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Hi there! I've posted here many a time so you regulars in the bunch are probably familiar with me.

I got out from under nBoss about a year ago and have been at a new (higher paying, non-toxic) job for 9 months.

The new job has great, but it took quite awhile to feel safe and fully internalize the fact that my current boss isn't spending their entire life trying to find reasons to get me fired! Quite the contrary, my contributions are appreciated and respected.

Anyway, I keep my phone on silent, and almost never answer phone calls, I only call back.

The day before Thanksgiving, I looked down at my "recent" calls, and had a call from my former nBoss! 😮

I was baffled. First of all, I thought I had removed her number from my phone. I certainly meant to! Secondly, I'm sitting there going "I didn't accidentally butt dial HER, did I? But no, she called me, and it came through as a "missed call", meaning it rang for some time until it rang out, so probably was intentional and not a butt dual on her end.

Subsequently, there was much discussion amongst myself and various colleagues from the old, toxic job, who had also left for greener pastures, speculating on why the F she would call me... as if I'd even think of picking up or ever allowing her any contact with me.

We came to the conclusion that it probably WAS intentional, and that somewhere in her twisted mind she actually believes I would pick up and do her some sort of favor, like a referral for a new job, or give her info about something at the old job. She was slotted in above me, I was the manager of the area before she got there and had been there for some years. I had a good rapport with my colleagues and good knowledge of the environment, which she didn't.

After I left, the company went through a round of layoffs (laid off all the remaining non-toxic people who did the actual work), and has been bleeding money ever since. Latest rumor is they are about to be sold to another company, so now even the toxic ones are clambering to get out.

Some colleagues I still talk to are amused that she tried to call me, and want me to touch base with her just to mess with her and find out what's going on. Of course, if she's trying to get a referral from me, or anything like that, it would be great to laugh in her face.

But hey, she's a narc, and I know better than to open that particular Pandora's box under any circumstances. So, I blocked her number and ignored the whole thing.

It's nice to know the remaining toxic people are getting the karma they do truly deserve though. ☺️

Apologies for the spelling errors in this post... I'm aware of them but can't move my cursor up to them to fix them! But y'all get what I mean!

So my immediate manager used to be the company owner. Says folded due to covid, got bought out by our boss. None of previous staff returned to work with/for him. (None of this was known or said at interview stage) he has blown up at me now a couple times, says giving people silent treatment doesn’t bother him (it does, he always wants to “talk” after he’s blown up) he’s done everything, knows everyone, constantly name drops.., have caught him out in a few lies.. he mansplains things to me, if I express a different opinion he sulks, if I say something I catch him googling to see if I’m correct… does ridiculous things like, i am always cold, so of course he turns the heating off and opens windows so I’m sat with blankets on. I have bipolar, and CPTSD so every time I show annoyance at him for his behaviour he puts it down to my mental health or that I’m a woman. He told me last week he wants to tell me stuff to see how far he can go before he offends me? Why? He turns up for work late every day (except if boss is coming in) if I have hospital appointment, I have to come into office, he works from home if he has the slightest thing, but refused to let me do the same. Is it me?

It’s the one-year anniversary of my mental breakdown/freedom. A year ago I was in the worst place of my life. I really did idolize my former boss. I didn’t know what kind of person she was. I blamed all my problems on my own mistakes and flaws. She allowed me to be open and talk about mental health around the office and then used all those weaknesses against us. I helped her build her business from nothing but she used me all up. In the end I was confused, overworked and exhausted. I became even more inconvenient when I started having panic attacks. I felt so confused that I was about to check myself in to a mental hospital because obviously this was my fault.

Since reading more about narcissistic abuse I understand more about what happened to me. I now have a better job. I make more money, get better benefits and actually have work life balance. It’s been hard getting here. The months after I lost my old job I was barely functioning. Trying to act put together in interviews and crying every night. I’m now functional and mostly happy. Still, I feel like I’ve lost some innocence in a way. Now that I’m more aware that these monsters exist I get worried that I’ll have to go through this again. I’m now more closed about my personal business. I’m less inclined to trust people. Anybody else go through this? I’m just down today and I need some reassurance.

I posted a while ago about how the assistant director (flying monkey) at my job teamed up with my n-boss to get my hours changed and lie about me to HR. He was extremely friendly with n-boss and would suck up to her even though she was abusive towards him and me. She rarely comes in, leaves early, is extremely unfair, gives us a hard time about taking PTO but can be MIA whenever she wants, berated us for small mistakes that she does herself, lies to clients, showed up drunk on a zoom meeting, and has disregarded us when we had family emergencies and tried to make us stay at work. She also made him tell me my hours were changing because she always makes him do her dirty work. I’ve been looking for a new job and unfortunately, no luck yet. Sometimes I would think about the flying monkey and wonder how he was happy with her - doesn’t he see what I see? I almost thought maybe he genuinely was ok with her and that he saw her actions as acceptable. But at the same time I would think “no way is he happy.”

Well, two weeks ago, flying monkey said he got covid. I have absolutely no proof of this but I had a feeling it was a lie. I met with him on zoom while he had covid and he claimed he felt awful but I didn’t notice anything wrong with him. I said to myself “well we know the virus affects people differently.” But he kept slipping in our zoom calls saying he was going to his favorite bakery after our meeting. I almost wanted to say “but you have Covid?” He never struck me as the type to be irresponsible and expose people so I thought that was strange. N-boss tells him to rest and recover until after Thanksgiving but suddenly he became adamant about returning early saying he’s now negative and isolated enough.

He came back and immediately quit without even full two weeks notice. He gave a week notice. My N-boss freaked the hell out. He became extremely cold with us after giving his one week notice. He also slipped that he met with his new company for an in person meeting the week prior (when he supposedly had Covid). My n-boss had a meltdown saying how can he do this to her and kept saying she was completely blindsided by him. I can’t believe she lacks self awareness and can’t even realize that he’s most likely leaving because of her. She also made sure to bad mouth him to everyone in our division. She came to my office to talk poorly about him when he was within ear shot. I even mentioned to her “he can probably hear you” and she said “I don’t care.” I could tell flying monkey was uncomfortable but I could not have sympathy for him because they would talk about me within ear shot in the past.

Part of me is nervous because his work does not leave and I’m sure she’ll try to get me to do a chunk of his work. But the other part of me is sooo happy to see a flying monkey turn on the n-boss. Makes me realize I’m not just the odd ball who hates her. Hopefully I follow him and leave soon!

I got sacked.

My crime? I pushed back against a bad contract that my boss wanted to sign with a company that was notorious for bad business tactics.

Why did I push back? Because there were plenty of viable alternatives to this company. We had received multiple offers from alternatives that were cheaper and had comparable if not better features.

I urged that we consider alternatives. I was told no, we can’t possibly do that, there are no alternatives. I named the alternatives and they were all dismissed without even investigating. I reminded that our CEO wanted us to cut costs and asked why we aren’t pursuing the cheaper options. I was told my boss would find the money to pay for it.

He found the money - he asked me to release budget I had approved for another project so that he could use it to pay for the contract. When I pushed back, he told me I wasn’t being a team player and I needed to get on board. I could see where this was heading. I complied with his request, kept my mouth shut, and began looking for other jobs. I thought I’d be left alone as I finally did what he wanted. Boy was I wrong.

All of a sudden, I couldn’t do anything right. I hit all my metrics, but my boss told me my performance was poor. He told me that everyone hated me. I was then told my boss could no longer trust me. I was given a payment to leave quietly and mutually never speak of the incident.

I’m relieved to be rid of narc boss and to have gotten a good payout to do so, but how it all played out wasn’t exactly a win in my mind. I need to go back to job searching in a horrible market. I also didn’t hate my job. Do you ever fully recover from a narc boss when he’s completely derailed your career?

I did it! I found another job a month after my boss trashed me on my yearly review. Literally made up things that I could prove wrong and discredited and minimize my contributions. The dilemma is that I’m deathly afraid of leaving. I’m nervous to start over and scared of the unknown.

Right before the holiday, my narcissistic boss was fired. She was walked out of the business and it's like the sun has broken through the clouds.

I cannot express how much distress and destruction she caused. She manufactured conflict with and lied about an employee of more than 20 years just so that she could get her fired. She routinely waited for people to leave a room just so she could make nasty comments about them to others behind their backs. She told people in our community that she couldn't get the job done because she was the only capable person in the entire organization.

I have been trying to take the high road with my staff and coworkers, but I am joyful at her departure. It's like I can finally go into the office again without feeling miserable every morning because of this grisly trainwreck of a human being.

This subreddit was a bastion to me during the worst days of work. I hope everyone on it gets to experience this level of pure relief some day, but gosh, it would be better if none of us had ever needed to feel this way in the first place. Keep up the fire, friends.

Edit: Since folks asked why she was let go, I suspect it was in the cards because of some personal issues that had leaked into the workplace, but the immediate precipitating event was a very public, very ugly meeting where she refused to answer questions that she had solicited from one of our teams, going so far as theatrically throwing away the notecards they had written their questions on. (She knew in advance that the questions would be anonymous, so this was just performative nastiness.)

A lot of my coworkers are expressing glee at her downfall, but I'm trying to take the high road and just be quietly optimistic while at the office. I really like the idea of bringing in some baked goods on Monday to help people heal with carbs.

Holidays seem to be prime time for my nboss. Had our holiday sign off call on Wednesday evening. Closed the laptop and went to a park with my family…

… within the hour was hit with “time sensitive” deliverables. Nothing actually time sensitive… just thing the boss decided he wanted to do right now.

Peppered throughout the weekend with little asks. No big deal. Wish I could say I was given feedback but just hit with harsh critiques that don’t explain anything. “Totally backwards.” “Starting this over.” “When can you get to your computer to rebuild this from the ground up.” All on things I have delivered about a week ago. But now the holiday weekend is time to catch up.

Add to that the only happy holiday wish came attached to a work assignment. We’re a very small org and it’s pretty much unthinkable to me that the CEO wouldn’t send a note specifically thanking the 3 FTEs for their hard work and expressing SOME gratitude for the people hustling to help build his dream. Even if he DOES think we’re all idiots. Just seems like basic decency.

Hard to look forward to time off for the holiday for a month, travel with a toddler to be with extended family. And then have to be attached to my phone the whole time. And then every time I look at my phone to have my work not even critiqued just trashed. I feel like shit. I’m failing as a professional, as a husband, and as a father. All at once. I wish he’d just fire me already

Hello,

Need some advice from people who have been in my situation before. I’m dealing with a childish coworker who checks the boxes for every NPD trait you can imagine. I have dealt with people like this before and had success but it’s still annoying nonetheless. I work with this lady in direct contact and I absolutely love where I work and the people that I interact with on a daily basis. So much so that I plan on retiring from this place. I’d like to keep working here and am wondering if there are any success stories out here for people that have been in my shoes.

Some of the things she exhibits are withholding of information, passive aggressiveness, extreme jealousy, silent treatment (going on 5 months now), etc. I tend to ignore all of these completely but I can’t say that I’m not annoyed to my wits end. All of this comes from direct competition with me even though I have no intention of outshining this person or stealing her thunder. I just go to work and do my job well.

Our direct supervisor is a good person to work with and in general. Due to his good nature though, he is enabling her behavior by giving her the validation that she craves so bad.

This is her third workplace so I’m hoping she job hops. Are there any success stories of sticking it out and outlasting the narcissist coworker or am I just going to have to leave the place I love to get away from this person? I guess I don’t know what I’m asking for. It’s more of a vent session with an open ear for any insights that you guys can give me into dealing with this on a daily basis in a healthy way.

Hope you’re all doing well! I’m not sure if you remember me, but a while ago, I reached out asking for your support with my master’s project. I just wanted to take a moment to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone who contributed to the survey. Your responses made a huge difference, and without your help, I wouldn’t have been able to complete the project on time.Thank you once again for your generosity and support.

His resignation is handed in. Claims he found the role stressful and he wants to spend more time with his family. BS, he was pushed out by the new VP and rightly so.

This is Europe, where notice periods are long. He claims he's gonna stick around until April 1st, even though the job posting for his replacement is already up on LinkedIn. I'm interviewing for his job while he's still here! Getting it would be the ultimate insult for him. I only have to survive a little longer. 🙏

Just got a text from ex colleague. It was a response from me wishing them happy thanksgiving, but then they added how bad it’s gotten since I left. My departure wasn’t pretty, unloaded on upper manager about how bad it was with manager in charge with examples etc. Today I found out it’s worse and causing issues with ex colleague’s mental health. She/he is a great to employee, works hard and is just a great person all around. Now applying left and right anywhere to get out, but is just so upset. I gave my best words of encouragement. There are good people there and now I just really bad because I’m in a great place surrounded by positive people and work life balance is wonderful. Wondering if anyone else has gone through this? Got me sad right now.

Hypothetical exercise: As someone who previously experienced narcissistic abuse, if you started or ended up as the CEO of a company, how would you prevent narcissists from ruining your workplace?

What would you do during the hiring process to try to expose the narcissist? During the first 90 days?

What mechanisms would you put in place to check in with individual contributors and provide them a safe space to air any frustrations?

If someone is in line to be terminated or put on a PIP, is there anything you would do to get their side of the story first?

I'm especially thinking of middle managers who hold back certain talented people to put themselves on a pedestal, but it could be for any role.

Greetings. My narcissistic manager is planning on moving another narcissist into my team because I have an open headcount. Don't get me wrong, I need the headcount but I absolutely do not want to take this narcissist into my team. I cannot manage her drama. I managed her before and I felt constantly attacked and it ruined the dynamics within my fantastic team. My question is this. How do I convince my narcissistic manager not to give me this narcissist employee on my team even though I need a head count? I have an incredible amount of work to do in the next 3 months, and I cannot be distracted by her. It's already enough to handle my narcissistic manager. Thanks in advance!

Hi redditors, long story short is I had a friend (47F) who became my boss (I’m 10 years younger). We had a lot in common, became really close and then I worked for her. Within one month I saw she was insecure, had narc traits, was manipulative, condescending and operated via WhatsApp/text, instead of email. Our team of 85 have a difficult time knowing her expectations as her wishes change daily. I was her right hand and really adored her- despite her flaws, and she had moments where she gave me presents and told me how great my work was. But then she would criticize other projects I worked on and was jealous I had a family, often using my small kids as a way to keep me low. She seems lonely as she has no partner, children or friends in our city. Her arrogance made it difficult for anyone to give her feedback. I left the job after 3 years due to the impact on my mental health and I know she felt bad a bit towards the end and wanted to bring me closer to her, asking people why I distanced myself and was unengaged. She is a self-aware narc that isn’t completely on the deep end of the spectrum and part of me wants to stay friends with her even though she didn’t support my career. Am I crazy to think this is possible? I went no contact for 2 months but when I really left, part of me wanted to reconnect with her as a friend, to how we were before I worked with her.

I started a new role about a month ago. I work on site at one of our clients facilities. This place is a model of inefficiency, so they bring in a lot of consultants (like me). After my first week, where I was in their office every day, they called my manager to ask why I hadn't shown up yet 😯 This puzzled us both. We just scratched our heads and moved on. The employee tasked with transitransitioning their work to me has excluded me from meetings where they were supposed to introduce me to different teams. I had to get other departments to send me calendar invites. 2nd week, the boss asks to meet one-on-one. Wants a full run down on status of projects that I just barely heard of. I start to explain what I've learned. He says "Do you understand what you're supposed to be doing?!" And basically berates me for 20 minutes. I don't say much because I'm stunned. They haven't helped me learn their software, they haven't explained anything, just left me to struggle. Every morning when I log onto my email, I have emails the boss that he sent at insane times, like 11pm or 3:30am; the most random questions you can imagine. They won't give me a desk, like all other people in my role. I have to sit at a tiny table the size of a grade school desk with only my laptop screen while running about 10 databases. When I asked for a desk, the boss just looked at me weird and said "I'm traveling the next few days, you can borrow my office when I'm not here." 🙄 So, here is the latest aggression that happened 2 days ago. Boss schedules a staff meeting that I am required to attend. He indicates it's a long meeting, so lunch will be provided. I go to said meeting and sit down in the conference room. The guy who was tasked with ordering the food looks at me and says "I didn't know you were invited to this meeting, otherwise I would have gotten food for you." They didn't feed me...IN A LUNCH MEETING! As soon as the meeting ended, I packed my $hit & went home to eat. I have a meeting scheduled first thing Monday morning with MY leadership team to try to explain this past month. Is all of this considered a form of harassment or are they just a$$holes?

I have written previously on here about the struggles I faced with a narc manager since 2022, having finally gotten out completely earlier this year. This is an update.

In the time that I left the group and ultimately left the company:

1. Lost (the customer severed funding due to poor performance) two large contracts, leading to a $4M hole this year and a $6M hole next year. This is in addition to losing another contract (customer canceled the project altogether).
2. Lost multiple proposals for various contracts, and continue to struggle.
3. Financial salients such as sales and funding are down for the year by double digit percentages.
4. The were left scrambling to find work for everyone. Several people were warned in early August they could be laid off. At least a few people have left since then.
5. Several positions they have been unable to hire for months, either because word is out the place sucks or because the Financials are so bad they are not allowed to hire.
6. This is the real kicker. The narc boss had applied for a new internal position to move within the company to a higher visibility, higher responsibility role, that he would have been on a succession plan for. I found out today someone else got the job!!!! The narc boss is stuck in the role with the mess he created and no end in site. I will be tracking over the next year if he is ever able to get another role. If he's not, he'll likely be shown the door unless he can miraculously turn things around. Not likely.

I worked at my job for several years when the boss that hired me and I adored moved up to a national position. The job listing sat for months and I think they just hired someone out of necessity in the end. 50 something year old woman, who seemed lovely at first. Would text me heart eye emojis (which I found weird but chalked it down to an older woman texting) when I'd leave saying she appreciated me.

Then on her third week out of nowhere she asked my bra size. She approached it like girl talk but I was stunned my BOSS regardless of gender would ask something like that. I reacted with, "well that's kind of personal " and she got nasty quick. Saying I made my male coworkers uncomfortable and giving me a dress code of jean jackets buttoned to my neck and ankle length skirts. I'd been there years and no one mentioned anything like that to me ever, and so I told her I felt body shamed and she couldn't enforce a dress code on just one employee.

And OH MAN did that lead to a year of abuse. Banned my dog I'd brought in for years, accused me of lying, stealing, etc with no proof or justification, belittled me constantly in group meetings, chronically said I was not doing my job correctly even though she literally had no idea how to do my job and I'd been there years, again with no issues. Would frequently say highly inappropriate comments about my body, specifically my hair because her husband always wanted a long haired woman, and would do things like pull my tops up or skirts down under the guise of motherly help. The list could go forever and she didn't treat anyone else like this.

I started becoming very unanimated and i believe she painted to corporate I was emotionally unstable. The once bubbly happy girl had become a sad and bitter one. She'd randomly but frequently text asking if I was going through something and I could talk to her about it, which I never responded to as it felt shady given she was so abusive towards me. I believe she wanted something in text from me saying I was not happy or stressed or something to show corporate that I'm unstable.

I started turning to my colleagues for support (office of 15 people total I'd worked with years) and they were sympathetic. A colleague got in trouble for a client related issue and in retaliation told HR everything i said about her. They did a big investigation/interogation which ultimately led to her being placed on a PIP. She was good for about a month until a client check went missing.

We looked for it everywhere and ultimately had the client void and reissue. She randomly came up to me one day and said look what I found in so and so's office (who was on vacation) and I'm like that's strange but it had already been voided so left it at that UNTIL I overheard the AE for that client get in massive trouble with corporate for it being late and I intervened and said no it was on time, we had it and explained what happened. My gut feeling given the circumstances was she had the check and spaced it but obviously corporate was not happy about it missing and being late and she blamed it on a out of town coworker. I didn't say anything of that aloud but that was my immediate gut reaction. She told me she found it under their keyboard and there was zero reason this coworker would have ever been given or handled a check and why in Earth would she innocently be looking for anything under a keyboard. She said she had been looking for Tylenol... under a keyboard.

A few days later my boss sent an email out to everyone, tagging only me in the body, saying sensitive documents had been misplaced and to be aware going forward. I believe she did this in order to make it look like I'd misplaced the check and was attempting to blame her. And the next morning I had Ubered to work because my car was in the shop and so I didn't pull into my spot which is visible from my office and caught her going through my desk. I believe she thought she'd see me pull up and could walk away before I caught her. I reported this to HR for obvious reasons of that's my desk with work and personal effects and I didn't like she felt entitled to go through it (I caught her reading my personal journal once, idk why as it clearly wasn't a company issued notebook, and this desk incident circled back to breach of privacy for me).And sure enough two days later I'm fired for performance after just receiving a perfect annual review.

She's married to a very wealthy man and probably won't be there much longer given her resume I found (a VERY long list of jobs for only two years). She's manipulative as hell and got what she wanted in firing me. It's devastated me. I didn't make much in order to pay my bills and build a decent savings, and idk how I'm going to pay rent after next month. No one is hiring really right now with the election and holidays and I've applied to hundreds of jobs, had a professional redo my resume etc, without one call back. I mention the wealthy husband only because she could lose her job tomorrow and it wouldn't matter. She never even learned how to do her job or anything, she just needed a reason to get out of the house.

I'm trying so hard right now but I'm consumed with the thought I might be homeless if something doesn't materialize and fast. I'm so depressed but hopeful. I've never experienced anything like this in my 37 years and it feels like this person has just been allowed to destroy my livelihood over lies and manipulation. I was actually recommended my position on indeed and saw it's paying 15k more, after she denied me many raises because "budget " and corporate tightening up, and repeatedly said in the position description it is vital you are TRUSTWORTHY, in capital letters just like that. All my colleagues check in on me and feel for me but they don't want to be the next target and I understand why they won't stand up nor have I asked them to.

I never thought I'd be in a position where I might not make rent (which would be a first since being on my own since 18), because I was younger and prettier than my boss, which as conceited as that sounds, it's the truth. I feel a sense of relief not being abused on a daily basis, but was really banking on she wouldn't survive her PIP because in addition to just being a horrendous manager, she really did not understand her responsibilities and frequently did things incorrectly that corporate would have her redo. She did always have a finger to point at someone else though why she didn't do things correctly,

I'm still unsure she'll survive it given just last week a colleague told me she had a crying fit at a client dinner because earlier in the day, her work husband called her unprofessional because she told the whole office two colleagues are sleeping together, and it upset those individuals greatly as they're not. Her work husband put in his two weeks the next day. He was a co-signer on my termination a little over a month ago and I believe backed her up in the missing check story against me because they were besties and maybe he actually believes all the crap she alleges.

This is one of the harder things I've dealt with mentally. Any advice or just kind words would be appreciated to help me keep chugging along rn and ty if you read this entire novel of my work year 😊

Let’s substage arson

I was hired at one of the hottest, fastest-growing tech companies to a relatively senior, client-facing role. You have heard of this company. I was basically asked to go figure it out and start working with customers right away, with no formal training. I helped achieve BIG results in a short period of time, such as contributing to major closed deals within my first 2 months. Less than 3 months in, I was fired due to “consistent performance issues.” No formal warning, no PIP.

I LOVED being there. Everyone (well, almost everyone) was super cool, interesting to talk to and learn from. Everyone seemed excited to be there. And I was learning SO MUCH in a short period of time. It was truly exhilarating to come in every day; a lot of work, but I was thrilled. Maybe it was adrenaline, but I felt happy and excited to contribute a small part to the company’s growth.

My account team seemed to love working with me. Maybe a rocky start, but we were all new and figuring it out together. We figured out how to prep for customer calls and stay aligned during calls, and I thought we were going to be great long-term partners. 

At my previous company, I was able to establish enough credibility over time to be given some of the best accounts, and I contributed to some serious deals there. I was a trusted member of the team. Lots of positive references from that company. Like any role, there’s always more to learn and mistakes to grow from, but I was no slacker. I’m trying not to brag, just to say that I put in a lot of effort and was recognized for that.

I will be the first to admit I didn’t do everything perfectly in this new role. It was a new product and space to me. The persona we adopted with our customers was different from my previous roles. I had calls where I didn’t know the customers’ answers or had to correct what I said in a later email. I felt these were just mistakes of being new, and I felt I was rapidly adapting while learning the product.

I had met my manager a month or so prior, while interviewing at a different company they previously worked for, and I initially held them in high regard. They were not the hiring manager for the role I accepted, and we both started at this new company around the same time.

Initially, I thought things were great. But after about a month, it seemed like I couldn’t do anything right. After contributing to one of the biggest deals I had ever closed, I was told that was because my account team was very talented; basically, it was just luck and I had nothing to do with it. I am only taking 5% of the credit, but I know my work helped seal the deal. Similar story for other deals.

I was getting conflicting feedback from my manager: e.g. when I started, there was an emphasis on creating more product demos, but after a few weeks of doing this, I was asked why I was giving so many demos. Ok, cool, I’ll adjust my approach. Then I was told not to give an answer on calls if I didn’t know for sure (which I agreed with, I just felt pressured by the short deal cycle), so I adapted there, but later I was told I was not delivering enough solutions on my calls. Everything was so contradictory, and not all of this was completely in my control, but I was working hard to adapt.

What was really weird was that I would get feedback about a particular call, then I would walk away from the meeting agreeing to approach things differently. But in subsequent feedback sessions, my manager would want to talk about those same initial calls again, the ones I had taken before the feedback, even though I thought we had moved on and should have talked about calls taken post-feedback.

My manager also gradually started dismissing or minimizing every suggestion I had, even in front of others.

The criticism continued. I was brought into an impromptu meeting where my manager pointed out several issues with my calls. The manager had only listened to recordings, and I was not allowed to discuss the context or prep that went into them. I wasn’t trying to steer clear of all blame; I was owning it, but to truly understand, I need to contextualize. I tried to discuss the feedback, but I was hardly allowed to say anything, and my manager never seemed to want to give me the time I needed.

Here was my mistake: I was getting annoyed that I could not discuss or contextualize the feedback. My manager started recording the call. I didn’t yell, but clearly I was pushing back on the feedback because I felt I couldn’t even speak. I agreed to implement their feedback at the end of the meeting, but I was confused because I could not really understand what specifically I had done wrong.

I volunteered to start writing my own self-feedback for every call, with the hope that they could see how self-aware and committed to improvement I was and add their own feedback. But my manager never did that; in fact, I never got to discuss any feedback from that point forward.

Then the doubt started. On each of the two weekends before I was fired, I had a nervous breakdown. I complained to my significant other that I just didn’t know what they wanted. The feedback was conflicting and a moving target, and I was confused because I could not contextualize it, even though I was very committed to being great at this role, and I loved the company. My teammates loved working with me. Crazy cognitive dissonance. 

My manager was getting recognized for their work and public speaking, and meanwhile, I was told to focus on getting better on calls, but it was a constantly moving target. Nothing I could do was right. But I just thought I could keep pushing forward and learning by giving it more reps. I was new after all; how could you expect a new hire to be perfect right out of the gate?

Two days after my manager’s first hire joined, I was fired. I was told that I had consistent issues with professionalism (which was never explained to me what that even meant), and I was told that I performed poorly on specific calls that I know went very well. I was told that I was not learning the product fast enough (which was complete BS). I was told that I was not adapting to feedback. I was told that I was not eligible for this role at this level, even though I was thriving at a similar level at my previous company.

And I see my manager continue to get recognized publicly for their work on sites like LinkedIn. My manager never did their job of coaching me, only criticizing and self-promoting. I wonder if anyone else at the company is experiencing something similar, but it certainly seems like the higher-ups only see the positive side.

Everyone I know, even others at the company at my level, has been trying to tell me how ridiculous this situation was, that I am a great employee and that the allegations about me are false. But a month after getting fired, I am still ruminating and trying to shake the self-doubt, even though I am in process with some other exciting opportunities. I just really wanted to be at that company, and still do, but definitely not around this person. Unfortunately, I think this person has enough cherry-picked evidence against me (such as recordings of early calls that didn’t go well and the feedback I pushed on) that it’s a slim possibility. I am embarrassed.

With that said, I am starting to get better. This is not the first time a similar situation has happened to me, and I do feel my recovery time is getting shorter. I have so much knowledge from this short time there that I can take elsewhere. You could argue that they paid me well to learn this stuff in a very short period of time, but I would not wish the emotional damage on anyone.

• "You really have no filter. You just say whatever you want without thinking about it. It's very unprofessional. "(after I brought up an accessibility complaint in a meeting without telling him about it first and he snarled at me in the middle of a team meeting)
• "You really don't understand anything about what we do here, and I'm disappointed that your grad program didn't teach you."
• "I knew from the beginning that this position wasn't a good fit for you, but I decided to give you a chance to get settled in."
• "Please don't do your apologies in front of the staff." (after ripping me to shreds in front of another employee)
• "Don't you dare ever say I yelled at you." (he got loud several times in staff meetings when he would rip me apart)
• "Maybe administration really just isn't a good fit for you." (I had several admin positions without problems up until this job)
• "This is ridiculous. You really need to pay attention in Zoom meetings." (after I was called on to pull up data an hour and a half into a Zoom meeting and 30 minutes into a discussion that had nothing to do with my tasks or position)
• "I have too many things to do. I shouldn't have to work with you so closely." (he was the manager for the department and I was the only dedicated administrator)
• "Please disregard everything [my name] said in this email and follow the instructions as below."
• "We've just had so many problems since you started here."
• "Wow, do you actually edit these things before sending them?" (shortly after I started, he asked me to make a list of calendar reservations - I pasted them into the request and would have no way of knowing what to delete)
• "You always would promise to never make the mistake again but then you would make it over and over and over." (I worked 24/7 on call for part-time pay with no help; he said this when firing me)
• "I'm sure you'll find a place where you'll thrive." (after firing me due to incompetence)

Congratulations, ex-Nmanager - I'm thriving in my new job and still hate myself and think of myself as stupid because of you and your feedback. I'm sure the department is doing so much better now that I'm gone.

I am 4 -5 months out of a narc boss situation and am starting to feel some sense of normalcy in my workplace. Today, I was asked to help out on something that reminded me of the impossible tasks she used to give me (organizing thousands of files while being micro-managed and nitpicked over things like file names). I found out the company allowed her to hire another person for the role, after having 5-6 people leave over the span of 2 years. My friends/former coworkers from the place are all bracing themselves and wondering when the new person will leave. I am so disappointed by the complacency even after I was truthful to HR in my exit interview.

This is just a vent

We are currently in a meeting with him. Today he dyed his hair ultra blonde and put his camera on for everyone to see. For some reason when I clicked on my touchpad, it zoomed him in. I felt nauseous when I saw his face that up close. I remember when I went NC with my covert nex friend I would get physically nauseous when I thought of him. So sick of watching this narc boss spewing rubbish and everyone cheering on

There is this option on Google meet to blow someone with a lot of emojis. He is currently getting a shower of glittering hearts and clapping hands. Must be a field day for him

Edit: One of the team leads who actually makes sense when she speaks interrupted him then the narc left the meeting after a while, thankfully

I posted about this in workplace bullying but did not get much of a response so coming here.

I have a covert narc executive who I have a dotted line up to. I really shouldn’t interact with them much, but they are a severe micromanager and they insert themselves in my projects because I’m on highly visible organization wide projects with c-suite executive sponsors.

After a year and a half of subtle sabotage, exclusion from critical meetings, several episodes of public humiliation and belittling remarks/yelling at me I went to HR, who told me I triggered their behavior by complaining about it (I followed my orgs procedures to a T and was exceptionally professional and civil throughout the process).

I became suicidal so went on leave. I have a history of depression that has been in remission for over 3 years but my psychiatrist put that as the reason for leave. I did not pursue workers comp because I am trying to find internal job and am at the last stage of the interview process for two. The job market is garbage right now, so I need to return to this job while I keep searching.

I have 8 weeks of FMLA left, and most of it will thankfully be paid by depleting my sick and vacation time.

I am beginning to panic about returning and trying to think of reasonable accommodations I can ask for to protect myself from this person. Before leave I asked for the following, but no action was taken:

1. all decisions are in writing (she gaslights me and others constantly)
2. an intermediary so that I’m not receiving work assignments or communications from her directly (she insists on going outside of normal work triage and intake channels and insists I don’t track time for her “secret” projects that are usually manufactured crises that caused me to work 50-80 hours a week for the last 1.5 years with nothing to show for it)
3. a different reporting structure so my job security is not at the whims of this lady who has openly retaliated against me for asking a question, providing feedback, or going to HR.

**What can I do to protect myself if I have to return to this work? **

I’ve already stopped having any meetings with her 1:1 and I’ve tried to communicate through email or written channels but she refuses to respond in those channels and insists on responding in meetings only. I’ve asked to be removed from projects but told that she would “back off” because the other sponsors critically needed me on those projects. With all of this, I still would have to interact with her in small settings (4-6 people) about 2-3 times a week.

The toxicity is real but it’s important to remember this is the sad world created by the narcissist boss.

I just received a job offer, for higher pay. They see the value I bring. Admittedly, through the process I did have moments of “Am I good enough?” But, in the interviews I was able to see for myself why I earned the right to be there and why they want to hire me. Step out of the toxicity and find your confidence. We all deserve better!

As he’s only enabling manager’s nitpicking strategy. He’s the only one of us that acts this way and I think it’s just his own defence mechanism but he’s being a fucking idiot.

Hello everyone About 2 months ago, I resigned from my job, which I was happy with and where people treated me with love, respect and kindness, for a new job offer and a higher salary. I had to do this for my career to progress well. Even though it has been 2 months at my new company, my manager has been rude and bad at work since the first day. She is particularly rude. There is a new job that I need to learn, but instead of teaching, she wants me to do it ready-made and assumes that I know what I know. But I am a new graduate and I am not very experienced. Even though I am a new employee, she yells at me in front of other people, belittles and humiliates me for minor mistakes or things that are not my fault. I am a believer in God and I pray every moment for this pain to end. I don't want to be unemployed during this period so I don't know if I should consider resigning as an option? If I find a new job, will this person appear in my career in a way that will be detrimental to me? Even though I try not to worry too much about these events, unfortunately they are ruining my day and inevitably making me worry about the future. I don't know if I should consider performing since I am financially in need at this time. I would like to hear your suggestions and experiences if you have any.