Overstimulation leads to anger, aggression, insults. Every bad thing is your fault, every unrelated word his younger sister says in the next room triggers an insult from him. Efforts to calm with love/affection or trying to regulate by any means are often fruitless.

Like him I'm Audhd myself, but with calm rather withdrawing temper. This flood of negative energy takes so much out of me...

Just Withdrew from overstimulation myself, put earmuffs/hearing protection on to collect myself. Came back to him totally disregulated, terrorising wife and his sister. Took over from wife but I had only 5 minutes of enduring rejection and insults in me. Withdrew again.

5 minutes later he is ok again as if nothing happened. I'm still devastated

Hi,

I'm (34) the autistic father of a 6 month old (no clue yet whether she is on the spectrum or not).
I never wanted kids, and I communicated this clearly to my wife (35) before we married.
but when she turned 30 her point of view changed and she begged me for a child.
At first I remained firm on my attitude, but after month of back and forth,
and failing to explain my reasons "we" decided to go forth with it.

Since the child is born I am suffering from depression and or autistic burnout, I am seeing a psychiatrist but getting therapy takes a lot of time over here, so I stick to antidepressants (bupropion) for now, which helps a little bit with the energy but nothing else really.
I just can't handle it, all those responsibilities and no clear schedule, no time for myself effectively, being called lazy and useless,...

In my head getting a divorce and living on my own sounds like heaven right now, but abandoning my little girl, which I love dearly, feels like the worst to the point where I am contemplating unaliving myself because I feel like I won't be able to handle the guilt.

I am thinking about getting hospitalized, to get away and have some time to recharge and think about my future. But my wife thinks she can't handle the child alone (yet I am useless?), and beeing the people pleaser life has taught me to be, I try to stay.

I'm not sure what I am asking for but I don't really have anybody I can tell so openly.

// sorry for my english, not a native speaker

And how is it like to raise an NT child?

I want to have kids one day and I decided to only date ppl in the spectrum as well plus autism on my mother's side of the family seems to skip generations so I was curious about how likely it is that I could have a NT child.

Please don't get me wrong any child I birth, boy or girl, NT or ND, will be very much loved and cared for. I'm just honestly curious.

My husband is on the spectrum (im pretty sure but so far only diagnosed adhd) and we are pretty sure our 2 year old daughter is also. Still waiting on a diagnosis. Just wondering if any parents here have any NT kids. And even after having one that’s on the spectrum?

My son will be 6 in a few days, and my daughter will be 5 in a few weeks. They're making friends in school now (something I've been working hard to facilitate the past few months, as terrible as it feels for me). Part of that has included taking them to the parties they got invited to, so they've seen what parties look like (one was much bigger than we can afford, too).

But thanks to my one mom friend, we found a perfect party venue that is remarkably affordable, and I've made a reservation, and texted out invitations to individuals rather than inviting their classes, because we couldn't afford that if they all came, even though I understand that's unlikely. But yeah. We're going to have a real party. I'm going to have to be sociable and friendly and a good host for 2 hours. Neither my wife nor I could handle more than that.

I'm already nervous. I do have a fortuitous appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow. I need something for anxiety for that day that won't slow me down too much. I already know I'm going to forget to do so many things, including ones that I'm probably supposed to know about but don't.

I'm the main caregiver of our toddler, which is a challenge and a half in so many ways, the main being that I cannot switch off my mother function. Since getting a new car, my husband has been taking our little one for a drive whenever possible, which is a breath of fresh air for me, a break from being wanted and perceived all the time.

Yesterday he was supposed to take her out but due to her letting us have a lie in, there was no time and he had to go do his thing without her. By the time he returned with our friend, who was spending the night with us, I was somewhat functional, but kept zoning out and every time I was asked the answer was the same, I'm exhausted. Her energy was hard for me to keep up with.

This morning i woke up dreading having to spend the day with her, because he had things to do, so I decided I had to ask him to take her with him. No explanations just could he please have her today. He pouted, explained that he'd been working all week, no breaks (my thoughts, unspoken: same here dude, come on, I'm a full-time parent, overworked and underpaid) and that's when I started rocking, because I couldn't verbalise my thoughts. So he chose to sacrifice some of his plans and I thanked him for it. He started his little ADHD anger thing and I just kept thanking him for his sacrifice and telling him I would make it up to him tonight. He left in a bit of a huff.

Now I am blissfully alone and feeling guilty as fuck for being given this chance to recharge my social battery. Thanks brain. 🙄

My husband and I had our children through foster care. We are all ND. My youngest boy has FASD (exposed to meth throughout pregnancy, and experienced trauma with bio parents and multiple placements until age 7).

Before my youngest (let's call him Dino) arrived, we had two ND teenage boys, which I mostly enjoyed and found it very easy parent them because I could relate to a lot of what they were going through and I'd done a bunch of training through my work as a therapist and also made sure I received regular psychology and professional supervision to help me do the best I could with my oldest two.

Fast forward 3 years into becoming parents and Dino arrives - he was out of our normal age range but he needed a home with no other kids. We immediately can see that Dino is different - he is gifted in many areas, very socially outgoing but lacks social skills, and will not stop taking. At this time he had no diagnosis, so my parenting is trauma informed therapeutic parenting but not taking into account his disability. We made it a priority to get therapy and assessments to find out what's happening for him.

In the first 6 months the biggest issue was huge meltdowns at bedtimes and when limits were set - this was fine I was prepared to deal with this and we worked through it. But no matter what strategies I've tried, the need to talk and be around me in my personal space constantly hasn't stopped. Over the last 3 years I have consistently tried whatever his therapists recommended, and it certainly has helped his attachment and security and behaviour. But I still am struggling to meet his needs around the constant need to talk, be in my physical space and wanting to see friends every moment of every day - I do my best to balance our conflicting needs but by the end of the day I am absolutely exhausted and often in sensory overload. It doesnt help that even at age 10, he still cant be left unsupervised for more than 2-3 minutes (unless its in front of a screen) because of his impulse control issues. I just want him to go to bed, and I don't even have the patience to read him a book at bedtime which is something that's really important.

I am reaching out to see if there are any other ASD parents of children with FASD. I would love to hear from anyone about how the manage to meet their childrens needs safely whilst remaining regulated themselves.

What does someone with autism need (to develop) to be a good parent to any future kids? Besides that, what can someone with autism do for a kid/partner, and where can someone expect problems?

I'm thinking about having kids someday, and I need clarity about the system requirements for parents, and what the issues and opportunities are for those with autism.

I was diagnosed with PDDNOS at 11, and later they changed it to Asperger's Syndrome. I'm 32.

My almost 3 year old autistic daughter wakes up at 3 am a couple times a week and stays up until 7am and then goes back to sleep. I am so exhausted. Any recommendations?

My son (6m) was diagnosed as being on the spectrum when he was around 3. We had him in a preschool, but He was kicked out in a month owing to behavior issues (pushed other kids, didn't transition well, didn't play within kid groups etc). He started KG last year, and for the first half of the year, adapted to the school structure. It wasn't perfect, and it was a rough start, but we started to see improvements in behavior (paying attention in class, talking with other kids, asking to play with other kids, listening to and talking with teachers). He fell sick a few times (probably picked up cold/germs from other kids), and missed a few days. And we recently had breaks in school owing to the cold weather. His behavior recently has regressed. He openly defies his teachers, he does not engage with other kids, takes off his clothes at school and wont pay attention in a group setting, so his teacher has to teach him 1-1. We had him on an IEP, and had to update that IEP with services for behavior.

To all parents that have autistic kids, does this sound like a familiar story? What would you recommend to help address this?

I am recently diagnosed AuDHD w/ triplet 3.5 year olds. One of them is diagnosed Autistic (sensory seeking, over familiar/HELLA friendly variety).

Since starting to suspect my own autism, I recognized the way sound chaos has been contributing to my disregulation so I've been wearing headphones and taking breaks but I'm finding I still have a really short fuse or need to disassociate around my kids to survive.

I'm SO STRUGGLING to establish a warm and firm relationship w/ my kids. They DO NOTTTT listen to me because I am really struggling with boundary setting. It's like my brain can't to the naunce or understand when and how to set a boundary. I'm all SUPER boundary over the top or none at all. I feel like I don't know my own kids or how to understand them or their needs. My partner (NT and stay at home parent) just seems to intuitively "get them" and then can make parenting decisions that support them but I somehow make the wrong choice every time and it makes things work. They are all regulated all day and then I come home and shit hits the fan before I have even done anything.

If feels so shitty and out of control and is putting a huge strain on all of our relationships but it just feels like they DONT respond to me and I don't know how to fix it....I'm starting to wonder if other aspects of my autism are coming into play that are creating barriers to connecting intimately w/ my kids. I'm such a high masker and just starting to realize the ways I might actually not be as socially astute (in NT standards) as I always thought I had figured out how to be. Like I KNOW the rules for other contexts (work, friendships, etc) but I don't understand the "rules" for being a parent and I just feel so lost and shitty about myself.

Just looking for folks thoughts (maybe other parents who notice their autistic traits creating barriers for connection w/ their kids) or other reasons why the boundary setting is so hard for my AuDHD brain. I feel fucking lost.

Title is wild, but bear with me. I’m level 1 and my daughter (3f) is level 2. She’s speech delayed so she can say a select number of words. She’s been improving so I’m sure she’ll be speaking normally in no time. She repeats herself a lot and it drives me nuts. I can’t stand repetition and it will set me off. She’s also very touchy and I have a hard time with physical touch. I’ve been working on it even before she was born because her dad’s love language is touch. My point is, how do I deal with this? I don’t want to end up freaking out on her because it’s not her fault and she’s my precious little baby.

Late 30’s diagnosed AuDHD parent here. Two autistic kiddos. I never wanted kids and while I love both my kids, the feeling never really leaves.

My partner wanted to keep our first kiddo because she didn’t think she’d be able to get pregnant. Several years later the feeling of not wanting kids comes and goes.

Every day feels like the same day.

I have been feeling so horrible because I instantly regretted choosing to have a child. I love my baby with all my heart, but if I truly knew how hard it would be, I would not have had a child. I am crying every single day. I have excruciating tendinitis in both thumbs and hands from constantly picking my baby up. I’ve had it for about 5 months now, and I’m forced to just deal with it until I see an orthopedic specialist. I’m so depressed because I feel too autistic to be a parent. My baby barely sleeps at night, and wakes up more than hourly.

I get an average of 4 1/2 hours of heavily interrupted sleep per night, I’m in constant pain, and I cry almost every single day because my baby doesn’t allow me to do basic things so that I can leave the house with him.

He relies on nursing to fall asleep, then I get nap trapped for hours a day, just sitting on the couch. The only thing I can do for myself is watch TV with headphones on while he sleeps on me.

Does this ever get better, or am I going to spend my life crying and feeling like a useless pile of garbage as a parent?

😭😭😭😭😭

As an autistic mum to a 9week old today i foud myself not fully engaging with baby boy. IE play time! Today we where on the play mat and all I did was quietly watch him play....I suddenly realised I wasn't interacting with him like cooing, general funny faces or silly conversation. I love my boy and he is happy healthy gaining weight clean tidy, we play or sing or dance or I just walk round the house showing him diffrwnt things. I would love to go to some mum groups, but don't think I would cope and woud feel like I'm being judged as I'm not very sociable and awkward but would love my son to mix with other children.

Any advice or insight would be very much appreciated.

I had a dream I was taking my two kids to some sort of concert and some mom told me I wasn’t allowed to sit near her because I had this unconscious way of sighing after performances ended that would upset her 2-year-old. Told her I have two toddlers too and can’t we just be accepting of people’s differences and then got told I need to take more responsibility for my actions and try harder.

I can’t even catch a break when I’m sleeping. It’s just one of those weeks, I guess

Today has genuinely been one of the worst days of parenthood, through no fault of my wonderful daughter. I had a family emergency this morning that was incredibly traumatizing. It also happened while I was holding my baby, which made it even more terrible. I had to get to the airport to fly home, and then the flight got delayed. My baby has been teething, so she just randomly starts screaming all of a sudden and literally won’t stop for hours at a time. We give her Tylenol and baby orajel, but sometimes it just doesn’t work. It’s been especially bad the last couple days on our trip.

We get to our gate, and she proceeded to cry for 4 hours. We tried EVERYTHING. She was fed, changed, had both meds, snuggled, everything. Nothing worked. She fell asleep for a short period of time basically for the time it took to board. We get settled, and she starts screaming. I’m getting panicky at this point because it’s now on hour 5 she’s crying, I have no tools left to try, and I’m stuck on a plane with a bunch of strangers who are very clearly not happy there’s a crying baby.

She eventually fell asleep on me for the rest of the flight, but the second we get in the Uber, she starts screaming. I’m in the Uber, and the driver starts making horrifically triggering mouth-noises. As someone with misophonia, I literally want to rip my ears off.

We’re almost home, but I’m so exhausted, so overstimulated by all the noises and the smells (lots of perfume and cologne in the airport of course), and I’m touched out. I have literally nothing to give my baby at this point. I feel so exasperated. I hate everyone and everything, and I have a terrible migraine.

How do you parent when overstimulated, touched-out, and exhausted?

I'm diagnosed AuDHD and my ex is diagnosed ADHD and likely undiagnosed Autistic (if he went for an autism screening and was told he WASN'T autistic I'd be shocked). Our child is way too young for a diagnosis but I think it's very likely he'll end up diagnosed with either Autism or ADHD if not both.

Looking for any advice for coparenting either for parents with autism or for parents of autistic children

Autistic dad to a 6-year old. It’s so hard. I don’t understand how people can have more than one kid. The yelling, screaming, hitting, are too much. My son is constantly touching, bumping, climbing all over me. I like that he feels comfortable with me but it’s hard. I want to like it more. I feel like he knows this, and tries to exploit it. Especially the yelling. I don’t give in but it still doesn’t end.

I’ve read so many parenting books, guides, and tips. I’ve done PCIT with him. I still feel like so many of these resources are not quite “right” like it’s just not fitting exactly. Like, things “work” but not really all the way. I’m not sure if this has to do with autism or neurodivergence.

I have no point of reference to know if this is normal or not. All I know is that it’s very difficult.

Hello! Im 25, high-functioning autistic, with ADHD. First time mom ❤️

Did anyone else become overwhelmed when your baby started becoming more active? Like crawling really fast or using other surfaces to hold onto to stand? If so, does anyone else have tips or advice to help with being overstimulated or overwhelmed?

I tend to completely forget to eat or take care of my basic needs sometimes. But i dont mind as long as my baby's needs are met. Currently struggling to juggle these things. SOS 😅

I'm AuDHD and a FTP to an 8 week old. We're going through a phase where he wants to spend a lot of time comfort nursing and only wants to contact nap. His father and I are no longer together and he gets visitation for 2-3 hours 3 days a week so I don't have a partner I can switch off with when I start feeling overstimulated. My mom helps watch the baby sometimes, but she's not always available. Pretty much the only times I can put the baby down when I'm on my own are when he wants to do floor time or when we're going to bed for the night. He sleeps in a bassinet next to my bed. I typically can't get him down without crying until around midnight. I love him so much but I'm mentally and physically exhausted.

Advice or solidarity appreciated.

I have twin 2 year olds and they just had their two year check in, which is where there's a little survey to fill out to screen for autism. As an autistic adult some of the questions seemd so absolute, or bunched together, for example one yes or no question asked if she "looked at, waved at, or played with other kids"?? Those are multiple things, why were they all bunched together?

All in all I've really struggled with any form for them, I can never tell how often is enough to mark it as something they do. How do you guys navigate it? I felt very unequipped and think a conversation with the provider taking note would be way better and more accessible.

I know there are group specifically focused on these topics, but I wanted to post here to get feedback from others with autistic children. Our little one is about to be seven months old and despite him being so young, we believe that he is/will be “low support needs” autistic. He has so many similarities with both his dad and I and we are both autistic. Our baby is very clingy and cuddly and extremely dependent on nursing for comfort.

We were initially very adamant that we would not co sleep due to the dangers. However, after more than a week of staying in an Airbnb with a much larger bed and all of us being sick, we allowed baby to remain in the bed with us for the whole trip. Since returning home, we have not been able to get him to sleep on his own. It has now been two months.

Baby has never been a great sleeper, but in the beginning there were times that he would actually sleep 5 to 7 hours stretches. Now, he might sleep two or three hours, and then he is waking up anywhere from every 10 minutes to every hour to nurse in order to go back to sleep.

My husband and I are really struggling. We are highly sensitive to not getting enough sleep, among other things in our daily lives. Baby is also impacted by the lack of sleep, to the point that he also has bags under his eyes.

I have been crying so often because I am so burnt out and I get an average of four hours of heavily interrupted sleep per night.

Many fellow mothers have expressed that they have been in very similar situations, and they were able to sleep, train their baby within a few days, and things have gotten drastically better.

We are just so nervous about doing this because we know our little boy loves his cuddles and is very dependent on physical contact. Since we brought him home from the hospital, he has shown some sensory seeking behaviors for comfort. When he originally slept in his bassinet, we noticed that he would scoot himself all the way to one side so that he could be pressed against it as if he was cuddling someone.

Sleep training has always sounded really harsh but it feels like the only answer now.

Does anyone have experience with this that they can share?

Please and thank you!!!

-a VERY exhausted new mom

If there are any autistic dads of infants willing to share their experiences, I'd be really grateful. My husband is undiagnosed but we both strongly feel that he hits the criteria based on both his childhood and adult behavior.

Our baby is a bit over 2 months old (adjusted). My husband watches him when I have to go into the office. He goes through the motions, but it's clear he has no emotional connection with our son. He also seems to really struggle with the sensory aspects (poop, spit up, screaming).

I'm NT and really want to understand how my husband might be experiencing this better. My knee jerk reaction is to be upset that he won't smile at the baby or hold the baby for longer than a minute or two, but there may be more going on. I'd like to try to understand better before I confront him or get upset about it.

What do y’all do when you are in overload? I can’t seem to turn my brain off right now and I have slowly been kind of devolving into all day anxiety/panic, but I can’t seem to get anything done. I have so much information in my brain and tasks I know I need to be done, including basic tasks, but I can’t do them. I’ve been trying to online grocery shop for a week now because I can’t bring myself to go in, but I can’t figure out what to get once I open the tab. I just stare. I can’t make food. I’m struggling to drink water and eat. I’m sahp and am taking care of my kids (2&1), but I’m struggling to really engage with them. We’ve been watching a lot of blues clues and Ms Rachel. My speech delayed 2yo is so frustrated all the time and I’m just overwhelmed. How do I turn off my brain?

My daughter is level 2 (moderate), i had her diagnosed before she was 2. She is now 3 years old. She use to eat almost anything when she was 1 years old. Then she stopped eating usuals, & now she doesnt eat much of nothing! Even though i try to present it to her for her to try, she might lick it or not even touch it. If i give her something from me, she throws it. 9/10 she eats chicken nuggets and fries or macaroni for dinner.

My 12 year old son finally made a friend....he had one play date and they were partners during a Kings Island trip and my son was over the moon excited. Since then something has happened and his new BFF has been sent to possibly a boys type home and is no longer in school and is not allowed a cell phone. My son is beside himself and my son doesn't understand it's a private family matter and tries to call the family every other day trying to understand where his friend is. It's breaking my heart. While his peers at school all know Jaxson and are kind to him he has no other like minded students he fits in with. My son is a 4.0 student who unfortunately has a problem with tattling which I'm working on but making close friends is hard. He loves playing fortnight, is a Lego master builder and is a theme park junkie. He's obsessed with the King of England and listens to God Save the King everyday for at least an hour(no I can not explain why). He will ask everyone he meets their birthday and will remember it no matter how fleeting the interaction. He is possibly incapable of lying and may hurt people's feelings unintentionally but it's mostly funny. He has no fear of embarrassment and if asked to sing in church or for school he would do so solo for a crowd of 500. He's an incredible kid, wonderfully awkward but in dire need of another child that's like minded. I live in Kentucky but if you have a special, equally awkward in the most wonderful way child that we could turn into pen pals and possible gaming buddies please let me know. Age 10-14? Or if an autistic family could help me figure out how to go about linking him with friends in organizations or something please comment. Like I said...my heart breaks and I just want him to find friendship.

Hi, my daughter is 2 1/2 years old and we were told she has mild autism. She has been doing special instruction and speech therapy and she was doing great and everything until randomly. She just stopped doing good now anytime that we put a demand on her or anybody put a demand on her she starts screaming and yelling, but if I don’t put a demand on her, she will do everything herself. She can get milk. She can do everything literally for herself she plays her toys. She does her puzzle she makes music. She sings all day long. She runs all day long but once I put a demand on her, then that’s when she throws her tantrums or when I change her diaper here and there that’s when she throws her tantrums or if I try to get her dress That’s when she throws her tantrums. We are at a point now where we are thinking about putting her in school I want to put her in a Montessori school because I feel like that is the small classroom it’s individual based it has a lot of teachers a lot of connection with the kids and individuality and letting them grow but everybody else around me thinks that I should be putting her in a special education school for me. I would like her to show me that she can do better and if she can’t, then we’ll just have to put her in a special education school, but I would like To Put her in a Montessori school and see if she does well and she’s a C she’s exceeded if she doesn’t she doesn’t there’s always another option. I just need somebody to tell me what to do. What is the right thing to do?

She is a bit of a picky eater so she often comes home hungry from daycare, because they don't always provide food she likes and if I give her a lunch box they force her to share. Is there anything I can approve about or ad to the afternoon snack plate to balance out that she eats very little lunch?