Is it too late for me to change my life? I’m 22 years old, and I’m trying to become a software engineer, but my parents don’t understand why I’m still struggling to get started.

After high school, I couldn’t go to college because I was overwhelmed by overthinking and anxiety, and now I feel like I’ve missed my chance. My father keeps pushing me to just get any job, and he yells at me, saying I should give up on tech and start working as a waiter because I’m too old for college and it’s unrealistic to think I can make it in this field.

I want to prove to myself that I’m capable of achieving this, but it’s so hard to keep going when even my own family doesn’t believe in me. Sometimes, it feels like this is the end of the line for me, and I’ll never get where I want to be. How do I deal with all this pressure and keep moving forward when it feels like I’m already too late?

Thanks in advance!

I'm not sure when or why it happened but during therapoy and self reflection i've noticed that i as a guy find it difficult to romantically desire women i feel sexual attraction to, likewise i find it difficult to feel sexual attraction to someone i'm romantically involved/invested in: This in essance is the Maddona/Mistress complex

I know i used sex (As a general topic) to hide from pain and trauma in my later teenage years (I found i was very good at sexting and basically used that as a cover for my pain). The issue now is that i'm almost uninterested in sex when it comes to my OH whom i've been in a realtionship with for around 7 years

Problem is i don't know where to begin with trying to "snap myself out of" this

I am tackling this (And many other issues) in therapy but i like to try and fix things myself if i can

So... I have a heavy addiction to an onlyfans girl. over a year ago until now, she chatted with me and charge me money to watch her masturbate and such, I was obsess over the power of spending money to make someone do this. But after wasting close to 9 thousand dollar on this girl, I eventually cut my card from the account. But it was not enough as I kept going back to her and waste even more money.

Today, the post nut clarity hit me way harder than normal as i look at my financial status. Every month, close to 40% of my monthly salary is going to this girl. I finally bite the bullet and deleted my account, and now i feel liberated and finally can take a new step to improving my life.

But I am worried, that I might relapse and create another account just to waste money again. Where can I go from here?

For the next 7 days, I am pledging to work on myself. These are the things I am going to work upon

• Wake up at 6 even on Sunday

• No netflix/youtube/prime/ Reddit. I quit Instagram long time back.

•Going to bed at 10

• Running/ movement everyday

• No junk food (for me it’s Biscuits and tea and kurkure)

• Drink 3l of water

•Meditation for 10 mins

• read one chapter each day

• Study for atleast 3 hours

• Force myself to socialize atleast for 30 mins. I Live in a hostel so it’s going to be dinner for me. I tend to self isolate, keeping up with friends is really difficult for me.

I know it’s a lot of things at once but I am doing most of the things already like drinking water, running, reading and meditation. I am also deleting all gaming apps and Reddit/youtube from my phone. I will come back here on Sunday 17th 2024 and update you how this went.

Hey guys, .I just found out about this Umax app, and btw, I'd like to ask for help so I can take a look and see how it works. LWTG9G heres my code, putting it there I put you too ❤️

lately i’ve been pretty stressed with life and social media really doesn’t help when it’s mostly about politics or dealing with rude people. i wanna detox from it because i know it’d be better for my mental health if i took a break, but i use social media as my escape to stop thinking about what stresses me out. it’s kind of a never ending cycle, and it prevents me from starting a new show or doing something productive because social media is so much faster and easier to use than sitting down and watching a show or cleaning my room. i really wanna do better for myself and my mental health so any advice would be appreciated

I’m 18f about to be 19 soon. I have bad high school attendance and am 2 grades behind. I have lost all motivation for anything. I’m pretty sure I’m depressed. I was diagnosed adhd. I want to study but I am too tired to. I wanted to kms since I was 17, and am just waiting for my grandma to die so I can die without hurting her. Because I am convinced I am hopeless, I have done nothing these past years to improve myself. I almost dont want to be better and be happy. I have isolated myself socially, I barely shower and eat. Can someone tell me what I can do? I think I need help

Man, I feel invisible to the world. There are few people who ever calls or texts me. Very few people that talk to me, or I talk to. Wherever I go, I am that quiet person who has nothing to say. No one ever wanted to go on a walk with me.

I have been doing something to try and improve myself. I try to talk to people. All I have managed is I am just dressing up and putting myself out there. But the conversation doesn't go anywhere from hello.

It hurt yesterday when I tried to sit at the table with people I was not much comfortable with. But I couldn't even talk with anyone. Just watching people laugh together, have plans other than staying in the room and watching TV, it hurts why I don't have that.

Having someone who is at least willing to spend some time with me.

But nothing I do is working at all. I see charming people, who talk with others for one time and end up being invited to their home. Why am I not like that?

Fuck I hate being myself. I want to fucking exist. Have a group of friends. And something that is working for me.

"He who has dominion over himself is powerful."

I've come to realize that real strength isn’t about controlling others or the external world; it's about mastering our own desires, impulses, and actions. This idea of self-mastery has been transformative for me, reminding me that true power lies in knowing and controlling myself.

Here are a few principles that have helped guide my journey toward self-improvement:

1. Practicing Self-Discipline

Learning to control my actions and emotions has been key to feeling more grounded and free. When I resist negative impulses—whether it's anger, envy, or impatience—I find myself becoming stronger and more in control of my life.

2. Reflecting Daily

Taking time each day to assess my actions and intentions has been a valuable habit. This daily reflection helps me become more mindful and make conscious choices, rather than acting out of habit or impulse.

3. Seeking Knowledge

"Knowledge enlivens the soul." I've found that continuously seeking knowledge, not only in my work but in all areas of life, keeps me motivated and helps me grow. Intellectual growth has become an inspiring and essential part of my self-improvement journey.

4. Serving Others

Focusing on helping and caring for others has been deeply rewarding. When I prioritize service and compassion, I notice a positive impact not only on those around me but also on my own character. It strengthens my sense of purpose and connection to my community.

5. Avoiding Harsh Self-Criticism

I've learned that being kind to myself is crucial. Self-improvement isn’t about tearing myself down over flaws; it’s about acknowledging them with compassion and working towards growth without letting setbacks define me.

Each of these principles has become a small step in a lifelong journey. True growth doesn’t happen overnight, but with patience, discipline, and compassion—for ourselves and others—it becomes a deeply fulfilling path.

Pretty much what the title says, really. I'm in Year 11, and I need to revise now, or I'll probably end up worse off. But I can't dedicate myself to it. Help, pls?

I am trying to cut my tummy fat & I go for morning walks & 3 times a week to gym ( I am trying to make it 5-6 times but I am terrible at time management).

I dont have any watch/ band to track my steps but keeping phone in my pocket does the job.

trying to get fit is hard & having no one to talk/share it with is making it harder, so need someone to share my fitness data & chat about fitness.

will prefer someone who have iphone (I am on social detox to no whatsapp, only imessage) & it is already tracking my data.

but third party apps are also fine (as long as they are privacy friendly).

I am curious what people's morning routines are, how long it takes them to complete, and how often they manage to do it. Also include the time you wake up if you'd like.

I'll start with the routine I (try to) use on the weekend when I don't have school:

• Waking up at 7:00, getting out of bed immediately.
• Shower
• Shave if necessary
• Eat a small meal (bananas, some peanuts or yoghurt)
• Get clothed
• Take all my medicine and supplements with a glass of water
• Apply hair gel
• 5 minutes stretching
• 10 minute meditation
• Check my calendar; do I have any appointments or places to be today?
• Make a proper breakfast
• Eat breakfast while planning my day on my computer document
• Brush my teeth
• Quick walk/jog

This routine takes way longer than it should for me. I usually spend 2-3 hours getting it all done, and I really don't get why. Just looking at it on paper, it shouldn't take that long. Maybe it'll go quicker and quicker if I just stick with it.

I often feel weighed down by my own reflection, believing myself to be unattractive. This feeling keeps me from going out and seizing opportunities, fearful of how I might be judged. It's reached a point where enjoying simple pleasures feels undeserved. I don’t enjoy wearing makeup, dressing up nicely, or denying myself small treats—I tell myself it's pointless, it won’t change the fact that I’m still ugly no matter what and don’t deserve anything good in life. It deeply saddens me that I treat myself so harshly and can't seem to show myself any form of love and respect. Despite having the unwavering love of my parents, I often feel alone with these feelings. At 20, my university years should be vibrant and full of potential, but I find myself held back by self-doubt, feeling lesser than those around me. How do I begin to break free from constant self-criticism and just outright negativity? How do I learn to embrace and love myself, to live freely and fully without being weighed down by my insecurities? I'm tired of feeling confined, of missing out on life.

What books can you read 2-4 pages each day while sipping your morning tea instead of mindlessly checking your phone for news or scrolling reddit if you don't want to just sit there and stare out the window? Something where after a few pages you can close the book and pick it up next day to continue. So no long chapters, no elaborate plots but more smth with short inspiring stories, quote collections, helpful thoughts or concepts for daily life and so on. Smth that will make you smarter bit by bit but doesn't require your full attention for a longer time. Basically a "good habit" replacement for checking your phone

I'm a young adult and have been struggling with manic depression since I was a teen, but a big event earlier this year made me spiral more than ever before. I've always had this "brain fog", but its gotten to the point where I cant keep my concentration, maintain my balance, or speak without slurring my words - I feel like I need to take action but I dont know what would be the most impactful thing to tackle first.

• I only can ever drink soda - sometimes other stuff, like lemonade or fruit juice - but I can never drink water. The past few months Ive tried to buy bottled water and even an independent filtered water bottle, but I still hate the taste and have to hype myself up to just take a few gulps each day. I'm so sick of soda that I rarely ever finish the cans my family buys, yet its still the thing I tend to go back on.
• My usual sleep time is 6am and my wake-up time is 2pm, and I always feel like I have no energy the whole day up until its pitch dark out. Whenever I try to go to bed earlier, I end up just waking up shortly after with more energy. Ive tried sleep medicine which has helped do this, but it makes me incredibly lethargic for the whole day afterwards and makes the cycle repeat itself.
• I dont really go outside or exercise. Lately Ive been trying to take walks very late (past midnight) when I have the energy, but Im always afraid people who are up may think Im malicious and call the cops or something. I usually just spend all day at my desk writing/doing art stuff or riding with my mom and brother to go get fast food (my mom doesnt really buy groceries.)
• My room is a mess. I havent had anyone in my life look in here for the past couple of years, and that was around the last time I got to clean it. This is the only part I dont feel comfortable going into more detail, but I dont have any room to do anything but get in bed or sit at my desk.
• I dont have medicine or therapy anymore. I have been taking meds since I was diagnosed years ago and have been seeing different therapists since then, but my insurance expired earlier this year, putting all of that on halt. My mom keeps promising she will renew it, but I have asked every day for almost a year now and Im close to giving up. This may be irrelevant but I thought it would be important to mention.

Please dont take my sincerity as some form of arrogance or ignorance; I just want to be as transparent as possible so I can get any honest advice that I can. I know these are all obvious problems, but I would be eager to tackle one of them in particular if I knew it would be worth the little energy I tend to have. Thank you in advance.

Im in my 20s and my face look unconfident and awkward. how do I improve this?

I’m in grad school, and I’m kind of a loner. I didn’t realize how much people liked me until the class got together and sing happy birthday for me today. At the end of class, my desk partner “Mary” asked me if I wanted to take some of the food home. I said yeah.

When this happened, my crush came up to Mary and I because he wanted to go with her to ask another professor question. However, Mary was cleaning up the food, but then I didn’t realized she was going to take all of it for me. This probably lasted for about 20 second. And I was standing right there. I didn’t offer to help her. Poor Mari. Also, my crush probably thinks I’m selfish too.

My crush is coming to my birthday party. that doesn’t mean anything, but I just didn’t really worried I ruined my chances. Not only did he see me being inconsiderate, but I made him wait too. I think Mari when she gave me the bag, and I I told her didn’t realize that she was giving me all of the food.

I need to ensure that I study up on any terms I don’t know/remember and take practice quizzes consistently in preparation for it. Exam won’t be for another 3 weeks or so, at least. I hope to make a Quizlet tomorrow.

Geniunely want to know how I can become a better person for that special someone one day. I’m not in a relationship right now, as I’m currently just trying to work on myself, figure out what exactly I want to do as a career, and work on my financial goals. What are some things/skills I should learn to do to be a good partner/husband for the future?

I have so many goals and ambition? How do I prioritise and make targets? How to break it down? If someone can please help :)

When I set up goals like reading a book every week, clean my bedroom every month, I find that it would be more motivated to do it knowing others who is doing the same goal.

Is there a website/app that can help me connect with people and do self improvement together?

I just had a waken moment tonight. I’m really a catch! I’m very attractive - I mean I have all the nice features from body to face. I have a great personality. I’m successful. I’m smart. I know for a fact that this is all true. I believe it to my core.

But for some reason - I tolerate too much from men. I know my standards but I forget them the moment I crush on a man or want a man. I forget that I’m the catch when they’re not treating me how I want to be treated. I’ve been going to therapy for a year already but idk something in me is just messed up.

Is there any books I could read on this? Or does anybody have any advice for me on how to conquer this?

Edit: please do not come under my post being rude and mean for no reason, I will block you in a heartbeat!

Right at the beginning of the pandemic, I suddenly found myself the only parent to my three children. Here I am, four and a half years later, one of them is a fully-formed adult, and I had the sudden realization that I’ve been living moment to moment, focused on my kids, and not myself. It’s time I change that. Due to a rather abusive childhood and emotionally abusive marriage, I don’t think I ever gave myself permission to look forward. How do I figure out what I want for the future? How do I find myself? I’ll be an empty nester in about six years, and retired in under fifteen.

Someone I value very much suggested that I learn how to be alone with my thoughts. Learn to enjoy solitude. But, thanks to how my anxiety works, I’m not entirely certain that is a path I would be able to follow, let alone be comfortable with.

I do have an appointment with my therapist next week, but wanted to get a head start and better understand what the path is I have ahead of me.

Feel free to ask questions for clarification. It’s getting late in the evening for me, but I promise to read and respond as soon as I’m able.

Thanks!

Never thought I was such a person. But I have recently been described by two people that I take things too personal without further explanation.

Well, how would you not react when people straight up attacking you verbally with rhetorical questions like “oh you feel your opinions are not heard? Have you ever asked people what they think about your ideas?” This is from one of the people who commented I take things too personal.

But I genuinely want to improve because I find myself react to criticisms badly half the time. Some I receive well by attentively listening and asking more on how I can improve. But I have trouble on ones that I didn’t see it coming and I wholeheartedly do not agree on.

Anyone ever learned how to overcome taking things too personal? I’m sure it probably made you happier and more approachable as a person.

Imagine something unpleasant and unjust has happened to you, someone purposely and for no reason did that to you, they are going to get away with it, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Chances are that something like that has happened to you in the past, maybe more than once.

Now remember, reflect and obserse what you did, how you reacted, and what you state of mind was.

That's who you really are. That is your truest self.

Now, you're here in this "self improvement" sub. Now that you know your truest self, that is your starting point: improve upon it.

YMMV

This post contains some general advice that can be helpful to anyone. Some fragments are still valid if you replace “she” with “he”, but today I'm reaching out primarily to my male audience.

Breakup can mess your life up, especially if other things aren’t going well too.

Rule number one is: don’t date if you are not satisfied with yourself yet, never date if you are at a low point in your life. But if it’s too late for that advice, here’s a comprehensive guide on how to move on.

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The phase right after the breakup. You don’t want to live through it, but you can’t skip it. It is necessary to watch it to see the good things that come later.

Your biggest enemy now is time, but later—it will become your best friend. Time heals. Every day shrinks your attachment to that person (assuming you don’t stay in touch—don’t). Cutting your brain off all those nice feelings associated with her, often unexpected, feels horrible. Comforting memories becoming sad reminders is tough.

Acknowledge that she will pop up in your head at random times during the day, be mindful of these moments. Cut those thoughts off, every time. It is not easy, but throw these thoughts away as soon as they start drilling into your head, leaving nothing but a mess behind. If there’s anything you can control, it's what you think about.

Knowing that the wound will eventually heal with time doesn’t change the fact that now it’s wide open, don’t spread salt on it. Now it doesn't look like it, at all, but it will become nothing more than a lesson.

How to cope with this worst period?

Feel the feelings

Ignoring your emotions only pushes them deeper—get that all off you. Write down your thoughts, talk to someone you trust, stare at the wall for 2 hours. Feelings after a breakup are similar to grief, so treat it as such. Give yourself 2 days to truly farewell that person emotionally and sew the wound afterward—block her everywhere and get rid of things that will remind you. If you have some photos that you want to keep for whatever reason but she’s on them—put them on some physical drive and hide it. That way you won’t accidentally see them scrolling through your gallery but they will be there if you will ever need them.

Then:

Focus on yourself

That’s it, next post on Saturday. See ya! But seriously, get busy. Accept that this is the past and occupy your mind with important (or unimportant but engaging) things. Don’t avoid people, text an old friend, revive a hobby, start that project you keep pushing back, get a part-time job, go outside, engage in activities that require your full attention.

What happened was a powerful blow. This power will either break you, or you will use it to push your boundaries and improve yourself in ways you have always wanted but the comfort made you never take action on them. Those “fuck it” events give you the most growth. Breakup drains your self-esteem as you think there is something wrong with you. That’s why your focus should be on getting the bar from the floor and setting it up, higher than it ever has been.

Become so busy you don’t have time to think. Remember that the best revenge is your success.

Realize and analyze

Ask yourself a few questions and take time to answer:

• Why did you get involved in this relationship in the first place? Was it sincere and honest, or maybe you just didn't have other options at the time or were lonely?
• Was that love or attachment?
• Was she the kind of girl that only wanted to have fun?
• Was that her you were attracted to or could it be anybody with similar traits?
• Were both sides trying to make things right?

The last question is the most important.

It’s natural to idealize a potential partner. The less we know about the other side, the more good traits we assign to them. But people are not who you want them to be. You think she's angry, emotional, on her period. You think that maybe she's just unable, maybe she has some problems going on. Then you realize that there's not a single bit of goodwill in her, that she's just a genuinely bad person. You will run from this realization as long as possible because it is painful, but realizing that early will save you a lot of nerves.

Grab a pen and sheet of paper and make 2 avatars of that person: the one from your fantasies and the one from reality. I guarantee you they will be different. An avatar purged of projections and hopes will seem much more harsh, perhaps even rejecting.

Don't save her if she doesn't want to be saved.

Never go back

It’s natural for the wound to seal, it will with time, even if it may not seem like it right now. The only thing that can disrupt this healing is you. Don’t scratch the wound, and that’s how you win. Block her, 0 stalking. Move on and live your own life. Being with someone who doesn’t want you is a slow death.

Going back to your ex is like rewatching a movie, could be nice but you know damn well how it will end. And no, you can’t be friends, forget she exists.

I won’t go into detail this time, I made another post about it, but my past is dragging me down and I keep behaving in ways that harm me because I’m so ashamed of myself. I’m probably what some people would call a loser. How do I stay in the present and look to the future so that I can be better? How do I form relationships without shame and be present in my life with confidence? I have an idea of who I want to be and what I want my life to look like, but I don’t know how to actually get there.

Edit: thanks for anyone who took the time to reply. I don’t have the spoons to reply to everyone but I read it all and it’s appreciated.

Today passed by too quickly,even though I did all my tasks I was on my phone too much. After Procrastinating till 13 I finally did my Duolingo lessons,eve more than I had to.I did my Vocabulary after this and began learning Happy birthday on the Piano.Then I played videogames till 16 did yoga instead of workout as someone suggested(I had toe surgery and my doctor told me I should put to much pressure on it for a while)and studied for a bit until my resources ran out.At around 19 I meditated for 5 minutes and cleaned up my room a bit.I did vocabs again and read a book.

My screentime today was 7 h,ngl I am cooked.Even though I downloaded an app that removes Icons it didnt help much,does someone have an Idea what to do?I tried apps that block my screentime i just alway ended up uninstalling them.And i dont know anyone that is willing to take them for a while.

It is 23.44,1h44 past my bedtime,cya tomorrow.

Sometimes I overwhelm myself by thinking of all the work that has to be done (and it discourages me). Instead of just taking one day at a time, one step at a time.

I know that's the way to do it, but I struggle to make that mental shift..

The thing is I know I can do it, and I've done it before, but I feel like the mindset shift would make things much easier.

Quick story: I was playing as a winger about to shoot a goal however before this and previous matches I would miss every shot. Although I had great vision and passing, I couldn’t shoot to save my life. I was wearing trainers while people were wearing boots. I doubted my abilities which inflicted my self doubt. I did turned around and passed it to my teammate behind me instead who ended up missing. The opposition goalkeeper called upon me and told me to my face “you are definitely the best player here, the best player”. At that moment, I was about to crash out. I just felt a spark of anger. I just wanted to score free past them and go up to him and say “hey, you. How does it feel to be the worst player on this pitch right now?”. This never happened I was brought back to go and goal and the matter is about to end anyway. I felt angry for the rest of the night and had a sudden urge to just fix everything get stronger get ,get faster and be better at shooting. I rarely feel like this. There was one occasion where someone had insulted my maths skills. I took it personally and worked so hard that I ended up getting the highest grades out of all my friends and went onto pursue engineering and the PhD in engineering.

Right now, I am a bit overweight which affects my speed and possibly shooting capabilities in football. I did feel I need to improve but that feeling slightly went away when I went back home and just scrolled on my phone and played PlayStation.

It’s still there, but not as powerful.

I know I will need a complete overhaul of my life. I want that guy to regret it. It’s not just about him, but it’s about me becoming a better person to. Not taking disrespect and showing them what I can do and not be a useless waste of space.

There are a certain amount of various I want to work on in my life whether it’s fitness improving my academic work, increasing my spirituality and religious practices, and also starting a business and pursuing side projects.

How can I go about changing my life? When I doubt whether I can actually pull this all off and if it’s actually worth it doing all these things, especially side projects and what not. Would they (side projects related to engineering) actually be beneficial for me and my career?

Some advice on what to do would be nice.

Thank you