I’m F 20 and since I was maybe 12-13 I thought I was gay. Once I was 14 I was like haha guys jk and I’ve been very “I might be bi omg” and “no I can’t ever like women that’s a sin!” (Cue the religious trauma 😭). So I really have no idea what’s going on.

When I see these Instagram accounts of two women happily married with kids or cats and striving careers it all looks so magical- even though I know social media is fake. I can imagine it’s so fun to be able to do all the girly things with your partner like face masks, nails, hair, watching Barbie movies and Bridgerton, baking together, it’s a built in best friend who you also get to spend your life with. That sounds fire. But I’m not sexually attracted to women. Like I see my bf and I’m like turned on duh and I want to do certain things to him.. but when I see a pretty girl I don’t imagine doing dirty things to her.

IDK IM VERY CONFUSED WHAT DOES THIS MEAN. AN I JUST JEALOUS OF THE PRETTY DOCTOR LESBIANS WITH THEIR CUTE HOME DECOR AND SLEEPOVERS

I’ve really struggled throughout my teenage years probably due to autism. I really don’t want to struggle in my 20s and I’m 20 soon😭 I feel like life is just getting worse and I’m really worried about getting older. Sometimes I question if I’ll make it to old age. I’m so lonely, I have no friends and it’s embarrassing to admit

Hey just wondering if there are any links or guides for neurotypicals to look at to understand what it's like for us asd folk to be rubbish with communication or the need for clear communication when they are talking about their feelings.

Hi there, im 21 year old classical music college/uni student in Europe currently doing my masters degree and finishing it summer 25'

I have been in this school for the last 4 and a half years. Out of those years apart from a single year - i have had a particular subject w

eekly with this specific professor - lets call him Anderson...

From the get go, Anderson instantly took a disliking to me. I have never understood why. He would berate me and humiliate me, raise his voice at me only - in front of other classmates. overall... simply bully me.

I have a history of "making" these types of people in this position bully me. Just throughout my time in this school? I have had to quit 2 other professors mandatory classes because they traumatized me as well. From kindergarten through high school teachers have bullied me.

I wish i could simply stop taking Anderson's class, but here's the thing - He literally has the power to kick me out of this school (which i passed audition with highest grades) none of that matters.

He is the KING in the classical music world and this school. So if i went to the admin to tell them i wanna quit his class because of his bullying - that request would have to go by ANDERSON.

Worst thing is, i cant graduate unless i take his lessons and exam this summer. Requesting an other professor is futile - again, it would have to be approved by Anderson (cant be done anywayway - only 5 months left)

I dont think i can take his bullying and last til summer...at this point idc what he will think of me if i just quit school (i dont love any of the professord either way). But that would also mean my entire masters degree down the drain.

Final note is; ADMIN TOLD ANDERSON IM AUTISTIC AND TO BE MORE UNDERSTANDING WITH ME YET HE JUST DOESN'T CARE!

help please, Thank you very much 🫶

TW: disordered eating and body dysmorphia.

I am autistic and diagnosed with OCD.

I have severe obsessive thinking. I get an idea in my head, obsess over it in the extreme, and then feel the need to share it with somebody (usually my husband) because it feels like processing it out loud will bring the obsessive thoughts to their conclusion.

Here is what triggered this post. I finally tried a boxing gym which I have wanted to try for years and I had a great time and told my husband I wanted to purchase a membership and start attending.

I want to start boxing because I think it is great for my mental and physical health (especially my alexithymea and feeling disconnected from my body) and weight loss was not a factor in my decision.

Unfortunately, I have a history of disordered eating and body dysmorphia but I am a mom now and I have a much better relationship with my body than I’ve ever had despite weighing more these days.

I am careful not to focus much energy on my eating habits to keep from obsessing, I just try to eat as nutritiously as I can (I’m plant based and had blood work done recently showing that I am sufficient in all of my vitamins) and enjoy food as much as possible.

When it comes to exercise, I try not to think about ways that different exercises might affect my weight and instead think about ways that they might help me to feel better in my body.

Anyway, after the class I told my husband how excited I was and how much fun I had and that I would be paying for a membership at the boxing gym. I was feeling really empowered and proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone.

Unfortunately, over the next few days obsessive thinking about my health and fitness started up and quickly consumed all of the good feelings that I’d had after the class.

Only a few days later I had spiraled to the point that I had decided that I would be joining a different gym with traditional equipment (as that would probably be better for weight loss) despite knowing I wouldn’t enjoy it, created an entire workout plan based on weight loss, downloaded an app and began tracking my calories, bought a body weight scale and weighed myself three times the day I bought it alone, went through my closet and took out all of my favorite clothes and posted them on depop (a resale app) because I had decided that I didn’t want to wear anything that might make me look larger (but I can only wear loose clothing due to sensory sensitivities so this is completely unrealistic), and compulsively shared with my husband about these decisions until I was absolutely sick of the sound of my own voice. All the while my anxiety was growing and growing.

Eventually I spiraled all the way out into a disoriented, dysregulated, anxious mess.

Eventually, I hung all of my clothes back up in my closet and curled up in my favorite blanket and ate some cookies. Now I am just waiting for my therapy appointment tomorrow and really disliking myself. Sigh.

I also posted this in an OCD subreddit so I’m sorry if you come across it twice, thank you for reading if you did.

Recently I realized that my mom is probably autistic like me and because she has never learned emotional coping skills, she has been using me as her therapist throughout my life.

I shared my experiences with this with other autistic women/enbies and I heard so many similar stories of undiagnosed autistic mothers who use their daughter to emotionally vent to. While at the same time not having the capabilities to help the child regulate their emotions.

Anyone else with the experience as well?

Hi all, I will be 41 in less than two weeks -I’ve not been able to hold a job longer than two years EVER, even less before I found recovery from alcoholism-but now I can’t blame it on my problem drinking.

I was diagnosed with adhd last year and my psych wanted me assessed for autism-

After doing the assessment I’m worried that it’s NOT autism-

Some of the questions seemed so odd and so difficult to answer as true or false and there were so many questions (over 800 in all) but then i know where to turn to next to try and understand myself and my inability to understand and function on social settings-I just stay home if I’m not working but I’m always extremely stressed out because I am constantly worried about being misunderstood or fired.

My recent job just fired me a week ago-she belittled me in front of a coworker saying “I’ve never met anyone in my entire life who doesn’t understand when to call me and when to not” and then fired me days after .

This was because I called her to ask about her process for making chocolates and to see if there’s cross contamination for a celiac customer who was window shopping for a future event -she got mad at me for it.

But when I decided to just cover the $5 coffee I cashed out as cash when the customer wanted to pay credit-she said I should have called her immediately.

I’m so confused and hurt and I just want to understand why no one likes me despite my best efforts.

Don’t know

I don't get it. Won't get. Fuck it.

Apparently, NTs will lie because it's "no big deal" ? Or it placates the situation? Or for social reasons?

I don't get it.

Is it like we lie to a 3yr old to go to bed so Santa can leave presents, but in reality the parents need to tidy up and do the decorations in peace (and maybe just want some quiet time without a whole tantrum in the evening) ?

sure. but that's a 3yr old. Outside of that context, they'd just be lying and being dishonest.

Would NTs be okay with their flexible sense of justice if say it was the doctor treating their sick child? Or if it was their paycheque on the line?

Is that why so many people just willingly believe in imaginary things over facts that have oodles of evidence and can be verified?

And then what about stupid things like "Climate change doesn't exist" ? Buttloads of people do not think climate change is a big deal. Do NTs vote for the politicians who lie because lying is okay?

How does this make any sense at all?

Furthermore, this stupid flexible morality bs only serves to enforce double-standards in already fucked up systems where things ARE unjust due to economic differences (i.e poverty and capitalistic greed), social issues (like vulnerable/targetted populations - race/gender/orientation/whathaveyou).

Seems pretty messed up to frame having "a strong sense of justice" as something that is out of the ordinary. Do we call out the NTs for being morally bankrupts, double-tongued, double-standards-having, juvenile manipulative scoundrels ?

Sure there might be very small insignificant interpersonal situations where being flexible might help -- but it seems to me that NTs are bulldozing over anything they don't like or don't want to hear by lying to everyone else (See current state of world).

Idk. sounds stupid. I'm not going to lie on my resume or generate bullshit just to appease morally-flexible people.

These people wouldn't want a doctor that lied on their resume to treat their sick child, so their stupid logic of "for the sake of society!" doesn't make very much sense.

anyway rant over. I appreciate being here. Thank you.

When I start to get tired sometimes my speech will become more slurred. It's really upsetting because it's like my jaw just malfunctions or something idk. Or almost like I sound immature. If I get really drained I just can't speak at all. Has anyone experienced the slurring thing? I've heard and read a lot about selective mutism which I def do, but idk about the slurring thing.

So I've had skin issues and I thought it was from the pain of sensory issues or this condition my dermatologist diagnosed me with caused allodynia. Well, today i put on my cortecosteroid over my places i need to and on top of a little extra places and then used aquaphor vaseline and it actually hasn't too bad with wearing my clothes. Instead of pain and feeling like my skins peeling off it just feels a little tingly where the fitted parts are.

I watched HP as a kid and was totally obsessed with it for like 12 years, for as long as it was coming out (counting the books and movies together) and ever since I just need to go to London. Like, honestly I need to see the Leavesden Studios just once in my lifetime!! I started reading other British literature when I was 14: Jane Austen, various poetry, Sherlock . My favorite poet is Elizabeth Barrett Browning and I think it's so romantic how her husband was a fan and wrote her a love letter and they ended up together!! She's like the Taylor Swift of the 19th century. I took this amazing British Literature class that covered 18th and 19th century poetry. I wish I could remember more names than just like the big ones. I remember this one poem "The Childe Harolde's Pilgrimage" by Byron the most. I just love old books!!They're so gorgeous and I'd die if I saw some of those old mansucripts in person.

I also love love UK classic rock, like I've always thought England just has better music than America. I mean! Bowie, Queen, the Rolling Stones, The Clash, the Who, the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath. One Direction. Honestly. You guys won. My mom was a single mom and always tried to educate me about music the way people say their dads do, we played this game where she'd ask me "who is this by" whenever a classic rock song came on, and that's how I know all this. I'm so grateful for that.

I really hope one day I'll be able to go and actually have a good time (while accomodating my autism). I don't want to go into "the City", just the historic neighborhoods and famous libraries. lol.

sincerely,

an american

hi everybody! i (F21) am a frequent lurker but im having a bit of a dilemma. my mental health started to decline at thirteen and it has been that way since. after a particularly bad episode, i was diagnosed with bpd. my mother, and the rest of my family suggested i seek an autism diagnosis, seeing as my brother is diagnosed too. so i did that, and the process so far has taken almost a year. i have suspected i may be autistic for many years but never talked about it. my assessment is soon, and im feeling extremely anxious about it. my worst fear is they turn around and say it’s not autism when i have spent so much time in therapy talking about it, researching it, and accepting my neurodivergence more. this outcome would feel like im back at square one. before their assessment, did anyone else here feel like this? that they’ve been “faking” this whole time? and how did you ease yourself before your assessment. i look forward to reading any replies <3

Socially, I’m pretty bad in most circumstances, even with masking. My eye contact is abominable, my small talk is non-existent, and anytime when I’m in a large group, I often slink into my own mind and go non verbal.

The one thing I have, which I’m genuinely good at (and this is a humble brag I promise) is that I’m funny. If social interaction was a deck of cards, humour would be my ace. I’m quick with responses and jokes, both classic and observational. I know people who say they are funny tend to not actually be funny, but my main form of social validation is making people laugh. If I’ve made someone laugh, then it’s the easiest way to tell if someone likes me, and people liking me makes me feel less like a deer in the headlights.

However there is a downside. Because I’ve told myself this for so long, and so heavily rely on this validation, I find it hard to be serious. Like, if I can’t make a joke, I cant contribute. If I can’t make a joke, why am I here? Why would anyone care about me? Essentially I become a one-liner jukebox which chips in with a funny anecdote every 8-12 minutes like a 90s sitcom. I feel good in the moment but at the end I’m drained and embarrassed. I don’t know if anyone else feels like this.

I realise this issue isn’t necessarily autism specific, however aside from particular herbal help (which I don’t have right now) I don’t really know how to manage the depressive periods I go through. As I’m getting older (I’m 34) it seems to be getting worse, and I’m worried that I’m perimenopausal at this point. I don’t want to take anti depressants as it’s not a consistent issue and they don’t really seem to have helped me in the past (I’ve had my share of various types over years). I’ve tried hormonal contraceptives previously which seems to be the only thing recommended by doctors I’ve seen and they made me feel worse.

Is there anything you guys do/have that helps alleviate similar issues? I feel like I’m going mad… and my masking capabilities, my social capabilities and my general sensitivity are all f****d. I’m struggling to keep up routines, feed myself, look after myself. The things I love normally, and activities that bring me satisfaction bring me no joy or hold my attention when I’m like this. I just want to hide and not talk to anyone for the foreseeable future, and even though I know this is a temporary state, I get like… one genuinely good week a month where this isn’t a burden for my brain. Two functional weeks. Please help :-(

So this is like my first dating app date. It's also my first date with a woman i'm so excited but also nervous! We met on a dating app and I thought she was quite attractive and seemed sweet generally. Only problem is I don't think we have much in common, she's a sporty type and i'm more of a bookish nerdy type. I have to get the bus into the city to see her, we're meeting for coffee. I'm 21 but my mum is quite protective of me because of my disability, i'm worried she'll get too anxious about it.

Hi everybody, not too sure what to do about the upcoming holiday. I live far away from my parents, who live with my sister’s family (3 kids under 6), and they’d like me to come for Christmas and stay with them. Although I love them, I’d rather not: flying during the holidays is stressful, the only room for me to stay in at their place is very cramped, it’s very loud all the time there because of the kids.

But the thing that stresses me out the most is that the kids are constantly sick during the winter. The last two family holidays I’ve spent there, I’ve caught a cold. I didn’t spend Christmas with them last year and they all got corona. I’m not particularly high risk, I just hate being sick.

How can I tell my family I don’t want to visit for Christmas? I just want to spend a quiet Christmas alone. But can I even tell them that this is what I want? Do I owe them Christmas? I haven’t been there for it in about 5 years. I’m in my 30’s.

Thanks for any advice!

For context, I was officially diagnosed with autism earlier this year and my managers at work know. I work remotely but am part of a team, and we have daily meetings etc. The colleagues in my team do not know of my diagnosis, and I only recently moved to the team at the end of October.

This week, my workplace are recognising International day for persons with disability. I work in a large organisation with many colleagues and internal message boards/forums for a variety of topics. Some of these are neurodiversity related, and I have joined a few but don't post. This week they are encouraging people to share their stories with neurodiversity in a #ThisIsMe type post, and while I am considering it I'm uncertain. I don't even know what I would write, but I'd probably mention something about how sensory issues affect me and my work.

But, I'm not sure if I want to post anything. I'm not ashamed of my diagnosis, but I am worried about judgement or it changing how people treat me. One of my colleagues has already made comments doubting someone elses ND-ness. But I could possibly change perspectives by being open.

What would you do if you were me?

Not going to go into too many details, but I saw a guy last year for a few months who was super into me and was kind to me after I got out of a very abusive relationship with someone else. He helped to pull me out of one of the most painful times of my life. I fell in love with him, but then took a pause last year because I needed more time to heal. He told me to come back when I was ready to building something.

We reconnected this year a few months ago and I thought it went well. He told me before he didn’t like texting/calling so we had been sending each other music via Spotify before, basically love letters. We started making each other playlists, very detailed and complex playlists that were undoubtedly correspondence to each other. (I swear I confirmed that he would share things that were direct responses to what I shared, it was not just me sharing things). We did this daily for months and months. I tried to communicate otherwise and he kept telling me to communicate with playlists only and that it was “the same” - until we could see each other again.

Then I saw him this week in person for the first time in a long time (he lives in another state) and he told me that none of it was real, that I’d imagined it all. I felt completely delusional and insane, I have been doubting my entire reality and feel utterly pathetic and like this is all because I can’t understand clear social cues, let alone fucking vague playlist messages. But when I went back and looked at everything once I’d calmed down, there’s no way it could have been all imagined. It’s just too detailed. And he would respond sometimes within an hour. Create playlists that referenced personal connections between us, places we’d been, things I do, remixes of my favorite songs, we’d send back and forth the same artists, covers of the same songs, etc. I know he is gaslighting me. I feel like he played me like a fiddle to get attention, validation, etc from a far, but as soon as it was real it was like he was a different person.

It broke my heart into a million pieces to see him look into my eyes and gaslight and lie to me. I’m not proud of my actions, but he really made me believe he loved me. And then said it was all in my head. I feel like he is using my neurodivergence against me and Im just feeling totally hopeless to ever find true love because I really thought he was the one and he said it so many times.

Please be kind, it’s been an awful day. I’ve also been having terrible, serious physical health problems on top of this and just trying to find reasons to still want to exist.

I struggle to make small talk with people at work either I physically can’t, don’t talk loud enough or the words just don’t come out correctly.. I’ve also noticed some talk to me like I’m a child (I’m nearly 20). There’s an older man (around 60) who keeps referring to me as “girl”, does try to help and asks if I’m okay but he did one of my jobs without me asking him due to regular greedy male customers who shove to get reduced items, so I shouldn’t bring the items out myself?

My manager keeps calling me really really quiet. I often worry that they think I’m strange and might let me go after my probation period if they think I’m rude for not talking enough :(

When people do talk to me I obviously do respond and laugh a little but I don’t really contribute much further to conversations

I find it difficult to make small talk with people I don’t know well or speak to often (especially at work). But with my immediate family I’m quite loud and I have no problems trying to speak. Does this happen to anyone else? I’m 19 and I often feel like I look strange at work especially bc my manager keeps saying I’m really really quiet :(

i’ve been facing ever-increasing burnout for nearly two years, related to work. i was supposed to have 4 days off for the holiday but ended up having to work from 1 am - 5 am friday morning, had an 8 am emergency meeting on saturday followed by several emergency calls in the afternoon, and today i’ve had to be at work from 12 pm to 10 pm for said emergency.

i started a new job in october of 2023 after leaving my actually decent job due to burning out.

since starting this job i have had a significant decline in functioning. i stopped cooking for myself, im too tired at the end of the day to cook. i stopped walking in the evenings. i dont have breakfast anymore. i started drinking soda again (my main unhealthy vice) because i need some way to cope. i struggle with falling asleep at night because thinking of having to work the next day is anxiety-inducing. my apartment is a horrible mess because i don’t have the time or energy to clean, and my messy apartment is a significant source of stress.

i was really looking forward to getting to play some card game tournaments this weekend. i signed up for two, one on saturday, one on sunday. i made it to the one on saturday, exhusted, but midway through, work called and needed my support for an emergency. so i had to drop and go home. i had a breakdown and was starting to get real bad and had no support and was not in a good place. when i got home they told me they would address it tomorrow and told me to be at work at 12 pm :)))))))) right when my second tournament was due to begin.

so i show up at 12 pm today and guess what, there’s a delay!!!!! they were several hours behind and i had cancelled all my plans for nothing!!!! so i stay there with them because they said it would be an hour or two before they needed me. an hour or two has turned into nearly 6 and they won’t let me go home until about 10 pm or so.

i am just broken. i feel like a prisoner. i have given everything to make them happy and it’s not enough. i have no life left.

i’m just venting and i apologize for how rambly this is. thanks for reading!

As the title says. I'm starting a new job tomorrow and I genuinely think the emotion that I'm feeling about it is terror. I haven't had a good time in the past with jobs due to my autism - though I was undiagnosed at the time - so I'm automatically really scared for this one.

Even though I know I already have accommodations in place at this job, it's part time, and it's not customer facing like before, I'm still so worried that somethings going to go wrong. I'm worried I'm going to make myself look silly, or I'm not going to get there in time, or something like that.

What's worst is that I already know I'm not gonna sleep well tonight from worrying. My brain just sucks. I just needed a rant/vent and to see if other people can relate.

This is coming from someone born and raised in the South (not the deep south, I'm from TN), but growing up I often got in trouble for "talking back" to adults (aka defending or explaining myself). Social cues in the South are a pain to learn too, we don't like to be up front about something (love back-handed compliments and code words instead of straight up insults 😒). I remember getting told as a child that I was "brutally honest" (I lied like most kids if I was afraid of their reaction to the truth, but I will admit that was rarer except with family). There's also a stigma around mental health here that honestly gets tiring af, I was diagnosed in Kindergarten bc my teacher hated me (and was a bit ableist) and wasn't told until I was a Sophomore in high school because my mother didn't want me to use it as a crutch or excuse if I started struggling in school. Spoiler, I had amazing grades and ended up burn tf out by the time I got to college, and often feel like a barely functioning adult (I've also been working through most of my time in college, wouldn't be surprised if that contributes since most available jobs are customer-service focused, like rn I work front desk at a hotel).

Anyway, on a lighter note, one thing common in the South and with people from the South is offering to bring you back food when they go out to eat (even if they're customers and you're the employee). Not sure about other regions, this one just always confused me to experience lmao.

This was just a rant, but I'm curious about other autistic people in other parts of the South/US/other countries and your conflicts/experiences with your areas culture.

I was about to go see Wicked with my friends but I backed out last minute. I’m getting fomo but idk why I was just getting overwhelmed and now I’m upset with myself. But I know I would have had a good time if I just went I just couldn’t relax all day..

I have been working on communicating my needs and boundaries to others. This has turned into (at least) my mom feeling like I’m blaming and nitpicking her every action. To avoid this, I tried to ask her to read more about autism so that she could better understand my needs without me voicing each one. I’m incredibly grateful that she has read at least two books, but she has now put it back on me to tell her whatever I need from her. She made this offer of support in the middle of a family party at which she knew in advance there would be 20 people but told me there would only be 6 close family, which shows me she isn’t processing or applying the info on autism that she has read.

Is it appropriate for either of us to put so much of the burden of accommodating for my needs on the other? It also feels like it will be an exhausting and daunting task for me to continue verbalizing each boundary indefinitely. And I’m not sure how to communicate my needs in the moment without it coming across as blaming or hyper critical. My approach has generally been- “I’m reacting in a certain way (usually negatively) because I generally react to things like what you did in this way for these reasons, please try not to do that,” and I’m sure I have STD issues (smile tone delivery).

I really need insight on what’s an appropriate expectation to set and suggestions on how I can vocalize my need for accommodation to her (and others who are not aware of my autism).

My anxiety has been really bad and I get panic attacks typically in the middle of the night. I get very anxious about not being able to sleep from insomnia. Sometimes I can also feel panic during the day. I find that during panic attacks, I just have no idea what to do. Like my brain turns off and all the coping skills I learned are inaccessible and feel impossible. I have been trying hard to get through it with mindfulness and acceptance but honestly during a really bad panic attack I just don't know how to do that right now.

So after a particularly bad panic attack and few days ago where I ended up going to the ER to check on my heart, I came up with the idea to make a box that has all kinds of ideas and comfort that I can go to during an attack. All the little pieces of paper have comforting reminders or ideas for things I can do to calm down. Some of the little papers are also from my boyfriend. I'm still gonna be adding to it and doing that helps too.

P.S. the sour candy is because my therapist has said that sour candy helps redirect your brain in panic

Hi y'all <3 I'm sure you relate about getting stuck on things. Right now I am really stuck on this person at work, we have a really small staff.

Any time we work together, they slam things, roll their eyes, and generally have a horrible time.

They're an AuDhD Nb, late 20's. For awhile, I thought maybe they just hated working, were having trouble regulating, etc. Which could still be the case.

I feel like they make backhanded comments towards me (hard for me to tell sometimes) and only invite me places to try and embarrass me in front of other people. They even showed up at another work friend's house unannounced and hijacked our hangout.

I have been on the fence about asking them what went so wrong, because I'm worried they will use it as an opportunity to escalate the situation. I'm considering finding other work, but it won't be easy and it probably won't pay as much.

Have you ever dealt with a passive aggressive work "frenemy"? Someone who smiled to your face, brought you gifts, but you know is trying to make fun of you or even lie to others? Do you have any stories or advice about getting above this situation?

I hate it. It feels so condescending and disturbing. I am an adult, not a child or a dog. I do not need to be talked down to by 50 year old men who feel the need to praise me in the most infantilising way, ESPECIALLY by work clients.