I used to be an optimist, I still am to some degree I guess.. But over the years (30 now) I have become so bitter and jaded about the world around me, everyone and everything seems so fucking stupid and it just pisses me off, rightly so I think to myself because it is mostly true, the world is FUCKED. I have always hated rules and being dictated to, I think that is why I struggle to maintain a long term jobs, I don’t know if it is ADHD or bloody autism or anything I have no idea, but it feels like I am the colour black in a world of white. My personality is not for this world - everyone seems so different and put together, etc.

I have this deep inner burning hatred for society because it has never been kind to me, and reading the news it has become less kind by the day - in general. I acknowledge that currently I am looking for a new job and the frustrations of the job market are probably my main culprit, as it seems nigh impossible to even get the most basic job despite having experience and skills… what is a man to do.

I have started drinking pretty heavily, nothing insane but definitely ‘on the path’, I am semi consciously giving up on it all (life) because it seems like life has given up on me, I know the truth is somewhere in between and I am definitely partly to blame but sometimes it just feels like the forces of life are against you, despite being a nice and normal human being, ya know?

It is frustrating, anger inducing, self hating, confusing and anxiety causing, among many other conflicting feelings.

So, what to do…

I’m 19(f) and I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since the age of 10. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for 9 years and recently was let go since my psychiatrist left due to unforeseen circumstances and the new psychiatrist discharged me. I currently take Prozac, risperidone and sertaline but I’m always on and off with them. Ever since I was young I would have outbursts where I feel like I have no control of myself & I have a million thoughts running through my mind but at the same time I feel as if something or someone is in control of me. I start smashing anything around me onto a wall if I get into a small argument with a family member or if I’m frustrated or stressed, if I get into an argument with a family member I won’t hit them but I’ll grab an object and smash it into my head or hurt myself with my hands.

I’ve been having these “fits” for as long as I can remember but when I take my medication they won’t come for weeks or sometimes months if I stay on top of my medication. I scare myself sometimes & I instantly regret my actions. It heightens my anxiety and it’s all I think about for the next few days or even weeks. I have an appointment with my gp about my medication in a few weeks and I’m not sure if I should bring this up to her, I need help and I’m willing to receive help after ignoring it for so long. My family members would call me “psychotic” except from my mum who’s the only one who calms me down. I immediately regret my actions and sometimes I do result in hitting someone. I feel ashamed even speaking about this and I’m the last person to self diagnose but I needed to get it off my chest.

So I was talking about a situation I'm going through and I was asking my dad for help, my mother and my sister were also there and they both kinda wanted to shut me down like they always do (I mean my sister and my mother) so I got angry, I have anger management issues.

My dad wanted to make things better so he told me to stop talking and this made me snap. I grabbed a cup full of water and poured all of it on my dad.

He got soaked, he was so shocked, he didn't say anything but at that exact moment he looked old and defenseless, I'm a monster. He wasn't even the one who got me angry in the first place, he was just trying to make things better.

How could I do this to a person? How could I do this to someone older than me? How could I do this to my dad? I'm so ashamed of who I've become.

I'm so tired of not being heared, my family always want to shut me down, I can't express my problems and feelings like a normal human being because they can't hear my voice and that makes me go crazy.

I apologized to him immediately and he was very kind and understanding but that doesn't change the fact that I was so freaking disrespectful to someone 35 years older than me.

I wanna be a better person, but I can't visit a therapist at the moment. I don't wanna be this stupid fuck I am right now.

Hi, me and my husband are in our thirties and married for over a decade with kids. We went on a weekend getaway with friends and had a couple drinks. We had an argument that escalated and he slapped me a couple times and sweared at me in front of our friends. This is the first time he abused me physically but he has been having anger outbursts frequently since 1-2 years. What do I do?

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Update 1: I talked to him about everything and set up rules like no alcohol, no abusing your partner, sign up for therapy and he has agreed to it. I've thrown away all the alcohol in the house in front of him and made him promise not to drink without I get my trust back. Which he has agreed to. If any of these rules are broken, it will be a deal breaker for me and I've told him I'll leave his ass if something happens again.

Asking this question cause I tend to ruminate and then explode by saying the meanest things. I always mess it up. I'm making progress in not being always angry, but when I get someone is being disrespectful I need a way to react without making a scene (that's why I almost never react anymore).

I wanted to know if there are some sports or activities good for releasing the biggest part of it, so I can cool down and learn to manage it better and avoid engaging in bad behaviour, maybe by helping me regulating myself and being less reactive if something else happens. I'm not sure I'm making any sense though...

Don't say mindfulness, please!! I mean, good to practice when I'm not angry but definitely not helpful to cool down...

hi hello, my partner (m31) and I (m30) had a huge fight the other night. I had the worst blow up I’ve ever had, I mean it. I’ve been in therapy for years for my anger and I’ve worked on it, I’ve been so much better! For years. My bipolar has been medicated, I’m consistently in therapy. But the other night was awful. I felt so betrayed in this fight, I got so angry to the point where I couldn’t control myself. It amounted to yelling, and a physical altercation. I don’t remember all of the details, I was so angry I blacked out I think. but he says I slapped him and I believe him entirely. I feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself. I can’t believe it got to this, to where I hurt my best friend.

I feel like my coping skills really didn’t prepare me for this level of anger I felt the other night, if that makes sense. I felt like everything was moving too quickly and I couldn’t slow down to breathe. Does anyone get like that? What do you do to help yourself calm down when you’re that angry?

Any advice is appreciated, thank you.

Around the start of the year my mum began having trouble with her legs resulting from some kind of skin condition and it's left her unable to do much of anything outside the house. My aunt and I, who all live together, have been doing what we can but I was diagnosed a few years ago with agoraphobia, which combined with depression and generalized anxiety as well as sleeping problems will have me be basically nocturnal for weeks on end, so it's been me helping my aunt with whatever I can when I can, usually lifting and reaching for things that would otherwise hurt her.

The other day when I was finally heading up to try and sleep during the morning, my aunt commented under her breath that I'd forgot to leave the bin out for the binmen to pick up in the morning and she'd do it despite being tired and in pain. For whatever reason, this caused something to flare up inside, a feeling of infuriation I hadn't felt for the longest time, to the point of it keeping me awake and causing horrid thoughts and situations to fly through my mind. It reached a point where whilst I did what was asked of me, when I came back in the house I blew up at her, bringing to the forefront her passive aggressive comment, saying she hadn't matured past teenage years and swearing horribly.

My aunt has always been the type to mutter to herself or anyone within earshot if she was displeased with something but every time previous I was just annoyed, so I don't know why this particular incident enraged me so much. After the past year I'd even say she'd be entitled to her frustration. I felt no catharsis but also I feel I can't just apologize because it won't be enough.

TW: Mention of weight and calories in this post

I’m intentionally posting this question in the anger subreddit as opposed to a weight loss subreddit because ultimately my highest priority is not losing weight. I would rather be overweight than miserable and angry all the time. However my body image affects my self esteem which affects my anger, so it feels like a no-win situation. I’m wondering if anyone who has anger issues has successfully dieted and lost weight without sacrificing their mental health in the process.

I know that staying consistently within a calorie deficit is the most important part of losing body fat. I’m 25F, 62.5 inches tall, and if I try to eat anything less than 1700 calories (at approx 80g protein per day) I get tired, irritable, snappy, and pissed off. It’s not a way that I can live long-term. I can maintain a deficit of 1700 calories for a few weeks along with a workout routine, but something eventually disrupts it (usually an illness) and I lose all my progress. I’ve gained 35lb since 2020 when I started a remote job, despite having many stints of diets during those years. I see in the fitness subreddits that some people my height can survive eating only 1300 calories per day and don’t go insane with hangry rage the way I do when I eat that little. But that doesn't work for me as a person with anger issues

What do I do? Is there any hope for me?

I 18M get so angry when someone thinks, implies or acts like i'm stupid. for example if my Dad asks me to grab him something from the kitchen and I get confused on which cabinet hes talking about and hes like, " come on (Me) really???????" *long sigh. or if I'm arguing with my brother about something like a videogame and he talks down to me like I'm slow and need to be treated like a baby. It makes me want to scream and freak the fuck out I HATE IT. I will end up brooding for hours about it thinking they think I'm dumb or slow and praying for a time to finally be in the right and prove them wrong and shove it in their face. My Mom was the only person who understood me and knew how I felt cause she was the same way when she was younger. unfortunately she is no longer with us. Even when I was a little kid and I at the time had undiagnosed ADD I would get so upset when teachers would mock me and like like i was an idiot cause I didn't understand a math problem. I AM NOT A IDIOT. I had great grades in school ( after I was diagnosed with ADD ) and have been told by my family and others that I'm a smart kid. I'm just so fed up with it. I'm writing this after getting in a argument with my brother about some chairs we bought for our set ups and again he treated me like a fool. I'm just pissed off I guess I dunno. sorry for ranting but I needed to get this out.

I've been trying to process my rage for very long time. I guess I always knew that the root of it was directed at my mom, And at on some level I could never actually have the conversation. I wanted to with her about it.

For some context my siblings and my dad were Exceptionally abusive. Physically, mostly, but other stuff happened too. My mom always maintained this Identity of a strong empowered female, one Who would never let something bad happen to her kids. So when I started realizing that my dad and siblings were hurting me and it was bad-- I didn't understand why she would let this bad thing happen to me. As an adult, I understand that who you want to be and who you are are very different people.

But when I was little I internalized the message that this must not be bad. Or I must be bad and therefore I deserve this. She left me to fend for myself. But always pretended like she was 100% there for me. This caused a real split for me, One side was very sad and just convinced that I was nothing if I couldn't handle being beaten up and brought to the edge of death again and again while also maintaining that 3.8 gpa.

I always wanted to understand, So when I went to college I went for psychology. Once I started to understand, I realized that it wasn't my fault, My mom was failing me, I had no family, I was on my own, I suffered a kind of personality split. One very angry, Who just wanted to get the fuck away from these people, To take care of herself. And the other, the thing they created.

A slave, really. Nothing more.

I really couldn't cope with the idea that my mom didn't love me, Nor that she did love me. In the personalities have been fighting for a really long time, And for the last three years i've been working on pulling them back together. Understanding the duality of my situation and why the fracture happened and why the Angry side of me has every right to be.

Last night I laid this all at my mothers feet. And she did what she always does when i try to talk. She says We can Dredge up the past all night and i can tell you how i felt in the moment, but it wont change anything.

And I told her I didnt want her to say anything. I didnt care how she felt. I am angry. I am angry at her. I am failed by her. I am tired of her. I am not going to be there for her anymore. In the bend when she was done and emotionally shattered, I walked away from her. I went home and i cried and ate and felt strange like i couldnt let go of the anger and pain but it was already gone.

Im atill angey but it doesnt feel like this pulsating orb of death and hate anynore. It feels like joy. Idk just thought id share.

10 years ago I was bullied by my old friend, but I wasn't angry at that moment, and still being friend with him. However, now thinking about it, I feel really frustrated and irritated about it. Why is my emotion so slow?

Ill just put the nsfw

Im too angry like i feel too much of a monster on this earth. Theres just no other way to react when youre mistreated or smthn isnt fair other than getting angry and violent. Theres so much evil people but i think ive lived long enough to see myself become way worse. I wish i can kill people but i think i should die instead its too much and the legacy ive left behind would suck more and hurt others. Ive hurt ppl and ruined everything and i ruined my own life. I cannot help but do drugs but then it gets me more angry. I hate opening my feelings its corny and makes me feel weak. I think im a drug addict too. Despite the comedown drugs always gives me the feeling that everything will be okay in the future and wont let me down. Ive been told im schizo and ill admit nothing at all seems real i see stuff no one can understand. Everyone just seems so evil i have to get angry and hurt them i just dont believe ppl are good. Nothing changes my anger ive tried so many things even when im lazy. Everything just haunts me. I handle things the worst way possible i did it to myself sometimes. I even got one acquired debilitating mental illness that just wont reverse. No one will understand and accept me again or even forgive me. I think i just deserve hell. I deserve to die feeling alone i feel spoiled. I get so sadistic and delusional to bad things attacking me or other things i misinterpret or schizo over or i self sabatoge because i dont deserve anything. I swear im trynna do the right thing. Its so hard im just mistaken. I just wanna be good and normal like you but whats wrong or right anymore. Im just dangerous and nothing good to say about me either cuz i lost all my talents and identity. So im worthless and weird. Perfect formula for a heartless killer. I hate TBI and drugs but i love drugs sometimes. I just ruin every opportunity i get. Nothing cheers me up. Its been 4 years i never got better. Why is it hard to cry? Idk emotions anymore. Why is it so hard to say my feelings and be clear? God has abondoned me and red people are here. Im still a disgusting monster, ill always be seen as mentally ill, i lost all my talent achievements and goals, and im a waste of everyone's time and my dad's wallet even if he's trying his best to help me. I just want to hug someone safe and give me light or start everything over. But Ive ruined my life i cant do this anymore. I have to end it. Its over

How do you cope with anger? I don’t act on my anger and just hold it all inside. The last couple times I got into physical altercations I completely blacked out and had to be told what I did. I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do. How do you assert yourself without completely flipping the fuck out on people?

I have been having issues with a coworker who is my supervisor. I found him to not have tact when he speaks and comes across as rude to me. He noticed that I was bothered by him and I stood up to him when I noticed him throwing my stuff in the trash and touching my drink. He denied it all of course, even though there’s cameras. At the end of the shift we talked it out and we shook hands. I shook hands but was weary still about him and his character. Thing is this had been building up inside me a day before that shift. I talked to the manager of the business who does the scheduling about this and his solution was to separate our shifts so that we don’t work together, which I agreed on. One week we don’t work together with exception of one shift. This new schedule, made our schedules the SAME! I’m disgusted by this. I literally feel sick to my stomach. I CANNOT stand this supervisor. It’s just too much. One day I overheard him talk about him wanting to learn guitar, and I normally would offer anything I no longer use to anyone who I know would like it. I held back though, given our recent experiences together. We’d have a few hours working together and again I’d overhear him talk again about wanting a guitar and all that. After about a week one day he brings it up to me and I tell him I have a guitar. I agree to bring it to him, thinking he’d be grateful and maybe even nicer than normal. Or at least grateful somehow. A week went by and we didn’t work together again until today. I had the guitar there and let him know. He didn’t even say thank you, didn’t seem grateful. Hours went by and still no thanks. I felt hurt because it took me effort to remember to bring it, especially knowing I’d be doing this mostly not expecting anything other than his gear be happy and thankful. I received no thanks, which I suppose it’s quite sad but I tried to just accept that. However, it really got to me when it was my lunch time. I had to go to McDonald’s to get a utensil so that I could eat my lunch, and he knew this and gave me his card to go get him a McFlurry. I initially agreed, but instantly regretted it once I saw the line. What should have taken 3minutes for a simple spoon, took about 15min only to be told once I was next that there’re not selling mcflurries at the moment. I headed back and told him, and he kinda just said “awh” but I was angry because I only had like 7min of my lunch time left. I was so upset, because I was worried I wouldn’t eat and I was so hungry, and I am also not feeling well either and he knew I didn’t feel well and it’s hard for me to hide when I’m angry or sad and I think he noticed but instead of apologizing I could tell he thought I was giving him an attitude. Which we’ve already had issues working together over our personalities in the past. I had to pretend I physically didn’t feel good, which I didn’t but I was upset over my time wasted, his thanklessness, his lack of empathy, and his inability to apologize for any inconvenience to my time. Yes, I agreed, but where is the courtesy? The respect? The empathy? C’mon. He even used my coworkers lunch time also to send him to get him a smoothie. I felt disgusted. I genuinely dislike this guy. No amount of me being kind, or nice, or good is enough for him. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t stand him in all honesty. Can’t stand his face either anymore. He knows this, but I hate being fake. I want to just tell him off but I know I can’t do that. Only one thing I can try is to control myself but that’s very stressful and hard. I need help. I can tell nobody truly likes him, and may are fake in his face. Some genuinely can’t stand him the way I can’t stand him, and it’s rare the ones who like him. I noticed the ones who like him, he gets them free stuff. I want to call out because now I’m starting to hate my job, I’ve already dealt with a lot and I still try to remain positive everyday despite all my stress, but he makes working in an already stressful place 10 times worse. Help me.

I have a friend who struggles with mental health issues, and even though I know I can’t fix him, I still get triggered by negative thoughts about him. It’s like his problems stick in my mind, even on days when he hasn’t cried or complained.

The less time I spend with him, the better I feel, but the thoughts don’t completely go away. Sometimes, the frustration builds into anger. I get so overwhelmed that I lash out by biting my fingers or a pillow, not to self-harm but just to release that pent-up frustration. On really bad days, I feel like punching something, and I’ve even punched myself because I didn’t know where else to channel the anger.

To make things worse, I’ve been on the NHS waiting list for counseling for ages with no progress, so I don’t have professional support.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of lingering anger and frustration? How do you manage these feelings when professional help isn’t an option?

So yeah. I 23M couldn’t sleep last night. And I shoved my uncle 44M about 5 feet into a metal bed frame and hurt his back. I also punched him in the face but I drew my punch because I’ve never done something this evil before. The reason for this was because after not sleeping an entire night I was trying to get some sleep around 5PM. He was blasting terrible rap music and yelling at his daughter (my little cousin). At this point all rational thinking was non existent. I was so angry I just wanted some sleep. (My uncle is an alcoholic and a kleptomaniac, but he isn’t a violent alcoholic, just lazy and inconsiderate) I stormed out of my room and confronted him. He was in a bad mood and shoved me a tiny bit then I shoved him 10x harder to where he flew towards the bed frame. Prior to this event, I’ve talked to him peacefully and rationally about cutting his drinking. But every weekend Fri-Sunday he gets so drunk and trashes my house. This month of November was particularly stressful for me. I’ve struggled with insomnia for 5 years. I’ve never done something like this before and I know insomnia isn’t the reason for this, rather the catalyst. I have other problems I struggle with, especially anger, and not sleeping just brings out all the terrible qualities in me. I apologized after and we hugged and had a deep talk. He knew that I had a lot on my plate, especially since I have the duty to take care of an entire house after my 24 year old brother passed away from sui cide last year. The owner of the house lives in another country and my uncle lives in the backyard room. Im feeling very guilty and ashamed of myself for deciding to take out my anger on my uncle who honestly didn’t even do anything bad. I also am ashamed for picking a fight with someone who’s 80Lbs lighter than I am. I want to get help from a therapist but im not sure if that’ll work.

3 years ago I she spread lie about me touching a girl ofcourse, some still think its real till this day , and 2 week ago I was at a english competition against many other from across my nation(not US). She won Top 10 and I got top 60( but top 2 in my province) , the fact she spread lie and god do nothing to make her life miserable. I mean if she if top 25-50 maybe acceptable, but she got Top 10, I have a feeling in my chest as if shouting to make her life hell. I just dont feel right seeing her happy after what she did to me.

When I was 11-12, I had a meltdown where I cried and was iin full anger for some reason, I grabbed the knife and went to the door, while hiding the knife behind the door, i PROBABLY couldn't let myself do this horrible shit and placed the knife back after i stopped crying.
The next meltdown was when i was 12-13, I, after arguing with my mom, for some reason grabbed scissor or pen, idk if i was in meltdown, while also falling asleep with scissors, would i actually stab my mom or family? I really love them and i dont wanna harm them, would i actually do this horrible shit to my family members???
2 years has passed since this happend.

I can control it to a point, I can hold it back and repress it, but I notice that eventually I lose control. I’ve always gotten in lots of trouble growing up for my aggression, but here recently I’ve been really trying to work on myself.

Today I flipped out and lost control, but I also just noticed something that I haven’t realized before, before I flipped I’ve noticed I felt lots of pressure inside of myself, lots of anxiety, lots of dark thoughts, but most importantly a heaviness all throughout my body and mind. I would feel very tired and like a huge weight was being bared on me, lots of depressive thoughts, until I just snapped.

In the moment it felt so great, freeing, like I didn’t have to act in a way that I’m not, I just felt like I was finally in control of myself and I could let go. Kind of like the feeling you get after a day at the gym but intense euphoria but also rage. It felt like a roller coaster. I know I’ve felt these feelings before, but I’ve never really paid attention or noticed.

Right now as I write this I feel great, like my mind is clear, I can think, I can breathe, my heart is at a normal pace, a relaxation all throughout my body. I feel great. Kind of like that feeling you get after a hard workout at the gym, that feeling like you’re floating and clarity.

Almost everybody counselor and therapist I have seen always recommended breathing exercises or other constructive coping mechanisms, I’ve tried all these here recently. All I’ve noticed is that they repress it and it seems to build up over time, demanding to get out. The only way I can feel this ease of mind and calmness that I do now it seems is through aggression, whether it be yelling or hitting and breaking things or fighting.

This is terrible, I now realize why I just would let go, because it was easy and it WORKED. How do I turn this into a healthy coping mechanism without messing my life up? Nothing conventional works, how do I use this constructively?

When I say this, I mean how do you keep yourself from having the urge to begin with. I get angry very easily but I have thus far phased out of actually fighting and hitting people when I get these urges. The next phase I would like to move into is keeping myself from wanting to hit others to begin with. I now tell people “I need you to leave I am going to hit you” (I know this is fucked up, but it is true and the only way I can get people to understand I will hit them but I don’t want to) by being blunt and honest with myself and others that I know I can’t manage my anger. But, I don’t want to even have to warn people of that, I feel like a monster and I don’t want to be that person anymore.

What are some things I can do to shift my thinking where this is not my initial reaction? (Another issue I have is in my mind, it is justified, I can’t seem to think otherwise, but on the flip side I really don’t want to hurt people and I know it’s socially unacceptable and unfair to others)

Let me say that my emotions are often cold-hearted. Someone say hateful words, eh. Someone I love die, okay. But whenever I get unjustified angry and latch out... I just wanted to cuddle on my bed and cried. I rarely cried as it is, but this anger lead to self hatred and depression. Why does it hurt me emotionally when nothing else has?

I had to deal with some pretty shitty stuff from my fam yesterday and woke up today with a murder headache and just absolutely seething. Like, i haven’t been this mad in a decade it feels like. I’m doing a course at work rn and usually spend my breaks with my work friends who are also in the course playing cards. Today, one of the first things i told them was to just not interact with me at all, since i would get mad and snap at them which i didn’t want. I didn’t want to hurt their feelings of course, but also: They know how i can get when I’m angry and have never shown even a shred of understanding for how i can’t really control my anger. They even bring up sometimes how terrible I’ve been to them when I’m angry and make it sound like it happens all the time, when in reality it happened maybe twice in the 1 1/2 years I’ve worked with them and even in the situations i got mad i never said anything actually bad, they were just offended by my tone of voice. They didn’t heed my one request though and kept making these jokey comments through out the day about how I’m such a killjoy for not wanting to play cards or how it’s so funny how easily they could get a rise out of me today and just generally not respecting my one boundary i had explicitly given them to protect everyone’s feelings. Then, at the end of the day while we were already leaving, i just completely lost it at my closest friend of the group. Like, threw my shit around in the hallway and everything. I left immediately afterwards and cried the entire way home. I tried to apologize via text but she just basically told me that i was really shitty to her and that it was totally uncalled for. I reminded her that i told her that exactly this would happen first thing in the morning to which she replied that she just wanted to help me and cheer me up. And now I'm just so mad at her: for not respecting my decision, for not taking my emotions serious and also for idk daring to get mad at me for exploding at her when i warned her of the outcome? Like I’m sorry i did and i told her so but still. I get that she was just trying to comfort me, but she kinda did it in the worst way possible.
I don’t know what to do now. Im gonna have to deal with these people for the next two years and i want to go back to being work friends, but I realized today they’re kind off dismissive towards me and i harbor a lot of pent up anger towards them about it. Do you have any ideas? Also, thank you for reading this through to the end.

I’m nearly always miserable and resentful, I lived with my drug abusing mom till I was about 14 then moved with my dad and it was better, ive been bullied throughout all of highschool and after. Even my friends have said nasty things to me for years and when I get pissed off and say something about it they just tell me I’m just an angry person and to calm down, so I have just stopped saying anything. I’ve always been quiet and find it hard to start conversations with people I don’t know well. For the past year I’ve been drinking around 3 times a week it either makes me feel better or worse.

I usually just resort to making excuses to not go out and just stay home but even when I’m home I find ways to make myself miserable and sad. When I’m out with friends I just don’t talk and don’t know what to say because I’m mad all the time until they tease me enough for me to yell at them then they just laugh in my face. I always think people are judging me and I’m constantly comparing myself to others, it doesn’t matter what I’m doing it seems I always to try make myself angry and sad and I’m not sure why, I see people having fun and I instantly get jealous and angry but when I have the chance to do the same i don’t want to. I’m not sure why I’m posting this I’ve never really put this out there to anyone or on anything probably just to get it out there.

Been working valet at a luxury hotel in Charlotte and for 3 months and I and shocked about how stupid people are. Our company has this new rule where guests have to pay after they check in before they leave and go somewhere. So to do this you have to go in on this link we send you to pay and request your car which is mandatory for anyone. If they refuse to pay we “can’t give them their key” which I can’t really do because it’s really their property not our companies. But to get in with what im saying I constantly explain the process to these people, “ if you’re going anywhere make sure you pay and request your car on the link we send you.” Majority of the people I had yesterday still came down stairs and tried to request in person despite me saying this l. I repeatedly asked them did you request it on your phone like we said? Some just stood there and looked at me like I was stupid another dude got an attitude because I took his car downstairs and parked it and got mad because I told him to pay and request it.

He requested it but didn’t pay for. I just said whatever fuck it and gave him the car. He can pay when he gets back. Other people who come in are idiots some try to drive in on the other side of the gate to get into the garage where your supposed to exit out of. Why are people so dumb despite being explained things multiple times?

for some reason i suddenly thought about this stupid boy at my school who thinks im fucking slow or something. he was in my gym class last year and he would criticize and laugh at every little thing i would do wrong. once he said "chop chop" when I was try to catch a ball? stfu. andd then once we were playing dodge ball and i picked up a really bad ball that's overly inflated and too wide to properly grip and when i tried to throw it i failed obviously and he pointed at me and started laughing with this stupid girl who bullied me in the fifth grade. And another time that stood out to me was the closer to the end of the year- he completely ignored me while we were playing basketball and didnt pass to me even though i was on his team. luckily my friend at the time called him out for being such an ass to everyone, but when i tried to say something he didnt listen for shit. plus my "friend" wasn't the nicest to me either and though she was better than me or something. the reason sometimes i wasn't the best at every single fucking sport was because they aren't my thing, and the shit talkers would make me scared to participate so i would mess up. i was good at basketball and people agreed, but i was only confident until they began shit talking when i messed up. im so frikin done :) idc if it was last year, i hate myself and something is fucking wrong with me. the guy still shit talks me now to. he sits right behind me in science, and once when we were working, i heard him say to his friend in a rude way: "why don't you go and sit next to (my name) and see what's going through her head?" then, his friend- WHO I DONT FUCKING KNOW said something containing "i would rather kill myself"

oh my god :) and as an introvert i never say shit to these people

I get really mad over things that don't matter that much like people being rude, not trusting me acting weird. I scream at people I love and say they don't care then cry and feel like a horrible person and sometimes even just want to end it. I'm working on it but I don't know how to. I'm a really chill person in public and it's not like it's that bad. But with people i know I have so much pent up anger with them and everything and I push it down until I snap at something. It makes me feel better for a second it's like I just need to get it out of my head. I'm mad a lot of the time and I hate it. I've had a lot of fights about stupid shit too. I have a lot if mental health issues like ptsd, severe anxiety, bpd, substance abuse disorder and adhd. That's not an excuse and I don't make myself a victim or excuse anything because of it but I think that might have a lot to do with it. I hate myself after but it's like I can't stop myself sometimes. And the shame makes me angry too. What should I do?

I’m going fckn insane

Aaaah I’m constantly having episodes of rage I keep failing in university my cars gone to shit I’m running out of money my jobs shit I hate living w my food because of my autistic retardant siblings who are fucking adult who don’t stop fucking screaming I have to fap 2-4 times a day just to stay calm I can’t look at a women wo having intense urges it’s so fucked I haven’t stopped fapping in the last 400 days I’m so angry horny underweight tired angry and focus on shit I am so fucking horny and angry nothing excites me anymore I have to find or think of some intense shit to start and end my day on even. I’m 30 pounds underweight and even excercise doesn’t help I fap so much holy fuck

It's so aggravating that no matter how much, or how little, progress I'm able to make in regulating my own emotions or building my self-esteem, all it takes is one conversation with my parents to take a wrong turn for me to go back to bad habits. Usually self-harm, or a spiralling into negative thoughts. Makes me so angry.