It’s like watching two different children. He is so talkative, sociable, and at ease around adults (and to an extent younger children), but once kids his age (8-9) start trying to interact with him it’s like he shuts down and becomes super quiet. It’s not that he doesn’t know how to communicate or hold a conversation. I’m just curious what could be going on in his head when he’s approached by kids his age and why does it seem like a switch flips in his brain?

I realize I could also just ask him directly. I just don’t want to make him unnecessarily uncomfortable about his social skills any more than he may already be.

So Im sorry if this is a silly question but Im a neurotypical teacher and lately I’ve been worrying (and probably overthinking) about where I should look with a kid won’t/can’t make eye contact. Is it uncomfy for them if I look at their eyes/faces, even as they’re looking away? I don’t want them to feel pressured to mask and look at me.

Also since it’s a language class so it might be helpful for them to stare at my face or at least in my direction for language comprehension reasons (to see my mouth and any gestures I make). If they don’t want to, that’s totally fine, and I’d never tell them off for looking away. But if I can do something to make it better for them if they do choose to, I’d like to try.

Anyways, do any neurodivergent folks have any input? I know it probably varies but just what r ur thoughts? What makes you the most comfortable when interacting with others? Should I also look away, or should I just do what comes naturally to me and look at them and let them make or avoid eye contact how they want?

I am a neurotypical person in a relationship with someone on the autistic spectrum, and I am struggling to adapt to, and cope with their behaviour.

For the majority of the time, my partner is the sweetest, kindest, and most gentle person that I have ever known. However, during periods of high stress, she is prone to meltdowns, and her frustration manifests itself as anger towards myself. I try so hard to understand her and the causes of these meltdowns, but the level of anger directed towards me can be overwhelmingly hurtful and is increasingly difficult to deal with.

Causes of recent meltdowns include: me not being rigorous enough with cleaning, the suggestion that we might deviate from our plans for an evening, me either preparing food in a way that she doesn't like, or even just the suggestion of this.

This always occurs during periods of high stress, and these perceived transgressions merely precipitate a meltdown. I do my best to try and anticipate and manage this, but it is becoming exhausting, and I feel like I am walking on eggshells at times.

The main problem for me is that her frustration is redirected as anger and resentment towards me. A reoccurring theme is that I do not think nor care about her, which is incredibly hurtful. These periods of hatred towards me can be extremely long in duration, usually lasting for between 12 and 24 hours, and they leave me totally emotionally exhausted.

My partner was diagnosed with ASD as a child, but it seems to have been something that her parents brushed off to one side, and she doesn't seem to really have an understanding of her own autism. This, I feel, complicates any attempts to find solutions to our problems.

Any advice on how to proceed with managing these meltdowns would be very welcome.

I was lucky enough to never go through it, because I was diagnosed a little late, but I’m well aware that it’s bad. If anyone has been through ABA (applied behavioral analysis therapy) and feels comfortable sharing, what made it bad and how is it still affecting you today?

To begin, sorry for my English I'm french. So I know maybe (bcs I'm french) it's not the same ways. So I'm a 16 teenager and for some time now I realize that I do things differently from others. I do strange thing? (As I can want to hit/knock something for no reason, pull my hair. Bite me (not very hard), shake my head for no reason... or I have a bad memory, like really. I have almost no memory of my childhood (I'm 16). I have trouble remembering things that are barely 1-2 years old.) And I would like to get tested to see if I'm just strange or if there is an explanation. And I guess the best way to know how to do it is to ask the person concerned? So could you help me please?

Because I'm starting to despair because I'm told that I have to go see a psychiatrist, another time that I have to see my GP to do a cognitive test or even a neurologist. I don't know what to do.. 🥲😅

Many of Non-Dancers like me still enjoy watching people dancing, but what if someone comes to you and grab your hand and Force you to dance with him or her, without having chance to say no? How would you escape before dancing begins?

Hi! Sorry in advance for the long post, but I could really use some advice on how to best approach conflict with my autistic partner.

Background On Our Relationship

My partner and I have been together for nearly 5 years and have lived together for the past 2. Throughout that time I have made a really sincere effort to understand his autism and as part of that, I try to be sympathetic to his emotional needs, even when I may not fully understand why he is behaving a certain way. He has always been easily aggravated and quick to anger, so I try my very best to avoid anything that may trigger him. Most of the time, he is an incredibly affectionate, caring, and understanding partner, but if something sets him off, he quickly spirals into rage. He has never been physical with me, nor do I think he ever would be, but when he is upset he will yell at me, which I don't appreciate.

For context, I am a law student, so I am very comfortable with calmly articulating my point in a dispute. I make a very conscious effort when we are having a disagreement to stay cool and collected, reassure him that I love him and my frustration doesn't change that, and I calmly explain how I am feeling and why. I essentially gentle parent him when he is upset. I very rarely raise my voice at him and if I do it is usually because he raises his first or is clearly ignoring the point I have made several times.

Typical Argument Structure

I love him dearly, but his anger is starting to take a toll on me. Without fail, every argument goes like this:

1. We encounter a source of disagreement. I explain my stance to him. He doesn't seem to make much of an effort to understand why I am feeling upset and will often assert that I am wrong without considering my perspective.
2. He begins to feel agitated and starts to raise his voice at me. I don't take well to this and admittedly this is usually the moment where I raise mine. I don't yell at him, but I will often raise my voice and sternly tell him that he can not speak to me that way. I reassure him that it is okay to feel upset, but it is not okay to take it out on me and it is not ever acceptable to scream at me
3. Sometimes at this point he keeps pushing and asserting his (hurtful) point, which is then when I will snap. Typically, my breaking point is if he begins to curse at me, because that is not something I am willing to accept from a partner. My snapping still isn't nearly as hostile as his, but I will begin laying into him about why the way he is treating me is unacceptable, with less of a filter than I used before. Usually, this is when I put my foot down and tell him that I am not going to allow him to berate me and if I begin to feel like I am going to fully lose my temper, I will usually choose to leave the room and tell him that I need a minute. Alternatively, sometimes he is the one who leaves the room, only he does it much more aggressively (yelling, slamming doors, etc.) and usually in the middle of me saying something he doesn't like (often something related to him not taking accountability).
4. Once I leave the room, he immediately will begin very loudly crying. Like wailing, screaming crying. Even if the source of the argument was him doing something that hurt my feelings, once we get to this point I feel really guilty because I can hear him crying and hyperventilating (again, VERY loudly). I'm not sure if the emotion is genuine or if it is used as a manipulation tactic. Either way, every single time, I give in. Every. Single. Time.
5. Once I go back into the room, he is usually sitting on the floor breathing heavily and wailing and will stare off and go non-verbal until I hold him and talk him down from a panic attack. As much as I am usually still incredibly angry, I feel horrible to see him suffering and anxious, so I always sacrifice my closure and self-advocacy to care for him. I will hug him and coach him through breathing exercises until he is able to regain his composure. At this point he will often start apologizing, but it doesn't feel like a genuine apology because it is said in the form of repeating it over and over while sobbing. Often I still feel really hurt by the things he said to me or the way he treated me, but I let it go because I know I'm not going to get the response I'm looking for and I don't want to send him back into a panic attack. Despite always putting his comfort and feelings first, I am still often left feeling guilty. Even if he initiated an argument and really hurt my feelings, I always feel like I have to just let it go, and I do.

Why I Am Struggling/How I Feel

It is so emotionally draining to feel like I am not allowed to have emotions. His emotional needs always come first, but when we have a conflict he has so little regard for me and my feelings, then expects me to comfort him and tell him it is okay and I understand. I never end up actually getting to say what I want to and I am often left with unresolved feelings about our arguments because I never get any form of acknowledgment of my feelings, nor do I get a genuine apology most times.

It is one thing for him to unintentionally lash out at me. I'm a big girl and I can handle a bit of arguing or yelling. What hurts most is the feeling that I can never truly express a grievance because I will never be heard out. No matter how deeply hurt I feel by his words or actions, I feel like I will always have to just swallow that and let it go because I know I am never going to get the response that I need or have my feelings validated. It is so gut wrenching to sit there and comfort him and tell him it is okay every time just so he can feel better. Don't get me wrong, I want to help him in that moment because I love him and I always let it go because I care more about him feeling loved, secure, and comfortable than I care about being right, but I fear that if I keep bottling up my feelings and never getting closure on arguments that eventually I am going to hit a breaking point.

Most Recent Incident

He was out of town visiting his family last week. I was home alone and feeling really lonely and anxious about it, but it was important to me to give him the space to go see his family one-on-one so I tried not to mention that, so he wouldn't feel guilty or bad and could enjoy his trip. While he was gone, I took on all of his chores, cared for his plants, and cared for our pets. Our house was super messy and chaotic, but I wanted him to come home to a nice environment, so I spent hours deep cleaning the house and organizing and putting everything away. I even baked cookies so he would have a treat when he got home and the house would smell warm and inviting. I washed all of the bedding and made the bed up nicely, set the temperature exactly how he liked it, and did everything I could think of to make sure the place felt homey. Last night immediately when I picked him up from the airport he was crabby and a bit curt with me, but I let it go because I was just happy to see him and knew he was just frustrated from a long day of travel.

Today he went to make lunch and noticed I forgot to put more apples in the refrigerator. We have plenty of apples, they are just room temperature. He quickly began yelling at me and telling me that he told me if I eat the apples in the fridge that I need to put more in and make sure he has one (he eats the same meal for lunch everyday). I ate the last cold apple while he was out of town and forgot to replace it before he got back. I immediately owned up to it and told him I was really sorry and had forgotten. He then continued to yell at me about how he told me to make sure he had a cold apple and how he is so hungry and now his lunch is ruined. Normally, I would probably have yelled back at this point and told him he was being unreasonable. Instead, I just immediately began crying. (I had already told him I wasn't feeling well today and I was laying on the couch at this point trying to get myself to feel well enough to do school work.) Despite me crying and apologizing several times, he went on to then start yelling about how he does the grocery shopping, dishes, laundry, etc. and I can't even put an apple in the refrigerator for him. I think it is important to note that he works part time remotely, essentially just whenever he feels like it, and I am a full-time student at a competitive law school. I am incredibly busy and most of my peers don't take a single day off during the semester from school work, but I have bent over backwards to make sure I am giving him plenty of attention and I always take at least one day a week completely off of school just to focus on him. When I was first starting law school, he and I discussed what it was going to be like and he reassured me time and time again that he would take care of things around the house so I can focus on school (I do still have chores like folding laundry and putting away clean dishes too.) Me doing well in law school means that I can get a good, high paying job, which benefits both of us, something he knows. I have told him that as long as I get a good job, I don't mind if he wants to be a stay at home husband in the future, so him helping me get through law school has always been part of that deal we made. Because of that, it was devastating for me to have him hold the things for me over my head and treat me like I am lazy and sit around doing nothing all day just because I forgot to put an apple in the refrigerator. It was so invalidating to how hard I am constantly working to make sure I am balancing law school and our relationship and also to the many kind things I do for him. I am so gentle and patient with him all the time, yet he continued to scream at me over this while I just sobbed and apologized over and over for forgetting. It broke my heart to hear that he feels like I don't contribute to the household after I spent hours (after a full day of classes) cleaning the house just so everything would be nice for him.

I ended up getting up and going to my office because it was clear he wasn't interested in apologizing or retracting his statement. It took nearly an hour for him to come knock on my door to apologize. I was so hurt and I told him that it is okay to be frustrated, but it is never okay to yell at me like that. I explained that it hurt my feelings that he continued to yell while I was crying. The entire time I explained this he looked at me like a sad puppy, scared it was going to be hit or something. I told him that I love him and I thanked him for apologizing, but I said that I am not going to tell him it is okay. He then left the room in the middle of my sentence and began screaming crying in the room next door to me, very loudly while I was trying to get schoolwork done. Knowing this would happen, I felt frustrated and went into the other room and confronted the fact that I was trying to work on schoolwork, but I can't just sit and do that when he is crying like that and making me feel guilty. He told me to go back to work and that he would go upstairs. He then was in the room above me and I could hear him wailing through the ceiling. I felt so guilty and like I needed to go up and check on him and talk him down, but then I decided that he needs to learn how to self-regulate and that it is not my job to go comfort him when he treated me so poorly over something as simple as the temperature of his apple.

Asking for Advice

I really don't know where to go from here. I love him more than anything and 99% of the time we get along great, but anytime he gets like this I am reminded of that feeling of helplessness and oppression of having to suppress all of my feelings and grievances just to comfort him.

I often feel guilty when he is in these states for feeling frustrated with him. I just don't know what is genuinely a symptom of his autism and if his crying is beyond his control or if he is doing it to manipulate me so he doesn't have consequences, because he knows I will just apologize (even if I have objectively done nothing wrong) just so he can feel better.

In the past, he has promised me that he will start seeing a therapist to work on his emotional regulation, but then when I bring it up later he will lash out at me and insist he is not going. I don't know what to do, but for our relationship to succeed I really need him to find some coping mechanisms.

Any advice for how to move forward and make sure both of our emotional needs are met? I don't mind being flexible and bending to accommodate him, but I can't keep bending this far or I will inevitably break.

Can I reverse a ASD diagnosis- I used to suffer from complex ticks when I was younger and got diagnosed with ASD, I have grown out of these ticks and refuse to accept that I am autistic, I show non of the characteristics. I hate this diagnosis, I didn't want to get diagnosed my parents made me l had no say, makes me physically sick knowing being labeled as autistic because I'm not. I get no extra support for being 'autistic' but sometimes I break into fcking tears due to the labelling

Per title.

While I don't want to go into specific personal experiences, I wondered if anyone had any thoughts on trying to achieve an emotional balance as you struggle with autism?

For me, very few experiences bring me joy or inspiration, as my cognitive load, beyond my difficulties with fitting into a neurotypical world as a neurodivergent, is usually dominated by depression, anxiety and an unhealthy spattering of alexithymia (emotional blindness). I've found very few things bring me joy or inspiration, and in the moments where my depression and anxiety aren't completely muting my emotional experiences, I find myself hyperfocussing on things that provide these joyful or inspirational experiences, such as limerence or attaching myself to the idea of a fictional icon (for example, the idea of Superman).

Neither of these things are real things, despite my experiences feeling real.

How do you navigate this with autism?

This is just like the title sounds. I have a friend and she is autistic, one thing we do have in common is that we both don't like going out. However recently I've been trying to be more social and go to big events because I want to meet new people. I want her to come with me to these things because I get really anxious when I'm not with someone I know in public.

However my friend has a routine she likes to stick to and she doesn't really like people and I feel like suddenly asking her to go to large social events with me for my sake my throw her off a bit. This is sort of embarrassing, but she is my only friend, and I want to go out and do things with her, but I don't want her to feel like I'm forcing her to do it for my sake. I'm homeschooled, the only way for me to meet new people is by going out, and I really want to meet new people.

Is it better if I slowly introduce the idea? Or slowly do small things with her that involve going out? Should I not ask at all and just keep letting her do her thing? I don't know and I'm really nervous of making her uncomfortable somehow, but I'd really love for her to go with me. I haven't said anything about it yet, but I just want to know if it would be uncomfortable for her to suddenly try and get her to do something that's very different from what she normally does and has been doing for a long time. Any advice is appreciated, thank you.

I'm very into history and love discussing and talking about it, but it's impossible for me to find someone that interested on it too, especially in person. So I was wondering if there's someone like that here who would be interested in talking and creating a kind of bond, maybe a "virtual friendship" so to say.

It's so wonderful the feeling when you find someone with your similar "crazy" interests...

(I posted this on the neurodivergence but figured I'd post here too)

Hi everyone! One of my close friends (16F) who is diagnosed with anxiety, autism, ADHD and PTSD recently joined a group of kids at schools that she refers to as her friends and always tells me how happy she is that they have accepted her. However whenever I see them interacting and through the stories she tells me it's clear to me that they are bullying her. Instances include them telling to her go somewhere to meet for lunch then all ghosting her with BS excuses, "testing" her autism by going "omg she can make eye contact!" and laughing, "accidentally" hiding her medication and lastly intentionally trying to figure out what her PTSD is related to because they want to trigger her (they were openly laughing about this when she left for the bathroom and I overheard). She always reasons out why they're doing this and thinks it's completely normal as she has never been in a group before.

My problem is that my friend is quite reactive (not sure if that's the right word) and I don't want to hurt her, but she cannot tell that she is being bullied. Can anyone with a similar diagnosis please give advice on how to best approach the situation or if I should at all. I really care about her and want what's best for her, but I also know that I can't approach this the same way I do with my other friends. Thanks in advance for the help!

NT here looking for ideas and advice!

My partner has ASD and we tend to live very well with each other. Recently what has been a real challenge is tidiness due to our very busy lifestyles.

I keep on top of my things fairly well, however he is not so good at this. He’s a very untidy person, who subsequently gets overwhelmed by his own clutter/mess. It’s not quite as simple as me helping him tidy up because he’s very particular about where things should be, and if I don’t get it spot on that can be just as distressing as the mess that was there before.

Can anyone give some advice on how I can support him best? I want to give him a safe comfortable space and help alleviate the things that overwhelm him, but in doing so that’s also causing frustration!

Thank you in advance!

Longer versions is I went through a series of difficult events and spent most of the past year in bed from grief and physical illness. I’m trying to reconnect with my friends, and assumed we hadn’t been hanging out because I had been tired/grieving/sick. It turns out a number of friends are mad at me (some don’t even know each other so I don’t think it’s all for the same reason but not sure), but nobody will tell me why. They all say things like “I don’t want to criticize you while you’re going though so much”.

The thing is through, I had no idea they were mad, and feel terribly that I hurt them and want to apologize and make things right. I also miss them terribly and would like to resume the friendships. I have a couple inklings but I’m pretty sure I’m missing a lot, and am growing lonelier and lonelier as more of my friends are “taking space” from me.

Is there anything I can do? I love my friends, a lot, and just want to fix things, but I assume I must have done some pretty bad stuff for them to be this mad. I want to take responsibility and apologize at the very least but I really don’t know how.

It probably doesn’t help that I got my diagnosis while they weren’t speaking to me much, so I’m not sure if any of them know I’m autistic. I’ve told all the friends I’m still in contact with and their only surprise was that I didn’t know I had autism already and they all already seemed to know before I did 😅So maybe these other friends also know? I certainly don’t want to bring it up right now or try to use it as an excuse but I’m not sure if it’s useful context for them.

Has anybody gone through similar (from either perspective)? Any advice?

Just want to start by saying sorry if the title sounds rude, I tried to reword it six times. I also don’t know if this is where I should be asking this but, are there any trustworthy books for how to have a successful relationship with an autistic partner? My fiancé is high functioning autistic (was diagnosed as a child), and it’s the first time I’ve been in a relationship with someone who has autism (I’ve had friends that have it, but this is entirely different). To make sure I validate him and his feelings properly, I’ve been trying to find resource material (books, articles and anything else) that may help me, but it appears that there’s more about parenting than there is about having a successful romantic relationship with someone who has autism. I seem to have done well up to this point in our relationship, but due to some changes he’s unmasking very quickly and sometimes freaks out about it himself and gets very…down, for lack of a better word. I just want to make sure I have as much information as possible to make his life easier and make sure he knows I’m “building” him a safe space.

Hey, everybody.

So I recently had a full cognitive/neuropsych assessment done-- largely because I've been seeking an ADHD diagnosis. In the weeks between finishing the eval and getting the results, a friend of mine (who is currently studying psychology, works with autistic patients, and has known me since we were children) brought up that she thought I might have autism. I tried some of the self-reporting assessments online and they seemed to suggest the same. On top of all that, I brought it up with my therapist and she was like "Oh yeah I was actually going to bring that up with you after you got your results back". Obviously none of this is an actual diagnosis, but their opinions all align and the more research I did the more that autism seemed to fit in with my lived experience (esp. wrt social awkwardness, difficulty mentalizing people's emotions, connecting with people emotionally, etc)

Now, this eval that I did doesn't specificallytest for autism, but they do screen for it (their words). I was hopeful that they'd have a positive conclusion, but when I spoke with the doctor about my results, his opinion was that I do not have autism. His primary reasons were: I scored well on the Recognizing Emotions in Facial Expressions part of the test, and that I scored very very high in the cognitive portions of the test and I guess that the lack of discrepancy between my primary and secondary scores suggests that I'm not autistic either. Again, the assessment is not specifically meant for testing for autism, so he could only speak based on what data he had available.

tldr: Me and some people whose opinions I trust think that I might be autistic, but this psychologist felt like my cognitive (and facial-emotional recognition) skills suggested otherwise. Is that possible, or even likely the case?

Someone I know(or even 'knew' at this point) is moving and has been asking for help. Yesterday he asked about where to get boxes; Which is an easily searchable question but yet he asked. I pointed out the price differences between the hardware stores but also mentioned how "some stores" offer free boxes(discarded grocery boxes) but couldn't remember which particular stores off the top of my head because I don't readily reccall obscure knowledge at any given moment which is just something that neurotypicals simply and innately understand.

This was enough to make him go off on some strange tangent on how he'll do this "moving s***" on his own because I'm not being "reliable" with my answers. An answer which isn't 100% informative isn't some slight against you. Are you really this unregistering to what are just safe assumptions among most people? There is inevitable ambiguity and uncertainty in any realm of communication. Don't enter into it expecting things like perfect recall, total clearness, single layers of meaning, and accurate time estimates.

*Firstly, please forgive me if I use terminology wrong or appear rude or ignorant. I am trying to learn and will get better!

I have a new friend and she is so sweet, I love her and spending time with her. I'm pretty sure she has autism. She talks about dinosaurs constantly (often one particular kind of dinosaur specifically, but sometimes just really broad). She'll talk for hours and hours on end. I think a bomb could go off and she'd continue to talk haha.

How do I politely steer the conversation onto something else without being rude, without upsetting her, or appearing like I don't care about her interests.

And what do I do when she steers the conversation onto dinosaurs, even if it's hardly related.

I don't want to sound rude or like I don't care about her interests. But there are other topics I'd sometimes like to broach. I understand if it's hard though. Thank you.

My husband recently shared that he thinks he is autistic. This happened after a big meltdown where he left for a few days and barely spoke with me. I did some research and have been doing my best to support him and improve my communication to better work with his needs. After about a week of him being gone he came home we had a great day as a family (him,our 4year old, and myself) l. Today my anxiety/stress was super high due to work (I work from home) and I heard him screaming at our daughter and slamming things because she was crying for me. I went out to bring her in my office and comfort her because even from my office it was loud and I know she was scared. I told him to take some time to cool off and I'd handle her. Well by the time I was done working (20 minutes later) he was gone and when I reached out he said he was staying elsewhere tonight. He went on to tell me I lied and don't care or understand or want to learn/change.

I'm not perfect and I know I have a lot to learn but I am trying. What can I do to show him I am trying? How can I support him? And how can I also set boundaries because what happened today was not okay.

UPDATE: I really appreciate everyone's advice and confirming that what has happened is not okay. He is going to get evaluated while in rehab (I thought he was sober but turns out he relapsed hard). I'm hopeful he will get his diagnosis while in treatment and learn coping mechanisms. I've already got myself and daughter into counseling. He seems to be doing better and plans to do family counseling too.

She doesn’t yell at me a lot and to be clear. She yells at things. Right now she’s putting PC back together and all she’s done since she opened the thing up is yell at it and get pissed. She has no idea what’s she’s doing cuz she’s never done anything like this before and she refuses to look up a tutorial she she just keeps getting more and more frustrated at the thing. She won’t stop cuz she’s stubborn and she can’t think cuz she’s so worked up. She knows I hate yelling and we live in an apartment complex.

I don’t want to stifle her expression or make her feels like she’s not allowed to be upset (computers are frustrating and annoying so it’s understandable she’s be upset) but the volume is making me feel uncomfortable and annoyed. Am I overreacting? Do I need to cool it? Or should I say something?

Hi, so I have a friend in her thirties who has gone through autism tests with a doctor. She was told she has autistic traits but not autism.

She has always taken her time to leave whenever we hang out. 1-2 hours. But once she started suspecting she had autism it became 3+hours. And now when she's here she says that she needs time to prepare herself first because of her autistic trades.

It's a bit hard for me to deal with this, because it usually ends up with her leaving at 23.00pm-01.00 am.

I'm wondering if there is anyone here who is struggling with this too and if there is anything I can do to make it easier for her?

Edit: She lives alone with her cat and has a close relationship with her parents.

She usually says she has been thinking about leaving but that she still needs to prepare herself. Sometimes she goes to another room but she doesn't leave.

Thank you for everyone's reply. I'm going to meet with her today and talk to her about it. I will take what you guys said with me and try to find a solution, and if not, tell her we can't meet at my place anymore.

Currently designing a 17-year-old female character and have realized that she fits every criterion of ASD according to the DSM. The issue is I am not autistic (never been evaluated but it's highly unlikely), so I'm not sure how I would write an autistic character when I know nothing about diagnosis, special ed or gifted programs, etc. I planned to just put her in a typical high school setting. But to get rid of her autistic traits would change her into a different person entirely, and I really like who she is rn and don't want that.

So my question is, it is possible for someone with obvious autistic traits to somehow go undiagnosed? She would essentially still be autistic but I wouldn't have to include the stuff surrounding diagnosis and treatment I'm not qualified to write about. It sounds lazy but I really just don't want to misrepresent anything.

Hello everyone, my brother has ASD. He struggles making new friends with the same interests in the same country with the same language. He's a Nintendo fanatic and loves Mario games.

He hates your average male. Sexual jokes, football, sports in general, degrading woman. Absolutely despises it. Though, he wishes to make friends.

How do i get through him and give him advice?

My brother struggles to go up to people and only really wants to make friends with his same interests or same mannerisms. All sorts of things that make him less and lesser of a friend candidate. He's very anti social and always is in his room.

What can i do for him?

Hi there, I am the parent of an awesome soon to be 13yr old ASD son. Reaching out to folks on the spectrum who may have some advice on communicating the harder things in a way that is easier to comprehend. Received a call today from the school principal that he managed to access "corn" on the computer in the public library adjoining the school. According to her what he looked at was pretty dark and involving what I assume as an adult was CNC. He already struggles with consent and being told no when someone does not want his contact and Pathological Demand Avoidance in general. I want to approach this in a way that is not shaming in any form as I know these curiosities for any teen is completely normal. However, I also want to help him understand that what he saw is not what this is like in regular situations in life. I have always had the table open for these conversations and being in healthcare have had "The talk" and answer questions almost daily on the subject. His father is completely uncomfortable and will not participate in these conversations other than saying "Don't do that" which as we know just fuels a person with PDA. I am neurodivergent myself and also being treated for a mental breakdown as we speak. So, any advice would be so greatly appreciated.

Points to add: He is verbal and very communicative, he is sensory seeking, struggles with PDA/ODD, aggression, hyperfixating on women and sex currently.

I remember hearing this analogy one time, that really describes my experience as a person on the spectrum. "It's like the whole world is part of an inside joke that I'm not in on."

It's like everyone else is aware of these unspoken social rules and customs, but I didn't get the memo, yet I'm expected to go along.

Does anyone else have something like this that describes their day-to-day life?

I just saw someone post a similar question but for an older sibling but here goes

I need advice for my little brother...

My (20) brother 15 has high functioning autism (late diagnosis) at like 12 he dropped out of middle school and was doing online school for awhile finally after lot of convincing and because the state wasn't funding homeschooling he was just recently put into a new school that specializes in autism and such. hes kinda a depressed kid but more so just addicted to gaming and his phone probably as a way to run from actual life.

Anyways to the point, he literally refuses to make friends he has a lot of trust issues which I don't blame him hes been through a lot. And trauma fucks you up. but I really want to see him heal he's in alot of therapy inside his new school and out. I also try my best to get though to him hang out do shit together ect. Which he often is down for but he's a stubborn little fuck and even more so with pretty much all other people besides me. (Don't get the wrong I love that lil shit lol)

He's also very cynical and angry which can make it hard to be around sometimes but IDK how to help chill that down a bit for his sake at least. Maybe it's just immaturity which it probably is but I'm just worried for him ig idk if I'm overthinking this part.

He says it's easier to not make friends because you have responsibilities I guess he's somewhat of a lone wolf but like IDK if that's actually a good thing especially at his age I think atleast a part of it is he went a really fucking long time isolating. And just learnt to be lonely. But I feel like social life is crucial to him being a healthy teen and adult how can I help him get over this? If I can at all...

I'm hoping people on this forum could help me gain more perspective to help him.

Hi, very specific question incoming.

We have been together for 7 years. She is AuDHD. I used to have neurodivergent traits (CPTSD) but have been in therapy for a while and I found myself becoming more neurotypical. Maybe relevant?

She has always known I wanted a tattoo. I've never really let up on this, but never pressured her about it either. She has never changed her opinion, and i think before, i didnt particularly mind not having a tattoo. However, I now have a very meaningful tattoo I really really want. To the point where I am honestly considering if I want the tattoo more than I want the relationship with her.

She describes it that seeing tattoos on a person is like... a visceral feeling? She said it's the equivalent feeling of grossness that you get when you see a gaping wound on somebody. Is this a typical autistic thing? Would I be actually not accommodating her disability if I decided to get a tattoo?

I know the typical answer to "my partner hates tattoos but I want one" is "your partner shouldn't care if you get one", but my situation seems different?? If it's about her autism, and if it actually is about her disability, I don't want to force her to cope with it. It might not be something she is capable of getting over.

Tapping in to my special interest comrades. I’ve recently come to terms with having sensory needs and I’m trying to treat myself better.

So far I’m at sun glasses on in venues/restaurants with cold lighting (color temp >3500K), and 22NRR ear plugs if there’s any overlapping background noise.

Anybody have recommendations for light protection, and effective noise reduction that doesn’t cut me out of conversations at work?

Is it like this for anyone else whose autistic too? Or am I just a....rather complicated individual, but growing up i've always struggled with....well romance, cuz i've always just been viewed as that "weird" kid, and as a result I was treated like a plague so to speak which of course made me pretty distant when it came to people, and if I had a crush, well I just didn't say shit. I already knew what the reaction would be, and even if it wasn't that reaction, I kind of just convinced myself that no matter how much I wanted to try, I wasn’t ever gonna be worth the effort for a lot of people, and this kind of carried on, until middle school, cuz even though I was still extroverted for the most part, being courteous when need be, it just kind of led me to having a small group of friends that I trusted (good move on my part ngl), and it's because of this that.....well I became more selective about who I genuinely opened up to. Like don't get me wrong, I have dated before (just like most people), but whenever I did it was pretty rare, since most people just brushed me off as the weird kid, not really worth anyone's time or i'm just icky, which can't say i'm surprised. I'm not about to be one of those dumbasses online whose like "why do girls never pick the good guys," cuz A. that feels like you're hyping yourself up too much (as if not being an overt piece of shit should be enough to earn ya a fabulous girlfriend), and B. it's probably because you're too much of a push over (which I can't really describes me much, seeing as I grew up as that one kid who.....well always had a mouth on him, lol), but even still it was exhausting to keep getting brushed off, and I guess that's part of the reason why I didn't bother half the time. Like don't get me wrong, i'll help someone, regardless of gender, and have even kind of put my own safety at risk in the past as a result, but really that wasn't because I wanted anything as a result, nor should anyone expect that (cuz it's just kind of entitled), but moreso cuz I grew up inspired by superheroes, which is where most of my ideals come from, and as such I just can't really bring myself to walk away when I see someone in trouble (which I know may sound a bit reckless for some, but I don't know), and even that doesn't seem to get anyone interested, which is fine, I honestly don't mind. It's not like a bunch of strangers owe my goofy ass anything, but even still it kind of just puts things into perspective with me and leaves me questioning whether there's something i'm missing, which I feel like I shouldn't, cuz it feels like despite my disdain for people who are entitled, i’ve been secretly thinking that way too, and I hate the fact that's a possibility.

And it's not like I haven't dated people in my time, I have in the past (middle, high school, and shit), but those just never really felt....well genuine for me, ya know? Like every time I dated someone, I often found myself uninterested, and I feel like that's because I realized early on that the connections were superficial. Like we talked, but we didn’t really connect on a deeper level, which.....just kind of feels ironic in a way, cuz it's like I wanted more from them, but yet I also didn't want too much, cuz here's the thing, people have described me as having a "stoner personality" because i’m usually pretty chill for the most part, and half the time don't get dragged down by stressful drama, as the simple things in life make me happy (a walk, a good video game, a kickass movie at the theaters, writing a story, shit like that), which ties into my avoidance of relationships, cuz I just don't like the chaos and emotional rollercoasters that often come with relationships, I just want a simple, easygoing connection, as if you're hanging out with a bro or something, and it's for reasons like this that I have identified myself as aromantic......and yet, it doesn't feel.....right, ya know? Because even though I claim to not care much about romance, I still crave a meaningful partnership, and I guess that's why despite my claims that I don't care, I just feel as if it's a complicated contradiction in some ways if that makes sense.

And it's also for reasons like that (especially growing up) that i've just closed myself off from trying, and as a result, I found a lot of joy from writing, almost like a weird escape from reality in some ways, and that's what led me into screenwriting, and even though i'm content with my life, as well as my hobbies, I still feel lonely, which I know I could easily change by just putting myself out there and being more open, talking to girls and shit, but when I think of trying, I just.....feel completely lost, even moreso when i'm actually talking to said girl, cuz i'm worried of the potential rejection that may come with it, and not just that, cuz.....well, what if that person says yes? Then it just feels like i'm not actually doing it for the right reasons, cuz i’m not showing real interest like most relationships do, and as a result i'm just trying to fill in my own sense of emptiness, and I hate that, cuz it just feels it's about me, and I don't wanna use someone like that. That shit just doesn't sit right with me, and I don't think it ever will. Not to mention if the girl says yes, then I gotta worry about the potential stress and complications that come with being in a relationship, which could possibly ruin my peace of mind, and even then finding someone who shares my vibe, it just....it seems like a daunting task, ya know? Cuz I feel as if i'm being too picky, and finding a partner whose even remotely interested in me is already difficult enough, so I can already imagine how difficult it'd be to find a girl who actually fits into my life.

I don't know, I guess that's why i’m reaching out, to see if anyone else has navigated similar feelings or experiences, and how they reconcile the desire for connection with the fear of complications? Or just.....well any advice that would make the most sense for me.