Posts and comments that do not follow these rules will be removed. Anything obviously malicious will result in a user being banned.

3 years we have been in the same team. I have raised numerous concerns about his behaviour but, because from far away it seems like he is performing well, little has been done.

I knew nothing about narcissism until today. After a meeting with my manager explaining I was at breaking point and wanted to leave, she suggested his behaviour was in fact abusive. I've never felt so seen. I'd not considered the mirroring and the lack of boundaries to be that before, I'd viewed them as petty situations that had emotionally snowballed. As soon as she said it, everything fell into place for me.

I've put up with years of him absorbing my personality and making it his own, years of watching him transform into me and years of me slowly turning into the unrecognisable person I was in that meeting today. Vulnerable and in flight mode.

I guess the next step is, how do I get out of this? How do I stop the mirroring? Stop him becoming me? Part of me wants to just leave but, after realising that this isn't the petty situation I thought it was, I don't want to give up the job I love.

I started my current job 4 months ago. The hiring manager initially showered me with excessive praise during the interview process, even though I did just okay. It felt a bit strange, but I ultimately accepted the position because the team environment seemed positive and I was burnt out from interviewing.

For the first few months, the praise continued. My manager would constantly compliment me in private and sometimes even publicly, but usually for minor accomplishments. But I often felt like I was managing their emotions, walking on eggshells, and accepting their all their ideas including bad ones to avoid upsetting them or hurting their ego.

Things took a turn for the worse recently when I offered some constructive feedback. They seemed receptive at first, but then a week later, they completely shifted gears. During a recorded video call, they tried to rewrite history, gaslight me, and discredit both my work and me, all without giving me a chance to defend myself. They didn’t even let me speak- when I tried they stared angrily at me until I became silent. This hostile behavior was preceded by a period of silent treatment. The call felt like an ambush and a means to provoke me to say things that could be used against me. Now, on top of the gaslighting, they're actively discrediting my work, most likely because they realized I see through their attempts to take credit for things they haven't contributed to. They also constantly gossip and complain about other coworkers, both to the team and directly to me. It feels like I've been sucked into a toxic situation where I was initially manipulated and now I'm the target.

Given this context, I have two main concerns:

1. Their new demands of being the gatekeeper for my code and all my communication with other team members/stakeholders, which I had agreed due to their coercion. Felt like that was the easiest thing to do in the moment
2. The lack of awareness among the rest of the company regarding this persons behavior. It's only been 5 months, and I'm the only direct report.

I'm feeling trapped and controlled, and it is affecting my health directly. I am unable to sleep at night and dread going to work. I know that if I leave the job they will make me the bad guy and I cannot control that. But I would also like to depart on good terms with the rest of the team. I have never discussed any of this with anyone at the company.

I need advice on the best way to navigate this situation. Pls help

Hello! I ran into a dilemma and I would appreciate your advice. I landed a position I really wanted, but the org culture seems toxic. They are disorganized to the point they aren’t giving enough info for me to do my job, and the manager seemed hostile when I asked clarifying questions. I’m also getting weird hostile vibes from the team I’m supposed to lead. I can't pinpoint why, but I feel undermined all the time and simply thinking about this job is physically and mentally draining.

I'm alarmed because I was bullied at a narcissistic workplace that showed similar read flags before. However, I'm excited about my job and I’d hate to let go of an opportunity.

On one hand, I’d like to voice my concerns and see if anything changes. I’m also wondering if disclosing my neurodivergence would help make the situation less toxic. But on the other hand, part of me already knows this isn't something I should be putting up with. The stress is draining me to the point it's undermining my ability to get other things done and interfering with daily life. What would you do?

I'd like to have an exit plan in case I decide to get out, but I'm not sure how to go about this. What would be a good way to walk out if it becomes necessary?

Thank you for reading!

So the office in front of ours got a new manager. And my coworker was telling our boss how the staff from the other office was not in good terms with their manager. She said that there was one time where that manager shouted at that one staff and that staff felt really small and humiliated so she was so mad at the new manager. The other staff too complains how the new manager would only call those who was older than her by their first names and they were not okay with it and thinks it's being disrespectful. It's not like I don't symphatize with them but I find it funny and it's sad.

My boss, while my coworker was telling her this, would comment how that new manager was doing something wrong and that she should respect other staff despite being the manager. God the irony or hypocrisy, sorry if i'm using the wrong words but damn this woman. I endured being yelled at and humiliated for every single thing she find wrong in everything I do. She would yell at me even in front of other people and shouts and snaps even when I would just call her or ask something. I mean I can't really sympathize with those people when they were in good terms with my manager (well not all of them) despite seeing how my manager treated me all this time.

After I did this, they started to act crazier. I think they’re also now activating some flying monkies. Now I feel like I have to document everything based on our HR interaction.

Also, there are 19 complaints against the narc manager ranging all through the org.

I’m glad I stood up for myself. Also, major pushback on them causes them to throw little email temper fits. Their mentality is so ego-driven.

I’m kind of stuck it this situation with my boss. She is driving me to look for other jobs. The only reason I’m staying is because of the pay. Every day I come in she constantly berates me for not being fast enough at my job. My coworkers can vouch for my hard work yet in her eyes it’s not enough. She tells us we are “hourly employees” whatever that means and not only says that, but tells us that we do nothing all the time. In meetings it’s worse. An employee was asking a question and she basically said “I know you are not that stupid” before saying the stupid part. My coworker got a bad performance review because my boss was having a “bad day” and took it out on her. She constantly interferes with me and my coworkers when we are just trying to do our jobs. She thinks she is helping but messes with our jobs being done and blames us for being slow. I go to work with anxiety every day and just hoping I can make it through work without crying. I get so angry at her and wish I could give her a piece of my mind but she is the boss so I can’t. Everyone walks on eggshells around her and it’s unfair we are treated this way. I just don’t know how to get the situation resolved.

in a weird turn of events, the things I had complained about came to light.. and it wasnt hidden anymore. i see my other leads being visibly rude to him in the meetings, whereas im being thanked and now included. its still a narc environment, dont get me wrong.. but it feels so weird to see what is happening. this coworker caused me a lot of breakdowns over the years and over the recent months, my nboss along with him made my life hell. it made me sad to see this shift. i guess i was relieved initially to have less pressure on me but seeing it happen to another person, even if they’re narc themselves, made me feel terrible. when my nboss thanked me for my work i froze.. its shitty to not say anything but i couldnt find the words. luckily it was in a virtual meeting so it wasnt a big deal (hopefully) and things carried on but somehow i knew that thanks came at the expense of someone else and a part of me was not willing to accept it.

Hey everyone,

I was recently fired from my job for (professionally and cordially) criticizing one of my boss' practices. I am a young woman and was working for an older man at a private clinic without an HR department or any sort of middle management, so you know the vibes there. Without revealing too much identifying information, my boss had been encouraging behaviour that could lead to negative health consequences for our clients, which several of them pointed out. I had just completed a thesis on a related topic, so I asked if I could help in any way/share my knowledge, to which he agreed to hear me out.

However, when I explained to him some genuinely basic scientific knowledge (easily verifiable and well known for decades) he became angry and berated me, asking me to show him the "scientific facts" to support my claims. I reiterated that I had just completed a THESIS on the topic, and that my information was valid, and he essentially discontinued the conversation, at which point my shift was over anyway.

The next time I came in, the other employee (who works on an opposite schedule to mine) told me that he had claimed I tried to manipulate and gaslight him. She was thankfully on my side and told him that, which I guess he didn't like, because he promptly fired me for "creating conflict" and "irreconcilable differences." I was extremely polite and frankly coddling when I spoke to him, as he clearly has an extremely fragile ego; inversely, he had become visibly angry and shouted at me, and when I pushed back on his claims of me being manipulative and explained the situation of precarity he was placing me in over a difference in opinion, he told me "You're not the only one whose needs matter." At that point, I was pissed, and I told him that he should look inward to understand why I was the 5th young, female secretary he has hired and fired since 2023, and he shouted at me to get out.

I am so furious that a narcissistic's man inability to handle criticism resulted in me losing my job in the HCOL area where I go to school, especially when all he ever did was criticize me, and I managed the intense emotions he brought on without making it his problem. He fully knows that, while he will continue to make at least 80k a year, I now have to figure out how to pay my bills and stay off the streets for simply expressing concerns over his irresponsible practices. Unfortunately, he is not any kind of real medical professional, and the industry he works in is unregulated; he is completely unqualified to give the kinds of advice that he does. Unfortunately, he let me go during an initial probationary period, and as such I basically have no legal right to push back.

Due to childhood (parenting) trauma I’ve historically been a people pleaser / trouble being assertive.

On an assertiveness dial of 1-10, I’ve always been a 1 or a 0. My goal is to get to a 5. Over the last year I’ve done a ton of work on myself: book therapy, getting in shape, mindfulness / yoga, self love, etc. and I’ve gotten myself to a 3 on that dial.

Just had my annual review. NBoss says he has seen no improvement in my assertiveness. I disagreed but we know that disagreeing with a narc is often futile. But I am proud that I at least stood up for myself.

The kicker is that now instead of reporting to him, he wants me to report to one of his direct reports instead of him. Is this just a variation on the discard cycle?

It actually may be a win for me because this person is much easier to work with. But I’m still keeping my job search going. I actually have a decent interview tomorrow.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

I work in the restaurant industry and am currently a floor manager.

My general manager is a text book narcissist. She is deathly allergic to accountability, talks big game and knows how to wrap the owners around her finger during meetings with everything she claims she's doing or planning on doing, but puts all of those tasks on her direct reports which includes me and a couple of other managers below her.

It is to the point where several of the staff members below us have casually brought up what exactly she does here, considering she puts the entire work load on us but constantly talks about how slammed she is.

She is late constantly. Also - we have events at our restaurant that are delegated to either me or her since I am the AGM. The events that are delegated to me are ran pristinely, as I am fully prepared and always have all of the supplies and staffing needs already ready to go and they're never a mess.

The events that she is in charge of are regular s**t shows. She never prepares for them, is constantly scrambling last minute to do basic tasks and then blames me or other staff members for not having just done them for her. But no one can figure out why she is so behind constantly since her entire work load is delegated to the managers below her.

She spend the majority if her 9 hour shifts fraternizing with guests on the floor, on her computer searching on amazon, or doing god knows what. She even recently passed off payroll to me which is totally a task a general manger should be doing.

When she doesn't catch things, she blames the staff directly beneath her.

What the heck do we do?? This is ludicrous. I'm getting paid 40k less than her to do her job, and she chastises me when I'm not 100% perfect completing all of HER tasks.

I took the good advice here to leave my job, even though I don’t have anything lined up. I have some savings and I was getting health problems & panic attacks at work so I’d had enough.

I quit on the last day of probation so I wouldn’t have to leave 2 weeks notice. I packed my shit and left the same morning. NBoss is livid, of course. She was expecting me to sign on and partake in her infinite bullshit and during my review I professionally told her the work environment wasn’t a good fit for me. She asked me for details and I gave her a couple examples and I said that doesn’t work for me so I’m leaving effective immediately even though I love the job itself.

I knew the board of directors would have questions for me (they should have had more curiosity before this tbh) so I left an email saying we could talk if they wanted. They took me up on it so I told them everything. What I witnessed, what I experienced, the secrets I had been threatened to keep from them. All of it.

Coworker said NBoss interrogated her about my departure and NBoss said I would pay for all this.

I don’t think she has so much power to block my career since I’m well educated and also not in a narrow field—I can easily switch careers and areas. My skills are in demand, resume looks good, and unlike her I have people skills.

Anyway there’s a board meeting coming up and board members are incensed about losing me and the recurring issues this ED is causing the org. There’s WCB claims and like 4 or 5 people have quit in the past 9 months and it’s a 3-person org so like… the writing is on the wall. It’s so obviously a management issue, but I have no faith in things changing because I’ve been around the block a few times.

Being in that office has made me feel paranoid. I also hate that someone is out there with a vendetta against me. I leaked everything I had, and at the very least she looks like an asshole and a moron, and I know how much these jerks care about their image so of course she’s not pleased. Should I be worried or is her threat just a fart in the wind?

I’ve been a PM in this company for about 6 months and it has NOT been pleasant. Very toxic culture like the engineering team letting me know daily that I am not an engineer despite having an engineering degree and I’m just a schedule pusher. And tech ops team getting mad if I use the wrong word in an email (like saying we are blocked instead of actively working on fixing an issue). It’s a political circus and very frustrating/tiring. My boss has zero trust in me because I haven’t quite gotten the subtle communication style that this keep speaks in (i.e it’s always someone else’s fault and you never actually say the quiet part out loud). In my previous company people liked my directness, I was never rude I’d just call a spade a spade. If we are blocked I just say exactly that…

Anyway I wanted to set the stage for today feedback from my manager. We do a status meeting every week. I gave my status in the beginning of the meeting. Engineering team runs the rest of the meeting. The hour meeting turned into an hour and half. We are a camera on culture and I have gotten feedback (from my boss) to always have my camera on (this was told to me 2 weeks ago when I turned my camera on). I had yawn a few times (I was muted) because I’m tired and hungry (meeting went from 11:00-12:30). My boss pinged me on the side to turn off my camera if I have to yawn. I am just so done at this point. What kinda feedback is this?!

So, our “good” boss left me with coworker #1. We had a new narc manager who is very well-liked by everyone. She is charismatic, funny, and just well-loved. However, I knew she didn’t like me because of silent she was one-on-one around me.

She recruited #1 to hate. They would exclude me. #1 liked the manager because she was being treated nicely, but #1 has never hated me because she’s just an honest person.

Then coworker #2 was hired. #2 became the new favorite and #1 was scolded like a kid. By that time, I was cut off from all meetings. I was not scolded, but I knew I had to leave. I found a new job and left right before coworker #3 was hired. #2 was included and assigned to “finish” work that #1 and I started so #2 would get credits. Basically, it was intended to create tensions between everyone.

#2 recently contacted me saying that she already put in her resignation. Apparently, #3 became the new favorite, and #2 and #1 are being yelled like crazy.

Why do these narc managers like these games?

I’m so sick of working for/with people who will criticize literally everything, but then won’t set clear expectations, let shit slide for certain employees, and do the same things they criticize others for.

I’m open to criticism especially if I’m new at a job and it’s coming from a higher up. I’m not one of those “nobody can tell me what to do” type of people. But when it’s clear that someone is just PICKING at little things… I can’t work. I freeze. I feel like I’m questioning every little thing instead of just being productive and doing my job.

I’m so sick of this. I’m a great employee, but not under these types of conditions. I’m relatively new at my job and things were ok for a while, but I’m starting to see why the turnover rate is so high.

I left my toxic workplace after a smear campaign and mobbing by nepobabies in management, they talked so much shit about people that are not in their inner circle, this was 2 years ago. I got schaudenfraude from the two rounds of large layoffs they did after I left due to mismanagement.

Now I am at my current workplace (less toxic but still sucks) serving my notice period to join a large corporate (hopefully won’t suck so bad),

I have people that support me and my career growth, who I keep in touch on LinkedIn, but I’m worried that the nepobabies would try to sabotage my reputation at the large corporate out of spite, these are top executives people / their flying monkeys with social and professional influences. I live in a European capital and here the social attitude is more like a small town instead of that of a capital city. People would believe the words of a local over a foreigner, it’s quite plausible.

Am I overthinking this? (Possibly from PTSD) or is it safer to not update anything?

I’ve been in my role for nearly a year and a half, the majority of that time without a direct manager. The result was me and my team of 2 had to do all the research, strategy, and execution (I work in marketing) with zero guidance from higher ups and just criticism.

About a month ago they brought in a new manager for my team. At first I wasn’t concerned at all, but now some behaviours have got me concerned. Namely:

• She messages me 15+ times a day on Slack, most of it basically pointless.

• She started trying to schedule my meetings for me and limiting my direct contact with colleagues

• She’s taken away some of the responsibilities I had

• She never bothered to learn any of the company policies and gets annoyed when anyone tries to explain things to her

• She keeps asking me for direction on her job and has had emotional outbursts when I don’t give her tasks. She’s my manager so this should be the other way around

• I asked her to speak with upper management to make sure the campaign I was heading was in line with business goals. She never did. Then the night before I had a big deliverable due she messaged me saying she met with the VP and basically wanted to change the entire direction, and that it would have to be done by noon the next day

• She has critiqued my work on Slack channels in front of many other colleagues instead of coming to me directly

• We had a team building event and she kept going on about how she’s very smart even if people don’t realize this. She also asked us for our ages and ethnic background

• Since she just started a lot of people still come to me with questions or projects and I can tell she hates that

• She scheduled a meeting with me to discuss our “collaboration” and how she could help out more but she never listens to the the feedback I provide

• I’ve spoken with coworkers about this and they say they barely hear from her, so it seems like she’s really focused on me

• I’ve heard that she’s been talking about me with other teams and my coworkers

What do you think? Is she a narc or just annoying AF? Is there anything I can do to remedy the situation?

Nboss says I didn't do my self evaluation right, of course they are the only one who can get a 4 (out of 5). Last year I toed the line and only threw a few in there (2 4's) and this year I felt ballsy and put in 3 4's for a 3.6 avg. I'm 50 years old and have been working full time since I was a teen. I've managed successful teams and multimillion dollar budgets, have done some huge things. I like the work for this job (I am a top tier Individual Contributor), but hate the other people - not a good culture, and Nboss makes it intolerable. I've never been a "meets expectations" worker. I was a 4.2 and 4.4 all six years at my last job, 2 promotions and 35% pay raise over 6 years. I am actually doing much better in performance at this job, but recognize I won't get promoted or recognized, or paid fairly. Nboss is a cancer.

This has been the hardest part. I’m three months away from quitting to go back to uni.. but i feel like after several breakdowns, tear filled months of coming to terms with the reality of my workplace, I’ve just stopped caring. My leads are covert narcs and its a game of - they mess up, its public, they make some nonsense story to cover it up— rinse and repeat. OR , I point out something incorrect-they deny-pick apart my work and remove me from projects-rinse and repeat. I actually like the other teams and my other coworkers but my immediate leads are stressful. I find myself walking on eggshells, planning ahead because I know what’s coming, being afraid about smear campaigns..this is not me at all. I feel myself detaching from my emotions and I hate not being my authentic self .my anxiety is spilling out to my other work friendships and i dont want to risk that. How do i start trusting people again when literally everyday im walking through mindgames? greyrocking ruins my soul.

My boss already has active WCB claims against her but who knows whether they do anything? Recently I have attracted her ire and surveillance because I demonstrated slightly less fawning AND I let slip that I have anxiety. She’s now obsessed with getting my medical info and has been acting (more) horribly towards me ever since. It feels like I could get fired any day. Obviously I’ve been applying elsewhere, but the nature of my work is that I have clients who have mental health needs and it feels absolutely horrible to abandon them.

I am torn between adding my voice to the choir of complaints and trigger an investigation from our milquetoast board of directors (we’re nonprofit). Or just walking out and living on savings until something else comes up. Every day I have crying spells, panic attacks, stomach issues, eczema. I feel like I’m in hell.

The update: a few months ago, I came to this sub desperate for how to handle my narc coworker being slated to eventually become the supervisor of my section. In a turn of events, an anonymous HR complaint ruined the narc’s chances of becoming our supervisor, so we officially have a new one (who is aware of her behavior)!

In addition to this, I was approved for a transfer to another region (as this sub suggested) which happens to be much closer to family (and of course, far away from my narc coworker). I’m counting my blessings for how this has all turned out for the best.

Now onto my request for advice: what is the best way to leave my current situation and “stick it” to my narc coworker before I leave? My friend who is familiar with narcs said the best revenge will be to completely ignore her as I’m saying my goodbyes to show how insignificant she is to me. I have dreamed of this day for so long, where I tell my narc what an awful person she is, but my friend said that would have the opposite effect and that the narc would lap it up and enjoy the turmoil. So, I come asking, what do you think the best “revenge” is against a narc? What do you wish you could have done to “stick it” to your narc?

Thank you Reddit!!!!

Please read my post before this for background.

Anyway the Lot Title has been finally found. Turns out that our client mistook the envelope she has given me for the envelope that really contains the Title. Luckily she has looked for it really throughly and found it.

I mean I am happy of course that the Title has been found because there will be more problems if it's not. But what I'm still sad about that my boss still blames everything to me. My boss thanked the client (who keeps insisting the title was already given to me) for finding the Title. Maybe I really shouldn't expect any apology since I never checked what the envelope she has given me contains in the first place. But I wonder if our client is even just a tiny bit sorry to me? But yeah what matters now is I have no problem anymore. Well for now.

I am really thinking of resigning. Besides from having a narc boss, during those times that the Title was lost and I was looking for it everywhere in our office while crying, no one really cared. I'm listing the reason.

1. My boss keeps blaming for not checking what the envelope contains before putting it in our vault, and when I told her I have already given the envelope to her, she gets even more mad, saying I was pointing the blame on her. And I still believe I have given her the envelope until now. And her reasoning of if I have given her the envelope, why would she keep calling our client for the Title, is now solved. It is because the Title isn't really there.

2. My coworker and even the nice lady who works with us from outside the company sided with my boss believing what she said that I have never given any envelope to her. And agreeing to what she said that if she has the envelope then she would have the title. And now we know that the Title isn't there because the client has it.

3. I am scared that I will make another big mistake again, or worse it will not be really my mistake but I still will be blamed for something just because my boss has bad memory. And now I know no one will side with me or believe me.

But then again, my parents doesn't have any job now and my younger brother has a job but I don't know if it will be enough for our daily expenses and for him to buy what he wants. Or maybe I should start a business? But should I resign before really deciding on what to do? I am just scared something might happened and I might not get out of it again

I unknowingly walked into a temporary situation at work that has put me in very close proximity to the Covert Narc manager. I realize now, that in the year that I have been at this company, I hadn't had enough one-on-one interaction to pick up on how toxic she can be. She came across as personable, kind, and hardworking (overworked). She has always been incredibly supportive and accommodating towards me. There were a few things I had noticed that seemed a little weird, and occasionally irritating, but I had just left a high-drama, high-stress job when I started here, and it was such a relief to be out of there, and this place was so calm and low stress.

Several months ago, she announced she was planning to resign in June due to being offered a better position in another state. I haven't been terribly social with most people in my department, being fairly quiet and shy and also dealing with some residual burnout, but as far as I could tell, most of the people I worked directly with inside our department, will be sad to see her go. She gave a lot of notice, over 4 months which someone made a comment about that being "brave". She was ranting to me a few weeks after giving her notice, that she had a lot of loose ends to tie up, and projects she wanted to have finished before the new manager is hired, but when she made a request to upper management that she be able to bring in a temp to help her get through it all, her supervisor said "absolutely not."

My job tends to be slow this time of year, which was nice last year when I was new and happy to have life be slow for a while. But this year I need to have the hours. So we worked it out, with permission from upper management, to temporarily reassign me to assist her with getting through her to-do list.

I was already well aware of several of the things she is working on, and I was just as ready as she seemed to get it all done. Our entire department is aware. Several of these things have been holding us up on other projects and tasks in our own jobs for longer than I have worked here. But she is always either "working on it", waiting on someone else to do this or that before she can work on it, or she was too busy to get into it right now. Which seemed mostly reasonable, since she is always rushing around looking overworked and exhausted. So the idea of helping her actually get through some of it, while also getting some experience to add to my CV, sounded awesome. It would work for everyone, I thought...

Within days, I realized what I had walked into, and it has been downhill ever since. I'm about two months in and have a little over a month left. She will not delegate tasks to anyone, she won't let me do anything at all unless she is standing over my shoulder so she can make sure "it's done right", or we can't work on it yet because she needs to do five other things first, and she can't do those five things until so and so does these 10 things.

To be clear the majority of these tasks do not require significant experience or credentials, the majority of it are simple housekeeping/organization projects. Literally things like "update this spreadsheet" and "clean out those files." It's uncomplicated and doesn't take much brain power or intelligence to figure out. There is also a significant disorganization problem throughout the department. Years and years of accumulated junk, both physical and digital. I cannot touch any of it unless she is there to make sure it is done the way she wants it done. I can't take the initiative and just do it without having her direct me to do it because she gets upset and stops me, explaining that she needs to check it all first, and then walk through it with me to make sure I'm not messing it all up.

Some of this I could probably quietly do behind the scenes as it is unlikely she will notice or get to it before she leaves (if I could get her to stop micromanaging my time long enough to actually be productive that is). There are things I do need her to explain first, but when she trains me, she'll spend two or three hours walking me through it step by step, correcting me if I deviate in any way from the exact formula she wants me to follow. When all I really needed was for her to tell me which set of data to reference for updating this or that spreadsheet. But she literally needs to make sure that I update these spreadsheets in the exact order and method she has deemed best (like actually nitpicking what order I open files, and which sections I complete first), and heaven forbid I do section B.1 before I've sent her three emails reminding her to check that section A has been entered and tallied correctly, and then waited for her to check off all the information is correct, by going through the data point by point again. And of course, then I have to put all the forms I'm working from in order on my desk by date, even though the system then automatically sorts the data into alphabetical order... on this clipboard because it HAS to be on a clipboard not just piled on my desk, and not on the other clipboard which is only to be used on every second Thursday...

If she happens to be distracted with something else for a few hours, and I am left to work on my own, I still have to be careful because if she comes back sooner than expected and catches me entering the stupid data in the wrong order, or organizing files without doing steps 7-12, and doing step 5 after step 48, she will explain that I'm doing it wrong and have me start over. I didn't realize for the whole first month that she has monitoring software on my work computer and regularly checks to see what I've been doing during the day, so even if she's not standing behind me or not at her own computer, she still keeps tabs on what I do (though thankfully the nanny system only tells her which files, and how long I worked, so she can't catch me entering the data in the "wrong" order, or using the "wrong" pencil to mark off my progress through the forms.

I also realized early on, that while a lot of the people who don't work directly with her, do like and respect her, those who have to regularly interact with her, as well as a lot of the upper management can barely tolerate her. She is constantly forcing her micromanaging tendencies into other departments, to the point where those other departments have shut down communication and collaboration with our entire department in order to keep her out of their business. She is constantly commandeering projects from those other departments in order to have control over how everything gets done. But a large percentage of the things she manages to wrestle control of, then goes onto the giant pile of unfinished work she will never get around to. She throws so many fabricated roadblocks up to keep these things from being able to be completed by anyone, including herself, that her gaining control over something, more or less means it will never get done.

I had spent all this time thinking she was overworked and they needed to hire an assistant manager and divide her responsibilities, but now I realize she has created a huge snarl of a mess that will take months and months to sort out after she has gone. (although significantly less time than it takes when she's involved. But she won't do it herself, and she won't delegate, worse she keeps appropriating more tasks and responsibilities from everyone else because they aren't willing to do it the way she has decided it should be done. Part of the reason, I realize now, that my job was so low stress at first, was that she had claimed possession of a large portion of the responsibilities my job used to have, especially those that involved interacting with other departments because that would have given me, and others at my level, too much autonomy. By doing that she had throttled the amount of work that should have been coming our way. Which in some ways was actually pretty frustrating as there are several things I wanted to finsh but have not been able to, because I was perpetually waiting on her, it was one of the reasons I agreed to help her. Knowing I could have been able to do it without waiting on her would have enabled me to clear so many things out of my own tasker. But we have barely made any progress since I moved over to help her, so even if I went back to my old job, I would still be stuck twiddling my thumbs at home, until after she leaves.

She also won't listen to other opinions, if I'm stupid enough to gently suggest that I could save a lot of time if I did it this another way, or suggest that I think this other project could be done more efficiently with a different method and I could get it out of the way sooner. She will get visibly frustrated and start explaining that we have to stick to doing it her way because "it just makes more sense", the other way will waste time because this way is better.

For every project we (slowly and painfully) manage to close out, she adds three more, and we are still barely a quarter of the way through the list of things she wanted me to help her do before she left. The list gets longer, and she gets increasingly frustrated with how much work she has, but again will not let anyone else do any of it without direct involvement from her. Everything takes 8x longer to complete than it should because she can't let me just do it, and overcomplicates it to the point where she can't do it either... But then turns around and whines and whines about how overworked and underappreciated she is. She has done so much for this department, and they just treat her like garbage, and the disorganization and unfinished tasks are definitly not her fault, its everyone else and their inability to follow "simple instructions."

I did really really well at first in just smiling and nodding while quietly tryng to finish tasks she is unlikely to notice, while reminding myself that this will all be over soon, until the last week or two. At this point holding my tongue and just gritting my teeth through it is getting harder and harder. The closer to her last day we get, the more controlling, whiny and easily frustrated she gets. If this were not already a temporary situation with a set end date, I would have quit in the first month. I have a little over a month to go before she leaves, but I am so tired of being treated like I'm too incompetent to properly organize a file cabinet, or can't be trusted to correctly put old files (that should really have been scanned and saved in a digital archive, and then shredded 10 years ago) into alphabetical order in the correct orientation in the archive box, and put away in the old office that she turned into junk storage, full of other junk that will probably all end up in the dumpster two days after she leaves. I have a master's degree in this field, I managed a team of 5 at my last job, where I was liked, they even begged me to stay when I quit. I am perfectly capable of cleaning out the supply closet without someone (who happens to be younger than me) standing over me to make sure I don't do something really stupid, like put the post-its in order by size, because apparently, the only right way is by color) and also that was obviously the wrong shelf for the printer paper, what was I even thinking...

I cannot believe I missed the signs of a covert narc, who probably also has a severe case of OCD. She is a huge fan of victimhood, and blame shifting, and them some of the things she gets hung up on are so neurotic that I can't figure out how I didn't notice before. Lately she is increasingly getting into shouting matches. She is clearly attempting to set things up to keep running how she thinks they should run after she leaves, and at first that merely generated some eye rolling and a sarcastic "yeah sure" here and there. But it seems that some of the people she interacts with regularly, both directly above and directly below her, have hit their own limit and have started to go around her to reassert control, especially those in other departments and upper management is no longer even waiting till she's gone to start undermining her, I guess they figure since she is leaving anyway, she can't stop them. She does try though and becomes enraged when they tell her where she can shove her opinions, and carry on while she has a literal meltdown. And then of course she comes away from these fights with a more controlling and irritable attitude than ever. I keep track of her meeting schedule with upper management so I can make sure I'm busy in another part of the building when she gets back since it's a guarantee that she will be more nitpicky and condescending than usual. Telling her that her expectations are unrealistic and that she needs to stop micromanaging everything isnt going to change anything except likely creating hostility. If she hasn't heard it from her supervisor, the director, or apparently it turns out, even HR, she isn't going to hear it from me. I know I just need to hold out a little longer, we are all so close to the end. But I don't want to get caught in the crossfire, and I don't want to burn any bridges with people who have her ear. I do think the next month, especially her last week or two to be a nightmare.

Give me your tips for maintaining calm in the face of neurotic micromanaging.

I submitted a grievance months ago. Finally it has been assessed and they suggest mediation. They state that it's the only option that gives me control over the process. If I decline they will have to do an investigation. They keep stressing that mediation will be the only collaborative option which empowers me. If I decline they will contact the narc and ask for her story.

I am open to mediation. It will be done by an external company. However I think my boss will just spout the same lies again. It might improve things though. But I'll probably be told to focus on the future and the past won't be addressed. I'm not even sure my boss will participate as she always calls me such a nuisance and a liar. She'll probably deny everything, we'll agree to be polite and nothing will change. Her toxic behaviours won't change as she'll just pretend all is fine and peachy. She'll act like nothing is wrong and how confused she is about it all, she is a saint after all.

With at investigation I can call out my boss, she'll read what complaints I've submitted about her. She will be forced to participate as with a mediation she can decline. She'll know others now know. She'll be put on the spot to respond. She may still lie. I don't really have direct witnesses but other colleagues may be interviewed who can confirm her toxic behaviours. I would like an investigation because I think it will force her to take a better look at my side and actually pay attention. She will be forced to address my serious accusations (bullying, harassment, breaking code of conduct, etc). At the very least, this will highly inconvenience and embarrass her, especially if others will be interviewed.

I feel like mediation is the easy way out as it won't address any of what happened in the past, or any incidents I brought up in my grievance. It's important for me that she realises how this all has affected me. It's important that HR knows I'm not crazy and I'm not making things up. I want her to read what I wrote about her. I want her to know others now know.

Mediation will just swipe everything under the rug. I had to take months of sick leave because of my boss and I believe an investigation can help me get compensated for that and show my severe stress and anxiety were directly caused by the narc/work.

What do I do? Can I still request an investigation if mediation is unsuccessful or if I'm not happy with the outcome?

Will mediation allow me to bring up past incidents? Or will it just force me to look at the future. This will not work for me. I have tried this, her behaviour won't change.

If she declines mediation will it automatically become an investigation?

I thought an investigation was required by law after a formal grievance (Australia) - I'll check this with a lawyer.

Tips, thoughts, experiences? Thank you.

This was a few days before the recent solar eclipse in the US. So about a month ago.

We were in our group morning meeting and the small talk about the eclipse came up. My boss says “you can wear regular sunglasses and look right at the eclipse.” Confidently.

I know that that isn’t true, and in the past I might correct something like that and try to be “helpful.” But I just processed it in my head for how ridiculous (and kinda dangerous) it was. And chuckled internally.

Had finally had enough, been interviewing around and finally got the opportunity I wanted to jump ship. I was waiting on the offer letter and details.

And now I’ve royally messed up my body to the point where at minimum I need serious therapy and might (probably, most likely, really hoping I don’t) need surgery.

And I’ve got plenty of sick/vacation time banked at my current job, I’ve got the ability to use FMLA if I need it and decent insurance.

I’m sobbing and raging because I’ve been crunching numbers all day and I don’t think I can afford to leave the benefits behind.

Needed to vent with yall bc my family is more likely to be like ‘maybe that is sky daddy’s plan for you shadow’.

RAHHHHH

Watching an insecure little fat fuck make fun of an autistic coworker that cannot defend himself and is beyond eggshells because he doesnt have the human interaction. He IS a good man. I went at it w this demon today because i guess he thought my kindness was weakness. He has been breaking EVERY rule at this job and threatening everyone that is following them and time is up. Thoughts? Ive been documenting this abuse and spiritually taping my mouth shut but any sign of a smile or not being miserable is a sign to be attacked. Im a big guy so its obviously extra supply if i put up w it because its always in front of others. When i was in high school i dropped 2 of these mfkrs for picking on special needs. This is a different time....

Hi all, I left a toxic workplace just over a year ago that trod my mental health into the ground, made me generally distrustful of managers and sank me to one of the lowest points in my life. Throughout last year, the anger over it all has slowly disappeared, however I often find myself ruminating it, which I know doesn’t help but I can’t seem to just “let it go”. I’ve tried talking out my feelings multiple times with people, doing a bit of journaling at times but at this point I’m wondering if this experience will sit with me for life.

Has anyone else dealt with this, and have you successfully got over those feelings?