In a piece of shits car window. I'm parking elsewhere to see if I cool down. It's my parent that abused me for 40 years. I cant post here in words what I want to happen to him. At least not in a way that wont put me on some list

I bought my first house five years ago, but after my estrangement/NC process, I realized that my NMom had essentially railroaded me through the process and the experience didn't actually teach me anything about buying or selling a home on my own. (I had been renting a condo before.) For some reason, I keep having a recurring dream about having sold this house and buying a different one, and I can't help but wonder if it has meaning. Considering that my parents still know my address (NMom had even talked me into setting up the locks to open with the same key as her house at the beginning of this), I know now intellectually that it wouldn't help me much with enforcing NC to move because I learned that when you buy a home, your address becomes a publicly searchable record. So it would only realistically be practical if I either got a job in another city/state, or (God forbid given what's in my family background) got married and started having kids.

The last time I had a tyre pressure warning light on in my car, it was a week before I had my MOT booked anyway, so I just left it until then. The mechanic said if it happens again I should bring it in straight away.

Now I have a tyre pressure warning light again and I just... don't know what to do. Do I ring up and make an appointment? Do I just turn up? But what if they're busy? Is it OK to drive the car with low pressure to the garage? (It's about 5 miles.) I already had to drive it 15 miles home from where I was when the warning light came on. How much will they charge me?

I am aware that in theory I could try and fix it myself but I am very very pregnant. So physically it's difficult, but it's also bringing up a lot of Feelings around Responsibility and Safety and Competence that are making it hard for me to just... do whatever I'm supposed to do, whatever that is.

Hi everyone,

So I am extremely depressed right now. A friend of mine whom I met 10 years ago just made a movie and I feel so inadequate and like a loser.  Just to give a little bit of background. I grew up with 2 narcissists. My mother who was a covert narcissist and father who was a malignant narcissist. Father died and I am complete no contact with my mom.

I don’t know where this feeling is coming from , but my addictions are acting up real high right now. I even went and got a massage which didn’t end up being a “wise” choice.

But I am also breaking my no porn streak now which is depressing even more.

The thing is that this movie is actually really good and it’s breaking all kind of collection records ( not an American movie ). The strange thing about all this is that, I actually love this friend of mine and want him to succeed, which is why I can’t figure out these complex feelings.

I think 1) it comes from me not being able to express my talent and creativity while growing up and I feel like I am holding myself back. I even drive an almost 30 year old car even when I had the chance to upgrade it.

2. I had a life changing experience with religion 10 years ago. So I don’t even think movie world is my path anymore. But I would still love to be a part of it in other ways. Mainly via writing

I think I am filled with envy. But I don’t know where it’s coming from because I am in my 40s and it’s so childish. If it’s not envy then it’s disappointment in myself. 

Growing up my parents were like terrorists towards even the smallest inkling of me expressing my creativity and my mother controlled every aspect of my life and lied and made me into an engineer. I am off that path now and back on a creative path, but still I feel like I am not where I should’ve been. I feel like this friend of mine achieved SO MUCH , while I am still dealing with childhood sexual abuse and money trauma, so I can charge higher from my clients so I don’t end up homeless.

What should I do ? Why do I feel like this? Please help

i tried to attend community college part time this semester but i majorly messed up with planning how I would fit it in with work and yeah there's no way, so i wanted to start again next semester when im not at a new job and can have better planning. so i was going to go this week to talk to someone abt dropping but i realized LAST NIGHT that TODAY was the last day to drop without a 'W' and I couldn't go today so I had to drop. I got worried when I saw the 50% refund part but I thought maybe it only applies to people who self funded (I was on pell grant) Anyway I just got an email that i owe $950 and I checked my account and lo and behold I indeed have a balance! I'm going to call tomorrow but I would like to see if anyone who knows about this stuff is here bc im kinda freaking out I'm sad because I'm having expensive car problems so there's almost no chance I can pay that back so I probably won't get to go next semester. or ever depending on how fast I've got to pay it if I do. :( I was genuinely so excited the first 2 weeks but then the sleep deprivation hit. I definitely learned my lesson about planning ahead but I hope/wish it wasn't a thousand dollar one ..

Hey everyone

Just posted a similar thread in r/Adulting until I saw this one, which is way more relevant to me haha

Does anyone have any tips for organising your time in a way that doesn't wear you out entirely?

I'm currently studying postgrad and working around 25 hours a week. I have some creative/artistic hobbies on the side that I also do freelance work for and eventually would like to be my actual work. Then ideally I would be socialising, doing chores & of course having some alone time for rest. I have no idea how to organise my time.

I'm not expecting to be able to do every single thing every week, but just general advice on how to structure my week or figure out how to not be so busy that I crash all the time would be greatly appreciated. I find myself getting rundown and sick every six weeks or so and I don't know how to reshuffle my time to look after myself.

Any help greatly appreciated!

They own a house. I appear to still have POA, etc. over their affairs and property. Refusal to move voluntarily is rock solid. Her years of programming just worked on him too well. The house, like many of those owned by N types, is a hoarder lair, though without the typical scores of animals leaving waste everywhere. Since she didn't want strangers in the house, the plumbing is a serious problem that's gone unaddressed for years. She cannot go home from the hospital after an accident into the house as it is. He will hear no other alternatives. They live in Ohio.

Who do I talk to? Who do I authorize to go to the place and see/smell it? As much as I just want to see it meet a wrecking ball, the money from the property's sale would help with the costs of a care home.

I'm so lost. And mad. Any help appreciated.

I’m currently a graduate/masters student living on campus. I will be on campus till next May, which is when I graduate

Without going into much, I don’t want to be forced back home. But I will if I don’t have a place to move into

I currently am a full time social work student. I go to school Monday and Wednesday and intern Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I’m off Friday-Sunday which I use to for relaxation/homework

I currently have a hefty amount of money saved up from my late abusive mom’s death fund (not sure what the proper term for it is) and I get government assistance. My father is also helping me financially and plans to use my moms SSI as a fund to help me get my own place

I’d ideally prefer to live in my own with no roomates (roomates/boundary trauma) but especially living in NYC I know that’s impossible unless you have a lot of money

So, I’m not sure how to go about apartment/studio hunting. Especially as I don’t have any income (besides government assistance) I feel lost

I don’t want to wait too late and be back into survival mode next year

Any help or direction would be appreciated

I've been having extremely uncomfortable stomach pain for the past couple hours. I'm not sure if it's from too much fiber or overeating in general. I'm not nauseous, but I'm considering making myself throw up to alleviate the pain. Should I do this or try to push through?

So I've only had a few, if any vaccines. Is there a test I could get done or someplace I could look up records?

I’m trying to figure out if I should change my money guy.

I’ve had the same financial advisor for ~5 years but there are still some really basic things that I don’t understand about money (cuz child abuse).

I’ve historically struggled financially until recently in life. I’ve tried to explain my issues with budgeting, money management and feeling lost when it comes to financial planning, and the best he could seem to do was direct me to use an app.

I have friends whose financial advisors are more hands on in terms of helping them reach goals (assisting them with making budgets and strategizing toward goals). When I told my financial advisor that I was thinking about planning on buying a home he was less than encouraging, saying that’s it’s probably a no go unless I have an inheritance on the horizon (and generally made me feel pretty silly).

I guess I’m not sure what’s fair to expect from him or really what I should even be asking for? I can see how he’s probably used to working with larger accounts with more experienced clients and maybe I’m just too remedial?

I know that he’s my financial advisor and not my therapist, but I can’t be the first and only person who has these issues with money. Am I barking up the wrong tree? Do I just need to suck it up? Find a new FA? Is there another resource that I should use?

I have kept my keys in a carabiner for years, but after a few months the spring wears out and I have lost several keys by having them fall off without realizing. I have never been able to use regular key rings due to a combination of bad coordination and fragile fingernails. Is there something I could look for that would keep my keys on the ring more securely than a carabiner would, that I don't have to ask others to help me with whenever I want to add or remove a key?

I've moved out recently, and my parents didn't teach me how to cook many foods, so I've been living off rice and pasta for weeks. I'm kind of getting sick of it, so I would like to try some new recipes, but all the recipes I've found online either require too many obscure ingredients (the types I would never use again, or go off too quickly) or take too much time (overnight, 4+ hours).

So, what are some easy recipes that don't require too many ingredients, don't take too long and are easy for a newbie at cooking to learn?

Hi everyone,

I grew up in a narcissistic family. My father , mother and brother were all narcissists. I left in 2008, but they hoovered me back in , in 2014 when my narc father passed away. He was the reason why I never pursued writing after he terrorized me for writing a joke on a small piece of paper while in college. It was something I wrote as fun for between friends.

Anyway, I left them all for good ( my narc mom and narc bro ) in 2018/19 and setup a creative agency selling videos to brands and small businesses and this is what I was focused on for many years until this year when I realized I had to start coaching others who've been through trauma. So I paid a program about 5k and have been setting up my coaching services.

All this to say that 3-4 weeks ago I had a hiking accident where I messed up my ankle and while on bed rest I realized that I am in fact a writer and not a video guy or a movie director or even a coach- but a writer.

I don't have a wife or kids or even a home and I am in my early 40s. No one would know if I even die in this apartment because I stay pretty quiet and due to religious trauma, I stay away from the rest of the family too, not to mention the flying monkey syndrome.

All I know is that if I can get my writing career going, I can be content for the first time in my life since it's something I enjoy doing , but I feel trapped. Should I go ahead and try to become a writer full time right away or should I get my coaching going for a bit so I feel comfortable enough to switch into writing full time with no fear? I live on the west coast now and I do have bills and my savings are starting to dip a little bit.

I had written some books in the past and I had made some money - so I know if I do try, I can hit the ground running. Also a side note, my grand father used to be a successful writer and I know I have the same genes even though my father , mother and brother hated me for it and was jealous of me my whole life. Because of their terrorizing, I was myself afraid to showcase my writing talent in front of the world as well, until this hiking incident.

At my age in life, I think this might be my only chance to make it in life. Everything else in my life, I been a failure ( engineering, real estate videography, music ), but I know this is not one of those things because it's my talent and I have a lot of passion and energy when it comes to writing.

Hi everyone,

I grew up in a narcissistic family. All 3 of my family members were narcissists. I left them in 2008, but they hoovered me back in , in 2014 where they financially, and emotionally ruined me as much as they can until in 2018/19 when I ultimately decided to cut them all off till the end of times.

I setup a creative business ( video production ) in 2019 and was working shooting videos for brands and small businesses for a little while, but 3-4 weeks ago I fell while hiking and has been on bed rest for over a week where I realized, I am actually a writer , just like my grandfather. I have even written some books in the past, but I put it away from my memory because of how sensitive I was around this subject by the way my brother and mother and father would abuse and ridicule/mock me every time I showed even the slightest talent with writing.

Anyways, this all came flooding to me while I was on bed rest and now I am not sure what to do with my life because I paid over 5k for a program who is teaching me how to become a coach for trauma victims ( narcissistic abuse victims ) and I was in the process of setting that business up when the fall happened and I learned I am infact a writer.

The good news is that I have made some money with writing in the past ( like 10 years ago ) and I know if I really put all into it, I can make it because I am a fast typer and I do have a lot of subject matter on my mind which I can write down for others.

The bad news is , I live on the west coast now and money is slowly starting to run out. I know I can close some coaching clients in the mean time, which will give me some breathing room, but now that I have this awareness that I am a "writer" , I find it hard to go back to coaching. I don't know if that makes sense or how I can relay that feeling.

Lastly, I know there are some ways I can make some "freelance writing" income using various sites these days, but I don't know how much satisfied I will be working for someone else or writing for someone else as a ghost writer or something.

I don't know if my post will exclusively only speak to writers, but if you are or even if you are not, how should I navigate this part of my life ? Should I focus fully on writing or do a little bit of coaching on the side until I am fully able to move over into writing on a consistent basis?

I don't have a lot of friends whom I can seek such deep guidance from. I don't have a parent that's supportive.- if anything they'd tear me down if they could if they even knew what I had in mind.

I cannot find what this stands for anywhere in the description of this sub

Ndad is away this week so perhaps Nmom is not getting enough supply. She wants to visit my city really soon and stay the night ...just to see me. Which is silly, because I'll be seeing them both in a few week's time anyway.

I just want to text her: 'Whenever I see you, I feel anxious and sad for weeks afterwards. I don't have spare energy in my life for that right now.'

THAT'S WHAT I WANT HER TO UNDERSTAND... goddammit.

But what's the greyrock version? So far I just said 'Oh, I will need to think about how that would work', and I have ignored her request ever since. Still exchanging pleasantries a couple of times a week. Help??

I’ve made a post before about how dust levels in my bedroom may be affecting my sleep but I read about about how humidity affects sleep and I have a hydrometer which measures the moisture level in my room which I keep on my bedside cabinet and it is always around 75-82% which I know is far too high and I have mould on the wall in corner. These things are obviously bad and I want to stop the mould, I have so much work to do I just need to be able to have good sleep first. I’m thinking of buying a dehumidifier but they are around $200 for my size of room so I am wondering if it is really worth it? Does anyone have any experience with this to say if it will definitely improve my sleep? I got such a bad sleep last night I can’t think today and I have dark shadows around my eyes.

Is it worth it to buy a dehumidifier that is around $300?

I'm pretty over being friends with someone, but it's triggering/bringing up a lot of stuff for me so I wanted to vent and also get some opinions. (Not that doing both at once will work, but we'll see!)

Why am I over the friendship: It's basically toxic in my opinion. We have been friends for about 5 years.

1. They can't be alone and are using me to fill in their alone time. They text me every day and if I don't respond right away, they become concerned that I am mad at them. In fact, I would prefer to reduce the intensity of the relationship vs cutting off, but I can't see that going well, with or without a conversation, given their reactions.
2. I don't feel like we can talk issues out. There have been several occasions where they said something hurtful (usually in a passive aggressive way) and I told them it was hurtful and they doubled down and didn't apologize.
3. They're self sabotaging which I realize is not my problem but I'm sick of it. They currently hate their job, but I don't like supporting them through talking about it because it seems like most of the issues are caused by their own asshole behavior.
4. They have substance abuse issues which have gotten worse to the point that they are usually not sober when I arrive to meet them which is very frustrating for me - I hate saying something and then realizing they don't remember what I'm talking about or can't follow because they are drunk. They recently totaled their car and I believe they were under the influence because they often (!!) drive drunk and high but I haven't asked.
5. They try to drag me into their relationship issues. Currently, they are on and off dating a mutual friend and it annoys me that their updates to me are like, "aren't you so proud I held off from hooking up/responding/whatever?" Last time when I tried to gray rock, they became upset and brought it up repeatedly afterward that I wasn't proud enough or whatever. I didn't speak up and clarify because I'm used to that backfiring with them.

What it's bringing up for me: I'm insecure that I am bad at long term friendships. I'm also insecure that I cut people off too easily. I am no contact with my parents and don't have a lot of friends from growing up due to switching schools. At the same time, I feel like I do set boundaries but they get violated and I don't know how to respond or it feels wishy washy so I find myself in these overwhelming one sided relationships from time to time and there's no other way out. (eg like I would like to set a boundary that I only wanna hang out sober but I can't always tell) I also (weirdly) feel like I'm letting my friend's parents down even though the parents and cousins contribute to the dynamic and substance abuse issues. The relationship is also definitely forming an anxious-avoidant dynamic but I don't know how to get out. I contributed to the intensity in the beginning because I was less healed. But generally I really do not need to text daily and hang out multiple times a week. I can hang out like once a month and be fine - though this experience makes me want to hang out never!!

Before any responses- I want to stay optimistic and enthusiastic about moving out so if you're going to respond I'd appreciate supportive energy please!

Approximately, without providing where I live (rent is on the more expensive side), what is the number I should have saved where I could move out and live comfortably? Is there a general goal number that's good for someone to hit? Sorry if this question is too general, I don't quite know how to ask it!

I wasn't taught any of this, I know that a lot more goes into it like taxes/if you have pets/if you're in school/the area you live in/etc!

Hi everyone,

So I am just starting to notice how I get these chronic upper back pains every 2 weeks or so. I grew up with 3 emotionally immature , abusive, rageaholic narcissists. I cut them all off + my extended family members.

I setup a business on my own and now live life on my own. But there are still things I deal with on my own and one of those things I am noticing is how I keep getting these chronic back pains towards my upper back every 2 weeks like right now I am dealing with.

I can kind of track it back to how when I was a child, my sexually abusive father ( he molested me when I was just a baby - he's dead now ) would rage at me for the minor things and then I would seek a bit of mercy and comfort from my mother, but she wouldn't connect with me either which left me fending for myself and it usually ended up with me watching porn or some type of porn magazine to soothe myself.

Right now I am clean, I've quit porn and I've quit so many addictions. But I am noticing that this back pain is still prevalent. and I don't know how that story is related to my back pain, but I feel like it is.. I just don't know how.

Can anyone else relate to this? How did you overcome your chronic pain ? I am supposed to working right now, but I am barely able to move my head. I usually end up getting a massage, but a massage every 2 weeks is super expensive and I am trying to solve the underlying problem here.

I'm having trouble sleeping because my nose becomes blocked at night when i'm going to bed and I think it's because I can't keep the dust levels low enough in my room, does anyone have experience in how to solve this? Airing the room with the window open a few hours and sweeping up all the dust in the room and having a humidity catching block isn't enough. When I go outside my nose becomes clear

Not like on your bar, but like in boxes. Can I use bankers boxes? Rubbermaid bins? for easy relocation.

So I just saw a post about a 19F going to a gyno? I don’t even know what a gyno is. I also remember people talking about different doctors that they go to but I genuinely don’t know which doctors I should be going to consistently ?

I’m 20F and only really visit the dentist, eye doctor, and I have a primary doctor. I probably see them once a year at most. Are there more things I should be getting checked up ? How often should I be doing this ?

I recently switched from an aluminum based antiperspirant to an aluminum free deodorant since I'm tired of getting stains and I read that it's the aluminum reacting.

But now I smell not great, like in under 24 hours.

I've been trying to apply it after showering and on dry armpits and then wave my arms around waiting for it to dry. (When I remember to wave them around)

It says 24/7 protection when used daily.

I used to be able to shower every other day and be okay, and that was more based on when my hair needing washing.

Do I reapply the deoderant every morning? Try to wash just my pits and reapply (how??) Keep experimenting with different ingredients until I find one that works better?

I just got the Old Spice Steel variety. I was using their Volcano for years and honestly really like it other than the staining. (None of the "women's" ones cut it for me before.)

Car accident, brain damage, ICU, no idea of what's going to happen in the next week or two. I didn't rush over there like the rest of my family did. My mother has NPD, my father has psychopathy. Each of my sisters is handling one of them. So far, everybody is getting along except for the crap my father is pulling, but we all knew he would do that.

I don't know what criteria to use to decide when I should go over there. I've been unemployed and taking care of my mother for the past year (she went in for a surprise quintuple heart bypass the day I was laid off). I don't have the money to just keep bouncing from hotel to hotel for weeks while I sit in the waiting room hoping for my 15 minute turn to sit with my brother who isn't aware of anything anymore. I found a place to board my dogs and a place to board my one medically fragile cat, my brother-in-law can handle the rest of the animals and my house.

My brother's life could end tomorrow. Or he could wake up with very limited faculties and require care for years. Chances are it's going to be something in the middle. I've already been designated as the caretaker for my aging mother and I'm terrified that I'll be designated as the caretaker for my brother too. So I've been using bronchitis as a reason to not waste money going over there since they won't let me in the ICU anyway. But I'm starting to recover, and I've had time to set up coverage for my pets, and I'm running out of excuses not to go.

I realize that setting a boundary as to when I'm going and when I'm leaving is going to be massively difficult. But what I'm asking, as far as life skills, is how do I know, for myself, when to go and leave?

Hi everyone, I'm facing a crossroads about a big life decision and I'm having trouble. I have a unionized job with local government that pays just over six figures, I recently moved into IT and have a great boss and like what I do, but the organization itself is unstable and burns people out.

My partner is getting his PhD this spring and has a post-doc lined up for fall out of state. I applied for jobs locally and got one! The pay is 30% lower, however the cost of living in the new place is much better than where I am now, so much so my boyfriend can cover all the rent. His goal is professor-ship so the plan was always to move (when not if!) he gets a permanent job. My new job is with a non-profit and seems like it will be fulfilling and not necessarily a career step-back, but of course workload/environment and manager are all unknowns.

I'm scared. I've never done a big move or lived out of state before. The post-doc will last 1-2 years. Kicker, my boyfriend and I just talked about having kids together in the next 2 years.

I crave stability, like most of us, but my boyfriend is about 75% of my support system. I'm also terrified of leaning on anyone else, for obvious reasons.

Any guidance or suggestions would help. Thank you!!!

So I (31F) moved out of my family home over 8 years ago, leaving my mother and brother. (Dad's not in the picture). I moved in my with boyfriend at the time. We have since broke up and I've lived on my own since then with my dog so I'm pretty independent and do everything on my own which I'm cool with, that's how living alone is.

My brother however, has lived with my mother his entire life. He's 35 and my mother is 65. He does very little around the house. He doesn't wash his own clothes or dry them, he doesn't clean or tidy, he doesnt change his own bed sheet, he doesn't walk the dog, he doesn't do really do anything. He cooks his own meals but that's about it. My mum does all the grocery and household shopping and she still makes him lunches for work every evening, ready for him to take in the morning. My mother also regularly goes out on extra shopping trips to get stuff he's requested. My mum does all the household chores and maintenance. She does all of this whilst working a full time job too and it's starting to bother me. One, because I live alone and I do everything myself because I have to and its frustrating that he's doing nothing and two, because my mums getting older and he seems to just expect her to do all of these things because that's the norm to them.

He struggles with social anxiety and depression and because of this my mother has never really addressed this issue with him. She's worried if she complains about his lack of help in the house that he might go into a depression and then she'll blame herself. She already blames herself and feels like she's failed as a parent because he doesn't have these skills.

What got me thinking about this was that today, the dog they both share together, had an episode of diarrhoea on the carpet. My brother just left it there. He waited for my mother to return home for her to deal with it because he "didn't know what to do" meaning the mess had been there for a few hours before being dealt with. My mother had worked a full day of work and had to deal with that as soon as she came home.

It's almost like he's still stuck in this child and mother scenario where he just expects mother to do everything because she always has....but he's not a child anymore, he's in his 30s and living at home by choice. He could have moved out but never did.

What can my mother do or how can she get him to start pulling his weight around the house?

Hi Folks, hope you all well :)

What source will you recommend a guy who feels 10 years behind his age. The factors causing this can be Truama, parent wound etc. Is it me being a man-child, am I suffering from mother wound, is my shadow self not aligned. What topics/books might I read in order to understand what I need to fix and can NLP help in this, then how?

My entire life, my mom told me I was a disgusting little girl and that the hoarding situation we lived in was my fault. I believed her fully that I was gross, lazy, disgusting. I moved out with my now husband and learned I can keep a home tidy if I really really try, but it didn't come easily. We moved back in with my mother because she could no longer take care of herself. We cleaned up the majority of the hoarding situation in her house. Our home is decent now, but not clean like it used to be when we lived apart from her. She doesn't clean at all, my husband helps a lot. I still don't think I'm doing it right? I don't know how often I need to do things, I'm sure I'm missing important things like idk washing the walls?? I feel really stupid having to ask this but I don't think I know how to clean and I'm ashamed and embarrassed of it.