If you think you may hurt yourself or others, please call your local emergency services: 911, 999, 112, etc.

I (24f) was raised by narcissists but I managed to keep my home life separated from my school life growing up, with different personalities for both. Things changed when a couple of years ago, I went with a friend (23m) of mine to a beach just to explore and get a couple of beers. Nothing major, but my parents are extremely conservative, and when they found out about this, they called me home saying that my Dad had had a stroke, and basically beat me up and kept me under house arrest for a year. No phone, no contact with the outside world, no bedroom access (slept on the living room sofa).

During that year, 3 months into the house arrest, they forced me to get a job at a local college and I worked on a research proposal during work hours and managed to get into a PhD program. They allowed me to leave home as it was a prestigious university and they could brag about it, but I've never been able to see them the same way again. Before leaving though, throughout that year of house arrest, my Dad kept impressing upon me that no matter where I go and what I do, they would know because people post vlogs online these days and it would just take one video to out my "degenerate" ways.

I have this insane fear of leaving my room now. One year into the PhD program and I barely leave. I spend all of my money ordering food. I don't know how to shake the fear that they can still do something to me. I haven't gone NC but I don't talk beyond pleasantries now. I want my self before the house-arrest back.

Sorry if I mess this up or if it doesn’t belong here but I think I was raised by a narcissist…

I (53F) remember being in 3rd grade & not going out for recess bc I hadn’t finished my (disgusting, school lunch) vegetables and my mom said I had to always finish my vegetables and I was sure she would know or find out if I didn’t…

Finally after I don’t know how long of trying to force them down the lunch lady took my tray away and told me it was ok to go outside. I cried and told her my mom was going to punish me. I didn’t believe her that my mom would never know.

I feel like there is truly something wrong with me.

Thanks for letting me post here. Am I the only one with this type of experience?

Ever since then it's been really hard. I'm tired, stressed, lonely, afraid and a million other things.

And yet I've never been happier in my life.

My free time has been cut severely short. I work long hours, I study hard, I cook properly for myself, I clean and I pay my own bills. This Halloween I have nobody to celebrate with since I'm so far away, so I'll probably just stay in.

But the peace, the silence, the serenity...it's unmatched. Ive never known such peace my whole life. I feel like I can do anything, no matter how difficult it is. Just now I'm realizing how much they were truly holding me back as a person.

To anyone out there that's also working on moving away, I know it's scary and you might have doubts, but trust me, you'll feel unstoppable once you do it, like anything else life throws at you is nothing compared to them. Good luck!!

I hope recounting the memory brings a sense of pride back to you and not just rage for your N parent. Your inner child deserves to be hyped up!

The upcoming election in America brought this memory back. In the 2nd grade I ran for class president. I ran against the most popular boy in school. I was a weirdo compared to the other kids and thus lost the election. Anyway, after I got off stage and for the rest of the week, teachers and my classmates were telling me how much they loved my speech. It meant SO MUCH to hear it from teachers who didn’t even know me. I’d always loved to read and write so I was beaming. It really softened the blow of losing. The popular boy asked me to be his VP because my speech was amazing and I should have won. I waited for a while to share it with my Nmom because I was anxious about her reaction. Of course, she told me that teachers only told me that because I was obedient and it was obvious that I came from a good home and had great parents. She never read my speech and never told me she was proud for my bravery. It’s one of the first times I wondered if she would ever like me.

Gosh, when I look back I was a really confident little girl who’s parents and golden child brother shamed out of me. I’ve always known who I am and wanted to become but they called me stuck up and made me feel that I had no right to be sure of myself. Ugh.

Anyway. Looking forward to you sharing your experiences.

Has anyone else's in-laws taken on the role of parental figures in your lives?

My now-husband's single disabled mom was the only caring adult in my late teenage and early adult life. I lived (illegally) in her son's university room for two years so as not to be homeless at the very beginning of our relationship and we spent weekends at her house. She kept me clean and clothed and well fed and never once did she ever ask for anything in return despite living on very little. She was always so supportive of anything we did and really proud of our accomplishments. We once broke down on the road at 2am and she got up and drove one hour to us to bring us the spare tires we kept in her garage (she could barely move them because of her disability, I can't fathom how she got them in her car), and when we apologised she insisted it was fine and to always call when there was a problem and she'd be there. Now she's an epic grandma to our baby and showers him in gifts and affection every chance she gets and is overjoyed when we ask her to babysit. We specifically moved away from my family and closer to her, because we love her, and with the intent of helping her when she ages.

It feels so weird to actually have found a normal, supportive, loving parent, who actually wants me to succeed and to have a happy life. And especially to compare directly how she behaves compared to my family. The difference is absolutely insane. Like, no wonder I've needed years of therapy, holy shit.

I’m currently no contact with my parents and have no plans of ever rekindling things with them. Copious amounts of physical, religious, emotional abuse etc means it’s not even a possibility I’d ever be open to exploring again. I was scrolling on TikTok and I found this video of Fka twigs talking about her experience of abuse at the hands of Shia Labeouf and she said something that really struck with me. “I was just fodder”. During my time away from parents I’ve tried to rationalise my parents behaviours over and over again, individualise the relationship between me and them and dissect it to find out why. Why they were so abusive towards to me. But I’ve come to realise there is no point doing that and thinking that the relationship between me or them was in anyway special. It wasn’t. I was fodder. If it wasn’t me it would have been another child. I wasn’t special and nothing about the child I was deserved any of what I was put through. It’s a very sad and freeing thought. Im not the evil devil child I was brought up to think I was. I was a child. As a victim of abuse nothing inherently within you makes you particularly deserving of what you went through you were just extremely unlucky. I was fodder. I was supply. And now I’m not. And I can finally move on in knowing nothing was ever wrong with ME

Encanto (and Everything Everywhere All Around Once, to a certain degree) are the only movies I’ve seen that accurately depict the family dynamics around narc family members and I’d love to watch more.

I didn’t realize how tense I kept my body for the longest time. Therapy taught me that I was just constantly in survival mode, and when I was able to peel back the layers of what happened to me in childhood, I could finally and actually really feel my body for the first time in life. I first started to notice how I would tense my hands. They would flex automatically as I felt anxiety and stress in social situations, even when hanging out with friends. I did a meditation retreat about a year ago, and it was miraculous how I was able to free that tension. Yet, I still feel the tension and holds in my body. I feel it in my legs mostly now, or I notice how I’m not connected to them sometimes. It feels like separate pieces of me sometimes. I guess I’m just looking if anyone feels the same.

If being a POS is the best you can do as a parent, then maybe consider you aren't fit for such a role in the first place. I feel like people need to do their homework before having kids.

Hey all, its been a minute. Warning for language.

I of course was raised by a Nmom and Edad. I went through a really turbulent childhood and eventually left home at 19 and have been thriving in my current city after a few hard years alone, growing.

Well, its been 6 ish years since I've last spoke to my awful parents. Today I decided to check my mail and in between all the election flyers I get a Hallmark card envelope addressed from my parents house. It's of course filled on the inside of the same lies and gas lighting that i thought i got away from.

"I dont know what i did but i forgive you" You know what you did

"I will always love you" Weird how love translated to hurting me&CPTSD

"I miss talking ans watching comedy specials"

• You would literally have so many more memories if you actually showed up to any of my things as a kid.

Literally watching comedy specials with you was the only way to spend time with you where you weren't actively hurting me in one way or another*

FUCK. Im mad that she has the audacity to contact me with the same old shit. Im sad because im triggered. Im anxious because i dont want her to start sending me random things in the mail. I am not sure i can do anything about it. I was immediately so mad i ripped it into tiny pieces and took it to the outside recycling bin. I know my Nmom is wanting a response.

I am not going to give her the satisfaction.

I just need to figure out out to wade through all these feelings I havent felt in years. I thought i worked this out in therapy already!

Thanks to anyone who reads this. It makes me feel understood.

I'm a 27F recent law school grad who moved back home after nearly a decade away, hoping it would help me save on living costs given my student loans. But mentally, I’m struggling with being here. My single mom, an immigrant, has always been financially unstable, a hoarder, and can be very difficult to live with and communicate with, partly due to our cultural differences and her lack of emotional intelligence. We’re close in a way that single moms and daughters often are (also an only child), but she doesn’t understand me. It sounds dramatic but it's true. There's the me I am in the real world (the real me) and there's the me I am at home where I just shut down and agree with whatever my mom says, or flat out lie to her, or just don't tell her things because anything that doesn't fit her limited world view is just horrible in her eyes.

To give you an example of how irrational she can be, I am going on a trip with my friend and my friend's boss gave us free tickets to an amusement park (his wife works corporate for the park) and my mom is outraged that we accepted it because she thinks we are going to have to prostitute ourselves for the tickets because in her eyes, "no man/boss would give two women something like that for free." What do you even respond to something so absurd?!

Anytime I share a different perspective, she gets angry, expecting me to be just like her or her friends’ kids. She's always angry...about life, her circumstances, and her finances, but also refuses to take accountability or make an earnest effort to try to change anything. Everything is someone else's fault, or she tries to hustle and find a workaround, or she just will ignore a problem and think it will go away. And at this point as she gets older, it only gets harder.

I also admit I moved back partly to make my mom happy, in addition to the financial benefits, since I’ve taken over many responsibilities that simply have to be managed—like addressing her house before it falls apart. But what's frustrating is her attitude; she expects my help, claiming it's my duty because it’s my childhood home. Yet, she’s never made it a place I actually wanted to live, with her hoarding and lack of maintenance. I’ve suggested selling the house and starting fresh, but she insists on staying to keep up the appearance of living in a "nice neighborhood."

While I’m grateful for access to the school system, I wonder if I’d have been happier if we’d had the means to enjoy some of the experiences my friends did. Another challenge of having an immigrant parent is the mindset that life is just work and home. For her, things like vacations or outings are "unnecessary extras," and I was often shamed for wanting to spend time with friends instead of being at home, where she mostly just watches TV after long hours of work. Honestly, I feel like a good parent would set up their life in a way that a child would not have to worry about them. All I do is worry about her. And while I need to move out for my own well-being, I only continue to worry that she doesn't take care of herself the way she should. Luckily she's in good health, but still. I feel like I'm 27 going on 50.

I love my mom, but I’m not happy living here. I've been financially supporting her with various bills, so what I’m saving on rent is going to her expenses. I moved home to save but feel I’m sacrificing my mental well-being instead. She also wants me to take out a loan in my name to fix our crumbling house because she can’t qualify for one.

Now, I have the opportunity to move to Chicago, where my friends and boyfriend are. I hinted to my mom that work was sending me there to soften the news, but she still reacted poorly, saying I’ll regret leaving family behind and implying it’s shameful. It hurts because I want to be happy and move forward, but she’s always been a weight on my shoulders rather than a source of support. I wish she could see that I need to live my own life instead of tying her identity and expectations to mine. I don't want to resent her, but I just do. It just feels like I can't do anything right. We're from the south, so it's not even like I'm moving to the complete other side of the country. Anyway, if anyone has also moved away from home and eventually their parents got over it, I'd love to read your story and try to feel more positive about my current situation.

25f.

I moved out of my grandparents home last year. They took me in at 17 after I was kicked out by my abusive mother. I've always tried to be grateful, but found my grandparents to be pretty controlling and suffocating. In polite terms I'd just describe them as very Type A, but my grandma can be a pretty relentless critic. Always under the guise of "help" and "advice", but everything from my diet to my outfits to my hair. I literally can't breathe without being criticized for something. Towards the end of my time living there we kept clashing over mundane household shit that she insisted on arguing over. I also still have a lot of tension towards my father, who she is close to and attempts to defend when I vent about that. She never takes my side, with anything or anyone and it doesn't even really feel like she cares to listen to my problems. Yet she'll get right in the middle of whatever drama her nieces and friends have going on.

So I'm not "no contact". But I do just want the ability to have contact on my terms and when I feel happy and healthy to do so. She can't accept that. I just visited her for her birthday last month and over the last several weeks, she's been calling and texting every day and enlisting others to do so as well, including my father who she knows I'm pissed at. I know it sounds childish but it just feels like she's trying to FORCE me to communicate like she tries to force everything else. She's finally resorted to saying she's going to send the cops to my house for a wellness check. Mind you, she knows very well I have a habit to be reclusive from them and go low contact from time to time. This is not the first time I've shown this behavior.

Countless cars, college tuition, 2 condos, and private schooling. At the ripe age of 22, I have been fortunate enough to receive all of this and then some. It’s almost like the physical abuse that continued until I was 20 years old, along with the mental and emotional abuse doesn’t matter. Nothing matters until I’m sitting with my thoughts and it all comes rushing back. My relationship with my parents feels purely transactional at times. I’m sure many of you would kill for this dynamic. I am responsible for paying bills however, a fraction of what my less-fortunate peers are forced to shell out. Everything is amazing until I am full-on sobbing unprovoked. I wish I could simply be grateful, as they have spared me of financial hardships for the foreseeable future. If anyone relates, please don’t hesitate.

I have been NC with my parents ever since my daughter has been born. In the beginning, I kept the door open. Sent them pictures, invited them to the house to see their grandchild, and even invited them to the hospital. They never came over except once uninvited to see her for literally five minutes and didn't even hold her. They gave her Easter gifts which looked like they stopped by Home Goods and got whatever was in the kid section.

I broke down and told them that I don't want them in my life anymore after months of them harassing my family. They have signed me up for spam emails and now I am getting travel ads in the mail. I brought this up to my brother and he thinks it's because my information got out in some hack. They now keep wanting to come over to give my daughter gifts and I told them to return them. I just don't understand because why do you want a relationship with my child when you don't have one with me? And why aren't my siblings standing up for me? I have had both of them calling me and telling me that my mother won't do anything even though they've lived thru the same trauma as I have. Am I crazy? Did I imagine the entirety of my childhood?

Now I feel tremendous guilt because she will not know her grandparents, aunt and uncle all because of me. I just can't allow history to repeat itself and continue the toxic behavior but they are her grandparents. Maybe in the future when she is grown and has a voice she can meet them but for now I have to protect her. Does this get easier?

It’s just really disturbing and sad. And it shows the devastating consequences of child abuse on the human brain and ability to think clearly. When i see people on here bragging about how their parents assaulted them, at first i get angry and disgusted. Then i mourn for them and the awareness they were forced to shove away to survive. Google “dissociation and attachment” and you will understand. Harm from the source of attachment and comfort creates fright without solution. This is the groundwork for so many psychopathologies and it’s truly chilling how so few have any knowledge of this.

How do you respond when you are still in contact with your Nparent & Enabler parent and they text “I miss you?” I don’t miss either of them. I love them but I don’t miss them. I wish I could go LC or NC but in my case I’m not able to do that quite yet. Ignoring them would be strange. Saying “you too” almost physically pains me, and that’s doing the bare minimum lol

My parents divorced in April due to my father's chronic cheating for thirty plus years. I genuinely believe there is something mentally wrong with him. He verbally and mentally abused my mother for years and she enabled his toxic behavior by taking him to church in hopes that God would magically change his ways. Our family did not live in a nicely furnished home because he spent all of my mom's resources on stupid shit on ebay or auctions.

It was a long, dragged out divorce. My mother had to force him out because he refused to leave. It took him five years to sign the court papers. They were very on and off during this period. They'd forgive eachother and then be at eachothers throats the next day. I would be gone from home for hours and shop my money away to relieve stress and it turned me broke. My whole life, my parents would be arguing and my father would scare me by throwing objects at her. If she cried, he got in her face to laugh maniacally. If he heard me even walk across the wooden floor or shut a door, the yelling would escalate even louder. I found out about one of his mistresses, who he is still with, when I turned eighteen.

My father would call me into the room and proceed to fight with my mother. If I tried leaving the house, he would block the driveway with his truck so I had no escape route. I moved out on my own in August with my boyfriend. We struggle so much financially and I've had to struggle and sacrifice a lot to live with him. But, I would rather struggle financially then spend my life scared about what my dad or mother will do to me.

I have recently went little to no contact with them both. Right now, I am dealing with my father guilting me through calls or texts. He says I don't talk to him since the divorce and wonders why I dont love him. All these boohoo stories about how unfortunate he is. But this is the same man who called me a slut and trashy for getting my first boyfriend. The same man who physically hurt me and my mother. Who denied me having any sort of depression or anxiety until his mistress said she also suffers just like me. 🙄🙄

Recently, my father has been collecting his belongings from my mom's house (STILL). He started a fight with her cause he noticed I had done yard work for her. Which, means while I had been in town, I didn't pay him a visit. He made up a bunch of lies about stuff I never told him. Mind you, this is in front of my mother's neighbors. He's screaming about how much of a whore she is because of the new boyfriend she's got. This man, got so pissed that he went through her underwear drawer and trashcan. He says women only buy underwear when they're having sex. He's mad cause she threw out her old lingerie. THEY ARE DIVORCED. My father is not happy unless he is tormenting my mom. He even admitted this.

It's weird that he thinks he's gods gift to women. Unironically. He takes zero pride in his appearance. But yet he's a chronic womanizer. He thinks every waitress and female cashier is hitting on him. He even thinks his male doctor wants to have sex with him! I asked why he thought this and the only thing he could think of was the doctor wanted to see an incision from a previous surgery near his groin to make sure it wasn't infected. Keep in mind, my father is extremely homophonic. Thinks that anyone who isn't straight has mental illness and needs to die off. But he thinks everyone wants him sexually. He's majorly overweight, has toe fungus, never maintains his hair and stinks all the time. Everyone must think he's hot stuff 🙄😬

Hes had every woman in his life coddle him. When he was moving, he had to ask me how to wash clothes and how to clean the house !!! He thought tide pods were made from plastic. He doesnt know to budget or pay bills. One time, he was attempting to pay his cell phone bill and chewed out the receptionist over a misunderstanding.

I have occasionally wondered if he's looking through my drawers as well. In my post history, I have talked about him slut shaming me and saying I'm trash. Now, he's doing it to her too. He was parading around saying he bought binoculars and spies on her. Saying she walks around smelling like sex, whatever that means. He's a lunatic. Then topping it off, encourages my mom to self harm and die. That God will forgive her is she kills herself. He's absolutely disgusting and I don't want this man near my new house.

My birthday is next week and I have to see both of my parents that day in a restaurant. I wonder why I never turned out to be narcissistic like him. I was closest to him, yet I dont act like this. My mother verbally abused me my whole life until she got a new beau. As a result of the abuse I have faced, I am filled with anxiety and dread every day. I've been suicidal on and off for several years. I feel empty and lonely inside. There's no one in my life who I'd consider a mentor because I do and heal everything on my own. I did therapy but none of the therapists I've seen know how to help me. Most of them just give me shocked looks when I describe the trauma. I have also been sexually abused but that is another post for a different time.

My father is the type of narc that fools everyone into believing he's friendly and goofy. Making people laugh is important for him. He charms everyone. His group of guy friends all encouraged him to leave my mom claiming the mistress was better. My father wants me to be all friendly with his mistress and her family. I dont have the heart to do that. I dont want that type of involvement. I've been through so much already, that it would cause more issues.

His facebook irks me cause he's obsessed with being a pius man and forgiving people. Constantly watching televangelist and saving the community from eternal damnation. It's all a stupid act. What do I do when I feel the itch coming on when I want a father figure? I'll be 23 next week, am I too old to be dealing with this problem? I wish I could stop crying over the same problems every night

Saw a YouTube video about Narcissistic parent tantrums and was interested in knowing your stories, to not feel so alone in my experiences :) I'll start by sharing mine, it's my first time posting on here but have been a long time lurker, so we'll see how it goes! I was raised by an emotionally, psychologically, verbally sometimes physically abusive single mother. I have so many experiences of her tantrums, but I think her worst one was her withholding my asthma medication when I was in school. I had childhood asthma and it reappeared in my teen years, and I would constantly ask her for my asthma inhalers. My pump ran out, and she refused to get me more as 'it was all in my head' and I 'just wanted to go to the doctors all the time.' She knew that sweeping carpet with a brush would bring up dust, as it was a trigger for my asthma, so would use a brush instead of a hoover and it would set me off. When I couldn't breathe, this could go on for about 3 days of torture, as I was struggling for every breathe and wheezing and by day 3 I would have a cough to bring up the mucus to help clear my airways. She would regularly bully me and involve my sister in these taunts. One night, my sister started to moan about my wheezing as she couldn't sleep and my mum came in and started to copy my wheezing taunting me telling me 'see I can make that noise too.' And telling me I'm exaggerating and making it up for attention. And if I'd cough I'd get into trouble, so I'd be up all night for 3 nights, even one of my birthdays struggling to breathe. So, after having these flare ups every few months, my mum starts seeing someone and he notices a how bad my breathing had got and he said he's taking me to the walk in centre at least to be seen as he saw how bad I was. My mum was fuming, she was saying I don't need to be taken in, I'm making it up for attention and there was no sense of urgency for me to be seen. She was delaying, huffing and puffing angrily at him taking me to the doctors. She reluctantly came along and I was seen instantly, and blue lighted to the hospital as it was an acute asthma attack and I could have died. Wasn't even allowed to walk to the ambulance as they got me a wheelchair due to my exhaustion from even walking a few steps as this would cause me to not be able to catch my breath. I was given a nebuliser and had to stay in hospital.

Does anyone else have any experiences of their own, or opinions on my mum's behaviour? I am wanting to go low/ no contact with her since having children of my own. They've made me self-reflect and realise how bad her behaviour was/is as I'd never treat my children how she treated me and my sister.

My family just moved into a new house and my dad is in rehab. Every time we get a new piece of furniture she expects me to move it. I'm female, I'm fat, I have zero experience with lifting things that heavy. Yet she acts like I'm the hulk that can suddenly move skyscrapers. My muscles are trembling right now from having to push a China cabinet up the stairwell. It took me over an hour to push it all the way up. I don't understand why she keeps asking me to do this stuff while she knows I can't. We have plenty of strong male family members and friends that would gladly come over and do it. Just when I think she's over her little kick she does it again. I love my mom but this is just one of the many things she does just to see me struggle.

Hacks? 🤪

This time of year, I'm reminded of how one Halloween, I actually did something my nmom Helena approved of ... so, ofc she had to take credit for it.

Back in my day, you couldn't buy a Halloween costume as readily, and what was sold at stores were the cheapest of the cheap plastic face masks, with a paper shirt that had a picture of the character you were supposed to be on it. If you wanted a halfway decent costume you had to make it yourself.

So, I was dumped at the library regularly, because it was free babysitting (but I did enjoy it; since I was also a bookworm) and one year I discovered a book of easy-make kid's costumes, using trash bags.

Not more than ten, I was the perfect size to put leg&arm holes into a black plastic bag and cover it in fake feathers. Rather than use construction paper feathers; I went to the fabric store and got swatches of craft felt with my allowance. Each individual feather had to be cut-out and stapled to the trash bag; as well as, I went further than the book said. The costume book said to just paint my nose yellow as a beak, but I took the time to cut the sides of a plastic milk carton into a big beak shape; then covered it in yellow felt for a large toucan beak, that was held on with rubber bands.

The final result was outstanding and everyone loved it; including my Nmom. She contributed a sunhat, and now it was a mutual effort that WE had worked on. On Halloween our neighbors praised my creativity and took pictures, while Helena my nmom, claimed to have always supported my artist talents and held off yelling at me that day because SHE was getting attention for MY work.

I don’t know if anyone else experiences this but my mom will basically just do what the title says. Here are some examples.

I got one of my friends a christmas gift and she said “does she even like you??”

I went to the fair with my friend and her mom was with her. My mom saw that and took it as my friend having company and not wanting me there. She said “does she even want you here? seems like she has company…”

when referring to my cousin’s wife she said that she “can’t stand our family and doesn’t like us” when she’s a very sweet person and has never done anything that would make her think that.

And this one happened today. I hangout with my family on halloween almost every year. This year I’ve decided to hangout with a friend. The family that I usually hangout with already KNEW that I wouldn’t be hanging out with them this year. I told them in the beginning of the month and also have told them multiple times over the past 10 days. Anyway, I’m calling one of the family members I hangout with and she ends it because she had to go do something. I mention this in a conversation with my mom (not in a negative way, was just mentioning that we were on call) and she says “maybe she’s not happy with you ditching them” like?? Literally nothing I said indicates that.

Why does she do this? Why does she act like people don’t like me or that they’re mad at me when there’s no reason to think like that. Also, how do you even respond to that? During the christmas gift time I called her out and asked why she does this and she got defensive and said “I was just wondering because you guys don’t seem that close!! I wasn’t trying to be rude or anything” and it’s like even if we weren’t close it doesn’t mean she dislikes me??? It got to my head so much that I ended up not giving the gift. I try not to get as upset about it anymore but it definitely does still affect my mood.

Hey everyone, please bear with me. I’m a 23F who just started her nursing career and has been earning more than 10k a month (gross pay). I still live with my parents along with my two siblings at home (16M and 18M) in a 2 bedroom and 1 bath apartment. I contribute only $500 a month and I treat the family here and there. I don’t pay rent, I only pay for the things I use (e.g. car that is under my dad’s name, but I pay for).

My parents have an issue with me only contributing $500 per month, saying that it is not enough even though that was the amount they originally wanted. Anyway, my parents told me that they want to move to a bigger apartment and the three of us should split the rent (estimate cost would be $3,500). Now, I feel like they’re trying to manipulate me into helping them move out, saying things like:

• “The apartment we have right now is so small. We should move to a bigger house. We are so cramped up in here.” • Having my younger sister tell me that they don’t want to live here anymore and they want me to help out. • I just have to pay around 1k vs me moving out (much more expensive). • “The car you’re paying for is not your car. If you move out, you have to get your own car and your own place.”

I am okay with helping out, but I feel like the living situation at home is toxic. My mom is passive. My dad is toxic and verbally abusive. He would hit my siblings when he’s angry and ask about my whereabouts. And I feel like a maid at home at times? I sweep and mop the floor, clean the cars, chaperone my siblings, and do errands for them. I feel like if I do help them move to a bigger house (I feel like they want to use my credit score), things will get worse and it will be harder for me to move out on my own. I also feel like I just want freedom and having my own place means a safe space for my siblings. I want to move out but feel scared about not being able to handle it. What do you guys think?

I am thinking of going no contact. I am assuming there will be a heavy smear campaign to cover up the real reason. Destroying my reputation in extended family. Fearing that, I wish to speak the truth out. the first person I opened up to this about implied "this is all in my head". Now I fear mass gaslighting. one of the paternal extended family certainly does have dysfunctional dynamics as well. i could really use some advice. how to handle such situation?

My mom is diagnosed bi-polar but definitely shows signs of narcissism IMO. She is a recovering meth+ herion other drugs addict. This story might feel a little all over sorry in advance. I was grieving a while back because someone very close to me committed suicide. During this time she came over because I was so depressed and she ended up showing me her breast because she said there was a lump. I was 18 at the time told her that made me so uncomfortable don’t ever do that again. Fast forward now I am 21 and I think about that and feel very uncomfortable and disgusting by that. We have minimal contact because we don’t have a healthy relationship. Today she wanted to hangout I said okay. Within the first hour of been together she mentioned a very vulgar way she was sexually assaulted. She had to park her car as she was driving she cat called me. I told her I didn’t find it funny. I was talking about my thermal leggings and she touched my thigh and I didn’t like it. She knows I don’t like her touching me unprovoked. As we were walking she started taking about how she has to use the bathroom and details. I’ve told her in the past I don’t want to know if you have to shit or piss keep it to yourself. I told her if she keeps making me uncomfortable I’m going home. 10 minutes later she brings up more bathroom details and I left. She didn’t even seem sorry. I am happy I stood on my boundaries and went home but the part of me who just wants her mom feels heartbroken and like I was to harsh.

I‘ve been thinking back to the desperation and rejection I felt as a kid for not being allowed into my step family, certainly emotionally and often physically also not allowed or invited into the house and ignored on the rare occasions I was or raged at if I had been there without my step mother’s knowledge.

I remember the house was covered in montages of photos of her daughters and grandchildren, her and my dad and none of me. And my step mother and her daughters all had an identical photo each in the same outfits with the same hairstyle and pose, all lined up along the entrance. Every time I did get to see these I felt such a longing to be included - and resentful that I was excluded and left to care for my depressed mother alone - as it seemed such a happy and perfect family, really idyllic. I so wanted to be part of it and asked to go to family events, out to dinners, on holidays or to move in with them.

But now, seeing the entrenched family roles and the dysfunction and the trickle down behaviours to step siblings and their partners and children, the toxicity, the addictions and enabling from my dad…and on the rare occasions I was involved the drama that inevitably followed, I think I was fortunate that I wasn’t allowed in. My nstep mother’s parenting obviously caused a lot of damage to her live-in children and grandchildren. They all hate each other and I never knew it…I thought they all just hated me.

I’m wondering if this is common as a step child? Did anyone else ignore all rebuttals, rejections, smearing, scapegoating and gaslighting and keep trying to be part of the nfamily? An issue I seem to have now as an adult is getting stuck in cycles and struggling to leave and stop trying to fix relationships and situations and please people who are impossible to please. Like a rubber ball when cast aside, when then shown the smallest breadcrumb I will bounce back and try again and I think it’s due partly to this dynamic. Part of me is still always trying to be included in the nstep family even now, I suspect. Anyone else?

my narcissistic mother is about to die, and i've never felt so conflicted about anything in my life... so many mixed feelings. i'm scared of how it's going to feel once she's gone, even though its been an immensely painful experience being her daughter. i was just curious what the experience of losing a parent was like for those of you that have. id love to hear your personal stories & create a safe space for anyone to weigh in. thanks guys <3

So I had a doctors appointment and I found out I’m anemic, and I’m eating the right foods to boost my iron. It like everyone, there are going to be certain stuff I just don’t like. And so my mom, she said to eat beetroot since it’s good for me. And it’s not like I don’t believe her, I know beetroot has health benefits, but in all my 21 years I never had it. So, tonight I took a small piece to try it out to see how I feel about it, and I tried to explain it to my mom but she yelled and yelled and yelled at me. She called me names, saying that she’s going to throw the plate at my head (she didn’t but she threatened), and served a whole plate of beetroot, saying it’s good for me. She said that I’m going to see a side of her I don’t like if I don’t finish it. I did. It sounds silly because “oh you wimp you’re crying because your mom made you eat vegetables” but it’s the way she did it that has me crying in my room.

I (16NB) have been avoiding my stepfather in the kitchen. I would like to cook (family is avoiding buying snacks and things that are quick to make) but every time he is in the vicinity he has to make some unnecessary comment or criticism or police how I'm making something when I did not ask. I am underweight and am trying to stop skipping meals (I have autism so interception issues and difficulties with selecting correct portions) but it is difficult when Mr. Gordon Ramsey feels the need to intrude on what I am doing under the guise of helping (once he messed up the food I was making while barging in to "help). I would rather starve. I make the choice intentionally to not eat instead of being around him but it is not good for me because I get hungry.

The glimpses of care, those split seconds of normalcy - a genuine gesture, a shared laugh. A fleeting moment where the abuse is somehow forgotten. That longing for love and affection assuaged, if only for a cruelly short moment.

Being left with the guilty feelings of weakness for wanting your love, and thinking that maybe, just maybe, you could give it to me.

The worst part is remembering who you are, how you treat me,

what you've done to me.

Every time I hear the STOMP, STOMP, STOMP, my chest hurts. I feel like I'm gonna pass out. Are they mad at me again? I put soundproofing up and I still hear it. I feel the bed shake when she's slamming stuff and screaming. Or when they're yelling at each other. I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack one of these days because I'm SO scared. I feel like I'm doing a really bad job at explaining this. It's probably some kind of panic attack. But I feel like if I try to relax and calm down, they're just gonna get louder and more aggressive. I bought a door lock but it looks like it might be a lot harder to install than I thought.

I feel so ashamed. I'm well into adulthood but I'm afraid of my parents. When I told them I was afraid of them a few years back, my mom screamed at me and told me to never say that again. That it makes them look like awful parents.

I'm living at home btw and I'm trying to maybe work on an escape plan. But honestly, I'm so afraid to try. I'd rather just have the heart attack and have this all be over. I have things I want to do with life but I'm too scared to go against my parents again. It feels like I can't have peace when we both exist. No contact sounds like a dream come true but then I'm afraid of them showing up all the time. Finding me.

My parents haunt me. They're in my head all the time. Living like this is hell. It's not even living. It's barely survival.

The only way I thought maybe I could get some peace is if I managed to fake my own death (just to my parents) so they wouldn't be looking for me. But I'm not smart enough to pull that off. It might be legal (I'm not gonna do any fraud or anything after) where I live but I don't know how to pull it off.

Right now, I'm in trouble for not eating dinner when I can't eat right now (medical problems). At least, I assume that's the problem. But I never know. My mom blamed 9 y/o me for her friend dying of a heart attack. So, it could be something so simple as that. Something random happened and she blames me. Or maybe they're fighting again.

I have coping skills for anxiety but how do I make them work when I'm terrified like this? That's like trying to take some deep breaths in a building that's actively burning down.

Sorry this post is a mess. I'm just so AFRAID. I never thought I'd grow up to be afraid like this. So many people think I can just walk out, but I'm not that brave! Because when I walk out, it's not over. It's NEVER OVER! I left in the past and I ended up right back here.