So you know any addiction anonymous group gives you sponsors who when your at your lowest wanting to relapse they are there. I want someone like that for when I'm spiraling or having too much negative self talk. I want another person to say hey now that's not true. Send me a picture of a dog or tell me about the pretty flowers they saw at the store. Anything to interrupt the cycle of negative self talk and then spiral and depression. I want someone who can talk me into getting out of bed on the weekends or try something new. In retrospect I know I'm supposed to be that person for me. But I'm trying it's just really hard and exhausting.

I’m tired.. a different kind of tired. My soul, my heart, physically, emotionally, and mentally tired. For context and history I’m a 25 year old male. I’m very young but have lived a very long life. Most of my life and childhood was normal, my mom and dad were married and I had 6 siblings and was the second youngest. My parents divorced when I was 12 and my mother then moved us across country away from my father. A couple years go by and I’m trying to adjust to the change. When I was 15 I received a call that my father died. One of the worst days of my life. A couple months after that my house burned down completely but I was able to save my cat who was my best and only friend. He passed away a couple months after the house fire from kitten leukemia. I was filled with anger. I was angry and I was sad with life. Attempted suicide a couple times but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go through with it. I watched my siblings respond to the situation life gave us in different ways. 3 of my siblings took it the worst. Turning to drugs and alcohol. I didn’t want to be like them and I took the anger and used it to focus on success. I graduated high school with a 4.0 degree while working full time since I turned 16. I joined the navy after high school and served 5 years. I was very successful and hard working in my military career. I bought a house when I was 21. I worked day and night to perfect my craft in my career. I worked to better myself. To become a great leader and a great follower. I had multiple ambitions and goals. From the ages of 15-21 I went through multiple relationships. I never broke up with any of them. But they always left me. They always broke up with me and I would learn my mistakes and fix them but every time a relationship would end it was something else. I’ve had 3 big loves in my life. The first love I had taught me that you should never love someone who doesn’t love you. I fell in love with a girl who I never got to date. I was around her and spoke with her everyday. I told her how I felt. But it led to my heart breaking. The second love taught me that even if you love them with all your strength, they will still go. I bought her flowers every month, wrote love letters every week, told her how much she meant to me every day. But I was co-dependent and over bearing. I suffocated her with my feelings and she left. The third love was the most recent. What I’m learning so far is that you can not take what you have for granted. But you will. It’s inevitable. As humans we take everything for granted. I loved to hard before and because that didn’t work it caused me to not love enough. It was my longest relationship. 4 1/2 years long. From 21-24 years old it was my best years. There were some ups and downs. Little things here and there but overall it wasn’t too bad. I started growing and getting better as a person. I was (and still am) in love with a girl I had been growing with for years. I was saving up money for a ring to ask her to marry me and for the wedding. I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl. When I turned 24 I got out of the military and started a new career in 2023. It was odd and new but I had my soul mate there to help. In April 2023 I revived a call that one of my sister’s and her daughter died. My sister and niece were gone and it was devastating. It hurt but I held my self together. Life was hard but I stayed strong. September came and my stepfather passed away from cancer. He was like a father to me. He showed me how to be a man because my father had passed and couldn’t. It was hard. But I stayed strong. I made better life choices. Changed my sleeping habits for better. Better diet. Lost 60 lbs because I was slightly overweight. Found a new hobby and spent more time outside. Life was hard but I had my best friend and soulmate by my side. December of 2023 another sister of mine got sick from alcohol. I watched her die in the hospital. A lot of my perspective in life changed. All of this killed my mother. She is not the same person anymore. And I don’t blame her. But she shit talks my stepfather publicly and all over Facebook. Never says anything good about him. It caused me and her to get into and argument. And she disowned me and told me to never speak to her again. So I was trying to figure out purpose. But the plan to build my family and marry this girl remained the same. I stayed strong. Come April this year, and the person I wanted to be with forever leaves me. Packs and goes without a warning. My family (her) is gone. My house is empty. My best friend is gone. She left when I needed her most and if only I told her how pretty she was or how much she meant to me. I never did any of those. She gave up on me. I’m thousands of miles from anyone that I call family. That’s pretty much the cliff notes. There’s more detail to everything of course. But in the end it’s all my fault. And I’m just tired. And lost. I’m tired of taking it day by day. I’m tired of having to put myself together. I’m tired of having to be the strong one. I’m tired of not getting to give up. Everyone gets to give up. Everyone gave up on me. It never gets better. I worked so hard. Just to be alone. I want someone to say it’s ok to give up. So much of me has died off. I will never be ok. I’m tired.

I want to share some positive experience for you today .I hope this could help you to smile big.

I was feeling a bit low and anxiety took me ,my hands were shaking 💕 .I decided to calm me down .I saw my sister sitting next to me and forced myself to tell her a joke meanwhile I wasn't even able to talk to anyone .She started laughing and seeing her laughing because of me I was relieved .

try this in your life and let me know if it helps.😊😊

Hey guys, about 2 weeks ago i had some problems with life which made me very sad and depressed and also gave me insomnia. I posted my problems and got some help from a few people, i did most of the things and i still have those problems.

2 weeks after i have maintain my emotion and become less stressful but insomnia still happen.
i have no issue in falling asleep but wake up every hour after around 1am (after i awake im still able to sleep usually, that became a pattern).

I sleep at 10:30pm, i have good sleeping hygiene, i do exercise (feel tired at 10:00 regularly).
I also started to take magnesium and l-theanine before sleep (tried b-complex yesterday) both no use.

like how long will insomnia remain?? is there any method to adjust the pattern i have? (i don't know how to solve it) or is it fine to my health? (i don't feel extremely tired but not a full recover certainly).

I tried many tips to sleep and relax like exercise, shower, healthy easy food before sleep but still nothing worked so far. I accept any tips so please, let me know if you have anything that can help.

I really would like to know if this okay for my health, please let me know. thank you

Today is a national holiday and everyone in my family is celebrating and having a party, but im feeling super down and cant even function and they are attacking me cus im not happy and dont act like my usual self, i have struggled with depression since 2020. Idk what to do anymore, my bad thoughts are returning

This is going to be a long story but also a TLDR, so sorry if this is written weird. I currently have no job or college degree but have been lying about going to college to my family for 2 and a half years now. I wanted to go for Graphic Design and have a career I wanted, but at the time my family pestered, insisted, almost threatened me to be an accountant instead. Yes, they make a lot of money, but it wasn't my choice.
But I went to college anyway, it was Hodges University. Aka one class a month but they jam so much information in your brain that month to dump it for one test and you move onto the next class. I did this for three months and felt like absolute shit, so I just dropped out. (I don't want to get into the financing situation I had with that, but I had it handled)
Etc etc, I have been lying to everyone about this while in the background I am trying to figure out what to do but I keep coming up short. I had managed to find one job at Goodwill, did that for 5 months, but got fired because I was having issues with an employee who was constantly slacking on work, lying to others to get to do his work, and other horseshit. I had a big blowout with him and I got the chopping block instead. And now recently my own father walked out on my mom, sis, and I.
My mom cannot work, she has Rheumatoid Arthritis, she has had two strokes in the same year, and her only form of support was taking care of her mother, who died a year ago. She applied for disability but now it won't come into play until two years she says. My shithead of a dad helps the BARE minimum to pay for the house's rent and bills, but every time him and her fight he threatens to stop paying. So now everyone has eyes on me to try and "save the family" when I've been doing this shit behind their backs. I want to tell the truth but the blowout of that might cause me and my girlfriend (who has been living with me due to her own situations) to get kicked out with nowhere to go and we have a pet bearded dragon and cat.
I don't know what to do, I've applied for multiple jobs that don't need a degree, I tried Real Estate License courses, but I keep failing the class. No one is hiring me no matter how many applications I throw out, not even fast food or pizza delivery has been answering my calls
The only other person who knows of this is my girlfriend. I told her everything that has been going on and while she is upset with me, she wants to help me.
I just feel stuck right now, I don't know what to do. My eating habits are worse, I can't sleep till 4 AM almost, I'm having evil thoughts.

Firstly, back log. I'm 37 male and play social hockey. Cept whenever I play, I always find I feel trash at the end, as I unconsciously set myself on fire every time I screw up. Which is a lot. I do get things right, but I never remember or notice. How do people stop doing this unconsciously? Also, don't suggest therapy. Can't afford it, and while I know it would help, it's not an option financially unless you are willing to pay for it.

No questions asked, I'm thinking of running away from home, both my parents are not reliable with anything and I'm too embarrassed to state my mental health. My mother told me to leave the house and live with my father because she's tired of me but i like neither of them. I got issues. Many things have happened ever since pandemic happened, i would like some help and advice of what to bring and where to find a place to stay since i am a 13 year old kid, they would think I'm joking or something. I would like a place to live near Caloocan, Grace park. I will reply to my mother about me leaving this house after i saved up money.

Give Up

I love you so much Cannot see myself without you Can’t think of me alone You complete me

Thought of you leaving me crumbles me Feel like I am non-existent in this world My whole world is because of you My mind cannot process this vacuum

Thought we would grow old together Always prayed and wished for it Wished God give you my years and luck Looks like sooner you want of it

No complaints from me Lots of regrets though Lots I could say but I couldn’t Love I couldn’t express

Take all I have and leave Without you I am empty Without you there is no me Go be what you want and be free

Don’t want to hold you back anymore You are my North Star and my compass Please go and be happy.. no me for tears anymore You will fly high and be mighty with me gone in the abyss

Abyss is where I belong, for burdening you with me Better to remove this tumor Hope you forget this speck of dust Better to wipe off and take a final shower

Wish I had done this sooner so you had more years of happiness Wish my mind had realised my crime and not show this selfishness Well better late than never for a prayer With my last breath I want to be a giver

Lots of smiles lay ahead for you Now that you loose this unnecessary strife Happy will God make you For spending time with this waste of a human life

Wish I could see you happy But don’t think you’d want me Better to cut this loose end for good God will give you more than He should

I give up No more selfish me You have your smile And no grief from me

I love you 🥰

Ive been struggling with depression. I ask myself quite often if it is worth continue living with this disease.

I dont like my life, i tried to go to therapy. Pain is still there...i feel like handicapped. I dont enjoy anything. This is a cronic disease. My body does not respond like it used to. I used to be active, normal guy, no it seems like i have to move rocks everytime i move my body.

I walk slowly, i lost words, i find hard articulate a simple speech. I stay silent, im catatonic. Sometimes i have trouble breathing.

My brain seems shut down. No friends, they are all gone. No girlfriend, people keep distance, they know i have issues.

Is it worth living like this? I dont know.

I’m on multiple medications, I go to therapy, I got completely sober and go to recovery meetings working the steps with a sponsor. I pray, I meditate, I journal, I eat healthy, I shower daily… But I don’t want to be alive in this world. I’ve come to understand that some people are just meant to have more challenging journeys and I can’t keep going if it’s like this. I keep getting hit with so many difficult things and I’m isolated in a city with no friends or family or partner, and I don’t want to continue like this.

The only temporary relief I can think of is drinking so alcohol to numb out and hoping I do something about it.

The world is so fucked up and it’s getting darker and more fucked up by the day. I’m too sensitive to be here and experience this on a global scale and just a personal scale.

What else is there to do when you’ve done it all?

Hi it’s 3.40am and I have work at 8.30am. I’m beyond sad. Sad because of a break up with a situationship I guess you could call it that’s been on and off for about 5 years. They have been moving on slowly. But I am stuck frozen in place. I distract myself with anything I can find and it works. & it had been working until I spoke to him again. Apart of me loved it as I see him in w ays as someone who means a lot to me but now it’s sent me on a spiral that I knew it would do. I wish I could make myself delete everything like he has. Im just weaker I suppose I really can’t make myself do it even though I know it would help tremendously in the moving on phase. I love him and can’t imagine myself opening up to someone else the way I did with him. Everyone says time will help and it does but I’m just super slow and stupid that I can’t make myself help myself lol. Sigh. I have so much stress outside of this one topic as well. & even worse I have work in a few hours. I doubt I’ll go I can barely fake a smile let alone a real one.
Heartbreak is so painful. On top of everything else I’ve had so many breakdowns. I already know waking up to my retail job will be super impossible. My brain won’t tire down . Sigh. Wish me luck redditors.

I got Fs in some subjects for the first time in life . I feel so ashamed of myself rn i never thought I’ll ever get an F in my entire life that’s not only one F but more than that in my first time . I feel like shit. I wanna kms. I wanna cut people off i’m so embarrassed.

the only two futures i see for myself is either a horny game addict or a person who drinks alcohol or consumes drugs. although i doubt i'd ever get into substances, but who really knows what future me will do. either way, i'll still have no true reason to exist.

This existence is torment. Every second is filled with infinite suffering. It doesn’t matter anymore I’m just glad death exists. Without that there truly would be no hope. A world without end is hell. Let’s hope this place isn’t it. Maybe I have a chance to not exist anymore

im 17 years old and my boyfriend’s 17 too; we’ve been together for 7 months. im in my final year of high school but my boyfriend dropped out to pursue an engineering apprenticeship. i don’t click well with most people at my school and the only people i clicked really well with there were my boyfriend and two other friends. however now its just me and one of the remaining friends. she’s great but we were never best friends so i struggle to connect on a deeper level with her. anyways, so thats just my explanation why i can’t make more friends to fill the space. i actually never used to mind being alone and im quite an introvert. however, i find myself quite depressed whenever he’s not there- especially at school. i have had depressive episodes before and i also have OCD and extreme social anxiety. i am going back to my therapist and ive been trying to stay busy but i just feel so down whenever he is not there. i genuinely love our relationship and im so happy when we’re together but i also want to be happy when he’s not there. i suspect my OCD probably is the main reason im so anxiously attached (i have never been attached to someone like this). we have communicated on several occasions about this but i still want to cry most days.

other than therapy, what are solutions for specifically school time? im a very good and academic student but i find lately my concentration has been dwindling because of my growing depression and anxiety. HELP!!!

I hate being so ugly, so stupid, so unlovable. I'm tired of crying at how truly hopeless I feel. I'd probably end it all if it wouldn't make my parents sad. It's all that keeps me here some nights, ngl

Everyone pretends to be my friend, if I’m ever asked out it’s always a dare from their stupid friends. No one ever asks to be my friend, and when I ask I just get picked on because I have autism and im SICK OF IT! I’ll NEVER get to go to college because of my disability, I’ll never get to be anything I want bc of my disability. It’s awful, and when I say that I’m sad, I always here THIS:

“It gets better” oh really? Then why is the opposite always happening when I think that!?!?

“You’re loved” or “you’ll find love eventually” don’t lie, I’ve lived on this planet for 20 years and the only love I ever get is from a cat, but bc of my grandma he’s Fucking dead now. Now I’ve got NOTHING or NO ONE to love.

“We care about you” no, that’s a massive lie, just to make me feel better it won’t work this time

“Your important to the world” absolutely not, I only make peoples lives worse

I know I’m gonna be ignored on here and I don’t care. I’m done with all this bullshit

I finally feel like I have found my safe haven and I am about to ruin it. I moved in with my bf out of a horrible situation, but the stress of the move, a new job where i feel completely isolated and college in itself is about to ensure that I fail my math course, meaning I won't get to be a nurse. If I can't get a well paying career, I can't take care of my family and I want one so bad. My partner says that if I fail we will figure something out but I don't think its true. If I fail, they'll leave me. I just know it. My anxiety is through the roof and I feel like it's making me irrational, emotional, hair trigger and that makes me even more depressed. I want to be able to support us, but if there's no support for me and I cannot be supportive partner or future parent, what good I am? I may as well have stayed where I was and waited for the inevitable.

I honestly which I could just drop dead right now and avoid what's about to happen. Then my partner wouldn't know how much of a disappointment and waste of time I am.

My only close friend, she wouldnt even blink an eye if i died, she didnt say that but i fucking know its true. Its so over for me. I dont have anyone, i know i didnt have anyone but really realizing it now, in its true purest form is killing me. Im really on my own now, theres no one. Nothing will ever be there for me and thats the truth. Im alone, ill die alone, ill be buried alone. No one can ever call me theirs and i will never ever call someone mine

Ive said it before but, this is really it. This is as far ill let my peak get to. I don't want to deal with anything anymore

Hi, I've been having a confusing year and find myself with no one to really confide in. In many ways this year has been one of my best but other times I struggle to get by. To start the year off my girlfriend of four years coerced me into an open relationship, then left me for the guy she was sleeping with. I'm better off in the end because she beat on me frequently and tried to push me to KMS at times. But I was in love with her still and haven't adapted to being alone very well. I've tried to get out there and find someone new but have faced heaping amounts of rejection, much of which came before I even had the chance to ask them out, nearly unprompted. Dating apps have been painful to use, whenever I go out to public places I always wind up at empty karaoke nights or vacant bars (living out in the country doesn't help), and the few acquaintances I've tried to reconnect with have overlooked me and don't text back. In lieu of romantic ventures I've tried learning new things and enjoying my artwork, but with this much loneliness I feel a loss of motivation. To make things worst I just found out my ex has gotten engaged to her new bf and it really hurts because less than six months ago we were prepared to take that step. I'm not a very attractive man but I try my best, go to the gym regularly and dress to impress, but there's gotta be something wrong with me. Recently it was discovered that I'm autistic which has sort of cleared the mystery on why people have always treated me like a freak and why I don't fit in with most people, but it's making me feel like I won't be able to find someone who can look past the quirks and enjoy the real me. I find myself hiding my hobbies and opinions because women nowadays seem to have all of these "icks" and turn offs that to me feel a little unfair. I've always suffered from intense depression and self harm has been a part of my life for awhile, but things are just different now. Like I'm more hurt than depressed, to me that feels different but not less. I had a bit of hope when a friend agreed to hang out with me, but she started avoiding my texts when some weirdo started stalking her Tik Tok. I believe she thinks it's me but it's not, and it bothers me because regardless of wether she knows that or not she'll still feel a certain way about me after this. And shit like this keeps happening. Like gives me these little tide bits of hope, and then cement in my heart how fucking lonely I am. Friends and family rarely text me back and never first. My life isn't all that bad, ok people have it worse, but I can't escape the nagging feeling that everything's against me.

I’m tired of this and who I am today is not really who I am. I’m a shell of the person I used to be and potentially could have been. More than anything I want to be that person. I want to leave this plane and go back in time to when I was the most content and confident, and resonated with the world around me. I don’t want to be trapped anymore. I don’t understand why I should continue to suffer when I can go back to when things were different and stay there. I feel like the world and people around me destroyed me. There is no way I can have what I want on this plane of existence anymore.

I don’t know what to do with my life. I don’t know what I want and it’s so frustrating. I feel stuck.

Always disgusted with my thoughts and my image clinically depressed with bipolar two apparentlyas said to me from doctors I have no friends. My family loves me, but I do not love myself. I’ve ruined every relationship I’ve ever been in and anyone that gets close to me eventually hates me. I bring others down all the time and I set my mind to and have goals for always falls apart because of my mental state I constantly battle with suicide and not being able to finish the job I know my mother would be devastated, but I feel like there’s nothing left for me. I can’t seem to keep a good day see the light at the end of the tunnel, I’m not looking for pity or hate. Just trying to express myself anonymously and maybe someone else is struggling the same way I would never wish this on anyone. I wish the world could be a peaceful place where there is no war or negativity but as we all know, it can never be that way, I hope I can get better one day.

I am a female (19)I keep over thinking about everything to the point that it makes my head hurt. I am currently friends with 2 girls so we're a trio but I constantly feel left out. Sometimes I feel that I'm over thinking but idk what the hell is happening. I just don't want to do anything. Can't kms either. I just don't like anybody. I don't like life. I just want to sleep, sleep and sleep forever

I see the shape that the world is in. And our leaders are in it for themselves. They are not on our side, if they ever were.

So, why get better when the world is doomed? And why even try to find some safe haven in the world? Am I really entitled to such a place, even if I could secure some safety for myself? The fact remains, I’m the worst person I know.

Do things really get better? I’ve been asking myself this question for the last 15 years. It seems like every time I come up and feel positive, the door quickly slams and I feel more alone than ever. Ive had friends come and go which is fine and normal. I was actually happy to see some of my “friends” go because they were generally not good people to be around in the first place. Although this week I had two close friends basically end up betraying me (for lack of a better term). I know this probably sounds narcissistic but I really valued these people and opened all doors to them and they both seemed to back stab me at a relative unique time. I do work in the entertainment industry in LA so I should be able to accept this as “part of the business” but it feels even more ridiculous at this point in time, due to I recently have been doing great (started exercising regularly and quit smoking cigarettes and weed). Overall I’m down to basically one friend who is now going through a divorce and moving across the country. I’m also wondering if changing locations and careers is a good way to start over? Thanks for your time.

sitting on the floor in my bedroom around 9 while listening to a depressing music playlist and the only light in my life coming from my phone has become a norm at this point. (sorry that was a run on)

i hate putting a smile on my face everyday when in reality im dying inside. i hate going to school. i hate half the people in my life. i hate half my family, and i hate ranting onto a bunch of strangers about it.

the thought of just ending it all crosses my mind everyday and nobody knows. but i don’t have the courage for that. it’s so weird though. i have all the notes and all the resources in my hands but i can’t bring myself to it. why am i even thinking about this? i have a lovely family, financially comfortable, and friends who will listen to me. but that’s what everyone sees. they don’t know the truth.

“the worst pain is getting hurt by the person you explained that pain to.”

“you don’t need water to feel like you’re drowning, right?”

“i wish you knew how bad it fucked me up”

1. different night

2. same thoughts

3. physically here

4. mentally gone

i don’t know what to expect from this post. i guess just someone who relates to me?

Do you tend to say mean and hurtful things or exaggerate problems and small things? My husband told me that he loves me but is not in love with me and then he told me that we never had sexual chemistry (18 years together). I agree sex could have been better the past few years but it takes two to tango…. This was pretty hurtful… and I am wondering if this is his main concern right now due to a midlife crisis triggering his episode… He moved out and wants a divorce. He said he wants to be free… can’t pinpoint any other problem though

I had potential to do something good in this one life.. and I squandered it. There is no such thing as a another lifetime. You all can say and express sympathy, but most will see and think that when I say all I've done they want nothing to do with me or show ANY sympathy.

I don't want to work a job ( not that I can handle it), I don't want to go outside. I don't want to live. I don't want to live with constant reminders of what I've done. I want to be dead so bad. Why force someone to keep living if all they did was hurt people?

All I can hear in my head is a condescending " Aww... You feel bad? You should've been more considerate of how other people feel and how you made them feel. If you were so concerned about your future and how you will be preceived maybe you should've made better choices. No one cares for an abuser and manipulator :). Please just kys💖" and I know that's how some of you feel/think.

I could maybe go somewhere ( but I have like $42 dollars to my name). I don't want to cause a scene. I just want to silently go somewhere. And don't want to backdown, thinking there can be this imaginary chance of redemption or something positive down the road. I want no evidence of me. I want any pictures and remains destroyed. Except by my victims so they can tell their story, because by then I wouldn't feel anything.