Tw for addiction , Mormonism, Suicide

Long story short my (28) long term partner / fiancé (30) has been in the midst of a horrible manic psychotic episode for the past few months. Mostly brought on by major life stress, a Ritalin addiction and intense religious family trauma.

I wasn’t around for the first hospitalization bc he broke up with me in a breakdown and I left for real. His Mormon mother (70) came down to look after him and once he was released and stable from hospital - she wouldn’t take him anywhere to get his prescriptions filled. I went to visit him hearing he wanted to get back together and that he was doing so well - but when I saw him he was fully delusional believing in time travel and god and reincarnation (all things lucid him would be majorly skeptical of, he’s always described his doubt in god and the trauma of growing up non religious in a Mormon cult).

So then he tried to make a run for it from his mum and managed to fall and get a concussion - landing back in the psych ward for two days (only??!!!! Canadian health care be damned!) so then I come back in full force bc I see the person I love concussed, delusional and without his glasses.

We spend a few days together (no nights, I’m staying with my own family who do not trust me to go over for sleepovers yet and I agree) we go to his psychiatrist together, finally get him to come clean to his doctor about his drug addiction. We get prescribed propanalol, a beta blocker to ease the abilify’s negative side effects (he can’t sit still at all). I go home for the night.

Then I wake up to find out he was in the psychiatric emergency again, bc he took all of the beta blockers. He admitted to me it’s addiction and then begged and begged for me to come over bc he misses me. We both promised me a day to myself today and I held clear on that. We planned on seeing each other all day tomorrow.

His mother is now coming back, I’m so scared she’ll cause a lot of conflict bc she is anti-pharmaceuticals anti vax type lady. He responded greatly to anti psychotics during a bad episode last summer, he knows I will leave if he doesn’t get on proper medication.

Btw we’re also semi-homeless throughout all this, he’s in a cheap sketch hotel and I’m in a camper trailer in Canadian winter.

Idk I’m overwhelmed obviously but I can’t just let them become someone mentally ill doing drugs on the street?? But I also can’t just give my entire life away to him (I wouldn’t for any romantic partner it ain’t healthy or sustainable!)

Anyone here familiar with DEN (daily essential nutrients) to treat bipolar 1 with psychotic features?? I can’t let his mother do that to him I do not trust it. Me and his psychiatrist get along well and we both believe with anti-psychotics he can live a healthy life again.

-Im very new to this and just trying to figure things out

-sort of a long story time so bare with me here

-They do weekly therapy and are medicated for anxiety and maybe for BP (unsure if it to treat both).

I have been with my partner for about 6mo, we broke up once before, the day before a music festival we were going to together. They weren't mean or aggressive about it siting they weren't ready and it wasn't what they want. Which while is sucked I fully respected.

Post that I requested some time to myself before we could adventure into being friends. They gave me about 2 weeks before calling me to ask if I would meet them at a rave. I folded and did so lol. Did that a few more times until it led to us getting back together.

Now we have been together again for a few months and things were going amazing, until this past week. We had and amazing evening together, really nice stay in date night. Watching a show we love, listening to music, talking, etc. This led to them finally telling me they are bipolar (they had sort of mentioned it in passing before). They do weekly therapy and are medicated for anxiety and maybe for BP (unsure if it to treat both). Any ways date night continues, and to keep it SFW it ended passionately. We talked some more before falling asleep and they ended up crying on my chest telling me how much they like me.

They next day started fine, they left for work. We are big time texters so that continued as normal. They were going to a concert that evening and were telling me how hype they were while getting ready.
They then went to the concert I told them to have fun and let me know when they get home. They texted me they smoked and were feeling a wonky. I was a tad concerned so I reiterated to be safe, call me if you need me, and lmk when you get home.

I then did not hear back from them for almost 24 hours and got a "sorry i havent been on my phone" text. With a little bit on encouragement they told me they had to help their friend who got a little too fucked up home and ended up staying over a the friends house (allegedly house full of multiple friends). Didn't get much more than that, I wasn't prying or anything at the time, this negative tone comes from what I'm feeling now.

That was thursday, friday I heard from them once (very abnormal for our relationship), Saturday not much else, they did tell me to get home safe (this was this past week, was at my parents for the holiday). I got home and was really stressing out that something bad happened and they don't know how to talk about it so I texted asking if everything is okay. I got something back several hours later that they needed to "Gather their thoughts". This sent me on a very negative spiral so I decided to go out to a concert. Went, left early because I was feeling down. Started feeling worse so I sent them a small paragraph detailing that I want to be there for them if something is going on, it doesn't feel good to be shut out, did I do something wrong, etc. (not great I know but i was doing pretty rough)

They texted back that saying I did nothing wrong but they feel like they messed up by having our relationship be romantic in nature, and said "I was served something on my plate that was completely unexcepted, im so sorry"

I texted back trying to ask what they meant, the message felt very confusing. [I understand feelings change and I am and have been willing to accept that in the past with other relationships, I know i cant control others feelings but it was such a hard pivot from a few days prior].

(sunday)The next morning before work they texted saying they can converse and elaborate later, they think they only feel platonic love for me, and that I am genuinely their best friend and they are sorry they weren't as healed as they thought they were. They promised to call monday to explain more in detail and talk about it.

(Monday) They said they were sorry, they will certainly call this evening to talk. The call didn't happen so I texted around the agreed time asking how they were feeling and if they still wanted to call.
They said of course, they'd rather do this over a call than text. I agreed. then nothing else for the night

(Tuesday/today) they said they would call me as soon as they got off work at 6, didn't happen so I texted asking if they still wanted to call today. they said yes they just need to finish eating dinner. I texted asking if they were still down to call about an hour later, they opened the message and didnt respond. And now its almost 10 pm.

So I was starting to come to terms with things and I was feeling better today until I saw something I wish I hadn't. I was listening to music and remembered they had a playlist that would fit my current vibe perfectly. So I went to their spotify profile and looked at the playlists (couldn't remember which one). I see a playlist with the subtitle of "for the light of my life" created the day they started to "ghost" me. This has really fucked me up. I know its certainly not made for me, one bc of what they've been saying, 2) I am a cis male and the final song in the 10 song playlist has these lyrics:

"The room is spinning but I see straight, yeah-yeah
(Oh) but then she found me in a dark place"

"I got boy problems but the girl ain't one
'Cause she need' my love, yeah-yeah
(Oh) I got boy problems but the girl ain't one
Now she's all I want,"

Now we have talked about polyamory before and I am cool with it. They have expressed wanting to have a male presenting partner and a female presenting partner.

all this to say, I am very new to understanding anything about this disease. The freshness in my mind and my own delusions wants to blame all of this on bipolar but with my unfamiliarity I really dont know if thats it or they just truly dont have romantic feelings for me anymore.
I was leaning towards the former bc of how quickly this has all happened.
I still have yet to be able to get their explanation, and they dont know that I have seen this playlist.
I really dont know what to do at this point.
I have been having trouble eating and feel awful about this. But I really do love them and want whats best for them. It if wasn't for the likely cheating, I think I'd be able to have that talk, go no contact for a bit and move on. But currently my head is just swimming with all sorts of thoughts.
man do I need to get back into therapy lol.

Its been 5 months no contact and 11 months since being discarded. I have been doing fantastic.......I've made the gym my entire personality, I'm in the best shape of my life.....definitely still feeling the effects of my discard.....but I'm on my way to recovery. I recently got a message from my ex-mother-in-law. She asked how is was doing and told me that they found some Christmas ornaments of mine, and wondered if I wanted them. I said yes, because I have a box of my ex's things that I wanted to return but didn't because I was avoiding thinking about her. I am on good terms with my ex-in-laws.......they paid for my therapy after their daughter went into mania/psychosis...... but I was surprised that they wanted to return something so small. I told her that I was still suffering with PTSD but I've been doing well besides that.

We're doing the exchange tomorrow.......I'm so confused about situation. They also creeped my stories everyday since we talked......I'm not unblocking my ex, I learned my lesson talking to her this summer and have stopped wanting the apology I'll never get.....but I'm curious. I think they're just nice people, trying to do the right thing.......and I do miss my ex, and I miss talking about my day, making dinner, and the intimacy.

I've worked on my penchant for being codependent, my therapist said she was proud of me for the growth I've shown. Its the first time I've been alone, but not lonely.......It is a surreal feeling. I hope you guys find the peace you deserve.

I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half now. She has never had a job since we’ve been dating and she doesn’t work very hard to try to find one. I have been trying to be understanding of the situation but I don’t really know what my expectations should be.

I’m feeling really down because I know that my partner is a great person and loves me a ton, but I’m feeling like I might not be making a great longterm choice for my own future.

She has been on medication and seeing her psychiatrist for about a year now.

Any advice is welcome.

I’m (29) reaching out to this community because I’m struggling with the aftermath of what feels like an abrupt and devastating discard by my partner (31, BP1, medicated and in therapy) during what I believe was a manic episode. We were together for years, and I truly thought our relationship was lifelong.

A few months ago, my partner’s mental health took a turn, and they were diagnosed as experiencing mania. They started a new medication on top of their normal regimen to help, but struggled with side effects and ultimately tapered off under their doctor’s guidance. Shortly after the taper, their behavior became increasingly impulsive, irritable, and erratic. They insisted they weren’t manic anymore, but their actions told a different story.

Not long after, they ended our relationship in a way that felt incredibly abrupt and painful. They accused me of being controlling and made other hurtful statements about how I had handled their mental health struggles, which completely contradicted the supportive and communicative dynamic we’d built over the years. Since then, they’ve moved on quickly, blocked me on some platforms, and cut off most communication. They’ve also made significant changes to their appearance and lifestyle that seem uncharacteristic.

I’m torn between believing this is the mania talking and fearing that these feelings and actions were genuine. Their detachment and rewriting of the relationship feel so jarring and hard to process. At the same time, their behavior matches patterns of impulsivity and emotional detachment I’ve read about in manic episodes.

I’m trying to focus on my own healing, but the unanswered questions keep haunting me. Did they mean what they said? Will they ever come back, or is this separation permanent? How do I navigate the grief of losing both my partner and the version of them I thought I knew?

If anyone has been through something similar, I’d be so grateful for advice or insights. How do you cope with this kind of discard when mania might be at play? How do you reconcile the possibility that their actions and words might be symptoms of their disorder—or might not?

Thank you for letting me share this here. I feel so lost right now.

And must I say, I somehow received some sort of satisfaction that he looks insanely bad.

The tik tok was about erewhon, which I recall he worked at, the video passes by several areas of the store showing several strangers. Till I see my ex’s friend and him standing there on their phones.

He seems to be wearing pricey clothes, but facial wise him 23, looks a good 60.

My ex had always been a spender, he could have $20 left in his account and max out and buy the most ridiculous expensive thing.

I know he is in credit debt, that his mommy was paying for at a point.

So seeing him in all these clothes wearing rapper like shoes in this 15 sec vid is so cringe and such a disrespect to the people who actually look good in those shoes (haha)

Hope my ex knows that wearing nice clothes doesn’t cover up being a disgusting person.

Anyways, it’s not that I received satisfaction on him looking like shit to make me feel better but more as a damn his shit behavior these last few months are really reflection on him physically.

I think it appearing on my feed was also such a sign for me to sit and reflect a lil.

I’m thankful to not be with him. After all I’m such a good place in my life compared to the trenches I was when I was with him.

I have a degree now and working to receive 2 more! I have a good job at 21 making $27/hr. Im doing things I love. I may wear the same two outfits everyday, but I’ve managed to finish paying off my car, traveled a lot this past year, and leaving the country a few times this coming year.

I feel like I wouldn’t even have accomplished these smaller things if my ex were still in my life because I feel like loving someone like him is to die.

Hope this post wasn’t to mean, or anything. But it’s been 9 months. After being with him for 2 years and dealing with nothing but abuse, and having to deal with more than just a breakup. It put me at such a rock bottom and unfortunately he will never accept that his actions affected me. I’m tired of it, I don’t want to deal with 20 something men using their mental health as an excuse for treating people like shit.

I’ve spent everyday for about 5 months researching this disorder trying to put together why he treated me the way he did or why I deserved the things he did or said to me. Still trying to figure out why and why and why and why.

The last time me and him talked was 3 months ago when he texted me accused me of some really nasty stuff, and it was always like this we couldn’t break up without him reaching out every few days or weeks or months and trying to fight with me. It was like that up until September that I blocked him but before that he was always reaching out every month or so to accuse me of something new and just fight and fight and fight. And I realized after a long period of therapy and venting to my bestie about it all that I deserve to give myself the same love I was giving him all that time, that I deserve better & I have the right to walk away. Just because I love someone, it does not make it okay to allow them to treat me like dirt.

I don’t care about him anymore, but seeing him in that tik tok made me realize that he is too ugly to be treating people like shit.

I’ve found my own peace in my hobbies, my studies, in nature.

My passions will always remain just like his ugly way of being.

Bye bye

How long does it typically take for someone with BP1 to come down once they start taking their meds?

And you can too. Mental illness is not an excuse for abuse OR ghosting. Main problem with my ex was the ghosting and I see that commonly here. It's not normal or should be accepted unless they devote everything to getting better (and they must stick with it!! Not try then give up!!)

Im mentally ill and made far too many excuses for my ex and his horrible behavior towards me because mental illness. An actual healthy relationship where I'm listened to and not ghosted made me realize this as i navigate my own meds. He isn't on my ass about my meds or going to my appointments because I take care of myself. That's what someone in a healthy relationship with anyone mentally ill needs, especially bipolar where often partners get sucked into becoming a care giver.

Bpso relationships are hard. They can take everything you told them, your fears, your desires etc. And twist them on you in the most cruel way imaginable. I have severe abandonment issues and bpd. Know what my bpso did? Ghosted me a few days before my birthday and refused to speak to me for 8 months because he knew it'd hurt. Don't tolerate abuse. Hold them accountable like a normal relationship

Posting here once again trying to make sense of a number if events that happened with my Ex bf. TW; SA

When he was manic he had touched me regardless of me saying no n only stopped when i pushed him off, said in appropriate things abt my friends, saved my friend’s pic to his porn folder, touched himself while hanging out with me unwarranted, pushy about sex, and one time was weirdly…’aggressive’ during the deed. He also didnt stop or check in on me one time while i burst out sobbing.

This was all during his 4+ month long (ongoing? We broke up before it ended) manic episode. I know 100% he was hyper-sexual n not “in control”.

No one else has mentioned going through something like this anywhere online.

But i cant help but need to think that this was not just him being manic but indicative of himself as a person at the core. I just can’t accept the abuse being bc he was manic - it feels so invalidating and removes any responsibility and accountability my Ex has in this.

I can’t help but think he did this because he wanted to because hes a bad person deep down, that the mania just brought it to surface because its the only way I can accept with his behavior. I also know mania n psychosis distorts their reality, personality, and beliefs and so maybe it wasnt actually him but i NEED it to be him just so theres even a skiver of responsibility on his part. He can’t get away scotfree just bc he wasnt in control n went quite literally mad (he thought he was a secret agent).

I feel like im being gaslit by the situation? Invalidated by his mental illness? (When he was lucid he refused ti take accountability for his actions n also said he straight up doesnt remember his actions when in the depths of mania which i also know is a very real symptom of mania and psychosis so that adds another layer to it)

Does that make sense?????? I have no idea whats valid, sensible, correct, or maybe im just overreacting, being unfair to him, or crazy.

Sorry for typos and errors in my English

How long was your longest discard from your S.O. while they were manic????????

Mine has been gone 6 months, we are divorced (his choice) and I was just wondering if there is ever hope after divorce. He is a few inches away from rock bottom, no money, not paying bills, not paying rent, not working........blah blah blah. What does the "reconciliation" look like? My sister in law said my husband is bad about burning bridges and not fixing them......... We were married for 5 years, together 7..............I hope that he "returns/stabilizes" and wants his old life back. How many got divorced and then reconciled?

I’ve been with my partner for 4 years and he’s wonderful. We’ve navigated a lot of hard stuff together and are working to find more stability. He was diagnosed with Bipolar II a few months ago and we’re working on getting his medication right, finding routines that work, and identifying his patterns.

One things that’s been present since the beginning of our relationship: he is incredibly intense when it comes to intimacy. A lot of eye contact, tons of attention & touching & compliments. It’s nice sometimes but it can be overwhelming. Sometimes it’s hard to take in because it feels too intense & focused to be genuine. For a while he was really distracted, disconnected, and not very present in our relationship. After we talked about it he felt really bad and is obviously putting forth effort to be more present, but it’s SO intense. It’s like there is no middle ground. I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

He also has ADHD and childhood trauma which may also be contributing.

You can check my older posts i will not write my story again, just few things. We have a girl that will turn 11 this month. Her father turned her life upside down and broke her psychologically as he did with me. Btw he destroyes her 10-th birthday and this left big trauma in the kid. Now her birthday is just near Christmas and she doesn't know what to expect. Watching him taking trips abroad with his lovers kills her. He is preparing again to leave abroad for the holidays. And she knows it. She wanted a small party, he denied. She wanted now for black Friday tickets to London and begged him to go the three of us. He said " No" then he said " maybe only with me" and then again " but do i want to go to London?!". England was his favorite destination once upon a time. So, the kid is broken. She knows that last year he behaved out of character, but she doesn't remember him normal actually before the previous 7 years he was depressed, detached, isolated. I know this is very damaging to a kid. And i feel bad that I can't do anything practically to remove her from this killing situation, the money that i make are not enough to pay rent and take care for the kid, because i have to take ger from school, bring her to her activities. I don't have any support here, i am foreigner. But I can't watch my kid suffer with a crazy man that shows her in all possible ways that he doesn't care about her. He really doesn't. He prefers his lovers, his love trips than her. Even when she was sick he left for another country without telling her. What do i explain to her? How do i cure the childs soul? How do i make her a bit happy when you hear from the mouth of a ten years old " I don't want to live, my life is so bliah". She loves him so much and she doesn't want to believe that everything is over, that we are not family anymore, that he has chosen other life. The kid suffers emotionally and tries in every possible way to keep him here. She doesn't want to listen to me that this man is already somewhere else mentally and physically despite that he lives in the same home. I have never seen such a cruelty to a kid and generally to a person. He is not just sick, he is a shit without moral who i suppose sick or not knows what he is causing and enjoying it. Because in his f@cking head out girl= me. He hates me and likes to revenge, because he thinks i am the reason for his unhappiness from the time he was born. He found to go in mania or maybe in permanent psychopathic condition exactly when she is preteen and so vulnerable by nature. I need some advice. I have told her her father is sick. I tell her every day that i love her, and that he loved her when she was born. But I can't convince her that he loves her, because she sees what he does, her selfesteem is killed, she feels thrown and nothing. And meanwhile she is listening to him in the other room laughing with his lovers and talking to the cat. He doesn't talk to his own kid and doesn't have at all time and wish to be with her. Anyone experienced this? How you deal with it? The school psychologist has called us both, he said he isn't going there. He is not just bipolar, he is a freak psychopath.

I just don’t get it. I was there for him in every way I could be. I tried to be the most loving partner I could possibly be. I never once tried to make him feel like his emotions were too much or he was unsafe to be himself. I felt like he was truly in love with me. But yesterday he went on Instagram live and again professed his love for his ex that was his long term girlfriend, stating “it wasnt the same with her” and “you’re a ray of sunshine, I miss you come home” which is exceptionally cruel considering my childhood nickname was related to sunshine. Do they just completely forget about their hypomanic partners after they are done with them? I feel like our time together didn’t matter at all. My heart seriously hurts from this because I still very much love him.

I posted in this sub for the first time recently, since reading up on others experiences I feel a lot of comfort and extremely validated. I have a lot more peace since minimizing the risk of the eventual blow up happening in our home with our kids. Trying so hard to just keep moving forward and not get too caught up in feeling, but sometimes it just hits.

I’m learning that I can’t apply logic to his mania. And that it’s not my fault. And that it’s not in my control at all.. hell i don’t think it’s in HIS control once he’s been off his meds a bit. But I miss the “real” him.

Sometimes I wonder if the real him is even actually real. Like I just bought into this lie and I’m the delusional one.

Anyway just a rant, I guess. I don’t have a lot of people who understand what I’m going through and it’s nice to know that you all get it.

I’m not willing to give up on him yet. Idk if I ever will be. But I’m open to advice on how to cope or to hear stories of those who made it through together and how.

Okay this is way longer than intended. Nobody in my life understands, and they think I’m crazy for even having any hope.

My exBPSO confessed around a month ago that he thinks he’s bipolar. I tried to be supportive, but it was extremely difficult as he’s been in and out of manic and depressive episodes for the last year. From hating me, leaving last Christmas because I didn’t like him sleeping until late afternoon when we had a 3yo and a newborn (I was also doing the entire night shift alone!), deciding he was going to be a dog behaviourist, becoming obsessed with his diet, injecting unknown “peptides” he ordered online to cure his chronic pain and a 4 month stint attempting to become a pro gamer. Between these phases, and since July this year, he’s mostly been in deep depression. I’m emotionally and physically exhausted. Every time I’ve been unwell, he couldn’t help, I’ve been lead poisoned and every opportunity where I could sleep in, he wouldn’t get out of bed until the afternoon, and when he got up, he would just throw negativity at me non stop until I had to leave the room or got upset. But if he ever felt unsupported, he would cause arguments and attack my biggest insecurities.

Since the pandemic, I’ve needed to get outdoors regularly or I become very anxious - he’s refused to go outside 90% of the times I have asked, then berated me for my own declining mental health. I tried to fix it myself, so started going to the shops alone - then that wasn’t allowed, as watching our son for an hour was too much to expect of him, and he said I had no compassion. I have set boundaries, asked him for help, and it got to the point where he looked me dead in the eyes and said he felt zero empathy for me, and when I speak to him he just wishes I would shut up. We would have long stints of almost no physical contact, where he couldn’t even stand me hugging him, then periods of hyper intimacy where I couldn’t keep up because I was so exhausted from the previous episodes. I have CPTSD, and his outbursts and criticisms have set off episodes for me, which he never once helped with, and actually recorded to use as blackmail and “evidence”. He ignores me when I speak to him, or just argues, so I’ve stopped opening up or including him… Which he then blamed on the relationship, instead of realising he told me to shut up so much I eventually did.

Between this, he would be loving, intelligent, hardworking, hilarious, and we had a strong and meaningful relationship. Until the next high or low.

Three weeks ago, he told his psychiatrist he suspects he has bipolar, they said it was probably his ADHD and gave him an antidepressant. Since then, he’s been increasingly detached from reality. I’d be speaking to him, and he’d reply as if he was having a totally different conversation. He refused to let me tell him my feelings for weeks, then said everything was all about me. I tried telling him he could choose healthy habits, like sleeping and eating regularly, and he had an angry outburst that I don’t understand him. He said the depression from bipolar is worse than any other depression, and therefore I shouldn’t expect anything or hold him accountable for anything. He would rant and rave that the house was unmanageable (we are in the process of moving, so lots of packed boxes), but I found out a few days ago our storage unit he claimed had no space was almost empty, we could have had a way better living standard for weeks. I don’t know if he lied because he couldn’t be bothered, or because he enjoyed having another excuse to put me down. We did at certain points have really interesting, deep conversations, but that also should have been a red flag against the rest of his behaviour, as they’d go on for hours and he would be so invested, then switch off again. A couple of weeks ago, he was telling me how he just knows he’s more intelligent than most people, and when he finds what he wants to do, he will be like Elon Musk. Alarm bells rang, but I questioned it a bit and he was very convincing, and honestly he’s been in and out of episodes for such a long time I was struggling to know what was him and what was his mental health. This also meant his attacks have degraded my own self esteem, as I genuinely felt like he meant every word. He stopped eating, stopped showering and taking care of himself, even doing the school run fresh out of bed, and either couldn’t sleep at all or slept too much. He couldn’t bear to be around our daughter, and was investing less and less into our son. He forgot our anniversary, and when I pointed it out he blamed me for not reminding him more.

He got angrier and angrier, and it blew up a little over a week ago. He tried to force me to have a conversation about “supporting each other”. I kept repeating that I knew he couldn’t support me right now, so I didn’t want a conversation that could make him feel bad, but we could talk about how he feels. That wasn’t good enough, he was looking for an excuse to ask me to do more for him, so he spent 13 hours attacking me, raging, sitting in the dark in the bedroom and then coming in to be horrible before I had a CPTSD episode and exploded. He recorded me, then said it was evidence I’m abusing him. I apologised multiple times, he couldn’t hear it. He packed and left the next morning, and it was unhinged, watching him pack monster cans into a cardboard box and then duct taping it up was a particular highlight. During the packing was when I realised he may have actually been extremely unwell. I tried to get him to stay, but he’s been gone ever since. He left an XL men’s T-shirt for our 1 year old son, whilst sobbing he may never see him again (whilst I assured him he could literally come anytime, even that afternoon). He wrote an unhinged letter to our daughter. He tried to convince me to leave the house to him with the kids (…it’s my house) and when I refused, he raged I shouldn’t be allowed the house and kids when I’m the one who’s done everything wrong. He screamed at me that I was an abuser. When I asked to speak to his mental health team, he said if I called them, he would send the video of my PTSD episode to social services, tell them I’m an abuser and I’d lose the house and kids too. He said everything wrong in his life was my fault, and leaving me meant he would finally be happy and successful. I’ve paid all the household rent, bills and food for 2 years, as well as providing and planning almost everything for our children and doing nearly every application and admin task for our family, and him. He had finally turned a corner and was applying for jobs, and was sticking to healthy habits, but he’s tanked so hard that feels like a different person now.

He left 8 days ago. I have no idea where he is. He dumped me via text, refused to speak to me or tell me why. I asked him to at least stay faithful until we get the chance to speak, he refused, so he has probably been with someone else already. I was trying to stop him crossing boundaries that we wouldn’t recover from. He’s refused to answer the phone, even when I had an emergency with our daughter, and told me he wouldn’t answer even in emergencies. He hasn’t asked once how our children are since he left, or if we needed anything, and has said he won’t speak to us until he gets housed by our local council… But I’ve already looked, he has zero chance in our area, so God knows what his plans are. He doesn’t have a job. He’s also refused to tell anyone where he is, including his own family, so the other alternative is with drug using friends, as he did mention several times recently he misses doing drugs, and he’s been up at the weekend until 5am. He would only be hiding it if he was somewhere he shouldn’t be. I can’t even put into words how heartbroken I am, it feels like I can’t breathe and I miss him so much, but hate knowing he’s probably already slept with people and got high.

Our children are in pieces. Our daughter is crying every day, asking if we still have a family and when he will be home. She’s autistic and the change has rocked her, she keeps having accidents on the floor and pretending to play with him and talk to him in her room at night. Yesterday her and her brother were moaning at the same time, so I said “everyone be quiet!” And she cried and said I can’t say everyone, because her Dad isn’t here so it isn’t everyone. Our son is waking up in the night screaming, and spends hours rocking back and forth just saying “Dada” for hours and crying for him. We are falling apart without him, but he refused to even agree to a weekly FaceTime call with them. I’m having to walk our daughter to and from school, but I can’t sleep, can’t eat, and I’m struggling more every day even walking up there which scares me, as I should be getting stronger not weaker. I’ve lost 9lbs since he left. My consultant called and said my lead is dropping too slowly, I’ve become anemic with other issues now, and reinforced I need to be resting, and eating/drinking well… Yeaaaah. This is destroying me physically and mentally.

I tried being supportive, apologising, begged him to come home but he refused, and said it’s his “boundary” not to speak to me whilst he is “healing”. He has a mental health appointment on Thursday, but I’m afraid he will tell them he’s doing great and will carry on ruining his life. He doesn’t have any idea how insane this is from the outside. Nobody around us can recognise him. What’s even worse, is that his behaviour towards me and our children has been so terrible, his chance of ever recovering the situation is getting less and less. I was certain he was in an episode, and people believed me for a few days, but now everyone around me has been saying I need to be prepared that he isn’t bipolar at all and that this might just be his true character coming through. He’s convinced he isn’t manic, he’s absolutely fine and he finally sees the truth. Everyone who speaks to him says he’s either delusional, or just a horrible person.

He’s also been taking all his life advice from chat GPT, which he considers to be truly objective. All our conversations have read like me trying to get him to realise how bad this is, and him responding like a bad customer service AI bot, with vague statements and long paragraphs that make no sense. He thinks this will prove how logical he is, but it’s honestly scary for everyone else reading them.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I was forced to take him off of the list of allowed adults at our daughters school today, so he can’t pick her up, and I’ve been told if he shows up at the house still in this episode not to let him in for my own safety. We are having to lock the doors behind us. I just can’t compute that this is the man I love, but I’m starting to lose faith and believe maybe this really is the true him. He thinks everything is fine and he’s doing the right and responsible thing. He has no idea he’s losing everything. I’ve been told unless he “drops” and shows up sobbing, to just not engage with him at all anymore, and he can have supervised visitation with the kids at a contact centre down the line.

I don’t want any of this. I’ve tried so hard to get him to see, but he just doesn’t get it… Or maybe he does, and all his past episodes have just been who he really is. His behaviour is so bad that even if I refused to get involved in a case against him, it may not even matter or could count against me. But he keeps insisting he’s great, and cutting us out is the best decision of his life. He just talks about how he will get housed and how great it will be, with no acknowledgement of the destruction he’s causing even now. Every time a car pulls up, I pray it’s him and he’s snapped out of it, and the nightmare will be over. Even if he hated me, at least I’d know where he was at night, and could make sure he was looked after until his appointment. I could prove he couldn’t help it, and we could stop the damage. When I was diagnosed with CPTSD, I said some horrible things, told him to leave and he would refuse. He stuck by me, loved me and got me through it, and I can’t get over the sadness that I can’t be there for him, even though I know it’s looking more like he might just not be the person I thought he was.

So how do you know? How can you tell if it’s bipolar, or if they’re just evil, and very good at hiding it? Am I ridiculous for still hoping he’s the same person, do episodes change them forever? I just don’t understand where the love of my life has gone, and I’m so scared he’s never coming back.

My wife and I went to couple’s therapy recently. I told her I needed her to go to therapy with me (and her attend her own personal therapy) by the end of the year or I am walking out.

I’ve put up with a lot of verbal and mental abuse for years, a lot of which she claims to not remember. So many fights have occurred before her diagnosis to where I have said some things I am also not proud of. I feel gaslit. I have written things down and screenshot text fights to defend reality.

Long story short, my wife came out of her mixed episode recently (she BP2). She was in this episode for several months and waited to go to therapy until her episode ended which was frustrating for me.

The therapist said “well, your wife is working on herself. She’s doing better now! You need to let go of the past and try to move on”. I can’t. I can’t just let it all go. I can try to forgive her with time but to just move on like it all never happened?? What the fuck? I don’t want to discredit the guy, and my wife is better now, but is this it? Am I just supposed to forgive and forget?

I guess what I need advice on is this: how do I forgive my wife for all the fights, confusion, anger, and abuse now that she wants to be a better spouse?

Hi everyone, I'm new to reddit so please excuse me if anything is done improperly (also please ignore extra spacing/double letters my keyboard is broken). I'm currently dealing with a lot and figured I would reach out to a community of people who might be able to offer insight. Long story: I really cant summarize it without leaving key info out

So to start, I’m 22 and my Girlfriend is 23  we’ve been together for 4 years 2 months as of tomorrow, and have been living together for 3ish years, about 1 year ago we had discussed the possibility of marriage and we were both on board. She has been diagnosed since she was young but is currently unmedicated/ not in therapy. I started therapy 3 weeks ago.

Around August I noticed a change in our relationship, more distance, not spending as much time as we would (I did get a full-time job around then but we have some days off together), it seemed like she was pushing me away or she was mad/ upset at something but wouldn’t tell me. From the beginning, I had always made it clear I wanted full communication so there aren't issues, (not due to BP but just in general) but it seemed as if there was something she wasn’t telling me, not sure how to put it im still figuring it out myself. Around this time she started talking to a male friend of hers more frequently, they’ve known each other for a few  years (before we met) but only online. They came to the realization that they live closer than previously thought so in September she went over to hang out. From what i can gather this guy is extremely emotional, has attachment issues etc so it does worry me, as shes very sensitive and could possibly be emotionally manipulated. This is also our first large issue.

 I should note that this guy lives 3 hrs away.

So basically, Sept/Oct she went over there 1x month she stayed the night at one time and we had a talk that im not okay with that. Early November she went back and left around 3am, I told her again that its not okay, we came to an agreement to leave at 2am (she has a wonky schedule, sleeps late so i can see her side of it) but I said 1 am she said 3 am and we agreed she would leave no later than 2 am. On the 29th  she went back and left around 1:30am so I feel like she has respected my wishes even leaving earlier than we agreed.

Here comes my main issue: 1 week ago I asked her what was going on with the distance etc as mentioned before and it came to the conclusion that she feels unequal and not respected,  her main issues being me rushing her in day-to-day things, brushing off her emotions/ just putting them on being bipolar, most regrettably me saying things like calling her stupid (PLEASE READ: I don't believe she is stupid shes incredibly bright, I've talked to my therapist and have came to the conclusion this specific thing is from my own frustration being vented in an improper way, she can be inattentive and spill things, leave keys in car or other small things, Ive explained this to her and her chief complaints are the emotional brush offs, etc) and that we haven't done many activities she wants to do and its just stuff i want to do, (ie hiking but shes never complained about that and never offered other suggestions so i thought she was ok as we both love hiking).

She feels as if she can't talk to me anymore, and she said she doesn't know if she ever will be able to again. When I heard this, I had no idea that this was how she was feeling and immediately apologized as it was never, not in a million years, my intent for her to feel this way. I let her talk and listened to what she was saying and where she was coming from and I promised I would make those changes to make her feel supported again. She said she had been feeling this way for about a year and couldn't put her finger on what was wrong but recently came to understand what the issue was personally I don't see that as most of these issues came around August. After about 2 days of talking about this, she said that “it already feels like things are better”. But last night I wanted to check in, as its been a week and I want to know how shes feeling etc, we talked some more and it came down to the same thing again, she doesnt know if she can talk to me and doesnt know if she can again. She said (and has said before) that she believes that shes not right for me and that I might be more happy with someone else, that I dont deserve someone with her issues and I deserve someone who can give me everything I need. She said she had thought about possibilities "hundreds of times" and that she cant see a way to work passed it right now, I brought up that I only recently found out of my short comings and havent even had time to fix them so if she's considered possibilities they haven't included me working on them or us working on it together

She mentioned that she's been having mood swings more frequently so im worried that this may be a manic thing as well,  coupled with this other guy seeding doubt in her mind (speculation). As of last night she went to stay at a nearby hotel, on my suggestion partly (i gave her three options, separate rooms for a bit, 1x night hotel or 3x night hotel whatever she feels she needs) so she chose to come back Wednesday, were going to meet at a cafe and probably window shop and talk. But she said she needs space to think things through, shes “50/50” on staying together, and if we dont, she still loves me, cares about me, and wants me in her life. She said that our relationship is the most healthy one she has ever been in and thinks ive been a perfect partner and that this is more her issue (she has said that she pushes ppl away for their own good before)

I just dont understand, if this is the healthiest relationship wouldn't you want to stay in it? Ive talked to a friend and my mom and they both agree that this is something that should just be a hurdle and not a deal breaker so i cant help but feel like something else is going on.

I also want to clarify I do not think there is an affair and I asked her, when she was talking aboutt breaking up, if there was anyone else etc as now if she chose to leave it wont matter and she said no. Also, I did not kick her out, I would’ve rathered her stay but I respect her need for space right now, I just hope she comes home again

If i can clarify anything please lmk

EDIT: I need to add some context she in the USA on a student visa (from Europe) currently working through her allowed working period, we live together, she has pets she brought, but she doesn't make enough to support herself if she did leave right now. I'm extremely worried, and its cold now I don't want her out on the street

Im at a loss and really need advice, experience, something. 

Unmedicated, no therapy. Alcohol and drug abuse.

13 months in post abandonment and discard - my Husband has finally threw in my face that he is seeing someone. It was just a nonchalant vindictive statement that he put out there to intentionally hurt me. He has been hateful and mostly no contact this entire time. I made the mistake of sending him a temperature check email (vtext email that goes to his phone as a text since i am blocked). I sent a very kind message for the holidays and he responded with pure hatred and threats to call the cops on me and bring the sheriff to my door to get his important documents. He has been to the house multiple times over the past year and not once has he tried to look for them. He sends our son an occasional text but plays victim when our son won't respond. But has not physically spoken to or seen his son in over 7 months. I am sure he uses this as a pity party story to get woman to feel bad for him.

I am just at a loss what to do. I know he isn't well and his behavior is so erratic and not him. Yes, I love him and care for him deeply. Before anyone attacks me on that, just know that he has been mostly episode free for 16 years. And this is where I am at in my journey of healing. In my heart and soul, I do not feel right about filing for divorce. I also do not think it is good to 'poke the bear' while he is so dysphoric and hateful. I feel like filing would bring out even worse anger and I could lose everything I worked hard for. Of course on the flip side I want to protect myself. He abruptly left me with every bill, mortgage etc. And I have been doing my best to stay afloat.

I am devastated that he is 'seeing someone' and it just confirms the state of mind he is in. He did this last time he had an episode but blamed it on drugs at the time. Now here we are again. Identical behavior, demeanor, words used. I've held onto hope he would hit the realization point like he did last time. But this time he has many enablers so I think getting to that point is impossible.. at least until sh*t hits the fan. Which it will eventually.

I don't want to file but what is the right thing here? Has anyone been like me, holding on for that clarity and remorseful person you know and love dearly? waiting for the empathy to return and emotions?

I replied to a post the other day in response to someone asking how do you talk to your partner about their bipolar.

[I think this is a link to the OP that I replied to:

https://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarSOs/comments/1h3d6eb/how_do_you_talk_to_your_partner_about_their/ ]

And this is part of my reply,

I find that I do better when I don't talk about much of anything with him. Even seemingly 'safe' topics, like old movies or music we both enjoy, can turn into an argument that is (apparently) my fault. Sometimes, when I let my guard down and think, "I could talk about this with him," it often backfires.

Little did I know how soon it would backfire after writing that.

Last night, my unmedicated, unadmitting bipolar husband of five years asked me what I thought of his (jimmy-rigged) bathroom heater.

I can't remember the exact play-by-play or what exactly was said, but he didn't like my response, apparently. I think I said something like, "this part looks unsafe" (or unstable or something). With agitation in his voice, face, and actions, he attempted to push me (with one hand) out of the way in an effort to leave the narrow bathroom area where he was showing me his 'invention'. When he was unsuccessful in passing by me, at some point, he pushed me again. Both times I asked him not to push me. He claims he was NOT pushing me but merely moving me aside or something. (I dont remember what words he used.)

So, I tried to show him what he did to me, but my 'push' was with both hands due to the difference in my strength and his. He definitely did NOT like that. And, things were now ALL my fault. We had more heated words with each other including him bringing up thimgs that I did during one of his past episodes... (He did not say, "during one of my episodes," he just brought up another time he thinks I tried to intentionally hurt him physically. And he mentioned how MUCH he trusts me and has trusted me and how I didn't return the trust, etc. etc.)

Later, he left.

Some more background on this: At the beginning of this manic (hypomanic?) episode in September, he said he wants to set a date to renew our vows. And now, he apparently is seeking divorce. I know that this may change/flip-flop again at any point due to times in the past he's made similar plans... i.e. vow renewal and, shortly therafter, plans for divorce.

What do your significant others do for work? My boyfriend is trying to get benefits and got denied the first time so he plans on reapplying but even so don’t they make you work part time too? He’s having a lot of anxiety about finding a job he can hold.. trying to brainstorm

Yeah that's all, just freaking out. BPSO has a ton on their plate right now. I am the only one with a job. We might move to a new country soon. Too scared to take a test. Want to have a family with them but not at the cost of their sanity. Just freaking out.

But I guess if anyone here has been through a pregnancy with a BPSO and can share their experience that would be cool. Not sure yet that's what's happening here but some evidence that the world would not be totally over if that did end up being the case would really help soothe some anxiety.

So I really need to vent about this. On the one hand it steams me but on the other it just really gets me down and makes me feel even more alone. Not sure what kind of advice I’m going to get here but I’m seriously trying to avoid nuclear options.

Getting this out of the way at the start: I’m making arrangements to join a local NAMI group and I’m getting on an antidepressant. So I’ve got that going for me.

My wife is diagnosed bipolar type 2 . She got the diagnosis three years ago and has been doing therapy +psych + meds for it, and is generally stable aside from depression triggers… except when she forgets to take her medication. Like she did today… again.

When she does this she generally cocoons in the bed for almost the entire day. If we were a kidless couple this wouldn’t be such a big deal and we’d handle it like we always did before children: I make sure she’s good and cozy, pop my head in every few hours to see if she needs anything, but generally just stay out of her way.

Now, though, we have a five year old girl and a seven month old boy. And we don’t have family or friend support that I can conjure on an immediate basis. So I just have to fly solo with the kids while still cooking, cleaning, running the household plus whatever plans we made in advance (unless I’m able to cancel them).

My social energy has also taken a major hit. I’m extremely extroverted by nature but I haven’t had the spoons to keep up with friends (especially childless ones) for months.

I’m just so frustrated. I don’t want to be my wife’s dad and constantly remind her to take her medicine daily and take showers, remember to take breaks from work, and generally take care of herself. This on top of the way she just instantly reacts in “fight” mode to some of the smallest irritations imaginable (like the toilet paper being unfurled the “wrong” way), or having severe difficulty recognizing when I need help with the kids unless I very bluntly tell her what I need and specifically ask her to help.

Not only that, but because her nighttime meds make it really hard for her to wake up in the early hours, that means I’m soloing our baby’s wakeups. On average i get up 2-4 times nightly to feed, change or rock him. Ordinarily I’d just suck this up and deal with it until the sleep situation gets better, but I’m ALSO on anti-anxiety and ADHD medication. And according to my doctor, not getting sufficient sleep reduces their efficacy to nil… which means I ALSO am now getting anxious and increasingly depressed. I’ve been that way for about seven months (full disclosure I already did this with kid #1 and I received every assurance in the world it wouldn’t happen again with kid #2).

It’s gotten to the point that my therapist told me I’m an inch away from major depression, and last week I scored for the first time (albeit the lowest score possible) on a suicide risk assessment test.

I’m at my wit’s end. I don’t want to separate because I love her but it feels like we’ve grown so far apart over the last couple years. Plus it would devastate the kids.

But I’m seriously at a loss for how to proceed unless I start issuing my wife very serious ultimatums.

If so why?

Hey everyone,

I created an account as I stumbled onto this reddit forum as I'm grappling for answers online for an outlet or even just advice.

I've been with my partner for 9 years now, 2 years married. And in the beginning of our relationship she has been open with her Bipolar 2 and ADHD and depression diagnosis. We have been through hell and back as she also had some attachment issues from childhood and felt the need to live out of a duffel bag mentality for the first few years. She has been on medication during the entirely of our relationship, however in 2021 she completely spiraled into a dark depression that she chose to admit herself to a hospital and was hospitalized for a few weeks. She came out of the hospital with fever and confidence and slowly started to rebuild herself. We got married shortly and life was okay until two years ago. She started to push me away and became completely self absorbed in herself to the point where I didn't feel like my needs as an SO let alone even a friend. She started to treat me differently versus her friends and when I called her out on it, I became the bad guy that was preventing her from having connections and friends. Someone from my past that I had feelings for before my SO and I were together, popped into my life and in a moment of clarity I told my SO about them and my SO completely ran away and pushed me to be with this person from my past. I gave her a few months of space and lived separately, and during that time she said she found herself and feels so much lighter without me. She essentially called me dead weight.

A few months later, after I apologized for the confusion with this person from my past, she agreed to rekindle our relationship. The past year has been pretty good, we have learned how to communicate better, be more intimate, learned what our needs and love languages are for the other. However September came and she was completely captivated by someone new at her job and she was open and honest to me about it and said this person could the One. She said this was love at first sight and as the months flew, though I tried to be understanding and let her figure out this crazy infatuation, we are in the process of figuring out how to get a divorce.

She has put me through the wringer, with her constant need for space, and then saying things like she'll figure it out, and then when I pull away she keeps trying to pursue this other person (the other person isn't even interested in her). I have been in an uncomfortable state for months and have been cycling through so many emotions from anger to depression and crying all night. We are at the point where every other day it's something new that she wants. For example, a few weeks ago she said she's needs space to figure it out, then a few days after she decided she doesn't want this life with me anymore. She started to create these justifications in her head about all the times we had rough times, and she even recently said that she doesn't love me anymore and knew we shouldn't have gotten married. She is uninterested in seeking counsel, she is uninterested in working it out. She just wants this life to end so she can start a new one.

I feel like my support system does not understand where I am at. A marriage is important to me, alongside that it's important to me that I fight for this. My mind is strong and knows it's probably time to let go, how can one fix a marriage if the other party isn't willing. But my heart is weak and is still trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and to say to myself, "She is unwell right now". I made the mistake of calling her out and bringing her bipolar and manic to her, along with calling her out on her limerence/infatuation with this coworker. And that was a huge mistake because it backfired and pushed her away from me more.

She continuously says she wants space and now No Contact because she says I have been smothering her with my wants for wanting to fix this. Her parents are telling me two different things, one is saying to let her go, the other is saying to be a lighthouse and be patience and see if she will return.

My mind is reeling with figuring out divorce and it doesn't help that we are still residing in the same house (She can't afford to move out since we have split finances since this all happened), but I want to be prepared but at the same time I am still holding on to some form of hope she will come back.

When I entered a relationship with her, I learned to accept all that comes with her. Does anyone have experience on where my next steps can land and how I should go about this? Any advice is much appreciated at this point.

Thank you.

Note: My partner is on medication -- Vvyanse and Ziprasidone to be exact. She is also in therapy.

EDIT:

Thanks to everyone that DM'd me. We'll get through this night mare together.

Hi all! I’m looking for a therapist that understands bipolar disorder and can help me with my own mental health as I deal with my husband’s BP disorder. Does anybody have a good online therapist that they would recommend? Thank you!

So, my exBPSO reached out to me to talk after several months of really limited/no communication. She told me she’d just been hospitalized, which I had a sinking suspicion of because she owes me money and promised an update every month, and when that update didn’t come and I tried to call, the phone went right to voicemail. But she said she really wanted to talk to me and we did end up calling on the phone. She basically just updated me about things going on in her life. I ended up asking her like what does she want from calling/talking to me. And she said she doesn’t know and we should take it step-by-step. The thing is I’m just starting to go to therapy to process our relationship. She was emotionally abusive and the only reason she’s not blocked is because I hope to get my money back. I don’t know — does anyone have any thoughts on this? I really just want to tell her about how hurt I am and how she was emotionally abusive, but I doubt she’ll react well to that. Please be kind, I really am trying to do my best to navigate this. I will be telling my therapist as well!

I’m new to this, so I’m just looking for general community and advice. My (27F) partner (also 27F) of 3.5 years was just hospitalized for the third time after showing signs of psychosis and suicidal ideation. She was diagnosed bipolar earlier this year after going into psychosis for 2 weeks, leading to her second hospitalization. A lot of trauma came with that (I can go into more detail if needed) and I am still in therapy unpacking a lot of it. I just have no idea where to start or how to support her and it feels very heavy because her family is not much help so I feel pretty on my own with it. I struggle from anxiety and depression and I want to foster a healthy environment for both her and I so we can get through this but it is so hard. I never knew psychosis was part of bipolar and now to be experiencing it so soon after her first occurrence, I just feel so out of my depth. I clearly don’t understand it like I thought I did and I’m questioning if either of us have the tools to manage it or if there even is a future for us as a couple because of it. Any thoughts welcome.

I met my SO a year ago, We hit it off well, similar hobbies, interests, and life goals. We lived together for most of the year until we decided to move in together permanently. At the time we had little to no cash saved to do this and planned to both get simple jobs to start life together. Until this time, she was undiagnosed with bipolar, and I had no idea she had any mental illness. Then came the delays. Every week, there was another delay to her getting a job, some were reasonable, others seemed a little unrealistic. Yet nothing too problematic to consider anything serious was affecting her. She then decided to move out to a girlfriends house who worked in the field of her career interest. In doing so, she continued to talk to me daily, no reason to doubt, until one day she disappeared for three days from everyone. Family, friends and me. When she returned she said she needed space but was on top of her interest in getting a job. I was not happy with the silence and told her to collect her possessions. I asked her if she really cared about me at all, and she said she did before stating it was just her dealing with stress. Fast forward 2 more months of these delays and she has no moved to another location, where she claimed her work would be about to start. At the time she had visited me and said to me she loved me, and even introduced me to her family. None of this was impulsive, it seemed reasonable according to the length of the relationship. But since she had not yet got the job, and I was waiting for her so we could afford a place to move in together, I was hesitant to say i loved her back. Simply because long distance and time and had created some doubts in my mind. Yet, she seemed ok with what I said to her, and told me it would all work out. Then two weeks later, she disappears for two weeks. Barely communicating to anyone, until eventually I get a call from her mother that she is with a bad man. I turn up to the place she was at, thinking she had been drugged and was being raped. On the contrary, she was walking down the high street in a dressing gown, late night, full blown psychosis. I thought she had overdosed, which was partially true due to the cocaine and weed she had been consuming. She also looked awful, like she had not washed in two weeks. The whole time she was calling out the name of a particular man I knew nothing about. It turns out this man was her drug dealer, she had been living with for the last two weeks and was sleeping with. I was manipulated by everyone, I wanted to leave her there on the street. But because of the psychosis, I admitted her to hospital. She was detained by multiple security guards, and is currently undergoing treatment for mania and type 1 bipolar disorder. My head is still spinning about all of this. The woman I was committed to, is not currently the same woman who is receviing this treatment. Every conversation with her, is a racing game of thoughts spinning for one view point to another, pushing and pulling me, no remorse to anything that has happened, lying to my face to avoidany guilt, since guilt creates headaches to her. I really should just walk away from this girl, but she also has no one to turn to, and when they discharge her, she will inevitably turn back into this situation again. I feel sad in all of this because I realise that the long distance, meant less close contact to her, and this sent her on a path of so much focus and stress to succeed in a career no one asked her to do, that it sent her into a mania, that she then did what she did as a result of. But all of this could have been prevented. She says she loves me, then she doesnt love me, then she wants me, then she gets jealous of other women around me. Its a headache and making me mentally ill trying to pinpoint wht she thinks and feels, since it is completely susceptible to change in every conversation, purely based on an emotion or trigger of that emotion.

3 months post discard. I’m trying not to let my situation become my personality. I unblocked him last night hoping he’d call even though I know we will never be together. He promised me we would work out all our problems, he would never cheat, and we would be together forever. We dated for 2.5 years and it was the first time I’ve really ever been in love. I’m 29F now. He abused me psychologically and emotionally, kicked me out of our home, trashed our apartment, and slept with a girl he met at the hospital when I was homeless because of what he did. Two weeks prior he proposed to me.

I was coping well the first few months, optimistic and somewhat numb to the situation. Strong faith in God and trusting in His plan.

Now I’m feeling depressed. It’s really hard not to cry all the time. I want to call him but I know that will not do anything but make things worse. He’s unmedicated but I believe is coming down from his mania. He cried and feels bad last time he called. He called on a different number so I didn’t know it was him. Otherwise I would have ignored the call.

Why did this happen. I’m a good person and all my life I’ve just been trying to find someone to love. Yet, I’ve been taken advantage of over and over again.

It feels so cruel. I am trying not to be in victim mindset and just move on. I have a lot to be grateful for.

But I just am depressed and feeling hopeless. I cry everyday

This really hit home for me. 2 months 13 days since my husband of 13 years discarded me and our 3 kids. My heart is broken, but now I need to focus on me and my happiness.