tw :)

i knew it would be difficult going into college and i knew id have so much anxiety stress and fear starting but i did it anyway im autistic in primary school i got inschool detentions almost everyday because i “refused to do the work” (i didnt understand and the teachers shouted at me so i stayed silent) in highschool i didnt yet know i was autistic still and i was struggling to fit in i got bullied like crazy and began my journey of depression with a diagnosis of depression not long after my 11th birthday after starting highschool, i moved in 2020 to a different school and we immediately went into lockdown, i got one persons snap from the school because they had to show me around, she added me a to school groupchat and i met a few people, next thing you know im 13 had a miscarriage from rape, had multiple people try fight me because he told everyone i lied about being raped and when i told him only about the miscarriage he told everyone i was crazy and lying (he was there when i took the tests he had to buy them) i got separated from everyone else in a special class basically its apart of the normal school but its mainly for people with dyslexia or having a hard time catching up on work, anyway the people would change throughout the day but i never i stayed in that classroom until i was 16 when i officially left but never really went in before that cuz fuck that? my mental health got worse and worse over the years seeing shit feeling like im crazy dr//g addiction, alc, c//tting anything for anything and i still struggle today im 18 years old why have things not improved? i missed out so much from being outcasted i wanted to go to college so desperately to fulfill my life and feel somewhat useful and not completely worthless but now im here i just want to end my life it doesnt get better, atleast for me it doesnt i wish my last attempt worked because this overwhelming feeling of pathetic and loneliness is soul crushing and i need to escape. you bet your ass when i get paid im spending all that shit on drgs im so done

Going to delete my account. Thanks foranyone who ever said anything! I am thinking that the best way to end it all would be a bullet.

Time for rant

I wish I had someone who loved me.

When I met my boyfriend he was sweet. He was kind. He loved me so much. I got pregnant with his child, and I aborted it because he'd already gotten someone pregnant before and made them abort. I also thought he had cheated on me. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. He convinced me he didn't actually tho, so we got back together, now he doesn't look at me the same, he doesn't love me the same.

He texts his girl coworkers and it made me uncomfortable, I begged him to stop and he told her it made me uncomfortable. Then he talked shit with her at work about how he's a "bitch" and our relationship is "cringe."

Lol this all must sound like I'm a child but I'm almost 22. I've never been lower then rn. Other than when I got the abortion. The two lowest points of my life. Apart of me wishes I kept my baby, but I wouldve been a psycho mom. I can't even take care of myself.

I don't have any family really, I have my step mom and my dad, but God knows they don't like to hang out with me. Well anyways this might be selfish but I'm excited to die. It will be the first time in a long time anyone's ever thought about me like genuinely. Lol they cared when I was a cute baby, not as an adult. You grow up and ur not cute anymore. Just a sad adult with no prospects.

The one thing I know that will be regretful is not being able to know if they are sad or not. I hope they are. Is that fucked up? I want them to get over it and I know they will but I just hope for at least a second they think, man I should've like said Merry Christmas or something. Lmao.

Idk, stupid ramblings of a girl no one cares about. I wish I could slit my wrists open and bleed out on the beach. Somewhere pretty. My birthday is in a month. That's always the most depressing part of the year. Everyone forg ta even tho it's the easiest birthday in the world (0303) but also no one ever reaches out or sends anything even tho I really just want a card. I wish that my boyfriend loved me.

I wish i coyldve had something from him.

I want my baby back and I want my boyfriend to love me. Fhats not gonna happen tho. Not reality.

My dog also died q couple months ago. Both of them. Fucking both of my childhood dogs. One from old age and dementia, and one from cancer that just kept up so fucking insanely fast. My babygirl. She was the only one who cared about me. Who loved me. She loved me no matter what. Her big eyes always filled with love. I let her down. Didn't walk her as much as I should've. I'm just an insanely lazy, fat worthless piece of shit lol. I'm not actually that fat I'm 145 but like bro if u saw how I act every day ud laugh at me.

I can't walk up stairs very fast, can't run without it hi ting my lungs haha. Anyways, I just want to maybe let people know that you're not alone in being alone? Ig that do isn't mean much to me, but maybe it will to someone else. Yo aren't the only one with no family, no friends and a boyfriend or girlfriend losing all semblance of love for you.

I'm preemptively sorry to my grandpa, who's got dementia real bad and will be sad I don't visit anymore. I'm sorry to my dad, who raised me as a single dad. I. Sorry to my step mom, who always tried her hardest to take care of me even when I was a bitch to her. I'm sorry to my boyfriend who doesn't care about me anymore. I'm sorry to my old dogs who I hope to reunited with.

God I hope I see my baby Kori again. She was my girl. My ride or die. She was perfect. Never will be another dog like her. If u want to see her picture she was my first post on reddit.

I hope you all find peace and happiness.

Goodnight for now. I don't have anything to end it with rn but I think I'm sure it will not be hard. If I fail I think I will hate myself so bad I succeed the 2nd time haha

My mental health goes down the drain when i’m with my family. it’s sad but it’s true. Stress levels are high, tension between family members, the way they belittle me. My dream to move out i don’t see that happening anytime soon not with these prices and i’m trying to stay positive but they bring me down and im tired of it.

So I have been at this job through a temp agency for over a year and they finally wanted to convert me from the agency to the company. Go through the application process, only for them to recind the offer of employment. They won't tell me my background has anything to do with it, but I know better. Everything was fine until the background check. Passed a drug screen too!!!! I have a few charges on my record. I worked my way up to a warehouse lead, all of my coworkers love me, just infuriates me that this company judged me based on my background and not what I've done for their company over the past year. How is one supposed to rehabilitate if you are never given a fair opportunity? Literally did everything right for this company, that's why it stings so bad. I used to deal and all of that, but I've changed over the years. However, I am having intrusive thoughts about dealing again. What am i to do, that is the question.

I went from a straight A student to B's and failing tests. School used to be easy for me, something I'd enjoy, but it's just been going downhill. I feel so hollow every time I see another failing test grade, it isn't even that I don't try. I do, but I struggle to focus and I feel terribly burnt out. I've been trying to cope with working out and talking to friends but they always complain about 80s or 90s and I just hate it. I feel like such a let down no matter how hard I try. It's so hard for me to focus because it takes so much out of the little energy I have. It feels like getting out of my bed will kill me. I've been drinking energy drinks because I struggle with time management and can never seem to get enough sleep. I felt smart at some point. But this school, this hell hole, is supposedly for the top students. I somehow managed to get it but it feels like it's gonna kill me if I don't myself. I don't know how to get out of this cycle. It's so confusing because every damn time I see my grades I just blank. I space out, I'm not there anymore. The thought of death has been on my mind more and more often and I genuinely think it's because of this school. I'm not like them, I'm not smart enough to be here. Does anyone have any advice I just want to be a better student.

When I try to act out of my comfort zone, everyone predicts I’ll fail at growth. I have no friends. My family members are assholes. I don’t want to spend decades stagnating. No one believes in me. I’m tired of everyone dunking on me to my fucking face. No one gives a shit about me. I want to kill myself.

the world is so terrible im ugly i lost the love of my life due to my addiction and i lost all hope and motivation for me to do anything good for my life. tips ?

Why bother learning a new skill if the damn thing is being developed to destroy jobs and follow everything you do.

So I’m feeling really low. I’m planning on moving out of my BFs in 2 weeks. I love him but he’s a bit toxic and chaotic, he’s admitted to playing mind games on me to wind me up. It’s hard breaking up with someone ur still in love with but he has different values to me and I’m always the one compromising, and it’s really taking a toll on my mental health. But now I have to find a place to live and they’re all horrible. I don’t expect to find another BF anytime soon. I just imagine life to be me going to work, then going home and sitting on the couch just waiting to go back to work. It feels so bleak, is that all life really is? I don’t have many friends or family and I’ve lost interest in all my hobbies

I feel sad and not normal sadness, summer makes me sad and it's not like just summers make me sad winters too , but when i see that particular summer sunshine, those winds touching my hair , that shiny sunrays in my eyes it makes me feel sad, nostalgic and overwhelmed, it's like I'm stuck in a moment that happened or sometimes i feel nostalgic of a place that i have never been to but it feels like a vivid dream, i feel overwhelmed, sad , nostalgic because of all these sensations triggers me . Sorry all this must sound wierd but this is what i feel and i don't know what to do

School depresses me, i have a great gpa, but i have to be responsible for too much things for that, i just realized that school takes 99% of my time, and the fact that there is no escape, depresses me even more, i have neurosis as well, and all i blame for that is school, i realize every day in my life is almost exactly same, nothing new, routine makes me hate my life, what todo?

Last year 7th jan I got into a relationship with a girl, everything was going well till June, then she cheated on me, so I broke up with her. Now I miss her a lot. I saw her with a boy and I was very hurt. Because of that I am not able to do anything. I'm broken asf nd loner too and now I have started smoking a lot too cuz of her

You know sometimes I just want a hug. To be told i love you. You're important to me. I miss you. Just some kind of comfort. Something so simple could help so much.

I've been lonely and going through a rough period in my life I could really use someone to just speak to I just really really need someone to speak idk just I'd like to just have an actual conversation even if for a bit it be nice to just not talk to myself for a bit no pressure if you cant just asking yknow.

I am in so much pain all the time. I was drugged and raped. I just don't see the point to life anymore. Nothing seems to get better. I go to therapy and all that but nothing is changing. I just want it all to end.

i dont want to go to uni but i also dont want to stay home with my family cause i really hate them and cannot be happy around them. theres no career path that truly appeals to me as a long-term goal, and no uni alternatives (apprenticeships, internships etc) appeal to me. i dont have a desire to do anything academic or productive, i dont want to do anything at all other than just be able to feel happy. even this comment, im not expressing myself properly cause i can never find the words to express myself. i just feel really overwhelmed by the fact that no life path appeals to me. and the amount of people who say “that’s okay, just go step by step” are kind but they arent effective because im going step by step every day and i still feel fucking miserable. its just like nothing appeals to me and i want to just be happy and live a happy life but theres nothing i can do to make it happen cause nothing has any appeal to me. maybe im not made for this world, maybe i am truly fucking worthless. i feel like a stain on the world and like it’d be better if i was just scrubbed away.

So as you can see i've failed as a son, husband, brother, and most importantly failed as a father. Funny even at killing myself i fkin failed. Today thursday after 8 hours when my work ends i'll go to my summer house and i'll burn charcoals and will drink some beers. Some may ask why do one of the most selfish thing. Last time i tried it with sleeping pills and alcohol. It gave me so much peace you know. Got hallucination but it was happy moments with my wife and son. It was weird but it was so peaceful. My mind was ready to do it.

I talked about my problems with few people but i have already decided on it so now i just want to go peacefully.

I’m 21 F and my partner is 22 M

There is a lot that has happened during the time I’ve been dating my boyfriend. He’s an incredible partner and I love him and appreciate him a lot. He’s been there for me during the past 2 years and a half which have been really hard for me. We started off as friends in my previous job and quickly got closer until we started dating.

He has been really supportive since I struggle with mental health. I’ve got depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. But things just kept happening, with my mental health affecting me a lot to leave the house and go out sometimes even cleaning the house and taking care of myself (eating and going out) which I previously struggled with a lot more. Then with processing some traumatic experiences relating to SA in the past, issues with my family, going through an abortion, issues with my university since I couldn’t do some exams due to my mental health, getting my visa removed and having to leave my job. We stayed over often and then lived together for a month and having him and my friends back where I was was really a great support.

Now moving back to where i studied high school for a year, so being long distance until September from August last year and having more family issues (my family is dysfunctional being described as toxic and somewhat abusive by my therapists). Also having a really toxic working environment, which has deteriorated my health both mentally and physically. Trying to commit suicide again and self harming. Feeling very self critical and worried still struggling with taking care of myself. Being lonely and not having many friends. And just recently having a bad fall out with one after I spoke to her about her bf who was a cheater and hurt me. It’s just a lot and I don’t have a support system here. Barely have time to do anything. Don’t have the energy either with long working hours. I had to stop my antidepressants, since they’re so expensive here and my parents hid the others I brought with me. Therapy is expensive too and I’m on a commission based role and haven’t earned anything. All the things they said they offered were a lie. And it’s a very focus working environment.

The thing is that with my boyfriend being my only support system at the moment. Since I haven’t had the energy to speak much with friends from back there nor the time and they’re busy. I feel like I’m a burden and constantly having stuff come up. He said after I asked and said I’m sorry for being so much that he said he’d like if we had some peace since it’s been a lot for a while but more so for me since I’m going through a lot. But I feel like I’m a bad partner. I can’t really help him with anything. He’s so stressed with uni and I’m here and with issues with visas and my toxic work environment and trying to leave but it being hard to find a job more so when this one sponsors me. It all adds and I can imagine even if he doesn’t say it that it can be a lo for him. I also haven’t managed to reply to his parents. And he wants to meet over Easter somewhere. After he came to visit me and meet my parents in December but I don’t have any money and I’m trying my best but it’s hard to earn any in sales. I don’t know what to do to be a better partner and I’m struggling. I hate being a burden and feel bad for relying on him so much. Even though I appreciate it a lot and I’m trying to hold on and not do something stupid I sometimes feel like I can’t do it anymore. And that maybe I’m not good enough and I’m just so tired. I just don’t know what to do make things better. Be a better partner and finally feel better.

I ve been in therapy since 2015, I’ve been in a bunch of different treatment centers and lately I’ve noticed that this isn’t helping anymore. I think I’m done with treatment but also know if I leave I will more than likely hurt myself. So I’m not quite sure what to do. My depression hasn’t improved from medication or Dbt or CBT. I think I’m going to give up. I’ve accepted this is going to be a short life, I’ve accepted that most likely I’ll end my life. People of course are trying to stop me and I think it’s time to take myself out. My depression has been peaking for 2 months. My psychiatrist has mentioned TMS or ECT and I think I should give it a try. But like group therapy isn’t working, and I don’t want to get my hopes up. Like I don’t want to live a life of constant battle with my depression.

So I've been at a company for 4 years now, got a promotion not that long ago and was super excited about it. Long story short - my supervisor left the company and now my promotion is on pause because I'm keeping that portfolio moving and it's honestly just alot of pressure on me due to the amount of work and responsibility and it's not something I enjoy at all.

I wake up in the morning depressed about the day I have to face knowing the kind of work I have to do. But at the same time I feel extremely guilty feeling the way I do about a good job - I'm extremely grateful to have a job.

There are many layers as to why I feel the way I do, both personally and in my professional life but ultimately I don't like the fact that I'm depressed in an economy where everyone needs a job.

I dunno just needed to vent and feel heard I guess...

Look where I am now, I'm so fucked in the head. I fucked myself over its pathetic.

I hate it. I hate being pathetic.

My grades, slipping. My health, deteriorating. Fuck, i skip my clubs just so I can cry in peace. The one day I come it was a match and i left my kit so ofc I'm going to lie, with the same stupid excuse. "Sorry, cramps!" My girlfriend.... kindest and cutest creature I've ever met so why am I fucking it over? I don't know... I don't understand why I crave pain so much but I hate it when it actually happens. Its sick, !'m sick.

My parents... beat me over discipline and my bad grades. I don't want to go home, back to my homophobic family. I don't want to feel like a disappointment anymore. My dad? Screw him. My mom? I love her.

I have so many things I decided to take on, the problems I've been running from has washed over me and now I'm stuck. It's dark. The pit the length 9 foot, neck deep water. its like a mini sea, the waves crash forth causing me to choke... the funny thing is, I jumped into it, I deserve it.

"Worthless bitch, whore!" I can hear it, every time I walk to school it follows me around but the worst of all is when i hear my mothers words when she gave up on me. "A slow killing poison to this family."

Sexually harassed for my sexuality. Talked shit about, my friends are there. They just don't understand how to help, I don't want them to waste their time on me.

If I somehow make it out of this hell, I'm never going to be the same cheerful funny girl, ever again.

Idk what to do about my mental anymore . Moral of the story I had a really big friend group for about 5 years dated one of the girls for a year she was bestfriend for like 5 years also . We broke up not long ago and got dropped from the friend group I have no friends anymore. I’ve been going to the gym 2 times a day for atleast 2-3 hours each time today I ran 10 miles and then came back for lifting and a suana alsoI’m doing bad in school. And I hear that she is talking to a buncha guys now and it’s eating me alive . The gyms my distraction but whenever I’m alone I can’t help but say I’m not thinking about stuff I should be. Everyday is the same for me and I keep getting deeper into this hole I’m in. I quite literally only have myself anymore . I feel so alone I lost everyone in my life . Just looking for advice of anyone’s who’s going through something similiar or has before ?

i have no friends no one to talk to i’m honestly just sick of it i’ve made up my mind i have 2 options end it or move to a different country

i don’t want to live anymore im leaning towards ending it

Most relationships I have with people, I’m the one initiating the vast majority of conversations. I thought any kind of relationship was a two way street. I realize there isn’t someone for everyone in terms of romantic relationships. I feel like I can’t open up to anyone I know because no one is supportive of me. I can’t trust my “friends” and family. No one is compassionate. I’m initiating plans to end my life. Fuck everyone.

I am an 18 year old Female, I have been so depressed this past year, and in general the past four years. I go to therapy every week and practice mindfullness, journaling, affirmations, eating healthy, and exercise. I started a job working as a receptionist at a luxury car dealership. This job brought me a lot of hope that I could turn this into a career, or find something I love. Except now I've realized that sitting down all day for 40+ hours is making me even more sad and hopeless. I'm just convinced this is how life is, we were meant to sit and work and there is no way out. This idea has driven me to go insane, I have researched countless different jobs that don't require this and I always get limited answers, or it seems like a scam. I'm sitting at my desk right now thinking of ways to end it, because I don't see a way out. I don't want to destroy my family and I know that is something that is tying me down but I feel like I'm stuck in a dark tunnel with no way out. Guys, please give me ANY advice you can and anything that. has given you hope or will give me hope that this is not the only way, because I don't think life is meant to be lived like this.

Hi, So I dont know how to begin this post but yeah- I have been feeling terrible lately, like really bad. Important to note that my ex-girlfriend broke up with me a little bit over a month ago, I really loved her and still do, so that just broke me even more. I have caused this due to the lack of communication on my part + i just behaved really dryly.I tend to dissasociate and not exactly attach myself to my feelings, despite knowing whats going on but not even acknowledging it. Basically i was doing pretty bad before(literally tried killing myself) but i just brushed it off- hurting her and myself all at once.(She hates me now) But overall I’m just really tired, i keep fucking everything up even little petty things like grades (still in school) . I’m so tired dude, Its not the first time i’ve felt this way, i feel like a terrible person. So much has happen throughout my life and im just scared. I dont wanna do this anymore i feel exhausted- I have nothing to go on for, I dont want to see my life unfold anymore. Positive nor negative sides. This sounds so petty but this is how i feel.

I’m a teen and I’m depressed and I have been my whole life I also deal with crippling anxiety which made my stop being able to go to public school and because I’m so depressed I can’t do anything so I’m at a middle school education level and im stuck I don’t know what to do the only logical thing to me is to kill myself but I’m scared but I’m just so miserable and I don’t have any friends and my mom just doesn’t get it I don’t know what to do and I try to get better but my mind just works against me

I (21 M) come from a lot of violence. I grew up with an addict mother and father who was addicted to work. They divorced and my mother’s new man beat and sa’ed me. My dad got custody and to put it short, it was toxic. He moved me to the city and the blending of his kids and my step mom’s kids was nuclear. Anyway, I’m ranting. I have a lot of open wounds and therapy had not helped. On top of all of that, my best friends keep dropping like flies. In the last 3-5 years I’ve lost all but 2 of them. It’s like every 6 months someone dies. 18,19,20,21 year old kids just dying. All different circumstances and I can’t help but feel cursed.

Everything from the day I was born, until now had been surrounded by tragedy. All of my siblings, including myself, are mentally ill. I have a wife and kids but I often feel like they’re be better if I go. If I don’t, I’m so scared something bad will happen to them. I myself am an ex addict. I used just about everything other than ice and heroin. I don’t know what to do anymore. Nothing had helped.

I have 8 years of therapy, 6 stays in an inpatient facility, and so much more underneath me. None of it has helped. Not a god damn thing and I feel myself spiraling. My best friend who was like a little brother just randomly passed in his sleep and I feel like it’s my fault. Like I am a walking parasite. Like somehow I bring this on.

I can’t keep on like this. I don’t wanna die but I don’t wanna hurt anymore. My chest hurts. I can’t eat, sleep, or breathe. I’m constantly nauseous and tired. I’ve done so many bad things and I feel like maybe this is all my fault and it’s just karma catching up. Making me suffer.

I cant live with my family. My dad's a monster who only wants to fight and i cant handle it after 15 years of the same cycle. I hate this life and I have two choices to die or run away.

What should I do

A little over a year ago, I quit the job that meant everything to me. My boyfriend (now fiance) and I worked together, and at the time we were going through a rough patch and had a fight that ultimately led me to sending my boss a resignation email because I didn’t want to have to work around my boyfriend after the fight we’d just had. We didn’t ever break up and worked it out because days later found out I was pregnant. I haven’t asked my boss about letting me come back because it turns out my boss asked my fiancé if he should talk me into staying and my fiancé told him no. I felt so betrayed because he knew how much I regretted this and how bad I needed my job. I cried myself to sleep for several weeks after this happened because I lost the job I loved and I lost everything that job provided for me.

I have such positive memories of it and I dwell on them and daydream about them every day. My fiancé seems to think I just hate that I don’t get to be with him all the time anymore and that’s not the case at all. Although I loved working with him, it has nothing to do with that. I would still want to work there even if he didn’t.
I’ve talked to a therapist about this already and it didn’t help at all. My takeaway from a few therapy sessions: I need to suck it up and move on. ……but I simply can’t. No matter how hard I try. And it doesn’t help that the person I’m marrying is a constant reminder of my old job and the memories of working there. I love him so much but how am I supposed to move on with him still in my life? It doesn’t matter if I leave him because we have a child together so he will always be in my life now. Therefore, a bind to those memories still would exist. We are planning to go to counseling together because of this but I do not have very high hopes that this will benefit us.
All I want is my job back. I don’t want to move on or get over it but I don’t want to be depressed over it all the time either.