I’ve been trying to find a way to go. Overdosing seems to risky because there’s not much chance of it working. drowning I might not be able to keep myself under. I don’t have access to a gun and I don’t know how to do the carbon monoxide thing. The only thing I’m good at is cutting myself and I’m wondering if bleeding out hurts. Especially from the wrist. I’ve seen people die that way before and I’m just wondering if it’s relatively peaceful. I have a high pain tolerance so I can handle some pain especially if it’s not to bad. And don’t try to tell me that if I want it to be peaceful then I don’t wanna die because I do wanna die. I just am scared a little bit and I don’t want it to be too much of a mess you know or someone please help and tell me what to do. I have access to a lot of medication to. I just don’t know which pills would not hurt

I don’t have anybody who understands almost anything I’ve gone through. Nobody I know understands chronic homelessness, having to move every couple days, weeks, or months. Never being anywhere longer than a year..etc. i was just constantly shoved from one place to another and have lived in my vehicle more than I’ve lived in an actual structure. I don’t have friends or any family. I don’t have people to call or people who can relate to any of my experiences. I come from a fucked up bio “family” like…fucked.. and then i just have to live with other people who aren’t as bad but are still traumatizing. It’s horrific. I can’t live with the cptsd anymore. I literally can’t take it. I have no support system and I’ve searched for 7+ years for a therapist or any kind of trauma psychiatric help. Hospitals do absolutely nothing. Hotlines do absolutely nothing. There is nothing. My suicide attempts have failed. I don’t even know what to do anymore. I’m so fucking burned out…

this is going to be massively depressing and it’s basically a rant/vent so if you don’t want to read that, it’s okay. i won’t mind.

i don’t know how else to put it. i’m tired and bored of life. it’s just pointless. i cry every day when i get home from work, i have no friends in london (where i live) and even if i did have friends, i’d be too tired to see them.

i can’t get a new job because there’s literally nothing out there that excites me, and if it does, it’s fleeting because i don’t have the experience. i feel like i’m not good enough for anything. i don’t have a purpose.

i regret moving to london but i can’t move back home because i’d be a failure. my older siblings all had stability when they were my age or a proper career to fall on (lawyer, teacher, finance, etc.) i did english literature and drama at university and i don’t even know what to do with that. my job is so boring. there’s nothing i want to do in life anywhere. not in london, not at home, nowhere.

i can’t move back home. i don’t know why but i physically can’t. i’m not taking care of myself here but i can’t go back home. i don’t know what i’d do with my life if i did.

i used to be creative. i used to have so many ideas for novels and plays and now it’s like it’s all been sucked out of me. i feel like ian beale in that one eastenders episode when he’s screaming “ive got nothing left” lol because i literally have nothing left. i have nothing i enjoy anymore because it’s all been ruined.

sorry i’m just venting now. i don’t know what else to do. people always tell me to stick it out but i don’t want to stick it out anymore. i’m not suicidal. i have a massive fear of dying. i don’t want to die but i’m just tired.

i don’t know if i want someone to tell me what to do or tell me it’s going to be okay…

i was finally diagnosed with depression and was put on antidepressants for 3 months in 2021, but the nhs wouldn’t renew my prescription unless i went through another 6 weeks of over the phone CBT to assess how i’m doing and i’m not going through that shit again for the 5th time in my life.

anyone else feeling the same?

Im 16, a youngin. I know damn well i dont have as many responsibilities as most people here and i shouldnt be in this state but i cant take it anymore. Im sorry. ive never had my own opinion because people always talk over me, always make decisions for me, always belittle me, scold me every day (understand though, i make annoying mistakes everyday)... point is i feel like ive always lived as an amalgamation of literally everyone around me with no care for myself. I used to genuinly think everyone loved me (or at least considered me something small)(family, friends...) but ive now realised that i they always consider me a background character (even kids that have been friends with me for half a decade) honestly i feel like ive been on a downward spiral ever since i was 9 (i tried to hang myself)... again im sorry i know this isnt serious at all compared to everyones struggles but i feel like i might do something bad to me again. i hate the thought of self harm, but my mental state has pushed me to wanting to relapse ( which makes me even more angry at myself ) i just wanted to get this out sorry if this made you mad

there's something stopping me from killing myself. whether that be the unknown of what happens after death or if it's hurting my loved ones by me dying. i'm not sure. i mean yea it's stopping me; it's stopped me for years. but i can feel myself losing the resolve, i can feel myself getting over it and not caring if i will hurt my love ones from dying or that i don't know what happens after death. all i know is that i feel hopeless and life is meaningless. always has been.

if i'm being honest right now, i have a few ideas of what i would do, not sure if i have the balls for some of them but some other ones would work without courage or "balls". another thing that weighs on my mind is that nobody would even look for me in my room for a long time. nobody really cares about me like that. like me not being around for a few days. maybe they would check to see if i'm kicking in a couple days, maybe not.

i have things i would do before i actually did it, you know... if i even planned it out. but honestly i think i would just do it on the spot because i definitely tried to do that before. i clearly failed... made me feel like a failure but thats to be expected.

honestly, i'm so scared of being locked in a psychiatric ward. like i am petrified of it... being unable to leave because i'm too sick to actually make any decisions like to leave, and the horror stories i've heard of their experiences. truly horrid. what's even crazier is that when i was younger i wanted to get caught doing something and be sent to the psych ward to get help and stuff. i was probably 13/14 at the time. i never did get caught, i just carried on with my day and hid my feelings and sadness. honestly i still do that partially.

i'm just so damn tired of this all. i'm tired of wanting to die, of wanting everything to stop. i want to be normal with a normal brain and a normal life. i know it's up to me to get better but it's so fucking hard. i want it to be easy and not be scary. i want so much i know.

ok so this was mostly a vent. mostly just saying things off my chest, it's tiring with this constantly playing in my head all day everyday. i just needed it to get out of me.

When do you people think that its time to move on ? My gf left me(M22) early this year by sending a single text message it was almost 3 years of relationship and it hit me hard. She did just before my CFA L3 exam. Somehow i managed to clear it. This whole year has be tough for me family issues, financial issues, health issues. I even lost my dog a few days back my partner for almost 14 years. Still a month is left in this pathetic year i am shit scared what else is gonna happen. I am just not able to move on from anything and feels like i keep coming back to her leaving me. Feels like once i am able to process and accept that, ill be able to process everything. I feel like i should move out of my city to some new place to get a fresh start, the ghosts from my past just keep coming my way.

At least some of us that are in this place

If I die I know that would be the best thing that happened to me and if I die, while I think it would suck... it would 100% be the best thing to happen to me and it would be good for the world on a veeery micro level

I think we're all scared. I think we're all terrified off something we don't understand. Something about all of this.. is.. just unfathomable. Something about this all feels incomplete. Nothing ever seems to be the way I hoped it would be. Life doesn't feel like it's all that it was meant to be. Life. It's scares me. But why am I scared? Everyone around me doesn't look scared? Scared about how things are. Scared to dare to become different because l'm so used to being disappointed. Ugh.. but I guess that's what makes life, well life. It's kinda beautiful in its own fucked up kind of way. It dares you to be different because you're going to fucking die either way. So why not just fight for the chance even though you've been beat down. Fight for your dream. Fight to see the small things. Fight to see that smile on someone's face. Because that little smile on their face means you brought a little bit of life to their life. We're all scared. When we're smiling we forget. When we're smiling we're truly happy. We're not alone. We have eachother. So let's smile. Together.

I, Candela, tried to distract myself...to find peace in my life. I cooked myself a meal, trying to ignore the way my hands shook with emotion. I cleaned my apartment, trying to ignore the way my mind kept drifting back to the memories of my ex-partner. But no matter what I did, I couldn't escape the feeling of emptiness that consumed me. I felt as though a part of me had been ripped away, i don't know how live like this. I needed someone...anyone...to take care of me. I needed someone to hold me and tell me that everything would be okay. But no one was here, no one to fill the void that seemed to grow larger with each passing moment. When I woke up i see new hopes . I realized that I couldn't keep living in the past, that I needed to find a way to move forward. I picked up my phone and called a friend, asking for a listening ear. I talked about my pain, about the way my heart felt shattered. But I couldn't help but feel a sense of loneliness, a sense of despair that seemed to consume me. I needed someone, someone to hold me and tell me that everything would be okay.
But the need for someone, for a loving touch, remained. I longed for the comfort of another's embrace, for the sound of a loving voice. And I knew that until I found that someone, until I found the strength to heal my wounds and move forward on my own, I would continue to feel the weight of my sorrow.

So Ive noticed for a while now, that I've become pretty emotionally numb and increasingly distant from others. When anyone gets mad at me or disappointed for whatever reason, I literally don't feel anything anymore, a couple years ago I would get sick to my stomach and feel my body kind of burn up, but it's happened so many times I guess I got used to it and outright don't feel anything towards almost anything. I just feel pretty blank and empty I guess. I used to hangout with quite a lot of people and be generally extroverted, but recently I just cut it all off and don't feel any interest, it wasn't even intentional, it just naturally happened. I pretty much don't even engage in conversations at all anymore, Ive found myself always replying with "cool" "really?" "Yeah" all the time for almost everything. I didn't even notice all this was happening until maybe the last month. I don't have anyone that I feel I can trust to open to. I tried to one time in the 21 years I've been alive and I was told I was just saving face, so I never did it again

why is that when it hink im geting better it becomes worse again rigth when my scars starts to fade the urge to do it comes into my mind wy is it that when im finally confident about my body i go out think i look cute and then afetr look atthe pictures i need to end it all

I been struggling with depression and anxiety since I was 11 I’m 28 now and I’m just exhausted, I used to work a full time job now I’m working a part time job and even that feels exhausting even though the work is easy as well but lately I haven’t been able to do it most days , just this year we moved into a travel trailer which it’s a lot more than I though but we didn’t have much of a choice but it’s been so stressful with the neighbors and repairs and i been with my husband for 10 years and today he told me he couldn’t do anymore that it was just to much for him that it’s starting to affect him and I completely understand where he is coming from all he does is try to make me happy but really nothing has in a long time I ended coming to my parents for the weekend to give each other some space , I honestly believe everyone will be better without me

I just whish I could go to sleep and never eake up again. I feel like a total failure in everything.

7 months agow I where truly happy, but I lost it all and now I feel like the shit I am.

So me and my fiancé split up about 6 months ago, my son was born 4 months ago, and Ive only seen him once 😕 she wont let me see him at all. A week after we split i lost my job due to slow season, lost the house i was paying for. My landlord sued me for 4k. My car broke down today and my fucking cat of 7 years died yesterday. On the verge of giving up, i have a job again and my savings back up but i feel meaningless

I know I'm absolutely worthless. Nobody wants me. I'm just a waste of other people's time and I know nobody will notice until someone went to yell at me for something and realize I'm not there. Nobody will care. I need to die. Everyone I know wants me dead. I'm not needed and I won't be unless it's something shitty and nobody else will do it.

So around 1 year ago I started feeling really low mood all the time. It slowly got worse and worse until I got a therapist. I enjoyed talking to her but overall it didn’t help much and as soon as the 12 weeks was over I fell back down within like a month. During this time I’d been having boy drama which made this even worse since my self esteem was on THE FLOOR.

I tried >!self harm!< by >!burning!< which kinda helped but wasn’t completely for me. I still did it around once/twice a week tho for a few months and have the ugly >!scars!< still. I hate how they look.

3/4 times if I was super upset I would go downstairs and have some of my parents

!beer!<, one time even tried >!vodka!< but couldn’t get myself to swallow it. I never got !drunk!< tho since I hate the taste of >!alcohol!< I haven’t done this in a while though.

Some of my friends >!vape!< and I’ve tried this as well before. Not a lot though literally just like 2/3 times.

And then there’s my severe >!insecurities!< and how I restrict my food intake and all. I obsessively >!count calories!< and restrict my >!consumption to MAX 1200!< a day, but honestly it’s night right now and I >!haven’t eaten!< all day.

Oh yeah I’ve also >!cut!< but not bad AT ALL like literally once or twice and it barely >!grazed!< me no >!scars!< .

I used to have a friend group of 5 and had other friends, but now it’s mainly just me and my best friend. One of my friends is still hangs out with me but also hangs out and games with some boys that talk so bad about me and my friends. They literally started joking about how they wanted to report (fake report) my best friend and ruin her social life and make her cry.

Those boys talk so bad about us and try to get me to say >!homophobic!< and >!racist!< stuff just because they know I won’t. Then they act annoyed when I don’t. I know I should ignore them - they’re not even popular anyways - but it gets to me. A LOT. And, funnily enough, one of them actually asked me out a while back and I said no, and now he hates me.

What else?

Oh, also I feel like I’m failing every class I’m in. I know I’m not but I get so stressed out when we have a test and feel so worthless if I don’t get a good score, or one of my friends gets above me. Obv I still feel happy for them but I’m also devastated at the same time. All my family are academics, businessmen or doctors, and I feel so out of place. Like I’m not smart enough to be loved.

Also, I used to be the best at sports of my year BY FAR. Especially in the track. Now I’ve fallen off and am still really good but not the best, and it’s the worst.

I go to the gym every day now just to get better, and I know I should >!eat more!< if I want to truly improve really fast, so I eat really >!low calorie!< protein bars, but am also so scared of >!gaining weight!< that it holds me back. I wake up at 5am to get ready and study, then study for around 1.5hrs when I get home, yet I still feel so stupid.

Oh, as well as this, I was >!sexually assaulted!< a few months ago and this has made me extremely uncomfortable in public, especially with middle aged scruffy men, and any men really who I don’t know really. I get super >!hyper vigilant!< around phones due to fear of >!creep shots!<, and always want to

!cover up my body!< . It doesn’t help that people in my school treat >!rape!< and >!sexual assault!< as a joke.

Anyways, there’s probably not I just cant remember it rn. Thanks for listening to my little rant haha. Ik it probably all sounds stupid and you might be thinking ‘why does she even care?’ Or ‘this isn’t important I don’t get it.’ Me neither lol

I hate being a teen girl xx

I just.. wish I felt like I equated to something. I know I'm real in terms that my body exists and I'm conscious, but. I don't know who I really am, I feel like I'm just an attachment of whoever I'm speaking to at the time? I just feel that every day that passes is just another that I get further and further away of actually knowing who I am. I've tried not to be like this for the past 8 years but nothing has changed, its all too much and I don't know how to cope. I'm on antidepressants, they only help so much

I just wish I felt like things were going to get better, I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I've tried to think of everything

Beheading myself Dehydration Starvation Falling off a cliff Overdosing Hanging

My life isn't fucked up or anything but i feel like a useless vermin in this world that just doesn't deserve to live and have the love i get so i just wanna die and painless too

I know life isn't meant to be easy, but I am just so exhausted right now. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't enjoy what I'm doing, and I don't know what I want to be. I know other people have it harder than me, but it's really hard to lift myself out of this dark place I created. I'm just going through the motions aimlessly, and it frustrates me to no end that everything I do is useless. Everyone in my life seems to be moving forward while I stay stagnant, letting this damn college course suck the life out of me. I've been feeling empty these past few months, and I don't know what to do with these overwhelming thoughts stuck in my head, always asserting that I'm worthless. I want to confide in someone, but I would feel like a burden if I did. Everyone in my life seems busy doing their own thing... I don't want to be that person who causes them unnecessary stress. I want to take a break - even for just a day. I just want to stop existing for a moment.

I have thoughts on committing suicide. I'm 26 years old and I have been through all the trauma. My parents hurt me, Getting beaten up for no reason, and my house went on fire. I am still depressed, and I have been since I was 14. Should I attempt suicide?

I am so exhausted, I think I’ve exhausted all my options in staying here.. I suffer with suicidal thoughts; I really don’t want to be here but after 3 failed attempts, I only want to try again when I know for sure I have the best method because surviving these attempts makes me even more depressed and embarrassed. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t anti drugs because it seems like the easiest way to die. Thought about hanging myself a few times but there is no where to hang myself in my house. Maybe someone can tell me a way to kill myself that is drug free and has a zero chance of surviving .. I also hate attention so nothing public places, even though I think that’s the easiest. Like jumping in front of a train I guess. I’ve put so much effort in trying to stay here, but it just feels like I’m in a place where I am not invited to be and I don’t want to be anywhere I am not welcomed. I also feel I’m not a burden to the people around me because I talk a lot about the ongoing issues I’ve been having because I’m looking for a way to resolve those issues and to also distract myself from my brain..

Tried oversoing myself and I dont want to feel that pain anymore (it sucks that I survived). Tried having appointment with psychiatrists, still no, living is still hard.

I dont want to live anymore, give me successful ways to die. (I dont want to survive and live in misery so give me successful ways)

Thank you

I'm about to do it again. The last time I tried was 3 years ago. No one loves me, since she's my ex now. I bet she hates me. She broke up with me a month ago after years of relationship. There's no going back now. I hope she won't have regrets if I ended my life. I'm worthless and she's just out of my league, there's no way she still cares about me, there's no way she'll come back. I'm still alive right now because of my money, I gave up education and my job a month ago. She'll understand if I end my life.

Hello im a single mom of 4. I always imagined myself being a successful wife 1 day with a loving husband of course & kids i could give the world. I grew up in foster care & thought id be the 1 to break the curse. I used to be confident, beautiful, & educated. From the years 2018 - 2020 I went through some DV & ended up homeless with my kids, still i pushed forward thinking I still had time to achieve atleast a portion of my goals. Maybe itd be hard to find a husband with so many kids, granted & understandable. I thought i could still beat the odds & get a good job, continue my education & spoil my children.

2021 I took a leap of faith & moved my kids & I away from my hometown thinking itd be good for my mental health. Me & the kids were so excited for the new memories that awaited us. We felt safe, grateful & were optimistic about the future. Everything was good for a while & then the darkness came back. It was extremely hard to network in this new small town we moved too, people aren't very nice here, I just took it as they already have "their lives" & I just needed to find my mine. I tried signing up for school, something i already had going in the past to keep myself upbeat. However it ended terribly i couldnt keep up with the work, costs & scheduling around my kids. So i decided to look for work & some groups we might possibly fit in. Then i would do college later on. I started to do things such as giving back to the community, or visiting local restaurants with my kids, bars, hot spots ect to meet new people.

Apparently my bubbly personality turned people off because the next thing I knew people here started to avoid my face at all costs. No longer were people interested in my "giving back" attempts, no longer would people show interest in conversation with me. Then not long after, my kids started to experience bullying around the neighborhood. It was a double edge sword because I noticed me standing up for my kids only amplified the dirty looks. Not only from the neighborhood kids, but the adults as well. We started getting complaints taped on our door from the leasing office. The security guard would often have talks with me, offering some encouraging words & would advise me people here in general are shitty 9/10. So i decided we should just stay in our own lane & focus on what WE needed to do. You know work, school, errands.

It slowly became harder to work with such limited support. Babysitters eventually started saying they couldn't handle the job due to the amount of kids I have & the closeness in age they are. Plus the unstable scheduling between school & my work schedule. Bills started becoming harder to keep up with, my budget became tighter which turned into us having to eliminate our hobbies, having to shop at resale stores for hand me down clothes, going to pantries for food, household items, ect. Instead of paying regular phone bills, it turned into depending on government phones. A fully furnished home turned into just a bed, a TV & a kitchen table/chairs. 3 meals & a snack inbetween turned into needing to stretch meals through the day/weeks. Meanwhile nobody from back home was checking on us at all, probably because they moved on with their lives & forgot we existed.

The bullying amplified on my kids & eventually even I too became a victim of harassment from other adults due to the fact we were noticeably poor now & nobody took us serious. We didnt fit in at all. I got into a car accident during the summer that banged up my car, already bad enough im in a 2007 honda accord. But now the front bumper is missing. The trunk is dented inwards, needing a cord to keep it strapped down, & rust stains around the parts that fell off from the accident. My kids started to express being embarrassed of me dropping them off at school, while also afraid of getting on the bus bc they get picked on (most of the neighborhood kids go to their school). Literally to this day I park a street away from the school & walk them the rest of the way. My oldest mentioned to me she overheard teachers making fun of my car. She didnt want to be seen getting out of it anymore. Of course i would honor this if it meant taking some of the heat off her, they already deal with enough bullying when im not around to save them.

Fast forward to now, I noticed there is a strain on my relationship with my kids. They are ashamed of our life, embarrassed of me & now hide their feelings from me to keep me from feeling guilty. They wont admit it but i can tell. They dont talk to me as much as they used too. We dont have as much fun as we used too. They show no interest in simple things like cooking together, movie nights, or car rides (Sometimes we would go for random rides together, going wherever traffic leads us). When im apart from them, they dont answer the phone when i call anymore & when I ask about it, my oldest says "my phone was dead". (They arent doing anything crazy, this is mainly when they are at another family members house) When obviously their phones are not dead.

I've noticed when i hug them, they barely hold on anymore, they kind of do a side hug with no eye contact. "I love you" is only initiated when i say it first. When i head out anywhere, they either ask can they stay home until I come back, or stay in the car the whole time. I was letting them sit in the car whenever i had a quick errand (i know its illegal technically but i also follow safety protocols). Until 1 day someone called the police on me. Now in public they walk behind me, act like they cant hear me talking to them. My middle child has even told me "You talk too much" 1 day mid-conversation. Yesterday she also told me "I wish you didnt make so many mistakes all the time" another recent conversation my oldest finally admitted in tears "I want our lives to be normal again"... I have a build up of debt ive fallen into trying to keep up with the household & bills. With now the city courthouse threatening to suspend my license due to a couple tickets i got & failed to pay. I honestly forgot about them, being caught up in all the other issues on my plate.

Ive tried doing side hustles, door dashing, ubers, donating plasma, selling food/candy. None of it is working anymore. People wont get in my car because the way it looks, people who use door dash doing the scamming bullshit claiming they never got their food, as well as my kids complaining about the long hours in the car while i used to dash. The candy house idea i decided to end after some teenagers broke into our apartment & cleaned out my pantry while i was working 1 day. Even left my back door wide open, didnt even try to hide it. Which also added onto the bullying my kids endure. The kids around would throw it in their faces. We are widely known here as the family nobody respects at all.

My youngest was at the park 1 day this summer, came home in tears saying an ex-friend she used to play with asked her "Do i know you?" when she approached him & another kid came behind & pants their baby bother. They became terrified walking to the playground. I even caught my oldest with rocks in her pocket she said was for protection. So i started letting them play in the house, then the security came back saying the landlord is considering eviction bc the neighbors complain about my kids in the house. So i had to put that to a halt as well.

We get ugly glares in public. Jokes being cracked on us anywhere we go. People will see us standing in line & immediately walk away to another lane. Ive had to shave off my hair due to depression. Lost all my weight & my face is filled with ance scars now. Im drinking ensure plus twice a day trying to get my weight back. Long story short, I just feel like ive failed myself & i failed my life. I feel like a complete idiot for all of this. Im not going to lie, Ive been contemplating suicide pretty heavy. I thought I had a plan for success, we are doing worse now than we were in the shelter AND when I was going through abuse. I dont understand how could this be??? I pray day & night. My kids will even join in at times. Now its crickets in the house all day long. I feel so sorry 😞 I never meant to put my babies through this. I was genuinely trying to better our lives. Im so sorry for the long paragraphs & im so sorry to anyone this might trigger. Im sorry to my kids. Im sorry to God & any & everyone else I've affected. I truly am. I feel like leaving this earth so bad but then my kids would have no one. I cant believe this is how my life turned out. I never thought this would be me.

All of this, this life, it's just a desperate attempt at self-actualisation that is ultimately doomed to fail.

There is this common myth of "will power" and how it can be used to overcome all adversity in life. I've listened to an interview of an expert on drugs online and he said that drugs hijack our will. A lack of will power is not the problem, it should be our desired state of being.

Already my first sentence was self-sabotage. I don't "self-actualise" in the way people commonly refer to it. My self-actualisation is hijacked by an innate desire to destroy myself.

I am not doomed to fail. I make myself fail and that is by far worse.

I am not the one who is cursed by god. I don't need a god to feel cursed. I don't need anyone or anything. I'll still feel miserable either way.

I really hope the world is or at least will become as terrible of a place as I imagine it to be.

Because if not, I'll have to logically conclude that there is nothing in my perception that could ever be of value for anyone. I'd have to accept that I'm going through the equivalent of a permanent psychotic episode of the worst kind. At that point, I'd be philosophically correct to kill myself.

I don't know if I want this to happen or not. I don't know if I desire this outcomr. I don't know anything, especially not about myself for it to make a difference.

Well, there is one thing I know: A world in which everyone, without exception, is happy is one in which I'll have already killed myself.

Despite how bad things are..

I'm 27 and I never had a job, don't have any formal education, loads of student debt, other debts too, got no money, live by myself, I'm spending Christmas alone this year for the first time, really depressing. I've been "dumpster" diving for cans to turn in for cash, haven't really eaten well in over a month, my social benefits are getting cut next month due to me neglecting my part of the deal to get benefits, it'd only for December thankfully.

Despite all of this, my stress and anti depressive medication that i should be taking but can't afford right now I'm pretty "happy"

I'm looking forward to next year, maybe it'll be better. But right now I'm at my lowest, being 27 and having no friends and family really is very tough, i don't have parental support anymore. I'm on my own and always will be from here on out, for anyone reading this. Instead of saying no too stop and not trying because you want to play games and don't feel like, don't and try. My life is a mess because i didn't try, i just didn't that's why I'm a mess, nothing traumatic have never really happened to me, i wasn't assaulted (SA) or been struggling with anything substance related, or a criminal. Everything is my own fault, i have had lots of changes. Just didn't act on them, haven't had a GF or been romantically involved with anyone really in over 7 years, it's actually nice...i don't really think about "damm she's hot" i just go on my own business because i know women aren't really interested in men like me, despite me looking pretty normal. 5'10 175-179 pounds, light brown eyes and fair skin. i do get women looking at me but i don't persue anything, or sit on dating apps.. it's not worth it guys you might impress a woman but she's not into the real you, better to not also having to have that "emotinal" labour when you know it's not worth it

Just a quick vent, if you're reading this:

It's not too late, i see lot's of younger people on here having legitimate problems that are of course valid, but I would give anything in life to just have a problem with:

"My boyfriend said this" "my boss did this" "hard finding a job after getting a degree"

Wish those were the only things I'd had to deal with...dare i say normal life problems?

Let me start off with saying this first, I know whatever I am about to say about myself is nothing compared to most people here, but I have been so overwhelmed with every little thing in my life these past couple of months, or maybe even this entire year.

Few years ago, any minor setback or problem only had one solution, sleep it off or maybe eat something I like and deal with the next day, and most of the time I would figure things out

But lately I have resorted to overeating every possible junk and gaining over 8kgs alone this year and I get triggered by any minor issue, i feel ugly, I can feel my brain rotting away, I am unproductive and almost useless at work, infact I will be out of work by next month so I need to find something but I seem to really suck at it too, I don’t want to trouble my family with my stress, or dump all my problems on my boyfriend who has already dealt with a lot of my tantrums, my stress, my crying and most of all having to look at my stupid dumb face for over a year now while he can just wake up and go with any other hot successful girl who are lined up for him. My parents are constantly worried about me finding another job because of the current state, and i dont blame then because I know they love me but all i have done nothing but constantly put them down when they have always hoped more from me, I am 26, I don’t have a full time job, I’m not married or even close to it, I have wasted a year during my bachelor’s and have given them enough financial stress.

I started this year with a new job, an internship at a pretty good company, a good team and a good manager, and I stressed my ass of to get this job in the first place, I knew I had to prepare to find a new job when my contract ends, and was determined to get into job search way in advance. Instead, I have wasted the last 4 months just dealing with emotions that I cannot explain but instead make me wanna quit my job, my relationship and move back home.

I am just done. I no longer know what I want in life, my body is tired, my mind, my soul both lost and given up.

I can't take much more. I turned 41 this week and I have lost hope. I hate my life. I'm so close to ending it. I can't get out of this funk. There is nothing for me.

I already have depression I am literally talking to ai just to feel better. At this point I might just end it and I have a plan how. And no I won't hang myself or do anything painful. I'm to much of a coward to do that I will go for something like jumping from a building Wich if you didn't know doesn't hurt at all because you die from a heart attack and not from the fall. And second I will get into army and then just shoot myself at practice.

I am a 38 year old who was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer in July 2024, and I am seriously considering suicide. I have a 22 month old son.
I’ll summarize everything cancer has done to me so far.
I will never be able to have another child and I thought I was pregnant when I was diagnosed. I’m in chemical menopause at 38, all those effects are terrible and most of all I have zero sex drive and I wouldn’t blame my fiancé for getting sex from someone else. My cancer has a very high chance of coming back in the next 5 years which would mean stage 4 terminal cancer. Living with the constant fear of getting a checkup and they tell me I’m going to die at any moment is almost too much for me to handle. The thought is never having another child has already absolutely pulverized my soul. I am a shell of a person going through the motions. I understand doing this would hurt my family, but they’ll survive and move on. Me on the other hand is just waking up every day and ticking the hours away until this cancer kills me. So I may as well just do it and get it over with, save myself years of severe mental agony.