https://youtu.be/UFTllpIiqPc

Just perused through some of the replies on this post on /r/self and the explanations of why and how difficult it is to date in the current climate is both eye-opening and heartbreaking.

I can understand why so many young men on this subreddit consistently post about how they think they're too unattractive or how they feel like losers because no one is matching with them.

I don't think women are at fault either. The dating apps industry has reduced dating into something trivial as a Swipe or Like and it has commoditized young men's feelings, thus jeopardizing their emotional well-being and mental health.

This can breed resentment in young men who are told that women don't care about looks and that personality is the only thing that matters, but they can only present their personality so much through the app prompts.

Furthermore, it seems the current culture tells women that they don't need to change and that they are beautiful just the way they are and that they shouldn't settle for less. While, this is certainly beneficial for women's mental health, it can be cognitively dissonant to young men who are told that they need to hit up the gym, dress better, and look the part.

As an older, mid-thirties Millennial, this makes me think that dating apps are far more poisonous to our society than I had previously thought. In some aspects, I'd even say that dating apps are worse for your mental health than social media is. At least social media isn't trying to convince you to spend money for the spurious hope of finding love.

Additionally, we should be more considerate of how we approach young men's mental health today and not apply the same template of thinking as we did in the past. I've come to realize that this is something far more menacing and a lot different than what we have previously seen.

Just some thoughts and actions we should commit towards as a community:

• We need to somehow re-instill into young men a confidence in their looks. Just telling them to hit the gym isn't going to do much. In my experience, rarely, if ever, have I judged a guy's looks as objectively "ugly", so I highly doubt that they are as ugly as they think they are. It's just how the apps were designed so that women can't do much except judge a guy based on their looks, especially if they have to go through hundreds of profiles.

• Explain to young men that women are not the ones to blame either. Instead, the dating apps industry is the real enemy. They've commoditized men's emotions and reduced romantic attraction and interest down to Swipes and Likes. Remind them that women are not doing this on purpose; they're just subconsciously responding to how dating apps are designed, but the unfortunate truth is that these apps are not designed to replicate a true human connection and may never will.

• We need to encourage young men to look for other ways to interact with people in real life instead of their phones. Maybe even encouraging them to get off of dating apps, but certainly not give up on dating altogether. To do this, we should provide them with actual, helpful tips on how to meet people instead of broad, vague suggestions such as "joining a club or meetup".

If we do not help young men now, they will be inevitably drawn more towards toxic manosphere content like red pill philosophy or MGTOW communities.

I'd love to hear from others, your thoughts and suggestions.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s easy to isolate yourself—but talking to someone you trust can make a huge difference. Doesn't matter if it’s a friend, family member, or therapist, opening up doesn’t make you weak.

What's one thing you've been meaning to open up to someone about?

Hey lads, 23 M UK here, only recently joined myself. Just made an account to vent my emotions really.

I just had sex. And it felt horrible. I couldn’t stop thinking of my ex and I had to fake the orgasm as wrong as that sounds.

Context, I was dating a girl called Eloise for 2 years. We spilt up due to a cocktail of things, work, life, moving houses etc. The main one being the fact she felt I was not as emotionally invested. I struggle to show how I really feel sometimes. I constantly reassured her I loved her but there was only so much she could take I think.

It’s been about 18 months since we split with no female contact in-between. I wasn’t ready to look kind of thing.

I got given a redhead milf’s number. I was sexually interested at the time of seeing her. We got talking and we organised to meet and do the deed.

I got to her place and we started making out and whatnot, she went to the bedroom as I got a condom on. As soon as we started all these memories started flooding my head. The time we went abroad, the time we went to the water park, the time we didn’t see each other for weeks and the feeling of her embrace after meeting again. Her face, her smile, her laugh, her cry. Waking up to breakfast and smiles, and falling asleep with her on my chest.

Even all the negative arguments and falling outs were things I would rather have than sex with this girl I hardly know. My friends tell me to move on and look onwards of the horizon. But I can’t. As much as I want to, I just can’t.

I know that I just need to take time to myself to figure out who I am and what I want in a relationship. But I just wanted to voice my option.

If even one of you have read this. Thank you. The idea that a stranger out there knows how I feel makes me feel a little more to rest. Catch you later Reddit 🫡

I started riding the train to work everyday and I don't know why but I keep looking at everyone that enters, and some women seems to be bothered by that, I am probably staring but I just try to glance for a second, and then I started noticing others and it seems like most people are not looking at others at all, is there a way to learn to ignore everyone naturally ?

Hello, question in the title, my issue is that are zero summed and or competitive environment , I want to win so much to the point where ironically the performance anxiety is affecting my actual performance no matter the amount of training, breathing exercise before and during etc... , any advice would be appreciated on that

Or even put a single pic online. Or let a rando see me. Or blah blah. I was lost in sauce boys. Drugs was hard but not as bad as depression, ptsd and anxiety, and others. I do a lot singing now. If you don’t like that just skip to the sooth’n I talked about some things that helped me and hopefully you! If ya wanna. Cause boys how we deal with most shit is on us. Luv tuna and y’all

https://youtu.be/Lv2Ev1tgtR4?si=MQFnkarTZt86k8pL

Go hard I’m loose

Hi All, I’m 20 soon to be 21 and I consider myself really lucky to be able to say that so far I haven’t really had many mental health issues. But as of late I’ve found that I’m in the endless cycle of thinking about worries, issues even just pointless things. I feel like it’s really bringing me down and causing me to fixate on my worries and stresses especially as I start to take on more responsibility in life.

Any advice on how to address overthinking or even just general mental health advice for someone who hasn’t really had to consider his mental health before. Thanks :)

Got even fatter than before. I do nothing but sit around and play video games. Do my chores at a farm. Rinse and repeat.

Barely shower and brush my teeth. Yes I take antidepressants. I just don’t fucking care about anything or myself anymore. Im so done with life. Im already so far behind in literally fucking everything. I’ve accomplished nothing. Im a worthless, no kiss no touch fat fucking loser lardo virgin who will never ever experience companionship with a woman.

I am nothing

Life is a race and I’m tired of hearing that it isn’t. I’m so sick of hearing all this bullshit about late bloomers. Fuck you. Go get hit by a car and get your fucking brains smeared on the road your optimistic moron. I’m dysfunctional. I’m a fuck up. Always have been. I’m not some kind of late bloomer. I’m behind. I’m always fucking behind.

I never asked to be born, i never asked to be conscious about being born. At least bugs don’t have existential terror thoughts. They are too busy eating shit to care.

Time to sleep and do it all over again!!! YIPEEE!!!! 🥳🎉🎉🥳🥳🎉🥳

All I see online is gaslighting. I’m in the bottom 10%tile of male height. I’m fucking invisible. Otherwise I don't even think I'm unattractive, but there are some teenage girls that are taller than me. Literally a few inches of bone is all that determined that instead of having a shot at intimacy, I get none. It’s honestly embarrassing being in public because I know people in their head are making fun of me - they’ve been more than happy to tell me in person in the form of rejections “eww you are short!” Another instance I was in a LDR for a year and visited the girl in her home country and she dumped me on the spot the first second we met before I could say my first words to her in person cuz “she thought I’d be taller in person”, despite me telling her my height, being a whole 6 inches taller than her, and doing dozens and dozens of video calls.

At least I don’t get outright bullied for it, probably because I have years of MMA experience and honestly I have a chip on my shoulder especially as of late because this entire experience of life is just a massive fucking rip off, and I’ve fucking just had it. If I was tall I’d be taken as “strong masculine male” but since I’m short it’s perceived to be a napoleonic complex I guess whenever people do see it, which is insanely rare because I don’t treat people like shit I don’t wanna spread misery to others it doesn’t do anything to help me making someone else’s day suck anyways.

I’ve done all of the “things” (that stupid accursed laundry list of “oh just take showers and do normal shit like go tot he gym etc”) and nothing has worked. Attractive men don’t have to do really any of that, just probably shower and not be repulsively fat. Hell they can even be alcoholics and druggies and still get intimacy. I used to hang with the bad crowd and all these guys were emotionally abusive, sometimes even physically abusive and they got intimacy and even had kids, but not me. I hung out with them to see "what I was missing" and it was a hell of a fun ride being with these guys but eventually I ducked outta there once shit started to get high-key dangerous. Street fights over drugs and shit like that, usually because of their egos, not even for actually reasonable reasons. Fuck that.

I guess I’m just destined to be alone and pay taxes so other people can have everything I wanted but since I lost the genetic lottery I get the conciliation prize of crippling loneliness and not getting to have a family which is the only thing I ever really wanted from life? Honestly this situation I am in should be considered a disability and I should get unemployment for it. I’d rather have no legs and have intimacy.

What made me give up was when like seven years ago I saved up ten thousand dollars for a down payment on a 60,000 dollar house and they refused me because they anted a co-signer. So I’m gate kept from owning a house cuz I can’t find a mate. I couldn’t even buy a house for myself to die alone in and now that same equivalent house is probably 120k. This timeline is fucking retarded. I quit my job a few months later and went into a multi-year alcoholic binge because I realized I can’t do anything with my life because I’m fucking “too short to ride” this thing called life.

Since then I’ve quit the booze but not a single fucking girl has flirted with me once in the past five years I haven’t kissed a single person. Before tinder I had a chance but I think social media and dating apps have just made everyone so insanely superficial and it’s horrible.

It’s all so fucking stupid. I hope Trump destroys the us so maybe something better comes along after the smoke clears. This life is fucking stupid beyond measure. Death would solve 100% of my problems.

Also fuck therapists unless they plan on giving me intimacy and kids, that crap is so fucking cope.

Sooner or later when like 50-75% of men realize the social contract is toast and they just give up this whole system is gonna collapse. I wish it would happen while I am still able to start a family but I doubt it. It’ll be probably when alphas are in their late 20s/early 30s.

Hi,

I'm a college aged guy. When I was in late middle school, early high school (13/14ish) I was weird towards women. I never outright assaulted or said anything sexual but I definitely made some women feel uncomfortable. I apologized to them back in high school.

Ever since I started college I've been terrified of being creepy towards women. Whenever I interact with women I'm constantly scared I'm being a creep. I hate myself for being male. I constantly see stuff online about how men are trash and it scares me to think I'm just naturally a bad guy. It scares me to think that men are just bad and there's nothing we can do, we're kinda doomed to be bad guys. I don't mean to discredit feminism and I realize women have it much harder in life but I totally hate myself for being male and I need help.

This is how I’ve been feeling lately. Have been at home trying to look for different ways to make money by learning skills. I know I have to go to college/or get certification but right now things have gotten very tough for me. I ended up losing my car because couldn’t afford to fix the engine. I have a job at a grocery store. I wanted and still have this desperate hope that I’ll become something important in life and I’ll actually achieve stuff like getting a career. I feel a lot of pressure to move out of my mom’s house and to be independent which by me not being independent every day I’m unattractive. It’s a reality I face everyday going to the grocery store in fact I have a shift in a hour from writing this. I’m grateful for my job of course but I feel like I’m stupid and I’ll just remain a loser man child. Even though I watch YouTube videos all the time about trying to get into different fields a lot of times it’s all non applicable or distorted advice…or just expanded summaries of subjects. For example I’ve tried to learn or “dive into” things like (Digital Marketing,Coding,SMMA) and of course there is a possibility that it will work I’m guessing that complicated stuff just isn’t for me no matter how much I try to convince myself I’m smarter than I am. I’ve fallen into this “manosphere” stuff online and although I don’t watch it now the worldview made me look at the world from a much more grey and dull angle. From that to black-pill stuff making me feel as though at 18 as a man I’m not valued unless I’m making some sort of money. The only real passion I’ve had is from drawing cars but I just do that as a hobby don’t wanna make it into a business and even have had artist blocks . The only thing I’ve been good at I guess is art and that’s not something that pays bills or will make me independent. I know a bit about cars but that’s only because I’ve had a fascination with them from an early age. I don’t want to be a mechanic I’d rather be someone that works on a computer. I was in trade school but dropped out due to finances and did a internship (architecture drafting)

Anyways I want to leave this cycle of work watch mindless money/career YouTube. Watching influencers on social media and overall feeling ashamed for who I am and the fact that I can’t “make money online” or “find a career”

I’ve asked countless questions on Reddit forums about different subjects?

Is there a way to stop wanting to be independent as a man now? Or at least being more content with not reaching anything even though you’ve tried? I have this feeling that any information out there that would get me out of this situation is too complex and I won’t be able to learn it.

Just looking for advice and insight on how I can change if that’s possible

So hi there. I'm Shoni, I'm 24 and in the space of 15 months I lost my son and my dad. The past couple years have been the absolute toughest I have ever faced here at points I considered every option that was possible to to try and stop being miserable. I turned to the drink when I lost my son, I was becoming the whole 'answer at the bottom of a bottle' kind of guy and I didn't even care. And after some stupidity on my behalf I decided to reach out for help from a mental health professional. However I felt they did absolutely nothing to help me - even labelled me as not being depressed but just traumatised.

In the end I took action into my own and began to improve myself mentally and only go out drinking for good occasions - things were looking up. A big part of this has to go down to being able to game. I love the idea of being distracted so much that the world could be blowing up and as long as I'm hyper-focused on a game I wouldn't even know about the impending doom and that's fine by me. Because I realised something. I will never be truly happy again and I have come to terms with that. But distracting myself and having fun in those little moments are my absolute passion in life. And if you're somebody who thinks they need these distractions then I encourage you to join me.

I have a steam group - Sgt. Shoni's Lonely Gamers Club - where my goal is to have a community of gamers who may just be feeling an extra bit lonely and want the company now and then to just distract ourselves and enjoy some gaming for those games you may not be getting the full fun out of by not having the numbers.

Feel free to be in touch with me through either of the following:

Steam Group: https://steamcommunity.com/groups/SgtShoni

Discord: https://discord.gg/RSn6YJM

Thanks for taking the time to read, look forward to hopefully meeting a few of you.

Hi!!! I'm conducting an online study that explores how one's sense of identity relates to their mental health! I need people between 16-30yo (right now especially men) :) it's a pretty fun online questionnaire that feels a bit like taking a personality quiz and it's also a good opportunity to reflect on who you are. Your participation and sharing it with friends would help me graduate so I'd be eternally grateful!  https://uva.fra1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6RrNP8rup51CW46

I read some very depressing things on the Internet again today and it made me suicidal again. I will never find anyone who will love me and I cannot accept this fact. With Christmas nearing im becoming more and more depressed, next year i will turn into a 29 year old virgin.

If i can give advice to anyone whos younger, go on dates or you will end as a sexless, loveless loser like me.

Maybe there is anyone out there whos in similar shoes? Im literally undateable and most relationships would fail because at my age most people are experienced and already had several Sex partners.

It got worse, but for some reason 8, 12, and 14 year old me chose to keep going. And as I'm getting older I'm beginning to wonder if it ever gets better. I'm 25, should I not have life figured out by now?

I'm starting to hate the person I've become and am becoming. These days are all starting to mean nothing. Most nights I can't bear the thought of waking up the next morning. Is this supposed to be normal?

I need to do better. I need to make a comeback. I need to be looked up to again and feel worthy of it. I need to quit living this lie.

He's in the hospital right now and I can't even pull myself out of bed to get the day started. I've been through painful moments and I've always bounced back fast. Something feels different this time though. I know he's gonna be alright but I can't help but feel I've let him and everyone else down. I said this would be the year we would see each other.

I'm trying to get back up but something keeps telling me to stay down. So I'm staying down.

This has been the story of my life and there's really nothing I can do about it anymore. I've always been the weird one, the outcast, the scapegoat. My brothers are normal, popular people, when I was growing up I was so insecure from hearing all of their stories and comparing it to my boring life as an outcast. I wanted desperately to have a normal fucking teenage experience, like being invited to parties, kissing girls, going on road trips with friends, all that shit, yet none of it came. I'm just a fucking weirdo and I've always been treated like the "weird brother."

I've managed to be semi-normal and semi-popular in the past but since I graduated highschool all of that has slowly crumbled. I've been isolated for like 5 years, with only one friend who lives far away. I don't go to college, I'm currently unemployed(working on it), and I have no way of meeting people. When I DO meet people in a social setting, they don't want to associate with me because my life is so shit, I bring nothing of value, and all this isolation has made me MORE of a weirdo. My life is totally empty now and I feel like a shell of a person. And I'm still craving what I've craved all my life. I always thought my time would come at some point when I got older but it never did. Now, people are getting less interested in making friends and having fun, it's getting harder and harder to meet people, and it won't be long until we're all boring ass adults with mortgages.

The internet is no help, I'm only writing this as a genuine vent. I've heard "social media is just a highlight reel." and "don't compare yourself to others." Soooo many times, but that's such a shallow answer. I'm not comparing myself, I'm just being reminded of the life I've never been able to live.

I barely even use instagram, and I don't get jealous of others, but when I see a meme that shows some guy at a bar, it only reminds me how long it's been since I've even been to a bar and how impossible it is at this point to go to the bar with my friends and shoot the shit or meet some chicks. And if you guys have seen those videos where they give a group of strangers going on vacation a disposable camera, those straight up make me want to blow my brains out.

There's nothing I can do to fill this gaping hole, and it feels fucking terrible every time I'm reminded I've wasted and I am currently wasting my youth. I will just have to live with it and try to keep it from constantly dragging me into paralyzing depression ig.

So it all started in January 2023. I was accused of rape and child abuse by my ex and my bm (long story short I didn't do it) and got me raided by the police. They took everything I owned and this was around the same time I lost my apartment due to section 8 "losing" my recertification package. I was unable to save my section 8 because they also told the police I was involved in drug trafficking (I wasn't, but my homies was) and got my homies raided, so I had a BUNCH of mfs in the streets tryna kill me. I had to go hide with my gf at the time who turned around and told everyone where I was. So I had to leave town and I've been struggling ever since. It really doesn't help that the economy tanked on me as all this was going on so as of now I still haven't found a job in my same field, I've been making less in a dead end job I hate, i been getting sick/infected/infested more, I have NONE of the stability I worked so hard for, I can't keep myself looking good (im picky with my looks but i have to just walk around looking like whatever which kills me in many ways because) I have no job prospects and my sex life is now nonexistent (I use to have sex with multiple women a day, so this is a particular issue for me) I'm 27 and feel like I'm getting too tired to start over, I'm hurt and confused and don't know what to do. I can't even talk to women anymore because I'm so afraid of then ruining me again I can't even get comfortable around them, I'll even go as far to say that I'm afraid of them now. The worst thing is I had to leave my daughter behind and seeing her behind a screen instead of in person knowing I can't even afford to be her dad anymore eats away at me, I can only go on if I don't talk to her. I use to rap to get the stress off but now it's too much, I just can't talk about it anymore. I'm at my breaking point, if I don't stay high I can't do it anymore. I don't even know where to start. I constantly think about how angry I am and how much I allowed the women in my life to hurt me and it's poisoning me. I just wish I could just say help me to somebody...I feel so alone....

So me 40m have found a woman that I can honestly say I love 99% of all her qualities.... But this 1% very much weighs heavily in the deal breaker category.

We have known eachother for a year now and looking to take things to the next level. Us being in our mid 30's means we both have some baggage to work through which is fine. But the one thing I am having a hard time with is establishing boundaries and insecurities. I am one to make sure you know you are mine and treat and make you feel you are the only girl in the world for me and will absolutely shut down anyone who infringes/disrespects on the boundaries of my relationship. I will never compromise "being nice" to someone if I think it would make the person, I am with feel uncomfortable. This is a very strong value of mine.

Now we have the 38yo female who does deal with some depression, anxiety, and is a attention seeker. We have had discussions on this, and I just can't seem to get her to see things from my PoV which makes me think she does not care.

She takes care of me in all other aspects of our relationship but as someone who has a job where I am gone sometimes for periods of time and so no matter what I do when I am home loneliness is bound to set in. She also has certain things she views as hot or kinks which just came out a couple weeks ago in a conversation where she thinks if we showed up to a bar and sat across from each other and had men buying her drinks and showing her attention and I swoop in slide her a drink and claim what's mine. Now I get the allure of it but at the same time I am a man that doesn't like to share. I don't believe I am overcontrolling in this way of thinking but please tell me if you see it differently. I like to be adventurous and if we were being intimate and someone were to pass by and even stop to watch it wouldn't bother but to purposely subject someone into a position that breeds/invites danger does not do it for me.

This simply may never happen if I say no but this is more of a "red flag" indicator of the bigger attention behavior that I can't seem to shake. She has also wanted to do a OF blur out the faces as a couple page. Once again I do not like to share. She has never acted on these but if those are wants is it as simple as I do not feel like I can do these things and feel secure. Even though you treat me amazing in many ways you do not provide me with the security feeling that you would draw the line in the sand if it really came down to the right opportunity on the wrong night.

Is this as simple as a conversation dictates the fate? Or is there people out there who had faced these issues and found a way at a compromise I cant seem to think of?

https://youtu.be/HraeYghMJAY?si=radV_Wt7JxVHW7HI

It is time for our Saturday check-in.

What went well, what didn’t? What got better, what got worse? What made you happy or sad? What made you laugh or cry this week?

I'm fed up with it, I want to be normal like everyone else, sex is a big deal to me and I don't feel like living anymore!

I'm a 24M virgin who wants to end this crappy life!

I never thought I’d be someone who could stick with a habit for this long, but here I am—116 days of meditation in a row. It started small, just 2 minutes a day, but tracking it in Mainspring habit tracker app kept me motivated to keep going.

At first, it felt like a chore, but now it’s something I actually look forward to. It’s helped me feel calmer, more focused, and way less stressed. Honestly, I’m just proud of myself for showing up every day.

Anyone else crushing their habit goals? Let’s celebrate some wins!

The other night I was hanging out with a friend of mine(one of my best friends). She was going through a tough time and we were just speaking about it.

As she was getting ready to leave she passively mentions she has to paint her apartment and she was planning on calling her brother and another one of our mutual friends to do it for her. I said that's cool and asked if she had any idea what she was going for look wise. Then I stopped and realized wait...why didn't she ask me to come and help too..we all know each other.

So I asked her why didn't she include me and she looked at me with skepticism, confusion and pity and said "You're not really built for manual labor and I don't want anyone to fuck up my walls" this took me aback.. she was laughing about it like it was a joke but the claim actually bothered me alot.

One could say there's truth in her statement as her brother and our friend used to professionally paint homes so it made logical sense but the way she said it was really shitty and made me feel so incapable and almost less manly. The pitiful look she gave me as she claimed that I more "excel at desk work" I wanted to tell her off but held my tongue as she just had this emotional moment not even moments prior....

I've always been very insecure about my manliness and capabilities/usefulness. So to hear it say it like that really triggered something in me. Especially knowing that a friend only sees me as emotional support and nothing else...

I'm feeling really down about myself now because of it and I'm not sure how to handle it

I forgot how to cry, like I can feel the tears and I know my body want to cry because I can feel it. And I think I do need to cry because I think the last time I cried was 3-4 years ago, and like I know I need to have a good cry but I don't know how to anymore. It's like I forgot a basic response to emotion.

For reference, the last time I cried was in 2011. It was either January or February. I was 13. I don't remember the month, but I know my birthday didn't come yet because I was going to turn 14 on March 6th. A Language Arts teacher I respected ridiculed me unprovoked. I felt betrayed, disrespected, and humiliated. So I cried. But more importantly, I felt weak. I felt so weak that I thought that I must never feel that way again. The next time I felt close to crying was the school year after when I was in an AP Human Geography because people in my second semester class would always tell me to shut up because they thought I was annoying. Even the teacher was annoyed by me asking questions. Only 4 people (3 girls and 1 boy) were nice to me. I felt devastated each day, but never cried. I did, however, just end up not speaking for the rest of the semester and failed the class.

To the main point of this post. It started during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. When the Sesame Street float was on the screen, they played the song, "Sing" which is the one that goes like this:

Sing
Sing a song
Sing out loud
Sing out strong
Sing of good things, not bad
Sing of happy, not sad
Sing
Sing a song
Make it simple
To last your whole life long
Don't worry that it's not good enough
For anyone else to hear
Sing
Sing a song

When I heard the "Sing of happy, not sad" part, that was when it hit me. I don't even know what it was. Maybe it is because I've been stressed out on things like getting into graduate school for the past 2 years since graduating in 2022 with a bachelor's and the overall feeling of feeling incomplete (especially considering it took too long to even get the bachelor's from 2015 to 2022 because incompetent school workers tried helping me and messed me up). Maybe it was other aspects in my life like having to deal with multiple deaths this year or the fact that I have dealt with many friends and people near my age dying since I was a freshman in high school. I don't know, but I felt this sudden feeling of intense sadness over a song that's supposed to be happy in nature. I know some people might say that it was just a nostalgia hit or something, but no; I had an overwhelming feeling of dread and sadness over a song that's supposed to be a happy song. I wasn't necessary longing for something because I didn't have the happiest childhood due to a sometimes abusive father, occasional issues with brothers and mother, and bullying in school. Or maybe I was sad because it caused me to think of said childhood because the Muppets and people on the float looked so happy. The "Don't worry that it's not good enough" part also hit me hard, probably because I've been feeling inadequate and incomplete for a while.

Maybe this was pointless, but I just wanted to get this out. I haven't cried in over 13 years and it's not something I necessarily pride in. I wish I could stop associating the act of me crying with me feeling weak. I cried a lot when I was a kid because certain things moved me, but crying made me feel weak and vulnerable every time I did.

I'm spiraling y'all and its scary. I'm really living an unfulfilling life and it feels like my hope has just withered away. I have to believe we can change our views and ways or I'm truly doomed. I've really been thinking if I should be put down like an old dog, and its really depressing. Maybe I need to see some inspiration where people turned their lives around after traumatic injury?