If you think you may hurt yourself or others, please call your local emergency services: 911, 999, 112, etc.

Yes, this is the same person who ranted about being a 21 year old autistic woman who still lives with my parents because I don’t have any money to move out.

As I was heading to the bathroom, I overheard my dad saying “I think she’s trying to hide something from us.” And now I’m scared.

I was doing research on how to open a bank account and how to apply for disability benefits. I have a Chrome extension installed that allows me to hide any tabs I have open just in case my parents walk in on me. They demand to know everything about what I’m looking up and who I’m talking to.

I had a mental breakdown earlier this month and I had to call the crisis hotline. My mom walked in on my phone call with them and kept repeatedly asking “Who are you talking to?” and I was forced to end the call. She then proceeded to rant about how “she gave birth to me” and “I have a roof over my head and food in my stomach”. She even threatened to put me back on antidepressants because “she doesn’t know what’s gotten into me.”

I’m scared that if they find out that I’m trying to get financially and socially independent from them, they’ll cut off my internet. They’ve made threats to take my brother’s bedroom door off the hinges and have even threatened to abandon my sister and send her to boarding school for throwing fits.

I don’t know how to escape this toxic family situation and I’m scared of potentially being stuck here for the rest of my life.

Hi, I’m a really nice guy. I don’t like public forums that much, but obviously as a male I don’t want to come across creepy so could do maybe like a group chat with other survivors.

Mine was only ever emotionally abusive, but in the midst of a city, he managed to completely isolate us from the outside world. No TV, no radio, sabotage of all contacts, we were essentially locked in the apartment with him, in his doorless home-office, right next to the living room. Neighbours overheard the private him once, at dinner in the (walled-off) garden, and quietly expressed their shock. He got worse over the years, and did lose control and physically slap or almost slap a couple of times, when we’d dare meekly fire back and happen to hit a weak spot.

I was the first one to understand that he was the problem. I might have been around 12 when I started trying to talk to people and get help. I said to them, he's doing psychological terror to us on a daily basis, he's a serious asshole, he's an emotional toddler, but of course I wouldn't be taken seriously, and the best thing people kept coming up with was "let's us three sit together", where his two faces would then come to shine. I remember his sister just flat-out replying to me "He's not like that". She was also a serious nutcase, actually spent time in the psych ward earlier in her life. I very seriously suspect their mother is the one that drove them all crazy, as the whole family is "kinda weird".

We escaped when I turned 15, and I'm well past another 15 years NC now. For those of us who escaped, it was our saving grace. We were all suicidal and soon to be ready for the psych ward. For those who didn't, my heart will probably never truly stop weeping, and I will certainly never forgive.

In all these years since, I have learned so many things. Galaxies of information I have taken in and digested. I must have been 16 when a kind soul, who allowed me to be their friend, asked "why do you suppress your laughter?". I could give no answer, as that was the the first time I would notice it myself. I learned how normal interaction works with normal people in a society. It was a long way, I'm pretty successful in life now, and yet I have such a long way to go still.

One thing I also learned about is narcs. Finding RBN maybe 10 years ago was an incredible feeling: someone understands, someone knows, did I say someone understands. I recognized so much, the picture became so much clearer, and I finally started to really understand. As the learning and reflection never stops, I have recently come to the realization spelt out in the title, which I find extremely important and necessary to share with you.

They know exactly what they are doing to you. What they are doing is having fun with their playthings, and I mean that absolutely literally. They are emotional vampires which thrive off of your misery. Please understand this for your own good. Nothing good will ever come out of them. You will never have peace with them, or get them to "understand" anything. Believe me, they understand. How do you think they can be so two-faced. Wake up.

These people are mentally disturbed rejects with a grandiose self-image. Deep inside they know that they are rejects, but they are incapable of admitting that to themselves, and so they force their self-image onto their surroundings. We, my fellow sufferer, might aswell be plants or rocks. We are available things, to use in the desperate pursuit of propping up their ego against the tides of reality. It's a gigantic personal power trip, powered by anger, resentment and cope, and nothing else counts. They never loved us and never will. We're just means to an unreachable end. Plus, compared to rocks and trees we might be more useful, but we can also be annoying sometimes, so that goes on top.

Go NC as soon as you can and be draconian about it, absolutely no exceptions. Do not hurt yourself out of hopes that they might change, or that you might be able to "manage the situation" somehow. They are deeply toxic to their entire surroundings, and it will never get any better, only worse. Do not be afraid or shy to cut off any and all flying monkeys too! Anyone who wants to play on both sides is out cold. Fuck all their bullshit arguments. This includes family members: anyone who's seen it and tries to talk it away are either full of it, or don't know themselves how awesome life can be and you don't need their advice.

You need to do it for yourself. The world is so much bigger and richer without this humongous emotional parasite who considers you their personal toy, a marionette to pull the emotional strings of and play with. One word from this demon and your day is ruined. An evening with these freaks and their crap now occupies you for a week! What for? Why are you exhausting yourself on them? The real world is so much better! There's a reason these people don't have any friends, and the "friends" they have are all weird. That’s because they’re actually varying degrees of batshit crazy, and your sense of scale is completely warped by your continued exposure!

If you're scared and insecure, or need advice on how to achieve things, please do not be shy and make a post, and you will find your answers and find your way. The only thing right now is not to endure this any second longer than what's necessary for your physical survival.

so, my dad sexually abused both my sister and i growing up. my sister lived with her birth mom, so it "only" happened to her once, but it was a regular thing from a very young age for me (literally it's my first memory).

i always...gave my mom a pass for not knowing. she went to bed before he did, my room was down the hall, etc. no one is primed to see their spouse that way. so it was always possible to me that she didn't know the extent of it.

but i was just reading an AITAH post about a 20 year old breaking up with her 30 year old BF for calling her 14 year old sister hot and sexy...and that's where my reasoning just starts to crumble, because...my dad did that ALL the time, from when i was in preschool all the way until he died when i was 17. it happened in front of my mother constantly. if the 20 year old who wrote that AITAH post was able to see it was wrong and break up with her man...how the fuck is my nmom still insistent she had no idea and that she did nothing wrong?

i guess believing that she understood and knew and chose to do nothing was always too difficult. but i just can't ignore it anymore. there's no way a 40-something woman can hear her 40-something husband call his teenage daughter's body sexy and just...assume everything is hunky dory. she never even asked me if he had ever done anything to me, let alone actually intervened to get me OUT of there.

i'm NC with her right now. how could that possibly ever change? how could i have a civil relationship with a woman who picked the appearance of a happy family over her child's safety over and over and over again? i've given her so many opportunities to say she was afraid, she was being abused too, etc, but she admitted to me that she just didn't wanna deal with it and hoped it'd all blow over. UGH. how do my siblings know all of this and still talk to her? my brother even thinks i should reconnect with her again and start coming to family events again.

fuck em all honestly. i live across the country in a town i love with a great job now. never going back.

I am 28F

Today is the best day of my life thus far. I have finally moved away from my Nmom and I couldn't be more grateful. I am currently in an Airbnb right now, and I leave next Saturday to move into my own beautiful new apartment in another state to start a new life. I finally used my strength to cut ties with my abusive mother and I'm honestly in shock that I had the courage to do it. I feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I also am very tired but not in a bad way. I haven't been able to get a full nights rest past few months, been living in constant anxiety, anger and feelings of betrayal. I feel like I can finally rest and breathe now. I never thought this day would come. I have a beautiful job that affords me to live on my own, and I look forward to providing for myself. I look forward to creating a stable and peaceful home life. To anyone who is in an abusive environment or relationship, please keep your head up and do your best to leave. I was terrified of leaving her, but I now realize that she needed me all along, not the other way around. I have cut off my entire family, changed my number, gone no contact and haven't told anyone where I am going. She begged me yesterday to stay in contact with her, but I refuse to. It's over, and I look forward to being myself freely. I am finally free.

Here is just some reasons why I left my nmom, the entire family and went no contact:

Mother raised me in a religious cult/church She is friends with the man that sexually abused me from age 16-21 who is the pastor of the church. She worked with another pastor to cover it up and to make sure that I wouldn't speak out to anyone about the sexual abuse. She is also very close friends with the sexual abuser. She is close with the person/pastor who emotionally/ mentally abused me. They also tried to blackmail me. Told me if I spoke out about the sexual abuse that they would tell people it was my fault. She neglected me at a very young age, leaving me home alone from ages 7-10. Leaving me with abusive babysitters who would beat me. She critisizes evrything about me and my weight. She has given all her money to this cult/church, which caused us to be homeless countless times and have no food. She has financially abused me since childhood. Has committed identity fraud and got things in my name since childhood. Got an apartment in my name, which is the one we just left. We almost got evicted this month because of her, which it would have hit my credit and not hers. Once I saw the truth about her trying to financially use me, I put in a 2 week notice at the apartment and told them I would be out on 11/30 (today). Which meant she had to leave as well since she's not on the lease. She tried to fight it tooth and nail but it was nothing she could do about it since the apartment is in my name. I bet she's wishing she didn't get this place in my name lol She lied about going on disability back in September, because she's too lazy to work, turns out she just left her job and was lying to me for the past 3 months so that I would take care of her financially and the whole rent by myself. Whole family verbally and physically abused me during childhood. There's way more, but that's just some of it.

Anyways I made it out and that's all that matters to me. I am finally free.

Hi, I have been LC with my dad for many years now. I’ve never told him that of course, but I need to protect my peace.

I had a baby 2 years ago, he’s never met them. He recently asked if he could, he asked me to think about it. So I said “no worries” as in, I’ll think about it. He thought I meant yes! I had to quickly clarify I meant I’ll think about it…

I haven’t heard from him for a few weeks following up with his request. Trouble is, I am having another baby in the new year. I haven’t told him yet but I plan to send a pretend generic text to him. Argh the games, they’re so tiring.

So my question is - if he asks again, what is the best what to say no? I know I shouldn’t justify, argue, defend or explain but I was thinking of something like “no, I think we should keep things how they are now. Thank you for understanding” or something like that.

Is this appropriate? Any other ideas?

Thank you!

battling this now as more comes to surface every year

I think this movie came out last year, so there’s a chance some people in here have watched it- but oh my god it was so insane to watch how people can push and push the boundaries, use guilt and manipulation tactics to keep their victims around for way longer than they objectively should ever have!

I don’t want to spoil it for those who haven’t seen it- but this couple invites another couple they met on vacation, over to stay with them in their farm home in Ireland. It starts out kind of odd.. but not weird enough to justify the couple packing up and leaving. At first it’s the wife who grows more uncomfortable and the husband is completely confused and thinks she’s being silly. Then the boundaries are pushed and pushed further on a really uncomfortable level where the husband starts to catch on, then when confronted the weird couple pulls out the sob story and guilt card that makes the other couple feel badly for them and guilty for thinking they were these horrific people.

In the end, it’s really ramping up and the husband is crying “Why are you doing this to us?!!” The other couple says: “Because. You. Let. Us.”

Mind blown.

It really opened my eyes to how more often than not, people are so easily misled, manipulated and controlled and either don’t want to believe it so they pretend it’s not happening, or are uncomfortable being the whistle blower that potentially will look crazy if they end up not being believed. But the thing is, you know yourself. You know when you feel uneasy and unsafe, or when your boundaries are purposely being broken. You don’t have to announce the realization to the world either, you can simply make note and then move accordingly for YOURSELF. So many people are too afraid to stand up for themselves and question what’s happening around them, and I truly think it’s fascinatingly sad that we don’t trust ourselves the way we should.

i feel trapped

I'll make this long story very short. My mother has always been ba narcissist who thinks the world revolves around her but I now think she may also be a sociopath. After years of emotional and psychological abuse, full of temper tantrums and drunken paranoid rage on her part and me trying so hard to make this woman happy, I finally understood that going N C was my only chance of living peacefully. We've been NC since August and all was fine until she inevitably got into it with one of my sisters and now it's all my fault. They got into it because it's impossible to get along with this woman and I had nothing to do with it but she thinks it was all my doing. I NEVER even talk about this woman. My mother has proceeded to go on a character assassination rampage and it's gotten really ugly. I still haven't confronted her because I don't want to feed into the drama that she loves. She's told all my siblings things about me. Things I ve never said but things that are very serious and disgusting. She went as far as saying that I think my brother in law sexuality molests his children. This is what she's been thinking for years and I never believed her. I'm an educator and saw 2 perfectly fine well adjusted children. She's told my other sisters other things that she thinks herself but says it was all me. This has created a lot of drama. I guess I'm looking for advice to see how you guys handle this. She's threatening to sue me and my husband for grandparents rights. My husband also thinks she has deep psychological issues and she says that I manipulate him into lying because he did repeat to my sister what he has witnessed. I never want to deal with this person. How have you handled this ?

Hey y’all,

Been a minute since I was on here. Basically the situation is: I live in a city and earlier today I was walking to the store with my family and my mom asked me to throw her soda can away. I know, riveting. I attempted to throw it in the trash can and missed. My whole family then started laughing at me and my younger sister was like: “Haha, you can’t even make a layup”

I’m a 22 y/o adult. I have paid for everything myself since I got my first job at 16. Many other people I have elected to surround myself with do not tease me like this or make me feel like this when I mess something up. Am I just being too sensitive? Is this appropriate family behavior?

It's all a power play to them.

Silent treatment and not hearing us talk is all a power play.

A few weeks ago I started TMS for depression etc. It's been really helping me remember things that happened in my childhood and process how much this conditioning has left me weak in my adult life.

I feel like I've been battling just to be my own person since I came out of the womb

Narc Mom gets used to whatever level of contact I give and always pushes for more, she has "surprised me" at events in towns hours away from her home, but is no where to be found if I actually ask her in advance.

N-Mom will regularly go out of the country on a whim and be unavailable for anything. I once was having a medical emergency, she and my sister were too busy " having lunch" to answer a call or text for 5 hours.

I told N-Mom on the phone two weeks ago I will not talk to her for a while for mental health reasons and that I would let her know when I was ready to talk again, and I don't know how long that will be.

This was obviously not what she wanted to hear, as she continued to message me, sending more and more stress inducing messages pretending to worry about my well-being until I blocked her.

I thought I made it clear enough on the phone and by simply not responding, that a normal person would give me space until I wanted to talk.

But no-

She sent me a crazy email accusing my therapist of turning me against her, said "as you may recall, we have had some good conversations in the last few years too," No I don't recall that hahah. I recall not enjoying our time but also not being able to get away from you

I didn't respond

I spent Thanksgiving working on a job application instead of driving hours to be verbally abused

It was the first "thanksgiving" I've ever felt truly safe

I guess that made Queen Narc angry, she showed up at my house uninvited. Saying she had "emailed me about it,"

I got heated, as I did not respond or tell her in any way she could come to my house and in fact had told her I needed space.

Mind you it has been 30 days at most that Ive not been speaking to her. I realized that the advice she was giving me was absolute garbage after her best advice for me getting a higher salary was to "pray for me."

And also that every time she texts me my nervous system becomes incredibly activated and its hard to calm down

I went upstairs and spoke to her from my upper window, I told her if she was wondering why her children don't speak to her she could use her time to remember how she had treated us. I told her that I remembered the abuse and gave examples of things she did and how it affects me in the present.

She started stammering and saying I was misremembering and that never happened and she didn't do that,

I just repeated back all the horrible things she used to say to me when I was 4-6, told her she was embarrassing to me as a person and a mom, and then told her to go to her room LMAO

I couldn't get the "evil tone" quite right that narcs do that really sells the message, but Its frightening how quick she was to dismiss that *any of that happened*

Sure I wish I hadn't cracked and given her a big outburst, but WHO THE HELL shows up on a Saturday afternoon at someones house uninvited, after they call you to explain that they won't be speaking to you for some time....

I get really stuck between who the real "victim" is between them. I'm starting to wonder if the victim act of the Enabler is all a scam and that they're the ones who run the show behind the scenes. When the Enabler has a red line and does not want something done, from experience I've seen the Narc fall in line. Our abuse (or the level of it that we endured) was just not that line to them.

Does anyone else share this theory or have experience with this?

TW suicide and body self esteem

I (nmom) have died at age 36 (this would be when i was 15 years old)
the first half of the note is about how (nmom) doesnt do things like go to the beach etc and hold friendships because she is so self concious and has struggled with weight since 5th grade

and the next half says

nmoms weight has affected her relationship with her daughter (me)

many times her daughter has attended her weight loss classes, groups. this has led her own daughter to view her as less than other people. (no, i didnt, )

since (nmom) thought less about herself now her daughter thinks her own mom is less and unnattractive to others. (nmom) own self esteem has rubbed off on her daughter where she is hesitant and worries about what others think. because of (nmom)s weight she will be thought of differently andpeople will not have known what she really had to offer.

(nmom) will be missed by her mother dad sister and daughter .

so this BITCH force diets me starting at age 7 , claiming im fat (didnt stop force diet till i legally turned adult) and despite that i didnt have body self esteem issues despite being malnourished and ribs showin (95 pounds) was more worried about school and shit

this BITCH always asks me if she looks good i say yes yadda yada , i didnt think she was less than others

and in a suicide note 50% of it blames me, A CHILD

her last words would have been fucking about ME

what the living fuck

she has only gotten worse the past 15 years. i wouldnt be surprised if there is a new updated note blaming me because in JAN she said she wrote things out and had plans to kill herself in a way she wouldnt be found

proof that covert narcs are masters at lying and twofacedness. always saying i love you but their true, vile, evil selves show in their own notes/diaries etc

Earlier I lost my keys and my dad started to look for them throwing everything around. He also proceeded to call me hopeless and that I always leave stuff lying around basically yelling and shouting. That I always forget where I put things and it doesn’t matter anyway cos I all do is lay in bed all day (I have depression) he acts like this and then he’s all nice after, it really fucks with my head

Hello, so quickly about me I am 25M and im stuck living in my nmom’s boyfriend’s house. She’s a religious nut who likes use religion to shame me for things such as becoming independent and fully cutting her off for good. I realize the major (web design certificate) I am currently in is going to take me until 2026 to complete. Being forced to go to church and using the Bible to use against me with her feel good verses while I have little time no freedom is making me want to quit the major im in and pursue a similar major in the tech field which will give me less pay but it’ll give me some freedom if I can work quick and hard enough to get my own place and get away from her. The field im thinking about is a computer network specialist. Im also thinking about having another source income once I get the job so that way I can earn double the money along with my salary whcih will be somewhere between $40K-70K according to sources I’ve looked up in my state. Also the current major I am in the salary for it my state is $60-70K. I keep mentioning the money since if I make a lot of it I can afford to get away from her. If I stay with the major that I’m it’s going to be hard to make my own source of income since the ideas I have will cost money. By the time I save up enough to buy resources for my ideas that’ll make me money I would’ve already graduated college unless a miracle happens. I want to know if I should stay with the web design certificate major or if I should pursue the network specialist major, at this point I almost want to choose the computer network specialist major just so I can get a job quicker. It has less classes as well but deep down I know the web design major can make me more money and the skills I get from it can help me with coding and programming if I want to pursue another tech-related career.

Why are nmoms worse in the holiday season? I've been NC since Spring. She raged at me back then, since I cut her off, and then nothing for months. Now out of the Thanksgiving blue, I'm contacted. I will say the contact is all guilt ridden.

Why now?!? Is this common?

My sexuality ans virginity is a constant punchline for my dad.

I don't even know where to go with this so I'll just describe instances where this has happened. I don't know if I'm dramatic and these are just jokes but I need opinions.

Right before homecoming I bought a cute dress. Mind you, I'm very scared of showing too much of my body, so this dress went right above my knees and and did not have an open back. For a hoco dress, it provided good coverage. When my dad saw the dress he made a joke saying that I shouldn't go slutting myself out. I responded saying I've never even had a boyfriend yet and he said "well what if a cute boy corners you?" And I said that we would have bigger problems then cause that would be rape. And he justified it by saying it would be a cute boy. I said that doesn't matter then I asked him would I have to deal with that myself and he said yes. I got upset and said i was done with the conversation and tried to walk upstairs and he screamed at me in front of his girlfriend who just sat there and nodded. I understand I shouldn't have used an irritated tone with him when I walked away or stormed off but I just was uncomfortable. After that I hid in my room the whole night and wouldn't come out to use the bathroom cause I didn't want him to remember I was there.

A different time me and his girlfriend's son were painting a room and the son was doing it wrong (I've had other creepy encounters with this kid who is a year older than me) and dad took the brush and said 'slow strokes, this isn't a 15 year old girl'. The son laughed with him and I just kinda sat there and stared at him and he said 'oh stop you're not even 15 yet' (at the time I wasn't). I just kinda turned around and tried to forget it.

Another time was when we were visiting family and the family we visited has a dog that has a humping issue. The dog tried to do it to me once and I immediately told him off and he went and laid down. My dad made a joke to all of the guys in the room that I was gonna loose my virginity to the dog and they all laughed. I just kind of sat there awkwardly. I think this one I was being a bit dramatic on, but idk.

I can't tell if I'm just being dramatic cause he tells me I am but idk. I just want an opinion because every time he does something like this I have like a hidden panic thing. It also doesn't help that I was SA'd for 2 years so I might just be jumpy or smt idk.

Any opinions?

Disclaimer: I live in a culture where it’s normal to live with your parents until marriage.

So when I moved back after college - I was given the box room in our house. My younger sister - 20 and my younger brother - 23 have rooms which are comparably bigger than mine.

I work from home and my desk is against my bed, and there’s space for the small wardrobe on the opposite wall. That’s it.

I know about being grateful and all, but my parents just brought my sister a fully-paid up car, she had a lot of gold brought for her (we’re Indian).

What tipped me over the edge today is that my Mom took her to a store to buy yet another shelf for her wall, advising on new things to buy when I don’t even have enough space in my room to open the door fully to get in and out because the wardrobe is in the way.

Ironically younger siblings don’t pitch in to any chores in the house - they keep their rooms clean and that’s pretty much about it. I do it because I want to live in a clean house so just get on with it.

Are anyone else’s siblings always had the better end of the deal?

since late 2023, My family had moved to a new house. 3bed 1.5 bath. and at first, it was really nice! this house was really pretty! months later my father's stuff just started piling and piling in the corner of the living room as my mother told him to pick it up or she'd throw it all out. My father would get somewhat violent about it when my mother would threaten to trash it all. now, as of me writing this, my family doesn't even have a living room. It's his man cave now and it's disgusting. His food on the entertainment center, on the floor, his music equipment and computer monitors used for his music on the entertainment center. he'd blast music every single day because he believes he's good at what he does. not only is my mother depressed from the fact that my Nfather is not only a hoarder, his hoard has filled up my family's garage completely and half of the laundry room. The only rooms that are literally spotless are the bedrooms, bathroom and kitchen. otherwise my father doesn't want us touching his stuff or he'd get violent and angry.

(M26) Long time lurker here, planning to go NC with my NMother soon

I've discussed with my therapist and they agree that I should do it. I'm in a financially secure position (living an hour or two away, studying for a PhD). The main thing is that I know that my mother can be kind, but she periodically tries to turn me against my sibling, asking if I agree that "X is wrong for doing this". She also has alleged several times that my partner is manipulating me (they aren't) and that me/my partner don't make an effort to come and see her (untrue). She texts me multiple times a day, always asking what I'm up to or where I am, getting 'concerned' if I don't respond for a longer period of time.

There isn't any physical abuse, but I can't keep living my life like this. Am I right for wanting to cut off contact? I'm constantly unsure of myself and don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

TLDR: M26, financially stable and living away, wanting to go NC with a covert NMother but having doubts

Hi everyone this is my first post in my page and holy smokes do I need some advice/support. I am a 20yr old F who has a cultural background from Europe (polish) and my parents were both immigrant who came here when they were 18 yrs old.

My mom for as long as I can remember has screamed and yelled… first it was at my dad… now it’s at both of us. Every time arguments arise it’s because she didn’t get something she wanted or my dad’s side of the family (holiday plans). There’s times she would lash out at my dad’s side of the family and say nasty remarks to them as well making them fairly distant from us. Along with her own family she is very distant with here after a few arguments and being stubborn.

My mom will get into arguments with me about ANYTHING. This week I came home from college and out on a grey sweater for thanksgiving and she told me to change into a brown sweater… I turn around and do it no problem without saying anything but “okay” then boom three seconds later she says “you’re about to be 21 years old and can’t even dress yourself” mind you the sweaters were the same just different colors. After she said that I shut up and moved on with my day and then she starts arguing with my dad about how his family didn’t talk to her about thanksgiving plans and how we are spending thanksgiving with another family..

This was Thursday mind you it’s Saturday evening and she’s still screaming at us. This is where it gets triggering on my part. My mom will always tell me I never do enough for her when I basically lived my life revolving her expectations with having a job making friends keeping busy etc. She said I NEVER think about her and that I never drop what I’m doing to spend time with her but I’m always studying and away at college. (Mind you I’m a nursing major) she then gets more and more frustrated and keeps throwing insults around and then she tells me that she doesn’t want me as a daughter, wish she never had me, and is never giving me any more to support me in school etc. I never ask for money from her ever since I got a job at 15 I have almost never asked if anything she would offer to fill up my gas tank once in awhile.

Going along with all of this another trigger of hers to get upset is when I ask “what are your plans today/everyone’s?” Because usually whenever I so happen to make plans with my friends she tells me I can’t go because I need to babysit or we have other family plans… which I was NEVER aware of because she NEVER tells any of us and expects us to drop what we’re doing… another example is that we are having a family trip to Colorado which I’m so thankful for but it’s in two weeks and she told me today about it which now I’m not able to go because she doesn’t want me there lmao. Speaking of friends she hates all of my friends and my boyfriend because they are American and she expected me to only be with and be friends with polish people. She would yell at me saying “what have you done for me you don’t even have any polish friends that I can talk too” (which I do) and she can talk to my friends just fine but she chooses not to speak with them.

She also expects me to drop everything I’m doing for her/my family like she tells me to drop out of college so I can help take my brother to soccer practice or give her money (we are a more financially stable family in the middle class). Then she tells me I should transfer to be closer to home and help her cook dinner and clean then house and support our family (she works three days a week and makes her own schedule).

She never lets go of the last EVER. She will always use anything you say even if it’s positive against you and against your character calling you lazy stubborn or and idiot and friendless. I know when I was a very young child I was difficult to manage and deal with because as a baby I cried a lot and as a toddler was stubborn which carried to me now but I still accept to listen to her when she’s not screaming at me about something. She warned me about two of my friends that they were using me for years and I never saw it until a couple years ago and cut them off and she forever holds it against me for not listening to her. I explained and said I’m sorry you’re right but at that point it was a lesson for me to learn on my own and I have learned it. Now she thinks I wasted five years of my life because of these friends.

Im not putting down my mom because at the end of the day I love her so much but it’s so draining living here and I’ve only been here for four days. This is why I stay at college so I don’t have to deal with any of this. This leads me to the question: what do I do??? Am I doing something wrong?? How do I deal with this??? I’ve asked her what she needs from me to be better but she always says nothing and it’s just so draining and confusing i feel helpless.

Just wondering does anyone else feel the constant need to please or be praised by their parents even though you know they won't?

I 18F was recently named student of the month for my school. There were several posts across socal media platforms and it even made the county news paper. The posts talked about all of the things I have done during my time in High School and my future plans. In it it also said I am the daughter of -only my father's name- my nmother texted me after the post was made and had circled the line only naming my father saying, "no mention of me... 💔" I responded saying that I didn't know why it had only said my dad's name and not hers and I had explained that to her. It wasn't until 10 min later and after I had shown my father that she texted me saying congrats. I'm assuming my dad contacted her as my stepbrother (who lives at my nmoms) told me that she was crying to my stepdad (his father) about my dad telling her something.

This has happened before as I have been inducted into my schools National Homor Society and National Technical Honor Society and she never said she was proud of me she has said that her friends are proud of me but never her. It feels wrong to want to hear her say it and the only time she will is if I ask for it. But I want her to genuinely be proud of me and express it. I guess that is why I push myself so hard.

I'm just wondering if anyone else feels similarly. Sorry if there's grammar mistakes or I seem to rant. I'm just upset I'm visiting with my mom after my brother and I moved out to our dads and I thought our relationship was improving.

Hope everyone is doing alright today. I am struggling to articulate the whole story so I will keep it short. My parents have given me almost everything financially that I could ever ask for such as college, car payments, computers, and an apartment that I currently live in. I have felt constant shame and guilt about all of this. I feel this way because I struggle with retaining jobs despite having a lot of resources to help me. I can relate to other people saying that all of these items/gifts felt conditional and there has been a walking on glass effect around my parents because of it. It's a bad excuse but I have been struggling with autism for most of my life and frankly just suck socially. I currently have no car and low contact with my family. Anyone have any tips for getting back into the world? I struggle with pot and video games as well. Sorry for being annoying and lame. Does anyone else relate to the feeling of punching above your weight your entire life due to your family's financial situation to end up being completely worn out by it?

I hate how my parents who've been divorced since I was 8 still send me emails on holidays relentlessly. There is so much history to them finding out shit about me too - like my mom would send me unwanted cards and gifts and stuff if she found my address, and if I stopped talking to her she'd send the police to come harass me. I have a long history of abuse and neglect and stuff I don't want to get into but I trust that people here get it and I don't have to explain myself.

Let me put it this way: I would give up everything I have to have had a normal childhood and family. I cannot tell you how much this has made my life hell since I was little. My life was like a car accident - which is also true literally - one early memory I have of my parents yelling and fighting in the car while I was in the backseat and my mom grabbed the wheel, and then they crashed into another car. Glass was everywhere, I was unharmed since I was not on the side that got crushed in. But they never thought about me, that's just one small example. I decided to move on, but I still get unwanted contacts from them.

And since Gmail will still send emails from blocked addresses, occasionally I check the trash folder for work related stuff that may have gotten caught and I see those sappy guilt tripping emails. I set up Proton Mail but I have a shit ton of accounts connected to that Gmail account and you can't fully block people so I still get unwanted letters from those toxic people. I guess it's time to start switching account ownership and switch off Gmail completely. For now I signed out of all my Gmail accounts and next time I have to log in with a Gmail account I'm going to change my email for that account.

As I was reading a post from my brother I realized my Mother forgot I was in the group chat and started to criticize me. She really hurt my feelings and was very judgemental.

My brother at first said that she should speak to me about her criticisms. Then later joined in with books he thought I should read.

It was a car crash in slow motion. I couldn't stop reading what they were saying about me. But I couldn't look away either.

I'm on a PC and my parents installed Qustodio, and threatened to take away my PC if I uninstalled it, is there anyway to disable it, but without breaking the rules?

My boyfriend asked me this the other day and I frankly haven’t thought about it before.

I know my parents both have failed me in their own ways. My mother is abusive, but I feel like when it comes to narcissism/primarily mental abuse, there are a lot of different nuances that make us (especially those who have a low self esteem) empathize/forgive our oppressors (such as justifying their actions because they’re mentally ill, traumatized, etc.) The constant pushing and pulling, good and bad memories, make it hard to quantify pure resentment, at least for me. But at the same time, keeps me trapped here or feeling constantly guilty.

TLDR; It’s hard to love my parents because I keep getting hurt when I let my guard down. But it’s equally hard to hate them because I can understand why they are the way they are.

What do you guys think? Is it harder to hate or to love your parents?