/r/rapecounseling

Photograph via snooOG

RapeCounseling is a Reddit forum dedicated to providing an open forum ONLY for survivors and victims of sexualized violence across the spectrum.

RapeCounseling is dedicated to providing emotional support to those who have experienced rape or any type of sexualized violence.

Commenters are survivors, professionals, or simply kind-hearted and knowledgeable people who care. Under no circumstances should advice in RapeCounseling be considered professional or legal advice.

Rape: Definition

Sub Rules:

Please note: Violation of any rules, intentional or not, will likely result in a ban. If you believe you were mistakenly banned, please contact the Moderation Team to discuss.

1) Remember the person Disrespect of any poster or commenter will not be tolerated. This is a safe place for people to come and talk about vulnerable situations.

2) DO NOT private message posters Do NOT PM posters under any circumstances, unless explicitly invited by the poster themselves. Doing so is a bannable offense. Please do not hesitate to report users and contact us Mods. We will help you report any harassment and unwanted PMs. To add: do not ask people to private message you in a post or comment. There are too many people who prey on the Redditors in this sub and it's too much of a risk.

3) No victim-blaming Victim-blaming comments/posts will be deleted and you will be banned.

4) No invalidation Comments/posts invalidating other's experience will be removed. Users will be subject to ban.

5) No soliciting or ads Under no circumstances are you to ask for money or favors from Redditors in this sub. There are other subs for that. This one is for people who've had experiences surrounding sexual trauma and need emotional support and advice.

6) No research (for the foreseeable future) We used to allow people who were conducting research to post on our sub asking for participants. That is no longer the case. We want to use this sub only for emotional support and advice. This may change in the future.

7) No fetishizers or trolls Redditors can make serious posts and comments about fetishes they feel may have resulted from their trauma, but we will ban anyone who tries to get sexual pleasure from other's trauma. There are other subs for that that you can go to. This rule may be subject to change based on how well it's actually followed.

8) No posts admitting to sexual assault or harassment It has come to our attention that there are posts from Redditors asking if they have committed sexual assault or those admitting they have committed sexual assault. This sub is not appropriate for those posts. This sub is for those who have had acts of sexual assault and abuse committed against them.

9) ** Trigger Warnings are mandatory for any mentions of self harm and suicidal thoughts in posts.** Any posts mentioning self harm or suicidal thoughts require a trigger warning. Forgetting the trigger warning will be followed by one warning. Forgetting the trigger warning after that will result in a permanent ban.

Crisis Center Links:

U.S.

Here

Canada

Here

Websites offering support and recovery:

RAINN - Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network

Hot Peaches-an international directory of support services

Pandora's Aquarium

After Silence

MaleSurvivor

1in6

Related subreddits:

/r/rape

/r/depression

/r/helpmecope

/r/mengetrapedtoo

/r/MSTsurvivors: Military Sexual Trauma

/r/pandys: The Pandora's Aquarium subreddit.

/r/ptsd

/r/secondary_survivors

/r/sexualassault

/r/titleix Campus sexual assault

/r/traumatoolbox Mental health tools

/r/rapecounseling

31,785 Subscribers

1

How do I talk to my partner about previous abuse and how it affects me?

I 24F have a new boyfriend, we’ve been together for a little over a month. He is a really sweet guy. I am struggling to talk to him about my history of abuse as a teenager even though I know is it heavily affecting me/our relationship. I’ve almost broken down in tears multiple times when we were having sex, or have felt so completely dissociated and out of body during sex and not said anything even though I really wanted to stop because I just don’t want to disappoint him. I have stopped him at times when I was feeling upset and said that it was hurting or something and he has always been understanding but will kind of keep touching me in a sexual way which makes me more upset when I’m in in these “moods”. A lot of the time I do really enjoy having sex with him and this doesn’t come up at all, it’s honestly kinda 50/50. I’ve told him I feel bad telling him to stop and he’s told me it’s not a problem.

He is a really nice guy and I’m sure he’d be really understanding. I just can’t get the words out and I really hate talking about it. I guess my concerns are 1) I just really hate talking about it and don’t know how to start, even though I need to 2) I’m worried this will change how he sees me, he will be too careful when it’s not necessary, etc and 3) I just don’t know what to include. I feel I physically cannot share the details of what happened (I never really have.) a large part of that is probably due to the fact that an important adult in my life that I opened up to encouraged me not to tell others and sort of insinuated that it would like burden other people… in some ways that reaction messed me up more than the abuse itself and it probably why I still find it impossible to talk about. Anyways. It’s hard to explain to him how and why this series of events from 8-9 years ago affects me so much today. I also still have this stupid voice that he won’t believe me or will think I’m being dramatic even though I know any decent human being wouldn’t react that way and he is really sweet.

Also I do have a therapist and to be totally honest I have told her almost nothing of the situation… because I just hate talking about it so much I can’t bring myself to bring it up. I have MANY times gone into therapy and told myself I was going to bring it up today and never have been able to. Talking about it here and not having to say it out loud feels so much easier.

Sorry for the super long essay here. What do I do lol I can’t keep feeling like this it’s horribly isolating and scary to feel this way that I can’t even describe so often for so many years.

1 Comment
2024/12/01
04:37 UTC

1

I feel like I'm not valid

So I'm a survivor of ACSA and if you don't know what that is it means animal-child sa. Basically I don't feel like my experience is valid because it wasn't the animals fault and he had no real understanding of what he was doing and I've also never met another survivor of ACSA before and whenever I've tried to talk to therapists about it they either tell me I'm making it up for attention or that ACSA doesn't exist because animals can't sa humans or that I'm a disgusting z00phile who probably enjoyed it. And it gets hard sometimes because even though it's been years since it's happened I still have nightmares and flashbacks about it and more then once I've cried myself to sleep because of the memories because I still feel so disgusting and like a freak because of it. And tbh I really don't know what to do anymore.

2 Comments
2024/11/30
20:12 UTC

6

I’m stupid

Recently I met a man and he raped me. It wasn’t violent and I honestly chalked it up to miscommunication. I was wrong.

I continued to have him in my life and he ended up raping me again. This time it was pretty dramatic. I fought back. I shoved at him, yelled, bit him, etc. I feel so stupid for not realizing it wasn’t a miscommunication sooner.

14 Comments
2024/11/30
14:59 UTC

4

Last year, my psychiatrist treated me for psychosis instead of sexual trauma. I need to see him for ADHD meds, but I don’t think I can look at his face again.

Last year ny parents put me in a psychiatric hospital over thanks giving break when my broken sexual emotions from CSA got so erratic it caused intermittent anxiety my mom mistakes for bipolar, manic, and me being totally crazy. I wasn’t aware this was from CSA at the time tho.

I told the people interviewing in the in patient psychiatry I was sexually abused, but they said to my parents and maybe me that it was experimentation. Not understanding the big repercussions of this mixup, I didn’t argue with them and let them treat me for an acute psychotic episode which I wasn’t having.

After I was released spring semester and over the summer I skirted by wrestling with trauma related issues. Fall Semester has been HELL; I happened to lost 15 pounds due to stress and not feeling like eating sometimes, had emotional issues, huge hypersexual outbursts, and I realized how dangerous of a mistake this mixup was. The only reason I realized a mistake was made was when reading posts from CSA survivors on Reddit and realizing these people had more relatable and helpful info than my therapist. I get multiple psychiatrists were evaluating me but the fact that the team of experts and two different psychiatrists failed to make the cunnections or DIG deeper into my issues is deeply disturbing on my end. If they connected me to CSA therapy it would have changed my life. I don’t think I can go back there without actually getting angry or frustrated and honestly don’t know what to do. If I never went on Reddit and saw people’s posts, I would have believed my previous therapist actually treated these issues when she didn’t. I get they want to help but when I tell them what’s going on and they just ignored it, left me confused, never asked questions, and basically punished me in multiple day increments when I acknowledged the miscommunication taking away a Holliday from me. Now, I realize a year of my life got wasted.

1 Comment
2024/11/30
06:44 UTC

13

Is it a rape if I was 4 and she was 7

Im M17. Something happened tday which made me to connect this with my childhood incident. So when I was 4 years old, there was a girl called Sia. She was 7 yrs old. We were buddies and she will always hang out in my home for playing board games,etc. Sia was a bossy girl for her age and I was a cowardly boy for my age.My parents would leave me and her alone in my house (we would be busy playing)as they will have a work to do every monday(?) in every week. We will be alone in the house for an hour. My neighbours were friendly and they will have the key too and it's a really a safe area, so they had no fear leaving us alone. On one such occasions Sia introduced a new game called 'Doctor's game' and explained that we will get to know abt human body in this game.She ordered me to undress which I did. She made my lay back in the bed and started playing with my penis. We didn't kiss or anything. Just she will play with it. And next she got undressed and made me touch her vagina. This was our first 'clinic session ' according to her. And the next monday we did it again. I was sick of this game. She used to remove my foreskin and touch the head of my penis. I will plead her to stop as it would burn when she touched it. But she never listened and I think she enjoyed this new game. It continued for another two weeks I guess. I don't remember how many times we did it. But the last time we did it, it was horrible. She as usual started playing with my penis but pulled my penis' foreskin harder. Something happened. The pain was like hell. It shot through my entire body. I started to cry. She was scared too. We didn't play that game ever after. I don't clearly remember but whatever she did on that made my penis like half circumcised. I was very scared on that whole day, my mother asked whether everything was okay. I lied. I thought if Sia forced me to play that game again,I will definitely complain. But we never did. It became a past memory until tday. So me and my gf decided to have sex tday. I was very excited until the moment I got naked infront of her. My penis became flaccid when I got naked. She tried to make it hard by her hand. At that moment I felt very much disgusted. I becamy very tensed. I pushed her hands off my body asking her to stop. She was turned on, so she didn't notice ths change in my attitude. I suddenly said I wanna stop. She was confused at first. I went out of the room taking my clothes. She is very mad at me. I shared this incident with my closest frnd(he also know that incident from my childhood). He is the one who connected this two incidents. I never gave a thought to my childhood incident that many times. But Im confused now. Did that became a trauma? Nobody knows abt it expect my closest two frnds. Should I get help?

Ps: I don't have the guts to post this on my main account

11 Comments
2024/11/29
18:34 UTC

2

what counts as rape?

Online and in real life i see people who have different opinions of what counts, is it purely just penetration by a penis or would things like fingers and sex toys also count? sorry if this is a weird question

8 Comments
2024/11/29
17:25 UTC

4

Gf was raped

TLDR: (English not first language sorry and new to reddit) It was recently revealed to me (23M) that my gf of 3 years (23F) was raped. We do not live together. She is an artist for a living and recently she had been very avoidant (I have anxious attachment). For a couple of weeks we have been distant and arguing (I was oblivious of SA incident until now). In September,she went to an interview to a studio and she told me at the time that it went horribly with not much elaboration. Today, she told me, with hesitation, that the business owner raped her upon interview to coerce her in to returning (quote from her: “come back tmrrw for a plan B”). He knowingly impregnated her and she had to get an abortion and file a police report, of which I had no knowledge of. I have no idea what to do. I am a mess, as a student in the last semester of nursing school and a recovering alcoholic, I have no idea how to help or what to do. So many thoughts are racing through my head. Has any one gone through a situation like this? What did you do?

6 Comments
2024/11/28
22:01 UTC

0

does this count as rape?

im the host of an OSDD-1b system. one of my alters has a strange worldveiw that, long story short, leads him to believe that the morally correct thing to do is hurt me. his method of choice is taking control of the body and using it to masturbate while i'm still fully aware of whats happening and all associated sensations.

its hard to gauge the extent of the effects, we split an alter to deal with most of it, but i know that my preexisting repulsion towards my own body and general emotional instability have increased by an order of magnitude, and the idea of masturbating of my own will is extremely repulsive.

pms welcome

4 Comments
2024/11/28
21:44 UTC

1

I’m so messed up

I’m have been molested 3 times in my life by 3 different men. Never raped. Well….I’ve beeen reading stories and watching movies about sexual assault. I tried pleasuring myself to it. But I couldn’t get past the crying and pain. I thought of them instead of actors just pretending. And I got off that way. I feel so gross!! What if some part of me wants to be raped in real life???

3 Comments
2024/11/28
17:00 UTC

2

Was it rape if I was 6 and he was 9?

was it rape if i was 6 and he was 9

8 Comments
2024/11/28
15:12 UTC

1

Sickness after being drugged?

A few months ago l believe I was drugged and raped. I could have just been heavily drunk. I felt fine ish physically for 2 or so days following this night, but then became violently ill for 10 days (slept almost all day, diarrhea, headaches).

Is it possible this sickness was brought on by a drug, or was it just bad timing with some sickness I caught?

2 Comments
2024/11/28
08:27 UTC

3

i can't fall asleep

today has just been one of those nights. luckily i am not alone! i have my thoughts to keep me company. i wonder if they're thinking of me. probably not. it was just another day for them. i guess

3 Comments
2024/11/28
08:07 UTC

2

Obsessing over potential victims

Ever since it happened in June, I just wonder if he’s done this to other girls, or if I’m the only one… I just feel so isolated and broken and like something is wrong with me, like I must have deserved this. And to top it off.. he contacted me a week ago asking to hang out saying he knew I wanted some “ treatment “ like what does that even mean? I just felt sick… I need to cry again because the feelings are becoming overwhelming again. I hate this. Why me

2 Comments
2024/11/28
02:56 UTC

7

Was this rape?

Was this sexual assault?

I am wondering if anyone can help me determine if this was sexual assault.

I went home with a guy after the bar not too long ago, I was quite drunk and he was a bit drunk but definitely less than me. We started hooking up in his room and once the sex started I started crying pretty heavily but he never stopped having sex with me or asked me if I was ok. In retrospect I think I was crying because I was scared that if I told him to stop he wouldn’t listen and just keep having sex (I think this is PTSD from previous assaults). I never explicitly said the words no but I think from my crying I thought he would stop and ask if I was ok. I also know that he saw me crying because he mentioned it to a friend after saying I was crying because the sex was so good. It’s a bit of a grey area this situation and would appreciate any advice or insight.

8 Comments
2024/11/28
00:51 UTC

3

Why did this happen?

I was molested as a child from 0 to 4 and a half years old by an evil old man. Before my 5th birthday he died of esophageal cancer and I was relieved he couldn't hurt me anymore but what has happened had happened and even his death couldn't undo the trauma he created, only he can't create anymore abuse or pain. Everyone liked and trusted him but he was wicked and evil behind closed doors? He was married with kids so I wonder if I was the only one or if he did this to them too? Did he abuse other little girls? How could such as well liked man so something so evil?

3 Comments
2024/11/27
15:14 UTC

6

I got called a liar

I was raped by a guy the first day I had met him I was drunk and I can't remember a lot of that night but the parts I remember were the bad parts when I sobered up I stayed in the same bed as him and acted like nothing happend and I kissed him , I had never been raped before I remember thinking in that moment "am I being raped right now" as it was happening but I think I was blacked out a lot of that night because I can't remember a lot of things. I reported it a week later because I was in denial I didn't want to believe something like that had just happend to me I felt disgusting I would always be washing my body because how disgusting I felt. He got arrested and told his ex about it and she messaged me threatening me and calling me a liar saying "why did you stay with him the next day if he raped you?" And it hurt me becuase I asked myself the same thing and why I stayed with him the next day and acted like nothing happend after he raped me while I was drunk , his friends would say I lied my own family weren't supportive at all I had to get swabs done for dna and i had bruises all over my legs and I had to go through it all on my own the only people there for me were the police to be honest.

Its been a month since it happend and he's on bail while they investigate everything I keep worrying he will get away with it and he's done this to other girls aswell.

whoever's read all of this thank you i know it's so long but I had to vent somewhere my heart goes out to everyone who's been raped or sexually assaulted just know ur not alone 💗

9 Comments
2024/11/27
03:17 UTC

3

Idk how to feel abt what happened

When i was 12 my dad began to act differently towards, he would do other things that I just assumed were normal like rub my chest and butt. At the time it didn’t even register to me that something was wrong. One night he came into my room and woke me up and raped me. Recently I have been thinking about it and don’t really know how to feel about it.

2 Comments
2024/11/27
02:41 UTC

7

I recently saw my abuser.

I just need to get this off my chest because it’s hard to carry it alone. And would like some advice too.

After randomly coming across him on social media, I’ve been deeply affected. I haven’t seen him in many many years, so it was shocking to see him again. He looked happy and cheerful—pictures of him traveling and spending time with his family. It made me angry. He took so much from me. Since this incident, I’ve felt sad, overwhelmed with racing thoughts, and have been struggling to sleep. I even got sick.. Idk if thats connected to that incident.

I m really struggling these days. And I don't feel like I can tell ppl around me about it. And generally there are so much confusion and struggles with everything that this had made for me and my life, my sexuality and gender identity (I m a trans woman).

Anyways.. I just needed to get all that off my chest.

3 Comments
2024/11/27
00:12 UTC

1

Intimacy after having been raped

I was raped several times growing up by the same person and it was really my first introduction into sex at all… I didn’t even know what sex was until it happened. Now I find myself being hypersexual in theory (heavy flirting, sexting, thinking about sex) until it comes to the actual act of sex and then I get nervous and find it hard to enjoy it at all.. after I do have sex with someone I always get super attached and super insecure about what they thought of my body and whether or not they think less of me because I had sex with them and it makes me spiral really bad. I’m going through that right now with someone I haven’t been talking to for very long so I guess I’m just looking for some advice on how to get past that

2 Comments
2024/11/26
20:31 UTC

5

This happened ages ago but it’s been bothering me recently to whether or not it is rape or not?

So for context this was over three years ago, and me and a friend were hanging out in an abandoned restaurant just chilling in a seating booth that someone had removed the table and put the two booth sofas together to make a bed type thing. This friend had sat down in this booth and she asked me to lay down on her so my body was between her legs with my head resting on her boobs. I did as I knew she was going through stuff at that moment. Well awhile into me laying like that on her I fell asleep and about half an hour later woke up slowly to the feeling of tugging and massaging down there on me which at first I didn’t realise what was happening but after I fully came to I realised she was groping me and feeling around there and I was hard too so it was very obvious. I quickly jumped off her when I realised what was going on and that was the end of it. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was being curious. After that we parted ways for the day and that evening she messaged me saying that my bulge turned her on and asked me to come over to hers to fuck but as she’d done that and I was 15 at the time and she was 16 I refused as I wasn’t sure what had happened. Me and this friend are no longer friends by the way, I realised she beats her dogs and wasn’t a nice person.

2 Comments
2024/11/26
09:17 UTC

3

I really need somebody to help me. I’ve been waiting for a therapist for so long. And I just keep getting worse.

(Possible trigger warning)

So I got raped around December by my ex. Then when I was trying to recover from that and I thought going to my best friends would help so I did but they ended up raping me too and I got pregnant then I miscarried. My best friend of 10 years. And I’m only 17.

I’m just so overwhelmed by all what happened. My mother knows what happened but even after we booked for a therapist I still can’t get one. And it’s been all the way until now and I’m still waiting on that list.

It’s hard to just go on with my life I’ve had bad thoughts about just ending it all but I always told myself it would get better but it’s not getting better.

I feel like I’m just in a deep hole that I can’t get out of it’s the worse feeling I feel it everyday just all those events looming over me. It’s a constant reminder of what happened and it’s caused me to be very closed off more then I already was.

My main outlet to being social was VR chat and Xbox but I can’t keep doing that. It’s been so rough for me and I feel like I need to reach out and actually get something to at least help me. Like somebody to talk too even cause I can’t get a therapist.

I don’t have the money to do that really either. I’ve been working 17 an hour on midnight shifts with snow removal. I’m hoping to get somebody soon but my chances are low.

5 Comments
2024/11/26
06:43 UTC

4

It's been years

Since the worst of it, but lately, it's always on my mind. The flashbacks have been so frequent and intense. I'm trying to get support, but it's hard. My family does not know how to handle something like this and has proven that, which I understand. I have friends, but it is way too heavy to lay on them. I need therapy again, but it is taking forever. Also, I was diagnosed with PTSD years ago, but as I learn more recently, C-PTSD is more accurate to my experience, I think. Ugh, I wish it wasn't such a process sometimes.

A trigger earlier this year has honestly kinda sent me spiraling, and it's been hard accepting that all the hard work I did to keep myself together unraveled so rapidly.

I may regret this but if anyone would like to chat, I'm open to it (saw the rule about needing to invite PMs) I don't feel like I can talk to anyone irl about this, it's so isolating.

5 Comments
2024/11/26
06:00 UTC

3

I don’t know how to deal with being raped multiple times

Bit of context, I had a tough childhood I never had any support from my parents. There was always screaming rows in the house, throwing things, domestic violence. e.t.c we struggled with poverty also. I got badly bullied for years and have been treated badly by friends. When I was a child I was raped by a someone I trusted, and this happened again when I was 12 by my then boyfriend who was also physically and mentally absusive. When I was 16 I had this 20yr old try the same thing with me luckily he didn’t go that far and only did a few things to me. Fast forward to 18 (current age) I was assaulted by an older man a few months ago and after a few times he raped me for a good hour or so and ever since I’ve tried to block him, I’ve told him to leave me alone and he won’t stop adding me on social media, to make matters worse he knows roughly where I live and he knows exactly where I work. This is gone so far that it’s affected my personal life. I don’t feel human anymore, I feel like I’m living in the afterlife most days and I’ve started to behave in a narsasistic manner (this is what friends and family have mentioned). As a child I was always told how kind and hardworking I was to strangers and ppl I loved but the last couple of years had been a gradual hole. I don’t feel empathy anymore, I always have to take control and be right in situations, I am always talking about how stupid ppl are and how amazing I am when in fact I hate myself. I have mood swings and substance problems, I’m always looking to party. I have attachment problems to my bsf and this is severely affecting my friendship with her as she explained that I make her feel like a ghost, invisible and she hardly recognises me, we have been best friends for years and she’s my favourite person, we got into an argument the other night and I don’t think she’ll speak to me again and it’s all because I can’t open up to her. This had gotten dramatically worse since he’s done this to me and I feel physically sick at the thought. I relive it everyday and I always snap at my bsf and feel angry when I’m not even angry at her, I’m angry at myself. I don’t recognise myself anymore and feel ashamed at everything I do. I am struggling with him trying to get me to go back and do what he wants as he’s constantly adding me and messaging me on every social he can and taunting me knowing full well what he’s done. He’s manipulative and he knows I struggle with alcohol and in the past cocaine (to add I’ve been clean for a year and half) but he is bribing me to go back for that. I think I’ve formed some attachment to him because I desperately don’t want him near me but it’s like I do and I want to go back and relive it all. I’ve been drinking nearly everyday to cope and I’ve barely gone into work, I don’t know what to do as nobody knows the ins and outs of what I went through. If anyone has got any advice it would be greatly appreciated thank you

4 Comments
2024/11/26
04:55 UTC

6

Obsessed with rape content after being sa?

I need opinions on this matter, do you think it’s healthy to search, read and think about rape after being sexually assaulted? Like it developed into a kink/fetish despite being an extremely traumatic experience for me, I have been reading some non-consensual fanfictions of my favorite character, filtering all the stories with the rape tag and most of them just makes me horny but in those stories where they actually stop mid-raping I feel so bad.

I find more comfort reading about brute assault rather than stories where the victim gets saved/comforted after the trauma, I don’t know why and I feel like something is utterly wrong with me. I have fantasies about being raped but each time someone kisses me or tries to initiate anything I just freeze and feel uncomfortable, It makes me sick.

7 Comments
2024/11/26
02:52 UTC

2

15f frim Beijing Update: I’ve been thinking about this all day and I feel rly gross about my self because It felt good in a sexual way but like I didn’t want it but idk if I want it now or what and I kinda liked it I’m rly confused

2 Comments
2024/11/26
00:37 UTC

12

15 f im from Beijing and recently came to the US for school and I got raped last night please help I need some advice

I’m a 15f from Beijing and I moved to the US for boarding school It’s kinda a culture shock and just last night we were all at a party but I had never drank before or anything like that and I had some drinks and I guess I have a rly low tolerance because I knew u wasn’t thinking straight and I could barely walk and some tall guy who I think was in my class took me to one of the rooms in the house and at first I thought he was trying to help me because I could barely function but then he pushed me on the bed and started taking off my clothes and touching me where I didn’t wanna be touched and I could barely move and I felt rly weak and then I think I blacked out cause I don’t remember anything else but when I woke up I was completely naked and my throat was sore please help idk what to do or who to tell and I don’t even know what the guys face looked like

18 Comments
2024/11/26
00:19 UTC

3

Is this fair?

I’m a female, with a very very good reputation in school. theres this boy, lets call him “ garlic “.. garlic, has raped, assaulted and threatened me. i reported this to the school and they claimed to take care of it. he was suspended for a month, and i see him every day.

today i found out i was suspended for 2 months for handling a wax pen on school property. 2 months, more than garlic. how is that fair? the school thinks its okay to have a rapist on school but not a high honor roll student, no negative record and a very high reputation.

oh and garlic, horrible grades and multiple suspensions, horrible past and compulsive lies. the school was notified that he still threatened me, he called cps on me and told police that my father is a threat to me. but of course, he was not punished. i still see him every single day with a constant reminder of what he did.

2 Comments
2024/11/25
19:39 UTC

4

Did I get raped?

Hi,

I'm making this post on a burner account cuz the person I'm going to talk about also uses reddit and I'd rather not want them to know I'm talking about this fact since they know about it...

So, here's the deal... I'm right now a 20 year old trans male, have already went through most of my transition (everything but my lower half is changed). I have this friend (I'll call them ABC) that I am very close with, to the point we became friends with benefits.

So, one day about half a year ago I came over to ABC's house for a sleepover. Everything went ok untill we got intimate with one another. We're used to being intimate, we've done it before, but this time was different.

She (ABC is a trans woman, not transitioned yet) and I talk about boundaries sometimes, and I have STRICTLY told her that I am NOT comfortable with having sex without a condom, I only do it WITH, not without. She is well aware of this...

Continuing on, when we got intimate we started off just playing around a bit, experimenting some more and stuff. Then whils't I'm laying down (and my memory is quite blury from there on but I remember the most important parts) she out of nowhere starts trusting in me WITHOUT A CONDOM... Basically crossing the only boundary I had set...

I swear I can recall me saying 'stop' several times, which she denies, but i still hear her saying whilst trusting after I continuously said 'Stop' over and over: 'but it feels so good', and continues trusting... And from there I cannot recall anything anymore, it's just a big blur...

Now onto 2 weeks after the incident, my mind couldnt stop thinking of what happened that day and yeh, I go to my parents for advice and they said it is sexual assault, since I stated clear boundaries and she crossed them without my consent...

Now comes the deal to why I'm debating whether it's rape or not:

So, I went to my other close friend, who also thought ABC was quite someone to deal with (she often had/has narcissistic remarks, often trying to one-up others and sitting on her high horse) and I basically claimed ABC was a rapist to said other friend (he also said yea from what he heard from me)

Now were like a couple days after I told said friend, ABC knows that I called her a rapist cuz I talked to her about me thinking she assaulted me, which she ofcourse denies. She claims I never said stop to her, even with me being 99% sure I did say stop several times with her 'but it feels so good' remark right after, and claims her to now be the victim cuz I 'falsely' accused her of being a rapist, she got mad at me and called me an asshole for it, and was mad for several days to weeks after (now (like in now now), she still tends to refer to that moment)...

I get her reaction to being called a rapist, but my excuse to jumping to conclusions that fast was due to the fact that this isn't my first time getting sexually assaulted, my ex always wanted sex from me and forced it out of me... She knew about this situation and that it was a panic response, but she keeps ignoring that fact and keeps on the idea that it's just me being the one to blame.

Now I really want help to know whether I have been raped by her or not, cuz Today randomly during my morning shower I came to the realisation that I might actually have been raped... Tho it's so unclear due to her saying I didn't say stop and yea, I'm just really confused please help...

Any opinion or advice is highly appriciated.

10 Comments
2024/11/25
14:43 UTC

5

Rapist at work

So, I had a crush on an older coworker and wanted to hook up with him. First encounter was fine but during the 2nd encounter. He was trying to put it in my butt. I was fine til he really starts going in for it. Im saying "nonononono" while using my hand to press up against him like, stop/backup. He holds that hand. He leans down to kiss me and thrusts a couple of times until i got louder saying "no" and "stop" every time. I started crying and saying "it hurts". Panic attack ensues.

After a while, I let him walk me to my car because it was past 12am at this point.

He said he's never meant to hurt me and that he is sorry for hurting me. I told him i said "no" and "stop" . He nodded his head and said he's sorry. He gave me some hugs. A kiss goodbye. Opened my car door for me. I saw him waiting on the opposite side to see me drive off.

It's been about 4 weeks. I confronted him week 2 at work because I noticed he's been wandering around our department at work. More often than usual. We work on the same floor but opposite sides.

He denies what happened was rape. He said "sorry you feel that way" and "i miss you...but I'll give you your space"

Our department/my colleagues don't interact with his side. But he's trying to mingle around with people that sit near or around me. I know people are going to tell me to find another job or to report it.

I can't afford to find another job at the moment due to the experience I need in this specific field of work. It's been a struggle finding this one that I started a few months ago. Reporting it will most likely go nowhere and I worry about him retaliating.

I'm hoping to stick it out for a year before finding another place to work. Idk if I'm even looking for advice. I just feel frustrated about the situation and how he doesn't see what he did was wrong.

4 Comments
2024/11/25
03:36 UTC

5

my partner forgave someone who sexually assaulted them

i don’t know if this is the right subreddit for this, but i don’t know where to go. my partner and i have been very close friends since our freshman year of high school. before we were super close however, they'd always be walking around with this girl who always had a super tight grip on them (literally. she was always grabbing their arm or back or something and they never looked comfortable with it at all). the summer from freshman to sophomore year they told me that this girl had sexually assaulted them more than once in the past, but they have trouble being able to push people away and set boundaries. i was (and believe i still am) the only person that they've ever told about this, and have been there for them to talk about anything ever since. throughout our friendship they started to push the girl away, and not interact anymore (which i was very proud of them for), and eventually they confronted her via test when asked why she wasn't being spoken to anymore. she apologized and blamed it on "some personal things" she had going on which i frankly think was bs, but regardless, my partner accepted despite continuing with the lack of interaction between the two of them.

now we are seniors, and we're together. my partner has a class with this girl, who i guess assumed that they were "chill" again? but because of this they've been talking more and stuff and they say that they're "fine" now. and see, i'm very happy for them for being able to overcome their trauma, and be bigger than it, but i don't understand. this girl had proven time and time again that she is not a good person (she's not super popular already due to multiple instances of racism and altogether weirdness with multiple people), and they can just forgive her just like that? and my partner is the sweetest person i know, and i know that they want to "make things right" and please everyone, but i care for them so much, and i'm terrified that they'll get taken advantage of again. i hate this girl, and i love my partner, and i'm scared for them. i don't know how to handle my feelings.

summary: my partner forgave someone that sexually assaulted them, now they speak regularly and i'm scared they're going to get hurt again.

5 Comments
2024/11/25
03:25 UTC

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