Welcome to r/SelfImprovement

I work with 6 women as the only guy and developed crush on one that won't let me sleep, workout or do anything.

They all gossip and since it's work and I'm not going to make a move on her to get laughed it. It's just killing my mental health for a month now.

I went on a date with another woman and it went well and I was engaged, but I could only imagine my female coworker, instead of the actual date. I felt like crap after coming home, but this lady wants to see me again.

How do I totally eliminate my thoughts for my female coworker for sake of my own mental health? I never developed these feelings for any other female coworker at my office job in 5 years before.

As the title says, I am always confused. I take time to figure out the best possible solution yet remain stuck in that process. What's your advice for coming up with the best solution for this kind of situations especially making life making decisions. Thanks a lot.

It might be a little long, pls bear with me. I'm digging up some deep seated issues from way back in my life but I think they are important for me to move on with my life now.

background: I grew up in a very competitive, unhealthy school environment, especially in high school. It's now been 15+ years my classmates still all keep in touch. all of them are very accomplished, many are in academia, profs etc or working in mid management + in big tech companies. so mostly solid middle to upper middle class people making loads of money. I've always felt self concious in front of them, bc im not so accomplished like them, at least I thought, for the following reasons.

A lot of them hustled their own way out so to speak, moving to the US and eventually doing really well. But I came to Canada with my family at the end of high school, and kind of just had a comfortable but "mediocre life". My parents paid for my school (vs most of them got scholarships). And it seems that there's always this bias in my community that people who immigrate to Canada are losers bc they can't make it to the US, in my case even more so bc my parents got me here. To be frank, I kinda thought of moving to the US bc I did study STEM in one of the best university programs in Canada, but I struggled a lot in university. All in all, I guess I just didn't try hard enough bc life is kind of ok in Canada, but certainly I am not making half a Million+ USD per year like some of my classmates do. It might sound laughable bc i'm well into my 30s, but bc of these reasons I always felt inferior in front of my high school classmates, bc I feel like I'm less capable.

I have one particular classmate she always makes me feel very bad about myself. One bc she is super accomplished, and also she used to sit beside me for all my high school years, so I kinda got to know her. She's always been condescending towards me, but since she's always been so accomplished I felt like as much as I don't like it, she can get away with that type of attitude. I also did ask her for help to get interviews at the tech company she works at, she actually helped but I guess I didn't even make it to the interviews. (Honestly she didn't really get the job on her own either, her husband helped her, and also her husband helped her a lot in immigration).

She used to live in SF now moved to NYC. she's visited me a few times in Canada, I used to live in the biggest city in Canada then moved to the 2nd biggest city. But she talks about the cities I live in like they are some towns that she's suprised there is civilizaion. I had to tell her the city I lived in is actually the 3rd biggest in North America between Canada and the US, and it's really not a town, and things are not cheap. She's visited me in the student res I stayed at in uni (a very nice place), and later also the place I was renting (I was living in the basement but in a nice house in a central location in the city). She never met up with me in the current city I live in, but she dissed this city a lot while she was on business trip, saying people here speak French with a Thai accent (I guess she feels like she's entitled to judge bc her husband is European and one of their official language is French, even though I'm sure she doesn't even speak French). I personally don't speak French but it made me uncomfortable. She's also done things to other people like immediately after one of my classmates posted about buying a house in an affluent NY suburbs, she reposted a famous architect designed house in that town and said something about how she'd never live in that town but that house she likes...

I used to really feel like a loser in front of her well bc she's living well, travelling a lot, spending the whole summer in the expensive European country her husband is from (in their expensive apartment there), skiing in the winter in the nicest resorts or somewhere in the caribbean, and her attitude really did make me feel bad. But recently someone had pointed out maybe she is like that with me not bc how superior she feels but actually out of envy as some people just can't handle the fact that others can live a good life too, which is unthinkinable for me.

but in some way I wonder if it can actually be true. I mean, at the end of the day, I live a relatively ok life, by no means as nice as her, but I'm a full time stay home mom, haven't really worked since I got married (bc I didn't like a lot of the things I tried, I do invest and have had some modest success, but again I'm not "rich" from it), my husband is from a very humble background, but he's very hard working, he has a business (small and just starting, but he's working hard at it). I'm not really obssessed with travelling like she claims she is with her husband, but when I travel, I'm gone for a long time bc well I don't have a day job, so I've actually been to more places than her, and I travel frugally but I really do get to know the place and the people. I was able to go back to our home country with my child for half a year at a time but I don't think her job would allow that. I've always seen not having an office career as a handicap, thus feeling inferior, but I know for a fact I get to spend way more time with my child, whereas she always post how much time she spends with her children even though she said she has to hire a nanny bc she works full time. Without turning this whole thing into a comparison competition, I'm just wondering if there is a chance that all these unkind attitude I receive from her can actually be from some type of envy. I know that at this point in my life it shouldn't matter that much, but somehow I think it's going to help me see myself in a different light. wondering what you all think. Thanks for reading my rant lol

My place is an absolute nightmare. I couldn't sleep the other night because of a smell and literally couldn't figure out where the smell was coming from because my place is such a mess.

I absolutely hate living like this. I meticulously clean my body and keep my B.O. in check, yet, when it comes to my apartment, I let it get out of hand for some reason.

Part of it has to do with being busy. I work about 10 hours a day 6 days a week, hit the gym for about 3 hours 5 days a week, run a business about 8 hours a day 2 days a week (and 2 hours 5 days a week), and box about 1 hour a day 6 days a week. Not a ton of time left for much else.

I used to think the main factor was a lack of discipline. But, I have developed discipline through boxing and the gym and dieting and my place is still a mess.

So, I think I'm just caught in a negative feedback cycle. Basically, my place gets carried away and I feel like shit because of it. Because I feel garbage, I don't have the energy to clean it. Then it gets worse. Then I feel worse. Then it gets worse. Etc.

Recommendations on getting out of this?

I think I have finally broken free of my shallow approach to dating. I was always so picky with who I wanted to date and put so much emphasis on looks and expected to date someone who was drop dead gorgeous cause I thought that’s what I deserved. Well now I can honestly say that I’m dating someone who is beautiful on the inside just as much as she is on the outside. She isn’t the type of girl that I would’ve ever considered dating in the past. I was always so attracted to skinny blondes lol. But I actually gave her a chance and the more I’m around her the more I love her. I just wanted to share this to all those guys out there who put looks above all else. I was just like you, but guys there’s so much more to dating happily than that my friends.

He’s a guy, I’m a girl. We go to school together, and I’m stupid both academically and socially. We’re both 25, and we’re doing our PhD for neurology. It’s not cute anymore to be dumb. I’m very introverted, but sometimes I say and do things not realizing that I’m kind of intruding. Also, I’m always the “problem kid”. I do my work and mind my business, I just always get into these sticky situations.

For example, last night we had a final with a lockdown browser on our computers. I was struggling last time for the midterm, and yesterday, the same thing happened. But it was worse. 20 minutes past before I told my professor about it. She had to call IT for help , and of course, the class overheard. Thankfully, another classmate came to my rescue and helped me.

Whenever one of my many social blunders occur, I always worry that he’s not going to see me in the same light anymore. Quite frankly, I worry that he sees me differently after what happened yesterday. He is a nerd, and I’m just not. I’m a socially awkward learner without any redeeming qualities except my beauty.

Today was a pretty good day I would say since it was full of activity. I did a few things when I woke up and then my grandfather asked for some help since his truck broke down again. He thinks it may be the fuel pump. He also assisted me with cleaning off my car and I helped him move a table saw. We inspected my tires and they are down to the wear bar so nothing good. I learned the size so I know exactly what to look for now. I talked with my grandfather a bit and we plan on changing the oil soon in his friend's garage. He even offered me a loan at one point for my tires but told me not to tell my mom. I don't want to take it though. I've seen how he treated my sister in the past and held it over her head when she did it. I don't like the idea and I remember when my sister fell asleep behind the wheel and I was blamed for napping in the car too. I was partly blamed as well despite being a passenger. The repairs were brutal and my sister had to rely on my grandparents. I just can't do it and I think I can figure it out myself. He also mentioned my uncle knowing about deals so I'll explore that avenue first. I learned I also got my uncle for Christmas gifts and will make like every year. I texted my aunt what be would like and asked what his number was. I got a reply back much later saying he likes anything chocolate like brownies and nothing fancy. He isn't fancy but that's my whole thing is to make more elaborate baked goods so we will have to see. Maybe I'll ask him more specifically so I can experiment. I then went to the gym with my cousin for a leg day. I did RDLs and Hip thrusts for the second time. I did terribly with the RDLs at first not knowing how to get the form. I find it difficult to get the form and just felt frustrated today in general with a few different things going on in my head. Eventually though I got and felt it where my cousin kept saying I should feel it. I felt very proud of myself and slowly but surely my form is improving. It's a learning process and I love that aspect. Actually learning is always amazing. Here was the routine:

Smith machine with 2 exercises:

Romanian Deadlifts: Reps of 8 6 4 with weight increasing by 10 each time to be just the bar at 20 lbs +10 lbs, +20 lbs, +30 lbs

Note: Improper form in first two sets but could definitely feel it being proper on the third

Hip thrusts: Reps of 8 6 5 with weight increasing by 10 each time to be just the bar at 20 lbs, +10 lbs, +20 lbs

Seated leg press: Reps of 8 6 6 with weight typically increasing by 5 each time to be 85, 90, and 95

Note: Did 35 40 45 at the end of each set only doing one leg 4 times each but 3 at 45

Leg extension: Reps of 8 6 4 with weight increasing by 5 each time to be 90, 95, and 100 pounds

Hip adduction: Reps of 8 6 4 with weight increasing by 5 each time to be 105, 110, and 115

Afterwards I stopped at the store and I wanted a sandwich so I went for it. I decided to eliminate the top layer of bread and instead went for a lettuce top. I love the flavor and crunch and it reduces the calories quite a bit. The bottom bread is what I taste most anyways and doesn't need all that extra bread. It was packed with turkey and I understand it is processed but it was a great price. I got home to see my sister and made my sandwich. She and I played Pokémon Pocket and she opened all her cards. I opened two packs and got a full art in each. I did some battling as well and honestly love how this game is set up. It's fun and the artwork is awesome. Also free to play is the best. My cousin got to my house and we all just had fun. I worked on writing some stuff down while they played a card game I wasn't in the mood to play. It was a nice day and a nice time. I couldn't ask for a nicer day. Here is what I ate:

Breakfast:

1 cup chocolate milk - 140 calories (13 g protein)

83 g of NY Strip - ~195 calories (~17.1 g protein)

89 g of egg - ~130 calories (~11 g protein)

193 g of orange - ~100 calories (~1.8 g protein)

Dinner:

56 g of cheese - 180 calories (14 g protein)

225 g of Cajun turkey breast - ~200 calories (~44.2 g protein)

20 g of Creamy Horseradish - 40 calories

43 g of toast - 110 calories (5 g protein)

17 g of lettuce - 3 calories (.2 g protein)

255 g of mango - ~175 calories (~1.4 g protein)

3 Cheetos - ~40 calories

Dessert:

Rice Krispies Treat - 90 calories

SBIST was seeing my sister today. It's always a joy seeing my best friend. I know that can be my something beautiful I saw today pretty often but I love seeing my little sister and how she is doing. She got a new job already and I'm very proud of her for that. I want her to be happy as possible and she is doing better now that she left her last job. I'm just happy she is in a better place and not constantly crying or needing to always be talking to someone. I also hope she continues building on her mental health though. But yeah seeing my sister always brings me an immense amount of joy especially when some of the people around me can slowly suck away from that joy.

Tomorrow the plan is to see my cousin's new puppy. He is an adorable little golden retriever and I haven’t seen a puppy in forever. Besides that I'm not really sure what is happening. I may or may not go for a rabies shot with my little baby at a place that is an hour away. She hates the car and I hate doing it to her but my mom thinks she needs it. That may happen tomorrow but we shall see. I'll be making burgers soon as well as in the day after that. I'm going to since my sister is home and I want her to try my recreation of the Burger King failure burger. I know I can make it taste amazing and I'm excited for it. Thank you my conjurers of the king of burgers. May you rule the kingdom of fries with honor and valor.

i love my partner deeply, he's the best man i've ever been with and truly sees me and cares for me in all the ways i need. in my past, i've been used to being the one to put forth most of the effort and emotional work, and now i feel like the roles have reversed. without getting into too many details, i worry that i feel entitled to my partners support without returning the favor, and i really don't want to be that way. i don't believe these things consciously, but then subconscious i act it out. he struggled with depression primarily while i struggle with anxiety, and when i am going through a rough patch he is amazing at supporting me and trying to make me feel better. when he is depressed, i tend to take it personally and respond poorly to his bad mood. it'll affect me and make me anxious and upset, and prevent me from being able to put my own feelings aside and try and be by his side in a supportive and positive way. i don't know if this is because i feel bitter about things that have happened in my past, or because my own mental illness clouds my ability to see the situation clearly, but i hate this about myself and i need to work on it because he deserves the same level of care and concern that he gives to me. i always apologize to him and try to reconcile these mistakes but we've talked about it many times, and i can't seem to remember the changes i need to make when the moment strikes. what steps can i take to be a better partner in the hard moments? how do i begin to put my frustrations on the back burner and support my partner without taking his moods and struggles so personally?

For background: I struggled with extremely low self esteem my whole life and identity issues as a POC living in a rural white state. Around high school and college, I began dating around. I was constantly in a relationship and didn’t even know why I kept seeking out new people that were not good for me. It caused tensions with my family because they disapproved of my partners and refused to accept them, so I would go behind their backs. I became a very disrespectful and sneaky person. All I cared about was feeling like I was worthy of love, and I placed that burden on my romantic partners.

After a string of bad relationships, ending with an emotionally abusive person who brought me to the lowest point of my life and then dumped me, I thought I’d learned enough tough lessons and was all set to find the love of my life. However, after healing for months and then venturing back into dating again, I realized that nothing had changed. I still didn’t care about red flags, as long as the other person would love me and make me feel less lonely. (I couldn’t even put this to words until recently, I wasn’t aware I was dating for the wrong reasons)

Some stuff happened with a friend, and then I realized I also depended on others to talk to me and be friends with me, otherwise I felt unworthy and thought something was fundamentally wrong with me. This connected back to the dating thing, and I realized I had always used external validation to prop up my low self esteem and keep myself from feeling lonely. So, I banned myself from dating. Deleted all the apps, and stopped seeing people as potential romantic partners.

Because of that, I had to face being alone for the first time in my life. I had to grow to like my company, and to stop fearing that there was something always wrong with me that would push others away. And now, after almost 4 months, I have become content with myself. I really don’t mind being alone now. I have accepted myself, flaws and strengths and all, and resolved to work on my issues without spiraling into self-deprecation and hatred.

I set an arbitrary date to mark the end of my dating ban: May 2025. It will have been one year and some change since my emotionally abusive relationship ended. I plan on celebrating at the one year mark, and then afterwards too. And it looks like I may be single for a while after, but I don’t mind so much.

Sorry if this doesn’t belong, I just wanted to get it off my chest. I don’t tell a lot of people in my life about these things, but I’m so happy to be finally working on myself!!

16m, ok so recently ive been trying to increase my height and so far none of them are working. I tried eating protein and playing basketball daily and it still didnt work. Im even stretching my body a lot more than usual and fixing my posture. But all this lead to me losing 2cm. From 168cm to 166cm. Please help...

hi, this is probably going to be a bit of a long read i’m sorry 😭😭 im 15 and i’m an alcoholic, i smoke weed nearly every day and i have bad habits. i steal from the people closest to me and lie to them and i know how terrible of a person i sound and i probably am, but i wish i could change that. and it’s like i am so aware of these bad habits and what i’m doing, but i can’t stop.

i’ve lost the trust of my mum, brother, best friend and more. my mum absolutely hates me, genuinely. everyone says “oh no your mum couldn’t actually hate you, i’m sure she’s just saying that” but she actively has told me to my face that i’m her biggest disappointment and failure in life, how she’s going to kick me out and how she doesn’t care about me. my dads out of the picture and lives 3 hours away so it’s not like i can go and live with him.

i’m so poor, i have a job but all my shifts were cut because i didn’t go to my rostered shifts because of my debilitating anxiety and i can’t seem to find another job or a stable way to make money. i have severe depression and multiple other mental health illnesses and i hate the way i look, everything about it. i’m so behind in life, like i’ve never had a boyfriend or even had my first (proper) kiss and everyone around me seems to be so on track with life/ahead of me and i just can’t stand it. i feel like i’m going insane because my mind is constantly racing and stressing and i wish i could just have a break.

i wake up every day dreading doing it all over again, i don’t know how to fix my life. i want to so badly but i don’t know where to start. i don’t have any idea of what i want to be when i grow up and have no clue what to do to get there. i have $0 to my name, and no savings. there is so so so much more problems as well but i can’t name them all. as soon as i sort out one bad aspect of my life, it seems to makes another one bad instead. my life is so shit and i wish i could see the beauty in it, but it’s gone beyond that where i feel that there is absolutely no point of me being here if it’s just constant suffering and battling pain. i’m in a state of endless stress and agony.

does anyone have any advice on how to turn my life around? or am i too far gone?

I decided today that I want to declare my power in 2025 by reminding myself everyday that I am healthy, I am wise, I am loved, I am wealthy, I am kind. I am replacing phrases like "I'm a broke bitch. I'm fat and lazy. I am sick af..." with accepting that I already have what I thought that I wanted.

Don't have much going on, don't know what to do. Pretty much 26 working as a waiter, feeling depressed lately and regret some stuff from the past and wasting so much time, I've tried a lot of jobs and experienced a lot but feel bad where I'm at right now. I've had many ups and downs with depression, I've moved many times, homeless, lost significant $, don't have a relationship with family, I'm alone and actually feel lost. Now I work part time, job is cutting hours, and I need to find more to do, but I spend a lot of time grieving and isolating from everything and numbing myself in the gym also drugs and alc.

With work I've tried many jobs, dropped out of college, never really succeeded anywhere, but I'm able to pay my bills, I just know I need to do more, and I've tried. Id like to go back to school to learn finance or something. I'm trying therapy again because of the trauma issues and I feel overwhelmed and isolating myself. I just feel shame for being a loser and I know I need to do more but I'm stuck because of my issues.

I don't find anything interesting & I'm constantly bored everyday. Im bored at school but find it less boring than home. I have no hobbies either solely because I'm not good at anything & I lose my skills at anything I improve at, being bad at things instantly kills any interest I have in whatever because spending thousands of hours trying to get good at something only to lose my skills overnight when there's some sort of improvement makes it pointless to me, there is nothing enjoyable about being bad at something. I honestly despise holidays... I'm dreading Christmas break because I have an excruciating 2 weeks of boredom waiting for me. Halloween break felt like it was never going to end despite only being a week. I used to never cry but now I often spend most of my days crying

I've come to a realization this year of a few things that has helped me become more relaxed. It feels like all my life, I was a control freak. I cared what people think of me, I stressed over every little thing, and overall I just wasn't in a healthy state of mind.

After years and years of lashing out on people, and trying to get others to understand me I finally just let go of everything. I'm one out of billions of people, and each of them has their own problems. People have their own families, friends, responsibilities.. there's no room for them to care about my problems- so it's all in my hands to fix my life. I'm done stressing over things outside of my control, and I'm doing everything in my power to focus on what's within my control. No, I'm not perfect- I still have my struggles, but that's okay. I don't need to act on my emotions, I just need to suck it up and move on. That's life, life has it's ups & downs- there's nothing I can do about it.. it's all within God's hands.

My biggest new years resolution is to not give a fuck, cause I've cared too deeply for far too long. I'm turning a new leaf ♡

I’m 29 (f) and at a low point in my life. The past 4 years u have suffered from a horrific online gambling addiction that has destroyed me financially and completely fried my dopamine receptors. On top of that I also have a phone addiction. I have gotten to the point of where I’m completely non functional besides doing the things that are absolutely necessary. Going to work/ sleeping/ staring at my phone are the only things I do.

I don’t want to live like this anymore. My household duties and responsibilities have piled up so much that starting then feels absolutely excruciatingly overwhelming. I don’t even brush my teeth, or get my mail anymore because those things seem too overwhelming. I have lost 20 pounds in 8 months because I have no appetite and cooking feels overwhelming.

I am so depressed to think about the person that I used to be. I used to be attractive with a nice body but now I’m skin and bones and have aged myself with the self inflicted mental anguish. I used to love life but now I get enjoyment from nothing. I can’t believe I’ve allowed myself to become a shell of my old self.

I have a good paying job (bartending). And I want to turn my life around before I turn 30. I love eating well, going to the gym and being productive but I feel like there’s a wall in the way of me doing all those things. Like I’m at constant battle with my own brain. My brain puts up roadblocks and will make excuses when I try to do something. For example, I’ll start cleaning the kitchen and then realize I’m out of paper towels or something, my brain will get frustrated because it took so much effort to even get the motivation to start. Or I’ll think that I want to start cooking! But my brain is like, I need groceries first, so I need to go to the store/and then I’ll plan to go and then realize I need new shoes/and I need money for new shoes but can’t afford them right now/gets sad about my financial situation/thinks I can fix my financial situation my doing more gambling/gets on gambling app ooooo dopamine rush/loses money I literally could’ve used on the shoes/gets depressed/goes to TikTok for more dopamine/is on TikTok literally until I fall asleep or have to go to work. All because I wanted to start cooking and this cycle happens with pretty much everything. Like my mind is my biggest enemy. I’ll start cleaning my house and get irritated by all my clutter and stop because I have no place to put anything. I’ll get in my bed and get back on tik tok to relieve myself. It’s horrible.

Does anyone have any advice/rituals or habits I could start to get out of this frozen state of dysfunction?? Meditation has helped me a bit in the past but i fell out of the habit of it once the cold weather rolled around (I liked meditating outside). I feel like I need professional help but I have no insurance and I cannot afford it (that statement is already making my brain go down another spiral) I really cannot go on like this anymore.

P.S. sorry for the types and poor grammar in this post, my reddit app won’t let me go back and fix things in my text.

This is something i need to work on, but when i see someone doing something in public that doesn’t make sense i comment on it. Like if they’re standing in the middle of a grocery isle blocking people I’ll walk by and mummer “great place to stand”.

Today grocery shopping i was letting a couple go by me because something was blocking my side of the isle. They were walking very slow even after acknowledging that i was waiting. So after they were past i walked quickly to the other side and the cart make a scratching noise from the wheels. This startled the man and he called me a fuck head. So i said to move quicker. He then got in my face to call me some other names. (He’s in his 50’s, im in my 20’s). After telling him to walk away repeatedly, he finally did.

I definitely use to be a people pleaser, but maybe now I’ve over corrected. I need to learn to bite my tongue and let things go, but I’ve had such a short temper in recent years about little things.

Idk why I’m posting this. Maybe to see if someone can relate, but i just feel awful when things like this happen.

I have a friend I knew for 8 years he 55+ I’m 31

He is always homeless despite having a job, he never keeps a job because it doesn’t go his way (even telling the owner how to do things)

He does mechanic work (which he good at) but wants to do it on his time and takes forever to get it done

He’s married and everytime his wife makes him mad he prefers to sleep in his car I’m not sure where his money goes likely he uses it on hobbies

Should I just let him go? I want to better myself I help him with jobs and stayed with me even at times no tent either to get on his feet

Im trying to get my life together as im very depressed even at 13 and spend all day on games. I have no idea how i can fix everything as I’ve tried a lot already.

I really need new indoor hobbies as I play on my ps5 for 6-7 hours a day, and I’ve tried reading, ukelele, comics, tech dechs, chess as I used to be 1200 rated on but I get bored of them all. Not even games are enjoyable for me I just have nothing else to do. I do some outdoor sports like football and rock climbing but that only takes up 7-8 hours per week in total.

I have asked for a keyboard(instrument one not for like pc) and some art stuff for Christmas but I’m not if they will help

Can people please recommend anything to help whether it be a hobby idea, general tip or anything else.

Please and thank u

I appearantly transfer my depressive attitude on my gf

So basically I'm dealing with some sh!t in my head, could be trauma that led to BPD, I don't really know, but the closest guess is that. I've really worked on understanding myself, working out a philosophy and psychology of my life. Extremely self conscious to my detriment.

I tell my gf a lot, she's very avoidant, I'm anxious attachment. Showed her the passages from the Attached book on anxious vs avoidant and highlighted what I saw she does and makes me really fucked, with no blaming or guilt to feel, which she didn't dispute per say, rather the motivation. We talked about it and I told her like hey you're avoidant idk why, what do I do, any traumas especially ? Coming from my understanding that these types of attachment styles are not normal per se.

Says nothing no traumas. I had my usual listing of new observations about my life etc. I see them as facts or observations, but she feels the negative nature of them far more then I do. I just take that for granted. Kinda shocking.

It's really like Rust and Marty from the series True Detective. These kinds of conversations. I even used the phrase "abstract danger" in relation to my mind never stopping because I feel untangable danger. She was so done when I said that 😭

She's not very observant and analytic about people or especially herself. I'm the exact opposite. I put everything into equations in pursuit of having a perfect understanding of people so I can work with them the best, avoid resentment. I'm the kind of rational but outwards depressive pessimistic sometimes

Like how do I deal with both the avoidance and really not being able to ventilate my feelings to the fullest. I understand her point completely, but at the same time I came into the relationship with an expectation of having some emotional support, finally. She on the other hand feels like when she needs support she's a bother, and thus is avoidant, which might be a part of it but not the full picture in my opinion. I'm mentally trying my best for her, but it sadly doesn't come to fruition.

She never really thinks about her motivation for life or why she's anxious and overthinking (like me but different), almost like a robot, so I suspect there is something underlying there, like trauma response or something, and I wanna understand it. She's really closed off and idk if it's something in her head or due to me being so negative she doesn't wanna tell me hers to make me feel even worse. I on the other hand feel the best when I'm helpful. It shocked me how surprisingly normal she felt though, almost ignorant of life's tragedy or something like that. A blessing for her 4 sure.

What do I do or say ?

I was intensely depressed from ages 18-23, more or less. Then around 24 I took a risk, turned my life around, and had the greatest years of my life: learned an immense amount, made so many new friends, felt purposeful and joyful nearly every day. During that time, I could scarcely recognize the person I had been as a miserable young adult; I was in love with life.

Recently, though, I moved, and I have suddenly lost the community that taught me what happiness looked like. Those relationships brought so much warmth and so much excitement to my life, not least of all because they were anchored in shared curiosities, shared moral commitments, and a shared sense of purpose. Deep stuff. Now, I'm feeling so isolated again, which brings back terrible memories of my early, difficult years. I have an amazing girlfriend who is my light, and I feel great when we're together, but she can't be my whole life, obviously.

Recently the loneliness of the move has been weighing on me. When I feel lonely, I feel aimless. When I feel aimless, I feel stupid. When I feel stupid, I stop doing the work that is my passion. When I stop doing the work that is my passion, I feel guilty. And when I feel guilty, I can't get out of bed anymore. Which makes me feel... even lonelier. Rinse and repeat.

I'm so behind on a work project of mine, I feel all is lost. I've still got time but the amount I've already wasted is so unforgivable, I can't stop hating myself for long enough to make any headway. I've been in bed for two days straight since leaving my girlfriend's, just feeling despondent, dodging everyone's calls, neglecting to eat or drink. How do I push through this? I hate feeling this way again, I had really forgotten what it was like.

I can't finish what I started. Whether it is reading a book, learning new things, writing, or even watching a 30-second clip on Instagram, I would start and not finish. What's causing this? How do I fix this?

It doesn't make me happy. I'm bored.

I have no friends I see regularly. Just text messages (which I appreciate). I am very select with people I hang around, but I'm lonely. I want to find people like me, but I don't know where to look.

I'm currently in an inpatient facility for an illness of mine and I am frequently in programming Mon-Fri. Then on the weekends, there's nothing. It's boring – movies, games, etc (I guess I could read a good book?). It made me realize how much negative energy my phone gives. I get depressed, open my phone, then close it. Lay in bed. I want to be happier and I am happier limiting screen time.

The problem is, I don't know what to do. I will have periods of boredom. I can pack in exercise, school, yoga, hygiene, misc tasks, etc. I have no hobbies that bring me joy, for the most part. I want to make my room my safe space because it hasn't felt safe for a while, so I want to spend some time in it. I am re-organizing it and want to feel cozy. I don't want to fall into old depressing habits. I want to have an environment to reinforce change.

I start school Jan 9th, but I am not full-time. I want to connect with more people. I am missing connection.

I work in higher education and was told this week that there will be mass redundancies in the new year, i've had 2 break ups this year that have just shattered my self-esteem and I just feel the lowest I ever have. I want to move to a new place as everything reminds me of my failures, but I haven't got enough savings and with my housing situation in the air as well as my employment, I just feel so defeated. I feel like I've wasted my university experience and I'm just doomed to live in house shares and have shit jobs for the rest of my life.

How do I turn this around? I feel like if I don't in the next 5 years, I just don't want to be here anymore.

I'm 23 years old and I've literally haven't done anything with my life since i finished high-school.

I waa a good student, but because of then Pandemic i failed miserably at the entrance exams and fell in depression. Everyone had high expectations of me but i managed to disappoint them all.

After the pandemic, i started developing some health issues. I get spasms all over my body (literally), i get chest pains and my heart rate is usually pumped. My bloodwork is also off (i have high lymphocytes and WBC). I've been to numerous doctors (Cardiologists, Hematologist, Pathologist etc.) and all of them have blamed anxiety.

I used to have an amazing memory but now i find it hard to remember most of things. It's so terrifying, i didn't expect that it could happen so fast. My body is also weak, I'm skinny and I my hands and feet shake and tremble every time i try to do anything.

These past years, I've been dealing with depression while working on dead end jobs (cashier, warehouses, service etc). I rarely go outside. I have no friends any more, nobody really cares about me except my parents. It's a very humbling experience to feel this invisible.

I also have no social skills, i suspect that i could be autistic but i was never diagnosed.

I've tied getting into trades but i couldn't make it, I'm slow and tradesmen got some mad at me. I got called useless and they laid me off. I feel like im much more slower than other people. Also im extremely clumsy.

I have no talents. There's nothing than I'm actually good at. I can't even drive, I got my license, but i can't do it. The worst part is that i can't find anything that interests me. Everything feels so boring and dull. I'm just only idle existing while experiencing life in black and white.

Is there any way out of this? Has anyone ever been in my place? There's no military career here in my country so i can't join the army (I'm not American). My life feels like groundhog day and I'm already in my mid 20s...

Turns out there is someone in my college course talking trash behind my back. He said to one of my friends "You and (insert my name) pretend to talk so smart yet you two get bad grades", bro, he gets grades 4 times worse than mine.

But I am not even bothered. I know I am better. And I know people start hating when they are jealous😂

So for context I’m a 24m and have been single for 2 years and dated on and off to little success

As far as a career goes I have a stable job with average income, able to drive, and commit to a work life balance outside work.

I have a solid group of friends as a support network and have a keen interest in reading, I also have an interest in art. but have yet to practice as a hobby (not sure how to begin since I would like to do it socially)

I do a bit of solo travelling and so arguably I’m pretty organised.

So that’s a bit about me, even with this I feel I have little worth to others, I guess there is a deep desire of validation seeking through aiming to have a partner (and I get it doesn’t make a man nor a fulfilling life)… even still I want to try and settle down with someone who can provide an additional layer of emotional security and someone who may be open to discussions about children come my 30s.

I’m just worried the timer is running out to fast…

Anyone have any key advice? Both on taking perspective on my issue in a healthy way whilst also making small moves to broaden my opportunities? (and before I forget I also do weights to keep myself lean and healthy)

I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting this and if I break the rules feel free to delete.

Long story short, I'm 34 and very alone. I have friends who have family and I hang out with them from time to time but I'm always the 3rd/5th/11th wheel. I see the way my friends and their spouses support each other and I long for it.

Today I wanted to put cameras up around my house. I've been sitting on the task for about a year now, a few thousand spend on a security system and tools to do the job. Today my friend was supposed to come over to be on the ground and feed me wire while I was up in the attic running it from one end to the other. Well, he bailed saying he had to help his brother do the same thing (his brother owns a business for it and hires my friend from time to time) I made sure to remind him everyday this week about it but his brother wanted last minute help so fuck me I guess.

I decided to do it myself, never navigating an attic and having a fear of heights while also being fat and not extremely flexible I still attempted. I cut the hole in the sheet rock for the wire to go into the server, it's not even but fuck it the outlet piece fits snug so it works. Then comes the attic part... after getting what safety equipment I could at the local hardware store, mask, glasses, hard hat, gloves, I got in that attic by myself with no spotter for the ladder. I crawl about 10 feet because it's to smalll to stand. Got shit in my eyes (glasses fogged over, had to take em off) and I froze when a 2x4 kind of shifted under my feet. Fear decided to overtake me and I bitched out. Now I'm debating on just paying someone to do it being I don't have a reliable support and like wtf am I doing anyway. Idk

hello everyone. i’m 23f in medicine who is struggling a lot with comparing my life to others and being grateful. i’m an intern who is paying for her internship and am miserable in medicine. it is like i’m destined to forever be overworked and underpayed, and i always end up looking at other people my age (or even younger) who are having much chiller lives and having an income that is much higher than i will probably ever get in medicine where i’m living. doesn’t help that i never wanted medicine to begin with and i see others living my dreams knowing i probably never be able to escape medicine or live that life that i want

idk if it matters but i also struggled a lot with my mental health over the past decade and was on antidepressants for some time and only started seeing some improvement in my health and way of living the past year or so.

i know i am blessed with many things and i try to remind myself of it but it doesn’t seem to help. i tried having a journal for gratefulness before but it just ended up feeling v forced and like a chore.

i’m honestly don’t know what to do tbh. Any tips or tricks is highly appreciated 🙏🏼

Ok idk where to ask this so genuine question, all my life I’ve seen girls be happy and normal with their boyfriends and I’m 18 and never had one. I’m not even fat or ugly, I've always been skinny and I guess I am pretty bc a lot of people have said that. I put a lot of effort into looksmaxxing too. I know I'm smart and I've tried to make myself more interesting. The one thing I'm kind of good at is coding but even then I'm mediocre. I just want a traditional, introverted religious guy who respects my morals. And I never got one, it’s not fair. Even my mom won't stop bugging me on why I don’t have one yet, I never hugged, handheld, etc either. Sure I'm quite socially anxious but I can be outgoing when I need something from someone. I've been feeling this way since I was 15, is it over for me? I’m really on my way to giving up and becoming bitter forever