So I unfortunately mask and somehow convinced myself world works in some certain ways. Meaning I can be very rigid in my thinking. This is also true for parenting and most times I do things because "it is how it should be" based on a very skewed world perception. Also I am heavily depressed right now and I am afraid I will turn him into a screen zombie because believe that would be the easiest thing.

So my 9 year old was zero media until about 2.5-3 years old. Later because of family and friends he was introduced to super heroes etc. I found the comprimise by giving him a heavily curated youtube kids access or to certain tv channels/shows on weekends.

Right now he cannot function without having to have access to some kind of screen in the mornings and I gulitly admit it helps us alot. Even though it helps I tend to take it away thinking i am doing something very wrong. But why how it is done should be above our happiness?

So please I need help setting boundaries around tv time. I need something that will make both of us happy while it will prevent me from turning him into a screen zombie.

Any help or advise? Any examples of your own schedules? What you allow or not?

TIA!

Playing with dog vomit as if it were Play-Doh. It was everything to use my sweetest voice to declare "looks like someone gets a third bath today!"

While truly foul, I was impressed at how he rolled it into a tight little ball. Look like that OT is really paying off. 🫠

(And yes, the dog is fine. He's just a spectacular masochist who tried to eat gummy bears when he knows they make him sick)

As context for why this was so stressful (apart from maintained close contact with POOP WATER), I deep cleaned the bathroom this morning. Like I’m talking on my hands and knees with the scrubbing brush kinda cleaning. And now I have to re sanitise all of it. I feel too overstimulated to write at length about this but basically I was bathing my son earlier and about half way through the bath the water got this green tinge to it. there was green soap in the bath water so I thought the colour change was from the soap (STUPID, STUPID, STUPID) and the poop itself remained concealed under all the bubbles. So I happily continued, sitting on the edge of the bath with my FEET IN THE WATER half way up my calves for a good 20 mins while my son giggled away.

Then I went to get him out and we found three big turds in the water. As well as a whole host of medium and small flecks of poop floating around. I had to fish out the big hunks of poop with gloves then do my best getting little bits out before draining the bath. While it was draining, a soft bit of poop we’d missed got caked in the plug hole and we had to clean it out which took a while. Omg… So the boy got cleaned up first of course, then I threw out all the bath toys and some shampoos that had been floating in the water. It’ll cost £13 to replace the shampoos alone…. Then I cleaned the bath and the floor which had had poop water on it. Then showered myself and went out to buy a toothbrush to clean my engagement ring with. I feel sick to my stomach and super super stressed at the unexpected experience as well as the fact that all my cleaning this morning was for nothing.

I’m having a hard time answering this question for my almost-5yo. She has very fine, wavy hair that has to be brushed every day or it turns into a rats’ nest.

Like many of us, I have a hard time following rules unless I understand why we have them. So I’m struggling to articulate why we have to brush our hair in a way that she can relate to. If I say, “Because your hair looks messy,” she’ll answer, “But I don’t care.” And I can’t argue with that, because it’s her hair.

Personally I keep my hair short so I don’t have to brush it. She wants hers long. I know it sounds asinine, but can you help me come up with reasons why we brush our hair and don’t leave it all ratty? Asking here because I know you all will understand.

Our 5yo has been toilet trained for one year (& started school this September). Has regressed! It’s so frustrating/ disheartening. Tried everything. Been going on for 3 weeks now. Any help appreciated. He just messes himself. We got him checked by the doctor. He said everything is normal physically. We need new tips or just support please. Feels so lonely. He still wore nappies to bed and he’s began wearing them again in the day this week. Not sure if that’s good or not but honestly ran out of clean underwear/ clothing!

I have a 4-year-old, 2-year-old and 8-month-old and we all probably have autism/ADHD. I stay at home to care for them. At the moment I've usually got things under control if we stay inside the house. I really want to take them outside before noon but when I tell the kids we will soon be going outside they go ballistic. They get really agitated, start running around and won't do anything I say. It often seems impossible to get them get dressed. I somehow manage to dress them with everyone screaming bloody murder and when we finally get out I'm exhausted.

It often feels like it is so tiring to get them outside that I shouldn't even try, but I don't like staying inside all the time either. Does anyone have any advice?

Hi, I hope it is okay for me to post here. I am a researcher and am recruiting 13-16 year olds via their parents for a survey about gaming, gambling and live-streaming. If you have children aged 13-16 years old and are interested in them taking part, please follow the link for more information https://swanseachhs.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9v5aR4p2e0f4ymW

So for context my daughter is 4 with level 3 autism with limited speech. The last week or so, she has slowly and slowly trying to fight sleep. The last two nights have been the worst. She’s knows she’s getting tired and starts acting aggressive, hitting, screaming, self harming, trying to get into things she’s not supposed to, throwing her AAC device. I’ve tried everything to calm her down, nothing works. She will literally act like this until she falls asleep. Tonight, after several advice, I gave her a melatonin gummy, hoping this would help. I gave to her 3 hours ago and she’s clearly deliriously tired still throwing a tantrum. And a new one tonight is she won’t keep on her panties, she keeps throwing them off or “going to potty” but not actually using it to avoid panties. She NEVER has acted like this before, her teacher said she doesn’t act like this at school so I cannot point where this random outburst is coming from. I am at a loss, and i am unsure how to help her.

My son talks every day about his best friend, and today she was at the playground. I introduced myself to her dad and exchanged numbers with him. I hated every single minute of it. I'm so proud of myself.

So I (21f) am a single parent to my son (2m) my sister in law (21f) moved in with me to essentially be a second parent. It's been pretty good so far, she works while I stay home and pick up occasional babysitting jobs. However lately my health physically and mentally has been really bad and I've been bedridden most of the day which means the chores have been super overwhelming. I asked to talk to her this evening and I want to know how to go about the conversation of needing more support around the house without implying that she isn't doing enough or that I don't appreciate what she is already doing. For context I have pots and heds

Both of my kids are level 3 autistic and one special interest they both share is 'cooking'. More, it's mixing things, pouring, etc. They could care less about what they are actually making and they almost never eat it (if its even edible). They also very much do not like to do it together or take turns. I've read over and over again one of the ways to connect with your autistic kids (any kid but especially autistic) is by joining in on their special interests. I used to love to cook! Turns out I've gotten so burnt out by the constant rejected food/meals I can't stand it.

I also feel like attempting to teach them to cook is a valuable life skill. However, it feels like a giant waste of food and attempting to teach cleaning up after cooking is proving impossible. If we turn any water to clean a dish or even wash hands before it becomes now a water stem and there is water everywhere - I'm not kidding. I bought a special Shop-Vac just to help with these types of messes. There is also an aversion to the trash can. I'm also the primary caretaker of our kiddos (under 7). And my partner works/is away from our home most of the kids' waking hours, coming home exhausted and honestly not participating in any house chores. I'm at my wits end. Trying to make simple recipes - sprinkles on ice cream or snack mixes or even packets of cookies just to try to meet the need is not working. In fact it makes it worse.

Does anybody else struggle with this and how do you manage?

I brought my 4yo daughter to a new pediatrician this morning, and brought up that we would like to get her assessed for autism. I mentioned she has issues with eye contact and difficulties with social cues. She (doc) was immediately saying that my daughter had been "making eye contact" with her since she walked into the room (she does stare a lot at people's faces, but doesn't really like to maintain eye contact.) And that my daughter had been responding appropriately to her social cues. I also brought up her stimming, which she cut in and labeled as "smart emotional regulation" and she redirected her sensory sensitivity and refusal to talk to anyone as "anxiety."

To her credit, she did acknowledge that I spend a lot of time with my child, and she only saw her for a total of 45 minutes, but she then said that she has neurodiverse patients, and that my daughter gave no indication (which to me sounds a lot like the "well, my 6yo nephew has autism, and you aren't exactly like him, soooo...") she also said my daughter didn't give any warnings signs on the dumb questionnaire that they have you fill out, but she happens to be really advanced verbally and logically, so of course she did fine on that.

She did give us the referral, but I'm just feeling really shitty about it all, and wondering if it will be worth it to go through with the assessment. My autism was missed through my whole childhood for similar reasons, but I don't want to be putting my stuff on her. We already accommodate her at home, and I'm a SAHM who plans to homeschool, but if she is autistic (which both me and my husband think is the case) I know it is easier to access services if you are diagnosed as a child.

I also know it wasn't the doc's intention, but I have a hard time with conversation, so I just felt frustrated by being cut off before I could get a whole thought out, because she just seemed so ready to refute my suspicions at every turn. I get that I take unusual pauses in my sentences, but it still felt extremely shitty to be, even unintentionally, interrupted; especially in order to be told what autism is and isn't like. By an allistic person.

Sorry for my rant. Any advice would be appreciated.

My son 6 started kindergarten this year and it's been a struggle for him to adjust. Especially since I can't seem to find a medicine that works for him. Recently, he's been doing something at school that he's never done before and I'm concerned. I don't know if this is a phase or something Autistic children do (I'm not Autistic sorry I'm trying to learn.) But my son has been asking other kids to take their clothes off. He's never done anything like this at the house and it started about a month after school started. I thought maybe he picked it up from other kids at school or maybe because he's never really been around other kids and is used to running around in just shorts here? But hearing from the teacher that my child is asking students to take off their dresses is really concerning. I tried sitting him down and talking about it, but he doesn't understand. He just echoes it and I don't know what to do or where it came from. Is this something common with Autistic children? Could it be because he hasn't been around other children and seen how they dress? I really don't know what to do? Note: Abuse in the home is unlikely because there are cameras that I monitor and I'm the only one who takes him out to places.

My son was up at 2am. He had phlegm in his chest and it took about 30 minutes to communicate what was wrong, how to fix, and that he would be ok. He is also autistic and the panic led him to lose his words.

I think tonight was the first time I ever looked at my five year old and instead of just seeing him as Miles, seeing him as his individual self...i saw my disabled child. And i think I realized for the first time that he deserves all of my attention. And I think in that moment I've decided there's no way i can have more children. Especially knowing it's almost 100% likely that the next will have autism like the three of us.

I've always wanted a big family. Wanted to surround myself in people and love, and especially surround my son in people who love him. But I can't imagine splitting my attention away from this guy. He's much more high needs than I was at his age and I'm so scared.

So I broke my own heart tonight. I'm breaking my dream of holding another newborn, of getting my daughter, of giving my son a sibling. And I know it's strictly because I'm making that choice.

God is it heavy.

I just really need support.

My son was diagnosed with level 1 Autism about 2 years ago. He turned 4 in May. I enrolled him in a Montessori school back when he was around 3 - the school was near our home and my sisters mother in law was the teacher there. We knew her and I knew he would be in good hands. He improved a lot at that school. However, both of his teachers quit and he started to have a lot of issues. He was not happy at all.

I decided to pull him out and enroll him in another school. He's been there for almost a year. There have been ups and downs. The school staff is not perfect but there is one specific teacher who is absolutely amazing and understands him.

I feel an immense amount of guilt for not getting him support and putting him in a specific school for autism.

He is very high functioning and I'm ignorant for not getting him help because I thought he would be just fine with getting more exposure to other people at school.

He is very smart and has never been behind with speech. He does struggle socially. It's hard for him to speak up at school and make friends. He is very specific about who he plays with. He has one best friend at school. I've seen other kids try to talk to him and he ignores them.

Now that we are getting closer to kindergarten- I feel like I messed up - messed up badly. The first 5 years are so incredibly important and I can't imagine the stress he's been through going to these mainstream schools and not receiving any support.

We are in the process of starting a ABA group class where he can work on his social skills with other kids and I'm also going to do caretaker training. I'm also getting an IEP started for him and hopefully he will have an aid at his elementary school next year. I'm going to fight for it because he is not going to thrive with a 1 teacher to 30 kids ratio. He doesn't do well with big groups and is going to need someone to support him during group activities.

I feel absolutely horrible. I'm now realizing that I did not make the right decision by putting him in a "normal pre school" with "normal kids". Like I said he is so high functioning and this is why I decided to not put him in a specific school for autistic kids. I wish I could go back in time and change this.

He's doing ok at school right now but he does get a lot of one on one attention and they do a lot of front loading with him. They also make accommodations for him. Not all teachers understand him and there have been incidents where he tells me that the teachers are grabbing him. I did see a teacher grab him by the arm one time because he was hiding in the bathroom. I told the director that I did not like the teacher grabbing him like that. Also, another teacher from the 2s class was covering for my sons nap time and she also grabbed him multiple times. He did not know her well and was fighting his sleep because he was uncomfortable. Ever since that day - I pick him up early and he does not nap at school. He only goes 3 days a week for 4 hours. He seems happy when I pick him up but gets nervous at drop off when his friend isn't there.

I'm going on a rant but I wanted to bring up some of the issues he's had at this school. I wonder how this is going to affect him in the long run? I wonder how he would be if he would have had the extra support? Please someone/ with a similar experience - any advice? This is really getting to me and I'm losing sleep over it. I don't know how to make myself feel better.

My 6-year-old has recently started wanting to chew on everything and put his fingers in his mouth all the time. I don't want him putting his hands in his mouth throughout the day because I know they aren't clean and I don't want him chewing on things at school like pencils or erasers because they aren't clean. I was able to make him an impromptu chew necklace last night out of a silicone straw and he really liked it and chewed on it all morning but he said he would really like something harder and specifically he wants to chew on the TV remote because he said he likes the hard plastic but also the buttons that are soft and clicky.

So I'm trying to think of something that would be kind of hard but also has buttons that I could put on a necklace so he can have it with him always but not be sitting it down everywhere to possibly get lost and definitely get nasty. Has anyone seen anything that might fit this profile? Just from a quick search I was able to find this teething thing from Target and I'm definitely going to get it but I just don't think it's going to be quite what he's wanting. Any ideas?

Hi all.

I think my mom is autistic....

I've been looking into it and have looked at TikTok videos of "neurodivergence" and "autism". I myself have declared myself an HSP six years ago, upon discovering it. R plainer my fibromyalgia.

I took an autism test myself multiple times and scored very low but a few of the questions I'm like wow that sounds like my mother. Lol.

I even took a what is this emotion test and scored above average (thanks to being an HSP). I got 17/20 so I'm guessing most ppl score 14/20?

Signs she has She has the duck feet think going on. Doesn't swing arms when walking. Loud speaker (can't detect how loud she is) Her interests have always revolved around very few topics: the weather, politics, law (she went to law school and became a criminal lawyer), geology (she was a geologist before that), dogs and movies/books. Movies and books are the only thing we have in common.

Very good in math and science throughout life - wanted to be a geologist so she could "be outiside". I think that's code for not liking ppl/socializing. That's also another sign isn't it? Being really mathematically/scientifically inclined?

Even so, she's reading crime fiction or non fiction (never romance, literary, historical, Sci fi, etc). I've heard that's another sign.

She even said at one point " you get people...I don't". We were discussing sociology stuff and it surprised me. It confirmed a lot of stuff I was thinking of.

Very orderly and rigid. Likes routine. Changes through her off.

I'm more of a tea, cats/art/beauty/foreign places & history person. I'm multi talented and have a wide range of interests.

What do readers think? Am I right or am I just seeing something that's not there?

I’m currently pregnant and self-diagnosed autistic (what used to be called Asperger’s). I’m not sure if I should put this on my birth plan in an “about me” section to help my medical team better help me understand and work with me. Since it’s a self-diagnosis and not on my chart or in my medical history, I’m not sure if this will be respected. In the other direction, I’m relatively low support needs but struggle most with communication and worry they could interpret this label to the extreme and not respect or even infantilise me and defer to my support people instead of me.

Has anyone been in this situation before? What did you choose to do and what was the outcome?

I’m auDHD and currently struggling with my kid (about 3 and 3/4 years old) who is probably also auDHD but more on the hyperactive, sensory seeking side compared to my sensory avoidant and low social needs. Dad is also having a hard time as he has PTSD and has alcoholism from that. He’s undergoing treatment for both.

Our daughter has entered a stage where she just refuses to play alone. She would rather sit and whinge and do nothing than actually go and play on her own for even short periods. She’s become incredibly impatient too - I can give her concrete answers as to when I will be able to play, but she will harass me and complain and flop against me until I’m ready. I’m getting claustrophobic from being so needed and I’m trying to hard to just bear it as I know she needs connection, which I am providing daily - we have multiple special time sessions a day, but it feels like it’s never enough for her.

She does kindy, she has days where she visits grandparents, she does swimming once a week - but all of these things are hard to convince her to do lately because she doesn’t want to spend a moment away from me. We’re finding it hard to find the balance between maintaining connection to reassure her that she has her safe place with me, and encouraging her to still keep doing the independent activities that are benefiting her sensory and social needs.

She wants me to either play with her constantly or at least watch her (which usually includes her trying to convince me to be involved anyway). She’s getting to the point where she doesn’t even want to play iPad without me (previously used this in moments I needed respite) and even when she watches TV, she insists I watch too (which I usually don’t because I tell her I have things to do too).

To add to our stresses, she’s getting even worse about interrupting any time I try to speak with dad. She doesn’t even want to say anything of particular import, she just seems to want to blurt out whatever is in her brain and have our attention on her. Which I get is probably the ADHD impulsivity and/or inattention (worried she’ll forget), but I don’t know what to do about it.

It’s becoming so hard for me to stay regulated. I’m becoming depressed because I have no space to decompress, I’m often exhausted from the energy spent trying to help her regulate and then I can’t regulate myself. I’m so frustrated because it’s not like she doesn’t get attention from me - our relationship is secure, we play multiple sessions in a day, she’s often involved in my chores - but it feels like the attention is never enough for her.

She was never great at solo play, but recent months are just getting worse and worse. I don’t know how to get her to even TRY some solo play for short periods and I don’t know how to help her with patience. If I say I’m ready in 10 minutes to play, she is just up in my face the whole time. Today we made the mistake of mentioning we were doing groceries later today (she often needs notice about things to help transitions) and god damn I went insane with how many times she asked if we were going now.

Recently, I(19M) tied up with a coaching centre and they provided me with a tuition, turns out that the kid has autism(middle of the spectrum). So a little backstory, I am currently a 2nd Year and lately I've been having some financial struggles. I thought teaching little kids might be a good source of passive income and could possibly cut my daily expense. I contacted some centres and got hold of this tuition. I was not aware of his special state, and the sudden responsibility was too much. The thing is this is my first tuition, so i really do not want to leave. I need advice on how to handle students like him. How can i make it interactive and fun? and make him like the subject. Below are some of his characteristics that i picked up on while teaching him... 1. His mind wanders off in the middle of the session. 2. He can't remember what was taught a minute ago. 3.He speaks out random stuff while writing or even listening to me. 4. He listens to me but i don't know if he understands. P. S: The parents do not expect anything too grand, and they've asked me to write down the theoretics for him, rather than him writing and figuring out the answers.

Hello, I (31F) have two baby boys that are 19 months and 6 months. I am getting more and more of a feel that my 19 month old is autistic. He's always played very well on his own and is happy in his own little world. Physically, he's maybe a little on the later side developmentally, but he walked by 15 months. He's definitely delayed in speech. Long story short, his pediatrician is concerned and he's getting an evaluation I'm sure soon. He has a check up in 2 months but I might call and ask if it's a good idea to start the process sooner.

My question first though is if anyone can detail out what the "support" looks like? Like I said, I also already have another baby. We thought we could handle another right away. And it's getting better but I've been having a really hard time with postpartum depression. I've also been having autistic meltdowns for the first time in my life just trying to keep these two little humans alive. It's so much just trying not to scream my head off every two seconds that the idea of adding more, like structured support sessions that need to work around two kiddo's nap times and potentially ambiguous instructions like "read to him more" or something that start stressing me out and overwhelming me. I know it needs to happen for his sake, but knowing what to expect helps calm me down a little.

Also, as a bonus question, I hope I can say this well, but I'm also concerned about whatever help trying to push him into being someone he's not? Like, he's got to learn skills like talking, using a spoon and fork, how to interact politely with other people and stuff like that. But I'm not particularly concerned if he's not interested in playing with other kids at all? I wasn't for the most part. Knowing how is important. We have church functions we do twice a week where he's around other kids while I study or do service. He needs to learn to be okay around kids, but if he's happy just playing with his own toys, do I need to be all that concerned about it? I hope that's not a stupid question, I legitimately don't know.

Thank you for any help!

I've been self dx'd for a couple of years and started seeing traits in my children (then toddlers) soon after. When I mentioned it to my youngest one's teacher abt 1 1/2 year ago, she immediately said she got what I was talking about. She has an autistic child as well, so, lots of experience. We've been working a lot on finding out what he needs since then and they (teacher and sped teacher)are wonderful at making kindergarten good for him and supporting me in the journey. Yesterday was the last session of his assessment where we would hear their verdict. I didn’t know how it would go as they had observed him on very good (happy) days when his social differences weren’t that visible. We did some additional intelligence and language tests, which he loved. So, they didn’t really reveal his difficulties either. I should maybe have been less surprised he didn’t get the diagnosis. But I really hoped what we and his teachers say would have more weight.

I'm disappointed because he does need support. His teachers say so clearly and we all really hoped a diagnosis would secure his right for support before he starts school. I fought back with all the arguments I could find, even though I'm usually the one who retreats and goes silent. Made it clear that I've done my research and know a thing or two as well. But the verdict stands.

Most people will think I should be glad he wasn’t diagnosed, but not being diagnosed doesn’t make his struggles go away. He’s academically very strong and had a normal/early language development. And I suspect he’s doing some masking as well. I was told if he’s autistic, it might show more later as the demands rise and we could try again then. And I guess that’s what I’m most gutted about. He’s too happy, not stressed out enough to be diagnosed, because he is surrounded by adults who see and understand his needs. For him to get diagnosed, a catastrophe needs to happen first.

I just needed to get this off my chest. I’m sure there are people who are struggling more than me. But this was just still a blow.

Hi all,

I'm looking for some advice/commiserations/shared experiences - absolutely anything you have to give. I feel like I'm failing my daughter, and I don't know at this point if I really am, or it's past trauma, or the teacher ganging up on my child because they don't like neurodivergent kids - but today has hit my final nerve of coping, and I am on the brink of a meltdown myself.

Some background; my daughter is AuDHD with dyspraxia, 7, and generally a happy kid at home. She can read really well, she does well on her spelling and maths tests - academically, she is fine. She has had some difficulty with behaviour in school, partly down to communication issues (she didn't speak at all until she was 4, and often does not understand what people are saying to her, but will say 'ok' like she has understood),and fine motor skills (her writing is BAD, but it is not for lack of trying). Last year at school, we had some wobbles, but she had an amazing, supportive teacher, who helped guide her, and she I enjoyed school, made friends, and was generally doing well (daycare and kindergarten had previously been awful - daycare because it was post pandemic, kindergarten because she was put straight into the special needs class, and got very fighty about that).

This year, she went into Grade 2, with a new teacher, a new classroom, and a lot of her friends from last year were put into different classes, which was a big change for her to deal with. Unfortunately, and I don't know the exact details, but she and her teacher have not hit it off well, and we are getting emails from the teacher every night regarding kiddos behaviour, how she's disrupting class, how she's yelling, refusing to do the work, how she is 'being defiant and demanding'. Now, I'm not going to say that kiddo isn't like this at all - I know full well she can be on occasion - but I also know that there is a trigger for this kind of reaction from her, it doesn't just happen on its own. I have sat kiddo down and had many discussions about what is happening in class, and explaining what she can do, what she can't do, and how she can handle certain situations, and she gets on that school bus determined to do better, but every day I get an email from the teacher full of complaints and 'i don't know what to do', and it is getting really hard not to see it as an attack. It is unrelenting with the complaints. The only other time I have seen this, is when I was at school, and a teacher took offense to my disability, and ran a campaign to get me out of her classroom (I was a very shy, quiet, mouse of a child, it wasn't my autism she had a problem with, it was my physical disability), and honestly, this whole situation is triggering. I am trying to take my own feelings out of the situation, but I really can't help getting a bad feeling about this.

I don't really know what to do. I can't ask my parents, because I don't feel they handled the situation with me particularly well, so I would like to ask some of you for your thoughts.

This school is supposed to be a great school for neurodivergent kids, and last year we really felt that way, but this year... It is taking all my strength not to just take my kid out of school myself; but my husband refuses to let me home school her, because i missed an awful lot of school, so I don't really have the education to teach her properly.

Sorry, that's all scrambled thoughts. I'm on my last spoon. Tia.

ETA - the teacher has already suggested we do not bring her into school for certain events as she is too much to handle, and I was pretty firm about how disabled kids should not be excluded, and how that's a slippery slope to them being excluded from the school system altogether. So she keeps excluding her from class in other ways. Really not happy about that.

Okay so I have to open a dedicated account for my child's back pay and all the different banks that I called don't seem to know what that is ... some say they do custodial accounts and others say they don't.

according to Google a custodial account is not the same thing as a designated/dedicated accoun so my question is if any of you have experience with this what bank did you go with?

I was hoping to put it in a high-yield savings account (like sofi) for him but the three banks that I called say they don't do custodial accounts... Again I don't think a custodial account is the same thing based on my search, maybe I'm not wording it right? I'd prefer an account that gains interest or at least doesn't have monthly fees to maintain the account...

Any insight would be great!

I'm late-diagnosed and both of my children have also recently been diagnosed. I struggle with hyperempathy and RSD. My 13 year old (AuDHD) has been pushing back and rearing his teenager fangs for the past few months. It's really hard and I can't seem to shake an overwhelming sadness at the change. I've been a public school teacher for many years and I work with teenagers, so I am informed about adolescent brain development and I have a wardrobe of different hats that I wear, depending on the circumstances. I don't have a hat for this.

I'm having major difficulties with: #1- processing that my baby isn't ever going to be the way he used to be; #2- processing that our relationship will never be the same as it used to be; #3- dealing with his rage-induced abusive language that he has picked up from his dad (we split over 10 years ago and I've already exhausted all legal options to keep them away from him); #4- setting appropriate boundaries as a parent when he breaks rules without pushing him further away; #5- getting my hyperempathy and RSD in check. Part of me is extremely hurt and dumbfounded at how my son is seemingly aligning with his dad after all the emotional trauma he has been subjected to from him in the past. Part of me feels like I am mourning the son I used to know, as if he's not the same kid and has been body-snatched by some alien invader. Part of me feels utterly rejected and panicked at the idea that there is nothing I can do about it. Part of me feels so bad for him, because he has no control over his dad's manipulative tactics and it's not his fault. Part of me is angry that he's being mean to me. Part of me is aghast that I just said that because he's a child and I am his parent, of course he's going to be mean sometimes and that's normal.

That's a lot of parts. All of me wants him to be happy and feel loved and I'm afraid I'm not providing what he needs because of my own emotional regulation issues. I welcome any advice or personal experiences that relate. It's hard.

Mainly bc I'm too exhausted for a full sized one.

We have had our house under construction for 3 months. It was supposed to be 3 weeks and it has been three fucking months. Today is supposed to be the last day, and the foreman is acting like everything is delightful and glorious and keeps asking if I'm going to give a good review. Like, my dude in brotherhood... The work has been solidly B- and the communication has been a spectacular failure.

They have multiple days of no work, then days that are 12 hours long, and we have done our best to manage bc we need it done. We have tried to advocate for our schedule and our child, but by the time things went off the rails our house wasn't in a position for us to fuck around. We just needed to get it done.

Theoretically, today is the last day, but we are all so fucking fried and overstimulated it's hard to celebrate. We are all ND, and so very done.

The inability to plan from day to day, or even within a single day, has gotten me closer to self harming than I've been in years (thank Gods for my therapist).

My child is particularly noise sensitive, and he just stops sleeping after a full day of work even with his meds. He fell out at 830pm last night and work up at 2am. Yep. This is happening 2-3 times a week now. I just accidentally left my car running, walked a block to get coffee, and walked back wondering why I couldn't get the damn thing to start. Woops.

I don't really have anyone to bitch to be it's such a privilege to have the means to do this Reno in the first place. And I totally get that. Which is why I'm here. But it just sucks to have everyone be "oh my gosh are you so excited about the renovation" and smile/nod when I really want to sit down and ugly cry for a few days.

I knew this would be hell, and I knew it would probably take longer than anticipated, but this on top of restarting school for the year just has us all completely destroyed. Oof. Thank for you listening. It feels a little better to scream into the void.

Our kid is 12. He's currently being formally tested, but it's pretty clear that he's ND and very likely autistic on the Asperger end.

His grades are great, but socially, school is difficult for him. He has some martial arts training, which has helped him hold his own against bullies, but bullying continues, quite possibly under the uninterested eyes of the PE teacher, we've had several testimonies that some students are snickering behind his back, or generally considering him a weirdo.

I'd really love to help him through this phase. That's the age when I taught myself masking, a survival skill for school and, to a lesser extent, at home. But then, I learnt this the hard way, over the course of many years, and I'd like to help him do this with less pain, if possible at all.

Has anybody try teaching masking to their kids, or has anybody been taught masking? Any successes? Any ideas?

I’m auDHD and my daughter is probably autistic, ADHD or both. We’ve had a crazy year - I had a carotid artery dissection which meant a few months of significantly reduced function due to constant 7-10/10 pain (already low functioning due to ME/CFS). Then dad went overseas for ten days in June, first trip away. In amongst this, she had overactive bladder syndrome due to anxiety. We finally start getting on track and the cruise with extended family comes up where she flatly refused to go to kids club after two attempts. Then an event on the cruise led us to realise dad has PTSD and alcoholism which has meant a few weeks of reduced functioning from him (he’s just getting back on track now, but will be doing in patient detox/treatment for a few weeks in about a month).

So we’ve obviously had enough stuff going on that our daughter is having a rough time. We’ve just had school holidays for two weeks and Monday was first day back to kindy. I spent 40 minutes trying to settle her in, only managed to leave when a teacher (with my permission) took her from me and cuddled her up. We have a favourite toy and photos of family in her backpack if she has difficult moments during kindy but that doesn’t seem to matter. She’s fine once I leave, but getting her there and leaving her there is increasingly hard.

On Tuesday, I drove (dad can’t right now) and dad took her inside. Still a little hard to leave, but definitely easier. We planned the same for today, but she woke up with a yucky tummy from anxiety and is constantly saying she doesn’t want to go to kindy. I’m pretty sure it’s just she doesn’t want to separate from me. I’ve tried reassuring her that we will play together this afternoon, telling her the exact time we come to get her, reassuring her that it’s okay to feel these things and that she can do hard things. Like I just don’t know what else to do.

I’ve been trying special time at home (dedicated one on one playtime) but she just wants it ALL the time. Special time is so commonly recommended but it seemed to almost make it worse, she just wants it all the time and melts down when I set loving boundaries so my own needs are also met. She’s refusing to do independent play at all now - she used to do the tiniest bit, but now she’ll just sit and do nothing while she waits for me to be ready to play.

She’s even having a hard time going to swimming lessons and grandparents. These are all things she loves, she loves kindy too. She’s usually very active and loves doing things outside the home.

I just don’t know what else to try. I’m asking here because anything I search is aimed at NT kids and often younger kids. I feel her anxiety levels are higher than most kids her age and gets a bit worked up about some autistic type behaviours like insisting on lining things up correctly. I’m hoping parents of ND kids might have a better understanding of this situation.

I’m so mentally drained. She’s aggravating my anxiety issues and I have no personal space that I need. I feel suffocated and I’m doing my best to just bear the brunt of it so that she gets the reassuring connection she needs.

How do I get her back to feeling secure in leaving me?

For those of you who knew you were autistic/ND before you had a kid, how did you make that decision?

My wife and I are at the point where we have to either make the call or let the idea of a family go. I think we would be happy enough without children; we would definitely be happy if we had a kid that we could handle; but we're both aware of option three: that we might have a kid that overwhelms us to the point of burnout. A higher than average chance, even, given our ages and the genetics we have on hand. (Late 30s queer couple; donor is a family member of mine and I am diagnosed autistic; wife is also probably ND but undiagnosed.)

Reading and posting in other autistic-parenting reddits has been hard and eye-opening, though most of those seem to be places where neurotypicals talk about their autistic kids. The regret I read in the posts by parents of kids with high or lifelong care needs is palpable, and it scares me.

How did you grapple with that question when you started a family? How do you handle the stresses of parenthood? What words would you have for someone struggling with that decision?