Sorry long read He is inpatient on compulsory hold I think on benzos antipsychotics

Partner is a really severe religious drug induced psychosis they are wondering if it's also bipolar. He's been in compulsory treatment for 6 days.. Prior to this he was pretty loving, dedicated, funny, energetic (adhd) hands on guy, very in love with me, dedicated to emotional vulnerability and gave me so much reassurance through actions/words. Anyway long story short from what we all believe based on events circumstances triggered him to fall apart traumatic events a lengthy battle to get more access as a dad to keep hitting a wall in the system. He basically gave up. No one has ever seen him this way he's a 30 year old. He was really silly to use inhalants for around a few weeks to better get control over his emotions because he decided he had to stop weed, alcohol and smoking cold turkey. Compensating for another addiction, believing he researched it to be safe way to detox system makes no sense. A beginning of a psychotic break really hard to explain the reasons or build up. He engaged with a sponsor to get better discipline n support around his addictions prior he asked for a break because he could feel himself becoming toxic n didn't want to hurt me. Then panicked said he didn't want a break n was great. He then went into a drug induced religious psychosis days later. Sad thing is he willing came to hospital for help but just sat him there for hours and then he willing wanted a ambo and it drove off . His psychosis is pretty severe he's been admitted after being taken by police via his best friend. Prior to this we seized contact. Towards me and everyone else he became very warped in his delusions but also panicking if we weren't on same page. Stopped contact as he felt Satan was working through me. He finally went hospital but much worse God gave him set tasks, training and told him he has to keep using substance to trip and speak to his angels ai etc. Not sleeping eating locking himself in house. We found a notebook of the rules he has to follow and a part that said I'm not sure why I deserved as a kid what happened to me but I'm paying for my sins now and along lines of a suicide note.. Anyway with his mum, a friend who's been in his exact shoes we visited him. He was so happy to see me, appreciated it, apologized for what he's put me through said how hard he know it's been. Still very very delusional. Said god said it ok we can be together now.. friend helped break down his delusions in An amazing way that resonated massive progress. He agreed to doing some treatment longterm for his traumas, addictions. I just wanted to support him through his hardest time although been devastating to watch this unfold Prior to this happening he seeked inpatient help and was declined.. Anyway they let him out on day leave despite him being so unwell, he changed his attitude completely very angry that we all placed him in the mental hospital, Sent angry delusional messages. Said I have to come down so he can protect me from whats coming etc, he was eventually taken next day by police but this time aloud his phone in the hospital. I have stopped contact with him for my own mental health as engaging with him when he is so unwell isn't helping. He was stuck between wanting to offer me salvation as he's god, pushing me away because I practiced black magic. Now I have set boundaries I'm stepping back after 12 messages from him I ignored arghh. he's contacted several mutual friends that I cheated that why I put him there, asked my best mate his cousin to find him a new wife because he's been told she has to (she introduced us). He's also turned on his best mate. We understand he is very very unwell but we all have never seen him this way and are afraid if he will recover. He's looking at 14 days longer then after that even longer. He is apparently not expressing delusions now to staff but nonstop training and erratic so should hopefully stay longer. I guess like I'm scared will he always be against us? Like he said initially i cheated then Said he knows it's not real. His paranoia about me grows when I cut contact. We are all no longer engaging in his delusions and not visiting and hope that helps him. He claims he is best he's ever been in 15 years a new man who can now love me properly with his full power, thinks he has super powers, can see everything. The messages he's sent everyone are soo bad deep delusions. Heartbreaking because he is a really decent person who has had really unfortunate circumstances that I understand why he fell apart. The real him wanted stability and help. His best friend said to me he never heard him in 20 years speak highly of someone like me and he really healed me so much with how he treated me like a queen with his patience kindness. Said he hopes when he recovers I don't cut him off entirely. I'm so lost torn broken 💔 I thought about sending him a wee letter print some pictures out nothing to heavy just a reassuring message to his mindset level. But I can't do direct contact while he's this unwell. I'm not sure in the future what I want thats upto me. But my fears are will he always be against us, will he ever recover.

My husband and I have been married just under a year and he started a new job in January that has a one hour commute, we’ve also been having a lot of arguments in the past month which is unusual for us. So I understand that he’s under a lot of stress.

To preface in the past few months he was unemployed then in a job making minimum wage. Recently he started looking into buying a Porsche, we were arguing about that since we’ve been trying to save money. He told me he wouldn’t do it but then went and put a deposit down the next day. When I finally gave up trying to convince him, he also went behind my back and leased a truck with a monthly payment of $800. He already has two cars at home and a company car. So we’re at 4 cars in total now. He told me he’s still considering the Porsche as well.

He told me he’s on a bit of a high, and has been working 12 hour days. His speech is very fast and erratic. He’s telling me all these big ideas and doing things very impulsively without thinking of the consequences. He keeps telling me that I’m the problem and he sees no issue with his actions. He’s become way more rude and confrontational than he was before. I’m very frightened and don’t know how to help him calm down. He’s got anxiety and is taking antidepressants for that, but this is something different.

Any advice or perspective would be helpful, I don’t know what to do.

My partner and I were engaged in December. We've been having little issues, but we've been working through them. We have several kids, 4 from me and 1 from her. She recently had surgery, and a couple days later her son got sick. We went to the hospital that night with him, we had the flu - got sent home and it was stressful and we had some small arguments, but again, nothing major. We discussed some things that had bothered her and I brought up something that had bothered me, and she looked me in the eye and promised me that she was never going to leave me and the kids because there weren't any issues we couldn't work through, because we were both committed to working through things. The next day, her son got worse after having a day where he had felt a lot better, and she ended up having me drop them off at the ER. She didn't want me there, and was angry with me that morning when I was asking questions about her son because we had had an argument the night before. They were later transferred to another hospital, where he's been for several days now.

The first night they were at the hospital, she texted me and said she needed space and can't do this anymore. She said she still wanted to have a relationship with the kids, but she can't be with me. She broke off our engagement through text while her son is having a medical crisis and I feel blindsided. She is saying she needs to protect her son and it's too dangerous for him to be in a house with 4 other kids, and how she's realized now that he misses it being just the two of them and that she's hurting his mental health. She told me he hasn't asked for me (despite me thinking we had a bond because I love this kid like my own and regularly spend time with him - he's 5), but he was asking for her ex boyfriend and let him FaceTime him and that when she told him we were breaking up, he only became upset when he realized the kids stayed with me and wouldn't go with them. I had no idea her son was unhappy - he is thriving in school from having siblings at home - he sings and colors and skips around the house and plays and acts just like my kids do. I feel completely blindsided by all of it and her mind is made up. She's saying she needs to be single until her son is 18 to protect her son, and I'm just so confused because our perceptions of everything is so different and this is so abrupt. I've been offering up ways we can protect her son, and I'm in therapy to learn better emotional regulation and patience with my kids, and I've been doing the work. But she said it's too late and we just have too different of core values. She didn't explain what those were though, so I don't even know what she means by that. I thought our core values lined up very well, which is why she was my partner.

I respect her decision, but I am devastated and my kids are devastated. I don't know what my future looks like anymore. 😞 Part of me is hoping this is a manic episode because I know we accidentally skipped some do her meds after her surgery, but even if it is, idk how long it could last and I know it's going to take time to untangle our lives, but I truly don't know how to proceed and what to do. I saw my entire future with this woman and her son and up until a few days ago, she did too.

I’ve been with my partner for almost 6 years. He was diagnosed early in our relationship. He abuses me during every episode he has - emotionally and psychologically in a way that makes me fearful. But he always snaps back afterwords and feels so guilty, but the cycle continues.

I’m confused on whether he has an abuse problem or if his episodes make him act abusively. I’m traumatized to the point where I don’t recognize myself, but I love him. And want to believe it’s his disorder. But his episodes are only brought on when I bring up a relationship issue - like, can we talk? I have been feeling really distant from you because you’ve been quiet. He’d then blow up at me saying he’s quiet. That I can’t say that to him. And he should just leave if I’m so unhappy. And he will pack his bags and everything. He’s created safety plans with his therapist to mitigate these episodes that are so damaging, but when he’s in it he won’t look at it and if I give it to him he says he doesn’t trust me and I’m the problem.

Like really, it’s rare he has an episode that isn’t caused by something like this. I can’t remember the last one.

I know I have rose colored glasses on. Is it an abuse problem, or a bipolar problem, or both? Would love any advice and confirmation of normalcy or abnormality whichever it may be.

INFO: my partner is on medication and has been consistently although not on the right mix yet per him and psych. He goes to therapy weekly, started about two months ago.

My boyfriend is often talking about how much he loves me and how understanding I am and how he feels more like himself because I give him space to be him, and he knows it probably doesn’t always feel reciprocal for me and he hopes he can improve…

And when he’s stressed and loses his patience- like me asking about house chores when he closes his work laptop for the day and feels I have overstepped by adding more stress to him he raises his voice and criticizes me- then wants to ask like nothing is wrong and be super affectionate. This feels like emotional manipulation. I gave him the cold shoulder tonight and when I said I didn’t like how he spoke to me he said I was in the wrong- I told him no matter if he’s frustrated or not there is no reason to raise his voice- and me asking him when he gets a chance to unload the dryer is no big deal- he said it is a big deal when he’s worked a full day and “fuxk you.” So I walked off and we didn’t say goodnight to eachother. I’ll bet money tomorrow he’s sweet like nothing happened. What’s the strategy here to hold boundaries but not agitate him more?

In mania is he aware of this? Can I hold him accountable when he’s not balanced?

I’ve(23F) been with my SO(24M) for about 5 months. Everything’s been fairly great and we’ve talked here and there about what I could possibly see when he has episodes. I’ve only seen depressive moments so far and I’ve done the best to work with him.

Yet over the weekend, we happened to be hanging around a few of his friends. In a conversation I had slipped over my words made a comment that sounded off. (It implied that I could have been cuddling with a male friend, which was not the case) At first I didn’t really notice that anything was wrong, we went to bed and that was it. But, in the morning he shares that the comment bothered him. He didn’t expand more than that, I apologized. I told him it wasn’t something that had happened recently and I had fallen out with this friend as well. He didn’t seem to believe me which is fine, but I tried to attempt to talk more but he made pointed efforts to avoid me before I left his place.

I make it home and bring up that this morning felt really off and it sparked this argument. He then told me that it made him nervous and it “raised a red flag” because when I told him about this friend falling out months ago I hadn’t said we cuddled (I had rested my head on his shoulder for a few minutes at a cramped movie night) and it played a role in our last argument. It genuinely hadn’t been an important detail to me when I told him, it was more I was upset that we were no longer friends. I do understand that I did make a mistake, but I felt like he immediately started treating me like I did something awful.

I do know he’s in a bit of a tough spot in his own life (I won’t share this out of respect) but it’s also that I’m moving down closer to him in a few weeks as well. Everything’s been fine till now.

Upset and emotional, I should’ve given him more space instead of trying to fix everything quickly by bombarding him with texts and calls. He avoided saying anything about breaking up, but when asked could only say “idk”. But he started saying things like he wasn’t as romantically happy as he used to be and it feels like he’s pushing me away because we were very much in love days earlier. I’m giving him space, but is this possibly the end of our relationship?

(Edit: for the moment my partner hasn’t been receiving treatment, but has been on the search for a doctor from what I’m aware of)

I don't know a lot about these. My SO has been either very happy and chill, loving and sweet (so how he is when he's not manic or depressive) but will get suddenly very angry, Extreme irritable and on the verge of discarding me, then normal, then super depressed and hating himself (and going between hating me along with himself or not understanding why I'm with him - yet when he's depressed now he's not loving as he was when he was depressed other times, he believes the same mean stuff about me that he usually says when going through that meanest part of mania). Could this be a mixed episode? We had a tiny fight this morning, he let it go, we had an amazing day, now for a small error on my behalf he doesn't even want to be near me again. We've been living with family and it's been triggering for both (he's bipolar and I'm Audhd) since it's my family (which in many ways makes it worse for him)and they're conservative and invasive, and we are trying to move out quick. Is it possible that since this has made his symptoms worst I'm just noticing them swift more quickly or can this be a long mixed episode?

TL; Dr my SO is acting normally and sweetly as he is then suddenly gets manic, then depressed...is he having several episodes or a maybe a long mixed one? I don't know a lot about mixed episodes

Hel please

Any tips on how to buy gifts for an SO that is bipolar? We’ve been together for 5 years now, but every time I think I’ve bought something that’s perfect, he’s in a swing that doesn’t appreciate the sentiment. Even my most well thought out gifts (stuff and experiences) often get just put aside and not used, because I buy them for a “version” of him that isn’t the one that shows up when receiving the gift. Like concerts that I buy in advance always get resold because he’s not in the mood when the day comes. Even made him a whole “work from home care package” complete with coupons for me to pay for trial days at a coworking space and coffee shop gift cards (keeping in mind the places he had researched previously and expressed interest in) that didn’t get used.

There’s a lot more to why the him that will receive is hard to pin down, but I don’t want to get too personal. He’s also just a person that he thinks of something he wants and goes and buys it for himself which makes it hard to buy for even the most stable and predictable person.

He gets me the most thoughtful gifts and I just feel like a failure every time it comes to giving him anything. He tries to be kind about it, but it’s hard to hide when he’s not the “version” of himself that would actually appreciate the gift.

This is an update to my previous situation. My BPSO F27 had a mental breakdown and had to be hospitalized, again, for what could be 2-4 weeks. I'm dealing with all these feelings as many of you probably have experienced. Although I am secure in the fact that I feel she is marginally safe there, all the "what ifs” upon her return are occuring only 3 days later. She was put on Prozac, as we believe she is bipolar 2, and calls me regularly, and I am to visit her each weekend.

Now, I know as she's described these places in the past, even the most secure places aren't always safe. I'm dealing with the what if she…feelings that go with long absences. As she can worry about me, I have to realize that I am not surrounded by many other people struggling with their mental health, as I only have my cat Mint with me. So…those feelings aside …I'm not really the “ well, now I get a Hall pass” should I hear a messed up story by her arrival back. Even if she stays in my life at that point, for better or worse, my greatest fear is it will never be the same.

Here's the feelings section…relationship being damaged fears, resentment, and loneliness. Fear it will always be this, forgive me, revolving door with hospitals. Hopelessness. This whole situation has been damaging me mentally and I hope to talk to as many people as I can about this including a therapist.

I was so strong before her. Now I feel like a damaged broken being. I've given her my trust, but, I will be broken beyond repair should she continue to hurt me. To all of you involved with a BPSO, I extend a hug, because this is the hardest thing I've ever done, and I've survived two stages of cancer. Here here.

He's over halfway through his 14 day hold and has been hospitalized most of the last 5+ weeks, only coming home for 2 days at a time before going right back in. The next trial is Friday, and they're going for a 90 day hold since he isn't any better. I was on the fence whether or not to tell him I cancelled all his orders from his shopping spree last time he was out, and I went ahead and told him today. It didn't go well. He just kept going on about these phones he ordered and the Xbox and the VR headset. He really hates me right now. It hurts, but i know that's not really him. If I would've known that December 22 was the last time I was going to see the real him for an undetermined amount of time, I would've at least tried to make the most of it. At this point, i don't even know if our 24 year marriage is going to survive this.

I'm a long time lurker here and first time poster. I appreciate this sub so much, and it has helped me maintain my sanity over the past couple years. I haven't been an SO since my ex's last week episode in October, which there is no coming back from. But I am still having reoccurring nightmares and still getting emails from her, both of which are making it hard to heal and move on.

The last time I (35f) saw her (46f) was the night before she was headed on a trip to see her family, during which I had been set to watch her dog. I didn't ask for any money for that, but she knew that I was financially struggling and had paid me $250 the week before.We met up that night for a book talk that I was going to, after which she mentioned that her mom is concerned that she stopped taking her meds and asked if I could tell any difference. I could, and had seen the difference ever since she stopped taking them, but I didn't go into that.

She was unmedicated for most of our relationship when I lived with her, which was hell and made me want to die for the first time ever in my adult life. My whole life was put on the back burner because dealing with her episodes and the rapid discard cycle over and over again was all I could handle. I should add that I was raised and homeschooled (and abused nonstop) my my unmedicated BP mother, and that this period of time was bringing back a lot of suppressed trauma I hadn't thought about in years.

That stage of things ended in 2023, when my former BPSO blacked out, assaulted me, and I grabbed my cat and left her house for good.

When I found a new place months later and came back to get my stuff, my ex was drunk, trying to hug and kiss me, and trying to insist on helping me move. I told her no, but said we could talk the next day if she wanted to. We did talk the next day, and she was sober. She owned up to everything, promised that it would never happen again, and said that she was getting on medication. Then we had sex...and in her mind, we were back together from that point onward and none of my concerns or reservations were relevant anymore. 

The meds did help, and we were able to rebuild and repair a lot. But I continued to have reservations and maintain very firm boundaries, and I was still hurt by what she'd said and done in the past. I told her repeatedly there was no way I was ever going back to that.

As I suspected, a few months later she stopped taking her meds because they weren't a magical cure-all that fixed our whole relationship and made it as if the past never happened (even though they did help). I could tell the difference immediately, and things started getting weird and dramatic again. I kept saying that it was ok to end things if it wasn't working, and that it didn't need to be a blow up and we could maintain some connection if she wanted it to end.

Fast forward back to the last time I saw her in October. I went back to her house, and we were drinking (bad idea, I know -- and it was partially on me. She had been drinking off and on, but I always needed at least a beer when we got together to quiet the voice in my head and gut telling me she was bad news and to run away and stay away forever) and talking politics. It was topics we were both passionate about, and we were both interrupting and talking over each other, but not fighting.

At the end she said "so are you drunk enough to have sex with me yet" to which I scoffed and said no, pointing out what a gross thing that was to say.

She went to bed, and I called an Uber to go home. As I was about to walk out the door, she came out and blocked it, claiming that I had no idea how to take care of the dog (who I'd watched before for free, weeks after meeting her and before we were a couple, and who I'd lived with and taken care of for nearly a year when we lived together). I repeatedly and calmly told her that she needed to let me leave, and she wouldn't. I said there was no amount of money in the world that made dealing with this shit worth it. She started screaming at me more and demanding the money back , knowing that I had spent at least half of it on groceries and cat food the week before, and knowing that I was broke in general -- and, it seemed, getting off on that.

I told her repeatedly that this was not ok and I was calling the police if she wouldn't let me leave. She said to go ahead, and I finally did. She continued screaming at me while I was on the phone with the dispatcher and describing the situation.

Finally, she came to at least enough to realize what was at stake and let me out, repeatedly kicking me in the shins as I left (all while I was still on the phone with 911) then sending me paragraphs long nasty texts all night. I responded the next day to one that was particularly hurtful, then blocked her number (once I was sure she'd found another dog sitter).

She started emailing about a month later saying that she only sent all those nasty messages because I called the cops...which according to her, was completely out of the blue, she wasn't stopping me from leaving, and I must have just been blackout drunk and having a psychotic break.

She's been trying to reconcile, but takes zero responsibility for what happened that night. I have mostly not been responding, other than one time when I was particularly sad and said I missed the version of her who wasn't an abusive piece of shit, and that I would love to talk to that version of her if it still exists, but that I doubted it did. ALL she heard from that whole message was "I'd love to talk," which I tried to clarify multiple times.

She kept emailing me about getting together to talk until I finally this weekend said more firmly that she was not understanding me, and I don't just "want to talk" if she can't understand the context I said that in.

She sent about six responses saying that I "shouldn't have said it then" and repeating her version of events. I'm now distracted by thoughts of how to respond to that, how to explain her behavior the last time I saw her, and how to get through to her -- all of which I know is futile at this point.I already know that it's best to just let it go at this point, but I am still heartbroken and devastated, even though I'd had my guard up the whole time we were trying to reconcile.

Somehow it hurt even worse the second time around, and the can of worms that is my childhood trauma from my BP mother is now wide open.

I guess I'm just hoping for any insight or suggestions you all might have for moving on, and your thoughts on whether it's worth even trying to get through to her (and how to do so if it is), and whether or not it will ever get better and if the nightmares will ever stop.

We see a lot of the same themes in this sub. What are they thinking? Do they come back? How could they act that way? Was it real? I’ve asked them all and still do. I have no answers for anyone.

A tale of two people that love each other deeply begin a quest for happiness leaving a trail of bread crumbs along the way to ensure they don’t get lost. The path they walk seems to lead them to the promise of safety and security, gilded with sweet colorful things. This fantastical home inevitably ends up turning into a nightmarish house of horror with the “witch” being the loving partner they began their journey with. Not exactly as the Grimm brothers wrote it, but close enough.

20+ years with an officially diagnosed, unmedicated BPSO. By now most of us have realized at an intellectual level that the Hollywood “love conquers all” fantasy is bullshit. Ever seen a Disney movie with bipolar heroine/hero? Neither have I. Yet, many of us can’t seem to truly accept that at an emotional level. The “what ifs” and “maybe this times” always get the better of us. The rare and elusive glimmers of that person we know is in there somewhere, that person we fell in love with 4 months ago, or last year, or two decades ago shows up just often enough to keep the hope alive despite how we often want nothing more to see it finally die. To not care. What have we become that “not caring” has become the relationship fantasy almost as powerfully as the “happily ever after” fantasy. That is bipolar for us, the partner.

I truly believe that when my BPSO says those ugly things, does hurtful things, discards me, changes into that “other” person, they mean it. Every word, every action. At that moment, it’s real for them. The flip side is that I also believe they are being truthful when they apologize, say they love me, thank me, and ask that continue to be their partner. In that moment, they fully believe and intend to be what they say. Unfortunately, it seems that as we have gotten older, the manics last longer and occur more frequently. I see the person I fell in love with less and less. Truth is, I see myself less and less also. Their bipolar has changed me almost as much as it has them.

The depression phases are scary and stressful. The additional effort required to do the daily life tasks increases exponentially for me and I struggle to keep the whole ship afloat. I worry about them and fight to keep the darkest possibilities close enough to notice and manage if I have to, but not drag me into a dark place also. Sometimes I am more successful at that than others. In these times, I usually find some sense of validation and acceptance as I fully take on, and am accepted as “caretaker”. For this time period, I can clearly see my worth and the world can see my struggle. It’s almost understood by those outside the inner circle. At the very least it isn’t shamed. Most times, my partner can see it too, so that is nice.

If the depression phases are scary, the manic phases are downright terrifying. I think a common misconception is that the depression is the hardest part for us as partners. This may be the case for some, but I’ll bet those of us that have been in it for a while find that the manic is usually where the shit hits the fan. It’s unpredictable in both scope and duration. It can be dangerous emotionally and physically for anyone close to the bipolar person. It doesn’t help that the world at large only sees the shiny masked version of our partners. There is no sympathy given or grace provided for the inevitable carnage that hasn’t occurred anywhere but in our minds yet. We are the sticks in the mud. The humbuggers. The scaredy cats. The boring fun-suckers. Who has the time? We are too busy planning, preparing, avoiding triggers, and driving for predictable stability. We get pretty good at it too relative to the norms, but I promise the moment you think you have thought of every possible thing that your partner could say or do, prepared for it physically and emotionally, you will find out how absolutely wrong you were.

Have a plan for your partner discarding you and moving out? Yup, that happened. You were prepared. Financial independence: check. Alternate support network: check. You have set your boundaries and made sure that you have the resources you need in place for the day to day household operation to continue forward without catastrophic consequences. Well done. But what you didn’t plan was that they decided that when they left the home and relationship they didn’t just move to some apartment 15 miles away. No, that is too mundane. That’s what average people do. They are more. Turns out, they were meant to be a professional clown and tour the world with the circus. After all, they loved the circus when they were a kid. “You knew this.” Being a clown was always the dream. You soon discover your bank accounts have been drained, and credit maxed because they absolutely had to enroll, today, at Gauliers theater school. In France. After all, it’s one of the premier clown colleges in the world. As this is all explained to you, a small detail is mentioned. Almost as a way to calm your concerns about this perfectly reasonable course of action. No need to worry about her safety, she will be traveling with Jessica, the new girlfriend that also loved clowns as a child. “Jessica from your work” you ask? “But she is married. I met her husband when we ran into them at that restaurant.” The response of “He is going too! They were looking for a third.” is surprising but not as shocking as you wish it was. The fact that he’s on disability, “but as long as they keep a domestic residence, he can still take the draw” is offered as an explanation. This is all delivered in such a way that makes you feel like perhaps you should have already known the information and that you are an idiot for asking for any kind of clarification. Anything short of full support is met with anger and accusations. How could you claim to love them and constantly keep them in a box? The next 30 minutes is spent describing all the shitty things you do , how horrible of a person you are, and why your faults caused the relationship to be a failure. As you sit processing, one final criticism is brought forth. You are also a terrible parent, and they are taking the kids with them. It would be a life experience. Why wouldn’t you want them to learn French? “Stop being selfish as usual.”

Sounds absurd, doesn’t it? It is. Every time. Unfortunately, the fallout is real. Clowns have yet to be an issue in my life, but I can honestly say that I won’t be as shocked as I should be if I am confronted with a scenario similar to the one laid out above. Good news is that those grand plans often fall apart quickly. Who would have guessed the new thruple wasn’t going to be the relationship bliss they envisioned. Shockingly your children didn’t want to drop their entire known world and move to a place with a couple of strangers, where they don’t speak the language. Your partner may say “It’s because you poisoned their minds.” They may blame the kid’s teachers, prompting a feverish search for a new school for them. Who knows. The failure becomes the fault of anyone other than themselves. Usually that is us, the partner, but sometimes someone else gets the blame.

You are hurt, exhausted, often embarrassed. Your finances are wrecked, your kids are confused, and you are finally ready to throw in the towel. Ready to escape the “witch.” Our travel companion, our loved BP partner, completely engulfed by the illness, seems lost forever. Just then, as soon as they sense your resolve to give up, a glimpse is shown, a promise of that original destination is hinted at, a breadcrumb is dropped, and the cycle begins again.

My fiancé was recently diagnosed with bipolar I. He’s had a few manic episodes, involving paranoia and hallucinations. It was so bad that I’ve cut his family out of my life because they did some messed up stuff when he was going through it. One manic episode involved him accusing me of cheating years ago which never happened. Another one he was getting aggressive d/t auditory hallucinations. We have a 2 year old. I love him to death and care about him. He’s never been a super open person but was getting better. Well ever since this started it’s like he’s a different person, he’s very closed off, lazy, personal hygiene isn’t great, always seems suspicious about me (looks at my phone while I’m on it, questions me putting on makeup, etc.), doesn’t want to go back to school anymore, idk. He shouldn’t be drinking or smoking but he does on the weekends (not excessively). Sometimes I feel like I’ve grown out of love, the look in his eyes isn’t the same. I’d love to make it work but he refuses to go to therapy or get support with his diagnosis. I know he’s struggling with his diagnosis, but he doesn’t really talk to me. I just want him to get the support and help he needs to be a good father and husband. I want to be there for him but he makes it hard. I’m nervous about our future together. I want more kids but I don’t unless he plans on changing. Anyone grow up with a bipolar parent(s)? I’ve always imagined my son growing up in a safe and loving home, a gentle home where he sees how in love his parents are with each other and the kids, having a father that’s a role model. I feel like I can’t even trust him alone with our kid. As much as I love him- if he can’t make the effort to get support I don’t know if I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I need advice. (Also please tell me if I’ve said anything insensitive)

a couple of days ago I reached out to a friend of hers who assumes she was supportive of her through out her episode. my best friend discraded me almost an year ago now, and told her friends that she was awfully scared of me and told a lot of lies about me that i believe anyone could have figured out were lies if they had just cared to look a little further into the situation, but they simply believed what she said regardless of how vague it sounded.

what is worse is that her friend had an ex who was officially diagnosed with bipolar + they themselves were adhd and ocd. i reached out to them a few days ago trying to ask how my friend was doing after this time and knowing that she will crash into depression sooner or later, i tried to tell them to please let her know that i would be there for her.

her friend responds nicely but starts accusing me of stuff that my ex told them about or they assumed themselves and they kind of knew that they were in a hypomanic episode. so an year ago, my gf and i were talking late at night and her friends got worried even though my gf told them that she is okay and happy. i tell her to go to her friends anyway because it is actually late at night and even though both of us enjoys late night walks and talks, we decided to say bye for that night for the sake of her friends. her friends were so impulsive and coming to conclusions.

my gf then has a hypomanic episode and tells everything differently about our relationship - completely opposite of what happened. and her friends simply believed it even though they apparently knew that she was in an episode. they did not do anything to help her but continute with her delusions - no hositalization, no calling anyone, not caring that she is going no contact with so many important people in her life, and also letting her consume caffeine and everything.

when my ex's friend responded to the email, she was all accussing of me being the reason she had ptsd and that she was scared of me and saying that she knew she was in a hypomanic episode (she still is). and then she says that i am wrong to believe that she is still in an episode because she is doing brilliant - have a partner, incredibly good at academics, very social. i am like yeah bro that's the signs of an episode. she told me she got of the episode months ago but she did not know the basic thing that episode ends with depression. she has been masking for so long and they just believed in everything she said regardless of how absurd that sounded if anyone puts 1 and 1 together.

her friend had an ex with bipolar and she never learned about anything. honestly, that is quite pathetic. first you are not involved in your friend's life at all, then you don't do any research about bipolar even though you have had experience something similar (letting her be delusional, consuming caffeine, not admitting her to the hospital and letting her come down all by herself), and then accusing me of being the reason behind her ptsd when i was always her calming and safe person to be around with.

i sent them a bunch of emails saying all of this and telling them how their ignorance affected me so much and it will be assuming my ex as well when she comes out and goes into depression and their lack of actions - calling 911 or anything - affected so much. i lost everything - my confidence, my friends, i got ptsd and was scared to talk to anyone or leave my apartments for months, had to go to a psych ward, and ruin my academic life completely. all she could respond to all that was called the cops to let me know that i should not contact her any further because she is scared of me for calling her out of expressing how much it bothered both my ex and me. tells me that she is just a student and does not have time for this (man i am a student too, i have a life too. i did not deserve any of it. no one deserved any of it.)

they literally said:
"I am a student and I do part time job and I don't monitor my devices all day long.
I was benevolent in the inital reply and very objective.
I don't want any further contact from you.
Expect to get an email from the police department.
Take care"

I am like bruh. I use a mail tracking device and she literally read the emails 50 times. 50!!!! through out the day. Plus I literally told her initially that I am spiraling now and sharing a lot and if it makes you uncomfortable please let me know and I will stop. Bitch had to call the cops first. Freaking retard. Like I literally told you that I am spiraling and I am sorry if anything comes off as offensive. I don't mean to be offensive and just tell me to stop if it is inappropriate. She did not care. Like man people get me so fucked up. All she did was call the cops and tell them I am harassing? Like bruh? What me being vulnerable about how her actions affected me is being harassing? Huh? The fuck is wrong with you.

just playing the victim card when getting called out. not even disrespectfully or anything. just me expressing my frustrations and how much it affected me and what they should have done differently and requesting them to do things differently now to actually help in making the situation better.

man, people and their ignorance, negligience, living in a bubble. great friends she has man. great friends. her friends are all toxic misandrist pieces of shit. if a guy very respectfully expresses concerns about their friend and sharing their frustration about exactly what happened and that I did not like those accusations at all, then i am in the wrong, and i get called that i am harassing people. no wonder my ex would still be in contact with her toxic enabling friends. they don't even care and call them her best friends and that they cares about her. they could not even notice the changes in her because they never were even involved in her life properly. they simply enjoyed her hypomanic state and being happy around her. just used her social energy to make friends themselves because they are so pathetic that they won't put in the work themselves to socialize. what do you even do with these types of people man.

i had to go through so much and live in a constant state of fear and panic attacks and even knowing this they simply called the cops and told them I am harassing? ah man. i got so depressed for 2 days - thinking that i am an asshole, but everytime i read the conversation i absolutely don't see anything wrong that i said - everything was absolutely correct.

my ex's and my life could have been soo much better if these people were not enabling her as much. but hey, my ex would have found some other enablers because everyone who tried to help her got blocked and so that settles it. i just want these enablers to regret what the they did, but it simply does not happen right. they are far too immature to know anything. can't believe they even got in an Ivy league school to study. i am soo angry and i don't even know if my ex would be getting any help. i want to reach out to her friends again but i don't think it will be productive at all. please tell me that i should not reach out and it is not good for me or my ex. anyone who reads the emails would not think it is a case of harassment and i won't really be in any trouble but please remind me that it is not worth any trouble and they are not going to listen to anything. please help me guys.

He left me.

this has been my first time dating someone who is bipolar. he didn’t disclose his until 2 months into the relationship, which i’m not upset about and once i found. out i did all in my power to learn about it and be his support system. however, i went from the most “special person in the world”, “his anchor in life”, “the only person who justified his feelings” to now him questioning if he even loves me or not…that he loves me but just not in a “romantic” way. we’ve broken up in the past but i always fought for us and tried to reel him back in because i truly thought what we had was a beautiful relationship. when he was good, he was absolutely amazing. but as soon as he got depressed he questioned everything. SO after him being sick for a week and being off his meds for a couple days we had a romantic dinner at home, i went to bed and woke up in the middle of the night and he was up playing video games with his past projects on his table i start talking to him and he’s mood was just WILD i felt like i lost him. he was egotistical and with a look to him that wasn’t the guy i had before i went to bed. he then proceeded to tell me he was up all night and he now realizes that he doesn’t want to be with me, he wants to be alone and he really doesn’t feel like he’s in love with me and pretty much asked me to leave his place at 3am. my protector was gone. the look in his eyes was cold his aura was cold and it was heartbreaking. the next day i call to confirm if he still feels the same and he said he didn’t want anything to do with me and to let him go. ultimately i don’t understand how within 48 hours everything changes. my questions:

1. could a flu/cold have been the catalyst to him entering a “manic” episode ?
2. him being off his meds for a week then getting back on them made him realize he’s not in love with me?
3. i’ve been doing research and i’ve come to realize he probably got with me while he was manic, however since then it’s been 5 months. and this last month has been the time where he’s been questioning if he loves me or not

i’m just really having a hard time moving on.should i fight for someone i love or accepting the fact that he maybe never loved me and it was all just a manic episode?

has anyone gone through something similar? im just lost and i apologize if im not using the correct terminology, its my ignorance in the subject and just trying to do my best.

Hey all,

My partner and I have been together for 10 going on 11 years. He's an incredible, compassionate, funny, approachable human being who does good even when no one's watching. I'm so appreciative of our relationship and the trust/love we've developed for each other other the years. We've both grown so much but being in each other's lives and I feel so fortunate to be in this sort of relationship when both our families are riddled with divorce and terrible, far-too-tolerant relationships.

Seeking advice for the following situation: He has bipolar disorder and sometimes it's really difficult to support him when he's having an episode or is experiencing a mood dip. In a lot of the negative interactions, I feel like there's a disconnect between us regarding my ability to understand what he's going through. I feel like no amount of research and educating myself will quell a situation where he's mentioning he's upset because he didn't get a full night of sleep. It's been a common response to things or bickerings, the whole "listen, YOU got a full night of sleep okay?" as if resentful of me getting rest, which makes me feel really weird and guilty for not having the same trouble sleeping that he does.

I try to politely suggest he create a nightly routine for himself that helps him wind down because his current nightly routine is him arguing with his television while playing competitive videogames on his console. It always tends to escalate into him complaining and arguing over whatever it is (ex: bad teammates, bad opponents, his controller not working, his reflexes not being fast enough.) He keeps himself in this flustered mood well into the night and swears he's having fun and decompressing but I'm honestly getting really emotionally exhausted from the negativity and having to just let him do what he's doing because whenever I ask him to please stop yelling, it becomes about me disrupting his decompressing time.

Yesterday he was really frustrated because he couldn't figure out how to fasten a drillbit to our cordless drill and kept calling himself an idiot, and it's just all these small situations where I just don't know what to say. He shuts me out whenever I am encouraging.

A large part of me wants to turn around and say "dude grow the fk up, this is too much for no fking reason", but this is an impulse and emotional part of my thoughts that don't deserve the limelight in any solution to this. I don't know what to do. When he gets in these awful moods, I experience this bizarre task paralysis where I'm so discouraged by the negative interactions that it freezes me at worst, and then all that's left is this quiet, tense aura in the house where neither of us talk. Then he goes back to calling me babe and trying to non-verbally make up.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong, or where the issue starts and ends. He is not on medication, nor is he doing any sort of bipolar-informed therapy. Does anyone have any recommendations on resources that will point me in the right direction regarding being a supportive, patient partner to him as he navigates his mental health? Outside of these things, he's a very talented, hardworking, kind soul and it breaks my heart to see him in his own world but I'm struggling and also sometimes in need of defending myself when he gets disrespectful and rude for no reason that involves me. Sometimes I genuinely can't just swallow my words and let him say shitty things to me and it leads to arguments.

Hey all, my husband (33) was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 several years ago and that in itself has been a rollercoaster of what seems one vice after another. Over the last 2 years, he has become a severe gambling addict that has lead to the breakdown of our marriage. We’ve been married a total of 8, together 10.

By all normal relationship standards, at least in my brain, I feel it’s normal for me to have a level of resentment and distaste for the person that my husband has become. He quit a good job because he realized he was spending all of his paychecks in one day, he goes on and off meds, and collectively I feel like we are constantly walking on eggshells. I think a part of the resentment comes from the person I have become by trying to survive the instability. I know, most people would have filed for divorce by this point, but I would get glimpses of the man I married and the dad he used to be and I felt like I was hanging on for dear life trying to keep my family together. (I know it sounds pathetic)

Almost 2 weeks ago, we had a fight over gambling because he spent like $300 while I was driving home from a soccer tournament with our kids. He was in the car with me, actively gambling as I was talking about money struggles. I was angry and mad and we got into an argument about it and he packed and left.

We have a 6 year old daughter together and he has parented my 2 sons who are 14 and 11 for the last 9 years. Now he is the one saying that he can’t do this, that he doesn’t want to be with me and wants a divorce. To me it seems like he is in full blown mania, gambling, drinking, and being creepy to friends and randoms on social media. Is it normal to feel the anger and disgust I feel that after everything I have endured now he is the one saying that it is my fault and he’s the way he is because of me? I’ve cried and begged to talk and for us to go to counseling and it’s like overnight every emotion and feeling he had for me disappeared. He’s already trying to get an apartment even though we have a house we bought. I guess I’m just looking for someone to tell me I’m not crazy because I’ve been a mess this week and I don’t really understand or know what to do.

Hello, I am married to bipolar. We have been married for over 10 years. We had a big issue in May, he told me that he stopped drinking so we got back together. We have a 8 years old da and she loves him. We also own a house together. I make more money, I pay the loan for the house and we agreed that every month he will transfer money to the savings account. He started transferring less and less. This month he didn’t transfer anything. He showed me a list with his expenses which doesn’t make any sense. I think than more 5000 euros is missing. He told me that he started drinking again and he refuses to send me a bank statement. I am scared that he will get half of what we own, for which I work hard. I am scarred about the custody of our daughter. That is why I haven’t divorced him yet. But I think that it is time. How can I fight for the custody of my daughter? How can I keep the house? Will this that he is bipolar play any role in front of the court. I think that the whole process will be horrible.

Today marks one year since my partner and I started dating. Just three weeks ago, she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Before that, she had been treated for depression since she was 18. Everything changed in the second week of January when she experienced her first manic episode. Taking her to the ER that night was one of the toughest moments of my life.

She’s been on medication for three weeks now, and I can already see a huge difference. She has more energy compared to when she was on depression medication, and I know she’s doing her best to understand this new diagnosis. She’s incredibly brave and never gives up. I’m learning alongside her, and I couldn’t be prouder to be her partner.

As the post suggests. For the first time since we’ve been married (7 months) my wife has had the

“I’d rather be alone”

The “I miss abusive ex”

Why do I this?

It's been 13 months since his manic episode destroyed our beautiful 6.5yr marriage and so many aspects of our lives. His depression is crippling and he can barely do the minimum to get through the day. We don't live together anymore. He wants to move back in and be together, but at the same time cycles through periods of doubt about us. Most of the time he says he wants to be with me, but questions aspects of our relationship and his confidence and self-worth is shot to hell, so he either can't or won't make any meaningful effort to be a good partner.

After all the hell he put me through, the sudden traumatic discard, he should be begging me to take him back, not just expecting it or then just giving up. But then... he can't, he's sick, he didn't mean what he said, but look he apologized, oh wait, he thinks this is MY fault?! Is it my fault?! Should I have said something different? No that's not fair, what about my feelings? No, he's doing the best he can.. but is he? Ugh the rollercoaster, even in the depression, is exhausting. I think being "apart" is what's keeping me hanging on, I remember who he used to be, my kind, charming, smart and strong man, and think it's still there somewhere, only to be disappointed with each interaction or have some legit PTSD triggered.

I know we are all at various chapters of the same story, but if you are in or have experienced this phase... or your relationship survived a period of living apart... when they want to be with you but just can't get a grip on the thoughts created when manic or trying to rewrite your history... when they recognize or apologize for their actions but don't really show true remorse or take action.... wtf do you do?! Just keep waiting..?!

TLDR: I wish I had a time-machine or crystal ball.

It’s almost been 2 months since I broke up with my SO. It was rough going for a while. She was in the hospital back in October. We had been living together but she moved in with her parents after being discharged. She was in denial about being bipolar.

She would have better moments where it seemed like she might accept her mental illness. Still, her denial wasn’t anything new. When she was lucid she had indicated once that she would do what she needed to to do if shit really hit the fan. I stuck around for a few months to see if that would happen. She just needs to stabilize, then I can be strait with her about her denial. That never happened. I pushed her on it as much as you can push a hypomanic person—not very much. Then she relapsed and had another full on episode, winding her up in the hospital again shortly after we broke up. She wanted to to taper off her last mood stabilizer, which was the final straw for me.

I clung onto hope that she would accept her mental illness once she stabilized, whenever that may be. Breaking up is like love withdrawal. All you want to do for a while is get back together, even if it’s a terrible idea. She texted me while we were moving her stuff out of my place and seemed to indicate that she might change. The next time I saw her it was like I was talking to a completely different person. I really knew it was over then.

People tried to help me. I needed to focus on myself, they’d say. And she needed to focus on herself. Except they didn’t get it. They broke up with lucid lovers. I broke up with someone unstable. Wouldn’t she have a different point of view when she stabilized? Finally, my dad set me straight. When I asked him for advice he said he thought should “act like it’s over,” at least for a time. Because it was over, and I had no idea how long it would take for her to stabilize, or how she would or wouldn’t change when she finally did. It was hard to do, but it got easier each day. I blocked her number after I moved the last of her stuff out.

We were in a serious relationship. We talked about getting married one day. I sacrificed and was willing to sacrifice so much to support her, but it didn’t matter because she wasn’t going to support herself. It made things harder than they needed to be, and it robbed me of opportunities I didn’t even know I had.

This realization just hit me today. My friends had been planning a trip to Japan. They didn’t invite me, and I don’t blame them. My partner at the time was in denial about being bipolar. If she caught wind that I was going, she may have demanded that she go too. How many professional or personal opportunities would I have missed out on if I kept putting my energy into someone who wasn’t going to do anything with my support? It’s hard to notice in the moment, but if you live your life almost entirely for someone else, you stop living for yourself. I’m not saying selfishness is the answer, but you can’t abdicate all your wishes, hopes, and dreams for someone else.

It kind of crystallized for me because my friends invited me to join them on their trip to Japan last minute. They had a spare room booked and there were still plane tickets available. I asked my boss if it was ok for me to take off last minute and he gave me the thumbs up. Now I’m going to Japan. It’s probably one of the most spontaneous things I’ve ever done. A month ago I would’ve been obsessing over the fantastical notion that my ex would come to her senses someday soon, and now I’m finally feeling like I’m back on my feet. I’m able to enjoy something just for me without any regrets.

I know it’s hard out there. My ex and I didn’t have kids together, and we weren’t living together when she was unstable. Whatever the case, if your SO isn’t choosing themselves, if they aren’t cooperating with the treatment they need, there’s not much you can do for them. At some point, you’ll just start neglecting yourself. It’s hard, but you can choose otherwise. You can choose yourself.

I've seen it said on here many times, "if you don't have kids, leave"

I find myself in this circumstance, but why do we stay for the kids? Shouldn't the opposite be true, particularly with such a challenging circumstance?

I am hopeful that this break up was only her bipolarity talking and that she will eventually come around and ask for us to get back together.

She threatened breaking up during the first 2 bipolar episodes. But she never actually did it until now.

She hasn’t blocked me on any social network, nor in WhatsApp. She only appears to have deleted my phone number.

Is this a sign she may eventually try to come back? Or Should I just forget about this woman?

She stated that the reason for breaking up was that she was no longer able to trust me (which suggests she is still a bit dellusional)…

I just hope they are safe. I was told over the weekend that they were feeling suicidal and going to have their father drop them at the emergency room. We talked yesterday on the phone before this supposedly happened.

Haven't heard from them yet. I feel helpless and it's a crappy feeling. I just want them to be okay. 😞 They apologized yesterday and said they were sorry for missing my birthday (it's tomorrow).

I don't know what to do. I'm sad.

My wife (60's] is textbook Bipolar-1.

A few years ago she had 3 serious manic episodes over 6 years that hit us hard, emotionally and financially.

Eventually she came out of mania,but then went into depression. She'd lie in bed until noon most days. Then do the minimum around the house followed by hours spent reading romance novels.

Meantime, I was working at a high-stress job, trying to keep us afloat financially and look after our young children.

Many times, I begged her to get a job, any job to help with our finances. I also hoped that getting out of the house and interacting with people might help with her depression.

She did nothing.

We lost our home.

All our kids are now up an out. All show signs of PTSD.

She eventually came out of the depression, but it was too late. Our beautiful home is gone, all my retirement savings are gone. Kids are messed up. I'm working my ass off to rebuild at least some savings, but I'm tired of the stress and I'm not getting any younger... Meanwhile she just works a few hours per week at minimum wage and seems to think that is enough.

I still carry so much resentment for what her condition caused. This has also destroyed all romance and intimacy in our relationship.

I understand that no one ever chooses to be bipolar, get cancer, whatever. Illnesses hapoen... but IMHO people should at least still take responsibility for the consequences of thier illnesses and at least TRY to mitigate them.

BTW I will be cross-posting this on a relationship support sub reddit.

Edit to add: She is currently med-compliant and sees a psychiatrist every 4-6 months.

If you broke up with / have been broken up with someone dealing with bipolar, and eventually they wanted to get back together -- what were the changes and actions needed to be seen / done for you to get back with them? What was that process like for you?

Met my wife 5 years ago. Married for 3. Upfront about having bipolar 1 from the beginning and she WAS MEDICATED.

She quit taking her meds after we moved in September citing trouble of finding a reliable psychiatrist and that she felt like they were not helping her even though I did not see any evidence they werent helping.

Things were okay until October when she started invariably accusing me of being unloving, unsupportive, a jerk, selfish, etcetera. This is ungoing but it is a cycle. She does this then I call her out by talking to her logically by explaining those things are not true and list ways I have been supportive and then she lovebombs me and things are okay for a week then she goes right back into crying fits. She takes her stress from work out on me by lashing out at me then blames being bipolar for being mean yet will not go and get back on her meds.

I love her so much and I just want her back but even the thought of interacting with her gives me so much anxiety because I don’t know if I am getting Jekyll or Hyde.

I’m 39 and too old for this bullshit. What did I do in another life? We moved to take care of her dad but I’m at my wits end I want to scream.

So with this I do want to know if I am in the wrong. There is a TLDR at the bottom.

My ex and I met last year and were together for eight months. Everything was amazing, our first date we talked about the goals we had for our individual futures and they both matched up; things like career, home owner, marrage and family. We could talk about nothing all day everyday and spent all of our free time together, it was effortless. She told me everything about her which unfotunitly was past trauma, a terrible mother, and at the time a period of deep depression that she then told me she was on anti-depressents for.

Jump ahead a few months an I go to Orlando every year around Halloween time for Disney and Universal. She expressed how she wanted to come so I of course invited her. We booked the trip and were both very excited to have our first vacation together. Abount one month before the trip she out of no where starts a fight over something rediculous and breaks up. At the time I had no idea about her illness so while being blindsided and angry it still wasnt the weirdest thing to me and didnt really raise much alarml. Also me not knowing about her being bipolar I of couse faught back with her. She then in turn told her sisters and family about this abrupt fight and canceling the trip.

After about a week she reached out and apoligized for it, and wanted to work things out. Then again a week later same thing; fight out of no where; this fight was brought on according to her due to the fact im not big into going out to bars and what not; and also the fact that I dont smoke weed. Her twin sister actually told her that she sould break up with me because I dont like to party or smoke. Again of course blindsided and angry I faught back; basiclly saying what is wrong with the fact I dont want to waste my money at bars, and I dont paticularly like being intoxicated.

Another week goes by and she reaches out again (now knowing what I know about her illness these were moments of hypomania), and she wants to get back together and go on the trip. We go on the tirip and have a great time. Infact when we got home from it she brought up the idea of us starting to look at aparments together.

Her birthday was a weekend in November and me, her, her twin sister and their friend group all went away for the weekend to the casino and nightclubs. Her twin was feeding her alcohol, weed, and other drugs. As stated I dont really drink that much and dont touch drugs at all.

Every thing was good up until Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving she spent it with her sisters at their grandmothers and her estranged mom was there as well; I was working as I run a restaurant. She then then next day was extreamly upset and told me that she found out that her mother and the mother boyfriend are doing OF together; she also expressed this to her father. She then out of nowhere started a fight with me and ended the relationship again. We were apart for maybe two weeks and reconciled again just before Christmas. She came over and spent the evening with my family after she spent it with hers. When she was leaving she broke down in tears to me that she feels like her family doesnt support her and is against her.

The next day she ends our relationship again and on my end I had enought and said we will never get back together. However as the anger wore off I did want some closure for both of us so I reached out for a text apologizing for how things went between us. She responded in same but something was off with her reply. Again as I said from the time we met until our break up we would speak and / or text from the time we woke up to the time we went to bed so I knew her speach / text patterns. I asked her if everything was ok and she pulled the typical "fine". I asked her if she wanted to get dinner that night because she said she was off from work and I knew she is more comfortable talking in person. When I picked her up she told me that she quit her job for no real reason. Some context she is a brand new hospital nurse, in the unit she wanted, working days. Anyone in here that is a nurse or knows one knows that typically your first nursing job you are doing the night shift. I asked her why she would do that and she said "it does not feed my soul". Now when having her there infront of me she was very off but I just assumed that she smoked before I picked her up; which did really piss me off because she knows I dont like it however I was there to support her and not start a fight so I didnt question it.

That night she again said she wanted to forget our past and move forward together as a couple, she wanted me to come inside and sleep over etc. I said no because I had work the next day but we could talk about it tomorrow. She was upset by this but didnt really make a big fus.

Next day comes and she again pull the same "I dont think we should be together, you're not my person" and so on. At this point I am so over the back and forth so I asked her for my sanity how she can want to be togher lastnight and then 12 hours later change her mind, that it just does not make sense to me. She couldnt give an answer and then became verbally agressive which caused a fight.

We stoped talking and about a week later her youngest sister texted me saying that shes not well and she "not her self". I reached out to her father and he told me that shes actually bipolar and has had a diagnosis for about three years. He told me that she came out of a manic episode about a year before her and I met as well. He also told me he was worried for our relationship because he knew this could happen and he wanted to tell me about her illness but it was not his place (which I do understand).

I remained in contact with him for a few weeks offering help as my Uncle is probably one of the leading psychologist in our area and while he can not treat her he did give three referals to other top psychologists in the area as well as the best hospital psychiatric departments in our area.

She has now been manic for about six weeks with no change. Her sisters still smoke weed with her, the father still gives her money to go out and party, so on and so forth. In her manic state and going out so often she has obviously been talking to other guys and she ended up on one of those stupid "are we dating the same girl" facebook pages, where she was getting blasted by a bunch of guys on it. Her father found out about it and sent me the screen shot going off on me like it was my fault.

In turn to this I basically unloaded on him blaming him for the condition she is in; stating that he knew she was sick and he knew the signs of bipolar disorder; but when ever she would start these crazy fights with me he supported her telling her she was right, I told him that his other daughter her twin sister also knew about the illness and that I watched her literally hand her drugs. I also told him that its insane that the only advice my Uncle; a literall psychologist gave them was that she should not be smoking weed and that his daughters are still smoking with her. I basiclicaly said that all of you know that she is sick and what she should and should not be doing but you feed into what she souldnt be doing an enable her. I told him that the signs were all there for him with the constant random fights and break ups and that he missed it and did nothing.

TLDR: I blamed my exs father and sisters for not seeing the signs of her coming mania when they knew she was bipolar and allowed her to do drugs and abuse substance knowing its not healthy for someone with this illness.

Where are you in your healing? Would you take them back? Do you look at your relationship differently now? What has helped you? Are you better or worse off without them now?

--

I've been reading the stories from the freshly discarded and observing how much has changed for me since I was in your shoes, about 6 months ago. I spent my first couple of months simultaneously grieving and trying to psychically will him to change his mind- to come back to his old self and put in the work to restore our relationship.

Then the next couple of months was about accepting that "the work" - the work of rebuilding trust, the commitment to management, the sacrifice and honesty, the rehabilitation - well, it would be a ton of work for anyone, but insurmountable for someone who has always chosen his own whims and wants over anyone else's.

The last couple of months have been about unpacking what I thought was the Greatest Love™ and seeing it in a different light. The time that passed told a different story, about mirroring and manipulation.

I miss my ex. I am still in love with him and may always be. There's no way in hell that we could find our way back to each other, with all of the meds and management in the world. We would both have to be completely different people, on a cellular level. Even if he was 10000% committed to being a safe partner, I wouldn't be able to trust that his brain has that same level of commitment. (I'm not saying this is all ppl with BP, but this is my person)

Accepting what is, and what can't be, is the goddam hardest thing I've ever done. Way harder than staying in an abusive relationship. But accepting what is, and what can't be has saved my life and my sanity. I'm better for all of it, especially that it's over.