I recently went through a rollercoaster of emotions, mostly because of said diagnosis, and today is one of those "everything will go wrong" kind of days. I'm freaking out because I've done all the online tests, but what if I answered questions wrong? What if I'm misinterpreting things? What if my diagnostician is too inexperienced, or what if they're too stuck in the "old ways"? What if I mask too much? Or forget something?

I'm watching a lot of people on YouTube talking about their experiences as diagnosed adults, and I'm finding myself doing the DiCaprio meme with the pointing finger a lot. I'm doing all the tests (AQ, Cat-Q, MQ, RAADS-R) and scoring really high. Reliving old memories is like digging in sand, it's exhausting - mentally and emotionally draining. I even called my mom to ask about how I was as a child, but she's an older lady; she doesn't remember much and gets the timeline wrong, so that wasn't very helpful - except for some smaller things, like it was one of my teachers who demanded I be sent to a psychologist (apparently she wasn't a very nice woman).

Yet I still feel like I'm going to make a fool of myself - because I surely just misinterpreted the signs, answered questions wrong because I didn't understand them. My interests aren't niche enough, or my symptoms aren't strong enough, or they come from something else. My country only just started to think about autistic adults, let alone autistic women; we started to build some support networks and fundraisers, but I feel like it's still a taboo.

I could use a kind word or two, or some advice. I've lived through 36 very confusing and tiring years; I feel like my world is going to change very soon, regardless of the diagnosis result. This journey started for me almost four years ago when I read a book by an autistic woman - she described what her life on the spectrum was like in our country and such. But I didn't think it was interesting or that I learned something, I thought to myself: "Huh, strange." I decided to go to a diagnostician just a few months ago. I'm going to be tested with ADOS-2; maybe someone could share their experience with it?

Thank you for reading. Any kind words or advice are most welcome, and I apologize for any grammatical or spelling mistakes, I tried to be thorough with checking the text.

I have to have at least 3 drinks available at all times, but this morning I’m feeling like 4. Hot tea, cold sweet tea, room temp water bottle, and ice cold water. Let me me know what drinks you have to have at all times.

I'm going to preface this by saying: I'm not here to debate whether or not autism is a disability. I know it's a little controversial, but it is a disability.

With that out of the way, here's a little context; I'm 17 years old (senior in high school). I was one of those fabled "gifted children". I was ahead of my peers in reading, writing, math, and science throughout elementary and middle school (basically from pre-k to 8th grade). Then when I started high school, I was much more evenly matched because I could take honors and AP classes, which was great.

But things have started to get more difficult. Not academically, per se. More of the everything else. I got a job last year, (I'm lucky enough that it's at my mom's business so she goes easy on me) and between that, school, and college prep, I've been constantly stressed and overwhelmed. Especially by a key realization: I am disabled. As someone who was ahead academically, I internalized a lot of ableism. I thought I couldn't be autistic because I did seem to struggle enough. When it became abundantly clear I was, in fact, autistic, I still thought I wasn't one of those autistic people. I didn't flap my hands. I do in private now because I realized I was masking. But I still mask heavily at school because I'm honestly scared of being seen as one of those autistic people. It's probably partially internalized ableism, but also it's just scary to think that people will think less of me. But it's clear that I can't keep pretending to not be disabled, because I need to be accommodated.

This was rambly and probably incoherent, but I just needed to vent.

Without getting too into the details, I think I may have high functioning, high masking autism (27F). It's the only thing that really explains me and my struggles with life and I'm pretty sure I've been experiencing an autism burnout for the past year. I do everything someone should do to help their mental health, and it does help things like my anxiety and depression but no matter what, I still struggle in the ways that I struggle. I still have my meltdowns. I am still so socially inept. I still am constantly overwhelmed in life. I started seeing a therapist recently for the first time ever and today will be my 4th or 5th session with them. Today we are going to do a clinical depression assessment. I don't know how to tell her that I think what I've been dealing with is something more than depression. I do have tendency to fall into depression spells when life gets hard but by this point in my life I can recognize that I struggle outside of just being depressed sometimes.

But what if I'm wrong? It feels weird to say "I think I might be autistic" out loud. What if I'm just delusional. And then I've embarrassed myself if an assessment is done and I'm not actually autistic. Can my therapist even conduct an assessment for this or would I need to see a different sort of specialist? I've been so fixated on this for awhile now and it's definitely contributing to my current struggles as I just need to know for sure if I am autistic or not so I can maybe have a piece of mind for why I am the way that I am.

From what I observed, if ASD person struggles with social cues, he struggles in every field (jokes, sarcasms, voice tone, facial expression, body language)

When someone here says that they suck at social cues, do you mean by that like all of these fields or some of them?

Let's say we have an arbitrary exercise of "do 10-15 reps of XXX, have a few minutes break, do again 1-3 more times". Those ranges infuriate me!

How do you know if you should do 10, 12, or 15 reps at once? Or do it 2, 3, or 4 times? The total number of reps varies between 20 and 60, it's huge!

How do you interpret those numbers when given an exercise?

Hi :) I'm taking my first solo long haul trip alone next year. I've wanted to do this for a long time and know I could get a lot from it but I'm also nervous.

I'm autistic, have sensory sensitivities and anxiety. The airports and time change, chaos of exploring new environments, adjusting to foods and also trying to make new friends is... incredibly daunting!

I want to do it. I'm going to do it. I've made the trip quite short as far as trips go, 4 months (I had been considering 6 months - a year) and I've chosen places I have an interest in. Done research and will see friends at a festival about half way through.

Has anyone had experience of this and have recommendations in terms of how to accommodate for yourself? I'm thinking a sensory survival kit for the plane, lots of familiar and calming movies, joining lots of backpacking groups online so I can connect with people (I'm also queer so joining queer groups)

I don't have a big budget, and sometimes accommodating for myself looks like throwing money at the problem e.g. a nice room for the night so I can decompress. Should I make the trip shorter so I have a bit of leftover cash? I want to do this MY way! My priority is to feel calm and present so I can soak up the experience as fully as possible. I'd rather take it slow, or spend less time somewhere and enjoy it then cram a load in and send myself into a meltdown.

Having very negative thoughts about myself and need some clarification

I've struggled for multiple semesters and recently came home once again. During all my semesters, I never got started on any assignments, I've kept thinking that I would eventually would, even if I were weeks behind. What really didn't help was how staff (a dean and a counselor in disability services) I talked to in one-on-one meetings gave me false hope, saying things along the lines that it would be possible to make plans that late and possibly pass classes. One dean I saw a month ago finally told me "Accomodations are not retroactive. Extensions are usually only for a few days and requested beforehand, not a whole month after! You're spending all of this money just to be in your room all day!!!" (god do I wish she was there for me during my first semester). I used to be a good student and didn't have problems initiating, and thought that once I would then I would be doing fine on assignments.

My school has resources for academic support and disability accommodations (I have a bunch which I never used because of said lack of initiation), but if faculty knew that I returned for a semester after failing multiple times (one did) then why wouldn't they help me at least initiate work? Or offer to set me up with someone that would? Is that too much to ask for? Is that babying or handholding? If that's what I really need, then is college just not for me? Either way I'm an idiot and it very likely is not.

Hey, Firstly I'm well aware that my "problem" is pretty pathetic next to others. Nonetheless I wanted to share my feelings here.

I gave my computer for repairs and so I can use a highter model SSD card for smoother gameplay [it's a gaming computer, although 5 years old but functioning smoothly].

The thing is, I have severe depression and found that the only thing keeping me from spiraling is using things that draw my mind away from the destructive thoughts.

I've always been a huge gaming lover, and enjoyed playing a variety of different game genres.

So I realized that engrossing myself in a virtual fake reality allows me to pretend I'm not me, and im not here.

On top of that, I'm on the ASD spectrum (obviously) and I'm anxious about doimg things that are different from my usual day to day experiences, today I had to go to some recreational program instead of attending my work at a rehabilitation center for rescued farm animals, it's a tough job but all in all it provides a much needed distraction.

Notably, today I also need to go to the bank for some errands amd things I need to order and social interactions especially with strangers and people with authority makes me squirm and super un-easy.

I'd usually breath and play a game but oh wait my computer is not here...

It feels so dumb but this change makes me so scared and sad and stupid.

I don't watch films, and despite having an English literature degree, books feel like a chore. I have enjoyed reading sessions before, but even with the books I thought were good, I can't wait to finish so I don't have the burden hanging over me. My problem is that I feel so left out and I really want to enjoy narratives. Ignoring all narrative media isn't a satisfying resolution. I just feel like "I don't care about what's happening and it's annoying me that I'm expected to care." People say, well have you tried non-fiction and autobiographies? I have, and I'm just as bored most of the time. I don't wanna talk too much about my tastes because people will kindly recommend books that aren't quite right, and even if you totally get what I prefer to read my problem will remain. I think my problem is with emotionally connecting. I will say this about the books I "like"... Even though I've been sober pretty much my whole life, I seem to only like reading about addicts and other neurotic characters. I quite liked Bullet Park by John Cheever and anything Will Self writes. I relate to them somehow, but I don't know what to do to get more out of stories. I think I'm more of a doer. I prefer to do things. If I could make reading feel like doing, that might help.

Last night went to see a movie with my friend on the spectrum. I had to pee. He insisted I didn’t go a certain way but it was blocked off, he couldn’t see. I was about to pee my pants. He didn’t want me getting up and walking in front of people to the only exit. Then he loudly asked the row if I could go. I love him but I am slightly weirded out Idc if people use a bathroom.

I just got diagnosed this weekend after 5 years of waiting and not being sure. Now that I have my diagnosis, I feel quite lost. I was so happy to have an answer as to why I function the way I do but now I just feel anxiety and dread? If anyone can help out and give recommendations on what they did when they were first told they had the tism, that would be great :)

Hello, I would like to know if anyone else experiences this. I have autism and ADHD. I feel very invalidated as an autistic person because my special interests are constantly changing. But a lot of the time they'll be the same things that rotate in between new things. And I get a new fixation every couple months or everytime I watch or play something or do something new I lose what I was previously interested in and totally can't think of anything else but the new thing. Something I have noticed is that I tend to rediscover old fixations and then get re fixated on them. For example today I just rewatched a movie I adored and fixated on as a kid. And now I really can't think of anything else and can feel myself fixating on it. I don't think I've ever felt as much autistic joy as I did when I was a kid watching it and right now after re-watching it. I feel sad about it however because I don't want it to go away again one day. It took me 12 damn years to fixate on it again, but I always loved it since then so maybe it's always been a special interest just in the background? I just find it so annoying that my interests change all the time and so fast. Like I would consider this movie my "main" special interest so to speak but it was in the background for so long and will probably be left in the dust by something else in a month or two so why even bother. I just am blown away by how much special interest excitement and happiness this movie is giving me just thinking of it. Like why can't it be like a normal autistic person where the interest is constantly there??? Why does it go dormant and I have like mini fixations and it may or may not come back??

But I see so many people say that they don't work for autistic people. I've had severe OCD for years, paroxetine gave me my life back. I'm currently waiting for a diagnosis, which my psychiatrist has suggested, the same one that prescribed me SSRIs for OCD. Anyone else much more happy on antidepressants? I used to have very strong anxiety since I was a little child. My psychiatrist thinks it could be caused by undiagnosed autism. I did get very overwhelmed by bad and strong smells and noise in school. I react badly to changes, they stress me out. I stim a lot, not only when I'm stressed, but when I'm bored or happy. Please, tell me, am I insane? I get that many people have bad reaction to SSRIs and I am lucky to get such a good response. But still - what does it mean? Why is everyone saying that it doesn't work for people with autism / makes them feel worse? Please help. I get that I'm obsessing over that at the moment, which is not good, researching and researching but it just doesn't make sense to me. Why would my experience be so different? Why am I happy on SSRIs, finally without panic attacks, but still awaiting autism diagnosis (the wait time is very long in my country, even privately)?

Hey!! So i had an informal diagnosis from a Psychiatrist specialising in Autism and ADHD when i was around 14, and since i am Level 1, due to the cost - my parents and doctor decided on not going through the trouble of a full-out diagnosis. Monetarily, it is im assuming a huge expense. And long waiting time…

However, im 17 currently and im reconsidering this. I feel this may be beneficial - for the sake of putting my mind at ease. And for any supports which are available to me. Im going into adulthood now and things are getting quite scary!

So, for anyone here who had a diagnosis in australia, whats the process? Cost? Experience? Wait time?

Thank you so much :)

I recently turned 16, and have been getting into napalm death. They’re playing in London in march, and I really want to go. Travel difficulties aside, I have never been to a concert before, so I want to know (roughly) what to expect so I can choose if it’s worth the risk.

I’m autistic and would probably get overwhelmed in a mosh pit, so I wanna be at least prepared and know if I should/could just hide in the corner and headbang on my own lol.

TLDR: what are napalm death shows like, how safe are they, what are the people like, any tips or information I should know beforehand?

Hi everyone

I am looking for a fidget cube or similar, larger than the ones I’ve seen in shops and preferably made from metal. Any suggestions?

For context, and I realize this could be a sensitive topic esp. in US, so I’m trying to phrase my words carefully: My son’s favorite fidget object is a gun replica. It has all the “buttons” like the real thing, metal click sounds and it’s heavy. We’re fine with it at home, we live in a practically gun-free society in Scandinavia and don’t have the same references (kids with guns) as in other parts of the world. I realize how this might look or sound to people who don’t know my friendly, sensitive, happy kid (who happens to be into WW2 and the equipment!)

However, we don’t allow him to take it ouside the house (it would be illegal anyway), so we are looking for an alternative.

Yes, I know it won't "fix" autism, but some of the add-ons maybe? Like for example, I would love to be able to not have food issues. A lot of it is sensory but some of it is also psychological burnout in that I just don't want to try things anymore because of my fears of going to back to that projectile vomiting phase I was in from childhood to I guess teens when I just committed to safe foods.

I'm not a social butterfly, but a lot of my isolation problems are just fallout from cptsd from my parents being batshit and abusive.

I was thinking weed might help, but I've never smoked before and where I live getting it medically will be a hard expensive process.

I have masked so long, I feel like I know nothing about myself. Am I aroace, or is this just touch aversion gone to the extreme with a side of being raised by an prudish hyperreligious schizophrenic? I feel like being an autistic kid made me less resilient in that kind of environment and now my whole personality is like a bunch of avoidance mechanisms in a trenchcoat.

37 is old but also too young to accept being a hermit. I used to like reading and writing romance, and then I decided to write about autistic main characters and since then, I can't finish a story because I get to the hea and realize how absolutely hollow my own life is and how horrible it'd be to for alone in a hospital or hospice or something.

My last hyperfixation was solitaire...😭

So far my ideas are

1. hypnotherapy,
2. weed
3. try to get a job and some money to look less like a vagabond so I can qualify for a visa to move to new Zealand and join a larp group and love in the woods by a lake.

So anybody tried it? Any success or do you have to find someone who specializes in autistic/ND hypnotherapy? I have this feeling like it just wouldn't work...

I go through phased being kinda obsessed with certain things, but it goes away rather quickly. I don't have ONE THING I can't shut up about. I love talking about movies and TV show, I do that with friends for hours, but that's because that's what I studied at college and the industry I work in with all of them.

Am I the only one?

TLDR how do I reset my perspective on training my dog when my brain is averse to the idea after getting in to deep previously. I don't want to hate my dog and I don't want to have to rehome him, but this is essentially becoming a bigger issue the longer I'm mentally unable to train him

Although this post is about pet training it is moreso asking for advise on self management as an autistic person as to meet my pets needs.

I was going to ask this on a pet sub but I feel like my issue would be more understood here as I don't think this issue is neurotypical by any means I have a dog named Nyx, he's 7 months old and I got him at 7 weeks. I bought him for 600 AUD from a breeder and thought I was getting a Maltese shitzhu. I chose this breed specifically because if been around them on the past and I wanted a dog that could be a support animal/laptop. The dog I got, who I do love and cherish, is not a Maltese shitzhu. He's a Maltese Jack Russel terrier. He has endless energy (unlike myself who has chronic fatigue) and has completely changed my way of life for better and for worse. I feel as though I have lost control of him in that I used to be a lot better with training him but I got so stuck into it and down the deep dark rabbit hole when his behavioural problems were worse that I am now mentally averse to the idea of formally sitting down to train him for 5 minutes. He has a few behaviours that negatively impact my life that need to either be changed or continue to put a band-aid fix in hope he magically changes. At night time in particular he barks to random noises (I know the correct protocol would be to redirect and reward the desired behaviour) and my mum then gets up him verbally which is just causing a negative feedback loop that makes me audibly overstimulated. His two issues that are stressing me out to the max are: I cannot leave the house without him unless he's at daycare. He has extreme seperation anxiety that developed when my mum went on a holiday for a few days when he was a puppy (well younger puppy). The other is that he has taken to chasing the cat and trying to mouth her. The cat has a seperate safe space but I still feel bad for the cat, she was around first and should have free reign.

I guess my querie is that I more or less know what needs to be done. I need to train him. So how do I reset training in my brain so that I'm not nauseous at the idea? I want to be able to train him again. Due to weather and my health I haven't been able to take him on daily walks but he has daycare twice a week and I try to play with him throughout the day but I just am getting so jaded with it all. I feel bad as I know I'm not mis treating him but I feel like I'm not doing enough. His behaviour keeps becoming more impactful on me and it's getting to the point where I'm having to weigh up my options on whether I keep him or not, but I love him dearly and he's added so much purpose to my life so I don't want to lose him to my own dumb self manifested aversion to training.

Sorry for the massive post

I don't know if this is a common thing, but I feel like I have a lot of people from my past reappear and it stresses me out. Two examples from just this past week! My high school girlfriend messaged me after we hadn't spoken for nearly 20 years wanting to apologize for how she treated me and catch up ... Then, my brother-in-law that had cut me off over a year ago because my sister and I don't speak and he was trying to stay on her good side contacted me ... they're officially getting a divorce now and he's moving out.

I already feel like I have a hard time managing the things that I have to do with the limited amount of human interaction I can handle in the day, but, sure, add two people that I'll feel overwhelmed with guilt if I ignore. The thing is that I don't have any hostility for either of them, I just don't have space in my life for more people. I could try explaining this but the hyper-empathy and the feeling of rejecting another person is just as bad for me as being rejected. They're both clearly struggling and I feel like I'd just be piling on.

Does this kind of thing happen to you? If so, how do you handle it? I don't know why this is so hard for me to just not respond.

Hello everyone, I'm 22 years old and I'm having trouble coming to terms with how the way I have been raised may have negatively affected me as an adult.

I had a great childhood with loving parents who always made sure we did fun things and had a good life but as I've gotten older I'm realising more and more how I was emotionally disregarded as a child and teenager.

My parents have always suspected my big brother of being AuDHD but he never had assessments and never got diagnosed but the attention was always on him. I am the opposite of him in many ways. He was loud and often aggressive and a lot of the aggression was towards me, his extremely quiet, well behaved little sister.

Each time he was mean to me or hurt me, I was told to not react and he will get bored or I was told to go up to my bedroom to avoid him. Only now realising that I was essentially the one being punished because telling him off made my parents life harder because he would make it known that he was angry. I just quietly hid away most of the time. Each time I had an outburst or showed I was upset about something, I was told I'm being dramatic or I'm too sensitive. My mum would get more annoyed at me if I cried so I learnt to not cry or show my emotions infront of people and to save it for a safe place (my bedroom). I learnt that a lot of my behaviours would be met with negative reactions so I hid them from my family.

Only now as an adult, when I had to quit my job because I wasn't coping anymore and when I got into a relationship with someone who is AuDHD who has other neurodivergent family members did my behaviours become more obvious. This is because I suddenly felt comfortable and safe to be myself without any negative reactions. Many of my behaviours are now actually encouraged by my partners family as they know it prevents my meltdowns.

My mum still says now that she doesn't see a lot of traits in me from when I was a child and I try to explain to her that it's because I didn't show her my behaviours because they were always met with negative reactions. She just gets defensive and it ends in us just arguing. I'm just feeling very disheartened at the moment by all of the revelations I'm having about my childhood but my mum isn't emotionally mature enough to just sit down and talk to me about it. It just ends on arguing and her getting defensive about everything and it's so exhausting.

This has all been coming to light because I'm filling in my pre assessments questionnaires and I'm so stuck on who to have as my informant. I know they would prefer a parent but I honestly feel like my mum barely knows me. She thinks she knows me but she doesn't. My partner knows me better than anyone but he can't speak for my childhood so I'm stumped.

Sorry this was long, I just really needed to get it off my chest.

It's sad, but I've given her a good 10 years to change. I've offered to pay for family therapy so we can stop fighting. Nothing seems to apply to her, or nothing is her fault. She's always "the victim".

I won't estrange her. It won't accomplish anything. She is however, not a trusted person for sharing my feelings. She can't even handle crying, without sobbing herself. Then you try to cheer her up and she won't fucking talk about it.

I give up. I still love her, but she's not ready to change. She never will. I need to live my life, and continue loving my autistic true self.

😔

Just gathering some info. For the moment mainly for my own curiosity and because I'm fixated on it. I've seen a lot of people talking about difficulty here.

1. What are your barriers? What part/s of cooking do you struggle with?

2. Why do you think you struggle with them?

3. Who taught/tried to teach you to cook, if anyone? What were they like at it? Were they NT or ND? If nobody, then how have you tried to teach yourself to cook, and what was your experience with it?

4. Do you find recipes easy to follow? If not, which parts are difficult for you and why? Have you found any recipe resources easier to use than others?

5. How do you handle time-sensitive aspects of cooking? Time pressure, needing to cook two things at once, ect?

6. Are there any things you've found that make cooking easier for you?

I still remembered this one thing where I called the teacher because I need help with my paper exam, when he came to my sitting place, he suddenly do the T-pose for a second and it got me thinking why did he did that.

Y'all is it just me or does sex with neurotypical people suck??? I'm a 22 year old woman with autism, and I haven't been with an enormous number of guys or anything (8), but the ones who did not also have autism were not nearly so good in bed from my perspective in my experience so far. Is this a common experience or is this just a coincidence?

And when I say that it sucks, I more specifically mean things like:

I feel like the level of arousal when an attempt at transitioning to intimacy is made feels much lower for both parties

the rhythm is significantly less natural and more difficult to achieve

And finally, I'm less likely to feel communicated with in a comprehensible way.

Now that I'm typing it out, maybe it's just the double empathy problem on steroids, because of the increase in the intimacy of the relationship? Who knows. Just looking for other folk's experience 😭

Hi, so I just made this burner account because something happened at work today and I don’t know how to feel about it.

It's not going to be a really long post but basically what happened was that I was just minding my business at work, listening to music and doing my thing when I had a question to ask my boss; so I go to his office and before I can ask the question that I wanted to he says he's mad at me and he feels that I disrespected him by not greeting him that morning.

Now here's the thing, he ALWAYS greets me first so when I was doing my work this morning and he didn't greet me I was like "Did I do something wrong, he always greets me first" so I just carried on and waited for him to say hi, and eventually I forgot about it all together until he called me disrespectful and rude.

I obviously didn't mean to come across as rude so I'm quite upset.

Now I just want to know, was it wrong of me to assume he'd say hi first as he's been doing it since I started working here and it's become routine or should I have said hi regardless?

I've been casually learning Latin at home, and French at school. I aspire to be bilingual (I'm ... American and not 😢). I'm obsessed with dead* languages. I'm learning Latin and I want to eventually learn Olde Englisc. The biggest question I ever get is "why". "Why do you want to learn a dead language nobody speaks". BECAUSE ITS A DEAD LANGUAGE!!!!! Latin was once spoken by real people who experienced a world so alien yet familiar to ours. Separated from us by hundreds or even thousands of years. It's the voice of the dead. How is that not the coolest thing ever in the entire world. You get to sit down and learn the same language some poor scribe had to learn as a child 2,000 years ago. You're learning the same language a father told his child in to go get fish from the market an unfathomably long time ago. 2,000 years doesn't seem like that long ago, especially since I've dabbled in Mesopotamian history (who had about as much time between them and the Romans as we do) but just think about how long that is. And this language is still prolific. I love languages like Latin and I have no possible clue how anyone couldn't

*I'm saying dead here for a utilitarian purpose of describing languages with no native speakers. I understand there are communities who speak things like Latin, Sumerian and Anglo Saxon, and I don't like the phrase "dead language" as it undermines the people still studying it and it's importance in today's languages