Had a good streak and was feeling really great.

I guess I just felt so overwhelmed and lonely. Everything feels so heavy and chaotic these days. Like a switch flipped, I went from sober to a single drink to my usual past intake, but all within like, a month.

A huge part of being clean after my last relapse was the support I got. It feels like I don’t have that same support this time around. I’m not sure I can do it alone.

How do i get these first days past 0-1 in? I really really want them. They feel so impossible!

I’ve been through it all, AA, rehab, mental wards and all But I still feel hopeless. I feel like a dead end road, even to my family. I’m so sad and just.. extremely sad over my lapse drinking. What do I do? I don’t want to feel this way anymore but I’ve gotten the help I need… I think. I’m only 23 I don’t want to hurt my family anymore.

On Saturday I went out with some old friends I hadn’t seen in years. Long story short, I hadn’t eaten much, and ended up completely blackout drunk. We could only be at the bars for around an hour as I was getting kicked out of everywhere and being refused alcohol. I was apparently talking to everyone and have no idea what I was saying or doing. I couldn’t walk up stairs to my friends’ place and was all over the floor. I fell over and have hurt my eye badly to the point an ambulance was called but I apparently refused to go with them. I woke up with a massive black eye and loads of bruises.

Around a month ago, same thing. Met with some old pals, got insanely drunk and fell over countless times.

Both times I’ve slept with people unprotected that I absolutely wouldn’t have, sober.

I’m really scared of who saw me on these occasions and what I was saying to people. This is been a major wake up call for me that although I don’t drink often, when I do, I have no control. I feel so ashamed and so anxious over what I’ve done.

I can do it. I've done it before. The sober journey. P.s. I've worked out lots on my tread and the bike with a decent buzz. WTF. Think I'm good as long as I've worked out

I went 45 days with 0 alcohol relatively easily. But I then said to myself on the 45th day I will have a little drink tonight and then not drink again until Christmas etc. So I drank a 35cl of southern comfort with diet coke then I contacted friends to come round to mine. I drank all the southern comfort and then we were to the pub where I was drinking some double southern comforts with diet coke. Some shots of sambuca etc, then I also drank cans of budweiser in mine. The following day, so yesterday I went out bought lunch and more cans of beer. I was in the pub for a minute yesterday and could feel myself getting really aggressive inside at someone.

I seem to notice I can get really filled with rage when drinking sometimes. But it seemed to be the second day of drinking I felt much more aggressive, and this has happened before, where the first night I have been fine, but then when I have drank two days in a row the second day I seem to feel aggressive.

I always seem to forget how bad alcohol is after I have been off it for a while, then I think it won't hurt to have a drink. But truthfully I think alcohol is a complete curse, just the things it can cause etc. I pored 3 cans of beer down the sink this morning, as 3 were left and I was tempted to just finish them. But I said to myself I'm not feeling that ill the now, so no point having them and probably feeling much worse later.

But yeah I think I would probably rather stop drinking alcohol altogether. It's just where I live, basically the majority of trouble is usually always done through alcohol. Anti social behaviour etc.

To preface this: I’m sober for 120 days now. Drank every day for years, and alcohol affected my everyday life. I’m also sending resumes on Monday. And I am aware I brought this upon myself, I just need to share a grievance of a side effect of what I’ve done to myself.

That being said, I work in the restaurant industry and no one is surprised to find that you drink. It caused me problems at my last job. I quit drinking three months ago because alcohol was the secretary of my daily life. I sought medical and professional help and turned a lot of things around, and the biggest improvement was my job. However, one of the biggest hits was my job performance. Not just from when I was drinking, but since I’ve become sober too. My doctor told me my brain needs some time to recover, but that it will.

But my cognitive function and my reactionary time is nowhere near it used to be. I’m…slower. I forget simple things like calling “Corner!” when I enter the kitchen. I get tongue-tied. I have to triple check every order to make sure I’ve entered it correctly. What if I forget to type a modifier into the computer that could potentially hurt someone?

It’s also slow season at my restaurant, so everyone’s shifts are getting cut. But mine have been cut in half. I’m just sad because I know what I have to do, I’ve just always loved this industry and don’t want to leave it. But I think my bad choices have made me cognitively impaired from doing my job properly for a while.

Anywho, just don’t know who to share this with and wanted to post it here. Thanks yall

Today I was bored at home on a Saturday night so I went out for a ride on my bike. I ended up at a bar I like to go to because it has an arcade in it. Instead of telling myself I could have one beer which would have undoubtedly led to 5 and a late night out, I ordered a non alcohol “beer”, played some games, and got home happy and healthy 2 hours later. Tomorrow morning instead of waking up full of regret, hungover, and anxious about blacking out the night before I’m going to wake up early to go on a hike.

I don’t know why I’m posting this. Maybe because I don’t have anyone in real life to celebrate my choices with but I’m 13 days sober from both weed and alcohol and I don’t think I’ve felt so present in my life since I picked up both in high school 12 years ago. I don’t have a lot to be proud of but today I am proud of myself. IWNDWYT.

Today marks six months of sobriety, the longest I’ve been alcohol free since I was a teenager.

While I’m so happy for finally being able to quit, I could not have done it without this awesome stopdrinking community. I’ve learned so much from the ups and downs you’ve shared, and can draw comparisons to my own life.

I truly feel that I’m not alone with my addiction and that I can do this. Thank you all for your support!

Wish me luck. 🤞🏼

I'm on 2 days clean after the holiday but I absolutely cannot sleep. It's like alcohol would force my brain off at night and now that it isn't there I've forgotten how to stay asleep. Even though I don't feel tired behind the eyes I manage to fall asleep but only for like 20-30 minutes at a time. I'm taking a break from smoking pot, too, and I think it's making things worse.

It's currently 4am and I'm wide awake. Also get consistent stomach aches between like 3-4am nightly that I hope level off without alcohol. Really hope I didn't develop Chrohns or IBS from drinking too much.

Hi! I am a 22year(m) old and i have this year sufferred more from blackouts than ever before. I have been seeing earlier threads where people have a similar problem. The Thing is that I am in the airforce and drinking is a big part of the culture. I Would say every other month the is a big party where I consume big ammounts of alcohol. What should i do? I feel like i will miss out if i stop drinking is there a way i can easier controll this?

I have my first stomach virus after quitting drinking and holy moly does it bring back the hangover flashbacks…laying in bed with cold sweats, vomiting into a giant bowl because I’m too weak to crawl to the bathroom, sipping pedialyte in hopes it will magically cure me.

It made me realize that instead of having this feeling every few weeks (if not more), I’ll only feel this way when one of my beloved gremlins bring home the germs from school…because there’s no way I’m doing this on purpose to myself again. No more pedialyte on autoship from Amazon. No more days wasted feeling crummy. Onward and upward to a healthier me…IWNDWYT 🫶🏻

How do I know this time I'll definitely make it? I had my last drink on September 8th and I can absolutely not see myself ever drinking again. I have zero desire for it and genuinely don't understand why I have ever done that to myself. I've lost weight, my face looks so different now (in a good way) and I want to be a good example for my child. Also, my liver enzymes were elevated (despite sobriety) and I'm currently waiting to redo them again, absolutely terrified that I've forever damaged my body at such a young age (I'm in my mid 30s).

However, sometimes I see these posts of people who had been sober for years, only to drink again and be disappointed in themselves. I really don't want this to happen to me. How do I know this time is for good?

33 days in - no idea what set off the insane cravings.

Told myself I’d go for a walk - if I still wanted to drink when I got home I’d get alcohol. Got home - told myself if in an hour I still wanted to drink, I’d go get alcohol.

It’s been an hour and the cravings have finally worn off. Was a hellish couple of hours talking myself down and distracting myself, but I’ve made it through and don’t want to drink anymore! Going for another walk to tire myself out a bit more before dinner. I will not wake up hungover tomorrow, I will not get the shakes, I will not night sweat, I will not have an anxiety attack, I will not end up in the ER, IWNDWYT!

We may be anonymous strangers on the internet, but we have one thing in common. We may be a world apart, but we're here together!

Welcome to the 24 hour pledge!

I'm pledging myself to not drinking today, and invite you to do the same.

Maybe you're new to /r/stopdrinking and have a hard time deciding what to do next. Maybe you're like me and feel you need a daily commitment or maybe you've been sober for a long time and want to inspire others.

It doesn't matter if you're still hung over from a three day bender or been sober for years, if you just woke up or have already completed a sober day. For the next 24 hours, lets not drink alcohol!

This pledge is a statement of intent. Today we don't set out trying not to drink, we make a conscious decision not to drink. It sounds simple, but all of us know it can be hard and sometimes impossible. The group can support and inspire us, yet only one person can decide if we drink today. Give that person the right mindset!

What happens if we can't keep to our pledge? We give up or try again. And since we're here in /r/stopdrinking, we're not ready to give up.

What this is: A simple thread where we commit to not drinking alcohol for the next 24 hours, posting to show others that they're not alone and making a pledge to ourselves. Anybody can join and participate at any time, you do not have to be a regular at /r/stopdrinking or have followed the pledges from the beginning.

What this isn't: A good place for a detailed introduction of yourself, directly seek advice or share lengthy stories. You'll get a more personal response in your own thread.

This post goes up at:

• US - Night/Early Morning
• Europe - Morning
• Asia and Australia - Evening/Night

A link to the current Daily Check-In post can always be found near the top of the sidebar.

Dear fellow sobernauts, its me again, Tortey, I´m an alcoholic, and I am super excited to be your host for the second time, this week. Thank you for hosting last week u/pushofffromhere. I was a heavy drinker for 20+ years and I wanted to quit since the beginning of 2020. I relapsed more times than I can count. What really stuck and helps me to hold together my sobriety, is that addiction wise only TODAY, only NOW counts. That’s what I would like to commit to with you:

I WILL NOT DRINK WITH YOU TODAY!

I just started a new job after 1.5 years of sick leave and I must admit it is challenging at times. That is why, I would like to hear your opinions on an important topic for our sobriety:

RESILIENCE

In my drinking days I didn’t have any. Every good, bad or unexpected situation led me to the only solution I knew: Drink! Not only it was killing me slowly, but also it made me more anxious and less resilient to the stress of everyday life. Now, I try to develop other skills and strategies, to deal with the daily struggle. Mine are:

• Go outside at least once a day, even in winter
• Follow my workout routine
• Rest if I´m tired
• Express my feelings
• Stand up for myself
• Don’t postpone chores, do it now.

What are your strategies to build up your resilience? I´m looking forward to hearing your views!

Just a heads up for the upcoming week: I might not be able to answer to comments during the day (German time) due to my new job, but I try to answer to some in the evening.

C U tomorrow!

Tortey

I (35F) have always had quite a problematic relationship with alcohol. Not to the point of being a full-blown alcoholic but enough that family members have expressed concerns in the past. It’s largely just recklessness on my part and not knowing my limits!

I overdid it a bit again yesterday and I didn’t like it! I used to love getting drunk but now I’m finding that it just makes me anxious and it messes with my mental health. There have also been times I’ve made a prat of myself or said things I’ve regretted when I’ve been drinking.

It can quickly become a habit as well! At one point I was drinking two or three bottles of wine every night just for the hell of it!

I’ve wanted to stop or at least cut down before but I never seem to stick to it. Part of the problem is that in this country (the UK) we have a massive drinking culture. Socialising is pretty much synonymous with drinking here.

I feel like simply “cutting down” isn’t going to cut the mustard because it’s just too easy to get carried away in the moment! Not least when you’re enjoying yourself.

I would be interested in hearing from people who have been in similar situations.

Hello, you fabulous people!

I come here to confess! I have not been drinking for almost 2 years and 5 months. Last weekend I was alone with my SO and I have finally decided to buy in by having just a glass of mead and a beer later on.

Now that I'm on delegation, I was having a party with people in the company. The thing is that yeah, the control breaks and you really have to work not to grab another bottle of drink after you cut loose.

Thankfully, after over 2 years of sobriety my mental health has improved so much that I don't do any harmful stuff even when drunk. However, this bittersweet victory is crushed by the hangover the next day and a massive stench of alcohol all over my body.

Before going home tonight, I will be walking around a new city and enjoying my time, just as always I did when sober. After all, In past 2 years and 5 months, I did not drink for 2 years, 4 months and 28 days!

I will reset my counter for my own sake. I'm glad this experience confirmed that drinking is still not me, and that it happened under rather controlled environment.

Piece of advice about moderating: it doesn't work. IWNDWYT

This is my favourite time of year. Last year and many years before that, Christmas revolved around heavy drinking as it does for most of us. I reached rock bottom last year when I was wasted at our family celebrations, doing shot after shot and not remembering exchanging gifts with anyone.

This year, my spouse and I have taken our time decorating our house together. We sat in the living room with our pets just admiring the magic feeling of the season and beauty of the lights. We then took a nighttime walk looking at lights in the neighbourhood and watching the joy of our dog running around in the cold. It's a beautiful thing to realize that the moments and feelings I was chasing so desparately with alcohol are achieved so naturally with sobriety.

I am thankful to be here. If you are struggling, you can be here too. It's possible, I shouldn't be here right now. You can do it too.

This may be a little long, but I need to type this out tonight. I've long lurked here, but rarely post.

The night before my 40th birthday, I got black out drunk. I blackout most times I drink, 4-5 times a week. I have for almost 25 years. I did some airplane shooters after work, and went straight to my local bar, to celebrate my birthday early. I got cutoff after 1 drink. I was already that far gone. Then STUPIDLY drove to a gas station in a rain downpour to get MORE liquor to take home. Well, I lost control of my car pulling in to the store, smashed into the curb, and broke my car's suspension. Almost $2,000 worth of damage.

I sat in the parking lot of the gas station, which unfortunately for me, didn't even sell liquor. All I could think about was drinking more. I sat there completely wasted, in my now non-drivable car, in downpouring rain, not knowing anything else to do but accept my fate that the police will be showing up soon to take me to jail. This all happened on a pretty busy street, someone I'm sure would report it. I was going to wake up on my 40th birthday with a fresh DUI, on top of the damage to my car.

I called my girlfriend for help, certain this would be her last straw. We have 4 years of my toxic alcoholic behavor. She's going to leave me as well, I've realized that now too. Fuck it, I just want more booze to forget what just happened

I got lucky that night. She left work early and picked me up to take me home and I never got that DUI. I still had the balls to ask her to stop for that liquor I never got. She didn't speak to me, just pulled up to my house and told me to get out. Then I got angry at her, after all the help she just gave me because she wouldn't get me more booze. I was a genuine asshole.

The next day, my 40th birthday still sucked. I was beyond hungover, trying to focus on how to fix my car, my relationship, and my life. I never thought I would have the "rock bottom". I still didn't feel that way that morning, I've been an alcoholic since 16 years old. I wasn't going to stop for anything, but for some reason, I decided that day, that my 40th birthday would be my first day of never drinking again.

It was THE BEST birthday present I could've ever gotten myself. Today I turn 41. A full year without alcohol. I never thought it was possible with me. Some days have been tougher than others, but if you're still reading this, and having trouble, it will get easier! I learned from this sub to tell myself, "Today I will not drink". I will worry about tomorrow/next week/month/year when that time comes. However, I proudly will not drink with you TODAY.

Much love to this sub. I couldn't have done it without reading all of your stories. Thank you for reading.

My husband bought a bottle of wine yesterday and i drank tonight after a stressful day. For the past 2 weeks or so I've been thinking that moderation might be ok for me but if I'm really honest I think I'll easily slip into the rhythm of drinking too much. Ive had blood and ultrasounds recently saying everything is fine with my liver and I think that's giving me an excuse to drink. Ugh! I don't want to fall into this trap again!

I'm turning 35 soon. For all of my adult life I was a heavy drinker, up until almost 5 months ago. Throughout my active alcoholism I would go in cycles. I would still drink heavily every day, I never intended on stopping, but when I would slow down I would go maybe a month or two where I wouldn't drink before work or before I would start keeping bottles by my nightstand again. For most years from the age of 17 I've lived alone and I never made it to the point in a relationship serious enough to move in with someone. Or at least serious enough to chose waking up long term next to them instead of a bottle at my hand literally 24/7. After my early twenties I stopped blacking out and causing any scene in pubic for the most part; I maintained my liquor pretty well if you weren't close enough to smell it. I'm a bartender. I've been working in bars since I was sixteen and besides occasional incidents of drinking too much before the end of the shift and fucking up the drop by a few dollars, nothing terribly bad ever happened. Besides the two seizures on two different occasions behind two different bars from withdraw, I guess. I did drink before both of those shifts though. I've lost count of seizures but the rest weren't in public. Seizures and suicide attempts I've lost count of. Back to the bar business- I absolutely LOVE my job for multiple reasons. It's the only thing I know I'm good at. I'm good at every aspect of creating a great fucking time for other people. My vocabulary when it comes to, "mixology", (I fucking hate that term), is incredible. Behind the bar is the only place I feel confident- and to my surprise, I still absolutely love doing it sober. And I'm still fucking great at it. Here's my problem- that's the only thing I love doing anymore. Going to work. And on a scale of 1-10, it's about a 3 on the fun scale. I've been diagnosed with the manic depression and bi-polar shit from so many stints in the psych ward after suicide attempts, but after just less than a month without drinking and not taking meds I know that's not the case. The alcohol made me crazy and suicidal all of those times. My last trip to the hospital wasn't for an attempt though. I had actually moved back to a town I'm in love with,living a pretty simple life and all was good besides being on the low-low downward on one of my physical spirals. I'm 5'4 and about 110 lbs and on that certain day I took my normal 8-10 shots before heading to work. I'd average almost a 5th of Tito's a day between my YETI and being home before and after, and throw on a few of shots of Jameson- that's what I would drink publicly after the shift to make it seem like I wasn't chasing it with the hidden vodka. When I left for work that particular day I felt short of breath, which was weird. Next thing I knew I was in an ICU. I had been flown out. This was about 6 months ago. After I left the hospital via 7 hour bus transit to where I lived, I got dropped off at the liquor store. My body had been shutting down. I don't think I had eaten in 4/5 days and at the hospital I was told I have acute pancreatitis. I'm not stupid, I knew I was killing myself, it wasn't a surprise to hear that, but fuck it. I don't have symptoms. Ignorance is bliss. I went on another bender for about a month before I stopped. Why did I stop? No fucking idea. I guess it's the divine intervention that's sometimes spoken of. I'll be forever grateful for it. Something for the first time ever just made me decide that I want to live. I didn't have a great childhood but there's nothing in my past to have made me drink for all of those years the way I did, not giving a fuck whether I lived or died for the most part. And when I did care it was on the wanting to die spectrum. I'm physically attractive, witty, intelligent, loyal, honest, hard working, and financially independent. I have everything to live for, and god willing, I haven't done enough detrimental damage to my body to still live a relatively long life. I find myself waking up with a smile and wanting to start the day. I've never lacked friends, but now they're all complimenting how great I look and how I'm such a pleasure to be around. I still get invited out. It's obviously not as fun as it used to be, but, "DUH", is the best way to put that. I have so much to be grateful for but the alcoholic in me is still looking at the negative. I have incredible friends and an amazing support system, but I long to just get fucked up and grab someone to have a one night stand with. I miss genuinely laughing. I miss dancing. I know I'm not ready for love, but I'm fucking lonely. I MISS FUN. I remember sitting in an AA meeting when I was around 20 and listening to the speaker say, "life is great. I get up, go to a meeting, go to work, go to a meeting, go home, watch tv, cook dinner, watch a movie, and go to sleep." (With a bunch of praying and meditating thrown in there), and thinking to myself how fucking awful that sounded. I'm now living it for the most part and the addict in the back of my head keeps telling me the same thing I thought at that meeting. If you're still reading, I apologize. At this point I'm just rambling. I want excitement in my life and I don't know how to fill this void that alcohol took care of for the past 15 years. When I started drinking I accidentally found something I wasn't even looking for and fell the fuck in love. How do I go back to my spunky, positive, personality I had all of the time before I starting drinking?! I know it's worth it being sober and I consider myself extremely lucky to be alive, let alone to count my blessings. I'm just so fucking bored and if I call someone from the program it'll be just as annoying and repetitive as if I were to call a friend who is not in the program and that chances are, are drunk. In this town there are very few people who aren't either completely sober or completely fucked up. How long am I going to feel like I'm in Limbo? Will it always be this frustrating?

I realized that Youtube adverts showing alcohol were not helpful in my recovery at all.

So

If you want to switch off alcohol google adverts follow this link -

https://support.google.com/My-Ad-Center-Help/answer/12155260?hl=en

Per title. From covid and senior management stress in was on the piss every day. Was originally a single shot to de-stress, eventually led to a bottle of whisky and a 6 pack a week.

I knew I had a problem and would stealthily drink and take the empties out, but outwardly I was in denial. Cognitive dissonance and all that

Then I got gout and my blood pressure sky-rocketed. Enough was enough, I had to go clean for my health and to be a good father and husband

So I completely cut. I realised if I have 1 then I have 10 then I have 50. Can't stop

It's been 11 months, every day I think of that delicious quench of a cold one after you mow the lawn or exercise.... but I feel physically fantastic. BP has dropped, lost weight, saved a lot of coin (and spent it on other stuff lol) and most importantly haven't had a gout flare up. Not being able to walk during a flare up is absolutely fucked

Good luck fellow quitters. I'm really trying my best to stay off the sauce.

I’ve struggled with alcoholism since I was a teenager, I even managed to string 2 years together at one point. I’ve been in treatment on 6 different occasions. Every time I go in everyone acts like they’re shocked, including my partner of 5 years. I was told 3 years ago from them that if I drank again they’d leave. How did they not smell it? I can smell it?

Do any of yall have experiences where you could’ve sworn you found out but apparently they couldn’t smell it?

Can I get a nice? 😇

In a weird way, I’m pretty sure it’ll be my last time crossing this fun little landmark.

I’m so grateful for you guys. I wouldn’t be here without you.

Am I just weak or something? Like what the hell man. I don’t even remember how much of consumed over 2 thanksgivings, but I’m still in a hangover. Absolutely upset with myself. Plus I have a heart condition I can’t be doing this, I’m 25, I feel like I’m gonna fucking die by 28. Why the hell is this shit even legal??? This is SO ADDICTIVE. And we incarcerate people for weed, for decades? I’ve tried the weed thing, I’ve tried everything except going to rehab. Because of the embarrassment and cost. I wish our world payed as much in rehab as it does in profit.

It made me sad honestly.

The sadness stoped me from drinking.

I looked around at all my friends getting sloppy, meeting girls like I wanted to do. Drunk me would’ve met a bunch and made out with as many as possible, trying to go home with one and inevitably regretting the next day. Drunk me wouldn’t stop drinking even after stumbling around. Drunk me would’ve thought this was fun.

Sober i see people acting in bad ways. People standing around doing nothing, then slowly getting drunk and starting to be free.

I wish I was like them all. Able to enjoy it without going overboard or have this supplement their life.

I miss it. But I hate it. I hate it alll.

I tried an NA beer today. That was fun. I drove home today. That was fun.

I should be celebrating, but I feel empty!

Thanks for listening

i think that's why i like it so much

ugh

and when i'm not drinking? i dont even think about drinking

how odd

Edit: by that, I mean it makes me feel the same sense of optimism, and love for everyone, and feeling like everything only has upside, idk

I had elevated liver enzymes in 2019 and then the pandemic happened and I stopped caring about my life. I started working out after a year or so doing strength training and cardio but I have still kept drinking 10-15 units a day. I’m too scared to check my liver health. That’s all. Ugh.

I just wanted to say, this was the first thanksgiving that I can remember were I wasn't drunk but 11am and passed out by the end of the night. I still had fun though we kept the amount of family limited, bc I didn't want to add the stress so I could get through it. I'm really excited about my progress.

Another thing that surprised me was, I always ended up doing my teenage girls hair on special occasions, while doing this we ended up talking about how me and their dad haven't really been drinking (they don't know the whole story bc I'm not ready to tell them, afraid it will make them worry), but these were the comments that stuck, that they said, that made me cringe but also feel proud of what I have accomplished and the changes I have made:

(1) Yeah, we definitely have noticed your weight loss, you really look great!

(2) We're glad the recycling isnt always filled with beer cans anymore.

(3) I can actually talk to you at the end of the night and you can understand what I'm saying.

(4) You've been WAY less snippy.

I ended up telling them, "yeah, it's sounds like we've needed to make this change for a long time." They replied, ah, it's ok mom, we love you 😭😭😭❤️❤️..... I will never go back again. I am done.