I'm so f ing tired. And half of it isnt even my pain. I wish I could just let myself feel what I'm feeling. Half the time I'm cutting myself off from what I'm feeling as a self preservation method.

Ii know that others are experiencing the same but I just want to know how people cope.

I never had a good bond with my family members. They abused me a lot. I just feel like I have no value to anybody. The loneliness is just too much. I hate wishing I meant something to someone. I want to be content, but it’s hard to see your worth when you mean nothing to anyone.

I feel like im worthless to everyone. Im 21M i suffer from depression, social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder. I can't make friends any time i try talking with someone it's too much for me and i just try getting away from the situation. I feel like a burden to my family and anyone i talk to. I was also diagnosed with stage 3 synovial sarcoma on my foot in february and went through 4 rounds of chemotheraphy and surgery to remove the cancer without telling anyone because i didnt want to be more of a burden to anyone around me the surgery was luckily succesful but afterwards i have thought alot about how nobody could tell that i was going through something so serious and i feel like it validates my feelings about no one caring about me. I know i shouldn't feel this way when i didn't tell anyone about it but still i can't help it. Also while i was going through it my only close friend at the time told me they didn't want to be friends anymore partly because of my negativity as a person. I just feel like i make terrible decisions regarding everything maybe i should have told my family what i was going through. I have always tried being the best possible friend to anyone that i actually feel like i can talk to but it's very difficult to find anyone that doesn't get overwhelmed with my issues. I know this post might seem stupid and i go off topic but it's just whatever came to my mind.

Inspired by a late night smoke session over an analysis of my life.

I was isolated as a kid. My family split up, so my dad left, diffferent province, my sister followed. My mom worked all the time to make up for it. Realistically I have no family left now(dads MIA, moms passed, sister never reaches out since she has a whole new family and good life) so I feel so alone. I used food and video games to cope because I didn’t know how else to occupy myself. I got fat, and lazy because of it. I had to deal with an alcoholic drug addict which showed me the dangers of it. I had to lose my only closest family member too early. I had to go through the pain to become strong. I went through the mental battles and the physical battles. I’ve lost 140 lbs, and inspired and motivated my whole friend group to gym. I had to be the person someone can look at and see that you can be hit over and over and still keep going. That’s what I am. I’m Glue. I keep people from falling apart. They come to me for advice, and I’m so in my head I can see sides of every situation from having to deal with so much. It’s not something I think people notice. They feel calmness and comfort towards me because on a deeper level I can feel some sort of pain in their heart and try to mend them with rationalizing their way of thinking and making them think better outcomes, better habits. I firmly believe you are what you believe, and I choose not to be someone to believe to be depressed. You’ll have the happiest periods in your life, but you have sad periods in your life too. they’re there for you to learn to grow and appreciate the other joys you have going on. The KEY is to not destroy yourself in those moments. Don’t cope with alcohol. Don’t cope with drugs. Don’t cope with food. Your negative thoughts are not you. Think about it. Think of your best friend. You love them? Would you tear them down and destroy their confidence? Would you tell them they’re worthless and ugly? No. So why do you tell yourself that? Are you not your friend? How can you be a friend for someone if you can’t be your OWN friend. After listening to myself for so long while alone I was tired of hearing his negative thoughts. It’s not me. I’m stronger than that. Make it a habit to stop yourself in the midst of belittling yourself because that’s not how you should do it. Ask yourself why you think that way. You’ll have to dig deep. See the flaws in yourself to be able to work on them. Take slow steps to fix them. EVERY SMALL WIN MATTERS. Confidence stems from accomplishments you made for yourself and the words and actions you keep to yourself. You’ll radiate this sense of calmness and certainty in your words and actions. They’ll give you more power over yourself and others, showing you know what you’re doing and what needs to be done. The kind of power someone sees in one that can and will deal with problems big or small, and someone that you can lean on to be there for you, to motivate you. I’m going to be strong. I’m going to be healthy. Im going to be a motivator, for if you’re not your best self you’re not living. If not strong enough for ME I’m going to be strong enough for them. I’m going to make sure no one has to feel as broken the way I am. Fixing them fixes me.

I’m Glue.

I don't want to kill myself. But I feel like my life has gone down a hole. And I'm struggling every day. I'm working so hard. And I feel alone. I have nobody to go to. I have nobody to really talk to. I feel so anxious and scared all the time. I still do everything I'm supposed to, I do everything that I'm scared to do to move forward in life. But I have nobody by my side. And that's all I want right now.

This could well be my last interaction with the world and it would be totally mundane and anonymous. You’ll see this, and if you’re anything like me, you’ll wonder for a moment about the life I lead and what’s caused me to write this. Truthfully, it’s not interesting nor particularly dramatic, and as we see here, it’s frightfully common. I’m sad I wasn’t born into a simpler time. We’re painfully maladapted to the current conditions; there is simply far too much complexity.

Life really is suffering. And I just can’t take it anymore. Why are my thoughts locked into such a disgusting form that I have very little control over. How cruel is that. Maybe I deserved this, but couldn’t there at least be some path to redemption? Why can’t I have a single authentic encounter in my life? Well, I am certainly at fault there too.

Hopefully I’ll wake up soon

Everyday I constantly feel like I need and want to get sicker to actually PROVE im sick. For context I’m in high school (any creepy dms I will block.) and I feel like everyone just thinks I’m the girl that is always happy and smiling etc when really I am struggling to even continue living at this point. I’ve left so many signs and jokes that I’m not okay but no one actually takes anything I say seriously. And it feels like no one cares. And I just want my problems to feel validated. Every time someone might catch on to something I say that remotely suggests I’m depressed, they joke around and call me “emo”. I know I sound like a fucked up person for saying all this but I just want to feel validated, like my problems matter. As well as I constantly get made fun of as a “joke” when really it only makes my depression worse and if people actually knew how bad my mental health is, maybe they would stop, maybe my jokes would be taken seriously. I might sound like a messed up person for thinking this but I’m just struggling.

I’m just so fucking done. I lost my son and I can’t continue on anymore. He was a late miscarriage and my first. His father doesn’t want to try for another one but him and I have a really good bond.

I’m autistic and it’s hard for me to have a connection with people like I don with him. I’m forced to choose between sacrificing my desire for a rainbow baby to be with him or being unfulfilled and unhappy without a child. I ONLY want it to be HIS child is the thing. I can’t keep this up anymore and I don’t want to make that choice. I just want to be with my son since he’s sending me all sorts of signs and messages.

I am still on my work trip and in an unfamiliar environment. At first, this was terrifying. I had dreams the night before that I would get raped at gun point and then killed, but this has yet to occur (one day to go, but seems less likely after navigating the city a bit… still carry my mace though).

How odd that I have had intrusive suicidal thoughts for months, but the idea of dying by someone else’s hands is repulsive. I think it’s because I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to live in my current life and I can’t figure out how to get out of it… so my brain gives me an escape hatch- death. Sometimes I think my brain isn’t very smart (says the girl with a doctorate… sheesh).

But on that subject, I’m really not very smart. Like, IQ wise I was average or below average when I was tested during my doctorate degree. Then I graduated and passed every test… so crazy. But it’s another reason for imposter syndrome and perhaps even not just a syndrome but proof: I don’t belong in my field. Some would say to turn that on it’s head- you are doing it when others said you couldn’t or you are doing in spite of your flaws- something like that. I guess that is one way to spin it.

Anyways… I think I can get really good at one part of my job and I think I should focus on that for my career. Maybe management and medicine, even though management will be a challenge (fuck it, so is medicine).

Subject change, back to the number one cause of my depression: RELATIONSHIPS. In vet school, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I have had a husband for almost 17 years and I came out as a lesbian and he came out as asexual. He depends on me financially, I depend on him emotionally (he is my emotional support person).

BUT, how can I find a gf/wife with him depending on me? How can I be happy when I have trouble being on my own? We live together with our own rooms in the house right now and I am so depressed. Do I move? Where would I move to? I like my house, but people don’t know what to think about me living with my ex (actually, the female and male ex are still in the house… the female ex needs to go for sure, but the boy…). We haven’t divorced yet. When to divorce? Do we have to?

I don’t know the answers. All I know are questions. And the questions are driving me mad and sad. The boy says that we are a good match and should stay together. He has a point… but what do I think? My brain sees possibilities of either scenario and both may have sad outcomes. I can’t think my way through it and then feel my way through it. I don’t know how I will feel from one moment to the next.

I bought this house with my husband that was too big for 2 people. We were going to have children together in it. We were going to grow old together in it. We were never planning on moving in my gf and her cat. But here we are.

Funny how we get to these places in life and look around and realize… wtf. How did this become my life? Why am I here? Where should I be? Where do I want to be? What do I want?

I have always assumed children were in my future. Anything I did school-wise was to provide for my future family (I saw early that my husband was not going to be the breadwinner), but now that I am able to provide, I’m giving it to my ex gf and husband… not children. I guess that’s ok. Rather not give too much to my ex gf though. I’m still paying for her room and board… sigh. Why am I doing this? Probably because she left her husband for me, but I didn’t ask her to do that. She made assumptions and I wasn’t clear with her.

Anyways, she wanted too much from me. She wanted to curate our lives, control the home, control me, do whatever she wanted… the list goes on. She would throw a fit when I would bring up what I wanted. Ug. I love her still, but don’t want to be with her anymore.

Rambling thoughts rolling through my brain. No idea seems worth the trouble seeing it through. No end to the dilemmas…

The things I write will probably be disjointed but I suppose they will be things I have been thinking of recently.

Maybe it's the prefrontal cortex finally finishing it's final stages of development or whatever it is, or maybe it's the amount of time I've spent dealing with turbulent thoughts and emotions, but being depressed truly just puts a film over the colors of life. It really makes you accept that life is simply the way it is, and no matter how unfair things seem to be, I am not owed anything. A part of me simply moves along life and just deals with what I'm given, another part of me still has vague feelings of hope for better days ahead, and another part still feels like giving up is the only option because there is no future to be had. Life feels all too hard to deal with, and all too unbearable in its monotony as the days pass by and things never seem to change, even with the efforts being made.

Recently, I've been trying to be ever more careful in the words I choose, and in the way I speak because I am trying to believe that the words we use impact the ways in which we think. I feel like it's working. I've been drawing on the positive parts of my childhood to keep me going, whether that's films and works of fiction that have made a profound effect on my development, or music that reminds me of a better time. My username is rather telling of my tendencies to ruminate and dwell in the past, but at this point, I'm taking what I can get to keep me going.

Little by little, I think my desire to improve comes back rather than just completely wallowing in what I think is a hopeless future. I am still at my base a pessimist, thought I would consider myself a realist. Truly living the "it is what it is" mindset I suppose. I think it also comes from having gradually being able to be a bit more selfish in places in the past where I wasn't able to be. I was such a people pleaser. I would still consider myself one. However, the one I used to want to please the most was my mother. I wanted her approval so much, but now I simply don't care as much about her approval anymore. She has done many things for me, and given me privileges that I am grateful for, but more and more of her behavior has come out to be unacceptable and rather toxic. I didn't want to believe it as a child. I used to sit in church and pray that the discord in our family could be resolved and that we would gain understanding of each other through discussion and love for each other. But that hope was shattered throughout the years, as her behaviors became evidence of the dismal reality that she would not listen, and when she was proven incorrect, she would lash out because of a bruised ego rather than admit fault and have some humility. In contrast, my dad and I have become ever closer throughout the years, and even with the arguments and disagreements we've had, we realize that still have love each other as father and daughter, and when problems come through, whether it is financial, physical, emotional, etc. we stick together and make the best of what we have. And I think that is the difference between my mother and me. I make the best of what I have and live in moderation, while she has ambitions so high and lofty, that her behavior becomes vulgar because of it.

I am becoming better at taking things in stride, even if my life feels monotonous, numb, empty, or more dreary because of it. And that is okay. Life does not always need to bring excitement to me. It sucks sometimes, the monotony. I still have days where being alive feels so empty that it makes me want to die. There are days and weeks where I still feel like my mind is so twisted by the mental burdens of having depression and the rumination about my worthlessness and hopelessness that I find myself struggling to get out of bed or be able at all. But sometimes, I really do feel like I'm becoming more stable. And it gives me hope.

There are parts of me that will probably always hurt from the way I was raised. Values that simply don't work in this day and age, in this society, things that served me as a child but now hinder me an adult.

It's a desire to be better and take care of myself so well, that when others need it, I can help them too. So I have room to compassionate and empathetic to others, rather than being stuck in my head and wallowing. So I have the patience to love and be loved. I will probably always struggle with thoughts of death and suicide, but at least for now, I feel better. It feels like there is something there left to salvage, unlike before.

I am just so sick of this life i mean i know people have it way worse but thats not gonna change how i feel i still feel like shit and its been the same for 2 years im not depressed i just have lost purpose its like im running on auto pilot , Life has no meaning to it hence leading to the desire to not exist , but i am not brave enough to satisfy my suicidal fantasies. I myself am the evidence against existence i just dont wanna exist that makes existence a pretty shitty thing.

I think I am depressed again. Just for background I am 27F, married. I have had depression before in my teens and went on anti depressants for a very short time as I couldn't cope with side effects. I did get a little better. Cut to now, I have get no enjoyment from anything. I have the gym as my hobby, have a nice job and have just bought a new house, life should be good. But I just am so indifferent about being around. I always feel people are against me, dislike me and that I am a burden. I don't mean this post to sound like oh poor me but I need help. I don't want medication and have no idea where to start therapy wise.

Also think maybe I have a touch of OCD. Its so hard to put into words but if I have a thought such as "I'll empty the dishwasher" and then think oh no I can do that later on when I make dinner...because I've had that initial thought i feel like I have to do it if that makes sense? As though something bad will happen if I don't...I'm always preparing for the worse case scenario in everything and have absolutely no confidence in myself that I can do things without fucking up. Nothing catastrophic has ever happened thankfully so I don't know why I'm like this. I just want my head to be quiet and the only way that can happen is by not being here anymore. I haven't got the guts to do anything, I wouldn't. I just wish it would stop.

So I’m a pretty solid guy id say I graduated high school worked hard and bought a car for myself, and got into the college I wanted. But like the second half of my senior year I started smoking and it’s been often since then, and I don’t have many friends here in college besides my roomate and like 3 others but me and my roomate are the closest. My friends are back home so it is what it is. I came to like realization when like walking back to my rooms from class it was a long and nice walk, but like I’m just like down and I’m not even like frowning it’s just that I’m like just upset in general or not happy about something. I used to swim and stuff and be active but I stopped after the season ended, I do pushups and calisthenics just to be ok, I started again cus I’ve not done shit for a while. I’ve always been a positive happy guy and I go with it taking the blows procrastinating and doing it at the last minute like I always do, but that’s when my best work comes out. But as of recent like I just don’t feel like I belong or like that if I wasn’t around nobody would even mind or they would just say like he’s a weird guy type of stuff. I was always a little different and everyone did know cus I was bothered about it a bunch in my young life, but I guess my spirit is like broken now I’m quiet, it’s hard to like meet people for me I get nervous and I can’t talk to girls even tho they seem to like me. Like I freeze up and just don’t know what to say it’s like a shock I guess I’m inexperienced. I’m just lost right now but at least I have my car I like driving around at night in the deep woods with music it’s satisfying I can be free with no eyes just me. But this depression is weird to me because like I’m not physically upset but in my head it’s upsetting I’m just lost and don’t know how to proceed here in my new college life. Thank you for reading I haven’t ever said stuff like this and I came to a realization that I’ve been hovering over and I wanna fix it.

I don't belong anywhere. I don't have anyone to send relatable memes to. I don't post anywhere because I don't have anyone who listens or understands me. The only relatble places for me are apparently the unalive subreddits.

I wish all of that was justified. Maybe all of that would ve meant that maybe jusg maybe I was "special" but damn I think I wont amount to anything. Mediocre at best. I hate myself. I am embarrassed of being alive and I am not grateful for this "experience". If I could end it all I would. I don't want to be here and the only wish I ve ever had was to yeet myself. Maybe then I d leave with some dignity. Fuck.

I am not high. But I am back on antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication. I don’t think I can go off of them again. I wasn’t built to handle life properly.

I woke up and Trump is president again. I feel like I am back in 2016, except worse because COVID happened. I’m not surprised because nothing in politics is surprising anymore. I bet he bought votes and rigged things. Sounds like him.

I’m going on a work trip alone. I feel like I am constantly alone in my life. I can’t escape being alone. It still weirds me out that some people prefer to be alone. I’m not the best at it. Maybe these medications will help me feel better. I’m going to get some vitamin B12 sublingual too, maybe that will also help.

I think I need to focus on other things. I hope I can do some work on the train. I don’t do well with things without deadlines, but I have to do some things for my career. Things that keep me out of trouble with the state boards and such.

I don’t really like my job, but I get paid well and have high student loans so… I don’t know what else I would do.

Ray tried to tell me last night that she was still there for me. But… she isn’t. She can’t be but so much because she has to move forward without me. And I can’t move anywhere. I am stuck in this moment in time and I hope desperately that it won’t change too much. I’m mourning all the losses in my life and I can’t move forward. That’s one of the many reasons we didn’t fit together.

I’m actually just a little emo girl. I’m sad more often than not and I can’t escape myself.

dont really know how to put this feeling into words but i feel like no one understands me. Long story short I lost my offer to go to college this September very last minute and it was my fault, since then i have been getting intense FOMO which keeps me up at night, cant stop thinking about all the opportunities i have missed and all the people i could have met and that makes me so depressed and angry to the point in which i feel like my brain cant take it anymore and want to harm my self, or end it just to escape this feeling and cannot sleep at night and feel like my brain is going to explode I know people do take gap years before going to college but the problem is that i already had one right after high school, and this time its my fault and i cant stop beating my self for it, my mental state is in the gutters i just have this feeling that my life is on pause for the last 2 years which sucks I was fortunate enough to have found a job because i dont want to be a burden to my parents but i feel like im grieving someone dead and cant stop crying when im at home

Im 19M about to turn 20 and feel like going to college next year i will be too old to connect and make friends with other freshmen

To be honest I don't think I want to keep going, I never will have anyone in my life, because bringing someone in your life, too much can go wrong.

And why live? just to work?

I don't even know if Im depressed anymore, I just feel complete nothingness.

So here’s the story: my colleague and I became close friends after working together for almost 3 years. Somewhere in there, we briefly dated, broke up, but stayed really close friends (complicated, I know, but it worked). We’ve shared so much over the years—inside jokes, random dance breaks, deep talks about escaping the 9-to-5 “matrix” to live off-grid, teaching each other new things, and being there to console each other through tough times. He honestly made work fun and bearable in a way no one else could.

Last night at a work event, he dropped a bomb on me—he told me he resigned, left his notice, and his last day will be on November 30th. At first, I thought he was kidding because he’s always cracking jokes, but it turns out he’s serious, and my heart feels so heavy.

I’m really struggling to process it. I didn’t realize how much I’d miss him until now. Knowing he won’t be there to make me laugh, share weird ideas, talk about deep things, and just make work enjoyable has me feeling like work will really suck without him. I honestly just want to cry, but I’m also so happy for him. Just… heartbroken, I guess.

And I won’t lie—seeing his empty desk, his chair, and not even his water bottle tucked under the table is really going to hurt. 💔

BRB, going to cry my eyes out all over again.

i know i have friends, but i need someone to talk to everyday. about whatever comes to my mind, complain, share nice moments. and need someone to do this to me, too. i need someone who's gonna text me first and i wouldn't be the one who's always reminding im alive. i used to have a best friend, with whom i was talking about everything. but then something changed and we doesn't talk that much as we used to. it kinda hurts. whenever i wanna talk about sth what's in my mind, there's no answer at all. not even hug or look of understanding. i have noone with who i can feel comfortable with. it hurts a lot

and anyway i moved out like about a year ago to totally different place. and with feeling of depression i think theres opportunity to disappear and i know noone would notice for about a month or two. i can't really stand my emotions. im tired of putting on my mask, acting like someone totally different

So yesterday was my 23rd birthday (happy birthday to me woo!) my friends all forgot about it. I only have online friends, lost all my irl friends years ago. Last year in December I met my 3 friends on a game, we all joined this game the same day and got speaking. We all come from different countries everyone’s life is different we all have different situations at home different struggles going on but I’ve always been there for them. I am a very caring person I’ve always made sure they know I’m there for them no matter what, if they need to contact me they can no matter the time if I’m awake I’ll be there for them. Over the course of nearly a year birthdays have come up a few times ones birthday was in May and the other 2 are after mine I know their birthdays they were aware of mine all of them told me they knew the date and then yesterday no one said anything. Me and 2 people have a group chat they were talking all day asked me how my day was I told them I was having a great day which I was but I was disappointed no one remembered it wasn’t until I hinted at it that 1 apologised she forgot and then wished me a happy birthday and the other also wished me a happy birthday. My best friend who’s not in this chat hasn’t said anything and we haven’t actually spoken since the 2nd. A little over a week ago she checked my birthday and said she had it saved in her diary. I’m not upset I’m just a bit hurt and disappointed she wasn’t able to say two words to me on my day especially because I saw she did log into the game. Maybe I’m asking too much? I’m just feeling alone. I have had the best year since I was a teenager making these friends has been really good for me but now I just feel like my feelings towards them and their feelings to me aren’t equal. And having lost another close friend and my first girlfriend this year I’m just struggling again.

(M15) Im currently at a big “sleepover” at a friend’s crib and theres this girl i like here but im 99% sure my friend and her are fvckin rn… I'm so fuckin lonely I just want real love but no girl would want sum ugly fvck like me, i look like a fvcking troll 😢 i just wanna kms. I’m gonna die alone anyway, why bother waiting? I’ll forever be ugly and unlovable,

Is it normal to have interests but no drive or ambition to do anything? I 32M just sit around waiting for time to go to my job where I work outside strapping down loads on trailers and now that it’s beginning to get cold and rainy season is coming, I’m not wanting to do it anymore. I love music and art, cinema, photography, reading and writing. I want to create but I’m a big time procrastinator and I’ll start something just to drop it shortly after. Do you guys struggle with this too? Or am I just a loner/loser. I don’t mind being alone, it’s the nothing everyday that I’ve come to hate.

There was once a boy, a timid child, afraid of the world around him, sad, and confused. One day this boy meets his hero, a confidant and strong man who saves the day from evil every day. The boy tuged on his cape hoping to get his attention and asked "Sir, you are so strong and powerful it seems nothing bothers you, can I ask you how you became so brave and not afraid?"

The hero said with a smile "being brave doesn't mean that I am not afraid, I'm afraid of what could happen every day, I just don't listen to it and strive to be better than I was yesterday, that's how I am so brave!"

The boy smiled and asked "what was the bravest thing you have ever done?"

The hero kneeled down looking at the boy face to face, and with a smile but tears in his eyes replied "The bravest thing I have ever done was ask some one else for help"

(Never be afraid to cry out for help, even the ones that seem to have it all together need some one else to lean on from time to time...never stop asking for help

I have been crying into my coffee all morning and at war with myself over who I could text - ultimately I just couldn’t bring myself to reach out to friends so I’m venting into the internet.

Bit of context: I have recently been made aware that the depressive episodes I’ve been having are likely dissociative episodes and I have these shutdowns that seem to be triggered by overwhelming events in my life, or just over tiredness. My therapist has been on vacation so I haven’t seen them in over a month and it’s hard.

I had one of these shutdowns last night. It’s completely debilitating when it happens - I struggle to speak, move, etc and just get trapped in my mind. Some episodes last for 30 min to 3 hours. I took a sick day from work today to just recover and I’ve been just crying all day. I feel awful. My partner had to deal with me, trying to get me into bed last night and they have been so loving and caring but I feel so guilty about them having to drop everything and care for my in that state.

I work from home too and partner works in office so I’m alone just with my feelings today and I can’t stop crying. I feel ashamed of what happened and I just want it to stop. I read other threads on Reddit about people having dissociative episodes but they can still somewhat function - whereas I just literally become a ragdoll. I feel really alone.

I think I will stop mind altering substances. I have experiences that I don’t fully remember and this includes break throughs and remembering hope. I don’t want those experiences to be lost to me. I want all of the experiences in my life if I am to live it.

Ray has been getting more distant. She was getting closer to me and wanting more of me. Makes sense. She swings back and forth. Her emotions are cyclical. Mine are too, but on a larger scale. For example, I have been sad for a while, days/weeks. Ray will be sad for hours/days. She was more steady on medication, but she didn’t like the feeling of it.

JD and I wish there was a word for best friends that felt more like our relationship. But ai don’t think that word exists. He is inside my inner world. I don’t need to be on anything ti be comfortable around him. He has been my safe space for years.

Breaking up with one person is hard. Try 2 that you love and continue to live with and support. That’s where I am. Living in a town where I have so few friends… and depressed so I don’t want more friends. In fact, don’t think I could keep them if I tried.

Welp, time to go to work.

I have a friend who is going through such a hard time, they live in an abusive household and on top of that the household still believes in prioritizing the boy child more. I've tried alot to help them out and i've talked to them about it. They're asking for space which i've been giving but im worried that they will end up comitting...they've been having thoughts since i've known them, i've talked them out of it but i don't know what to do anymore cus they keep pushing me away. They are so smart and have such a future ahead and i've explained that to them, i've heard them out everyday, i've done all that i can and i don't know what to do.

Maybe I'm being ungrateful, or selfish, but I cant help but resent my family for sending me to the hospital when all I wanted was to be dead by now. They always ask me what my plan is now, its barely been 5 months since i attempted and did they genuinely think that i'd be all better by now?

"Have you thought about what college course you're picking yet?" Why on earth would I be thinking about college? I dont know how to tell you this but I'd rather die, honestly, I'd rather die than go back to school for a degree that I'll probably never get because I will most-absolutely not be able to get past the first year because I would have definitely have killed myself by then.

"Have you looked into insurance? What insurance plan are you getting?" Woah there lets slow down a bit, most insurance plans take at least 10-30 years to pay off, or at least from the ones that I've seen. The more I looked into it, the more I realized how pointless it is because I'm never reaching a point to where insurance would actually be useful to me bc I do NOT see myself getting past 10, 5, 3 or even 1 year from now of me still being alive.

I wish my family wasnt there, I wish I succeeded that attempt, I wish I'd have died so I dont have to be going through this. I know I'm being selfish, bc there are ppl who care abt me, and are just worried for my future, but I dont fucking care nor do I feel guilty about it. I just want to be dead

NMo one cares about me anymore, I have no one to talk to anymore. I'm so sad and things happen to make my life worse all the time, but I have no one to listen and care.

I'm so depressed, and so alone, and I don't know how much more I can live like this.

No one would even notice if I'm gone.

I'm so tired of everyone accepting that ignorance of death, the ability to convince ourselves that this all goes on forever, is normal to the extent that anyone who seriously grapples with her mortality and struggles to find meaning in the face of inevitable non-existence is broken or mentally unstable. Life seems to require people to be sufficiently distracted by relationships, gaming, politics, work, fitness, food, entertainment, or any other so-called pressing issue that demands their attention that they forget, sometimes for years, that we are all going to die.

How can I care about eating healthy, making friends, succeeding in my career, reading good books, or simply living when I know it will all come to an end one day? It will all be wiped away, and my existence will fade from history like the countless others that died before me. Not that an enduring legacy would be valuable to me in the infinite void that is non-existence. I just don't understand how I am supposed to pretend this all matters. An accident tomorrow could end my life, but I'm supposed to assume that it won't and make plans and invest in the future despite knowing it will all be erased one day?

There is no solution to this problem. Every piece of advice either merely asserts that something I am currently lacking will make me, even temporarily, forget about death or requires a medication that will forcibly make me forget. There is no escape from death, and I'm tired of looking for one.

Ever since I was seven I have been trying to kill myself. It started off with banging my head against shit now I'm probably going to climb out my window and get myself ran over. I don't want to be here anymore. Ever since I got so many fake friends that I had to dump life got worse. I cannot stop thinking about my r@pist and my SAers. I'm going to relapse and if that doesn't make me feel better I'm ending it all. Someone kill me istg. I used to have so many people checking up on me daily but now it's only three people. It sounds like lots but I have lots of friends and they don't even care about me. A lot of people want me gone. I want me gone. I'm so ugly and I probably have an eating disorder. I've tried so many things. I'm really fed up with this. See you in the next life I guess I'll respond once I'm in hospital or I'll just be dead.

Goodbye <3