After all the regrets and tough shit I've learned by age 25, I'm still too damn young to be this old. I'm grateful for the man I've become as opposed to the man I once was, but my reckless past has resulted in parasitic consequences that seem as if they're here to stay. Drinking and drugs fucked up my teeth, my criminal record, employment history, reputation, credit, financial status, you name it. I'm finally a year in recovery, finally off paper, madly in love with my partner of 1 1/2 years and the cat we bought together, and now we're having to separate because drugs rotted my teeth along with my bank account, so rent was no longer affordable. I've moved in with a relative to save us money for a bit while my partner searches for a home, and I've transferred to a store within walking distance since, well... 2 DUI's within a 5 year period. I'm still not done with my dental crap, and I've already put $2,000 into all of it, not to mention my preexisting debt. I'm wiped out, and I feel discouraged because things seem more unbearable now than they were on the fuckin' streets. My partner and I miss each other deeply, as this was against any plan we had in mind. I have no one to blame but myself for all of this, but humility hasn't made things any easier. I'm really trying and drugs are still robbing me of the things I love, even a year later. I don't know man, it sucks and I'm frustrated.

Never really thought I had anger issues. Genuinely confused if I do and I just don’t want to admit it. Long story short I grew up in an abusive family, VERY toxic dysfunctional and absuive family. My stepdad was SEVERELY abusive and my mom was a huge enabler. I started throwing things on the floor around like 11 or 12 and it pretty much continued until I moved out of my parents.

I would throw my phone, plates, glass, whatever I could get my hands on that would break. But ONLY when I was being abused and I knew that the only way my stepdad would STOP would be when I started throwing things. And then he would say to my mom “see! Your daughter is a monster!” And about a million other terrible things

He would purposely emotionally abuse me to get me to throw things and it worked countless times.

Fast forward and I’m having problems in my marriage. I have a very very very passive husband who has made a LOT of mistakes in our marriage, not protected me well, and welp, I guess now he is saying I have anger problems… because I have started to throw cups, glass etc on the floor….

I would never try and throw these things at HIM because I never try and hurt another person when I’m angry but this morning he claimed my anger is a form of abuse ……

So now I’m all confused. He says I need help and he wants me to take anger management classes but I’m confused because he never has gotten any help for all of the problems he inflicted on our marriage

I told him I can take anger management classes but I find it hypocritical that he hasn’t seeked help for his own issues??? He keeps saying that I need to fix my issues and this isn’t about him I keep saying … okay so I need to fix my issues but you don’t????

Idk what to think anymore???

Hello,

I've been recently trying to identify agitators that anger me at home or wherever so I can improve myself.

I've noticed something and I wonder if I'm being irrational?

I've got a lot of agitators at home. I don't want to go in to detail but I find myself realizing that there's multiple things that are continuous agitators for me and I think there's enough to cause issues easily. It's so much an issue that I don't feel like I can destress at home or be comfortable enough to be able to relax.

It's like being at home and being tense all the time.

I can't necessarily remove my agitators but I'd like to figure how to deal with them I guess? Although I think some of the agitation is due to outside sources at home that I can't control

Hello.

38 years old male. I've been angry for as long as I can remember. I'm the middle child of two other boys, we're all two years apart and close bonding.

So anyway for most of my adult life I've had this anger towards wealthy people. Especially if they make sure you know it by how they dress and possessions etc. Body language is also a big trigger for me. I also have it in for bullies and have got myself into a lot of trouble standing up for people or squaring up to tough or obnoxious guys. I think that I try to use this vigilance in order to get my anger out without being a bully myself but rather "protecting" people or society whatever from them. Honestly, I've had many beatings.

I'm particularly likely to speak up and be confrontational without threatening violence.

My latest example: On Sat. I was in a club with my kind of people. Techno, left leaning probably, people getting high, dancing, being kind and considerate to each other. Towards the end of the night I'm just resting on a sofa opposite the bar and a group of late comers come in. Their clearly wealthy and dressed totally different to what most people are in the club. They've come for a last drink. I can see them but they don't notice me so I watch. They're smirking and being smug about the people in the club and the music, mocking etc. I feel the anger but I know that they're leaving me alone not threatening anyone so I just kind of roll my eyes at the scene. So looking at my phone I get a tap on my knee. Its one of these guys, denim jacket with like a fur rim. He tells me he's concerned about my image because I have a lock poking out from under my cap onto my forehead. I asked him without any emotion maybe friendly curiosity why he needs to tell me. He says he just wanted to make sure I know in case my image is affected here. My thought at this time went "you fucked with the wrong one". So I said thanks, I can't say the same about you cos you're just perfect everything's in place, well done. He was taken aback a bit and tried to claim he was genuinely concerned. I called bullshit. I told him some other things that I can't really remember but I didn't threaten violence. But I was imposing and angry. I ended it by just walking away after he said he didn't expect such an angry response.

So thanks for reading. I'm scared about myself sometimes. And its embarrassing after I have calmed down.

Any thoughts?

Long story short. He lied to my face for 2 years over using a certain substance he swore to me he was off of. 2 freaking years almost 3. I moved out of his place completely and am on break. I have been on break for almost 3 weeks now. Every time I think back. "Oh that's why he acted sus like that." Or "that's why he would clear out a drawer before I cleaned" or "thats why so many bathroom trips" I get so mad. I'm piecing the whole story together, the behaviours, the flags over the years. This is the second time substance has ended our relationship in either a full split or a break. If he had told me about it, I would have helped him get off of it. But no, he was too scared of me. He lied he was fine, we got back togehter 2 years ago and then I caught him.. Again. Found out he was never okay. I left the next day. I needed space.

I'm mad at myself for not listening to my gut feeling sooner, mad that I belived he would change. So so so mad that I let him manipulate and gaslight me when I questioned it. It's hard to already trust a recovering adict. I am so mad I waisted 2 almost 3 years of my life with this man. I'm mad I let myself hurt and let myself down. I've turned into a whicked woman. I don't know how to stop. I'm mean. Short tempered. Insulting. Just mad mean person. I dont know how to stop the destruction train. My support system I have has hope for me. But I lost hope, I'm so hurt, broken, betrayed, feel like a loser. This was way too emotional for me. I will never forgive myself for putting myself in that position.. that too again!

My madness is controlling and ruining me pice by piece of whatever's left of me. How do I stop being so mad?

I got kicked from a helldivers 2 match today because the host doesn't understand how the game works and blamed me for a blatant bug. It's been over 2 hours and typing it now I'm still resisting the urge to snap my laptop in half and throw it as hard as I can at my shelves. I don't know why I get like this. This is a constant issue, including when driving. Someone in front of me ran a red light and I got so angry that they could be so selfish and stupid I had to pull into a parking lot and turn the car off for like 5 minutes. If someone cuts me off I start considering vehicular suicide from the amount of anger it causes, just desperately wanting to veer right and crash in front of them so they can see what their stupidity and selfishness caused. I don't know why. I've been researching disorders that can cause anger but none of them really sound right, I saw Intermittent Explosive Disorder which doesn't sound right at all, a few ones that only children and adolescents get, bipolar disorder (I never have "manic" episodes), and BPD (I feel a lot of the symptoms like shifting self image, self destructive behaviors, self harm, emptiness, substance abuse, etc., but I don't really "dissociate", I do have a fear of abandonment but not nearly as strong as my readings about BPD imply, etc), so I'm kind of at a loss now.

Are there other mental issues with frequent severe anger as a symptom? I hate therapists and would genuinely rather be dead then in a therapist's office, but I don't feel like I can talk to anybody else about this either, I feel like they would just view me as an angry petulant child throwing temper tantrums.

My 25F fiance 30M has extreme anger issues and if something triggers his anger, I become so scared of him.

Is there a solution to anger problems?

I was in a situation where someone attacked me It was a hard hit to my arm and i felt humiliated I dont know what to do guys i cant sleep Please help me with me I really need help im suffering at the moment Its 2 am here and i cant sleep

I grew up in a home with an abusive mother. She always knew exactly what to say to hurt me. Until recently, I’ve always been proud of myself for my kindness and ability to forgive (which I now see as an ability to take shit from people and be a doormat.) I’m freshly out of a 2 year relationship and engagement. He was abusive. Not physically, in the traditional sense, but used to wake me up with his screaming every morning. Throwing things. Breaking every object in our home. Yelling at our cats, hitting himself. I did everything in my power to get him help. Called crisis counselors, called his parents, gave ultimatums. Forgave and loved and held and gave him a shoulder to cry into. He was also a porn addict and it escalated rapidly into pretty gross territory. He ended up having an episode on a trip to a cabin (no cell service,) pushed me against the sink because I tried to stop him from going outside to kill himself, and then he raped me. He used me and cheated on me 3 times, the 4th time with a prostitute because he wanted our breakup to be “final and unforgivable.” I can accept personal responsibility for what I allowed him to put me through. I signed a lease with him even after he cheated the first time. However, now I’m mean. We still have financial obligations to eachother and I’ve been letting him have it. Opening the gates of hell on him every time we speak. Real evil, low, nasty shit. Things that appall me when I hear them from my own mouth. He is the only person I speak to in this manner, but I’m still angry and hateful towards the world. How do I become gentle and loving again while keeping myself safe? So far, this rage is protecting me but it’s exhausting and demoralizing.

My dad was terrible to me as a kid. On top of telling me he wishes I was dead, no one wants me, and the world would be better without me he physically abused me. He poured food on me, busted my lip and hit me over the head with an object leaving a big Knott. He threw me into walls hit me, tried to hit my friend. My mother made it seem like it was my fault and I deserved it. She never consuled me or asked me if I was okay. She never even acknowledged what happened. After the last incident I grabbed all my stuff and left. I was a dancer and couched hopped until I could support myself.

Last year when I tried to commit suicide everything changed. I was on life support and barely made it out alive. Since then my parents have been really nice to me so much so that I decided to move back home. Now they are nice and they both try to interact with me but I continously shut them down. When my dad tries to be silly or make me laugh I just don't engage and walk by him. I'm so angry and it's been almost 10 years since the last incident. I also notice myself getting so angry at my mom. I don't act on it but whenever she does something mildy wrong I get so enraged in my head. I think the thoughts stupid bitch or you can't do anything right. I don't have these thoughts towards anyone else. I would like to move on and have a kinder attitude towards my mom but I don't know how. My resentments consume me. I feel like if I spend this time ignoring them I will regret it when they pass. I know my attitude would change then but I don't know how to change my attitude now. I just want peace. My mom apoligized by saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" and cries when I bring it up. She said that was the best she could do but I don't understand. I think the root of the problem is I don't feel like she loves me or cares about me.

I told my parents they were the reason I tried to commit suicide and how they talked to me is how I talk to myself now. Since then my dad showers me with gifts and money and my mom folds my laundry and cooks me stuff.

I also have resentments towards my brother. My dad actually spent time with him and liked him so he has a different relationship with them. My brother has seen my dad violent tho and knows the things he did to me yet he allows my parents to babysit his son or my nephew. It just felt like a slap in the face. How can you trust them with your baby. Do you not believe me? He had no problem throwing me around as soon as I could walk. How can I let go of all this anger?

Feeling Strange about Lessening of Intense Rage

Good evening. So after a bunch of time on therapy, psychiatric care, anger management, stoicism, meditation, exercising, as well as the mental hospital last year. It appears as though my anger has gotten............less extreme then even I expected.

I frankly feel strange about this. I mean obviously it's good to not feel but at the sametime it feels.....odd. I'm frankly so used to having simmering rage bubbling under the surface. Now the most extreme type of anger is irritation. The things that would make me explode in rage in the past, now merely cause irritation which after processing it I'm able to let go off.

I've become not only more aware of my triggers but I've actively trying to nip it in the bud before it escalates by writing them down or expressing it to myself.

In spite of it lessening I obviously am still cautious with myself and how i act. Cause I still suffer irritation but I'm able to process it, acknowledge it, then let it go cause as stoicism says " don't focus on things beyond your control. "

Either way I feel really weird about this tbh with you. Rage doesn't seem to engulf me easily as I used too. Its good obviously but it doesn't feel.....normal( yes I know obviously not being angry all the time is normal and healthy) but I've b. Idk how to describe it but ever since I can remember, even when I was " relaxed " there was always this rage bubbling under the surface.

Even others noticed with one person once commenting " you seem like your lowkey pissed all of the time. "

Ready to pop out at any moment. Weather verbally or physically. I specifically remember a longtime ago passing by a fence and a dog angrily barking at me. I became really enraged in an instant. Now it barely gets a reaction from me. Again it feels strange to not feel this intense anger all the time. The rage has been a part of my very being for a longtime. I mean I like it obviously because frankly it's exhausting to just be angry all the time but it's so strange to not even feel or even sense it in my body a lil bit. It's like a part of me kind of died or something and now I'm just an empty shell.

The rage has been replaced by sadness which I allow myself to process , feel amd then let go. But that's another story for another time.

Either way I'm curious if you guys had ever felt this type of strangeness I'm referring too.

FYI I'm not claiming I'm cured of my IED and other issues. I'm still working towards bettering my mental health hence me still going to psychiatric care. But still

We both have full time jobs. Our roommates mostly cook for us as we split expenses for food with them. We live in a shared space and rent a bedroom and bathroom to ourselves.
My girlfriend is stressed from her job and takes a long break when she gets home everyday, sometimes she stays in the shower for 2 hours or watches YouTube before doing any work to prepare for her next day at work. The point is she takes about 2 hours to herself when she gets home.
We clean the room on weekends ex. the sinks, shower, dusting, etc. but I always have to remind her or she does not do it. Lately, it is just me cleaning the room as she claims not to have time. She brings up food to the room with a plate and fork but she always leaves them in the bathroom and I have to bring everything down the next day when I wake up. It's just frustrating. When she does her laundry, she just leaves it in the basket to pile up and it never gets put away. There are times I keep asking her to put it away as it creates a mess but she never puts it away. I end up doing it for her weeks later when it is all over the floor.
I have spoken to her about this countless times and she always says she is stressed with her job and she needs those breaks when she gets home. She also has stress from her family at the moment as they are not getting along and I help her mentally with this, but I still think she should help me out just a little at least.
I'm thinking I should just stop cleaning everything and turn the room in to a giant mess until she decides to help me clean as I'm so over this. Should I do this? Or is there something else that I should do?

Hi all. New here and looking for advice. A few times a year I have outbursts over extremely small things and these outbursts usually include self harm (hitting myself or biting down on my skin extremely hard) and crying. It just happened a bit ago because I got chili all over my favorite pair of sweatpants that were not cheap and I was afraid they were ruined. I started to freak out and have an outburst and it only lasted about 15 min. That’s usually how they all are. Last time I punched my wall and broke an expensive frame I had hanging. I am also known to get annoyed extremely easily and I do have road rage (I’m not sure if that matters but whatever). I’m looking for advice on what I might have and what to do. I can’t afford to go see a doctor or anything and if I tell my parents about this they won’t care. TIA

My anger has been very well tapped down for years. To the point sometimes people think I’m a pushover but I just don’t believe they’re worth the trouble to “let go” over. Usually I can just give someone a funny look and they’ll back off from it.

But… I do wish there would be a time I could “let go” on someone. Just to punch someone square in the face and have a full on old school brawl. I haven’t thrown a punch in years but god…. It would feel good to.

I feel like I’m just waiting for a cue to morally justify my anger because I don’t think anyone deserves my anger nowadays. So the problem must be me.

I’ve thought about boxing and things like that but it’s just not the same. Consensual fighting is ideal; just that boxing just doesn’t feel the same. I need someone to deserve it.

I’m the reason rage rooms exist and I’ve never been to one.

I'm so done with ugly people in university, with their disgustingly huge egos and tendency to apple-polish. I hate it when they talk over me during meetings. I hate it when they consume 20% of lecture time asking teachers for obvious answers. I hate it when I lead the group, but they suggest directions that are literally dumb and akin to kindergarten level. Like, shut up! I fear I'm done with kindness. For the past two years, I've been known for being polite, but enough is enough. I can literally feel myself vibrating, and it seems like my aura is turning redder.

This is frustrating to me because I spent the last two years before university healing from certain traumas. One thing I changed about myself is my anger management. But these people are getting to my nerves, and I am as much afraid that I will turn back to who I was.

IM SO FUCKING ANGRY. I GET TRIGGERED AND THEN I AM SO FUCKING BLINDLY RAGED FOR DAYS. I WILL THROW AWAY AND BREAK EVERY FUCKING THING. I HATE MY FUCKING KIDS. I FUCKING HATE MY HOUSE. I AM SUCH A FUCKING DISORGANIZED MESS. I FUCKING DONT KNOW HOW TO BE MORE FUCKING ANGRY OR HOW TO STOP.

I’ve always had anger issues, but they have become more prominent in my life since getting into a relationship. My boyfriend of 2 years has seen me have many breakdowns, during which I scream and yell and break things and even self-harm (the worst one to him). I don’t get triggered easily but once I am it’s extremely hard to turn back and just calm down. He can be a frustrating person, but I don’t want to be triggered by anything or anyone like that. Life is full of frustrating people. I don’t want anyone to have that power over me. I am genuinely worried I would severely harm myself one day. My dad had/has really bad rage, and I was always told I got that from him. My parents honestly never tried to help me deal with my anger appropriately as a kid. I am an adult now with a good life and I know it’s my job to heal myself, but my anger/rage just seems never ending and it scares me. It is especially bad before my period. Where do I even start? Am I too far gone? Will I ever be normal?

This has been going on since I was young. Whenever i get mad at someone (like a teacher at school yelling at me) i imagine them getting hurt. Usually me beating them up or them getting hurt. I know it’s a mental health issue. I have ADHD and possible autism but I haven’t gotten tested or diagnosed, I am also a Therian and I heard about it being something related to it. But I just want to know.

I got really mad and I threw two blows at the side of my head and it started swelling pretty quickly and I'm anxious about it now. I'm nowhere near any doctors (snow camping) I'm not dizzy, I'm not lightheaded, I'm not puking, my pupils react to light, my wife had me say some tongue twisters to check my speech (ie Peter piper) and I said that fine. The swelling and pain is what's making me anxious though. Any advice? Or people who have done the same thing, what were your experiences and how hard did you hit yourself?

I need some advice with controlling my anger. I keep getting mad at every little thing that shouldn’t even irritate me. It leads me to snap at my wife. This has been happening about once a week. For example I will get mad if my wife says I should try to something a different way. In the moment, it makes me feel like I’m stupid and I failed at something. This causes me to snap back at her with something like “I KNOW”. It’s hard to identify when this is going to happen. I think it’s little things throughout the week that have been in the back of my mind and it just takes one random comment to set me off. It happens and then it’s immediately over and I feel embarrassed and my wife is rightfully upset with me. I feel like I do good for a little bit then fall off. How do I keep my anger issues in focus so that this stops happening?

Until last year(25F), I have always kept my emotions at bay and never reacted out the line. After a blind sided break-up, unemployment and moving back to my parents place, I started snapping loudly at people (including loved ones) who are unempathetic or in general unfair in a public space. I am trying to cope with this emotion but it seems to backfire. Want some insights how to quickly shut myself even at a potentially triggering environment

I was with my father, he was driving to a friend of his, since he had to get sth from him. While on the road, the conversation shifted to him asking me to check his balance on an Amazon card. This was kinda annoying in its own right, as how was I supposed to know how to check his account, but in any case, it required some ID and password that he did not remember. I started asking why he never bothers to remember any account information that isn't saved on his phone.

That escalated the situation as he got extremely defensive and started throwing every excuse in the book like "I don't need to check this account ever" or "I got too much on my mind to keep track of everything", which for some reason really made me angry.

When we reached the house, he got out first and told me to say hi to his friend as to not look rude. That sent me over the edge and I started repeatedly punching the driver's seat until I realized that both my father and his friends were right outside the car.

I tried to ignore the fact that I just beat the hell out of the seat of my father, but I'm quite sure everyone saw that.

Why is it that such a stupid argument can make me so damn angry, and at my own family no less?

How does someone deals with feelings of extreme anger being now part of their personality when it was so well hidden before ? When you never destroyed anything and all of a sudden it just needs a little push for you to become the worst version of yourself and destroy everything in your path.

Hey there, does anyone have any suggestions they could throw my way, please? I’m pretty much always full of rage and am an asshole daily but pretty much to my wife as she’s in the line of fire she always has to deal with my assholeness, I’ve never hit her and never would but I do feel like I’m mentally abusive to her and I absolutely hate that. I’ve tried to control it in the past and it was going well until her mother moved in with us but that’s also my fault as I could’ve said no but didn’t want an argument. I’m an asshole to my wife and now it’s bleeding over to my mother-in-law but I’m perfectly fine for the most part when it comes to strangers, friends and most family. I’ve done journaling which works but I’m terrible at keeping up on it as I forget quite a bit now a days. Whenever I try to talk with my wife about stuff that’s upsetting me she makes it like I’m picking a fight or something so I avoid talking to her about stuff, if I talk to my actual family fuckers can’t keep their mouths shut and it gets back to her so I really don’t have any friends because I’m sure my attitude played a part in that but iono or I’m just a shit friend. Anywho any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

I’m angry all the time. Little things that don’t work out make me angry. Driving makes me angry because everyone gets in my way and goes slow. I cuss out loud all the time now (before I rarely cussed). People piss me off. I hate my neighbors. They make me angry. I hate them. Everyone pisses me off. But, ultimately, I just need to calm down. Just more difficult lately.

It's a vicious cycle. I get angry when I feel like the opposite party is abandoning me, and then they abandon me because I'm angry. Am I asking for so fucking much that I want empathy for anger? Is it not okay to feel compassion for an angry person? I get (verbally) violent when I feel the other person pulling away from me and not care about me. (However I do first express my pain in a reasonable manner, they just don't care to listen).

So how am I supposed to heal when I have to go through the same triggering experience over and over again?

I was stupidly using social media more than I should which leads to stupid interactions. There was video of a girl showing she had no good personal relationship with her mother then showed a video of her and her mother hanging out in a city.

Someone commented “people who aren’t close with their parents don’t go out with them” to which I replied you can’t judge bc you literally don’t know. This goes back and forth and they said I was “genuinely psycho” and that I was “delusional” and all these phrases to just make me upset, with no relation to what was being said. Bottom line judging someone based on a short video makes no sense yet im delusional.

I’ll give it to her for calling me my psycho bc im imagining causing great harm to this person but ofc i wouldn’t say that, she was just saying it in response to what i was saying previously just in more detail.

I purposely move through the world thinking about what i say and do so for some random person to be so confident about their opinion of me and what they see o the internet is infuriating bc there’s no way people can be like this in real life. I’m so angry right now it’s ridiculous bc I KNOW i wasn’t being bogus and I KNOW in this situation I’m right. I mean…how could someone know what’s going on in someone’s interpersonal relationship based on a TikTok???

This is so dumb I know I just hate society and wish social media without any critical thought whatsoever should be gone

I get made fun of and ridiculed constantly, nagged, mocked and treated differently by my co-workers. And I can feel my emotions building up by the day the longer I work here. I brush it off to not look weak in front of them but it’s a bad mindset to have and I shove my emotions down to the point I hate my Co-workers with a passion and I hate working there. I love my job but I hate the people. Maybe if someone actually TAUGHT me and helped me how to do my job without nagging me and being a mentor maybe my mental health wouldn’t deteriorate. It’s unhealthy. I just wish I had someone to vent to.

I hate having to call her out- she cowers on the floor and acts like I am going to beat her (I don’t) then I’m angry because she’s cowering. Then she jumps on me and bites the other dog and gets in trouble again. Arrrrrrg! I know she needs a longer walk and I am just too overwhelmed with everything right now. I NEED to sit and chill until this feeling goes away.

I used to have problems with anger with my ex- husband particularly and still blow up at others occasionally. I often used to just have rage simmering. I have gotten older and am kinder to myself but this year has been rough and I mean rough. Serious problems with family and work and neighbors etc. Severe irritation has been sneaking back in and I starte out being soooo irritated and then it turns to that burning anger that is simultaneously an awesome feeling but in a terrible way and makes my chest hurt and feels like a tiger is stalking me. I just want the tiger to go away.

Basically I’m holding in anger towards someone well a typical significant person because they did something to me and I been holding it in for so long I didn’t release it or express it it caused my skin tone 2 change colors 💯💯💯💯