I just can't seem to improve my opinion about myself. Self-love are words I see and understand, but ultimately I have never felt it. I am wondering if this might just be tied to my aspergers (I am also well-aware it has very much to do with my depression).

I don't have outside factors that makes me feel this way. I have always been well-liked socially, always had friends, never been bullied, rarely been called anything negative by somebody else. So others has not made me feel this way about myself.

I have tried writing lists about what I like about myself, but the point where you look at what you've written and think -: "Hey that is true! I cannot be all-bad"- never comes.

I have been in therapy for years, but I am not now. Bettering my own perception of myself was the goal of my therapists, but they never succeeded.

Mine is rural Niagara county New York I don't know what it is but the rural parts of Niagara Erie and Orleans counties are my dream happy place people are so kind to one another

Ever since elementary school, I hated it when others would stare at me. Either when I arrive late, or when the teacher calls me out, I get a few students who can't mind their own business and just stare at me the whole time. When this happens, I can't help but to be rude about it. Even as an adult, I have people at work who do it. Last week, I went into one of the offices to consult with a project manager. One girl turned around and just stared at me the whole time. Yes, I'm a low level technician in the manager's workplace. I had the urge to say "What are you looking at, weirdo?" but of course I cannot do that. I don't mind glancing. If I walk by someone or into a room and they look back, that's fine. They're just being curious to see who is there. But when someone has to turn their entire body around and stare at me for more than three seconds, that's being nosy. It drives me mad when people do that. I wish they would turn to salt.

Just like there is the color blue, but we have things like baby blue, sky blue, navy blue, ocean blue etc, I wish we had this type of scale for intelligence just to make things easier when meeting other people.

If somebody were to say they were far more flexible than you, that would be ok because perhaps they stretch everyday. If somebody were to say they were far more athletic than you, that would be ok because maybe they workout 6-7 days out of the week. But God forbid I say I’m more intelligent than someone else because I purposefully consume crap tons educational or informational content daily because that’s being arrogant.

I find it extremely frustrating that when I demonstrate any higher level of intelligence or overall awareness, I’m considered a “turn off”. Like what does that actually mean in real life.

Being forced to talk about mundane things just in hopes to be accepted when trying to date or socialize in general is something I feel so bad about.

It really is an NT world, if you’re not at their level (either higher or lower) then you’re the issue. I just hate that so much.

So yeah wondering if there's been any studies or if there's an explanation as to why people with ASD can listen to the same song for hours. I mean at the moment I'm listening to a song and it's like I just can't get enough of it. I mean yeah I'm stimming but beyond that why does this song feel so good in regards to other stims?

Has anyone else done this? I have never told a single soul about my condition in my 24 years of existence on this earth. People will judge you for it and I just want to succeed in life. I have actively denied it when asked if I have it. I was bullied in middle school because I was "weird" but around high school I learned how to come across as more normal and pretty much stayed to myself with only a few friends. Nowadays, I think I pass as "normal" pretty well but i'll often get seen as the "shy, quirky guy" which is okay with me. I've had jobs and I even have a girlfriend currently.

I spent a lot of time in my room and I think there is something about me thats not fixable. feeling sick. existing

It feels like nothing good ever happens to me. If feels like i have the absolute worst luck imaginable, and everything else goes perfectly for everyone else. I have no money for food. Everything sucks and is miserable. It feels like I'm not allowed to be happy or enjoy anything at all.

Hello, question in the title, I'd like to mask better and would like to know if there are resources that helped you and that are specifically designed for the suppressing emotions / burnout when following social rules

Thanks in advance !

I’ve had conversations I thought were going well, only for them to almost instantly get annoyed and say “Shut up” or “I don’t care.”

Or people will be like “stop complaining I don’t feel sorry for you.” and it will be out of the blue in a conversation where I didn’t intend to complain about anything.

I’m met with hostility or indifference when I least expect it.

In my own personal experience, it seems so. When I survey this subreddit, it seems so. When I watch Attorney Woo, it seems so. But from my own personal experiences, surveys of this subreddit, and character analysis of Woo, it seems we aspies aren’t bad people.

So what gives?

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/259449715_A_Meta-Analysis_of_Differences_in_IQ_Profiles_Between_Individuals_with_Asperger's_Disorder_and_High-Functioning_Autism

Not a question. Just wanted to share this “weird” thing about me and see if anyone can relate :)

I'm just curious how this group is different from the autism group. I do know that asperger's syndrome has been removed from the DSM and it's been incorporated under the autism umbrella. Is this group geared towards an older audience when AS was still being used?

I don't understand why people pat me on the back or arm. Usually family members, so I want a way to tell them without pissing everyone off.

I understand hugs, so that is not part of this question. I am fine with hugging when I know it is coming. I am fine with hand holding usually. I know I can't help strangers touching in very crowded places like on the subway. So they are exempt.

Thank you for the advice

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/the-imprinted-brain/201002/lingering-lyonizationthe-genetics-of-aspergers-syndrome

I remember having an alternate account months ago, and I remember it was somewhat a regular thing on here. What happened?

At risk of fitting a stereotype, anyone recently find/collect rare(r) petrological finds? Normal/uninteresting rocks that look cool also acceptable

(Sponsored by rocks ™️)

I'm dealing with a secret life occulting the fact that I'm Asperger to my family because they won't believe me and specially my mom that thinks that depression doesn't exist. So for me its sometimes exhausting physically because I have to pretend that I'm very strong and living without depression....

I lost my friends from high school because of a mix of pandemic and friends coming out as fake.
I have nothing and no one, so I'm very isolated and I started to feel fear of phone messages. (I don't get messages except my neighbor who wants to give me a gig but I'm afraid to reply back)
Another situation is that other family members I don't want to see are trying to contact me and makes me feel fear.
(that part of my family really hurt me in the past so I don't want to see them again)

I still live with my family and I'm working towards making my personal projects to work so I can move out.

So, I'm basically isolating myself and even I don't tell my family about how i my life going so they just think I'm a loser, but they don't know my wins in life because its always ending in fights, so I don't tell them anymore what is going in my life.

Hi, I guess I’m still learning about myself but I am a 26 year old male who is an aspie/on the spectrum. I have earned a masters degree majoring in environmental management back in Summer of 2023. I have professional experience in biological sciences and environmental education and I’ve always wanted to get into the environmental field but I’ve been having difficulty with being underemployed after graduation and now trying to regain employment again.

Just to briefly go into this subject I had lost my my very first full time job back in July of this year after being there for 7 months due to temporary health issue that left me hospitalized and on disability. For almost 5 months now since I got fired I’ve had multiple interviews at least 10-12 of them and I don’t know what it is about being in interviews but I cannot seem to pass a single one. I make good eye contact and try to make a little bit of small talk but when it comes to describing and selling myself as a person socially I seem to fail at that every time no matter how much I practice over and over before an interview. I give interviews a bad rap as a few employers I’ve interviewed with do not seem to like my social awkwardness and the way i communicate and I’ve been heavily criticized by a couple employers directly as to why I didn’t get hired due to my social communication behavior that is just a trait of who I am such as pausing in between thoughts or gesturing with my hands while I talk.

It’s gotten bad to the point I am on anxiety medication such as propanolol which has actually helped my nerves in interviews. Job interviews are my one and only barrier in obtaining employment again that I’m literally considering in self employment as I truly believe I am unemployable and honestly I’m just scared to go into another interview for a while as I just say the incorrect things.

Is it really common for individuals on the spectrum to do very poorly in job interviews? What are ways I can combat this to get hired again despite being out on employment long term?

I truly do believe that I don’t deserve happiness and truly believe that I only deserve sadness and pain. Why? Because I ruin everything always…

Growing up, I was not a good kid. Now, I’m not a good adult and truly hate myself. And I truly do believe that because of that, I deserve nothing but hatred. All because of my damn mental illness caused by my damn autism…

I truly do believe that I ruin everything. Even with my family because I don’t like the same things they do. And they rely on me to do everything because my Mom is addicted to Facebook. But because I don’t like the same things they do, I sometimes get mad at them and believe they expect me to like what they like. Which is why I know I ruin everything always…

Therapy doesn’t help and meds don’t help. I will be forever depressed and that’s just how it will always be. I truly do believe that I will never be happy again…

I want to be happy again, but I truly do believe it’s just not possible for me…

I have the opportunity to make some kind of friendship and then I disappear cause I get anxious and fear that the outcome will become bad

I am going through divorce (legally divorced, selling house) and my social life has almost completely collapsed to nothing. I rarely see people in person anymore. Nobody ever calls me to make plans to do things.

I used to really enjoy skiing with my wife... now I will have to go alone or find new people to go with.

I love ice fishing but again... finding not only people I'm compatible with but those people having free time when I do is... impossible.

I'm so tired of being alone. I hate it. The more alone I am the angrier I am about how I cannot do anything about how alone I am. Then people tell me that how unpleasant / uncomfortable I am because im so stressed... they don't want me around. Or they don't tell me they just don't call me back.

Everything sucks, nothing is getting better. It's seven months in. I am less capable, less able to move forward. I WANT to move on but I cannot feel anything but a deep sense that I have lost something I can never get back. Not only that, but the thing I lost I didn't even understand... was it even real? Did she even love me or was that all just an act?

I am absolutely destroyed. I cannot go on like this. I hate every day I wake up.

My immediate family on is on the bigger side so we make lists of what each person wants. When I look at other people's lists they have like 10 things of varying price and category. I can only come up with maybe 2. I'm sure theres probably things I want but I just can't think of anything? Even when browsing on amazon theres things that are "that'd cool to have I guess" but putting it on my list just doesn't feel right, idk. I have a hard time figuring out if I actually want something I guess

This is a tricky question, it may look like the same thibg, but what i mean with this is it's that if autism is like others disabilities that are a quality of us, or is the way we are by definition. Someone with depression for example is not their depression, the depression change the way how they may feel things, but it doesn't change their person, but autism is something that we "have" or we "are"? I sometimes imagine how i would be if i weren't autistic, but then i think "wait, i wouldn't exist if i weren't autistic!" Because autism is something with we're born, is in our genetic code, is in our DNA, there's not non-autistic us, because we existed with it. Is like asking "who would be if i weren't human", you wouldn't exist, being human is not part yourself, is YOURSELF, your humanity decides the way you're, you act, etc, the same with autism. Anybody think about this? Is an existencial crisis lol.

I've always been passionate about technology and working in big tech and on products that I love has been a dream of mine, tech sector pays well I'd be lying if I said this wasn't one of the reasons I chose this path but more importantly I wanted to walk into my job cause I liked it and not just for the paycheck.

This guy gives career/job search advice and what he's talking about is something I've thought of. Last year and half has been tough on me. But still I kept working on myself cause at least I'd be able to work on something that I like.

But I had bad experience in not 1 but 2 internships with my coworkers. The communication gap was astonishing, two of them even went ahead and lied to our senior to save their ass. Most of them weren't even interested in the work, just there to get the paycheck.

At the end of the internship they asked us to fill an individual team evaluation report. I stayed professional and avoided calling them out during evaluations, initially giving "average" scores for everyone. I got 40/50 points for that. Then, we were told to redo the evaluations in a new format if we wanted full points.

I didn't care about the score but this time, I was honest about my experiences, framing it professionally without sounding bitter. Guess what I got this time ? 25/50 points. It was frustrating—like honesty wasn’t valued. I thought of confronting the senior but thought what's it even gonna amount to ? More headache for me.

Below are the points he mentions in the reel I've given link to. And 1, 2 and 4 these will always be in the way (which I think is relatable to many people here). I mean I couldn't work them out to cure my crippling loneliness then forget about making them work to advance my career or just to work with everyone while being understood. Now I just keep my head low and go along with whatever the team is going with.

1. Likeability Game

2. Visibility Game

3. Leverage Game

4. Relationship Game

5. Confidence Game

There are some programs to accommodate Neurodivergents in the work force but this experience made me feel like it's just a formality done to show that these companies really CARE.

Seriously I was very excited to work in this field but can't say that anymore, I'll be working just to pay back my student loan.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DC6xtZtpHd-/?igsh=MWN2MnhrZHViMHQ2dQ==

For some months now I have been thinking seriously about moving out as a distant family member told me he had an apartment for rent next year. At first I was very eager but the more I think about it the more conflicted I become because there are both downsides and upsides to moving by myself.

First of all I am 30 years old and have lived with my mother and/or siblings all my life, only lived alone for very short periods of time when I was in school. If I moved to that apartment I would be alone which is both good and bad, I would not say I am 100% dependent on my family, but having someone around for help and company is always good. There are also things at home I am needed for, my mother needs help with things and she is also not getting any younger. I also help pay bills at home so if I move it will be one less income for the house.

The apartment will be smaller than my home, but the whole apartment will be bigger than my current room which is where I spend most of my time anyway. I will have my own kitchen, living room and bathroom so I don't have to deal with the things and mess from others, something I have to do now and find to be very annoying and one of the factors as to why I want my own place; I can have everything perfectly organized and clean like I need it to be. I might even be able to have friends over.

I would have to find a new job in that area which I don't think will be a huge problem to find, but I have worked at my job for the past 5 years now and it's been the first serious job I had in my life and only thing I've found tolerable long term.

The apartment is in a less centralized place so it will be further away from the city and therefore a bit less convenient if I need anything. I have a car and a license, but the apartment does not come with a garage which worries me because it's a humid place next to the ocean so my car will get rusty if I leave it outside.

As for my future it is not something I think much about, but I don't imagine me living at home forever is going to make me grow in any way. How ever I am also worried that I might end up not changing much if I get my own place either and it will just be a waste of my effort and money, maybe I wont be able to handle it and have to move back home after just a short while.

Has anyone here been in the same situation that can give advice? What are some more things I should consider and think about before making a decision?

What special interest do y’all have since I wanna search for other special interest too