isn’t really recognized outside of those with very high support needs. Her school likewise does not know about her diagnosis (she was diagnosed in the US before we moved), and being “openly” autistic isn’t really a thing here anyway. I’m concerned that her hand-flapping could possibly affect her socially & I just don’t know if I should bring it up to her and at least make her aware that she’s doing it and that it’s noticeable— thus giving her the option to continue doing so or look for other ways to stim/regulate/whatever it’s doing for her— OR if that would just potentially make her self-conscious. I don’t think she’s aware she’s doing it. I want her to be comfortable doing what she wants/needs to do, but I also know that realistically we live in a world in which the way we behave in public will have an impact on how we are perceived & I just don’t want her to be targeted by her peers… and keeping in mind that she’s already somewhat of a target due to 1) being a foreigner, and 2) not having certain cultural experiences/values/behaviors that the rest of her peers share, so she’s starting out with some “strikes” against her already.

Thanks!!

Cause someones being negative and outright mean, so I’m like this isnt a productive conversation so lets be done.

And then of course I’m crazy and close minded and couldnt handle someone disagreeing with me.

But cause my brain is weird I CANNOT stand that little red notification. Cant stand it, must click and respond (unless overwhelmed by too many in which case, the only solution is i delete my whole account and start over)

And then the guy who says he definitely isnt angry or being mean at all says I’m narcissistic and egocentric and also using?? cognitive dissonance which I’m not 100% sure he even knows what it means but okay.

And then my little justice seeking brain desperately wants to point out that him “definitely not being mean or angry” is kind of negated by the fact that he was calling me narcissistic and ego centric and whatever else.

Anyone have advice on how to ignore it? I was so close to being so good to myself for ending the conversation when it started getting not good, but of course I had to go back and explain the moment I was called narcissistic, cause I didn’t want to upset anyone, and didnt want anyone to think I wasn’t giving them a fair shot. So I tried to explain it wasnt cause we diagreed, it was how he was going about disagreeing. And that went about as well as you might expect.

Advice or commiseration would be greatly appreciated lol

I've already asked this in another sub but I thought I'd ask here to see if there's a different perspective. I'm not diagnosed autistic but I suspect I may have it. The acquaintances I'm thinking of are NT (as far as I know).

Supposing you have an acquaintance and you have been out with them a couple of times. Then you suggest a plan and they say yes, but then they cancel because they're ill. Then a few days later you invite them to something happening the week after and they say they're not free. The acquaintance hasn't yet tried to reschedule.

Would you leave them be, and wait until they initiate next time? Or would you give some time (maybe a few weeks) and then initiate again?

On the one hand I'm hesitant about seeming "needy", but on the other hand it's nice to invite people to things, and I'm trying to be a bit more social after closing myself off for a while.

Hello, I am a 38-year-old woman from Spain looking for women diagnosed as adults with Asperger's and ADHD, if possible.

I was diagnosed at 36 years old after a lifetime of asking for help and being denied it by social security.

More than anything it is to chat about experiences

so for the most part i just help in tending my mom's mini store as it's the only job i can do. now that i think about it, i'm sort of similar to keiko furukura from the book "convenience store woman".

but every time other people like acquaintances & stuff ask about what i'm doing right now in life, at some point i just tell them i'm doing online classes in college & have already graduated even though that is not the case at all. at some point my mom told them i'm tending to our mini store for the mean time even though it'll be most likely the only job i can do for the rest of my life (i have smth i do on the side as well online, that gets me a little bit of money, although i haven't been active on that front due to mental struggles in the past few months, but i digress).

i know there's a reason why me & my mom have agreed to lie to people about this. to put it simply, it's so that people won't ask a lot of questions about my situation & judge me about not going to college, basically. so that they won't judge me for not going with the common path in life & in turn judging my mom for her parenting abilities. there's a number of reasons as to why i didn't go to college but the biggest reason among them also has something to do with the fact that being autistic makes dealing with the day to day life exhausting. and i just can't tell people i'm autistic cause you guys probably already know why.

idk i guess i just wanted to know if you guys have similar experiences to mine as well & how do you usually cope with it?

All my life, I've had moments when I broke into dance randomly, spinning in circles endlessly.

People around me thought it was weird and called me crazy.

I realized I do it even during conversations with people, after a pause I start spinning, especially when a conversation is emotionally taxing.

It's only after I heard a therapist mention it and realized, oh I've done this all my life and got called odd and crazy for it.

Does anyone else get this? I’m alright now, but some songs took me back. I get these in short bursts (sometimes hours apart, feeling bad after realizing I said something accidentally hurtful). Once I realise how the other person probably felt, it’s so hard for me to let go.

The only time I’ve ever been to the ER over this, I felt so guilty about running away from home for months. I had a rocky relationship with my dad but I think it was always because he was an extremely sentimental person- possibly undiagnosed- and I witnessed meltdowns of his before knowing what meltdowns were. It didn’t hit me until I snuck back home to get something, then saw a full plate of extra dinner left out (presumably for me, dad doesn’t eat dinner usually. This was at month 2 or 3 and I left no sign of returning home, and I had the image of dad leaving dinner out for me every night in case I came back). So I broke down right there, in an empty house, while he was staying late at work. I started hyperventilating from how much I was crying and lost function in my hands from not having enough oxygen in my blood/brain. It was so scary. It has only been that bad a couple of times since then. And thankfully I’ve worked to repair our relationship since then. But it always spooks me that all that happened literally only because I felt bad.

Wondering if this is normal for autistics, or if it’s more of a trauma thing, irrespective of ASD? Especially with the rep we get for being incapable of feeling empathy? Perhaps I need to learn more. I’m late diagnosed and still learning about myself and others’ experiences too.

I'll start off by saying I have PMDD and am in luteal so I feel especially dreadful so I'm sorry if this bums anyone out...but autism is a curse.

I cried on the phone with my partner earlier as I tried to explain that he needs to imagine how awful (and what a sincere disadvantage it is) that I am cursed with something that gives people uncanny valley. People think I'm weird or untrustworthy and getting diagnosed with autism has only made me more aware of that fact so I perform even more poorly socially as I age.

I feel like I have been cursed. The life I could have with a normal brain is out of grasp and that kills me. Not having a job because of burnout has been a nightmare but also a relief because I am not being misunderstood or bullied at a corporate office. But then I feel a deep shame around family and friends for being unemployed. I am so talented but nothing will ever come from my talents because no person is an island.

Can anyone relate to my despair?

Does anyone else have this problem...? Throughout my entire life I've been told I'm stupid or lack common sense so now I ( often ) don't trust my own senses or judgement. Especially when I'm asked to do something, I'm scared of misinterpreting what they're saying so usually I get stuck.

I start thinking,"If I approach this task the way I think I should, could it end up being wrong?" And as a result, I start overthinking and coming up with countless alternative ways to tackle a simple task in hopes that one of them is the right choice. But as I'm coming up with so much I end up unable to pick because I still don't trust my judgement. So I start to short circuit + panic because I get overwhelmed by the pressure of having so many alternatives while also being on a time limit . In the end I still don't trust my original choice... Either I make an even worse decision than my original idea , or I freeze and fail to complete the task altogether.

So in the process of trying not to make myself look stupid, I always still end up making myself look very dumb... and 70% of the time my original judgement was actually fine 😭 I hate this cycle but I don't know how to trust myself :(

I’m so accustomed to being treated poorly that when someone is semi decent to me, I feel like I owe them something. I hate it about myself. I’ve improved a bit when it comes to standing up for myself, but I’m still not where I should be.

People always talk about how autistic people are outspoken and don’t put up with shit… well not me. I’ve been traumatized into pathological people pleasing.

I dunno why I always get stuck with mean people/ assholes, or what I perceive as one. I had (am not now) been a line cook. But was pushed out of the position because the manager "wanted someone who can follow instructions and carry them out". Here's the stuff I've been dealing with lately that makes me suspect that she's not accommodating:

She gives me complicated verbal orders and will not write the instructions she said verbally down. Even when I politely ask to please simplify the instructions or write them down so I understand better.

She mumbles quite a bit,and it makes it hard to hear in an otherwise loud kitchen.

She is not very patient, and judging from her body language, she just seems irritated all the time especially when I'm in her presence.

It doesn't matter what tone of voice I use, she still Acts irritated at / around me, and is very ill tempered and short. I dunno what I'm doing wrong there.

She used sarcasm on me and if you know me irl, I don't understand or do sarcasm and will take it literally.

All this, and I felt frustrated because I've been put in a different (but easier) position all because of the way my brain is wired and the manager won't accommodate. (The person that took my former position is also autistic) And she's up my ass all the time for literally no reason aside from a power trip.

Sometimes I wish people would understand and not just blow it off as "oh, you can get over it"

Hello! Here's some context to the situation! My friend told us that there was a party she was inviting us to because we are at that age that we are too old for trick or treating. I dmed her days before of what the plan was,no response. Day of aswell! She implied it was a open invitation. I was getting ready for the party and super excited to show everyone my costume (I was Jesse pinkman from breaking bad) then she texts the gc that it isn't open sorry.. I feel so betrayed,circled my whole night around it. Then I called my bf if I can come over sense it basically on the verge of tears being alone on my favorite holiday and he said yes. I drive there I'm at the point where I need to turn. Then tell me why his whole block is blocked off by police? Basically I just went home and cried but it wasn't all bad,my bf called me and stayed with me on the phone just to be there for me. I just feel so betrayed,I'm sick of giving so much of myself to people that don't care. I know I sound dramatic but it deeply hurt me. Hopefully the second Halloweekend isn't over. Thank you for reading. Just going through the motions of early adulthood.

I am currently hiding in my bedroom, no lights on so I'd be unnoticed, and I am TERRIFIED.

My daughter (who I love dearly) went to her friends' (triplets) house to play today, and since we don't own a car, their mom came to pick up my daughter (for context, she's kinda desperate for friends because triplets, and she's both very boring and very clingy) because she invited her, and she got her home too.

BUT, now she and her husband won't f**king leave, their kids are SUPER LOUD, my daughter looks like she's on drugs she jumps everywhere and yells and stuff, and I'm taking a valium after this.

Thankfully, my husband being here, I only have to hide in my room and having a nervous breakdown by myself, (seriously, that man is a hero to me) instead of being in pain FK THEY WON'T SHUT UP IT'S LIKE THEY'RE SCREAMING IN MY EARS FK FFFFF*****CK NOW THEY'RE IN MY HOUSE UNINVITED I'M GONNA GO NUTS F****###****CK

Ok they're leaving. It's valium time. I'm gonna die young I swear.

I’ve lived in my region my whole life, and yet I am constantly asked where my accent is from. People throw out guess from other regions, even other countries. I genuinely have no idea why I’m constantly asked this, and I’m kind of tired of it. I know it shouldn’t, but it makes me feel self conscious about how I speak. I’m just wondering if it’s an autistic thing that others may experience

I’m an adult living back at home. My parents are retired and call out for my attention A LOT (maybe 2 or 3 times an hour). Sometimes, when I’m hyper focused on work or a hobby, I think I filter the calls out. Other times, I think I kind of purposely filter it out because it happens so much and it’s never that urgent and I think “if I don’t respond right away maybe they’ll realize it can wait.” I’m the same way with their frequent phone calls too. It almost feels like they think I should be attentive to them at all times, even when I’m busy.

Today my mom told me she’s worried about my hearing because I don’t respond to her calling out my name. I feel really bad about myself.

On the one hand, I think this might be linked to my autism (attention difficulties, slow processing speed) but on the other hand I think it might be a trauma response. My parents have always demanded all my love and attention, even when I was a kid. I wish they would text me or quietly knock on my door if they needed something. Instead, they scream my name from wherever it is they’re sitting and expect me to run to them. It’s exhausting and kind of triggering.

Does anyone have any insights or advice?

Hi everyone, I'm new to this group. I have recently come to the realisation that I could well be on the spectrum.

I'm 32F.

In the past I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety. I also have PMDD, I thought I had social anxiety. There's so many different things but it's never 100% that thing only if that makes sense. I could never put my finger on it. And the more I look into it the more it feels like im autistic. I have meltdowns and I always thought it was over past experiences when in fact I'm having an autistic meltdown if that's what it's called?

My next step is to be assessed but I'm in the UK and I feel like I'll be waiting months as an adult to even be assessed. Any tips or advice would be much welcome, I'm new to this all!

I have already got tons of evidence that supports why I think this, I've been documenting it for ages. Signs and symptoms etc and have therapists that can support this too.

does anyone else struggle with this?? i have so many interests and thoughts but im super shy and mask really hard so its very very hard to think of anything to say to ANYONE 😭

i thought i hit the jackpot because i met someone in my area who has all of the same interests as me, similar sense of humor, and is also autistic, but EVEN THEN my mind is blank and i can't think of topics to talk about. i tried asking a few questions about our shared interests but the convo fizzles SO fast. initiating convos, hang outs, and picking the convo topic is so hard for me 😭 i dont wanna pick something boring or weird, but it's like if i dont do all the initiating and effort then no one will (which also makes me wonder if everyone else is also that awkward/shy or if im just extremely unlikable?? why does no one try with me?)

anyway we met up irl and it was awkward and we barely said anything to each other ): i want so bad to make friends but even with other nd girls it's so hard. i feel like a huge flop cos i cant even make friends with people that are so similar to me 🧍 it's rough out here y'all

I love a good trail walk. Most of the trails in the Bay Area have signs that say 'walk on the right, pass on your left' and to announce yourself when passing.

I have a whole other post about cyclists but what infuriated me today was several different pedestrians shoved past me on the right when I was already walking on the far right side edge of the trail. One was right coming at us and didn't want to yield so we had to.

The one I can't get over today just came up behind me as I was walking next to my mom and physically shoved between us. We were far over to the right of the trail. I said 'excuse me, there was plenty of room to pass on the left' and she grunted and kept going. It set off both my annoyance and sensory issues. How do you even approach this? How do you move on from being annoyed? Thanks for listening.

My neighbours downstairs in my building always burn insense or some other strong smell. They are religious in some way and have red and yellow decorations outside their door. They burn this smell all the time. I can smell it when I am inside my flat 😞 I lit a candle tonight in my bedroom but I can still smell it. I feel irritated and a bit overstimulated. My flat feels less like my home because I can smell that all the time. What should I do? I live in the UK.

I’m nervous I’m going to get in trouble. For the past few weeks my coworkers have been adjusting the thermostat several times a day. I work in the upstairs of a dental office doing claims processing, every morning someone turns the heat up to 76 degrees on the thermostat on the wall. They also have blankets and space heaters at their desks and the space heaters run constantly. I’ve sent 3 emails about the matter over the span of a month. I’ve asked for a lock box be bought for the thermostat and I just can’t take the heat anymore. I’m sweating through my clothes and then my clothes are wet and sticking to me, and my hands are all sweaty and my desk is getting gross from it and I just can’t take it anymore ☹️ I’m so over stimulated and grumpy from being too hot. I really like this job though and I’m nervous the quarrels with the coworkers are going to ruin it

I am 39 and just took the ados 2 test on Tuesday. I felt really stupid when they asked me to do each thing! With the objects I tried making a story with the objects literally and I got 2 objects in and said " i hate this. I just can't do it." It was like my brain was battling with me that it was the stupidest thing ever and if I got over how stupid it was I could do it. I read the frog book but afterwards when my husband and I were reading about the tests together he asked if I just described what was happening or talked about the frogs emotions and I said I just described what was happening. But I used to be a prek teacher! I am annoyed I didn't think to get really into the book but again I was so embarrassed and it made me feel like a kid.

Anyway, I told my husband this and he laughed (not in a mean way) because he knows this kind of imaginative play is not something I can do.

Umm anyway. I just needed to say this to a group of people who have maybe also gone through this. I haven't gotten the diagnosis yet but I can't stop thinking about that frickin test. My husband says I'm mad because I didn't know the rules and that's the point. I know that! I'm still mad lol.

Thanks for listening! Happy Halloween!

I’m noticing that the men I date have a very specific set of patterns in how they think about the world, experience sensations, organize their tasks etc.

I think it’s possible that I am not their dream girl, we are just all neurodivergent together haha

Hiya everyone! I just wanted to start a fun thread where we can discuss some of our sensory glimmers and special interests aka our autistic joy :-)

I’ll start:

For me it’s putting together a cute outfit, adding a makeup product to my collection, reading a great book, disassociating in nature, seeing my favorite artists preform live, idyllic bike rides, engaging in performance arts, RUBBING ON VELVET, aromatherapy, studying the occult, & talking to you guys

What are some of yours ?

So sometimes I'll start something - eg. a new video game, research into a specific country, research into history etc etc. but it always follows the same pattern: become obsessed, then get the overwhelming need to know EVERYTHING all at once and as quickly as possible, burnout.

My problem is that I obviously can't learn everything about a subject at once and I end up burning out in matter of minutes and having to leave whatever it is I've just started.

Just wondering if anyone else gets these intense bursts of what feels like manic research

I've been working in this company for almost two years now.

The pay is rather good. It's a 20mins drive from home so I can go restore my batteries at lunch. I can work from home 2/3 days a week.

When I took the job, I was going through a tough depression. I'm still in it, but I've learned to cope as well as possible. I was followed by a psychiatrist who wanted to write me a note to only work from home but I refused as I was afraid they wouldn't keep me if I did.

I am very sensitive to noise. I work with my nose cancelling earphones all the time except in meetings. Sometimes, I'll have nose cancelling headphones on top. I had to explain that have to have my computer during meetings. If I don't, my mind starts wandering and going through my life, to the events that led me there and I spend all my energy trying not to cry and trying to look and act normal. We have a lot of meetings every week.

Today, we had a day of workshops. A whole day. No computers. No headphones. We started with an ice breaker where we had to answer questions by walking across the room to were the answer was written. For some reason, I'd rather not have to use my body at work. I feel like a fish on land. Out of place and gasping for air. Then we had the first workshop. 3 groups in a room. Around a table with chairs but no one dared to sit. Brainstorming. How am I supposed to brainstorm in the middle of a hurricane?

We could barely hear each other over the voices of the other groups, the sound of the coffee machine, the hum of some hidden machines and footsteps. I went to the toilets to try and calm myself. But When I came back, my eyes had started leaking. I barely lasted 15 minutes before I walked to my boss to tell her I had to leave. I meant to say I needed a break and instead I heard myself say I was going home.

Now I'm in bed. I don't think there's any point in trying to go back this afternoon. I can't just quit before I find something else but I'm afraid, after today, the decision is no longer in my hands.

I,(f18) feel like sometimes when i get overstimulated, overwhelmed, excited and basically any high level of emotion sometimes without realizing it or not I end up getting really physical with people, especially my bf, I really am trying to be more conscious of it and I strongly feel like this is more me than my autistim, but sometimes it feels like i have no control, i.e. sometimes we’ll be playing and getting excited and it’s met with pushing and tugging, or sometimes when im overwhelmed i cant verbalize it so sometimes he’ll try and fix it and i push at him or like kinda tap his arm away or smth. Idrk but truthfully this is more a cry for help with my bf and what i can do to be better, i feel like he fully doesn’t understand me or why i do certain things, mute episodes, and takes it as what id assume many people think the silent treatment is while its not that at all. This is an over post asking what i can do to help myself, him, and how to explain myself to him in a way he’d understand, I’m truly desperate I love him and feel like im becoming more of a burden on him. I’m desperate and want this but i just feel like sometimes i can only manage to do the thing that’ll piss him off

I want more friends but I often feel too burnt out or tired to commit to many social events. I also take awhile to warm up and feel socially comfortable with new ppl. I would love a hobby or something in which you show up and do something in the same space as other ppl but you don’t have to chat with ppl if you don’t want to.

Like everyone playing cozy games near each other but on their own devices at a coffee shop or doing art in the same space or reading books in the same space. But also as part of an event, it would be socially appropriate to approach each other and chat if people are interested in chatting. Ideally, I would like regularly occurring events so that the first few times I can just be more observant and then start chatting with ppl.

Anyone have any experience with this?

Or suggestions?

sometimes, even with family, it feels like i'm so detached and i just shut down. it's been happening more recently because before i would mask everything but now i'm no longer hinding my feelings. i just feel offput by the thoughts of being around or socializing with some people.