As someone who's looked the dating market and have some grasp of understanding about what the expectations are from women when it comes to men in this current day of age in Western or modern societies I can say in a fairly confident manner that men should be prepared for the worst outlook in their life when it comes to dating and the main reason is that You have no value that you can provide for most if not all women.

Women today are get used to fall in love with male boyband members and Instagram models so their standards are far higher than the standards what women typically had in the 80's or 90's. The problem isn't about you, but the dating market has changed in a level which is incomprehensible and there's nothing you can do about it. Focus on your self development and don't try to chase women but find happiness in other things I'd say. Take my advice with a grain of salt, as I might be wrong on some things but that's how I feel now.

I'm 31M and am the eldest son in a south Asian family. The thing is my dad being the only one in his family to ever make it a little bit sad so stressed and busy with work that I became the next best thing to an adult in my family. My dad lived in another country and I was the only one there to support my mom. My mother, the most anxious superstition prone and motherly woman in the world shared everything with me relating to things going on in the family. That's not it. I have been keeping secrets a tragedy that happened to one of my sisters from everyone in my family and no one knows about it. The sister in question is the most irresponsible, disrespectful , rude, selfish narcissistic piece of shit, and the most dangerous woman on the planet. She has this habit of getting into super serious dangerous stuff and then because she's a pile of shit, can't handle the situation emotionally and gets herself depressed and suicidal. This happened 4 times. She does something potentially life threatening and then on the verge of death she tells me and mom and we have to handle it. My mother has always been kind to her and given her everything she wanted. Pampered to the point of extreme. Now that I am married, mom thinks I'm spending too much time with wife and not giving her time. When I tell her to spend time with my dad she makes excuses. I understand her situation as she's alone in my home country and I'm with dad but like come on man for fucks sake leave me alone. You take care of your husband and I will take care of my wife. The wife on the other hand wants me to be her slave. I think because I've never had a stable relationship I am allowing her to do things to me that I wouldn't let fly. She never listens to me, she's stubborn, she thinks everything on the earth relating to her is urgent and everything that I want is useless.

To be honest I want to put them all in a line and yell to my hearts end. Women want everything about them to be urgent and they literally transmit their anxiety and stress to you and if you don't accept it then they get upset. Women want nothing more jn the world but to get upset as much as possible and stop normal everyday life from happening.

Sorry if this was too long, I have kept this in my heart for more than a decade and I'm finally fucking done with it.

I work in illustration, and I’m surrounded by women who embrace their sexuality through their art. Are there any male artists who do something similar?

I (m20) never went to a commercial gym, i am scared of all the people there judging me. So because i feel like the only way to get any sort of positive attention and worth as a man is to be physically attractive/fit, i started working out in my parents basement, and managed to stay consistent for about 5 months. This made a minor but still noticable change in my appearance. But now i stopped working out again because i simply do not enjoy it. And i hate myself for that. I now look mediocre, rather skinny still, but at least a little muscle is visible. I have friends who i feel like don't really care about me, but have never had any sort of realationship with a woman, no friendships, no romantic relationships. I feel like my worth is measured by my physical appearance and my sucess in romantic relationships. Whenever i complain about my complete inability to talk to girls, my friends tell me to shut up and hit the gym or just don't act so stupid. By now i have almost abandoned the concept of love between humans, whenever i hear my friends talk about pretty girls they saw, or even had a relationship/sex with, i get really sad as i wish i too would be attracted to something in this existence. Today for example they talked about losing their virginity at 15/16. Obviously i tried the same thing as my boys at that age. But i was told by a group of girls me and my friends knew that i was like a tick, an annoying little ugly creature who always hangs onto the group but is not really wanted there by anyone. Another girl then proceeded to fake an attraction to me for about a week, i reacted very ecstatic as i never thought something like this would happen. She then went on to expose her 'prank' to all the others in our friendgroup. Since then i kind of have this image of women being mean and treacherous in my mind that i can't seem to shake. I honestly believe i will never achieve deep human connection because no person ever 'loves' or understands someone else for who they are.

Just needed to get that off my chest as i have no one to really talk to about this. Thanks!

Thought I'd share something interesting that happened to me at work.

To set the scene I am a bald skinny framed man with bad skin including a rare skin condition on a visible part of my body i.e. I can't easily hide it without drawing more attention to it. Just another ugly dude existing in our wonderful society. I've been working the same job for about 5 years or so now.

As you would expect I generally don't look for or receive much female attention, part of that is my fault but a relationship is certainly not currently a priority in my life right now.

Anyway, a woman I work with suddenly started showing interest in me out of the blue. Naturally I was skeptical after her first show of interest but she continued to keep giving me obvious signals e.g. calling my name seductively, bending over in front of me and even locking eyes with me for a prolonged amount of time. But still my gut instinct was telling me something was off, partly due to my own insecurities and partly because of blackpill knowledge so I didn't pursue.

Turns out my gut instinct was bang on the money because after some months what do you know, she starts looking VERY pregnant.

Dodged a fucking bullet there. She was clearly trying to sleep with me early in the pregnancy and then pretend that kid was mine. Makes you wonder how many fathers out there aren't actually the father...

So that's something to look forward to if you're a low status ugly hardworking guy working a regular job, women trying to baby trap you or turn you into a betabuxx.

Lesson learned and I hope some of you guys will take this as a warning. Trust your instincts in these kind of situations.

Not sure I can take much more.

I have tried every single path of self improvement you can possibly think of, I’ve worked in my body, my face, my social skills, and now currently even my career and finances and despite all of this I still feel like the same ugly unwanted loser I was before I ever started. I’ve worked so hard and yet it feels like I went from -1 to 0. I still get no interest from women, I’m still alone, I’m still the only guy in my friend group who’s never been with a woman despite working harder than everyone. And I hate myself so much now that I’m not sure what to do. There has to be something absolutely repulsive about me that’s ingrained into my person, because I’ve done everything people say you should do and women are clearly still disgusted by me. The worst part is everything else is fine, I have best friends I can rely on, a good family, people who care about me, it’s just with women I seem to be so ugly and disgusting that no one will ever give me a chance. I have 0 confidence when it comes to this because all I’ve ever gotten was rejection, it hurts even worse knowing there’s pretty much nothing else I can do to improve myself as I’ve done it all already. It’s like I hit my peak and yet the world is telling me at the end of the day I’m still a short ugly guy who nobody will ever love. My question is what do I even do now? I’ve taken every actionable step and still gotten nowhere, but I cannot accept a reality in which I’m destined to be alone and unlovable to the opposite sex. What am I supposed to do with myself? Just die alone? I don’t have an answer and I think about it 24/7. I just wish I knew why I’m still not good enough even after all of this, it makes me feel horrible and my self esteem is completely ruined

19M

This is the second time I've gone clubbing and last time went about the same.

I was with 3 friends and all three of them at least had the courage to go and talk to girls, regardless of whether that resulted in anything or not.

The very fact I didn't even have the balls to do anything, twice now, tells me there's something terribly wrong with me.

A girl or two that I found attractive did look at me and hold eye contact for a bit, but I automatically looked away on both occasions.

I've only ever had anything even close to a relationship with one girl, and that was six months ago now. She's also the only girl I've ever kissed or made out with. We never had sex of any kind except me fingering her to get her off, after which, she'd lose interest in going forward. She wouldn't even let me eat her out.

She made a move on me first.

I'm 19 and have never had the balls to make a move, I've only kissed one girl, and I've never even gotten a handjob, nevermind had sex.

I really don't know how much longer I can keep this up guys, this isn't life. I'm far from what a man is supposed to be. I'm a scared child in the body of a 6' tall "man", and I don't think I can change that

I just wanna be me, the me I like, I’m tired of trying to impress people, everyone’s an asshole anyways.

I’m never gonna be some playboy, or a “badass” by the TikTok/YouTube//Instagram standard and I don’t fucking even really want to be.

I think of all the people in some level of prominence I respect and none of them gained my admiration by driving the fanciest cars or drowning in p*ssy or being anything other than genuine, down to earth, and seemingly cool as fuck to be around.

I just want to work hard, do what I love on the side, and hopefully one day it pays off but if not my life was still probably better than maybe 90% of everybody who’s ever lived on this planet anyways.

All I want is in the next 10 years (possibly sooner) to own a dope ass house with a garage and a shit ton of music gear and just rock the fuck out all day and maybe play some shows and inspire people to just do what the fuck they’re passionate about.

You get one life, and then it’s over, why spend it doing anything other than what you love anyways?

i just need support, but i don't deserve it. Everywhere i go, everyone hates me in the end. There's no stopping it; it's immutable fact.

i don't even know how to explain it. It feels almost like a glitch in the universe, that i never get a break, that every time i dare to seek a little comfort, i only get salt in the wounds instead. Over and over and over.

Everyone hates me. Those who don't yet, will. Everyone hates me, and i deserve it. And i can't keep living this way. It's been decades of this, and i can't take it anymore. What is the point of just continuing to suffer extreme agony every moment? Besides, you know, the fact that i deserve that suffering.

The worst part is. It's not your fault...

I know you guys do your best to make time to hangout with me like we once did as bros.

But you've grown where I have not. I'm lagging behind while you guys are starting your journey with your partner and sharing and exploring your lives together

Seeing your post with your significant other makes me sad and depressed. That I never could reach that level with you boys

Fuck you guys for abandoning me, but also its not your fault I'm just all alone now

(17M, USA)

Holidays never typically get me down, because I have a strong familial support system. But recently I’ve been moved away from my family due to a change in custody.

Me and my girlfriend broke things off a few days ago, so that kinda sucks. I had a pretty meh day at work today, and didn’t get off until 7pm. I’m sitting in my bed home alone now with my 4m/o kitten. He’s a good cat, but even then, it’s hard not to feel alone. I don’t have any friends to talk to, and the 2-3 that I do have are all the way in my hometown, 1.5 hours away, all hanging out and spending time with eachother. I’m not angry or jealous, just kinda very sad. Any advice, friends?

I feel so lost, angry, sad, and hateful.

I usually spend my days playing video games and watching anime and I'm so sick of it.

I tried getting a job but I haven't managed to find any. I tried to get a job at a restaurant or something because I heard it's easy to meet people snd make friends but I haven't been able to get hired.

Today I went to the mall and saw so many people my age and younger with their friend group. I even saw guys with really attractive girls and it made me even angrier.

I can't take it anymore. I even thought about enrolling into community college just for a chance at making friends and meeting people.

Setting the scene: male (31) lives in England, married with two kids. I’m financially stable to the point that my wife can stay at home, I have a nice house and ok car. All of this to say that, (thank God) I have nothing to complain about ( or that I shouldn’t have anything to complain about…)

But here I am venting. I have no idea on how to describe this but I’ll just write it out… maybe it’ll make sense.

It started about a year ago, I woke up and stopped caring about life, I never thought of unaliving or anything thing like that I respect myself too much. I stopped caring in a sense where nothing was that important.

For example, when I was young I dreamt (from my little hometown in one of the 3rd world countries) of working for a big company in the City of London where all the big buildings and fancy people are… well guess what I’m there today and it’s just dull like any other tasteless thing around me. I should be jumping around and excited and ecstatic and give 1000+% of my energy to do my work... Then comes the question, am I missing something ? Why do i care so little. I have worked hard to get here and now I don’t care? Is there something wrong with me, maybe I just gave up.

Another example is family, I think I’m a good father, I do what I have to do. My family is provided for, but I take no pleasure in doing any of that. I do it because I have to… without going into too much details… Then again comes the same question. This is my family, it’s not work so why do I care so little? I should be happy to have healthy kids a loving wife and a beautiful family but once again it’s just dull.

Now take those two examples and apply them to the rest…

Please don’t say you’re depressed… I don’t believe in that, and I don’t think taking pills will change anything. I go to the gym, eat healthy, don’t drink and don’t smoke. Maybe I should start doing just that. F*** it.

If you’ve read this far. Thank you it means a lot.

Rent over.

I truly do not believe in it. Not once in my life has a woman wanted to feel a romantic connection with me. I've been rejected time and time again, picked last over better guys, etc. The love I believe in does not exist (Genuine deep connection, a partnership in life, someone to grow old with)

The only things that matter in relationships are looks and money, I see it everywhere. And I don't have the looks unfortunately (receding hairline, crooked jaw, crowded teeth, big nose, bloated face, I'm 5"6), and I don't wanna attract someone with money either.

I'm not a materialistic person, I'm very spiritual. I don't care about money, the only reason to work in my eyes is too survive. But I have no desire for nice cars, nice toys, whatever. Or any other thing that will supposedly "make me feel better". I feel like every time I bring this up online that's all I'm met with, "make a bunch of money! die alone and happy!" or its "Go to the gym bro!" and I already do, and while that makes me feel good, it doesn't fill the hole I feel in my chest.

It just feels like a bunch of cope.

The only thing that makes life meaningful to me is the art I make, and human connection. I love my friends, but they don't offer to me what a relationship can.

In my opinion "love" is the center of life, to understand someone on that deep of a level, to be there for them, for them to be there for you, to love unconditionally and be loved unconditionally is the peak of human enlightenment. To love and to be loved.

But in my opinion, genuine connection, things like this are that of fiction. Made up to make life more comfortable, in reality, people only see love as a transaction. Its plastic, its fake. The rise of "situationships" (gag) and online dating have only exacerbated the problem.

The love I believe in and feel, is not real, and even if it was, its not something I will ever experience due to my aforementioned looks.

I'm just coming to terms with that, and I guess trying to find something else to focus my life on. But its hard, its hard to feel like I'm missing out on such a core part of the human experience, and I don't think any words of encouragement about "living for myself" are gonna make me feel better.

Hi. Questions are below.

"Find your Tribe," this is the man specific friend making advice I heard from a life coach I briefly spoke to years ago as well as elsewhere on the internet. However, what does this mean and how do we implement it?

Me, in short: In my teens into my univ years I was terribly socially anxious or shy and quiet. In h.s. I got bullied and got suspended a few times when I got into fights. I got a scholarship to uni., but mostly spent the years studying, getting teased by classmates, trying to remain invisible, and never made friends.

Today I'm in my late 30s and I have never really had any close friend or sort of friend. I have had a series of coworkers, aquintances, and ex gfs. I lucky to be close to my father & sister. I am less shy than my teens & 20s self. Though, I feel more confident talking to women than men, perhsps because I focused at improving at dating over the years and still have the memories of being bullied when I was younger.

I have talked to a therapist and then later briefly a life coach. 4+ yrs ago. At times, both felt like a waste of money. However, I took and saved notes from both experiences. I have read books they suggested as well.

Passions, interests, hobbies, etc.: personally, I like my career. Outside of that, I like to play music and write. I like reading fiction & nonfiction on various topics. I was in a book club during the pandemic. I like to cook. I like repairing things or I used to own a motorbike and still ride & repair my bicycle. I grew up in a family that hunted, but only go to the range now & then. I want to learn archery. What else?

Q1: Are you shy, socially anxious, were bullied, have ptsd, or some other mental health challenge that has made it difficult for you to make friends? How have you or do you overcome this?

Q2: What passions, intetests, hobbies, and other opportunities have you pursued in which you hsve found & made friends?

Q3: How have you gone from just coworkers or acquaintances to friends or close friends with someone? How do you open up to people over time?

Q4: Do you have any resources like books, youtube channels, etc. to suggest that may be revelant here?

Any feedback or advice is appreciated. Thanks.

Hi. I posted questions below / at the bottom.

I've been really unprodcutice and just going through the motions of work, eat, sleep, ^ waste time w my gf these past few weeks. I feel unmotivated in my life & discouraged in my passion or hobby.

Me, in short: late 30s, never married, no kids, have gf, but am considering ending the relationship. In my teens & univ years I was very socially anxious or shy & quiet. I got bullied & in fights in school. Today, I'm only anxious sometimes around groups of people. I am much better at 1 on 1 converation. No friends, or no one I regularly call to talk to or calls me or anyone I hang out with. Well, my Dad & sis are my friends. Outside of work I play & compose music and write, but really have low confidence in playing music with or for others. I've never used yt or ig to record &/or promote my music, but have considered it. I write, but have never published much. In career, work, & finances, I am doing OK, or really cannot complain.

Mom passed away this year. I guess we were both close and not close. We argued a lot, but that's better than kids that stop talking to a parent. Her death was sudden. Now I only have my father, sister, bro-in-law, & nephews. My Mom's siblings stopped talking to her so I do not have a relationship w them or my young cousins. I worry about my Dad passing then all I'll have is my sis and her family and they live far away.

Worries about being Alone: I worry about going through life alone. I mean, I've never really had close friends, but only my Dad & sis are my friends now and his time is limited. I've tried making friends over the years and I cant figure it out. I make acquaintances, never friends. I am less shy then I was years ago, but still quiet. I don't have enough hobbies that involve poeple, I guess. I can try something new. I also like to build & repair things.

Socializing: I have tried going to these dinners that happen every Wednesday (timeleft). I have attended maybe 8+ dinners and I have not exhanged contact information with anyone ever so I never seen anyone again. Otherwise, I am not sure where else to meet people. There are meetup events here, but few of them interest me. In the city I lived before, there were more opportunities. Perhaps I wil try hiking, pickleball, gun range, archery, ... I don't know.

Social Media: I would make conversation with people and people would often say "give me your ig" rather than asking for a phone number or email. I got tired of saying I don't have ig so I created an ig acct, but I've never posted anything & have maybe 5 followers. I deleted facebook yrs ago, but have considered it in case somehow someone from my past wanted to contact me.

Wife & Kids: I've seen coworkers, friends of exes, etc. get divorced and heard so many other anecdotal stories that I do not think I will ever marry. Also, I lived w my exgf for 1.5 yrs and I was miserable, well, maybe it was just her. Kids. I do not think having a child would make me happier, besides the fact it is a major responsibility and financial change of life.

Purpose: I feel some pride in my career & work. In my creative pursuits I have little to no confidence or lately I feel like what is the point.

Anyway, this rant or post is getting long enough. I will try to sum this up by asking for advice in the form of questions.

Q1: What other opportunities or hobbies should I pursue to meet new people and/or make friends? The men specific advice I've heard on the internet is "find your tribe." OK, but how do I do that why I have low self-esteem in the only two passions or interests I have?

Q2: If or when you experience anxiety in a social setting how do you relax or calm yourself down? CBT, deep breaths, .. or what?

Q3: How do you boost your feelings of Self-Esteem or self worth when you are feeling really discouraged about your life or useless & untalented in your creative pursuits?

Q4: do you use some social media platform to promote your business, creative output, etc.? How do you get over the anxious feeling of being judged on the internet if you post something?

Any advice or feedback is appreciated. Thanks.

I hate that I feel like this

That situationship destroyed me. My self esteem, my confidence, everything. It’s been months I feel unworthy, unlovable, sad and I just can’t help it. Don’t know what to do to actually forget about her. I started comparing myself to others and that’s something that I have never done before and it destroys myself esteem. This feeling just suck I know is all mental Anyone got any tips on how to get through this???

I hate being older (19) and I still want to kill myself, I mean suicidal thoughts are a nuisance to me, I’ve had them for a while but they just get worse because of lack of romantic experiences in my life. I never had a girlfriend nor any romantic experiences in my life. I have zero social life. I’m just currently drowned in academics and studying just to get a degree, 2 and a half years left of college, time is running out. Honestly what’s the point, my life is meaningless and worthless without a girlfriend or social life. What’s the point in trying studying so hard, if I cannot share my life with someone else? I cannot even talk with women, I have abhorrent social skills in general, it’s unbelievable. If someone messaged me or talked to me in person, I would not even know what to say. Let alone trying to actually flirt with a woman or do anything romantic with her whatsoever.

Firstly, I need to say this:

I'm constantly battling with ridiculously treatment resistant mental problems and taking a fuck ton of meds to keep my life only somewhat stable. As can be guessed, I never had a girlfriend or even a close friend that is a girl even though I'm 21. Just saying all this to emphasize why asking a girl to spend some time together is quite an achievement for me. Anyways let's start:

So, I lost a good number of friends from the campus in the last year or so, and solitude was really starting to hurt me. I thought of that girl from the campus who was friendly towards me and somehow knew some stuff about my interests while we were drinking tea in the canteen after running away from a questionnaire in the class.

We were not exactly friends but we were getting along quite well when we see each other in the campus. So I decided to hit her up when I really just wanted some friends again.

I did my best to implicitly let her know I'm not approaching her with romantic intentions that fast, maybe even a bit too much. Anyways, she accepted hanging out and we spent some time together this monday, walked and chatted for 2 hours.

I feel like it went good, but I started to have more and more doubts about it the more I think about it, I don't know really.

It's just, this hanging out reminded me of how finding a partner that accepts me for who I am is nearly impossible. Who would like a guy with serious self esteem issues, and constantly fear a fight(whether it physically or verbally) breaking out thanks to deep rooted issues from his childhood?

Let's be real, women rightfully want their man to be mentally and physically tough and strong even in the many of the more open minded countries, that is the case even more the case in my country which is not one of those countries I'm talking about. You can have some weaknesses in front of your woman but if it gets too much, you will most likely be deemed as insufficient.

Feeling uncapable and weak is really getting to me and there is not much I can do to change what I am in the short term, and I don't know what to say about long term.

I know things don't automatically become romantic just because we spent time together. But even if thing somehow turns into that, I don't see anyone keeping me when they get to know what I am in more detail. Hell, there are even other big problems aside from the mental problems as well.

I just needed to vent and be heard, thanks for reading.

By the way, I would really appreciate it if someone who would like to chat DMs me or tells me I can DM them to talk about random stuff. I would seriously appreciate a conversation partner to deal with the loneliness that is kinda overwhelming me right now. Thanks.

We get a lot of lip service about how men’s mental health matters and is important when it’s not.

Based on my anecdotal experience. Expressing and showing vulnerability(insecurity, anger, sorrow and sadness etc) often gets me labeled as a whiner throwing a pity party for themselves. It really frustrates and upsets me, I get that I need to work on emotional regulation but sometimes I get so overwhelmed by anxiety and go through severe depressive episodes that looking at my feelings objectively can be very difficult for me.

There’s little to real or genuine empathy, it’s easier to respond in snark or dunk on someone and call them a loser who doesn’t get laid.

More and more I lose faith in others and find the idea of trusting or believing good intentions from others. I feel judged due to my looks and my personality.

If I was a lot skinnier and taller(5’6) then I imagine I’d be treated better and my struggles would be more acceptable to others. But because I’m chubby and I’m not the fat funny guy then I’m seen as lesser, uglier, inferior.

It feels so deeply lonely, but also I tend to give in to anger. I was emotionally neglected and abused as a child and that has lead to a lifetime of poor self-esteem.

I’m in therapy and working on things. But today is the kind of day where I’ve given in to my worst tendencies. Such as my bitterness, anger, negativity and being self-absorbed. I’ve been accused of being a narcissist so there’s probably some merit to that

Life is hard, I deal with so much pain yet I can only get so much help and support from others. So it’s up to me and I continue to fail at that because I feel like I need closure on my feelings.

Why me? Why did I have to be born with shitty manlet genes? Why did I have to suffer like this? Why couldn’t I just be a normal guy with friends, dating, being in a relationship etc?

Instead I’m broken and alone. This sucks, man.

Hey, guys! I’m working on an app idea focused on Men's mental health, relationships, and overall well-being, and I want it to be genuinely helpful for men. I’d love to hear what you think is missing in this space or what you wish an app could do to make life easier, happier, or less stressful.

A few questions to get the ideas flowing (feel free to answer any or all of these, or just share your thoughts):

• When it comes to mental health, what would you like to see more of? (For example, quick stress-relief techniques, daily mental check-ins, or access to a therapist? or an AI therapist?)
• For relationships—whether dating, friendships, or family—are there features or tools you’d find helpful? (Think about things like relationship advice, conflict resolution tips, or even accountability for relationship goals. Maybe some help when you talk to a girl, with an AI that help you with your answers)
• Anything else you’d want an app to provide for personal development or motivation?

This app is all about making something that’s practical and tailored to what you guys actually want, so any input is massively appreciated. Thanks in advance for sharing!

I'm a second year PhD student and still need another 300 participants (18+). I developed a sugar addiction scale and looking to validate my scale against other eating behaviour scales. Additionally, I am curious to understand the association between sugar addiction and other mental health variables. You have the chance of winning one of three £20 Amazon vouchers!! The study takes ~20 min to fill out

https://bbk.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_2fYxTHmgjQN1hZk

Sorry to vent here guys but I just need to do it. Idk if this is necessary but I'm 16. But I'm such a failure at everything, my mum says it all of my friends say it I'm a bum that goes home and lasts in bed all day I used to do boxing but I'm a lazy bun. My girlfriend broke up with me bc I wasnt trying (recently). That very morning I was thinking to give my life to her, whatever she needed I would do. I'm so fond with my life. I have no talents, and the only thing I have going for me is hard work but guess what! I have no discipline. No matter how hard I try I'm always behind. I work harder than everyone just to keep up and I'm so done with it. I'm failing school, I failed being a son, boyfriend, brother, I'm ugly, friend and I'm falling at life. I don't even see the point of trying anymore bc what's the point. I try and try but everyone around me with less effort surpasses me. My girlfriend is already talking to a n ew guy its been a day. I just can't anymore ik people to thru more worse stuff but I feel so hopeless I'm just a loser at literally everything. I'm so done. I just don't see the point in trying in life

Been working my ass off for months only to have yet another set back days before releasing a software update.

Girlfriend is mad at me because the only conversation I can provide lately is “bitching about work”. Today’s news literally sucked the life out of me and I have no energy to be an attentive boyfriend.

Can’t win.

As a mid 20s man who is fit has a good career and look after himself I am mind blown how many women date men who don't put much effort thus they don't look good (in shape or dressed well) and because of laziness can't hold a job for long. What is odd is these women don't stop dating these men and sometimes when they are hit on by a man like that and a man who has his shit together they prefer the bum. How to battle the idea that no matter how much I achieve I will see many of these woman and bum couples while I am single.

Everyone’s like go to the gym. Wanna be more attractive, go to the gym and get big. Wanna be less depressed, go to the gym. Wanna be more confident, go to the gym. I swear I see the same shit regurgitated all the time and it’s so annoying. Especially when all of these people act like it’s some magic elixir that works instantly and they won’t even tell you what sorts of exercises to do.

Tried posting this on incelexit, but they ban my posts because I guess that they don't like incels actually exiting or getting better, so maybe I can discuss it here with you guys...

I officially became a wizard earlier this month, turning the ripe old age of 30 while unfortunately still being a virgin. The fact that I'm a 30 year old virgin has been living rent free in my head all month and caused me to relapse into some old blackpilled ways of thinking after previously doing pretty well at keeping the blackpill at bay and cutting out incel content from my internet browsing habits.

Studying at university while on the spectrum, I have a mentor who I go to see every week who helps me with time management, study skills and any wellbeing issues that pop up. I decided that I’d tell her about the issues I was having falling into old blackpilled habits and the historical issues I had falling into incel spaces.

It was a bit scary and uncomfortable coming clean about such things because due to the nature of incels and the focus on the extreme ones, I didn’t want to be seen as an extreme one or for her to think that I hate her or anything as I don’t really hate anyone in such a manner. But she seemed understanding and now we are going to work on setting up an appointment so I can see a therapist and get some cognitive behavioural therapy.

I have been thinking about what I want to get out of the therapy and I think that my goal is to simply just find peace in my situation. It sounds defeatist but hear me out… Over the past year or so I have been cutting out a lot of blackpilled content from my social media feeds and browsing habits. Not because I’ve been particularly convinced that the blackpill is ‘incorrect’, moreso just due to finding that it’s repetitive and boring and stops being particularly useful. Once you take the blackpill once, there’s no point in continuously swallowing even more pills.

I’ve sort of just come to accept that I’ll probably just die alone, being autistic, not particularly attractive and at the bottom of the social ladder but now want to find happiness in myself despite the hand I have been dealt. By the end of next year, I want to be doing lots of cool stuff, finishing up my degree, having a really good career prospects and to never be stuck thinking about dating or relationships or dating apps even once.

If I'm to be a wizard, I want to be the ultimate wizard. :)

If anyone has any other good advice for building up my confidence and learning to be happy living alone, I'd love to hear it.

This is a piece by an educated and licensed therapist (male).

https://www.mg-counseling.com/blog/missteps-of-the-reactive-mens-movement

It is about what men have to deal with and what reactions are not only not helpful, but also counterproductive.

There are several male-oriented posts on his site, gathered here:

https://www.mg-counseling.com/blog?offset=1684876691167

Gentlemen … brothers. Men today are met with real, genderspecific problems. The reactions to those should be helping each other and lifting one another up. The go-to solution I witness here, however, is often joining in on the generalized hate on women.

There are some prominent and hurtful stereotypes about men that do nothing but hurt. There is also the same amount of unjust stereotypes about women floating through the ether. Being a victim of one does not justify making use of the other. Getting hurt does not give anyone the right to pass that hurt along. That is neither healthy nor helpful.

If you were hurt, you have the right to feel it and to take time to process it. But if the answer you come up with it generalizing, stereotyping and redirecting your pain at others, you have learned nothing from that experience. It is the exact same response as that of a father that beats his son, because he was beaten by his father. How is that just? How is that appropriate? What do you hope to achieve (other than acting out your own aggression)?