Help me build a playlist!

I’m usually kind of negative or at least practical about being autistic. Like, it doesn’t feel like a great life, tbh. But today I was listening to “People Like Us” by Kelly Clarkson and I really connected to it. I want to build a whole playlist of songs that build me up, and make me feel good about being me when it’s really hard.

So add your suggestions!! They don’t have to be autism specific, just in the general spirit of autistic pride and empowerment.

For ease of reading, please put any songs with artists in a list at the bottom of your comment if you want to add an explanation or context.

• People Like Us by Kelly Clarkson

Not really sure what to write or how to start this so um... Does anyone else find confrontation, setting boundaries and just generally communicating your needs absolutely overwhelming to the point of meltdown/shutdown?

For context I am AFAB (29NB) and have recently (in the last month) been referred for an adult autism assessment. I've always known I was a people pleaser (which I'm now learning is related to high masking, which I believe I am) but I also always thought my needs for trivial things like closing my eyes during conversations to hear better or speaking up when a noise/light/event is making me uncomfortable to the max- well I thought I was just an over emotional, over reacting annoyance that just needed to get their shit together (since apparently everyone else can).

Just had a hard chat with my long term partner about how him asking me 20 different questions when it's his turn to cook dinner (because he's genuinely looking for clarification or help because he knows I'm extremely particular about food prep in our kitchen) just turns my anxiety and anger dials up to 11 and I can't explain why. What I need in that situation is an explicit "I need your help to make this dish, let's make it together" instead of him telling me okay I've got this and then needing my attention throughout the whole process. Its hard to explain I'm sorry. It's like I already turned off the idea that I need to be involved so I disengage and do something else and now he's suddenly ripping my attention away. It's stupid but it makes my whole head tingle and hurt and feel like it's doing to explode! But I also know/feel that's irrational (well I mean from a NT view at least, which I thought I was) and find it damn near impossible to say anything but I'm not exactly great at hiding my stress especially at home until I explode because I'm terrified I'm being a bad person, making everyone else upset over something trivial that isn't bothering anyone else.

Or is it just me?

"What?" they ask.

Diagnosed or not diagnosed, not being believed is one of the central experiences of being autistic, as far as I can tell.

I don't feel like I can tell any of my friends anything about being on the spectrum at all but we can talk about anything going on w them. They make jokes and like posts about their boyfriends being on the spectrum for playing fucking video games but make fun of my interests. It's not as simple as eating chicken nuggets. Those jokes r only funny if you're not ignorant to actual autistic people and every single person who posts them is... Your boyfriend who has never had an original thought in his life is not autistic. I'm going to bang my head. And anywhere I go if i feel comfortable and slip up for a second and laugh a little loud or something it gets quiet and the convo ends. When i was having parties and disregarding all of my needs and feelings and changing myself / life to look like tiktok trends everyone was nice to me but now that I can't do it anymore i feel ignored again by every friendship. I know im autistic and i can't tell them bc their reaction would be so embarrassing. Everyone makes me feel like im weird and stand out enough to ignore, but i also can't be autistic because i don't look it ??

I 22f do not know if I’m autistic. Have not been formally diagnosed but when I look up common behaviors of autism I find I identify with much (very hard to detect sarcasm, and hard to understand indirect communication, not anxious person but anxiety over dating never dated anyone, had depression on&off for years, sensory overload for random things, very social but get burnt out quickly, I love so many people but don’t care to see them that often) maybe there things aren’t. I’m sorry If I’m in a space I don’t belong. But I’m trying to start a corporate career and hoping to move from my home town. Those of you who have autism and managed to enter into a corporate work space what tips have helped you succeed

I just took the personality test and I am ISFJ-T. Wondering if y’all are something similar? Mine was creepily accurate and very interesting.

I feel like I should preface this post by saying that if reading about body image issues or issues related to sexuality makes me uncomfortable or upset, please don’t read this post.

At one point I wanted to have same-sex friends, but I wasn’t socially accepted by other girls. I don’t have a group of girlfriends. I can honestly say I don’t understand other women, and I don’t think that they can understand me and my experiences.

I’m in my twenties. I’ve felt this way for years. I think it started in my teens but has gotten worse over time.

I hate being a woman. I hate having the body that I have. I don’t mean that I want to have the body of the opposite sex. I mean that I just can’t accept my body.

I have an overweight, unattractive body, but my size isn’t the worst issue. The worst thing about my body are the parts that make me a woman. It makes me cry thinking about how other women manage to have sex without pain and don’t mind being objectified while I’m trapped in the body I’m in.

I hate the emotional and psychological pain and suffering that comes with being a woman who has defective body parts. I hate my body so much I struggle to shower.

I don’t want to live to be 40 in this body. Sometimes I really feel like dying is better than being a woman with the body I have. I feel like I’m trapped in this body, and like it’s fighting against me.

Nothing between my legs works. My vagina is broken and worthless; sometimes I wish it was just gone. I wish I could change it. It’s broken and it feels like an irreparable loss; I mourn the fact that I’m less than other women and my body is less feminine and lacks what all other women have everyday. It’s like I’m mourning.

My clitoris is broken. I don’t know what is wrong with it. I’ve never had any injuries to this part of my body. There’s no reason that it should be broken. When I’ve touched this area of my body, I don’t feel what I’m supposed to feel. I’ve heard other women say that it feels like something is building or increasing leading up to an orgasm. I have never felt this.

I feel like my body being how it is is confirmation of how I felt before this started: worthless and broken.

I don’t understand why my body is sexually defective. I feel ashamed of it. Even if I want to have a relationship in the future, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.

I feel like a woman’s ability to have PIV seems to be what makes men love us. Men love women who can let them do PIV. My body is worthless and broken, and I don’t know why. Sometimes I wish my body was smaller than what it was so there was less of me to see. I’m so depressed by my body.

Other women don’t understand. I think that women who have PIV can’t understand because their bodies are considered good enough. No one could ever consider my body to be good enough and not lacking.

I feel like I never had a sexuality or I did at one point and it’s died. I feel ashamed and sad typing this, but I think I had more sexual desire as a very young teen than I have in the last 4 to 5 years of my life. I have no desire, and I think the reason why is because I’m not experiencing the pleasure other people talk about.

I can get aroused but my body doesn’t seem to go any farther. I don’t feel sexual pleasure from clitoral stimulation or vaginal penetration (using a dilator). It’s like everything is turned off and non functional between my legs.

I feel like I’m grieving something. I am used to not having a group of girlfriends as friends, but my body being this way has probably made it so that I won’t be able to have a relationship. I don’t know how much closeness or contact I would be able to tolerate with a male partner because since I know that everything seems to revolve around sex with men and to men sex = penetration, I know that I will be reluctant to be close to a partner. My body has failed and has ruined so much for me.

I’m in my early twenties, and I feel like I’ve lost at least the last 4 or 5 years of my life. I can’t accept my body, and I feel like this is something I can’t get away from or escape.

I am about to turn 30 the next week and I feel really nervous. The fact that my birthday is on friday makes me feel really stressed because people would ask me about my plans. I really don't have a lot of friends and I also don't feel like planning something big. I just would like to go and eat with my friends at work (Women that are in their 40s) and maybe have dinner with my family or visit an art fair. But I feel like a lot of people expects me to have a big celebration because I am turning 30, and I wish I had one big party but I don't have that much close friends and I am scared people would not come to my celebratio (It happened in the past and Is horrible). How do you deal with your birthday?

Has anyone else had the experience of really uncomfortable (bordering on painful) periods? My periods are very destabilizing to me physically and mentally. I have horrible stomach and gastro issues including nausea and diarrhea. My mental health is always worse. I get horrible cramps.

How have you dealt with your periods? Have you found any birth controls that stop your period completely?

Feeling very frustrated right now. I hate that I am beholden to this cycle of pain and awful symptoms that limit my quality of life even further.

Hi all,

First of, no, I'm not posting in the wrong sub!

I have AuDHD and one if my major downfalls is keeping up on chores.

I HATE doing the washing up (dishes for US folk), it's a sensory nightmare and gloves don't help at all! I found a way to distract myself from the feeling of ick while doing it (listening to heavy metal/heavy techno music helps as it distracts me), but it's something admittingly I don't do everyday. I try to avoid it as much as possible but it gets unbearable, as I feel depressed and like I'm living in a slum.

I live in a small flat and I do not have space for a regular dishwasher, but I heard about portable or countertop ones.

First of, are these actually worth it? Do you own one and has it been a game changer? What model do you/don't you recommend?

I bought a condensed dryer when I moved in, and OH MY GOODNESS!! I have never looked back! I am hoping if I get a dishwasher I will feel the same way.

My ONLY concern is noise, smell, and cost to run. I've been reading they use LESS water than hand-washing, but can be very noisy. My kitchen units aren't the most durable, and I don't want to annoy my downstairs neighbors. I will clean the filters regularly, but I know DW's also harbour germs and ick very well.

Thank you everyone in advance!!

Hello everyone, I hope you are all well.

OK I know this is a very odd and random question.

Are any of you really fashionable? If so how?

I tend to wear what I'm most comfortable in. Which is the same thing just different colours more or less.

My Sister made a comment earlier about me wanting to buy a Nike Cross body bag, apparently I'm too old and those bags are only worn by the younger generation.

I have zero idea what is fashionable and what goes with what. Slightly embarrassed as I feel in my 40s I should know so much more.

Both me and my partner are AuDHD, we’ve been together for 4 years, and live together. I’ve been away the past week visiting family, and I’ve been very sad and anxious about the lack of communication. He’s a person that is looking at a screen 24/7, but he’s been taking 4+ hours to reply to messages, often leaving me on «seen». Today I called him, he asked if he could call me back, and then didn’t. I called him again about 6 hours later, and he said he’d forgotten. I asked if he is looking forward to seeing me tomorrow (happy that I’m coming home), and his reply is that I’ve only been gone a week, and for him it’s «out of sight out of mind».

So this obviously made me very sad, as I would hope my partner was missing me, and he said he doesn’t. And this is at the end of a week of extremely sparse communication that has been making me very anxious. Is it like this for others with autism too?

We’re all unique individuals and autism presents in different ways, but I really cannot imagine being away from my partner and not miss them, not want to talk to them, and mostly ignoring them. Du you miss your partner when you’re away from them?

I’m really struggling and no one around me quite understands. I have tried to reach out and explain but it keeps leading to confrontation and dismissal. I just need comfort and understanding, and community.

I haven’t had a sense of stability for at least the past year, probably longer starting with the pandemic. I ended an emotionally abusive relationship in November. We lived together for two years and were together for 4 years. The turmoil and conflict he created honestly was driving me insane and my nervous system is still constantly on alert. I feel like I’m vibrating all the time and I’m heartbroken and feel so betrayed. He became very cruel to me.

Another big change for me was I had started a new job last February and then was let go in August. The whole situation was stressful and the company was dismissive of my anxiety and autism struggles. Just when I was starting to look into resources and a diagnosis journey, they let me go. Very disheartening and isolating.

I also moved out of my apartment of 8 years to a temporary rental in October. The area is nice but it’s all new and I don’t have many friends in the area.

I’m in the United States and absolutely terrified about the future. This is the biggest threat to stability and I am so desperate to feel safe again after having such a stressful year and so many big changes so fast. I am living alone now and it’s hard to not spiral and feel completely sad and alone. I just want to feel safe again and I’m so worried I won’t ever feel safe again.

We have moved quite fast which might not be ideal but I wanted to go with the flow. Last night he made a comment that kind of triggered me so I tried my best to be open about this trigger. It was scary but it went okay. Then we were getting intimate which felt good, but he touched me l, so I touched him, then he said I touched him too soon. He said our energy wasn’t matching and that we could better just go to sleep (which I feel is not bad, he is allowed to not really feel it in the moment and have his boundaries) But it made me feel confused tho, because I was copying what he was doing basically. And this triggered me a bit more.

I have been with a narcissist who always manipulated me into feeling completely confused, till a point I didn’t know who I was anymore. I left the bedroom as I felt I needed to cry. He followed me and asked what’s wrong so I told him it’s not his fault, but I’ve had bad experiences before, and it’s the first time I am letting someone close like this. I explained to him that something inside of me has become ultra-aware, that part is just trying to protect me but it might also be triggered when it’s not needed. He told me he can’t really understand but he showed some affection so after this conversation we went to bed again.

The morning felt ok but we both knew something had happened last night. At some point we talked about it a bit. He said he’s not sure if he can handle this and that he had never been through something like this in early dates. I can understand it’s difficult but I don’t really know what to do next. To him it’s like: it’s too soon for this to happen. To me it’s like: it is happening because it IS new. To me it’s really logical that meeting someone and getting to know them can be scary, I can’t possibly fully trust this man yet.

Also, what I need is and has always been very clear when I am overwhelmed. I am not expecting him to understand of figure it all out, I just want to be able to feel my emotions (like we all do, at least at some point). I just don’t want to be judged or criticized for having them, autism or not, I am human. And all I need is for someone to either sit with me for a second, or let me be for a minute, but no big changes or difficult conversations.

At moments like these I don’t know if I will ever find a person who agrees on this. I mostly feel like the partners I had just wanted me to be easy and happy and as soon as there were other emotions it became difficult. As if I as a woman am not allowed to be angry or sad or scared or frustrated at times.

What would you advise? Take a step back? Suggesting going a bit more slowly? Letting it be and not call or text right now? Or stop dating him at all, I don’t know.

A colleague at work shared with me that she is autistic during a quick 5 minute coffee break the other day. I was processing this (and doing an internal happy dance) and didn't have time to respond that I highly suspect I am also autistic (although she knows my child is). I'm wondering if it would be socially appropriate to reach out to her and send her a message on social media to let her know I appreciate her sharing that and that I too am pretty certain I'm autistic and it's comforting to know another autistic adult. The reason I'm asking is we've never communicated via social media before, only work emails, so I'm unsure if it would be socially appropriate? I would love to build a friendship with her as I feel we have a genuine connection, even before she shared this with me.

Hi I was diagnosed this week (52f) I'm in the UK. I've been a bit up and down this week which I know is understandable. Its a lot to process.I am planning on speaking to work to let them know about my diagnosis and to ask for some adjustments. I expect them to be surprised as I am high masking but I think they will be accommodating. How do I approach it? Seems a bit weird just going in and announcing it and I feel anxious just thinking about it 😭 And any advice on processing, moving forward also appreciated.

IDK if its the period, burnout, depression or a mix of whatever, but I have a trip to somewhere Ive been wanting to for a decade, Im seeing one of my fav bands live, and theres a couple releases of sequels of media I love and yet I feel so empty. A mix of feeling like its not real and lack of hype I believe Id normally have. It makes me feel broken and wanting to cry because I dont get why and if Im not hyped for things like this I dont know what can lift up my mood.

Brain is not braining.

Okay, where to start? First of, nice to meet you, I'm Giulia (but you may call me Lü) and I'm a 22 young lady based in Italy. I'm writing this cause I've been suspecting to be on the spectrum for quite a while now, but I'm seriously considering the idea to get a diagnosis, on the other hand I'm not sure and I'm all like "It might as well just be some behavioural shit I need to improve for myself in order to coexist with other people" For context, since I was a kid I have always been described as "The odd one" and unironically my elementary, middle, and high school teachers have suggested my parents that I should get a diagnosis because of how I behaved in class, I'm still unsure what they meant with that, sadly where I live autism is seen as something to insult people with most of the time so the first thought that may come to mind is that they could have said that to mock me, which is why my parents never listened to their concerns in the first place...but at the same time it's weird that more in more than one school they said the exact same thing. My mother herself says that I have always been odd, especially when it comes to social cues: I have a hard time making friends, an even harder time at understanding humour and thus can't tell when someone is joking or not, and last but not least...I can't conceal my dislike towards someone, however she brushed it off as me being "immature" which is something I have believed (and still do) also she wouldn't even bother getting me a diagnosis as she is a little closed minded on the topic as she thinks that autism is the same as down syndrome (I wouldn't know myself but okay?) So I have always been considering getting a diagnosis but never did, but now I am seriously on it since my sister (who works with autistic people) started suspecting it as well, and when I asked her why she thought that she was like "You're a Mac Os in a world of Windows" But now I don't know, I mean it would be nice to get a diagnosis since it would explain almost everything, however...how would I even deal with this? It's one thing that I know it's just something behavioural that I seriously need to work on (I would have a starting point) but if I knew I was autistic I wouldn't even know how to deal with my emotions (I just can't control them, even if it's something that makes me happy I start crying) how to behave with people who are neurotypical...the list goes on. It's just a lot and I feel so lost right now. What should I do?

I’m just not motivated to find a community. I think of groups larger than six as places where I can look forward to seeing people treat each other poorly, and not being able to do anything about it. Where I will be ignored completely when I have something to offer, and to be forced to participate where I don’t and I’d rather not. Avoiding this is the part of adult sovereignty that I cherish most.

I know from experience that if I get to know people, I can find something to really admire or enjoy about 80% of them. And yet, as a rule, they just bore me, people. People tend to think I’m a good person because I’m pathologically considerate (hypersensitive to guilt) and have a non-zero-sum mindset and always want to help people if it’s not too inconvenient for me, and I’m a good enough friend. But I feel like a moral failure because I’m so pessimistic about human nature and feel no love for humanity in the abstract and sorta feel like I’d rather die than depend on a group.

When asked, “What can I do about climate change, as an individual?” Paul Hawkins used to say: “Stop being an individual.” I’ve been told not to stay isolated with my climate grief. A supportive local community is the only thing likely to ameliorate the hardship of living through any sort of collapse. These are the reasons I want to find community (it's not just a desire to conform to expectations and correct my perceived moral failure, it's practical). And yet I don't want to, at the same time.

It is probably the case that I am just remembering my most traumatic experiences in groups as a young person and forgetting all the positive experiences, and so I just need to get out there and try and see. But I don’t know where to start. There are no environmentalist or adult-autism support groups in my city. I have felt awkward and bored at the local community garden and writers’ group. Any thoughts?

I’m looking for advice on how to better communicate with my daughter, who has been diagnosed with adhd and autism. I also have both, only diagnosed officially with ADHD. She’s 12, in the 7th grade, and in speech therapy. I’ve always had a hard time trying to have a conversation with her, like asking what she did in school (tried all different ways of asking questions), but it still feels like I’m missing a huge chunk of my daughter. When I picked up her bff this week, and it was just me and her bff, having a more neurotypical conversation, both of us talking to each other, and the bff gives up information easily and often without asking. The contrast was striking to me. My daughter never talks with me like her bff can.

I always tell my daughter I love her and she can talk to me about anything.

I feel I hardly know what’s going on with my daughter, especially at school. She’ll say she doesn’t remember when I ask specifics. Middle school is always rough too, plus on top of that she unfortunately misses a lot of school due to our shared chronic migraines. I don’t want her to slip away from us.

My friend sent me screenshots of my boyfriend’s friend claiming that he’s planning on breaking up with me because I talk about my special interests too much. (Fallout & RDR2) I’m honestly really upset because I just want to be able to talk about my special interests without being judged all the time but he literally wants to dump me over this. I’m not even sure what to do.

I’m just not ok. I have a son who had asd, adhd and odd. He’s always been a very difficult child. It turns out that I have asd and adhd as well, which I never learned until he was 9 or 10. I have always felt that I’m a terrible parent. My ex always said we were “fighting” which made me feel like he was making me seem childish and like what I would be upset about was not important.

A few months ago, I sent him to live with his dad full time. This was after a horrific incident surrounding porn and his younger brother (occurring at dads due to lax boundaries and low supervision). It just because too much to bare with his behavior, hypervigilamce and trauma with the incident, and worsening behaviors form him.

When I am with him I am dysregulated 80-95% of the time due to his being defiant, loud, self centered and challeneging every boundary, no matter how small and often disregarding the rules entirely. I have tried very hard to work on my part in things getting escalated. He won’t respect the boundaries I need to be okay around him. I deserve to be ok! It’s been just him or just his brother during the week and both on weekends. When they are both here it’s like they are both 2x worse than on their own. I just had his dad come get him as I couldn’t take it. He downplayed the situation and invalidating by emotions along with asking if he is ever going to get time alone. Which I get! But I feel that the question of if I was ok would have been human decency.

I’m just so depressed. I’m not supported emotionally whatsoever. I feel completely unable to cope with life because I am chronically inadequate in every way. I don’t want my children to have trauma from yelling and fighting and an unhappy mom like I did. I just don’t know a way out.

I can't love anything or anyone without immediately imagining the pain i will feel once said thing is inevitably gone

I mean this light heartedely, but am also seriously asking…. When you’re in a public bathroom and someone knocks, WHAT do you say?? It makes me panic so bad, I have no idea what the social rules are or how to mirror someones energy I can’t see 😂 I also get that compulsive people pleasing triggered and I feel bad being on the toilet. Ugh. I’ve said “busy!” “Hello?” “Hi!” “Occupied!” “Yes?” “Someone’s in here!” “cough” “I’m here!” I’m cracking up because these are ridiculous but I’m also so embarassed. HELP??! What do y’all say?

Has anyone had any luck with external devices that purport to help calm people down via external stimuli? For example, the Glowco, Achieve Calm, CalmiGo, Apollo, Sensate, Truvaga 350, etc.? I am seeking something that I can use when my body’s sympathetic nervous system kicks in.

A lot of the standard grounding techniques such as breathing, holding ice, smelling something, noticing different colors don’t work for me. I respond really well to cranialsacral therapy, but I only get it once a week and someone has to do it for me. Being extremely dysregulated like I get from time to time (especially before my period), is awful because I have a toddler and cannot stand to be around her when I’m like that. I will yell and want her to get away from me and then feel fucking awful about it the next day or whenever I can come “back online” aka get back into my parasympathetic nervous system. I need something that I can use in the moment to bring me back and calm me down. Any suggestions?

I have a snorkeling trip coming up with some new people I know and Its causing me stress. I love new experiences and always go for them but upon some contemplation today and shutting down I noticed that it always brings additional stress to me.

Little things like from my outfit and when to go there, everything takes time for me to plan and manage according to me (clothes that wont irritate me, hair according to the weather so i dont get irritated). This time I had to order things online and still i keep planning that the day before i have to do this and on that day i have to do that, i imagine details of the trip before hand almost like trying to imagine what could go wrong so i can manage it from before. Like i even bought my own life jacket. Then i also have to plan the conversations and when i will do what or talk about what.

I also realized that since i was small, i wouldnt sleep before an event and everyone assumed it was due to excitement byt it was probably my brain being on high alert.

After an event i want to stay home for 3 weeks which comes with intense shame and feelings of being behind everyone.

For other people its fun from planning to going. All of it. Feel free to share your experiences or thoughts.

I notice I feel sick very easily if I eat too much sugar. I'll typically eat just a square or two of a chocolate bar rather than the whole thing, or I can't have sweetener in my drink and eat a cookie at the same time, for example. If I do eat too much sugar I feel quite unwell - sort of nauseous but not exactly. Poor interoception doesn't help here.

I used to have the same thing with coffee until friends told me that it's not normal to feel sick after drinking coffee. For years I just drank it and thought that everyone felt that way.

Help me understand this?

I recently started watching "The Newsroom" and it's left me a bit confused. (2012-2014 TV drama by Aaron Sorkin, similar to "West Wing".

One thing I really love about the show is how relatable and bumbling the characters can be. And they're so open about their lack of social skills and desire to have space.

I mean, in maybe the first episode a character runs out of a meeting like she's going to puke. The new guy tries to follow her and help. Someone else tells him she just having an anxiety attack and needs time alone to get it together. Like it was a perfectly acceptable thing to have a meltdown/shutdown and everyone just acted like normal in the best way.

Then I asked my husband about the show and he heard it's really funny.

Wait, what? Funny? A comedy? What are people laughing at?

What is the show supposed to be? In my head, half the characters are autistic coded. It feels like Abed, where maybe Sorkin is undiagnosed or something. But then if it's a comedy, is it like "The Office" where the comedy is about the awkward people you work with? Like they're making fun of awkward mishaps at work and I just relate to them all? They're making fun of autistic traits without realizing it?

I know there's likely no known it clear answer. Maybe Sorkin is undiagnosed. Maybe my recent diagnosis is clouding everything. Maybe people just think those are awkward things your coworkers do because you don't know what autism is?

I guess in my heart I'm wondering if we're the butt of the joke here or the insiders who get it.

If you have a favorite fruit, what’s yours?:D I’ll start, GRAPEFRUIT. It’s just perfect