I removed the last thing I posted here, bc I was hurt by the feedback I got and didn't feel great about acknowledging that my unmedicated BP1 partner was basically beyond help.

I definitely messed up, I completely lost it and went off on them after a month of them wanting space (we literally live together) and then the past week of them barely speaking to me and just being fucking weird.

Sometimes they would act normal, holding my hand and telling me they love me. Calling the apartment our place and spending time with me, buying gifts for me and so on. But most the time completely distant and not acting like a partner at all. They sit in the room and go over their insta repeatedly, talking to themselves about how funny they are or how good they look. They've spent hundreds of dollars on going out, food, and other random purchases (and have plans for other purchases). Going out and being out late even though they talk about needing to prove themselves at work and show they're a hard worker. Lying about where they are and what they're doing. They claim they aren't talking to anyone else but like, why else lie about what you're doing? They've been wanting me to do things for them so they don't have to get up, which is pretty much the only time they talk to me. There's more stuff, but this post is already going to be long.

Idk. I finally went off and called them out on how they've been acting and treating me. Told them I was leaving and taking all my belongings, including all the furniture. They wouldn't talk to me about it, claiming my feelings weren't important so we didn't need to talk about any of it. But then wanted me to leave the couch so they had somewhere to sleep while waiting on a new mattress to arrive. They were supposed to work while I was packing and moving. Instead, they went out all night and even after getting home didn't go to sleep. So they're in the apartment, and I don't want to pack my stuff in front of them and get made fun of for being emotional or completely being ignored. Also I'm pretty sure they purposely didn't go to work bc they knew I wouldn't pack and move around them, but I also have no idea if they're even capable of thinking that far ahead rn.

They've kept telling me they aren't in any way manic for the last month, that I don't know anything about them or their disorder but like, they literally went from being so in love with me and planning future shit with me to absolutely hating me and everything about me.

The last episode that I was definitely aware of, I tried to end my life bc of the stuff they said to me. And right now I feel so shitty and numb, I wish they had never shown up to take me to the hospital. Everything really sucks and I feel so alone. I just wish the partner I know and love would come back so we can actually talk and figure things out in a healthy way.

Hi, all. I hope each one of you is having a good day.

What do you do when your bpSO makes up untrue accusations to pin on you? Ones they are adamant about and may lock on to griping at you for? What is the best way to de-escalate?

My partner is so fervent that last I unplugged his gaming setup while he was sleeping. This morning he was fuming. (For context, he has slept maybe 8 hours in two days maximum. and did not take a lithium last night. unclear to me when his last one was as well. not trying to insinuate he’s been off-meds for awhile. I just legit don’t know)

my approach was to not argue back i said “i understand what you are saying” and elected to leave the room for awhile.

So, what would/ do you do when you catch accusatory strays?

(if you look at my other posts, you’ll see more context. I mentioned to both of his parents that he’s ramped up. His dad is taking him to coffee just between the two now)

do you ever call them out when they do something out of line or just general symptoms of bp to make them more selfaware? (like hey, what you said was very arrogant and acting overconfident). or do you just ignore it/let it go so as to not make it worse?

After being abandoned and left without any communication for weeks, today he tells me that it was all too good to be true and that “scared” him and that he doesn’t love me as much as I loved him. He’s also back with his toxic ex. I am so broken

I’m looking for others who are in relationships with highly successful partners who are also bipolar. My SO is amazing at work—he runs a Fortune 500 company incredibly talented, driven, and no one in his professional circle has any idea about his bipolar disorder (unmedicated). Outwardly, he seems to have it all together, but in private, it’s a different story.

Sometimes I wonder how someone can be so successful in one part of their lives and so abusive in private. No matter his level of success nothing brings him happiness and we are on a constant painful rollercoaster. Because he is so successful at work and no one knows about this diagnosis - I wonder if the problem is me.

I'm the bipolar one, I found this thread and it gave me some solace to know that I am not unique and as much as it breaks my heart that I impact him this way, that my partner is not the only one who has dealt with someone like me. I haven't found a thread for people with this disorder so I'm posting here.

I was diagnosed last year, at the age of 30, and immediately began medication. I started dbt therapy this past February and added a group therapy in June. Between the two of those, I consistently do 3 hours of therapy a week and when I see my psychiatrist, thats another 30 min. We're on vacation in another country right now and I had an opportunity to use my skills and I failed.

I had intense separation anxiety as a child and would freak tf out when I couldn't find my parents. I remember at the age of like 6 or 7 my mom was at work and my dad was at a neighbors house talking to someone and I started screaming "daddy" out of the front door, called my moms phone repeatedly and sent voicemails as high priority and would leave voicemails saying it was an emergency (because it felt like one) I would start going door to door until I found him or he heard me screaming and would come back to the house.

Fast forward to the past 8 years, I think I've transferred that anxiety and codependency to my partner. Today was a hard one.

We visit London every year and we are on our annual trip right now, its been great up until today. I went to get breakfast with a friend who moved here last year and was expecting him to be in the hotel room since I didn't get a text saying he was out somewhere. When I came back to an empty room with the tv on, something in me switched - my stomach flipped, my body started buzzing, and skin was tingling. I sent him a text and it went through so I didn't think he was on a train so I called him. It rang then went to voicemail and I don't know what was triggered in me but I had to know if he was alright. I called him 8 times and texted him 12 times within the span of 10 minutes. I know he hates this and has expressed that in the past, it was like once I started calling him I just couldn't stop. He called me back and told me off saying that he was shopping and had his hands full and wasn't able to reach his phone. He showed up at the hotel room 10 min later upset.

He started bringing up the past 8 years and how if I can't get what I want in that exact moment then I freak out and start demanding attention. That is truly not my intention but I can't imagine what it must feel like being with me undiagnosed for 7 years and the past year of me doing the work but still having moments.

He was really upset that he had to stop what he was doing to come back to the hotel so I would calm down and asked for space/to do our own things for the rest of the day. His tone was stern and was not being flexible and he left, I didn't follow him.. even though my body wanted to.

I can't use the emergency line to talk to my therapist since I'm in another country but I sent my therapist a message in our portal for support since it's dawning on me that I legitimately have separation anxiety with him. I'm trying to use the skills I've learned to calm down and see it from his point of view. I'm trying to dissect why I have this intense emotional reaction when I feel like a loved one isn't near me. I keep thinking of the things I could have done proactively to avoid this, like just asking him to let me know when he leaves the hotel. Its almost like I don't realize the problem until its happening, which is part of the problem/something he brings up when we have moments like this. I am trying to use my emotion regulation skills to identify what I'm feeling right now and calm down.

I am realizing how much I have an issue of being alone. That's not his burden to bare but I put it on him time and time again.

Let me give some back ground first. Sex with my boyfriend used to happen regularly and he was always a giver. (I know with B.P people can become hyper sexual.) I know we have over came a lot in the last few months. However, sex isn’t happening much. We have gone through no sex for a couple months here and there before. However, he used to be more of a giver. He gets his within a few minutes. Foreplay isn’t lasting long. At least there was some foreplay this time. However, when he was done he rolled over and fell asleep. He did this last time too. He was never like this people. Last time he did this, I tried to let it go. However, two weeks later it was still getting to me. So I talked to him about it. I thought I addressed the issue. I mean this time he did spend some time getting me in the mood. It’s just different behavior am not used to. Tonight after the deed was over, I made a comment. I said, you got yours. He was like, fine I wont try again. So, I suppose I need to keep having patience. Idk. I don’t know if he is being manipulative or if something else is going on. I feel like now I have to have another conversation with him. When I really dont feel like it. Idk if he is just being lazy or what….. i can’t assume anything. I really just needed to vent. He took me the movies this evening and then we went and played pool. We had a great evening. He does give me affection. This whole different behavior with sex is just awkward to me.

He felt he had a calling to be a comedian. He went on stage and talked about some depraved sexual stuff, they eventually cut him off after 7 minutes.

Oh dear.

Difficult night with my partner. (if you want details and further context see my latest post and the update response to it)

In this thread I am just looking for some late night connection.

My partner is seeming to evade slumber tonight. I’m in the bedroom alone tonight while they elect to be downstairs on the couch. I’m staying awake, listening and waiting for their snores to feel ok. I doubt they will rest.

I did something difficult and texted my partners mom about my concerns after they decided to go downstairs and be alone at 2am. This wasn’t solely a reactionary move… I heard my partners mom mention her suspicions of him ramping-up on the phone to him. He promised he would sleep. Instead he didn’t take his lithium and is clearly awake at 2:40 am.

like i said, of course i’m awake up here too and my mind need quelling.

please don’t hesitate to say hi.

So my wife and I went through hell and back from 2021-2023 as she dealt with finding the correct medication to handle her newly diagnosed bipolar. We came through and are stronger than before in many ways but I will always have that concern of a relapse. The doctors are slowly trying to lessen her medication. Does anyone else ever experience this and then had to deal with a relapse?

Just to make it clear, I do not suspect or have any concerns currently for a relapse, my wife is doing AMAZING, but I'd be foolish to say it isn't a nagging concern that pops up weekly or monthly. How do you deal with this other than therapy?

He says it’ll make things worse. That he will get even crazier. That if I block him, then he will really lose his shit. If I block him, it means that I’ve moved on. And I somehow feed into it.

Can someone please tell me why he thinks me blocking him is not what I should do, and what I should be scared of, he claims To have abandonment issues, but when I hang out with him , he doesn’t want to be with me, acts like and tells me flat out that I put him on edge. So I’ve tried multiple times to block him And leave him and move on, and he calls from No Caller ID, leaves horrible and scathing voicemails about how I’m probably out sucking dick or being a slut , and to watch what happens.

Someone please tell me that I need to just block Him for good and not give into this, to not be scared about the repercussions of blocking him, because I find it so hard to not answer when I see the types of texts he sends me, the threatening ones.

What the title says, this week was a turning point for me and I finally feel over him. I would still unblock his instagram often to see what crazy stuff he was up to and it always made me feel worse, and suddenly the other day I did it and I just felt…grateful to not be with him.

It’s been a couple months post breakup and yes it’s been hard, but I’ve been dealing with this for years, making burner accounts to post on here and make any kind of sense out of this. There is no sense to be made. He is extremely sick. I finally do not miss the chaos.

I can’t even tell you how many hours of my life I have lost to wondering if I’m in the wrong in nonsensical, ridiculous arguments. How much time I wasted hearing his ramblings about himself while he was unmedicated. Honestly, I feel very stupid looking back at all of it. But I was very young.

Anyways, this was longer than I meant it to be. I’m just saying goodbye to this sub because I don’t need it anymore after many years. Good luck to everyone on here and I wish you some peace. This illness can be so ruinous.

Everyone here

All these posts. Almost every single one. Resonate in some way with me and my relationship.

10 years for me and my bipolarSO, 3 kids, discard, infidelity, delusions, rehab, promises, hopes, failures, co-dependency.

I used to feel completely isolated in the beginning of my relationship. I would never imagine telling people what I was going through with him. I knew it was fucking nuts and I wanted to keep it private.

Thanks to you all for sharing the fucking most awful times and the better times, because guess what? Every fucking Google search I make after 10 years includes "reddit" after my search. You bastards are as sick as I am and we are all humans going through the same shit, even if it's considered niche.

Love to all you guys. I am not strong, but I can pretend to be until I am.

I just wanted to say how thankful I am to find this support on here. I can relate to a lot of the post. I don’t have too many people i can speak to about this situation. I never want to make my partner look like a awful person because he isn’t. Just wanted to say thank you everyone.

This is a small story, rant I'm writing. Its been 8 months since I lost my bestfriend, my girlfriend, the only woman I've ever loved.

You taught me how capable I am, you trusted me, I trusted you, you gave me the fire I needed to become a better man for you, I was always in awe at how much effort you put into your life regardless of the challenges. We cried together, laughed together, slept togehered, woke up together and grew together.

I'm sorry for the mistakes I made, and I forgive you for yours. Everyday I pray you're safe and happy. I know youre going through a hard time and I pray it comes to a close soon. I dont understand it but I hope you find some comfort and joy through it.

I know we may never be again. Loving you was the greatest thing to ever happen to me, and someday maybe losing you will be too. You're so strong, keep going.

Just like we told each other, I love you forever. Goodluck friend.

After breaking up with me and telling me he didn't want to marry me along with telling me he just didn't love me enough, he calls yesterday. I had taken space and told him that I couldn't be his friend while I was healing a couple of days prior. During the call he says he never said that he was leaving me, never said he wasn't in love with me. He says he wants to come over and talk. He comes over, we are talking about working everything out. He holds me and it felt like maybe everything was turning around. He starts kissing me and then we sleep together. Everything seems ok. Before he goes home he says we will start fresh, start dating each other like it is the beginning and that he wants to grow old with me. This morning we had a normal conversation. This afternoon he messages me and says that he no longer wants to work things out. When I ask him about everything he said last night, he says that I trapped him with sex and that I am gaslighting him. When I say he lied to me, he said he didn't lie, that this is abusive and toxic. I blocked him.on the platforms. I just feel used and sad.

He's been manic for a month now, I didn't see it because I didn't think it was gonna reoccur so soon ( he had a psychosis 5months ago but went untreated beacause he rejects the meds, and claims he knows how to fight it).

last Saturday he turned fully psychotic, he told me he saw some things (related to god, religion, prophecy) he swears that he wanted to film It to not sound crazy when telling me but the phone became stupid and couldn't work.

to put you in context, we live in a Muslim society, he didn't live in a religious household but he grew up in a toxic & a narcissistic one. I grew up in a Muslim family, my mom died when I was young (even before, she'd push religion down my throat) and my dad wasn't a great example for me to follow so I became agnostic and every non-realistic/ non-scientific based belief about the religion, I rebuke. up until last week my BF believed the same thing about religion and said in his own words that those were psychotic people and it doesn't make sense.

he's currently in a battle with his family about what they did to him growing up and some shared business that they're trying to kick him out of (that's his only source of income). he's been sleeping only for 3 hours, doing a lot of shit at the same time, and drinking excessively (typical mania and perfect combo for psychosis).

ever since the conflict with his mom (before psychosis), she left the house, business has been booming, he's been meeting the right people, everything's positive and going smoothly. he took it as a sign that his mom was doing something to him while living with him or else how is this a coincidence! he started entering that rabbit hole of evil spirits, how everyone's been meaning to get him since birth cuz they knew that he'd become great, then finally he told me he found a little piece of god know's what (a curse he believes) inside 2 dolls hidden in the house that belongs to his mother, when he broke that little piece, life turned to his side and now he's on top of the world. these stories actually exist in our religion and everyone believes them here, the evil spirits, the curses, the witchcraft/magic all of it and is the work of the devil.

He swears that he told me about the dolls before, when i told him that i genuinely don't remember any of this, he turned against me saying that im a liar, a gaslighter, a manipulator, i belong to the depths of hell, unlike him who has a very special seat next to god, basically im a whore and he didn't ever love me.

i didnt argue with him i just hung up the phone, i was hurt at first but i knew that he's not himself and doesnt really mean what he said. we went off contact for 2 days. today he sent me a text early in the morning saying he's sorry for everything, that that was just anger talk and that he forgives me. i told him its okay we'll talk later. He then sent me the video of the dolls and asked my opinion. i told him that i don't know what to believe, he then said that we can't be together, he turned fully religious, he stopped drinking, he started praying every day all day, he wants me to repent for my sins and join him, become the woman that my mother raised me to be, the religious angel, for him to have kids with. Or else I don't deserve to be the bearer of his children or to be his wife. im a liar and a gaslighter, thats what ive always been and will be. then he hoped for me to find the right path, didnt let me ask him anything then he hung up the phone.

So now i dont know what to do, i cant talk to anyone about this because they'll be happy he found god and stopped doing all the sins he used to do ( a lot let me tell ya), he hates me now basically saying that he's gonna find a respectful woman to have kids with, he has no one, the mental institution in our country is fucked ( he will get out in 2 hours), i dont know what to do, how long will he stay in this state.

his last psychosis was like this too but less severe, (he had religious tendencies but not this extreme, he also said that he couldnt be with me and didnt talk for 2 months)

He has been off his meds for 5 months now I think and been drinking every day since +some drugs. the first time he had psychosis (3 years ago), he was admitted in a mental institution, that later traumatized him.

i even questioned my own beliefs.. maybe he is telling the truth, maybe there are things that we don't know about in this universe, maybe becoming religious is gonna help since the whole society is convinced of it. maybe there are evil spirits, he's telling the truth and wanted me to believe him. i don't know what to believe. i cry everyday, i feel extremely useless and helpless.

My bf is going through his first episode, it started with what I now know was hypomania for one month and grew into full-blown mania and psychosis. Me and his family didn't realised he was having an episode as I didn't know the signs and because he "broke up" with me his family was too shocked with the news to notice it, luckily on his 2nd day of psychosis he called the police on his father and they were actually trained on this issues and were able to get him help and get an ambulance.

He's been hospitalized for just over 5 weeks now. For me at first it was difficult because of the breakup, but after 3 breakups (last 2 he forgot hours later) and 2 marriage proposals I realised it is just the psychosis talking and that it is pointless to have a conversation about our relationship before he's out and I feel as good as I can be with the situation.

For the first 3 weeks he was completely psychotic until the medication finally started to kick in. When he "woke up" from the psychosis, I was full of hope, I was expecting either him wanting to get away completely from me or to love-bomb me and beg to come back. Instead he said a very sincere sorry, talked in a calm manner and said that whatever I do in this relationship is my choice. He knew he was sick and needed medication for life and couples therapy on top of individual therapy and gave me all his passwords so that I could prevent anything bad that could happen while he is at hospital (He cannot have a smartphone nor any technology since he will spend a lot of money while psychotic) and he agreed that when he's out we need to come with a financial plan for him to be able to have money but also not throw it all away since we want to save for a house and children.

It was the best outcome I could hope for, a normal, sincere and responsible conversation taking accountability. This lasted for about 5 days only unfortunately.

The last 2 days of him being at baseline, he had skipped his morning antipsychotics (this was on doctors orders to find out the best dose for him, he took all other medicine and still had some antipsychotics). It feels so surreal, after all medicine, psychologist and group therapy, just two missing little pills and he is fully psychotic again.

It just breaks my heart so much, he was in the best-case scenario, accepting treatment and willing to put in the work, he even himself asked to be put in the watch ward as soon as he started to feel off. And still just from two days he is now completely separated from reality. I thought since it was only 2 skipped doses that it would only last a couple of days, but it has been around 10 days now and it either is peaking now or hasn't yet.

I just feel so devastated I was hoping he would have a short hospitalization and soon move to a daycare center but now I am not even expecting him home until late December or January.

EDIT: Since I see many posts here of people that use drugs or alcohol, I want to say for clarification and context that my bf's bp is genetic, he doesn't use drugs and wanted to give up social drinking after the first psychosis even though he already barely had any alcohol, but he did drink a lot first day of psychosis.

My now exBPSO (medicated when we met, not sure for how long) had been steady sailing for a while, taking breaks when necessary because of depression, but last Sunday I was completely blindsided by them telling me it was over. I was too much of a burden and they couldn’t give me the attention I deserved. It wasn’t open for discussion and we broke things off immediately. I thought I might reach out today but only to find out they have blocked me on everything. I don’t exactly know where we stopped being on the same page, but I’m struggling to put the pieces together and I just don’t understand. I’m in a very dark time in terms of physical and mental health and I would really appreciate some insight, hope, or anything else to ease the pain.

I should mention that they are the first person I’ve ever met with bipolar disorder so maybe I just don’t understand it as a whole. I really am trying my best to be understanding but I’m just so lost right now.

My bf lately has pretty frequent lapses in character.

He’s insistent that when I’ve said he’s acting out, that I’m using his bipolar against him and I’m “the abusive one” His lapses are quick anger, slamming things, but mostly saying the cruelest things about me and to me that you can imagine. I’m told I’m hated regularly. Any problem I have, if I try and bring up something he did, he gets SOOO defensive and usually he ends up accusing me of exactly what I said he did.

But then he follows it up with I’m “copying” him.

I’m so exhausted and I don’t know how to respond in these situations. I never want him to think I don’t take him seriously, but I also at times CANT take him seriously too. Like when he gets angry at me for something I didn’t do or say… It’s almost Always right after I was upset about something too. He also can’t apologize at all for anything..he never sees it. He just blames me, even when he acknowledges he says something horrible.

I’m not the healthiest person either..but I don’t do that.

And I don’t really know how to talk him down or even make myself feel better. I spent so long prioritizing him and his feelings that I neglected myself along the way and I don’t even remember how to care about myself anymore. He’s taken all of my time and life. I don’t have anyone in my life because I’m avoiding accusations of cheating, but that also includes family functions. If I hang out with anyone he believes thinks badly about him, he thinks badly and it’s a trigger to say bad things to me.

That and his mom blames me for legit everything. I think that’s where he gets it from. I don’t know. I’m scared I Love this person but he’s changing into a stranger and someone I’m fearful of..

Hi, This is my first introduction to this support group. I (28 f) have been with my partner (29 M) for three years. Partner is Bipolar. (I’m definitely undiagnosed ADHD) Partner is does weekly therapy Checks in with Psychiatrist every few months and is medicated on lithium twice a day, zyprexa as needed. (reddit told me to add this context)

I need to preface that he is the most wonderful man in the world to me. We do not have problems outside of the very few and far between instances where he might be feeling manic since we have been together. We are a remarkably happy couple and I don’t feel burnt out or in any personal duress beyond wanting some general support. At baseline, my partner is a very docile guy. thats why it feels so abnormal when there’s a switch. I can’t say enough that any behavior read as ‘abusive’ is ABNORMAL and is a giant red flag for him. I do not regularly experience similar behavior to what i will list later…..

The last few days I have noticed some signals that my partner is ramping up. Some of the changes I have observed are: • irritability and argumentative responses • hyper-fixation on a new hobby • sensitivity around his autonomy (i.e if i ask a question about his wellbeing -however innocuous or general- or make a suggestion about a choice/action he gets angry.) • did not sleep for over 24 hours • speaking to me with harsh tones and biting criticism - even yelling at times. • threatening to kick me out or send me away.

I don’t think he knows he’s probably manic and me insinuating that seems… bad…

All this to say, I am recognizing I do not have a full toolkit to navigate these times. I really need a support system. I mean, I do my googles…. But it’s a lot of information to parse through and conceptualize and I have zero “real” experience with mental health or chemical imbalances.

I recognize that in most cases, someone in my position should lean on the family of their partner and fill them in on observations. I don’t always feel comfortable talking to his family for these reason: •Partners mother is facing a very serious health crisis. She has been in-hospital for over a month and Partners father is the primary support for her. it has been exhausting for all. • I believe Partners parents are slightly prone to escalating situations and will cause him to discard. • I’m worried my lack of experience is misinterpreting the situation and I will wrongfully escalate (and in doing this cause hurt and mistrust for my partner)

We had a hard night last night; Partner had not slept for 24 hours while I was away. I experienced all the behaviors I listed above and more. Thankfully, he got about 7 hours last night though.

But I have not calmed down or moved on from the scary and confusing parts. Bonus note: I have CPTSD (parental verbal abuse) and don’t do well with arguing or tense situations. I basically black out and become unable to remember heightened conversations almost immediately after they occur. I think this really comes into play when my partner is irrational and argumentative. There have been a few instances where I come away feeling very gaslit about my contributions to a sudden argument I didn’t even know I was about to have. He tells me things about myself that emotionally, i don’t agree with but due to trauma from YEARS ago, I have zero recollection to refute.

It feels really lonely and scary to not recognize your partner. Talking to people (my family) outside the situation is pointless and exhausting; you end up just having to defend your partner to death. People are quick to blame the person and not the brain. There’s almost no relaying just how chemically-abnormal the behavior is.

Obviously you can’t bring up concerns of their behavior to your partner themselves— in my experience it will just make things indefinitely worse.

I need some support and understanding. Sometimes I don’t trust my opinions or feelings as i know i am inexperienced and err on the sensitive side. I don’t want to conflate symptoms with feeling slighted. if that makes sense? I fear being reactionary.

But still, are times i get so worried that I find myself wanting to text my partners therapist or psychiatrist (somehow they seem like less of a catalyst than his parents) I know this is wholly inappropriate; so therefore I’m seeking appropriate guidance.

words from advice from experienced parties would just feel really nice.

I apologize if I have used any stigmatizing language; I want to learn and grow as the partner of a wonderful human with a Bipolar diagnosis.

I just really need to know what is appropriate, safe and reasonable. I am committed to this man for life and we both deserve a game plan.

**(edit: somehow trying to edit my rant prior to posting, I deleted a portion of it and couldn’t get my words back so I had to try to remember and rewrite)

Please try to keep comments generally positive. I’m not going anywhere. My use of language comes from my perspective. I am not him. He is not bad.

I am looking for solutions not conclusions.

EDIT: he had a pre-scheduled meeting with his psychiatrist today. he told me he mentioned his moms health issues and the fact that he has had sleep troubles so they will be meeting again in two weeks.

As you can probably tell by my post history, my relationship with my BP husband is a complete & total shit show.

36 days ago, he reached out after discarding me for a month. We continued to talk although I definitely kept things very casual on my end in an effort to keep things civil.

And soon came the love bombing.

He threatened to divorce me and take our child from me if I didn’t let him come back. He said all the right things to try and persuade me that he was doing better when it was clear he wasn’t.

He came back and left every few days until the Monday that just passed. He had blown up at me because I work from home, and he was demanding sex and I told him I am very clearly working and don’t have any interest in sex right now.

He said “i’m going to stay at my moms and think about what i want to do with my life”

He has been blowing up my phone non stop since then, telling me he loves me and he is willing to be patient with me (as if im the problem?) and give me the space i need, do the work he needs to do to get better (although cannot give me any concrete examples of the “work” he is going to do), etc.

Last night out of the blue he told me he wants a divorce. I have lost count over the last month of how many times he has threatened this. I told him i wont beg him to stay with me.

This morning he texted me 5 times, saying he regrets what he said last night, he wants to be with me, etc. I saw the messages, didn’t reply to him, and then he unsent them. Haven’t heard a word since.

I am SO sick and tired of him flip flopping back and forth, wanting to be with me one minute and wanting a divorce the next.

First question: Does anyone else’s partner do this? I feel like I am stuck in a toxic cycle and I want out so badly but I fear for my child who I know he would try to fight me over for custody.

His family are supportive of me choosing to be done with him, I just cannot do it knowing there is a possibilty he will have my child alone without me there. I am the sole provider. Hes never fed, bathed or put them to bed before in their 18 months of life.

Second question: has anyone successfully gotten full custody of their child due to their partner’s illness? I’m in Canada for reference.

Just wishing I could go to sleep and wake up from this nightmare that is my life.

I posted a couple days back about my relationship ending and it being a possible mistake. But it’s set in stone, we are separate. Just remember that, while bipolar significant others may be out of their minds sometimes, sometimes they know what they’re talking about. And sometimes maybe we should all listen and continue to work on ourselves, instead of staying in a relationship that isn’t working.

Every Friday we invite you to share with us one thing you're grateful for that has to do with your SO or BP-related situation.

It can be:

• Something your SO did or say...

• Any sign of progress...

• Any glimpse of hope...

• Whatever you feel like sharing.

Let's hear it.

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SOME TIPS:

We know it can sometimes feel like there's NOTHING to be grateful for.

The inspiration for this post comes from Viktor Frankl (Author of "Man’s Search For Meaning"), who found that even in a concentration camp in Nazi Germany he was able to reframe his suffering and find small things to be grateful for).

Gratitude is a muscle, when you train it, you become good at it, and more optimistic. Optimism is an important fuel we need when dealing with long-term hardships.

One of the things that helped me was starting gratitude journal and an exercise: find 3 things you're grateful for every day.

So let's get ripped. Let's charge our batteries. What are you grateful right now?

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I want to understand what goes on in their minds after they discard. Is there any of the love they proclaimed was so steadfast, and all the other feelings? Mine promised the world to me (I never asked or expected) and then discarded so callously like it meant nothing. I want to know if there’s even a shred of empathy or second guessing or sorrow.

He consistently violated my privacy over the past few months and refused to have any faith in me despite me playing by the book and not giving him any reason to feel differently. On Monday he was eager for me to move back in. Tuesday afternoon he snapped and abruptly ended everything and told me he would drop all my things off to my apartment and blocked me everywhere. I’m beside myself with grief and I cannot begin to make sense of any of this honestly. It hurts so much. He’s discarded me plenty of times before but we were never committed. This time it was after a 3 month long commitment period where he promised to marry me and have children with me and even introduced me to his family. All of it gone in a snap. How do I navigate this? Every fibre of my being is trembling in agony and it’s all I can do to not beg him. How do I shake out of this? I know I can, I just can’t seem to remember how.

Why does he keep blaming me for “destroying his life”? All I wanted was to care for him, that’s all I ever tried to do. I wasn’t perfect but I loved him as wholly as I could. When does it get better?

Context: he’s unmedicated and refuses to seek help. He’s discard me to seek rehab for his alcoholism and drug abuse but not the bipolar.

My(24F) ex-BPSO(23M) was a dream come true. We've known each others for many years, half of our lives, for past three years were in an estabilished relationship. It was just great - amazing open communication, travelling together, making plans, having bunch of friends, trying new activities together. Similar values, views on life in general.

It's just so over. He is manic and destroyed EVERYTHING. I would've never thought I could give it up, never, never, never. But out of the blue he went manic, cut me off, messaged me he needed to be on his own. Week later he's meeting MY friend. Due to that I quickly find out he's already messing with someone - sort of fwb relationship (it makes me sick in stomach just writing this out, it is so against our beliefs and just can't believe it's HIM). Bonus points - he slept with her HOURS after the breakup text.

I hate it. I hate this illness. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I did everything, EVERYTHING. Contacted his parents, closest friends, warned them, asked for a doctor for him, messaged him almost begging to see through for a brief moment. In his months long depression I did all the chores around his house, was around 24/7, worked partially remotely only for him. Cooked meals so he would eat anything, cleaned around, bought him treats, took him on trips, created a nice friend group and make him feel welcome. I took him to the doctor for the first time and lend him money for an appointment. All this for a manic breaking point.

I have done EVERYTHING, everything I could, everything, everything. There was no such a thing in life I cared so much for. Nothing. Anything else is what I can get - I built valuable friendships from scratch, found hobbies, got my degree, nice job, whatever I want - I achieve. This is the only thing I care so much about and could sacrifice all of above just for him and his health and I have already done everything. I put an ephasis on everything because I literally used every option. every. one. of them.

I come to the realisation that if I really wanted something badly enough, the very act of my wanting it is an assurance that I will not get it. This is the cross I will bear forever, just like many of you.

So life is so f’ng hard right now. I know so many of you know. Mine is like many others, suddenly bought $8k worth of new clothes, obsessed with being a trap artist (in his 50’s), took out a second mortgage, bought a $70k car- and believes this has always been him- that now his brain works with adderall (60mg day) and therefore he is now functioning better than has his whole life. (Without addy’s he got a masters degree and high paying job) I think ya this might have been who you were when you were in your 20’s doing a lot of white drugs and hallucinogens but I am telling you this rage filled aggressive asshole is not YOU! He will not hear me! I will preface too that I am very skilled in handling mental health crises- it is my job and I have been in the field for over 10 years- so no I don’t talk to him like this- but he refuses to look at how these meds may be making things so so so much worse. And of course, like many of you, he has continued to discard me over this past year. He also has brutalized his relationships with his children and ex and as a result has lost contact with grandkids. He has put himself into so much debt but it is all of our faults for not helping him and “kicking him like a dog” when we try to tell him he needs to make a change- because of course this is just who he is. He is obsessed with sex and quite possibly has been paying for it. He got arrested a while back and is facing life altering criminal charges. All the while believing that he is great and we just aren’t supportive- so he continues to go out and get his narcissistic supplies where he can. He denies all of his behaviors that have gone against me and our relationship and now says that since I won’t help him pay for things that he is alone anyhow so he doesn’t need me and will take care of it on his own. I had to move out a year ago- pay more for an apartment now and have paid for and or given him about $9k this last year in food, buying things for house, overdraft coverages- while I incurred expenses over $5k to move in the first place. It is soul crushing to watch your person disappear- I don’t believe he is coming back- I have lost my future, my best friend, lover, my everything all to feelings of grandiosity from a stupid little pill. The SSRI’s have always brought this flavor and he has started and stopped many over our 18 years together- but a dx of adhd at 51 has been our death. I was able to get him to take mood stabilizers a year ago but doesn’t want to take them consistently and so this has gone back and forth this whole year now. I am so so lost- I have given my everything. Stupid f’ng consulting psychiatrist- if I knew his name I would call him and ream him out. After my partner screamed at him and showed him just how much aggression his 15 mg XR was giving him- he told him that he wasn’t on ENOUGH adderall and that is why he was so agitated?!?!?!? Told him to self dose between 10-30 mg IR 3x day?!?!? What?!?!? This has destroyed his body and his brain and because he won’t take the mood stabilizers he is so broken and lost to me forever. This illness. I just can’t. I haven’t written to his current nurse prac because I fear she might hear me and refuse to prescribe him the same dose- I know that seems to terrible but I fear my safety if he were to find out I am the reason he lost his magical ego pills- on top of the fact that we live in a high meth use area and he probably will just turn to that then- who knows maybe he already is supplementing with meth and that and prostitutes are where all his money is going? So many will say to talk to her I think- the first really bad episode when I moved a year ago I did call his PCP who was prescribing then and they got him in and started the mood stabilizers. He was grateful that I called them. They didn’t adjust other meds tho - and so here we are another year of chaos down the road. Any advice anyone has? I am sorry this is so long- I haven’t posted in a while and last time I did I thought he was coming back to me… is he now gone forever? Long and short: (don’t know acronyms) partner of 18 yrs discarded me for adderall and mania. Is there any help?

My bpso (34male medicated) is horrible with money. And I find myself constantly biting my tongue wanting to say cut the shit and tell him exactly where he keeps making horrible financial decisions - but I just know it will result in a massive blow out cause he will be super defensive and no matter what I say or how I say it, he will take it the wrong way.

How can we be in relationships if we can’t even talk about fundamentals? He wants me to move in to help lessen his financial burden, but that requires me moving 3hrs away, leaving my stable and lucrative business and clients, and having to start my business up from scratch again.

The main reason I haven’t moved in with him is cause he’s betrayed me multiple times .. too many actually. I just wanna straight up tell him “you repeatedly made the poor decisions to cheat on me numerous times, and now you’re upset that I won’t move in” CHOICES = CONSEQUENCES dude. Frick sakes.

He has two credit cards that were past their limits and were bringing his credit score down.. so what does he go and do? He goes and applies for two more credit cards - justifying that they will help increase his credit score.. but all it’s doing is bringing him into more credit card debt. Recently he also spent $300+ on lottery tickets but then was worried about not having enough money to make his minimum credit card payment. So I said to him - why would you spend $300 on lottery tickets if you cant even make your credit card payment - and his upside down logic was that “if you don’t play you can’t win, and he needs to win so he can pay off his debt”. In my logical mind that makes zero sense. I just wanna say to him “maybe play the lottery when you actually have the disposable income to do so”.

Worst part is he makes good money - last year when he was making $260k a year, he still lived paycheque to paycheque because he was always manic spending, now he’s making $140k and is drowning as a result of his own choices. And I’m supposed to come in and save him by moving in, ya no thanks.

Are any of your partners just horrible with money and financial decisions as well? How do you deal with it?

I started making a list of things my manic bpSO (according to her exbpSO) has said recently and I want to share some of it:

• I want to convert to islam and become a nun (she's been muslim her whole life and muslim nuns dont exist)

• I don't have BPD anymore, bipolar doesn't even bother me.

• I'm not manic, I'm always working and I'm constantly doing shit. (When I told her that's exactly why I think she's manic, she got mad)

• I've decided to be asexual and I plan on being celibate for the rest of my life.

• I'm a perfect angel that has never made a mistake and never will.

• I would never kill myself (she's very suicidal and has attempted multiple times before)

Now that I'm reading all of this, it might actually seem like a joke because it's so out of touch with reality, but it's all true. I just have no idea how to cope with all of this.

I know I post a lot on here lately and I'm sorry if I'm being too much, but I find a lot of relief in this community. It's good to know I'm not the only one going through this and thank you all!

Feel free to add anything from your own side