EMDR is basically just waving a finger in front of your eyes - I assume it activates some primal/hunting response and seems to mitigate ruminating thoughts. Primarily used for PTSD but I think it can help some kinds of depression. I've begun to do it to myself when I find myself in ruminating thoughts to get me out of it and it works pretty well. Not entirely sure if I'm doing it right, but seems to help. Curious if anyone else has tried this?

More info:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IPsBPH2M1U

Inspired to make this post because I think this is problem that is worse than being unmotivated and having bad habits in the first place. I came across the whole concept of self improvement during the pandemic in around mid 2020 to early 2021. Up until this point, I was the most overweight I had ever been, was scrolling, playing video games, watching porn, drinking, smoking, doing everything you could imagine that is just so bad for you. During this time tried to make money online with drop shipping, and when that didn't workout I felt even worse and engaged in my same bad habits. I came across the concept of self improvement and dedicating a part of your life to being better and came across the usual suspects: Hamza, Iman, Goggins, even Tate towards the end there. I was learning all these new concepts of meditating, lowering stimulation, dopamine detoxes etc. I was having fun learning all of this and quickly found myself in a new problem, that was likely worse than the one before. I started to stimulate myself and feel productive from simply watching these videos rather than taking action. I quickly turned into a self improvement nerd of being weird locking myself in a room to watch these videos. Overall the point of this post is, if you're a person who is trying to discipline themselves, get onto self improvement, do it the right way. And the right way is something that I discuss here: https://youtu.be/PlrR2d0fF2w. I promise you have not seen anything like this before, because this is something I learned from experience, and eventually put inthe rigth steps to get to where I am now. Nowhere near perfect, but taking action daily.

Hi all

Advice on reconnecting after a reclusive period. What steps would you take? What’s the worst case scenario?

Coming out of a depression episode I think triggered by pandemic but also isolation living rural in a different country. I have or had a wide social circle and was very active. I retreated from all contact including from my childhood best friend. I did contact them after they got annoyed at me not replying to say it’s not them it me and I need space to work out what’s going on in my head. A very confusing foggy time. A few months ago I moved back to the city and am now starting to get some life back. I’m a bit like holy shit what even happened and was it real.

I understand it’s been probably 4 years or so now and I am still living abroad. Not a day goes by I don’t think about this but I can’t act on it. I am trying to confront my conflicts now and become more accountable, self aware on my thoughts and start actions so they don’t fester. The reason I stopped contacting was low self esteem, I felt like I had nothing valuable to say so what was the point in speaking. I felt everyone just rolled their eyes when I spoke. I had some work and home relationships in my life that were highly critical and ground me down so slowly I didn’t notice and ultimately assumed I wasn’t worth anything.

They never made me feel this way and we were always each others cheerleader. I would like to reconnect. I guess I need to ask myself now, what’s the hesitation. Reaction?

Thoughts?

I just got broke up with today. Yesterday we had such perfect time. He held me and begged me not to leave him. I never could have thought today might be it. But it is and I didn't realize he dropped hints until now. We were so perfect for each other. We loved each other and we grew with another. He said he couldn't know for sure if he loved me. He didn't want this to go down 2 years down the road and one day stop loving me. He said he wasn't sure if I could be his wife , we started dating almost 10 months ago. He was always worried because we had sex before marriage. He was in a bad place mentally before me and had past with other women - nothing to serious. I was the first and I thought I would have been the only. What can I do to help cope .... I know I shouldn't go back but damn if he ask I know I will....

Hi guys, I normally wouldnt ask your help but there are some things no matter hard I try I just cant deal with myself. I am on anti depressants and I tried therapy, but the 20 free sessions that I had run out so now I am on my own.

I am 23 y o man, and I struggle with forming relatioships with woman. I feel like we have trouble forming connections. I have never been in a relatioship, or even kissed a girl. I have tried making friendships with woman, but often time no matter how carring and supportive I tried to be I am the only one dragging the friendship ahead.

At first I can begin that I am usually very extroverted, however due to my traumas I have anxiety. In my family people also struggle with forming stable relationships, and I also have severe trauma of my dad leaving me when I was kid. Violent step- dad who was really abusive, and very severe bullying in school. Now I am in university. I had actually gone very far way in correcting everything, being confident and owning my life, but past years have really walked back any progress I made and sent me down a spiral. Last year I finally stabilized somewhat and I really put in a lot of effort in my multi year plan to socialize a lot with woman and eventually find a girlfriend. I went to a lot of events. And really used my social butterfly skills. Since I got into very severe depression during covid years my social skills have deteriorated, but still I tried. I actually for the first time in my life went on a dates, which was a huge for me, but every single one of the girls eventually hurt me. One turns out was seeing another dude simutaneously, and never saw me as serious option, and even thou I bought her flowers and talked openly during our half year connection span, about my feelings, in the end it left me devastated and empty. there were a lot of mixed messaging, like asking, when I am going to introduce her to my friends and family stuff. But this story aint about my past connections, its about that I tried several times, and each time I felt like they just didn't see me as real option. Is it too much to be desired? Seeing my best friend never having problem with it. I really also worked on myself. I lifted weight, was really into running. Ran half a marahtons. Had some decent photos of me surfing. I have two dogs who I love so so much. I also play musical instrument, and am medical student. And still. No matter what. No matter how hard I tried. I was always overlooked. I never felt the acceptance from outside my family, and my best friend. Now my therapist lady told me to stop trying to do what I cant do and stop trying to form relatioships with woman, because it always destabilises me, meaning, I get very sad and depressive. Now my best friend got a GF, and I feel horrible, because I did so much, tried so hard, and no matter how much. I was not even playing the same game. And my friend always shares everything about their relatioship, even thou I have told him many times that it hurts me a lot. Right now I cant stop crying. I just want the pain to stop. I cant take it anymore. I need to study for exam, but I cant calm myself down.

I was researching in how trauma can be genetically transmited by genes, along with personality.

Personally, as a kid I had this feeling that wasn't bad, but was there somewhere, after a few years when life throw me all the rocks it could get I started to feel melancholic and started to show symptoms of every single physical consecuence my parents had growing up due to their bad upbringing, like being depressed since I was like 10yo to later eating disorders to drug adiction.

I try to understand it, but even if I do, I feel like there's nothing that can change that entirely, maybe a fix here and there but nothing significant to feel like I'm a new person.
Even if I stop talking to my family all together, go somewhere else far away and never talk to anybody ever again is something my parents did and are now are entirely alone.

Even then, I'm still trapped in this flesh jail with bad genes I have to carry all my life, trying to avoid being like them at all costs, but its a cycle it never stops, no matter if i'm on anti-depressants or not.

I've been years in therapy, and I'm more self aware than my parents, it feels like my life was written way before I was born. Even being concious, I still made the same mistakes my parents did no matter how much I tried to distance myself from them mentally or phisically.

Me and my ex girlfriend moved out of our apartment and broke up 8 months ago. It was my first REAL relationship lasting longer than a few months, lasting about a year. I lost my virginity to her which I feel may have something to do with why she feels so special to me, she was more experienced with 10+ past sexual partners. She had this crazy ex that constantly called her and stalked us she always just blocked him and had me tell him id beat him up etc. It always bothered me but it was never all that serious because she always explained how I was just levels above all her exes in every way. Come to find out 3 months into us moving in together she had been messaging this so called "Psycho" ex boyfriend complaining about me and seeking emotional support from him. She said she was pretending he was me and just wanted to feel obsessed with. All while im just clueless thinking I am building a family young and doing good for us. Obviously she wouldn't do that for no reason we were having rising issues in the relationship and not seeing eye to eye on things. I had a weird feeling something telling me to stay with her and tough it out. Surely enough a week later we find out she is pregnant (by me) for 3 weeks about. We start preparing and things she ended up losing her job over some silly stuff and I had to hold down the bills up until the end(i make pretty good money for 20yo). Things were awful about a month after finding out about the pregnancy, I just wasn't able to take her serious anymore after the betrayal she had put me through, but I wanted things to work so bad not just for the baby I really love this girl I have loved her since high school, I wanted things to work more than she did. She ended up being completely moved out after I had come home from work one day. It was surreal my home was empty and the puppy I had gotten with her had nervously pooped everywhere because his mom just up and left. I was torn up over the breakup and just wanted to be a family and protect and provide for her while shes pregnant. She finally contacts me weeks later to let her put the baby up for adoption and I just told her "I understand you are not ready Just let me take the baby". I have a big family who would be willing to help me raise the baby, she said that if you say no we just have to co parent". I said thats kind of shitty of you and she replied with "I could still just get rid of it you know" being 4 months pregnant BTW. I said no and she hung up and blocked me. I then no caller id call her 2 days later so I can get some belongings from her she didn't answer then she texted me saying that she had a miscarriage and that my stuff will be at her moms house ready to be picked up. I started typing out a paragraph to try and talk to her and comfort her in anyway because I have no idea what that may feel like even if she didn't want the baby. Just to see that she had blocked me instantly. Me being 20 I may be too young for kids, but we laid down and did it its our responsibility to love that child. I was really excited to have a baby with her and I feel sorry for the way things had to end between us, she is so important to me in so many ways I would do anything for her to this day even after all she did to me. After her cheating on me and leaving out of the blue I would still take her back I just want to stop feeling this way. Its like a soul tie you have every reason to start getting over her but you just cant. Every other night I dream of her, that we are still together and we got over things. Every single day all hours she haunts my mind, im to the point where im going crazy about it. I know it could never work out again, I know she hates me, and I know I should probably resent her too lol. For all I know she could've already went through more than one relationship in this time and here I am a grown ass man still dwelling. I have been on and off therapy since I was about 14 for my bpd and have found medication helps in some ways but also creates others so atp I do not attend therapy and I do not take any stimulants since about febuary this year. Having this im used to dealing with things differently and im used to taking a long time to get over things but this is different. I feel now that I have no motivation to ever try anything again with another girl, I went on a date with this really nice and put together girl about 2 weeks ago, and just couldnt feel anything towards her. It sounds messed up but she is better than my ex in every way. Mentally stronger, more attractive, everything and it just doesnt matter to me. I dont want it unless its my ex, its sad and weak to say that my mental health is worse than ever because of a female but its true, I drink everyday and self medicate with pain pills and smoke over half a pack of cigs a day. Im 6 foot 3 and I weigh a whopping 145 pounds I sleep like shit I spend all my money as soon as I get it and I have no plans or motivation of getting better for the future. Its just like ive accepted the fact im not getting over her and im just meant to be alone. People come to me with similar stories some even worse, wich makes me feel like such a pussy for letting this ruin my life. My dream has always been to find my girl and start a family. And now I feel like my dream has been crushed and my new interests consist of sending my bike 150 on the freeway. Sorry for the essay Ive never really used reddit but anyone ever dealt with a soul tie like this? just constant haunting im ready for it to be over. I messaged her on snapchat about a month ago just asking her to talk maybe to just catch up(not with hopes of getting back) and she blocked me instantly. I know I shouldnt do things like that and keep letting her control me Its just like ive given up.

So for me, two kinds of stretches helped relieve a lot of my mental strain.

1. A combined neck stretch with your chin pointed all the way up with your shoulders pushed back & downwards to help stretch and relieve your chest tension. (You can turn your neck slightly to the right or left for a bigger stretch.)

2. Another is to breath in and hold for 20 seconds with your chest pushed out. Stretching and relieving your chest.

Disclaimer: I'm not a professional, this is just what I personally did that helped me a lot. And I hope it helps anyone reading this.

I forgot nothing.

Hi all, I am posting on here for some advice on how to move on and also just to let this out. Sorry for the pretty long post.

Around two years ago I (31 F) met someone (32 M) through a dating site. I'll call him by his first initial which is the letter D. He was a little different to the type of guy that I had experienced before. He was very alternative and had a large number of tattoos, which I honestly didn't know I loved. When we first met, he was incredibly kind, chatted to me constantly, told his friends and his mother about me and genuinely seemed to want something real. He would say that he hoped I would "stick around", agreed that we were exclusively seeing each other and sent me screenshots of him telling his friends that he no longer felt like speaking to other women. He would also send heart emojis, put a heart by my name in his phone and would comment on where we could move in together in the future.

We slept together after around a month. From my perspective it was amazing and I was really hopeful that there was something significant going on. I left his flat the day after and for the first time since we'd met, heard nothing from him for the majority of the day. I grew a bit anxious because we'd just had sex but tried to keep myself occupied. Eventually I messaged him to see if he was ok and to my relief, he arranged to see me again. We continued seeing each other for around a month, although he definitely made less effort over the phone and had less time to see me. We lived just over an hour away from each other and I would do the travelling. Despite this, my feelings grew and I wanted to make the effort. On the day of my brother's engagement party, he sent me a text saying that he "shouldn't even be dating" and then ghosted me. I was gutted but after a month of silence, really started to move on and feel happy again without dating anyone. One day at work, I got a message from D out of the blue, apologising for the way he "handled" the situation and stating that he wanted to "make the effort". He asked if we could meet and although I was doubtful, I still really liked him. He said he was nervous to see me after what had happened, but was excited to possibly date again.

We met and had a meal together but I found myself so nervous around him after what happened. So much so, that I couldn't eat much in front of him because I felt like I couldn't swallow my food. I thought that this would resolve itself as I relaxed, but it never did. As the months went on, his effort quickly dropped again. He kept turning his phone over around me and the negative comments started. He would critisise my weight and say I had a "pin-head" (I am only 5ft 4 and have always been pretty slim but not severly) in comparison to the rest of my body. He also stated that "most of what came out of" my "mouth was rubbish." He criticised my clothes constantly and said that I was "awkward" and possibly had "special needs." I am a SEND teacher with a first class degree. He would routinely comment on how attractive he found other women to my face - even during a hotel stay which I booked for his birthday. When we first met he described me as "gorgeous and out of his league" and said that he "got lost" in my eyes. His hands were shaking on our first date and he drove the wrong way home, apparently thinking about me.

Gradually, the affection had totally vanished and he would literally ignore me all day and respond after 6-8 hours, claiming to be busy. Whenever I tried to bring it up with him, (I tried to end it at one point after some difficult personal news making me rethink the situation), he would state that we had different styles of communication and that I was unreasonable because "FYI" he was just trying to get his life together and I didn't know how hard that was. I went out of my way to show him care and respect. I would be paying for hotel rooms to see him in whilst he let his flat out on air bnb, comforting him if he'd had a bad day, baking him gluten free cakes, massaging his head and feet if he was stressed and travelling to see him whenever he could fit me into his schedule. I noticed that he would still describe himself to me as single and refer to seeing me as his "relaxation time". I was too nervous to say anything. Although it was rare, he would occasionally be more open (usually after a drink or two) and complimentary whilst calling himself "weird" and a "deflector" during some more open conversations. He also hinted at having an erectile disfunction. I already realised this when we first started sleeping together but accepted it, said nothing, enjoyed it anyway and felt that it really didn't matter. I would see him once every two weeks and only when he invited me. At one point, he thought he had an STI, so we didn't see each other for a while as he requested. I had always been careful and clear of anything. When I eventually saw him again, there was massage oil by his bed, despite him living alone. He also stopped wanting to go on dates in his local area and was suddenly happy to travel elsewhere to meet up. At random points during these months and weeks, he would suddenly be "nice" to me, even holding me and joking about me being the mother of his children in the future whilst we bathed one evening.

Finally, whilst on a holiday (in my family holiday home) I noticed that he very obviously didn't seem to want me there. He would avoid any physical contact apart from during sex. The background criticism of my life choices (the fact that I lived at home and paid my parents rent whilst stacking up savings for a house in the future) and hints that he went on other "date nights" continued. He also told me that I could speak to other men and I said that I didn't want to. We agreed on doing valentines cards which we would exchange on the holiday. I gave him his and he said he'd "get mine from the car later" but I never recieved it. During the next day, he suddenly joked about planning a proposal (he knew I had turned down a proposal from an ex at the same place where we were staying, years before) and I (admittedly grumpily) brushed him off. Whilst cleaning up to leave at the end of our stay, I moved his phone and his screen flashed up with messages from girls on dating apps. It had been 7 months at this point. When confronted, he said that I was wrong for "assuming his loyalty" despite us both making our boundaries clear before we first had sex.

During the quiet trip home, he grabbed my hand and asked if I was "sick of his shit" and tried to make plans to return to Cornwall as "something to look forward to." D dropped me off at my parent's home, kissed me once and left. He then ended things with me over text a week later, stating that he didn't see the relationship going anywhere and that he didn't like how upset I was about him speaking to other women. I accepted this and tried to send a kind response, wishing him happiness. He ignored the message and then on my birthday, texted me with a happy birthday, three kisses and a closing "all the best." For the first time since we had met, I didn't reply. I remember that I sat in my car sobbing my heart out, before going to work.

I had been treated badly by men in the past, but nothing has ever impacted me like this before. The worst part was, I was so nervous around him that I would make ridiculous mistakes that I would never usually make (driving on the wrong side of the road when he got in my car once, forgetting to add oil to the pan when cooking for him and so on) so it only added to his reasons to criticise me. I am now happier generally, but still have negative thoughts about his attitude towards me (blame myself for not being enough) every day. One plus is that I no longer cry over it but instead feel angry at myself and very humiliated. I have started to wonder if I will have to just live with it. I have gone down the usual self-help routes (counselling, talking to close friends and family etc) but it is still haunting me and I have learnt to mask it around others. Has anyone experienced anything like this and when did you finally let go of the hurt? Do you think I could have helped him somehow? Did I miss something that I should have supported him with? I would just like to stop tormenting myself over it.

Thanks so much for any comments or advice.

I dated this girl and fell madly in love with her but it all started out very rocky and we got in to alot of arguments that just got worse for several reasons and we both said things we couldn't take back. None of my friends liked her and it was hard to get through the day without fighting. Save to say, it took a great toll on both of us and I felt we definitely shouldn't be together but at the same time it felt like we were meant to be together. I thought that maybe if we met under different circumstances, it would work. When I had matured and she had found herself. (she was very codependent) l ended it and it was very hard and I was almost regretted it immediately. I thought I had moved on.

Now two years later I have found the kindest and most supportive girlfriend and feel like I couldn't have wished for a better match in a lot of ways. Of course the past have a way of sneaking back inexplicably, and it's Killing me inside. lately I've been having dreams about this ex and she been occupying my mind a lot and of course, on my way to work I see her walking by me she was looking at her phone so I don't think she saw me I wanted to say hi and maybe get some closure but I didn't I just find it so wild that at the same time I start thinking about as much as I do currently she actually appears. And I feel so bad for my current partner that I have these thoughts because she is literally perfect and my fucked up mind can't appreciate that enough so I obsess about a woman who made me feel like less of a person and used to guilt trip me and gaslight me every chance she got but still there was something enthralling about her and we had something that felt so special sometimes when I've talked with my friends about it they remind me how sad I was all the time and that they don't wanna see me like that again and it helps me bit somehow she still haunts me...

Last year I met this girl(23). We first interacted on instagram and we hit it off immediately. It felt like she was someone who invaded my planet but came in peace. I never thought someone would be interested in my weird and obscure ass. I was just happy & ecstatic to be with someone that liked me back. She even let me put Publix subs in her purse and we’d eat em at the park! We were wild together and I loved that, but of course, all waves come crashing down.We went through some heavy shit together, and I tried to stick it out to see if things would get better. They didn’t, we got into an argument early as hell in the morning and some things were said that shouldn’t have been said and out of hurt I walked away. Everybody around me knew that she wasn’t good for me, and I admit that I was blinded by love (god that sounds corny as fuck.), but not even a year later and she’s having someone else’s kid?! I know that I did the damage to myself by looking on her social media out of curiosity, but the reality of being a temporary placement is very sobering and leaves a lump in my throat as I’m typing this. That was the first girl in my adulthood that I loved. I understand everyone has their own life and I need to move on, but am I tripping for being sad about this? It’s been running though my head for the past 48 hrs. Anyone out there?

My ex kept me as a slave. I spent a long time thinking that the entire purpose of my life was serving and submitting to my ex. I’m struggling with rebuilding my personhood. I have a difficult time making decisions or “wanting” things.

He made me quit my job and he took all the money when he kicked me out. I don’t have money for therapy.

I just don’t feel like a human being anymore and I don’t know how to get help. I’m transgender, there are no resources that will help me. My family doesn’t give a shit about me. I feel completely disconnected.

Hey. So, I've been dealing with a breakup for about two months for now. I fell back into some vices and hurting myself because of it. I tought he was the love of my life, but seeing it now, I was simply naive and insecure, and he knew just what to say. So now that he left me and I'm getting a bit better, I figured it'd put to good use the first love letter I made for him: burning it to a crisp. I know it isn't much, but it meant a lot for me, so letting it go is a big weight off for me.

My friend turned into something very different, at start we were having super fun, in last 3 years...

He started hanging out with his new friends and put me in the background, When his friends got rid of him, he started talking to me more. I always called gave him some motivation and stuff.

It was obvious that he had trust issues because he wasn't sharing anything with me. Then he got a girlfriend and He started talking to me less.

We live in different cities, for 6 years he did not come to see me even when he had the opportunity, I never had enough money so I couldn't. But he come to city I live to see his few month old gf.

He couldn't get into school, he couldn't find a job, I learned that he beat his cat. I never judged I always tried to help, I tough that's what friend would do. One day I told him I tried to suicide (long story) an he didn't even called me just text few type and out. After few days I realized It's weird he never called.

yesterday

We we were talking, He started to mock religion so I told him stop doing that then he insulted me for my religion by saying that he doesn't believe in imaginary people and that he doesn't need such things to feel good. I swear I never forced him to believe, ever

Then I got so angry for his ego, I told him everything, he told me that Im a crybaby making some drama. I told his mistakes for 10 times, he never once accept what he did, then I realized all that time I call/text him, I wasted my time, so I told him our friendship over and blocked him.

I didn't felt sad, I just felt guilty for not doing that before 2 years.

Hello, There was something that happened in September of 2023. Ever since this has happened I have been stuck dwelling and ruminating on it, unable to go forward. I have slowly stopped doing things I used to do or activities I would enjoy. It feels I have been losing a lot of my life consumed by this. I feel it is related to a grudge, denial feeling and also that of a mistake possibly. Regardless of what I do I feel like I can't get over this issue. Despite supportive information or videos online, I feel I am incapable of letting go of this issue or event, even when I try to do something else, it is constantly on my mind. It feels like something happened that couldn't happen, and I wish I could go back in time, and not get involved with the issue from September 2023. Wishing I could go back in time to that moment and do something different. Holding onto the negative which I never wanted to do, is preventing me from going forward. I feel other things would have been different if I did not get involved in the event of September 2023, and holding onto more baggage of events where I could not commit to because of being stuck. I have been like this for the past 6 months and it feels like nothing helps and that is impossible to get out of the situation to live life again. I'm not sure what to do.

I'm close to finishing my first semester after switching majors from Game Design to computer science. I feel bad because I already want to quit. It's just not clicking, but I've hardly experienced any real class or content regarding my major.

I don't know what to do here. I'm worried I'm walking away and giving up too soon.

I will probably delete my reditt soon, & Maybe now God only remains as my last hope for the reason am existing on earth, dont know how long will that last,, no am not gona kms or any such thing,

2. but i have become hopeless, struggling each day with my shortcommings, maybe i had these shortcommings since my early childhood, self esteem issues, people bullying, even because of my one mistake one of my friend got bullied (these are probably storiea of my school days 10 years ago story, we all have likely moved on)

3. Family issues, getting blamed, failing in lot of things because of my shortcommings, maybe i was just...i Dont know

Now i have put all my faiths and hope on God, i want to fight it back, but i think i have lost my strength... (am also choosen to have therapy) because i also have ocd & sever anxiety which makes my life a living hell

Please Consider me as YourSmall Brother🙏 And Lene me Any Valubale Advice You Can

I will forever be greatful to you all 🙏

Frankly I mostly need to vent, but hearing some perspective never hurts.

I struggle to sleep before 3 AM. I suspect delayed sleep phase syndrome, but am unsure. Some weeks I do better than others, but I have a very hard time going against my bodies instinct to stay up.

I work 3 days a week, 12 hours. The dream, right? Except I wake up at 5 AM. I struggle tremendously to do so and then struggle to function those days, and then to function my days off.

I'm not sure 12s are for me. I did fine on 4 10 hour shifts, but I'm just not sure if I can handle getting up that early consistently enough to not get written up for attendance eventually.

I'm trying super hard to make it work. I want to have this 4 day weekend so I can stay in college and maintain a social life without sacrificing making good money.

If that doesn't work, though, I may have to move to second shift. It's perfect for my sleep habits. But I'd miss out on virtually every social gathering I care about and be forced to make new friends. I'd still see my lifelong friends I'm sure, but I'd seldom see some other people I care about.

Granted, I'm somewhat reclusive, I still fear this schedule may have me focusing more on work and less on living.

What are the experiences of others who struggle with sleep?

I honestly want to get clean so bad. I have a newborn daughter and I need a better job. My goal is to get in to the union but I can’t pass a drug test. By the end of each day I’m so stressed out and overstimulated that I fail.

I was suicidal yesterday so I called 911. Police came and I talked to them a bit before the crisis responders came and talked to me. I told them how I was feeling and how nothing interests me and so I wanted to die. I told them how I'm in therapy and taking meds and yet nothing is working.

I also told them I did not want to go to the psych ward for the 7th time, especially since I lost my insurance.

I come home from work at close to 5:00 P.M. I work 7-4, but my commute is kinda long. I work at Walmart so I could transfer to a store closer to me, but there are no openings and I like my boss and co-workers so transferring would be a risk.

But because I come home at 5:00 P.M., I'm in bed at 8:30 P.M. That gives me three and a half hours to do something with my time.

But I don't do anything. I can't get into a video game unless it's the weekend. The reason being that with video games, once I am playing I have little self-control and so I will stay up normally past my bedtime unless I got the chance to play for at least 6 hours or so. But that's all when things are normal for me.

Things have been far from normal. I can't get interested in anything it seems even on the weekend. My other hobby is playing my guitar but I can't even get into that. It just seems like too much effort. I thought about going to Meetups, but the only Meetups in my town this week were for walking/running groups and trivia at a bar. No thank you. But I have another reason why I'm resistant to socializing.

Because I hate my hometown where I live, and I'm currently living with my mom at age 32 but paying rent.

So why not move? Because I don't want roommates and I can't afford to live on my own. Also, I don't know where I'd want to move to. Also I have $12,000 in unpaid college debt.

I have no friends, I've never been in a significant relationship, and I don't have any idea what I want to do career-wise. But I've tried out a lot of jobs already. Teaching, retail, warehouse, office work, data entry. Nothing has really stuck.

But back to my main point. I go through each day now not being interested in anything. Not interested in talking to co-workers. Not interested in watching TV or movies. Not interested in exercise. Not interested in video games. Not interested in playing music.

The only thing that I seem to be doing a lot is ruminating about my problems and seeking support online. But it got to the point where I was reading posts on the Internet and making posts like this and nothing was helping me. The crisis that happened yesterday is what resulted. And I think crises like the one yesterday are only going to become more frequent until eventually I un-alive myself.

When I read so-called supportive comments online, they say something like:

"I can relate. You're not alone. I know it's hard."

Like how is this supposed to help me? Knowing that I'm not alone doesn't make me feel any better about the problems I have!

"Get a hobby. Join a club. Lift weights. Volunteer."

I have a hobby. I'm just not interested in it. Why would I want to join a club when I hate where I live? Physical exercise? How do I get motivated to do that? Volunteering? I did that before when I was out of work and it didn't make me feel much better about myself and was even stressful.

And then I'll say all these things and someone will write"

"You just have to do it. Just do it."

Except my problem is I can't "just do" anything. It's like with my depressive episode yesterday at work. I was working very slowly for two hours while fighting the negative thoughts and exerting so much effort to just make it to my first break. And you know what? I didn't make it through the day. I had to go home early. Obviously I couldn't just "Just do it" or "hang in there."

So I'm frustrated. I hate that I can't find anything pleasurable. I hate that I even have to try to have fun or enjoy things. So how do I get over it?

How can someone say they love you but not want to date you? How can you love someone and not want to be with them? Also after having basically a relationship for 2 years how does one just move on to the next? Are you still in the back of their mind? Will he miss me down the line? I'm so hurt and confused.

I am stuck inside a pot and I can’t move. The only thing I can use to get around is a big hammer. What do I do?

I, 23m, have been suffering from depressing, anhedonia and suicidal urges since at least the age of 11. I have spent years and thousands on therapy and have tried a number of antidepressants with no luck. I'm now back at university, working out every day, applying for jobs but all I want is to die. No aspect of life be it family, friends, employment goals or hobbies brings me any spark of joy. I do not see life as something worth living to me as I simply don't enjoy or value it. I have recently been considering the military as just something to keep me busy but i feel it would just make things worse. at this point every support system short of experimental treatments such as ketamine therapy or cranial electro stimulation has failed me and just added more to my sense of not being interested in life.

I have no fallback childhood dreams or goals as I was still a very melancholic individual going back as far as i can remember. I'm not sure how I'm meant to just keep throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks when I'm literally broke from therapy and meds that haven't helped yet.

The only times in my life where I have had any joy were from toxic co dependant relationships where I was just feeding off of my partners happiness as a crutch. I have no idea what to do outside of continuing to try random shit until it either kills me or I am magically fixed by the right hobby. for context I have pretty severe autism which makes a lot of the usual suggestions of being more social a bit moot as having friends significantly drains me emotionally and leaves me even more depressed.

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help!

I met this guy (m23) in Asia where I (f21) lived for 7 months. We unofficialy dated for 3months (he asked me to date but I refused bc I knew that I was coming back) but still basically we were a couple. Then I came back to Europe and it basically never had an official ending. Both missed eachothers very much for few months, then he started dating. That lasted for a few months and then they broke up. Until this day we have still been talking every single day and for me it’s very hard to think of him as a friend because he really mattered so much to me. He clearly moved on but still keeps saying that I’m a special person to him. This week I reached one year since I left and I still can’t get over him. He also started dating again this month and for me it’s really hard to watch it(on Insta). Should I tell him honestly how I feel even after all of this time? I told him on November how I feel and it still hasn’t changed… Is it okay to stop talking to him suddenly? Is it too intrusive and uncomfortable to tell him that I still have feelings even though he’s dating now??? omg I have tried my everyhing to get ut of thisssss~~~

This is my first time ever posting or opening up online. I recently was dumped from my ex-gf after 3 yrs. We tried long distance for 6 months and one day she called me and said "I'm never coming back and enjoy my life here in europe. Sorry" It really shocked me but at the same time she was respectful enough to not keep me waiting. Kinda rip the bandaid off. Over the course of our relationship she had gotten physical (closed fist) which had never happen to me before. I feel like im in this curse to loving her bc i've hidden or accepted her shitty behavior towards me. We've gone no contact for 2 weeks... the first time in 3 yrs we havent spoken.

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How do i move on and realize this wasn't the best relationship. From the abuse, distance and "change of her lifestyle". Like can someone just hype me up and said f*** that chick. She comes off as such and angel and super chill girl but i've seen the worst in her. Is this normal? anything helps

This is my personal success story, hope it’s okay to share here. I just really want to shout it from the rooftops.

For decades now, I’ve wanted to die. Either by suicide or other means. I’ve never thought about my future, never cared to take care of myself.

I finally got some decent health insurance, took a vacation to a completely different country with a different culture, and I felt a spark in me. I thought, “I want to see more of the world”. The day after I got back, I made two appointments: one for medication, and one for therapy. I started going to the gym. Not regularly, but more often than not at all.

I’ve been taking this particular mix of medication for about a month now, it was annoying and a pain in the ass to find my right mix. Therapy sucks sometimes because it brings painful traumas and memories and thoughts to the surface that I’ve never faced head on before. But I’m ready to do it right.

I still have bad days, days where all I can do is go to work and go home…but I still don’t want to die on those days.

Life has been pretty dark for me lately. Been putting on a brave face and pushing through. Just fake it to you make it mentality. Been feeling like I have nothing to look forward to. Just wake up, work a crap job, go home to pay the bills, go to bed, repeat. Been like that for something like 14-15 years. I don't go out with friends, I don't have any that would go out anyways(the 2 are of an older generation). So it's been work and basically NOTHING else(do play video games on occasion but never more than 2-3 hours a week don't have time because of work anymore). Recently got hurt at work. Not to serious but it did put a hamper in the facade I've put up. Can't do my job properly so modified work is all I can do is making me feel even more inadequate than I already do. Then something happened that gave me some hope and happiness. Nearly forgot what it felt like to wake up and be like "wait I have that now" and actually look forward to something. Then it went away. And that dread set back in that my life is going to go back to being just a robot with tasks to fulfill, recharge with some sleep then more tasks to fulfill. Had gotten a taste of a halfway decent life and don't want to go back to what I now know as a deplorable life. Not looking for advice or help per say just a place to let it out.

UPDATE: numb but at least I'm not manic. Sounds bad but means I'm moving forward for me.

I hate my job with a firey passion. I work in Aircraft, working 3 days a week 12 hour shifts. Yes, it's only 3 days a week, but I never feel well rested or recovered. My sleep is almost always horrible. I wake up at 5 AM 3 days a week to go to a loud, unpleasant, uncomfortable factory that is absolutely disgusting and am surrounded by unpleasant people. I honestly haven't felt good about work or working since I was 18, largely due to my lack of energy.

The last job I even remotely enjoyed was delivery driving, but that (in my area) isn't reliable for hours or pay.

I'm a part time college student but I'm probably gonna have to take some time off. I'm struggling to function or wake up before 1 PM most days.

I'm not sure if moving to a lower stress, lower pay position is a viable option.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Needed to vent about it.