/r/helpmecope
This subreddit is intended for people to talk about ways they have been able to cope with life's stressors, people to request ways to cope, and lists of tools, exercises, and interventions to help cope. Coping skills, techniques, and strategies.
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Check out the Wiki for all the links in one place. There will be more information added as the sub grows.
This is a sub dedicated to helping people cope with life's difficulties. Sometimes shit gets thrown at you and you find yourself frozen and not able to dodge it. Hopefully this sub can provide the shit-dodging tools necessary for you to maintain good mental health. Feel free to post any coping techniques that you have found to work for you. If you need help coping, feel free to ask for help.
Thank you for visiting and feel free to set your own flair. :)
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Research study recruitment posts are permitted if the study is affiliated with a university program and approved by an ethics board; please message the mods before posting.
Please respect everyone.
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Stopping racing thoughts and catastrophizing
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/r/helpmecope
Here to vent and hopefully find someone to talk to.
For some historical context:
For some stupid reason, I still care about and miss all these people. I’d go as far as to say I still love them. But they never loved me and that’s not going to change.
Periodically let my ex back in to my life because I’m still painfully lonely and when he needs me I’ll be there for him. But he’s just used my emotions, money, time, energy all over again and left me alone and feeling broken.
I know I should know better. I’ve literally spent the past 3 years entirely alone without speaking to any of these people, trying to make connections at groups and classes but only making acquaintances. I spend months without human contact. I have no one to call when I’m in need. No one to hug when I need a hug.
I feel ugly, unloveable, less than, worthless, alone, unwanted etc.
I would literally do anything to find someone who loves me for real. As a friend or a partner.
Feel like I’ve tried everything and I’m still just completely alone and I’m worried it’ll stay this way forever.
Ugh so much pain. I’m sorry to bother you guys.
Today I have a day off from work. I know my depression is going to hit me hard today. I'm going to wind up doing nothing and it's going to make me feel like shit. And my thoughts often become suicidal when i'm alone with them like this with nothing to do.
I’m disgusting to look at, I’m poor, broke, a fat 30 year old loser with a dead end job who can barely afford a rental. All I want is love and it’s impossible to achieve when you’ve lost all confidence in yourself. Mostly due to the fact that no woman will look at me without turning away. I can’t live like this.
Hello, I am seeking participants who would like to receive free therapy as part of a graduate counselor training program based out of the Netherlands. The sessions will be once a week from Jan-May 2025 and can be completely virtual, so participants can join from any country across the globe. The sessions will be conducted in English and all participants must be over 18 years old, if you or someone you know would like more information please fill out the Interest Form
Hey Reddit, here’s a story for you.
So the other night, I went to a party with some friends. My friend Sarah is engaged to this guy, Martin, and he and I ended up having a few drinks together. At some point, Martin asked Sarah if he could kiss me to see if he liked guys, and, to my surprise, she agreed. (For context, I’m married, and my husband was also okay with it.)
The kiss happened, and after, Martin openly admitted that he felt turned on. Apparently, this wasn’t the first time he’s wanted to try kissing a guy, and it sounds like he’s even brought it up to Sarah before on multiple occasions. Now it’s been a couple of days, and I’m the only one left feeling weird about it. It’s not like I feel anything romantic or emotional for him—I think it’s more that I’m just processing that it happened at all.
Anyway, just needed to get that off my chest and see if anyone else has been in a similar situation. How do you move on from something like this without making it into a big deal? Thanks, Reddit.
I have been having panic attacks all weekend. I just started a new job that was supposed to be a great fit for me. But I’m getting a bad feeling. My boss hasn’t gotten me access to the bank and I’m supposed to take over from the accountants on Friday. I don’t understand why and I’ve asked multiple times. Having access is a prerequisite to my job. I can’t do it without it. I’ve had panic attacks all weeeknd. I can’t think without a xanex. My wife told me not to take this job but I needed to because the money was good. I need someone to talk too. I am so scared. I need to have a sit down with my boss and tell him this is unacceptable. I know just from writing this this looks insane. I should quit but I’m worried my name will be shit in our small tight knit community. I’m doing out here. I really am super terrified.
I've been feeling very lonely and I don't wanna bother my friends with it right now. I have a lot of issues in my life and it has made me suicidal lately. I've gotten better at coping with it, especially how lonely I am romantically but tonight it's hitting hard.
Okay, so I'm living with someone, let's call her X and her to kids G and B, X is 28, G is 9 and B is almost 2, she (X) said I'm touching B because when he is getting changed by her he fights her, and she's saying it must be because I touch him and B finds it enjoyable and "will fight me because I don't do it" when I change B he will kick me, punch me, pull my hair roll over, scream, U name it, now yes B has autism, but I can't tell him off because "he is to young to understand and his disability makes it even harder, now I'm a in house babysitter and cleaner, un voluntarily, I don't wanna do this shit, but X works 2 jobs, I feel B is fighting because he sees X so little now, and when i say im un voluntarily an in house babysitter and cleaner, im almost forced to, when i moved in (end if September) i did agree i would do a load of washing or mop here and there not sweep, vacuum, mop, do laundry, do dishes, cook, change B when the need a bum change, i got paid $500 on Monday, and i got to spend $22 on myself because she needs money for a car rental, okay fair, but im also spending $70 on 70 gigs of data that only lasts me 4 days, before i lived here 35 gigs would last me over a month, in the time ive been here ive only gotten to olay my console on a game i wanted to play for 45 minutes and i got called lazy, X comes home and complains if i forgot to do something or if i didnt do something how she wants it done, ive been doing laundry as ive been writing this and she was sitting in the couch the whole time, and im sick of it, i cant do anything i want to, idk what to do and i need advice, ill answer as many questions as possible
I'm 17 and I'm very suicidal and alone. I've been to the psyque ward twice. I cope by smoking weed, nicotine and cutting. Ik it isn't healthy but it's the only way I can cope rn. Can anybody help me out? I just feel alone
I don't have any one to talk to or express my emotions with most people talk to parents or freinds about break ups but I can't do that sadly and I just want to feel like someone cares about me for a day
I let my mental illness get the better of me and let my worries push my gf away who was really good to me I loved her and sadly it wasn't enough but I do feel like I lost someone who I could of been with forever it was my first time trying to settle down and she left me over our first argument. It feels like she was just waiting for an reason to leave.
please someone help me tell me how to move on my chest and brain hurts when i think about her .
She was a cheater but i cant forget her i lowered my self respect for her i was not able to take her abuse anymore .
please someone help me.
I need to get over my gf I am getting depressed and having headaches please someone help please
Hey everyone,
I hope it’s okay to share my story here. I’m really struggling and could use some support and advice. I was raised by a narcissistic mother in Bangladesh, and I’ve faced mental abuse from her my whole life. This has left me with low confidence, serious anxiety, and mild depression. Growing up, I didn’t socialize much, and because of my mother’s controlling nature, I missed out on learning basic life skills during my boyhood and teenage years.
Since moving to the UK, I’ve finally started to learn things like cooking, which felt like a huge step for me. But even simple tasks can be overwhelming. For example, tying my shoes can take me a long time, and I still struggle with basic self-care. One of the biggest challenges I face is my decision-making. I often make very poor choices. Like, if I need to go from point A to C and I know I should go through B, somehow I’ll end up taking a completely different path. It’s incredibly frustrating because I don’t always get to C, and it makes me feel lost.
I got married recently to my amazing wife, who is the love of my life, but I wasn’t mentally mature when we tied the knot. Now that we’re building a life together, I realize I have so much to learn. I have this dream of becoming a father, but my lack of self-awareness and decision-making skills makes both my wife and me hesitant. If I can’t take responsibility now, how will I manage a child?
I feel fatigued, tired, and demotivated all the time. I’ve talked to a medical professional, and I was diagnosed with low folic acid and vitamin D, which they said could contribute to my headaches and fatigue. I often suffer from migraines and sinusitis, which don’t help my mental state either. I have trouble remembering important things, crucial steps in daily tasks, and it upsets my wife. It’s tough to see how this impacts her, and I want to do better for both of us.
I also have significant anxiety when it comes to talking to new people. I avoid social situations as much as possible, and if there’s a group meeting, I find it hard to speak up even if I have questions. I bite my nails and the skin around my fingers constantly, which is another sign of my anxiety. I’ve even taken therapy sessions in the past for psychosexual issues, including struggles with fantasy, porn addiction, and masturbation.
Now that I’m in the UK and no longer under my mother’s control, I’m trying to stand on my own two feet. But I’m afraid to take jobs that require physical or technical skills—like making burgers—because I worry that I might mess up and get scolded or fired. The lack of self-confidence is paralyzing.
I’m reaching out to see if anyone has been through something similar or has advice on how to build confidence, improve decision-making, and navigate these challenges. I really need some guidance right now.
TL;DR: I’m struggling with anxiety, poor decision-making, and basic life skills due to a difficult upbringing with a narcissistic mother in Bangladesh. I dream of being a father, but my lack of self-awareness and responsibility makes both me and my wife hesitant. I’m desperate for advice on building confidence and improving my life.
I hate taking meds. It’s the worst thing. One of them is big enough to make me gag. I have a disorder dealing with my blood pressure and one with digestion. I hate it. I can’t even do regular physical activity without almost passing out.
Hello, I am a 27yo working in a hospital . I recently got a new position with a smaller team am struggling with the personalities within that space. From the interview it seemed like everyone would be nice and friendly but I have since learned that is not the case. I am constantly belittled and talked down to by a team member that isn’t a manager or of any authority, one of the other people on the team has decided she hates me (even though she doesn’t even try to know me) and it doesn’t seem like management cares at all. The coworker that is condescending/ rude/ and belittling is favorited by management and is placed on a pedestal while simultaneously doesn’t do any work. I left my other job to find a better place but this seems to be just as bad… how do I cope? Or what should I do?
Hello i am a 14 year old who is going through the worst time in my life and its all because of my dad who is the literal dEvil himself but worse he's so bad to the point where I just wanna commit sui**ide in my life because he treats me with little to none in terms of resPect he says things that bring me down he physically puts his hands on Me when me and my brother get physical he's threatened mE many times about my bed and that he would make me sleep on the floor and make me read nothing but a book and take every fun in my room away he even had the guts one day when i wanted to go outside that he was going to shoot me with a shotgun that he owned, and i know what your thinking i might sound like im lieing but im not this is a genuine problem in my life its so bad that its to the point where i go online just to talk to random people just so i could get their love that my dad had never showed and not just that he always say when im pissed that if i fucked up when im sneaking around the house to get a late night snack that he would wake up and use his ptsd from the iraq war he had been in and would use it on me and he would say that he would "punch me, hit me kick me" till i was bleeding on the ground and that he wouldn't even call an ambulance to.
So all i have to say is "PLEASE SAVE ME" because i do not feel safe in my house i constantly fear my life around my dad and i always get uncomfortable and I wish he would give a thought on how is words effect me mentally because I have developed so many different mental issues because of his terrine...I know I may sound like I'm ling but I'm not I seriously wish I was dead because of the way he treats me and if I were in a interview I would start crying about the stuff I had endured for half my life
As the image says I've been fuccked over and I feel like shit I went out side after this and my mates called me as I was gonna go into on comming traffic I didn't (obv) but still tempting to use a razor idk what to do I feel like crap
I’m struggling with coping regarding what my girlfriend has recently shared with me. My emotions are all over the place, I’m angry and heartbroken for her. I don’t know where to put the emotions and how to be sensitive regarding the topic and how exactly to proceed.
For context, we’ve been dating for about 8 months, she’s 4 years older than me and we are both women. We have been long distance for about 3-4 months because of work. Planning a trip for her to come to me next month and she was hesitating the day of to get the tickets and air bnb because she needed to share something with me first. She told me that before she met me while on a trip to do social and humanitarian work in another country one of the natives sexually assaulted her. They r worded her and left her with an STI. She communicated she knew she was wrong for waiting so long to tell me and it was obvious how badly the sexual assault still triggered her by how difficult it was for her to even talk about anything regarding the experience.
The entire time I’ve known this woman to be one of the kindest most lovable people I have ever known. Always willing to help people and give to the world. The fact that during her time to help people and do good work to build more for the people there one of them violated her and left her with a chronic life changing reminder of that traumatizing event.
First I told her I wasn’t angry, she wanted to prioritize my feelings and was taking full accountability. I decided to communicate that my love for her was still very much so present, and focused on asking some clarifying questions regarding what happened. I opened a can of worms I don’t think she’s opened in a long time. I had never seen her breakdown so much. She could barely speak. I could barely speak. I felt the pain , I felt anger at the thought of anyone hurting her so deeply.
My chest physically hurt, and my brain. It was hard to conceptualize what she had experienced. How scared she must’ve been, being in a whole other country where things are done differently and being alone. I gave her support where I could and we ended the night on ft. Next day I told her there was more I needed to speak on and know. We addressed the non disclosure and I told her although I understand why she waited to tell me. I’m her first other sexual partner since the event, and the way that we’ve been intimate prior to my knowledge was limited because I placed boundaries until I was more sure about std tests and was just overall more comfortable. That was a risk I knowingly took. I told her this and reaffirmed I was in no way angry with her, but in the future she needs to be honest with me and I shared why. She took accountability and fully understood me. I asked her if that man was brought to justice and who knew of her experience and status. She told me she never told the authorities in the country because she was afraid he would retaliate and hurt her because she didn’t know what connections he had there and she was afraid that the authorities there would kill him or worse and didn’t want that on her head, etc.
I couldn’t help but feel so angry. He gets to walk free when he hurt her that deeply?? He should be dead in my eyes. Or at the very least in jail. He does not deserve to experience life, or infect others. I didn’t want her to feel like I was angry at her but I couldn’t help but feel this unbearable anger. I kept it to myself as much as I could but I genuinely feel pain at the thought of him being free.
She told me no one in her family knew what happened to her. She comes from a family that has ties to the country, but she wanted to protect them from the hurt and decided to not tell them. That added to my pain because I felt like because they have ties maybe they could’ve brought him to justice somehow. Maybe they could’ve given her support. But she’s choosing to silence herself. She loves to talk and I know it’s killing her inside to keep holding her tongue and not sharing her truth. For years she’s done this. I’m struggling to not feel that pain in my heart and frustration at her lack of desire to speak up about what she’s experienced.
I see her as such a powerful and inspiring person. But when she shared everything, I’d never seen her make herself so small. I want him to hurt so bad. I want to find this man and give him the pain he’s caused times a million. It is not healthy to feel this way but I cannot help it. It’s causing me physical stress, I had a headache for days because of my inability to accept such a tragic experience for such a bright person.
She’s tried so hard to rebuild her life and become the best version of herself. No matter what though she is stuck with this biological change in her body because of a disgusting man who doesn’t deserve to live.
I’m feeling myself frustrated with the fact that she will not tell anyone what she’s experienced. It makes me feel like she’s taking away her own power. And I’m trying to understand why a victim of sexual assault might do that. Which adds to this rock sitting in my chest and the throbbing pain in my head.
This is adding on to my distrust, trauma, and disdain for men. I’ve never been r worded by a man only harassed because for the most part U avoid being around them. I reduce my interactions with them out of distrust for them based on the experiences of the women around me. It’s not healthy for me to live like that. But the evidence of the bain of their existence keeps finding its way to me. I have not known many women unscathed by a terrible man. It breaks my heart to know my love is one of those women who has been burned too.
How do I offer her support? I don’t want to ask her to share what she’s been through with her loved ones. But i want her too, it’s just not my place. Our conversations have triggered her and it’s clear she’s trying to stabilize her emotions after our conversations have opened a can of worms. She’s struggling to breathe and stay in the moment. I’m trying to help but I need to be honest with her. But i recognize I’m also limited in how much support I can offer her since I’m long distance rn. We won’t see each other in person for another month.
How do I support her? When do I bring up difficult topics? If there are any people who have been through similar situations what did you need or want from your partners?
For partners that struggled with their own emotions, how did you accept and not hold anger for them? What do I do with my emotions regarding this? How can I best support her and support myself? Who do I talk to?
still here i am thinking that having sex with a guy will make him love me or want to be with me but if you go through my previous subs ive been talking about a guy for a while or whatever. its like whenever i actually leave him alone and dont bother him he just reels me back in we have sex and then he ends up not talking to me until hes asking to fuck again but last night i got drunk and left him a few voice messages tbh i deleted the messages bc i dont even wanna know what i said to him but he just opened them and never responded to them again he actually never responded back to me from like august anyways ive been goin thru this for atleast two years now and i know il getting used but honestly i dont want to keep being that way like i know he isnt good for me but something in my brain tried to convince me otherwise that hes going to end up realizing he misses me and wants to be with me which is delusional but i need advice and just wants someone to give it to me straight. (please dont be mean)
My sister [ELISAB ANISEMAJ] is coming over tomorrow to hang out with my dad, so I'm going camping. When I was about 14 me and my buddy [encrypted] camped out in the back yard and went out galavanting around the neighborhood. When we got back around 11 [niwt doog] was in my sleeping bag having sex with some [gniht] from around town. Not sure what it was really.
Anyway around that time she went ahead and sent me a movie file of two teenage brunettes [esruoc fo sniwt]! Boy were they busaaaaaaa!
Anyway another thing I considered, a few years earlier mr [noved laudividni] told me that his father was a [REDRUMERERERERER] under his breath but his [REDRUMERERERERER] chased us off. The headless goose wasn't happy either.
Anyway guys, AM I THE [ELOHSSA] ???????????????? I need to know before my [retsis] gets here and wants to give me a [ boj wolb].
hi, iv just moved into my uni accommodation, but i'm really missing home. how long should i give myself before i call it quits. i know it will take a while to settle in, that's why im not going home yet, but at what point can i say 'it's not for me' and still know i gave it a go? i know its normal to miss home, obviously, and im not that far, but im really struggling. any advice is welcome
How do I find a new job and a way to save my marriage that could possibly end even if I don’t want it to. I love him but he is going off the rails. Taking drugs and not working for 4 years has done a number on him and so has my job. But it’s the job that he encouraged and told me to do. He has become a different kind of person and he has changed so much as a father the kids are basically scared of him and don’t know what to do or how to act around him anymore and neither do I. I am currently working as a companion. I want to quit this type of work and have a real job that I love and enjoy and be the best I can for him but he has literally just been so mentally abusive to me and my kids. I can’t deal with him doing it to my kids anymore so they are staying with my mom until I figure out what to do. I see why it took a toll on his mental health but he can’t take his anger out on my kids anymore. I have begged him to see a therapist I have done all I can but he is so far out of touch I do not know if I will ever get him back. What do I do? How can I start over?
I have absolutely zero motivation to clean. It’s not even that bad. I’ve been getting in trouble for it tho. It’s 90% clothes I don’t want to fold.
Hello, I am a high school senior looking into going into a long-distance relationship with my gf. We have talked about it and want to do it. I am looking at a medium sized state school and she is looking at small private schools to play softball at and get scholarships for softball. It isn't possible for us to go to the same school because of major availability and cost.
I am writing this post because I am quite frankly terrified. I don't know anything about long-distance or how any of it works. I'm worried about her finding someone better or losing feelings. And, as stupid as it sounds, I'm worried about missing her so much that it could affect my life. I don't know how well I am going to handle the physical separation. Having the ability to be with her is the most important thing for me and I can't stand the thought of not having that ability. When I am not with her or see her for a while I get almost angry but I think its just loneliness.
This has been affecting my current life too because I can't stop thinking about it. Every time I am with her I have a thought along the lines of "In less than a year we won't be able to do this" and I start to spiral into other thoughts related to this. Everyone says to stay in the present but I quite literally can't.
Does anybody have any advice on how to deal with this?
Thank you
I am very shy and want to be accepted by society. In society, I always subconsciously try to be someone else and live up to other people's ideas about me, and I always worry about how others imagine me. I feel limited, awkward, and weak. But when I have to take action in society, I seem to lose control of myself, when I speak, my voice either rises or falls, and the words fly out, completely unnaturally, with poor pronunciation.
In general, I am afraid to be myself, to behave authentically. Because I think that society will look at it negatively and will not accept me, which will bring me more shame. How to be yourself, avoiding conflicts.
My Partner of 9 years is currently very unhappy with life. The current conversations have become more and more about not wanting to live anymore in this current situation. There’s been suicidal ideation several times before but not as much as right now. They have very strict rules about how much I can get involved with their mental health and how much I can bring in others to help. We’ve talked a lot over the years about end of life care and what our wishes are. They have a DNR on file and a paper copy in their wallet. So the question is if I’m afraid they’ll actually attempt suicide do I call for help or walk away which they would prefer. We are in relationship counseling right now but I’m not sure how to bring it up in session. I personally have a lot of Diagnoses that make this even more difficult. Autism, CPTSD, ADHD, Tourette’s, dyslexia, dyscalculia, depression, anxiety and several physical disabilities.
It's amazing how beautiful a person can be and to find out that they're stuck with her illness that won't go away until they depart from this place. Having a spouse with kidney failures like watching them burn slowly in a fire and you can't do anything but try to comfort them as they slowly burn. you fight to hold back tears and stay strong for them as you slowly crumbled away watching helplessly. Just venting spouse if a person with stage 5 kidney failure.