Welcome to r/SelfImprovement

I graduated a few days ago and I'm already starting to miss high school, which is so ironic because whenever I was physically in school I absolutely couldn't wait to leave. I was (am) depressed and suicidal, constantly surrounded by the most toxic people I've known, and it didn't help that everyone knew everyone in a class of 50 people. And I only found my solid friend group a few months before I graduated. I know college will be better. But when I'm away from school for more than a few days I start to miss it and wish to go back but when I'm there I wonder what was going through my mind. I hate this feeling and I really want it to stop but I don't know how

I was a bit stressed because of this question. I am fairly confident with my coding and technical skills, 1800 on leetcode. But I am definetelly not confident with how I look. Once in an intern, I have been told "too ugly to be presented to stakeholders" by a recruiter. Since then, I exclusively looking for cameras off remote jobs.

How much do we have to be seen by stakeholders, as a software engineer? Especially for entry level jobs. (Because I can save up for plastic surgery before I jump to more senior roles)

I (23F) have been struggling with anger issues for longer than I even understood but as I’ve gotten older I see that my anger has been a way bigger issue than I ever thought.

For context: I grew up dealing with a lot of emotional, mental and physical abuse from both my parents & at times their partners & they used me as their emotional punching bag for as long as I could remember. Somehow growing up, EVERYTHING was my fault (even things I had nothing to do with) . Back then I was too afraid to protect myself physically but I would always argue back and had a temper. I believe I got it from my parents (both Mexican and very hot tempered)

It wasn’t until I got away from them at 18 and started dating that I realized how similar I am to them in the way that I get angry very quick and start to yell and cause arguments when I feel slightly wronged which I know is a trauma response… but I met my boyfriend a few months ago & see how reactive I am when he does things I don’t like or does something wrong towards me & I hate it because I know it should be easier for me to talk to him like an adult instead of basically firing myself up and yelling/arguing with him regardless of what he did. He is pretty great at being patient with me and understands why I am how I am because it was my only way of protecting myself (or so I thought) all these years especially since I’ve basically been on my own struggling through life.

But him understanding isint enough for me anymore… I need to face my actions and do better. I don’t want to keep being this person & I know we are both better off without me having this issue. Even with the things he does wrong, he’s taken my feelings & learned to be honest and take accountability so now it’s my turn. How do I work on this so we can be better for each other and so I can better my life with my friendships and situations moving forward?

i’ve always been complaining about severe body pain, feeling sore especially in my lower back a week or two before i get my period. it was so painful that i couldn’t sleep properly or bring myself to go out of the bed. i have been diagnosed with depression and was going through a traumatic break up due to multiple cheating for the past 10 months. but last feb 29, i signed up to a gym membership. it wasn’t consistent at first due to my acad responsibilities but i managed to get on treadmill for at least 30 mins for 2-4x a week. i don’t do calorie deficit but minimized my consumption of sugar and fatty food as caldef will make me more stressed about eating. i depended on intuitive eating and made sure that i’m consuming healthier foods. i managed to lose 2 kgs in a month.

now is my first day of period since i started going to gym, the body pain is now manageable and i don’t have painful dysmenorrhea and hormonal acnes anymore.

Hi guys, I have realized that self sabotaging patterns that I have problems with is a huge issue that I am fighting with, I have ruined my relationship and I want to forgive myself, start from 0 and rebuild myself on healthy fundations because of me and people I care about. How did you do it? What is causing this and how to stop? Thank you!

Greetings from Portugal.

I'm 29 years old and I just don't know how to take the extra step.

I would love to hear some advice from you guys on the following matters. I would also like to help you discuss anyting you want.

This are the things I don't like in my life:

• I work as a solicitor in a lawyers office but the payment is small. Unless I have my own clients it will be always this way;
• I'm lazy to study after worktime, which I need to do in order to be a better solicitor;
• In my hometown (2 hour trip from were I live) was wrongly accused of being involved in a car accident that killed a person. I lost a lot of people respect and "friends" because of that;
• I feel that I dont have true friends and I'm facing trouble of meeting new friends as an adult;
• Even tho my relationship with my gf is great, we live in a semi deadbedroom. We talk about it sometimes but since everything else is great in the relationship sometimes we forget the problem.
• I cringe a lot (physically) from past mistakes and akward moments;
• I fell that I dont have the energy to do and archive my goals in general;

This are the things I'm happy and gratefull for:

• I love my gf, she loves me and we trust each other;
• I had a happy and healty childhood. I have a good relationship with my family;
• I could finish the studies and bar exams required to be a solicitor;
• I pay an acceptable rent, which means a lot with this economy;
• I do exercice and I'm in a group where we meet 1 day per week to play football;

I would love to hear the community thoughts on this! Also if you’re looking for something I can speak about it.

Thanks!

I’ve fallen into a terrible habit where I’ve stopped doing my night routine. So I haven’t put my retainers in, washed my face or brushed my teeth for the past couple of nights. Anyone know how to get out of this cycle, sometimes when I get back from work I’m just too tired to get ready so I go straight to sleep

i am going thru my early 20s and feel all my notions of things are messed up , i have been facing a lot of problems with my personal relationships and i dont know who is at fault here me or the other person.I am feeling bad about certain things and dont know if i should let it go or act on it but i wanna change this and take control of my life so i'll start with this first...i wanna make a list of traits in ppl that are mildly infuriating and can deter my mental health in the long run i also wanna learn who to keep close and how to decide that...ik this is very basic but trust me i have been struggling with this for a long time...i also wanna learn HOW DO YOU MAINTAIN THE RIGHT DISTANCE WITH PEOPLE??

i read this quote somewhere and it goes like ," You need to learn to find the right distance between people too close and they overwhelm you , too far and they abandon you " and i personally struggle with this a lot...so i wanna ask you all...how do you find the right distance withe the people? how do you figure out who to keep close who to maintain a distance with and also if the other person think of you as a close friend and you dont reciprocate that how do you maintain the right distance with such people? but most importantly can you all help me with making this list of traits i should look for in ppl that i should avoid. these traits could range from the minutest thing to major red flag but mostly i wanna know the mildly infuriating traits cuz its difficult for me identify them and understand which ones to let go and which ones to act upon.

21 year old male here. Could this be impacting my energy levels as well? I'm always tired no matter how much or how well I slept the night before.

Also, could this be impacting my ability to attract women? I get along with women well, and have my entire life (I grew up with literally almost all female cousins, a sister, no brothers, my only grandpa died when I was 11, and my Dad has been pretty much out of the picture since I was 8), but they never seem to show any romantic or sexual interest in me. I'm wondering if the way I look has anything do with it.

Hi everyone! I'm writing this post because I wanted to share this very simple yet so impactful little thing I did last month aimed at improving my physical health and appearance, which directly also bettered my mental health and self esteem!

last month, I had had enough of inconsistent skincare and haircare and decided it was time to make a proper and defined system for myself. So, I made the tracker which is linked in the comments!

I listed down a total of 10 things, including obvious ones like simply bathing and brushing my hair, but also things which would give me my (much needed) daily dose of discomfort like icing my face and doing face yoga (I just used the first app that showed up on app store, and it works very well!)

I stuck this checklist in my productivity journal alongside some pictures of good and healthy skin, and made a tiny little vision board so that whenever I felt too lazy to do the stuff on it I could look at it and feel motivated, or if I didn't do the thing then I could feel guilty (which is also important in my opinion)

I feel, see and am even hearing from others about what this little challenge did for me! I look more glowy and less tired, and just overall give off a more 'put together' energy! That's just the physical results though, the true fruit of this challenge for me was what it did for me mentally.

YALL. When they say that your physical health and appearance directly impacts your mental health, they aren't lying! After icing my face, blood would naturally flush to my cheeks and it made me look, and then consequently feel, nice and pretty! The face yoga I did also lifted my face up, making me look energetic and fresh, which made me feel like a brand new b when I would look at myself in the mirror in the morning!

tl;dr -> Just systemize and properly define your skincare and haircare. It is so SO worth it.

Hi everyone. I want to do so much but the more i realize just how much i have to do the more parlayzed I become... Right now Im at a crossroads where I will be moving back to my home country after 11 years of being abroad. I have so much baggage I need to get rid of and not enough energy. I only have sundays to do this for myself as the whole week is too tiring and i am left on hours of endless doomscrolling during weeknights. I wnat to be better. I want to do so much. But im stuck both mentally and physically. I cant seem to geet myself moving

this is kind of embarassing and I KNOW its a problem but I need help getting my body to understand . im in Japan right now and want to enjoy walking around and seeing the different scenery but my mind keeps getting hung up on all these women walking by i find extremely pretty but me not seeming to have a companion like that. i want to focus on my work and growing my wealth but the reason its such a problem is i just see all these girls walking by and then i start thinking of ways how i can have a companion myself. then i get saddened by how ive been single my whole life. and then i lose focus from what i want to focus on. recently, ive been able to go out with girls but dont feel much connection and i feel bad dating a girl just because she's cute at the same time. ive even thought about hooking up to exorcise this lust from me but from my pov i think it'll be like crack and ill desire it even more

but i cant seem to get my brain to stop seeing all these cute girls with a man walking by and feel intense jealousy and then sadness and misery. yes i know i have so much, but the problem is im trying to get my body to feel that way and focus on the positivity and not on getting hung up on just this thing. any tips / books / strategies / anything i desperately need, thank you so much

Looking back at my childhood, I remember my mom dealing with her mental health issues, which sometimes made it hard for her to grasp things right away, leading to her repeating herself. But that's not the main thing.

When I was like 6 or 7, I started getting really angry with her whenever she acted that way. I still feel super guilty about it now. It kept happening until I got older and started understanding better. But this anger hasn't gone away; it's just been lying low.

Lately, though, it's been creeping back up, and I end up acting out and then regretting it later. With my mom getting older and her health declining, her mean words and blaming me bring out that same aggression.

I'm trying to deal with it, but I don't know where to start or what to do. It's like this thing that's been really tough to shake off, or maybe I never really tried dealing with it in the first place. So, I'm kinda lost on how to tackle it.

People keep asking me (18 M) if I’m okay when I’m fine. A lot of them tell me that I look pissed all the time. One of my coworkers told me I have a resting bitch face and a resting bitch voice, what does that even mean?The thing is that’s just how I naturally look. Is there any way to fix this? I’ve been told to smile more but I hate doing that because I look goofy. Any ideas?

Firm believer that healthy habits are the key to motivation for me. My productivity and motivation to take care of myself comes and goes though, and I am definitely struggling right now.

I had a weird childhood, and I never really developed basic healthy habits. Like I know eating vegetables is an important part of being healthy, but I just don’t care. I know sleep is important to be healthy, but I still stay up late. Same with exercise and finances.

I’ve been in therapy for depression for years and it has helped, and I might just be going through a depressive episode. But I’d love to hear what kinds of things motivate you to just take basic human care of yourself. How is “because it’s good for me” enough of a reason for someone to do unenjoyable things?

It feels a little sad to me that I don’t have that same reaction. I’ve taken care of other adults, children and animals and am always concerned about their wellbeing and am vigilant about making healthy choices. I feel like I should care about myself in the same way….but I just don’t.

Thank you if you’ve made it through my little ramble. I’m open to hearing any thoughts or if you can relate to what I’m saying!

I am a graduating senior from college, and I never made a single friend or been to a single party. It is incredibly frustrating, but this is my reality. It tried reaching out people and joining clubs early on, bur I just got rejected

A few months into 25 and I was laid off at my new job since the project is ramping down. That’s not even my dream job but it was not a stressful one so I could have time to prepare for my grad school and immigration. I got a few job offers but none of them were as good as my current one. The job market has been getting harder since graduation. I moved to a new country for this job, no friends or family around. At the moment I thought I am setting down in a new city, everything turned into a chaos again. I am trying to take this as an opportunity to be better but at the same time feel so unmotivated and lost, and again questioning what I am doing with my life.

I was in Mexico, and I saw some white American teenagers playing volleyball. I wanted to play, to befriend these kids. I wasn't playing well, and one of the boys "John", started making indirect comments about me to his brother. I could infer he was talking about me from the way he was saying it. But eventually, he figured out that I spoke English, and he started showing me how to throw the ball. Even when I didn't get it right, he was still being nice to me and saying encouraging things.

A few days later, I had befriended another girl, and she was hanging out with the same group of kids at the volleyball game. I really didn't want to hang out because of John specifically, but I wanted to get closer to this girl. I got really drunk that night, and John helped carry me to my room. There was one point where I puked in a trash bin, and I was trying to put it down, but no one wanted to touch it. Finally, John grabbed it and put it down for me. And after that day, he genuinely tried getting to know me better. He laughed at all my jokes, even the ones that weren't funny.

I’m 21 years old with no social life really. Not really a problem to me besides not being invited to many places.

I’m just gonna rant here. It’ll probably be incoherent and probably all over the place since I’m drunk. This is what I’m doing when I’m feeling alone, bored and with nothing to do. Recently I have been dumped and it made me reflect a lot. The person I am has a lot of building to do. I was unemployed with no real interest or life outside of the relationship. Once I got dumped I realized i had to build a life i genuinely enjoyed. A relationship should be an addition to a great life. So I started by envisioning the life I wanted.

The life I wanted was one with cars. More specifically a Nissan PS13. It’s life where I take joy in playing my guitar. Where I enjoy filming/editing videos as another form of expression. And lastly, and maybe impossibly, a beautiful relationship with the girl of my dreams. It seems in whichever dream life, I have a girl that’s exactly my style that I can love and be best friends with.

So as of now, I have completed step one; get a job. $627 a week. More than enough to save up for a car and get the things I want. Especially living rent free at my parents. But now I’m stuck again. Even when i know I should keep pushing forward building the character I want to be. I’m happy at work because I get to socialize and make money/earning towards my long term goals. But I need something to do on the weekends.

I can’t just spend all my spare money on things I want. I feel like I have to go out there and experience the world. Whether it’s go to show, a museum, thrifting. I JUST NEED SOMETHING. I guess I came here for ideas. “An idle brain is the devil's workshop” and this quote definitely feels so true to me. I just stay home and rot.

What do you guys do? If you have similar interests, what low budget things do you guys do? Like i said this probably makes no sense but if you have words of wisdom or any advice I’d very much appreciate it.

I’m beginning/continuing my lookmaxx journey late…..

So in 20 years old now turning 21 in 8 days. Through high school and college being in shape has never been a problem for me because of sports and lifting 4-5 days a week. I’m a beefy muscular stocky type. So physique is not a problem. When it comes to the rest of my body, I’m a shorter guy so I like to wear height insoles that give me about 2-3 inches. I also practice good hygiene and groom well and have a nice haircut and like to stay clean shaven. Clothes really aren’t a problem either since I’ve learned my style and wear clothes that fit properly.

The issue is there are some things I found out about too late. Mewing for example I can’t do since I’m too old and my face bones are pretty much matured and not moldable anymore. I also didn’t know I would end up short so I wasn’t able to take HGH as a kid. So the real question is where do I go from here? How do I looksmaxx to my full potential if I missed out on crucial things?

Hey guys this is kind of a rant but I’ve really felt hopeless about myself. I don’t know where else to put this but I don’t really have anyone to talk to so here I go

I am a Male going through a lot mentally. I feel so lonely every day, I have little confidence around women, and I’m 5’5 struggling with acne.

Everyday I just feel lonely. I don’t feel loved at all. I honestly feel hopeless about myself. I’ve never experienced true love, and I’ve never been confident to really talk to a girl who I find attractive.

On New Year’s Eve I was in my bed in tears while I could listen to people outside partying and having fun and enjoying their time, and I have no one to celebrate with.

Everyone else my age has a significant other, and they seem so happy meanwhile I just go home to nobody.

It doesn’t help that I’m 5’5 and in this culture we have I don’t think I’ll ever find somebody who will love me cause of that.

In the past years, my loneliness has been a motivator for self improvement and a lot of it has made me feel a little better about myself but I still feel lonely, and it makes me feel like nothing has worked for me.

Not to mention I struggle with acne, and have for years despite trying so many things so I can’t ever look in the mirror and feel good about myself.

I just don’t know what to do man. I really don’t.

Pls help me guys in school I am alone I have no friends I have to sit alone which makes me sad and depressed , school friends also bully me and make me more depressed , I had one good friend in school he left the school and now I am all alone in school with no friends I am depressed due to which I lost interesting in everything what should I do pls help I also have a fight with a bully in school which me more depressed pls help I am 15

I cant get a girlfriend time is running out im getting older what do I do i will work any job to get rich but I cant afford college i was thinking of being a underwater welder for oil rig because it makes alot of money which will interest women. Im reallt unatractive in the face so this is going agaist me but I need, need a girlfriend!! I dont even know how its possibel i went around asking a bunch of girls walking around the mall but all of them rejected me and called me a creep. PLEASE SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME I need a girlfriend bad. I cannot die never having a girlfriend I will do anything to get a girlfriend anything I dont care if I would have to become a slave I just need a girlfriend fast as possible. What is the easiest way to get a girl to want to date you I need a girlfriend so bad ive heard about traveling abroad and women will date you cause ur white but I cant afford that at the moment time is running out i could get hit by a car or have a anyersum and die never having a girlfriend what do i do?!?!?!?!?!

I was with my now ex since I was 20 and broke things off when I was 27. He was 7 years older so long story short, the relationship was terrible. He wasn’t over his ex and it made me feel insecure. He saw me once a week due to work, which wasn’t enough for me and left room to question my worth. I constantly wanted him to “love me more” or be more obsessed with me. I started acting cold and the relationship became very toxic. With ups and downs of wishing I was in love, to wanting nothing to do with him. He also, allegedly, cheated throughout the relationship. So there’s that.

I packed my stuff and moved back in with my parents and it feels like I’m back in high school. Through the majority of my 20’s, I feel like my main problems were all about my relationship. Wondering if he’s cheating, wondering if really loves me. Trying to figure out if he’s lying again. Becoming cold when I felt overwhelmed, bringing up his ex, literally, for the ENTIRE relationship. It got to the point where he’d say it’s been almost a decade, cut it out. I was going crazy in the relationship and realized it wasn’t for me. Sadly it took this long, but I’m thinking aging had a lot to do with these realizations.

Now I’ve been single for about a year and a half. I’m turning 29 and I’ve become obsessed with the idea of being with someone. I had developed limerence towards my coworker, where I was hyper focused on him for a year straight. Just to find out later he had a girlfriend and I felt so stupid. I felt like such a pick me girl. Wishing he adored me, loved me. Despite only ever talking to him about 3 times. It’s this odd obsession over men that I get. I don’t even have to know them! I recently came across another TikTok guy that I now use to fulfill these fantasies in which I’m in love and loved back deeply. I’m appreciated and it’s the antidote to all of life’s problems.

I have this irrational fear I’ll never find someone. Which was a huge factor as to why I didn’t break up with my then boyfriend of 7 years. I knew he’d find someone faster than I. I didn’t want him to be with anyone else but me. Selfish, I know. But he was too. Again, toxic. I guess I only have work and school going on in my life. I’m supposed to graduate this year and my last classes do take up a lot of my time, but I can easily sit at my desk and wander off into this other world that doesn’t exist because it feels good. I get a dopamine hit escaping my loneliness. I wish I could just detach and not get so sad that I will never find anyone that truly loves me. And be okay if I grow old alone.

Sometimes, and this can happen in the middle of just a sentence, I absolutely feel like shit. I want to stop talking, go out the room, lock myself in and just stare at the wall.

This pisses me off and makes me hate myself because sometimes my family and friends get a big load of that in the face and I get passive agressive, ignore them or get loud.

But I don’t want that to happen. Sometimes it just snaps. I can be extremely happy and after that just switch fully to that mode.

Also noticed I process deaths weirdly and didn’t really cry or feel really sad for longer than 30 minutes even with multiple near family members.

I’m 18M and go to Highschool 8h a day and then work till 10pm to earn 5-10k extra using my programming experience to work for startups. Maybe that’s the case.

Or can this be a result of trauma that I might have, but don’t want to get into except asked?

I (M) used to have a scale, it was the thing that kept me calm, to look down and actually see some progress, no matter how small it was.

But recently, I screwed up, it fell down. And because it was made of glass, it completely shattered. I don't have any money to buy another one.

I'm still at a calorie deficit. But I'm really afraid I might be somehow gaining weight. I count all of my calories to a T.

I don't see any improvement in the mirror, and it looks like I've somehow gained weight.

It feels kinda humiliating to go to sleep afraid that you somehow fucked up, and that all of that hard work is going down the drain.

I've tried those stupid "volume eating" hacks, but feeling full only makes me feel even worse. It's as if it's a tell that it's not working. And yeah I mean, I'm not stupid, I know that's not how that works. But I'm really worried that it might be, no matter how irrational it sounds.

Basically since I was a child I've been used to being the "sidekick" and never had much confidence to be myself in social situations. Back then I actually found some sort of strength in that, in my head it was cool to be "mysterious" and "actually an interesting person". But now, I'm getting older and realized that people don't care at all about you if you don't stand out. What really worsens it is the expectations that a man should be strong and assertive, and knowing I'm not that at all really hurts. I realized that everything I thought about myself was just coping with my lack of strength and self esteem problems.

For context my father is kind of like this too, he's been pretty much absent for this type of talk my whole life and wasn't really a role model. My mother always tried to push me in this sense, but because of some family problems I've been pretty much alone for the last 6 months and the lack of familial socialization has taken me to the deepest levels of depression I have ever experienced and I don't know what to do about it.

I'm in the last year of high school and the prospect of going to college, talking to people and doing things by myself is at the same time exceedingly haunting and the thing I want the most, so I really want to improve. Negativity is a big issue I face, I put problems into everything before doing it, I always try to overcome it but it's very hard, most times I resort to being ironic and non-chalant (barely can do it), self deprecating, critic of others. Right now I pretty much do everything in the house (cook, clean, do the laundry, do shopping etc) but the social aspect haunts me every day and I pretty much feel alone in this world (very dramatic I know). Don't feel very confident in my masculinity at all and have problems talking to other guys outside my little friend group.

Recognizing all my mistakes I'd really like to improve. Some advice on masculinity, confidence or whatever really would be very helpful. :)

I’ve been in relationships since I was 16.

I grew up in an abusive home and when I met the father of my children, I repeated the cycle. It took me 7 years to break it.

Then I immediately jumped into a relationship. I was 23 (freshly single and partying hard on the weekends I didn't have my kids). He was 31 and an alcoholic which ultimately causes the separation..

Few months later at 33 I got into a on/off again, emotional and mentally abusive relationship. we started counseling when the DV started and i started to learn to set boundaries and stop enabling… we broke off 10 days ago and i put in place a no contact. (After 4 years of trying)

I need idea on how to enjoy this time alone because my mind is going stir crazy. i dont want to fill the time with dating apps. im going to continue counseling.

i wanto learn to love me and not accept the treatment I've dealt with in the past.

Im happy to say that even though slowly, I am making progress everyday.

Hello I'd like to start working out but I don't know where to start I'm 22f and I feel like it'd help with my self image and the constant burnout I feel....